For Good Podcast – Breaking Generational Trauma: Why You've Never Felt Peace

Host: Joseph "JoJo" Simmons
Co-Host: Vanessa Simmons
Guest: Dr. Mariel Buqué
Date: April 7, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode welcomes Dr. Mariel Buqué — licensed psychologist, trauma expert, and author of "Break the Cycle" — for a deeply personal and practical conversation about generational trauma in families and communities, especially in Black and immigrant households. Dr. Buqué, joined by hosts JoJo Simmons and Vanessa Simmons, demystifies how trauma gets passed down, why cycles persist, and what it actually takes to break free and build new legacies rooted in peace and healing. The discussion is honest, relatable, and full of actionable insight, particularly for those ready to end cycles of pain and create healthier futures.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Mariel Buqué’s Story and Connection to Trauma Work

• Background: Dominican-born, grew up in Newark, NJ; saw trauma up close in her community, especially poverty-related.
• Motivation: Entered trauma work after realizing “I was surrounded by pain I didn’t have the words for at the time.”
  • “Even when I didn’t have the language or really understand ‘this is trauma,’ I knew something felt off.” (03:28)
• Turning Point: Encouraged into psychology by her own therapist who saw her “psychologically-minded” potential.

2. What Is Generational Trauma? (07:10–10:38)

• Definition: Trauma that is passed down across family lines, with both psychological and biological (epigenetic) components.

• Examples: Can result from direct events (e.g., violence, poverty, parental absence) or collective experiences (e.g., systemic racism).

• Biological Mechanism: Trauma can “leave an actual imprint, a biological imprint” in parents, which increases vulnerability to stress and trauma in children (09:30).

  "Generational trauma... is the only type of trauma that actually has a biological and genetic — more epigenetic — process." — Dr. Mariel Buqué (07:23)

3. How Trauma Manifests Across Generations (10:41–14:33)

• Symptoms: Lifelong sense of unrest or inability to feel calm — even when life circumstances are “good.”

• Patterns: Hypervigilance, chronic anxiety, inability to relax.

• Family Clues: Often surfaced when revisiting childhood stories; families with history of domestic violence, neglect, or stoic emotional cultures may see patterns repeat.

  "Some people... have never felt calm. Their nervous system has always been in a traumatized state." — Dr. Mariel Buqué (12:26)

4. Normalizing Pain and Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns (14:35–17:24)

• Cultural Norms: Practices like intense corporal punishment were normalized in past generations.
• Compassion for Previous Generations:

  “I can never blame my dad, not my mom, not my grandfather... that’s all they knew. That’s what was being done to them.” — JoJo (16:37)

• Cycle-Breakers: Tuning into “when something feels off” is often the first clue that different choices must be made.
• Current Generation’s Shift:
  • “We’re all trying to find new, healthier ways to parent... that [corporal punishment] is dying off.” — Vanessa (17:24)

5. Cultural Expectations — The Harm of “That’s in the Past” (24:26–30:44)

• Avoidance as Coping: Older generations often “just kept moving” when hurt; stigma kept trauma unaddressed.
• Why That Hurts:

  “The only way through pain is through it. ... Pushing it aside or to the back of our minds is not going to make it go away.” — Dr. Mariel Buqué (25:32)

• Invalidation: Not all family members are ready to process the past; important to grieve unmet expectations, especially of apologies or accountability.

6. Encouraging Therapy Without Stigma (30:44–34:29)

• Not About Calling Out: Directing people to therapy may backfire if they aren’t ready.
• Gentle Approaches: Point out observable emotions, offer resources, share a relevant book or podcast.
  • “Lead with emotion... I see you’ve been really sad lately. I’m just wondering about that.” (33:26)
• Let People Decide: “The only way that a person will commit to a healing journey is if they decide upon themselves.” (31:13)

7. Individual vs. Collective Healing (34:44–37:50)

• Family & Community Patterns: Assigning “cycle breaker” status to one person can lead to scapegoating/exclusion.
• Need for Systemic Change:

  “The roots of what really has hurt us... we have to heal that if we want a healthier family unit moving forward.” — Dr. Buqué (37:11)

• Practice: Attending “the funeral of the person you wish they could have been” as a way to process acceptance and release the need to change others (37:50).

8. Accountability Without Shame (39:47–41:39)

• Healing Power: True accountability (“I’m sorry, I did wrong”) is deeply healing for both parties.

• Reality: Not everyone can or will offer it; healing then becomes an internal process of releasing expectations.

  “When it [accountability] does happen, it does a bilateral liberation of the emotional weight.” — Dr. Buqué (41:21)

9. Cycle-Breaking: What It Really Takes (45:10–50:42)

• First Step: Regulate your own nervous system — “You can’t do the deep inner work until you feel settled.”

• Practicality: Even simple, daily practices like deep breathing or movement can shift the baseline over time.

• For Those in Survival Mode: Attune to your body; inflammation and nutrition matter too. Learn your body’s signals and settle the nervous system, especially for those used to running on autopilot.

  “The nervous system you have a year from now will be drastically different if you practice daily regulation.” — Dr. Buqué (45:58)

10. Survival Mode, Dissociation, and Trauma Responses (50:42–53:46)

• Survival Mode: Hard to be present, often leads to disconnectedness (“dissociation”).
• Useful Techniques:
  • If deep breathing triggers anxiety, try movement (dancing, walking, stretching) to process trauma.

11. Personal Healing and Ripple Effect (54:03–56:06)

• Micro-Changes Matter:
  • Even altering your own response at family gatherings can reduce overall tension.
  • “One person’s healing ripples out to family, community, and beyond.”
• Vision:

  “If each family has one cycle breaker, imagine the impact on a whole community.” (55:12)

12. For Those Passing On Pain: First Steps (56:07–58:28)

• Compassion Over Shame:
  • “Give yourself grace for what you didn’t know. ... If people are still alive, there’s always a chance for repair.”
  • Use awareness as motivation to change.

13. Final Message: Building a New Legacy (58:41–59:21)

• Consistent Choice:

  “Every day presents an opportunity to break the cycle. All you have to do is take it.” — Dr. Buqué (58:41)

• Small actions matter, and the legacy of healing can last generations.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I always say, what we cannot heal, what we cannot see.” — Dr. Buqué (17:40)
• "Our parents didn't have this language. ... If they couldn't see it as trauma ... how could they think to change it?" — Dr. Buqué (17:40)
• “We’re all trying to find new, healthier ways to parent... that is dying off.” — Vanessa (17:24)
• “The way you speak as smoothly — it’s like, I know you telling the truth, it’s the way you talk.” — JoJo (13:50)
• “You’re here. You taking me and my sister to therapy right now. We in therapy right now.” — JoJo (39:31)
• “As long as people are still alive, the fracture can be healed.” — JoJo (57:46)
• “People will remember the work that you did... you can experience a lot of emotional freedom and peace from it. So just hang tight.” — Dr. Buqué (58:49)

Important Timestamps for Key Segments

• Dr. Buqué’s Story and Background: 03:17–06:12
• What Is Generational Trauma: 07:10–10:38
• How Trauma Manifests: 10:41–14:33
• Recognizing Normalized Pain: 14:35–17:40
• Why “That’s in the Past” Hurts: 24:26–25:32
• Gently Suggesting Therapy: 30:44–34:29
• Family & Collective Healing: 34:44–37:11
• Funeral of the Person You Wished They Were: 37:50–39:25
• Accountability & Shame: 39:47–41:39
• Breaking the Cycle: First Steps: 45:26–50:42
• Survival Mode & Settling the Body: 50:42–53:46
• Personal Healing, Ripple Effects: 54:03–56:06
• For Those Passing Down Pain: 56:07–58:28
• Final Message on Legacy: 58:41–59:21

Tone and Style

• Relatable: Hosts share childhood experiences and generational observations.
• Compassionate: No blame to parents or previous generations; focus is on understanding and moving forward.
• Empowering: Emphasis on practical steps, hope for repair, and potential for legacy change.

Takeaways

• Trauma is seldom “just your problem”—it’s a legacy issue, but breaking the cycle is possible.
• Healing starts at the individual level but has the potential to ripple out, redefining families and communities.
• Small, consistent personal work—especially around nervous system regulation—is more transformative than dramatic confrontations.
• Grace, compassion, and healthy boundaries are key in both initiating and sustaining healing.

For more from Dr. Mariel Buqué:

• drmarielbuque.com and breakthecycletherapy.com
• Book: “Break the Cycle”

Listen to this episode for grounding wisdom, practical advice, and a message of hope for anyone determined to build a more peaceful legacy.