For Good Podcast

Episode: Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns | Vienna Pharaon on Healing "Origin Wounds"

Host: Joseph "JoJo" Simmons
Guest: Vienna Pharaon, LMFT, author of The Origins of You
Date: March 10, 2026

Episode Overview

This powerful episode explores why we keep repeating patterns—especially in relationships—by diving deep into the concept of "origin wounds": the emotional injuries rooted in early family experiences that shape our adult lives. JoJo Simmons and Vienna Pharaon discuss how healing on a personal level is essential for changing our relationships, families, and ultimately, the world. The conversation blends personal vulnerability with actionable insights, focusing on moving from survival mode to conscious choice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Importance of Family of Origin (02:52–06:51)

• Vienna’s Journey: Vienna shares how her own experiences as a child of divorce influenced both her personal healing and professional path. She highlights the common therapist origin story: “therapists get into the line of therapy because…they are here to resolve that which is unresolved in their own lives.” (02:52)
• JoJo’s Reflection: JoJo relates, having grown up with his parents’ divorce and public scrutiny, and acknowledges, “I don’t have one faint memory of my biological parents being together…as I go back in my life…maybe it did help shape the man I am.” (05:11)

Defining "Origin Wounds": The Five Core Patterns (07:31–16:47)

• The Five Wounds: Vienna explains her framework of five "origin wounds":
  1. Worthiness
  2. Belonging
  3. Prioritization
  4. Trust
  5. Safety
• Focus on Worthiness: Both reflect on how perfectionism, people-pleasing, and pressure tie into the worthiness wound, especially for JoJo growing up in a famous family (11:05–12:48).
• Quiz as Entry Point: Vienna’s online quiz helps individuals identify which wound stands out as most active for them right now.

Notable Quote

“Our family of origin...is our first blueprint for everything—how we relate to ourselves, people, communication, conflict, intimacy, love, and connection.”
— Vienna Pharaon (03:40)

Emotion and Reactivity: How Wounds Show Up Now (16:47–25:13)

• Multiple Wounds: It's normal to resonate with more than one wound; which is “loudest” can shift with seasons and circumstances (15:39–16:06).
• Reactivity as a Clue: Notice where you are most reactive in life; these arrows point to your origin wounds. “Our reactivity is a really good indicator. It points an arrow directly towards our origin wounds.” (18:15)
• Relationships as Triggers: Romantic relationships tend to activate wounds most strongly, offering opportunities both for pain and for healing (16:34).

Making Meaning of the Past — Not Just Blaming (41:35–44:40)

• Moving Beyond Blame: Both emphasize that this work isn’t about blaming parents. Vienna asks, “What’s the function of being mad and pissed off at them? What’s that gonna do?... At the end of the day, we become responsible for our own healing.” (42:25–44:40)
• Processing Anger: Anger is natural, even necessary, but it shouldn’t become a permanent identity.

The Healing Process Explained (33:11–39:50)

• Moving from Awareness to Action: Awareness is the first step, but deep acknowledgment and active inner child work drive real change (33:11–35:32).
• Witnessing and Grief: Vienna describes the importance of “witnessing” your younger self and allowing yourself to grieve, even for things you don’t consciously remember. “When stuck, grieve more. Grief moves things.” (39:01)
• Creating Space for Choice: By grieving and witnessing, we create space between stimulus and response, opening the door to new choices (39:50–41:35).

Memorable Moment

JoJo describes a vivid memory from age three when his mother left his father, which he still carries, showing how early wounds leave a lasting impression (35:32–36:09, 36:11).

Healing in Practice: Tools and Approaches (52:42–54:10)

• The Origin Healing Method: Vienna's method provides concrete, daily practices for moving from knowledge to actual life change, beyond just taking the quiz or reading the book (52:42).
• Start with Breath: When feeling “cracked open” by this work, Vienna recommends first grounding yourself—“breathe, get out in nature, listen to music that grounds you.” (54:22–55:52)

Healing in Relationships: How to Grow Together (45:05–51:04)

• Partners with Different Wounds: Most couples rub up against different wounds. True connection comes from understanding each other's histories.
• How to Share Results: Approach sharing the quiz and your results with curiosity, not as an accusation or demand. “It’s an invitation, not a prescription for how you should be treated.” (48:36–49:52)
• Seeing the Inner Child: Vienna recommends sometimes visualizing your partner (and yourself) as the younger selves carrying old wounds (50:18).

Notable Quotes

“If I don’t know what you needed as a kid...I don’t know you.”
— Vienna Pharaon (45:54)

“When we’re in conflict...it is so rare that we are 36-year-old adult me in this moment. When I’m really activated, I probably am more like a 12, 13 year old.”
— Vienna Pharaon (51:04)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:52 — Vienna’s personal and professional origin story
• 05:11 — JoJo reflects on his family experience
• 07:31 — The origin wound quiz and framework explained
• 11:05 — Worthiness wound in JoJo’s life and public scrutiny
• 16:34 — How romantic relationships trigger our wounds
• 18:15 — Using reactivity as a clue to your core wounds
• 33:11 — From awareness to genuine acknowledgment and action
• 35:32 — JoJo’s memory of childhood rupture at age three
• 39:01 — “When stuck, grieve more. Grief moves things.” — Vienna
• 41:35 — Not blaming parents; taking responsibility for healing
• 45:05 — What happens when partners have different wounds
• 48:36 — How to share your wounds and build understanding
• 52:42 — Vienna’s Origin Healing Method and deeper practice
• 54:22 — The first step after the quiz: breathe and regulate

Key Quotes & Takeaways

• “Our systems are beautifully designed to be self-protective. And sometimes that is for us and sometimes it really does a number on our relationships.”
  — Vienna Pharaon (28:02)
• "Move from survival to choice. That’s healing.”
  — Vienna Pharaon (30:46)
• “You make sense. When you understand your story, everything you do today makes sense.”
  — Vienna Pharaon (56:17)
• “I was given the responsibility of a last name that I inherited at birth…and as a kid, you’re just trying to live life and figure out who you are. How do you give somebody that responsibility and not expect them to deal with worthiness issues?”
  — JoJo Simmons (12:48–13:01)

Final Insights

• Healing is a continuous, compassionate process that involves awareness, acknowledgment, inner child work, and making new choices.
• Patterns repeat not because we’re broken, but because we're protecting ourselves using strategies that once worked in our family of origin.
• True change—individually and relationally—requires moving from survival mode to conscious choice, and that’s possible for anyone, regardless of background.
• Sharing this work with partners, friends, and family is a practice of vulnerability and connection—not blame or prescription.

Recommended Actions for Listeners

• Take Vienna’s “origin wound” quiz to reflect on your core patterns.
• Start with gentle breathing and grounding practices if you feel emotionally stirred.
• Practice witnessing your younger self without judgment.
• Share your discoveries with loved ones as an invitation to deeper understanding, not as a demand.
• Remember: Healing is movement—ten years the first time, six weeks the next is progress. Celebrate your growth.

Episode Theme:
"Healing yourself is the first step to changing the world. When you understand your story, you hold the power of choice."
— Summary of Vienna Pharaon’s core message