A 'Failed Child Star' Looks Back On Her Unconventional Childhood

Summary

Fresh Air Episode Summary: "A 'Failed Child Star' Looks Back On Her Unconventional Childhood"

Host: Terry Gross
Guest: Tamara Yahia
Release Date: July 3, 2025

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Introduction to Tamara Yahia and Her Memoir

In this poignant episode of Fresh Air, host Terry Gross interviews Tamara Yahia, an accomplished writer and former child star, about her memoir, Cry for Me My Life as a Failed Child Star. Yahia delves into her tumultuous upbringing between Argentina and the United States, exploring themes of identity, family dynamics, and personal trauma.

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Early Childhood Performances and Sexualization

Yahia recounts her experiences as a young performer in Buenos Aires, where she felt "100% sexualized as a child" (00:13). At the age of 11, inspired by Madonna's provocative performances, she staged a controversial act during a Hebrew school talent show.

Notable Quote:
"I was wearing an American flag T-shirt that went down to my knees, ripped off mid-performance, revealing a garter belt underneath. The audience's horror was palpable, but I felt on top of the world." (03:14)

This performance, which included mimicking Madonna's use of a knife and straddling the line of appropriateness, was Yahia's attempt to express her burgeoning sense of self and rebellion against her constrained environment.

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Family Dynamics and Normalization of Sexuality

Yahia discusses her parents' permissive attitude towards sexuality, a trait deeply ingrained in her family's history. Her grandmother would take the family to Buenos Aires' red light district when Yahia was just 8 or 9 years old, viewing it as a normal family outing.

Notable Quote:
"Sex has been normalized in my household for generations. My father lost his virginity in a brothel, and my great-aunt was a sex worker. It's been part of our family's fabric." (07:59)

This normalization left Yahia grappling with complex emotions of guilt and shame, especially as she navigated her formative years without proper guidance or boundaries.

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Immigration Struggles and Near Deportation

The Yahia family's move to California in 1995 was fraught with challenges. Initially, they faced potential deportation after overstaying their tourist visas. Yahia vividly describes the fear and uncertainty during their time in the Immigration and Naturalization Office.

Notable Quote:
"I remember my mom collapsing on the floor of the immigration building. There was horror and confusion; I thought I was going back to Argentina, but we were deported on the spot." (26:19)

Fortunately, with the intervention of a tenacious lawyer, the family was reinstated, allowing them to stay in the United States. This experience left a lasting impact on Yahia, heightening her awareness of the precariousness of their legal status.

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Adolescence, Addiction, and Recovery

Transitioning into her teenage years, Yahia briefly pursued a career in the music industry, interning at Sony Records and engaging in the vibrant Los Angeles music scene. However, familial pressures led her to work as a Spanish interpreter, a job she found soul-crushing and devoid of creativity.

Struggling with depression, Yahia became addicted to prescription pills, underscoring her ongoing battle with trauma and the lack of emotional support during her upbringing.

Notable Quote:
"Becoming an interpreter was the least creative job imaginable for someone as creative as me. It broke me." (36:05)

A life-altering car crash became her wake-up call, prompting her to abandon her addictions and seek therapy. This pivotal moment marked the beginning of her journey towards healing and self-discovery.

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Writing as a Therapeutic Outlet and Memoir Creation

Yahia channeled her experiences into writing, contributing to platforms like The Onion and Funny or Die, and penning episodes for various TV series. Writing her memoir served as a form of therapy, allowing her to process years of unaddressed trauma.

Notable Quote:
"Writing this book was like having therapy. My editor pushed me to confront the emotional depths I had been avoiding." (10:10)

Through multiple revisions, Yahia crafted a narrative that authentically captured the complexities of her experiences, from her early performances to her struggles with identity and addiction.

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Breaking the Cycle: Aspiring Motherhood

Now at 41, Yahia is preparing to become a mother, determined to create a nurturing and safe environment for her child—something she felt was lacking in her own upbringing.

Notable Quote:
"I want my child to feel safe. To know they are their own person and not just an extension of me." (38:14)

Her commitment to introspection and personal growth gives her confidence in breaking free from the patterns of her past, ensuring a healthier future for her family.

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Reflection on Current Events and Personal Impact

Yahia also touches upon the current socio-political climate in Los Angeles, particularly the heightened fears surrounding immigration and the impact of ICE raids on communities. This environment resonates deeply with her personal history, exacerbating lingering fears and anxieties.

Notable Quote:
"Seeing empty streets and feeling the tension in LA is devastating. It brings back all those fears from my childhood." (29:55)

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Conclusion

Terry Gross and Tamara Yahia engage in a heartfelt conversation that traverses Yahia's challenging journey from a child star grappling with unwanted sexualization to a resilient writer forging a path toward healing and motherhood. Yahia's memoir offers a raw and honest portrayal of her life, shedding light on the profound effects of family dynamics, cultural displacement, and personal trauma.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements and non-content segments from the original transcript to focus solely on the substantive conversations and themes discussed during the episode.

Transcript

[Terry Gross]

This message comes from Capital One. Banking with Capital One helps you keep more money in your wallet with no fees or minimums on checking accounts. What's in your wallet terms apply.

[Tamara Yahia]

See capitalone.com bank for details.

[Terry Gross]

Capital One NA Member FDIC this is FRESH AIR. I'm Terry Gross. Today's guest writes, there is absolutely no doubt that I was 100% sexualized as a child. She's referring to when she was a preteen child star modeling herself on Madonna. You probably don't know her name, Tamara Yahia, because she grew up in Argentina in Buenos Aires, and moved to America in 1995 when she was 13. The move was initially traumatic because she was about to become an even bigger star in Argentina after landing a role in the cast of a new TV show which became the Argentinian equivalent of the Mickey Mouse Club, and it was a big hit. But she was denied that opportunity because her family had already planned to move to the U.S. argentina's economy was in a downturn. The middle class was collapsing, her father's business had gone bankrupt and the family was broke. It was the second time the family moved to California, this time as they were in the Immigration and Naturalization Office about to get their green cards. They were nearly deported instead because they'd overstayed their visa. Yahia now lives in la, which has been at the epicenter of President Trump's efforts to deport people who are here illegally, and some legal residents have been swept up in the process. Tamara Yahia has written a new memoir called Cry for Me My Life as a Failed Child Star. It follows her tumultuous life, moving with her family from Argentina to California, then back to Argentina, then back to the US in an eight year period of her childhood. She also writes about what it was like being Jewish in Argentina. Yahia has given up on her music career, but she's channeled her creative energy into writing. She was a writer for the Onion and Funny or Die and has written for several TV series, including Apple TV's Acapulco, the Hulu series this fool and several other shows. Tamara Yahijo, welcome to FRESH air.

[Tamara Yahia]

Thank you so much, Terri, for having me.

[Terry Gross]

When I was reading about your early childhood performances in Buenos Aires on your way to being a childhood star, I was very worried about you. First of all, things weren't going well for you. You were biting people. You were getting scolded for trying to be funny by pushing boundaries. A child psychologist diagnosed you as having developmental issues. Your parents had sent you to a Hebrew school where the afternoon was all in Hebrew, in Talmud study, and you didn't understand Hebrew. Then you saw a Madonna music video of the Isla Bonida, and you decided to dance and lip sync to Madonnas Like a Prayer in your Hebrew school talent show with rabbis and audience in the audience and lots of parents. So I want you to describe your performance, what you did for your choreography, and what you wore.

[Tamara Yahia]

Well.

[Terry Gross]

Well.

[Tamara Yahia]

This was all my decision. I was the creative director of my performance. I wore a American flag T shirt that went down to my knees. It belonged to my father. And I had my great aunt Bubala, who was a seamstress, put Velcro strips along the sides of the shirt so that once the choir hit in like a prayer, I could rip it off, kind of like strippers do in the movies. I don't know how I knew that back then, but, I mean, I guess I had seen it somewhere. And then underneath, Terry, I was wearing a black garter belt, which Bubba had also taken in from me. I was like 11 maybe, and a little nude. Like these nude colored shorts and a nude bra that made me look naked. Now, you can imagine the horror in people's faces. I describe it in the book as it looked like they were about to get run over by a train. But I was on top of the world.

[Terry Gross]

So describe your choreography and the knife.

[Tamara Yahia]

Well, I had a knife in my hand, just like Madonna did in the Like a Prayer music video.

[Terry Gross]

And in the music video, she uses it basically to put stigmata in her hands.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yes. I had no idea what any of that meant. I mean, being raised Jewish, I didn't even know about Judaism, to be honest with you. I was just copying this amazing, confident woman that I had seen on mtv. So I pretended to slice my hand, then came the shirt tear off. I did a lot of crawling on the stage like Madonna had done in her Like a Virgin music video. And I was just copying my idol.

[Terry Gross]

Your parents didn't know what your routine was going to be because you wanted to surprise them. What was their reaction?

[Tamara Yahia]

My parents, they were not horrified, to be honest with you. They saw me expressing myself, and sex had been so normalized in my household that they were in awe of me, which tells you a lot. And, you know, I don't blame them for it. Nowadays I feel like I would do things differently when I have kids, but they just saw it as me expressing myself. But then again, Terry, just to. I spoke to my dad after he read my book, and his comment on it was, I thought all of the moves that we did. And all of the change, he said, I, I thought it was fun for you. And at that moment I just started weeping because I said this. I don't think there was much emotional intelligence on their end. And I think they just. I don't know, it's so tough to talk about it, but I think they didn't see us as humans in a way, me and my sister.

[Terry Gross]

What do you mean by that?

[Tamara Yahia]

I think my parents may have been too focused on themselves and too much was permitted, and they just saw us as these, you know, extensions of themselves that were on this fun ride along with them.

[Terry Gross]

Well, parenthetically here I'll mention that for family fun, your grandmother would drive the whole family to the Buenos Aires red light district to look at the sex workers and, you know, and how attractive some of them were. How old were you and what was that experience like? And do you think that connects to the larger story that you're telling here?

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah, I mean, I must have been. When we first started going. I was like 8 or 9, you know, and it was a family outing, which to me felt totally normal at the time. And I write that my grandfather would sit in the front seat and he was going through chemotherapy and like, almost dying at this point. And he would just sit and we would wave and I would wave and blow kisses. And not until now do I realize how insane that was.

[Terry Gross]

Well, your grandparents, I think this was on your mother's side, met at a brothel where your grandmother was a cook and your grandfather was a patron, and he tasted her cooking and they got married a few weeks later. And you said that, like, most of the people who worked at the brothel were Jewish.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yes, and I did some research on this, and it blew my mind, Terry, because there were a lot of women from Poland, you know, back in the pogrom days, that would get brought over to Argentina and they would pay their debt, their immigration debt, by working in brothels. And my great great aunt was one of those sex workers, and that's how my grandma ended up there. So sex, work and sex has been normalized in my. My family from gener generation to generation. My father lost his virginity in a brothel. His uncle took him, and I thought it was crazy, but he was like, that's just what we did.

[Terry Gross]

You got to the point, you say, where you started to lock eyes with men and you worried if they didn't look at you sexually. How did you interpret those looks? As a preteen who didn't really understand what sex was yet, like, sex was normalized. In your family. But that doesn't mean you really understood it or saw it or knew, you know, knew what it was.

[Tamara Yahia]

No. And it felt so horrible. It was so confusing. That's like, the main thing I could say about it was just not understanding these feelings of, you know, a mixture of sexuality and, like, horniness. I describe it as in the book, but guilt and shame. And, yeah, I would lock eyes with men at restaurants. Sometimes they would be with their families. And I feel like I exuded a sexually, Like a darkness as a kid. But it was. It's just too hard to put into words because I didn't understand what it meant. And it was a combination of having Madonna being. And it was her and her in her erotica years, which were the most sexual, you know, times. And my family. So it was a perfect storm.

[Terry Gross]

Was there anyone who tried to protect you from yourself and from the men?

[Tamara Yahia]

No.

[Terry Gross]

When did you realize how inappropriate and potentially dangerous your situation was?

[Tamara Yahia]

Not until the past couple of years. And I'm 41. I was gonna lie and say I was 40, but I'm 41. I started really, really doing therapy, and it wasn't until I wrote this book. So it was a combination of those two things. I had never. For many years, I never even talked about the fact that I was a child star. So sitting down to write this really let me analyze that darkness. And you know what's crazy is my editor. I didn't write about any of the creepy stuff. I just wrote about, you know, me doing the dances and stuff. And my editor said, let's go back. There's something missing here. This wasn't right. And it took three tries until I really nailed the emotion of what? That, you know, men's gazes and all of that being sexualized part. Because I tend to make things just be trivial and humorize. Humorize? Is that how you say it?

[Terry Gross]

It's a good verb. I'm not sure I've heard it before, but I like it.

[Tamara Yahia]

Let's pretend like it is, but, yeah. And so it was because of having an amazing editor that it served like therapy. And I went back and I really looked at what that meant.

[Terry Gross]

Why do you think it took you so long?

[Tamara Yahia]

It was survival mode. I think I may have not been ready to see things until I wrote this book. I think I just needed the time to be prepared and strong, to understand how difficult it was. And it's crazy because the moment I did understand all the trauma and see it was when I changed my mind about wanting to have kids. Wanted Kids until I wrote this book.

[Terry Gross]

Yeah, that's how you start the book. Explaining that 95% of you didn't want kids. 5% did, and then the 5% wouldn't let go of you. And you decided, well, why don't you explain what changed your mind.

[Tamara Yahia]

I was scared that I would not be a good parent to a child because of the upbringing that I had. I'm getting emotional, but I was scared that history would repeat its. And after writing this book, I knew there was no way that it would repeat itself because I am an introspective person, because I was able to release all the trauma via my writing, and also because I have an amazing partner. So I think once I let go of that, I knew I would make a wonderful moment.

[Terry Gross]

Tell the story of how you found out that you had got the part on the TV show and that at the same time you couldn't take it.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah, we got a phone call from my agent, I think, and what was I, like 11 years old? And I picked up the phone receiver and my mom picked it up at the same time and I overheard the whole conversation, pretended like I wasn't on the line. And yeah, they said, you know, Tam has been cast and she'll have to quit school or get homeschooled or whatever, and she'll be traveling all of Argentina and it'll be on TV and this and that. And I was like jumping for joy. And then my mom announced on the other line, you know, we can't take the job. We haven't told her yet, but we're were packing up and moving back to the United States. And I literally, like in the movies, like dropped the phone from my hand in just shock and horror.

[Terry Gross]

This is your dream, which was about to be fulfilled, except that it wasn't going to be.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah, this is what I had worked so hard for. This was the ultimate dream. And this kind of stuff sticks with you, right? Like, I always. I feel like for the rest of my life, whenever a good things, things happen to me, they will. I feel like they're not going to pan out. I write about this in this book, but somebody gave me the best advice ever. And it's stupid and simple, but whenever that fear creeps up, that things will get taken from me, you got to get over it. You got to move on and get over it. And I try to tell myself that.

[Terry Gross]

So just one more thing about performing. What were your performances like when you stopped doing the Madonna thing?

[Tamara Yahia]

When I started singing, it was. It was over track. So it Was kind of like karaoke, but I had a different pick of songs. I did a lot of Ace of Bass, but I would sing it. So I had the tracks and I. A lot of choreography. I did all that she wants and I did the sign. I did some songs in Spanish, so I had, like, a little repertoire. And I had two backup dancers. It was really cute.

[Terry Gross]

Okay, so your family decided to move to the US because your father's business went bankrupt. The family business went bankrupt, the whole middle class was collapsing, and they needed to make a fresh start and thought that California would be a better place to try to do it. So this was the second time that your family left Buenos Aires for California, and the first time around, you studied English as a second language. How helpful was that?

[Tamara Yahia]

It was so amazing, Terri. I don't remember learning English. It's wild because it must have been three or four months, and I was fluent, and it was amazing. I describe it as the Tower of Babel, but it was just children from all over the world, and we were just forced to learn English because it was the only way we could communicate. And, yeah, I think it was like, two or three months, and I don't even remember it.

[Terry Gross]

I kind of forget whether it was the first or second time you were in LA that your parents opened up a stall at the mall food court. And it was a knockoff of a place that was called El Pollo Loco, which is the Crazy chicken. And so the name they came up with was the Sexy Chicken.

[Tamara Yahia]

That's right.

[Terry Gross]

So I want you to describe what the logo looked like.

[Tamara Yahia]

The logo was a slutty rotisserie chicken cartoon. It had huge boobs and a tight black dress and smoked a long cigarette. A mole drawn on kind of like a sluttier Marilyn Monroe, if you will. And we. The business failed after, like, six months. So, my God, I tried revisiting the Fallbrook Mall, which is where that place was, and it's closed, but, God, I love malls because of that. Spending so much time in food courts and malls as a kid.

[Terry Gross]

So your grandfather had a store in the same mall that sold stationery and children's toys. You must have really felt like you owned the mall.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, I call myself. I was the feral child of the mall, and it was my happy place. That also shows, like, the lack of boundaries and codependency issues in my family, that my father opens up the food court stand and my. My grandparents literally move from Argentina to the United States because they couldn't bear to be without us. Not only that but they moved next door to us and opened a stationary store at the same mall. So there was a lot of escaping from each other. But the mall was my happy place. And it still is. If I'm like having a bad day, my husband will be like, let's go to the park. Let's, you know, ground ourselves, put our feet in the grass. And I'm like, no, I'm going to the mall.

[Terry Gross]

So your singing and dancing teacher in Buenos Aires gave you a note when you left for the final time to actually live for real in California. And she wrote, dear Tamara, never forget that you are a star. Don't give up what you've started. You know what's in California? Hollywood. Now go get em. Describe your attempt to do that in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. And this is the theater on the Hollywood Walk of Fame where Oscar ceremonies had been held, big movie premieres. So tell us what you did.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, my God. So I made my parents drive me from Orange county to, yeah, the Hollywood epicenter of Hollywood. And I put on my outfit, my performance outfit. It was like the vinyl black vinyl miniskirt. And I had grown a little bit, so it was starting to be really small on me and not as cute. And I walked around doing like voguing and striking poses in hopes that a manager would find me and rediscover me in the United States, which is so sad but also so incredibly funny to me. And, you know, my parents walked around behind me and I was like, distance, you cannot be too close to me. I have to be seen. And yeah, I was just voguing down Hollywood Boulevard and obviously no manager discovered me. And then we just ended up at McDonald's eating chicken nuggets.

[Terry Gross]

Were you singing at the same time?

[Tamara Yahia]

No, I was not singing. I was just dancing to no music. Oh, my God, what a disaster.

[Terry Gross]

Well, we need to take another break here, so let me reintroduce you. If you're just joining us, my guest is Tamara Yahia. Her new memoir is called Cry for Me My Life as a Failed Child Star.

[Tamara Yahia]

Terry.

[Terry Gross]

We'll be right back after a short break. I'm Terry Gross and this is FRESH air. The House of Representatives has approved a White House request to claw back two.

[Tamara Yahia]

Years of previously approved funding for public media. The rescissions package now moves on to the Senate. This move poses a serious threat to.

[Terry Gross]

Local stations and public media as we know it.

[Tamara Yahia]

Please take a stand for public media [e-mail] thank you. On the plus side, you get sponsor free listening to over 25 NPR podcasts. On the minus side, you get fewer chances to tap fast forward on your podcast player.

[Terry Gross]

On the plus side, you get to.

[Tamara Yahia]

Support something you care about. On the minus side, you like challenges and think this makes it too easy.

[Terry Gross]

So why don't you join us on the plus side of things with NPR?

[Tamara Yahia]

Learn more and sign up at plus.NPR.org.

[Terry Gross]

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[Tamara Yahia]

They could have an abortion without a doctor thanks to a tiny pill.

[Terry Gross]

That pill spawned a global movement helping millions of women have safe abortions regardless of the law. Hear that story on the network from.

[Tamara Yahia]

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[Terry Gross]

Wherever you get your podcasts, you know.

[C]

Those things you shout at the radio.

[Tamara Yahia]

Or maybe even at this very NPR podcast on NPR's Wait, Wait, don't tell.

[C]

Me we actually those things on the.

[Tamara Yahia]

Radio and on the podcast, we're rude across all media.

[C]

We think the news can take it.

[Tamara Yahia]

Listen to NPR's Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Terry Gross]

So your family went to California on a tourist visa, I think with more luggage than tourists typically bring.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yes.

[Terry Gross]

And your father kept entering what was known as the green card lottery. Can you explain what that is?

[Tamara Yahia]

Yes. So every year the United States government grants, I'm not sure, let's say 40,000 visas to specific countries. And if you win this lottery, you and your family get naturalized. So we won that we could have.

[Terry Gross]

What do you have to do to enter the lottery?

[Tamara Yahia]

I think you pay, if I remember correctly, you pay some sort of sum of money and you turn in. It's like a letter or like an application. Pretty simple. I'm not sure. We may have had an attorney help us with it once we won. But yeah, it was that easy. Just like 100 bucks and an application.

[Terry Gross]

So the family finally won. At this point, though, you were undocumented because your tourist visa had expired. So let's talk about the expiration period before your father got the go ahead for the green cards. What could your family not do or not do legally?

[Tamara Yahia]

We couldn't travel for one. We couldn't leave if we wanted to come back. I believe my parents had driver's license, which luckily they had obtained on our first trip here when everything was easier to obtain. But we didn't have Social Security numbers, so we couldn't or I was too young, but they couldn't work. So I just think I remember even as a kid, I was in constant fear of even crossing the street when the light was red because I would get, you know, picked up by the police and deported. So imagine being, you know, 13 years old, starting middle school, getting my period, all of that. And then on top of it, this fear, underlying fear.

[Terry Gross]

Your parents couldn't work legally, but did they have a business and get paid in ways that they didn't have to declare their earnings?

[Tamara Yahia]

I believe they still paid taxes. I don't know if it was under their social securities, but they still paid taxes and they still worked. Their business was cash because they drove food trucks. So it was kind of easier. But I was always so scared. It wasn't right. And I think, imagine how it affected my parents.

[Terry Gross]

When you were scared and you worried about what was going to happen, what was the movie that you played in your head about how that would work?

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, my God. Terrifying. So I remember my parents would leave for work at three in the morning and I would stay with my little sister, who's four years younger. And I would dream that they would get caught and deported and that me and her would get put into an orphanage or, you know, get sent to a creepy man to take care of us. I had also watched this movie called Freeway with Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland. And in my mind, my parents were gonna get deported and me and my sister would be sent to this creepy man like Kiefer Sutherland in that movie. It was so terrifying, I would just not sleep at night. Just straight up. I was so scared.

[Terry Gross]

So in the book, you say you actually did have. Your parents did have a lawyer, an ultra orthodox Hasidic Jewish lawyer who told your family that they just had to show up and fill out the paperwork and they'd get the green card. So you were in the Immigration and Naturalization Service. The family was there, I think you were there, right, with your parents?

[Tamara Yahia]

I was there, yeah.

[Terry Gross]

Tell us what you were told.

[Tamara Yahia]

So we went in so happy, because this lawyer said, it's going to be a piece of cake. It'll take two seconds. And I remember sitting down and just some guy who. Immigration officer who, you know, didn't even look at us. And I remember them just, like, avoiding my dad's gaze, just flipped through paperwork and just immediately said, no, you were here undocumented for however long. This doesn't qualify you. There was something else that I didn't put in the book where my dad had been sponsored through work, which is the reason that the deportation didn't work. I'm unsure as to that. But they basically deported us on the spot because the lawyer wasn't Present. And I remember my mom collapsing on the floor of the immigration building and just having a straight up panic attack. And in my mind thinking, what does this mean? Being kind of happy. Because I was like, I'm going back to Argentina. My grandparents are there. But still horror and confusion.

[Terry Gross]

So what did your lawyer do when your parents contacted him? And he came and, you know, turned things around.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, my God, the guy was a maniac. He came in and started pounding on the doors of the immigration offices, like, I don't know how he didn't get arrested. And he was like. Had a stained shirt with, like, mustard and ketchup. I remember. And he was like, you wrongfully deported this family. I will burn the place down. And I will get, you know, every news outlet. I know. He was a character here. And so they let us back in, and we had a different person this time who was, you know, read that. The other part of my dad having a sponsor or whatever and was like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, that was a mistake. And basically undeported us on the spot. It was an absolute roller coaster. It's not. Not right for a child to feel that way.

[Terry Gross]

If you try to project that incident into the present, what do you see?

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, my God. I can't put into words what is happening right now. And I. It brings up a lot, and I have to say that I am. I'm lucky I have fair skin, you know, Like, I don't feel like I would be targeted, but. Although, who knows? But I think of my parents, you know.

[Terry Gross]

You don't think you'd be visually targeted?

[Tamara Yahia]

I don't think so.

[Terry Gross]

Racially profiled?

[Tamara Yahia]

I don't think I would be racially profiled. No, not me. But then again, I think of my parents driving food trucks in downtown la, in conservation zones with, you know, thick accents, and they're driving around with their passports right now. So. God, it's just so horrible, Terry.

[Terry Gross]

So, you know, I was reading in the New York Times their description of what's happening in LA, and this was. I was reading this on June 30th. They said that there are parts of LA and Latino neighborhoods where it looks like the COVID shutdown. People are so afraid to, like, take public transportation or buy anything from, like, a Latino market or a Latino, you know, truck. They're afraid to be seen on the street. And so a lot of the streets and shops are, like, empty.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah, I can see it. I also live downtown, so, you know, like, places like the flower market downtown, which is my favorite place to go on Saturday mornings and just buy flowers and make bouquets, is empty. Street vendors are gone. The Santee Alley, which is where me and my parents would go and shop for cheap clothes, like it's unrecognizable. And it's a city that's already hurting after the fires and Covid, so it's devastating.

[Terry Gross]

Did you witness any of the demonstrations? The National Guard?

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah. I live like two blocks away from where everything happened. And it's weird because I would put the news on for comfort, which is like, exactly what I didn't, the opposite of what I should be doing.

[Terry Gross]

You were probably just narrating what was going on two blocks away from you.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, totally. There was one moment where I was like, there's our apartment, like watching it on the news. But I don't know, it felt it's crazy because I was in a fight with my parents during this whole time. So we weren't speaking and I was just following their locations on my phone and seeing them going to work, like in the middle of where all of these ICE raids were happening and just being like, what a time to not be on speaking terms with my parents. Everything is fine now, but this is what happens when you write a book, too, and you process so much stuff. It's like I needed a break from.

[Terry Gross]

Them because you were processing your relationship with them and how they did or didn't protect you over the years.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, yeah. It's been really intense, Terri. I'm like all of this immigration stuff, my book writing, this book processing stuff I'd never processed. And on top of it, doing IVF because I'm trying to have a kid and pumped with hormones. So I am something else right now.

[Terry Gross]

On that note, we need to take another break here, so let me reintroduce you. If you're just joining us, my guest is Tamara Yahia. Her new memoir is called Cry for Me My Life as a Failed Child Star. We'll be right back. This is FRESH air. At Planet Money, we know that economic jargon can sometimes feel like speaking another language. Yeah, like arbitrage, alpha, otarchy. That's just what's in the news these days. There's also absolute advantage.

[Tamara Yahia]

Aggregate demand, aggregate supply.

[Terry Gross]

And this is just the A's.

[Tamara Yahia]

Oh, animal spirits.

[Terry Gross]

That's a pretty good one.

[Tamara Yahia]

Planet Money from npr, we help you translate the economy so you can understand the world.

[Terry Gross]

Wherever you get your podcasts, you're listening.

[Tamara Yahia]

To NPR because you're curious. You want to know what the world is like beyond the surface. NPR feeds that curiosity with stories from real people, with real experiences and all the perspectives that come with them. It's our right to be curious and our prerogative to listen. So keep your curiosity alive. Hear the bigger picture every day on NPR. Celebrate independence and support public radio. From July 1st through 6th, get 30% off storewide at the NPR shop. From fan favorite mugs to the newest NPR gear, everything's on sale and every purchase helps power the public radio you love. Shop [e-mail].

[Terry Gross]

In the US in California. You eventually broke into the music business briefly and then discovered, like, your gift for writing and your love of writing and of reading and the way you broke into the music business because you got to intern with and then work at Sony Records. You and a friend of yours, another girl, went to a Latin rock festival, and you were approached by a guy who asked you if you wanted to go backstage. When you said yes, he gave you an all access pass. And then you ended up doing mushrooms with one of Mexico's most famous rock bands. You had just turned 18. Was this supposed to be a quid pro quo kind of thing? Like you get the access pass and there's stuff that the band is going to expect from you?

[Tamara Yahia]

No, it wasn't. And it actually, like that. That's when my life got fun. It. It wasn't creepy. We became close friends with these, these guys and it was like I started smoking pot and doing mushrooms. And I remember we would like, make human pyramids and like, throw cheese all over tour buses. I don't know, Terri, this sounds insane as I'm saying it out loud, but it was just more like young people hanging out again. I haven't had life experiences that were all normal and as I grew up, but it was. I talk about it in the book. Like, one time I found myself, like, in a. At a party with Stevie Wonder. Yeah.

[Terry Gross]

I was wondering, like, how did that happen? Because I don't think you explained.

[Tamara Yahia]

I think it was just we had gone to a show where one of these rock bands were playing, and we, we took a limo to. And it was like, oh, there's Stevie Wonder. And that's when I met this really cool lady who was an exec in the music industry. And she was like, do you want an internship? You seem, you know, like you have a really outgoing personality. And I was like, yeah. And I started the next Monday.

[Terry Gross]

You got hired after a few months. You were, like, working on press releases and working on tours sometimes. But then your mother told you that you'd make A much better living and would be able to buy a home if you got a job as an interpreter, a Spanish interpreter. And so you took a class, you got a job, and you hated it because you were working at a hospital and you were just repeating what people said, and it was all about, like, symptoms and disease and stuff, and you sank into a really bad depression. And I think that's one of the things that led you to get addicted to pills.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah. I mean, it had to come to a head at some point, all of the trauma. And I think becoming an interpreter, the least creative job. And I am a super creative person. It just broke me. And my mom happened to break her foot, and she had a stash of Vicodin. And suddenly when I took one, I was like, oh, my God, it felt so good at first. It was like I took the backpack off, you know, that had been weighing me down for so many years. But, like, addiction goes, you know, it never remains that way. And it started to get dark for me.

[Terry Gross]

Yeah. And then you end up dropping a pill while you were driving and looking down to try to find it and crashing into a bus and totaling the car injuring your back. And then you stop the pills, which is great that you were able to do that.

[Tamara Yahia]

Yes, I went all the way because I was taking antidepressants. I was taking Vicodin. I was smoking pot. And then after the car crash, which was funny because there was a Buzz Lightyear advertisement for Toy Story on the back of the bus. So when I came to and opened my eyes, I just. Buzz Lightyear, like, waving at me and Woody, and I was like, oh, my God, what happened? And I. And I just was. That was the wake up call I needed. And I just quit everything at the same time. And I started to feel emotions again. And I think I may have cried for three months straight following that, but I knew it was good. It was good.

[Terry Gross]

So now you're trying to have a child, which is how you start your book, talking about why you decided to have a child. What do you want to do differently than how you were raised? Like, do you have this whole plan in mind of what kind of mother you're going to be, which will, of course, change because nothing goes as planned. But do you have a plan in mind or a vision?

[Tamara Yahia]

Yeah, I think there's just. Without going into it too much, because there's so much will change, like you said. But I just want this child to feel safe. Safe. It's very, very simple. I did not feel safe. And that needs to change and they will not be an extension of me. They will be their own person. And again, I have the right partner, I'm certain.

[Terry Gross]

Tamara, it's really been fun to talk with you, even though part of what we talked about was very traumatic. I don't mean the interview was traumatic, but we were talking about trauma in your life. But it was really a pleasure to talk with you. And thank you for coming on and for, you know, talking openly about your life.

[Tamara Yahia]

Thank you so much. Thank you. Wow. This is a pinch me moment.

[Terry Gross]

Thank you for saying that. Tomorrow, Yahia's new memoir is called Cry for Me My Life as a Failed Child Star. After we take a short break, Ken Tucker will review Bruce Springsteen's seven new albums collecting previously unreleased material. This is FRESH AIR. On NPR's Wild Card podcast, Michelle Obama.

[Tamara Yahia]

Says she's reinventing herself. I don't know if my ambition has ever fully been able to actualize itself. I think I'm now at a stage in my life where all my choices are mine.

[Terry Gross]

I'm Rachel Martin. Listen to Wildcard for a conversation about.

[Tamara Yahia]

Balancing family and personal growth with Michelle Obama on NPR's Throughline. Schoolteachers are going to be the ones that rebuild our society in a way that is more cohesive.

[C]

Basically where soldiers set down their arms.

[Tamara Yahia]

Schoolteachers need to pick up their books. How the U.S. department of Education tried to fix a divided nation. Listen to Throughline wherever you get your podcasts.

[Terry Gross]

Bruce Springsteen just released seven albums worth of previously unreleased material. The collection is called Trax 2 the Lost Albums, a sequel to the First Tracks anthology from 1998. The new collection includes songs written and recorded between the mid-1980s through the late 2010s. The range of sounds and styles is considerable, from synth pop to folk ballads. Rock critic Ken Tucker has listened to all 83 songs and has a review of this trove of new Bruce music. We.

[D]

Inhabited each other like it some kind of disease. I thought that I was blind, but I was crawling around me. Everybody's got a blind spot brings up and down.

[C]

A workaholic and a pack work. Bruce Springsteen is known for the volume as well as the quality of his music. These seven so called lost albums each represent collections that at the time of recording were polished up and ready to go, but then were held back for various reasons. I'll give you an example. In the liner notes to the album now called the Streets of Philadelphia Sessions, Springsteen says this material, created mostly alone in the studio during the 1990s, would have followed, quote, three solo albums about relationships in a row. He felt the sustained downbeat tone might test his audience's patience, so he switched gears, got the E Street Band back in action and went in a different direction. But it's nice to hear some of these quiet, intimate compositions, such as the Little Things she said.

[D]

We could just sleep together There'd been nothing wrong yeah we could just hold each other with our clothes on I went dancing I don't think we should Then I heard a voice say Guess we could she kissed me lightly.

[Terry Gross]

Said.

[D]

You know sometimes when you're down it's the little things that come it's the little things that come it's the little things.

[C]

The seven albums in this collection include Inyo, consisting of original folk songs influenced by Springsteen's motorcycle trips around California, Texas and Mexico. There's another album called Somewhere north of Nashville, full of pedal steel guitar and the Bruce version of country music. My favorite moment on that one isn't a Springsteen original, but a lovely cover of Johnny Rivers great 1966 number one hit poor side of Town.

[D]

How can you tell me that you miss me? The last time I, I saw you you wouldn't even kiss me that rich guy you've been seeing really must have put you down so welcome back baby to the poor side of town.

[C]

Given seven albums of material, there are inevitable weak spots. Faithless, described as the soundtrack to a western movie that was never shot, is rather listless, a slowpoke cowpoke. Another album that's a kind of stunt is Twilight Hours. By contrast, the best album of the seven is the LA Garage Sessions, the sparse lo fi one man band recordings he cut in 1983. This was after Springsteen's solo album Nebraska and before his huge E Street hit Born in the usa. In the liner notes, he refers to these sessions as a critical bridge between those two albums. It includes some marvelously unpretentious music, including the Beach Boys ish Don't Back down on Our Love and this song called Little Girl like youe that carries echoes of the Everly Brothers. At its best, this capacious grab bag of music yields not just good songs, but songs that seem unlike anything else Springsteen has ever done. From the album called Perfect World, I love this thundercloud ballad called if I Could Only Be youe Lover, which sounds like the theme to a film noir not yet made.

[D]

Just another town, another house boarded up foreclosure sign once this time in this house and you were mine A rusted latch on a backyard fence Swing sets swallowed up in weeds grown up some back porch stairs. If I could only be your love, I'd never covet any other.

[C]

Most of these Lost albums contain striking songs that would have deepened our understanding of both Springsteen's process and his value during any of the periods during which the music was made. Spilling out these 83 tunes now is like finding the missing jigsaw puzzle pieces that enable fans to complete the full picture of who Bruce Springsteen has been for the past four decades.

[Terry Gross]

Ken Tucker reviewed Bruce Springsteen's new collection, Tracks 2, the Lost Albums. Fresh Air's executive producer is Danny Miller. Our technical director and engineer is Audrey Bentham. Our managing producer is Sam Brigger. Our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by Phyllis Myers, Roberta Shorrock, Annmarie Boldonado, Lauren Krenzel, Teresa Madden, Monique Nazareth, Susan Yakundi and Anna Bauman. Our digital media producer is Molly CB Nesper. Thea Chaloner directed today's show. Our co host is Tanya Moseley. I'm Terry Gross.

[Tamara Yahia]

This message comes from Amazon Pharmacy. When you're on hold with the pharmacy and you hear your call is very important after the 10th loop, you start to doubt that Amazon Pharmacy delivers meds to you fast. Without the hold music. Amazon Healthcare just got less painful on NPR's through line schoolhouses are less expensive.

[C]

Than rebellions We've been debating the government's.

[Tamara Yahia]

Role in education since the Civil War. A tenth of our national debt would have saved us the blood and treasure of the late war.

[Terry Gross]

How the Department of Education tried to.

[Tamara Yahia]

Fix a divided nation. Listen to Throughline wherever you get your podcasts. What would you think if you saw a robot dog out for a walk in your neighborhood? What the hell is that?

[Terry Gross]

Oh my God. This is Basia just hanging out with us.

[Tamara Yahia]

But so could I have a medium double takes and how they can change your point of view. That's on the TED Radio Hour podcast from NPR.