Dead Ringers: Ep1. Keir vs Kemi

Summary

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Dead Ringers: Ep1. Keir vs Kemi

Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
Air Date: June 19, 2026

Overview

The Dead Ringers team returns with razor-sharp satire, lampooning the week’s hottest topics in politics, media, and football as the UK faces political turbulence, a Labour leadership contest, and the launch of the 2026 World Cup. This episode weaves together sketches parodying politicians (including Keir Starmer and Kemi Badenoch), media formats, and iconic characters, all while exploring the fraught state of the nation—amplified, as ever, by the team’s hilarious impersonations and surreal comic twists.

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Key Sketches & Discussion Points

1. Britain in Crisis: Prime Minister’s Message

• Summary: The episode opens with a faux prime ministerial address, lampooning political chaos and government mishaps as the PM fights off disorder, division, and literal paper airplanes.
• Notable Quote:
  • “Up yours, John Healy. I never liked you and I’ve already turned your resignation letter into a paper airplane, thus doubling the UK's air defences.” — Fake PM (John Holmes) [00:32]

2. Match of the Day: Labour Leadership as Football

• Summary: Parodying Match of the Day, a befuddled Harry Kane discusses the Labour leadership contest as if it were a football tournament, conflating tactics and party politics.
• Memorable Exchanges:
  • "It’s not every day you get a Labour leadership contest." — Harry Kane (John Holmes) [02:33]
  • "Oh, we love it, Gabby... It looks like Burnham is playing on the false left wing position, which obviously Starmer mastered all those years ago before moving out to the right." — Harry Kane [02:58]
  • "You’re still talking about the Labour leadership contest, aren’t you?" — Gabby (Jan Ravens) [03:27]

3. Martin Lewis, Money-Saving…Extremist

• Summary: The financial guru dispenses bizarre, illegal investment advice that spirals comically into melting Nazi memorabilia and geopolitical scheming.
• Quote:
  • “Then you convert the Nazi memorabilia into gold bars, melt them down, and turn them into humorous door knockers. Then take them to Argentina...” — Martin Lewis (John Holmes) [04:10]
  • “That is without doubt the strangest man I’ve ever met. And considering I work alongside Robert Jenrick and Lee Anderson, that’s quite a compliment.” — Nigel (Jan Ravens) [05:17]

4. De Ice Sturgeon: Scottish Noir

• Summary: Nicola Sturgeon stars in a satirical crime drama where she refuses to recognize any evidence of a crime, even as bodies are carted off in front of her.
• Best Lines:
  • “I have seen no evidence of any criminality here whatsoever. It’s De Ice Sturgeon.” — Sturgeon (Jan Ravens) [06:01]
  • “I don’t believe anyone can reasonably expect me to have noticed that.” — Sturgeon [06:15]

5. Uncanny: Number 10 is Haunted

• Summary: The spoof paranormal show explores why Number 10 Downing Street ruins its occupants—including sendups of Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, and Tony Blair as a permanent ghostly PM.
• Highlights:
  • “Before I moved into Number 10 Downing Street, I was only routinely depressed, like an Eeyore plush toy left in a puddle. But by the time I left, life seemed to me utterly hopeless.” — Ex-Resident (Jan Ravens as Theresa May) [08:23]
  • “All work and no play makes Boris a dull boy. Then there was this river of blood coming down the corridor, but it could have just been red wine from one of my parties.” — Boris Johnson (John Holmes) [08:49]
  • “Oh, Danny… I’ve always been Prime Minister, and I always will be. Forever and ever and ever…” — Tony Blair [10:21]

6. David Beckham: The Ultimate Spokesperson

• Summary: In a tongue-in-cheek monologue, Beckham lampoons his willingness to endorse anything, comparing himself to the Argos catalogue.
• Quote:
  • “I am available. Because I will flog anything... I’m basically the Argos catalogue, but with less of a spine.” — David Beckham (John Holmes) [12:09]

7. PM Interview With “Mojo”-Powered Kemi Badenoch (Keir vs Kemi)

• Summary: Parodying a political interview, Kemi Badenoch reveals she’s found her “mojo”: a semi-aquatic creature she keeps in a fruit hammock, and rolls out a bonkers new equality plan.
• Notable Moments:
  • “It’s very simple, Evan. It’s because I am no longer a low energy weirdo. For you see, I have finally discovered my mojo.” — Badenoch (Jan Ravens) [13:12]
  • “My particular mojo is a bristly semi-aquatic creature with a retractable proboscis that I would describe as halfway between an aardvark and a vole. I keep it in a hammock I’ve made out of fruit.” — Badenoch [13:26]
  • “No, I want everyone to be treated differently.” — Badenoch [13:56]
  • Parody proposals: Council tax delivered in song; daily deliveries of custard to random citizens.
  • “But I suppose it proves I really have got my mojo working.” — Badenoch [14:38]

8. The Donald Welcomes the World Cup

• Summary: Trump parodies welcome international teams, mocking American ignorance and self-absorption.
• Quote:
  • “Ghana, Congo, Senegal, Kurokakuso... Becky, Becky, Stan. Didn’t she just marry Don Jr?” — Trump (John Holmes) [15:24]

9. PC Antiracism Paranoia: Line of Duty Spoof

• Summary: Police detectives tie themselves in knots over identity politics and protected characteristics while trying to arrest human traffickers.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • “We have to confirm that none of the OCG is BME.” — DI [17:27]
  • “Let’s bring her in. She’s going to prison.” — Jan Ravens [18:37]
  • “Don’t mention the donkey, sir. He’s got protected characteristics.” — John Holmes [18:42]

10. Toy Story 5: Tech Parody

• Summary: The Toy Story gang confronts the problems of children no longer playing with toys due to tech's influence and phone-based dangers.
• Highlights:
  • “Bonnie doesn’t want to play with us anymore and her phone keeps sending pictures of Barbie without any clothes on.” — Jessie (Jan Ravens) [19:07]
  • “Let's go to infinity and beyond.” — Buzz (John Holmes) [19:47]

11. Investigative Podcast Spoof: “To Catch a King”

• Summary: Skewering the style of intense investigative podcasts, complete with overbearing sound effects and reminders of an “ex-army” co-host.
• Quote:
  • “We've got a microphone in each shoe, so you remember that we're still in that forest at all times.” — Sue Mitchell (Jan Ravens) [21:43]
  • “Rob is ex-army… because of the danger.” — John Holmes [22:08]

12. The World at One: Lammy’s Existential Interview

• Summary: Deputy PM David Lammy is grilled by Sarah Montague while his own inner monologue mocks his confidence and claims.
• Best Bits:
  • “Are you really, David? Are you and JD really good friends? … He only pretends to like you so he can show off at Mar a Lago by saying he knows a black person.” — Inner Monologue (John Holmes) [24:05]
  • “You can’t just say one word at a time, David. You need to talk in full sentences.” — Inner Monologue [25:17]

13. Farage and Lowe Musical: The Outrage Olympics

• Summary: Nigel Farage and Rupert Lowe belt out a satirical musical number, competing to outdo each other in inflammatory, reactionary rhetoric.
• Notable Lyrics:
  • “Anything you can spout I can go lower, I can say anything crasser than you.” — Rupert Lowe and Farage duet [26:32]
  • “I’d drown a kitten if it got me more votes.” — Rupert Lowe [27:35]
  • “Hang them all, dig them up, send them back.” — Both [27:58]
• Punchline:
  • “Thanks to this rhetoric, there’s now rioting, firebombs and racially motivated violence on the streets. And I have to ask you both, isn’t this exactly what you wanted?” — Presenter (Jan Ravens) [28:05]
  • “Yes, it is.” — Both [28:20]

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Notable Quotes by Time

| Timestamp | Speaker/Character | Quote | |-----------|----------------------|-------| | 00:32 | PM (John Holmes) | "Up yours, John Healy. I never liked you and I’ve already turned your resignation letter into a paper airplane, thus doubling the UK's air defences." | | 02:33 | Harry Kane | "It’s not every day you get a Labour leadership contest." | | 03:27 | Gabby | "You’re still talking about the Labour leadership contest, aren’t you?" | | 04:10 | Martin Lewis | "Then you convert the Nazi memorabilia into gold bars, melt them down, and turn them into humorous door knockers..." | | 06:01 | Sturgeon | "I have seen no evidence of any criminality here whatsoever. It’s De Ice Sturgeon." | | 08:23 | Ex-Resident (May) | "Like an Eeyore plush toy left in a puddle. But by the time I left, life seemed to me utterly hopeless." | | 12:09 | David Beckham | "I’m basically the Argos catalogue, but with less of a spine." | | 13:12 | Kemi Badenoch | "Because I am no longer a low energy weirdo. For you see, I have finally discovered my mojo." | | 14:38 | Badenoch | "But I suppose it proves I really have got my mojo working." | | 15:24 | Trump | "Ghana, Congo, Senegal, Kurokakuso... Becky, Becky, Stan. Didn’t she just marry Don Jr?" | | 17:27 | DI | "We have to confirm that none of the OCG is BME." | | 19:07 | Jessie (Toy Story) | "Bonnie doesn’t want to play with us anymore and her phone keeps sending pictures of Barbie without any clothes on." | | 21:43 | Sue Mitchell | "We've got a microphone in each shoe, so you remember that we're still in that forest at all times." | | 24:05 | Lammy’s Inner Monologue | "He only pretends to like you so he can show off at Mar a Lago by saying he knows a black person." | | 26:32–27:58| Farage/Lowe | “Anything you can spout I can go lower, I can say anything crasser than you...” etc. | | 28:20 | Both | "Yes, it is." |

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Overall Tone & Satirical Approach

The episode is jam-packed with surreal parodies, political lampooning, and media send-ups in Dead Ringers’ classic rapid-fire, multi-character style. The sketches take sharp aim at the farcical nature of British politics, media, and public discourse in 2026, blending clever wordplay, absurd set-pieces, and biting social commentary.

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:32 – Prime minister’s satirical address
• 01:49 – “Match of the Day” Labour parody
• 04:00 – Martin Lewis investment farce
• 05:29 – Scottish police drama with Nicola Sturgeon
• 07:09 – “Uncanny” Number 10 haunted
• 10:02 – Tony Blair ghost bit
• 12:09 – David Beckham’s open letter
• 13:00 – Kemi Badenoch’s “mojo” interview
• 15:00 – Donald Trump World Cup
• 17:10 – Line of Duty/Anti-Racism sketch
• 19:02 – Toy Story 5: Tech tale
• 21:07 – Podcast spoof: “To Catch a King”
• 23:47 – Lammy’s inner monologue
• 26:06 – Farage/Lowe musical number, riot aftermath

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This episode delivers its signature high-octane, multi-voice whirlwind of comedy, expertly skewering the news and personalities of the week with gleeful abandon.

Transcript

[John Holmes]

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the uk. He's widely recognised as one of the

[Jan Ravens]

greatest footballers in history.

[John Holmes]

He's won the prestigious Ballon d' or award five times.

[Jan Ravens]

He's the all time leading goal scorer in professional football and according to the

[John Holmes]

Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status.

[Jan Ravens]

Guess who we're talking about yet?

[John Holmes]

That's right. Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon and Cristiano Ronaldo.

[Jan Ravens]

That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service.

[John Holmes]

Listen now, wherever you get your BBC podcasts. People of Britain, this is your Prime Minister. For now, depending on how bad the potholes are in Makerfield. In recent days, certain reprehensible individuals have sought to create panic, chaos and disorder in this country to foster division for their own ends. Neighbour has turned upon neighbour. Appeals for calm have been ignored. But my message to those responsible is clear. Up yours, John Healy. I never liked you and I've already turned your resignation letter into a paper airplane, thus doubling the UK's air defences. Dead ringer.

[Jan Ravens]

Hello and welcome to Match of the Day. The World cup has finally begun and that whistle means you can now officially hang up an England flag without looking racist. Now I'm joined by England captain Harry Kane.

[John Holmes]

Ah, hello, Gabby. Obviously, to be speaking to you today is, well, such a dream come true. Really.

[Jan Ravens]

So, Harry, how are you feeling at the moment?

[John Holmes]

Yeah, well, you know, obviously I'm right, incredibly excited, nervous, like, you know, all the normal things really, when there's a huge competition just round the corner.

[Jan Ravens]

And does that play on your mind at all?

[John Holmes]

Nothing plays on my mind, Gabby,

[Jan Ravens]

as

[John Holmes]

I think everyone could tell. But listen, people have worked their whole lives to be in this position. You know, let's face it, it's not every day you get a Labour leadership contest.

[Jan Ravens]

I'm sorry, what?

[John Holmes]

Well, it's gripping stuff, Gabby. You know, obviously me and the boys glued to our TV sets watching the qualifier in Makerfield next Thursday.

[Jan Ravens]

I have to say I'm slightly surprised, Harry.

[John Holmes]

Oh, we love it, Gabby. You know, I really like all the tactics because it looks like Burnham is playing on the false left wing position, which obviously Starmer mastered all those years ago before moving out to the right.

[Jan Ravens]

Sorry, Harry, this is Match of the Day. Can we talk about football? For example, the controversy surrounding FIFA?

[John Holmes]

Oh, yeah. You know, to my mind, it's a group of out of touch people who've made dodgy decision after dodgy decision.

[Jan Ravens]

You're still talking about the Labour leadership contest. Aren't you?

[John Holmes]

Yeah, I am. Gabby to understand.

[Jan Ravens]

Before we wrap this up, can you give us your prediction for the coming month?

[John Holmes]

Yeah, well, you know, obviously tears, disappointment and a very angry nation. And the football, we're getting knocked out on penalties. No, no, no, let me speak. There is no time for that. Nigel, you need my help. Who the hell are you? Hi, I'm Martin Lewis, money saving expert and I am here to help. Now I believe you recently came into. I don't know what you're talking about. A 5 million pound gift from a Thai based crypto billionaire. No, no, no. Look, I have made it crystal clear where that money came from. It matters not where you got it from, it matters how you invest it. Listen carefully. You must do exactly as I say. Place half of the £5 million into an index linked bond. Put the other half into Nazi memorabilia. Tell me more. Take the money out of the bond at the start of the financial year and put it into a 0% interest credit card. You take the money from into a high interest saver. You put the interest into an account with cash back and then you switch that and get a switching fee. Then you convert the Nazi memorabilia into gold bars, melt them down and turn them into humorous door knockers. Then take them to Argentina and sit on them for 80 years until fascism becomes fashionable again. And then sell them to fund a far right campaign to destabilize Western democracies and help Vladimir Putin annex Europe. Done and done. That is without doubt the strangest man I've ever met. And considering I work alongside Robert Jenrick and Lee Anderson, that's quite a compliment.

[Jan Ravens]

Coming soon to BBC Scotland, a new detective drama about a troubled cop with a complicated personal life and unique powers of perception.

[John Holmes]

Boss, get here. The body's this way. It's not a pretty sight. He's been shot dead right in the middle of his own living room. There he is. Look.

[Jan Ravens]

Let me be clear. I have seen no evidence. I have seen no evidence of any criminality here whatsoever. It's De Ice Sturgeon.

[John Holmes]

What do you mean no evidence of criminality? There's a dead body.

[Jan Ravens]

Is there? Where?

[John Holmes]

There, right in front of your eyes. You're looking at it right now.

[Jan Ravens]

I don't believe anyone can reasonably expect me to have noticed that.

[John Holmes]

Oh dear God. A gang of masked men with shotguns have just broken in. They're removing the body.

[Jan Ravens]

That's not something I was aware of at any stage.

[John Holmes]

It's happening right now.

[Jan Ravens]

Absolutely. Something's gone wrong and it's our job to put it right. Because if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Not that I ever spent much time in the kitchen, which is why I never noticed the barista coffee machine, the silver plated wine coaster, the Le Creuset crepe pan, or the Jamie Oliver acacia wooden spoon set. So come on, gang, to the Mystery Machine.

[John Holmes]

The mystery. Do you mean the camper van?

[Jan Ravens]

That's right. Let's go.

[John Holmes]

Welcome to uncanny. I'm Danny Robbins, head of a wandering minstrel, body of a toddler dressed for the airport, and for this very special episode, I've come to Britain's most cursed house to investigate some truly sinister sightings. From the outside, this house looks innocuous enough, but legend has it, it destroys the life of anyone who lives here. Let's go inside. Number 10 Downing Street I'd agreed to meet with the current occupant, but the property seemed deserted. MUFFLED SOBBING Someone in terrible anguish. It was coming from inside a cupboard. They're after me. They turn their bones into rubber and slide under the doors, you know. But I have to use draft excluders to keep them out. The current resident has obviously been sent mad. But was it the house that was responsible? I decided to speak to some previous eyewitnesses. This woman said it shattered her life.

[Jan Ravens]

Before I moved into number 10 down the street, I was only routinely depressed, like an Eeyore plush toy left in a puddle. But by the time I left, life seemed to me utterly hopeless.

[John Holmes]

Chilling stuff. And this previous resident also seemed very disturbed by his stay, as his hair was standing on end and completely white. Did living in number 10 mess with Boz's head? Well, I do do remember trying to write my Shakespeare biography and just sitting, sitting at a typewriter, typing out all work and no play makes Boris a dull boy. Then there was this river of blood coming down the corridor, but it could have just been red wine from one of my parties. And this. That woman seems to have gone completely and utterly insane.

[Jan Ravens]

I know. But it wasn't me. I was as sane as a rabbit. Everyone else in the country went totes bonkers while I remain the only sensible person in the uk, with my inspired mini budget, which replaced the bank of England governor with a signed photo of David Cassidy. Dreamboat. Did you miss me?

[John Holmes]

I know. Bloody hell, Liz. But now things are about to get truly frightening. They say that if you climb the stairs in this house, go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and say education three times. Hello, Danny. Sunken forehead, dead behind the ice. Grin. Billionaire. Hand gesture. Oh, my God, it's Tony Blair. That's right. I am Prime Minister, Danny. This is my home. But you haven't been prime minister for 20 years. Oh, Danny, I've always been Prime Minister and I always will be. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Join me next week on Uncanny as I travel stateside to spend a night in the spookiest house in Washington D.C. haunted by a killer clown with scary makeup and tiny rotting hands. Dear England, it's me, David Beckham. You might have seen that as the World cup kicks off, I've been honoured with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, halfway between Bob Hoskins and Mickey Mouse. Just like my voice. As we begin the 2026 World Cup, I have a message for anyone wishing to turn this noble, beautiful competition into a tawdry, cynical, purely money making exercise. I am available. Because I will flog anything. Watches, vacuum cleaners, laptops, perfume, coffee underpants and problematic regimes with appalling human rights records. I'm basically the Argos catalogue, but with less of a spine. There is no product. I won't sacrifice my remaining dignity for as long as the price is right. And I do have a gap in my schedule as my long term endorsement of helium gas is about to come to an end. Yours greedily, David. You're listening to PM with me, Evan Davies. I'm smooth all over like one of those weird hairless cats you see on YouTube. Kelly Badenoch has said this week that she would scrap the public sector equality duty which requires public bodies to actively promote equality in all they do. She joins me now.

[Jan Ravens]

Good evening, Evan. Yes, this is another bold announcement from me. Kemi is certainly on a roll.

[John Holmes]

You do seem to have found your feet somewhat in recent months. Why do you think that is?

[Jan Ravens]

It's very simple, Evan. It's because I am no longer a low energy weirdo. For you see, I have finally discovered my mojo.

[John Holmes]

And what is your mojo exactly?

[Jan Ravens]

I'm glad you asked. My particular mojo is a bristly semi aquatic creature with a retractable proboscis that I would describe as halfway between an aardvark and a vole. I keep it in a hammock I've made out of fruit. But that's not the point. Now that I'm newly energized as a weirdo with a mojo, it is I who am making the political weather.

[John Holmes]

And your point here is that you want everyone to be treated equally?

[Jan Ravens]

No, I want everyone to be treated differently.

[John Holmes]

And how would that work?

[Jan Ravens]

What I am calling for is for every single person in this country to be treated by the state in a way that is entirely bespoke. So Linda from Coventry say we'll have her council tax bill delivered in song by a medieval troubadour. Karim from Swansea will be sent 200 metric tons of custard every single day without explanation, and so on and so forth. What could be fairer or weirder than that?

[John Holmes]

Isn't the truth that all this culture war stuff is just a desperate attempt to win back voters who've defected to reform.

[Jan Ravens]

Right, you've just asked me a serious political question there, which suggests you're now treating me as a serious politician, which has thrown me a bit, to be honest. But I suppose it proves I really have got my mojo working.

[John Holmes]

And what's it working at?

[Jan Ravens]

It's eating the hammock.

[John Holmes]

Come here, Beta knock. Thank you.

[Jan Ravens]

There's a poached egg in my sho.

[John Holmes]

My fellow soccer enthusiasts, On behalf of the United States. But not Canada. No, no. And definitely not Mexico. I am so proud to welcome the 48 World cup qualifying nations to these shores. Why? Because it gives the dunnel lots more countries I've never heard of to add to my Panini World cup invasion wall chart. I'm looking at it now. Ghana, Congo, Senegal, Kurokakuso. Becky. Becky. Stan. Didn't she just marry Don Jr? I don't know. I never went. Which of these crap holes will be joining Iran, Venezuela and Cuba in the ballistic knockout phase? Okay, okay. So the Donald now is off for a power nap, so wake me up when it's Shakira's halftime show during the final. Unlike 60 Minutes and JD Vance, her hips don't lie. What do Beatles member Sir Paul McCartney, YouTube megastar MrBeast and former Facebook executive Cheryl Sandberg all have in common? They're all being discussed in the new

[Jan Ravens]

season of Good Bad Billionaire, the podcast

[John Holmes]

which explores the lives and fortunes of the world's super rich. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service.

[Jan Ravens]

Listen now. Search for Good Bad Billionaire wherever you get your BBC podcasts.

[John Holmes]

Superintendent Hastings, preparing for interview. Also present, DI Arnott. DI Fleming. Hang on. Where's the suspect?

[Jan Ravens]

We've got a problem, sir.

[John Holmes]

What is it? We don't have a suspect, sir. We've been reading the National Police Anti Racism guide. Mother of God.

[Jan Ravens]

Before we arrest anyone, we have to confirm that none of the OCG is bme.

[John Holmes]

The NPCC don't want the OCG to be BME Too sensitive, sir. What does it matter what bloody color they are. I'm interested in one thing and one thing only, and that's treating everyone differently

[Jan Ravens]

according to their race.

[John Holmes]

I was going to say bent coppers. Definitely can't say that's offensive. The OCG might be LGBT as well as bme. Look, let's just use some common sense here. We're after a bloody human trafficking gang. Get out there and bloody arrest them.

[Jan Ravens]

We can't, sir. We have to be sensitive. Just because we think human trafficking is wrong? That might be cultural relativism.

[John Holmes]

And it says here, sir, that we need to respond to different communities based on their specific needs and avoid the risk of victimising groups who are already over represented in the prison population. And we've got a lot of traffickers in prison as it is. We wouldn't want to criminalize the community further. Look, this gang is directly responsible for grooming young women and girls.

[Jan Ravens]

Better play it safe, sir. Who else have we got? Steve?

[John Holmes]

Female, 40s, face covering.

[Jan Ravens]

Wait, is it a burqa?

[John Holmes]

No, it's a white woman in a Kagul.

[Jan Ravens]

Let's bring her in. She's going to prison.

[John Holmes]

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the wee donkey. Don't mention the donkey, sir. He's got protected characteristics. This summer It's Toy Story 5 and all your favorite toys are back to save and protect their kids.

[Jan Ravens]

Oh my gosh, Buzz, what are we going to do? Thanks to screens and modern tech, Bonnie doesn't want to play with us anymore and her phone keeps sending pictures of Barbie without any clothes on.

[John Holmes]

This is terrible. Jesse, we've got to do something. It's an intergalactic emergency. And there's only one square old fashioned, boring pull string member of the gang who can ride to the rescue. Woody. Uh, yes. Howdy, partners. Yay. It's great to see you, Woody. Oh, thanks, Buzz. You're definitely my favorite deluded deputy after David Lammy. Together in their newest action packed adventure, they'll stop tech in its tracks. Yee haw. Let's go to infinity and beyond. Yes.

[Jan Ravens]

Or

[John Holmes]

what if we just ask tech companies nicely to activate certain features that should largely prevent children from accessing explicit material? And we'll ask them to do it at the speed of light within three months. Hey, howdy. Hey. You know, gotta get this wagon train moving. And just when they think they're out of all options, they're joined by Mr. Potato Head. Oh, hi, Wes. Thanks for stabbing me in my pull string back. Or have you nobody? I am an important political figure who deserves to be taken seriously. Oh, blast my plastic eyebrows. Have just fallen off Toy Story 5 in cinemas. Soon or soon. Ish. I wouldn't want to put a rigid timetable on it. There's so much activity now, we have to be very careful not to be heard.

[Jan Ravens]

This is BBC Radio 4's Intrigue to Catch A King, the smash hit investigative podcast where we try to make every last second sound as dangerous and dramatic as possible. I'm Sue Mitchell, I'm a reporter and my friend Rob Lawrey's ex army. Something I have to say in every episode to show just how serious we are.

[John Holmes]

And I always talk like everything's life or death, even if I'm just picking up a hire car, white Volvo, mate, round my back. We've got to move soon now.

[Jan Ravens]

The car is just round the back. But as always, me and Rob, his ex army, we'll take a massive diversion through a dark forest. And what's more, we've got a microphone in each shoe, so you remember that we're still in that forest at all times.

[John Holmes]

And we've got one on each sleeve too, so you can hear that we're walking fast because of the danger.

[Jan Ravens]

Rob is ex army

[John Holmes]

because of the danger.

[Jan Ravens]

We've also got animal sound effects to make it sound more foreboding, like an owl.

[John Holmes]

Well, sorry, sue, wrong sound effect. I couldn't see the owl one because, as usual, out here in the forest, it's pitch black.

[Jan Ravens]

And in the pitch black in the forest, when anything dangerous might happen, the relentlessly suspenseful music gets even louder and Rob, who's ex army, goes off on his own to somewhere where the sound effects are even more intrusive. A twig breaks. Just in case you forgot we're in the forest and that we could be in danger any second. I think this is our car.

[John Holmes]

No, he's carrying a gun.

[Jan Ravens]

There's no one here. But Rob always says that. It gives him a chance to then say wrong.

[John Holmes]

Too wrong.

[Jan Ravens]

The sound effects, Rob. Don't forget the sound effects. Join us next time in the forest, in the pitch black on To Catch A King, Rob is ex army. You're listening to the World at One with me, Sarah Montague. Don't slouch over your coffee. No wonder you don't have a job. After JD Vance's recent tweet claiming democracy in the UK was dying, has the special relationship ever been under more strain? Deputy Prime Minister David Lammy joins me now. Good afternoon.

[John Holmes]

Good afternoon, Sarah. David. David, this is your inner monologue speaking. Oh, not you again.

[Jan Ravens]

Now, at the weekend you called JD Vance to discuss his comments about UK immigration.

[John Holmes]

That's correct. As you know, he and I are good friends. Are you really, David? Are you and J.D. really good friends?

[Jan Ravens]

Yes. I've heard you two are friends. It seems an unlikely friendship.

[John Holmes]

That's because it's not true, Isn't it, David? Yes, we are friends. How many times does he phone you, David? None. You phoned him loads. But he never phones you. Very good friend. He only pretends to like you so he can show off at Mar a Lago by saying he knows a black person.

[Jan Ravens]

So what did you say? Obviously, if you are friends, you can be brutally honest.

[John Holmes]

I told him that his comments on X were wrong.

[Jan Ravens]

And how can you be sure that he took that on board?

[John Holmes]

Tell her, David. Because I. Go on. I believe it is the case. Keep going. That I. Yes. Was. Yes. Was. Oh, it was all going so well. Was what, David? Did you even have a plan for finishing that sentence? Extremely. You can't just say one word at a time, David. You need to talk in full sentences. I was brave.

[Jan Ravens]

Brave? That makes no sense.

[John Holmes]

Careful now. So brave. Oh, dear. I deserve. Don't say it, David. A sticker. Salute. Yanni.

[Jan Ravens]

Hello, I'm Lise Doucet. With a voice like what we imagine 21st century century AI would sound like back in 1982. I'm reporting from another horrific attack home the streets of the UK where earlier a young man was.

[John Holmes]

No, no, no, no, let me speak. Big Nige here. Exploiting another human tragedy for my own political gain. No, no, no, let me speak. Rupert Lowe here. I think you'll find I was to exploit this human tragedy for my gain. Look, though, you can't outright wing me. And you're getting in the way of a very important point I need to make once I find out how a foreigner was involved. Look at you, looking for evidence. You've gone soft, Nigel. I prefer to speculate wildly without anything to back it up. No, no, no, let me speak. No, no, no Let me sing Anything you can spout I can go lower I can say anything crasser than you no, you can't Yes, I can no, you can't Yes, I can no, no, no, you can't Yes, I can Yes, I can well, I say deport all illegal immigrants. And I say deport anyone who has a suspiciously high grade in the GCSE foreign language. Anything you can try I can try better I can rage anything crosser than you no, you can't Yes, I can. Stop the votes. Oh, come on. Any votes you can stop I can Stop. Harder. I'd drown a kitten if it got me more votes. Be that. Well, bring back the death penalty for anyone. I don't like the look of just the one death. Death penalty, Nigel. Soft on crime, are we, Nigel? I say dig these people up and give them two, three or more death penalties until they learn to stop doing it. Anything you can say? I can be madder. I'll dig them all up and kill them again. Hang them all, dig them up, send them back. Ah, rubbish. A vote for restore is a vote for more order. I'll restore order more violently than you.

[Jan Ravens]

Thanks to this rhetoric, there's now rioting, firebombs and racially motivated violence on the streets. And I have to ask you both, isn't this exactly what you wanted?

[John Holmes]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is, Dear. Dringus was performed by John Colshaw, Jan Ravens, Jess Robinson, Duncan Wisby and Lewis McLeod. It was written by Nev Fountain and Tom Jamison, Lawrence Howard, Sophie Dixon, Joe Topping and John Holmes. Additional material by Jennifer Walker, Katie Sayre, Rachel E. Thorne and Lizzie Mansfield, Rebecca Bay and Cooper, Marwini Swirt with original music by Duncan Wisby. Dead Ringers is a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. It was created by Bill Dare and is produced and directed by John Holmes. Greetings, malevolent munchkins, fiendish friends and devilish do gooders. Welcome. Welcome back to the home of the oxymoron evil genius. I'm Russell Cain and I'm delighted to be steering the ship that unceremoniously wrenches historic figures from their perfect pedestals so that we can decide whether they're evil genius or a heavy concoction of the two. It's like the podcast version of telling your kids the ice cream van plays music when it's out of ice cream. Yes, it's evil. Yes, it's genius. Get on board now and listen to evil genius on BBC Sounds. What do Beatles member Sir Paul McCartney, YouTube megastar MrBeast and former Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg all have in common? They're all being discussed in the new

[Jan Ravens]

season of Good Bad Billionaire, the podcast

[John Holmes]

which explores the lives and fortunes of the world's super rich. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service.

[Jan Ravens]

Listen now. Search for Good Bad Billionaire wherever you get your BBC Podcasts.

[John Holmes]

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[Jan Ravens]

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[John Holmes]

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[Jan Ravens]

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[John Holmes]

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[Jan Ravens]

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[John Holmes]

Find your favorite flavor at premierprotein.

[Jan Ravens]

Com.