The Naked Week: Ep2. The Naked Week team party like it's the 2003 Iraq War.

Summary

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The Naked Week: Ep. 2 – "Party Like it’s the 2003 Iraq War"

Podcast: Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
Date: March 20, 2026
Host: Andrew Hunter Murray
Key Contributors: Rosie Holt, Kat Nealon, Will Collins, James O'Brien, Jimmy the Welsh Viking

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Overview

This episode of The Naked Week takes a sharp, satirical look at the current political landscape by drawing heavy parallels to the lead-up to the 2003 Iraq War. With the specter of fresh intervention in Iran, the team holds up a funhouse mirror to British and international politicians, while unearthing the week’s most absurd news moments, exposing banking scandals, and sending up the endless cycle of political contradiction and media spin. Expect fast-paced sketches, merciless lampooning, and faux-historical reenactments—all delivered in the signature wry BBC Radio 4 comedic tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Political Farce – Iran as the “New Iraq”

(01:49–07:05)

• The episode kicks off with Andrew Hunter Murray comparing the media and political rhetoric surrounding Iran to 2003’s Iraq War build-up, poking fun at leaders’ incoherent pronouncements.
• Donald Trump’s convoluted logic:
  • Claims victory and incompletion simultaneously:

    “We’ve already won in many ways, but we haven’t won enough.”
    — Donald Trump (02:45)

  • Contradicts himself on the war's progress:

    “You’ve said the war is, quote, very complete, but your Defense Secretary says this–”
    — Rosie Holt (03:57)
    “I think you can say both.”
    — Donald Trump (03:59)

  • Satirical analysis compares this to “Schrödinger’s war.”
  • Gruesome gaffe:

    “All of the people that died are right now walking around with no legs.”
    — Donald Trump (04:16)

• Satire of Tony Blair’s Iraq logic, now recycled in support of US action in Iran:

  “We should have backed America from the very beginning. If they are your ally, you had better show up, Andy.”
  — Tony Blair (08:53)

• References to other politicians and 2003 nostalgia:
  • Kemi Badenoch poses with a tank in a crude nod to Thatcher.
  • Nigel Farage flip-flops on intervention:

    “Would I support military action ... Absolutely. 100%, yes.” (08:16) then,
    “We cannot get involved directly in another foreign war unless it’s with the EU.” (08:30)

    • “What about people on the left, Rosie?” “Well, there’s Tony Blair.” “I think you misheard my question.” — (08:39)

Notable Moment

Rosie Holt’s 2003 throwback:

"Let's spin us some White Stripes, rope down to the movies to see Finding Nemo and vote in the Tory leadership contest to remove Ian Duncan Smith."
— Rosie Holt (07:05)

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2. Historical Reenactment of the Iraq War

(09:53–12:15)

• Jimmy the Welsh Viking and Rosie Holt stage a chaotic “historical reenactment” of 2003.
  • Visual gag: Jimmy arrives dressed as a Viking, not a soldier.
  • Satirical “reenactments”:
    • Digging for oil with buckets and spades:

      “This is a 2003 reenactment of the West. Digging for oil, Andy.” — Rosie Holt (10:58)

    • “Sucking up” to the U.S.:

      “This is a 2003 reenactment of a sad British PM at the time sucking up to an American president.” — Jimmy the Welsh Viking (11:10)

Memorable Quip

“I thought the worst.” — Andrew Hunter Murray, after “sucking up” comment (11:17)

• Final distraction: the group turns to Epstein/Peter Mandelson conspiracy references.
  • Factoid:
    “Jeffrey Epstein boasted of close ties to Tony Blair after they met in 2002 in a meeting arranged by Peter Mandelson.” — Kat Nealon (11:58)

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3. The Week’s News as Haikus & Current Affairs Satire

(13:41–14:53)

• Andrew Hunter Murray presents a haiku about the Navy’s lateness (HMS Dragon), lampooning the passive approach to crisis.

Haiku Sample

“Navy ship set sail / way too late for war. HMS / Dragon its heels.” (13:41)

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4. "Deep Dive" – The Financial Ombudsman Scandal

(14:53–21:33)

• Kat Nealon investigates the failures of the Financial Ombudsman Service (FOZ) in a real-life banking scam affecting over 100 investors.
• Background: Investors were duped by “Accumulate Capital,” with banks largely refusing compensation, sometimes admitting the scam to some victims and not others.
  • Only 15 out of 100+ claims paid, rest stalled or denied.
  • Banks lobbied FOZ, leading to flip-flopping decisions:
    1. FOZ initially sides with investors, tells banks to pay out.
    2. Six months later, FOZ reverses stance—no compensation.
    3. Then, in October, FOZ U-turns again: banks must pay.
• Lowlights:
  • Banks allegedly shared personal intel on claimants with Ombudsman to avoid payouts.
  • Lobbyists complained about “high risk of over reimbursement in complex scams.”
  • Six claimants died before payments were approved.
  • Compensation still in limbo for many.
  • Quote:

    "As much use as a chocolate teapot." — Tony Blair (15:49)

  • Quote:

    “We create value for our customers and investors by always moving forward and making things happen.” — Will Collins quoting HSBC’s public PR (18:22)

Notable Quotes & Exchanges

• “Because there’s evidence that this independent, impartial body maybe isn’t so independent or impartial after all.” — Kat Nealon (16:07)
• “It’s genuinely horrendous ... have all the investors now finally had their claims approved?” — Andrew Hunter Murray (20:08)
• “Of course not. Some people still don’t even know if they will be compensated.” — Kat Nealon (20:18)

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5. British Politics: Contradiction & “Because I Said So” Culture

(21:33–28:15)

• Council Tax pledges:
  • Nigel Farage categorically denies Reform UK ever promised to cut council tax, despite evidence to the contrary from campaign materials and candidates.

    “Never once, never once, never once did we promise we’d cut council tax.” — Nigel Farage (25:05)

  • Amused demolition of shifting positions and redefinitions:

    “Cutting taxes could mean not putting them up as much, I suppose.” — Nigel Farage (26:25)

  • Andrew Hunter Murray dryly retorts:

    “In much the same way that having only a bit of your leg amputated is sort of like growing a new leg, I suppose.” (26:32)

• Shadow Cabinet farce:
  • Farage appoints a “Shadow Chancellor” (Robert Jenrick), which is not constitutionally possible.
  • Satirical asides about the changing meaning of truth in political discourse.

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6. Comedy Sketch: Reality as Assertion

(28:15–30:41)

• Rosie Holt pretends to be “Laura Ginsberg” in a send-up of the “post-truth” age—suggesting reality can be asserted and thus made real ("If I say it is, it is.").
• Transforms the show into a mock “afternoon drama,” poking fun at the ease with which public figures reframe fact.

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7. The "Mandy Files" – Mandelson, Conspiracy, and Parody

(21:49–24:38)

• Spoof revelations from newly released “Mandelson Papers,” with tongue-in-cheek conspiratorial overtones (Epstein, NHS contracts, etc.).
  • Reference to “Blade Runner” quote:

    “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. Also, Jeffrey Epstein. Lots and lots and lots of times. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain, unless the Americans release millions of pages of emails and everyone sees all the stuff I’ve been up to...” — Rosie Holt as Mandy (23:52)

  • Continual Blair/Epstein name confusion for extra scandalous effect.

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8. Closing Satirical Reflections

(30:41–end)

• Rapid-fire recap of stray stories (Nick Clegg, sport, pop culture), with a self-aware nod to the show’s format and structure.
• Final stinger:

  "The week that was naked was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent Rosie Holt and Jimmy the 11th century Viking..." (30:41)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

(with Timecodes & Attribution):

• Murray on Trump’s incoherence:

  "It's very much the middle aged man going for a wee and then optimistically zipping up his flies of victories." (02:49)

• Holt on 2003 nostalgia:

  "Those were the first three things I found on Wikipedia." (07:26)

• Nealon on Ombudsman scandal:

  "Because there’s evidence that this independent, impartial body maybe isn't so independent or impartial after all." (16:07)

• Trump on war casualties:

  "All of the people that died are right now walking around with no legs." (04:16)

• Blair’s chocolate teapot:

  "As much use as a chocolate teapot." (15:49)

• Farage’s ever-evolving promises:

  "Never once, never once, never once did we promise we'd cut council tax." (25:05)

• Murray on political spin:

  "These days, reality is what you say it is." (26:32)

• Rosie-as-Laura:

  "If I say it is, it is. That’s how you get on in the modern world, Andy. You have to tell it like it is, which is telling it like it isn’t. So people think how it isn’t is how it is." (28:33)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening / The Iran-Iraq Parallels: 01:49–07:05
• Historical Reenactment Sketch: 09:53–12:15
• News Haikus: 13:41–14:53
• Ombudsman Scandal Investigation: 14:53–21:33
• Mandelson Files / Political Scandal Parody: 21:49–24:38
• Council Tax & Political Contradiction: 25:05–28:15
• Reality as Assertion Sketch: 28:15–30:41
• Show Wrap-Up & Credits: 30:41–end

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Tone and Style

Witty, unrelenting, and packed with satirical flourishes, The Naked Week’s approach leaves no political or institutional absurdity unmocked. The dialogue is brisk, dense with mischievous allusions and callback jokes, and the writers skillfully blend real political critique with farcical invention. The episode is peppered with character impersonations and sketches, seamlessly blending news with comedy.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

• If you want incisive satire on the politics of war and institutional scandal, this is a can't-miss.
• Expect creative sketches highlighting how public figures can (and do) change their stories at will.
• The investigation into the Ombudsman scandal offers a rare bit of true investigative journalism, couched in razor-sharp comedy.
• Recurring motifs: the ease of rewriting history, the cyclical nature of political mistakes, and the dangers of accepting assertion over evidence.

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Transcript

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Hello and welcome to the Naked Week. Imagine John Craven's newsround trying to navigate the Strait of Hormuz in a pedal o. Coming up on the Naked Week. This week, with very little known about Iran's newly selected Supreme Leader, Rory Stewart reckons he could be Russell Crowe.

[Tony Blair]

This is Khamenei and he is, you know, he's the son of a murdered father, he's the husband of a wife who's been killed and I will have

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my vengeance in this life or the next.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Are you not entertained? Of course not. It's Rory Stewart. And Nigel Farage celebrates International Women's Day

[Nigel Farage]

with a picture of a beaver.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Looking forward to seeing that on the new tenor. Now, first of all, let us all take a moment to appreciate Donald's trumpeting of some of the most, even by his standards, incoherent statements ever to grace a presidential podium.

[Donald Trump]

We've already won in many ways, but we haven't won enough.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, we haven't won enough. The cry of every first prize winner on Bullseye. But what's he saying? It's done and dusted, but there might be a bit more to come yet. It's very much the middle aged man going for a wee and then optimistically zipping up his flies of victories. Then on Tuesday, the Today programme reported

[Kat Nealon]

him saying the war in Iran is pretty much complete.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Great, great news. It's totally over. Like Ugg boots or David Williams career. Except grimly, it also seems to be still going, much like UG boots or David Williams career. But hang on, it can't be over because Pete Hegseth, Trump's Sancho Panza, emphasis on Panza, also said this, this, this is only just the beginning. It's only just the beginning, but hopefully soon we'll be around the middle of the start and then we'll stride ever onwards to the finish of the outset. As Churchill once said, at least when a journalist picked Trump up on this contradiction, the President was President. You've said the war is, quote, very complete, but your Defense Secretary says this

[Rosie Holt]

is just the beginning.

[Kat Nealon]

So which is it?

[Donald Trump]

I think you can say both.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Both? It's beginning and ending at the same time. Whose war is this? Trump's or Schrodingers? But then pressed on what's currently happening with casualties on the ground, things got really confusing.

[Donald Trump]

All of the people that died are right now walking around with no legs.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Beg your pard. The people that died are walking around with no legs. It's like we're dealing with a man to whom both logic and language are a stranger. A fact which I would say was undisputed, wouldn't you, Donald?

[Donald Trump]

Undisputed?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Never mind, never mind. But what is undisputed, certainly by experts, is the missile that killed over 100 Iranian schoolgirls last week was an American one. So obviously when this was put to him, he said he'd blamed Iran because

[Donald Trump]

I just don't know enough about it.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No shit, Donald. Like when you said on Tuesday your reason for starting this war in the first place was because they would have

[Donald Trump]

had a nuclear weapon within a matter of weeks.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Hmm, that does seem strangely familiar, doesn't it? There is no doubt that Iraq poses a threat in respect to weapons of mass destruction. Ah, trip down misery lane. I can't remember exactly how that one turned out. I'm sure it was fine in the end, but at least Tony Blair said it was based on intelligence, Donald.

[Donald Trump]

Based on what Steve and Jared and Pete were telling me, I thought that they were going to attack us.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Trump went to war based on advice from a former Fox news presenter, an estate agent and his son in law. Of course, it's no surprise that all this war gaming is playing havoc with trade. The other big story this week has been the price of oil. It's topped $100 a barrel. Although frankly, I don't know why everyone is making such a fuss. I pay far more than that in Waitrose for extra virgin pirello. Caroline Levitt, the White House depress secretary,

[Rosie Holt]

told reporters that this operation will result in lower gas prices.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

In the long term, yes, much as in the long term, Genghis Khan was successful in reducing the cost of rice. Just to illustrate how bad things are on Tuesday, Vladimir put very much. Yesterday's warmonger called for a de escalation in hostilities. Something which is right up there with Andrew Tate wishing you Happy International Women's Day or Timothee Chalamet recommending you go and see Swan Lake. You would think after last time, the main legacy of the Iraq war, certainly here would be people desperately wanting to keep us out of this kind of conflict. Instead, we are getting people across Westminster and the press ramping up the rhetoric. Everyone seemingly wants to blast on in there, gung ho and party like it's 2003. So here to fill us in on the details, it's our blasting on in there, gung ho and partying like it's 2003. Correspondent is Rosie Holt.

[Rosie Holt]

Thank you, Andy. We've all gone 2003 crazy. Let's spin us some White Stripes, rope down to the movies to see Finding Nemo and vote in the Tory leadership contest to remove Ian Duncan Smith.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, that's the last we'll see of that prick Fremsey. You're really getting into the 2003 spirit.

[Rosie Holt]

Yes, those were the first three things I found on Wikipedia. But everyone wants to turn the clock back. Look at Kemi Badenok.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Must we?

[Rosie Holt]

She's well up for war. She could be standing firm with Starmer saying, let's not rush in.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Well, that would be the patriotic thing to do.

[Rosie Holt]

Yes, if you spell patriotic. P U, S S Y. Instead she said, this Keir Starmer is

[Kat Nealon]

too scared to make foreign interventions.

[Rosie Holt]

Then she genuinely followed it up by having her photo taken riding in a tank.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, that is the classic Tory leader trick. They love a tank. Thatcher was photographed in a tank. John Major went in a tank. Liz Truss tanked the economy.

[Rosie Holt]

Yes, but Kemi's not the only one who's mad. For a 2003 rerun, here's Nigel Farage.

[Nigel Farage]

Would I support military action against the IRGC the Revolutionary Guard on the ground in Iran. Absolutely. 100%, yes.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Firm stance, unwavering. Except then, of course, once he'd had a little while to think about it.

[Nigel Farage]

We cannot get involved directly in another

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

foreign war unless it's with the eu. What about people on the left, Rosie?

[Rosie Holt]

Well, there's Tony Blair.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I think you misheard my question.

[Rosie Holt]

Well, Andy, despite, well, everything. Tony Blair thinks Starmer should join the Iran invasion. This is what he told a private.

[Tony Blair]

We should have backed America from the very beginning. If they are your ally, you had better show up, Andy.

[Rosie Holt]

Just like the people who invented BBC sounds. He believes if you persist with your mistakes long enough, eventually people will just sigh and accept it.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

That's very, very unfair, Rosie. Tony Blair committed far fewer crimes against humanity.

[Rosie Holt]

And finally, there's Zara Sultana, who managed to find some time in between fighting back against her unjust oppression by the man Jeremy Corbyn to bring us her take. She doesn't want to go back to 2003 because she says Keir Starmer's already taken us there.

[Will Collins]

He has not learned the lessons from 2003, that when we get involved in the U.S. s illegal wars, there are consequences for the rest of the world to pay.

[Rosie Holt]

All she wants is to be the one uniting the left against a warmongering Labour leader. To pretend it's 2003 again. Back when Zach Polanski was just a glint in a Lacenza bra. Fitter's eye.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Haunting image. Thank you, Rosie. Now, as you know, we at the Naked Week like to help. And since British politicians and papers seem so interested in turning the clock back to 2003, we thought we would remind them how awful it was. What we need right now is a historical reenactment. So to help us out, please welcome to reenact in detail the 2003 Iraq War. Professional historical reenactor, Jimmy the Welsh Viking. Jimmy, you're going to help us reenact 2003. In order to appease war hungry British politicians can't help but notice you are not dressed for 2003, given that you are dressed as a Viking.

[Jimmy the Welsh Viking]

Sorry about that, Andy. My 2003 Desert Warfare outfit's in the wash.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, for listeners at home, Jimmy is dressed as an 11th century marauder. Jimmy, how should we go about reenacting 2003?

[Jimmy the Welsh Viking]

Rosie's gonna help us out with this.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Actually, hang on, Rosie. War is no place for women. You should be popping out babies or manufacturing thingmebobs. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. What is going on here? This is not fighting, Rosie. You and Jimmy are just patting buckets and spades. What's happening?

[Rosie Holt]

This is a 2003 reenactment of the West. Digging for oil, Andy.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, very good. Yeah, no, I see what I did. I see what you're doing.

[Rosie Holt]

Sorry.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Can you give that water bottle back, please? What's that?

[Jimmy the Welsh Viking]

No can do. Sorry. Andy. This is a 2003 reenactment of a sad British PM at the time sucking up to an American president.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, well, thank God I heard sucking. I thought the worst. Okay, right, Jimmy the Viking. What are you doing now?

[Jimmy the Welsh Viking]

Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

You're holding your nose. The unmistakable presence of Tony Blair. I understand.

[Donald Trump]

Very good.

[Rosie Holt]

And the piece de resistance.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Look over there. Okay, listeners at home, our historical reenactment seems to consist of pointing at something over there and stamping their feet. I cannot understand why.

[Rosie Holt]

Any guesses?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Causing a distraction?

[Rosie Holt]

Got it. One distracting from the Epstein files.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Sure. I'm pretty sure that Tony Blair isn't tied to the Epstein.

[Kat Nealon]

Jeffrey Epstein boasted of close ties to Tony Blair after they met in 2002 in a meeting arranged by Peter Mandelson.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, terrific.

[James O'Brien]

Lovely.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Rosie Holt and the Naked Week Historical Reenactment Society, everybody.

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Edu. This is the Naked week on Radio 4, where it's time once again for us all to take a reflective stroll through the soothing syllables grow in our garden of current affairs contemplation. It's the news in haikus. Navy ship set sail way too late for war. HMS Dragon its heels. The news in haikus. This is the Naked Week in the week that Iran announced its new Ayatollah. May I say, how can they rustle up a new Ayatollah in a few hours and we still don't have a new James bond? And speaking of 007, please welcome the Miss Moneypenny to my Pussy Galore. It's the Naked Week's chief investigative reporter and observer, Whitehall editor, Kat Nealon.

[Kat Nealon]

Andy, have you ever been in a fight?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I mean, do I look like I've ever been in a fight?

[Kat Nealon]

You look like you could be used in a fight. Okay, in lieu of a convenient pool cue. But you know what's actually useful in a fight?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Glaswegian with a box of cheap vapes.

[Kat Nealon]

Something. Something called an ombudsman.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, a lovely word, Ombudsman. So pleasing to say.

[Kat Nealon]

As it turns out, rather less pleasing to investigate. Many areas of public life have an ombudsman. It's an independent, impartial body that settles disputes for businesses and individuals. They represent all of us.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And which ombudsman are we interested in today?

[Kat Nealon]

One of the big ones. The Financial Ombudsman Service, or foz.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so if you are an ordinary member of the public battling a big bank, FOZ will be an unbiased referee.

[Kat Nealon]

Yeah, that's its job. And would you like to hear from some of this ombudsman's satisfied customers?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Is the Pope a Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Did Amal Rajan enjoy last week's show?

[Kat Nealon]

One recent online reviewer, foz, said it

[Tony Blair]

was as much use as a chocolate teapot.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ok. Cliche but heartfelt. Any more details?

[Kat Nealon]

Sure.

[Financial Ombudsman Customer]

How about either this organisation is full of incompetent people or is itself a scam.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I think it was also Tim Davies resignation letter. Kat, why is the Financial Ombudsman getting such a kicking?

[Kat Nealon]

Because there's evidence that this independent, impartial body maybe isn't so independent or impartial after all. The Naked Week has been investigating a case that started back in 2019, in which more than 100 people invested large amounts of money, some of them six figure sums through something called accumulate capital.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Witches?

[Kat Nealon]

No, it's nothing to do with witches. In theory, they were putting their money into a property development scheme, but in reality it was a scam. Basically, they raised 10 times more money than they said they needed and then went into administration. And when investors found out, many tried to get compensation from their bank.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ok, so presumably banks should honour that

[Kat Nealon]

type of request for this kind of scam? Absolutely. Unless a customer has been what they term grossly negligent.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, grossly negligent. Also the name of the horse I backed in the Cheltenham Gold Cup. So what happened with all these claims? Did the banks honour them?

[Kat Nealon]

Yes and no. But mainly no. Banks were telling one customer that they had been scammed, while at the same time telling several others that they hadn't. Overall, just 15 out of more than 100 payments were actually issued. And by mid 2023 they had stopped completely, leaving the vast majority of claimants with nothing.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so these are people who genuinely have been scammed and their banks are just washing their hands of the whole thing as much as they possibly can. Did the point when the banks stopped compensating their customers coincide with the point when they realized how much it was going to cost them?

[Kat Nealon]

For reasons of lawyer Andy, I will say I have no idea.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No, me neither. Aren't hypotheticals fun? But ok, when does the Ombudsman turn up in this Surrey Saga?

[Kat Nealon]

Also in mid 2023, when it upheld a complaint made by a man named Will Collins and a group of over 70 of his fellow investors. Foz then told the banks they had to pay out.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Great. Three Ombuds. Cheers for the Ombudsman.

[Kat Nealon]

And six months later, Foz suddenly backtracked and said that no compensation should be paid out after all.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Why?

[Kat Nealon]

Great question. And the Naked Week may have uncovered a possible answer. We've seen confidential emails about Will Collins sent by his bank, hsbc, to the Ombudsman. It appears the bank was secretly gathering information on Collins, perhaps in order to claim that he should have known better than to fall for the scam, thus getting them off the hook. By the way, Andy, according to the who we are page on HSBC's website,

[Will Collins]

we create value for our customers and investors by always moving forward and making things happen.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, not by blaming them and then spying on them.

[Kat Nealon]

That's probably in the small print.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ok, so this sounds like a supposedly independent body. Foz going back on a decision after One of Britain's largest banks essentially lobbied them by trying to smear a claimant. What a grim story.

[Kat Nealon]

Amazingly, it gets worse. The Naked Week has seen communications to the Ombudsman by banking industry lobbyists expressing concern about the, quote, high risk of over reimbursement in complex scams.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, we can't have people being over reimbursed for being scammed. That wouldn't do at all. Okay, but if all this started way back in 2019, what has changed? Why bring it up now?

[Kat Nealon]

Because in October last year, the Ombudsman u turned on its previous U turn a spectacular high risk manoeuvre known as the Double Starmer. Guess what? It turns out that maybe they'd been right the first time and the banks really did have to pay out. Honestly. Swear to God, we really mean it now. Definitely. For realsies.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so until then, the Ombudsman had spent years being, what was it again?

[Tony Blair]

As much use as a chocolate teapot.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right. But at least things worked out in the end.

[Kat Nealon]

Not exactly. And this is why it's right that foz. In fact, all Ombudsman should be scrutinized because both their actions and inactions can have devastating consequences. To be clear, not all the victims of this scam were wealthy. We've spoken to a couple who wanted to create a nest egg for their children but ended up having to borrow money from them. One woman was forced to take out a high interest loan for her mortgage after being threatened by her bank.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Don't tell me.

[Kat Nealon]

Yeah, the same bank that she was seeking compensation from for being scammed. And worst of all, six people have died whilst waiting for their money to be paid out. That's how depressingly long this has taken.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

It's genuinely horrendous, but okay as an absolute, bare minimum, lowest of low expectations. Have all the investors now finally had their claims approved?

[Kat Nealon]

Of course not. Some people still don't even know if they will be compensated. Even though the ruling applies to all investors.

[Rosie Holt]

Investors.

[Kat Nealon]

As Will Collins himself told the Naked,

[HSBC Representative]

this case is part of an ongoing battle to ensure that victims of investment fraud are treated in the same way as victims of other types of fraud.

[Will Collins]

Meanwhile, hsbc, following the Financial Ombudsman's final decision, we're in the process of individually reviewing the cases of impacted customers and reimbursing these customers where appropriate, in line with the ruling.

[Kat Nealon]

And finally, the Ombudsman itself told these

[Financial Ombudsman Customer]

cases are now being resolved and we are working closely with the consumers and businesses to keep them updated. Ultimately it's not our role to prosecute fraud, it's to decide if a bank should be held liable for an investor's losses.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, but they will probably change their minds and retract that, and then change their minds again later and retract the retraction.

[Kat Nealon]

And legally, Radio 4 wants us to say that Double Starmers are extremely dangerous and should only be performed by highly trained ombudsman and or unpopular prime ministers.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

We accept no responsibility. Just like them. Cat Neyland, Everybody, You're listening to the Naked week on Radio 4. Still to come, in another embarrassing era of BBC judgment, There's regret after CBeebe's book James O' Brien to read the bedtime story of Pinocchio.

[James O'Brien]

So he lies and then he lies again, and then he lies again and then members of his regime tell different lies or occasionally tell the truth, but he undoes the truth by telling a lie. Suddenly, nobody knows what's what. Nobody knows whether up is down, black is white, freedom is slavery or ignorance is strength.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Sweet dreams, children. Also, Nick Clegg reveals the reason he's going, and it's been fiddled with constantly. And Benjamin Netanyahu has praised his armed forces as a fleet of 80 fighter jets struck targets in Tehran in an operation codenamed. He's still standing, although not for any of his alleged crimes. So Wednesday saw the government release a stack of documents covering the decline and fall of Peter Mandelson. Crucially, though, this was only Volume 1 of the Mandelson Papers, or as the Naked Week prefers to call them, the Peter Files, Volume one of who knows how many good news the Naked Week has been given an exclusive preview of the next instalment, the Mandy Files, Volume two. I say given, but really we nicked it. True story. We saw Shabana Mahmood carrying an advance copy. We shouted, look, a legal protest. And she dropped it in fright and ran away. Anyway, we have acquired it and Rosie Holt and I are going to have a quick look to see what's in there. So, Rosie.

[Rosie Holt]

Ok, here's an email from Peter Mandelson to Wes. Dear Wes, just saw you on TV denying you were plotting against Keir.

[Will Collins]

Lol.

[Rosie Holt]

Ps. Thanks for backing that massive NHS contract awarded to the company that employed my lobbying firm, Eudeman.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, that's lovely, lovely. This one is written on House of Lords stationery. It says, dear Peter, your behaviour is a disgrace and you should be stripped of your peerage. And that is from Baroness Michelle Mone. Finally, this is very exciting. This is a Naked Week exclusive. This is the actual letter that Peter Maddelson wrote when he resigned from the Labour Party last month. And it is genuinely very moving.

[Rosie Holt]

It says, I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. Also, Jeffrey Epstein. Lots and lots and lots of times. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain, unless the Americans release millions of pages of emails and everyone sees all the stuff I've been up to. Whoa. Boy, that could really balls everything up.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Time

[Rosie Holt]

to die. Just like Jeffrey didn't, really.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Another exclusive. So there you go, the Mandy Files. The truth is out there, especially if you happen to hear Radio Falls PM on Wednesday, that the process around the

[Tony Blair]

appointment of Jeffrey Epstein, forgive me, of

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Peter Mandelson, an easy mistake to make. I mean, have any of us ever seen them in the same room? Apart from all the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos of them in the same room? Thank you very much, Jeffrey, Peter, Rosie. Now, this week, Nigel Farage wanted to make one thing very clear.

[Nigel Farage]

Never once, never once, never once did we promise we'd cut council tax.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Never once, never. Reform have never said they will cut council tax. Apart from the Reform Party UK's main X account, where on 9 April last year they posted.

[HSBC Representative]

Meet Stylian Petroff, our candidate for Lapworth and West Kenilworth. He's ready to fix his local area by cutting wasteful spending, lowering council tax and ensuring proper funding for key public services.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah. And in this campaign video from Darren Selkas, reform candidate for Hertfordshire County Council, we're going to first freeze those local taxes so that they don't go up year on year and then after the first year, we're going to start reducing them. Okay, look, that's all very well, but nowhere, says Nigel, did they say they were going to start reducing them. And he was even more sure about that when Beth Rigby asked him about his candidate's promises on Sky News.

[Tony Blair]

Candidates did. They haven't. No, they've.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No, no, no.

[Tony Blair]

Don't check what the people in Kent said because they're putting it up.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Don't check what the people of Kent said. It'll either be about hops or about how Margate's got a bit up itself. But by the time he spoke to ITV a bit later, Nigel had changed tactics.

[Nigel Farage]

Cutting taxes could mean not putting them up as much, I suppose.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Cutting council taxes can mean not putting them up as much, I suppose. Yes. Yes. In much the same way that having only a bit of your leg amputated is Sort of like growing a new leg, I suppose. But what with Nigel blurring the lines between the truth and reality over Council tax, Trump saying the war with Iran is simultaneously over and just getting going, baby, you could be forgiven for thinking that we are living in a golden age of because I said so. These days, reality is what you say it is. We're all on a downward slope of sucking up whatever nonsense you've been told that can only end with you literally becoming Chris Mason. Nigel Farage tried it again recently by announcing a shadow cabinet. That isn't the shadow Cabinet.

[Nigel Farage]

Shadow Chancellor is Robert Jenrick.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No, it's not. It's Mel Stride. Because His Majesty's Opposition is decided by the speaker of the House, not the MP for Clacton on now youw See Me now youw Don't. It's not Robert Jenrick. Because reform aren't the official Opposition on account of the Tories winning more seats and we live in a democracy. And by the way, this is recorded on Thursday night, apologies if, by the time you hear this, we're not living in a democracy. And if that is the case, all hail Supreme Leader Ed Davy. It's always the quiet ones, isn't it? But all of this got us thinking. Can you really just assert something that isn't true, dig your heels in and force people to accept it as real? Well, let's find out, because joining me now is the Naked Weeks. Asserting something that isn't true, digging our heels in and forcing people to accept it as real. Correspondent, it's Rosie Holt.

[Rosie Holt]

No, Andy. I'm Laura Ginsberg.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I beg your pardon?

[Rosie Holt]

I am.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No, you're not.

[Rosie Holt]

You can tell by my Scottish accent.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Than you. I don't know what that is, but it is not a Scottish accent.

[Rosie Holt]

If I say it is, it is. That's how you get on in the modern world, Andy. You have to tell it like it is, which is telling it like it isn't. So people think how it isn't is how it is.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, okay, but, Rosie. Laura. Laura, I cannot just say something that isn't true and expect that to become reality.

[Rosie Holt]

Yes, we can. For instance, you're not listening to the Naked Week anymore. You're listening to Radio 4's afternoon drama.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Laura. Rosie, we cannot just say we're an afternoon drama.

[Rosie Holt]

Can't we, though? See it, say it, prove it?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

We don't sound anything like an afternoon drama.

[Rosie Holt]

Oh, don't we?

[Financial Ombudsman Customer]

The Week that Was Naked by Alan

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Playwright

[Rosie Holt]

I say, darling, this war in Iran's a bit depressing, isn't it?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I should say so, darling. And I'm just reading in the newspaper, Which I left under my crisps,

[Donald Trump]

About

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

this terrible fire in Glasgow.

[Rosie Holt]

Anything else in the paper, darling?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yes, yes, lots. Nick Clegg says student loans are a rip off. England lost to Italy in the rugby and Call the Midwife. Finished. Lots of stories. In fact, we didn't have time to get in anywhere else in the show.

[Rosie Holt]

Oh, darling, I just wish with all my heart that we could find something funny to say about it.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yes. Everything just feels so bleak. The week almost feels naked. I wonder what's on the radio.

[Rosie Holt]

Oh, it'll just be some piss week. Rip off of the now show.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

The week that was naked was hosted by me, andrew hunter murray, with guest correspondent rosie holt and jimmy the 11th century viking. It was written by john holmes, katie sayer, gareth khedig, jason hazeley and james kettle, with investigation from cat neyland. Additional material by carl minns, ali panting, helen brooks, joe topping, cooper mooney swirt, pete redfern, darren phillips and david rifkin. Afternoon drama sound design by alan sound design. The naked week is produced and directed by john holmes. And it's an unusual production for BBC radio.

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I think I might just have solved a murder, Vera. Now we're getting somewhere.

[BritBox Announcer]

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Bonjour.

[BritBox Announcer]

And more beloved favourites I'm a Policeman.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I'm a professional, I'm a Time Lord,

[Rosie Holt]

I'm the Duchess of York.

[BritBox Announcer]

Once you know them, you never quite forget them.

[Kat Nealon]

I ain't being vain, I just am.

[BritBox Announcer]

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[Kat Nealon]

Com.