The Naked Week: Ep3. Shipping, Shopping, and Shagg...you know what, never mind.

Summary

The Naked Week: Ep3 — Shipping, Shopping, and Shagg...you know what, never mind.

Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
Host: Andrew Hunter Murray
Guests: Rosalie Minetta, Kat Nealon, Jo Saunderson
Date: March 27, 2026

Episode Overview

This week's episode of The Naked Week offers a razor-sharp, satirical tour through the latest UK and global affairs. From the spiraling Middle East oil crisis and its impact on British petrol prices, to Transport for London's surprising advertising policies, to the ongoing woes of Britain's youth, Andrew Hunter Murray and his co-conspirators skewer the week's pressing topics with biting wit. The show expertly satirizes political posturing, media absurdities, and the capitalist commodification of everything from gasoline to self-esteem.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Middle East Oil Crisis & Petrol Panic

• Cost of Living and Petrol Woes

  • Comedic comparison of the petrol crisis to "the Beckham family: a series of humanitarian atrocities that the rest of us half-heartedly watch at a distance." (03:18)
  • Prices at the pump likened to tuition for an English Literature degree, with neither “get[ting] you nearly as far as you think.” (04:18)
  • Satirical anger towards petrol station staff recalls the "rage" last seen when "Ginsters discontinued the buffet bar." (03:48)

• Political Responses

  • Keir Starmer parodied as “half Prime Minister, half disused filing cabinet in glasses”, delivering tough talk against petrol companies with “all the vigour of a block of tofu.” (04:41, 04:47)

    "I simply will not allow companies to make huge profits from the hardship of working people."
    — Keir Starmer (04:41)

  • Ed Miliband: Called "Labour's very own half tank of red diesel", he offers a lackluster pledge against price gouging. (05:01)

• Proposed—and Ridiculous—‘Solutions’

  • Entrusting “the finest minds” to fix the crisis ends up with “idiots who vaguely remember something they read once on Facebook.” (06:08)
  • Options lampooned: Drilling the North Sea (“making it the Claudia Winkleman’s chat show of fossil fuel extraction”), rerouting oil via “desert road” like “Mad Max 2”, or having “David Walliams swim the Strait of Hormuz, pulling an oil tanker with his teeth.” (06:31–07:28)

• International Mockery

  • Shipping forecast spoof: Every country (including NATO) refuses Trump’s request for warships.

    "United Kingdom? Non. France. Non. Japan. Non.... Trump’s anger increasing." (09:31)

  • Musical jabs at global leaders (Trump, Netanyahu) via parody of Dire Straits; Eurovision entry riff. (10:22–11:20)
  • Game: “U.S. Military Operation Codename or Jason Statham Film” blurs absurdity of war rhetoric and pop culture. (11:44–13:30)

2. Transport for London (TFL) Advertising Banter

• TFL—London’s Biggest Billboard

  • TFL is called “the biggest advertising estate in the world”, which “needs policing.” (17:11)

• Rules and Hypocrisies

  • Strict rules ban junk food and sexual services, as illustrated by the case of Ed Gamble having to digitally swap a hot dog for a cucumber on his tour ad. (17:31)

    "TFL banned ads for food high in fat, salt and sugar…comedian Ed Gamble was forced to digitally change a poster…eventually settled on a cucumber."
    — Kat Nealon (17:31)

  • Staunch and satirical enforcement mocked: “Otherwise the Circle line would just be / Filled with retired Tory MPs going round and round all day like a sort of pinstripe rotisserie of sex pests.” (18:09)

• Investigating ‘Healthy’ Advertising

  • City University student audit reveals numerous ads for speculative hormone treatments and medical tourism expos.
  • A health expo at Westminster is found to have links to several patient deaths, yet passes TFL’s policies, while a hot dog is verboten. (21:05–22:53)

    "For context, the woman who died from the BBL surgery wasn't seen by a surgeon...what little preparation there was mostly took place via WhatsApp."
    — Kat Nealon (22:08)

• Conclusion of the Investigation

  • Official TFL stance amounts to "not really their problem at all.”

    "Ultimately, it is the advertiser's responsibility to check their compliance with these codes before submitting their campaign."
    — TFL Representative (23:40)

3. Satirical Takes on Youth Issues & Student Finances

• “It sucks to be young”

  • Mental health crises, job market struggles, meningitis outbreaks at university, the ongoing student loan debacle, and student leader Nick Clegg’s past decried. (24:24–26:04)

    "It was his Lib Dems that voted to increase tuition fees in 2012…then, of course, he lost his seat and sauntered off to California to tongue Mark Zuckerberg's USB port."
    — Andrew Hunter Murray (25:16)

• Student Loan System

  • Nick Clegg's defense and the present mess of the loan system are lampooned:

    "On the issue of tuition fees, I was between a rock and a hard place."
    — (fake) Nick Clegg (25:37)

• Investment Portfolio for the Next Generation

  • Naked Week’s ‘solution’ is to “provide for their futures” by stockpiling goods likely to rise in price due to the war: petrol, tomatoes, cucumbers, asparagus, fertiliser, toothbrushes (“oil-based”), roadmap for the Hormuz desert, Jason Statham DVDs, and a lettuce. (27:40–29:02)

    "Today, £1.42 a litre. Next week, 10,000 quid a milliliter.
    — Rosalie Minetta on petrol prices (27:44)

• Passing Down the Stockpile

  • Audience’s youngest member, Jo (a 24-year-old anthropology student), is presented with the portfolio—only to drop it, at which point the hosts jovially resolve “as with everything of value in this country, we’ll pick it up and give it to the old people.” (29:10–29:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s like listening to the speaking clock describing its divorce.”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray on Keir Starmer (08:23)

• “Half Prime Minister, half disused filing cabinet in glasses.”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray on Keir Starmer (04:41)

• “If you have been shagging indiscriminately, a spot of yoghurt can help calm things down.”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray (02:37)

• “What's he going to do, sue us again? But it turns out that spending a year and a half insulting the rest of the world means they're weirdly reluctant to do you any favours.”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray on Trump and the call for warships (08:23)

• “TFL banned ads for food high in fat, salt and sugar…comedian Ed Gamble was forced to digitally change a poster…eventually settled on a cucumber.”
  — Kat Nealon (17:31)

• “A mental health crisis, broken housing ladder, terrible job market. And as if all that wasn’t bad enough, now they've got a horrific outbreak of meningitis at the University of Kent...”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray (24:34)

• “Petroleum jelly shouldn't be going up anywhere without consent.”
  — Rosalie Minetta (28:23)

• “By April, Joe will be a billionaire. And it is all thanks to the Naked Week, young people of Britain, you are welcome.”
  — Andrew Hunter Murray (29:16)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:49] — Opening topical monologue, introducing the week’s themes
• [02:37] — Jokes on shagging indiscriminately and calming yoghurt
• [03:18] — Launch into petrol crisis satire
• [04:41, 04:47] — Starmer’s “fighting words” and political posturing
• [05:01–07:28] — Satirical solutions to the oil crisis
• [09:31–10:22] — Spoof Strait of Hormuz shipping forecast & global ridicule
• [11:44–13:30] — “Operation Codename or Jason Statham Film” game segment
• [16:49–17:52] — TFL advertising regulation deep-dive
• [19:28–23:56] — Medical tourism exposé and policy contradictions
• [24:24–26:04] — Young people’s woes and Nick Clegg sendup
• [27:20–29:38] — Investment portfolio sketch and audience giveaway
• [29:38] — Closing, credits, and the running “Liberty, Liberty, Liberty” insurance jingle gag

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Tone and Style

Throughout, the episode balances sharp satire and quick-fire topical references with cheeky, sometimes surreal, comedic asides. The hosts’ style is irreverent but observant, with a keen eye (and tongue) for hypocrisy, media madness, and the absurdities of both British politics and everyday life.

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Conclusion

The Naked Week delivers another pointed, uproarious look at a world wobbling on the rails—from wars affecting the cost of everyday objects to bureaucratic inconsistencies and the ongoing saga of student hardship. With a blend of news sketches, investigative parody, and audience engagement, Andrew Hunter Murray and his guests send listeners into the weekend with laughter and just enough existential dread to stay current.

Transcript

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Hello and welcome to the Naked Week. Imagine the world that won if it had accidentally recorded a cameo message for some Nazis. And speaking of which, Nigel Farage is thrilled about this year's rival to Clacton Pride, the Straits of Hormuz. Much harder to get a float through there, though. Also on the way. Is there anything? The rest is politics Won't do. An emergency podcast about Humpty Dumpty's fallen off the wall. In other news, the grand old Duke of York remains under house arrest. Also coming up, Nick Robinson reveals what really goes on behind the scenes of the Today programme.

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People downing bottles of white wine, shagging indiscriminately and stealing each other's yoghurt

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

makes sense. If you have been shagging indiscriminately, a spot of yoghurt can help calm things down. So we're three weeks in and already it's a disorganized shambles seemingly run by a madman with an ongoing risk that things could well spiral out of control. But enough about this series of the naked week. Yes, because we're all more concerned about the war with Iran. Thus far, Trump and Netanyahu's war has basically been like life in the Beckham family, a series of humanitarian atrocities that the rest of us half heartedly watch at a distance. However, the consequences are now beginning to hit home as petrol stations become the front line, with motorists everywhere not able to go fast and certainly furious at the rising cost of diesel and unleaded. Not since Good King Wenceslas has it been so hard to get any fuu ell. Until this week, the things most likely to annoy motorists have been potholes or Jeremy vine with a GoPro. We've also seen reports of petrol station staff being abused by customers. One said, we haven't seen anger like this since Ginsters discontinued the buffet bar. For those of you who don't remember, that was a sort of Scotch egg in the shape of a sausage, containing not only chopped egg but also coleslaw. And its USP was that it was disgusting. It's basically Nick Ferrari in snack form. However, right now a full tank of unleaded costs about as much as putting your firstborn through through a degree in English Literature, and in both cases it won't get you nearly as far as you think. But is this all down to the paralyzed pipeline through the Strait of Hormuz, or are the petrol stations taking advantage? Enter stage left. Well, centrist right, Keir Starmer, Half Prime Minister, half disused filing cabinet in glasses, he was ready to stick it to the petrol price gouges.

[Keir Starmer]

I simply will not allow companies to make huge profits from the hardship of working people.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, them's fighting words. Kier admittedly delivered with all the vigour of a block of tofu, but fighting words nonetheless. Although nice to hear him talking about hardships in the same week he refused to send any to the Persian Gulf. On Sunday, Labour's very own half tank of red diesel. Energy Secretary Ed Miliband went on Laura Kuenssberg, if you'll pardon the expression, to Adenoidally, we're not going to tolerate price gouging. But of course it's not just pumped up prices at the pumps that we need to be worried about. We learned this week that basically the cost of everything is going up thanks to the war. When the cost of oil goes up, it's not just petrol, of course, a lot of things are made with oil, including, and we have googled this, pantyhose, parachutes and petroleum jelly. Coincidentally, also the three things on my rider for this show. Two for having fun, one for the quick escape afterwards. So just what is the solution to this ongoing oil supply crisis in the Middle East? Well, to help us out, here is our solutions to this ongoing oil supply crisis in the Middle East. Correspondent, it's Rosalie Minetta.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Hi, Andy. I am here to set your mind at rest.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, thank God you've brought along my pantyhose, parachute and petroleum jelly.

[Rosalie Minetta]

No, I haven't. And we've called hr. But in the meantime, the situation in the Strait of Hormuz will soon be solved because the Naked Week has put the very finest minds on it.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, great. Diplomats, logistics experts.

[Rosalie Minetta]

No, idiots who vaguely remember something they read once on Facebook saying that the only way to get the oil flowing again is to drill the North Sea.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, yes. Now I can think of one or two problems with that. Firstly, that there isn't all that much oil to speak of left in our bit of the North Sea. And secondly, we did drill in the North Sea the last time there was a crisis just four years ago. An idea that was overhyped and ultimately not worth the effort very much. Making it the Claudia Winkelmann's chat show of fossil fuel extraction. Yeah, I said they would go for it. She's too beloved. What's next, Attenborough?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Okay, well, how about this? Loads of middle aged men on social media with more time on their hands than awareness of geography have suggested rerouting all the oil by desert road.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, and have they seen Mad Max 2?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Oh, Andy, aren't you a negative Netanyahu?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I don't know what that is, but I'm going to say no.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Right, well, in that case, we go for plan C. It's Comic Relief weekend and what could be more appropriate than David Walliams swimming the Strait of Hormuz, Pulling a stranded oil tanker along with a tow rope clenched between his teeth, coated from head to foot in what we really, really hope is goose foul.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

But Rosalie, there could be lethally explosive mines in the Strait.

[Rosalie Minetta]

What's your point, Andy?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Now, like the Naked Week always does, Keir Starmer wants to help. And he did this by announcing an energy package with as little energy as possible.

[Keir Starmer]

Until we get ourselves off the roller coaster of international oil and gas market tyrants like Putin and the Ayatollahs will be free to attack our energy security.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Honestly, it's like listening to the speaking clock describing its divorce. Is it just those two tyrants, Kier? You can't think of a third one who's been attacking our energy security? Maybe the one you've been on the phone to all week explaining that the UK can't send any ships to the Strait of Hormuz because we don't have any working warships and the nearest we've got are the Cutty Sark, the Mary Rose, the White Link ferry, Rosie and Jim's narrowboat, whatever's left of the bibby Stockholm and Boaty McBoatface. Trump, of course, has been trying to persuade every country he can think of to send him ships. He is used to having escorts provided at a few minutes notice. What's he going to do, sue us again? But it turns out that spending a year and a half insulting the rest of the world means they're weirdly reluctant to do you any favors. Trump asked seven countries and NATO to send ships. If only there was a way to find out just who agreed.

[Naked Week Shipping Forecaster]

And now the Strait of Hormuz shipping forecast issued by the Naked week on Friday 20th March. There are warnings of war in the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Oman and moderate to high requests for ships by Trump becoming psychotic. The United Kingdom? Non. France. Non. Japan. Non. Germany. Non. Italy. Non. Australia. Non. NATO? Non. Trump's anger increasing. Good. And that concludes the no shipping forecast.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

It truly is a dire situation in the Straits. See Donald Trump with his warring and his makeup. Yeah, buddy, that's his own hair, he claims. See Netanyahu with his own jet airplanes. Yeah, buddy, they're attacking from the air. They got to install a new regime quickly with custom missile deliver a. They got to shift this Islamic Republic. They got to move oil through hostile seas. That's the Israeli Eurovision entry sorted. Incidentally, speaking of Dire Straits, Sultan Of Swing is one of the many titles now formally stripped from Andrew Mountbatten Windsor. But despite all of this chaos, Trump has lost none of his deranged enthusiasm for Operation Epic Fury. This was him at the weekend. As we take decisive action to stop the threat posed by the terrorist regime in Iran with Operation Epic Fury. Is that a great name? Yes. That is really the most important element of any military operation, isn't it? Here at the Naked Week, we are actually very glad that Trump went with this level of bombastic nomenclature, not least because it all sounds less like an illegal war unmandated by the UN and more like a straight to DVD Jason Statham film that you haven't seen. And it gives us the opportunity to play a game of US military Operation Codename or Jason Statham film. Yes. Rosalie's going to join me now. Right. Hi again, Rosalie. So I'm going to throw some of these out. I want you to shout either States Plan or stay than I can't see this not working. So more thought has gone into that than the actual Operation Epic Fury. Can I just say. Right, okay, you ready? States Plan or Statham? Everybody ready? Okay, here we go. First one Deliberate Force. States Plan or Statham? States Plan. That was States Plan. That was a code name for airstrikes in Bosnia.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Well done, Red Faction. That was a Jason Statham film. And it was also one of the rejected names for your party.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Gnomeo and Juliet Statham. He was of course Tybalt the Gnome.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Kit Kat. That's an advert. Jason Statham used to advertise Kit Kats on the television.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Come on, guys.

[Rosalie Minetta]

The Mega. That's actually wrong, guys. That's a code name for a future clandestine operation by the royal family to bump off Harry's wife. Yeah, similar to Operation the Diana.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Too soon. Too Soon. And finally, Fast and Furious. States Plan or Statham? It's both guys. Yes, it's both. The real Operation Epic Fury continues to exist for no rhyme or reason and with no end in sight. Much like the career of Jason Statham. Jason, we love you. If you're listening, please don't kill us. I'm joking. I could have him easily. Bennett, everybody. This is the Naked Week on Radio 4 where it's time once again to to gently trim the topical bonsai, caress the current affairs carp and stroll in the calming glade of world events. It's the News in Haikus. Reform deputy avoids his tax bill Tice work if you can get it. The News in Haikus.

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. You're listening to the Naked Week. In the week when the Conservative MP Nick Timothy attacked mass ritual prayer in public places, it sounds like he's really got it in for Songs of Praise from the Chelsea Flower Show. And speaking of religion, please welcome the Herald angel to my credulous virgin, its observer, Whitehall editor and the naked weak spot, chief investigative reporter Cat Nealon.

[Kat Nealon]

Andy, how did you get here?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

You mean hosting this show? Well, I didn't get the Director General Geoghegan. This was the consolation prize.

[Kat Nealon]

No, I meant how did you get here today to this recording in London.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, on the tube.

[Kat Nealon]

Did you notice any adverts?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I did. I saw the one that said see it, say it sorted. And I winced inwardly at the vulgar assonance of the word sorted.

[Kat Nealon]

Glad to see the message getting through, Andy. Because Transport for London is all about adverts. It's made almost £150 million from ad sales last year alone. Sadiq Khan has described TFL as the biggest advertising estate in the world. And like most estates, it needs policing. There are strict rules about what you can and can't promote.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so no junk food for one.

[Kat Nealon]

Exactly. TFL banned ads for food high in fat, salt and sugar in 2019. And they could be surprisingly militant about enforcing this. In 2024, comedian Ed Gamble was forced to digitally change a poster for his stand up tour because it happened to include an image of a hot dog. They tried various alternatives and eventually settled on a cucumber.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I'm seeing nods of recognition from many women in the audience. So what else? What else is verboten on TFL services?

[Kat Nealon]

Well, you can't have any adverts that

[Transport for London Representative]

promote lap dancing, gentlemen's clubs, escort agencies or massage parlours.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Quite right too. Otherwise the Circle line would just be Filled with retired Tory MPs going round and round all day like a sort of pinstripe rotisserie of sex pests.

[Kat Nealon]

And in the interest of balance, nowadays there are equally grubby old men right across the political spectrum.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Absolutely. Always nice to find an issue with bipartisan support.

[Kat Nealon]

TFL also won't allow adverts that could

[Transport for London Representative]

reasonably be seen as likely to cause pressure to conform to an unrealistic or unhealthy body shape. Or as likely to create body confidence issues, particularly among young people.

[Kat Nealon]

Or ads for services related to unproven

[Transport for London Representative]

health and weight loss products.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Now that all seems pretty sensible, given how alarmingly prevalent body dysmorphia is. And how are TFL enforcing these rules?

[Kat Nealon]

Well, that's a very good question. And to find out, we sent a group of City University journalism students to audit all the adverts on the London Underground.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

All the adverts? How on earth did you persuade them to do that?

[Kat Nealon]

We told them it was for Saturday Night Live UK.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, fair. last, some proper satire. Imagine trying to put together a topical comedy show in just five days. They're so brave. Anyway, but what did the students find?

[Kat Nealon]

More than 700 adverts for a company that offers speculative hormone treatments. And another for a company claiming on its website that more than 90% of men have undiagnosed low testosterone.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right. Witches.

[Kat Nealon]

No, it's nothing to do with witches.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I really thought it would be. I really thought it would be.

[Kat Nealon]

But according to Ashley Grossman, professor of Endocrinology at Oxford University, I would not

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

give testosterone to anyone unless I could clearly demonstrate an abnormal level, which is very rare. It increases the possibility of a stroke and it can also make men more aggressive and more irrational. Crikey. Has anyone swabbed the GB news studio for this stuff?

[Kat Nealon]

Well, Andy, our tube travelling students also found some adverts with even flimsier claims.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Were they the ones for Jet2holidays? Claiming I would enjoy a city break to Tehran because, let me tell you, the phrase lively nightlife very much undersold it worse.

[Kat Nealon]

Okay, these were ads promoting something called the ALZ Health Tourism Expo, which took place last month at London's glittering Queen Elizabeth II Conference Centre.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, God bless her. It's what she would have wanted. Well, that and her middle son's accuser to be paid off. I digress. Kat, what exactly is a health tourism Expo?

[Kat Nealon]

Well, the ads in Westminster Station and on the Jubilee and Victoria lines boasted,

[Rosalie Minetta]

discover affordable world class healthcare. Meet over 80 hospitals and clinics from Turkey and across the globe. Get Free consultations, book treatments.

[Kat Nealon]

And because we were so intrigued by this, the Naked Week sent a researcher to see just how world class the healthcare it was offering really was.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, and what happened? Are we going to have to include a warning here for people listening while having their tea?

[Kat Nealon]

Probably. Basically, our researcher, in a totally healthy range for weight and bmi, was nonetheless given an aggressive sales pitch for everything from liposuction to gastric bypass surgery. One exhibitor also tried to convince her to have a boob job.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

A boob job, was it?

[Kat Nealon]

No, it was not Zach Polanski.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Fair enough. Just checking. More like Rak Polanski, am I right? He's the world's second most problematic Polanski right now, By a long way.

[Kat Nealon]

Our researcher also found exhibitors at the Expo who were linked to deaths of at least three patients under their care. Two of these were Brits who had travelled to Turkey for surgery. One in 2019 who died during a Brazilian butt lift procedure. And one just last year who died while being prepped for a hair transplant.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And just to be clear, these were exhibitors at an event that didn't breach Transport for London's rules on promoting unhealthy body shapes or unproven health products?

[Kat Nealon]

Apparently not. For context, the woman who died from the BBL surgery wasn't seen by a surgeon or a clinician before the procedure, and what little preparation there was mostly took place via WhatsApp.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Now, is WhatsApp the normal method for this sort of thing?

[Kat Nealon]

It's hard to say, Andy. The current Foreign Office guidance on travelling to Turkey for medical tourism.

[Rosalie Minetta]

The standard of medical facilities and available treatments can vary widely. The FCDO does not give any endorsement of the competence or suitability of any practitioner or facility.

[Kat Nealon]

What we do know is that several exhibitors told our researcher to contact them on WhatsApp if she was thinking of going ahead with the procedure. When she did this, she was asked to send pictures of the area of her body she wanted enhancing. And that was when we decided to pause this week's investigation.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

What's that? A young researcher being asked to send naked photos to someone they don't know. I've said it a hundred times. Hugh Edwards walked so the naked week could run. So, to summarize, Kat, Transport for London won't allow a picture of a hot dog on something that is not even an advert for hot dogs, because they're unhealthy. Right. But they will allow adverts for an exhibition featuring foreign medical companies under whose career several people have died.

[Kat Nealon]

So it would Seem now, the organiser of the ALZ Health Tourism Expo told the Naked Week nothing. They never got back to us.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right. I presume that Transport for London's response is similarly experiencing severe delays.

[Kat Nealon]

Well, eventually it arrived.

[Transport for London Representative]

We review all adverts on our network and they must comply with the TFL advertising Policy, the Committee of Advertising Practice Code and the Medical and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency Blue Guidelines. Ultimately, it is the advertiser's responsibility to check their compliance with these codes before submitting their campaign for our network.

[Kat Nealon]

So what they're saying is it's not really their problem at all.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right, well, next time you're on the Tube, don't look at the ads. Instead, why not do something to improve the overall TFL experience?

[Kat Nealon]

Like telling American tourists that Waterloo is named after the Abbasong. Yes.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Or that the Elizabeth Line is named after all the cocaine she did. You're listening to the Naked week on Radio 4. Still to come, as she begins her six day pilgrimage this week, the new Archbishop of Canterbury is met by Reform's Lee Anderson. Get back in that kitchen and get some food on and get them pots done. And that cassock makes your arse look fat. This, by the way, is the same week that Lee Anderson was accused of breaching Parliamentary rules after he filmed Valentine's videos for Cameo in his Westminster office. Roses are red. My face is too. I'd give it five minutes if I were you. Now, as you may know, the Naked Week is very popular with young people. It's right up there with Charlie XCX, Mr. Beast and being utterly confused on public transport by the concept of headphones. 6:30 on a Friday is the new six. And I am personally very much the Skibidi Riz, who I think is the new Ayatollah. Here's the thing, right now, it sucks to be young. A mental health crisis, broken housing ladder, terrible job market. And as if all that wasn't bad enough, now they've got a horrific outbreak of meningitis at the University of Kent, where students have the reassurance of knowing they'll be paying for it in the form of loan interest for the majority of their working lives. No, it's not very funny, is it? Anyone would think Rachel Reeves didn't even have a sense of humor. One of the cack handed architects of this Machiavellian loan system is of course, Sir Nick Clegg, former Liberal Democrat leader and Facebook executive, knighted in 2018 for services to failing upwards. It was his Lib Dems that voted to increase tuition fees in 2012 while in coalition with the Tories, having previously campaigned to abolish them altogether. Isn't that right, Sir Nick? On the issue of tuition fees, I was between a rock and a hard place. Mmm, Very tough. Very tough. Then, of course, he lost his seat and sauntered off to California to tongue Mark Zuckerberg's USB port. So anyway, it wasn't his problem anymore. Thank God then, that in recent weeks, a lone warrior has emerged from the darkness, ready to challenge those responsible for this generation crippling disaster. And you will never guess who it is. The system's become a mess and of course, I think the system now needs to be overhauled. Yes, he's back. Back to fight for the nation's student folk. Sir Nicholas Clegolas, our very own shite in whining armor. But look, things really are bleak for young people. Between meningitis, unemployment, student loans and Timothee Chalamet not winning the Oscar, they're all having a terrible time. So, here to give us the point of view of a young person facing all the issues affecting their cohort, please welcome our Giving us the point of view of a young person facing all the issues affecting their cohort, correspondent Rosalie Minet. Okay, so, Rosalie, you've been looking into how we can go about cheering up young people. What can we do?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Well, as you know, Andy, the Naked Week likes to help. So what we've been doing is putting together a sort of bespoke investment portfolio to provide for their futures.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Given that the price of almost everything is set to increase due to the war in Iran, we've bought loads of stuff at today's prices, safe in the knowledge that in a couple of weeks it'll be worth far more.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Brilliant. Brilliant. So what have we bought?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Well, first off, here's a can of petrol.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, yeah.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Today, £1 42 a litre. Next week, 10,000 quid a milliliter.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yes, very much the printer ink of tomorrow. What else is going up?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Tomatoes. According to the Farmers Union tomato plant, that was five pounds today. So by the end of the month, two grand. See also cucumber.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Ah, yes. Ed Gamble hot dogs, as TFL calls them.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Asparagus and bread.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right, ok, so what are we doing with oil?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Haven't finished yet.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Rosalie Minetta]

Because oil is scarce. Things that are made of oil are also going up in price.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Not my pantyhose, parachutes and petroleum jelly.

[Rosalie Minetta]

To be clear, petroleum jelly shouldn't be going up anywhere without consent.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Absolutely.

[Rosalie Minetta]

We've also got a coat because heating costs are Going up. Got a bag of fertilizer, a toothbrush, plastic, so it's made of oil.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay.

[Rosalie Minetta]

A guitar.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

What?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Yeah. Guitar strings made of oil. Yep, got it. And then we've also got a roadmap for the desert around the Strait of Hormuz. I talked to a guy on Facebook who says this is going to be really priceless. And a collection of Jason Statham DVDs.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Anything else?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Oh, and a lettuce.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

The price of lettuce is going up. That is a disgrace. So what exactly are we doing with this amazing investment portfolio?

[Rosalie Minetta]

Giving it, of course, to the youngest person here in the audience. Please welcome to The David Week. 24 year old Joe.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

[Kat Nealon]

Thanks for having me.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, so can I just. You say you're 24?

[Kat Nealon]

24, yeah.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Can I ask what your. Is your. Are you employed? Are you a student? Are you in training?

[Kat Nealon]

I'm a student.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Fantastic. Studying.

[Kat Nealon]

Studying anthropology.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

That'll see you right. Excellent. Oh, can I ask just one more quick question? Do you think I'm skibidi Riz? No. No. Okay. So, Jo, we have prepared for you this amazing opportunity for tomorrow. I know, I know. So, Joe, what I'm going to ask you to do now, can you please hold your arms out? And Rosalie is just going to stack the Naked Week investment portfolio into Jo's arms. So she's got, she's got the coat now, she's got the petrol and the bread and the lettuce. That's brilliant. Now all of this stuff today cost about 45 quid. By April, Joe will be a billionaire. And it is all thanks to the Naked Week, young people of Britain, you are welcome. She's dropped it. She's chopped it all over the place. Well, never mind. As with everything of value in this country, we'll pick it up and we'll give it to the old people. That's it from the Naked Week this week. Goodbye. The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent Rosalie Minett, guest Radio 4 announcer Amanda Litherland and token young person Jo Saunderson. It was written by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Garrett Karenick, Jason Hazeley and James Cattle with investigations team. This week, Cat Needham, Becky Piddington, Katie Sayer and students from London City University. Additional material by Carl Minns, Vivienne Hawkley Jones, Darren Phillips, Cooper Muini Swirt, Kevin Smith and David Rifkin. The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4.

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

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