The Naked Week: Ep4. Who ya gonna call...? (Clue: It's Donald Trump)

Summary

The Naked Week: Ep4 – “Who ya gonna call...? (Clue: It’s Donald Trump)”

Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
Host: Andrew Hunter Murray
Core Team: Kariad Lloyd, Kat Neenan, Becky Pinnington
Broadcast Date: April 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Naked Week delivers sharp, topical satire, focusing on another turbulent international week dominated by Donald Trump’s erratic actions in the Middle East, a legally dubious but darkly comedic foray into British landlords' responses to new rental laws, and a characteristically British take on everything from London-centrism to the search for a new BBC Director General. If news has been driving you up the wall, this is the episode where satire takes the wheel, swerves violently, and honks at Donald Trump.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Donald Trump, Iran, and the Whiplash of Fake News (01:50–09:17)

• Satirical Recap of Trump’s Actions:
  Andrew Hunter Murray sets the stage with Trump's contradictory statements on the Iran conflict, likening the situation to “Boris Johnson staggering between waitresses at a drinks.” The segment lampoons the confusion as Trump claims the war is both over and not over, deals are made and then unmade, and Tehran itself accuses Trump of fake news.

• Memorable Turn of Phrase:

  • “If the fake tan man who cries fake is called a faker by a fakir, what the fake is going on?” (04:18)

• Caps Lock Correspondent Readout:
  Trump’s own Truth Social post (“WITCH”—i.e., “which”—misspelled) is read in the satirical tones of the ‘Caps Lock correspondent’ (05:44), pointing to his obsession with “witches.”

  • “I have instructed the Department of War to postpone any and all military strikes, WHICH is W-I-T-C-H. Great news.” (05:58)

• The 'TACO' Acronym:
  The segment dubs him “Trump Always Chickens Out” (TACO)—adding, “his skin increasingly beginning to resemble the surface of a soft tortilla shell.” (06:05)

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2. ‘Iranian Whispers’ – Understanding the Middle East Conflict (06:14–09:17)

• Game Satire:
  Correspondent Kariad Lloyd explains current events through a new party game: “Iranian Whispers”—a play on ‘Chinese whispers’. The goal: Say anything, get it contradicted, and assert victory, thus parodying the constant contradictions in media (06:29).

  • Kariad: “The White House is winning this war.” (06:52)
  • Andrew: “No, it isn’t.”
  • Kariad: “You’ve just lost Iranian Whispers.”
  • Andrew: “How? This game is stupid.” (07:10)

• Truth Doesn’t Fit the Game:
  When Andrew tries to inject actual truth (“Donald Trump is mentioned in The Epstein files 38,000 times... was found liable for sexual abuse…”), Kariad retorts: “There’s no room for truth in a game of Iranian Whispers.” (07:37)

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3. London-Centrism in Warfare: ‘Why Always the Capital?’ (09:17–10:10)

• Lampooning London Focus:
  Satire on British media and political focus on London. Other UK cities (Manchester, Sunderland, Newcastle, Dundee) are fighting to attract “missile bids,” in parody of cultural and sporting event bids.
  • Andy Burnham pitches Manchester as deserving “infrastructure to be flattened” (09:29)
  • “Long range obliteration should not be out of reach for the people of Scotland.” (09:48)

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4. Trump’s Phone Number Easter Egg (10:10–14:03)

• Satirical Scheme:
  The Naked Week jokes about leaking Donald Trump’s phone number by distributing digits sporadically throughout the episode, parodying both media access to power and strict BBC standards.

  • “It’s an o o1 da ful idea and it’s just a coincidence that that’s the international dialling code for the USA.” (11:30)

• Meta Gag:
  Attempts to contact Trump are foiled due to BBC policy, so instead, listeners are ‘invited’ to piece his number together—a riff on privacy, hypocrisy, and bureaucracy.

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5. The News in Haikus Segment (13:04–15:39)

• Parodic Poetry:
  A recurring segment gently mocks the week’s events in haiku form:
  • “Morgan McSweeney claims phones stolen / Is that you Rebecca Vardy.” (14:08)
  • Andrew’s favourite line: “the line with seven syllables.” (15:39)

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6. Naming Britain’s New Towns (16:13–17:25)

• Alternative Town Names:
  As the UK government debates new towns, Kariad Lloyd and Andrew supply utterly British, farcically miserable names, including:
  • “Turd upon Thames” (16:38)
  • “Brexit, come what may” (16:49)
  • “Shitstable” (16:56)
  • “St. Op the boats” (17:04)
  • “Unexpected item in the Wold” (17:00)
  • “The Firth of Colin” (17:13)
  • “Bishop’s victim” (17:16)
  • “Womesh on everything” (17:21)
  • “New girl under Andrew (just outside Staines)” (17:25)

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7. The Renters’ Rights Act & Landlord Loopholes (17:59–24:22)

• Explaining the Law:
  Kat Neenan details the new Renters’ Rights Act: annual rent increases only, rolling contracts with two-month notice, and (importantly) a ban on Section 21 “no fault” evictions (18:43).

• Poppy Factory Row:
  Becky Pinnington investigates how “charitable” landlords at the Poppy Factory preemptively hiked rents by up to 35% (£800/month) just before the Act came into force—targeting vulnerable tenants, refusing group meetings, and issuing eviction notices.

  • Named figure: Debbie Boughtflower, Poppy Factory operations director (20:23).
  • “A real Sophie's Tory leadership contest.” – Andrew Hunter Murray, on tenants' impossible choices (21:12)
  • “If you can't trust a landlord, who can you trust?” – Andrew Hunter Murray (21:40)
  • “One resident was shaking and in a state of shock, thinking, 'I'm going to be homeless, there's no way I can afford this.'” – Kariad Lloyd relaying tenant’s account (23:26)

• “Commemoration” via Comedy:
  Instead of the Last Post, the team marks the 'death' of Section 21 evictions with a trumpet rendition of BBC's “Homes Under The Hammer” theme (25:19).

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8. The BBC’s New Director General: Comedy vs. AI (26:26–29:46)

• Satirical Induction Rites:
  The show mocks the corporate and ceremonial circus of selecting a new BBC DG (“lowering a one show presenter into a flaming volcano...”).

  • “Spelt wrong, which should appeal to Guardian readers.” – Andrew on Matt Britton (27:00)

• AI’s Incompetence:
  Kariad uses Google’s Gemini AI to ask about “Matt Britton,” yielding only confusion, misidentification (“Benjamin Britten”, “Little Britain”) and paint types (“Gloss Britain and Eggshell Britain”) (28:35–29:21).

  • “Matt, Britain is a paint. It is also available in two other finishes, Gloss Britain and Eggshell Britain.” – Kariad Lloyd (29:21)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On the Iran conflict’s confusion:
  “One thing becomes clearer and clearer, and that is everything about the entire conflict is becoming less clear.” – Andrew Hunter Murray (03:37)

• Caps Lock Trump:
  “I have instructed the Department of War to postpone any and all military strikes, WHICH is W-I-T-C-H. Great news.” – Andrew Hunter Murray, as Trump (05:58)

• On landlords’ hypocrisy:
  “If you can't trust a landlord, who can you trust?” – Andrew Hunter Murray (21:40)

• On British new towns:
  “Turd upon Thames.” – Kariad Lloyd (16:38)

• AI/British institutional failure:
  "Matt, Britain is a paint. It is also available in two other finishes, Gloss Britain and Eggshell Britain." – Kariad Lloyd (29:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Trump/Iran/Fake News: 01:50–09:17
• Other Cities Want Missiles: 09:17–10:10
• Trump’s Phone Number Gag: 10:10–14:03
• News in Haikus: 14:03–15:39
• Naming New Towns: 16:13–17:25
• Renters’ Rights Act Segment: 17:59–24:22
• Poppy Factory Investigation: 20:11–24:22
• BBC DG and AI Satire: 26:26–29:46

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Conclusion & Tone

The Naked Week delivers precisely the blend of biting satire, rapid-fire jokes, absurd imagery, and wry British resignation its audience cherishes. The language is consistently playful, irreverent, and laced with self-mockery—skewering politicians, institutions, and the week’s big stories with equal gusto. If you missed the episode, you’ll get both a summary of the news and why you should laugh rather than cry.

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End Notes

• Panel: Andrew Hunter Murray (host), Kariad Lloyd, Kat Neenan, Becky Pinnington
• Trumpeter: Simon Munday
• Produced by: John Holmes for BBC Radio 4

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Transcript

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Hello, I'm Andrew Hunter Murray. Welcome to the Naked Week. Imagine Panorama. If it had lost everything by trusting national savings and investments. Coming up on the Naked Week. This week, President Trump's warships target the home city of spongebob Squarepants. It's all at the bottom of the sea. Not the first time he's taken down a bikini bottom without. Jeremy Vine's been stirring up the neighbourhood with his new hobby. Several dead moles strung up on a so called gibbet line by their pink snouts hanging in a row from the barbed wire fence. Coincidentally, also Lee Anderson's luxury item on Desert Island Discs. And if you're feeling worried about the current state of everything, don't worry. Wes Streeting has this message for us all. If there's one thing that is in even shorter supply in this country than money at the moment, it is hope and optimism. Where's Streeting? There, the radiohead of politics. He's a creep. He's a weirdo. What the hell is he doing here now? Every day that the war in Iran Carries on. One thing becomes clearer and clearer, and that is everything about the entire conflict is becoming less clear. This week alone, he's claimed that the war is over. The war is not over. He's bombing a power plant. He's not bombing a power plant. He's doing a deal. He's not doing a deal. He's done a deal. He's not done a deal. Everyone's dead. Not everyone's dead. He's deploying troops. He's not deploying troops. There's regime change. There's no regime change. But he's definitely talking to Tehran. Or maybe not talking to Tehran, because in a wonderful deployment of Iranian irony, Tehran accused him of spreading fake news. Surely not. Surely Donald Trump, the very man who, who coined the phrase fake news, cannot himself be spreading fake news. We're through the looking glass here, folks. If the fake tan man who cries fake is called a faker by a fakir, what the fake is going on? But why? Why would he do this? Why all this lurching from random claim to random claim like Boris Johnson staggering between waitresses at a drinks. Why would Trump suddenly, as Europe's markets began to collapse on Monday, issue a statement around 6am Washington time saying he'd sorted it? You imagine he must have been woken by his handlers, careful not to disturb Melania herself sleeping just a few thousand miles to his left. And they got the President to shove this out on Truth Social. Here is what he wrote, as voiced by the Naked Week's Caps Lock correspondent. I am pleased to report that the United States of Americ and the country of Iran have had detailed and constructive conversations which will continue throughout the week. I'm just going to bust into this in depth, detailed and constructive post to say that right there he spelled witch W I T C H, So he's obviously a fan. This is to do with witches. Carry on, Donald. I have instructed the Department of War to postpone any and all military strikes, which is W, I, T, C, H. Great news. It is, of course, textbook Trump. Yet another example of him backing down. You may have heard the acronym taco, which stands for Trump always chickens out, though it also refers to the fact that his skin is increasingly beginning to resemble the surface of a soft tortilla shell. Another irony when you consider he would happily lock up all the residents of Old El Paso. And he's a bell anyway. But just how can we interpret the current situation in the Middle east despite this mass of conflicting information? Well, to find out, please welcome the Naked Weeks interpreting the current situation. In the Middle east, despite this mass of conflicting information, correspondent is Carrie Adlaide. So, Kariad, who are we to believe?

[Kariad Lloyd]

Well, not the gang of terrorists led by a deranged despot who will say anything to save their own skins.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Could you narrow that down a bit?

[Kariad Lloyd]

No, instead what we're going to do is explain everything that's going on via a game of Iranian Whispers.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh, is that like Chinese Whispers?

[Kariad Lloyd]

No, that's offensive to a completely different group. Iranian Whispers is easy to play. The idea is that I say absolutely anything I like, then you say that's total balls. Then I've won. Iranian whispers.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right,

[Kariad Lloyd]

Round one.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay.

[Kariad Lloyd]

The White House is winning this war.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

No, it isn't.

[Kariad Lloyd]

You've just lost Iranian Whispers. So round two. This war will definitely end in the next two weeks and have no long lasting irreversible consequences.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

That's total balls.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Oh, you've lost again.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

How? This game is stupid.

[Kariad Lloyd]

It's okay, Andy. It was your first time. No one's brilliant on their first time. At least you didn't cry afterwards.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

My turn. I've got one. Okay. Donald Trump is mentioned in The Epstein files 38,000 times and lest we forget, was found liable for sexual abuse in a civil court.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Well, you've broken the game.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

How?

[Kariad Lloyd]

Well, sorry, that's true. And there's no room for truth in a game of Iranian Whispers.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

It's a poor game and it doesn't make sense, but I'm sure Richard Osman would still get 10 series out of it. Kerry. But it's not just Trump who's creating this unpredictable atmosphere. At the weekend, in a Hamilton Defying throwing away of their shot, Iran launched two missiles at the UK US military base of Diego Garcia in the Chagos Islands, causing widespread speculation that London might be next. And that is terrifying. But you have to ask yourself, would Iran really risk incurring a 180 pound penalty charge, 90 if paid within 14 days for detonating a bomb within the ultra low emission zone? Honestly though, missiles that can reach London, I don't think I've ever heard anything so horrifying. It's awful. I mean, the whole idea is just so London centric. Every week the BBC gets emails saying it focuses too much on London. And now the Iranians are at it too. Don't they know the UK has loads of things? Thriving urban centers, all just as deserving, just as deserving of ballistic attack as the capital. So here to discuss which cities are rightly annoyed that war is so London centric, it's our which cities are rightly annoyed that war is so London centric. Correspondent, It's Carrie. Ed Lloyd.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Hi, Andy, I'm back. I've just been looking at all the bids from around the country.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I'm sorry, bids?

[Kariad Lloyd]

That's right. Attracting missiles has become a key objective for many of our metro mayors. Look at Andy Burnham.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

He does prepare it. If you do,

[Kariad Lloyd]

he's making a compelling argument that awarding the missile to London would be a backwards step and that only Manchester has the kind of infrastructure and facilities that would really benefit from being flattened by an Iranian aerial strike.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Burnham's got a point. Yeah, only one. But he has made a career out of it.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Meanwhile, Sunderland and Newcastle are making an innovative application for a joint firestorm. While Dundee argues that, especially in this day and age long rage, obliteration should not be out of reach for the people of Scotland.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Carry on, Lloyd, everybody. It feels like it's impossible to know what's going on in Trump's mind. Although presumably some people do. We can't do that. We don't have his number. Or do we? Because in actual fact, it turns out that Donald Trump's personal mobile number is genuinely obtainable. Most political journalists know what it is. It's one of those open secrets in Westminster that everyone in the press knows, but they don't pass on to the public. Like the fact that Ed Davey has a nozzle instead of a belly button so he can be inflated like a life raft. Or the time that Michael Gove laid an egg. So. So the Naked Week did some investigating, by which we mean we chained Robert Peston to a radiator until he told us we then had that translated into English. And now we too, genuinely. This is absolutely true. We have Donald Trump's personal phone number. Now, of course, we could call him right now, but if we. If we. But if we wanted to shoot the breeze with an out of control despot, we'd just go on Amol Rajan's podcast instead. So we thought we'd give you the opportunity, empowering you, the listener, with the ability to phone the President yourself. There is one problem, it turns out we cannot just tell you his number because the BBC said that would be invading his privacy. We pointed out that Donald has no problem with people invading things that aren't theirs. It was no good. And that is why, throughout this episode of the Naked Week, rather than read it out, we will be embedding the separate digits. Of Donald Trump's personal mobile phone number into the show. And if you listen carefully and keep track, you can genuinely genuinely piece it together. You're welcome. Can I just say it's an o o1 da ful idea and it's just a coincidence that that's the international dialling code for the usa. We're so dead. Now. If you do manage to get through, please please pass on our best wishes. Oh, excuse me. Hello, you got our message, you say? Well, thank you for calling back, but I'm sorry, I have told you before, I'm not having anything to do with you until you apologize for your many crimes against the human race and start rebuilding your bridges with the international community. My mum, She's called 561times today already. That's five six one. It's just nice for the new Director General to have something in his in tray, you know. You're listening to the naked week on Radio 8, where it's time once again to hark at the gentle world events waterfall that burbles current affairs over the healing stones of traditional Japanese poetry. It's the News in Haikus. Morgan McSweeney claims phones stolen Is that you Rebecca Vardy. The News in Haikus

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[Andrew Hunter Murray]

By the way, if you're interested, my favourite line was the line with seven syllables. And my next favorite line had five. You're listening to the Naked Week. In the week that the government have announced a wave of new towns in England, along with a number of locations where they could be built. Not sure how many, could be zero, But according to reports this week they're struggling over what to call them, with the sun newspaper suggesting that names in

[Kariad Lloyd]

the frame Pankhurst, Athelstan and Atleton, which

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

is also what Jacob Rees Mogg calls his genitals. Now, as you know, we at the Naked Week like to help, so we've come up with some alternative town names for the Government's consideration, ones that we feel are more in keeping with great British value. I'm joined by the Naked Week's. What should we call the new towns correspondent, Karriad Lloyd. Kariad. What have we got?

[Kariad Lloyd]

I'm pleased to say I have the definitive final shortlist. Andy, here you go. In no particular order, Turd upon Thames,

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Brexit, come what may.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Tutting

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

shitstable.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Unexpected item in the Wold

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

St. Op the boats. You've got to be faster than that, guys.

[Kariad Lloyd]

The Firth of Colin

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Bishop's victim.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Womesh on everything.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And new girl under Andrew. That's just outside Staines. You're listening to the Naked Week in the week when Dame Sarah Mullally was made Archbishop of Canterbury. And speaking of women taking jobs that a man could do perfectly well, it's time to welcome the vicar to my tart, its observer, Whitehall editor and the Naked Week's chief investigative reporter, Kat. Ne. Kat, what have you got for us this week?

[Kat Neenan]

A question, Andy. Have you ever read a party election manifesto?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Do I look like a friendless virgin? I'll rephrase that. No.

[Kat Neenan]

That's a shame, because on May 1, the UK will experience the rarest of rare events. A government actually making good on a manifesto commitment.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

The Renters Rights act, said to be the biggest shake up in the letting industry for a generation, has become law. Ok, the Renters Rights Act, a signature Keir Starmer policy alongside appointing Friends of paedophiles and ignoring literally everyone warning him not to appoint Friends of Paedophiles. Kat, what does this act do?

[Kat Neenan]

Fundamentally, it's designed to stop private tenants being taken advantage of. For example, rent can now only increase once a year in line with market rates, and tenancies will become rolling contracts that the tenant can end by giving an notice period of two months.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Right, two months. That's one and a half trusses, or 12 directors general.

[Kat Neenan]

But the biggest change is that section 21, or no fault evictions will be completely banned. Landlords can no longer kick out tenants whenever they like and without a valid reason.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And no doubt the nation's landlords have happily waved this through, like Reform UK happily waving through candidates with tattoo removal loyalty cards. So, overall, excellent news for the country's 11 million private renters. Thank you, Kat. No further questions.

[Becky Pinnington]

Actually, I do have some further questions, Andy.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I'm sorry, who are you?

[Becky Pinnington]

I'm Becky and I work in the Naked Week's Further Questions department.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Oh.

[Becky Pinnington]

We've been investigating private landlords and some of their more, let's say, proactive responses to the new laws. And here's my first question. Why aren't you wearing a poppy?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Because it's March.

[Becky Pinnington]

Well, let's hope that's good enough for the people who make them. Specifically the people running a charity called the Poppy Factory. They're a non profit organisation that makes ceremonial poppy wreaths, works with the Royal British Legion on its annual appeal and assists veterans with training and job applications.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, well, they sound lovely. Where are you going with this?

[Becky Pinnington]

Well, the Poppy Factory also owns a block of 68 Flats in South West London. The vast majority of the residents are working class, including some on universal credit and several with severe health and mobility issues.

[Kat Neenan]

And on the 10th of February this year, about half the residents received a letter from the director of operations of the Poppy Factory, whose name, and we swear this is genuinely her real name is Debbie Bought flower.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Debbie bought flour from the Poppy Factory. Incredible. That's the greatest bit of nominative determinism since Usain Bolt. Or please not him again, turn the telly off before I put my foot through it madly. What did this letter that they received say?

[Becky Pinnington]

Well, it said that due to the new laws coming into force, the Poppy Factory would be raising rents to keep them in line with market value. Even though many of the tenants had signed new leases with previously agreed rent rises just last year. Now they've been given just 14 days to choose. Either sign a new higher rate contract or get booted out.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Two genuinely terrible options. It's a real Sophie's Tory leadership contest. But, Kat, there's nothing technically wrong with what the Poppy Factory did.

[Kat Neenan]

Is there nothing legally wrong whatsoever, Andy? Although we could perhaps argue over just how charitable it was, particularly if you dig into the details. For example, a property's rental market value should be determined by multiple independent valuations. But the Poppy Factory refused to tell its tenants who had carried out these valuations or what the figures actually were.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

So the tenants just had to take their word for it.

[Kat Neenan]

Pretty much. But they were all told that their flats had previously been valued at quote, below the average market rent, which now needed to be corrected and they had

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

to take their word for that too. Yeah, well, if you can't trust a landlord, who can you trust?

[Becky Pinnington]

Good question. Given that the Poppy Factory also refused to meet residents as a group, insisting on one to one meetings only, the Naked Week heard from one tenant who was informed of the rent increase just days after completing treatment for breast cancer. She asked the Poppy Factory for a meeting alongside representation from the tenants union acorn, and was told no. The next communication she received from the Poppy Factory was, you guessed it, a section 21 no fault eviction notice.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yeah, that escalated fast.

[Becky Pinnington]

And that eviction notice is one of at least 10 that the poppy Factory has dished out to tenants unhappy with these massive rent increases, which incidentally, actually raised their rent above that for similar properties in the area.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

How many the Poppy Factory has dished out? 10.

[Becky Pinnington]

10.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yes, but. Yes, but exactly how massive an increase are we talking here? Are we talking meta payout over child safety massive or Donald Trump's new BBC lawsuit after program surreptitiously gives out his phone number massive,

[Kat Neenan]

in some cases as much as 35%. The smallest monthly increase seen by the naked week is £525amonth and the largest is a pretty staggering £800. And remember, this isn't a gradual increase, this is immediately. One resident, a single mother who has lived with her child in a Poppy factory flat for 14 years, told the Naked Week that she was shaking and

[Kariad Lloyd]

in a state of shock, thinking, I'm going to be homeless, there's no way I can afford this.

[Kat Neenan]

And they want it pretty much overnight.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Alright, so this is a non profit that appears to be seeking to extract as much profit from its, in some cases vulnerable tenants by drastically increasing rents at a rate way above inflation. And if the tenants refuse, the charity is kicking them out by slapping them with no fault eviction notices. All things they won't be able to do a few weeks from now, thanks to Labour, bucking the trend and honouring a manifesto pledge.

[Kat Neenan]

All nice and legal. And I'm sure you'll agree. Deeply moral. Now, the Poppy Factory told us the

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

affected homes are let on the open market and rents have often been well below local levels. We have a legal duty as a charity to collect reasonable market rent to protect our work helping the most vulnerable veterans and their families. We extended our consultation with tenants and no one is being asked to pay more than others already pay for similar properties or above market rent for the property condition.

[Kat Neenan]

However, Andy, we wanted to go the extra mile this week. We wanted to do something special to commemorate the extraordinary compassion of the Poppy Factory and to mark the sad passing of the section 21 no fault eviction notice.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

I'm concerned by the word special.

[Kat Neenan]

Well, traditionally at a remembrance ceremony you'd have a solo trumpeter performing the Last Post.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Yes, but obviously that would be very disrespectful and totally inappropriate for a topical comedy show.

[Kat Neenan]

Correct. Andy, the Daily Mail would label you a vile BBC funny man

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

and that's already what it says on my coat of arms.

[Kat Neenan]

So of course we haven't booked a trumpeter to perform a solemn rendition of the Last Post.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Good.

[Kat Neenan]

But what we have got is a trumpeter to perform a solemn rendition of something more appropriate to this week's investigation.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Witches.

[Kat Neenan]

No, it's nothing to do with witches. It's the theme. It's the theme from BBC One's Homes under the Hammer.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Wonderful. Now if all of you would please bow your heads for a moment of silence in memory of the section 21 no fault eviction notice as a solo trumpeter will perform the theme from Holmes under the Hammer.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Satan.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And if you think that's in questionable taste, wait till you see what Channel 5 has done with Hugh Edwards. Thank you, Kat Neenan and Becky Pinnington. Now you can tell the seasons are changing, the daffodils are out, the clocks go forward this weekend and we've just had the first new BBC Director General of spring. I swear it gets earlier every year. After months of HMS BBC drifting rudderless in the media ocean, navigating only by the moonlight, shining off Ryland's teeth. Finally, in the last couple of weeks, keen observers have spotted that famous sign, the white smoke billowing from the top of that Nazi statue on the front of Broadcasting House and indicating that the BBC board have found themselves a fresh patsy. Yes, after an exhaustive search, the BBC board has selected the right man for the job to of being thrown under the bus by them in about six months time. As announced this week, the new DG is former Google executive Matt Britton, whose name alone should build bridges with GB news viewers and it's spelt wrong, which should appeal to Guardian readers. Now, he will be officially inducted next month in a ceremony that involves lowering a one show presenter into a flaming volcano before ripping out their still beating and holding it up before a baying mob of Telegraph opinion columnists. Having been at Google for 18 years, that's 181 8. He was a champion of AI, helping to launch Gemini, Google's very own chatbot. So naturally we've asked it what it makes of Matt's new job. Kariad, you've spent the week hunched over the Naked Week laptop. What has Gemini got to say about the BBC's new DG?

[Kariad Lloyd]

Yes, Andy, you'd expect it not to have anything bad to say about its old boss. And you'd be right. Here is the first return I got. Matt Britton has been announced as Director General of the BBC.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so far so Google so right.

[Kariad Lloyd]

I asked give me more biographical detail about Matt Britton. It said, benjamin britten was a 20th century English composer best known for his War Requiem and the Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Okay, so far so AI.

[Kariad Lloyd]

Quite so. I said, not that Britain the BBC won. And it said, I think you're asking me about Little Britain, a comedy show widely regarded as unacceptable.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Join the club. I have to say I have zero and zero and one more zero confidence in Matt's Google chatbot.

[Kariad Lloyd]

So I said no. Tell me about Matte Britain.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

And did you finally get somewhere?

[Kariad Lloyd]

It replied, matt, Britain is a paint. It is also available in two other finishes, Gloss Britain and Eggshell Britain.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Interesting. How many other finishes was that?

[Kariad Lloyd]

Sorry, two.

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

Two. Matt Britton there. Google's Lost is about $6 million after this week's court case against them for causing social media harm to children.

[Kariad Lloyd]

And finally, I'm just going to type this one in live. Gemini, what does the future hold for the BBC?

[Andrew Hunter Murray]

That's Robert Peston. He's still chained to that radiator. That's it from the Naked Week. This week. Goodbye. The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent Carey, Ed Lloyd and trumpeter Simon Munday. It was written by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Gareth Khedig, Jason Hazely and James Kettle with Investigations team Cat Needham, Becky Pennington and Emily Channan. Additional material by Carl Minns, Sophie Dixon, Kevin Smith, Darren Phillips, Joe Topping and David Rifkin. The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4. Please leave your name and number after the tone. Hello, Mr. President. This is Andrew Hunter Murray calling from Radio Falls the Naked Week. We were hoping to speak to you about the war in Iran, but since you haven't picked up, we won't be able to use this bit in the show. Shame, really. Well, thanks for the witches Shout out Love to Melania and her body.

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