The Jason Sudeikis Episode

Summary

Friends Keep Secrets: The Jason Sudeikis Episode

Podcast: Friends Keep Secrets
Date: June 2, 2026
Hosts: Benny Blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), Kristin Batalucco
Guest: Jason Sudeikis

---

Episode Overview

This raucous, deeply personal episode of Friends Keep Secrets drops listeners into the playful chaos of Benny, Dave, and Kristin’s Los Angeles home as they hang with Emmy-winning actor and comedian Jason Sudeikis. True to the show’s “hang, not an interview” ethos, the group eat absurdly fancy Domino’s pizza, play a cutthroat game of PIG, and bounce between laughter, emotional honesty, and stories of parenting, mental health, and the surprising origins of Ted Lasso. Real-life quirks, creative vulnerability, and the unique energy of old and new friends drive the conversation, with memorable tangents about smell, family, and existential questions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art of the Perfect Bite & Meeting Sudeikis

• Jason opens with a riff on always “optimizing every single bite” he eats—carefully balancing flavors and textures.
  • “Every single bite. I'm looking to, like, take the best piece of the meat to have the right…sauce with the right, like, piece of arugula. And then I create the perfect bite every time.” (Jason, 00:23)
• The group debates the pronunciation of Sudeikis’s name, jokes about being the first Emmy-winner on the show, and samples Parmigiano stuffed crust Domino’s pizza topped with caviar for extra extravagance.

2. Lil Dicky’s Anosmia: Living Without a Sense of Smell

• Dave shares he’s never had a sense of smell (anosmia), prompting fascinated questions and grossed-out jokes.
  • The revelation leads to stories about changing dirty diapers (“the best baby changer ever”) and hilarious hypotheticals involving fecal “guess the scent” challenges.
  • “I have no sense of smell… The weird thing is I don’t remember what things taste like. Sense of smell is so connected to memory.” (Dave, 02:00)

3. Parenting, Honesty, and Emotional Openness

• Discussion pivots to answering children’s deep or tough questions (e.g. “What happens when you die?”).
• Kristin relays a story of a 5-year-old asking about sadness and depression, stressing the importance of real honesty with kids.
  • “…since that day, he promised, like, with both his kids, he was like, I’m always gonna tell the truth.” (Kristen, 14:40)
• Sudeikis describes his own approach: filming his parents answering questions for posterity, and getting emotional just watching them on video.

4. Acting, Crying, and the True Source of Emotion

• Jason unpacks the vulnerability necessary to cry on camera as an actor, recounting the unique trick his coach suggested: have his parents record a final goodbye video and watch it before emotionally heavy scenes.
  • “…when it’s time to shoot the scene, watch the video… And that’s how I got the scene. And I’m both ashamed and proud that’s what happened.” (Jason, 19:35)
• The group discusses the challenge of calling up real emotion, how music can trigger memory, and the difference between regret-driven on-camera tears and authentic, “in the shower” cries.

5. Quirks, Rituals, & In-Jokes

• Recurring “Chuck” nicknames among the hosts—origin, inside jokes, and how the show popularized the term.
  • “Every day of my life, a person calls me Chuck that is not him. That is a random person.” (Kristen, 09:25)
• The group gets into anxiety rituals, including hair-pulling (trichotillomania), and histories of mustache maintenance and Nair.

6. Ted Lasso: Inception to Global Phenomenon

• Jason narrates the evolution of Ted Lasso from a 2013 NBC Sports commercial to an Apple TV+ smash.
  • Describes writing with friends “in a flow state,” the Goldilocks effect of their soccer knowledge, and the long hiatus before the show finally took off.
  • “…it started as a commercial… NBC, Netflix, everyone passed… and Apple was like, yeah, let’s do it.” (Jason/Dave, 49:05)
• Reveals the degree to which Ted Lasso was improvised and how real-life relationships and emotional states fed the writing.

7. Creative Process, Gift-Giving, and Parental Legacies

• Playful chat about gift struggles turns to using modern AI tools (Canva) for personalized gifts and further tangents about family legacy—recording and backing up interviews with parents for their children.
• Sudeikis: “I just didn't want to leave it to my memory. I wanted to have all their things… I just started crying (when watching the footage).” (Jason, 16:31)

8. On Strictness, Sense of Humor, and Family

• Reflections on parenting styles, maintaining humor with children, and weighing strictness against play:
  • “Do you feel like you’re employing that same sense of humor to your children…or do you have to tone it back or even change your comedic style?” (Jason, 29:28)
• Group talk on how sibling order and parental relationships shaped them.

9. Awards, Recognition, and Hollywood Realities

• Good-natured surprise that Dave's never been nominated for major awards, despite his hit shows.
• Jokes about industry snubs, the weirdness of external recognition, and everyone’s favorite (and underrated) Sudeikis movies (Hall Pass, Sleeping With Other People, etc.)

10. Basketball Stories & Celebrity Games

• Episode closes with a slapstick game of PIG set up in the house.
• Jason swaps stories of celebrity All-Star games gone wrong (including being upstaged by Justin Bieber and given a “ballerina” nickname by LeBron and Maverick Carter), and Kristen recounts the humiliation of losing her shoes mid-game.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On food and the moment:
  • “I optimize the bite. Like, I will take the right amount of chicken and smear it in the right amount of sauce…” (Jason, 04:06)
• On anosmia and food memory:
  • “I don’t remember what things taste like. Sense of smell is so connected to memory.” (Dave, 02:29)
• On parenting and honesty:
  • “I’m always gonna tell the truth.” (Kristen, 14:40)
• On capturing legacy:
  • “…Just seeing them talk as if I'm trying to immortalize their soul made me instantly cry.” (Jason, 16:31)
• On Ted Lasso’s start:
  • “…in three days we had six episodes… and yeah, that was 2015. Then it just sat there for years.” (Jason, 47:00)
• On award snubs:
  • “No, he’s actually never been recognized by anything. He doesn’t even get invited…” (Kristen, 26:15)
• On finding humor as a parent:
  • “It allows me to tap into this part of me that was just like the boy… trying to have fun.” (Jason, 29:03)
• On creative bursts:
  • “T-Pain… wrote six number one songs in one night.” (Kristen, 39:13)
• On humility and embarrassment:
  • “Blood just… I’m like, okay, I’M gonna go… I probably do that metaphorically all the time.” (Jason, 37:09)
• On celebrity All-Star games:
  • “…an Usher protege known as Justin Bieber… he has a crazy shot and it goes in like nut… I didn’t get to play at all.” (Jason, 57:25)
• On rituals and mental health:
  • “I definitely have a small version of trichotillomania…” (Dave, 12:00)
  • “I’m nothing without therapy… Therapy is a place where I can go and I can say anything and not feel afraid.” (Kristen, 43:01)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro, Food Talk, Name Debates: 00:02–01:17
• Sudeikis’s Eating Philosophy: 00:20–01:46
• Dave’s No Sense of Smell: 01:55–04:39
• Parenting, Honest Answers for Kids: 13:30–16:09
• Capturing Family History, Emotional Crying: 16:09–19:42
• Acting, Emotion, and Regret: 19:43–22:22
• Ted Lasso Origin Story: 43:36–49:29
• Celebrity All-Star Game (Justin Bieber): 56:46–58:52
• Game of PIG (basketball): 61:11–64:12

---

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is a blend of sincerity, mischief, and unfiltered friendship—just like eavesdropping on a real-life hang. Listeners are treated to inside jokes, unscripted candor, and the offbeat details that drive lifelong creativity, comedy, and family. If you’re a fan of Sudeikis, Ted Lasso, candid parenting talk, or just the joy of being in goofy, unguarded company, this episode delivers.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[Jason Sudeikis]

Jason sudeikis.

[Benny]

The cousin of jada kiss.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Cousin of cheating.

[Kristen]

Do you guys.

[Jason Sudeikis]

When you guys eat, do you optimize every bite?

[Benny]

No.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Every single bite. I'm looking to, like, take the best piece of the meat to have the right. Just amount of sauce with the right, like, piece of arugula. And then I create the perfect bite every time.

[Kristen]

Check.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What's up?

[Kristen]

I got one word for you.

[Jason Sudeikis]

New sheriff in town.

[Kristen]

Premium.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Why is the box black?

[Kristen]

Cause it's fancy. It's classy. And you know what today is? Today is a classy day because we have none other than Jason Sudeikis. Mr. Sudeikis. I think it's Sudeikis. Sudeikis.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Jason Sudeikis.

[Kristen]

I think it's Sudeikis.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, it's not. It's Jason Sudeikis.

[Kristen]

Sudeikis. Yeah. Never heard that.

[Benny]

I like Jason Sudik.

[Kristen]

Jason Sudeikis. Okay, well, it's a very important day because this is the first time we've ever had an Emmy's dick. Someone who's won an Emmy. Plus, this is Parmigiano stuffed crust pizza from Domino's.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You see that great cheese pull?

[Benny]

Wow.

[Kristen]

Hold on. Caviar.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Wow.

[Kristen]

It really goes great with sliced sauce.

[Benny]

The slice sauce from Domino's is great.

[Kristen]

It is actually unbelievable.

[Benny]

Come here, big boy.

[Jason Sudeikis]

All right. No, I'm just. I have nothing but respect for the Emmy body.

[Kristen]

Oh, my God.

[Benny]

You can talk to Jason Sudeikis.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I'm excited. Jason, I think this man is an absolute pillar of comedy, and I've never met him, and I really think that we're gonna really hit it off. This way, this way.

[Kristen]

Hey, you prioritize your. I'm gonna let you in.

[Dave]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, I'm kidding.

[Dave]

Sorry. That's obnoxious. Just barge right in.

[Kristen]

Oh, you have to jump over it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Did you know this is our first time meeting?

[Dave]

I know. Isn't that something?

[Benny]

Well, I know now.

[Kristen]

What do you think that's your first time?

[Dave]

What do I think?

[Benny]

I just bite onion. I just bit into an onion.

[Dave]

That's so I have. I. This will maybe come up knowing Benny, but I have no sense of smell.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Really?

[Kristen]

I was gonna wait to bring it up.

[Dave]

I know, but onion. Onion breath is like, zero.

[Kristen]

Tell him that one story real quick,

[Dave]

right where I shit my pants and so there was like, dog shit everywhere, and I fart, and it just, like, fills my underwear.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I'm the kind of guy who, when you play, you're like, don't leave him, shooter. Oh, I'm masked.

[Dave]

Who that I'M Mev.

[Kristen]

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[Dave]

Love that.

[Kristen]

Listen. Every time. Motherfucker. Oh, my fucking go.

[Dave]

Like we had all these dogs at the show because the whole premise of that episode was it was an episode for dogs. And so there was like dog shit everywhere. And they were. And people were cleaning it up as we're doing our interview and then putting it in like this open container. And so. And I was like, I was like, I bet I could. I could eat a chimichanga right now with my head over that. That basket of dogs.

[Kristen]

Yeah, that's not the story. Yeah.

[Dave]

So literally he goes to this has like someone from the show go down to the street to get like a burrito. And I just. And I'm like sitting over the thing just like this, going.

[Benny]

Looking at it.

[Dave]

Looking at it.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Nothing. It's like nothing.

[Kristen]

Wait your whole life?

[Dave]

As far as I remember.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Benny]

Do you have a weird sense of taste then? Because you can't smell like you have

[Dave]

a muted sense of taste. I think it's taste bud based.

[Kristen]

So how do you enjoy that?

[Dave]

I see like his crazy stuff on there, like with like sushi, like uni with like caviar on it. I'm like, that's my shit. Because that's got a lot of different textures, a lot of like strong flavors.

[Benny]

You can taste it. You just. It tastes like you're eating Styrofoam.

[Dave]

No, no, no. I can taste it, but I'm tasting like. I think it's only tongue based. I get no nuance. And the Even more like, I think incredible. But weird thing is I don't remember what things taste like. Sense of smell is so connected to

[Kristen]

memory, I can't even get you.

[Dave]

But I always taste it. That's why I get so Taco Bell so often. I'm like, what does it taste like?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, you don't like Taco Bell? I love Taco Bell.

[Kristen]

Love Taco Bell.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Before you walked in the door, we were talking. This is how I eat every single bite. I really. If I'm being thoughtful as I eat, which normally I am. Cause I think nothing makes me happier than the two meals I have a day. Lunch and dinner.

[Dave]

Two meal.

[Kristen]

Why don't you just have one more?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I wanna be really hungry for the

[Dave]

meal and keep this bod, you know, two meals.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I optimize the bite. Like, I will take the right amount of chicken and smear it in the right amount of sauce and put like the right amount of arugula and try to make every bite count and every Bite can be different. Do you eat that way?

[Dave]

No. Not enough? No, I don't.

[Kristen]

Do you care about food or.

[Dave]

No, I do, but I like the going. You like the way I don't know how to cook?

[Kristen]

How can you even have, like, a favorite meal?

[Benny]

Texture.

[Dave]

It's probably. It's texture. It's definitely. It's definitely Mexican food.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's interfacing with preference.

[Kristen]

Why is it Mexican? Can you deal with.

[Dave]

So you show up and you get chips and salsa right away, and I usually show up hungry.

[Benny]

That's why.

[Kristen]

Do you know?

[Dave]

That's one of the reasons mariachi bands. Good vibe. No one's in a bad mood when a mariachi band drunk. Except for the band, maybe.

[Kristen]

Oh, my God. Are you, like, the best baby changer ever because you can't smell.

[Dave]

Oh, I am. I am very good at it.

[Kristen]

You would be, but you're like.

[Dave]

I always thought, like, what am I doing? I should be in the FBI. Cause in every movie, you know, they get that stuff and they put. They smear it on. I'd be like. I would just walk in and be like, I wouldn't know where the cadaver is.

[Benny]

I'd be like, where's that little snippy thing we always sniff?

[Dave]

You could be able to smell that if it's like.

[Kristen]

Yeah, you could.

[Dave]

Smelling salts or vapor.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It is like that.

[Dave]

But it's the.

[Kristen]

The nuance. You can't do nuance.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Has this been a big part of who you were as a person for your whole life? Like, as a kid, or did it not even come up?

[Dave]

Not even come up as a kid? Cause kids only. It's farts and pizza, right?

[Kristen]

And then it was far and pizza.

[Jason Sudeikis]

But smell is such a big part of farts.

[Dave]

I know. So the whole time, are you just sitting there being, like, laughing at the sound, playing along?

[Jason Sudeikis]

The sound is funny.

[Dave]

The sound is great.

[Jason Sudeikis]

The sound can carry you through.

[Benny]

You know, what smells like? Like, if you had a guess, what would you say Shit smells like?

[Dave]

Like. Like what? Like.

[Benny]

Like what is. What is his interpretation?

[Kristen]

Know what shit smells like?

[Benny]

I know. So what does he.

[Kristen]

Have you ever. Have you ever had shit so bad?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Wait a minute.

[Dave]

Why you. No, like, Olivia would do, like, when we were together, she would describe shit. She would describe smells, would try to describe, like, what it is. You know, it's. And, you know, I have two little kids, and Otis has always had a good sniffer. And I remember being like. When he's like two, just looking at him, I go, buddy, you can already do something That I can't, like, Never could at 2. And then he would just, like, play with my nose and go, is there something up there? Is there something up there? Like, what if you just go. I go, nothing, bud. Nothing.

[Benny]

And it's like, I've never met anyone like you. I don't know anyone that can't smell.

[Kristen]

What if you stink? Do you know if you stink?

[Benny]

He doesn't know.

[Dave]

I don't know.

[Kristen]

That's bad.

[Dave]

I don't think I do. But I'm also not obsessive about it, where I'm like, I wear the same deodorant and people, like, they like it. Wear a cologne? No. Why would I say someone I was dating or in partnership with wanted me to.

[Kristen]

Have you ever been with someone who's like, hey, wear this cologne?

[Dave]

No.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I have a really good idea for, like, an activity that we could do today that just came up in my head, but I think no one else would think it's a good idea for a good activity.

[Benny]

Are you posing?

[Dave]

No, we just wanna.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Just stretching.

[Benny]

Oh, what is the activity? Let's hear it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I instacart laxatives. Shit in a plastic bag.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And you.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Kristen]

And you smell it. Is the game just for him to

[Dave]

smell your answer, by the way?

[Jason Sudeikis]

That will take two hours. I will be talking.

[Kristen]

Yeah. I would love hanging out.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's just kind of a genuine backdrop.

[Kristen]

I would love that.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Of course you would. We're not doing it.

[Kristen]

But only you're doing.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I think as a kid, me and my group of friends, that would be what we were doing that day. And I don't think we should do that because it's a ridiculous thing to even bring up.

[Dave]

It would be amazing, like, to have someone that's a professional, like a fecalist, if that is a real thing.

[Kristen]

No, no, he's just gonna shit and you're gonna smell his shit.

[Dave]

Well, that. I'm down to do that. I mean, just someone who has to take a shit. Like, I can do it.

[Kristen]

Do it right now. I don't know if you need it. Order it right now.

[Dave]

You're in the private.

[Benny]

I don't wanna smell.

[Dave]

Straighten it out. Smells like something. Get your knees above your. Above your belly. You know, get a squatty potty at least.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Like Brooklyn smells like.

[Benny]

It's like burning. Like his shit smells like burnt.

[Kristen]

Yeah, his shit. His shit. You might be able to smell his shit. He's got the type of shit. He's got the type of shit you could smell.

[Dave]

I never order this stuff.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you want me. You're like. This is so offensive. I think it's offensive at the very end.

[Dave]

I mean, you know.

[Benny]

I'm just kidding.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I don't.

[Kristen]

No, but he has the type of shit you might be able to smell.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Let me tell you what's happening.

[Dave]

I'm here for three days, right? So it's like at some point you're gonna shit.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Chuck.

[Kristen]

I'd like. What do you call him?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Chuck?

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Why?

[Kristen]

He's got a shit in a bag and you smell it and that'll be.

[Dave]

That's why.

[Kristen]

Chuck.

[Dave]

No, Chuck. It's like your mom using a full name, like Chuck.

[Kristen]

Okay, stop it. It's not even a good story.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's a terrible story.

[Dave]

Like my shitting ones were.

[Kristen]

No, that was great. It's basically.

[Dave]

You set the bar pretty low.

[Kristen]

Basically, we're best friends.

[Dave]

Yup.

[Kristen]

We had nicknames for each other. The nickname evolved into Chuck. It was our thing. Dave got a little upset because I started calling a few of our friends.

[Jason Sudeikis]

He has, like, a compulsion, which you probably noticed, like, even though I too, call him Chuck.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You probably haven't seen me ever call him Chuck. Because he has a compulsion. Before he speaks, he likes to say Chuck.

[Kristen]

Well, no, he's never heard me say

[Jason Sudeikis]

it ever in my life to his close friends.

[Dave]

Yeah. Other people are Chucking.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Not to me.

[Kristen]

No, Only there's two.

[Dave]

I respect that.

[Kristen]

There's two people that are Chucks and then three, maybe two and a half. And then. Who's a half?

[Dave]

We don't want them to know. We don't want them to know. We don't know that.

[Kristen]

Then we put it on his TV show. And now the whole world calls us Chuck now.

[Benny]

But you guys started it and you just call your uncle.

[Kristen]

So many people call us Chuck in the street.

[Dave]

Chuck. Oh, Cause you both call.

[Kristen]

Yeah, yeah, we call each other Chuck. And like in the show, we're like best friends and we start calling each other that. So every day of my life, a person calls me Chuck. That is not him. That is a random person.

[Dave]

Yeah, because you oversaturate. You gave it to the. Gave it to the people.

[Kristen]

No, I partially ruined it. And then you ruined it to the masses.

[Dave]

You had final cut.

[Kristen]

Yeah, you ruined it to the masses.

[Dave]

You kept it in there.

[Kristen]

You ruined it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I kept it in there. I thought there's charm to it.

[Dave]

Is absolutely.

[Kristen]

Do you.

[Benny]

We're considering calling you bj.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah. Benny. His name is Benjamin Joseph.

[Benny]

No one ever calls him bj.

[Kristen]

Yeah, now you.

[Dave]

I. I don't Feel like you're a bj.

[Kristen]

Do you want to know something interesting?

[Dave]

You think he's bj?

[Benny]

I think he could be a bj.

[Kristen]

I do want to say one could

[Dave]

have been, but not anymore.

[Kristen]

The craziest thing was for the first season and a half, it was so hard for us to act because we wanted to call each other Chuck. Cause we call each other so we had to like. Well, I still, I. Yeah, it was so hard.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You know, sometimes I edit Chucks out of the show.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Cause there's so many.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I have to like edit them out.

[Dave]

Chock full of Chuck.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah. What?

[Kristen]

You don't even know what that is. He doesn't know what chock full of Chuck is.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What's chock full of chalk? I know. How much wood would wood chuck? Chuck. If a woodchuck could chuck wood. I did that really well.

[Kristen]

Wouldn't chocolate isn't that good?

[Benny]

I like chocolate.

[Dave]

No, I just knew. I just knew I was just making a dumb. I thought that's.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Can I ask you an outfit based

[Dave]

question based on this outfit or one that I've in the past?

[Jason Sudeikis]

That one right there.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Benny]

In the past.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You hoop.

[Dave]

I did.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Same. Yeah, same.

[Dave]

This is my current favorite hoodie. My son Otis went out shopping with my sister Chris and her partner Rachel. And they bought this. And he was wearing it one day, this is probably about eight months ago. Like, like. And I was like, I love that hoodie. I checked the sku, like, got the number, looked it up. They sold it in adult sizes. Adult sizes. I bought two. Then we're in London shooting this last season. I come downstairs, he's getting ready for school and he's like sitting at the table and I come walking downstairs and he just sort of looks. And I'm looking, he's about to blow up my spot. And he goes, he goes, I have that hoodie. I go, I know. And he comes up and walks up to me. Now he's only like this tall. And he just comes up to me like this and he just picks these up. He goes, these are really good to chew on when you get anxious. Aw, I know, right? And they fucking are. His are torn to shreds.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Like, that's how I can tell whose is whose. And the silence.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Are you an anxious human being?

[Dave]

A little bit. More than I. More than I realize.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Benny]

You don't seem anxious at all. Like, I can see it.

[Dave]

Not when I'm on camera. That's when I become myself. No, it's not that.

[Benny]

Sometimes you can kind of see it even in the people that are not. But I don't even see it in you.

[Kristen]

Really?

[Dave]

Oh, no, dude. My anxiety comes out. I definitely have a small version of trichotillomania. Like, I pull out.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What's that?

[Dave]

Like, when you pull out hair.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, you didn't expect us to know what that was, did you? I've never heard of it. Maybe.

[Dave]

Maybe I heard about. I heard it. It was one of those long words I memorized as a kid. But you pull out eyebrows. You pull out eyebrows.

[Kristen]

Or.

[Benny]

Like, that is anxiety.

[Dave]

Or, like, when writing, like, if there's been, like, a writing session that we've just been thinking and sitting there, and I'm, like, touching my mustache and I pull it out, then my makeup gal will be like, oh, you writing this weekend? I was like, yeah. Because it'll just be like a gap where I just forget.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you have, like, ocd?

[Dave]

I don't know.

[Benny]

Do the same thing with my mustache hairs?

[Dave]

Well, yeah, Right? Where you just pull it out or you just touch it? Just feel it? Yeah, it feels nice.

[Benny]

Women have. I still have hair in there, but I go like this.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you do stuff to your mustache?

[Benny]

Yes.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What do you do?

[Benny]

When I was younger, I used to take Nair, and now I pluck it, like if I'm in the sun.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah, Nair didn't work. I put it, like, on my pubes and on my legs, and it didn't do anything.

[Dave]

Really?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Dave]

What does it do? Does it, like, burn?

[Benny]

It, like, burn. I remember the smell of it was so strong. It's like. It smelled like cement or something.

[Kristen]

I'd like to tell you.

[Dave]

Yeah, you wouldn't buy some Nair? Some laxatives? This Instacart. Don't buy it yet.

[Kristen]

This cart's gonna get more full.

[Dave]

15 more minutes.

[Kristen]

How old are your kids now?

[Dave]

Otis is 11 and a half days. He's nine. He's almost 12. He'll be 12 in April.

[Kristen]

So now you can talk to your kid. You can actually have, like, real conversations.

[Dave]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen]

What types of things are you guys even taught? Like, what do you, like, when your kid's 11? Like, what's he saying? Is he talking about girl?

[Dave]

Like, what's happening when he's, like, really sleepy or when we're talking about something else or he's in the back of the car. Like, he did ask me the other day, like, what do you think happens when you die? Like, what do you think it feel?

[Kristen]

Oh, he said that?

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

But what did you Say I said, I don't know.

[Dave]

I guess it depends how you die. Like, I assume you don't feel anything unless it's, you know.

[Jason Sudeikis]

How does he know?

[Kristen]

Do you always answer your kids honestly like that? Because I always wonder, like, wait, like, if your kid asks you and you're like, three, and they're like three, I

[Jason Sudeikis]

think I'll do the same.

[Kristen]

That sounds like my friend's kid.

[Dave]

You'll have to remember less.

[Kristen]

My friend, his kid came to him, and she said, I get sad all the time. And she says, and I don't know why I'm getting sad. And she said, does anyone else in the world get sad? What is that feeling? And why can't I stop it? And it was like. It, like, rocked my friend. He was just like, how old?

[Dave]

How old was her?

[Jason Sudeikis]

That's a tough question.

[Kristen]

She's very hyper intelligent. And at this point, she was probably like, five. And, you know, she has depression, you know, since they figured. And he was like. At that point, he was like, do I tell her what depression is? Do we go into it? He was like. He started crying. Since that day, he promised, like, with both his kids, he was like, I'm always gonna tell the truth. And it's like. And she's totally good. Doesn't he mention, you know, she's in therapy and all? But it's like. But yeah, it's crazy. Like, really?

[Benny]

I feel like it's good. It is good to tell. I don't know if you guys remember. I have, like, memories of my parents being really honest and, like, open as you ask these questions. When I was younger, I mean, I don't think they would say anything that would be, like, harmful, but I feel like it's a good thing to.

[Dave]

Asked my parents enough questions like that, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I didn't ask them anything.

[Dave]

We had the World Book Encyclopedias. I was set.

[Kristen]

Do you want to know something cool, though? My other friend, right before his dad died, his dad got cancer, and he said, I don't know anything about my dad. He's like, I know, like, where he was born. Like, I know, like, where he worked. He was like, I have no idea who my dad is as a man. And a lot of. I'd say a lot of people really don't know their parents that well. They think they do.

[Benny]

I ask so many questions.

[Kristen]

Yeah. Yeah, you do. But I'm saying most people don't. And he took a tape recorder, and every day he went and he asked his dad every question. When'd you first fall in love. Like, when was the first time you were scared? And ask. Because most people don't know that stuff about their parents. Like, Chuck, do you know, like, everything about this?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I think I got, like, my parents, like, a book where they can, like, write. You know what I did? I sort of. This is what I did. So I had this exact. I totally forgot that I even did this until just now. And I can't.

[Kristen]

You're welcome.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And I have never. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for reminding me of something that I did. And I've never even watched the footage. Yes, you did.

[Benny]

When you had to cry.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, I didn't. No, use something else. But not really use something else. No, that's different. And I'll tell you about that in a second. You should remind me to tell you about that. Actor to actor.

[Dave]

Yeah, exactly. Inside the actor's scene. Tricks of the trade.

[Kristen]

You got a pen?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Parent sit pretty much where you're sitting.

[Dave]

Literally.

[Benny]

Exactly.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Hired a videographer, got a nice good frame. And I just asked them everything.

[Dave]

Your folks?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah. For no other reason. Because I just didn't want to even leave it to my memory. I wanted to have all their things. So I just had. And I back it up on all my drives. But then I started watching it, and I just instantly started crying. It was the most innocuous, basic question. And just seeing them talk as if I'm trying to immortalize their soul made me instantly cry. The other story I was gonna say. So I had a scene in my show where I had to get emotional. And I thought, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do this. I started trying to think about sad things in my life. By the way, I've had the best life ever.

[Dave]

Nothing came up. It was just hanger after banger.

[Kristen]

He hasn't done anything bad.

[Benny]

Uncle Bruce.

[Kristen]

Uncle Bruce.

[Jason Sudeikis]

My uncle died when I was eight. Like, I loved the guy, but I

[Kristen]

was eight and he died.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And that sucked.

[Kristen]

But, like, that's the only bad thing that's ever happened.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I think about my Uncle Bruce dying.

[Kristen]

I mean, that's the only bad thing that's ever happened to you.

[Benny]

And his dick stuff.

[Kristen]

Yeah, my dick.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Trauma.

[Kristen]

Dick in your hair. My hair? Yeah, like that. You don't like, right? Like, you don't like.

[Dave]

You're fine with it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Wait, what?

[Kristen]

You're fine with your hair. You know what? Chuckle like, wow, that's good.

[Benny]

Your hair is a little flat in the back.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So I hire an acting coach for the first time. I say, excuse me, here's my predicament. I got this scene coming up, like, every time. I haven't had many. Like, I know people pull from their past experiences. Like, I don't really have many. I'm like, I think about things that, in theory, make me sad, but I just have too much awareness of the reality at hand to not remind myself that I'm sitting on set thinking of this thing. I just can't. And I said, please help me figure out how to do it. Very shortly after my first consultation with her, consultation and hearing how I think and how I talk, she said, okay, look, here's what I would do if I were you. She said, if you don't want to leave it up to chance and, like, you want it, like, I think. I honestly think the best way to go about this is you ask your parents to film a video saying goodbye to you. And, like, they're like, closing statements. And then when it's time, don't watch the video. And then when it's time to shoot the scene, watch the video. And I think you'll be in good shape.

[Dave]

Like, so that's putting a lot of. Did she talk your parents, too, or.

[Jason Sudeikis]

She recommended that I do that. And then I said to my parents, so my acting coaches recommended that.

[Benny]

And your mom cried while she was doing it. She was like, yes.

[Jason Sudeikis]

My mom literally started crying during the thing.

[Benny]

Yeah, but obviously, what. She's saying goodbye to you.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I watched, like, 10 seconds of it at first just to see, like, did they even understand what was being asked of them? And I was like, yes, they do. Didn't watch it until the day. And I, like, watched it. I had, like, a good first take, and then I just kind of got over. I basically got to the point where I couldn't look at the thing and then put it down and then look up and shoot the whole scene. What I wanted was to. Where I would get the most emotional was while I was watching it. But if I'm going like this, none of that footage is. And then if I sit up, it's just not the same. So I had a PA put an iPhone on a stick in the eye line behind the actor that I was talking to, and an earpiece in my ear so I could just sit there and watch my eyeline. Right. And just listen to it. And that's how I got the scene. And I'm both ashamed and proud that that's what happened.

[Dave]

I think whatever it takes.

[Kristen]

Have you ever.

[Benny]

Can you cry on command? Command or like, in a scene?

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Benny]

Without your parents saying Goodbye without.

[Dave]

No, but. But I, like, I'm trying to think of things that I have thought definitely at one point. You know, certain songs can get me, like, for whatever reason, like, just. Yeah, there's just certain songs that still, like. I mean, I can pretty. Pretty easily, for whatever reason, but the times that I've had to do it that were manufactured. I remember doing.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, I'm gonna have some coffee.

[Dave]

There we go. Yeah, exactly.

[Kristen]

Now you have to cry. Sorry, that's the crying.

[Benny]

You're not crying.

[Dave]

I'm good.

[Benny]

Because you're crying because of what the people are saying. You're just being like, I'm gonna cry.

[Dave]

It depends. It depends on the scene. If it's stuff that I've written. It's usually something that's already inside me that's come out triggered by something else. But it usually comes from a place of regret. So it wouldn't be like having my parents saying goodbye to me. It would be me.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You got a lot of regrets in your life?

[Dave]

I don't have many, but the couple that I do have, but it's more about the regret of the things I would say if I was saying goodbye. But I do remember at TED Lasso, at one point, I just thought about this. This morning, oddly enough, was there was one scene where I'm emoting, talking about how the character's father dies and just sort of thinking about where I gotta. What it's gotta look like, you know, and where I gotta be. And I remember just with my eyes closed, being down, just thanking everyone, like, involved with the show for how much hard work and love they put into it. And it was, like, this tremendous amount of love for the process and the people that have done it. It was during our season two. So at that point, people. We had heard that the outside world liked what we were doing. So they're like it. But it's nothing that I would feel capable of doing, like, in front of a bunch of people. Because I know it would bring up so much emotion for me to thank

[Kristen]

all those people for giving it that right. But you felt you were maybe.

[Dave]

Because it's one of those weird things with emotion 100%. But you can't. You don't know the difference on camera because I'm, you know, I'm talking about my dad's passing and how much I loved him and how. What I wish I would have done differently before he died at, like. And so, yeah, I'm just thanking all these people. I'd be curious to see, like, that daily.

[Kristen]

When was the last time you cried in real life?

[Dave]

Oh, recently. Not a smile. I feel like I need, like. I feel like I need a good fucking sob. We can do it here. Yeah. If I get there.

[Kristen]

I love a good cry.

[Dave]

I do, too.

[Kristen]

You know what my favorite type of cry is in the world? When you're in the shower and, like, it's, like, arm on, like, the sidewall, and you're just, like, weeping, and it's like you can't even catch your breath.

[Benny]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I love. Everything's better in the shower.

[Dave]

It is. It's great. Everything just chills the fuck out.

[Kristen]

Do you know I sit down in every shower I ever get in?

[Dave]

I do know that.

[Kristen]

Like, on the floor every time I take a shower.

[Dave]

You want to know what?

[Kristen]

You want to know how I did it this morning?

[Benny]

And what are you doing when you're sitting?

[Kristen]

So I got in the shower, and first I sat down and I was brushing my teeth in the shower, and I'm sitting like this. I went like this, and I laid down like this and spread my legs.

[Dave]

This is some rich people shit. Look at the amount of room.

[Kristen]

I know. It's five foot one.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No.

[Kristen]

And the water was just shooting up my asshole. And I was just sitting there like this, and it felt so good.

[Benny]

Don't you hate the cold stuff on your belly?

[Kristen]

No. It's warm, you know, when you're a hit. Oh, my God. You grew up in my. How old are you?

[Dave]

50. Little old.

[Kristen]

Okay, for now. Do you want to say your thing first? Say your masturbation story.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, it's not a story. I was gonna say it's a philosophy. You know how you can't smell?

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I can't come on my feet.

[Kristen]

You can't?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Not really. I can if I. But it takes a lot more focus and concentration.

[Benny]

But you can really, you can.

[Kristen]

I can come in any position.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I can, but I don't want to.

[Benny]

Yeah, you're. He doesn't want to. You don't ever want to do anything, like, too physical? Like, I always have to, kind of.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, I'm saying, how dare you?

[Kristen]

Sexy.

[Jason Sudeikis]

How dare you?

[Benny]

No, I just.

[Kristen]

They're in love.

[Dave]

There's confidence in.

[Benny]

We are so in love.

[Dave]

Look at that.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Dap it up.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Hey, how's that Olipop?

[Kristen]

We try. It's delicious. You know this stuff makes you poop.

[Dave]

Does it?

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Benny]

Dave, if you drink, like, seven, you

[Kristen]

got nine grams of fiber in it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, then maybe you can poop in a bag for Jason. Well, Domino's, you know. What they do every time.

[Kristen]

What?

[Jason Sudeikis]

They knock it out of the park.

[Kristen]

You know what else they do?

[Dave]

Garlic parmesan crust.

[Benny]

Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a thing I just thought of?

[Dave]

It's the best.

[Benny]

You take a bite from the back and take a bite from the front.

[Kristen]

This is the best pizza. I'll tell you what the sauce is.

[Dave]

The sliced sauce.

[Kristen]

50 out of 10.

[Jason Sudeikis]

There's only 10.

[Kristen]

It's my favorite sauce.

[Jason Sudeikis]

There's one slice sauce.

[Kristen]

Mm.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Grab any handmade pan pizza or any parmesan stuffed pizza crust and dip them in the new slice sauce.

[Benny]

I'm kidding.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And that's how you level up your pizza night.

[Kristen]

So I'm kinda gonna put caviar on it. So it's real fancy.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Olipop time, everybody.

[Kristen]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Which flavor do you guys like better?

[Kristen]

What are you grabbing?

[Jason Sudeikis]

The BlackBerry vanilla. I'll take some raspberry sherber, too.

[Kristen]

I'm a raspberry sherber guy. That.

[Benny]

They brought this one back.

[Kristen]

They did.

[Benny]

Back by popular demand.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Wait, why does it spelled sherbet?

[Kristen]

Oh, my God. This is the best smelling thing I've ever smelt in my life. Oh, my God. I used to have an ice cream like a sherbet like this when I was a kid in upstate New York with my grandma.

[Dave]

And it.

[Kristen]

She's dead. It literally just brought me back to this.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Buy any 2 cans of Ollipop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor, any retailer. Go to drinkollipop.com fks oh, my God.

[Kristen]

This memory lane before Ted lasso even happened. I remember I was at, like, a big dinner in Europe, and you were there shooting.

[Dave]

We were shooting it.

[Kristen]

Yeah. And I remember thinking I was like, a show about soccer.

[Dave]

Tell me about it.

[Kristen]

And I was like. And I. And I was like. I was like, is that thing gonna work? Like. And it's, like, became like, boy, did boy, did it become the biggest show.

[Dave]

But even you, when you were talking

[Kristen]

about it, you were like, yeah, yeah, we're making this show.

[Dave]

I still talk about it like that.

[Kristen]

Yeah. What season are you on?

[Dave]

We just finished shooting season four.

[Kristen]

Didn't you guys get, like, the most Emmy nominations ever?

[Dave]

I think maybe at one point, but

[Jason Sudeikis]

at that point, you know how many nominations I got?

[Dave]

No. 4.

[Kristen]

6.

[Jason Sudeikis]

0. That's not true. Yes, it is.

[Benny]

1.

[Kristen]

No, not even close.

[Benny]

I thought for, like, directing or.

[Dave]

You didn't get nominated for anything.

[Kristen]

Nope. Never.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Zero.

[Kristen]

No recognition in any award show at all.

[Dave]

That's surprising to me.

[Kristen]

No, no, he's actually never been recognized by anything. He doesn't even get invited to like the.

[Jason Sudeikis]

He.

[Kristen]

He. One time he asked me, he goes, how am I not getting invited to the VMAs? He was like, I'm literally the guy you want the most.

[Dave]

Really funny.

[Kristen]

Are you pulling out a ticket? Oh, I thought you were.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Certificate.

[Kristen]

I thought he's giving you a ticket to the VMA.

[Dave]

I would have lost 100 bucks on that bet. I would have definitely assumed nominated if not one. But I don't pay too much attention to it. Me neither. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Meaningless.

[Benny]

Maybe they didn't see it right away.

[Kristen]

Is that.

[Dave]

Oh, it's the tv.

[Benny]

It's a Samsung frame tv.

[Dave]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Jason Sudeikis]

How can anyone not have a frame tv?

[Benny]

They always tell me that the thing.

[Dave]

They're so brilliant. Brilliant.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's the best. We have to think of an idea like that in life.

[Kristen]

It helps.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Black box turns into beautiful art. It's crazy.

[Dave]

It's such a great idea.

[Kristen]

You ever thought of any ideas?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, my God. Please be my food.

[Dave]

And it's just your food. I'm hearing a possessive pronoun.

[Kristen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave]

He doesn't.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I order myself lunch.

[Kristen]

He doesn't engage with any other.

[Dave]

No.

[Kristen]

Hey, Jason, you want anything there?

[Jason Sudeikis]

You okay?

[Kristen]

Well, I have not. Well, she. Yeah, well. But I do have a question. He doesn't even need to be here. Yeah.

[Dave]

What do you think of Dave? No, I can hand him what you read like, right to be here.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's not the food.

[Dave]

What was it?

[Benny]

Did you order laxatives? Really?

[Dave]

This is the.

[Kristen]

Is it laxatives?

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's laxatives.

[Kristen]

Oh, my God. Take one right now.

[Dave]

That is a heavy bag.

[Benny]

And they also don't make you shit right away.

[Kristen]

How quick.

[Dave]

Just send it.

[Kristen]

Eat the laxative right now.

[Dave]

You shit in the bag and just send it to my place. And then I'll smell it there and I'll just do a little video.

[Kristen]

Dave, do you please eat it last?

[Benny]

Gonna break his like non smelling laxative.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I love how everyone's really acting. Like she's definitely gonna take the laxatives and shit.

[Kristen]

Like, what's a laxative smell or look like?

[Dave]

It's like a gun has been introduced into the scene.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Everyone's like, yeah, of course you're gonna blow his head.

[Kristen]

Okay, you can Nair n you because

[Jason Sudeikis]

the way you're talking about it.

[Kristen]

Right.

[Benny]

Okay, so you're gonna smell Nair, Magnus.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You're gonna smell. We're gonna put some Nair on your. The back of your neck.

[Kristen]

Oh, Magnesium.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I have Jason smell, by the way. I've done some research. Laxatives, when they're inserted.

[Benny]

But in fifth grade, somebody went anally.

[Kristen]

Is that what this is?

[Benny]

I was like, well, I gotta get rid of this mustache to you.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I don't know.

[Benny]

Like, we can see it.

[Dave]

Yeah. Fatherhood question for you. Go for it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I've only known you for about an hour.

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

But I can already tell that. Okay, enough noise. I can already tell. Just like me, you seem like a type of guy who just seeks the joke all the time. And, like, you live life just like that.

[Dave]

Fun, right?

[Jason Sudeikis]

It feels that way. And the. I love that. Honestly, filming these is my favorite thing I've ever done in my career because it allows me to tap into this part of me that was just like the boy who was hanging out with his friends, entertaining them, trying to have fun. Do you feel like you're employing that same sense of humor to your children as they grow up in a full way, or do you have to tone it back or even change your comedic style to communicate with your children?

[Dave]

I don't change it too much. I feel like I may not be. I feel my sweet spot is when someone is watching the farm and then I can run around. So then as a parent, I feel like, for me, if there is a structure in place, then I can goof around in it, but when I am the structure, then less so. I think they're more inclined to see it when I'm like, being like, a

[Jason Sudeikis]

key role player while a superstar leads.

[Dave]

Yeah, you're just not point guarding, just your shooting guard. Then you're getting 30 points a game or you're getting at least 20 looks, and the other person is the one calling out defense and they're switching. Like, are you a strict guy? I mean, I mean, not. I mean, it's all relative, but, like, no pun intended, right? But, but, but. I think Ish. Like, but. But about, like, manners and stuff and, like, saying please and thank you and.

[Benny]

And do you see your sense. Do you see your kids having, like, a similar sense of humor as you like.

[Dave]

Oh, my gosh, they're so funny. They're getting funnier and funnier as they go. They've, you know, Daisy's been funny from jump.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What age are your kids?

[Dave]

9 11.

[Kristen]

9 11.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like. Yeah, two and a half years apart.

[Benny]

Almost.

[Dave]

Almost.

[Benny]

You know, that's so fun.

[Dave]

It's super great. Like, such good vibes and then this. But when he and I are having, like, chats and stuff. We'll look through old photos and videos of Daisy and he just cracks up like he's watching his favorite sitcom. Like, he just. It's so sweet. And I just try to remember that, remind him of that, especially as they'll become teenagers. It'll be nuts. What's your sibling breakdown? I know you have brothers.

[Kristen]

I have one real brother.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Yeah. He's five and a half years older. And then I have three step siblings that are all younger.

[Dave]

Gotcha. What about you?

[Benny]

One older brother, five years older.

[Dave]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Jason Sudeikis]

One older brother, four years older.

[Dave]

Okay. Wow. So that's. That's like different high schools.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Benny]

I was eighth grade. He was a senior.

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah. So, like, my sisters are Kristen's. You know, I was 75, she's 79. And then Lindsay was 81. So they're really close and always have been and very difficult to beat in charades, me and my brother. Yeah. That mind meld.

[Kristen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave]

It's incredible.

[Kristen]

You want more kids?

[Dave]

I would if. Yeah. If I fell in love with, you know, like. Like. Yeah. I think it comes from the.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Are you a single man?

[Dave]

I am currently. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

How's being single?

[Dave]

I don't know. Ups and downs.

[Benny]

Are you more of a relationship guy? Like, do you find yourself in relationships more than being single?

[Dave]

I like being in relation to people. I don't. I'm not at a point in my life when I were like, you know, where it feels good or fulfilling to date numerous people all at once. That feels daunting and overwhelming, especially with being a parent. And there's also a new thing of anybody dating that they are like. They're never number one on the call sheet, as the showbiz saying would go. Like, the kids are.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Benny]

Oh, interesting.

[Dave]

You know what I mean? Even probably more so than myself. And so then there's that little bit as you get older, you're like, oh, God, I gotta make sure my cup's full. In order for, you know, other people

[Kristen]

get the overflow when you're tipping at a restaurant.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What? Nothing.

[Dave]

Yeah, Here we go.

[Kristen]

You know, it's an interesting world to be in.

[Dave]

You're like, how do you do the math for 12%?

[Kristen]

Are you are.

[Benny]

You know, I get too scared to do anything other than 20 and a percent or above.

[Kristen]

You know what's crazy? You know what the worst thing is? When it's an automatic gratuity at 18. Cause then you're like, how do I even add percentage? Because I always. Cause then I'm like, oh, it's too low.

[Jason Sudeikis]

He criticizes me for tipping 20%.

[Kristen]

No, I don't criticize it.

[Dave]

Instead of What? Higher?

[Kristen]

No.

[Dave]

30, 35? No, no, it varies.

[Kristen]

I don't criticize. It's only if someone else is paying, saying, well, what are you tipping? Cause I want to, like, I say,

[Dave]

well, if I feel like that's gonna, like, make people more anxious. Right. Cause this is a form of anxiety. I think when we were talking about it earlier, I was like. I was like, I guess as a kid, or up until I was like, you know, growing up, I was like, oh, anxiety is only about dying. And it's like, no, it's about stuff like this. I'm worried about that. But to be asked at the table, like, okay, yeah. Oh, you're gonna pick. Ah, thanks, Mark. That's really nice of you, Mark. Hey, what are you tipping? Well, it's just like. That's like the thing that will.

[Kristen]

Yeah, I know.

[Dave]

No one talks, like, red flag. The cheaper. Like, oh, I don't think it teaches anything. Tipping poorly. Because if someone is not good at, like, say it is like a waiter waitress at, like, a. A diner type place, and they're just brusque and not checked in. And you were gonna be. You wanna be there for 45 minutes. You were there for an hour and a half because they were just like, just not there, whatnot. That's kind of nuts that that would happen. But, like, if you only tipped, like, 10%. Yeah, like, they're only gonna walk away from there going, what an asshole. Versus, like, if you're gonna tip 10%, I think you gotta give a note. Give a note saying, I normally tip more, but you were so. Or say it to them. But even that. I'm like, the only thing that stinks more than that for me is, like, is how teachers have to buy their own. Teachers have to buy their own school supplies. I'm just like.

[Benny]

I'm like, that's wild.

[Dave]

Women buying tampons. I'm like, come on, what the fuck are we doing?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Wait a minute. Yeah, what happens?

[Dave]

Teachers, Teachers, like, when we were growing up, even though I'm older than y', all, like, I guarantee you, the teachers, if they wanted to get something, you know, crazy dope, they'd go out of pocket. But for the most part, like, the school was paying it. Now you see so often, like, you know, just friends, you know, that they're still back home in Kansas. Like, you know, on their Instagram, like, hey, our grade school teacher has an Amazon. Like, wish List of things, you know, so you could buy markers for the kids. I'm like, how is wild, like, paying taxes? Like, where's this money going?

[Benny]

Like, each teacher kind of like, I

[Jason Sudeikis]

thought you were, like, referencing some super creative approach to, like, a big presentation and having to pay for that.

[Dave]

No, no, no.

[Jason Sudeikis]

We're talking about basic supplies.

[Dave]

Basic supplies. Like, just.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Why do teachers have to pay for that?

[Dave]

Become more commonplace than I've just noticed. And I'm not as plugged in and I don't know the solved and I don't know the reasons why, but I can't imagine I'd be convinced being like, oh, no, no, that's fair. Ms. Norman should have to buy her own erasers. Buy her own chalk. Makes her not blow through it. She has to pay for it herself.

[Jason Sudeikis]

One time I had a teacher. This is a terrible story. She was just walking and she was kind of young, and she was like, young. It was like the youngest teacher I ever had.

[Benny]

Yeah, she was like, new.

[Jason Sudeikis]

She was like, young and new. And she was cool. She was cool. I don't know. She wasn't like, I liked her, but you could tell that she wanted to be cool. And she was like, walking one day, and she just slipped and just fell right on her face.

[Dave]

Aw.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah, that's the end of the story.

[Dave]

That's it. It's almost done.

[Benny]

It's terrible.

[Kristen]

Then she tipped 100%.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It was like the craziest thing. Like, I've never, like, it was so just. And then she got up immediately, tried to play it off immediately.

[Dave]

She was like, oh.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Like. Then her chin just burst open. And that is now the end of the story.

[Dave]

Yeah, I had the same. I was running up from the subway at my SNL days, running up the stairs on 30 Rock, running late. And a gal was coming down the stairs, her and her friend, and she full on slips and like, and busts her chin. Same kind of thing. And she stands up and it's that embarrassment that people have when they fall, that she was just like, I'm fine, I'm fine. Meanwhile, just a beard of blood spewing out. And her friend's like, no, Becky, you're not fine. And I'm just like, do you guys, like, I know security, they're just tourists. And I was like, do you want help? And like, no, no, no, we're fine. It's like, no, we need help. And it was just like, we're fine, we're fine. Please stop. I'm fine. Blood just. I'm like, okay, I'M gonna go. It's just right around. The main desk is right around the corner. I was just like, I probably do that metaphorically all the time.

[Kristen]

Yeah. When people try not to keep running. It's so weird.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I was on a date one time and the girl tripped. Right. And it wasn't a date. It was like two months into dating a girl.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And she tripped and it was funny.

[Dave]

Yep. She hated it.

[Benny]

And you laughed. I laughed and she was mad.

[Jason Sudeikis]

And it changed everything.

[Kristen]

Yeah. Really?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I don't know if it changed everything, but that night it did for sure.

[Dave]

Yeah. Not good.

[Jason Sudeikis]

That night was like. Was so fun. We were hitting it off. She tripped, she fell, she got up. I could see that she was embarrassed. And then I laughed and I felt like such a loser for laughing. And then you can't really talk anymore about it. And so we had choose not to talk about it. And then it's really just putting.

[Benny]

You never know with people. One time I stepped on someone's toe. An ex boyfriend. And I was in trouble for days.

[Dave]

That's crazy.

[Kristen]

I have the brain in Greatest story ever, but I don't. I think we're just gonna use it.

[Dave]

Turn black and blue.

[Benny]

What's your story?

[Kristen]

It doesn't matter. It's not. It's not useful.

[Dave]

What's the best rights to it?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you like go out and like c I pee? Like, are you in?

[Kristen]

Yeah, man.

[Dave]

Look at me.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What am I? Yeah, bud. You ain't stealing all. I don't mean stealing.

[Kristen]

I mean like that's so locked into Ted Lasso that you're just like doing it or are you getting ideas for like new shows and stuff?

[Dave]

No, it's mostly. It also funnels into.

[Kristen]

Into their Zero ideas.

[Dave]

Zero ideas. Zero idea guy.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you ever feel like you're living a big idea to big Idea?

[Dave]

No, never. Neither do I don't know why.

[Kristen]

That'd be horrible.

[Dave]

Just like. Just swam looking around for the next one. There's a mogul mindset that I think when you're in the groove of like. I was asking. I just out of nowhere it struck me to ask Finny a. What was the time difference between writing what was I Made for and Birds of a Feather? And it was like he was like within like a month. And I was just like, I think that's so neat.

[Benny]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

You wanna know something so crazy? One time I was with T Pain.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen]

And I was talking to him and we were talking about music and you know, he's done so many big records and one Time. He said he was in the studio and he wrote six number one songs in one night.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Six number ones in one night. I will tell you. I'll tell you a quick story that's actually interesting. I had just stopped flying. Okay. And I don't fly.

[Dave]

Still don't. Yeah.

[Kristen]

Still don't.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Never ever.

[Kristen]

No. I'll take a boat, to be honest.

[Dave]

Don't say never.

[Benny]

You're going to.

[Kristen]

No, no, I'm saying right now.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

As of now. Yeah.

[Benny]

In your future life? One day.

[Kristen]

Yes, I do.

[Jason Sudeikis]

He's working through it.

[Kristen]

I'm working towards it. I'm driving. I'm on, like, my second trip, driving across the country. It's 2009. I'm going to work on Katy Perry's album. Okay. Drive. Get there. I had to convince my brother to drive me. I promised him I'd buy him a suit from H and M if he drove me. So he drove me. And all my friends came.

[Dave]

Six buttons, big dragon on.

[Kristen]

I was like, absolutely. For H and M from.

[Benny]

I was surprised he drove you all that way. Just for.

[Dave]

What is it?

[Kristen]

No one had money. This is, like, way back in the

[Benny]

day, he wanted that suit.

[Kristen]

And a bunch of my friends came with me. We, like, rented a RAV4 and we all drove together. And it was so fun. So I get there, and I'm exhausted. And everyone's like, come to the studio. And I'm so tired. I get to the studio, they said, hey, we finished the album. We'd love you to hear the singles. And I'm like, what the fuck? I just drove all the way here, and you're done? And then they said, we'd love for

[Jason Sudeikis]

you to hear the singles.

[Kristen]

They said, we'd love for you to hear it. And they're, like, dancing in the studio. They're so happy. Cause you never know when you're gonna make the song. And I said, okay. And I'm exhausted. Haven't slept in a bed in a long time. Like, we're, like, traveling. I get there and I, like, go in, and I'm like, fuck. So they're all in the main studio. Everyone's like. They're, like, having a field day. I go in the side room at a recording studio called Conway, and I'm in the side, and I'm just like. I'm just gonna start, like, making some beats. And I just, like, start making beats. And then Dr. Luke comes in. He, like, plays some stuff. And then, like, you know, Max Martin's, like, getting, like, a cookie, and he, like, Comes in and he's like, oh, what's in here? And basically we started making two demos that night. And the two demos we made were California Girls and Teenage Dream. They were the two demos we made. And it was crazy. And literally they go like. Everyone comes in and listens to them. They're like, these are okay. And then we went to bed and then we came back the next day and we were like. We were like, what the fuck? These are insane.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Benny]

Nose behind.

[Dave]

And I think if you're not swinging from vine to vine, you get to the vine quicker. Yeah, it's a little bit like, you know when you have like the spot in your eye and you, like, try to look at it and it keeps moving away. I feel like that's a little bit. There's something to. There's something to that.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You know, Gift giving used to be something that was hard for me.

[Benny]

It's still hard for me.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It ain't hard for me no mo. I don't know why I said it like that, but. Canva, tell them all. Well, like, if I wanted to get Benny a gift, I could get a. You know, take a picture of me and him, put it into Canva. Canva will design me a coffee mug.

[Kristen]

I don't want a coffee mug. Nope. I want a stainless steel water bottle with graphics on the outside.

[Benny]

We can look into that for you.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I believe that a lot of things are possible and especially from a design perspective. My goodness. Canva makes design easy for anyone with built in AI that lets you remove, generate and anime content in just a click. Start designing [e-mail] this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Benny]

Hey, Benny, how has therapy helped you maintain your mental health?

[Kristen]

Oh, my God. I'm nothing without therapy. You know how they say it takes a village to raise someone? For me, it really just takes one.

[Dave]

Therapist.

[Kristen]

Therapist, old man who's my therapist and has been my therapist for 20 years.

[Dave]

Wow.

[Kristen]

And. And therapy is a place where I can go and I can say anything and not feel afraid.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Anything?

[Kristen]

Yeah, you can say anything. I think, except like, murder.

[Benny]

Therapy is meant for you to speak your mind and navigate your own.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Can I say something?

[Benny]

I would love for you to.

[Jason Sudeikis]

My mother's a therapist.

[Kristen]

Oh.

[Benny]

How have we never talked about this?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Your mental health matters. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.comfks that's better. A H-E-L-P.comfks did you guys just like,

[Kristen]

fall into Ted Lasso? Like, how does it even happen?

[Dave]

No, we made no, we. We. I got hired. NBC Sports got the rights for the Premier league back in 2016.

[Jason Sudeikis]

This is a rights based thing.

[Dave]

Yeah, it was. It was.

[Kristen]

You're literally a right.

[Dave]

Ad company came to me with like five ideas. They had. Like, I forget the other four or whatever they were, but one was like, football coach, coaches, soccer. And I was like, oh, I, like, just shitting my pants. Like shitting my, you know, my brain. Pants. Brain shit. Yeah, exactly.

[Kristen]

What year was this?

[Dave]

2013. Like, this is like May of 2013. So long, so long ago. And then I was like, okay, can I bring two friends? My friend Joe Kelly, who's a great writer, like, and then I had another buddy that I was thinking. And then Joe was like, what about our buddy Brendan who plays Coach Beard on the show? I was like. Cause he knows everything. Huge soccer, football fan, you know, like, Joe knows a little bit about soccer and football, and I knew nothing. So it was kind of like the Goldilocks theory. And so we were like, okay, let's do that. They came over. Olivia and I were staying up in Nichols Canyon. At that point, we, like, had the laptop open. We just wrote out beats, like, for ideas. We knew we were gonna have two days. We're gonna shoot it in London. It was one of those moments for me where it's just like, oh, I'm just like in a flow state or in a zone type thing. We go over there, we make the commercial. It's a multimillion dollar campaign. There's no. We did not write a script. We have no script. The ad company did, but we only were using little pieces of it. You know, I came up with the name Ted Lasso. I was just like, what about Ted Lasso? You know, I just like the idea of a first name and a noun.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Like, you know, it was like, you know, whatever. And so then we're over there, and in between setups, luckily we had this great director named Marty who did Second City in Toronto. And so he was okay with improvisation as a process. And then we. We would go. We'd dick around for 20 minutes. I'd act like a fool. The character's a little bit different, you know, like, he had a mustache and he'd talk like that and everything, but he's a little bit more like, like, Michael Scott, David Brent kind of vibe. And then we. Then they'd do stuff. We'd go in there and play catan. And then my manager would be outside talking to, like, the guys from NBC. And Todd would be going, but what are they doing, like, what.

[Kristen]

What's.

[Dave]

Like, what are we doing next? He goes, just trust the process. Everything's gonna go fine. Marty, the director, was okay with it. We ended up then helping out with the edit. And it was like a little short film. It was like three and a half minutes.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Like a proof of concept thing of this film.

[Dave]

No, but it wasn't even. It was just a commercial.

[Jason Sudeikis]

For what?

[Dave]

For NBC. For the Premier League on NBC Sports.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So this is just like. Just a commercial born out of, like.

[Dave]

It was just a commercial. Just like, here's, you know, a couple hundred grand to make it to be, like, this commercial. Okay, how about we call this guy Ted Lasso? The commercial does so well both with football fans, soccer fans, comedy people liked it. What year was this? 2013. It came out just a couple months later, you know, and it played great. And then we enjoyed doing it. I remember at some point being at the U.S. open, me and my buddy

[Jason Sudeikis]

John Glazer ripping your mustache hair out,

[Dave]

thinking, I didn't have it. It was real at that point. But I was so tan, too, from living out here. And I look down the row and I see Tony Parker, who was with the spurs at that point, and Thierry Henry from Arsenal, like, look down and, like, wave at me. And I look at Jon, I go, oh, Thierry Henry and Tony Parker are just waving at me like they know me. We get up after, like, a game, set, match or whatever, and they come up and they're gushing about Ted Lasso. I'm like, oh, wow. This commercial, like, even the cool kids like it. Like, footballers and hoop athletes and, like, okay. So then we enjoyed doing it so much that we were like, hey, can we do another one? And their premise was they're like, yes, but we don't have the budget we had last year, so we can't fly you over there. So. Okay, that's okay. The whole premise of the commercial is Ted Lasso gets hired by the Tottenham Hotspurs and then gets fired, like, three days later because he doesn't know what he's doing. He's hired and fired in three and a half minutes, whatever. And then we did the second one. The idea being. And that's more where the show idea comes out of, where Ted gets hired but then gets fired, but isn't mad at anybody, and it's just like. But falls in love with soccer, falls in love with London. Now he's living back in New York, waking up at 7am to watch Premier League games, driving a Mini Cooper that he named Bradley. You know, like, all these, like, silly jokes, and then it's just like 2015, Olivia and I out to eat or having dinner somewhere, and she's like, what do you want to do? I was like, she's like, you should do some of that Ted Lasso. You guys love doing that. And you enjoyed Joe and Brennan. We all get along so well, you know, when find, like, you know, those people, it's like, blah, blah, blah. We then, like, sit around for a week and write for three days. It was one of these weeks that, like, so many good ideas came out that in three days we had six episodes. Sort of figured out Joe had written, like, a spit draft of the pilot, which is about 85% of what we ended up doing, you know, more or less. And, yeah, that was 2015. Then it just sat there for years.

[Benny]

You didn't do anything with it?

[Dave]

No, not for years.

[Benny]

We got it out.

[Dave]

Olivia, we had Otis, we had Daisy. I was doing a movie here and there. Kids will slow it down. But they also allowed this gestation. You know, the world was obviously changing with, like, all the Michigan Trump and whatnot. And then Joe was working on a show. Brendan was gigging like crazy doing stuff out here. And then it wasn't until, like, Bill Lawrence had an idea for a show that he wanted me to do that wasn't the right fit. And then he was like, well, if you have any other ideas. I was like, well, me and my friends have this, and I hand him the stack of stuff. And then he read. He flew out to Brooklyn to meet with me. And then I think he read on the way back, and he's like, yeah, there's a lot of good ideas there. And we were all like. So we were like this stalled car. And he was like, basically like the guy that gives us a little jump starter, put gas in the tank. So, yeah, it started as a commercial.

[Jason Sudeikis]

That's amazing.

[Dave]

So NBC.

[Kristen]

I gotta see that first game.

[Dave]

Warner Brothers owns it. Apple owns all this.

[Benny]

I had to get rights.

[Dave]

Billionaire company, NBC passed on it. Like, only reason, like, we went to

[Benny]

all the people on the show that.

[Dave]

On the show that we. Yeah, like NBC.

[Kristen]

I mean, Netflix, everyone passed on Ted Lasso.

[Dave]

Yeah, but it makes sense. Like, nobody. No promises. You know, here's the idea. And they. They. Yeah, we weren't they. And Apple was like, yeah, let's do it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Did you were the Millers, or are you just a hired gun?

[Dave]

Hired gun. But I did. I helped with, like, rewrites, like Ross and a third.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I love that movie.

[Kristen]

You know, What?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I love it.

[Dave]

I'm so proud of. You. Should be part of that movie.

[Kristen]

You know what else?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Inspiring. As a comedian who just wants to watch funny movies, that's. No.

[Kristen]

You know who else would. Else is so underrated.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What?

[Kristen]

Hall Pass is so underrated.

[Dave]

Hall Pass? Yeah. That was the first time.

[Kristen]

You don't like that one?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I thought you were gonna say Horrible Bosses.

[Kristen]

Yeah, I don't think that's underrated. I think that's like a. I think that's, like, a huge.

[Dave]

Hall Pass is one of those movies that I get. I have, like, dudes like my age, like, sort of whisper to me, I love Hall Pass. It feels like subversive.

[Benny]

I'm like, do you watch yourself?

[Dave]

Yeah, but not. I don't, like, sit there and, like, crack up. Oh, really?

[Benny]

This guy. Do you know this guy Daniel?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, my God, I wonder about that. People think I'm crazy. I'm, like, just up there editing foot of, like, any show, and I'm like,

[Benny]

he edited all of his show here during. Because it was the pandemic. And I would hear just, like, cackling, like, the loudest laughs. And it was. I'd always say, what?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Did you watch us?

[Benny]

And it was his joke. Like, anything he said, do you know,

[Kristen]

I never realized until, like, I go back and think about it. You're in, like, every movie and TV show ever made. And then I.

[Benny]

When did you start? How old were you?

[Dave]

I got hired to write at SNL when I was 2013. So. 20. I was 27. Almost 28.

[Kristen]

Okay.

[Benny]

Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Were you on SNL?

[Dave]

Yeah, I worked there 10 years. Wrote for two on for eight.

[Benny]

But you started as a writer and then you did this. And did you have hopes of, like, being on it or. Are there ever any writers that are just like, I just want to write for snl?

[Dave]

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So you're from the SNL tree of comedians?

[Dave]

Yes, 100%.

[Kristen]

Within the last two days, I saw you in two things that I wasn't thinking of. I forget what it's called. It's like a relationship one, and it's like a romantic comedy.

[Dave]

Oh. With Alison Brie.

[Kristen]

What's it called?

[Dave]

Sleeping with Other People.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Yeah, I love that movie too, man.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I like that movie a lot.

[Kristen]

She watches that one, like, every month. Watches it, like, every month.

[Dave]

Be a part of that.

[Kristen]

Are you in the funeral scene of Eastbound and Down?

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah. Well, the guy in the casket and. Yeah, of course, I had to die by doing cocaine. I've never done cocaine. Still haven't oh, me neither. And I drowned the. The dollar bill across. They're like, no, what are you doing? You don't drag the dollar bill. You're supposed to do it. It's supposed to be like, I don't even know, over. I know. Me neither.

[Benny]

Makes sense.

[Dave]

I've never done.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I thought you'd drag it, too.

[Kristen]

Never done any drag.

[Dave]

And what we're thinking is probably the visual of, like, people cutting it up. You hover over, so it's like you're a vacuum.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You're snorting the dirt.

[Dave]

We were going broom, coke, broom and whisk.

[Benny]

No, I just. When he explained.

[Kristen]

Have you ever done coke?

[Jason Sudeikis]

None of us have ever done coke.

[Dave]

That's amazing.

[Kristen]

You've ever done anything.

[Benny]

I think I would love it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Mushrooms and weed. But I've never done lsd. I've done heroin. No, never done heroin.

[Benny]

Xanax. Have you ever taken a Xanax?

[Dave]

I don't think I have. Oh, I don't think I have.

[Benny]

I wonder. I wonder if you would like it.

[Dave]

No, I tried Lexapro for a little while there, but it makes it very hard to climax.

[Benny]

Yeah, I hear that about Lexapro.

[Kristen]

Wait, what's hard to climax?

[Dave]

Lexapro was. I remember taking it for a couple weeks. Like, this was ages ago.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's big on your feet.

[Benny]

Is. Isn't that. Isn't that.

[Dave]

That's a pro. We keep you on your feet.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Do you think? Cause I don't know how you play basketball.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

But I feel like you're probably a good shooter.

[Dave]

If I'm hot. Yeah. If I'm hot. If I. If I. If I.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So you're not. Like, I'm always.

[Dave]

I would say that. I would say that I am.

[Kristen]

You're not always hot. You're just always hot.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I'm always hot.

[Kristen]

Chuck, you're not always hot.

[Dave]

You're not always hot.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I'm the kind of guy who, when you play, you're like. Like before the game starts, you're like. Are like, don't leave him, shooter.

[Dave]

Oh, I'm that.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You're that.

[Dave]

I'm that. Oh, I am that. Especially if I haven't played in a while. Like, I can get. If I get hot. But I would say that I'm streaking hot.

[Benny]

You just mean when you're on top

[Dave]

of it, just on fire. Like in the zone. Like where. Yeah. Where you just can't mix.

[Kristen]

What are you doing?

[Benny]

You make all the three points. Three point.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Just keep talking points.

[Kristen]

Do you want any Nair?

[Benny]

Are you about to get a basketball.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I'm gonna take a laxative up my. Actually, what am I saying? The Olipop.

[Kristen]

I don't want it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I don't want it. The Olipop that Benny's always gushing about, Maybe that's what I need.

[Dave]

He's gonna go, right? I don't know.

[Kristen]

I hope he has, like, a little basketball hoop and we get to play horse.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, we got new flavors. Raspberry sherbet. Is it sherbet? BlackBerry vanilla. You know, I'm the kind of athlete that gets free products sent to him. So what I'm gonna do real quick is try both of these out, because there's nothing better than making choices before you embarrass other men. That's. It's going to be hard to beat. BlackBerry vanilla. Oh, my God. This is a real conundrum for me because I really did intend to come in here and make a choice. Unfortunately, I can't do that because they're both so good. I do need my hands to compete. So I'm going to put these back for now. But maybe. Maybe I'll be back. I'm gonna go get a basketball hoop. I'm just getting something.

[Benny]

This will be a good time for me. I'm terrible at a pig.

[Kristen]

Of course.

[Dave]

Yeah. I mean, you know. All right, I have a few, like, great shots.

[Benny]

Did you play basketball, like, growing up a lot?

[Dave]

Yeah, in high school and college.

[Kristen]

I love that.

[Benny]

So many men.

[Kristen]

More men over here.

[Benny]

I guess I can just play basketball.

[Kristen]

No, no, it should be over here.

[Dave]

No, it's a good thing we have

[Kristen]

nowhere to shoot at.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I gamed it all out.

[Kristen]

Move the pan. Where would he shoot?

[Dave]

Move the pans from over there.

[Jason Sudeikis]

From everywhere.

[Kristen]

Okay.

[Benny]

Where are you putting that?

[Dave]

Around the world. Look at this.

[Benny]

Dave, blow out the candles. I don't want anything to catch on fire.

[Kristen]

That's the stupidest place to put it. There's nowhere to shoot.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Let me show you something.

[Dave]

Hold on.

[Benny]

Let me move off again.

[Dave]

This is a 12 photo.

[Kristen]

This is where you'd want to put it so you have some space.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So you're shooting, like, four feet away.

[Kristen]

No. What do you mean? You're shooting from here. Yours. You can't. I don't know.

[Dave]

You don't want to fill that base.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You don't have that kind of range.

[Kristen]

Let me just see what's going on here. Check. You're going to hit the thing.

[Dave]

Where do you keep your extra sand? Because you want to put in that base. You guys have that?

[Kristen]

You got any Sandals.

[Jason Sudeikis]

But to me, the light fixtures serve as an interesting obstacle.

[Kristen]

Ooh, this is a good ball. This one's good.

[Dave]

That's a pool ball. I recognize that from, like, a pool setup.

[Kristen]

This one's good, Chuck. Look at the way this bounce.

[Jason Sudeikis]

What do you think?

[Kristen]

I mean, I don't know if I like where you.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I like it.

[Dave]

It's smart.

[Kristen]

That's.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, yeah, that's smart.

[Kristen]

What ball are we doing? That's good.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Fatherhood type shit.

[Kristen]

What ball?

[Jason Sudeikis]

See, you already made that.

[Kristen]

I was just checking the ball.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You're one for one. I mean, there's different balls. It seems like you like that.

[Dave]

Let's see.

[Kristen]

Which ball. Do you want to try this ball? And first we have to decide what the best ball is. This is not the best ball. This is a bad ball. This is a very bad.

[Dave]

This is what came with it.

[Kristen]

I'm taking this out.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Let me just take a shot. First shot, obviously.

[Dave]

Obviously.

[Kristen]

And I mean, I took it for a shot and I made it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You did.

[Dave]

Using the glass.

[Jason Sudeikis]

This is crazy that you made.

[Dave]

That's slippery.

[Kristen]

Why is it crazy that I made it?

[Jason Sudeikis]

You know, it's crazy. You made your first shot.

[Kristen]

No, it's not. I mean, you're.

[Jason Sudeikis]

He's going to miss every shot he takes for the rest.

[Dave]

We've played hoops. We've played hoops together at Harley. That counts for something.

[Kristen]

Check him. Let him use the good ball. Let him use the good ball.

[Dave]

No, but I will right now.

[Kristen]

Let him.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, that's a good stroke.

[Kristen]

Let me.

[Dave]

Let me just.

[Kristen]

See, that's a good stroke. Let me just try. You know.

[Dave]

Have you played in the. In the NBA?

[Kristen]

I made my.

[Dave]

Have you ever considered.

[Jason Sudeikis]

No, I haven't.

[Dave]

Let me try the All Star Game.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I did.

[Dave]

Yeah, I played in it twice. One time was awful. Oh, wait, you don't. I don't know if we've ever told you this story.

[Jason Sudeikis]

The.

[Dave]

I played it in. In 2010. It was. It was in the day. It was here in la. The coach was Bill Walton. The other coach was Magic Johnson.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, my God.

[Dave]

It was, I think, one of the first times they put celebrities with real players. Scottie Pippen was on my team, which was exciting, but then it was in a really small, odd venue, and then on the other team was this young kid who I didn't know. I knew the name, but didn't. But an Usher protege known as Justin Bieber. Right.

[Kristen]

Were you at that game where he dominated?

[Dave]

Yes, and it was hilarious. Cause it was kind of like. I mean, he Has a crazy shot and it goes in like nut.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I was.

[Dave]

I didn't get to play at all. And I was so bummed. I thought Bill Walt and I were going to hit it off because we both smoked pot. And I loved John Wood and I was like, oh, he's going to love me. Couldn't care less. I don't care, you know, like, I want. Because him and Magic were like going head to head. There was like Celtics, Lakers, rivalry stuff. And Bieber's going off. And then two thirds of the crowd was there to see Bieber. Totally where you don't. I didn't realize it. I just knew him as like this. I was like, you know, I didn't know. And before he had become SNL and hosted or even been a musical guest or anything like that. And I'm so. I'm kind of bummed. I remember, like, I didn't even have to shower afterwards. I was just like, I was just changing. And as I'm leaving, as I'm leaving, I am leaving. I've got my bag and I'm getting ready to go. And I see Maverick Carter and LeBron, who I had met when he had hosted SNL like a year, two before, whatever. And both LeBron and Maverick go, hey, Sudeikis. I was like, hey, man. Hey, guys. You know, daft him up. And they're like, look at you looking like a ballerina. I was like, just by the. My look, I clearly did not watch that. And I was like. I was like, oh, thanks, guys. And I felt better. And then I remember that leaving there and going to like, CAA or somewhere to watch the very first screening of Horrible Bosses. And I was just like. And I was like, oh, this is what I do now. Don't worry about the. It was like the universe being like,

[Jason Sudeikis]

don't worry, we still have value.

[Dave]

You're not external value, at least internals.

[Kristen]

You want me to tell you what happened in my first Celebrity Game?

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen]

Okay. So I was at like a. In a. In a Latin one. It was like a Latin celebrity game for like, Latin music. And I get there.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Good hit.

[Kristen]

And they were like, oh, we're like giving everyone shoes and outfits. And I was like, oh, okay. And like, I didn't get to talk to them. And they, like, gave me shoes. And the shoes were like, a little bit big. They didn't like, have my size, but they were like, good enough. I could time tight. So it's my turn to go on. And it's like, like, everybody's playing it's a bad bunny's plant, like every big musician. And I go on, and it's the first play, and I run out, and my legs, like, my shoes fly off my body. They fly into there. And I fell out of my shoes and couldn't recover. Like, I fell out and I went like. And I, like, flew.

[Benny]

Confidence.

[Kristen]

They had to help me up. I, like, got hurt.

[Dave]

Help me up. I had no idea what was gonna. I wanted to, like, pause it and say, everybody guess. No, you probably knew necessarily, like. But I was like, I never would have guessed that.

[Kristen]

They had to help me out.

[Dave]

My shoes flew off.

[Kristen]

And then for the rest of the game, I didn't even get to touch the ball. Cause, like, they were like, oh, my God, this guy can't even walk. Nobody even. I didn't even get to touch it.

[Dave]

Nobody played defense on you.

[Kristen]

I didn't even get, like. They would be like. They could be like, 18 guys on. And they'd look at me, and I could be wide open, and they'd be like. And just throw it out of bounds.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah, Fanduel.

[Benny]

Let's go, baby.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yep. Let's predict. Let's. You know, we got soccer. We got. Nope, nope.

[Kristen]

I don't think.

[Benny]

He's not doing anything.

[Kristen]

I don't think we're licensed.

[Jason Sudeikis]

We don't call out anyone in specific, but we got regions like Spain, France, Brazil, England.

[Kristen]

Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Is this a pro soccer championship that's about to happen?

[Jason Sudeikis]

I mean, it's more than that.

[Kristen]

It's global phenomenon of global. What's the other word you would use?

[Jason Sudeikis]

You can predict the outcome of the pro soccer championships games all the way to the end of the tournament with FanDuel Predicts. Sign up and grab your $25 bonus on FanDuel Predicts and ride this playoff journey with us.

[Kristen]

You thinking about Spain, France, Brazil?

[Benny]

I'm thinking about Senegal. I'm going with Brazil.

[Kristen]

Okay, let's play a quick game of pig.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Okay.

[Kristen]

Who's are shits in a bag?

[Benny]

I love pigs.

[Kristen]

And you have to smell it. Okay, who starts?

[Jason Sudeikis]

That's all right.

[Dave]

We'll be in the order of that round.

[Kristen]

What ball do we want?

[Jason Sudeikis]

This one? You want to use that one?

[Benny]

No, I only made sure.

[Kristen]

Have you guys decided that's the ball?

[Benny]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

I don't know.

[Jason Sudeikis]

It's heavy.

[Kristen]

You're buying.

[Dave]

Too heavy. Too light's the worst ball. Too light, too.

[Benny]

I mean, two.

[Kristen]

Okay, that's where you're going.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Short.

[Kristen]

Wow. That was terrible.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, no.

[Kristen]

Oh, my God, she goes. She jacks it up. All right, you got peach.

[Benny]

Oh, that's hard.

[Dave]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen]

Oh, my God.

[Dave]

Short.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah. God.

[Kristen]

That's not how it works.

[Benny]

Don't worry.

[Kristen]

You're out.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Nice shot.

[Dave]

Nice shot.

[Kristen]

Okay, good. Okay.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Kristen]

Now it's my turn again, right here. No, look.

[Benny]

Well, you just looked. You're looking right now.

[Dave]

Kristen, when you shift, take your foot off the gas pedal to the metal, my dear.

[Benny]

What is no looking, though, once you start the shot. So when are you starting it?

[Kristen]

I'm looking to get his idea of where everything is.

[Benny]

Like, you're setting me up for failure. He's just gonna say that I'm looking when I shouldn't be looking.

[Kristen]

Now there's no look. And now I'm looking back at.

[Benny]

You look a lot beforehand.

[Kristen]

You can look as much as you want until you stop and go like this.

[Jason Sudeikis]

You might want to. It's been so long since you've looked. You might want to re.

[Kristen]

Look in your right hand like this.

[Dave]

In this, you're gonna chuck it out my left hand. Wow.

[Kristen]

You made it. Wow. It looked good.

[Dave]

It did.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Oh, a pirouette into a. Oh.

[Kristen]

Okay, my turn.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Ah.

[Dave]

Nice shot.

[Kristen]

Okay. Perfect.

[Jason Sudeikis]

PI For Kristen.

[Dave]

Yep.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I hope it's getting you.

[Kristen]

Oh, got a hit. Okay. Okay.

[Dave]

Here we go.

[Benny]

Good luck, Benny.

[Dave]

Don't have to run too nice, dude. That was silky.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So you gotta make this or you're out.

[Kristen]

Kristen, can she hold on?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Now it's Benny and Jason, and it's P to nothing. P. I.

[Kristen]

Hey, Chuck. Hey, Chuck. This.

[Jason Sudeikis]

I didn't know you were a P.I.

[Kristen]

what do you think about his stroke?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah, that's a nice stroke, Jason.

[Dave]

Look at this.

[Benny]

I mean, the game.

[Dave]

Chinatown. Here it comes. Oh, fuck.

[Jason Sudeikis]

All right.

[Kristen]

Okay. PI.

[Benny]

PI.

[Dave]

No one's hit this. We're just. Yeah.

[Jason Sudeikis]

The little bounce. Oh, Including.

[Kristen]

Including you. All right. Inside.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah. Put your.

[Dave]

Get soaked like. Baby.

[Kristen]

Take it.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Put that water on and be like this.

[Kristen]

Turn the water on. No, no, you have to be like this.

[Dave]

You have to do the T1, the scalding hot one.

[Kristen]

It's so hard to balance. Your turn. It's very difficult to balance. I don't recommend it.

[Dave]

I mean, this thing just barely let me down.

[Kristen]

Oh, wow. Why go anywhere else?

[Jason Sudeikis]

Yeah, that was a swoosh.

[Dave]

Banks are open.

[Jason Sudeikis]

That's a smart player.

[Benny]

That was a swoosh.

[Kristen]

No, you win.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Ball game. You win. This is great.

[Dave]

This is. Hey, thanks, guys. Good game.

[Kristen]

Good game.

[Dave]

This is really well done. Well done. This is great.

[Kristen]

Chuck, I can't believe.

[Dave]

Thank you.

[Benny]

You knew you're good at pig, right? You just always win.

[Kristen]

All right.

[Dave]

No, not always.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Well, if you learned anything today.

[Dave]

That's right.

[Jason Sudeikis]

So we got to do regulation based sports. You know, we can't play kids kids games anymore.

[Dave]

No, these. These. These people that invented these games, they measured children. They thought things through through a man

[Jason Sudeikis]

that I just met. Yeah. I love you. Ah, sweetie, thank you so much for coming on.

[Dave]

Absolutely.

[Jason Sudeikis]

This is lovely, but I didn't take laxatives.

[Dave]

I don't either.

[Jason Sudeikis]

Did you think I was gonna. I thought I was gonna do it, but it's so inappropriate. It's the most inappropriate thing. I don't know.

[Dave]

If you, like, had us holding the bag there even then it's kind of

[Jason Sudeikis]

like you wouldn't have been annoyed if I went upstairs in a bag. I felt like I could tell that you're.

[Dave]

I would have absolutely gone for it because. Because I wouldn't have been able to smell it.

[Kristen]

So it's like,

[Jason Sudeikis]

Thank you, Domino's, for sponsoring this episode and for the pizza.