The Matty Matheson Episode

Summary

Friends Keep Secrets: The Matty Matheson Episode

Podcast: Friends Keep Secrets
Hosts: benny blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), Kristin Batalucco
Date: July 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively episode drops listeners straight into the friendly chaos of benny blanco, Lil Dicky, and Kristin Batalucco’s LA home as they welcome their close friend and culinary superstar Matty Matheson. True to the show’s loose, “you’re hanging in the living room with us” vibe, the crew bounces between raucous cooking experiments, deep dives into Matty’s life and career, hilarious tangents, and honest talk on everything from family dynamics to near-death awakenings. The episode radiates authentic friendship—with plenty of laughter, inside jokes, and heartfelt moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Who is Matty Matheson? (00:10–02:03)

• The hosts introduce Matty as much more than a chef—he’s an entertainer, trendsetter in online food content, and a genuine friend.
• benny blanco: "He kind of invented, like, online food content. Celebrity chef. He's definitely like a pillar to that world." (01:10)
• They recall Matty’s culinary skill and authenticity as what makes him such a standout in the celebrity chef world.

Food, Cooking, and Kitchen Chaos (02:09–08:13)

• The episode kicks off with everyone snacking on Domino’s thin crust pizza and quickly devolves into “let’s impress Matty by cooking for him.”
• Matty reveals his “best sandwich” formula: two slices of bologna, cheap white bread, and mustard.
• Hysterical attempts are made to cook grilled bologna and cheese sandwiches with whatever odd bread is available.
• Matty: "The best sandwich in the world is, like, two slices of bologna, one slice of that. Like, shitty white bread. And mustard." (04:01)
• The hosts joke about simple foods and meat preferences, sharing nostalgia around bologna and hot dogs.

Death Row Meals & Food Philosophy (08:46–13:12)

• benny presses Matty on his “death row meal”:
  • Breakfast: Pho
  • Lunch: Fried clams, lobster roll, Dad’s homemade lobster bisque, creamy coleslaw
  • Dinner: Prime rib, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, creamed spinach, Yorkshire pudding, au jus, fresh baked “hello dollys,” and a glass of milk (11:00–11:59)
• They riff on if you’d pick the best meal or the best sex of your life if you had to choose only one.
• Matty: “Honestly? Well, I think best food because, like, even good sex is great. Like, I’m just happy to be in the gym.” (12:59)

Closeness, Care, and Ridiculousness (16:03–17:44)

• Matty tries Dave’s homemade “Mexican chicken” (fusion of taco seasoning, Italian dressing, cheese).
• Matty reminisces about his own mom’s homemade bread and comfort foods.
  • Matty: "Honestly, I love it...Wholeheartedly. One of the best things I’ve had recently." (16:03–17:25)
• The affection between the group shines as they cook, eat, and reminisce.

Matty’s Career: Origins of an Internet Food Icon (25:12–26:13)

• Benny describes meeting Matty at the start of his career while touring with Ed Sheeran—Matty had “no idea” who Ed was but ended up at a wild afterparty with a kitchen full of burgers and starstruck fans.
• benny blanco: “He invented, like, food [online] content...There was nobody really like me online doing cooking the way I was cooking.” (25:51)
• Matty humbly clarifies he was part of a group that revolutionized food content—specifically mentioning Munchies and Babish.

Raw Honesty: Heart Attack & Sobriety (33:05–41:15)

• Matty shares the terrifying story of his heart attack at age 29, after years of restaurant stress, partying, and sleep deprivation.
  • “I was just like, I think I should go to the hospital. Like, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack...Like, an uncompromising force and like something squishing my insides.” (35:14)
• Recovery was long and sobering, but initially it led to more reckless behavior before Matty eventually found sobriety at 31.
• The hosts are candid about the pressures and party culture of restaurant life.
  • Matty: “I didn't get...I didn't get clean until 31...That's what, like, really ruined my life. Because then the thing was, when I...after my heart attack, you know, all my homies know, all my friends know, all the people I hang out with, everyone knows. It's like, Matty Matheson has a heart attack. Then all of a sudden, I'm a problem.” (41:12–41:39)

Family Dynamics & Partnership (61:49–69:33)

• Matty’s wife Trish joins the show for an extended, loving, and laugh-filled look at their relationship.
• They discuss longevity, trust, communicating through fights, parenting (and sugar!), and how they balance personal quirks.
• Memorable moment: Trish jokes that she won't “roll over and give a nice blowjob in the morning” because Matty hasn’t showered in days. (67:17)
• Kristin: "How do you put up with him?"
  • Trish: "I'm very patient...Yeah, I kind of gave up at ten years, I think." (62:44)
• Both highlight resilience, humor, and knowing each other’s ways as key to their partnership.

Matty and Parenting: Sugar, Rules, Old Homes (64:05–66:38)

• Matty admits his kids eat a lot of sugar and reflects on how different his own strict, low-sugar upbringing was.
  • “The only real parenting style you know is your parents, good or bad. And so then all of a sudden I'm like...I do stuff that, like...And I don't want to necessarily be exactly like my...like, my parents were stern." (65:15)
• The couple laughs and reminisces as they compare family upbringings and current struggles.

Profound and Silly: Crying, Cooking Passions, & Tattoos (54:00–61:05)

• Benny asks Matty when he last cried.
  • Matty: “I don't. It's something that I've...I can't physically cry. I get really mad. But I think I've, like, made myself, like, this shell where I can't cry.” (54:07)
• Matty’s favorite thing to cook: Taco bowl (“dog bowl”).
• He and benny swap tattoo stories, with Matty considering new tattoos and lamenting the permanence of his neck ink.

Restaurant Stories: Success, Money, and Legacy (21:11–26:26 & 59:03–60:53)

• Matty discusses his acclaimed steakhouses and how, despite the fame, he never takes a penny from his restaurants.
• He explains how restaurant profits typically just support each other, making it less lucrative than people assume:
  • “Zero. So it's just...I've never taken a penny from my restaurants ever.” (60:45)
• They riff on new restaurant ideas (pasta bars, Thanksgiving everyday, all-chicken menus).

Friendship, Vulnerability & Signature Bits (45:27–50:34)

• Personal anecdotes about taking care of one another (benny carrying and showering Matty after a foot injury).
• Vivid talk about weaknesses as friends, group texting etiquette, and inside jokes about hygiene and hair.
• Ends with a trademark group chant: "One, two, three, Friends!"

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Matty and food:
  • "He can cook so high level, like, Michelin star level. But then he can also cook something super approachable and with heart and love. And he's just always himself."
    —benny blanco (01:42)
• On choosing food or sex:
  • “Honestly? Well, I think best food because, like, even good sex is great. Like, I’m just happy to be in the gym.”
    —Matty (12:59)
• On his heart attack:
  • "It was like two years after opening up parts and labor. Like two years of just, like, insane shit. And then. And then I was just like. I was just like, I think I should go to the hospital. Like, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. What did you feel? Like an uncompromising force and like something squishing my insides."
    —Matty (35:14)
• On love and partnership:
  • “I think we’re genuinely, like, life partners...We know what we need. We know we’re very, like, when the second that I know that she’s mad with me, I want to, like, address it and talk through it.”
    —Matty (53:41)
• On being clean:
  • "I didn't get...I didn't get clean until 31. That's what...almost, like, killed...That's what, like, really ruined my life."
    —Matty (41:12)
• On never paying himself from his restaurants:
  • "Zero. So it's just...I've never taken a penny from my restaurants ever."
    —Matty (60:45)
• On longevity in marriage:
  • “Yeah, I kind of gave up at ten years, I think. I figured I was never gonna get married.”
    —Trish (62:53)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:10–02:03: Introduction to Matty Matheson—the “pillar” of Internet food content
• 04:01: Matty’s “best sandwich in the world”
• 08:46–13:12: “Death row meal” discussion and the food vs. sex philosophical debate
• 16:03–17:44: Matty tries Dave’s “Mexican chicken,” shares about family food nostalgia
• 25:12–26:13: Matty’s early online food content career and influence
• 33:05–41:15: Matty’s heart attack and struggle with addiction
• 61:49–69:33: Extended conversation with Matty’s wife Trish about marriage, family, and personal quirks
• 64:05–66:38: Parenting and reflecting on their own upbringings
• 54:00–61:05: Crying, favorite things to cook, and tattoo musings

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Tone & Vibe

The episode feels like late-night banter among family—swapping stories, challenging each other, showing real care, and embracing both vulnerability and rowdy humor. It’s rich with Matty’s signature blend of wild storytelling and emotional honesty, woven with the hosts’ playful, sometimes irreverent style. If you love food, real talk, and the feeling of belonging to an inner circle of friends, this episode hits all the right notes.

Transcript

[A]

Maddie Matheson.

[B]

Let me tell you a little bit

[A]

something about my friend. His name's Matty.

[C]

He's a chef.

[A]

He's an entertainer.

[B]

He's a good old man.

[A]

We love him. Yeah.

[D]

Guys, I know we have a chef coming.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I honestly want to cook for each other when he comes. Cause I think I can impress him chef wise. But before we do, Domino's has been kind enough to bless us with some more thin crust.

[E]

I love Domino's thin crust pizza with pineapple. And I gotta say.

[D]

What do you have to say?

[E]

I don't even think we're supposed to be promoting this, but I. Or whatever. I love the marinara sauce.

[A]

Chuck, what's that?

[B]

Is that a bread bite?

[D]

Bread bite. Thank you for clarifying. These things are like the chicken nuggets of garlic bread. That's something that no one's told me to say, and they might not want me to say that.

[B]

Chuck, do me a favor. Take a bite a bite.

[D]

Sure.

[E]

I love Domino's thin crust.

[D]

Let's talk about Matty. Is he a chef or is he an actor?

[B]

Chuck, he's a chef. What do you mean? He's also an actor. Like, you're a comedian and you're a rapper. You're mostly known for being. He kind of invented, like, online food content. Celebrity chef. He's definitely like a pillar to that world.

[D]

You know, when he made that web series with Matty, that was the first time I ever heard of him. And you described it to me back then as, I have this opportunity to do this thing with my idol. Did you know that?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You describe Matty as your idol?

[B]

He was one of my, like, idols for food stuff. Cause he did. He doesn't care. He just, like, does whatever he wants. He can cook so high level, like, Michelin star level. But then he can also cook something super approachable and with heart and love. And he's just always himself. And that's him now.

[E]

What more could you ask for?

[B]

Dominoes. Hold on.

[A]

Hello. Hello, Hello. He's here. We're here. How are you?

[B]

Maddie has the best steakhouse I've ever been to in my entire life.

[A]

So I'm.

[D]

I'm gonna stuff you.

[A]

You guys need, like a shower or something?

[B]

No, they, like, never cook.

[A]

That's disgusting.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

I have a special guest, Patricia, that snapped. We'd all just be like, no, no. You guys are crazy.

[B]

Me and Maddie have, like, the same outfit on.

[A]

I know. Kind of. Wow.

[D]

You do look like you dressed, like, to promote something together.

[B]

Wait, do you like the pants.

[A]

They're great. Lots of patches. Jesus is nice. Jesus is great.

[D]

You would say you're a fashionable guy. I would say.

[B]

What do you mean? He gets voted, like, most fashionable man.

[A]

Nobody cares anymore, though. It was up and down because of the bear. No. I don't know.

[B]

Now they don't care.

[A]

No, they don't. I don't know.

[E]

You are fashionable.

[A]

I'm fashionable?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I wear the same thing every day.

[B]

Do you think when you got skinny, they stop caring?

[A]

No, I'm not skinny.

[B]

What's your hat say?

[A]

Psycho zombies.

[E]

Oh, Maddie, can we get you anything to drink from our fridge?

[B]

Yeah, they only have alcohol.

[A]

Yeah. What do you have?

[D]

Olipop?

[E]

Gatorade.

[D]

We got it all, brother. We got everything.

[A]

I'll have a water.

[E]

Yeah, Syrup.

[A]

Syrup. Bologna. Can we have bologna later?

[E]

Yeah, let's try a piece.

[A]

You want to try a piece, right? Oh, we'll have just a piece of bologna right now.

[B]

I haven't had a bomb.

[A]

I've never had.

[D]

I've never had bologna. I can't eat.

[A]

What do you mean?

[D]

I've never had it.

[A]

I love bologna.

[E]

I used to, but.

[D]

What is it you've never had it in? What is it?

[A]

It's just an emulsified, like, sauce. Sauce.

[D]

Oh, my God. That looks so good.

[B]

Wait, you know what would make it so good? Why? If you go like this.

[D]

No, you can't use that pan for the bologna. That's the pan I'm using to make the food for Matty.

[B]

What do you mean?

[D]

I'm cooking Matty a meal.

[B]

Watch.

[A]

No, you just go like this. You're gonna cook meal.

[B]

Now watch this. Watch this.

[A]

What are you gonna cook me? We're not ruining it with bologna.

[E]

No, we don't.

[B]

I just ruined it for one second.

[D]

You're washing it.

[B]

Do you have bread? Watch. Watch what I'm about to do for Matty.

[A]

The best sandwich in the world is, like, two slices of bologna, one slice of that. Like, shitty white bread. And mustard.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Mm.

[E]

I love mustard.

[B]

Here, watch out.

[A]

It's like a canape.

[B]

Watch out. Would you pass me a note for you right now? Watch how good this is gonna taste.

[E]

Here, could you take this piece?

[D]

Actually, Kristen, pass me.

[A]

You gotta put a slice in it so it doesn't bubble.

[B]

A slice in what?

[A]

Like the side. Cause it's a circle and it'll.

[B]

I was gonna go like this and put cheese on.

[D]

Thank you, my love.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't watch.

[D]

I don't like the way that looks.

[B]

Yeah, just oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, sick. Oh, sick. So then it doesn't bubble up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Look at you guys cooking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're not even gonna put the. What's it called on yet.

[A]

Do you have toast?

[B]

We'll see what you do.

[A]

You have a toaster?

[B]

I don't.

[E]

We don't have bread.

[A]

I don't think you don't have bread.

[E]

Wait, we do have bread.

[B]

He has a weird bread. Like a bad health bread.

[D]

That's a certain. Yeah.

[E]

What is that?

[A]

Like a Dave's killer bread?

[B]

Yeah. You don' that.

[A]

No, we don't.

[B]

Well, you got like.

[A]

There's nothing else you don't have just like a loaf of bread.

[B]

Oh, wait, look, they have a sandwich from someone.

[D]

We got matzah.

[B]

Should we take the bread off someone else's sandwich?

[E]

No.

[A]

Here, just use this. These buns are good.

[B]

That's my Mexican chicken. So bad.

[D]

But yeah, I would.

[B]

They're the worst buns.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. You've never had bologna.

[B]

But you're.

[C]

You.

[A]

You're like. You like simple foods.

[D]

I do like simple foods. I seem.

[A]

I feel like this is like a low resistance.

[D]

I seem to like every meat. There's something about. I don't. This is. I hate sausage. Is this sausage adjacent?

[C]

No.

[B]

What is in baloney?

[A]

Do you like hot dogs?

[B]

What's in bologna?

[A]

Not a big hot dog guy.

[D]

Not a big hot dog guy. Sometimes I'll get a rogue craving. And, like, that was so good. But still, I would always have the burger.

[B]

I want to read you the ingredients.

[D]

There's something nostalgic about a hot dog that gives me a feeling that I can't get that. That's why I eat the hot dog. Yeah, I don't like the.

[A]

Like, when you grow up, go to baseball games.

[D]

Yeah. I don't like encased meat.

[B]

Let me just read you what's on. You don't even know how I'm gonna

[D]

do it, do you?

[E]

Oh, this looks good.

[A]

It is good.

[B]

Watch what I'm about to do.

[D]

Yeah. Save a big appetite for me.

[C]

Watch this.

[B]

Watch.

[D]

I'm gonna stuff you.

[A]

You're stuffing.

[D]

I am.

[B]

Watch.

[D]

You like chicken?

[A]

I love chicken. Are you gonna make me your chicken? A chicken?

[D]

I'm gonna make you something I like to call Mexican chicken.

[A]

What is it called?

[D]

Mexican chicken.

[A]

Mexican chicken. That's what I have a spatula.

[E]

I could make you a salad.

[A]

Do you have a spatula?

[E]

No. No, Sorry.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Use a spoon.

[D]

This all came about organically.

[C]

Here we are.

[B]

Oh, no, That's Not a spoon.

[A]

No, that's a. No, that's. What about this?

[D]

Oh, that's a special.

[E]

That's a wooden spoon.

[B]

You got butter?

[A]

No. Just put it in.

[B]

No butter.

[A]

No, you don't need butter.

[B]

You do.

[A]

It's right here.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But it's going to be hard. No, it's not going to be able to.

[B]

It's going to be good. Watch. Watch me.

[D]

Look at these two cooking minds.

[B]

Watch what I'm about to do for you.

[A]

What are you. Oh, my gosh.

[E]

We should be so lucky.

[A]

Well, then don't get it on that.

[B]

I'm not. I'm lifting.

[A]

Yeah, lift it up.

[B]

This has to go under the butter like so. The butter goes here. The butter goes here. Now you put that here.

[D]

Reversion.

[B]

Go like this. Why? Watch what we're doing.

[E]

There's a piece of bologna.

[B]

Watch what we're going to do.

[E]

Cheese.

[B]

And that just made it wet.

[A]

It just wasted.

[B]

No, you don't know what I'm going to do.

[A]

Yeah, you're going to grill. Cheese it.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Why'd you put the bun up so?

[B]

Why'd you act like you didn't know?

[A]

Flipped a bun upside down and got to make a grilled cheese that was cool 10 years ago. I don't.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. I don't.

[B]

Wait, you want to finish it, then?

[A]

No, I don't want to finish it. You want to finish it.

[B]

You want to eat it, don't you? I don't know.

[A]

We'll share it. We'll cut it in half, maybe four. Everyone can have a bite and we can see.

[E]

Can you guys do anything with this rice?

[B]

Do you have mustard?

[A]

Do we have anything we can do with this rice? What the fuck are you guys doing? Hey, can anybody do anything with this plant? Can anybody do anything with this rice?

[E]

I love rice.

[A]

Do you love rice?

[E]

I love rice.

[A]

What's your favorite kind of rice?

[E]

Plain.

[D]

Plain rice, baby.

[A]

You guys are perfect.

[B]

I know. It's true.

[A]

You guys are perfect.

[B]

It's great.

[A]

I agree with her.

[B]

Chuck, you want to taste this? Chuck, this has no mustard or anything.

[D]

I'm not into it.

[B]

Just taste a bite.

[C]

I will.

[B]

It's just bologna and cheese.

[D]

All right, so I guess I'll understand

[B]

why there's no mustard.

[D]

It just looks like something I would like. Mm. What's bologna taste?

[B]

No mustard. Chuck, you like it?

[E]

Nope.

[A]

Do you know instantly?

[B]

No. Now he's changing his mind. He's slowly changing.

[D]

No. Cause it's surrounded by such a thing. I would love a bun with cheese.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Look at this thin piece of meat. I'm trying to judge.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So the trick here is to turn the bun upside down, I think.

[D]

Am I right? That it's a little hammy?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Check that out.

[D]

Turkey roast beef.

[B]

You want to show people how you make your. What's it called?

[D]

Check now. Yeah, I know that. I'm convinced. So, basically, Matty, obviously, I'm not a chef.

[A]

No.

[D]

But I do have a few philosophies.

[A]

You're one of my favorite eaters, though.

[C]

Thanks.

[E]

Really?

[D]

One of my.

[B]

I love that, like, Kristen's going to be your favorite.

[A]

I love that he has the most food boundaries in the world. No. Watching him eat, like, fruit was, like, the craziest thing in the world.

[B]

Matty.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

You're on death row. You're about to die.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're on full death row.

[A]

For what? What did I do?

[B]

You did something bad. I don't know. Judging by. Judging by your look, I could come up with a whole bunch of scenarios of what you did, but you did something really bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna die.

[A]

I'm gonna die.

[B]

And you get a full day of whatever you want to eat and drink. Whatever. Whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you doing?

[A]

Maybe, like, breakfast. It all depends. Like, I'm like. I do love, like, having pho.

[E]

I like pho.

[D]

While we're talking about ethnic food, I just want to clarify really quick. Earlier, when I talked. When I said that I was making Mexican chicken.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

I don't know if it could or could not be misinterpreted. I just want to explain that I call it Mexican chicken simply because the cheese I use for. For it is called Mexican cheese. There's two different brands that refer to it as Mexican.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

So that's why I call it Mexican chicken.

[A]

Maybe I'm wrong for.

[D]

Maybe that's wrong of me, but maybe it's wrong of me for even having brought it up.

[B]

I feel like it was called fiesta chicken.

[D]

Which one of you guys is best at slicing chicken?

[B]

Nope. You have to do it yourself.

[D]

You have to do it yourself.

[E]

You want me to do it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

So you're not gonna, like, roast the chicken whole? It's like.

[B]

No, it's crazy.

[A]

Do you just throw everything?

[D]

I'll give you a play by.

[A]

Do you, like, develop color?

[D]

This is a great recipe.

[B]

You have to, like.

[E]

It's insane.

[D]

First thing I did, a little bit of house Italian. Mix it up in the bottle. Go like this. Make sure to shake it. Then you Put it in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm gonna add some so it's kind of fusion.

[A]

Cause you got Italian.

[D]

Then I'm gonna add some taco seasoning

[A]

with the fucking Italian odal.

[D]

Paso. Mix it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Then I'm gonna take this chicken, I'm gonna cut it into cubic pieces. Cubic. Then I'm gonna mix it all up. Then I'm gonna start the thing. I'm gonna cook it in the liquid. That's the combination of this and the Italian dressing. Then when they're cooked, I'm gonna add probably this entire bag.

[A]

Maybe not. No, stop it.

[D]

Three quarters of the bag.

[E]

Don't do too much cheese.

[D]

I won't do too much cheese. But is that how you do it?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I'm trying to make you the best batch possible.

[A]

So it's like a casserole.

[D]

I don't know what a casserole is,

[A]

but it's like a bake. Like, you bake it or you.

[D]

Oh. And then it's served on a sandwich. It's actually a sandwich.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

Cause I'm excited.

[B]

What you're having pho for breakfast. Then what happens?

[A]

I would love, like a nice pho. Guh.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For breakfast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then maybe like lunch I would have, like, fried clams, like a perfect lobster roll. I'd have, like, my dad's bisque. Lobster bisque.

[E]

You're a seafood guy.

[B]

Steve Savage.

[A]

Steve Savage. Steve Savage. Okay, Steve Savage. And then his lobster bisque. I would have that, like, for lunch with like, really good coleslaw. Creamy coleslaw.

[B]

Creamy or vinegary?

[A]

I like creamy.

[E]

Creamy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I do like creamy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But good creamy. Not too creamy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Just like perfect cream.

[A]

Yeah. And then dinner. And then dinner. Truly. I'd probably. It's hard. I'd love, like the perfect, like, prime rib dinner. Just like mashed potatoes, creamed corn, creamed spinach, and like perfect prime rib. And like Yorkshire pudding and like au jus. And then for dessert, I'd have Trisha's like, fresh baked hello Dollys and a glass of milk. And then you could kill me.

[E]

A glass of milk. Isn't that sweet?

[B]

Would you want to have sex?

[A]

Would I want to have sex?

[B]

If you're, like, allowed to.

[A]

Eh, maybe.

[E]

Last day of your life, no sex.

[A]

Last day of my life, no sex. I don't know. Yeah, sure. You'd be pretty full having three big meals like that. No, no, but it's be full.

[B]

Yeah, but you're dying. It's like when I asked my mom this. And she's like, well, I wouldn't have too much, like, dairy, like. And I said. She was like, my stomach will hurt. I said, what do you mean you're going to die?

[A]

You're going to die?

[E]

I don't know. I think sex is tough when you're really, really full.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That's why we always have to decide.

[A]

Would you pick sex?

[B]

No. Here's what I really want.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Someone told you you could have the best meal of your life, the best meal you'll ever have in your entire life, or you can have one of the best sex you've ever had, or you can have the best sex of your life, and you'll have neither one of those ever, if you choose one or the other. So do you either want the best sex of your life or the best meal of your life?

[A]

Honestly? Well, I think best food because, like,

[B]

even good sex is great.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Like, I'm just happy to be in the gym.

[A]

I sex for, like, a minute and a half, like, the other day.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One minute.

[D]

Is that a long time?

[A]

I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think. I think typically, no. I don't think a minute and a half is long. I feel you can hold your breath for as long as.

[D]

I prematurely ejaculated with Kristen this week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think is the longest

[A]

you've ever had sex for the other day?

[B]

A minute and a half.

[A]

No, no.

[D]

Wait, how long was the other day?

[A]

No, the other day, legitimately, I don't know what it was. I finished work, and before we flew out here, Trish was, like, at the hotel and I went there. Honestly. We had sex for, like, two hours

[B]

and it was like. And do you come once?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just once?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It was, like, the greatest thing of all time.

[E]

And your kids aren't here, so it's

[A]

like, yeah, we were just at the hotel. It was nice. We were coming out here.

[E]

I don't know how people do it with kids. You can't do it spontaneously.

[A]

Do you know what the worst thing is? When you're, like, coming and you look and then there's like, a toy or, like, their photos or, like, it's like a thing that, like, when you're like. I'm like, I get it. Like, I've seen, like, things on Instagram. Be like, yo, like, trying to keep your relationship, like, hot and sexy after you have kids, and they're like, make sure you're in your bedroom. Like, just don't have, like, kids photos. But our bedroom is like, Trisha has, like, on her dressers. Like, just like, you know, it's like, every photo. Yeah, like, every photo. And I'm just like, bro, what are we doing?

[E]

Yeah, you gotta have a sex room.

[A]

Yeah, a sex room. Do you know we need a sex room?

[B]

Matty, he was in Chicago filming the bear, and he had, like, you know, Trish had visited and stuff, and he had like, all this, like, extra fun stuff, and he had this, like, sex swing.

[A]

Like a door jam one.

[B]

Like a door jam one.

[E]

Baby bouncer.

[A]

No jamming it.

[B]

Have you ever had it on the

[A]

door and close the door? Like, it has the door jamb.

[B]

It's like a door.

[A]

I have one of those here, actually.

[E]

It's for adults, not.

[B]

No, it's for sex.

[E]

Yeah. All I think of when I think of sex swings, maybe this is. Cause I've never seen one in real life, are the baby bouncers.

[A]

Yeah, they're for baby bouncers. Yeah.

[B]

And then my mom loved it and she wanted to get in, so she said, put me in. I said, have you ever used a sex swing? And she said, yeah, but just not one like this. And she said, never won the jams in a door, she said. And then when she got out, she had so much fun, she said, I gotta get one of these for home.

[A]

They're not that expensive. They're incredible.

[B]

Is it good?

[A]

Is it exactly what you dream it to be?

[D]

Guys, I gotta lock in. I'm sorry, I can't really answer you.

[A]

So he has to make it how he likes it.

[E]

That's good chicken.

[A]

Who's your favorite cook?

[E]

Dave, Benny, and my parents.

[D]

My mom's my favorite cook. I got this recipe from my mom.

[B]

Are you excited to taste it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you guys forget about the bun?

[A]

Look what he's doing over there.

[B]

As good as food could be.

[A]

It's like a chicken cheesy nugget sandwich, Chef.

[B]

Why is it towering?

[D]

I would add more, but I think I gotta play it safe.

[B]

Okay, taste it.

[D]

Take a bite. Dip in the ketchup.

[A]

Take a bite. Dip it in the ketchup.

[D]

Take a bite first.

[A]

Take a bite first.

[D]

One bite raw.

[A]

One bite first.

[E]

It looks good.

[A]

Honestly, I love it.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Do you.

[A]

You know what's crazy? My mom. In my cookbook, I have this thing called Cheesy Things, and she used to make homemade whole grain bread. And we would put, like, cheese on it and.

[B]

Hey,

[D]

dude, is that the white thing on your tattoo?

[A]

No, I think that's just food.

[D]

I'm gonna clean that off. You keep talking, though. You were bringing up something about your childhoods.

[A]

So my. Yeah, that was a bit much. Excuse me.

[D]

All good.

[A]

And so. And we would put, like, Mexican chili powder on top of it. And so it'd be like this fresh made whole wheat bread. So this bun, that's a whole wheat grainy kind of thing. And just kind of like with the cheese and the old El Paso seasoning. It reminds me of something my mom used to make me.

[E]

Your mom always made fresh bread?

[A]

Yeah, she would mill her own grain.

[C]

Mill?

[A]

Hernande. We had a mill and we would put in grain and she would make her own flour.

[D]

Where do you stand on wheat? Did wheat domesticate humans or is it the other way around?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Is it good?

[A]

It's great.

[B]

I taste it.

[D]

I don't think you're being honest.

[A]

Wholeheartedly. One of the best things I've had recently.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

It's an honor serving you. It's an honor serving you.

[E]

Tell the people the recipe, Dave, so people can make it.

[A]

They saw me.

[D]

That's something.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

I love it. I wish I didn't eat anything before that, Dave. That's what I'm thinking about right now. I wish I didn't have that bologna sandwich.

[E]

Cause you loved it so much.

[A]

It was so good.

[E]

Guys, I'm really proud of you.

[D]

Domino's time.

[B]

Oh. You know, a lot of people like to take one slice, but I like to take four or five slices. And I'd like to show you one thing really quick. You hear that?

[D]

That's crunchy thin crust.

[B]

That's crunchy thin crust.

[A]

I love a love a love a love a crunchy thin crust.

[E]

And I love pineapple. It's my favorite.

[D]

Yeah, Pineapple. You can do a lot of different flavors.

[B]

Can I tell you something that you can do that's even better than even? Well, it's not better than eating the pizza, but it's the next best thing.

[C]

Hmm.

[D]

Blending it in a smoothie and drinking it.

[B]

No, Chuck, you can go to the Domino's app and you can order online without even having an interface with a human being. You could stay inside for days on end and just keep ordering pizza over and over again. And what else you can do is you can take your order and you order it once. And if you're like me, who orders the same chi every time, you can just press the button. Delivers directly to your door. Beautiful. Just repeat order.

[D]

And if you don't feel like downloading the app, I don't know why you wouldn't. But if you don't, you can go to Domino's.com and do a lot of good stuff as well. This off to college season. Save on college. Save the every day. Amazon has turned this whole room into a dorm room.

[E]

I know it's a good dorm room and it reminds me of my good old days in my dorm room. How about you?

[D]

My dorm room was small.

[B]

Are you drawing the S?

[E]

Oh, yeah. I was.

[C]

Michigan State.

[E]

Yeah. I thought the S was for Michigan State, but it turns out everybody drew the S for different reasons.

[A]

You guys remember this S?

[B]

Zoom in.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

You know what that S stands for? Satisfying Amazon customers who've gone to the off to college option online?

[D]

Yeah, I think it might have been. Because, look, I remember back in the day when I went to college, you had to go to one store, then the next store and just have this whole cobbled together, like, not even cool room. Now I can be strategic if I'm in college, which I'm not.

[E]

And you can get it done and you can get a shoe.

[D]

Remember, with Amazon's low off to college prices, just save on college. Save the every day.

[E]

You guys are very stylish men, but, like, not in a way that feels. It's like a cool style. You both are, like, have the coolest style. And Dave.

[A]

No, no, Dave has the coolest style. I know Dave does.

[E]

He is.

[B]

You instantly made me feel like you're lying to us when you say Dave has good style.

[A]

No, I like when he. No, but the thing is, is like, I think it's like when he showed. When you showed up. What party did we go to when you almost walked in with the balloon. With the balloon. And you walked in with headphones as part of the outfit and you were wearing like Gucci shoes and like all different things.

[D]

That was a good outfit on my.

[A]

That was a great. But the thing is, is like nobody else looked like that, so that means he's actually doing something cool. And we're all losers that all look the same and are all striving towards this one thing where a true outsider.

[E]

You guys don't all look. You two don't look the same.

[A]

We look ident. We're literally wearing almost the same thing

[E]

compared to everybody else. You probably.

[A]

I think Benny just dresses like me.

[C]

What?

[E]

Obviously, like, I love your shirt.

[A]

Yeah, that's my shirt. Rosa Vergosa.

[B]

That's my shirt.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[E]

Did you design that? Like, he does his.

[A]

Well, Ray's our designer. I work with Ray, but like, this Is like, just. And the pants, These are all.

[E]

Wait, you, Rosa Vergoza the same person as Benny?

[A]

No, no, no. I have a clothing company.

[E]

You do?

[A]

Yeah, Rosa Vergoza.

[B]

He has everything.

[E]

No wonder. No wonder. Oh, so you are.

[B]

What else do you want? He's got a pan, sells pants.

[E]

Why are we buying these pans? We should have bought your pans.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

His pan's expensive.

[E]

You give them.

[A]

My pan's like, I think 250.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Big wait list, but no, it's fine. They're available.

[D]

How high end is Cuisinart? Like, where does that fall?

[A]

I'm serious. I like all that stuff.

[D]

You have a few restaurants?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You serve butter in any of them? Yeah, with, like, bread?

[A]

Yeah, we have. At Prime Seafood palace, we have three different butters with our bread.

[D]

How come sometimes the butter's so cold you can't spread it?

[A]

It's. That's. That's. That's a horrible thing.

[E]

Where are your restaurants?

[B]

I have. Wait, before he says anything. I have.

[A]

You guys are crazy.

[B]

I have something. I have something I have to say. I have to get the sauce.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

My hair. Say it.

[A]

Okay. Say it.

[B]

Okay. I have to get it off my chest. Maddie has. It's either number one or number two of the best steakhouse I've ever been to in my entire life. And this is not like. Not like joking. Not anything like. Like, it's definitely. It's like battling between, like 1, 2 and 3 spot in the world of everything I've ever tasted.

[D]

Well reviewed.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where is it?

[A]

Toronto.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Is it hard to get in?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[D]

High end.

[A]

Not for you guys.

[E]

What do you gotta know?

[D]

What's the dress like? What's the dress?

[A]

You guys can come in anytime.

[B]

It's also the most beautiful.

[A]

It's not that hard to get in

[B]

the most beautiful restaurant I've ever been

[A]

around for three years. It's not that hard to get in.

[D]

Do you ever go there?

[A]

Sometimes. I was there like, last week.

[D]

As a patron?

[A]

Yeah. I love. Like, I went there recently.

[D]

Do they even give you a bill now?

[A]

Yeah, I pay full in all my restaurants. I like to pay full because I'm just like. I think it's just like a respect thing.

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

But it's also like, what is that? I'm comping myself and that's my bit. Like, I'm just like. It's weird. You're, like, stealing from your own company. It's like a loser move.

[E]

Benny doesn't pay.

[A]

No. Cause I pay. I pay for all my friends.

[B]

That's my dog.

[A]

Even, like, when my friends go, if I comp their bill, I still pay it.

[E]

We will pay it our way. And you earn our respects.

[B]

So we just said it was the best steak. She. She said it was the best steakhouse she ever went to.

[D]

When I think of Toronto, I think of the one road with, like, the.

[A]

I like that. Trisha tried to describe a restaurant the other day. Trish literally tried to. That's incredible. I like the street with the stores. I like that. But the. Trish tried to describe. Dude, we got here the other day, and she's like, trolley. And I was just like. I was like, where we're gonna go for lunch? She's like, I want to go to that place. It's got the bar and it's got the kitchen in the back, and. And it was like, what? I don't know.

[E]

Trish.

[A]

Uncle Paulie. Oh, no.

[D]

Little Sopranos.

[A]

What, no. Airplane mode?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Here.

[B]

He's shooting a podcast.

[A]

Yo, what up?

[D]

Not a podcast.

[A]

Yo, what are you doing?

[B]

What podcast you doing?

[A]

Throwing fits, dude. No, I'm doing Vanny and Dave's. Oh, crazy. Am I on the phone right now?

[B]

Yeah, you're on pod right now. We just need to know your thoughts.

[A]

We need to throw. I'm feeling.

[E]

I appreciated this.

[A]

Yeah. Cause I was. I'm sorry.

[E]

I was fine.

[A]

No, I know. Hey, we brought it there.

[E]

I'd like to cook it.

[A]

It's actually Kristen's podcast.

[E]

It's mine. It's about cooking.

[A]

Yeah, it's about cooking Balabuco. She's balabuco.

[B]

We're on air now, and we.

[A]

We're on air right now, and we

[B]

need to know your thoughts.

[A]

Yeah, my favorite sandwich is. What's your favorite sandwich? A blt. Call me. What do you need? What do you need?

[B]

I just wanted to say hi.

[A]

I had a question for you, but it's not. What is it?

[B]

It's nothing I can talk to you

[E]

about over the air.

[B]

I'll get canceled.

[A]

Okay. Okay. I love you. Okay, I'll talk to you. I'll call you after this.

[E]

Is he Italian?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Me too.

[B]

Okay, wait, wait.

[A]

Trish is Italian.

[B]

We're all over the place. No, we gotta get back.

[A]

Okay, let's get back.

[B]

We were talking about. We were talking about.

[A]

But you were telling. You were telling the world how great my restaurant. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. First I'll tell you how I met him, then we're gonna go back and talk about his restaurant. Yeah, it was 2000. What year was it? 2000. What year did you get sober?

[A]

I was 31. So 12 years. Like, 12 years ago.

[B]

Okay, so it was 12 years ago. Okay, 12 years ago. He had, like, an old manager that knew someone I knew, and I'm in town, and I, like, followed his stuff because at this point, he was, like, just starting to do stuff on, like, Vice, and he. Do you know Vice? Do you know what Vice is?

[E]

Yeah, I have a friend that used to edit for Vice.

[B]

So he, like, started becoming, like, a big chef. He was like. He invented pretty much. I guess you invented. I guess you invented the online chef. Really? You kind of invented, like, food chefing.

[D]

Really?

[A]

No, I think there was, like, a lot of stuff.

[B]

I think you definitely popularized it. I think you were like.

[A]

I think there was nobody really, like, me online doing cooking the way I was cooking. Yeah, it was before Content. There was no content.

[B]

There was. He invented con. You invented, like, food.

[A]

I was a part of a group of people that invented food content. I feel munchies, Babish.

[E]

Oh, munchies.

[A]

I know you were before Babish. Yeah, but it's like, no munchies. I think Munchie as a whole.

[D]

Matty's cool, right? You know what's cooler? Olipop. And when I say cool, I don't just mean cold, because it is refrigerated. I stumbled with my words there. It doesn't. It doesn't matter. I mean, it's good for you. This is legitimately, like. I love drinking soda. That's good for you. What a gift. And grape. When I think of grape, I think of sundaes on the couch of my grandfather's papi Jack. And so this is a celebration of pj, my grandfather. And I'm gonna take a sip because I gotta get back to Maddie. Some things must be done.

[A]

Instagram started 2008.

[D]

I'll finish this later. Always good seeing you guys.

[B]

Okay, so we're going back, and I'm in Canada, and I'm there, and I'm on tour with Ed Sheeran. And first I have dinner with him, like, the day before or something. And we have, like. We're instantly, like, friends. And he's. Literally, the first day I met him, he put me on his shoulder. Like, I'm in a picture. I'm, like, on his shoulders in a kitchen. He's, like, freshly sober. And then I say, hey, the next day we're doing. We're on tour with Ed Sheeran. He's like, who's Ed Sheeran? And I'm like, and this Isn't like, when Ed Sheeran wasn't big. Ed Sheeran's, like, huge at the time. He's playing, like, four nights in a row, sold out at the arena or whatever. And he's like, who's that? Sheeran? I'm like, dude, just come tomorrow. And, like, you gotta, like, bring this burger, like. Cause he was cooking a burger at a place called Parts and Labor. And he was like. And he, like, ran the kitchen and Was delicious. And he says, okay, I'm gonna come. And he comes, and he has no idea who Ed is. No. And he, like. He says, all right, I'm gonna, like. I'm gonna pull my truck around the back. And he pulls his truck around the back, and he doesn't realize that there's, like, we're gonna come out and. And there's, like, a sea of kids, and, like, they have, like, fences. They're, like, pushing the kids back. And we. And, like, he, like, pulls in his

[A]

big truck, and I back it up to the door.

[B]

Backs up. There's, like, not enough space in the car. And, like, me and Ed get out, and people are, like. They're, like, yelling. And we hop in, and we hop in the flatbed of his truck. So we're just in.

[A]

Me and I had to drive over curbs. Yeah.

[B]

Me and Ed are in the flatbed, and all of a sudden, people are literally, like, dangling off, like, the back of his head.

[E]

Were you wondering, do you think they're all for Benny?

[B]

No, he didn't.

[A]

Understood. Like, I understood. That clicked, like. Yeah, clicked. Yeah, it clicked. I Googled who he was after.

[B]

Literally, the people were driving into the highway, and people are hanging onto his actual, like, bumper, like, trying.

[A]

And then, like, finally, nobody was hurt.

[E]

Nightmare.

[B]

Finally we get in. We get in, and Ed, like, you know, he doesn't know. He'd never met people like that. And he's like. He's like. I was like, oh, we just want to go to, like, a party. And he's like. He's, like, fresh and sober. Doesn't know anything. He's like, okay, let me call some people. And me and Ed are laying down in the flatbed in the back, like, just talking.

[A]

Yeah. We went to my buddy Jamie's house for a house party.

[E]

That sounds like a dream.

[B]

We went to a house party, and we're just in a basement. And people still talk about it to this day. Like, anytime I'm in Canada, anytime people are like, remember that time when, like, Ed Sheeran was just, like, hanging out, like, in the Basement of, like, our friend's house.

[D]

House parties are the best. Parties.

[A]

Yeah, we party.

[B]

Okay, tell us about the restaurants.

[E]

I want to know about the Italian one.

[A]

Rizzo's. Rizzo's House of Parm.

[E]

Rizzo's after Grease.

[A]

Yeah, after my daughter. I named my daughter Rizzo. Rizzo. Louise.

[D]

So Rizzo, incredible name.

[E]

We take it.

[A]

No, take it.

[D]

Or can we take Louise?

[A]

Louise is Trish's grandmother. Louise is amazing.

[D]

My mom is Jean Louise Bird.

[A]

Dude, that's great.

[D]

So Louis and calling the kid Lou.

[E]

Yeah, but I love the name Rizzo.

[B]

I like the.

[A]

Rizzo's a great one.

[D]

Oh, my God, Lou.

[A]

Lou's great.

[D]

Stevie and Lou Bird.

[A]

Lou Bird.

[D]

And then it's.

[B]

I'm gonna take Lou right now.

[D]

Can't take Lou.

[B]

I like Lulu.

[D]

My mom's middle name is Louise.

[A]

Yeah, you can't have it. Are you writing it down right now?

[B]

Yeah, Lulu.

[D]

When the kids were born, did you know that you made the right choice with the name or do you question it and think to yourself, oh, my God?

[A]

Yeah, because it is. It's weird because, like, having a kid, like, is like the same as, like, you have to teach yourself to call your kid its name. And it is a thing where, like when you first have a child, you're like, oh, crap, I have this child. And then you have to like, you do. There is that natural love. There is that crazy thing that's happening to you, but you still have to be like, what the fuck was that fucking. I gotta like. You start have to saying this name

[E]

because you feel like it was like all. It doesn't have to be natural.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a thing because, like. Yeah, it's not natural where I'm like, I'm Matthew. You know, I'm Matthew. I'm Matthew. I'm always going to be Matthew.

[E]

Wait, I thought you were Maddie.

[A]

I am Maddie.

[E]

Do you go by Matthew Moore?

[A]

My mom calls me Matthew. Like. Like Trish will call me Matt. Like. It's funny because, like, back home I didn't get start calling getting. I didn't start getting called Maddie till college.

[E]

Really? I like that.

[A]

I like that because people called me Maddie Rucks.

[C]

Oh, that's cool.

[A]

Wait, Rux Rucks? Like Teddy Ruxpin?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I had some, like, when I lived in the dorms, like, everyone gets like, nicknames and all that stuff. And I was like, matty Rucks.

[E]

That's cool.

[D]

At the cooking school.

[A]

Yeah, at Humber.

[B]

Do you regret any tattoos? Yeah.

[A]

You know, just take them all off, you know?

[B]

Really? You want none of them?

[A]

No, I want to get, like, all my neck stuff done underneath.

[B]

It's full of tat like that. Starting all the way back is fine.

[A]

No, my whole head.

[E]

I want a tattoo so bad. Could I have one?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Can you give me one of those and I can just.

[A]

Yeah, I just don't know. Just get one.

[E]

I don't know what to get.

[B]

Do you know? I saw Bad Bird. I saw Bad Bunny, like, his chest and. And he was like. It was kind of like a nude photo in the mirror. And I saw Bad Bunny's chest and I was like, moved and I said,

[E]

it looks so good.

[B]

I called Dave and I said, I need to get tattoos.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Chuck, would you ever get a tattoo?

[D]

No.

[B]

Ever?

[A]

No.

[B]

What if your mom died?

[D]

What?

[B]

What?

[A]

What if your mom died? I need to go get my first tattoo. Yeah. No, I'm sure he can remember tattoos.

[D]

No, it's too permanent. Yeah.

[A]

Literally, that's it.

[D]

I hear that. To me, I really wonder why there's not an insane business where I could be tatted like you for like 20 days and then it disappears completely. I would definitely have 20 day spurts of my life where I did that, no question. But it doesn't seem to be happening. But then when I said this one time, people said, no, there is one. And then I haven't looked it up.

[A]

People can like stickers when a man

[E]

has a chest tattoo and then it pops out of their cot. Like, you just see it a little bit.

[A]

You love that. Yeah.

[B]

Wait, what's the worst day of your life?

[A]

The worst day of my life?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, Benny. Like, what. What are we doing here? Yeah. The worst day of my life, honestly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. Probably like when I had like my heart attack or like, probably, you know, around the worst day of my life is like, around those days, like, what was happening? Just like tons of drugs. And I was like, you know, I was young and, like, had a lot of attention at that time. And I was like a lot of ego and a lot of crazy and. And I. I didn't know how to deal with a lot of it. And then I just like, was and built a restaurant. Like, parts and labor was like this crazy restaurant that had a venue in the basement. And like, it was the sickest. It was like the craziest restaurant ever. It was amazing. And like, I think it was just the end of everything. And I was just. I don't know, I had like. It was like, probably after, like, I wasn't like an everyday guy. I was just like a big binge guy, like every weekend and then, like, you know, maybe a couple times during the week. So almost every day kind of guy. But like, not everyday guy, but the

[E]

restaurant world kind of requires.

[A]

Yeah. Like, you're all psychos. Like, it is like. I think it's all, like, cliche where I'm like, there's drunk lawyers, there's drunk bus drivers, there's drunk everybody. Like, life is stressful. I don't. I don't. I think restaurants are typically like, yeah, it is stressful.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

But it's just like, also, you're just in a bar. Like, you know, like, it is like a thing where, like, people in a bar can drink. And I think before social media and before everyone all of a sudden knows everything, it's like, yeah, everyone used to get fucked up and have a good time and, like, everyone would work really hard, make a lot of cash, and then you would just party with everybody. And everything was like, I don't know, it was kind of like an actual vibe and a family and a crazy ass thing. And then I think at the end of it, it was just like, I was like one of the, you know, it was like one of those, like, cliche things, like, last guy at the party kind of vibe. But it was like when I had my heart attack, I had it when I was, like, sleeping and I woke up because it was after probably a couple days of partying and going crazy, and I went home and I fell asleep and I woke up and I was just like, you know, like, I was just like, you know, I was an avid drug user and like, whatever. And I was just like. I was like, Trish. I was just like.

[B]

She was there?

[A]

Yeah, she was in the bed.

[E]

How old were you?

[A]

I was 29.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So then I was like. I was just like. I was like. It was like two years after opening up parts and labor. Like two years of just, like insane shit. And then. And then I was just like. I was just like, I think I should go to the hospital. Like, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. What did you feel like? An uncompromising force and like something squishing my insides. It felt like this crazy thing. And I was just like. And I was just like, having this thing. And it wasn't a panic attack. And it wasn't like, I've had, like, palpitations and I was like. It was this thing that wouldn't stop. And so I Went to the hospital. And so when you go in, like, I was just like, yeah, I was just like, I think I'm having. Like, I'm like, something's the matter with my heart. And I was like, yes, I do drugs. I do this. I do this. Like, yes, yes, yes, I smoke, I do all this crap, whatever the fuck. And then they go in and they take. They take your blood right away. As soon as you say, like, heart stuff, they take you, like, right away. I didn't have to wait.

[E]

So did you get an ambulance? Did you call and say, no?

[A]

Trish drove me. And then she went to work? Yeah, Trish dropped me off.

[B]

Did she not even think it was real?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I was just like, kind of like. It was like in the morning, and I was just like, yo, like, I'm like, I'm not a panicky guy.

[E]

I was gonna say, you don't seem

[A]

like, I'm not a panicky guy. So I was just like, yo, like, drop me off. If I fucking have a heart attack, I'll let you know. And like, I was just like, I don't think I'm really having a heart attack, but I don't know what's going on. I'm at the hospital, so, like, you can go to work. And, like, I'm here. I'm not, like, gasping for air.

[E]

But did you feel like it was just gonna happen, like, any second?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know. It was at the point where I was just like, something. Like, something's not right. And so then they took my blood. And they're like, oh. They're like, you had a heart attack? With the information they had. They're like, you had a heart attack, like, four hours ago. And I was just like, what? And so then I was just kinda like, so I'm good kind of thing. I was just kinda, like, sick. I'm like, I'm good. Yeah, I'm here.

[D]

What'd they say?

[A]

And they're like, no, like, we need to put you into, like, er. And, like, make sure. And then they started hooking me up to all this shit. And then I was like, can I, like, call my mom? And, like, can I call my dad? And they're like, yeah, make like, you can, like, let people, like, call your parents and so, like. Like, go out to the. The parking lot of the.

[B]

You're like, do you have.

[A]

So, yeah, like, I was so like.

[B]

And they're like, you can go and talk.

[A]

So I went outside and I started having, like, a cigarette right Away because I was just, like, had Having to cigarette.

[E]

They didn't meet you right away? They didn't strap you down?

[A]

They didn't strap me down. I was like, can I make a phone call? And they're like, yeah. So I. And then I had a call and I was like, like, you know, just, like, instantly. Just like. Like, not even thinking, you know, or like, whatever, but, like, I'm having a cigarette. I like, calling my mom and dad. And I just like, hey, like, you guys don't have to cry. Or like, you know, like, I was just like, hey, you know, like, you're still telling your parents something. Like. Like, I feel like I got in trouble at school or something. You know, Like, I have to, like, confess, like, this thing. And, like, my parents are like, sweet. Like, they know who the fuck I am. Like, they're not like, this thing. And I wasn't really a problem for them. So it was like. I was just like, yo. Like, I was just like, yeah. I don't know. I had this heart attack. And they're like, okay. Like, we're coming, you know? I was just like, okay. But it was so funny. Like, so I go back in, and then they. Then they, like. I go get in the bed. They hook me up. I'm fucking doing all this shit. And it's so funny. Like, I have, like, my headphones. I had, like, my headphones for some reason, because, like, Trish. Like, I think I brought a bag. Or maybe that was like, after, like, Trish came back. Maybe once I said that I had a heart attack. But I remember at one point, I'm, like, laying in er and I'm, like, sitting there listening to explosions in the sky and just, like. Literally just like, kind of crying a little bit and just, like, being, like, crazy. And there was, like, the dude next to me. I felt so bad. He was like this old dude, and he was, like, screaming. Cause they were trying to put, like, a catheter in him.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

And he was like. It was such a commotion next door. And I felt so bad for this old guy. Cause he didn't want to do it. And he couldn't speak English. And it was just like. Like this whole thing. And it was, like, crazy. And then I got a room. After I did. I spent like one night down in there. And then I ended up getting a room the next day. And then I just had to stay in. I had to stay in the hospital for, like, 10 days. They did, like an angiogram. Ten days?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause I had A task. So I had to wait.

[D]

I was surprised. The 10 days.

[E]

Yeah, he was.

[A]

Yeah. Like, so I had to, like, stay in the hospital because your, like, blood type or, like, your enzymes, your blood cells flip. I guess that's how they know right away if you've had, like, a heart attack or something of that.

[E]

All the white become red and all the red become white.

[A]

Something like that. And so then I had to stay in the hospital until my body, like, switched back kind of thing or some shit. Like, so, yeah, like, I had to wait until.

[B]

Scared at all.

[A]

Was I scared?

[B]

Yeah. When were you scared?

[A]

There was a moment. I don't know. I don't know what scared is. Like, I'm like, you know, like, I'm like.

[B]

I don't know what scared is. What?

[A]

No.

[B]

Chuck's scared.

[E]

Those 10 days, I imagine, you know, like, we only think of heart attacks. The way I'm where you're, like, standing there and all of a sudden you, like, grab your chest.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Somebody falls and, like. Yeah, for sure. And that happened. But I think I just, like, slept. I was so exhausted. Like, that's the thing is, like, my heart attack and, like, what I think I was doing to my body and everything was, like, exhaustion. Like, not sleeping for, like, 15 years. You know, like, working in restaurants is, like, the craziest thing. The craziest thing about, like, working in restaurants or working in any type of job is like, I was under, like, sleep deprivation. Like, I would go to bed typically, like, three, four nights a week. Like, my bedtime. Like, I had to be home, like, for Trish not to freak out and, like, start blowing me up, was like 6am that was, like, me getting home on time. So. Because, like, just think, like, I'd be done work at, like, 1. Like, 1 in the morning. Then we would all go out to the bars. Then we'd go to the after hours. Then we'd go to our friend's house and then we'd go home.

[E]

And you'd do it the next day.

[A]

Yeah. You do that like, three, four times a week.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's just like. I think I was. And then I'd be at work by, like, you know, 10:30, 11.

[E]

What changed for you? Like, was there when you were in the hospital post heart attack, were you thinking, oh, I gotta make a change? Or were you thinking, thank God? I just. Thank God. I'm sorry.

[A]

I think it was, like, one of those things where I was just like, okay. Like, this can be okay. I'm not gonna look like a complete Loser. If I stop drinking, you know, like, I have in a thing. But then I was just like, but

[E]

did you wanna stop drinking?

[B]

Were you immediately like, I gotta change everything?

[A]

No. No, I went harder because I thought I didn't die. I went psycho.

[B]

You did drop.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't get. I didn't. I didn't get clean until 31. That's what. Almost, like, killed. That's what, like, really ruined my life. Because then the thing was, when I. After my heart attack, you know, all my homies know, all my friends know, all the people I hang out with, everyone knows. It's like, matty Matheson has a heart attack. Then all of a sudden, I'm a problem. And I was never really a problem before. I was just like, everyone's partying, huh?

[B]

You have a heart attack at 29?

[E]

No, but it's so hard because then all of a sudden, you're being like. You're being.

[A]

I'd pull up to my friend's bars and then they'd be like, no, like, we're not giving you shots. We're not giving. Because I would be like, I'm not gonna do alcohol. Like, no, more like Jameson. Like, I could chug Jameson or, like, chug, like, vodka or whatever. Because even at the end, like, my drink would be, like, I was drinking, you know, pints of vodka. So I'd get a pint glass. I'd get a pint glass, fill it with ice, fill it with vodka and, like, three lime squeezes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And then I would drink, like, a lot of those. Then I would start drinking beer.

[E]

Do you miss alcohol at all?

[A]

No.

[E]

No. Why don't you tell people about a time where your OCD has prevented you from moving forward in some way?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Every night.

[D]

Every night when I had to brush my teeth and it took 25 minutes to brush my teeth because the water faucet had to be left on 15 seconds, no ripple in the water. Right on 15 seconds, no ripple. I mean, it was every night. I dreaded it.

[E]

Well, I'll tell you this. NOCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider, and all of their licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy, which has proven to be the most effective treatment for OCD.

[B]

You know, the therapy is 100% virtual. It's covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans and includes support between sessions. So you never have to face OCD alone. Because, you know, sometimes you're, like, sitting there, you're writing down all the stuff you want to Talk about in your next session, but it's like a week away now. You can get help in between the session.

[D]

To learn more about starting OCD therapy with NOCD, go to nocd.com friends and book a free call with their team. That's NOC.

[A]

Check.

[B]

You know what this is called, David? Do you know what else it's called, David?

[A]

Protein.

[E]

You.

[B]

You're David.

[E]

Am I allowed to eat it now?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, you can eat it, guys. It's the best bar on the market. First of all, the macros are through

[D]

the roof on this thing.

[B]

It's got 28 grams of protein with 150 calories and zero sugar. Like, I know you're not a. You don't need a lot of. Yes.

[E]

Do you think everyone understands what macro is?

[B]

I think a lot of people know what macronutrients are. Especially the people who are buying these. All you have to know. You don't have to know anything. All you have to know is these taste better.

[E]

Macro. And the fudge brownie one's really good. And also the cookie dough one's really good.

[D]

David Gold is available at Walmart. Walmart. Walmart stores Nationwide and on Walmart.com youm

[A]

can try a single bar for only 2.97.

[B]

Go grab one for yourself yourself.

[A]

Can I ask you guys a question? Check this out. You know how every kid now has like llama hair? Like all the llama hair. Llama hair. All the kids look like llamas. Like Gen Z Headache. Like whatever. Headache. The Gen Z. Like llama haircut, right? No, you guys don't. You guys have like beautiful, beautiful hair. But it is like a thing. Like if you guys cut it on the sides, you would have that. But like, it's just like. Do you guys. Do you guys see these Gen Z's are trying to look like. You guys check.

[B]

I got it. It's right there.

[D]

This side.

[B]

Chuck, right now you would be so angry.

[E]

Just passed to put a little bit of hairspray on.

[B]

Chuck, you see the thing I'm talking about?

[D]

Sorry, my camera keeps flipping the wrong way.

[B]

Can you see it, Chuck?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is it?

[E]

If you use product, Dave, you'll never have to adjust it.

[D]

No, that's not true.

[A]

No, it looks like you should spread it. Do you ever think you should part it in the middle?

[B]

I hate that.

[E]

It's parted.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Do you like it parted? Have you ever parted it?

[D]

I'll wear it that.

[B]

No, Chuck, you can't wear it bad. You gotta face it.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Well, I like it like that, Chuck. Chuck. It's pretty cool.

[A]

I honestly think that that looks great.

[D]

Is this a new replay?

[A]

Wait, do you like it? No, I think you parted it in the middle, Chuck.

[B]

Right? No, no, right there. It's pretty cool.

[E]

It's, like, sweet and, like, European.

[B]

It's pretty cool there.

[A]

Yeah. You look.

[B]

Chuck, I actually like.

[A]

You look way more distinguished, Chuck.

[B]

I really like it there. You look like Bill Hader.

[D]

Maybe I don't look like I'm bald.

[A]

No. How can you look bald? What are you talking about? You have a giant, beautiful head of hair.

[B]

Do you know, one time, Matty hurt himself and I had to shower him.

[A]

He had to shower me. I broke my foot.

[B]

I showered him.

[A]

You took care of me.

[B]

I carried him.

[A]

I feel you had to really help me.

[B]

Yeah, I had to borderline carry him.

[E]

So you broke your foot and then

[A]

you were there in la, and then I was staying at Benny's house. And then I put him in the house, the dog shower. He had to wash me like a dog. We were shooting stupid fucking cooking show, like, this thing that we did. But because of the contract we had and because of COVID I was like. And I was flying international. I was coming from Canada. I didn't have to, like. I just wasn't in the thing. It said that I wasn't supposed to be. There was, like, a day before. There was a day between me arriving and getting to set. So to narrow Covid, whatever. I had to stay in my hotel room. So I didn't. And I told Benny. I was like, benny, I'm gonna go, like, hang out with my friends. And he's like, yeah, whatever, who cares?

[B]

And then he.

[A]

And then I broke my. Snapped my foot. He broke my foot in half.

[E]

But he had snapped this foot in half casually riding.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

I was, like, ripping. We were, like, jumping.

[B]

But he had to pretend, he had to make this whole thing up, that

[A]

he fell off a curb. I had to lie. And Trisha, still, to this day, doesn't believe. Like, I lied so hard, and she hates me for it because, you know, lying is not good.

[B]

Isn't he lying?

[A]

But I had to lie to, like, my team, everybody.

[E]

You didn't want people to be out of work.

[D]

What was your lie?

[A]

Was. I was just standing and I went across the road, and I was standing at, like, Myrtle and Melrose and my. Because you guys have really tall curbs here. And so my body is not. You know when you go to somebody's house and their steps are just a little Weird or something. Yeah. So I was like, standing.

[B]

He was really big at the time.

[A]

I fell and my foot got jammed and I fell over and crumpled onto it. My foot just snapped from the bare weight.

[D]

That's a great.

[A]

And I just said that I, like, literally, like. Yeah, And I just said, like. And because I was like, almost like 350 at that time. I was way bigger. And so then everyone, like, nobody would bat an eye me saying that I, like, crushed my own foot, you know? Like, don't even think. Well, how I had a cast on. Like, it's like my foot was broken, but it was like one of those things where I was just like, oh, I was on a curb rather than visiting somebody. I was like, I just went and got some food or something. I don't know. I forgot that. But, like, the whole thing. We had to shoot this whole cooking video series and he did it with a cast and it happened the day before.

[E]

Were you in pain?

[A]

Well, yeah, I broke my foot, but it doesn't matter. I don't take painkillers.

[E]

Nothing.

[A]

I got my little soother, my little bub bub, my little sips up. My daughter just started doing hip hop dance. Oh, my God, dude, look at this.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It's so much better.

[B]

You know, everyone can see you behind.

[A]

Okay, blur that out.

[B]

Chuck, do you remember when you used to not hang out with people? If he was, like, shaving his dick and he, like, nicked his dick a little bit and there was like, a little bit of, like, blood, what were

[A]

the hardest things to get over? Or, like, learning who the real Dave was?

[E]

Well, he was a certain way in person, he was so sweet and, like, he acted like he liked me. And then I felt like texting if I just texted too much over the limit. There was a big pullout.

[B]

Yeah, he's the worst texter. He's the worst texter in the history of the world.

[A]

I don't like texting at all. I'm the worst texter.

[B]

No, he's way more.

[A]

Me and Trish will go like four days without texting.

[B]

You lie.

[C]

Really?

[B]

You're the worst.

[A]

No, not that.

[B]

He is the worst communicator.

[D]

He's the worst. You're the worst.

[E]

You're not great.

[A]

No, I'll text him and he'll text me three days later.

[D]

You literally respond three days later and you go like, oh, ha, ha. Like, no one's in the conversation anymore talking about the thing.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

That's mindlessness.

[B]

You're actively texting I'm passionately texting.

[D]

No, I'm just being matter of fact.

[E]

I used to think Dave was that. And then Benny, what Benny does when he texts you back the second like the three days later.

[B]

It's not three days. No, it isn't letters.

[E]

It's like the smallest.

[B]

I have a 48 hour window. Unless it's something important to talk about. And then if it's something that's too important to talk about. You try to talk about things that are not meant to be talked about over a text message.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You, over you. You. You do stuff.

[D]

You can't read?

[B]

No, I can read.

[A]

He can read.

[D]

He can't read if I text. Like if I text. I do.

[A]

I have you guys have you guys have you guys read out loud from a book to see.

[D]

No, he can't.

[A]

Why don't you get him to read aloud?

[D]

He can read. He doesn't engage in any sort of email.

[A]

He would read your scripts.

[D]

No, I don't think he.

[A]

Do you think he would read his scripts? He would.

[B]

No, I read the scripts.

[D]

Yeah. I am like that for sure. But I can send just one paragraph. Yeah, that doesn't need to be.

[A]

I send like half a sentence. Half a sentence. Half a sentence.

[E]

Me too.

[A]

I sound like brr. I send like text with me and

[E]

then I completely forget that I texted it and I never look at the message again.

[D]

Like I there to me there's no more effective way to communicate everything I'm thinking than send like one like four paragraph text raised.

[E]

But you also will like we will be talking about something. You will ignore what I said right before that and you will just ask me like the stupidest question. That's so self serving.

[B]

The worst part is when I read the text, the four paragraph things, it is the most redundant, drawn out thing. Me and Levmon talk about it all the time. Oh right. 15 sentences. That could be one and a half sentence or a 15 second phone call.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, he does. You do your brain.

[A]

Is that the same bottle from the.

[E]

Can I tell you a story about this water bottle? Everybody here?

[B]

Oh, £80.

[E]

He texted me and he was like, I'm so sad. I lost my water bottle. And I thought this water bottle that you have so many of this water bottle. He. We redid our bathroom.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

One morning I'm in bed and Dave goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

All of a sudden I hear like a smash. And I thought, oh my God. He probably just like spilt his water on the floor and then he just keeps saying, oh, no. Oh no. We have a big problem. Such a big problem. I thought, he's just being annoying. He doesn't want to clean up the water that he spilled on the floor. And then like after five minutes, he's like, don't you want to know what the problem is? He yells. And I said, what's the problem? And he says, you gotta come here. He dropped. I don't even know how this happens. He dropped this into our sink. Completely smashed open. No more sink. The sink.

[A]

All the s gone.

[E]

All the inside of the sink is gone.

[D]

And this thing wasn't even dented.

[E]

No more sink. We have completely replaced.

[A]

That thing was perfect.

[D]

Yeah, the thing was perfect.

[A]

Crazy.

[E]

No more sink.

[D]

My contractor said he's never seen any and he's never had to deal with this particular part.

[E]

He doesn't know what to do. They were like, do we?

[D]

Because it's like a customer.

[B]

Like, what happened?

[E]

He dropped the same thing.

[D]

I'm just drinking the water. Oh, like that. You see what just happened here? It was just like that.

[B]

It's also. The thing's £80.

[D]

It's empty right now.

[E]

Drink out of a normal plastic bottle.

[B]

When it's full, it's like £100.

[A]

When it's full, it's like a Pepsi Max.

[D]

Totally.

[E]

This is an expensive bottle. Now you have to replace it.

[B]

Wait, what was the best day of your life? I was just thinking about it.

[A]

The best day of my life?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, I just like, you know, like, I think it's like, like our wedding day. All my stuff is, like, cliche because I'm like, our wedding day is, like, tight. Like, in retrospect.

[B]

What about when you got Trish back?

[A]

Like, kids, like, wasn't that the best

[B]

day of your life when you got her back?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Where'd she go?

[A]

Well, she didn't really want to be with me, you know, after being a

[D]

crazy person, she thought.

[A]

She thought, like, you guys are, like,

[B]

such a good couple. Yeah.

[A]

Because I think we're. I don't know, because I think we're genuinely, like, life partners. And I think we're genuinely, like. I'm like. We talk. It's funny. Like, she's very independent and I'm very independent. We're not needy and we're very, like, self aware of our love languages where we've been together for so long. We know what we need. We know we're very, like, when the second that I know that she's mad with me, I want to, like, Address it and talk through it and, like, be like, okay, like, I can work. You know? Like, I think it's just like, one of those things, and I think it is just being, like, good with each other and not like. I think it's like, we. Like, when. When you want to be with somebody and something bad happens, what do you do? It's like fight or flight. And it's just like, no, like, let's figure this out. Like, is this truly horrible? Is this truly scary? Is this. Are you willing to forgive and are you willing to, like, allow me to work on things and, like, all that kind of stuff? It's just like. It's. It's. It's hard. And then those hard times pass and it's good and it's incredible. And then you're like, oh, this is sick. And it's just like one of those things where I'm like, this is a cycle. Yeah. And it's just like. I don't know. I spent the last, like, 12 years of my life making sure that our lives are the best they can be.

[B]

When's the last time you cried? Do you remember?

[A]

A long time time ago.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

But you feel a lot like you. You'll get.

[B]

I feel a lot.

[A]

I just. I. I don't. It's something that I've. I can't physically cry.

[E]

You get really mad or really sad or really upset.

[A]

I get really mad. But I think I've, like, made myself, like, this shell where I can't cry. Or, like, this thing where I've, like, just pushed it down. I don't know. It's a thing where I've, like, tried to cry or, like, I feel like it's like, you know, I don't know. I feel like I want to, like. Like Trisha's grandparents passing, or like my grandparents passing maybe, but, like. Like my eyes get wet, but there's no, like, sobbing. Like, I want to sob. Like, I've tried to make myself sob and I've, like, try to, like, scream and, like, try to do the thing and try to break down everything. No, like, just get to the point where I'm, like. I'm, like, so beaten down and like, there's, like, moments in your life where you're just like, what do I have? Like, I want to allow myself to cry. I wanna. I wanna, like, sob. I want to, like, like, cry until I fall asleep.

[B]

It's my favorite thing to do. Like, when it. It doesn't happen to me all the time.

[A]

Like, I feel like I've only seen you cry, like, with disco.

[B]

Yeah. No, And I cry about, like. I cry about, like, movies, and I cry when, like, something, like, bad happens. Yeah.

[A]

Like, obviously, like when I watch tag at the end of Tag.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That stuff gets me.

[E]

The. The movie.

[A]

Yeah. Where they chase, but at the end when all of a sudden they start showing all the real people playing tag. Cause it's based on a real story.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Like a game night.

[B]

Mattie likes watching movies with me. And then he'll beg to watch a movie. And he falls asleep within the first 15 seconds of the movie. He'll beg. He'll beg to watch a movie.

[E]

He's a sleepy guy.

[B]

Yeah. And then he turns sideways and he goes like this. And he goes. He goes.

[A]

I don't snore anymore. No. Because I'm like. I love. I love going into, like, the movie room. I love getting super cozy.

[D]

Yeah, I love it.

[A]

I love it.

[E]

What's your favorite thing that you cook? Like, if someone was like, how people, like, love performing their favorite songs.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

What is your favorite thing to cook?

[A]

Honestly, like, I love my taco bowl that I make. I make, like, literally, it's just like, rice, and then I make, like, shitty ground beef with, like, taco seasoning. And then it's just like chopped up tomatoes, green onions, cheese, and like, maybe like, thick, like Greek yogurt or sour cream.

[E]

I love that sort of thing.

[A]

And I just call it my dog bowl. And then I make my dog bowl, and then I, like, make it for everybody. And then they're like, oh, my God, it's so good.

[E]

I have an idea for you. We could go in on it. I put my money into it. A noodle house.

[A]

Just a small. Small noodles or any noodles. I think a perfect restaurant is literally, like. And I don't. I know that they probably exist somewhere, but, like, honestly, like, a pasta bar that only, like, you can like. There's so many times where I want to go in and just have, like, imagine five short noodles, five stuffed, and then. And then, like, some long noodles. But you could go. And it's only pasta, and it's only that. Like, there's no nothing because there's so many. I just want a cacio pepe. Or I want a carbonara. I want just that. And I don't want to eat all this other stuff and get full. I want to get full. I want to go and eat, like, three or four different.

[E]

Can you start that for us?

[A]

Yeah, let's go tell them your restaurant.

[B]

Dave has a restaurant idea, too.

[A]

What's your idea? Birdie? Chicken.

[B]

Birds.

[A]

Birds.

[D]

A chicken. Chicken joint.

[A]

Yeah. Nobody's doing chicken right now, so it's really.

[B]

No, it's only chicken.

[D]

It's only chicken, but it's every single type of chicken.

[A]

So it's got rotisserie, fried chicken fingers,

[D]

buffalo wings, chicken cheesesteak.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like chicken quesadillas.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No sides. Unless they're like chicken fries or chicken nuggets.

[A]

Chicken fries. Okay.

[D]

There's full soda bar.

[C]

Full.

[A]

There's a full soda. Do you know what chicken and soda.

[B]

Do you know what mine is?

[A]

I love that. What?

[B]

Thanks. And every day you go in, it's just Thanksgiving.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like. It's just all you can eat. Thanksgiving, and you're sitting at a table, like, of people you don't know.

[D]

Do you think that would work as a restaurant?

[A]

I do.

[D]

What was the other restaurant we came? Wasn't there one other one that was.

[A]

So what's your favorite? Chicken finger or chicken tender? See, do you guys call them chicken tenders always or do you call them chicken fingers?

[B]

I'm two different types.

[D]

No, they're the same.

[A]

The same thing, right?

[B]

I love a chicken finger.

[D]

I really don't like bone in fried chicken. It's surprising. I don't. I like buffalo wings with the sauce, but I don't like breaded bone in chicken for whatever reason. But I love, you know, chicken nuggets. I do love chicken fingers. And my favorite type of chicken fingers, probably like that great restaurant in a town.

[B]

What are your favorite types of fried chicken? Like, if you have to rate them, like. Like a chicken cutlet is, like, up there for me. Chicken cutlet's huge.

[D]

Yeah. I think the.

[A]

The.

[D]

The chicken breasts, the sauced chicken breasts.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And it may be diced, like, the way I just prepared Mexican chicken. I love a chicken cheesesteak where the meat is not shredded like a cheesesteak is. It's more kind of small. Yeah, that's my favorite property type of chicken.

[B]

Who's the first famous person ever to acknowledge you and your food?

[A]

Oh, you. I was maybe one of them. Like, famous people. Like, the first time, like, a famous person really came in our restaurant.

[B]

No, like, the first person like. Like someone, like, DMed you, and they were like, oh, my God, you're. You're amazing.

[A]

Oh, I don't know who was the. I honestly think it's like. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Like, I remember Rancid came to Oddfellows when I was like, I was like, 25, 26 when we opened Oddfellows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, Lars was tattooing at my buddy's tattoo shop. He tattooed kind of sporadically. And I remember Rancid came to Oddfellows, which was, like, the craziest thing. And then, like, a year later, honestly, one of the first times ever, like, cooking for, like, a real, like, odd future came, and I knew man face. And he brought them in. Matthew McCormick, the artist now.

[E]

Matthew McCormick. Spice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Matt McCormick.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Matthew McCormick there from the spices. And, like, that was, like, one of the first times ever, like, seeing, like, odd future. Because at that time, like, it was a crazy thing. And so they came in for dinner, which was kind of wild. But corn.

[D]

You ever cook for corn?

[A]

I've never met for. No. Never cook for corn.

[B]

Oh, did you ever get anxious for cooking for, like, another chef?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I remember I cooked a giant meal for Martin Picard once, and it was like, he's like. He's like our, like, Scorsese or, like, you know, like, he's our guy. You know, he's our. He's our ld, you know, like, Martin is like the king. And I remember he was doing, like, a interview thing, and I set up, like, he came for lunch, and I, like, covered a 12 foot table just full of food.

[B]

Did he like it?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it was all right.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Would you say that the bulk of the money that you make comes from the restaurants you own?

[B]

No.

[A]

Zero. So it's just I've never taken a penny from my restaurants ever.

[D]

But do they make money?

[A]

And then sometimes.

[D]

So it's hard.

[A]

It's a really hard piece at, like, the level that we're at. Some make money, some don't, and then all the money that we make goes into the ones that they don't, and then it's just a snake eating its own tail. Ooh, we have my bachelorette house on Airbnb.

[B]

Her house was so good.

[E]

I'm obsessed.

[B]

We tried to book it for vacation, like, two weeks later.

[D]

Bachelorette party. Do the women all insult the groom?

[E]

No, it was tame. We were just, like, hanging out.

[B]

It's just 78 photos. It's so cozy. Love the little teepee.

[D]

That might just be for show.

[E]

No.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

You know what? I can tell.

[B]

Can we book it right now?

[E]

I want to go there, see when it's available.

[D]

You know what I can see right now?

[B]

What?

[D]

There's a lot of H2O there.

[E]

Yeah, it's on a lake. It's on Lake tahoe.

[D]

Lake's not H2O.

[E]

It's not. A lake is not H2.

[D]

Oh, wait.

[E]

A lake is not water.

[D]

Oh, I meant oxygen there. I didn't even mean H2.

[E]

Okay. Hydrogen.

[D]

I have a special guest.

[A]

Oh, Patricia.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Here. Be your twin.

[B]

Be your twin.

[E]

I've heard so much about you. We're both Italian.

[A]

We're both Italian.

[C]

She's. I'm Italian.

[B]

Irish.

[E]

I have Irish in me.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[E]

Yeah. My.

[A]

Oh, they're like twins.

[E]

You can wait. Dave, let. Let her sit next to her husband.

[C]

Oh, it doesn't matter.

[E]

You can sit next to me, Dave.

[A]

No, let her sit next to Benny.

[B]

I got real. I got real questions for you.

[D]

Oh, dear.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, first he wanted to say he had a question first.

[A]

No, I just always get at. They asked me, they're like, you know, like, how do you do it, you know, be together for so long?

[D]

So he just wants to.

[C]

But this was after like everything.

[B]

You can say whatever you want.

[A]

No, no, it's just like, like, you know, I said what I said, but, you know.

[C]

You said what?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I just. I don't know. I don't know the answer to this.

[B]

See?

[A]

How do you put it up with them?

[C]

How do I put it? I'm very patient in that sense.

[A]

Okay, calm down.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. But I kind of like gave up.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

At 10 years, I think. Yeah. I figured I was never gonna get married.

[A]

There you go.

[E]

That's good.

[C]

I asked my aunt who gives out a little croisette pot every. To every married couple for my Le Cresette. Cause I was never gonna get married to Maddie. But we were together and yeah, she gave it to me and then he proposed to me. So then. Yeah.

[B]

Was it in the Le Creusette pot?

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, that would be such a good proposal.

[C]

No.

[E]

You guys were together for 10 years. I was complaining about.

[A]

We were together for 14.

[C]

Yeah, it took a marriage.

[A]

We just had 11 year wedding anniversary.

[B]

You guys fight ever?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we fight.

[B]

What do you think that. Where do the fights usually stem from?

[C]

Back in the day, it was more so money and him spending the money all the time.

[B]

Okay, cocksucker. What about now?

[C]

Yeah, but now it's like parenting styles.

[B]

Parenting styles?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to know a little bit more about this. What, like what, like what are. What are the fights over? Parenting style?

[C]

Because, like he's not around, so then when he is around, then he gets mad at how things sometimes are. Or like what the kids are doing. And then I get Defensive because I'm like, well, I'm always here.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what. What are the things?

[C]

Like, what they eat and what, you don't want it.

[B]

What are they eating?

[A]

Well, no, our kids just eat sugar. A lot of sugar.

[E]

Which is fine, but it's just like,

[A]

I don't think it's going to turn them in.

[B]

Why are they eating?

[A]

I think everyone's just so hyper aware of everything now. So, like, I'm like, no, but he

[C]

gets mad because, like, he'll make a really nice meal and then the kids won't eat it.

[A]

And then Ozzy will go and just grab a fucking giant cookie and start chewing a cookie.

[B]

Okay, okay, wait. I wanna. Both of you guys say your side and I wanna know. I wanna know.

[E]

Yeah, I think this is a fight.

[B]

Maddie. Maddie. So what's your issue with the food habits?

[A]

I think they get a lot of sugars, but I'm also bad at. Because I am not home all the time that I'm just like, let's go get ice cream like, every night. Or, like, let's go out. But I find that as, like, more family time. But then it's just like, the things that bummed me out is like, I think Ozzy, our youngest, is like a full sugar fiend. And, like, we'll only. She'll like, kick and scream, and then she. We're just like, fine. And I think, like, it's just hard sometimes where you're just like, fine. But then our kid is only eating sugar all day long. And I don't think it's her fault or my fault. It's just like, I'm both. Like, ozzy's a beast. She's undefeated.

[B]

What's your style?

[A]

Also, like, we grew. I grew up where, like, we never had sugar in her house. And I grew up in such a way. And then I'm like, you. Even if you don't realize you're becoming your parents, you're becoming your parents because the only real parenting style you know is your parents good or bad. And so then all of a sudden I'm like. I do stuff that, like. And I don't want to necessarily be exactly like my. Like, my parents were stern. Like, like, if I was ground, I would be grounded. I would be grounded for a week. And. And I would be having my meals in my room. Like, like, not hanging, like, no television. Different. But I grew up with, like, no tell. Like, we were only allowed to watch television on Saturday mornings for like an hour, you know? So, like, I grew up super, like, in A very stern house. But my parents are the least stern people ever, and, like, the most chill, loving, amazing people. Except there was, like, actual rules.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think it was just, like, one of these things that, like, the rules couldn't be broken. And it's just, like.

[D]

That's probably why you got so tatted up.

[A]

Yeah. All of us. Yeah. My whole family's just drug addicts and psychopaths. And I'm like, dude, good job, everybody. We should have had sugar with our Rice Krispies, you know, Like.

[B]

But that's the thing, too.

[A]

That's the funny thing. And, like, we make jokes about it to our parents. Like, we're like, maybe should have had maybe some sugar. Maybe I was. Maybe I didn't have to wait till I was 14 to have a Coca Cola.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

No.

[D]

Cheers.

[B]

Were there any drug addicts in your family?

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, so the sugar works.

[A]

Trisha's not an addict either.

[B]

So. Then shut up and stop questioning her parenting style.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I want to know what your favorite thing is about Maddy and your least favorite thing.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Favorite thing. Oh, Maddie.

[D]

His riff. Tattoo on his hand.

[B]

Nope. He was gonna punch her.

[C]

Oh, he was gonna punch.

[B]

What's your favorite favorite thing?

[C]

My favorite thing? How chill he is and how he makes me laugh all the time. He's just a little teddy bear.

[B]

What's your least favorite thing?

[C]

My least favorite thing?

[B]

That he won't do the dishes?

[C]

No, that he's, like, dirty as.

[D]

All dirty.

[C]

I think about being that wife to just roll over and, like, give a nice blowjob in the morning. And then I think in my head, I'm like, no, he hasn't showered in four days. He didn't shower. Then he didn't. Oh, no. He flew a plane. And then, like, no, definitely not going in my mouth.

[B]

Wait, so then what are your. What's your favorite and least favorite thing?

[A]

My favorite thing about least favorite. This is.

[B]

She's chilling. Puts your dirty dick in her mouth.

[A]

Honestly, my favorite thing is that.

[E]

Ride or die.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I think your trust. Or like, you're unwill. Like, you're. Yeah. Like, you're just like. Yeah. You've been saying we're soulmates since, like, we first started dating.

[B]

I love.

[E]

And you guys seem like you're soulmates.

[A]

Yeah. No, it is. Like, I. Yeah.

[B]

How come you're not speaking English anymore? You're, like, Not even using, like, the right word.

[A]

No, it is.

[E]

It's my beauty.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Least favorite thing.

[A]

No, she's perfect. My least favorite thing about Trish. I don't know. I think since moving back to Fort Erie, your accents just turned a little more Fort Erie. It's kind of weird, really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You say, like, it sounds a little

[D]

more like I've been holding this in for a while.

[E]

Yeah, that's great. But like, this morning when I said

[C]

oats and the waiter.

[A]

Yeah, you said, like, her accent, like, from, like. We lived in Toronto for, like, 18 years or whatever, but I think moving back to Fort Erie. We've lived there for seven years now. No, it just comes. It's funny. That's not my least favorite. That's even. No, see, my least favorite thing. I don't even have a least favorite thing.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Like, I don't.

[C]

Easy.

[A]

Yeah, easy.

[B]

Her least favorite thing is that your dick stinks.

[A]

Which is fair. It's fair.

[B]

He does. He doesn't. But I will tell you, for a man who never changes or showers, he doesn't. Doesn't really smell.

[A]

No, it's only his underwear intruding.

[B]

Like, his underwear do smell like paint.

[E]

Well, no, but folding.

[A]

See, that's the accent right there. Yeah, that's her accent.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about.

[A]

That's her 40 reaction. No, I'm not gonna talk.

[D]

I'm not.

[B]

You just said. You just said.

[A]

No, that's the craziest. No, that's a perfect example.

[B]

She was just. I've never heard you talk like that.

[D]

In conclusion, One, two, three, all in for friends.

[C]

Okay. Okay. What?

[A]

What?

[B]

One, two, three, Friends. Oh, wait, Matty, you didn't get to do it. It's bad luck.

[A]

Come back in 1, 2, 3, friends.

[D]

Now 4 on 3.

[B]

4 on 3.

[A]

What?

[D]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[A]

Thank you, Domino's, for sponsoring this episode

[D]

and for the pizza.