The Pilot Episode

Summary

Friends Keep Secrets – The Pilot Episode

Podcast: Friends Keep Secrets
Hosts: Benny Blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), Kristin Batalucco
Date: February 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

In the premiere episode of Friends Keep Secrets, best friends Benny Blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), and Dave’s wife, Kristin Batalucco, launch their unorthodox, reality-meets-podcast experiment. Set in Dave and Kristin’s LA home and surrounded by hidden cameras, the show documents authentic, spontaneous hangs: cooking, riffing, playful arguments, and revealing debates reflecting the true dynamics of their friendship. From self-aware jokes about formats to heartfelt discussions about being in each other’s lives, the episode sets the tone for a free-flowing, multimedia take on the genre.

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Main Themes and Purpose

• Rejecting the Standard Podcast Format: The trio is adamant that this is “not a podcast” but something more—an attempt at capturing real, unproduced friendship energy, “blending elements of a podcast, livestream, and sitcom.”
• Authenticity and Vulnerability: The show revolves around being unapologetically themselves, inviting listeners and viewers into their circle for organic, sometimes chaotic, conversations.
• Everyday Life, Big and Small: From how to start the show, to kitchen squabbles, celebrity what-ifs, and overanalyzing marinating chicken, the heart is in the ordinary moments—elevated by their unique personalities.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. Defining the Show (00:00–03:40)

• They wrestle with how to describe what they’re doing, repeatedly rejecting the “podcast” label.
• Benny envisions a visual style reminiscent of “The Zone of Interest” with house-rigged cameras capturing life unscripted.
• Everyone acknowledges the confusion: “There’s not even a word for what it is. I mean, sure—it’s a lot of different…” – Benny (01:45)

2. Playful Banter and ‘Third Wheel’ Dynamics (03:40–07:00)

• Multiple “false starts” as they try to kick off the show—debating how to do the intro, poking fun at each other’s personalities, and discussing who’s the third wheel.
• Kristin reflects on being the wife among best friends and how that’s a different vibe:
  “Women will relate to what it’s like to hang out with your husband and their best friend. It’s a different world.” – Kristin (05:36)

3. Teeth, Bulges, and Relatability (06:54–08:16)

• Tangents about dental hygiene, male insecurities, and the fun of over-analyzing body parts—“His bulge was so big...” evolves into a comedic routine about self-perception and embarrassment.

4. Spontaneous Cooking, Product Placement, and Guest Fantasies (08:16–12:17)

• The group negotiates an awkward Domino's Pizza brand mention, segues into dream guest musings: living and dead.
• Notable for their dead guest picks:
  “I wonder if there would be any value in having Hitler on.” – Kristin, immediately echoed by Dave and Benny, who all admit to similar curiosity (10:49–10:59).
• Hilariously morbid take on interviewing famous figures just to “see if he takes it all back,” and why Biggie or Einstein would also make the list.
• Alien cakes and pop-culture references—Kristin: “Is the alien cake?” (12:17)

5. Micro-Jokes, Friendship Magic, and Creative Play (12:52–15:00)

• Celebration of micro-jokes and “slice of life” humor as intrinsic to their chemistry.
• “This is my favorite way to be. I literally started my life being a boy who was just entertaining his friends.” – Dave (13:12)

6. Recipe Book Saga – Group Text Drama (15:00–23:00)

• A lengthy, comedic detour into retrieving a beloved Hillstone restaurant recipe book.
• Anxiety over wording a text to an old coworker, negotiations about how to mention Benny’s celeb status (“Should I say Benny Blanco?” “No, don’t say that…” [18:03–18:36]), and the thrill and nerves of reconnecting.
• The producer immediately replies: “Hey, of course I have it. It’s my prized possession. I’ll make a detailed replica if you want it back. It’s more of a training manual than a recipe book.” (22:00)
• This saga becomes a showcase for their dynamic—Kristin’s persistence, Benny’s anxious overthinking, and Dave’s outsider commentary.

7. Gifts, Hair Dye, and Couples Humor (25:53–28:12)

• Discussion turns to gift-giving in relationships; Kristin teases Dave about hair dye and gift ideas.
• “I noticed, like, 18 gray hairs… I told my hair guy, and he just recommended this shampoo… Not a hair dye. It’s a shampoo.” – Dave (26:37)
• Light, revealing moments about how they relate to each other and subtly roast one another.

8. Autotuned Musical Interlude (29:02–32:44)

• The group experiments with vocal effects and impromptu singing, transitioning from autotuned bits to classics (“Isn’t She Lovely”).
• Notable quote: “Autotune is so fun.” – Dave (30:49)
• Reflections on physicality in singing: “I cannot create a ripple without moving my body.” – Dave (31:30)

9. The Great Marinade Debate (34:30–45:05)

• Sprawling, passionate debate about how many people make their own marinades or sauces:
  • “Nobody makes their own sauce.” – Dave (39:17)
  • “I think I would be validated.” – Kristin, insisting more than 50% do (38:30)
• Arguments spiral into definitions of “cooking,” socioeconomic factors, cookbook use, and population statistics.
• The debate, though trivial, is performed with theatrical intensity and affection, layering humor with genuine earnestness.

10. Friendship Philosophy and Show Promise (45:05–end)

• Dave summarizes: “I love arguing the spirit of argument… I want people to see into the minutiae of what even triggered a one-off argument…” (42:08)
• The group closes with affirmations of love and the hope that this experiment will be a meaningful time capsule of their bond.
• “If we took the en—like this is like a fun spirited debate…” – Benny (44:44)
• Final moments are full of warmth, self-aware acknowledgment of their journey:
  • “We were going on it no matter what. All we’re doing is coming here every now and then, capturing it.” – Dave (46:01)
  • Playful, faux endings: “1, 2, 3—Friends!” (46:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “This isn’t a podcast. It’s so much more than a podcast. I really believe that.” – Benny (01:33)
• “We just don’t want to get in the weeds. I want to have fun and chit chatting.” – Benny (03:06)
• “Do you ever not wear pants because you didn’t like how it shaped your penis?” – Kristin (07:01)
• “That’s all you can ask for in life is micro jokes.” – Dave (13:06)
• “This is my favorite way to be.” – Dave (13:12)
• “How much anxiety I have about just sending a text to an old friend.” – Benny (17:09)
• “The proof is in the pudding. You’re just digging.” – Kristin (41:47)
• “I love arguing the spirit of argument.” – Dave (42:08)
• “We’re out there doing the… the work, having the conversations that nobody wants to have.” – Benny (41:55)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:00–03:40: Struggling to define the show; format rejection.
• 05:32: Third wheel dynamics & gendered friendship roles.
• 10:49–11:04: Dark humor around “dream dead guests”—Hitler, Biggie, Einstein.
• 15:00–23:00: Recipe book texting anxiety and saga.
• 26:37: Dave addresses hair dye accusations.
• 30:49: “Autotune is so fun”—musical segment.
• 34:30–45:05: Spirited, comical marinade debate.
• 42:08, 45:05–46:33: Reflections on arguments, love, and show philosophy.
• 46:48: Silly “Friends!” group ending.

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Flow, Tone, and Style

The episode maintains a playful, unscripted, chaotic energy—full of overlapping dialogue, inside jokes, meta debates, and constant asides. The hosts banter affectionately, aren’t afraid to get vulnerable or absurd, and repeatedly underline their commitment to authenticity over polish. Fans of “hangout” shows or ensemble sitcoms will find a warm sense of inclusion.

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For New Listeners

This episode sets the template: expect deep dives into the trivial, hilarious group texts, random culinary experiments, loving (and self-deprecating) jabs, and semi-serious debates all presented as a fly-on-the-wall experience in the hosts’ real lives. If you’re looking for formal interviews, this may not be it—if you want to feel like you’re hanging out with three chaotic, funny friends, welcome to the group.

Transcript

[A]

It hasn't started yet.

[B]

It hasn't started?

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh, my God. Guys, let's take a step back for a moment. We're not gonna jump into a foundational part. Let's talk about what we're even doing.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like this second or like, you know,

[A]

this is the first time we've ever done this. The purpose of today is to understand what is what, how this thing works. I'm not calling it a podcast.

[C]

I would love. Look, that thing's falling off the wall. The house is falling off.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Cause things are taped up because, you

[C]

know, we haven't made final decisions.

[A]

Yeah, we'll have to drill into the wall.

[C]

What's the gas? Pissing.

[A]

Pissing. Do whatever you want. Okay? The whole goal here, this entire home is.

[C]

Wait, see if you guys can pick this up.

[A]

I was gonna pick up. I like that.

[C]

That was just a little.

[B]

It was a little squeak. Like a little push.

[C]

Yeah, the whole go.

[A]

The whole check.

[C]

I didn't realize you were gonna be the dictator today.

[B]

All right, why don't you sit down and just relax?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Let's just talk about. Let's just pretend that we're hanging out like we normally do. You never even hang out anymore.

[C]

I was gonna say that's good to pretend. No, no.

[B]

Just sit your. Sit down and let'.

[C]

Do you think anyone will like it?

[A]

Sure, absolutely. Actually, yes, I do. To be honest, I really think that we're living in a time, fortunately or unfortunately, that if, like Friends or Seinfeld came out and impacted society to the fullest extent, it would actually be better served to be in this multimedia new format. Notice how I'm not calling it a podcast. Sure. The audio.

[C]

Shut up.

[B]

Should we talk about some vulnerable.

[C]

Wait, does anyone even listen to podcasts?

[A]

Not a podcast. We'll have to figure out a different word. Cause I don't want it. It's not a podcast. It's so much more than a podcast. I really believe that.

[B]

Why don't you just speak directly to the cameras?

[A]

I'm not speaking to the camera.

[B]

Just tell everybody what it is.

[A]

There's not even a word for what it is. I mean, sure, it's a lot of different. I'm getting my laptop. I just want to be kind of on task. I know that we wanted to hang out tasks, Dave, for the listening audience. Things are still falling off the wall. I think people are gonna call it a po.

[B]

Are you reading from a script?

[C]

No. Are you reading? No.

[A]

If it were up to me, by

[B]

the way, get through the stuff so we can have fun.

[A]

Okay. Should I not even do this?

[B]

No, no, do it.

[C]

Tell us. I can't wait to hear the next one.

[A]

Okay, so, you know, when people consume podcasts, they usually watch the clips online, and they're really kind of stocky and boring, and there's, like, a microphone sitting there, and the frame sucks. Like, I don't want it to be now. If it was up to me, if we were really gonna reinvent it the way that I wish I could, everything would look like the zone of interest. It would look like, I guess it's a Holocaust movie, but an A24. You want us because that movie was shot with cameras rigged in a house, and it looks so. But I don't know that it would really travel online. Well, because on a consumption standpoint, I'm, like, zoning out.

[C]

I'm in the zone of disinterest right now.

[B]

Like, I can't even follow what you're saying.

[A]

That leads me into my next point. We've all heard the word multimedia. Or pronounce multi.

[C]

Enough, enough. It's so boring.

[B]

We just don't want to get in the weeds. I want to have fun and chit chatting.

[C]

No one wants to hear, like, a podcast about a podcast.

[A]

How would you start it off? Beautiful girl?

[B]

I have an idea. You want me to tell you guys?

[C]

Yeah, No, I just want to imagine it.

[B]

Well, you should imagine it while I tell it to you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then we can try it.

[A]

Let me imagine.

[C]

Okay. Eyes closed.

[B]

All right, here's what I think we should do. I think we should start upstairs, and you just hear the audio of us upstairs. Why don't we have to walk downstairs together? That's the only thing I care about.

[C]

We can't all walk downstairs. Okay, this is your version. You might film another version.

[B]

I think it's cute to do this.

[C]

Okay, so we're all walking down together. Are we gonna have to do this every time?

[A]

So what do you mean, every time? Anyways, Can I get you something to drink? You finished?

[C]

No. Every time we make a podcast, are we gonna have to come down?

[B]

You can just talk naturally.

[A]

No, stop calling it that.

[C]

Here's my way. We're in.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Hey. Hey.

[A]

Why'd you say, hey, we?

[C]

Okay, okay, let me start again.

[A]

To me, just be yourself. Be true to the reality of the moment that you're living in.

[C]

I might come with, like, a new personality.

[B]

Now is the time.

[C]

What do you think I should be like?

[B]

I think you should be, like, really intellectual.

[C]

What do you Mean, isn't that what I already am?

[B]

It is.

[A]

No, it's not. But I think it's not. I think being anything other than your

[B]

truest self, I think you should be like a political type person.

[C]

Who do you think I am, man?

[A]

I think you're a dick and fart man with a lot of talent, a big heart. Yeah, really funny. Probably the funniest guy I ever met. Kristen's the funniest person I ever met.

[C]

Kristen, this is.

[B]

But no, you don't need to change your personality because, well, just be yourself

[A]

and we're over acknowledging everything.

[C]

Kristen, this is like your entrance to the world.

[A]

What's your personality?

[B]

I'm not going down. I don't know yet.

[C]

Did you just malfunction?

[B]

I'm not going down that path, no.

[C]

But what do you think you'll be?

[A]

She's been in the world. She's just not public on Instagram.

[B]

I can't handle the pressure. If it comes to pressure, yah, fold.

[A]

Right. So there's no pressure whatsoever. People just exist. They act like themselves.

[B]

The whole point of this is to just hang out. Right. And we all hang out and have fun together. So I don't know why we're overthinking hanging out.

[A]

Truly, my favorite times in life are when I just sit around and hang out with both of you.

[C]

Should we start again? Yeah, I think we should start. I think we should start one more time. I think we should start one more time.

[B]

I think we should start one more time.

[A]

What is broken about what's currently happening?

[C]

I don't know. It just feels a little too up. It feels. Yeah, it feels a little too uptight.

[A]

I think it's cause of you.

[C]

It's not cause of me.

[A]

It's not cause of me.

[C]

Guys. You guys are gonna start to get and understand that sometimes I'm cut off. I'm playing third wheel a little bit.

[B]

No, I'm playing third wheel.

[C]

You guys are in a relationship. We're not married.

[B]

Yeah, but you guys are best friends. And it's like women will relate to what it's like to hang out with your husband and their best friend. It's a different world.

[C]

Woo.

[B]

And you know what I've realized?

[A]

Why'd you get a Christmas?

[B]

That men and women are different.

[C]

Wow, you got some good chompers. I love them.

[B]

Benny one time looked at me. You did this. So since this was like two or three years ago, I was talking, you looked at me and you go, you have the biggest teeth.

[C]

No, but they're really Good. They're like perfect teeth. Oh, yeah. And they're so white.

[A]

Like, the dentist in our town, he had a trademark smile.

[C]

Chuck. Our teeth orthodontics are just different shades of like.

[A]

My teeth look nothing like your teeth.

[C]

Your teeth are just like, all the parts on your body. Everything is like a different shade of like, gre. Like, I have terrible teeth, too.

[B]

You guys both have smart teeth.

[C]

Would you do me one favor?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'd really love for your strings to be even.

[A]

I know. They can't be.

[C]

They can't.

[A]

I've been trying them.

[B]

The strings of your pants, like, they, like, shape your dick. Like, they always hang on both sides. Like, when you. Whenever you wear the black pants, you have like, two white strings that, like, outline your.

[A]

My meat sack.

[B]

Is that the way they're supposed to be? Aren't you supposed to tie them? Nah, you don't tie drawstrings.

[A]

Not me.

[B]

Men. Is that not cool?

[C]

Jake, did you ever.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

That's the doorbell.

[A]

That's some raw chicken.

[C]

Did you ever not wear pants because you didn't like, how it shaped your penis? Like, did you ever choose, like, when you were younger or something or.

[B]

Yeah, he does sometimes he'll be like, can I wear these pants to a family function? And it's like. It's like sheer material and you just see his junk.

[C]

Did you ever. Were you ever insecure about the bulge?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's got a big bulge. He does. His bulge was so big over the other Kristen visit with his family.

[C]

His bulge. Shut your yap. Everyone will think you're a liar.

[B]

I'm not a liar.

[C]

And his bulge was not so big.

[B]

It's an objective thing.

[C]

Yeah, it's objective. No, it's objective.

[B]

It's a subjective thing to decide. Maybe I haven't seen a lot of bulges.

[C]

She said your bulge is so big.

[B]

It is big. Remember when you were like, can I wear these pants around my family? It's there. And you were like, I feel weird.

[A]

Look, I wouldn't. I think that speaks to most men have some sort of three dimensional bulge. Like. But I, you know, how can my bulge be big? I have like a 2 inch at most soft dick. I said at most.

[C]

Yeah, at most.

[A]

Sometimes I have a.

[C]

On a great day.

[A]

Anyways, enough about that.

[C]

You're gonna make chicken.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't even know how to do it with that.

[A]

I know exactly. Yes, I do.

[C]

Oh, you can.

[A]

Yeah. I understand you gave me the grill, but you've taught me how to do it. Kadina, you can Say you taught a bird to fly. No. You brought a horse to the water.

[C]

Did I teach him to drink?

[A]

That's. Yes, that's what you did.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Lot of ch. Fuck.

[C]

I've never met a human being like that.

[A]

Kristen, I agree completely.

[C]

Neck is killing me. Could you give it a punch?

[B]

Now that we have a platform to speak politically. Apolitically.

[A]

Socio.

[B]

Economically.

[A]

Politically, yeah.

[C]

Is this up for grabs? Yeah. All right.

[B]

Ooh. Why don't you warm some up?

[C]

Actually, I'm a man who can just eat it real cold.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Just like this.

[A]

It will not fulfill the Domino's obligation for you to do it this way. I'm just letting you know they don't want it to be cold.

[C]

Because I'm eating pizza. Because I want to eat pizza.

[A]

That's fine. But then we're gonna have to do Domino's later in the episode, and then it's gonna, like, be doubling.

[C]

How do they even know if it's warm or not? You could tell this isn't warm.

[A]

You said it was cold. Just audible.

[C]

Well, edit out the cold and put some little thing. Can we get some of the. The fumes?

[A]

No, we can't get any of the fumes.

[B]

I'm sure we can have one cold one and one hot one and just don't come cold.

[A]

We don't have to have two. I don't wanna have two.

[B]

Well, that was a natural moment. Like, let him live.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

An ad.

[A]

Everyone's going to think that. Oh, that's an ad.

[C]

I never even think that. Ads are in. Sorry. Sorry. My brain doesn't work like Wall street like you. I just.

[B]

What do we have to say? Like, what do we even have to do?

[A]

Domino's native segment feels like it's part of the show.

[C]

Feels pretty part of the show right now.

[A]

This should be fun.

[C]

You ruined it.

[A]

And in the vein of the show, while promoting Domino's best deal ever. Any crust, any toppings for $9.99.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait.

[B]

What.

[C]

What.

[B]

What is. What do you have to say? We have to say that.

[C]

What is that?

[A]

Not only we have to say, for a limited time, pick your favorite crust.

[C]

This is Domino's best deal ever. Add. Okay, but what do we do? What do we say?

[B]

Add any toppings for 9.99. Add any toppings for 9.99 whenever you

[C]

want, but for a limited.

[A]

Enough about brands, ads. Let's talk about guests. Who would be your favorite guest to have on?

[C]

Me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Dead or alive? What?

[A]

I guess we'll start with dead.

[C]

I'D like to bring a few dead guys on.

[A]

Okay, fine. Let's each go around one dead guest we would love to have on.

[C]

Okay, Kristen, you start first. Dead guest you'd love to have on.

[B]

I'll say the first one.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[B]

I wonder if there would be any value in having Hitler on.

[C]

Oh, that was mine. That was literally mine.

[B]

That is a beautiful thing that just happened.

[C]

That was mine.

[B]

That's friendship.

[A]

Hitler had a translator is what I was gonna say.

[B]

Yeah, but just to be like. Just to see if he had it. If he takes it all back.

[A]

I'm not gonna take it all back.

[C]

Oh, I don't think he's taking it back.

[A]

I wanna make him defend himself.

[B]

And also for the people that believe it didn't happen, for them to do

[C]

it, I just wanna say, like, why? What was the deal hit?

[A]

You know, he had the same dick issue that I had.

[C]

That drove him to insanity. It drove Dave to.

[B]

Yeah, we just got, like, high off of power.

[C]

Who would your second favorite dead person be?

[A]

Biggie.

[B]

I was gonna say Biggie or Tupac. Only also to kinda get it right

[A]

to have Biggie or Tupac here and just first off, even their voices. Talk about audio. The audio of, like, asking Biggie a question.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna say my dead person, please. I really wanna see, like, Albert Einstein in motion. Cause I'm not even sure if he existed. He look mythical.

[A]

He's perfectly cast.

[B]

I just saw a picture of him sunbathing, like, did you see that?

[C]

I know. He looks so cool and he's like, so. And he wasn't even that long ago.

[A]

What was Einstein's biggest contribution? Was it relativity theory or something?

[B]

Yeah, but he also was part of the Manhattan Project. But that's a terrible. Maybe he wasn't.

[C]

He did so many things, but, like.

[B]

No, I don't even know how we speak about that because we don't speak about politics. So I don't know.

[A]

We don't speak about politics. I don't even know what politics. I mean, by the way, the aliens are circling all the nukes. So to not talk about the nukes would be not talking about the aliens, which I think would be irresponsible to do with our platform. Yeah.

[C]

Is the alien cake?

[A]

The one in Mexico might have been cake.

[B]

What was the deal with that? They literally.

[A]

I don't know. There's like.

[B]

Was it the promotion for the show? Was this cake?

[C]

No, they got into it and it was cake.

[A]

Here's what I think happened. So there was A meme or like, someone tried to say that they found these aliens in Mexico and they're, like, in little, like, sarcophagi, and they're like this. And then I think someone just tweeted, like, I thought this was cake or something. And then. And that was during the heyday of is this cake?

[C]

It's so good.

[A]

It's hard to know.

[C]

It's hard to know.

[A]

We need some sort of mega joke, like the cake to have some sort of constant.

[C]

We have so many micro jokes starting to brew. I do understand that, like, this could be. This is funny.

[B]

It doesn't have to.

[C]

I'm not sure if we're, like, a mega joke, like, crew.

[B]

No, we're not. We're not.

[C]

I think, like, we'll stumble upon mega jokes a lot.

[A]

That's all you can ask for in

[C]

life is micro jokes.

[A]

No stumbling upon the mega jokes through the micro jokes.

[B]

Slice of life jokes.

[A]

This is my favorite way to be. I literally started my life being a boy who was just entertaining his friends. That's how I knew that I was funny enough to even go for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then all going for it requires so much hard work that sometimes you don't even get to really engage this part of my soul, which I think is my truest version of soul.

[C]

Honestly. We started off, it felt a little bit awkward to me, like, getting into it.

[B]

It always feels awkward. Or not. But that is the but that's the point.

[C]

But I feel this feels.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

All right, so we've talked about dead guests. Now why don't we talk about some people who are, like, actually living so we can get a little practical?

[A]

I would love to have some alive friends over.

[B]

The Obamas. I would love the Obamas.

[A]

The family. The whole family.

[B]

The entire family, plus extended family. Like the parents of the parents.

[C]

I was just with Michelle, and she honestly blew me away.

[A]

You were with Michelle?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you can get Michelle on, we'll suck your dick. Yeah, well, no, we will not. Neither one of us will suck your dick.

[A]

What about any rappers?

[B]

Ooh, I would love to have Kendrick and Drake. Kendrick and Drake togeth together to talk it out.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I mean, that's.

[C]

We're gonna use our platform to talk it out.

[B]

I have a great idea. Each one of you can represent one of them behind. And then we have a mediator so that they don't feel like they're alone in the matter. And then we just kind of talk it out and kind of figure out what the whole thing is. All About.

[A]

Yeah, I think they're not gonna ever do that, but maybe individually they'd. Come on.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

All right. Let's stop talking about celebrities, because I think it's more important to talk about the characters that are here. Kristen,

[D]

what do you want people to know?

[A]

Tell them. Background. Favorite job.

[B]

My favorite job. Boxer.

[A]

Boxer.

[B]

My favorite job, other than the job that I do love, would be the job. I've only done, like, one job, which was produce commercials and advertising.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[B]

Wait, actually, though, that's a lie. I did do another job. Server at Hillstone. I loved it.

[C]

Didn't you have all the recipes?

[B]

Yeah, but I gave the book away, so I.

[C]

How would you do that?

[B]

I thought I was gonna get the binder back.

[C]

Did it make sense?

[B]

Kristen has that binder, and I don't know if they're gonna see this, but I could also just text you right now. I feel weird.

[C]

No, no, I really want a few recipes from there.

[B]

That feels so weird to have these back out, like, seven years later and be like, can I get the binder back?

[C]

No, no, no. Just say, hey, I know I gave you this binder, but there's, you know, I love Hillstone, and there's a few recipes I want. Do you mind, like, screenshotting them and sending them to us?

[A]

I guess that's appropriate.

[B]

How do I even start off a text? Give it to me. Right. No, I used to work with them. It was 2018.

[C]

Let me write.

[A]

We're in the middle of a multimedia

[C]

shoot, and we wanna know if it's cake or we wanna know if your head is in.

[B]

I feel like it's.

[C]

Yeah, no, it's so easy. Let me just do it, please.

[B]

And the last thing that we texted about was Hillstone.

[C]

Let me do it.

[B]

He's a producer. I don't want him to disrespect. I don't.

[C]

I'm gonna write it, and then you'll approve.

[B]

You promise you won't hit send?

[C]

I swear on my life.

[B]

Okay. I don't wanna lose my day job.

[A]

You know what I think we should do?

[B]

Go and get it.

[A]

No, don't even text him. Let this come out.

[C]

No, see if he texts it to me. No.

[A]

That's how I would approach it.

[C]

I don't care.

[B]

It'd be like a decade.

[C]

I know how this is gonna go.

[B]

Just. You have to both be professional and friendly and acknowledge the time that's passed. But don't say anything about the podcast. It's gonna be weird. Like, for all that he I'm not

[C]

talking about the podcast. You talk to him. Oh, maybe you guys go out there.

[A]

I think it's time to throw the chicken on the grill.

[B]

You promise you won't hit send after you.

[A]

After you won't be. He's not going to. Finally, some alone time. Oh, I stepped on some charcoal.

[B]

All right, Mochi.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Okay, where's the grill?

[C]

Ooh, I thought close that thing. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Excuse me. And for the listening audience out there, I am placing these tenderloins.

[B]

Oh, that is a long text. You are. You know what's funny? And maybe this is a. Maybe this is a sign of the loneliness epidemic that we're witnessing.

[A]

Go on.

[B]

How much anxiety I have about just sending a text to an old friend.

[A]

Okay, that is funny.

[C]

Okay, ready? Okay. This is gonna sound so random, but I was at Hillstone with some friends last night, and I brought up how I gave you the Hillstone recipe book, like, 10 years ago, and my friend Benny freaked out. He is begging me to get you to send him a few of the recipes from the book. Ha ha. And then it says, can you just

[B]

send me the book?

[C]

So this is my strange attempt to get you to hand over the goods. Feel free to ignore. I hope you're well.

[B]

Okay. No, I'm gonna make a few changes.

[C]

Yeah, do whatever you want, but it's pretty good, right?

[B]

It is really good. And I've never seen Benny give such a long.

[A]

Can I ask a question?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Not if it's gonna change her sending this text.

[A]

Did you say my friend Benny to kind of have more celebrity leverage involved with the request?

[C]

No, no.

[B]

Oh, I was gonna say that I should. I was gonna ask you guys if I should say Benny or if I shouldn't say Benny.

[C]

Cause Benny. I just.

[A]

I was gonna say Benny's name is.

[B]

Because you would speak.

[A]

I would never say my friend John. Because I said I'd say my friend.

[C]

Well, no, no, no. Because I said friends twice, and I thought it would be weird to say, like, friend and then friend right after it without saying the friend's name. Yeah, I think I said friends twice. Yeah, with my friends.

[A]

I understand that.

[B]

And then it becomes weird, and I

[C]

think it becomes more personalized if you say, I don't think he would know because I don't know if he knows that we're friends.

[B]

I'm not gonna know.

[A]

Can you just.

[B]

But I was gonna say. Should I say Benny Blanco?

[C]

No, don't say that.

[A]

Say my friend bj. I'm serious. Cause that way it's Not Benny. He might know that you're married to me. I'm friends with Benny. You're the only Benny I've ever met.

[C]

Except what if the kids is BJ Novak?

[A]

You are bj. Benjamin Levin. I'm sorry? Benjamin Joseph Levin. You're BJ Levin?

[C]

I am.

[A]

So. I don't know.

[B]

I'll never call you bj.

[A]

I think we should.

[B]

I'm gonna change it to my friend bj.

[C]

No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. He might think it's BJ Novak and maybe he's got some sort of issue. What if he has an issue with BJ? There's way less BJ's than there are Bennys in the world. How many times have you heard the name bj?

[A]

BJ Upton.

[C]

I don't even know who that is.

[A]

You wouldn't. But for all. For all my sports fans out there, we're going to get into all that, too. We're going to be relevant. We're going to be real time. We're going to be able to see. React. But remember that athletes are human beings and it's not fair to just criticize men as if they're.

[C]

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Criticize

[A]

Chuck?

[C]

I think the only thing we should be criticizing is that you can't get the string on your pants to be equal.

[A]

Hey, do you wanna produce for us? Rip a session?

[C]

Yeah. You wanna write something from scratch for everyone? And we'll just write Chuck. Should we start? What's your album coming out?

[A]

You said, what's my album coming out?

[C]

No. When is it and what's it?

[A]

I'd rather not disclose any information to

[B]

keep things as I'm gonna say.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

I think this is really relatable. This is my tone of show. Crafting a text.

[C]

Great.

[B]

Hi. This is so random, but I was at Hillstone with some friends last night and I brought up how I gave you the Hillstone recipe book years ago and my friend BJ is years ago.

[C]

Benny. Benny.

[B]

He's begging me for it. If you still have it. If not, no worries. Hope you are well.

[A]

Perfect.

[C]

Oh, you were asking to get the whole book back?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's cool.

[B]

I'm getting that book back.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's even cool. But don't say bj. Please say Benny.

[A]

I love.

[B]

I've never called you.

[C]

Why don't you say parentheses bj? I like that.

[A]

What if he doesn't have it anymore?

[C]

Well, we'll see. Please, please. Then you can call me bj. I don't care.

[A]

Press, then. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Thank you. It feels so satisfying to call you bj. That's cool. I want to do it full time.

[C]

How quickly do you think he's gonna write back? I would drive and get that book right now. If he told me he was in Austin, Texas, I'd get in a car right now.

[A]

For a Hillstone recipe book?

[C]

Yes. What if he says no?

[A]

He's not gonna say no.

[C]

But if he's like, unfortunately, he doesn't feel like giving that away, I think

[A]

he'd be like, ah. Like, I love that book.

[B]

Like, he could just make a copy.

[A]

It's mine now. Winky face.

[C]

Yeah, it's all mine, you fucking bitch.

[A]

Yeah, he might say that.

[C]

What if he says Novak?

[A]

He might.

[C]

Maybe in parentheses, write, not Novak.

[A]

Or update.

[C]

Are you still changing it?

[B]

Yeah. I gave you the Hillstone recipe book years ago, and my friend BJ is begging me for it tomorrow. Don't even, BJ Armstrong.

[A]

No.

[B]

If you still have it. If not, no worries. Exclamation mark.

[C]

Can you please just hope you are well? Yes. Yes.

[B]

Okay. Hi. Should I write one last time?

[A]

I know.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Sent. You sent it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I'm so excited. But I will tell you, I have the same book, but for a different restaurant.

[B]

For which one?

[C]

Just Carbone.

[B]

Did they get it from Hillstone?

[C]

No, I have their master full master recipe list.

[B]

Oh, my God. He texted back.

[C]

No, we didn't.

[B]

That is the life of a producer.

[C]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Open it. Open it.

[B]

Hey. Of course I have it. It's my prized possession.

[C]

What? What did he say?

[B]

He says more a training manual than a recipe book, though.

[C]

Say, are there recipes in it?

[B]

Yeah, there are.

[A]

Ooh, training manual. I mean, that's certified. No, that's classified.

[C]

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

[B]

You're welcome.

[C]

What did he actually say? He said, this is prized possession.

[B]

Yeah. Here's what he said. He said, hey, of course I have it. It's my prized possession. I'll make a detailed replica if you want it back. It's more of a training manual than a recipe book.

[A]

Though I gotta say, I believe that response is very in line with what I was describing as, like, kind of a way to say I would prefer not to give it back. He's saying, I'll make a copy.

[B]

You'll make a copy?

[C]

Yeah. That's all I care about.

[B]

It's, like, illegal to even have this.

[A]

What does that even mean, make a copy? Go to Kankos and do Copies.

[B]

Which I would do.

[C]

Which I would. No, no. I would just send my assistant to go take pictures of it. Or I'd go myself. Wait, please just write.

[B]

Okay, I will, but let's move on.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

We're spending too much time on this book.

[C]

No, we are not.

[A]

Most people don't even know what Hillstone is.

[B]

Everybody knows about Hillstone.

[C]

Everyone knows Hillstone.

[B]

I want to do an entire episode where I have to speak, try to speak and say what Benny says as he's saying it.

[C]

Okay, what am I gonna say right now?

[A]

Now

[C]

what am I gonna say? We have to start from. You're not doing anything pretty good. What do you mean? She's just making noises, though.

[A]

She's saying the exact words you're saying in pretty much the exact same time as you. I've actually never seen anything like this.

[C]

It's just. Cause you're her wife.

[A]

That was.

[B]

He was trying to best fuck with me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You proved your point.

[C]

How did you prove your point? I just have to make pizza in

[B]

the other room because you're talking faster than you ever talked before.

[C]

Okay, you want me to talk? The slowest I've ever talked in my entire life. See, I thought you'd actually be able to do something crazy. Okay, okay, Please just write. I'm so serious.

[B]

You don't even like Hellstone.

[C]

I love Hillstone. I said it's the one.

[A]

I love this ball.

[C]

Okay, wait, just say I'd love a copy. What's the easiest way to do that for me?

[B]

I will.

[C]

Okay, I can send my assistant over to take pictures.

[B]

I'll send BJ over with his security.

[C]

No, please write. I want to know how quickly we can get it.

[B]

We'll get it tonight.

[C]

I might want. Please write something back.

[B]

I did.

[C]

No, you didn't. Please. I never ask you for anything.

[B]

I promise you, Benny. Cross my heart, hope to die. If there's one thing I'm gonna deliver in this friendship, it's this book.

[C]

Can you just write it back? Cause you're very forgetful.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I am forgetful. And my therapist does say that.

[C]

Do you want to attach BJ to the thread?

[B]

I love calling Benny bj.

[C]

Wait, can you add him to the thread?

[B]

I can't believe you got me.

[C]

Stop trying to get. Will you please?

[B]

Have you been this far? In our friendship, in life, no one

[A]

ever called you bj.

[C]

A BJ to the thread.

[A]

How did kids not say you don't

[B]

really look like a bj?

[C]

They did cuss to me. They did they did. Like, there was, like. One of my friends did it as a joke once.

[B]

Well, how do they know your middle name?

[C]

Can you please.

[A]

Kids gossip. Kids talk.

[C]

Can you attach Rejay to thread? Can you attach Rej to the thread? Levi, can you attach. Stop avoiding. You're being avoidant. Is that your attachment style?

[B]

Uh, what's the. What are they again?

[A]

I don't know how it works.

[B]

Please do. Hillstone is very protective. We don't want to make this whole thing about Hillstone.

[A]

Well, we're doing that.

[C]

Can you please just do it really quickly?

[B]

How do we. Should I flip the chicken? Making a copy. Sent.

[C]

Did you actually send it?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What's that temp out there say?

[C]

Mokshee. Thank you for doing that.

[B]

I'm going to take the time to get every single page, and I'm going to put it on nice paper and in a nice binder.

[C]

You're not going to do that, but

[B]

I'll do it for you. As I was saying that, I was thinking, will I actually do that?

[C]

No. You probably won't even remember to get it. And I'll have to remind you. 200.

[B]

I'll remember. I'll remember. But will I go the extra step?

[A]

I'm coming back in a sec.

[C]

Guys, I want zero gifts. I just want you to set me up.

[A]

Just hold it together.

[B]

I should do it as a gift.

[C]

I don't want it as a gift.

[B]

Speaking of gifts, how do you and Selena give each other gifts?

[C]

How do you guys give gifts?

[B]

We really don't. Dave gives me gifts.

[C]

Why don't you guys give each other gifts?

[B]

He's so hard to give gifts for.

[C]

Really? He's so easy to give gifts for.

[A]

Got it all.

[B]

I'll be like, dave, what do you want? And you'll say, like, knuckle cracker.

[C]

I can think of 20 gifts for him right now.

[B]

What?

[C]

Hair dye.

[B]

He already has that.

[C]

No, but one. First and foremost, was that a mega joke?

[A]

First and foremost, I don't dye my hair.

[C]

No, I know you don't.

[A]

The only reason I have to talk about it is because I've now been confronted about it, and I have to speak about it. I don't dye my hair. I noticed, like, 18 gray hairs entering this thing. And, you know, honestly, I thought to myself, I feel like a boy. You know? I don't know. I can't believe this is happening. And so I told my hair guy, and he just recommended this shampoo that I thought would not really do much of anything. And so it's Not a hair dye. It's a shampoo. I've used twice that. I guess the implication is that you think my hair is red now.

[B]

No, I think your hair looks great.

[A]

My hair looks the same that it always has. The lighting in here is what it is. In fact, when I come out of the shower, my hair looks dark chestnut.

[C]

Okay. Do you want me to tell you your second gift?

[A]

Not if it's gonna be anywhere near as antagonistic as that first gift.

[C]

Machinery

[B]

for his dick.

[C]

He knows exactly what I'm talking about.

[B]

He's already had it. He doesn't need that anymore.

[C]

Some sort of new expert. No.

[B]

I thought you didn't want that sort of thing.

[A]

No, I don't.

[C]

Really?

[A]

No.

[B]

He's got a wife, I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Number three, unlimited gift card to Taco Bell.

[A]

I'd rather have cash.

[B]

Number four. I know.

[A]

If it's one single card.

[C]

Yeah. Just one card.

[A]

Yeah, I'd like that.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

If it was synced to Postmates.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Or Uber Eats, whatever. The sponsor of the show will end up being both.

[B]

I know you're number four.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Calzone machine. You press a button, the calzone just goes. Comes out.

[A]

Because that machine doesn't exist. I'd rather you create the machine and we sell the machine.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Do you think I can do it? Thinking about blazing, but it does create like a little bit of a paranoia.

[A]

I don't normally say Blaze. People probably saw that and thought I'd say it like that.

[C]

I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[C]

They're filming.

[B]

They are? We are.

[C]

Oh, they are.

[B]

We are.

[C]

I was just saying hi. They're coming back in now. I love you. I'll call you. I'll call you when we're done.

[B]

Goodbye.

[C]

Are you guys done out there?

[B]

You didn't shut the door.

[A]

I wanted to still be a part of things. Oh, all I'm doing is peeing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not even touching anything.

[B]

Do you guys ever do any sort of freestyling together?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys ever play any beats? Do you guys ever get loose?

[A]

Well, we could easily. Very much. He could go and give a whole. I mean, this guy's the eighth ranked producer.

[B]

Wait, should we make a song of

[A]

the millennium according to Billboard?

[C]

I don't know. You'd have to be able to sing.

[B]

Well, I can't sing.

[A]

I thought you could do it. Even if she couldn't sing, I'm not gonna do it.

[C]

She's too scared to sing.

[B]

I'm not too scared to sing. I show em the first one. I loved what we did in the first one.

[A]

For the listening audience, we're gonna flash back to a recording that Kristin did in autotune.

[B]

It does sound good. Sounds good to me.

[C]

Sounds like traditional, like. Okay, Chad, you try.

[B]

I'm, like, moved by how good it sounds on auto.

[A]

Oh, yeah, actually, it sounds good. Really, really good.

[B]

Oh, your voice is good.

[A]

I need a little more delay. Like, I want to feel the echo.

[C]

Oh,

[A]

oh, oh.

[D]

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'll just try to find something in auto tune in my headphones. This sounds great. I don't know about you. In my headphones. This sounds great. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a professional. A professional musician.

[A]

Autotune is so fun.

[C]

Hey, Moju, where did we net out on the recipe book?

[B]

It's coming your way.

[C]

He said that?

[B]

No, but he's making the copy and I'm gonna get it.

[C]

Oh, he said that? Yeah. What did he say?

[B]

He's making the copy.

[C]

When? I don't know.

[B]

I'm not gonna, like, bombard him on

[C]

a weekday set alarm for 1pm Check in with Kristen about copy of Hillstone book.

[A]

Can I show you guys something real quick?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Isn't she lovely?

[B]

That's good.

[D]

Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she lovely?

[C]

Why do you always twitch your legs every time you sing?

[A]

That's how I generate vibrato.

[C]

You do have a voice.

[B]

It seems like you were doing a bit there because it came out of nowhere. But your voice is good.

[A]

That was my intention, was to show off. Oh, there's no bit. I think I am a good singer and I think I sounded good.

[B]

You always sound good. And you do do a body roll, but it's cool.

[A]

I don't know how a singer creates the ripple of when, you know, a run goes like. I cannot create a ripple without moving my body.

[B]

I think it's like they're vocally trained.

[A]

How come they can do it? I can't. And I like. As a fan and consumer of music, I like the vocal ripple. So when I'm making music, I like

[C]

when post does it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll be right back.

[A]

Post keep entertaining. Post has a strong like a big vibrato. And I'm such a fan of the ripple. If that's what you call it. I know it's called vibrato.

[C]

Vibrato.

[A]

Vibrato. To the listener who's hearing that ripple, just know I was shaking my body and when I Shake my body. It's totally up to chance how the ripple will even come out.

[C]

You know, there is no ripple when you shake your body.

[A]

That is not true.

[C]

Do it right now.

[A]

Okay, so.

[C]

Ooh. There was just one there. There wasn't one. You sang that. Isn't she.

[A]

Yes, there was.

[D]

Isn't she lovely?

[C]

That.

[A]

As opposed to. If I didn't do it, I'd go. And this will sound better in this

[D]

example, but isn't she lovely?

[C]

There's pizza here. Huh? There's like 25 pizza boxes here. They got that perfect level of warmth.

[A]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[B]

Here, mochi. You want the rest?

[A]

No, I got a lot of chicken coming.

[B]

Mmm.

[A]

Want a piece of chicken?

[C]

No, check. That looks burnt.

[A]

We had some issues out there.

[C]

That one has no color.

[A]

Yeah, there's a little bit of variance going on, you know, outer edge of the grill versus inner edge of the flame.

[B]

I like the burnt ones. Are they spiky?

[C]

I like to taste.

[A]

Isn't there something that the burning is bad for the.

[C]

Yeah, carcinogens, death.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. I'll take a little.

[B]

I thought it was just called char.

[C]

Boiled charboil. Wait. I like the way you Chuck. I want just that little piece right there.

[A]

The end of this, the half.

[C]

Okay. That's all I want.

[B]

Is this the spicy one or barbecue?

[A]

It's spicy, but my take.

[C]

Now give me that.

[B]

I like it burnt.

[A]

Ooh, that's nice and slick.

[B]

That looks so good. Can you give me. Yeah, this is spicy.

[A]

I mean, look at the wetness of this.

[C]

To me. Try. It's like

[A]

a little dry.

[C]

Do you put any salt on salt?

[A]

Soak it in a marinade.

[C]

There's no salt.

[B]

I have salt.

[A]

Who puts salt on a marinade?

[C]

On chicken? Every human being on a marinade.

[A]

What? In post. I was gonna say after it's made

[C]

in post, most people, while they're making a marinade, put salt in it. Have you ever thought about actually making a marinade? Why don't you ever do it?

[A]

No, I never thought of hand making

[C]

anything.

[A]

A sauce.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I'd say most people don't have the thought.

[C]

I think. I think a lot of people do get tons of.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[C]

I think tons of people make a sauce for their fish or their meat when they're cooking out of sauce. No, I think tons of people. I think you are very much.

[B]

They take, like lemon juice.

[C]

Yeah. Maybe like a. Maybe like a kid in college doesn't make the sauce. I think many people, when they make a piece of fish.

[B]

No, I Think it's.

[A]

You're talking to me about seasoning a fish with, like, some sort of spice, like maybe some lemon. I'm talking about a sauce.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Making a marinade for a meal.

[A]

No one does that. No one does that.

[C]

Okay, check.

[B]

I think that some people do.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I think it's so.

[A]

Not even drop a line in the comments.

[C]

If check you're cooking, you're going to sound very stupid.

[B]

Like a marinade, you're going to sound.

[A]

I know some people.

[B]

Do you. It just shows that he doesn't.

[C]

It just shows that you, like, don't live in the real world. No.

[A]

There's a lot of people, more or less than 50% of people, make their own sauces from hand.

[C]

That cook food.

[A]

No, that exist. I'm not speaking to chef community. I'm speaking to the average Joe who's sitting here watching whatever this clip happens to be.

[C]

Well, do they make food or do they order all their food?

[A]

I don't know what they are. It's the aggregate average of America.

[B]

I think sometimes people make their own sauce, and sometimes.

[A]

I think sometimes the slightest debate and argument is definitely not relegated only to the chef. Cook, chef, not even chef. The active cooker community.

[C]

Chuck, what are you talking about? Why do you think they're in cookbooks? Like sauces and marinades? What the fuck are you talking about?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know why we're talking about cookbooks.

[C]

Human beings cook cookbooks. They sell millions and millions of copies.

[B]

Well, you guys, it's just. It's not even that complicated on YouTube. It's just not that deep. We don't need to count. People sometimes are creative and they make their own marinade, and sometimes they just use, like, Italian dressing.

[A]

Yeah, but I think Italian dressing is a marinade I would use that's already prepackaged in the packaging.

[B]

Totally. People do that.

[C]

And they also make their own Marinade for chicken. 28 million views. Yogurt Marinade for chicken. 34 million views.

[B]

Would you consider that them.

[A]

That's not a lot of views.

[B]

Is that them making it themselves or are they following a recipe?

[C]

What?

[B]

I guess.

[C]

Okay, that's not even.

[B]

It's a different category.

[C]

What are you talking about?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Well, there's a category of exploration when you. Where you just make.

[C]

I'm sorry, I can't. We have to stick to a different

[B]

thing every time or there's a category.

[A]

Well, here's my thing about what you're talking about with the cookbooks, which I Didn't consider people following recipes, But I absolutely think that they have to be considered in this argument. But I. So I don't think more than. I don't think more than 5 to 10% of humanity is using a cookbook to make their food.

[C]

I think. Nevermind.

[A]

I know what you're gonna say.

[C]

What am I gonna say?

[A]

You think that I'm coming off, like, I don't live in the real world.

[C]

No, I'm just gonna say this. I'm gonna say that I'm not gonna talk about you at all. I'm gonna say a lot of people that cook might not be able to, like, spring for, like, buying a $6 bottle of barbecue sauce. And they're like, oh, my God, I have all these ingredients at home that equal $6 that I can make like vats and vats of on the Internet and be like, barbecue sauce. Or they might be at home and might not have, like a marinade bottle at home. And they're like, oh, my God, I need to make marinade right now. And they look online to look. Or some people just totally different. Some people just cook food and cook with marinades. And when they're making people enjoy cooking food. And I think a lot of people cook food rather than go out to eat and stuff.

[B]

And I do think they make.

[C]

And I do. No, and I do think they make their own marinades when they cook marinade.

[A]

I think there are so many people

[B]

at home, they have a busy life because they're working at.

[C]

I think that's also true.

[B]

Have a big job at the end of the day.

[C]

I think that. Also true.

[B]

Italian dressing.

[C]

Dave started this by saying nobody makes their own marinade.

[B]

Well, that's wrong.

[A]

Not nobody. By the way, my argument to me, if it's for me, if it's less than 50% of people making marinades from scratch, I kind of win the basic argument.

[C]

I don't think. I think people. I think it's more than 50.

[A]

I think it's like 10% at most.

[C]

Dear, you're out of your mind.

[A]

What do you think it is that

[C]

are people who cook food?

[A]

No general population. It's not about people who cook food. I think a lot of people cook food. A lot of people are at home with their $5 marinade that they bought at the store.

[C]

I do too.

[A]

And, like, they're just putting barbecue sauce.

[C]

So what is your. So you keep moving the gulp. What is your question?

[A]

This originated from this. You said, do you ever make your own sauce?

[C]

And you said.

[A]

I said, No, I don't make my own sauce. And you said.

[C]

And you said nobody makes.

[A]

Everybody makes their own sauce. I said, nobody makes their own sauce.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's kind of the origin of the whole thing. I think it's much closer to nobody making their own sauce than, like, it being so common that so many people are making their own sauce that. I'll be validated.

[C]

I think I would be validated. Wait, I do want to. You guys keep talking amongst yourselves.

[A]

Oh, you'll ask them. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You guys keep talking amongst yourselves. Hold on. Do any of you guys cook?

[A]

I am always making a sauce. But that's not the question. The question is not do any of you guys cook?

[B]

He asked that.

[A]

Yeah, not just like lemon garnish on a fish. I'm talking about a sauce.

[C]

Are you cooking, though?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay, so you're not cooking. You're out of it.

[A]

That counts. That counts.

[C]

He doesn't cook.

[A]

That's fine. I'm talking about non cooks.

[C]

I don't even have the great.

[A]

You're the part of the America that I.

[C]

He doesn't even have chicken.

[A]

You're a part of this country.

[C]

That doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It's for people who are cooking. And you said nobody uses a marinade.

[A]

I'm not even in the category of people who are cooking. I.

[C]

Because you're cooking right now.

[A]

I'm in the category. Then everyone's in the category.

[C]

Do you cook? You don't cook. Okay, do you cook? I don't cook.

[A]

Like, you can't say I cook.

[C]

If you cook, is it a marinate or not a marinade? You would make one or no, you wouldn't. Okay, okay, okay. You're out of this conversation. This is for people who have cooked food. You just cooked food. So you're using a marinade. It has to be for a human being that cooks.

[B]

I don't even under. I can't even follow.

[C]

I'm sorry, Chuck. You're starting to move the goalpost like Chris.

[A]

Chuck, it's always.

[C]

You said nobody.

[A]

Am I a person who cooks?

[C]

Cooks. You are cooking.

[A]

Am I a person who cooks?

[C]

Yes, of course. You.

[A]

You think of me as a person who cooks. What is this thing I cook today?

[C]

Okay, and when you make.

[A]

What do I cook?

[C]

Very, very often.

[A]

No, what are you talking about?

[C]

You make your tuna thing. You make your chicken. You're not.

[A]

Me making a can of tuna is being a. Is cooking.

[C]

Yeah, you're cooking yourself a meal. I don't understand what the what? The whole thing is. But I just want. I want to finish this because we are. We are. We are in the middle of the.

[B]

Okay, wait, I was gonna play a beat to the.

[A]

It's not even plugged in right now.

[C]

Marinade or no? Would you make like a simple marinade? It depends.

[B]

It's a tough. What a debate.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, someone's gotta debate it.

[C]

So out of four people who cook, three of them would make a marinade and one of them would is like 50. 50.

[A]

I'm only interested in the general population.

[C]

That is the general population.

[A]

Is there anyone there who didn't cook that you didn't account for?

[C]

Chuck. But it doesn't make any sense.

[A]

To me it does.

[C]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You lost the argument and you had to try to find a way to justify it.

[A]

It's okay.

[C]

I love you. I love you regardless. And we don't even have to know.

[A]

I don't think I lost the argument, Chuck.

[C]

We don't even have to. Truth is in the pudding. The proof is in the pudding. This is. You're just digging.

[B]

We're covering grounds that need to be covered. We are out there doing the. The work, having the conversations that nobody wants to have.

[C]

Check. I'm just glad that this was an Emerson.

[A]

I want to say a few things.

[C]

Okay. Check.

[A]

I love arguing the spirit of argument. I love when we get in these little quote unquote tiffs on these. Because what I think the best thing that we can capture when we do these is true human behavior. And at the end of the day, my favorite forms of entertainment always include characters that I love. And I think there's no better characters than seeing people for who they are. And I want people to see into the minutiae of what even triggered a one off argument. Because I just love that type of behavior. And I'm embracing that. I would do that even if there were no cameras here. I just love that.

[C]

Me too.

[A]

Way of life.

[C]

And I love you.

[A]

I love you. Of course, it goes without saying.

[C]

And I love you, Mochi.

[B]

And I love you. And I love you. I love you as my husband.

[C]

Check. And I love you even though you were wrong in the argument.

[A]

Now, if we're going to talk about the argument in general, these are my closing comments. This is my position. I am not in the group of people that cook. Therefore, if we're talking about me, it has to stem from we're talking about general population, because I am not. I shouldn't be even compared statistically. Amongst the community of the world that cooks because I am in that other community, the people who don't cook, because I barely cook. So if that's the case, I believe that we have to evaluate the entire general public population. That being said, I believe if it's under 20% at this point of GP, I win.

[C]

Chuck, you cook. Sorry, I hate to break it to you. You cook.

[B]

Here's what I'll say.

[C]

You cook. You have a grill.

[A]

You gave it to me.

[C]

Doesn't matter.

[B]

You use it.

[A]

What I'll say, I didn't seek it, Chuck. I don't seek cooking equipment. I've never sought it.

[C]

Chuck. I'm sorry, but I'll say you're wrong.

[B]

This is the fun debates to get in. And I feel like if we took the en. Like this is like a fun spirited deb.

[A]

I feel like I get too angry.

[B]

No, you don't. I think you're having fun or you're not having fun.

[A]

I'm having fun, but I have fun being passionate, in my opinion. No, I just was like. As I was speaking, I felt my eyes, like, glazed like the devil. And I thought, you look like you're angry right now.

[C]

Well. Cause it's hard. It's hard.

[B]

Were you getting angry?

[C]

No, I would have been angry if I was in Dave's position, though. I would have.

[A]

I'm joyous.

[B]

You don't think that's antagonistic of you saying that? Like you would have.

[A]

No, he knows it is.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's antagonistic, but I wouldn't

[B]

get joy out of the antagonistic.

[C]

I get joy out of that, but I also get less joy out of, like, I would have been more upset if in the argument I was in Dave's position.

[B]

But it's okay to be. It's okay to be contradictory. It's okay to be wrong.

[A]

We're always gonna be able to review the footage and, you know, the facts at hand are gonna present themselves. I will say this. It's important as you evaluate these facts at hand to analyze the spirit of the way things are said, how they get brought up. Take all that context into account and think to yourself, in this specific instance, when Benny said, you don't make your own sauce, and I said, no, I don't make my own sauce. Maybe I do say it. I see it your way more. I guess that's.

[C]

It doesn't matter. I love you guys. Friends on three.

[B]

I feel good about this is being able to come around and be like, maybe I was wrong.

[A]

Now that I'm Thinking about it, if I think it's wrong for me to say if 20% of people are the way I'm describing that, my reaction would have been appropriate because that would mean that there's a 1 in 4 chance of that happening. Which would mean me going like, no, I don't do that. Is a little bit overdramatic. Now if it ends up being 5 to 8% of people make sauces from scratch, which I still am holding out hope for. Especially if we count all ages.

[C]

Let's go take a walk.

[A]

If we count all ages, I'm winning. But I don't need to count all ages because that's not the spirit of the world.

[C]

Check. Just you just spend the next 30, 40 minutes just moving the post a little bit and I'm okay with that. No.

[A]

You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to end antagonism and I'd like to give you a few put ups.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

And that is called being a man.

[C]

You guys excited to go on this journey together?

[A]

We were going on it no matter what. All we're doing is coming here every now and then, capturing it.

[B]

The plane.

[A]

Do you understand what I'm saying?

[B]

Has taken off.

[A]

Do you understand?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. We were doing this no matter what. Now here's what we can say. Here's what we could say. I hope that 10 years from now we look back and we are so grateful that we captured all of our fun hangs and it doesn't. There's a world that our friendship could all. We could all fall apart. We could get divorced. We could all become unfriends just out of the sheer pressure of such pressure. Ish.

[A]

Yeah. I hope that would never happen.

[B]

That would never happen.

[C]

I hope that never happens.

[B]

That would never happen.

[A]

But yeah, I think we'll look back on it. But look, Chuck, I hope you're not

[C]

paralyzed in six years.

[A]

No stretching.

[B]

Why would he be paralyzed?

[C]

Is it because he's a.

[B]

God damn it.

[C]

Okay. And that's a wrap on friends. 1, 2, 3.

[B]

Again, again. Again.

[C]

1, 2, 3. Friends.

[B]

That's like such a sad ending one. Because we really are all friends.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And married lovers.

[A]

Well, I don't know why we're ending it this way.

[B]

Why can't we do it?

[A]

Okay, let's do it.

[B]

What do you think is a lame?

[C]

No, you think it's a lame.

[A]

I think it's a lame. I don't think we ever have to define the ending, but. No, let's do it. I want to do it.

[C]

I don't want to know.

[B]

Cute and sweet.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

I love the spirit of it.

[C]

We're the best three best friends and anyone.

[B]

I have an idea. I have an idea. We all walk upstairs together.

[A]

That's a good idea.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And what I was gonna say is, as we walk upstairs is that if we.

[C]

Our lives are gonna. All the people in the world with cooking.

[A]

No. That we're all gonna be living. Like, for example, before this ends, you're probably going to have. Have children and you're going to come and talk about it the same way we'd end up talking about it if it wasn't even on camera.

[B]

Why do you pull up your pants when you run up the stairs?

[C]

Because I have the mic pack.

[A]

Keep on coming back to the crib because we're going to be hanging out every week. Be our friend.