The Selena Gomez Episode

Summary

Friends Keep Secrets

The Selena Gomez Episode

Date: March 3, 2026
Podcast Hosts: Benny Blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), Kristin Batalucco
Guest: Selena Gomez

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Overview

In this relaxed, joke-filled, and intimate episode of Friends Keep Secrets, the hosts—benny blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), and Kristin—welcome their close friend Selena Gomez into the circle. Rather than a conventional interview, the group lounges around the kitchen, reminiscing, joking, and unpacking moments from friendship, love, therapy, mental health, and marriage. The show is a genuine peek into their real-life dynamic: silly, heartfelt, occasionally profound, and always entertaining.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jealousy, On-Screen Romances & Relationship Dynamics

Timestamps: 00:15–06:10

• The episode opens with a riff on gossip and jealousy, leading to a funny hypothetical: would anyone get jealous if their partner had an on-screen sex scene with Margot Robbie? Kristin jokes she’d only be okay with it if it’s with Selena.
• The group discusses relationship boundaries, trusting partners, and respecting each other’s careers and artistic pursuits, often with tongue-in-cheek banter about rewriting scenes for comfort ("I'd say...being that Selena is an actress...I'd say, could you talk to them about putting her in?" —A, 01:44).
• Discussions touch on trust, boundaries in creative work, and the humorous reality of supporting your partner.

Quote:

"I think she would behave in a certain way, that was so over the top, like, respecting me at every moment, even when I wasn't there."
—Benny, (04:34)

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2. Female Friendship Dynamics

Timestamps: 05:07–06:14

• Selena and Kristin highlight their unique roles as the only women in their tightly-knit group of guy best friends, and how the boundary between romantic and best-friend 'soulmate' energy can blur.
• Selena reflects on being "the only girl" and what it means to trust and be trusted in a circle of creative men.

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3. Social Media and DMs

Timestamps: 06:47–09:26

• The group takes a playful detour into the world of Instagram DMs—comparing who Selena follows, how she manages anxiety over direct messaging, and the weirdness of public versus private communication when you're as visible as she is.
• Selena opens up about periods of deleting social media apps for mental health and peace of mind.

Quote:

"People who know me know this very well. I go through phases where I completely delete it off my phone. And I've gone years, two months to days doing it. And I like it."
—Selena, (07:27)

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4. Mental Health, Therapy, and Bipolar Diagnosis

Timestamps: 11:23–15:37

• Dave sensitively asks Selena about her experience with bipolar disorder, when she knew something was wrong, and her journey to diagnosis. Selena discusses how hard it is to find the right therapist and not to give up on seeking help.
• She reflects on rehab stays, her understanding of mania, and how loving, supportive partners can help manage mental health.

Quote:

"I went to four different rehabs because it all helped me understand it."
—Selena, (11:55)

"You are not defined by a term. Ultimately, it's just informative to seek and talk and listen...I do believe there is a lot of hope and you can hopefully find that in your world."
—Selena, (15:00)

• The hosts discuss the challenges of being public about mental health, audience pressure, speaking “to the world”, and living freely without feeling defined by public perception.

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5. Wedding and Relationship Memories

Timestamps: 18:11–38:54

• The group recounts Selena and Benny’s wedding in vivid, heartfelt detail: first looks, vows, emotional moments, comical mishaps, and meaningful family moments.
• The scene brings back the warmth, nerves, and chaos leading up to and during weddings, with specific references to crying during vows, speeches, the hora, and special family traditions.
• Steve Martin and Martin Short attended, and even praised Dave's officiant speech.

Quote:

"All I could do is look at him, and I'd be like, it's crazy. You were doing it."
—Selena, (36:09)

Memorable Moment:
Benny and Selena recall their first look and the overwhelming emotions that followed—nerves, tears, laughter—punctuated by genuine love and support from family and friends.

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6. Friendship, Family Dreams, and Children

Timestamps: 41:25–43:54

• The hosts and Selena share dreams for future family life, referencing movies like The Family Stone and envisioning communal, supportive environments.
• Selena shares how Diane Keaton’s matriarchal dinner table on-screen embodies her dream of a future filled with love, even as she acknowledges that family planning is unpredictable.

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7. Close Friendships & “Would You Take a Bullet?”

Timestamps: 54:00–55:01

• They riff on the intensity of their bonds, joking about which friends they'd take a bullet for.
• Selena and Benny admit they would sacrifice everything for each other, offering an honest look at the depth and meaning found in their chosen family.

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8. Music, Taylor Swift, and Artistic Creation

Timestamps: 46:21–52:43

• Selena gushes about being a lifelong Taylor Swift fan and shares sweet stories about their supportive friendship, including a custom art piece Taylor gifted her for her 30th birthday and a song Taylor wrote about them ("Family").
• The feeling is mutual for their partners, and the conversation covers favorite Taylor and Rihanna songs, musical memories, and connecting emotionally through music.

Quote:

"She painted a beautiful lake, and in the stars, she painted our exact star sign...She hand-sewed, 'Here's to the next 30 years.' From Taylor to Selena."
—Selena, (48:11)

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9. Authenticity and Growing Together

Timestamps: 60:09–62:22

• Selena and the group reflect on how romantic and platonic relationships draw out their most authentic selves.
• Selena credits Benny with helping her fully embrace her real personality, while others reflect on how friendships and marriages have changed them.

Quote:

"What I love and how I fell in love with Benny is that he's uncensored. And that's what makes me uncensored."
—Selena, (61:09)

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10. Kitchen Games and Playful Chaos

Timestamps: 10:30–61:09

• Throughout, there's kitchen chaos: pickles, air hockey, arm wrestling, cracking backs, and joking about putting kids on leashes.
• The laughter is constant, punctuated by play and inside jokes, underscoring a real sense of comfort and love.

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Notable Quotes

• On Relationships & Boundaries:
  "If you were just one day like, I wrote this and I'm gonna do it, I'd be like, great, so sign here, and that's our divorce."
  —Kristin, (02:35)

• On Friendship:
  "We're soulmates of friendship."
  —Benny, (05:07)

• On Public Life:
  "Does that weigh on you—where you feel like at all times what you say is gonna have an audience by pretty much like a large…?"
  —Benny, (15:45)

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Key Moments by Timestamp

• Mental health journey & diagnosis: 11:23–15:37
• Selena’s DM anxiety & social media detox: 07:27
• Wedding first look and vow nerves: 25:03–36:16
• Taylor Swift’s handmade art gift: 48:03–49:17
• Community & dreams for the future: 41:25–42:44
• “Would you take a bullet for me?” friendship discussion: 54:00–55:01
• Music & Taylor Swift discussion: 46:21–52:43
• Kitchen games & arm wrestling: 58:22–61:09
• Final group “friends on three” chant: 63:11–63:19

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Final Thoughts

The Selena Gomez Episode is a lush, vulnerable, and wildly enjoyable window into the everyday lives of a group of talented creative friends. Listeners get warmth, sincerity, humor, and candor about the realities of mental health, partnership, growing up in the spotlight, and the kind of friendships that carry you through it all. It’s like being at a kitchen table with them—and you leave feeling happier, lighter, and more connected.

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For fans of heart-on-the-sleeve conversation, unfiltered humor, and friendship at its realest, this is unmissable.

Transcript

[A]

I don't like to gossip, but I do think that gossiping made us human. Didn't I say this to you?

[B]

You did. This is the second time you said something like this to me.

[C]

Is this happening?

[A]

Yay.

[C]

Oh, my God, guys. It's a surprise.

[A]

Hello.

[D]

How are you?

[A]

This is the four best friends that you've ever.

[B]

I would have just done it real, too, honestly.

[A]

I finally have a girl with me.

[D]

I was thinking about this today. Would you be jealous if, in a movie, Dave, like, who's the hottest. Who's the hottest celebrity?

[A]

Selena.

[D]

No. Who's the hottest female celebrity?

[C]

Where the fuck did that come from? Selena.

[A]

Because I'm always like, you can only have a love interest if it's Selena.

[D]

No, no.

[C]

But who's.

[D]

Okay, what would you say? What would you say if Dave goes, oh, my God, I got this role. It's an amazing role. It's like Tarantino's doing this new movie, and it's me and Margot Robbie, and it's like a sex.

[C]

Okay. A really hot sex scene where they're like.

[D]

And they have to both be fully.

[A]

And he didn't write it.

[D]

Yeah, Dave. Dave.

[B]

Dave did not write it.

[D]

Dave. Dave didn't.

[A]

He got the dream job.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

They, like. Like, Tarantino brought him in.

[B]

Oh. We collabed.

[D]

And he said. And he said, hey, I really want you to make this character your own. And they were supposed to have a sex scene, but Dave maybe made it a little bit different.

[B]

What?

[D]

You made it a little dirty.

[A]

Honestly, my true answer would be, look, you didn't sign up for this shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You got the. But I would say, being that Selena is an actress and one of our closest friends, and I'm the most comfortable with her, I'd say. Could you. Cause you talked to them about putting her in.

[D]

Nope, sorry. She's off.

[A]

Yes, I could. Yes, I could.

[D]

Margot Robbie's already in it.

[A]

Well, then I would. I love Margot Robbie. And I would be like, man, she's so pretty. I'm sad it isn't.

[C]

I'm so glad my husband loved her.

[D]

What would you do, babe? So what would you do if I

[C]

said our relationship would be over? Just kidding.

[B]

You know the question.

[D]

No, If I.

[C]

No, I don't. I'm just.

[B]

No, I think, you know the question. If Benny got cast. Steven Spielberg is like, benny, there's this role for you, and it's. Unfortunately, it does involve a sex scene with you named Margot Robbie. And she's so pretty.

[A]

It's so tight.

[C]

I Don't. I think yes. Realistically, as an adult, I'll give you the answer of if this is what he really wanted. I'd be a little perplexed at him wanting to just randomly do something that he wasn't in control of and just signed on to do.

[D]

Yeah, no, but you would have. It was Martin Scorsese or Steven Spielberg, and I didn't.

[C]

Even to be honest, like, even if you worked with someone that was not them and you really believed in the role, I'd let you do it. But if you were just one day like, I wrote this and I'm gonna do it, and I'd be like, great, so sign here. And that's our divorce. I'm kidding.

[D]

What would you do? Check Kristen's making a show right now. And, like, they can't find. They can't find anyone to do it.

[A]

Tbd.

[D]

And you have to be an actor in it. And there happens to be a scene where. Where she has to fuck mgk.

[B]

Machine Gun Kelly.

[D]

Yeah. And she wrote it.

[C]

Can I just say.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I feel like you wouldn't get jealous. You got more jealous of the fact that she has sex with herself.

[D]

Oh, the machine.

[C]

That was the only time I've ever seen you jealous.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm threatened by machine work.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Why are you so threatened by the machine?

[B]

Because I'm sexually insecure and.

[A]

Oh, don't, Mochi. The machine has nothing on you.

[B]

I would. Yeah, that's nice. I know. The efficiency.

[D]

That's not true. That machine's got everything.

[A]

No, I love him.

[B]

The machine has consistency. One thing I've learned. You want to know something? This is my theory. On my theory is that one big contributor to making women come is actually brutal consistency.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

It's just because it's like a build in a woman's mind, and then if it's disrupted with anything unpredictable, you might be taken out.

[D]

So.

[B]

So you know what is more brutally consistent than a machine?

[C]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. If you alter like, one centimeter. No, like a half an inch over, you could ruin it all.

[C]

I get what you're saying.

[B]

So what's more threatening than machine?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

The machine isn't you. It's so funny.

[B]

It's brutally consistent.

[C]

Now, I. No, no, it's not the same. It's not.

[A]

Women like, glad they made a machine

[D]

that looked like Dave.

[B]

No, no, I wouldn't care. I mean, I just know that if

[D]

it was as warm.

[C]

It's not your person.

[B]

I really trust Kristin, and I really feel like she Looks at me like I'm the only one. So I really.

[A]

I do.

[B]

And I think she would. I think she would behave in a certain way. That was so over the top. Like, respecting me at every moment, even when I wasn't there.

[A]

I like that Selena and I are probably the only women. Maybe not. I wonder if we'll learn after this that there's other women in this position.

[C]

But we are. Can already tell you we have such

[A]

a unique position to be with the two of you who are like your best friends, but you're like so. So hardcore best. Like to the point that sometimes I feel like it.

[C]

First off, it exists.

[B]

We're soulmates of friendship.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like what girlfriends do.

[D]

I just thought of an amazing movie.

[B]

What?

[D]

Like.

[C]

Well, then don't say that.

[D]

No, it's fine.

[C]

First lesson I learned.

[B]

I think you're right.

[C]

Best career.

[D]

It's like a couple. Two couples that are best friends. They get married, they become best friends. And then the two guys, Grace and Frankie, turned gay.

[A]

Grace.

[C]

Grace and Frankie.

[A]

Grace and Frankie.

[B]

Were you thinking? Turned gay.

[C]

Creator did it, but it's the biggest show.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah. John Hoffman.

[D]

Grace and Frankie. What's that?

[C]

Literally what you're saying. They married their husbands, married each other,

[A]

and then they lived together.

[C]

They divorced, so then they just lived together.

[D]

Well, maybe we can do a great.

[B]

That's got nothing to do with our dynamic.

[C]

Yeah, that's John Hoffman.

[D]

That's so sick.

[C]

That's so cute. That's the guy who did our show. When are you going to do a movie? That's what bothers me.

[B]

Probably next year.

[C]

Okay, well, finally.

[B]

Yeah, I'm working on it. Your enthusiasm is what I do it for.

[C]

It didn't feel that in.

[B]

No, I know how you speak. I know how you speak. You're never gonna speak in a way that's gonna be overwhelmingly enthusiastic as far as visually, but I know that it's real.

[C]

Can you just. A blanket. Can we like.

[B]

Let me drape you in a blanket. One sec.

[D]

Wait.

[C]

Should I sit. Let y' all sit here.

[D]

You can do anything you want. We're all rigged up.

[C]

This really got cold.

[A]

I know. She gets. Should I shut the door? Dave hates for the door to be shut, but you are a chilly girl. Yes, she needs.

[C]

I think I have.

[A]

Get her the scarf.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

This is perfect.

[C]

I think I'm. Turn this in.

[A]

Maybe the world doesn't know to make this.

[C]

Look.

[A]

Is this cold?

[C]

What I'm going to do. I'm not going to touch.

[D]

Yeah, they Know, they know, they know.

[B]

They know she's cold.

[D]

We started talking about Twitter and Instagram. And then me and Dave were talking. And then Dave said, I don't even think Selena follows me. And then Dave goes, does she follow you? And Kristen goes, yeah, she follows me. And then she goes, should I send her a dm? And then I said, oh, that could be funny. She said, I'm gonna write let's fuck. And then she said, oh, no. I have so much anxiety about sending it to her. Cause there's 400 something million people. And I said, but you're sending her a dm. And she said, I know, but there's just so much pressure. And then she said, is she even gonna read it? Like. Or is her team reading it? And then I said, well, she doesn't even read my DMs, so it doesn't.

[C]

I don't. My DMs are a weird. It's interesting cause I go through phases. People who know me know this very well. I go through phases where I completely delete it off my phone. And I've gone years, two months to days doing it. And I like it. I can tell when I get a little feisty that I need to maybe calm down. So I will admit to that. But I'm just very passionate. Overall, though, my DMs are so random, you guys, because I don't know what is what, like, for the hell of it. Where's my purse?

[D]

Babe? There's a thing that I would really love to do, so I would love it if we could go to the thing. So you know how, like, you have DMs and then you have that other folder?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, I wanna go there.

[A]

That's the other folder.

[C]

Is that requests?

[D]

Yeah, and go to top. And then I wanna see. I want us to see, like, the craziest people that have DMed. You see if DM'd, you type in his name.

[C]

Okay. Mm, Anime. Just heart, eyes and. And fingers crossed.

[D]

Oh, my God. What year was that?

[C]

2022.

[D]

Oh, my God. Okay, now we gotta go to sleep. Hold on, Wait, wait.

[B]

It's possible. Cause we don't see what he was responding to, right?

[C]

No, there's nothing.

[D]

No, no, there's nothing. There's nothing. He's just saying, like, fingers crossed, like that. You answer me back. No, I think he's responding. There is no response. That's not how it works. Yeah, of course you could say, nope, it would say a response.

[C]

It does say. It would respond to a story. There's no Response.

[B]

Oh, man. He is kind of dming you. That's okay. You know what?

[C]

On this note. On this note. Yeah. I was gonna say. I think it's very kind, if anything. That was very nice. It wasn't. It did not feel inappropriate, by the way. That's the first time I've ever seen it.

[D]

Okay, wait.

[A]

I just want to see it so my eyes can see that a friend had him slide into her dog.

[C]

Do we still say slide?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what it is.

[D]

Oh, I know what it is.

[C]

You do?

[D]

Yep. I do know what it is.

[C]

I feel like now I'm on one of those live like Tide.

[D]

I do know what it is. You'll love it, Selena. Well, so. No, these are for my mom. This isn't. That's not part of this.

[B]

You're getting Fritos delivered here for your mother?

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Your mother. Are you telling me we were gonna have Frito pie?

[D]

Nope. What I'm gonna tell you right now is.

[C]

That would have been sick.

[D]

We're gonna do a little something that I'd like to discuss. Babe, what is your favorite thing to eat in the world?

[C]

Oh, that's too hard. It's very vague.

[D]

What's your favorite snack you eat every single night? That's salty?

[C]

Pickles.

[D]

Dave, what's the least favorite thing you have on planet Earth?

[B]

I don't wanna do this.

[D]

What's your least favorite thing? Well, I'm not doing it now, Dave.

[C]

Now I like the bread and butter.

[B]

We instantly feel the feeling of wanting to vomit.

[D]

We're all gonna eat a pickle at the same time. Babe, will you have a pickle with us?

[C]

He won't do it.

[D]

Mochilit.

[A]

Hey, Benny.

[C]

Dave, you're so sold on this pickle. Baby, I really.

[D]

You have to.

[C]

You have to show me, show me, show me, show me. What do I do?

[B]

I have to, like. I'm not doing this.

[C]

I'm doing it in my mouth.

[D]

Hold on. You have to chew the whole thing. Whole thing in your mouth at once.

[B]

I honestly feel like, the feeling of vomiting. I'm not.

[C]

Are you about to throw up?

[A]

Here, eat this one. It's better.

[D]

Chuck. Chuck. Whole thing in your mouth at once. Look at me right now.

[A]

Eat this. It's better.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

This. Honestly, I.

[D]

One. And you could spit it out after three seconds. Three seconds. Three seconds. Okay. Okay. You ready? No, I'm not kidding. I don't care. You have to put it in your

[C]

mouth for three seconds.

[D]

No, you have to put it in your mouth for three seconds.

[C]

Okay, don't do that. Don't do that.

[B]

Nothing to see.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

No, I hated it. Ew. Don't drink the thing.

[D]

Like, it's switching it up. Total 180. Did you know about. I've never even asked you this. Did you know you were bipolar before you were officially diagnosed?

[C]

I knew something was wrong, but I would think I was misdiagnosed.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think people were just assuming. And I would try multiple therapists. And that's why it's hard. It's actually really hard when we're talking about these things. And for me to go. Go get a therapist, it's. It's. All of it is so complicated. You have to go through, like, multiple different people. It's. It's so hard that you can't. You just can't give up. You have to find these things. Like, I'm so grateful. I went to four different rehabs because it all helped me understand it.

[D]

The crazy thing is, like, even Selena will have, like, moments where, like, she's having mania and she doesn't know. She'll start to realize she's having it after it's happening. And sometimes she doesn't even remember when it's happening. And it's such a delicate thing because it's like, you can't really. You're not supposed to technically talk to the person really, about it while they're deep in it. And it's like, even dating her and, like, she's so hyper aware. Like, she'll say, like, she'll be like, I think I'm feeling a little manic.

[C]

But I'm equally, like, so proud to say that I do have moments of mania. I'm not, like, ashamed at all.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I can catch them a bit quicker. But it is helpful to have a partner that will understand where maybe the temperature is at and meet you where you are. And then you kind of gradually understand

[A]

what's happening once you found out what it was. Do you now, like, live life freely?

[C]

Oh, really freely. That's the problem with misconception. The whole hypocrisy of shaming people for therapy or people not understanding it is that it's just not for you. So that's completely fine. But for me, it finally allowed me to go, oh, that's why I handled things the way I handled it for sure. That's why all the other people were able to get over things quickly and I wasn't. And I would act out of fear. I'd act out of love. I'd act out of passion. It was all inconsistent. It was crazy.

[D]

My favorite part about being with Selena, like, one of my favorite parts. I don't know why I'm saying her name.

[B]

It's normal to say evil's name.

[C]

Is my favorite part about me?

[D]

No. One of my favorite parts.

[A]

No.

[D]

Because I don't say Selena.

[B]

I understand.

[D]

One of my favorite parts about being with you. We take each other as we are and I don't feel uncomfortable going into her and being like, I think I'm having a heart attack and just like her talking me through it or her coming to me and just being like. I think I'm like, fully manic right now and we're not judging each other at all.

[A]

That's a nice. I feel like sometimes this is like, not me. I.

[B]

Well, you're gonna say I'm judgmental.

[A]

Yeah, in a good way. I think that it's real. No, but I think this doesn't need to be, like, dissected. I'm just saying I think it's hard sometimes to exist and feel comfortable truly expressing how you feel out of fear that it is too manic or you're being too this or you're being like, too that.

[C]

And I think, oh, yeah, I'm gonna butt very important.

[A]

You are.

[C]

I'm gonna button this comment conversation. To be honest, all of these terms and everything can get so confusing. And yes, there's mania, there's manic, there's manic depressive, there's all these different terms. You are not defined by a term. Ultimately, it's just informative to seek and talk and listen to podcasts or listen to certain things that will actually help you get information.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I would just say to the world in this kitchen that, no, I still have to be me in this. And I just would say it sounds so too wishy washy weird. But I do believe that there is a lot of hope and you can hopefully find that in your world. And if you have faith, I get it too.

[B]

So, you know what is just. So you saying that just there really reminded me of the insanity that when you speak, you're kind of speaking to the world.

[C]

That's why I felt super weird going,

[B]

no, no to the kitchen.

[D]

No.

[B]

But I've never, ever had to think that way. Even as a famous person. It's like, does that weigh on you where you feel like at all times what you say is gonna have an audience by pretty much like a large.

[C]

I don't know. I don't know. The numbers are never necessarily Threatening to me. I don't really care. I think one of the best parts of living freely is that you don't put any sort of value behind it. So, yes, I understand the logistics. I'm. You're aware of, like, I get it, but I can't be what everyone wants. But I do know that if there is someone watching that follows me in a way that they respect my journey. I respect my journey too. So I would love to tell it. And I also equally love to be, like, encouraging someone else to tell it. So it's not weird to me.

[B]

We're in. We're in. The ad break.

[A]

What ad? What am I doing?

[B]

Airbnb.

[D]

What about Airbnb?

[A]

Have you ever seen anything better than this?

[D]

Insane.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

A cave? I honestly look at this house just to check in on it all the time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you think this works for our ad right now that we're supposed to be doing?

[B]

What is better than actually talking about the facts of Hand of Life, us on Airbnb's platform booking. Beautiful wood beam scenes.

[D]

Let me see the kitchen. Does it have a good kitchen?

[A]

Incredible kitchen. This is literally incredible.

[B]

What's the car ride duration from la?

[A]

Not long at all.

[B]

Would you do me a favor?

[D]

What?

[B]

Put your feet on the ground. No one wants to see your ankles. Airbnb. Get back to the episode. We respect you, White Claw. Go.

[D]

Isn't your average. Keep going. I'm in the middle again.

[B]

Go. Keep going.

[D]

Okay, well, first of all, let's pick your variety pack. Personally, I'm a peach guy.

[A]

I'm a mango, strawberry, ruby, grapefruit and a BlackBerry.

[B]

I just, you know, I got the hand that I was dealt and I love black cherry.

[D]

No, no. What do you. What do you mean we can't open it on the thing? You can. No, you're not allowed.

[B]

You can open it.

[C]

You can't drink it.

[D]

You can open it, but you can't drink it. Yes. I just like to stare at my peach white cloth until I'm off camera and then I drink the whole thing. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors. White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois.

[B]

Cheers with that. We're back. We're back in the episode. Go, go, go, go.

[A]

I wanted to tell a story, which. I'm just gonna say it now, please. It's worth saying that we didn't really know each other. They went off to play the arcades and games and you and I played air hockey for like, I don't know, it was like it was a long time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She won. She beat me every single. I was giving it my all.

[D]

But you suck.

[A]

No, I'm like, pretty good.

[B]

You must not be a good air hockey player.

[A]

That's not true.

[D]

Are you elite? Are you an elite fan? Let me have the moment. Are you an elite air hockey player?

[C]

No, babe. You know what's annoying is that you're better at all of the things.

[D]

No, I'm not.

[A]

No, not air hockey. I think she would beat you in air hockey.

[C]

It's so hard to be married to him.

[A]

I'm not even saying this is to, like, toot your horn. I was truly, like, this is fucking weird. Like, she must play air hockey, like, a little bit.

[C]

I don't. That's the thing.

[D]

It seems like something's burning in here.

[C]

Yeah. Do I want to make sure that's okay, or is it the heat? Did you put probably the heat on?

[D]

Oh, you just turned the heat on. It's never even been hot.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Did you want me to turn the fireplace on? It'll warm up in here quick. Yeah, why not? What the hell does this know about. Let's get warm.

[D]

I'm right with this.

[A]

I mean, you and Selena are the same where you would love it certainly

[B]

smells like something's burning. But I think it's all good.

[A]

If they do get married, Selena, and you and I have to live together. It will be hard because you like to have it.

[C]

No. If we live together, we could get the beds. That would be different temperatures. I'd be willing to try that.

[B]

Aren't you so happy that Benny's best friend's wife is Kristen?

[D]

Why are you speaking in the third person?

[C]

No idea.

[B]

I want to know.

[C]

He needs to hear it. He needs to hear it because it is the best feeling in the world. Coming into Benny's world was really fun and exciting, but different for me because I was very shy. I didn't know a lot of people, and I kept to myself a lot, which could be misconstrued, but he was very, you know, nice and introduced me to a lot of. A lot of people. And I'd say Kristen is definitely on top of that list.

[B]

Or girls, would you say second favorite is probably me?

[D]

No. No.

[C]

You're up there. Yeah.

[B]

Top three up there.

[D]

My dream. Like, in my dream world, we're a four person couple.

[C]

We live together. We have a compound.

[A]

Wait, Selena. We found a house next door to you guys.

[B]

What's your dream world?

[C]

In my dream, I think it's. Yo.

[D]

Sorry, Ayo. Did you say hey, yo. Sorry. You say, hey, yo, sorry. Okay. In my dream world, you guys live next door to us, and we have, like, children. And then, like, maybe a few of our friends live. And it's not a commune. We just live in the same neighborhood.

[C]

No, but here's the thing.

[A]

A different neighborhood.

[C]

I think, like, for me, maybe the Bay or some. I don't know.

[A]

Do you like Oxnard?

[C]

He's probably rolling his eyes.

[B]

Guys, I'm down to do this thing in the Bay.

[D]

I'm not. I'm not rolling mys. We have our dream home. I've never pictured.

[C]

No, we do, honey. I'm just thinking about their personality.

[A]

Unfortunately. Well, we're not quite there. So I think financially, financially, mentally, we're there. I think maybe we move you guys a little bit more towards missing.

[C]

I'd be happy.

[D]

Well, for you, we'd have.

[C]

Do you want to know why? Because we'd also know when each other would need time. Like, Dave and I are similar. You guys have moments of being similar where it's like, if I'm out, it's not because I'm mad. It's like, I'm out.

[D]

You're not similar to Dave at all.

[A]

Yes, she is.

[C]

No, we're similar. At least in the sense we are similar.

[D]

You're similar in the way that you don't speak.

[A]

Sorry, Benny. You're similar to me.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[A]

I mean, I'm a party.

[C]

I don't mean it in a bad way.

[D]

Well, if we were doing that, that would be.

[C]

If we went to dinner and I felt it was too long for me, I say it. And he would equally go, yeah, I do, too.

[A]

It would just be Benny.

[C]

And I'm not similar in every aspect. It's just.

[D]

Here's what I will say, though. Here's what I will say.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That one time, the three of us were in the car, and you and I were talking at the exact same time in Selena's ears. And she goes, you guys, Only one of you.

[D]

Selena really enhances my calm. When we're together, we can just sit with each other and not even say anything.

[C]

Yeah, it's. So.

[D]

Do you guys do that, too?

[B]

I think it happens. And then Kristen starts speaking. No, no, no.

[C]

I think that's fun, though.

[B]

I prefer it. I'm not. I don't need sound.

[D]

Yeah, you like it when I'm talking at you, don't you?

[C]

You always explain what you're making, even when I don't ask. It's so cute.

[D]

I want to ask something.

[B]

Yeah. Please ask. We're right here.

[D]

What was the best day of your life?

[C]

When my little sister Gracie was born. I know I'm bringing it back to family, but I'm such a family girl, and I. It was so gross because my mom had a C section, and I don't. My mom's gonna be so fine with me sharing this.

[B]

Did you see the.

[C]

I didn't see it. We stayed behind a curtain, but I remember just looking at my mom and hearing Gracie cry, and I just was behind the curtain looking at my mom, and I was like, oh, my God. I immediately started crying, but I didn't cry. When she got pregnant, I was very. You know, I was like, that's so cute. You have a belly. I have a sister coming. But I had no idea the gravity of it.

[B]

How old were you?

[C]

Oh, gosh, there's 21 years or 22 years. So difference. And I think that was one of the best days. And then the best days of my life after would be our wedding.

[D]

I was for sure.

[B]

I loved your wedding.

[D]

I for sure thought she was gonna say, like, no question asked. Oh, the day you married, like, for sure. When she said, my. I'm so happy.

[A]

She didn't.

[D]

When she said, I was blown away.

[C]

I did after.

[D]

No, no, she did.

[B]

She did.

[C]

It was a pivotal moment for me. And that's when I realized I was like, oh, I want this.

[D]

I was fully blown away. I'm just gonna let you.

[A]

Did you like Dave's officiant speech?

[C]

I did. Everyone did. My favorite part was this, because I have to say it. Steve Martin and Martin Short, who are on my show with me, you know, they're a little older than us, safe to say, but Dave was killing it and making everyone laugh in the right places, get emotional in the right places. And afterwards, Marty and Steve came up to me, and they were just laughing, and they were like, Benny's friend. Like, he should. Should do stuff. Like, he should have his own show. And I was like, well, fortunately for you, there's many seasons of exactly that. That's funny.

[A]

Does that make sense?

[C]

They were, like, so surprised. It was wonderful. I felt very.

[B]

I felt pressure, but I felt. I felt like I was born for the moment.

[D]

You want to know something so crazy?

[B]

I love watching you cry up there.

[D]

I'm gonna tell you something. So we did the. Me and Sal did the first look. Okay. Yeah. We did the first look where we're like, you. Sorry, we're kissing.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just joking. Keep going.

[C]

Go ahead.

[D]

That's our Only PDA for the episode.

[C]

So cute.

[D]

We did our first look, and I didn't cry. And I was like, yeah, of course I'm not gonna go. Like, we're just, like, walking down the thing. And then I was like. And then I started. In my head, I'm like, whoa. I didn't cry. I was like, am I gonna cry? I was like, maybe I won't cry. Cause I didn't wanna. I didn't wanna do what you did. No, no, no, listen.

[C]

What'd he do?

[D]

The only thing he did where I was like, fuck, I don't wanna do that. Because I know in your head you were thinking about it, too. When you were giving your vows, when you, like, when it was like, the point where you had, like, snot bubbles and stuff, I was like, I don't wanna have that.

[A]

He did not have snot. Snot bubble.

[B]

No, he's talking about.

[D]

No, I think yours was a.

[B]

What you're speaking specifically is about during her vows, when she's pointed to the ground and she said there's a little.

[D]

No. Like, during your.

[B]

Snot on the ground.

[D]

No, no, no.

[B]

You did.

[D]

Yes, you did.

[B]

You said. You said, I think you got a little snot on the ground. No, I said on the ground.

[D]

You do, 100%.

[A]

I must have been performing.

[D]

Check. When I saw. There was.

[B]

Though. There was a pool.

[D]

When I saw your vows and I saw you get choked.

[B]

You didn't see myself not. I know where you were sitting.

[D]

That's not what I'm saying.

[B]

What were you saying?

[D]

I'm saying you made it. You mentioned snot in your vows.

[B]

No, she.

[D]

Oh, she did.

[B]

She did. During her vows. Pointed out.

[D]

I'm just saying. On the vow.

[C]

But she's saying it didn't happen.

[A]

I don't remember that.

[B]

The footage.

[D]

And the only thing I'm saying. The only thing I'm saying is when I saw yours and then me and you talked about it afterwards, and you were like. You were like. You were like, I wish I could have held it together a little bit more.

[A]

So not.

[B]

That never happened.

[D]

Yes, you did.

[B]

I never wish I would have held together. I wish I cried more.

[A]

Why do you wish I cried up?

[B]

I don't. I'm happy with how it went.

[D]

I'm just saying, whatever it was, you

[B]

didn't want it to be you.

[D]

I was like. I was like, I don't. I was like, I don't want it.

[A]

You didn't.

[B]

Like, first and foremost, you were crying up there.

[D]

No, just let me sit.

[C]

I'm Standing there.

[D]

I said. I was like, I don't. I gotta really hold it together. I don't want to cry that much. And I was like, I want to be able to, like, say my speech. And I was getting so. And I don't get nervous about anything. And I was getting so fucking nervous.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So nervous. So nervous for you.

[A]

I was nervous for you in the car with her.

[D]

I was like, I'm, like, talking. Like, I'm. And then with you back, you weren't.

[C]

You.

[B]

You couldn't be seated. You couldn't be seated, but you were.

[D]

You were. No, I was very.

[B]

Yeah, you couldn't be seated and I

[D]

was talking to you.

[C]

I could tell you where we did our first look because you were just like, I'm not quite sure how to react. Like, you kept saying, I don't know what to say.

[D]

So basically Selena's actually stuck in a content wormhole.

[C]

She's like, called my own. Because I love showing people funny videos. I take a lot of funny videos.

[A]

Do you think Selena and David and

[C]

they don't make sense, but they're funny.

[B]

We're similar people. We're like minded people. We both care about art, so. We do.

[C]

We do, but not the way he does.

[D]

You don't like music?

[B]

No.

[C]

There's a sophistication.

[D]

He doesn't like museums.

[B]

I care about art just as much as Benny does after that.

[D]

You said you don't like museums.

[B]

I said art. Oh, well, not all are.

[A]

Benny, would you be jealous if Selena and Dave are more alike than you thought?

[D]

No. They probably are. I'm in love with both of them.

[C]

We also aren't. It's just there's a few things that are, like, similar, but it's just because we're like, I'm out, you're out, I'm out.

[D]

That kind of vibe. My mom told me, according to the Internet, my last relationship before you was Dave.

[B]

Anytime I see that, I comment like, huh? Like it's ridiculous.

[C]

I just say, wonderful.

[D]

I like it.

[B]

False narrative.

[D]

I would never fall for a guy like you.

[C]

You're hilarious.

[B]

You literally moved to Los Angeles for me. You did. You know you used to live in New York, Selena, before you met me.

[D]

The contributing factor. You know, the latest you ever stayed up in your whole life was with me.

[C]

I'm not curious.

[B]

I'm not denying that.

[A]

But Selena and I are just embarking on our own relationship. And one day.

[C]

Oh, just wait, you guys.

[A]

When the tables turn. Young men.

[C]

You know what's also really great, though? Kristen Is that every one of my friends has the same thing. They're like, dude, you're so lucky you have, like, Kristen, because she'll be, like, real.

[A]

I'm a ride. Or.

[C]

Not that I ever, in one moment of my life, think you'd ever intentionally hurt me, but I'd rather have sex. But you would 1000% be like, I'm not happy, Benny, I love you.

[B]

But she sides with the girl in every occasion.

[C]

And I love that I'm with Selena. I'm here for that.

[B]

Yeah. I side with whoever's right.

[A]

I have a tendency to side with the girl.

[C]

I don't know about that.

[B]

Anyways, you were up there crying like a sheep.

[D]

No, No. I was so anxious. And then right when game time happened, I, like, snapped into this, like, new version of myself.

[B]

Yeah, it's like being limitless.

[D]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[B]

I felt limitless in our vows.

[D]

I felt. And then I go like that. And before I was saying things like, are we sure we printed it in, like, in the right font?

[B]

I had to go up.

[D]

Not in the fuck.

[B]

He made me. Everyone is seated waiting for the wedding to start. And he was like, just go check if my speech is up there. I was like, there's two copies of your speech up there. I put it there. And then there was already one when I put it there. Just go check one more time. And I had to go walk out. Everyone thinks the whole thing's starting. And then I had to go check again.

[D]

And then I was like, meanwhile.

[C]

Mine's so funny. I had handwritten them. They're so, like, misspelled, spelled correctly incorrectly. And I had Ashley pass them to me as I walked down the aisle. That's so. Not those.

[A]

Yours were so.

[C]

I loved writing the way yours.

[B]

First off, of course, they sounded great, and they were great, but the way they physically looked.

[A]

What they look like.

[C]

Ashley Hilby picked the paper.

[B]

A worn book.

[A]

Oh, she did. It was a handwritten.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It was like.

[A]

Have I told you that I couldn't see anything for your. For your entire wedding?

[B]

She was behind a pole.

[A]

For some reason, all I saw, I could hear it.

[B]

I saw one thing and one thing only.

[A]

The fucking post.

[B]

I thought it was me and you,

[A]

but I wanted to see them.

[D]

All right, go back.

[B]

Benny's crying. He's up there. He's weeping.

[D]

First I gotta tell you another thing, guys. Her back.

[C]

Just pop my back right now.

[B]

Do it right now, please.

[D]

All right, then I'm gonna get back into it.

[A]

Can we pop?

[D]

Yep. Come on.

[A]

Oh, crap.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, I have to do it. Not on the. By the fire.

[D]

Now you gotta lie down right here.

[C]

Really cozy. Oh, wow.

[B]

Good use of our new rug.

[C]

So cold.

[D]

You've never seen it.

[B]

Gets colder when you stand.

[D]

You've never seen this happen.

[B]

Is this. Do you guys do this a lot?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Really? All right. Okay, now breathe in.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Okay, now breathe in.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Up top. Higher.

[D]

No, another one.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, my God. Her neck.

[B]

You can't crack her neck.

[D]

There's no more.

[A]

Selena, do you have more bones than most? Than most.

[D]

Isn't that crazy? These were clean Crap. Ideal crack.

[C]

That felt so necessary.

[A]

It sounded like bubble wrap.

[C]

That was so good, you guys.

[B]

Yeah, you could sit by the fire if you want. You could sit there. You could full on sit there, Selena.

[C]

No, just stand.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like I'm doing a TED Talk.

[D]

Yeah, well.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I was gonna talk about some stuff.

[C]

Do you want me to go sit down again?

[D]

No, you can sit anywhere. I'm being filmed at all angles. So I go. It's like I'm about to walk up. And I get up there, I do my walk. Not crying at all. I'm like, oh, my God, they're playing my song. I feel, like, so great. Incredible choice you got.

[B]

Just so you know, you got a big ovation.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, when I walked down the aisle, it was silence.

[D]

It was respect.

[B]

It was respect, but it was silence. When Benny walked down the aisle, he got an ovation. Cheers.

[D]

The first section of her song starts playing, like, the first note.

[B]

The curtain moved in such a glass.

[D]

Oh, my God. Wait. No, no. Something happened before. Totally forgotten. We're starting again now.

[C]

Finally. Hi.

[D]

So I'm up there. It's my nephew's turn to come up. We play the Chicago Bulls theme song. He runs like he's in weapons. Like, his, like, full body.

[C]

I know. And that's. I'm so bummed I missed that because I was behind the crowd.

[B]

You were worried he wasn't even gonna, like, note him?

[D]

I didn't even think. Every time we practiced, he would walk the other way. He runs fast and then gives me the thing, then runs away, then runs back. And I was like, did he forget something? And he just handed me a bag of chips that he was eating. And then.

[C]

It's actually so sweet because I thought he'd be nervous to do it, but he was. I haven't seen it, but it just felt like the sound of laughing.

[D]

Yeah. It was like Bruce Springsteen walking out in Jersey.

[A]

I heard everybody cheering.

[B]

I was like, yeah, they were chamfering for Lutheran.

[C]

I don't have any. Which applike.

[D]

So then he goes like this. So then he, like, goes to the back, and, like, he's, like, sitting in the back dancing. And they're like. They start playing Selena's song. And I'm like. I'm like, move him out of the way. And they start playing Selena's song.

[C]

It's okay. The curtains fell.

[B]

So true.

[D]

Yeah. And then I'm like. I'm like, Effie. And, like. And then instantly.

[B]

And no one was minding him.

[D]

Yeah, Instantly I see you in the shadow. And I go, what's happening? And, like, my body, like, I started doing things where I was like. I could feel it.

[B]

I was like, yeah. I was the only one with my view. My view was unbelievable. I've never seen Benny's face move the way he was, like.

[D]

He was like,

[B]

really?

[D]

I was trying so hard not to cry.

[C]

And then all I know is, once I got up there, we just. We lost it.

[D]

Yeah. And then I saw Papa.

[C]

I was just like, papa. Oh, my gosh. And it just was continuous. And then the sun came out. It was fast.

[A]

The sun was insane.

[D]

Papa goes. I look at Papa's face, and he. And he looks at me and just, like, looked down, and I immediately burst into tears. And I'm sitting up there with Selena. It was so crazy. Cause I was listening to. But we were also having, like, our own moment. We were, like, laughing, crying, talking. Like, it was.

[C]

I know. The whole time, I remember, just staring at no one else but you. And I just kept going.

[D]

It's okay.

[C]

We've got this. I don't remember a single word that was uttered other than Dave's speech.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Because I hear people. And your vows and my vows. I'm saying, like, my pastor. I'm so grateful, and I do feel superior. Super blessed that we had it, you know, that I wanted and we were united. But it was just really. I just remember all I could do is look at him, and I'd be like, it's crazy. You were doing it.

[D]

It was fun. It was the best moment of my life. Before that moment.

[B]

It was the way that the curtain moved.

[A]

No. But also the sun.

[B]

The sun.

[A]

Yeah, the sun. I couldn't believe it. It was perfectly framed, like, right before she came out.

[C]

So cute.

[A]

It, like, lit the first off.

[B]

Raining, like, all weekend.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And then right when they get married, I have the best view. I'm centered. There's no one in front of me. Except Benny's right There. I have an aisle. And then they play her song. And the curtain moved and revealed, like, felt like a goddess.

[A]

A goddess of love. She looked breathtaking.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It was my favorite moment. We finished. Okay. And I go into Selena's dressing room, and it's 400 degrees in there. They have.

[C]

And I said, that's a fact.

[D]

I said, why is it so hot? And I look, and they have, like, an industrial, like, thing, like, this big. It was like a tunnel. And it was like. It was just going, like. Like, it was.

[C]

Well, if you see the dress, it was very. I felt very.

[D]

I was so hot. You know, sometimes when they apply Selena's makeup, it actually melts off her face. So they have to, like. They have to work so quickly sometimes

[C]

I'm like, I don't care.

[A]

She likes it hot.

[D]

And then everyone is having the best time ever. And I pulled Selena aside, and I was like. I was like, let's just hang. This was after, like, people are giving speeches. We sat on the floor when people were giving speeches. It felt like everyone was in our car.

[B]

When you guys did that, I thought that I sat on the floor and watched it. I saw you guys.

[D]

It was just so. It was so. It felt so good. And then the carpeting was. Yeah. And then Ronson is like, Mark Ronson's the best DJ of all time. Everyone's dancing.

[C]

Everyone's having the best of all time. I know.

[D]

And I just pulled her aside, and we sat there, and I was like, look around us. Like, all of our friends are here to celebrate us.

[C]

And I do. That's definitely.

[D]

And I was like, I couldn't picture a better moment than this. And I was just, like, kissing her and hugging her, and we had, like, all these great talks. The editor said. You know what he said? He said. Honestly. He said, it's hard for me to edit that part, that and the vows, because I keep crying. He goes, and I don't even know. He said, I don't even know you guys.

[B]

I love when you were up in the chair for the Hohra.

[D]

For the Jew.

[B]

For the Jew thing.

[C]

That was really fun.

[D]

My mom was.

[C]

The picture was cool. I was so. I was gonna, like, break a bone on a chair, but I felt very safe, and I was very honored to be on that chair.

[B]

My mom Kristen's jaw got knocked during the horror of our wedding.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Pretty much.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It didn't ruin our wedding.

[A]

I got a strong jaw.

[B]

It had an impact for an hour of our wedding. Your mom. I don't even Think you know the extent at which she wouldn't go out there?

[D]

I know she got in a fight with Jake Combs.

[B]

I've never seen her like this. You got every single person on the hora that, like, Papa, Nana, you, cousins, your brother. Yeah, Gracie. It was Benny's mom's time. And, like, she was like, no, no, no. And, like, she wouldn't go. And then I just felt like it was my duty to be, like, the one. To be like, Sandy, like, enough. Like. And I walked over to, like, put an end to it, and she gave me this look that made me feel like a little boy. Like, she was like, no, no, I watched it.

[D]

Do you know what my mom said? I talked to her after. I said, mom, why didn't you do it? She said, it's my two biggest fears. And I said, what? And she says, height and motion.

[C]

And I said, what do you mean, height and motion?

[D]

Yeah, she said. She said, my number one.

[C]

She's so cute.

[D]

She said, my number one biggest fear in life is motion.

[C]

What do you think? The motion's all height and motion. Everything we do. What's in walls?

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

There's a lot of.

[B]

There's a lot of motion.

[D]

Just motion. She just said motion.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Selena, you just don't get it. I have to be on a podcast.

[B]

It's not a podcast.

[C]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

It's a podcast.

[A]

It's a vignette.

[D]

It's a podcast that he's calling dressing up as something big.

[B]

Oh, please. You're gonna throw me under the bus? Like you don't have the same philosophy? Fine. I'll take all the glory when it's perceived as take the glory. He didn't even know what it was. Guys, there it is. There's the record, there's the footage. He didn't even know what it was.

[A]

You saw Dave right now. He's in there fixing his hair in

[D]

front of the mirror. Tuck, you fixing your hair?

[B]

Yep. No problem with that.

[C]

You like it?

[B]

Nothing wrong.

[D]

Hey, I have a question.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Mr. Don't you have to think Dave is hot? Because he looks identical to me. And don't you have to think that I'm hot cause I look identical to Dave?

[A]

I don't think you guys look identical.

[C]

I definitely don't agree with that.

[B]

And by the way, I'm right there with you guys.

[D]

I agree with you.

[C]

I really, like. I love everyone.

[D]

Yeah. But I'm much.

[C]

I think a lot of people, duh. To Me. But, like, she's much hotter to me. I'm just saying. Like. I'm just saying people are gonna take this clip and be like, they should all be together.

[B]

All four of us is a four person.

[C]

I couldn't do it. I love you, but we'd buy you.

[B]

I'm not interested.

[D]

You guys want to have children?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

How many children?

[B]

One, Two, Max. No. I don't know.

[A]

Like, three.

[D]

How many do you want?

[C]

But I'm kind of old. Four, but that's out there. But in honor of the person that I adored so much, that made me think of my nana, Diane Keaton. She rest in peace. I love her so much. There's a movie called the Family Stone, of course. And there's this.

[D]

Have you never seen it?

[C]

Scene. I haven't. There's this scene. It's a very sweet, like, it's so cute. Sad also. It's very sweet, Touching. And she's, like, amazing.

[A]

She's our leader.

[C]

So she basically has this. And it's a dinner scene with all her children. And it. I can't get it out of my head. It has always made me feel, like, so good inside that I. I said one day at my dinner table, when I'm her age, I want to see that dinner table. I don't want, you know, not to say whatever happens, happens. If we're only able to have one. None. I hope.

[A]

We're talking dreams.

[C]

We don't know. But my dream for sure was that scene where they're all at the dinner table and they're just with their partners or their significant others or kids or single. And it's just like, beautiful cast of characters is what I see.

[A]

It's the community of family.

[C]

So it's actually going to be crazy hell for all those years until they become adults.

[A]

A good hell, I hear. A very good hell. I would love to rewind and be 30.

[B]

Didn't you?

[D]

Didn't you? Didn't you.

[A]

Just because I could have more kids.

[D]

Didn't you?

[A]

Hopefully. Or hopefully I'm not jinxing it by saying it out loud.

[D]

Didn't you just take care of a kid and come to the realization that you didn't realize that you have to, like, be paying attention to them?

[A]

Yes, I did.

[B]

You know, it's a similar realization, but

[A]

I think that can exist with still wanting kids.

[C]

I think it can. Because you know what they say in every freaking movie or book, it's like, you can never. You're never prepared for.

[A]

It just happens.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, for me, the thing on kids is.

[B]

They should be leashed.

[D]

Let me. What?

[A]

No. I want kids so bad.

[D]

You're not putting your kid on a leash.

[B]

That seems logical to me. I see your brother's kid running around, they gotta run at all.

[D]

It's a.

[B]

They're chasing after the kid. The kid can. I'm dealing with that. I'm putting the kid in the leash sitting here.

[A]

You're gonna need a lot of leashes for.

[B]

For your.

[D]

My mom said I was very. You liked that?

[C]

Oh, don't make it a bowman.

[D]

Oh, no, I wasn't. I liked it. It made me feel good. I love you so much.

[C]

I love you.

[B]

I was just thinking about back in Malibu when I first saw you guys display any public display of affection for the first time. And I thought, I think this is gonna work out.

[D]

I try in interviews. In interviews with her because I know she likes to keep it profesh. Yeah. I try not to show too much. Like. Cause she's such a. Her own entity. Like I want her to like. I want her to shine and be like her own like, like independent woman. So I try so hard I use every bone in my body not to like be like, like googly eyed over her and not want to like kiss her and jump her bones all the time. So it taken a lot. So to watch her just kiss my toe just really made my day. Let me paint you a picture, please. Do you know what her phone, like when you see her phone and it says Selena Gomez iPhone, do you know what hers is?

[C]

This is. Okay. Damn it. I'm gonna change it.

[B]

What do you mean by that? Oh, like when it pops up, I'm

[C]

gonna change it after this, but I will give it up. So basically when you do airdrop or when you look for my phone.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This was before I knew that he was the love of my life. So if anyone's airdropping on an airplane, I don't want people to know.

[B]

Of course not.

[C]

Letting everyone know it's changing. So don't think it's gonna be it.

[A]

It can't be.

[C]

But honestly might not change what it's gonna change. I'll be on an airplane and it'll be.

[B]

It'll have to change.

[C]

I'd get weird pictures, but. Okay. My thing when you airdrop, when you airdrop something to someone was Shine Bright. That's it.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And the only reason why is because. Yeah, every song has that like tick and it was shine bright like a diamond.

[B]

You know.

[C]

Obviously that's poorly said, but everywhere I went with my friends Before I married the person.

[B]

Can you believe that that was him?

[A]

Is that your favorite Rihanna song?

[B]

He made it.

[A]

It's.

[C]

It was one of them. It's the top. Like, definitely in the top.

[A]

What's your favorite?

[C]

I love. I love so many. I so hard. She loves consideration.

[A]

I know I have mine, but what's yours?

[C]

But on anti. I love Considerations. Considerations. And I love Stay.

[B]

You know what song I love?

[A]

I love Stay.

[B]

Four, five seconds.

[A]

I love four or five seconds.

[B]

I love that song.

[D]

That's in my top 10.

[C]

There's just no wrong with her. For some reason, she's to me. When I go to Brianna Essentials on Apple Music, it's like, no songs.

[B]

You know, my favorite way to listen to music is I go to. I have a playlist of all my favorite Drake songs. It's about 85 songs. I play it on a shuffle. I never can be disappointed. There's 85 straight unbelievable songs.

[D]

Do you know what my favorite way to listen to music is?

[B]

What?

[D]

In the morning be like, cleaning and reorganizing the house, and I have such a good sound system in my living room, and I'm just, like, going through, like, the best vinyls and by myself and just doing.

[C]

Bring it.

[D]

What?

[C]

I wish I would have brought my speaker.

[D]

Oh, dang it.

[C]

I got. Sorry. That had not stopped. I'm so sorry I ruined your thing.

[D]

There's no. That was the end of the story.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Listening to vinyls on my.

[B]

That was the end of the story

[D]

because you were saying your favorite way to listen to music. I said my favorite way. Sorry.

[B]

You're a big Taylor Swift music fan.

[C]

I feel like I'm a big Taylor fan.

[D]

Swifty.

[C]

I am a Stan for life for sure. But, yeah.

[D]

Can I just say, I was fully blown away yesterday. Selena's just, like, bringing over stuff from, like, storage and her other house.

[C]

Oh, she'll love this.

[D]

And she pulls out this, like, piece of art, and I'm like, oh, this is perfect for the living room. This is, like, amazing for the living room. And this is like. And I have, like. You know, I'm so into art. Like, I love art. And I said, who made this painting? Like, I thought she was gonna say, like. Like Basquiat or something, like, crazy.

[C]

That's sweet.

[D]

Selena says, Taylor made this for me for my 30th birthday, and it's, like, one of the best paintings I've ever seen.

[C]

She did it on an actual cloth, and she painted a beautiful lake, and it was at night, and the moon was there. And in the stars. She painted our exact.

[D]

On cloth.

[C]

On a cloth. And she painted our exact

[D]

star sign.

[C]

Star sign. So for hers and mine. And she said here's to the next 30 years. Hand sewn. And it says from Taylor like to Selena. And it was all sewn by hand. So she had it painted or she painted it and then she would sew talent like to the next. That's what they. I would say needle probably. Yeah, like so she would sew it into. I forget, you know, I feel so ashamed. It's a way of, of crocheting.

[B]

Crocheting.

[A]

No, like the needle almost.

[D]

Almost.

[C]

It just. Instead of writing here's to the next 30 years or printing it, she sewed every letter. It was just.

[D]

I think she's better at art. Like it's gorgeous. The other day she made like fresh sourdough bread like and was like. Looked like it was from like a professional.

[C]

I hope she'll let us use rest of this. But when she made bread, she goes, it's a loaf story.

[D]

Oh yeah, you should let us. I posted it.

[A]

Wait, can I say one thing? I was just saying it was so cute when she was like listening to. And we went home and we were like. It reminds us of when we were young and we like really loved music. And you're so, you're, you're supportive beyond just like.

[B]

Well, the context of this conversation was us talking about my music and putting it out. And she was telling me about what music is. It's like for the people like to connect with. And then we ended up talking. It's very clear that you literally connect with Taylor's music on a different.

[C]

Like you connect with a million percent. I feel. Well, Dorothea's About Me, one of her songs. And I feel like a lot of moments, huge moments that were self defining from relationships to family, to love, to hate, all of it in between. We were figuring it out because I was 15 and she was 18 and we didn't really know like what was going on. And so we've never seen each other any differently. So when I listen to it, I hear. I'm so impressed how it's eloquently put.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So there's this song that Taylor wrote about us and it was called Family and it was over easily a decade ago. Insinuating in the lyrics without quoting it is basically saying you have these amazing dreams. You want to be in movies, like in every crowd, I still see you. And then her part was, you know, you believe in my stupid dreams, like playing stadiums. And now When I listen to that song, both of those things have happened for us. And that's really sweet because back then she was just like, I just wrote this song about us, and it was just like our story kind of. And it was just the sweetest thing. So I love it.

[D]

Do you guys ever, like. Cause I do this with some of my friends who I first came up with, and, like, do you guys ever sit there and you're just like, fuck. You're like, I can't believe this is our life now.

[C]

From where you were, it's more so that, wow. We survived it as best as we could because it's literally all we talk about. Like, we don't. Not all we talk about, but when we talk about it, we're not like, look at this, you know, prosperity. It's more so. Like, actually, this is so cool that you get it. It's absolutely unbelievable to come from 17 years of friendship, from multiple heartbreaks and love stories and fun stories in life. We both ended up fortunately being engaged around the same time. And that was the coolest part.

[B]

Do you know I love Travis and Benny? I love Benny. I mean, I'm closer with Benny, but I love Travis.

[A]

He said Travis.

[C]

Travis.

[B]

Of course I love Selena and Taylor. I don't know Taylor that well, but I just feel like you both ended up with good dudes. That's all I'm saying.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

Travis is a good dude.

[A]

Then he's a good life and in the public eye and look where you are.

[C]

I'm very lucky. I'm very lucky. It's cool to have a friend just like you and Benny. It's like.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, I used to start and end every single day of my life. I'm with you, talking to Dave.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

On the phone before I went to bed.

[B]

What better way?

[D]

And when I woke up every day.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of wasted hours.

[C]

That's really sweet. They're not wasted.

[B]

I'm joking.

[D]

You know, I was.

[C]

Helped shaped each other. And I love both of you.

[D]

I say this to Selena and I also say this to Dave. I'm so mad at, like, God or the universe for making me wait so long to have, like, to be so close to, like, two of the people that I wanted to like. It took me. It took me like 20 something years to meet Dave.

[B]

Yeah, honey, it's not that bad. And then Selena, of course. At a later age. At a later age.

[D]

Well, I already knew her.

[B]

I know you guys knew. What the fuck? So you knew each. You met when you were 12 or something.

[D]

She was like 16. I was probably 20.

[C]

But he also didn't. We didn't like me pregnant. My mom was with me. Like, it was a total thing.

[D]

I would actually, like. I'm 100% sure.

[B]

Take a bullet.

[D]

That I would take a bullet. Yeah. To the head.

[B]

What were you gonna say?

[D]

Of course I was just gonna say take a bullet for.

[C]

I guess it was the same. We didn't have to get descriptive, but same.

[B]

You die for her.

[D]

Yeah. I would die if I knew that, like, I jumped in front of it and I would save her life. Yeah. Yeah, I would do it.

[C]

I feel that way, too. Me too.

[D]

I would do it.

[A]

I actually feel that way for the both of you. I would take one right here.

[C]

I would honestly do this.

[D]

Take a bullet for me.

[C]

A low key to the head.

[A]

Yeah. And for you?

[C]

Well, because that's the fastest.

[D]

I'd take a bullet to the thigh for you, for sure.

[C]

Shot you in the hand. It's like. Well, just.

[B]

I'll take a bullet. I'm not dying for.

[A]

I would die for the two of you. I really would.

[C]

I think that, like, for me personally, it's Benny and Gracie.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's that?

[C]

I would have.

[D]

More important.

[A]

You wouldn't take one from me.

[D]

No.

[B]

You can't be the same bullet, but

[D]

I'm taking a bullet.

[C]

Die. To die.

[D]

She's not dying for you.

[C]

To the face.

[D]

She's not dying.

[B]

I would get everything done, but die.

[C]

I could survive. I would get shot.

[D]

For a second.

[A]

Yeah, I thought that I had to die for my friends.

[B]

I think this is really dark, but I think if they said you're paralyzed, your Benny dies. I think I'm living the rest of my life paralyzed.

[A]

I have to say this, and I'll say this.

[D]

Yeah, I would do that, too.

[C]

You're in charge of what happens to me.

[A]

I truly feel like if you call somebody your good friend that you truly love, and I love the three of you, I have no choice but to die for you.

[B]

That's ridiculous.

[D]

Kristen, we're getting word. It's time.

[B]

You know, when I think back on my life, a few things come to mind that are more nostalgic than. I would go to my grandfather's house every Sunday and watch the Eagles game. And I would eat chicken nuggets, about eight of them. And I would always have grape soda. Now, it wasn't Olipop, because I don't believe that they were operative at that time. It was a different. Probably. I don't want to say competitor But Olipop wouldn't even want me talking about what it was. But when I drink this grape Olipop, I can't help but flash back to those lazy Sundays with my grandfather Poppy Jack.

[C]

Aw.

[B]

Where we would watch the eagles eat chicken nuggets.

[D]

Buy any two cans of olipop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor, any retailer. Go to drinkollipop.com fks this show is

[A]

sponsored by Liquid Ivy.

[D]

Let's play a game. Your thirsty. You don't necessarily want to drink, but you have a beautiful watermelon in front of you. Take some lime. You take a little bit of lemon. Lime. Liquid. Iv. You put this bad boy right over it.

[B]

Did you make this up?

[D]

I don't know if I made it up, but I was an innovator.

[B]

What's the reason? Just to hydrate.

[D]

What's the reason?

[A]

Water.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Best thing you've ever tasted.

[B]

Tear.

[C]

Pour.

[B]

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[D]

That's 20% off your first order with Code FKSQUID IV.com Isn't that so good?

[A]

Yeah, let's keep doing it.

[D]

Eat it all.

[A]

Have you guys tried it?

[C]

It's interesting because women have things that happen in their life that I think people tend to be like, get over it. And the point that I love is like, I can absolutely forgive.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

But I cannot forget.

[A]

Once you lose the trust of a man.

[C]

Oh, it's gone.

[A]

It's gone.

[C]

When you lose the trust of a man, it's completely gone. I feel like, as a woman, I love when guys have good guy friends.

[D]

That makes guys have good what you love when a guy has a good. What?

[B]

What'd you say?

[C]

And then they ruin that. Guys do what I said. I'm very grateful that it's a testament. That's a testament of who you surround yourself with. Because ultimately you are who you surround yourself with. So for me, it's very nice to know that these people are who he's living life with, if that makes sense. Because I'd want him to be around really cool people. So it wasn't us too.

[B]

Us2.us2.

[C]

It was like as a couple, like, it's so nice that you have anyone. Don't both have great people surrounding you. You have great people surrounding you. It's nice. And I fucking love everyone in your life.

[A]

I was just gonna say that it's nice when you meet someone who has a friend that's really genuine. And then you're like, these guys. Guys can't be that bad.

[B]

Amen, sister.

[D]

Chuck, I think. I think. I think me and Selena. I think. Chuck, I think me and Selena could beat you guys in two on two. She's. Who do you think could fight better out of you two?

[A]

Selena.

[C]

Okay, should we do an arm wrestle? Because we're both like, can you guys please.

[D]

Can you guys.

[B]

I don't want to.

[A]

Chuck, are you good at ar?

[B]

I'm terrible. But you're terrible, too, right?

[D]

You guys got to do it right here. I guess I'm the worst ever in the arcade. Okay, now you get here. Here, Kristen, you're gonna get here.

[C]

I'm prepared to lose. I just wanted to.

[D]

No, Kristen, get on this side. You want it back?

[A]

I don't want to break her. She's so petite.

[D]

Break her. She's so pet.

[C]

I don't mind. I don't mind.

[D]

Okay, now you guys have to hold your other hand like this. Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. You ready?

[B]

Don't break your other.

[C]

But literally, I don't care. I don't care. So please win if you win.

[D]

1, 2, 3. Looks like they're pretty now, but please win. But sign is when you want to win.

[A]

She's doing something.

[D]

Looks like.

[C]

I just don't want you to think.

[D]

Are you guys this evenly?

[B]

Are you guys both trying as hard as you can?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

No. I'm about to try really hard.

[B]

Go, Kristen. Go, go, go, go. Oh, my God. It's so even.

[D]

Kristen. It's perfectly even.

[A]

Letting it go past us.

[B]

Win, win. Win if you can win.

[C]

Okay, Go, Go.

[D]

Win.

[B]

Even strength.

[D]

Yeah. That's crazy. Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Stopping her. I'm hurting her.

[D]

I've never armed. I don't think I'm good at all.

[C]

Five days.

[D]

Please.

[B]

I've done it ever.

[C]

I'm bummed that no one won. That's just like.

[D]

Chuck, I think you should sit here. I think it'll make it easier for you. That's great. Can you sit right here? No, you shouldn't sit.

[A]

Stand.

[C]

You're going to need to.

[D]

You're going to need to. I went hard, and I'm like. Be like, here.

[B]

I hate this feeling.

[D]

I don't like it. I'm so scared. My arm's going to be ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. Are we gonna do 3, 2, 1?

[A]

I think I did strain my back muscle.

[B]

You guys have to count down.

[C]

3, 2, 1.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

3, 2, 1.

[D]

Are we even straying?

[B]

I'm trying as hard as I can.

[C]

I'M just saying. I agree with you, Kristin. My hair feels like a bone.

[D]

All right.

[C]

No, I don't have any.

[D]

Chuck, are we even?

[B]

Yeah, it's enough. It's done. My arm is.

[A]

Wait, it hurts my back. Does the back of your arm hurt?

[D]

Push you over a little bit?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Right here. Maybe by the.

[D]

I think I could have whisked.

[B]

I think if it was a test of time, you would have won because my shoulders are.

[D]

I can't believe we're eating.

[B]

Look at my face.

[C]

I think all of us are pretty lame.

[D]

I can't believe we're even.

[A]

Can I say something, Selena? Can you even. How would you deal with these two boys every day?

[C]

That's actually a very good question. I think because I'm biased to one. It would be very difficult because. No, not true. Because sometimes it would be really hard to. I could never. Here's what I'm gonna say. Could never do what you guys are doing in this moment with Benny.

[D]

Why?

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because I speak differently than he does.

[A]

That's how I feel.

[C]

No, you guys are in a different. I have a view sometimes that is me wanting to express my actual authenticity. However, being eloquent while I do it. And what I love and how I fell in love with Benny is that he's uncensored. And that's what makes me uncensored. So I like to say he's peeling the onion.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And eventually I will be really fulfilled being fully myself. But it's a reaction. A knee jerk reaction.

[A]

I did feel like once you got, like, the more you guys started dating, I feel like I saw you coming more out of your own when we first met. I could tell that.

[C]

But he gave up the parties. That was a huge deal.

[A]

Well, thank God he gave up the parties.

[C]

Like. Well, you didn't give up the parties, but, like, you have different ones.

[D]

I gave up the parties, but there

[A]

was no reason to have them anymore.

[B]

Absolutely. The parties were only as single men.

[A]

Shut up.

[C]

Oh, no, it's okay. I don't mind. It's the truth.

[D]

Let's go to our reservation.

[C]

We gotta go out to do. Here's the thing.

[B]

You guys ready?

[C]

Our relationship is probably so healthy and one of the, like, greatest things of life, but also equally. You had a life before me and I had a life before you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Amen.

[C]

You win. You win. Oh, sorry.

[B]

And that is how to cook. Don't let them kiss. We have to kiss if they kiss?

[A]

No. Let's do our friend.

[B]

Oh, friends on three.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Okay. In the center.

[B]

Well, I'm stuck.

[D]

Babe, do you think I can jump from here to there?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, okay, then let's just do threads on three. Chuck, what would you do if I was this tall? No. No one's. Oh. Did you just hit your head, Babe?

[A]

Wait, should we all do it? I'm trying to break my ankle.

[D]

Okay, okay, okay. Stand up. Just don't.

[B]

Well, how are we gonna.

[D]

Okay. One, two, three. On three, four.

[C]

What do we do? What do we do?

[A]

I've never been up here before.

[D]

Okay, everyone put their hands in there.

[B]

A sports title. You know sports. You're a basketball player.

[D]

Kristen, come on. One, two, three.

[B]

Friends.

[C]

That's it.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Can you do it again?

[D]

No, just get on my back.

[A]

Should I say the line again?

[B]

Nope. I think this is. What you're doing is very risky.

[D]

Whoa. I don't.

[B]

This is getting too loud.

[D]

Okay, we're ending it. This episode is brought to you by Domino's. You mean this perfect piece? Oh, wow. The crust. That's cheese. Cheesy crust. Okay, let me give you a brand new slice. Oh, Chuck, it's gonna. It's so hot.

[B]

Ah. Ah. I don't like the way it's been handed to me.

[A]

There's nothing redder.

[B]

It's actually so good. Can I enlighten you both for a second?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The best deal ever. This for $9.99. You can get up to seven toppings and even stuffed crust for $3 more. You know how we always get cheese?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

We could be getting seven times the

[D]

amount of toppings than we normally get. Are you telling me.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We've been doing the worst deal ever. I've been ordering just cheese, and I could be having seven.

[B]

We like cheese. But what if I told you that I got 7x cheese?

[D]

Do you know what I would tell you? Best deal ever.

[B]

That's a lot of cheese.

[D]

But it's the perfect amount of cheese.

[A]

You don't have to go full force on one topping. You can.

[B]

I'll do what I want.

[D]

I might get seven times pineapple.

[A]

That's what I want to do.

[B]

Can I say one thing before we go? We respect you.

[D]

We respect you.

[B]

We respect your time. We know you don't have to be sitting here watching this. And we're trying to respect you, but

[A]

we also know you love pizza.

[D]

We respect you.

[B]

I really do love. Give me another bite of that.

[D]

I know.

[B]

I respect you, and I'm sorry if you feel disrespected.