Testing Tiffany Haddish's Knowledge of Cartoons and Bees

Summary

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Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz

Episode: Testing Tiffany Haddish's Knowledge of Cartoons and Bees

Release Date: April 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this raucous, knowledge-packed episode of "Funny You Ask," host Ike Barinholtz welcomes multi-hyphenate comedian, actress, and self-described “doctor without a license” Tiffany Haddish. The pair banter through comedy and trivia about nutrition science, bees, classic cartoons, bodily health, and more, weaving personal stories and random facts with wit and warm camaraderie. Together, they explore why collecting random facts can be endlessly fun (and occasionally useful), wrapping up with a rapid-fire trivia battle and audience laughter a-plenty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tiffany's "Doctorate" Status, Nutrition Science & Garden Wisdom

• Tiffany reveals her doctorate in philosophy for humanities (02:47), clarifying she's not a licensed physician, but she does have a degree.
  • Quote:

    “I have a doctorate in philosophy for humanities.”
    (Tiffany, 02:50)

• Nutrition and personal biology: Tiffany discusses differences in vitamin needs and practical applications—using eggshells in the garden for nutrients and pest control.
  • Quote:

    “You're robbing me of nitro and protection from slugs and snails. Put them [eggshells] around the plants...”
    (Tiffany, 03:49)

2. Root Chakras, Body Hair, and Natural Health

• Hilarious, surprisingly candid exploration of preferences related to body hair and the “root chakra” (gynecology/urology ambitions).
  • Quote:

    “I like hair on my root chakra. Cuz then I know we got glide... That's God's underwear.”
    (Tiffany, 05:03)

  • Tiffany claims hair protects against infection; both riff on changing beauty trends.

3. Herbs, Homeopathy & Ancient Wisdom

• Ike shares a story about being told to use herbs in a household of girls (07:02).
• Tiffany ties biblical gifts to medicinal uses:
  • Frankincense and myrrh for women's hormones after childbirth, and colloidal gold for nervous system health (08:33).
  • Quote:

    “Burn frankincense in the house, and it helps clear plaque out of your brain... Drink [colloidal gold] and it will help your nervous system.”
    (Tiffany, 08:33–09:25)

4. Workout Hacks & Nutrition Fads

• Tiffany details her daily weighted vest regimen, “Perfect Workout” heavy lifting, barre class, and the satisfaction of watching men fail at ballet-inspired fitness (15:39–18:34).
• Discussion of wellness trends: NAD injections, the notorious "lemon-cayenne cleanse," and veganism:
  • Quote:

    “You’re not a man officially until you shit your pants.”
    (Tiffany, 20:17)

  • Both share comical stories of digestive misadventures.

5. Trivia Face-off: Nutrition, Bees, Cartoons, and Random Facts

• The trivia sections are playful and unpredictable, with Ike quizzing Tiffany (protein, food pyramids, bee communication, bees’ eyes) and vice versa (chainsaws in childbirth, spaghetti singular), then a speed round of quick Q&A.
  • Sample exchange:

    Ike: “What nutrient is most directly responsible for building and repairing muscles?”
    Tiffany: “Creatine and steroids and the main protein.” (13:00)
    Ike: “Protein — I’m going to give you that.”

  • Notable circle-back:

    “What nutrient do you need to build muscle? — Gym bros never shut up about it.”
    (Ike, 12:54)

6. Deep Dives: Bees, Their Social Structures, & Gender

• Tiffany loves bees for the honey and therapeutic value—claims communicating with her hives helps her with stress and PTSD (34:00).
  • Quote:

    “If you have PTSD, a beehive can help you heal that because the frequency on the hive is in a key of C...”
    (Tiffany, 34:28)

  • Discussion turns to bee society, queen bee power, and the “tragic sex life” of male bees.

7. Cartoons Across Generations

• Both reminiscence about the cartoon shows that shaped them, including Thundercats, Strawberry Shortcake, GI Joe, The Smurfs, The Snorks, and Rainbow Brite (45:45–47:07).
• The difference between sanitized Disney stories versus macabre, original fairy tales sparks a conversation about the place of violence, drugs, and sex (even in kids’ media).
  • Quote:

    “I always say. Sex, drugs, violence. Those are the best stories.”
    (Tiffany, 45:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nutrition & Hair:

  “That’s God's underwear.”
  (Tiffany, 05:09)

• On Homeopathic Healing:

  “It's back to nutrition and science.”
  (Tiffany, 06:56)

• On Digestive Mishaps:

  “I feel like you're not a man officially until you shit your pants.”
  (Tiffany, 20:17)

• On Bee Societies:

  “Women run that shit... All the workers are also women. The men, they are literally called drones... they do nothing.”
  (Ike, 35:07)

• On Unicorns:

  “Unicorns are real. Every single culture talks about unicorns.”
  (Tiffany, 38:07)

• On Cartoons and Life Lessons:

  “Sex, drugs, violence. Those are the best stories. Even in the kids stories, they had violence, drugs, and violence, and sex.”
  (Tiffany, 45:09)

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Important Timestamps

• Tiffany’s Doctorate & Nutrition Science: 02:12–04:07
• Garden Eggs & Slugs: 03:34–04:33
• Gynecology, Urology, Body Hair & Nature’s Protection: 04:38–06:14
• Frankincense, Myrrh & Gold—Ancient Homeopathy: 07:47–09:29
• Working Out & Wellness Fads: 15:39–19:42
• Trivia Start: 12:14
  - Nutrition: 12:38 - Bee Questions: 32:19
• Bee Therapy, Social Structure & Sex-Based Death: 34:26–36:18
• Cartoons & Fairy Tales Comparison: 42:33–45:30
• Cartoon Nostalgia (Smurfs, Thundercats, etc.): 45:45–47:07
• Rapid-fire Trivia / Speed Round: 50:07–55:59

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Trivia Highlights

• Chainsaws were originally invented for assisting with childbirth in 18th-century Scotland (yikes).
• The bee waggle dance is how bees communicate the location of food sources (32:19).
• The first major Disney animated feature: Snow White (42:37).
• One honeybee has five eyes.
• Smallpox was the first disease targeted by vaccine (48:06).
• The singular of “spaghetti” is spaghetto.
• The largest U.S. producer of honey is North Dakota.

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Tone & Style

The tone is raw, fast-paced, joyfully irreverent, and rich with colorful anecdotes. Tiffany matches Ike’s wit with sass, sincerity, and delight, while the structure oscillates between trivia games and spontaneous, often hilarious, digressions.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is bursting with trivia you didn’t know you needed, everything from the science behind home remedies, garden hacks, bodily functions, bees, and the true heritage of our favorite cartoons. Ike and Tiffany create safe space for oversharing and laughing at (and with) life’s oddest facts, all while reaffirming that sometimes, knowledge is collective—and the fun is in the learning.

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Now you know. And knowing is half the battle!
(Ike & Tiffany, 57:21)

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

I wanted to give something to the fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close the book.

[A]

The end of an era

[B]

and don't miss Taylor Swift.

[A]

The ERAS Tour the final show featuring for the first time the tortured Poets department. Now streaming only on Disney plus. You like that I'm like so like anal that I'm like no, it needs to be separate. Sitting like 10ft away from me. Not even. Oh. This is lesson five. We have an Emmy award winning actress, a New York Times bestseller, stand up comedy legend, grapefruit connoisseur, and above all this, my friend. She also claims to know something about bees, cartoons and nutrition science, even calling herself a quote doctor without a license.

[B]

Oh, I have a degree.

[A]

I stand corrected.

[B]

I don't have a license, but I got a degree.

[A]

Then that's just a doctor. Tiffany Haddish, welcome to Funny you ask.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you for having me. You forgot to tell them I have a Grammy as well.

[A]

She also has a Grammy. She has. She has the G and the E and the egot. All she needs is the dot. You're one. You're one odd away from the EGOT question. What the hell do you mean when you say you were a doctor without a license?

[B]

I'm saying like I'm not a licensed physician.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But I have a doctorate.

[A]

Do you really have a doctorate?

[B]

I have a doctorate.

[A]

Oh God, I thought you were like kidding.

[B]

No, I have a doctorate in I thought you were joking. No, I really have a doctorate in philosophy for humanities

[A]

what is nutrition science? What is it?

[B]

Well, there's a science to nutrition, right? Nutrition is very important for the human body to function. Also for the plants to grow. Right. They have to have proper nutrition. Everything has a nutrients level. Everything that's alive anyway needs nutrients. And there's a science to it. What kind of nutrients do you need? Everybody's body is a little different. So while I might need more vitamin D, right. Because it's harder for me to absorb it because of the melanin I have, sure. You might need a little less.

[A]

I remember when you told me once that I can't remember. It was a guy you were seeing at the time or someone was staying with you and you came home, or they came home and you went up to the. Come here and you opened the garbage can and pointed to a bunch of eggshells and you were like, why the fuck isn't that in my garden?

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

You were like, you're robbing me of nitro

[B]

and protection from slugs and snails. Because the eggshells, when you put them around the plants, keep a lot of slugs and snails and things that move creepy crawly, like creepy crawlies off of your plant.

[A]

Slugs is an LA thing. I swear to God, I never saw a slug growing up in Chicago, which was much wetter. But now that it rains a lot in la, they're littered with slugs. They're everywhere. Really kind of cool.

[B]

Here's the thing. See, in the cold places, a snail needs a home. Oh, so they have the shell.

[A]

Right, right, right. The slug doesn't need slugs, just slugs.

[B]

Like I'm in sunny California. I don't need. I don't need no mobile home.

[A]

I don't need a mobile home. This is me. This is my taint. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

But there's science to nutrition.

[A]

If you could be an actual medical doctor, practicing medical, what kind of medicine would you practice?

[B]

I probably would be a gynecologist or urologist. Yeah, anything dealing with the root chakra.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. I love it. I love the root chakra.

[B]

I think it's important.

[A]

I love a shaved root chakra.

[B]

I don't know. I like mine.

[A]

I like hair.

[B]

I'm j. I like min. I like hair on my root chakra. Cuz then I know we got glide and I know there's protection there. That's God's underwear.

[A]

100% agree. Hard agree.

[B]

That's why you grow hair there.

[A]

There's God's protection not to make it all about this. But I did have a friend who told me that she was staying at her husband's dad's house and she was with her like 11 year old son and his dad married a slightly younger woman. She was like 59. And my friend was like, she was like, I can't stay here anymore. It's crazy. She's walking around, she has like giant double D fake boobs and she's completely shaved. And my 12 year old son is walking around like looking down at the grandfather's wife. She shaved. That's so weird.

[B]

It is because I don't know why you would want to do that. Have it completely shaved. I get if you're wearing a bikini and then just, you know, get around the outsides. But to cut it all off, I think it's is like, well, you're trying to be. What is that about?

[A]

I think it's done. I think it's like skinny jeans. I think it's just kind of done. It's not going to come back for a while.

[B]

That's how you get diseases though, by shaving.

[A]

But yeah, yeah, because the hair is, it's, it's nature's protection.

[B]

It is nature's protection. So those that don't have hair, more susceptible to yeast infection, infections, bacterial. They smelling like fish and like old hamburger meat.

[A]

Speaking of vaginosis, this show is brought to you by Eli Lilly, which has some wonderful drugs to treat vaginosis. I would be, if I could be any doctor, I'd be, I would do like sports med, I would do. What's osteopath? Because I, I could never say to someone, you're gonna die, but I could say to like a 56 year old guy, you're done jogging, bitch. It's over for you, man.

[B]

I wouldn't mind being a homeopathic doctor.

[A]

Oh yeah, well that's fun. That just means you just smoke weed or you have another.

[B]

Just give them herbs.

[A]

Yeah, just give them special herbs.

[B]

It's back to nutrition and science.

[A]

I need to learn how. So I went to this event one time because we, I do a show and we work with the Lakers and the Lakers had like a, like a big picnic and they had people painting faces and they had this very beautiful older, very cool black woman who was painting the faces and she looked at me and my wife and my three daughters and she goes, you live with four women. I go, yeah. She goes, you need to learn the power of herbs and you need to sink them on the same cycle or they will destroy you. And I was like, I felt like I was like a character in, like, a Stephen King.

[B]

Did she tell you what herbs to use? No.

[A]

Other people were like, hey, my kid needs his face painted. And I didn't want to be like, what herbs specifically? So I just kind of. Kind of I could tell you.

[B]

Well, the Bible tells us so many things, right? The Bible, the Torah, the Quran. And there's the story in there about baby Jesus.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And how the wise man came and

[A]

frankincense, myrrh and gold.

[B]

Okay. So all those properties really help the human body. And the fact, like, who are they? Baby Jesus. Is he going to take frankincense? What's he going to do with that? Right. What's he going to do with gold? He's a baby.

[A]

He's a baby. He can't spend the gold. But he's just a stupid baby.

[B]

But Mary, her hormones are all out of balance right now because she just gave birth to another human in a manger. In a manger. You know what else? So she probably didn't give birth in the manger. The baby probably was resting in the manger.

[A]

Okay, that makes sense.

[B]

She probably gave birth on a stack of hay. But we never gonna. We don't know. We wasn't.

[A]

It was unpleasant wherever it was. Almost certainly.

[B]

Science shows that frankincense in myrrh helps balance out the female hormones. And if you take it orally, like, you can burn frankincense in the house, and it helps clear plaque out of your brain. If you take it orally. Right. Ingest it, it will help your body remove toxins and balance out the hormones. Same thing with myrrh. So if you take both of them together, because that's why they brought it for Mary, so her hormones could get back in balance. Right.

[A]

And then the gold, they're just like, it's pretty.

[B]

And the gold, you can boil the gold. You boil gold and drink the water. You know how, like, they have colloidal silver.

[A]

Colloidal silver, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So colloidal gold, you can make that. You boil the gold, the gold will still, but the minerals will come out and the water will turn, like, a little pink. You drink that, it will help you with your nervous system starts firing off.

[A]

It's probably iron. It's kind of like iron.

[B]

It's better than iron. It's gold.

[A]

It's gold. And this podcast is brought to you by Gold.

[B]

I. I take colloidal gold every day.

[A]

Frankincense and frankincense, these supplements are how you. How long. What's Your vitamin process. How long are your. Your supplements and your vitamins taking in the morning?

[B]

Every day.

[A]

Every day.

[B]

I take them every day. It doesn't take me more than a minute. Okay. Because I take the gold water.

[A]

First of all, it sounds like a Bond villain. Hello, Goldwater.

[B]

Yeah, I know, right? Call me Goldwater. Ever since I've been taking it, people are like, oh, my God, you're sparkling. You're shining. It's this glow about you. Cause bitches. Gold pumping through my blood.

[A]

Bitch. I think you would be. You said urologist. I would. You would be a very good doctor for men. Like, they would fall in love with you.

[B]

When I would take care of them like I do in real life.

[A]

Yeah. No, you.

[B]

Yeah, I take care of most of them in my life. I tell you, if they tell me, oh, I'm having this issue. I'm like, do this. Do this, this. And they're like, oh, my God, it worked. I love you so much. And then they buy me cars.

[A]

And you're. We didn't get you a car. We have a gift at the end of the show. It's not a car. It is important to feel comfortable with your doctor. I. Women have to have mammograms and stuff, which is annoying and painful, but we have to have the prostate exam. And the first time I. I got one, right. I never had it before. And just in general, historically, it never been. There's never been a lot of action down there. It's been one way. And I went to go see this doctor who's still my doctor. I love him. He's great. He's so great. And he. He. You know, he's like, all right, let's check your prostate. And he takes the, you know, the glove and puts on the lube, you

[B]

know, and a lot of loop.

[A]

I mean, he gets up there, and, like, I could still feel like, oh, my God. But I was. I was so like, oh. I was trying to talk to him, you know, and blows.

[B]

Talk your booty moving like that.

[A]

And he want. That's why they want you to talk. And he's like. He pulls it out. He goes, your prostate's fantastic. And I was like, oh, thank you. And he goes. He hands me a box of tissues and goes, here, you can use this to wipe the lube out. And I don't know why to this day, but I went, I'm good. And he. He goes, oh, okay, and puts it down. And so then the next, like, 10 minutes, I'm just, like, kind of sliding like, you Know what I mean? Like, like a slug, like on the table a little bit. I'm just kind of like moving you

[B]

leaving snail trails in your drawers.

[A]

I'm leaving snail trails on the dodger table. And like I like. Was I trying to like flex on him like, no, no. My asshole's self drying.

[B]

You didn't want to wipe your butt in front of him after he, he already pulled out of it.

[A]

It'd be like a lot if you

[B]

just wiped your butt in front of him. So I get why you said no, because it's kind of like, well, I don't want to wipe my ass in front of you. You've already been inside of my.

[A]

You've already been inside Dr. Dr. Horowitz. I love you by the way. You're a great guy.

[B]

I do the same thing.

[A]

Okay, Tiffany Haddish, here's how this game is going to work.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I have in front of me a stack of questions that are based off of your areas of expertise. I'm going to ask you a question, you answer or we'll talk, maybe we'll riff a little bit. Then you are going to ask me a question from the large stack of trivia cards in front of you, which are completely random and I have never looked at on our friendship. Okay, we'll do this two times and then we'll have the speed round. Okay, you ready to go?

[B]

She ready?

[A]

Ahaha. What nutrient? This is about nutrition. And I start easy and then it

[B]

gets a little harder.

[A]

What nutrient is most directly responsible for building and repairing muscles in the human body?

[B]

Well, I would go with.

[A]

I have a hint if you want.

[B]

Okay, give me a hint.

[A]

Gym bros never shut up about it.

[B]

Creatine and steroids and the main protein.

[A]

Protein. I'm gonna give you protein. One point on the board. Because technically creatine, I believe is a type of protein.

[B]

It is a protein.

[A]

It is a protein. So I'm gonna give you one on

[B]

the board is very responsible for building tissue.

[A]

And my bonus question was creatine. So I'm gonna give you two points right there. Tiffany Haddish, you were on the board. Are you a protein person? Do you like, are you one of those people that are like, I need to have one for every pound I weigh 1 gram of protein every day.

[B]

Is that what you're supposed to do?

[A]

I mean, that's what people are doing now.

[B]

But I'm like, why they doing that? That's in the system.

[A]

That's like if you're trying to like, I don't know Be like a bodybuilder.

[B]

But if I'm £150 and I have 150 grams of protein, that seems insane. That's a lot of meat.

[A]

Here's my take.

[B]

That's a lot. That's a lot of beans.

[A]

I think we can agree. We can agree that right now the world is. Feels a little shaky and it's kind of breaking up a little bit. And I think there is a correlation between this happening and the fact that people no longer eat carbs. Like, people have kind of given up carbs. They've given up sugar. You have dudes I follow on TikTok and Instagram. There's a guy I follow. He's this British guy. He will not eat anything that is not meat or eggs. And I watch him. Cause I'm.

[B]

I bet he stinks.

[A]

Can you imagine?

[B]

I bet when he sweats, he smells horrible.

[A]

Can you imagine the fucking gas he has? Like, and, like, he looks. He's in, like, good shape. And I think he lost weight doing it. So, like, more power to him.

[B]

You will lose weight.

[A]

You will lose weight. But also, like, I don't think the human body was meant to eat this much protein. And the carbs is what make your brain work. Like, that's brain food. You know what I mean? Like, you need the carbs and the sugar.

[B]

Are the carbs in, like, are they processed carbs? Those are the carbs need to stay away from sweet potato. I'm talking process. But if it's growing out the ground and you chop it up and eat it, cut it up and eat it, that's the carbs.

[A]

You need whole grains. Like, those kind of things you need.

[B]

That's why I've been growing wheat.

[A]

Let's make you make your own wheat.

[B]

I make my own wheat. I make bread and everything.

[A]

Wait, you make your own wheat flour. Wait, so where are you growing? Where's your wheat field? Where you got your wheat field at these days?

[B]

In the backyard. It's off Central LA.

[A]

How much wheat are you growing?

[B]

It's only like 50. 50 square feet.

[A]

And it's all wheat.

[B]

All wheat right there.

[A]

What is the heart? How many. Is it once a year harvest wheat? Or is it once?

[B]

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow.

[A]

It sounds like someone needs to start her own line of artisanal bread.

[B]

Well, we'll call it South Central's finest.

[A]

You're in great shape these days. You walked over. Dave and I were like, looks amazing. What are. What is the Tiffany Haddish workout these days? What are you doing to Kind of keep doing this.

[B]

I wear a weighted vest every day.

[A]

Oh, my God, me too. And I look like. I look like I'm an ice, Right?

[B]

I look like. Looks like. I'm like. I work on, like a task force.

[A]

Yeah. I look like I walk up my street. Especially when I have a beard and a hat and like wraparound shades.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People are like. They walk away from me like, fuck you. And I'm like, I just. I'm a guy trying to lose a couple pounds, Right? In a world where business owners everywhere are burning out.

[B]

I just can't do it anymore.

[A]

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[B]

It's here. It's really here.

[A]

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[B]

want exactly the way you want.

[A]

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[B]

trying to lose a little weight and I don't want to carry it in my hands. But I wear the weighted vest every day. I clean the house with the weighted vest on. I walk the dog with the weighted vest.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then I go to this thing called the perfect workout.

[A]

What is the perfect workout?

[B]

The perfect workout is. Is basically there's a. Like a gym set up in this office in West LA and I got it off a Groupon. It's like $200 a month. I go in there for 20 minutes. They have you lift super heavy weights in slow motion and that. Baby, baby, you supposed to do it like three times a week. I do it like once a week, twice a week.

[A]

20 minutes.

[B]

That's it, 20 minutes. You feel it the next day and you feel it the day after that and the day after that. They say, you can't do it. Don't do it more than three times a week.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow, wow, wow. I did it one time, three times a week, three days in a week. And baby, I was handicapped.

[A]

It's tough with those big ones.

[B]

I was handicapped. On the fourth day, I was like, this is why they say, don't do this.

[A]

I used to work out at Gold's Gym, Hollywood, and the guys that work out there are all like older gay men who have been taking steroids for like 30 years and they're fucking jacked. And when I would work out there, I was like, I need to lift more weight. I need to lift more weight. I gotta be like, these, these, these days.

[B]

But it's not about how much, it's just. It's about tiring out the muscles, right?

[A]

It's. It's the Mike Mentzer fatigue, muscle failure, reps to failure. One thing I saw one time at that Gold's Gym. Will Ferrell worked out there, I think for a minute. I went there one morning really early, like six in the morning or so, and I saw Will, he was working with his trainer and he was trying to do like a burpee or something and he kind of just hits the ground. His trainer goes, man, get your ass up. And Will goes, no. And he goes, you feel bad, don't you? He goes, yes. He goes, yes, that's cause you were in New Orleans eating all that dirty shit. And Will goes, I know.

[B]

Know what other workout I do? And I do this once a week as well. Pure Barre. Oh, which is like ballet and Pilates mixed together. I love seeing men in the class. We don't see them often. Usually when I see them in the class, it's cause I have punked them to come to class.

[A]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[B]

And I love seeing the super strong ones and they're just failing. Terribly low key.

[A]

A great place to meet women, I bet. Oh my God. They gotta be like, if they find out you're straight, they're like, hello.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. It's the best place to meet ladies and. Yeah. And a lot of ballerinas.

[A]

We live in an era now where there's a lot of wellness trends that you see online. Is there one that you tried that just did not work for you? Is there one that you saw that or maybe did work for you? When you see a wellness trend, what's your normal take? Are you like, I need to do

[B]

or are you like, my normal tech is like, I don't know. But that NAD that works.

[A]

What is the nad?

[B]

Nad? Is it a wellness trainer or is it just a vitamin that they like selling?

[A]

I never heard of it.

[B]

You never heard of nad? Well, it is all up and down my damn timeline, my algorithm.

[A]

Nad. I gotta get it all.

[B]

NAD is like that. You can get it injected or you can take it orally. And it's supposed to like help you rejuvenate and be younger and stuff.

[A]

I. I am not like a big wellness trend guy. I do remember years ago, remember when people were doing like the cayenne pepper lemon juice?

[B]

Yeah, I did that.

[A]

I did that once. And I remember, I'll never forget I did it and I was driving and I got gas at a gas station right by Fairfax High. And I remember because there was like a bunch of Fairfax kids coming in and out. And while I was standing there, shit my damn pants right there. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. It was a bummer. It was a bummer. It's normal. I mean, my body was so like, you can't feed me pizza and burgers and tacos for years, and then all of a sudden be like nothing but lemon juice with a little bit of cayenne pepper.

[B]

Well, you know, I feel like you're not a man officially until you shit your pants.

[A]

Oh, well, then I'm the manliest man you've ever met.

[B]

You dated more than once?

[A]

I've had lifetime three, two as an adult. And also real quick, just to be clear, the one in Fairfax High. It was more like. Oh, man. Like fast. Fast and furious. Over. Not a lot.

[B]

Anything fall out the bottom of your pants?

[A]

No, that time.

[B]

So it was just wet and smushy in your drawers?

[A]

Wet and smooshy. It was just. It was what. It was what we call in the business a fart. Plus.

[B]

Okay, little extra fart.

[A]

A little extra fart. I had an incident many years ago in Chicago. I won't get into detail, but I. My stomach really let me down that day.

[B]

Did your stomach let you down or your finks did your booty?

[A]

It was. They were all. They were conspiring against me and they decided the last.

[B]

The last. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

[A]

No. On the train. It's happening.

[B]

It gave up on you.

[A]

It gave up on me.

[B]

Gave up.

[A]

Did you ever go vegan?

[B]

Yes, I do it every January.

[A]

Did you? Vegan, January.

[B]

I have failed it. I failed this year.

[A]

Yeah. You talking about a pastrami burger earlier?

[B]

I failed. I could not help myself.

[A]

I know, it's tough.

[B]

I. I needed some meat.

[A]

It's tough. It's tough. The meats are really hard.

[B]

I did very good. I did all the way up to the 11th and then. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. 11 days. No, no meat. And. Yeah, I just could not. I could not resist.

[A]

I could never go full vegan. I have a couple friends that are vegans and by the way, they are the least high maintenance friends about it. They're like, they never like, I can't go to that restaurant.

[B]

Yeah, they'll find something to eat. I mean, I'll find something to eat at the restaurant. Just give me a head of lettuce and some dressing.

[A]

I was gonna say if I was vegan, I would definitely only want to eat like fresh. Like, not fresh fruits and vegetables. I would not want, like, oh, this is a pork chop made with seitan, which, by the way, hasn't caught on Satan. Wonder why. What does that name sound like?

[B]

It sounds like the devil.

[A]

It sounds like the devil, man. Seitan is like a. I. I want to say it's a soy product, but I. I don't know, but it's one of those things where you could, like, take it and make it into, like. A friend of mine went to a party one time that Prince was hosting, and he said he met Prince, and Prince goes, nice to meet you. Try the fake duck. And it's a lot of times fake duck will be made with tofu or seitan. I'm talking outta my ass, man.

[B]

I don't even wanna eat tofu. And I was. I was vegan. I was vegan for, like, probably about four months, five months before. And I don't. Nothing. No tofu. No. No soy.

[A]

No tofu. Well, I will say tofu and soy, not great for ladies. It's more. It's. It's like they're.

[B]

It ain't that great for men either. Cause it gives you guys breasts.

[A]

It gives us breast, but it also.

[B]

Now you gotta get a mammogram.

[A]

I've been trying to get my cup size up.

[B]

You out here getting breast cancer.

[A]

I don't want it. I don't want to be one of the men that gets breast cancer and they lactating, too. I wouldn't mind lactating a little bit. You know what I would love watching the Bears game. Touchdown. Ah, shit.

[B]

You know what I would love? I would love to become the president and hire scientists to, like, genetically modify the beer so that when men drink beer, that if they get somebody pregnant, they start to lactate once the woman is five months. And then there's no way he could be like, hey, that ain't my baby. What you mean, it ain't your baby? You leaking.

[A]

Listen, leaking, man.

[B]

You leaking. That would keep men loyal. The laws would change when it comes to, you know, pro choice. Your rights. Our rights. It's our rights.

[A]

But what would happen to Maury Povich? He'd be out of business. He would always know who the father is.

[B]

Yeah. Cause he'd be the one leaking by the chest. Unless he got multiple women's pregnant. Now you gotta do. Now you gotta do a DNA check.

[A]

Now you gotta do a DNA check. Lactating men mandating men are genetically modified to lactate. That's the kind of bread and butter issue that anyone can get on.

[B]

Well, first of all, women are the only Humans right now that can be genetically modified.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

We are genetically. Every time we get pregnant, we are genetically modified.

[A]

Oh, yes, that is true.

[B]

Yes, we are genetically modified. And we become a part of that man. Because the stem cells from the baby, which come from the man too, get your eyes in your brain and your heart and it helps you heal, right? And it helps your body heal. And then for like six to seven, maybe 10 years. That's inside of your body.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

You're a part of his tribe. You ever met a female that got like multiple baby daddies? Always a little crazy. Always a little crazy. Why? I hate to say it, but there's too many ancestors, too many tribes you a part of, too. Too much DNA in your DNA.

[A]

My wife has children with 12 different guys and she's normal.

[B]

You are damn lie. She got kids with you and she act like you, too. And probably slowly morphing into you.

[A]

She really.

[B]

Every time.

[A]

She really is.

[B]

Every time you put that baby batter in her, her body is absorbing that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's why it's important to use condoms if you don't want to look like the man you lay next to.

[A]

And that's why, funny you ask. Is sponsored by Trojans, ribbed for her pleasure.

[B]

Yes. And protects your genetics.

[A]

You are very healthy.

[B]

But I'm not that healthy.

[A]

You're not that healthy. If you could have one cheat meal for the rest of your life. Every time you have a cheat meal, it's this. What is it? What are you going for?

[B]

Do I have to be a whole meal?

[A]

No, it could be one thing.

[B]

It could be plums.

[A]

Plums.

[B]

The black plums with the red meat in the middle. That purple, purple plum.

[A]

That's not a cheat meal. You can have that whenever you want.

[B]

But it give me diarrhea if I eat too many.

[A]

Yeah, then you should give me diarrhea

[B]

if I eat too many. I grew a plum tree and I ate all the plums out the tree. Boy, my stomach was flat the next day. I'm so sorry I'm being so dirty, but this is just who I am. If you're calling me dirty, but my house is kind of clean.

[A]

They give me horrible diarrhea. What would I do? I would do.

[B]

What would you do?

[A]

I was in Italy this summer and it was the best thing to do. They were like, you have to go to Italy and play Elon Musk. And his body's all.

[B]

Well, you played Elon.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And his body's all. All messed up, you know? And so I gotta eat tortellini with cream like every day. That would be it. Like tortellini with cream and like a Negroni.

[B]

We talking about, like, out of this country or whatever. I would love to go, like, to. To Spain. Go to Mykonos and in. Or. Yeah, Mykonos.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Greece. And I would eat mussels.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Mussels. Off of a hot young Greek man. That mussels would actually be the worst food to sexily eat off someone.

[B]

Yeah, it's the worst.

[A]

First of all, mussel broth and shells.

[B]

First of all, mussels look so gross to me. And I never ate them till I went to Greece. They look like little vaginas to me. And I'm just not into vagina like that. It's just not my bag. But this very handsome man in Greece said, you have to try and ducks.

[A]

He tried them. You're going to love them.

[B]

You're going to love the flavor.

[A]

It tastes like the ocean.

[B]

It looks like it looked not a peanut. He's like, don't look at it. Close your eyes and put it in your mouth.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Wow. That's dangerous.

[B]

And I was like, okay. I closed my eyes and cracked that thing and ate it. I said, God, it is delicious.

[A]

Yeah, they're good. Mussels are very good.

[B]

Delicious when it's cooked right.

[A]

I remember. Quick story. I remember when I first. My wife, I first met her parents, and they came to New York City and we went to. We took them to dinner and we went to this place. It's like a Belgian restaurant. Belgians are famous for their mussels, right? Mould frites. We get there and kind of nervous to meet her parents, you know, And I'm like, how you doing? We sit down and it's time to order. And I was like, you know what? I was like, I love mussels. I love them. And I was like, for my appetizer, we'll go, I'm gonna get the mussels with the mustard sauce. And then for my main. You know what? I'll get the mussels with the white wine sauce. And the waiter's like, that's a lot of muscles. And I was like, it's okay. I love them. I love mussels. And the appetizer comes and it's like 50 mussels.

[B]

Oh, it's huge. It's not an appetizer.

[A]

So many. So I'm eating them and like 10 minutes, and I'm like, I can't eat mussels anymore. And then like 20 minutes later, like 75 mussels get put in front of me and my father in law goes, eat up. I was like, oh, oh no. But I did and I felt awful. I probably ate in, in all like 60 mussels. And I was just like, that's too many. Eat 12 mussels and be done with it.

[B]

Yeah, that's a lot.

[A]

It's too many. It's too many. Okay.

[B]

Too many.

[A]

Hey, can you do me a favor?

[B]

Can I read the question?

[A]

Can you read me a question?

[B]

Yeah, please. I really do want to read it. Okay. The iconic folded box used for Chinese takeout in the US is synonymous with amazing greasy hangover curing Chinese food. But it wasn't invented for copious amounts of fried rice or and noodles. Question. The classic Chinese takeout box with the red text in pagoda, pagoda drawing. There you go. Was originally invented to package what food products.

[A]

I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say, give me a hint. Give me a hint.

[B]

We'll take this aphrodisiac to go.

[A]

The only things I know that are known as those are chocolate and oysters. Someone say oysters?

[B]

Oysters is correct. He did good.

[A]

Fantastic. I, here's my thing with aphrodisiacs. If there's a food that you eat that makes you hornier, great. I am someone who, anytime I've ever seen a representation of people having sex and there's food play involved, I'm kind of like, that's not, it's, it's, it's like it's combining two different parts of my brain. You know what I mean? And I, you like that I'm like, so like anal that I'm like, no, it needs to be separate. I, I, I, I, I've never done it, I've never experienced with it. But I would feel like I would be, my brain would be confused.

[B]

You ain't live till you did something with a fruit by the foot.

[A]

Fruit roll up. But does that go? Okay, Quick, quick question. And this is like a fun episode we're having fun. Doesn't it get like really, like sticky?

[B]

Not if you get it all up like you supposed to.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Okay. And grapefruits and oranges and some guys. You need a tangerine or a cutie.

[A]

Oh, that'd be sweetie.

[B]

A little sweetie for him.

[A]

That'd be tough if it's flopping around. Like, I gotta go get a cutie. I think I have one left over from Christmas I'll be right back.

[B]

Reach the other side of the grapefruit. You're like, damn, let me go get.

[A]

Let me come back. He's like, is that a cumquad?

[B]

No, this is a navel orange. I know it's green, but new one.

[A]

Can we just watch a movie instead?

[B]

Okay, I'm asking, but you do the fruit by the foot, though. That's the good stuff.

[A]

Fruit by the foot. I remember that. Next time I go to Sam's club.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

I'm so horny. Where's your fruit by the foot aisle?

[B]

I'm telling you, it's an aphrodisiac. If the kids running around bouncing off the walls when they eat it, what's gonna happen when your woman get it in her system?

[A]

Oh, my God. Okay. All right, I'm gonna try it. Hey, but before I try that, before I incorporate fruit by the foot into

[B]

love making, would you put the fruit by the foot across her nipples and then eat it off?

[A]

I'll give it a shot.

[B]

Lay it on our thighs. You're like, let me measure out your thigh from here to here. And you put it from her knee to here. And then you save the excess. You give the X. So you put in the excess in the sandwich bag and give that to the kids.

[A]

I was gonna say the kids are gonna be at lunch being like, where's their food?

[B]

Yeah, let's just get a half of the fruit by the foot.

[A]

The Barinholtz girls only get a little bit of fruit by the foot because their dad puts it on their mom's nipples. How do you know that? Oh, they listen to the podcast. Tiffany Haddish. I'm going to ask you a question about bees.

[B]

Okay, Ask me about bees.

[A]

Honeybees don't rely on sound to share information with each other. Instead, they use precise body movements to share surprisingly detailed directions. What is the name of the unique figure 8 movement Honeybees perform to communicate the location of food sources? I have a hint if you need it.

[B]

Give me the hint.

[A]

It's not quite the Wobble by Vic, but it's named something similar. I had no idea what this was. I had no idea what this was.

[B]

By the way, it's not the Wobble.

[A]

It's not the Wobble, but it sounds like that.

[B]

It's not the Humpty Dance. It's not the Humpty Dance is your

[A]

chance do the Humpty Dance it's the Dougie.

[B]

Just like the wobble they do the nae nae. Hey, that's how you go this way? W and A, U and U. When I really operate off of vibration,

[A]

well, that I think plays into it.

[B]

But yeah, it's the vibe and the. And the. And the dance that they do.

[A]

I'll give you one more hint. If you take a letter in this and swap it, you have the name of a famous children's group. Like a children's TV show where they sing songs.

[B]

Kids Incorporated. The Disney clip. Are you talking about. Are you talking about that show?

[A]

All that I'm talking about. It's called the answer is Kenan and Kel. No, I'm gonna tell you. Ready? The answer is the Waggle Dance.

[B]

Yeah. Never heard of that. Never heard of the waggle Dance. But I do know that they do do movements and stuff. I didn't know they called it the waggle dance.

[A]

I didn't know they called.

[B]

It was just bee dancing speaking.

[A]

Because you brought it up.

[B]

They say bee dancing.

[A]

Why do you like bees so much?

[B]

I like bees because they give me honey.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They're super easy to talk to.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I feel like they talk back to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I sit out at my beehive every day, damn near every day. And I smoke weed and I blow that on them. And then they come and they, like, land on me, and we have conversations.

[A]

I sing to them as I wrote down. That's exactly what you were gonna say.

[B]

Yeah, I sing to them. I, like, tell them my problems. And did you know that if you have ptsd, that a beehive can help you heal that because the frequency on the hive is in a key of C, and that frequency and that sound that the bees make in particular, helps balance out your nervous system and helps you deal with your ptsd.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So I think everybody should have a beehive.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's what I believe. But I got two because I got a lot of issues.

[A]

I think you like bees because you're a woman, and women.

[B]

I told you I like bees. Don't be telling me what you think I like.

[A]

Well, I think. I think part of the reason, even if you don't know this, is because bees, more so than any other animal, women run that shit. Lock, stock. You got the queen, right? It's her thing. It's her deal. All the workers are also women. They're her friends. The men, they are literally called drones. And all they do is nothing. Except for every once in a while, the queen, like, sits on their deck and that's it. They don't. What is more useless than a male

[B]

bee, first of all, Some of the male bees are also nurse bees, but most of the nurse bees are females, but males sometimes are nurses.

[A]

It feels equal to humans.

[B]

A lot of the male bees that are drones go out to find the food, and then they come back and they do the. What you call that dance again? The wit Waggle dance. The waggle dance to let everybody else know this is where it is. Right. All the other harvesting bees, but also those male bees. And I don't know if y' all know this, but when they do have sex with the queen, they die.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

As soon as a male has sex, it's a wrap. It's like when they lose their stinker, they die.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when they have sex, they die. So I kind of like that.

[A]

Yeah, I thought so. A lot of legendary writers have been fascinated with bees. Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Jerry Seinfeld. There's one representation of bees in the arts that I think about all the time, and I'm going to frame it like this. How hard did you cry at the end of My Girl?

[B]

You know, I thought when I saw that, holy shit, I was like, bees are evil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How could they do that?

[A]

How could they take sweets?

[B]

Why would they do that? Mack, that's so messed up.

[A]

I'm friends with him.

[B]

And then I thought to myself, how

[A]

many bees died making that movie to

[B]

make sure he died?

[A]

Oh, that's a good question. Millions. Oh, I thought of it that way, yes. How he kind of deserved it.

[B]

No, it wasn't his fault.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

It's not his fault, but he died in the movie. But also, every bee that stung him, every murderer that he encountered died, too. Protecting that girl.

[A]

That is. I never thought of it that way. I'm friendly with him now because I work with his wife.

[B]

No, he's dead.

[A]

Well, yeah, he's dead.

[B]

I live in the movie world, right? In real life, he don't exist.

[A]

But he does. You're friends with him. I know you've hung out with him before. But whenever I talk to him, like. Like, he'll come up to me at an event, and I still think of him as the boy. He'll be like, hey, man, traffic was horrible, huh? And I'm like, oh, where's your glasses? He can't see without his glasses. Would you say bees are your favorite animals?

[B]

No.

[A]

What are your favorite animals?

[B]

I would say my favorite animal is a unicorn.

[A]

It's a good one. Do you know that's a national animal of Scotland? You know, unicorns are the national animal of Scotland.

[B]

Oh, that Makes sense.

[A]

That makes sense.

[B]

And unicorns are real. I don't know why, but some people try to say that they're not, but they clearly are because every single culture talks about unicorns.

[A]

Well, do you know what that, why that is?

[B]

Because the white man killed all of them.

[A]

Honestly, in a, in a, in a way, yes. Here's my.

[B]

Even in the Bible.

[A]

So we had, we had after the dinosaurs, right? We had what we call.

[B]

Why dinosaurs in the Bible?

[A]

Why don't they.

[B]

They miss why, why, why does. Why is it like really just America that talks about dinosaurs a lot? But why not Every culture should have like, just like every culture talks about dragons, but nobody talks about dinosaurs, just Americans.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

I feel like we made that shit up that this is why they found. No dry. Think about it. Where did they find any dinosaur bones in Africa?

[A]

I think they did.

[B]

When? Who? Who what? Which ones? Because it seemed like they all coming from Minnesota.

[A]

I mean, listen, we can all agree most of the dinosaurs are from Minnesota.

[B]

Most of the dinosaurs that have been found have been found in the Americas is. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

I, I don't know.

[B]

None of the other cultures in the world talk about Tyrannosaurus rexes and then they talk about dragons.

[A]

Well, they probably have different names.

[B]

Do you think, think that maybe it was actually dragon bones they found and actually dragons and not dinosaurs?

[A]

Or do you think it was more like early, early humans saw like later versions of like pteranodons and are like dragon and then that became like.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

That's what I think. I think to my point, I think after dinosaurs were gone, we had megafauna which was like, you would have like a sloth that is the size of an elephant.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

So they think at some point there was like a version of a rhino that walked around like the plains and even further north towards Europe that was massive and had a huge horn. And they think that like the stories of this got passed down from generation. So that's kind of where unicorns came from.

[B]

But have you ever really looked at a horse? First of all, horses ain't that far off from cows.

[A]

No, they're very similar.

[B]

And I didn't even know cows had horns until I went to Africa.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So who's to say that the unicorns corn wasn't bred out of the horse, you understand?

[A]

I think it was bred out of a rhino or like, or like.

[B]

I think why don't horses have horns when most mammals.

[A]

Oh, so you think, you think it was a Giant horse.

[B]

I think it was a horse. A big ass horse.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

With a horn.

[A]

I like this.

[B]

That was beautiful. And black with.

[A]

I like this.

[B]

With sparkly eyes.

[A]

I'm down with this. I fuck with this.

[B]

And I think if you use this horn to stir your tea, it make you younger.

[A]

That's just like alchemy.

[B]

Exactly. Nutrition and science.

[A]

Tiffany, can you ask me question number two, please? Here we go. Let's go.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

I'm sorry. I'm a blabbermouth.

[B]

I love it. Some everyday tools we use today were originally invented for a complete, completely different reason. What were. Here's a question. What were early chainsaws originally designed to assist with in late 18th century Scotland?

[A]

Okay, so it's, I guess, not chopping down trees.

[B]

Do you want a hint?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It involves women.

[A]

Oh, God, I don't even know. I don't know. Making bras. I don't know.

[B]

Making bras.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Where's the logic in making bras? You can use scissors for that.

[A]

I literally, like. I don't know.

[B]

What were early chainsaws originally designed to assist with in late 18th century Scotland?

[A]

Got it. Childbirth.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. Okay, I heard it wrong. Childbirth. I'm on the board. That is horrifying.

[B]

That's two points.

[A]

That sucks. Can you imagine being like, oh, I think the baby's breaching. And you just hear, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. It's like, well, yeah, that's okay.

[B]

To cut the baby out.

[A]

Oh, what's wrong with scissors? We use scissors now.

[B]

I don't know. Maybe that scissors was too dull back then.

[A]

We don't have scissors. We got to use the chainsaw to get your sister out of your mother's womb. Let's talk. Let's talk cartoons. Okay, what was the first major full length animated film released by Disney in 1937?

[B]

It's not snow White. But that was because that was the first one that was in color.

[A]

It's Snow White.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

It's Snow White. You got it. It's Snow White.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Real quick. Fuck, marry. Kill the seven dwarfs. That means you have to kill three. Fuck three and marry one.

[B]

Fuck Happy.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Fuck Doc.

[A]

He's got a job.

[B]

Fuck Sh. Sneezy.

[A]

You're all. You're gonna get wet anyways.

[B]

Kill Grumpy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Kill Bashful. Who else is left?

[A]

Sleepy. Sleepy and Dopey are left.

[B]

Kill Dopey. Mary, sleep sleepy.

[A]

That's actually like. That makes.

[B]

I would marry sleepy because I know where his Ass is at.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, God. Wow. That is, like, perfect. That is perfect. I was thinking about. When I wrote this, I was thinking about Snow White, and I was thinking about how it's so funny when you. Because I recently watched Snow White with my kids, and I was worried that they were not going to like it, but they loved it, right? To me, I was kind of like. I was like, oh, man. I. Where's. I want Mitchell's versus the machines. You know what I mean? Like, I want, like, the animation. So crazy, but it is so funny. The difference between the Disney fairy tales and the fairy tales that we read as kids. And when you read the original German Brothers Grimm shit, it is a nightmare. Like in Snow White, the Queen, at the end, she falls, she dies. In the book, they put red hot shoes welded onto her feet and make her dance at Snow White's wedding until she dies. Like, it's like Little Red Riding Hood. In the book, like, the wolf goes, eats grandmother. She's gone. Not gonna see grandma no more. Then eats red, and then the woodcutter has to come in and cut her out of the belly. How bad was life back then when they were like, ah, kids, we had a horrible day today. Half our family died, and there's a war happening. We have a great story for you tonight. Okay? Two little kids, their mom wants to kill them.

[B]

But, like, it's. It's like what we have going on today, though, when you look at cartoons, there's always violence. There's somebody getting hurt. It's like.

[A]

It's like Tom and Jerry.

[B]

Yeah, Tom and Jerry. Just like somebody's getting blown up or something. Like, there's true. There's a certain level of, like, implementing fear in the kids to keep them behaving. That is.

[A]

That is very true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And a good story. I always say. Sex, drugs, violence.

[A]

That is very true.

[B]

Those are the best stories. Even in the kids stories, they had violence. Drugs and violence and.

[A]

And sex.

[B]

Alice in Wonderland, that's just full of sex, drugs, and violence.

[A]

I think he was. The author was a legitimate pervert. Like a real. She was a sick.

[B]

Yeah, but that story is a good story, right?

[A]

It's a good story.

[B]

How many times has it been made? How many versions of it has been made?

[A]

And they're all a little perverted? A little bit. Yeah. No, it makes sense. What were the cartoons that raised Tiffany Haddish? What were the ones that you, like, really? Remember as a little girl watching Thundercats?

[B]

Strawberry Shortcake.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

She wrote, Come on, girl.

[A]

Yes. I love he man.

[B]

Yes. GI Joe.

[A]

My number one. I wrote down for me, GI Joe. I love GI Joe. I love. I did, too.

[B]

I used to try to act out the stuff all the time. I'm the Commander co creator.

[A]

I'd be like, I'm Snake Eyes. But I remember Snake Eyes didn't talk. So I'd be like, this is Snake Eyes real voice. I love G.I. joe.

[B]

I love the Smurfs.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The Snorks.

[A]

The Snorks were the Smurf spin off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if this is the pitch? Ready? Oh, man, it's good. What if the Smurfs, right, were underwater and they were like. They were like.

[B]

They could breathe under.

[A]

They could breathe under there. And the whole show takes place underwater.

[B]

They're like, bet, let's do it. Let's go do it. Anything's possible, man.

[A]

You like Muppet Babies or with Muppet Babies?

[B]

With the Muppet Babies. I love the Muppet Show. I loved Barbie. And when they finally came out with the Barbie cartoon, granted I wasn't junior high then. I was still heavy in a cartoon.

[A]

Still doing it. You were still doing it.

[B]

Did I say Rainbow Bright? Cuz, where the hell is Rainbow Bright? Why did. It's like the gays were like, we love the rainbow. And then Rainbow Bright disappeared.

[A]

I didn't know Rainbow Bright.

[B]

You don't know Rainbow Bright. I'd throw something at you. You don't know Rainbow Bright. It came on after Strawberry Shortcake.

[A]

I might have just been just two. Boy enough to do those shows. Like, I might have just been just too macho.

[B]

You don't have no sisters.

[A]

I don't have sisters. It was me and my brother, and we were like, let's watch GI Joe again.

[B]

But you gotta watch Rainbow Bright. You need to turn your girls on the rainbow.

[A]

Rainbow Girls. Or maybe I'll just watch it with my wife one day, just for fun.

[B]

And show them the original Strawberry Shortcake. Not this new.

[A]

Not this bullshit they got. Not this woke shit.

[B]

Bullshit. Nah. You show them what Strawberry Shortcake used to really be like with blueberry fields and the berries and shit.

[A]

I'll show em. I'll show em. Tiffany, I would love for you to ask me question number three.

[B]

All right. We started getting shots to prevent different diseases more than two centuries ago. Here's the question. What disease was targeted by the first successful vaccine developed in 1796?

[A]

What year? 1791.

[B]

1796.

[A]

And it was a vaccine for a disease?

[B]

For a disease.

[A]

Okay. I'm thinking it's something like syphilis but give me a hint, please.

[B]

The disease was officially eradicated worldwide in 1980.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[B]

I got a better clue for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Europeans came to the Americas on their boats, and they killed millions.

[A]

Smallpox. I was gonna say smallpox.

[B]

I knew it was purposely eradicated to colonize.

[A]

Ho. Smallpox. Smallpox. And don't get me started on large pox.

[B]

Okay. Why did they call them small small pox when clearly them pox on their bodies was big as hell?

[A]

They were big as hell. That life before 1984 was a nightmare. Like, I'm convinced.

[B]

Yeah. I haven't seen leprosy in forever.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm sure it's coming back now, but I. I don't worry.

[B]

It's gonna be.

[A]

Things make it. What is old is new again. But I really, when you read about, like, what life was like back then, it was just like, oh, my God, there's diseases that we don't even know about now. Like, called, like. Like. Like ear blood. You know what I mean? Like, they just. They just. They would take. What was wrong with you. It's like, oh, he's got nose humors coming out of his. But, like, he's gonna die.

[B]

But people, like, had worms. Like, old men really had worms. Like, for real worms.

[A]

Oh, like worms? Yes.

[B]

No. Like, you could see them in their fingernails and in their eyes. And like, Jesus, pin worms are the worst. And then, you know, when they tell. I don't know if it. I feel like the other females in here have heard this, but they say, like, don't mess with no old man. They got worms. Worms. He got worms. He. Oh, he got worms. Because old men, they always had them.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

Always had worms. Because they don't wipe good enough. They get. Their hygiene's kind of falling off, and especially if they ain't got no woman, they got worms. I think we're ready for this random. I know.

[A]

Speed round. Tiffany Haddish. Here's a. The speed round works. Okay, Ike, I have questions right here that are all about your categories. You are going to answer as many as you can in 90 seconds, okay? If you don't know the answer, say pass. If you get it right, I will say correct. If you get it wrong, I will say incorrect, and I will tell you the correct answer at the end of the round. Because we believe knowing things is good. Are you ready?

[B]

She ready.

[A]

She ready. She ready.

[B]

She ready.

[A]

She ready. What 1988 film famously combined live action actors with animated. Animated characters?

[B]

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

[A]

Yes. Correct. The vitamin deficiency Caused what? Vitamin deficiency caused scurvy, a disease that affected vitamin C. Yes. Which country is credited with developing the modern food pyramid concept in the 1970s?

[B]

America.

[A]

Incorrect.

[B]

What is China?

[A]

Which ancient civilization believed is believed to be the first to practice beekeeping around 2500 B.C.

[B]

wait, what?

[A]

Which ancient civilization is believed to be the first to practice beekeeping around 20. Correct. A location where beehives are kept is known as a.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

A location where a beehive is kept is known as a hive. No. Which animated TV series started as a newspaper comic, stripped in the 70s and follows a sarcastic, lasagna loving cat?

[B]

Garfield.

[A]

What was the name of the dog who lived with him?

[B]

Otis.

[A]

Yes. Odie.

[B]

Odie. Odie.

[A]

Well, how many eyes does a hundred honeybee have?

[B]

8.

[A]

Incorrect. On SpongeBob SquarePants, what animal is Squidward

[B]

supposed to be but they see when they look out of it, it looks like 8.

[A]

What animal is Squidward supposed to be?

[B]

A squid.

[A]

Incorrect. This Looney Tunes antagonist was constantly trying was constantly trying to hunt Bugs Bunny.

[B]

Wait, who?

[A]

This Looney Tunes antagonist was constantly trying to hunt Bugs Bunny.

[B]

Well, there was two of them that was trying to hire Elmer Fudd.

[A]

Elmer Fudd. Correct. About how many flowers must honeybees visit to produce one pound of honey?

[B]

Ah, like 102 million.

[A]

Wrong. Two million. Two million.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Two million. Correct. What mineral?

[B]

I'll be having 40 pounds of honey. That's crazy, right?

[A]

What state?

[B]

Last one.

[A]

What? U.S. state is the largest producer of honey.

[B]

What state?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is the largest producer of honey?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The state of my backyard.

[A]

You did very well. Real quick, which country is credited with developing the first modern food pyramid? In Sweden.

[B]

Oh, well, Europe was my second answer.

[A]

A location where beehives are kept is known as an apiary.

[B]

Oh, an apiary. That's where my backyard is.

[A]

How many eyes does a honeybee have? I have five. Five eyes.

[B]

Oh, five.

[A]

On SpongeBob SquarePants, what animal is Squidward supposed to be? As confirmed by creator Stephen Hellenberg, an octopus. He's an octopus with squid in his name. What?

[B]

But an octopus is a squid and a squid is an octopus.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes. They the same.

[A]

No, they're like cousins.

[B]

They're the same.

[A]

It's like a chimp in an orangutan.

[B]

No, no, it's not. It's like a black person and a white person. Still a fucking human. Okay. You can still make calamari out of that octopus and. Or that squid.

[A]

You can't make calamari out of that. No one's ever like, oh, That's a nice calamari. What is it? Squid? Octopus.

[B]

It's the same. They taste the same.

[A]

North Dakota is the largest producer.

[B]

Oh, North Dakota. When I think of North Dakota, I just think, like, Native American reservations where people getting shitted on. And the movie Fargo. And. No. And all the heads. The. The.

[A]

Oh. Mount Rushmore.

[B]

Okay, ready?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What is a single strand of spaghetti called?

[A]

Spaghettini.

[B]

No.

[A]

Spaghetto.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Name the two lead actors in the 1997 film Men in Black.

[A]

Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.

[B]

Correct. During which war was the Christmas truck?

[A]

World War I. Yep.

[B]

Call me Ishmael. Is the. Yep. The Great Pyramid of Giza was built as a tomb for which Pharaoh

[A]

Ramsay's the third.

[B]

No. Which number does every major league baseball player wear on April 15th?

[A]

Jackie Robinson was. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh. 32.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Damn it. 50. 50. No, no.

[B]

What does Yahoo. Stand for?

[A]

Yo All. Hey. Oh, no. I don't know.

[B]

Yahoo. What does it stand for?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay. How many noses does a slug have?

[A]

One.

[B]

No. What year did MTV launch?

[A]

1982.

[B]

No.

[A]

83. 81. 81. 81. It's 81.

[B]

The Atlantic Ocean derives its name from what Greek God.

[A]

I'm gonna answer this. From what Greek God? Poseidon.

[B]

No.

[A]

All right, can you tell me the ones I got wrong?

[B]

Okay, so you got several wrong. And I'm sorry. But you did a great job. Thank you. You got all these right?

[A]

I got those right.

[B]

All right, so what is a single strand of spaghetti? Cod.

[A]

Spaghetto.

[B]

Spaghetto. That is correct. The Great Pyramid of Giza was built as a tomb for which Pharaoh K

[A]

H U F U did not know that.

[B]

Which number does every Major league baseball player wear on April 15th? 42.

[A]

42. I'm. I'm like. That's. That. That is the one that is like. I'm gonna be like. My daughter's high school graduation being like. And 42 rules.

[B]

What does Yahoo called?

[A]

42.

[B]

Yeah. What does Yahoo stand for? Yet another high reality officious oracle. I don't know. What is that word? What's that word? Hero.

[A]

Yet another hierarchically officious oracle.

[B]

Did I say hierarchically? No, you said whatever that.

[A]

Right. I don't. I don't. I.

[B]

But I said, made more.

[A]

I hate. I hate whoever named Yahoo. Yah. That's. It should just be like a thing Cowboy said.

[B]

Yeah. Another. Okay. And then how many noses does a slug have? Four.

[A]

What a loser.

[B]

Yeah. It smells everything. And then the Atlantic Ocean derives its name from What Greek God Atlanta. I know, right? The more you know, I did this

[A]

show because I was like, I'm good at trivia. I'll fucking show people. And I'm like, just a dumb.

[B]

You're just as smart as we are.

[A]

I'm no better than anyone.

[B]

We are all the same, Ike. What we learned here today is that no one is perfect, but we all can participate in the game. And if we all participate, we'll have fun anyways.

[A]

And to quote GI Joe, now you know. And no one's half the battle.

[B]

No one is half the battle, son.

[A]

I'm. What was his name? Who? Roadblock. Roadblock was my absolute boy.

[B]

Transformers was my cartoon, too.

[A]

I was also a bit of a Voltron guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tiffany Haddish, no one leaves this show empty handed. And I think you won today. Or I won, but I think I

[B]

feel like we won because I think we both won because we got to spend time together.

[A]

Tiffany Haddish, no one leaves her empty handed. And you said that you. You. You have a doctorate, but not a degree or not a degree, but not a doctorate.

[B]

I have a. I have a degree. I have a doctorate.

[A]

You have a doctorate, which is a degree, which is a degree.

[B]

But I don't have a license to practice.

[A]

Well, now, I. I didn't take that test. I think we kind of combined everything. And you now have a medical degree, which also will serve as a license for the specialty of trivia. This is for you. You are officially now.

[B]

I'm putting this on my wall.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

I say.

[A]

I guarantee you. She's like, I'm gonna put this on my wall.

[B]

I'm putting this on my wall. You didn't sign it. Who's signing it?

[A]

I will sign it. I can pop. I bet you we could pop that out, and I'll give you a little section. Yeah, no problem. I. I cannot tell you how amazing it was to have you. Oh, you're doing it right now.

[B]

Pen.

[A]

Do we have a pen? She doesn't mess up.

[B]

I want. I want this scene on camera. So when I sell this in an auction.

[A]

So when I'm accused of medical fraud.

[B]

Is that what I'm accused.

[A]

Did you or did you not sign the degree on camera? Oh, my God. Here we go.

[B]

Sign this.

[A]

Here we go. And I'm going to give you a nice, clean signature. Not one that I. Do it like an airport.

[B]

Yeah, no. Do it like. You can't. Everybody else took it without the signature. Huh? They took it.

[A]

Well, you're the only one that got a degree.

[B]

Well, I appreciate you.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I appreciate this gift. And I like all the gifts you give me, which isn't any. This is the first one.

[A]

So, guys, can we give it up for Tiffany Haddish? Thank you so much for coming on funny you ask.

[B]

You are now.

[A]

You are now a doctor.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[B]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[A]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.