What Does Joel McHale Know About Die Hard and Meat?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What Does Joel McHale Know About Die Hard and Meat?"

Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz – June 17, 2026
Guest: Joel McHale

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Overview

This episode of "Funny You Ask" dives into the encyclopedic (and strange) trivia knowledge of actor, comedian, and former college football player Joel McHale. Host Ike Barinholtz guides Joel through a raucous, rapid-fire game show that blends athletic nostalgia, Die Hard trivia, Hollywood anecdotes, and meaty debates—fueled throughout by the duo's classic banter and digressions. The episode is a fizzy celebration of useless knowledge, memorable encounters, sports nerdery, and culinary opinions, all delivered in the show's signature mix of sarcasm, affection, and expert comedic timing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old LA Gym Stories & Celebrity Fitness (03:00 - 09:00)

• Ike and Joel reminisce about their early encounters at a notoriously "networky" LA gym, Gold’s Gym (Hollywood).

  • Ike: “You worked your ass off. I was trying to lose a little weight back then. I was a little thicker, a little heavier.” (04:55)
  • Joel recalls the eccentric gym clientele: “It might as well be like a spaceship… the creature cantina from Star Wars. If instead of aliens, they were just the most jacked gay men you've ever seen.” (03:37)

• Celeb fitness routines and body culture discussed, with shoutouts to Hugh Jackman and other not-so-secretly swole Hollywood types.

2. The Power of Farmer Carries and Aging (09:00 - 10:00)

• Joel attributes his physique to “anxiety, desperation and starvation—and a mirror.”
• They discuss the importance of grip strength, “because as we get older, grip strength... if you can't hold onto something, you can’t do anything.” (09:23 - 09:26)

3. The Game Begins: Niche Knowledge Showdown

College Football/Pac-12 Trivia (10:35 - 19:00)

• Ike quizzes Joel on the tumultuous fate of the Pac-12/Pac-10 football conference, with Joel flexing his Huskies knowledge.

  • Joel correctly names “Washington State and Oregon State” as the last two Pac-10 holdouts. (11:04)
  • Bonus: Most bowl games won: “USC.” (11:21)
  • Heisman trivia: They struggle, jokingly bantering through wrong answers before Ike confirms: “Caleb Williams.” (14:14)

• Memorable digression: Bent on the nature of “jock energy” and how high school theater “cuts the sports.” (17:03 - 17:12)

Hilarious Football-Actor Draft (19:01 - 23:04)

• Ike makes Joel build an all-star offense with people he’s worked with.
  • “Jack Black... secretly incredibly physically strong. I would put him in any line position.” (20:49)
  • “I would put [Donald Glover] as wide receiver easily.” (22:15)
  • Other nominees: Alison Brie, Danny Pudi (recent marathoner at 44), and others from Joel's Hollywood roster.

4. Hollywood & Athletic Crossovers (31:46 - 39:50)

• Blind ranking of athletes-turned-actors:
  • Jim Brown, Terry Crews, Bubba Smith, Fred Dryer, Ed O’Neill, Carl Weathers, Alex Karras, John Matuszak, Fred Williamson, O.J. Simpson.
  • Side stories about Police Academy, Fred Dryer (from "Hunter"), the weirdness of Hollywood cop comedies post-2013, and the acting chops of athletes.
  • “OJ… was a bad actor. He was a close friend of mine, but a bad actor.” (38:00)
• Joel's ranking occasionally tangles in absurd improvisation and respectful irreverence.

5. Cinema Twins: The "Two of Everything" Phenomenon (40:21 - 43:53)

• Double-movie coincidences discussed:
  • Asteroid movies: “Deep Impact” and “Armageddon.” (40:48)
  • Concurrent athlete biopics: “Prefontaine” (Jared Leto) and “Without Limits” (Billy Crudup). (41:21 - 41:25)
  • Bug’s Life vs. Antz, Dante’s Peak vs. Volcano, etc.
  • Ike: “Bug’s Life, amazing. Antz, no, thank you.” (41:53)
  • Extended digression on the real Los Angeles neighborhoods that get destroyed in Volcano.

6. Die Hard Deep Dive (44:36 - 52:55)

• Joel aces Die Hard 2 trivia:
  • “Where does Die Hard 2 take place?” — “Washington D.C... Dulles.” (44:50 - 44:54)
  • “Who’s the villain?” — “Bill Sadler is Colonel Stewart.” (45:24)
  • “Who plays the Special Forces CEO?” — “John Amos.” (46:33)
• Lovingly roasts the series’ logic and the phenomenon of increasingly improbable Die Hard sequels:
  • “They literally have the line, ‘How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?’” (46:52)
• Memorable meta moment: Discussion of character actor Dennis Franz and the typecasting of Chicago TV actors into “cops.” (54:13 onward)
  • “Dennis Franz should get a lifetime achievement Oscar. I’m obsessed with Dennis Franz.” (54:13)
• Joel’s theory on who they’d be in Die Hard:
  • “You’d be Richard Thornburg, I’d be Ellis... the cokehead being like, Hans, Bubby!” (49:56)

7. Meaty Knowledge: Beef Cuts & LA Burger Debate (61:20 - 68:51)

• Joel schools on cowboy cuisine:
  • Eight primal beef cuts: (61:35 - 62:11)
    • Loin, rib, shank, flank, chuck, round, brisket, plate.
    • “I was very pleased when you said beef or meat was one for you. I’m a big meaty boy.” (63:24)
• Best burgers in LA:
  • Ike loves “For the Win,” “The Window,” and “Petit Trois.” (64:38 - 65:26)
  • Joel: “Cassell’s is definitely in my top five.” (66:02)
  • Discussion on “filet shaming”:
    • Ike: “I fucking can and I do. My friends say that to me.” (68:20)
    • Joel riffs on how filet and Merlot went out of style.
• Meat cooking techniques, favorite butchers (McCall’s, Huntington), and grilling tech.

8. Classic American Folklore and Presidents (70:35 - 72:21)

• Ike aces a question about the origin of the Cubs’ “billy goat curse.” (58:59)
• Presidential death trivia: Answers John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe. (70:56 - 71:54)
  • “The irony was that Jefferson’s last words were, ‘John Adams lives!’... And he died three hours before.” (71:01)

9. Speed Round Showdown (73:07 - 79:24)

• Ninety-second lightning round, Joel fields football, beef, Die Hard, pop culture, and general knowledge questions with a mix of confidence, improvisation, and good-natured cluelessness.

  • “What is Sergeant Al Powell’s snack of choice?”—“Twinkies.” (76:25)
  • “Triangular cut from the bottom sirloin?” – Stumped. (74:49)
  • “Coach led Oregon from 2009–2012 before leaving for Philly Eagles?” – “That guy!” (75:00)

• Ike’s lightning round:

  • Stalin/Lenin, capital of Cambodia (Phnom Penh), SNL/Wayne’s World (Mike Myers), Battle of Thermopylae, largest member of violin family (double bass), and more. (77:01–79:13)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On gym culture:
  “It is like the creature cantina from Star Wars. If instead of aliens, they were all just the most jacked gay men you’ve ever seen in your life.” – Joel, (03:37)

• On fitness regimens:
  “I use a combination of anxiety and desperation and starvation.” – Joel, (08:02)

• On “filet shaming” and food opinions:
  “I like a fucking filet, and I’m sick of the filet shaming in this country… sometimes I don’t want a lot of fucking fat. I have acid reflux. Leave me the fuck alone.” – Ike, (68:18)

• On Die Hard logic:
  “Has to be easier to teach astronauts how to dig than to teach drillers how to astronaut.” – Ike, (43:39)

• On trivia struggles:
  “If it makes you feel any better, the last one of these we shot, I knew like 4% of the questions.” – Ike, (60:24)

• On Dennis Franz:
  “He is. I am obsessed with Dennis Franz. He is a Chicago guy. Not a lot of guys like him left who like… Vietnam, 101st Airborne… seen his pals die, and then comes home and is like, what do I want to do? Place. Fucking place.” – Ike, (54:22)

• On Jeremy Irons’ infamous gay marriage interview:
  “It’s not incest if it’s two men, it’s like, what the fuck?” – Ike, (52:15)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:00 - 09:00: LA gym culture and fitness
• 10:35 - 19:00: Pac-12 college football trivia / sport memories
• 19:01 - 23:04: Hollywood vs. NFL “dream team” draft
• 31:46 - 39:50: Athlete–actor blind ranking, Police Academy stories
• 40:21 - 43:53: Cinema “twin” phenomenon—double asteroid, bug, and volcano movies
• 44:36 - 52:55: Die Hard 2 trivia bonanza and franchise discussion
• 61:20 - 68:51: Beef cuts, best LA burgers, and cooking debates
• 70:35 - 72:21: Cubs goat curse and presidential death trivia
• 73:07 - 79:24: High-speed trivia rounds

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Tone & Language

Both host and guest trade jokes at a breakneck pace. The mood is irreverent, genuinely affectionate, and laced with affectionate shade and bold, NSFW asides. The language is casual and conversational, peppered with expletives and inside-Hollywood references, but always returning to the joy of knowing and sharing odd facts.

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For Listeners: What You’ll Get

If you haven't listened, expect an episode that mixes:

• Hilarious personal storytelling and inside-Hollywood gossip
• Deep, random trivia standoffs (from Pac-12 football to the best LA burger)
• A surprisingly informative (and passionate!) discussion on beef butchery and grilling
• Nostalgia for ‘80s and ‘90s pop culture
• Dry, rapid-fire banter reminiscent of old friends talking smack—and occasionally teaching you something fascinating about movies, meat, or mayhem.

No points scored, but plenty of laughs, and you’ll leave knowing a lot more than you did about Die Hard, meat, and Joel McHale’s ability to blind-rank O.J. Simpson as an actor.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

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and we're live from the living room as Doug eyes up the Matchday spread.

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He's reaching for the buffalo wing.

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Hang on. What's this?

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Oh, he's gone for a can of Pepsi too. Incredible. What a finish. Sensational combination. Look at the delight on his face. There's no doubt about it. It just tastes better. Match days deserve Pepsi. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a pack of Pepsi.

[A]

Zero sugar for today's match.

[B]

It's poetry in motion pe. He knew this. You making this was. Come on. This is going like.

[A]

I think the next question is. Ike, what's your mom's name?

[B]

How are you?

[A]

Here's one.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

It has to be easier to teach astronauts how to dig than to teach drillers how to astronaut. Do you mind if we go to the next topic?

[B]

Good God.

[A]

I'm sitting roughly three feet away from a very tall and fit man who was a college athlete, an actor, a comedian, and known by some as the host with the most.

[B]

How did you come up with that?

[A]

He's someone I've known for many years.

[B]

We have.

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And he claims to know a little bit about Pac12 football, the Die Hard film series.

[B]

I mean, Pac12 does not exist. And meat, I mean, it is now. Yeah, it's back. I know a lot about meat.

[A]

Joel McHale, welcome to Funny Ass.

[B]

Thank you for having me, Ike. It must be. Is it weird when you have people on that are less famous than the person hosting the show that are less accomplished?

[A]

That's a not true. And mostly what we deal with. Yeah, that's. I don't want to ever.

[B]

Nick Kroll.

[A]

Sorry. Nick Kroll.

[B]

Sorry. You had Kate Hudson on.

[A]

Yeah, but I work with her. Contractually, she has to. I mean you made the show, but

[B]

you like I made you a show.

[A]

Yeah, it was definitely me. It wasn't Mindy and Dave. You were someone. Oh, I had Mindy on. She was very mad. She claimed to not know it was a trivia talk show and she complained the entire time.

[B]

Like she's allowed to.

[A]

She's allowed to. She's got an empire. I watched you on TV for many years and then I finally met you maybe 15 years ago when we both worked out at the same very exclusive. Yeah, high end LA gym. Gold's Gym.

[B]

Gold's Gym. Where?

[A]

Not Venice Golds.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

The Dirty Hollywood.

[B]

The West Hollywood Golds. Not really located in West Hollywood and

[A]

Dirty Hollywood where you see like it's a great gym, great staff, amazing facilities. The clientele's amazing.

[B]

The clientele is when if you are from out of town.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

And you show up to that gym.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

It is like show. It is. It might as well be like a spaceship.

[A]

It's the creature cantina from Star Wars. Yeah, it is. If instead of aliens, they were all just like the most jacked gay men you've ever seen in your life. Openly selling steroids out of the trunk of a car, like shooting. It was awesome.

[B]

And like dudes wearing. First time I'd seen like fur boots with short shorts.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sunglasses.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then I remember a guy, I got, I got to know him, he would wear a wrestling singlet, A candy striped wrestling.

[A]

Exactly who you're talking about.

[B]

Pierce nipples.

[A]

Yes.

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And then a fucking gold chain with an image of himself.

[A]

Yes, yes. Also. But you also had like bodybuilding legends there. Like Rich Piana. Yeah, was there.

[B]

You would see, fucking you would. He had. His delts were his tattoos followed his muscles and then boy, his heart.

[A]

His heart came out of every organ

[B]

for this world exploded at once.

[A]

There's a great clip of him that's been memed a lot where it's like me, me at my least favorite restaurant, it's him eating his bowl of egg whites and he just goes, tastes like fucking shit. RIP Rich Piana. If you were still with us, it's been a while you would be on that.

[B]

I remember seeing you there and you worked your ass off.

[A]

I was trying, I was trying to lose a little weight back then I was a little thicker, a little heavier. So I was trying to lose, I

[B]

feel like really a little bit.

[A]

I was not at my peak form but I started getting in really good shape there. I had A great trainer there. I left that gym because it started getting a little too networky.

[B]

Well. And packed.

[A]

If you're there like 8am forget it. You're waiting like three days for a rowing machine. But I do remember one day I was in the middle of, like, I think, like a lap pull down, and I turned, I have my headphones on, and I look, and as I'm lifting, I see a guy looking at me going like, he's talking to me, you know? And I was like, oh. And I put it down, I take it out. He's like, hey, I work with Jeremy Piven. He'd like to meet you. And I was like, I think I gotta go to a new gym.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Just. Cause it's like. It's just a little. I want to keep that show business.

[B]

You went to Jeremy Piven's gym?

[A]

I joined his gym. I joined his private gym.

[B]

I remember when Fabio moved because my wife wanted to use the rowing machine. And I'm like, only this is honey,

[A]

Give him a break. A pigeon just flew into his face on a roller coaster.

[B]

Every time he sits down, hey, that is bleeding.

[A]

Still to this day, the fact that he's still alive makes it funny. It's the funniest thing that's ever happened.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

The world's most handsome man, a bird, flies into his face on a roller coaster. It's never happened to anyone else.

[B]

No. And he's just bleeding.

[A]

Just bleeding.

[B]

Did you see the guy that got banned from Six Flags for trying to eat film himself eating chicken tenders?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was like, we're all gonna die.

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We're gonna die. We deserve to be. We are sinners in the hand of an angry guy.

[B]

Do you remember when it's like when planking was a thing or the Tide pods. And I was like, anyone who died doing that, it's fine.

[A]

That's a natural selection.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

Someone also told me that that Tide pod thing wasn't real. Like, it was like one kid did it, and then instantly conservatives were like, they're eating Tide pods and avocado toast. And it was it not real?

[B]

I thought it was real.

[A]

I mean, I think it wasn't as big as we were led to believe it was. Or Tide has Louis K working overtime. And it's like, kill this story. It's making people buy less Tide.

[B]

Louis K. Is our mutual publicist who speaks like he is betting on horses in 1955.

[A]

This is Louis King. I'm telling you one time, take down your fucking tiktoker. You stupid kid. Eating the Tide pod.

[B]

Are you out of your mind?

[A]

Lewis K sounds like.

[B]

Yes, he is the greatest. So caliber angriest.

[A]

I love him. I love him. What is your workout these days? What my boy got going on.

[B]

Thank you for asking so much because

[A]

you really, I gotta say, in terms of celebrities, comedy celebrities, you are top tier when it comes to build. Thank you.

[B]

You know, Spike, thank you so much for asking and commenting. I use a combination of anxiety and desperation and starvation.

[A]

But you're doing.

[B]

And a mirror.

[A]

And a mirror. I bet you're not doing a lot of heavy weights anymore. I bet you're doing like low reps, kettlebells, stuff like that. Or are you doing still Olympic weights and stuff?

[B]

Yeah, I'm still, you know, in the Thousand Pound Club.

[A]

You and Hugh Jackman? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, he's.

[A]

Can you believe his name is so close to huge Jackman. And he's like one of the most muscular guys. That is crazy.

[B]

And an opera singer.

[A]

And like an opera singer. And by all accounts a lovely guy.

[B]

Very kind, a lovely. Whenever he wants, he just books the Hollywood bowl and does like an hour and a half an opera.

[A]

Amazing. I would love to do that.

[B]

Fuck my secret. Thank you, guys. Just blank faces from the 30 something can't see. They're like, wow, that grandpa is still talking. You know, I remember him.

[A]

Just because you're a grandfather, they're not. They're calling you grandpa.

[B]

I'm a great grandfather.

[A]

You are a great grandfather.

[B]

I just don't take a break seven days a week.

[A]

Seven days a week.

[B]

It may not be the most committed, but.

[A]

Yeah, that's good though.

[B]

I doing a lot of farmer carries, guys. What's a farmer carry, you ask?

[A]

I know what it is. It's when you're holding two heavy weights and you walk with them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just read. Why it's so important is because as we get older. Grip strength, guys. Grip strength.

[B]

If you can't hold onto something, you really can't do anything.

[A]

And if you fucking fall, which happens at our age, to be able to fall and grab something that can save your fricking life.

[B]

Do they listen to any of the show?

[A]

They all have earpods on and they're listening too.

[B]

You got your earpods in and your

[A]

bathroom grandpa's in with the Tide pods and the avocado toast. The freaking millennials.

[B]

Serena Carpenter and her drinking your espresso.

[A]

Here's how this game is going to work.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

I'm going to ask you a question about one of your. Your subjects. Okay. And then I might ask you the

[B]

people that work for me.

[A]

The people that work for you here.

[B]

Here.

[A]

Yes. Your underlings, your subjects. Well, kibitz for a minute, you'll ask me a question from that stack. Stack of cards that I've never seen. Okay, we'll do that two more times, and then we have the speed round.

[B]

Your producer terrified me. She was like, that's why she runs in Vegas. She was like, please take the card from the top.

[A]

Take the card from the top.

[B]

Because there's other fuckheads that have come in here, thought they were so funny and mixed them up.

[A]

We have a little electric charge on the card if you do it wrong, so if you flip it backwards, you might.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go. We're getting.

[B]

Here we go here.

[A]

Your first subject is whether you want to call it the PAC 12. The PAC 10. Whatever it is right now, you gotta

[B]

make its way back.

[A]

Let's call it the PAC 10. Because that's what it was when you played. And it was a college football conference until 2024, when conference realignment left just two schools as members. Name the two schools that remain in what was the PAC 10, not the PAC 12.

[B]

The two schools that remained in the PAC 10.

[A]

Yes. That did not go to the big 10.

[B]

Washington state and Oregon State. Bing.

[A]

Bing, bing, bing, bing. Joel McHale is on the board. You got a bonus question. Which original PAC 10 school has won the most bowl games?

[B]

Ooh. Ooh. Shit. Mm. It's not UW Dink.

[A]

It's not U Dub.

[B]

Uh, I'm gonna go with USC.

[A]

It is USC 2 for 2.

[B]

It's hard to say.

[A]

Double bonus question. Who was the last PAC12 player to win the Heisman Award? Support for today's episode comes from Square, the system that fixes one of the biggest headaches in running a business. If I was starting my own small business, like, I don't know, customized belly shirts, I am using Square to get that business started. I use Square more as a customer. If I go to the farmer's market and I forgot my cash or don't have any cash because I was at the racetrack the night before, and I see the vendor has a little Square app, I know that I'm going to get a quick checkout with easy receipts. I might even get loyalty points. And they're happy because they got paid. I'm happy because I have fresh peaches. It's one system for payout, sometimes another for Payroll. Another for inventory, another for online orders. It's too much. Square makes it easy. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware. When you sign up at squareplus.com. go Ike. That's me. That's S Q U-A-R-E.com Go Ike. Visit Square to get started. The right tools make all the difference when you're starting a business. Check out Square.

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The last PAC12 player to win the Heisman Award. It was.

[A]

I can give you a hint if you want.

[B]

Penix. No, it was, give me a hint if you want. Oh, I know. It was PAC 12. It was Reggie Bush.

[A]

Now more recent. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of this guy.

[B]

Ray Carruth.

[A]

Rae Carruth. It is Ray Carruth I like. Not his football skills, but his escape skills.

[B]

He's a Merck.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's a merger.

[A]

The answer is my absolute boy.

[B]

Oh, no. Yeah. No, not our. Go ahead.

[A]

Caleb Williams.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Love you, Caleb.

[B]

Caleb, I'm sorry. I really apologize.

[A]

It's kind of fucked up.

[B]

I should have said that.

[A]

Caleb. I knew the answer.

[B]

Sam Darnold.

[A]

Yeah, Sam Darnold.

[B]

How about it?

[A]

Sam Darnold can eat my nuts.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

No, I actually like Sam Darnold. He's really good.

[B]

No, the Bears have a chance this year, right?

[A]

A chance. A chance. I had Mina Kimes on earlier today and she said they're coming out of the NFC North. You heard it here first. You played for the Washington Huskies in 1993, the year they went to the fricking Rose Bowl.

[B]

Well, we had also won the national championship the year before when I wasn't on the team.

[A]

Well, doesn't matter. You played in the row. You You. You were the team that was the Rose Bowl.

[B]

I was in the stadium, not wearing a uniform.

[A]

What position were you?

[B]

Is this a quiz?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, tight end.

[A]

Tight end. Probably the coolest position in football.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's pretty awesome.

[B]

There's a lot of blocking and tackling, and I was, like, eighth on the depth chart. And there was three spaces in front of me that were always empty, just in case.

[A]

They're like, what do you want to do? You want to put Joel in?

[B]

And he's like, no, keep. There was, like, auction winners that got the spots, boosters, a couple of Make a Wish kids that got in there before me one time. Like, it was just like. Like in Coco, that movie where they leave a spot open for our dead ancestor. So I was a very good tackling guy.

[A]

Tight end, though. Great position. Mike Ditka kind of was one of the greatest tight ends. Big Bears guy.

[B]

Who's Mike Ditka?

[A]

Mike Ditka was the coach of the Chicago Bears.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

In. In the 1980s. They might have won one Super Bowl. Literally won. That's it.

[B]

Possibly the great. One of the greatest football team.

[A]

Probably one of the greatest football teams of all time. Definitely one of the greatest football teams.

[B]

Dick is still.

[A]

He's still with us.

[B]

He's still doing okay. How were his knees?

[A]

They were bad. He was also. He was. He liked to. And.

[B]

Yeah. And then he opened his own restaurant so he could just do it in his own place.

[A]

Dicka. City lights, baby.

[B]

Very nice man.

[A]

Let me ask you a question. I don't know if he was a nice man.

[B]

I'm kidding. I was also. I also had a lot of envy during that time just because, you know, the Seahawks always were trying.

[A]

Yeah, we got pretty close with Chuck Knox. Some good. Some good players up there.

[B]

Were you our Nike sponsorship?

[A]

We are brought to you by Nike, by the way. Nike. Just do it.

[B]

Nike.

[A]

Were you a jock in high school?

[B]

I was.

[A]

Did you have jock energy, though? I don't. I can't see you with jock energy.

[B]

I. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. I think people are always like, oh, we thought you were going to be a dick.

[A]

Right. And you weren't.

[B]

A lot of that.

[A]

That's what jock energy means.

[B]

And then I just pull their underwear up over their head.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm actually a nice guy. I tugged low, rushing them into the toilet.

[B]

I was like, if. Flush it for me, that would be great. And then we can be out of here. I just played tons of sports and did theater and Then was awful at school.

[A]

The theater is what cuts the sports, though. Like, the dream guy in high school is the guy who is the great athlete but also does the play.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or. I was a mid athlete.

[B]

You were a mid athlete. I feel like you were probably the most popular person in high school.

[A]

I was pretty. It was popular, but we didn't have great athletes at our school. We had a couple great swimmers, maybe a couple soccer tennis players. But I think you went to New Trier. I went. No, I went to a school called Latin, which was right in the middle of the city. Like, it's like.

[B]

I just guess everyone from Chicago went

[A]

to Newell New Trier. You're not wrong, because it's, like, the biggest school ever. But I just think about, like, in high school, like, had I just, like, spent a quarter of the time I spent trying to see boobs, butt, or bush and just put that into sports, I would be, like, currently in the NBA at my age.

[B]

Because you were like. Like, putting, like, pinhole cameras into, like, the Porky's Revenge. I mean, it's.

[A]

No, not, like, literally trying to, like, I thought you were

[B]

a sexual predator.

[A]

Trying to hope that someone would show it to me. Not so. I'm not like. I'm not like, what's the guy's name from Porky's, the little, little shit. Porky's is the worst movie ever. Like, out of all the awful 80s sex comedies, Porky's is the. Gotta be.

[B]

I remember. I remember being, like, over and around Porky's tonight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Basically, this is an adult film.

[A]

Basically, it for sure is an adult film. But, like, it didn't have the nuance of Revenge of the Nerd.

[B]

No, more like Sixteen Candles.

[A]

No, no, no. They're both rife with various sexual assaults. Yeah, but Porky was the most, like, Porky's is really the one where you're like, these guys. These are bad guys. Even when I was, like, seven, I was like, these guys are pieces of shit.

[B]

It's called Porky's.

[A]

It's called Porky's, man, because that's the name of the bar.

[B]

But if the. Anyone still associated with Porky's would like to work. Or me. Really?

[A]

Yes. Would love to do the reboot. Let me ask you. I got a good question.

[B]

But only women.

[A]

Only women.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The women are looking at the men's penises.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How about that? So flipped it. Gender swap. Okay, here's. Here's a crazy question. You've had an insanely long acting career. You've been in A million things. Right now, you and I are going to build an 11 man offense with people you have worked with.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I'm going to name the position. You name the person. Okay.

[B]

Okay. What sport? Just kidding. Sorry.

[A]

Australian Rules Football.

[B]

Okay. Footy team. Okay.

[A]

Who's.

[B]

All right, so we're going to. Who's your.

[A]

Who is your running back and who's your fullback? Assuming you're the tight end.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have no idea. This game will work.

[B]

All right, Exercise. Annie Potts is going to be left tackle. I'm just a fan.

[A]

I'm just a fan. And she's tough.

[B]

She's a legend.

[A]

We got one.

[B]

Okay, wait. Oh. So does it count? I mean, because, like, if. I don't know, like, if you've worked with actual football players.

[A]

Yes. At. I would put them in there.

[B]

Oh, all right. I don't. A Joe Namath who did a lot of acting.

[A]

He did a lot of acting.

[B]

It wasn't. It didn't.

[A]

But you acted with him.

[B]

No.

[A]

These are people you acted with.

[B]

I have to act or.

[A]

Yes. Because I have a whole separate thing about.

[B]

I mean, I hosted the Terry Bradshaw roast, so that. This doesn't count.

[A]

It doesn't count. I'm talking about, like, you want Alison Brie to be your left pack. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I'm looking for.

[B]

And you've seen her superpowers and.

[A]

Masters of the universe, Mistress of the universe.

[B]

Yeah. So. Oh, gosh. All right. So I would. People I've worked with. I'm gonna go watch this. Jack Black.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Name drop. Is secretly incredibly physically strong.

[A]

Yes. Very strong.

[B]

So I would put him in any line position.

[A]

Yes, yes. Left tackle.

[B]

He. We. I had to pick him up in a scene and he had. We had to. He had resist me. And I was like, I don't. I can't. I can't. No.

[A]

He's like a tank man. He's a very strong man.

[B]

All right, that's perfect, boy. Let's see. You're right up there.

[A]

Okay, let's go, let's go.

[B]

I would put you in at. I would put. Well, you're tight end size.

[A]

I'm a tight end size. But you. Are we doing a two tight end package or are you gonna do.

[B]

Yeah, it would be a two tight end package.

[A]

So then I'm Aaron Hernandez to your. Rob Gronkowski.

[B]

Okay. And then any. Well, I haven't worked with.

[A]

You know, I was just working.

[B]

Did you say Aaron Hernandez?

[A]

Yeah, he was a friend of mine. Actually, I don't like talking about him because ever since he passed away, I've been really.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Having a hard time.

[B]

Aaron Hernandez is dead.

[A]

I'm so sorry. He didn't understand. Oh, fuck. Yeah, he died.

[B]

He's recycled from the Tom Brady roast. These.

[A]

Did you guys do Aaron Hernandez jokes in the Tom Brady roast?

[B]

I didn't. I wasn't. They were. I was just there. It was really.

[A]

We don't have to go through the whole thing. I just wanted to name you to name a few people you've worked with.

[B]

Your coast guard.

[A]

I'm up there.

[B]

You're up to Donald Glover.

[A]

I just worked with him.

[B]

He's very, very good athlete.

[A]

Jacked right now. He's a good athlete.

[B]

Very good athlete. I would put him as wide receiver easily.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fast.

[B]

I played. We on Community, played basketball in the scene and I was like, damn good at that too.

[A]

Yeah, dude, he's freaking. He's really cool. We don't have to go through the whole thing.

[B]

Danny Pudi on there. That. Another wide receiver.

[A]

Yeah, he's.

[B]

He just broke a three hour marathon for like the fifth time in his life and qualified for the Boston again.

[A]

I'm a big.

[B]

And he's like 44.

[A]

Danny Pudi talking to Larry King and going, Larry, I'm on DuckTales is one of the all time great quotes. Look it up. Danny Pudi, Larry King.

[B]

It is so perfect. So what do you do for like, what do you like? I like socks, cup of coffee. And then he's like, like, socks, cup of coffee. What about a private jet?

[A]

Larry, I'm on Ducktales. It's like, it's just so good.

[B]

Also Norm MacDonald's appearance on that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a deeply closeted gay guy.

[B]

What are you telling us something here?

[A]

Yeah. I'm not coming out, though.

[B]

So you're gay?

[A]

Yeah, but I'm not coming out. I'm in the closet.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[A]

Come on. Hey, let me ask you this question.

[B]

When do I ask you questions?

[A]

In a minute.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are your kids in a football you have? Yeah, son.

[B]

They were so one of my. My younger son is very much a huge football fan. We went to. Yes.

[A]

Did you let them play?

[B]

One of my sons transferred to play and then they canceled the football. Ah.

[A]

Woke. I'm trying to get. I want my daughters to play full contact. My. My oldest daughter is 6, 8, 3:30 and I think she is like a natural. I could see her protecting the blind side, unlike anyone. Your oldest daughter's 6, 8 3:30.

[B]

Do you do a lot of mushrooms and stuff?

[A]

No, we just. We started them on a cycle of steroids and milk.

[B]

What's her name? Lyle.

[A]

Bubba. Lyle. It's Lyle.

[B]

I would have been okay with. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's tough. I struggle with that. If I had sons, I don't have all daughters. And as much as I love football, like, it is so scary.

[B]

It is scary.

[A]

I struggle with it, but I feel

[B]

like there's so like rugby and Australian. You mentioned Australian rules. There's so many. The hits are big in so many sports.

[A]

Would you be a little disappointed if your son was like, dad, I'm going to play Australian rules football. Would you be like, why? Cui bono?

[B]

I mean, you'd be a huge star in Australia.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Then you. Then if you become a huge star in Australia, then you could star in American movies. Apparently you would have just.

[B]

I mean, do you really want to alienate Australia this way?

[A]

No, I love Australia. I like.

[B]

The studio's a hit there.

[A]

The Australians know where I sit with them. They know where they lay with me.

[B]

What?

[A]

They know how I feel about them. I love Australians. They're the hottest people in the world. They're some of our finest actors.

[B]

Call an Australian now and say, hey, Ike Barinholtz just asked if I would be disappointed if my son wanted to play Australian loser.

[A]

This is Hugh Jackman. Hello. Go ahead.

[B]

I was gonna call Eric Bana.

[A]

Are you friends with Eric Bana?

[B]

I am.

[A]

Are you fucking serious?

[B]

Yep. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Wow. I call him Bana.

[A]

Wow, that is amazing.

[B]

Real name, first name, Bandanovich. Switch and become a movie star.

[A]

You know, he starred in like, the Australian version of Mad TV before he did Chopper. I'm obsessed with Eric Bana.

[B]

We need him. He's as. He would be a good one to have on the team. He's a crazy athlete. When my wife first met him, she was like, now that guy is good looking.

[A]

Now that's.

[B]

And I was like, what?

[A]

That guy I could really have sex

[B]

with so hard into the. Now that guy.

[A]

Now that guy could really sexually satisfy me.

[B]

He doesn't even have to touch me. It's up. I'm finished. Oh, do you. And then do you know Chef Curtis Stone? He'll.

[A]

He's another hottie.

[B]

All right, so they're both from Melbourne and they both look like that and they're like. And then when I was like. I host a show, Crime Scene Kitchen with Curtis Stone.

[A]

Curtis Stone has a restaurant right there called Gwen and I love It.

[B]

It's literally like in the top. It was ranked in the top 50 steakh on the planet.

[A]

It's incredible.

[B]

I know you guys do.

[A]

So here's the deal. So I love Gwen, right? And my one critique. They have these beautiful potatoes. Like, they're like duck fat potatoes, right?

[B]

Talking about boobs again. Fucking.

[A]

Just potatoes. It's like, I was never seen boobs. Like fucking potatoes, man.

[B]

You know, with little completely different size

[A]

things growing out of them. And I remember I asked for ketchup, and they were like, we don't do ketchup. And I was like, not mad, but I was really bummed. A year later, my partner Dave Stassen and I, we have dinner with the president of Warner Brothers, like one of the. Our boss at Warner Brothers, right? We have a deal at Warner Brothers.

[B]

Zaslav.

[A]

Not Zaslav Clancy. Incredible woman. And we go to dinner at Gwen, which is a good dinner, and I order the potatoes and I pull out of my pocket little packets of ketchup. And my writing partner wanted to fucking kill me. He was like, they're gonna cancel our deal, you fat piece of shit. Like, you need ketchup so bad. You brought packets to a business meeting and you remembered. I remember when they said, Gwen, I was like, all right. And literally before he left, I was like, time to put the ketchup in my pocket.

[B]

Your wife and your 6, 8 daughter are sitting there going like, dad, what are you doing?

[A]

Why are you taking ketchup with you? They have aioli. Well, just dipping in there, just thinking,

[B]

oh, I'm gonna go watch. Come here.

[A]

I'm gonna give you a fucking noogie and watch Wicked for good.

[B]

Sorry. Do they have ketchup now? No.

[A]

I don't know. He's your friend. Fucking call him. Call Eric Bannon and have him ask Kurtis Stone if they could start putting ketchup. You can't serve crunchy potatoes without ketchup. With that said, it is one of the best restaurants in L. A. It's a miracle. I love you, Gwen. We'd love to have you.

[B]

What did Clancy say when you began producing packets?

[A]

She didn't say anything. I think I said, like, ketchup here. So I didn't bring my own. I turned into Woody Allen. Bring My own. And she was like, I think she

[B]

might have, like, eccentric artists.

[A]

I think she might have, like, depersonalized and not addressed it, but, like. Anyways, we are excited.

[B]

We want to get this thing.

[A]

Anyways, we're not doing TV shows anymore,

[B]

so I can't wait to show Curtis this. He's gonna be.

[A]

It is the greatest restaurant, and he is a genius. And his food is.

[B]

In conclusion, everyone from Australia seems to be very happy. Hans still open? No, he closed Mod. He's got the pie shop now.

[A]

I find out Maude's closed, you find out who died. Who? Did I say died?

[B]

Aaron Hernandez.

[A]

This is a horrible revelation. Okay, here we go.

[B]

This is exactly like the Kate Hudson interview, right?

[A]

She didn't know. She did not know that he was dead either. Here we go. Okay, hold on.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right, question two.

[B]

Question two.

[A]

Question two. Still. We're still in the pack 10. We're still on the. On the. On the. On the West.

[B]

I got really lucky on the first one.

[A]

The Pac. I'm calling it the PAC12.PAC12. The PAC12 has seen some amazing quarterbacks. Who holds the record for career passing touchdowns in PAC12 history with 119?

[B]

It's got to be John Elway.

[A]

That's not what I saw.

[B]

It's not New Heisel.

[A]

It's not. I'll give you a hint.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's not your father.

[B]

All right? It's Darth Vader.

[A]

It's Darth Vader.

[B]

He's not. That's a terrible hint.

[A]

But that is what it is in reference to.

[B]

Hmm? Oh, no. No idea.

[A]

Luke Falk.

[B]

Luke Falk.

[A]

Can we get a fact check on that? I'm just a football reference.

[B]

Oh, but I would have never gotten that.

[A]

Okay, well, here you are. We're gonna get this one.

[B]

You wanna hear the greatest quarterback name of all time that the Huskies had? Sonny Sixkiller. I mean, come on.

[A]

That is very strong. Because when you're born with that name, you are either an amazing quarterback or a murderer. Yeah, there's no in between. Sometimes both. Yeah. Bonus question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who holds the single season record for touchdown passes with 43? And I'll give you a hint. He's currently playing in the NFL. And it's not someone whose name starts with an A.

[B]

Is it someone whose name starts with a M?

[A]

No, you're already on the board. You did very well.

[B]

Yeah, that first question. So you're.

[A]

You should breathe easy.

[B]

He's playing in the NFL right now, so he. Oh, so he's probably out of usc. I'm right. I'm getting warmer.

[A]

Who are you going to guess?

[B]

Oh, it's not him. He just transferred. No, I have no idea.

[A]

Jared Goff.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

All right, Goff.

[B]

There it is. Damn.

[A]

Where did he go to school, Cal or usc? I'm stupid.

[B]

He didn't go to Cal. Do you think they know he went to us? They haven't looked up from their phones. They're like.

[A]

They're watching the Rizzler.

[B]

Jared. I'm sorry.

[A]

Berkeley. Went to Berkeley.

[B]

Oh, he did go to Cal.

[A]

Just Cal. Yeah. I'm right now gonna have you blind rank. You know how that works. Blind ranking football players.

[B]

I thought you were gonna. I was gonna go. Mattie Marlin.

[A]

Who, Who. Who turned into actors. Okay, so I'm going to say the name and you're going to give me a 1 through 10. But you can only give. There's 10 names, so you're blind ranking it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Jim Brown. One. Sorry. Ten. Ten is the best. One is the worst.

[B]

Okay. What's five is.

[A]

Five is middle.

[B]

All right. Okay. Jim Brown. I mean, movie star. Movie star. So I'm gonna. And I'm gonna give. I'm gonna give him a three.

[A]

So you think he's lower tier?

[B]

Excuse me? Seven.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

Dyslexia.

[A]

Terry Crews.

[B]

Terry Crews now. Damn. I have to give you.

[A]

Someone just reminded me about. Everyone loves Chris. And I started watching a little bit. He is so good on that show.

[B]

He's amazing.

[A]

Amazing. I'm obsessed with him.

[B]

How long was he in the NFL, Terry?

[A]

I don't think he was in there that long. I'm not sure.

[B]

But he made it.

[A]

He made it. And this could also not necessarily NFL. This could be really great college players, too, but they are mostly NFL. Well, mostly NFL.

[B]

Now then I have. I'll have to give him nine. Okay, that's a very good one because I'm hedging my bet now. Cause you'll pull out somebody because.

[A]

Yeah. No, you're being smart. You're being smart.

[B]

Dwayne Johnson.

[A]

I didn't put out joining the list because I consider him a wrestler.

[B]

He played at the University of Miami, won a national championship.

[A]

When I name everyone else, you would probably agree that they are better. Bubba Smith.

[B]

All right, now, Bubba, no offense. Just because you had. You had a career in the 80s. Well, you're dead now.

[A]

But it was all in one franchise.

[B]

Yes. So I'm gonna go three.

[A]

That's very good. Side note, I can probably tell the story now. Years ago, my partner and I got hired to rewrite Police Academy.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, for New Line Cinema. And I don't even know if he's still alive. We might have to cut this. But the guy who created the original Police Academy came with the deal. So like they said to us, like, we want you Guys to write it and make it dirty. Rated R, modern. He'll be at some of the meetings, but we don't have to listen to him.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

All he wanted to do was give us notes, be like, we would never do that in the first movie. Never, never, never. Oh, no, no, no, no. Mahoney would never say that. And he was adamant that we would have in the original cast in the movie. He wanted them to have big parts and stuff, and we were yada, yada. So when we were doing the pitch, my partner was like, so we have this scene, and that's when we see all the original cast. We see Hightower, we see Tackleberry, and he's just naming all dead people. And I was like, he didn't even do research to find out who's still alive in the cast. Needless to say, the. Did you get.

[B]

Was he offended?

[A]

He was not happy. But more importantly, as we were developing the film, it was Mike Brown got shot, and all of a sudden, and we were making the movie for Key and Peele, and all of a sudden, people were like, we're not making a cop comedy right now where we're having these two hilarious black actors play police officers. Sorry. Never happened. But, hey, Thread dryer. Oh. A. AKA Hunter from the show Hunter played for the LA Rams.

[B]

And before my hair transplants, everyone thought I looked like him.

[A]

I could see that. Your hair looks good.

[B]

Thank you. Paid a lot.

[A]

He's.

[B]

He was great.

[A]

He was. Good actor.

[B]

Good actor. I mean, it held a series, like, for, like, seven years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dee Dee, Dee.

[A]

Dee Dee Pfeiffer.

[B]

No.

[A]

DD McCall, played by Stephanie Powers.

[B]

Stephanie Powers. What's going on with Stephanie Powers? She's probably printing money at every Comic Con she goes to.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Boy, he was really good, and I really liked that show. But not a movie star.

[A]

Nope. He made a movie called Death Before Dishonor, and that's about it.

[B]

All right, Fred Dreyer. If I put Bubba Smith at 3 3, Fred Dreier's gonna go 6.

[A]

Great. Ed O'. Neill.

[B]

Oh, fuck. When was he in the NFL?

[A]

Ed O' Neill might have played for an NFL team in, like, the 70s. I need a fact check on that.

[B]

You're not. Yeah. Oh, wait. Don't interrupt Wordle. You don't want to do that. Don't, don't, don't.

[A]

Remember, they don't end in a plural usually.

[B]

Oh, okay. Watch this.

[A]

It's so bad when you do the Wordle bot and the wordlebot's like, that wouldn't have been my guess. It's like no fucking shit.

[B]

Yeah. That's why I don't do it, because I can't read. My wife, she does those crosswords. The wordle, the crosswords situation. The. I don't know.

[A]

I can't do any of that. Ed O'. Neill.

[B]

Wait, Ed O'. Neill. Is 9 and 10 occupied?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, fuck. I mean, Ed O' Neill is a world class actor.

[A]

World class actor.

[B]

And has led two different series to astounding success.

[A]

And so funny. My kids love Modern Family and we watch it now and he is so.

[B]

All right. I'm giving him 10.

[A]

Yes, I think that's right. Carl Weathers, nine.

[B]

Carl Weathers, fully. Wait, when did he play? NFL?

[A]

I think he was the one college player put O.J.

[B]

simpson in there.

[A]

Here we go. You're going to be so happy with the way this lined out because OJ Was not a grown hunter. Okay. No, Alex Karras, pretty good. He played Mongo and he was the dad on Webster.

[B]

Incredible. Mungo. I mean, hard. He was surrounded by comedians. Fantastic and.

[A]

But not like as good as Jim Brown or so. Not as good as Terry Crews or Ed o'. Neill.

[B]

No.

[A]

Or Carl Weathers.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

So you're laying good.

[B]

Yeah. Carl Weathers. Underappreciated.

[A]

Underappreciated.

[B]

An Oscar for.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Rock two.

[A]

I said Predator.

[B]

I was going to say Son of a bitch. Action Jackson.

[A]

Have you a defense blinded for Ohio State? Ed O' Neill was Ohio State. That's basically playing in the NFL.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

You have three left. Alex Karras, 4. John Matuszak, who played Sloth Goonies. Fred the Hammer Williamson, who was actually pretty good.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

And OJ Who I would say was a bad actor. He was a close friend of mine, but a bad actor. Wait, people forget that when he got arrested in Vegas for stealing his own memorabilia, he was with me.

[B]

Really? Yes.

[A]

He was under. Yes. It was my. That was my idea.

[B]

You were saying it was like, you're bad.

[A]

Well, it was. No, it was my. My idea.

[B]

You sent him up to the room.

[A]

I set him up to the room. I said, you want to get your Heisman back? Go to this room.

[B]

And you know where that Heisman is now on display at usc.

[A]

Is it really? Yeah. Got it back. Good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You knew who she got. It is Ron Goldman's father.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I'm just saying.

[B]

Okay. Even if now I got. What do I have left?

[A]

You have seven. No, sorry. You have six, five, four and one, which I think Lays out pretty good.

[B]

Yeah. Let's put OJ at one.

[A]

Put OJ at one, man.

[B]

Because, you know, there's a lot of baggage. But the Martian Chronicles, which were. He was.

[A]

I don't remember that.

[B]

It was a TV movie series.

[A]

Naked Gunny was. Norberg was a very funny character. But again, that's like. You're in the shadow of Leslie Niels.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, and then.

[A]

And then Matuszak and Fred Williamson.

[B]

You got Mungo Mungo. Fred Williamson.

[A]

Fred Williamson.

[B]

The top. The highest spot.

[A]

I was gonna say he's your five Y. So then you have four and two left. I would say Alex Karras is four.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Matuszak is two. Because he just did Sloth.

[B]

Yeah. And so how many of these people could come after us and kill us?

[A]

The good news is they are all dead. Sloth is dead. Sloth passed away many years ago. Here's who I know is alive. Terry, obviously. Goat, we love you.

[B]

You gotta have him on the show.

[A]

I would love to get Terry on the show. I love.

[B]

Have you seen his heart once? No. That's great.

[A]

He is one of the best.

[B]

He enters into a different realm.

[A]

He's one of the greatest. Ed's still with us, thank God. Fred Dreier, I believe, is still with us. Carl Weathers passed away last year. I know. Alex Karas, John Matuszak, O.J. simpson, and I believe Jim Brown and Bubba Smith are all.

[B]

Yeah, Jim Brown's.

[A]

So you're good. Unless Terry wants to beat your ass. But we gave him huge compliments.

[B]

I met Jim Brown at the NFL Awards a few years ago.

[A]

That's a real one. Do you know who he had an affair with?

[B]

I'm gonna say it's crazy because he was with Taylor.

[A]

You're. I mean, you're close. Gloria Steinem.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It's kind of hot.

[B]

That's amazing. When am I asking you a question?

[A]

You're asking me right now. Right now. Here we go. You pick up a card and ask me a question. It's my time.

[B]

I'm nervous.

[A]

Don't be. You're already on the board. You're already like.

[B]

You're. Your producer is staring.

[A]

You might get a little electric shock. Question answer.

[B]

Hollywood famously. Famously, excuse me. Had a twins films phenomenon in 1998. Two big budget movies about asteroids threatening to destroy Earth. Out within months of each other. Name both.

[A]

Definitely Deep Impact. And the other one. Not Armageddon.

[B]

There's another armada.

[A]

It's Armagedd. Armageddon. Armageddon. Deep Impact. Boom. Easy. Got It.

[B]

Can you. This is a bonus question that I'm making out. I'm making out with a bonus question.

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

This is a bonus question that I'm making up. What? At a similar time, there was two movies about the same athlete played by different actors.

[A]

Steve Liproff, Steve Prefontaine.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And.

[B]

And can you name the actors?

[A]

One was Jared Leto.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And the other was Billy Crudup. Yep.

[B]

Look at that. Look it up. Producers.

[A]

Same time, same time.

[B]

They heard Jared Leto and went, oh,

[A]

oh, Jared Leto, my friend, the singer of my favorite band.

[B]

30 seconds.

[A]

I think I might have a bonus question if you want to check it. Do we have a bonus question or is it on there?

[B]

Bonus question right here. The same year, two competing animated bug films also hit theaters from rival studios, kicking off a long Pixar versus DreamWorks rivalry.

[A]

My two favorite movies, Ants and A Bug's Life. A Bug's Life.

[B]

It is. Deep Impact and Armageddon.

[A]

Bug's Life. Amazing. Ants. No, thank you. There's another twins movie from that era.

[B]

Twins.

[A]

Twins. A volcano movie. Can you name whatever those?

[B]

Dante's Peak and Volcano.

[A]

Called Volcano. Dante's Peak. Not good. Volcano. Low key, kind of awesome. Tommy Lee Jones plays, like. He plays the head of the Streets and Sanitation Department.

[B]

He plays the same guy.

[A]

He plays the guy who's like, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna open up Wilshire because the lava is flowing off of La Brea. It was just cool to see a movie where my actual neighborhood was being destroyed.

[B]

It was a great. Yes, that was a good movie.

[A]

There's a good scene where my boy, John Carroll Lynch. You know John Carroll Lynch? John Carroll lynch is.

[B]

I'll recognize him.

[A]

He's Marge Gunderson's husband in Fargo.

[B]

He's the Zodiac, a genius.

[A]

Genius, yes. He has a great death scene where he, like, has to detach the cable from the train car and he just slowly gets eaten by lava. Very, very, very good.

[B]

Which wouldn't really work.

[A]

I don't think that's how it works. I think lava, you need to be.

[B]

Volcano was Tommy Lee Jones. Dante's Peak was Pierce Brosnan.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I never saw Linda Hamilton.

[A]

Pierce Brosnan, not very good. But Volcano Anne Heche, Rest in Peace, was in it. Yeah, Volcano, definitely the best. I don't even remember Armageddon or Deep Impact. I remember watching Armageddon and being like,

[B]

yeah, I remember, like, you brought the monster trucks on the asteroid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I was like, that seemed like A you could have just landed on a certain part of the asteroid and walked. It doesn't seem that. I don't know.

[A]

Also like isn't has to be easier to teach astronauts how to dig than drill than to teach drillers how to astronaut. Do you mind if we go to the next topic?

[B]

Good God. Good.

[A]

Laura's like, hey, I'm gonna kill myself.

[B]

So bored the most. This is a good measure. How bored can you make?

[A]

This is very good though because we are gonna move.

[B]

If you wanna see a good disaster movie.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Takes place in the exact same neighborhood. It's called Miracle Mile.

[A]

It's with Anthony Edwards.

[B]

Yes. Yes. I remember an amazing movie.

[A]

Oh my God. Okay. I'm going to watch that on a plane soon. I have a flight coming up.

[B]

I think he married the lead who was in, you know, Saint Elmo's Fire.

[A]

Ally Sheedy.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Molly Ringwald?

[B]

No.

[A]

Demi Moore?

[B]

Keep going.

[A]

The other lady.

[B]

That's her.

[A]

Your next subject is shit. Die Hard films. Die Hard 2.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Found John McClain. Fighting terrorists around Christmas. Once again. Where specifically Does Die Hard 2 take place?

[B]

Washington D.C. you wanna.

[A]

Can you be a little more specific?

[B]

Dulles. Boom.

[A]

Dulles. A bonus question for you. John McClane has to stop a rogue US military outfit from fleeing the country with a foreign general. Who is the primary villain trying to carry out this plan? Name the actor or character.

[B]

I won't be able to to name him but he played the devil in Second Bill and Ted's and he's a one. I was thinking about him today. Fully nude.

[A]

Fully doing like a weird Taibo.

[B]

I never remember. He was amazing. That's great actor. Great actor. I don't know.

[A]

Bill Sadler is Colonel Stewart.

[B]

Guys, watch. We had text exchange about this movie because it's bizarre.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Great performances.

[A]

Amazing performances. And then amazing action. And then looney. Weird, terrible. Him doing. Meeting the villain in his hotel room. His little shitty hotel room. Totally naked.

[B]

Naked.

[A]

What you can only call slow karate is such a good character intro. They don't do character shows like that anymore. No.

[B]

And like the get it like getting John McClane back into that. I was like, oh, they're figuring this out. And then just. It just.

[A]

Here's your double bonus. A special forces team arrives at the midpoint and its commanding officer is revealed to be a protege of Colonel Story. He is eventually killed by John McClane who is the CEO. Name either the character or the actor.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

You can name the actor. He's a very famous actor.

[B]

Yes. Very Famous and recently dead.

[A]

You just said his name.

[B]

Recently dead.

[A]

That's his name.

[B]

That's a terrible.

[A]

You went, John.

[B]

Yes, John.

[A]

And his last name is half of a racist comedy duo from the 40s.

[B]

Amos.

[A]

Yes, John Amos. John Amos played Major Grant.

[B]

He was great. The performances are so good.

[A]

They're so good. They're so good.

[B]

And the movie is so watchful, but, boy, it is. I'm sure. McTiernan.

[A]

McTiernan.

[B]

He must have watched that second one and went like, what the fuck is happening?

[A]

How did they fucking do this? I mean, they literally have the line, John McClane goes, How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice? It's so funny. It's such a good. But they maintain the Christmas aesthetic, which I appreciate. Yeah, Great little weird cameos in it. Robert Patrick is a bad guy. I feel like. Like John Leguizamo, I think, is one of the guys that gets killed.

[B]

And what's his name? The hide of the cops at the airport.

[A]

Oh, hold on. That might be a question coming up. But also, you know who plays a tiny little part is the great actor. Cole Meaney is one of the. He's flying the plane where he's like, we've got to thank the devil they're finally letting us land.

[B]

Irish actor. He was in Next Generation and Deep Space Nine and Sex.

[A]

Layer Cake. Layer Cake. He was in Sex. He was in the movie Sex with his wife. Was he in Sex with my wife? He's in Layer Cake. He's like one of the bad guys

[B]

in Layer Cake starring James Bond.

[A]

I was very happy when I saw. When you said Die Hard. Cause I love Die Hard. Very important movie for me. Big movie. Growing up. Where were you in your life when Die Hard was coming out? Were you in college, high school? What was Joel McHale doing?

[B]

I was building my first submarine. Yeah. I was a nuclear. Yeah. I was not. I wasn't. I was bad.

[A]

Like a model. Like a little model. You were like, at home building model.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

You were building a submarine sandwich.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, I do remember. That's so dumb. Cut that out.

[A]

No. That is going to be how we

[B]

throw that on Aaron Hernandez pile.

[A]

The Aaron Hernandez joke will be on this podcast.

[B]

I do remember when did predator came out?

[A]

80. How many years after predator? Probably came out in 87. Die hard came out in 88. And die hard two came out in, I think 89.

[B]

I was in. I remember reading the, like, the People magazine article about Die Hard coming out, and they were like, I don't know, the Guy from Moonlighting as an Action

[A]

because he had made movies that didn't work before then. But the movies are great. They're great directing, they're good stories, amazing villains. The movies work because of Bruce.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, no guy, he's a movie star. Maybe the most sauce of any movie star I've ever seen in my life. We're like. Especially in that era where they were all, like, jacked. Sly changed everything. A little bit of a belly. He had, like. He was losing his hair, and he was just so. I love him, man. I really. I think about him a lot.

[B]

He. Yes.

[A]

Could you have been John McClane? Do you have that kind of bravery in you?

[B]

Oh, the actual John McClane. I feel like I would have gotten stuck in the air vent and they wouldn't be able to have found me for, like, six months.

[A]

I wouldn't have made it past the cut.

[B]

Feet.

[A]

Like, once I cut my feet, I would just be on the ground screaming, I can't fucking walk, man. What do you want from me? Jesus.

[B]

Just people shooting. You okay? You're shooting.

[A]

I think if we were characters in Die Hard, you would be Richard Thornburg and I would be Ellis. You would be like the reporter, and I would be like the cokehead being like Hans Bubby. Let me figure this out.

[B]

Why didn't he become a massive movie star?

[A]

Hart, Botchner.

[B]

He was in a movie called Apartment Zero with Oscar winner for the King's Speech, Colin.

[A]

Colin Firth.

[B]

Colin Firth, which was a very strange but very good movie. And I was like, this guy's a movie star. Then I see him in Die Hard. I'm like, here comes this movie star.

[A]

Do you with Die Hard 3 at all?

[B]

Die Hard 3, I felt, was so much better than Die Hard 2.

[A]

Die Hard 3 is a banger.

[B]

And you also have one of the greatest actors of all time, Jeremy Irons. I was gonna say Samuel Jackson.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Jeremy Irons is Jeremy Irons as the villain. I mean, he also knew he was coming. Fresh off of Dead Ringers.

[A]

Jeremy Irons, first of all, Jeremy Irons in that movie, finally, they've gotten away with their plan. They've killed hundreds of people. They're on the boat, and what does he do? Time to have sex with this giant blonde woman who's been murdering people the whole film. We can't even wait till we get to a hotel room.

[B]

I mean, it's a diabolical like that. And she was great and an amazing musician.

[A]

Have you ever seen the clip of Jeremy Irons talking about gay marriage?

[B]

No.

[A]

So when gay marriage was in the news, when it was a controversy here in England, he's doing an interview and they ask him about it. And his take is so funny because it's not what I would call a hateful take. It's not like, no, they don't deserve the rights we have. He was like, well, I think it does present some interesting problems. For example, what if a man married his son for tax purposes? And the interviewer's like, what? Well, wait, we've never thought about this. He goes, that's illegal. That's incest. He goes, it's not incest if it's too messy. It's like, what the fuck? It is the funniest possible, like, scope. Like prism. To look at that situation where you're like, I have no problem with two men getting married, but what if he was able to cheat the taxman?

[B]

What we.

[A]

That's one.

[B]

Is it. I wonder what that is like, you know, when actors talk too much. And I was like, oh, I was.

[A]

Was.

[B]

This is. I was co hosting. Kelly and Mark.

[A]

Yes. Name dropper.

[B]

Thank you. And so it was Kelly and I. And Jeremy Irons was the guest.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I walked out.

[A]

You're not going to ask me about gay marriage, are you?

[B]

Like, we were just wanting to talk about your new film. And he. I'm not kidding, kids. I'm sorry. So I was like, hi, I'm Joel. And he was like, of course you are. And kind of slapped me.

[A]

Where?

[B]

On my face.

[A]

How hard?

[B]

Not too. Not like. Not disturbingly, but I.

[A]

Was he challenging you to a duel?

[B]

I was like, oh, I think he's. I was like. I was like, I'm not sure what he's trying to establish.

[A]

And I think I knew sexual dominance.

[B]

And I was like, clearly, this guy's having sex with his son. And for tax purposes, I've made. I've saved so much. But it was such an. It was one of those things where I'm like. I'm like, oh, am I gonna get really mad right now?

[A]

No.

[B]

But I'm not.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I'll just be like, oh, Jeremy Irons just. I think it was very.

[A]

It feels playful. It's not like if Tom Hardy was like, oi. And, like, belted you one, and you'd be like, what the fuck? Here's your second question. About to Hardy.

[B]

Fired. Right?

[A]

Fired. But then I heard, rehired. Rehired. I will say, I. I get it.

[B]

You want him to come on the show.

[A]

We're trying to get Tom I think he's a real trivia head. Part of the reason the Die Hard movies work is the tertiary character. Die Hard 2 is no exception. What absolute legend plays Lorenzo, the head of airport security?

[B]

Dennis Franz. Yes. One of the. I feel like he should get. He should get, like, a lifetime achievement Oscar.

[A]

He is. I am obsessed with Dennis Franz. He is a Chicago. He's also Not a lot of guys like him left who like Vietnam. 101st Airborne jumping out of airplanes, seen his pals die, and then comes home and is like, what do I want to do? Place. Fucking place.

[B]

And I want to do Night Mother.

[A]

I want to do. I want to do Berthold.

[B]

Our Town. I want to play.

[A]

I want to play Willie fucking Loman.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

He gets famous on Hill Street Blues, and people forget he played two characters in that show. He played a guy who was a dirty cop at first, who kills himself because the heat's on him.

[B]

And then they were like.

[A]

He plays Bunce, which is, like a legendary character because he was missed so much.

[B]

That's.

[A]

I love when that happens to actors when they, like, get another part. Like my friend Garrett Dillahunt. He goes, deadwood.

[B]

One of the greatest fucking kills.

[A]

Wild Bill. Bad guy. And then they bring him back the next season because just David Milch is like. He's too good.

[B]

He's. Yeah. Bonus from Washington state, everybody.

[A]

He's a big Seahawks fan. Your bonus question. Who played the head of air traffic control? Ed Trudeau.

[B]

You know that guy that became a senator.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who was also in Law and Order.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Who play. Played the same person.

[A]

Same person. Ever seen a big authoritarian guy is going to talk to you and contact.

[B]

And then he played the same guy when he was, like, a senator.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or congressperson.

[A]

Remember his name.

[B]

John Amos.

[A]

It is John Amos. It's Senator John Amos. It's Fred Thompson.

[B]

God dang it.

[A]

Who was a very popular actor, but was a senator from Tennessee and then ran for president and Respect. One of the worst presidential candidates ever. He basically was like, guess I'm not as charismatic as Mike Huckabee. I'm out of here.

[B]

Thank you very much.

[A]

I love dad.

[B]

Years ago, Right.

[A]

Died many years ago.

[B]

He's very good actor.

[A]

Very, very good actor. Great on Law and Order, Even though not a lot of guys in New York City talk like him. He's Texas. Is Texas. Is Texas.

[B]

I feel like his Texas accent got thicker.

[A]

And he is from Tennessee. This is actually kind of how he sounds. I'm Fred Thompson. Welcome to Law and Order.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi, I'm Fred Thompson.

[B]

Fred Thompson from Tennessee? Texas.

[A]

McLean. I'm telling you right now, we are not pulling any more birds out of our sky.

[B]

Look, here's the thing. There's no other airports open.

[A]

National shut down an hour ago.

[B]

Why did we build Baltimore airports?

[A]

National shut down. No one wants to fly into fucking Baltimore.

[B]

What about Reagan national? It's literally 30 miles from here.

[A]

This is before it was called Reagan. Any, real quick. Any thoughts on Die Hard four or five? That's what I thought. Would you want to ask me a question? Here we go.

[B]

I will say I didn't see when he became an act, like, when he. They just steered right into it where he was like, wait, now he's still afraid of flying, but he can fly, like an F15?

[A]

He can fly an F15. I know it was a little crazy towards the. I will say, like, four has some good stuff. Oliphant. Tim Oliphant, who is my boy, who is a fucking great villain in that movie.

[B]

But it was just like an amazing athlete.

[A]

An amazing athlete.

[B]

He's recruited by USC for tennis and swimming.

[A]

Swimming, yeah.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

Gotta roll, swimmers. Bodies real lean. Why don't you go ahead and ask me a question?

[B]

I was working in Vancouver last summer. Thanks so much.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

That's the story. So he was in town shooting, and so I'd be like, oh, what'd you do today? And he's like, ah, I just kind of am out of routine. What? And he. I wake up at 5 and swim in the ocean for 90 minutes.

[A]

Oh, my Christ.

[B]

For you? Yeah.

[A]

I love him so much. He's one of the coolest guys I know.

[B]

He is, yeah. Not handsome.

[A]

No. Ugly. Ugly as shit. But a nice guy. Nice guy. Nice, good guy.

[B]

And also talk about, like, number of series that he was a lead in that went and worked.

[A]

And low key. Amazing movies people sleep on. Go, man. Y' all gotta see God.

[B]

Yeah. And fucking Hitman.

[A]

Hitman and fucking the Girl Next Door, which he's really great and he's just a great actor.

[B]

Hitman meets this girl and he's like, okay, here we go.

[A]

Ask me a question. Son of a bitch.

[B]

For 71 years. That's it.

[A]

Israel. I don't know.

[B]

A baseball team named the Chicago Cubs.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Were said to be cursed after their owners refused to let a fan and his pet enter Wrigley field for the 1945 World Series. What animal triggered the curse?

[A]

I mean, this is a. This is a crazy question for me, right? This is like being you Know, because.

[B]

But you're a White Sox fan.

[A]

No, I'm a Cubs fan. But even if I was a.

[B]

You married a White Sox fan?

[A]

I married a White Sox fan.

[B]

White Sox fan.

[A]

She's a nasty lady. It's a goat. It's a billy goat. And the owner. Owner of that goat.

[B]

It's a capybara.

[A]

The curse of the capybara. I believe they brought in the largest rodent. I think that guy literally died last week. Which is crazy, because if you would have asked me, I would have been like, oh, yeah, he died, like, the day the Korean War ended. But, like, he's still alive. All right, what's the bonus question?

[B]

Bonus question. The man who placed the curse was a Greek American tavern owner, Sam Yanis. And there you go. Hold on. And his Chicago bar became the inspiration for one of.

[A]

Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. Olympia Diner. I just said, like, every code word around that. It has to be one of the things I just said.

[B]

It's no. Philippus.

[A]

Philippus.

[B]

The professional tennis. Yes, I think you're right. It doesn't even say last name. So. Billy goats name.

[A]

Samianis. Cheeseburger.

[B]

Cheeseburger. Olympia. I feel like you may. He's. He knew this. You making. This was. Come on. This is going like.

[A]

I think the next question is, Ike. What's your mom's name?

[B]

How are.

[A]

Here's one.

[B]

By the way, how are you?

[A]

How are you feeling right now? How. Hey, it is a crapshoot.

[B]

How are you feeling?

[A]

If it makes you feel any better, the last one of these we shot, I knew, like, 4% of the question questions. It's like they go. They vary wildly where sometimes I don't know anything and I look really dumb. And sometimes. My guess, I'm dumb.

[B]

Why are the Chicago Bulls called the Chicago Bulls?

[A]

Chicago Bulls are called the Chicago Bulls because of Chicago's history with meat packing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just made that up. I don't know why. Probably because they're scary and they run fast.

[B]

I think so, yeah.

[A]

The White Sox. I think back then, in the early 18, having socks was such a novelty. They were like, these will be white socks. Red Sox. It was just. They were like, socks.

[B]

And then the Black Sox got the Black Sox.

[A]

They were a real.

[B]

Literally blacklisted.

[A]

They were literally real bad guys. The Blackhawks were called Blackhawks because that was the local native tribe. You wanna make a joke about that?

[B]

I didn't even ask you. And I am part Blackhawk, so I am now offended.

[A]

Ready for this? Your subject is Beef is what's for dinner.

[B]

It probably is.

[A]

A side of beef is butchered and broken down into eight main sections. What is the term for these eight sections?

[B]

Oh, boy. All right, cow.

[A]

That is the whole. That's the macro.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You break down that cow into eight cuts. These cuts are called the blank cuts.

[B]

The meat cuts. The cuts and meat.

[A]

They are cuts of meat.

[B]

You got your loin, but that's the next.

[A]

That's the bonus. What are the main cuts called? Like, the grouping of it. You would call those the dead body. Those are called primal cuts. The primal cuts. Now, your bonus question for one point each. Name the eight primal cuts. And you just named one loin.

[B]

Yeah, the loin.

[A]

What else?

[B]

You got your. You got your shoulder. You got your rib.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You got your leg.

[A]

What's another word for leg?

[B]

Shank.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You got your hoof?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Okay. Brain.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

That's awful face. No shit.

[A]

You got loin, rib and shank. There's 1, 2, 3, 4.

[B]

You got your butt.

[A]

What's another word for butt?

[B]

Your got a sturdy.

[A]

That looked weird.

[B]

I'm this. And I cook a lot of meat. I cook.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Your flank.

[A]

Yes. Three more. Blank, blank and one.

[B]

I never heard the double flank. The secret flank.

[A]

The secret flank. No.

[B]

Oh, the muffin top.

[A]

The muffin top. The muffin top. I adjusted my shirt when you said muffin top.

[B]

I was like, ah, the medium range

[A]

chuck, loin, rib, round brisket, flank shank. And the plate, which I think is in here.

[B]

Yeah, that's now. Cause I love making meat.

[A]

You're a meat boy.

[B]

But boy, that's.

[A]

Yeah, I was very pleased when you said that.

[B]

Thank you for leading on a lot of those.

[A]

Well, I mean, you know, I was very pleased when you said beef or meat was one for you. I'm a big meaty boy. I love it. I do love it. Like at least once a meat. Once a. Once a meat. Blooper reel.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Once a week I do a giant beef. Like tonight, I'm doing burgers. Like homemade burgers.

[B]

Do you do the grinding?

[A]

No, I'm not that good. I just get really nice ground ground mince, as they say in England.

[B]

Where do you go?

[A]

I go to my main butcher is Huntington Meats at the Original Farmer's Market. But I will say shout out to the good folks at Pavilions. They have really upped their meat game in the last few years. They get Snake River Farms. They get the good stuff. They get all kinds of prime local stu stuff.

[B]

So I go to Curtis Stone's his butcher.

[A]

You're like really good friends.

[B]

And McCall's Meat and Fish.

[A]

McCall's is one of. McCall's is. McCall's is incredible. It's just not on the way.

[B]

Yeah. It's an Atwater, but it's a pilgrimage.

[A]

It's a pilgrimage. It's amazing. But Huntington is great, man. The Huntington boys, they're so good. They're really wonderful.

[B]

What's your favorite burger in la?

[A]

It's a great question. Mm. If we're talking top.

[B]

If you. If we were to go get a burger and we had a helicopter.

[A]

Okay. I mean. Okay. Ah, fuck it. This is tough. If you're thinking like a fast smash burger.

[B]

Fast. Yes.

[A]

I. There's so many good ones. I love for the win.

[B]

For the win.

[A]

I love the window. Like, I remember when for the win

[B]

was a French restaurant before. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Bisciclette bicycle. Is that what it's called? I can't remember if I'm gonna get a sit down burger. I will say petit trois has a burger and.

[B]

Petit trois.

[A]

Petit trois.

[B]

Did you call it Petit trois?

[A]

Petit trois. Oh, petit petit petit trois. Little.

[B]

I haven't had their burger.

[A]

Here's the hack. They serve it. They pour on like a bordelais sauce on it. Get the sauce on the side because the burger is so unbelievably beautiful. And I like bordelay sauce, but it's like the fatty. It's like bone marrow gravy on a burger. But if you dunk it, get a little dunk action. Now you're talking. But ever since.

[B]

But how do you do it with all those ketchup packets that you pull out there?

[A]

They serve ketchup? They're there. They don't. They don't mind. They're like, we serve ketchup. What is your burger? What are your burger boys?

[B]

I like that Castles.

[A]

That is definitely in my top five. Like, for sure. It's amazing.

[B]

It's. And that heavy hand.

[A]

Heavy handed. Incredible.

[B]

There's a couple locations, I think that. I mean, there's one near my house.

[A]

So it's our family's fast casual burger though, is Burger Lounge. Because it's right by our house and my kids love it. And it is a. You know what they have now? They have a McRib. They have an actual McRib sandwich.

[B]

They actually have the rib.

[A]

They've made your. Their version.

[B]

They shape the meat.

[A]

They shape the meat so it looks like a bone, but they. It's delicious. When searing a steak in a steel pan.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Water droplets that bead and skid across the surface indicate the pan is ready. What is this phenomenon called heat? No, that's the question. What Al Pacino, Robert De Niro film. Oh, no.

[B]

Being remade.

[A]

It's called Beating the Leidenfrost Effect. I just learned about this.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Cause I'm a big steak guy. That also Sounds like an O.J. simpson sci fi film from the 70s.

[B]

What I do?

[A]

What do you talk to me. Talk to me.

[B]

So I take my pans and I put them on my gas grill.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I get my gas grill so hot that. And then. So when you put the steaks on, the temperatures and drop too much.

[A]

Here's my problem with that. My grill that I got, I got a combo smoker grill. It doesn't get hot enough for a great sear. So I have to get rid of it and get. Or I have to keep it and then get a small, like charcoal.

[B]

How often are you smoking meat?

[A]

Not that often. Not often. I thought it was going to be a cure all where I can go out there and do most my high heat cooking or all my high heat cooking and then smoke like a Thanksgiving turkey. And now, like tonight, when I'm making burgers, I will be searing them in the house. Real quick. I want to talk through.

[B]

Do you do the thin burger or you do something medium?

[A]

A little bit of medium. What are your favorite cuts of steak?

[B]

Boy, I find myself going back to New York trip because it's the perfect combination and you get enough fat, but not sometimes a lot like the bone rib eyes, which I will. I love. But sometimes the fat is.

[A]

It's too much. Guys like, listen, I love New York. I love a skirt also. You ready? Is this my camera? I like a fucking filet. And I'm sick of the filet shaming. In this country, there's a lot of filet shaming. Like, you go out with your friends, you order filet. Oh, it's a bitch cut. Oh, you can't satisfy your wife.

[B]

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

I fucking can and I do. My friends say that to me.

[B]

Okay, you just had a whole argument.

[A]

You just.

[B]

Jeremy ironed this thing.

[A]

If it's not incest, if it's with a man. I also like. I like a sauce. I like making, like a nice green, vibrant sauce and a filet chimichurri, a mojo verde or a red wine gravy. And a nice filet, perfectly seared. Like, sometimes I don't want a lot of fucking fat. I have acid reflux. Leave me the fuck alone.

[B]

Does this happen a lot? No, no. It. You. Which one is. Your friends are like, you little bitch. You can't satisfy your wife because you're ordering an 8 ounce. You're ordering a hundred dollar steak, and

[A]

that doesn't have a lot of fat.

[B]

I think there was. There was a time when it was. It was. Became like Merlot, where everyone. That's all they ordered was like. And that was the prime cut. It was super expensive. Yeah, yeah. And then it was just like. And then brisket came in and just.

[A]

But it's like, we're. We. We need to, like, not lose our focus here, guys. Like, fillets are good if you have a beautiful sauce with it. Chill out. Everyone chill out. Okay.

[B]

And my wife ask you. My wife loves a filet. Never been satisfied. Proud. I'm not. I'm like, satisfied. That DJ Khaled guy, didn't he. Famously.

[A]

Famously.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I don't. I've never satisfied my wife.

[B]

He literally said that.

[A]

I'm not joking.

[B]

It's a. It's such a. And people. It was the confidence.

[A]

My friends and I are obsessed with him because we think he is the most famous person that has had the most significant brain injury. Like, watch his Instagram. It's wild.

[B]

I don't know. RFK had a worm.

[A]

Ask me a next question, please.

[B]

Okay. I did see DJ Khaled outside of a talk show. And I was getting into my Porsche. Hello. Thank you. And he was like, I like that. He was in Rolls Royce. That was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, you. I was like, you could get the. I was like, you could get like a dozen Porsches tomorrow. And he's like, oh, no, I'm way too fat.

[A]

Yeah, no, I need them to take. He was two Rolls Royces together.

[B]

He was very. All right, here we go. Two of America's founding fathers, both former U.S. presidents and political rivals, died on the exact same day, July 4th, 1956.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

1826. It was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. Name both.

[A]

It's my boys. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. And I believe that is wrong.

[B]

It is Thomas Jefferson and Paul Giamatti.

[A]

It was me. I died. I believe the. The irony was that Jefferson's last words were, john Adams lives and democracy survives. And the nurse wasn't like, don't tell him. He died three hours ago. That's a bummer. That's true, though. That's really what happened. And he's.

[B]

I'm still alive. I can hear you. Talking about John Adams.

[A]

It's not like this guy's a fucking dick. All right, bonus question. Give it to me.

[B]

Bonus question. A third U.S. president also died. Died on July 4, five years later in 1831. Who was known for foreign policy.

[A]

Oh, it's my boy, James Madison.

[B]

Oh, you got the first name right.

[A]

James Monroe.

[B]

No, no, you got that. It's. No, it's James Monroe.

[A]

Oh, it's James Monroe.

[B]

Good one.

[A]

He died on July 4th, too.

[B]

Yeah, five years later. They were just. They were.

[A]

They're going like, crazy, man. It must have been so hot out there. Like, ah, our country's broken.

[B]

What? His time in office was also nicknamed the era of Good Feelings.

[A]

The Era of Good Feelings. You know why they call it that? Because you had two parties.

[B]

No one was ordering filet. All the wives were satisfied.

[A]

You had two parties. You had the Federalists. No, no, you had the Federalists and the Democratic Republicans. And basically the Federalists, like, went away. They were like, like, we're just gonna kind of, John Adams is dead.

[B]

They got you.

[A]

We're done. It's just kind of a one party thing. And then a guy named Martin Van Buren came and was like, no, this could be a two party thing. And yes, he had a Dutch accent because English was not his first language. Only president whose English was not his first language. Oh, are we ready for the speed round? Speed round. Here's how the. The speed round works. Joel McKail. Joel McHale, gonna do the speed round. Your job is to answer as many of these questions I'm gonna ask you in 90 seconds. If you don't know the answer, say pass.

[B]

Okay? Pass.

[A]

If you get it right, I will say yes and throw it. If you get it wrong, I will say no and put it here so I can tell you the correct answer afterwards. Here we go. Are you ready? Put 90 seconds on the clock. We're doing Joe McHale starting now. This washed Washington husky went on to throw for over 49,000 yards in the NFL.

[B]

Mark Brunel.

[A]

No. This Italian, Hector, played General Esperanza in Die Hard 2.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I don't know his name.

[A]

What is the curved outer muscle of a ribeye steak called the cap? Yes. This cal quarterback from 2003. 2004 later became one of the NFL's most polarizing figures. He's a douche.

[B]

Who. Who.

[A]

What is the term for the center?

[B]

Can I come back to these?

[A]

Yes. What is the term for the center? Cut of beef tenderloin. The center cut is called the filet. No, what is John McLean's title in the NYPD Captain. No, the 2008. The Huskies went winless under what coach?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hold on. Yeah, hold on just one second.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

Yeah, I'll come back.

[A]

This USC tailback won the Heisman Trophy and later did in Kim Kardashian.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Reggie Bush.

[A]

Yes. What is Sergeant Al Powell's snack of choice?

[B]

Gum. No.

[A]

What part of the cow does the flat iron steak come from?

[B]

The iron.

[A]

What is the name of the janitor who. Who helps John McClane and Die Hard 2.

[B]

Oh, Ribsy.

[A]

No, A triangular cut from the bottom sirloin is known as what?

[B]

Triangle cut.

[A]

This coach led Oregon from 2009 to 2012 before leaving for the Philadelphia Eagles.

[B]

Yeah, that guy.

[A]

I'm going to ask you just a couple more on what real street is the fictional Nakatomi Plaza located on?

[B]

Fictional street?

[A]

What real street is the fictional Century.

[B]

I mean, Century City Boulevard. No, no.

[A]

Avenue of the Stars.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Wow. That was.

[B]

That was terrible.

[A]

That was so good.

[B]

One of the worst.

[A]

It was so funny.

[B]

Not.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Ty Williams.

[B]

That guy came back.

[A]

They brought him back.

[B]

Yeah, they kept bringing him back.

[A]

That's kind of awesome, though. That means he just either is such a great guy or, like, has video of the boosters of the school.

[B]

Who did the best at this so far?

[A]

Um, probably Mina Kimes who beat me in jeopardy. Seth Meyers had a good run, but we've had. You've done better. You were not the worst. You're not the worst.

[B]

That was pretty bad.

[A]

You're not the worst, though. Um, real quick, the answers. Some of the answers.

[B]

Who's the douche?

[A]

Aaron Rodgers.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Warren moon threw for 49,000 yards. Franco Nero was General Esperanza. Chateaubriand is the center. John McClane's a detective.

[B]

Chateaubriand is the whole loin.

[A]

Chateaubriand is the center cut of the loin. I believe it's like the middle cut of the rare. We can get a fact check on that. Sergeant Al Powell likes Twinkies.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

Flatiron comes from the. What did you say?

[B]

The flatty, the flat, the iron.

[A]

John McClain's the janitor that helped him. Marvin.

[B]

Yeah. I'll never.

[A]

Marvin. Okay, tough questions. My turn, my turn. My time to shine.

[B]

It is the middle section of the loaf.

[A]

It is the middle section of the loaf.

[B]

So they cut off the. They just cut off the ends?

[A]

Yep, they cut off the ends. So you get the center cut. So you don't have any of the odd, weird, misshapen part. It's like the prime cut of the.

[B]

You ever made a chateaubriand?

[A]

Yeah, I do it every Christmas.

[B]

Yeah, look at that.

[A]

It's amazing. And I make a nice sauce with it. Come at me. Here we go.

[B]

Your wife would come at you.

[A]

If I could only come at her.

[B]

All right, here we go. In golf, a score of three par on a single hole is called Eagle. Who?

[A]

No. Is that right? No. Say no if I get it wrong.

[B]

No. This player has the most career home runs in Major League Baseball history.

[A]

Very bad.

[B]

Miss. Very good. Director of the 1957 courtroom drama Twelve Angry Men.

[A]

Sidney Lumet.

[B]

Very good. She became the first woman in space when she orbited Earth 48 times in 1963.

[A]

I can't remember her name. Past who?

[B]

Okay. What is the capital of Cambodia?

[A]

Phenom. Penh.

[B]

Nice. An American author. The American author of Catcher in the Rye.

[A]

J.D. salinger. No.

[B]

What is the SNL alum who is the SNLM created the iconic Wayne's World sketch character?

[A]

Is it. I think it's Dana Carbide. Is it Mike Meyer? It's Mike Myers.

[B]

One of those. Name the 480 BCE battle where 300 Spartans held off a massive Persian army.

[A]

Thermopylae.

[B]

Thermopyla.

[A]

Jeez.

[B]

What is the largest and lowest pitched member of the violin family?

[A]

Viola.

[B]

Who? No, but.

[A]

Oh, it's a cello.

[B]

No, it might be. Revolutionary leader who founded the Soviet Union.

[A]

Lenin.

[B]

Yeah. Spanish architect who designed the Sagrada Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. Also Len. Also Lenin. Yeah. You did great.

[A]

Also Lenin.

[B]

Yeah. Wait, you did great.

[A]

Tell me the ones I got wrong.

[B]

A hole in Go. This is also hard in A of 3 under par on a single hole. Is that called albatross?

[A]

It's called an albatross, yeah. Isn't that a bad thing though? Isn't it like I have an albatross around my neck and I can't hit this shot.

[B]

They only work on par five, so the wording.

[A]

Who do you.

[B]

First one is an orbit. Valentina Terish.

[A]

She was a cosmonaut. Yeah, cosmonaut.

[B]

Double base.

[A]

A double base. Yeah.

[B]

But that could be a viola.

[A]

Well, here's the thing, Joel McHale, you did very well. You crushed the first three rounds.

[B]

I knew round this that was gave

[A]

you a hard time.

[B]

Disaster.

[A]

The thing about this show is no one leaves empty handed. For you, my friend.

[B]

We brought you you got a cut

[A]

of meat, two beautiful steaks. This is for you to bring home tonight.

[B]

How Long has it been out?

[A]

It's been out for about 12 hours.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because we picked it up last night and the door was locked, so we. But. But we put it in front of the door so it was outside.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

And we put rat poison around it so no critters came and get it.

[B]

It was 60 degrees last night.

[A]

Night. You can keep a steak outdoors at 60 degrees. Feel how cold the plate is. So those steaks, those are from us to you, I hope. I don't know if you have dinner plans tonight, but hopefully you can go home to your wife. You can be like, I went on Ike's podcast. So fun.

[B]

She left me trivia.

[A]

She left you two weeks ago. You can bring in a date or a buddy, and then you can just make nice, beautiful.

[B]

Oh, my younger son.

[A]

That's your buddy. That's your buddy or a date, not incest. Joel McHale, an absolute freaking legend.

[B]

Having you on the show is not true. But getting to be on your show, very new. This is like brand new, right?

[A]

This is. We're like months in.

[B]

I had friends. Go get yourself on that show. I'm not kidding. They were like, get yourself on that show. It's a great show.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

And yeah, you are. Are the combination. Ike Barinholz. I think we can all agree the combination of talent and delivering on talent and kindness is peculiar and rare.

[A]

You've created a prison for yourself where everything you say so sarcastic when you say something genuine.

[B]

See what I do? Yeah. Don't do it. I didn't even get to compliment you at the studio.

[A]

Hey, we would love to hear from you. Do you think you have a question that could stump me that you want us to read on this show? Go ahead. Send me your toughest questions to funny you askorthandstudios.com we'll read it here on the show. I will not look at the answers, so send me some questions. Thank you.