What Does Nick Kroll Know About Television & Animals?

Summary

Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz

Episode: What Does Nick Kroll Know About Television & Animals?

Date: May 27, 2026
Guest: Nick Kroll

Episode Overview

This episode of "Funny You Ask" delivers a quick-witted, trivia-packed exploration of television, sports, and animal facts through the hilarious lens of host Ike Barinholtz and guest Nick Kroll. The show blends candid reminiscence on childhood obsessions with sitcoms, competitive banter about sports heartbreaks, animated show inspirations, and a very deep dive into the world of raccoons. Expect relentless one-liners, irreverent tangents, and as promised, factoids you never knew you needed.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nick Kroll's Trivial Breadth: Not an Expert, Just Curious

• Nick jokes about not being especially passionate about anything in particular, except for occasional "power dynamics in a group" (02:13-02:47).
• Claims to know about TV, 80s/90s sports, and animals—but admits, "I'm just generally not that interested in stuff" (02:18-02:33).
• The format: each asks the other trivia or conversation starters in their self-professed categories, leading into friendly competition and personal anecdotes.

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2. Television: Simpsons, Seinfeld, Cheers & Animated Influences

The Simpsons (05:33–09:57)

• Trivia kicks off with the show's origins on The Tracey Ullman Show. Nick nails "Springfield" as the Simpsons’ hometown, stumbles on "Mayor Quimby," but redeems himself with "Shelbyville" (06:22–07:46).
• Both recall watching early Simpsons, their households having Matt Groening’s "Life is Hell" books, and agree the show's rough beginnings aged poorly.
  • Memorable moment:
    • Ike: "Homer’s like, hello, boy, I'm going to murder you" (08:53).
• Nick guest-starred as a carny, Ike as Crusty the Clown’s grip.

80s/90s Sitcoms and TV Nostalgia (13:16–18:16)

• Both recall being "TV boys," raised on appointment viewing, sharing singular family TVs, and obsessing over NBC classics like Cheers and Cosby.
  • Ike: "I was a big NBC guy. I love Cheers" (14:05).
• Trading favorite TV characters to play: Nick would have been Elaine Benes (“I think the hottest character of all time... even though, like, the haircut is a nightmare” – 17:03–17:58), while Ike aspires for the drama of a Soprano.

Animated Shows & Inspirations (28:04–29:19)

• Nick credits South Park as a formative influence for "Big Mouth": "Nobody’s done it better than them" (28:49).
• "They really fucking push some boundaries."

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3. Sports: The Agony & Euphoria of Mets and Knicks Fandom

The "Bill Buckner" Game (36:37–39:08)

• Nick was present at Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, recounts panic at forgetting Bill Buckner’s name.
  • Memorable moment:
    • Nick: “This name…we’ve been using for our whole lives as a means to describe someone absolutely blowing it…” (37:49).

90s NBA: The Dream Team (44:36–47:09)

• Dream Team reminiscence and trivia: Nick lists Clyde Drexler, John Stockton, and Christian Laettner; Ike prompts David Robinson as the last (46:50).
  • Bonus: Chuck Daly as the coach.

Fandom Realness (47:50–49:49)

• Nick’s Knicks devotion “depends on how good they are” (47:50).
• Ike contrasts New York and LA crowd energy: “Knicks fans are screaming at the coach… Lakers fans are much more chill…” (49:14).

Favorite Nicknames (50:15–52:23)

• 90s NBA nicknames riff: “The Glove,” “Mailman,” “The Admiral.” Nick picks “Smooth Criminal” for himself.
  • Running gag: Michael Jackson’s songs as accidental admissions (50:20–50:32).

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4. Animals: Raccoons, Capybaras & The “Bad News Bear”

Raccoons’ Rise in Japan (57:53–58:43)

• Ike’s trivia: A 1977 anime made raccoons popular pets in Japan, leading to ecological trouble (58:12).
• Nick tries “muskrats” before Ike gives “raccoons” and the bonus: “Rascal.”

Raccoons as Comedy Muses (61:18–62:22)

• Nick: “I've been very fascinated with raccoons for much of my adult life…they have little tiny hands and they're washing their food before they eat it…”
• He voices "Ray the Raccoon" in his next animated project, "Mating Season" (62:24).

Quick Animal Hits (62:42–67:40)

• Capybara love (62:42–63:05).
• Animal gym etiquette, dogs interrupting workouts (64:03–64:24).
• Raccoon encounter: Nick tells of a real-life stare-down with a raccoon that refused to leave (64:43–65:58).
  • Quote: Nick: "He was just like, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do right now."

Animal Trivia & Gags (67:57–70:33)

• Polar bear skin color is black—Nick gets it right! (68:27).
• Raccoon, squirrel, possum: marry, kill, “never tell anyone” (66:11–67:04).
• “Bad News Bears” as Nick’s Shark Tank pitch: a burly gay man delivers unfortunate news (69:07–69:49).

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5. Pop Culture Deep Cuts, Inside Jokes & Tangents

• “Leave it to Beaver” as Nick’s OnlyFans interview series (16:03–16:18).
• “Mammables”—running joke about snack products and mammals (00:30–00:41, 81:00–81:08).
• Space trivia: Alan Shepard’s pre-launch: “Let’s fucking do this shit!” (53:42).
• Parody songs, Weird Al, and childhood UHF reshoots (51:12–51:37).

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6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’m just generally not that interested in stuff.” – Nick Kroll (02:18)
• “Homer’s like, hello, boy, I’m going to murder you.” – Ike Barinholtz (08:53)
• “If you could play any TV character ever, who would you be?” – Ike (16:43); “I think it would have been fun to be Elaine.” – Nick (17:11)
• “Elaine Benes is smoke.” – Ike (17:58)
• “The comedy guy would want to [play George].” – Ike (17:35)
• “Ref Jeff…one of my favorite sketches.” – Ike (43:02)
• “If you let them [capybaras] wild, they just take over.” – Nick (63:04)
• “I've been very fascinated with raccoons for much of my adult life…” – Nick (61:18)
• “Mammables. That was my snack idea for kids.” – Nick (81:00)
• “What kind of bear would you be?” — “I’d go ‘Bad News Bear’...tiny denim shorts, leather hat, and a hundred pounds of muscle.” (70:06)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|---------------| | 01:08 | Nick Kroll introduced, lays out trivia categories | | 05:33 | Simpsons trivia & TV nostalgia | | 13:16 | Childhood TV habits and sitcom love | | 17:03 | Hypothetical: TV characters they'd want to play | | 28:04 | Origin of "Big Mouth" & animated show influences | | 36:37 | The 1986 World Series “Bill Buckner” story | | 44:36 | 1992 Dream Team trivia | | 47:50 | Knicks fandom in adulthood | | 57:53 | Animal category, raccoons in Japan | | 61:18 | Nick’s raccoon fascination & new animated show | | 68:01 | Polar bear skin trivia | | 69:07 | “Bad News Bears” pitch | | 74:27 | Speed round begins | | 75:07 | Nick's speed round | | 78:59 | Ike’s speed round | | 84:44 | Nick receives a raccoon figurine prize |

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Relentlessly playful, “inside baseball” comedic banter between two comedy veterans.
• Self-deprecating, quick-witted digressions; running jokes about past snubs ("Why am I not on Big Mouth?").
• Fast, trivia-paced with regular “wait, did I get that right?” pauses that highlight the game show parody.
• Ultimate feeling of “old friends riffing,” with sharp pop culture references and surprising trivia facts throughout.

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Summary: Why Listen?

If you love trivia, 80s/90s sitcom nostalgia, sports heartbreaks, or want to know how raccoons took over Japan, this episode will keep you both laughing and learning. Barinholtz and Kroll’s chemistry, comic improvisation, and willingness to be stumped (and admit it) make for an entertaining hour of “wait…I never knew that!” moments, sprinkled with memorable tangents and recurring jokes about “mammables” and the absurdities of their childhood fascinations.

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[Sample Notable Quotes with Timestamps]

• “I'm just generally not that interested in stuff.” – Nick Kroll (02:18)
• “Homer’s like, ‘hello, boy, I’m going to murder you.’” – Ike Barinholtz (08:53)
• “Elaine Bennis is smoke.” – Ike (17:58)
• “It's my final wish: a smallish plastic bucket for prank water on the door.” – Ike (10:57)
• “He was just like, 'I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do right now.'” – Nick, raccoon story (65:10)
• “I've been very fascinated with raccoons for much of my adult life…” – Nick (61:18)
• “Bad News Bears: something terrible happens, and then a huge, kind of hairy gay man comes up and delivers the bad news.” – Nick (69:17)

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Essential Takeaways

• Nick Kroll isn’t an obsessive expert but is deeply funny about everything from 90s TV to NBA lore and the intricacies of raccoon popularity.
• The show’s quiz format unlocks personal stories (like Nick literally being at the “Bill Buckner” game), and both hosts are delightfully unafraid to admit what they don’t know.
• Recurring jokes about being snubbed from “Big Mouth,” snack ideas ("Mammables"), and “Bad News Bears” keep the comedy deep and interconnected.
• Raccoons as a metaphor for lovable chaos—fitting for an episode (and show) that’s both full of facts and gloriously unruly.

Transcript

[A]

This episode of funny you ask is brought to you by Warby Parker. I wear glasses, and buying them can sometimes be a real hassle, but Warby Parker makes it incredibly easy to do. And right now, you buy one prescription pair, you get 20% off any additional [e-mail] Ike, that is me. That's 20% off additional pairs when you go to W, A r b y. Parker.com/ike. Love it.

[B]

The only mammable in cape. I really screwed that up for you. The only mammable I really.

[A]

Mammable.

[B]

That was my snack idea for kids.

[A]

Mammables.

[B]

Mammables. I had a product that I always wanted to pitch. Something terrible happens in your life, and then like, a huge kind of hairy gay man comes up. Your father has cancer. Your daughter is not getting into Tulane.

[A]

In this room, right to my left, just to my left. Not right to my left, right to my left. Right to my left is an actor and a writer, a director, someone who's known in the business as the man of a thousand voices, but only one penis. A man who I've worked with many times over the years who told me that he knows a little something about television. 80s and 90s, basketball and baseball and animals. Nick Kroll. Welcome to Funny. You ask animal. I asked you. I go, what do you know about. You said, organic chemistry?

[B]

And I was like, oh, damn.

[A]

And then you were like, obviously, I'm joking. I don't know shit.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I was like, what do I know the least about it's organic chemistry? You were like, great.

[A]

And I was like, that's awesome.

[B]

No, no, no. No animals. But because I don't have interests, hobbies, and I don't take. I don't genuinely take interest in a lot of things.

[A]

Well, you work a lot and you have two little babies.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So you don't have time.

[B]

But even there, I'm still, like, a generalist. You know what I mean? Some people are like, I'm gonna go accrue a bunch of knowledge about this thing to understand it, to either use it, or to just understand the world. And I'm just generally not that interested in stuff.

[A]

You're just a legitimately incurious person.

[B]

Yeah. Except if it applies to, like, the power dynamic of a group of people in a room, then I'm much more interested.

[A]

Your categories are the Nixon power dynamics in a room.

[B]

But either way, I'm thrilled to be here.

[A]

That's not what you told me when you first got here. You got here and said, let's Wrap this up.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

That was the first thing you said?

[B]

Yeah. I got a reservation at Chibo, a now deceased restaurant.

[A]

Chibo was. I used to live right across the street from here. And Chibo, when it first opened, was a godsend. And then it turned into one of those ghost kitchens.

[B]

Yes. Oh, it did.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, you know, you go on Postmates and then there's like, make a delicious pizza. Steve Aoki's Pizza Express.

[B]

Nearby.

[A]

Nearby. It's made in these, like, random kitchens where a lot of times they're just taking, like, Costco pizza, heating them up and charging you a premium.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It's not like they're back. It ain't like Steve Aoki's there slinging dough. Yeah, they're just going.

[B]

I mean, Steve is literally throwing pizzas at people all over the place. Like, he throws. He's famous for throwing a cake into a crowd.

[A]

He throws a cake into a crowd. It would be rough, though, if you're, you know, you're rolling on Molly and you're dancing to some techno, and all of a sudden the DJ throws a piping hot pizza on your face. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Double pepperoni.

[A]

Oh, and it's the cupped pepperoni holds the hot oil.

[B]

Yeah. It's a Prince street pepperoni.

[A]

Come to work. It's like a bandage.

[B]

You're like Steve Aoki, but you're like, getting your. You're getting the sun, you're getting a suntan, but you're putting your little pepperonis over your eyes.

[A]

Instead of cucumber, I put big pepperoni slices over my eyes, and when they start to crisp up, I know I'm done.

[B]

It's time to go inside.

[A]

Turn over. We've worked together many times. Most recently, we teamed up with Hollywood legend Dave Stassen.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And Sykes.

[B]

And always was a. Oh, who?

[A]

Wanda Sykes. Yikes. And Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks.

[B]

It was great to work with Wanda and Mel, obviously, but to work with Dave Stassen, who has been kind of a real influence on me since I was a kid.

[A]

As a child. Yeah. You were a fan of him as a child. I don't mean when you were.

[B]

We were the same. We're probably the exact same age. I was just like. I've been such a fan of Stassin. I never had met him, but I just, like, knew he was in the Midwest somewhere.

[A]

I just heard about this kid in Chicago who had a tantrum after he lost a Tecmo Bowl. I need to work with this guy. Here's how this is going to work. I'm going to ask you a question about one of the three subjects that you claim to know a little bit about. We'll talk for a little bit. I might ask you a couple questions about the same topic within that. Well, kibitz. Then you'll do that to me.

[B]

Great.

[A]

We'll repeat twice and then we will have the speed round where the scores can really get crazy. So are you ready to get started, man? Can I ask you a question? Yeah. This is about television. Something you're no stranger to. You created Big mouth, Netflix. Longest running animated show show that I was never asked to be on with.

[B]

Great. With a real thought behind it to not have you on it. And you had a number of conversations about whether it would be right to have you on.

[A]

You and Andrew and the producers you guys talked about.

[B]

We talked about it almost every season. We're like, is this the season that we decide to. To have Ike on? And it just honestly, we're like, oh,

[A]

there's a funny line for like a. Whatever. A blob of cum. Yeah, yeah. No, let's get someone. Let's get the guy from the fucking bear. Yeah, sure, man. Yes. All right, here we go. Your first question, the three part question. Starting as a short on the Tracey ullman show in 1987, the Simpsons is now in its 37th season.

[B]

I thought that was gonna be the thing. I was like, I know which show

[A]

came out on Tracey Olsen making the longest running scripted TV series in American history. Name the town. The Simpsons Live in Springfield. Yes. Bonus question. Who is the mayor? Springfield.

[B]

Okay, well that feels like a trick question. Cause you want me to say Mayor McCheese and I'm not gonna say it.

[A]

As much as I would love for you to say Mayor McCheese.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, he talks like this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mayor. Mayor. Mayor Kennedy.

[A]

It's close. The answer is Mayor Quimby.

[B]

Mayor Quimby, of course.

[A]

And your double bonus. Cause you've already gotten a point. You're already on the board. Okay, let me assuage you of that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What is the next town over that is Springfield's biggest lie?

[B]

Sure. Of course. Cause it's got. It's Springfield.

[A]

When you go to the beach.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You might in the sand, pick up a c. Uh huh.

[B]

Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crab Shanty.

[A]

Welcome to Crab Shanty.

[B]

Crab Shanty was the local crab place near my house that is literally a

[A]

restaurant in Korea town. You pick up a sea and you can hear the ocean in it.

[B]

Oh, you pick up a conch shell. Yeah.

[A]

The second part.

[B]

Uh huh. Shelby. Yeah. And you would put Shelbyville.

[A]

Oh, Nick Kroll. You're two for three, my friend. Two for three right there. Nick Kroll, officially on the board. Were you one of those kids like me who was obsessed with the Simpsons?

[B]

Yeah, I was pretty into him. Yeah. I mean, I remember watching Tracey Ullman. I remember seeing the shorts on Tracey Ullman. Cause I don't know, I was probably like 5 or 6 when Tracey Ullman or When did the SIMPSONS Come on?

[A]

87 is when the short started, so I was 10.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

And I remember watching them and didn't even think they were particularly funny, but they look so different.

[B]

Yeah. My family had the Matt Groening Life is Hell.

[A]

Life is hell with that bar in Jack.

[B]

So we had those books at our house. So even then I was clock the cartoon to the. You know, the. Yeah, the. The little books.

[A]

But it was really. I remember being like 13 or 14 when that kind of magical fourth season Conan.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It went from being like.

[B]

I actually think it dropped when Conan was involved directly with.

[A]

Well, most things get worse when he comes in.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It's called Conaning up a project. But it's crazy now when you watch the original ones, it's like very hard to watch because it's like Homer's like, hello, boy, I'm going to murder you. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh no, Totally.

[A]

Have you been on the Simpsons?

[B]

I was on the Simpsons and we spoke about whether you should be on Big Mouth or not, and everybody collectively decided it just wasn't the right.

[A]

Well, guess what, asshole? They might have changed their mind. Because I've been on the Simpsons. No, no.

[B]

Yeah. With the Simpsons. We all agreed it would be great for you to be on the Simpsons,

[A]

but we all Simpsons writers that don't have him on big mouth.

[B]

Yes. They didn't think you were. It was. Right.

[A]

So Matt Selman was the reason I wasn't on Big, even though he's not involved in the show.

[B]

Yeah. And he's a big fan of the show. He loves Big man bullshit. But. But I got to do. Yeah. Who are you on the. Who are you on the.

[A]

I play Wayne Crest the clown's grip. Wayne.

[B]

Oh, great. That's great.

[A]

Crusty. Who are you?

[B]

I was a carny. Like. Yeah. A weird carny.

[A]

It is a bucket list thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

[A]

What is. There's a question.

[B]

When I was friends with Micha and when he and I were close.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

He Talked about that period of when he was on the Simpsons.

[A]

Yes, yes. As that other legal defense team.

[B]

Yeah. And. But for, like, more like real estate stuff, right?

[A]

No, no, none of the sex stuff. Here's a good question. What is your bucket list? Bucket. You're about to die.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What bucket are you going to get? You can get whatever kind of bucket you want.

[B]

You know, that's a good question. I think that, like, there's a. Just a sort of a big plastic bucket that would be good for storage in a garage or to, like, gather toys or to hide a body or anything. Like a big, solid plastic bucket.

[A]

I want a smallish plastic bucket that you could do the classic prank of putting water on it on a door. Cell.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

That'd be. If I was dying. That would be the.

[B]

Does it come with a hook and a string?

[A]

It comes with a hook and a string. Okay. I'm dying. It's my wish.

[B]

It's my final wish.

[A]

Did you see the Michael Jackson movie?

[B]

I produced it. Go. I didn't. Not officially.

[A]

So you still haven't seen it, but you've produced it?

[B]

Well, we had it falling out, right? Me and the family.

[A]

And the family.

[B]

First of all, Joe is still a dear friend.

[A]

Hey, I heard Joe in the movies. Like, kind of like, I just want my kids to work hard.

[B]

Yeah, it's Coleman, right? It's Coleman Domingo. Yeah. So it's like, it feels like a. How could you not?

[A]

You have to make him nice then, because he's so cool.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hey, you look more like Michael Jackson than the kid who's playing Michael Jackson

[B]

in the Michael Jackson that honestly genuinely means the world to me.

[A]

Were you a little TV boy?

[B]

I just quickly want to do a joke that I did about Joe Jackson years ago on my first special on. Thank you. Very Cool. Available on Paramount Plus.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I described Joe Jackson as looking like if a California raisin fucked the devil. So I just wanted to make sure that we got that back in the conversation.

[A]

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trying to explain the California raisins to, like, a millennial would make your head explode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I spent, like, 10 minutes the other day explaining to Chase Sweet wonders who Mr. T was.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

And I was like, sure. On cereal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's like, what?

[B]

Did you ever come in contact with Mr. T in your, like, Chicago days?

[A]

No, no, no. But I don't know if you know the story, but he moved to Chicago. He moved to the suburbs, like, at the height of T mania. And he bought this house and they had These, like, trees that were part of the neighborhood, whatever, and they were these famous trees that had been there forever. And his first day, he took a chainsaw and cut them all down.

[B]

Oh, he did a Mohawk with the trees.

[A]

He gave the trees a Mohawk. And people were very upset with Tee. Tee is, by the way, Clubber lang and Rocky III, one of the all time great movie villains.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Mr. T, if you're watching, we'd love to have you on. Yeah. I pity the fool who doesn't want to have you on.

[B]

Yeah, true. Yeah. No, that's right.

[A]

Were you a little TV boy? Did you love TV as a. I did.

[B]

I was like. As I'm now trying to figure out how to regulate how my kid gets. It's so different, though. Like, we just had tv. My wife was like, did you watch a lot of TV growing up? And I was like, any chance I had.

[A]

Any chance I had. Yeah.

[B]

And so, like. But. And I was the fourth, so it was a little. I could get away with more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But also there was. We were not a. Like a. There was one TV in, like, the playroom. There wasn't like, TVs around the house. Nobody had TVs in their room. So, like.

[A]

Right. Me.

[B]

It was controlled. But, like, I remember we had the. You had. Did you have the. The dial turning tv first TV was

[A]

a dial and then we moved to, like a really shitty little clicker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But we only know it was. Back then we only had like six channels.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of them was in Spanish.

[B]

Yeah. And I had no cable.

[A]

No, we didn't get cable until I was like 12 or 13.

[B]

Yeah. So I didn't get it till, like, high school.

[A]

College. That's crazy.

[B]

So I would just. You just watched whatever was on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And very happily.

[A]

I was obsessed. I would, like, come to school and, like, reenact scenes from Cheers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I was such a TV boy.

[B]

I remember, like, you love Cheers.

[A]

I love Cheers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Big Cheers head.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I loved. I was a big NBC guy. I love Cheers. I love.

[B]

That's interesting. You like that you loved NBC television in the 80s and 90s.

[A]

I did.

[B]

That's crazy. You were such a.

[A]

Well, I was an icon class. Well, you know what? Honestly, though, like, I never. I didn't with a lot of the ABC shows. I never really did. I never watched TGI Friday. No. Never watched that. No. I was a little too old where I was like, already at that point on Friday nights.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was trying to, like, touch a breast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I wasn't like, let Me stay home and watch this fucking nerd upset this family. You know what I mean?

[B]

Let me go be that nerd and upset someone's family in real life.

[A]

Real life, yeah.

[B]

Trying to touch their child, squeezing their daughter's breast.

[A]

Did I do that? Oh, no, don't beat the shit out of me. But, yeah, no, I love my. My NBC shit. I love Cosby.

[B]

It's so cool that Urkel gave you his glasses to wear here on the show.

[A]

You know what, man? Jaleel's a friend, and for Christmas, he said, I think you'll like this Jaleel. If you're watching, the seat is always open. If you. What were your shows? What were, like, the big Nick Kroll shows? What were the ones that you like?

[B]

I mean, I think I watch. I watched Cheers. I watched all of those shows. I watched. But even by high school, like, Seinfeld and Friends, like, I watched. But I kind of was, like, starting to not watch that much then. Like, I just remember watching, like, Conan, early Conan and then Seinfeld already, I guess, in reruns. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I was sort of watching anything, like, you know, whether it was too close for comfort or, like. You know what I mean? Like, I was. Whatever was. Whatever was like Gilgan's island or any old reruns. Yeah, old reruns. If they were on Gunsmoke, I would watch. Oh, really? I never watched any of the Gunsmoke.

[A]

If you could, it's your world, Leave

[B]

it to Beaver, which is also my only fans.

[A]

That's the name of your only fans?

[B]

Yeah, I just interview any surviving people who are part of the Leave it to Beaver cast and crew.

[A]

That people pay. That's like someone's fetish is like. Yeah, I can only get off watching Nick Kroll interview Jerry Mathers. Hey, we all have bucks a month. You know what I mean?

[B]

We all have our thing. We all have whatever we're into. You know what I mean?

[A]

Can you imagine, like, your wife comes in your pants are around your ankles, and you're just watching a man interview another old man about 50s television?

[B]

I guarantee there are a number of people who would be interested in that. There are.

[A]

If you could play. Have played one character in any TV show ever. And I'm not saying you're gonna make it better. I'm saying, like, it is a fun thought experiment. You could literally drop yourself into one part.

[B]

Wow. I need to break that down to a smaller. Let's say, like, Seinfeld.

[A]

Like, would you.

[B]

You know what I Think it would have been fun to be Elaine? You know what I mean? If I could have played anyone's funny on that show, but I was like, oh, crazy. Nobody killed. I feel like Kramer killed harder than anyone.

[A]

Well, Kramer killed. I would say the mass audience more than anyone. To me, George Constance is like the funniest character ever.

[B]

Yes, but would you have wanted to play George? Every.

[A]

The comedy. The comedy guy would want to. Can we just talk about Elaine for a second? I think the hottest character of all time. Yeah. Even the fact. Even though, like, the haircut is a nightmare, the clothes are a disaster. It's like the height of 90s fashion where everything is just gigantic. Like, floppy. She's so hot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Elaine Bennis is smoke. And the few episodes where she's, like, sexified. Remember the episode where her shirt keeps open? Yeah, yeah, I remember. I was like 15 and I was

[B]

like, this is good TV.

[A]

Time to masturbate. We'll cut that out, don't worry.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

You'll.

[B]

I think that'll make it to air.

[A]

So you would do Elaine Bennis? If I could drop in and play any character ever. Oh, shit. Hi. Can we talk about glasses for a second? I was never a glasses guy. In fact, I thought people who wore glasses were nerds or dweebs or dorks or even, in some cases, dorkuses. But then I became a glasses guy and I want to talk about Warby Parker. Warby Parker. They make it so easy to get the coolest glasses at a great price. Buying glasses can be really complicated and. And unnecessarily expensive, but Warby Parker makes it so, so easy. Nothing comes close to their quality, price selection and their customer service. Once you buy from Warby Parker, you realize how much. It's a game changer. You're not going to buy glasses or from anywhere else again because they have a virtual try on. They can try on any pair of glasses on your phone before you do it. They literally have hundreds of different frames and styles and colors to look at on your phone. The prescription Prices start at $95, so you can actually get some quality and stylish frames at an affordable price. They have everything you need for happier eyes. That includes contacts, online eye exams, and sunglasses so you can look extra cool. What is the best part about Warby Parker? It might be that for every pair of glasses that they sell, they give a pair to someone in need. They have now distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses and people in need through its Buy a Pair, Give a Pair program. Warby Parker is covered by major eye insurance plans. Just they make it incredibly easy to use. Just enter your information to see if you're eligible for benefits on frames, contacts or eye exams. And if you are, they automatically apply apply them to you. It's so easy, they make it fun. And Warby Parker also has over 300 in person stores. So you can go to a mall, go check out your eyes, order a pair of glasses, go get a soft pretzel, maybe see a movie, get out of the house. But Warby Parker is the best. Also right now, if you buy one prescription pair, you'll get 20% off any additional prescription [e-mail] ike that's 20% off any additional pairs when you go to W A r b y. Parker.comike that's my promo code. Use it for 20% off. Warby Parker. They're cool. They make it easy. I love them. Thank you. Sam Malone would be a very fun character to play. Yeah, that's a very, very fun character. But I'm going to say like someone, I'm going to say like one of the Sopranos. It would be very fun to play like Christopher Maltisan.

[B]

Sure, that would be really fun.

[A]

We got a problem. Yeah, yeah, he's so good. He's got that like mild cross eye thing that I almost have a little bit. It's really fucking. Have you heard the podcast, by the way? The Sopranos podcast?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's Imperioli and Steve Schrippa and it's they got Steve, they got Steve, they got Steve and they break down the episodes. But it's so funny because like Imperial, he's like. One thing I loved about this is how David Chase took the Buddhist principle of self and made Tony and Melfi's conversation kind of reflect on that. And Sherpa's like, yeah, I remember we shot this on St. Patrick's Day. You know, it's just like a normal guy from Jersey and like a really smart, well seasoned guy. Best TV show theme song. What TV show theme song would you want played at your funeral? It doesn't have to be sad. It could be happy sad.

[B]

I kind of the first one that comes that pops into my head is Sanford and Son.

[A]

Oh my God. I have Sanford and Son. Sanford and son's the goat right there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it would be kind of funny if at your memorial people were playing the Seinfeld. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[B]

But like wouldn't it be, but wouldn't it be kind of amazing to be like and so we lay Nick here to rest for eternity in this very gaudy airplane, like Nigerian airplane casket.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

And.

[A]

Can you tell me, can you tell me who wrote that song?

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. I can go for it for 500 points.

[A]

I'll give you 10. I'll give you 5 points for it

[B]

if I could tell you who wrote the.

[A]

Who wrote the Sanford and Something.

[B]

I want to say it was Ringo Starr, but I will.

[A]

I did not write that song.

[B]

You know, I'm never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get it. And Vogue wrote it. And Vogue wrote. And Vogue wrote the Sanford and Song song.

[A]

He's the one of the most famous music producers of all time.

[B]

Is it Quincy Jones?

[A]

It is Quincy Jones.

[B]

It's gotta be Quincy.

[A]

Five points and I'll give you 10 points if you can tell me the name of that song. Goat. Goat.

[B]

I don't know you. I thought you.

[A]

I think it's called the Street Sweep.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

Can we get a fact check on that? The Street Sweep.

[B]

What did I just see another thing that Quincy Jones said where I was like, you gotta be kidding me.

[A]

You did it all, man.

[B]

Cuz I just knew that. I just knew Rashida and then, and then it was like, oh, Rashida's dad's actually pretty cool.

[A]

He's actually in the business.

[B]

Ye.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I've learned more about him. I was tipped off that something was going on when Lorenz Tate played him in the movie. Ray. I was like, is this guy. Is Rashida's dad in the fucking business? What the hell? Have you shown any of the shows that you used to love to your children? Have you shown Leo Deadwood?

[B]

Yes, I've shown him all of Deadwood. He was not interested in the movie.

[A]

Okay, okay. I mean, that's for real. Heads only. The movie.

[B]

Yeah. Jumping in with a fact check. Yes, it is the Street Beater.

[A]

Street beater.

[B]

You said the street Sweeper. Like a fool.

[A]

I lose one point for that. Minus one. What have you. Have you shown them like the Simpsons or Cheers or.

[B]

We have. I haven't. They're too, a little too young still to show them that. And. But right now I'm in like, I got into a thing where it's like, what did you watch? Can I watch like Transformers and Heman and GI Joe is interesting. Like I can't quite bring myself because GI Joe just feels like war.

[A]

Yes, it is in a weird way where you're fighting Cobra. It's like a. Yeah, you know, it's a War against the.

[B]

I hadn't watched it in a while and then I just showed him like a clip of like, the trailer of GI Joe and like Cobra Commander with like, the thing over his. Yeah, it's pretty cool. And you realize why he's like, tell me more about this. This man covered in a. You know, covered in a hood.

[A]

Yeah, I. It's tricky with kids. Like, whenever there's a show that you love and you show it to them and they don't like it, you feel like for Laura and you're like, that sucks.

[B]

Yeah, Like, Leo was not interested in 30 something at all.

[A]

And you're like, no, it's Ken Olin Leo. He's just like, quietly playing with a toy. Yeah, it's also funny too, when you show your kids, like, something that might be inappropriate. Like, like, like I'll. They love the Mindy Project. And every episode there's like one just very blue sex joke. You kind of roll with those punches. I know a couple. I'm not gonna say their names. They're lovely people and they have two lovely kids and they let them watch anything. And I remember I talked to the dad once, and this is when they were like, the kids are. They're both nine at the time. And I go to him, I go, what crazy thing are you letting the kids watch these days? And he goes, they're really into True Blood right now. I was like, true Blood? It's not even good. Yeah, just like gay sex.

[B]

It felt important at the time.

[A]

It felt important at the time.

[B]

And that's what he's teaching these girls.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so. It's really trapped in a moment. Okay, I'm asking you another question here. You ready for this one?

[B]

Mm. Don't ask you any questions.

[A]

You're going to, but we're gonna load up on you. In 1995, a Fox executive paid two animators $2,000 to make an animated Christmas card video featuring Jesus and Santa fighting to send out to his Hollywood friends. What show did this end up being?

[B]

A Fox executive. I mean, the. I got a little haircut today, and so I'm.

[A]

Ooh, you got an early haircut.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I was coming in here stalling.

[A]

A Fox executive paid two animators 2,000 to make an animated Christmas video. Uh huh. I mean, featuring Jesus and Santa fighting.

[B]

So the two possible ideas would be either Matt and Trey.

[A]

I'm gonna stop you right there. The answer's Matt and Trey. South Park. You got another point. Yeah, but your bonus is south park is the only show to have a literal p be a character. What is the turd's name?

[B]

Oh, man. It's obviously Towley. Hold on.

[A]

Tali is not. But Tali and him are friends. They're a piece of food.

[B]

I mean, hidey hole. I mean, this is the thing. Even on. Even on the things that I'm supposed to know about. I don't know.

[A]

I don't feel bad because you got one out of two right on that one. The answer was Mr. Hanky.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

The.

[B]

There's no way I would. There's no way I was gonna grab that.

[A]

That's why I just moved on.

[B]

Yeah, you have to. It's like, that's the thing with doing this show with me.

[A]

What animated shows inspired you to do Big Mouth? What were the ones you looked at?

[B]

Well, obviously, I know south park and the City.

[A]

I'm at the back of your hand

[B]

very well, pretty deeply. But I did. I mean, I watched, obviously, like, the Simpsons and South park as it came out. That came out later. I feel like that came out when we were a little girl.

[A]

You were college ish.

[B]

We were in college ish. So, like, I watched it, but it wasn't like it's formative in the grand scheme of, like, especially what we did with Big Mouth and what we're doing in animation. Like, south park was by far the most. Was the best, like, understood, comp to what we would hope to do, which is, like, really fucking push some boundaries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And nobody's done it better than them.

[A]

They are so funny, man. What they're doing now, the stuff with, like, J.D. vance and Trump, it's legitimately hilarious. What is your favorite anime? Hentai pornography. Sorry. You don't have to give a name. You can just describe it.

[B]

Sure. Of course. It's called Leave it to Beaver. And it is.

[A]

It's Barbara Billingsley caught in a sex with an octopus.

[B]

It's Barbara Billingsley. A samurai version of Barbara Billingsley and

[A]

an octopus making love to her. I want to ask you real quick before we move off tv, about Kroll show, a show that I was on.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Played Dr. Armand's lawyer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is the character that people kind of yell at you the most when you're at an airport?

[B]

I mean, the league is still. We. You know, we were on the league together as well.

[A]

Yes, we were.

[B]

Where I'm basically playing George Costanza as Rucks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So, like, I am the literal. I literally got to play that version of things, which is a very fun thing to play.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But also, like, it's it's like. It's so con. Like, overtly and constantly toxic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That. It's like. It's nice to have some variation on this.

[A]

I remember when I came and did my first episode.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I'll be honest, I had, like. It was at a time in my, like, career where I just. I wasn't. Things were happening. I auditioned. I wanted to audition for the league so badly because I was a big fantasy football head at the time, and I heard that the guy that did Seinfeld or wrote on Seinfeld was doing a fantasy football show. And I remember calling my manager and being like, I need to be in this cast.

[B]

You couldn't get seen for it.

[A]

They literally, from what I was told, had archetypes and people in mind. They knew they wanted you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They knew they wanted Paul. They knew they wanted, you know, Steve.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I was so bummed. I just wasn't. The writing was happening, but the acting really wasn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I remember just watching things and being like, I know those people, and I'm not doing that.

[B]

And that was a bummer.

[A]

And then I showed up.

[B]

You came in season two or three.

[A]

I came in, I think, season two, and I did a scene. We did a scene in a barbershop, and it was like. Like, it felt like, oh, I. This is what I've been yearning for.

[B]

Yeah. And we did know each other at that point, sort of socially.

[A]

Yes, but.

[B]

And we both auditioned for cavemen together. You and I are in the house. We had a real hang, and that was like. We were like, oh. Like, we're. We're. We're.

[A]

We're very similar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But.

[B]

But I. I. You know, I booked Caveman.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And then I booked the league.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

So let's talk about it.

[A]

Let's talk about it finally. That's why we're here.

[B]

Right? No, but rewinding. For real, though. I remember doing that scene with you in the barbershop, and we knew each other, but we never. And it was one of these moments where I was, like, completely overwhelmed with laughter and so how fast and funny you were that it really. I was like, woof. Every. When you. Some. You have those. The older we get, the more we've been able to, like, consolidate those experiences.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But along the way, when you're starting, you're doing everybody far between.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or you're just working with people, and sometimes they're fun and competent, and then every once in a while, you, like, find that where you're like, oh, okay.

[A]

It was real nice. It makes up for you not having me on Big Mouth. Nick, I want you to go ahead and ask me a question, please. Now just again, reminder. I have not seen any of these questions. They have been curated by Annabelle. Sometimes I know them, often I don't. Will I know this one? Let's find out.

[B]

Sure. How can you not get over that you weren't a part of Big Mouth a lot? Hint. Do you need a hint or no?

[A]

Give me a hint. It's a number 10. You.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Well, that was.

[A]

You got it right on the board.

[B]

With over 800 million games sold since its debut in 1981, this video game character is the best selling of all time. Question. Name the character.

[A]

1981.

[B]

Over 800 million games sold since his 1981 debut. This video game character is the best selling of all time.

[A]

81.

[B]

81.

[A]

Because when you think of best selling characters, you're thinking like I was gonna say Mario.

[B]

Yeah. Are you going to say Mario?

[A]

But he wasn't around in 1981. Mario came in like 86.

[B]

He was living. He was still with the rest of Pacino's family and the Godfather.

[A]

Right, right. He's Mario Puzzo. No one knows this. Mario Puzzo, the writer of the Godfathers is the inspiration for character.

[B]

This is for Mario Brothers.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Pac Man.

[B]

The answer is Mario.

[A]

What? He was around in 1981.

[B]

Yeah. You just didn't quite have access to.

[A]

I didn't. I mean, is that. Was it like only in Japan? I remember.

[B]

Probably. Probably. God fucking. Do you remember getting Nintendo?

[A]

No, we never had Nintendo. You didn't have Nintendo? We had the Atari 2600 where we had Pac man and Centipede. But then my friends Dave Stassen, et cetera, had the Nintendo and I would go to their house and yeah, it was like playing Super Mario Brothers for the first time. Yeah. I remember seeing a clip of Bob Hoskins, the great actor Bob Hoskins and he.

[B]

Good actor

[A]

they played.

[B]

Who played some great roles along the way.

[A]

Along. Yes. Let's clarify. But they made a. Before the current Mario Brothers movie, they made another Super Mario Bros. Movie in like 1993 where he played Mario and John Leguizamo played Luigi.

[B]

Oh, right, right, yes.

[A]

And I saw an interview years later with Bob Hoff Hoskins where he was like, yeah, I was, I was in an arcade with my kid and you know, he pointed to the screen, a little, little man jumping on the screen and he goes, dad, that's You. You play Mario. I didn't know it was a video game. He goes, that's you. And I looked at him and I said, I played King Lear once. Oh, is there a bonus? Let me redeem myself with a bonus.

[B]

Yeah. What was Mario's original name?

[A]

I mean, was it like something fucking Japanese or something?

[B]

It relate. Do you want a hint?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It relates to something he does a lot and would make him great at basketball.

[A]

A jumpy.

[B]

Yeah, a jumpy.

[A]

Well, jumpy. With an Italian Mario.

[B]

Jumpy.

[A]

A jumpy. A jumpy, but just hold on.

[B]

Mario a jumpy.

[A]

So we're clear. My answer is jumpy, but it is pronounced a jumpy.

[B]

Sure, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See close. Jumpman Katso. That's the thing is that you guys don't realize that the Michael Jordan Jumpman brand was stolen. Yeah. By Mario.

[A]

But I guess they are making kind of a similar move.

[B]

They're both. God. How about that?

[A]

It's pretty good.

[B]

Could we do a Mario Brothers, but with Jordan?

[A]

A Mario.

[B]

Oh, Space Jam.

[A]

A new Space Jam, but with Mario. So here's our pitch. It's very third Mario Brothers movie is fusing the original Space Jam.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you have your. Your Mario people now. Whatever it is. What is it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chris Pratt. And then we take Michael Jordan and Wayne Knight from Seinfeld.

[B]

Sure, of course.

[A]

And we just kind of fuse that shit together, man.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Cha Ching. Wow. Okay. I'm not a big video game boy. Yeah, we don't care. We don't give it. We don't give a rat's damn here. I'm gonna ask you another question.

[B]

Moi.

[A]

This question's about sports. And specifically New York sports in the 80s. It's 1986, Shea Stadium, game six of the World Series. A slow roller goes through the legs of Boston's first baseman, forcing a Game 7 and an eventual mess. That's when. What was this man's name?

[B]

I was at this game. No, I was eight years old and I was at game six, the Mets series.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

And I have a poster in my. I have a picture in my office that Jesse Klein, also a lifelong Mets fan, gave to me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Of the moment of Mookie Wilson at bat. Slow roller running up first base. And the first baseman for the Boston Red Sox was. Mrs. The ball goes right between his legs.

[A]

And his name was.

[B]

And I have zero idea.

[A]

I am truly blanking. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[B]

I mean, I have.

[A]

If you. I would accept this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you were not at the Fucking game.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. No, of course you were at the game. Yeah. No, I know. This is why I'm gonna be the worst guest you've ever had on this show.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because. Hold on. It's so funny how what's happening to me is a true panic psychological breakdown right now. Like, that's what's happening. I'm like. Cause I was gonna. I was gonna, like. You don't understand. This name. This name that I cannot recall right now is the name that Ike and I have been using for our whole lives as a means to describe someone absolutely blowing it. Yeah. But here's what's happening, and I'm so. I'm having that experience right now. The ball's going straight between my legs. The tricky life. Yeah. It's not even his fault. He shouldn't have been playing in the game. The manager of the Red Sox should not have had him in the game. He was injured all season. He had a great season. And a great player.

[A]

Yes, a great player.

[B]

I mean, a true, like, amazing player.

[A]

I'll give you his initials.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

B.B.

[B]

brian Boitano. Nickelborn. Okay. Bill Buckner.

[A]

You got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You did it.

[B]

I found it from within, and I'm

[A]

gonna tell you the good news for you. My bonus question was, which Mets player hit the ground ball the most? You got two points. You were having a panic attack for no fucking reason, dog.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Let's go real quick. Top five Mookies of all time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wilson.

[B]

Mookie. Yes.

[A]

Betts, of course. On the Dodgers.

[B]

Yeah. Mookie Blaylock.

[A]

Mookie Blaylock.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spike Lee's character from do the Right Thing.

[B]

Is that. Was it Spike Lee or Spike Jones didn't do the right thing?

[A]

It was one of the spikes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And my cat, growing up, his name was Mookie. Okay, that's five right there.

[B]

Those are all great Mookies. There's a comedian. Mookie. What's that?

[A]

Blake Locke.

[B]

Yeah. Blake Locke.

[A]

Blake Locke.

[B]

It's such a. Because he changed his last name to match Mookie. Or he changed his first.

[A]

First name. I have to imagine you change your name. I think you would probably change your. Go in and you register, buddy.

[B]

If you're like, Blake Lock. Some people are like, oh, like Mookie Blakelock. And then he's just like, Blaylock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mookie Blaylock sounds a little like someone having a stroke. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, if you're Mookie Blaylock, here's the problem with changing your Last name to a celebrity. Let's say. Let's not remove Mookie Blaylock. Let's say I changed my name. Let's say, growing up, I thought Kevin Spacey was a great actor. He was a huge fan.

[B]

I don't think there's any denying that.

[A]

What if I was like, I'm such a fan. Yeah, I'm Ike Spacey now. Then years later, it happens.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

What, are you gonna go back and change your name again? Then you're officially a psychopath if you have to change your last name multiple times in your life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not because of, like, I don't know, extenuation. Extortion. Yeah. Then you might be crazy, but I

[B]

think you were you always Ike.

[A]

I was Isaac. And then my third grade teacher, Mr. Kehoe, rest in peace, started calling me Ike, and then it just stuck.

[B]

Ike is a real. And that's a real. That's a real distinction moment of being Isaac versus Ike. Like, Ike is cool. Ike sounds a little dangerous.

[A]

I could be a construction worker. Isaac is almost exclusively a rabbi. Or like a black RB singer.

[B]

Yeah. But more likely, I'd say more likely

[A]

the reason I said was Isaac Hayes.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But that's it. Any other Isaac is a rabbi.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're a Mets. Not Y. Mets.

[B]

So much more Mets. Yeah. Like, yeah, I was. Cause we had tickets then around that time, or I had access to tickets. So we would. I'd go to a bunch of games and it was. Yeah, it was the Mets team. And I'd say that. What's that?

[A]

It was a great Mets team.

[B]

That was the best semester. I mean, the Yankees were nothing at that point. The Mets were. So were the ones. But by two years later, when they play the Dodgers in 88, they lose to the Dodgers. The Kirk Gibson home run and all that stuff. Oral Hershiser, also my other onlyfans name.

[A]

Oral Hersheyser. It's just me showing my Dodgers memorabilia.

[B]

Yeah. And. But that team is like, when the Mets lost to the Dodgers that year, I was like 10, and I was like, oh, this feeling that I have of my favorite team losing and how terrible it feels. I don't like this feeling. And I began at that point a little bit to de. Invest in certain out in baseball. Really?

[A]

You know, it's funny. I have a lot of friends who are Mets fans, and I just can say, like, you guys get over it. Like, you're so fucking forlorn. You're like, we haven't won a World Series in so long. It's like, I'm a Cubs fan. Like, my grandfather lived his whole life and died without seeing a Cubs World Series.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So get over it. Okay, before I get off of this, I just want to say you're in one of my favorite sketches of all time. The basketball referee sketch. Was that Kroll show or Keen Peele?

[B]

It was Kroll Show. I was doing this character, Ref Jeff, who just had a big butt, giant ass, and just wanted to kind of be in on it with the players. And we did one the first season, and it was really fun and just so silly. And then so I was like, oh, be fun to have Jordan beat his, like, another. Like, that was a fun thing with that, doing that on the day. It was like a rival ref who also wanted attention and was, like, a little weird, funny, but was so fun in shooting that with Jordan Peele, who many people don't know is actually a very talented performer as well.

[A]

Jordan Peele. My algorithm has a lot of key and Peele.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

And he is top 5 greatest sketch performers of all time. He's like. It's like a joke. Every fucking move he makes is, like, the funniest possible choice as a writer and performer.

[B]

It's so funny that he doesn't do it.

[A]

Okay, here is it.

[B]

But we did that sketch together, and then throughout the day, we were, like, gonna be rivals. And then it just. It's so we couldn't. They couldn't help but become buddies. You know what I mean? Then they're in it together, and it's so much more gratifying.

[A]

It's one of my favorite sketches. Ref Jeff. Okay, here's your second question about sports. The 1992 U.S. men's basketball team won the Olympic gold medal and solidified its place as one of the greatest teams of all time. The Dream Team consisted of players such as Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, and Karl Malone. Name one other player on that team.

[B]

I mean, first off, I thought it was going to end it. Like, Dream Team. Like, I was going to know the name.

[A]

Sorry. Besides Jordan, I was going to.

[B]

I was in my head. I was getting ready with Malone. I was like, I bet they're not going to say Malone. Say Malone. Yeah. I mean, on that team, you probably have. What did you say? Bird and Magic.

[A]

Bird, Magic, Barkley, Ewing, Jordan and Malone.

[B]

Sure. So you might have. You might have a Clyde Drexler there. Okay.

[A]

He was the last one added.

[B]

My favorite is that Isaiah Jordan was like, nope.

[A]

Okay, so you named Drexler Give me.

[B]

I'm like, I'm like, like there's a world where John Paxton's on that team. Not John Paxton. That's so funny that I said John Paxton.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. John.

[B]

Yes. John Hodgman from the Apple commercials. I think he was on that team. Judge. John Hodgman.

[A]

Always forget John Hodgman.

[B]

John Stockton was on that team.

[A]

Justin Long. John Hodgman. Yeah.

[B]

The Apple and the PC.

[A]

John Hodgman was on the Dream Team.

[B]

And then so we got. Yeah, I think there's like John Stockton.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Clyde Drexler.

[A]

Yeah. There's four more ones in New York. Basketball legend.

[B]

A New York basketball legend. Patrick was on the team. So you're not talking about.

[A]

No, like more like new. A college in New York.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

And like, just like a New York State legend.

[B]

Oh, Chris.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

On that team.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then give me a little.

[A]

I'll give you one. Was one of my all time favorite players another Chicago Bull.

[B]

Oh, obviously. Luke Longley. No, he's playing for Australia.

[A]

Playing for Australia. He was probably.

[B]

Why would he be on that? I mean, I guess it's Scotty, right? They had Scotty on there.

[A]

Scotty. One guy. The. Then there's two guys left. One is. Was a. A great center. One of the best center slash power forwards of the 80s 90s. And then a college player.

[B]

Uhhuh. Oh, Christian Layton. Christian college player. Really a different time in America where they were like, no, we still need at least a quarter of the people to be white.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, it was still like Leitner was getting the call to go do that. Like, you know.

[A]

Yeah, they were like, we need one guy. We're marginal. So let's. Yeah, we'll pop him on there. The last guy. David Robinson.

[B]

Oh, of course.

[A]

San Antonio Spurs. And here's your bonus question.

[B]

Would have preferred a. Like he was a fighter jet.

[A]

Yeah, he was a fighter pilot. It was really cool. Bonus question. Who coached the Dream Team?

[B]

Oh, man. Weirdly, I think if daily. The Pistons.

[A]

Okay. See, Nicole is freaking out. I'm not gonna get. Not gonna get anything right. Will there ever be a cooler group of people than basketball players in the 90s? I don't think.

[B]

Nobody was probably having more fun.

[A]

No one was having more fun. But also no one was swaggier. They were still like super tough. You are a Knicks fan. Yes. I assume. How die hard are we?

[B]

Are you totally dependent on how good they are as a team?

[A]

That's. That is very honest.

[B]

I mean, I'm now because of like how the Internet works. Like, I'm following scores of, like, the Knicks games. I was very aware of where they were in the season.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I wasn't actually, like, watching that many games or actually physically watching it.

[A]

But you run into Timothy Chalamet a party, and he's talking to you, and he's like, you're a Knicks fan. Right? You could hold your own, have a nice conversation.

[B]

I'm genuinely following. Genuinely. I'm genuinely like, oh, and. And they're. Right now.

[A]

They're awesome.

[B]

Like, they're really fun.

[A]

I think they are. I'm picking them to come out of the East.

[B]

I mean, it's going to. Whenever. This comes out in a of weeks.

[A]

Couple.

[B]

Couple days. Weeks.

[A]

This is live streaming.

[B]

This is live as we speak. So this is. This is Kai Senate's channel right now. This is.

[A]

We're on Kai Senate's channel. And I show Speed is on his way over here. Yeah, no, it's.

[B]

It's. They're really. They have a chance based on how the first round went. It's like. Which is ridiculous in a great way, how messy it is in the East.

[A]

51 points. By 51 points. That. That game six. That was. That was. That was incredible.

[B]

Yeah, they should. They have a great. This is the. The best Knicks team, like, assembled in a really long time across the board. They're like, They're. They're a really good team.

[A]

I'm going to New York for a couple weeks. I'm gonna try to go to your game. Of course, I went to the, like, one of the last games of the season last year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They already clenched a playoff spot, and they were up by, like, 15 points in the fourth quarter. And the coach, Tom Thibodeau, at the time, was still keeping in car, Cat grinding these players. And the difference between Laker fans and Knicks fans, like, if that's happening, Lakers fans are much more chill. I don't want to say checked out, but they're just more polite. Yeah. Knicks fans are screaming at the coach, I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't bench Cat.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Fuck you, Thibodeau. Yeah, fuck you, bitch. Like, it's just a lot of, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anger directly towards the coach. Yeah, I. I respect this.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Basketball players in the 90s had amazing nicknames. The Mailman.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

The Glove. Sir Charles. The Admiral. What would be your nickname not in the 90s just now, if you were like. And I don't mean like Nikolai. I mean, what would be, like, your cool equivalent?

[B]

I'd Say, like, Smooth Criminal.

[A]

Smooth Criminal. You love Michael. It is crazy. He had a song called Smooth Criminal. It is kind of like a little, like, telling on himself, maybe.

[B]

This next song is called Hide in Plain Sight.

[A]

This next song's called I Did It. I did It. I did It. My nickname would be.

[B]

How many parody songs did you write as a kid?

[A]

Oh, my God, so many. I still do. I still do. Like, like, we were shooting the studio last week, and one of the lines someone said was like, it's a real tough titty day. And for hours, I was just doing it to Pink Pony Club. Tough titty day. And at one point, Katherine Hahn goes, you need to stop. I love song parodies. I loved Weird Al.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

My friends and I in seventh grade reshot the mov movie uhf.

[B]

Really? Who were you? Were you Stanley?

[A]

I was Stanley Badowski. My friend Mike Frank.

[B]

Kramer. You were Kramer.

[A]

I was Kramer.

[B]

He.

[A]

But we re. We, like, redid it. Like, remember when Gus Van Sant remade Psycho Shot for Shot? We did that with uhf, but like, seven minutes into it, we were like,

[B]

yeah, too much work.

[A]

Just to close that, my 90s basketball nickname would be Mr. Knapp.

[B]

Mr. Knapp.

[A]

Mr. Knapp.

[B]

Oh, you know who I. Okay. But I'll let me now that if I were a 90s basketball player like those guys, you know who I loved is the microwave. Is Vinnie.

[A]

Oh, Vinnie Johnson.

[B]

Do you know what happened with Vinnie Johnson?

[A]

No.

[B]

He's become, like, a billionaire.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's realistic Detroit. Like, like, trucking.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Like, Vinnie Johnson is one of the richest basketball players of all time.

[A]

That is. That makes me very happy.

[B]

Yeah. The microwave. Because he could heat up.

[A]

He destroyed the Bulls many nights. He was very tough.

[B]

Yeah. I'm so sorry for you to have had to grow up with the Bulls as your team.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was tough.

[B]

So it must have been so hard as a Chicago fan to grow up with Michael Jordan, as. As an adolescent to root for that must have been so hard.

[A]

I will say this. It was so nice that even though the Bulls are really bad right now, I, I, I'm not like, God damn it. They didn't make the playoffs. I had that.

[B]

You forever have. You have the greatest gifts I have.

[A]

That I can always say. Pull that out of my spank bank.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Why don't you ask me a question? Please?

[B]

Okay. Yeah. What professional sports team do you most like to masturbate to?

[A]

Chicago Bulls.

[B]

Okay, There you go.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[A]

On the board. Bonus question comes right in particular yeah,

[B]

it comes right out of my Chicago balls. Okay. Who was the first human to travel into outer space?

[A]

The first human to travel in outer space, man. That'd be Yuri Gagarin, man. Mm.

[B]

And who answered that question? I'm just curious.

[A]

That's Woody Harrelson, man. I don't know why I did it

[B]

like that, but that's right.

[A]

It's Yuri Gagarin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There you go, baby.

[B]

Yeah. 1961.

[A]

Is there a bonus attached to this?

[B]

There is. Less than a month after Gagarin's flight, who became the first American in space?

[A]

That's Alan Shepard, Nick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[B]

Do you know what his pre launch line was?

[A]

Alan Shepard's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's fucking do this shit.

[B]

Yeah. There you go. That's right.

[A]

Let's fucking get up into space, bitches.

[B]

Let's fucking shoot off, dude.

[A]

Let's fucking shoot off, bitches. Keep it sleazy, Houston. What if his last words were keeping sleazy, Houston? Wow. Would you ever. Do you ever in your life at any point, be like, astronaut?

[B]

I mean, I'm currently thinking that, like, if. If they do. If they do another large blue origin. Yeah, if they do another blue origin, I'll probably try to get.

[A]

That was one of the greatest things our country's ever done is collectively come together and be like, you people are fucking losers and you are only going to get our scorn.

[B]

Yeah, I feel almost exactly the opposite to that.

[A]

You like it?

[B]

I think it was kind of awesome. And they like went into space and it was pretty awesome, what they could see.

[A]

Yeah, it was really cool to get up there and like, whatever, like watch like Katy Perry throw up or something. I guess it's cool. I'm just joking. Jeff Bezos, we love you. We respect you. You're a strong man. It's completely natural.

[B]

It is, by the way, when you use other stuff besides Amazon, it's fucking pain in the ass.

[A]

Well, we went off Amazon for a while. Yeah. And it was. You know what it is? It's always the dumbest shit that you need. It's like a. A battery clip. I don't even know what that is, but it's like, that's the shit you need. Yeah. Like anything else is like. Like, I know where to get this. I can order it or go get it from here, but it's like, it's like. Oh, it's like the 3M self adhesive hook.

[B]

Sure. That you're like, where else can I. Yeah, of course.

[A]

Get this.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

So that. That is what is. Slowly my sirens call.

[B]

But you also like a mom and pop shop, like a Walmart or something small.

[A]

Yes, as long as there's a husband and wife working there and they have children. Children. Right, right, right, right. I love mom and Pops. That's my only fan. Mom and pop. I'm gonna pop. I never.

[B]

Hey, mom, I'm gonna pop.

[A]

Hey, mom, I'm gonna pop. Mom, I got a nut allergy. I never for one second in my life was like, I want to be an astronaut.

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, it never appealed to me. I'm a little claustrophobic. I have a very good memory of being eight years old and watching the challenger explode at school. I was like, yeah, no, that's a fucking.

[B]

It's so weird that like, it was collectively decided cause similar age that every kid was gonna watch that launch. Cause there was a teacher on it. But it was like, it was more so than any other time something was like launched. I feel like we were all brought together to watch that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now my conspiracy, and I'm like a big conspiracy guy, I go, why did they gather us all to then watch that thing explode in space? Was it to scare us off from wanting to go there since we never landed on the moon?

[A]

Welcome back to the Joe Rogan Experience. My guest is the dumbest man ever. My favorite conspiracy theory is that the blue origin actually got lost in space. And they've. Those are all actors.

[B]

Well, they're clones.

[A]

The clones.

[B]

They're Jim Carrey clones. They're Jim Carrey clones.

[A]

Can you imagine, though, how funny it would have been if, like. Because there are people who were like, oh, man, it'd be awesome if that blue origin exploded. That's not funny money. But if they got lost in space. Yeah. And it was like, CNN's like, it's day 173. We've lost contact with the module. And then like they send a. Another rocket up to find out what happened. Like, Gayle King ate everyone. You know what I mean? Like, like that would be kind of cool.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

That happened.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm putting myself on tape to be one of the guys who goes up

[A]

to audition to go to a real life spaceman. It's like Project Hail Mary but the steaks ever. Instead of saving the world, it's like we're going to go see if Gayle King ate Katy Perry. All right, Nicole, I'm asking you another question about your third category. Your third category, which is very funny, your third category is straight up animals.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

[A]

all right. I'm just telling you right now, you're not going to get this one. But let's just get into it. Sure, maybe you will. In 1977, a Japanese anime movie about a boy and his pet made this North American mammal so popular in Japan that families imported over 1500 of them as pets. And now they are an invasive species. Ugh. Name the animal. Oh, I did not know this, but I thought it would be, yeah, sure. Kind of fun.

[B]

A 77 anime film in Japan.

[A]

In Japan was so popular.

[B]

Well, right. Well, at that point there was like America had like totoros everywhere.

[A]

Everywhere.

[B]

And so then. Yeah, it was those like multi legged bus. Furry animals.

[A]

Yes. And then what? Specify the name of them.

[B]

Yeah, but I. Yep. Ponos.

[A]

Ponos. Give me the. Give me the. The American name. The English.

[B]

Oh, muskrats.

[A]

Muskrats is not the answer. The answer is raccoons.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

I'm gonna give you 50 points if you get the bonus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was the raccoon's name in this Japanese anime? It starts with an R and is fitting for a raccoon.

[B]

Rocky. No, no, that's.

[A]

But think about what. Raccoons are a little rubbish. They like rubbish.

[B]

That was my joke about raccoons back in the day. Like in Australian we call them like little rubbish bagla. He's a little rubbish burglar, isn't he?

[A]

A rubbish pig.

[B]

A rubbish burglar said like a honey,

[A]

the rubbish burglars are bass. Nar. I did not leave the door open.

[B]

That's beef season three. They leave the door open and the raccoon gets out. Where'd the rubbish burglar go?

[A]

Get. Get my shooty. I gotta kill the rubbish burglar. They always put Australians always be putting y's at the end of words.

[B]

Cause they, they're. They love. Because Australians love to party. They do love to party. And they're a little bit racist.

[A]

Let them rebut.

[B]

But. But they.

[A]

They're fucking hot.

[B]

They're so hot. I don't know a country who is hotter than that for how much they kind of party.

[A]

You know what I mean? Yeah. And they look good as they get older and they're always in the sun, but they still. They age beautifully. Yeah, I saw a photo of like Paul Hogan and he's still like probably like 80 plus. He looks great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The R. Oh, okay.

[B]

In raccoon. So it's. It's something that would be related to a raccoon. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

What?

[B]

Rubbish is. We got mistake.

[A]

Rubbish is good. The answer is rascal.

[B]

Oh, rascal. Raccoon. Rascal.

[A]

Raccoon. I never heard of it, but I was trying to think. You said you knew something about. And I was trying to figure something out.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

Raccoons, I gotta say, have very good publicists. They have, like, the Lewis K. Of the animal world because they are so obtrusive. They are such little shitheads. They go in, they tear your garbage bags open, they make a huge mess. They're strong. They should be looked at the same as a rat. But they're so cute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of the cutest animals.

[B]

I've been very fascinated with raccoons for much of my adult life, and I find them to be a real source of pleasure and discussion.

[A]

Yeah. I follow an Instagram account that's just a raccoon that lives with this family.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And it's the goddamn most wholesome thing I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

I'm not interested in that kind of raccoon. That's not what brings me. Tough raccoons. Well. So, like, I just think they've been funny for a long time. And they. And it really starts with the hands. They have their little. They have little tiny hands and they. They're washing their food before they eat it in. Oh, hello. We talk about.

[A]

He's.

[B]

I mean, Gil Faizan ends up marrying Lisa the raccoon. So, like, there's, like, a lot of. He falls in love with the raccoon. Get those pants. Zhuzh them up.

[A]

They keep riding up.

[B]

Yeah. You're so hard from this conversation

[A]

talking

[B]

about these raccoons and getting sprung. You're getting all excited talking about these little fucking rascals.

[A]

They are so funny, though, so.

[B]

And then we're making a new animated show.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Called Mating Season.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I play a raccoon in it. I play Ray the raccoon, so the R really threw me.

[A]

Oh, Ray the raccoon.

[B]

Ray the raccoon, who's a bit of a rascal. I'm gonna be honest.

[A]

They all are, man. They all are. And what are the cutest animals? Cutest animals. Go.

[B]

I mean, I think. Have you ever seen a. Like. I mean, those capybaras are real cute right now.

[A]

They are number four on my list. I. I have a friend, for his birthday, his wife took him to, like, a capybara farm. They just walk up to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talk about. Bump into you.

[B]

Yeah. It feels like probably an invasive species. Like if you brought them into, if you let them wild and just.

[A]

Yeah, take over.

[B]

Have you seen those, like, capybaras at like, spa situations, like where they're in Japan?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty awesome.

[B]

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[A]

I like it. But then the reality of it, like, you're, you're in a steam room and then all of a sudden you like, step and like, and you're like, God damn it. That's right.

[B]

They let the cup of bears in here too.

[A]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[B]

Or you don't. If you need an absolutely teensy weensy little towel and they're like, ah, man, they gave him the capybara.

[A]

I just, I just needed to dry off my knee. God damn it, guys. Yeah, no, I, I, I'm a big animal fan and I don't mind, like animals in restaurants and stuff. But then I will see once in a while. Like, I see this guy on Instagram. He seems like a nice guy and he has a gym and he lets his dogs run around the gym and I love it. There's not a dog that cannot make me happy. I always have to pet them and let them kiss my face. It's dangerous in a gym. Sure, it's dangerous. Let's say I'm on the bench. Let's say I'm on the friggin bench press.

[B]

You know how you go hard?

[A]

I got £15 on one side, 17 on the other. I'm a little uneven.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just trying to get two reps max out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All of a sudden a fucking golden retriever comes and is licking my nuts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can't have it.

[B]

Yeah. Well, they're covered in honey and peanut butter always.

[A]

I mean, I'm working out, so I don't chafe. What do you do?

[B]

What do you wear?

[A]

A jockstrap? I cover my testicles in honey. Can you imagine? Like, you use the bench after a guy. There's just like a thick trail of slime.

[B]

He's literally like a snail. You're just leaving? So can I tell you a quick story about a raccoon?

[A]

Please.

[B]

The day before we were starting production on, we were doing our first table read for mating season. I was at my house and a raccoon came down. Like, we have a little like, area, outdoor area, right off our like, playroom, TV room. And this raccoon kind of walks down. I'm with my wife and two little kids and he just like walks down and just is like kind of staring at us. And walking around, I was like, get the fuck out of here, man.

[A]

Yeah, you can yell at a raccoon. Yeah. Hey, fuck off, bitch. Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, get the fuck out of here. And he wouldn't leave. Get out of here. Wouldn't leave. I take. I take a bunch of balls to go out and, like, start throwing balls at him. And he just kind of, like, was, like. Just didn't. And he just, like, took his time. He kind of walked up and, like, hung out on top, and he just. He was just like, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do right now. And I really honestly believed in that moment, I was starting. We were going to start, like, table reads for this new show where I play raccoon, where he was like, put some fucking respect on my.

[A]

Yeah, I'm watching you, motherfucker.

[B]

I kind of was like that. I felt like the raccoon community was just being like, we're. We know who you are, and we're watching. We're sending you down a little something to just be, like, with love and respect. You do this.

[A]

People who know know that the ones who really run this town, the Jewish raccoons. Raccoon, squirrel, possum, Mary, kill.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Easy, easy. In my book.

[B]

Okay, what are you. What's yours?

[A]

You kill the possum by. Yeah, you marry the raccoon and you a squirrel. And you never tell anyone. Have you heard this joke? Sorry. Ever heard this joke? These two guys are talking, and one guy turns to his friend, goes, hey, what is bestiality? The guy goes, oh, well, bestiality is if you have sex with your dog. And the guy's like, oh, well, yeah, it's kind of nasty. But, I mean, I get it. Like, man's best friend. And if you're, like, lonely and your dog's there, I kind of get it. Okay, well, then bestiality is if you have sex with a sheep. The guy's like, oof. Well, I mean, actually, if you're a shepherd and you're out all day every day with just these sheep, who else

[B]

are you connecting with? This is who you're like, you know,

[A]

it's who you're connecting with. I could kind of see it. And he goes, okay, well, bestiality is having sex with a chicken. He goes, a chicken? Ugh. It's disgusting. That's a joke.

[B]

But I get it. But I also understand, like. Like, if you were a shepherd and you're just like, these are. This is your community. This is who you're spending all your time with. Yeah. And, like, you fall in love with one, you develop a special connection with one. But like a chicken. Chickens are dirty. They're dirty, dirty animals. Having worked on farms, they're nasty little animals.

[A]

He's a very nasty chicken. All right, I'm gonna ask you. He's a horrible chicken. He pecked me while I was trying to have sex with him. Here we go. Your last question about animals. Polar bears look super white, but that's actually an optical illusion.

[B]

No.

[A]

Underneath their fur. What color is a polar bear skin?

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Whoa. Dude. No way.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

No way.

[B]

I've never thought about what.

[A]

I always thought they were just wide. Gotta guess.

[B]

Keanu Reeves. Yes.

[A]

Yes. Nice call. But, like, young Keanu still doing the Bill and Ted arm thing.

[B]

Yeah. I think they're black.

[A]

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Ding, ding, ding. I mean, it would be funny if it was, like, no. Electric green.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Besides the polar bear, name three other living bear species.

[B]

A grizzly bear.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

A black bear.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And Bear Grylls. Sorry. Can't help it.

[A]

I can't turn it off, folks.

[B]

I can't. I just am on Bear Grylls. Grizzly bear, a black bear and a brown bear.

[A]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, bing. A ding, ding dong. I'm a big bear, boy. I love bears. I love my bears. I think they're amazing.

[B]

I had a product that I always wanted to pitch, like, for Shark Tank called Bad News Bears, okay. Where it's something terrible happens in your life, and then like, a huge, kind of hairy gay man comes up.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And delivers the bad news.

[A]

Oh, so the other bears.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. I thought it was gonna be like, you're like.

[B]

You get.

[A]

Caleb Williams comes over and is like, hey, what's up, man?

[B]

Oh, sure, Chicago Bears.

[A]

But you want, like, a. Like a big, burly gay man who's

[B]

like, your father has cancer, and that's how you get the news.

[A]

So, like, I like that character a lot.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's a really good character.

[B]

It's not a character. It's a product. It's something to put out in the marketplace. Bad news.

[A]

I wanna invest. I wanna invest $250,000 and. And get 1% of the company.

[B]

Your daughter is not getting into Tulane. They come and deliver that bad news.

[A]

If you were a bear, what kind of bear would you be?

[B]

I would be. I think I've made my choice very clear. I would go Bad News Bear. I would go and deliver bad news. I would be tiny little denim jean shorts, leather hat. Leather hat. That I'm gonna put on, like a hundred pounds of pure muscle.

[A]

I would be a grizzly.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Sleep most of the time. Occasionally walk over and, like, get a picnic basket.

[B]

A picnic basket, sure.

[A]

Whatever. Tuna fish sandwich.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then appear in a viral video every now and then.

[B]

Yeah. There's so many great bears, culturally speaking.

[A]

Come on. Come on, Yogi.

[B]

Yogi Bear is a good one.

[A]

The bear from the movie the Bear. The TV show the Bear.

[B]

Sure. One of the great bears. The TV show the Bear.

[A]

I was a big. I bet you are a big grizzly man guy.

[B]

Did you want Eben's part on the bear? Did you audition to be that brother? Were you doing something at that point?

[A]

I can't remember. I remember there was a part that they wanted me to do and I couldn't. I was. I think we were.

[B]

I spoke to them about it, make sure you didn't get it.

[A]

Why do you keep doing this to me? Like, what the fuck? Frenemy. Frenemy much?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

There was something that I. And I remember being so bummed I couldn't do it. And I saw the bear and it was just. Incredible show. I was very bummed. Please, Chris Store, if you're watching, I'm available. Do you ever see the movie Grizzly Man?

[B]

I have seen the movie Grizzly Man. The weird thing in Grizzly man, right? About speaking. Talking about Woody Harrelson earlier.

[A]

No one remembers this, but in Grizzly man, he. It came down to him and Woody Harrelson to play the part of Woody Boyd on Cheers.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And Woody Harrelson booked it. And this guy's like, I'm gonna be with the Bears now.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I wonder. Like, are we just trusting him that that's what happened? Like, it's also possible.

[A]

I need to talk to the casting director of Cheers who's like, who, Timothy?

[B]

What?

[A]

No, no. Don't ever listen to this, ever. That's what I'm gonna say to your wife about this podcast. I'm gonna be like, warner Herzog, don't ever listen to this. You must never, ever listen to it. Okay, you ask me a question now, Nick Kroll. This is my third question. And then we're going to get into the speed round.

[B]

Okay. This is funny. You asked with Ike Barinholtz. I'm now asking.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

A funny question. Before they were officially the Yankees in 1913, the franchise played a decade under a different name.

[A]

What.

[B]

What were the Yankees originally called?

[A]

Are you kidding me? Oh, man, it's Got to be the New York consumption havers. The New York coal workers. The New York. It's gonna be something pretty name for the.

[B]

The name for their stadium at one of the highest points in Manhattan.

[A]

The Peaks. The New York Peaks.

[B]

Yeah, it's the New York Peaks.

[A]

No way.

[B]

No way.

[A]

No.

[B]

It was the New York Highlanders.

[A]

There can be only one. Ah, so you play for the New York Highlanders, do you?

[B]

What was the original Yankee Stadium's name?

[A]

Highlander Field. It is me, Ramirez from the movie Highlander. Have you ever seen the movie Highlander? No.

[B]

Is it one of the characters name is Ramirez?

[A]

Bro, the movie Highlander is a movie starring Sean Connery.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where it's like a movie about Scottish lore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he plays a character named Ramirez, and then an actor named Christopher Lambert, who is French, plays a fucking Scotsman named McLeod who talks like he is like, I don't know, like Ren or, you know.

[B]

Yeah, Ren from Ren and Stimpy.

[A]

Yeah, Ren. It's one of the fucking craziest movies and they made two of them. Sean Connery, fascinating guy. Different, different time. I did not know that. That is very embarrassing. I. I can't believe that I got a New York sports question wrong. Because I'm born and bred in New York, you guys.

[B]

You live and bleed. You die and bleed.

[A]

I bleed. New York yellow. It's yellow because it smells like friggin piss.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Taxis. Yellow taxis.

[A]

Every time I go to New York, my little one just goes, ah, it stinks. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, got to get used to it the best. Should we move to speed round? All right, Nick Kroll, are you ready for the speed round? Say it like an old bear.

[B]

Bear. Like a speed round. Yeah.

[A]

Say speed. Time for the speed round. Like a. Like a. Like a normal bear.

[B]

Oh, oh. Like. Oh, yeah. Time for the speed round.

[A]

Speed round. All right, Nick Kroll, here's how speed round works. I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and you answer as many as you can in 90 seconds. If you don't know, just say pass. If you get it right, I will say right. If you get it wrong, I will say wrong. And the ones you get wrong, I'll keep on my lap and I'll tell you the right answer afterwards, and then you will do the same for me. Nick Kroll, are you ready for the speed round?

[B]

Okay. It's funny.

[A]

Ah, here we go. Start the clock. Who created the animated show family guy?

[B]

Seth MacFarlane.

[A]

Yes. What? 1989. The 1989 World Series game three was interrupted by what natural disaster?

[B]

The earthquake.

[A]

The only deer species where both male and females grow antlers is bucking deer. This show did two live shows in 2010 in the same night. One featuring Paul McCartney and the west coast featuring Kim Kardashian.

[B]

Oh, the hurricane. Katrina.

[A]

No. No. What baseball hall of Famer holds the longest consecutive game streak for a 21 season career with the Orioles. Cal R. Yes. In 2013, the Norwegian comedy duo Julvis created what song?

[B]

What is the Fox?

[A]

Yes. He played Leon on curb youb enthusiasm.

[B]

J.B. smith. Yes.

[A]

After Joe McCarthy, who holds the records for most wins as a Yankee manager.

[B]

Joe Tory. Yes.

[A]

Aside from stag and buck, this is another name for a male deer.

[B]

Pass.

[A]

Which borough did the Huxtable Family live on? On the Cosby Show.

[B]

Boogie down. No.

[A]

Yes. Is that Brooklyn?

[B]

No. I was going to say Brooklyn.

[A]

Yes. Only two teams in the Western Conference won NBA championships in the 90s. Name one.

[B]

Oh, man. In the Houston Rock.

[A]

Yes. What spring? What season next. This TV show has more Emmys than any other West Wing. No. This man holds the record for most home runs by a catcher.

[B]

I mean, I want to see Gary Carter.

[A]

No. No. According to the Beatles. When did Rocky Raccoon. What did Rocky Raccoon find when he checked into his room?

[B]

Bible.

[A]

Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding. You did pretty fucking good. There's a lot of cards on the ground. What you got wrong, my friend? The only deer species where both male and females grow antlers is reindeer or caribou. Fuck that. This man holds a record for most home runs by catchers. Mike Piazza. This TV show has more Emmys than any other as snl. Aside from a stag and Buck, Another name for a male deer as a heart. And the show that did two live shows in 2010 in the same night, one featuring Paul McCartney and the West Coast, Kim Kardashian. 30 Rock. 30 Rock did a live episode.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And the east coast was Paul McCartney. And then the west coast one, they did Kim Kardashian.

[B]

Oh, I had no.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. But you got a lot. I'm going to go ahead and say you got eight points on that one, putting your score at, I don't know, 14.

[B]

This feels a little loose.

[A]

It's not loose.

[B]

It's not arbitrary.

[A]

It's a scientific method that we've been using for many episodes.

[B]

I'm going to call Rob Morrow from the Quiz show movie to come investigate the legitimacy of your game.

[A]

The answer's Marty. Everyone knows the answer is Marty. Great movie. Quiz Show. All Right. Nick Kroll. My turn. Remember, if I get it wrong, put it in your lap. Okay, Here we go.

[B]

Ike, I'm really excited to start this with you.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

This. Is this your process? Because I feel like you really do this. You take this stuff really seriously. You're very good at it.

[A]

When I get them wrong, do I fixate on it for days and days on end? Yes. Do I enjoy it also? Yes.

[B]

Great answer. Okay, and let's get started with 110 seconds on the clock.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

90 seconds.

[A]

90 seconds.

[B]

All right, let's do 90 seconds on the clock.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And this is me trying to spook Ike and break him off his rhythm right before we start.

[A]

Fucking dick.

[B]

Okay, so let's put 100 seconds on the clock. It's not. It's. What? Is it 90?

[A]

It's 90.

[B]

Okay, we're gonna put 90 seconds on the clock. Spring.

[A]

Fuck. I screwed it up.

[B]

That was the season that I was.

[A]

I think you're rattling me, but I'm only getting stronger.

[B]

Okay, great. All right, so let's put 90 seconds on the clom. Is it clom? Is it clock?

[A]

Put 90 seconds on the clom.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Put 90 seconds on the clock.

[A]

Bomb.

[B]

90 seconds on the clock.

[A]

Here we go. Okay, here we go.

[B]

Ready? What 1980 Kubrick film gave us? Here's Johnny Depp. Shining. The 1956 international crisis began when Egypt nationalized. Boom shakalaka.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Who broke Kareem Abdul jabbar's all time NBA scoring record in 2023?

[A]

LeBron James.

[B]

What were the three headed dog guards at the end?

[A]

Service.

[B]

Yeah. What's the lower house of the UK Parliament? House of Commons in the show Friends. What would the name of Ross's pet capuchin monkey?

[A]

Marcel.

[B]

What ancient warrior code did Japanese samurai live by?

[A]

The samurai's code.

[B]

Dumb. Wrong. What nine 90s Tarantino film featured a briefcase whose contents are never revealed?

[A]

Pulpagin.

[B]

What Irish stout is famously poured into two stages. What sport features positions called scrum half and fly half?

[A]

Rugby.

[B]

What's the only mammable capable of jumping?

[A]

A mammal capable of jumping. Not capable of jumping. Me.

[B]

Yeah. The Bruce Springsteen's longtime nickname, the Boss. The bronze sculpture by Augustine Rodin shows a nude man in a deep contemplation.

[A]

The Thinker.

[B]

What's the highest grossing Broadway music of all time?

[A]

Cats. Who?

[B]

Wrong.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

What's the only planet in our solar system not named after the Greek or Roman God? Earth. In Parks and Rec, what's Ron Swanson's Secret jazz musician Alter ego.

[A]

I can't pass.

[B]

What two countries does Mont Blanc straddle?

[A]

Liechtenstein and Switzerland.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I had a couple easier ones in there. I just want to say.

[B]

You really did.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

But I was rattling you. You were rattling me. The universe understood. It was time to rebalance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It had to be rebalanced. Okay. Okay.

[B]

The only mammable incap. That really screwed that up for you. The only mammable. That's what I said the first time. And I can't stop it. But because it's the only mammable incapable of jumping.

[A]

Mammable.

[B]

That was my snack idea for kids.

[A]

Mammables.

[B]

Mammables.

[A]

Like shareables.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Lunchables.

[B]

Shareables. Lunchables. Mammables incapable of jumping a sloth. The elephant.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Which sucks because you think about an elephant seeing like a little mouse wants to jump. Scared.

[A]

I've seen it in a cartoon. I don't know. Let's check our sources.

[B]

What's the highest grossing Broadway musical of all time?

[A]

It's Les Mis.

[B]

The Lion King. It's the Lion King in Parks and Rec.

[A]

What?

[B]

Ron Swanson's secret suggestion. Alter ego. That's embarrassing. As a friend to Nick Offerman.

[A]

Friend of Nick Offerman's.

[B]

You wouldn't know that.

[A]

Someone who was on many episodes of Parks and Rec. Captain Duke Silver. Duke Silver. I knew that.

[B]

What two countries does Mont Blanc travel?

[A]

Come on. Switzerland and Germany.

[B]

France and France and Italy.

[A]

I said France and Italy.

[B]

Who writes the most letters? The French and the Italians. To each other.

[A]

They always are. I want to have sex with you. I want to have sex with you. Too.

[B]

A jumpy.

[A]

We are the horniest country. No. No. We are the horniest guns.

[B]

Yeah. The Europeans could really be cheesy. Horny.

[A]

They are. But it's fine. I don't mind.

[B]

What ancient warrior code did Japanese samurai live by?

[A]

The man code.

[B]

Yeah. That's right.

[A]

Bro code.

[B]

Bro code.

[A]

I think I believe the answer is bros before hoes.

[B]

It is. It's bros before kohs. Which is concubines. Took me a second to put it together. I did need my split second to put that one together. Sometimes we gotta do the math before ready to go. You guys have to give us that time.

[A]

Time before codes. Yeah. Codes are concubines.

[B]

The answer is Bushido.

[A]

The answer is Buscemi.

[B]

Yeah. The answer is they have a fucking

[A]

code named after me. Yeah.

[B]

We had him on Big mouth.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a big as Mr.

[B]

Pink. We had him As a cat that's talking to Andrew.

[A]

He. I.

[B]

And we had. I will say also earlier you said there's one show had a piece of shit. We also had a piece of shit on big mouth that we had.

[A]

Who played the piece of.

[B]

We had Paul Giamatti as a piece of human.

[A]

I'm a piece of.

[B]

Yeah, he was.

[A]

I'm feces.

[B]

It was crazy that we got him to do.

[A]

That is really crazy. That is.

[B]

And we were. It was either it was him or him or me.

[A]

And you went with Giamatti.

[B]

Yeah, we were like, who's a bigger piece of shit? Ike is. But Paul's.

[A]

Paul's one of the best actors of his generation. And yeah, I'm proud to lose to Paul Giamatti. I'm very impressed by the knowledge you brought today. Even though you were worried. I think you answered a lot more than you didn't.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, has anyone been really bad at this? I feel like I'm probably.

[A]

I don't want to name any names.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But Tiffany had some crazy fucking answers.

[B]

Tiffany, Amber Thiessen.

[A]

Tiffany Amber Thiessen. Tiffany the singer.

[B]

Yeah. Uh huh.

[A]

Tiffany Darwish came back and said, I think we're alone now. No, but she answers them wrong. And then when she explains it, by the time she's finished with her explanation, you're like, well, you're right, I guess. Sure. She has that power.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Magic power. Nick Kroll, you should hold your head up high. You did very, very well here. And no one leaves this show empty handed. You are a champion in every walk of life. And we're very excited to see what you do with Ray the raccoon. And we got that for you. You can describe what it is for the people who are not watching on YouTube.

[B]

It's an adorable little raccoon.

[A]

Really legitimately cute.

[B]

It's a legitimate. But it's giving the finger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause I think that's what raccoons are. Are kind of doing.

[A]

All of us. It really kind of syncs up with the story you told. Yeah. Like if. If that raccoon understood what the finger was, he would absolutely have flipped you off.

[B]

Oh, for sure. But. But what's so interesting is the sad. The face of the raccoon is truly upset about where it stands in the world and is being a general.

[A]

Because normally when you give the finger, you're like, ah, you. But this is a very funny. Like, this is like, like a very, like, like, are you okay, buddy?

[B]

You man. Fuck you.

[A]

You say to someone, hey, man. I was gonna park here.

[B]

You. Me.

[A]

Then you're like, oh, okay.

[B]

You're just like. It's better to get away. This. Something's off.

[A]

Yeah, this guy. Someone started crying. He gave me a slow finger. I'm not gonna. With.

[B]

All right, man.

[A]

You're dealing with some stuff. I'll. I'll go valet. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[B]

You, man.

[A]

Like, they're. They're their last.

[B]

And they're like. And they're, like, slowly reaching. You're just like.

[A]

Yeah. Bye. Bye. Bye. Sorry, Nick. Crawl. Amazing. Thanks, guys. Amazing.

[B]

Thanks so much.

[A]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this ad for your morning commute to wake you up,

[B]

which could help your driving.

[A]

Science says that stimulating the brain increases alertness.

[B]

So here's a pop quiz. How many months have 28 days.

[A]

What gets wetter as it dries? What has keys but can't open? Locks. If you don't want to hear the answers, turn off this Liberty mutual ad now.

[B]

12 months.

[A]

A towel.

[B]

Piano. Enjoy being fully alert.