What Does Paul Scheer Know About Buddy Cop Movies & Billy Joel?

Summary

Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz:

What Does Paul Scheer Know About Buddy Cop Movies & Billy Joel?
Release Date: May 13, 2026
Host: Ike Barinholtz
Guest: Paul Scheer

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Funny You Ask" features comedian, actor, and podcaster Paul Scheer as he tests his trivia mettle on three beloved topics: buddy cop movies, Billy Joel, and late night talk shows. Sparring with host Ike Barinholtz, the pair dive into hilarious anecdotes, deep-cut trivia, and pointed nostalgia while riffing on everything from “Running Scared” to Billy Joel’s Long Island lore. The tone is playful and irreverent, with competitive banter, personal confessions, and plenty of digressions about pop culture, comedy, and childhood memories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Buddy Cop Movies: The Art of the Duo

[04:51–19:54]

• Trivia Kickoff: Ike tests Paul on the 1986 Chicago-set "Running Scared" starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines, which Paul aces (05:01).

  • Bonus: Paul instantly rattles off Dan Hedaya as a supporting actor.
  • Memorable Quotes:
    • Ike: “What I’m freaking talking about, baby.” (05:02)
    • Paul: “One of the most underrated great buddy cop movies.” (05:05)

• Specifics & Deep Cuts: Discussion of Jimmy Smits’s “Colombian necktie” as a memorably extreme fictional murder method (05:36).

• Favorite Firsts: Both reminisce on “Beverly Hills Cop” and “Lethal Weapon” as formative buddy cop experiences.

  • Paul: "I showed that movie (Beverly Hills Cop) to my kids, 9 and 11, and... they just don't find them to be that funny." (09:49)

• The Ritual of Childhood Moviegoing:

  • Paul’s nostalgia for seeing "Lethal Weapon" in theaters; discussed the surprise of seeing nudity in the opening scene (11:06).
  • Ike remembers being a “Lethal Weapon head” and reflects on how the darker tone shaped his love for the genre (10:40–12:15).

• Pitching New Buddy Cops:

  • Paul jokingly pitches a movie with “Michael B. Jordan and Michael B. Jordan. They're brothers. Nope, they're just Michael B. Jordan.” (14:17)
  • Ike pitches a buddy cop film starring Viola Davis, Jesse Plemons, Kirsten Dunst, and Charlize Theron as a South African villain, set at the Americana shopping complex (16:15–17:13).
    • Paul: “Charlize is the chief South African terrorist. She never plays a bad person.”

• Good, Bad, and Ugly Buddy Movies:

  • Paul recaps "Live Wire," "Not If Looks Could Kill" (John Stamos as a James Bond type), and "Righteous Kill" (De Niro/Pacino misfire, with hilarious continuity errors) from "How Did This Get Made?" (17:50–19:34).

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Presidential Trivia and White House Bowling

[20:01–24:45]

• “Presidents With Hobbies” Question: Paul tests Ike on which US president first installed a White House bowling alley.

  • Ike confidently says Nixon, but Paul corrects him: "Harry S. Truman." (21:00)
    • Paul: “Richard Nixon...I have a feeling he refurbished” (21:10)
  • Paul tells a quirky story about bowling at the White House (21:18–22:13), recalling a staff party where children and staffers mingled over bagels and champagne.
    • Quote: "A lot of drunk people just like... but again, to see the amount of liquor that was out there..." (22:13)

• Ideals for Hotel Amenities:

  • Both agree that more hotels should have bowling alleys.
  • Ike: “I'm a member of Hilton Garden Honors...If you guys are watching this, let's get an alley in some of these." (24:08)

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Presidents You’d Party With & Long Island Stories

[24:08–26:12; 32:18–34:21]

• “Which President Would You Hang Out With?”
  • Ike: “Chester A. Arthur...He was just like, a big drunk New York dumbass.”
  • Paul: “Gerald Ford might be fun. Yeah...a big dumb jock.” (25:03)
• Paul shares a story from his Long Island pizza joint, where being a “funny guy” is a state of being so known it gets you put in a headlock. (25:50)

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Billy Joel and the Long Island DNA

[26:13–32:18]

• Billy Joel Song Challenge:
  • Which Billy Joel song is an ode to Long Island fishermen?
    • Paul: “Down Easter Alexa.” (26:21)
    • Bonus: Named for his daughter Alexa; album “Storm Front.” (26:31–26:41)
• Shared concert nostalgia—both first saw Joel’s “Storm Front” tour with their parents.
• Discussion about Joel’s onstage charisma, bits, and the secret tricks that keep his performances fresh — like hiring a top-notch impersonator to “layer” backup vocals and make him sound great live. (28:05)
• Reflections on Joel’s refusal to make new albums (“He’s just like, and I’m done.”)—paralleled with Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Watterson (28:47)
• Karaoke confessions:
  • Ike sings “Only The Good Die Young” at his wedding, complete with UCB rehearsal (29:46–30:16).
  • Paul breaks down the complexities of performing Joel’s songs.
• Paul confirms: “Christie Brinkley is from Huntington!” (32:18)
  • The conversation veers into the pantheon of Huntington-born celebrities (Mariah Carey, Bob Costas, Edie Falco, etc.) and Long Island's interconnected towns and landmarks.

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YouTube’s Origins, Video Dating & Strange Corners of the Internet

[34:48–40:51]

• Original Purpose of YouTube:
  • Paul quizzes Ike: It was conceived as a video dating site (36:24–36:28).
    • Both reminisce about awkward 1980s video-personals.
• Tangent into weird internet subcultures:
  • Paul describes a community that has sex in full inflatable suits, requiring a razor blade for safety.
    • “You always have to carry a razor blade in your hand to pop at any moment to get out.” (39:39)
  • Ike: “You can do all that, but just don’t have a loaded gun also connected to that door…” (40:28)

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Late Night Talk Shows: Fanboying, History & Debut Nerves

[41:05–59:26]

• Late Late Show Hosts: Ike quizzes Paul on the succession:
  • Tom Snyder is identified as the first, but Paul misses Craig Kilborn as the second (42:04).
• Both reminisce about taping and obsessing over Letterman and Arsenio:
  • Paul: “I had a tape in my house...just Eddie Murphy on talk shows.” (42:31)
  • Ike: “Letterman was your first kind of... Oh yeah.” (43:33)
• Paul recounts his nerve-wracking first Letterman appearance during his Human Giant days:
  • “I had to memorize my own stuff backstage…I was nervous as hell…My mom clapped so hard her wedding ring flew off.” (44:57–46:42)
  • After the segment, Letterman “shuts down like a robot.” (47:49)
• Transition to Conan and "bits" era:
  • Paul describes the Conan O'Brien system as a proving ground for New York comedy talent and improvisers (49:01–50:30).
    • “The way that I got my SAG card in this business was doing Conan bits.” (49:34)
• Praise for Conan's kindness and his playful, “faux aggressive” manner with staff (51:05–51:51).
• Flourish on the historical arc: From Dick Cavett’s long-form interviews (“You’d have Orson Welles on, Richard Pryor and John Lennon...”) to Graham Norton's modern, all-on-the-couch approach (55:58).
• Ike would want to host in the Johnny Carson era: “You’ve had a few martinis, there’s a cigarette under the desk, and you’re just watching, like, Don Rickles just roast on.” (56:54)

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Tall Tales: The Magic Hour & Howard Stern Mayhem

[52:16–55:02]

• Both hosts reminisce about failed talk shows, especially “The Magic Hour” with Magic Johnson, and Howard Stern’s takeovers.
• Paul recounts being in the audience for a failed FOX talk show hosted by an Australian named Gary before Joan Rivers’ run (55:02).

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Music, Pop Culture, and Speed Rounds

[59:52–68:57]

• Speed Trivia: Rapid fire questions cover Tonight Show hosts, Lethal Weapon, Billy Joel albums (“The Stranger”), Long Island towns (Levittown/Hicksville), “Cop and a Half,” Hot Fuzz, the name “Mike Lowry,” and many more (63:34–66:45).
  • Memorable exchange:
    • Ike: "Who was the band leader on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show?"
    • Paul: "Doc Severson." (64:46)
• Additional lightning round with questions like “Who won the 2025 Oscar for Best Supporting Actress?” (Sean Penn, as a joke), “Who created ‘The Godfather’?" (Mario Puzo), and “Who was the third US vice president?" (Aaron Burr) (66:27–68:22).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “One of the rules of being intimate in this is you always have to carry a razor blade in your hand to pop at any moment to get out.” – Paul (39:39)
• “Why would you make it [the chair in Casino Royale] 3 millimeters? It needs to be at least 12...This man has a famously large nut sack.” – Ike (07:09)
• “Christie Brinkley’s from Huntington...I did not know that!” – Paul (31:53)
• “You always have to carry a razor blade in your hand to pop at any moment to get out.” – Paul (39:53)
• “I just want to do two things: Half-days on Halloween…and more bowling alleys in hotels.” – Paul (23:56)
• “You are a dream guest on this show.” – Ike (68:58)

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Most Memorable Segments with Timestamps

• Buddy Cop Dive & Childhood Favorites: [04:51–12:58]
• White House Bowling & Presidential Hobbies: [20:01–24:45]
• Billy Joel Deep Cuts and Concert Memories: [26:12–32:18]
• YouTube Was a Dating Site?: [34:48–36:28]
• Paul’s First Letterman & Conan Experiences: [44:36–52:15]
• Music Video Oddities & Trivia Lightning Rounds: [59:52–68:22]

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Closing & Gifts

• Ike presents Paul with a 4K copy of “Lethal Weapon” (one for upstairs and one for downstairs TV), because “How often are you upstairs and you're like, dammit, I left it downstairs?” (69:44)
• Paul jokes about his “real dad moment” watching late-night Lethal Weapon alone, and Ike promises a copy of “National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon” next time (70:09).

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Final Thoughts

With endless pop-culture references, nostalgic riffing, and blistering trivia, the episode balances affectionate ribbing and genuine enthusiasm for the oddball corners of American comedy, film, and history. Scheer’s performance—charming, competitive, and deeply knowledgeable—makes him a true “dream guest.” The episode is a must-listen for anyone who geeks out over buddy cop flicks, obscure Billy Joel lore, or the golden eras of late night TV.

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Listen if you enjoy:

• Comedy podcasts with trivia and storytelling
• 80s/90s movie and TV nostalgia
• Behind-the-scenes tales of comedy, late night, and celebrity encounters

Transcript

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Bam.

[A]

Bam. What I'm freaking talking about, baby.

[B]

I didn't know about this, and I found it fascinating, which is you put yourself in a full inflatable blow up costume.

[A]

Oh, Erica and I do that.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He kept on coming back over the table, kind of being like, this is a funny guy. He's a funny guy. And then he just put me in a full headlock, and I was in a headlock. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

[A]

How you doing, funny guy?

[B]

Hey, this funny guy over here.

[A]

Funny guy. I'm an alcoholic. How you doing? Sitting so close to me is a man who is an actor and a writer and a creator and a husband and a father.

[B]

These are all true things.

[A]

Recently ordained Greek Orthodox priest.

[B]

Yes. And Nobel Prize winner.

[A]

Nobel Prize winner.

[B]

She gave it to me.

[A]

She gave it to me. The FIFA prize. But truly one of my favorite actors. Not just to watch, but to work with. And a man who claims to know a little something about buddy cop movies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Long island and its greatest poet, Billy Joel.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

And late night talk show hosts.

[B]

I mean, this is a perfect game show for me that I feel like I will bungle immensely because I am a person. When I play these games where I'm like, oh, yeah, I knew that. But I never know it when I watch you on Jeopardy. I'm like, I could never do it. I talked to that producer. I'm like, no, I will embarrass myself.

[A]

We're about to find out. Paul Scheer, welcome to Funny. You ask.

[B]

I'm excited to be here. Let me ask you a question, and then we'll start. Because we did start with, you know, yes, I was given a Nobel Prize. Is it cool to have someone's, like, championship ring? Like, if you're like, I bought, like, you know, like an NBA championship ring. I don't think that that's.

[A]

I don't think it's cool. Only because the person who sold it obviously didn't want to sell it.

[B]

Right. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, if you have, like, you know, like, that person, you don't be like, hey, look who fell on hard times.

[B]

I met a guy at a birthday party one time who his business was recreating in the right. With the right jewels and gold and everything, championship rings. So you would say, I want 1984 Celtics champ. I don't know if they won an 84, but, you know, like, I want that. And he would make it. And that Was his whole.

[A]

This is Adam Sandler and uncut gems, I believe.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

And he got this grape Furby.

[A]

He got this grape Furby, too.

[B]

But that was the gift that he gave the birthday boy was a Celtics championship ring.

[A]

Oh. That he made.

[B]

But that his store is primarily to make.

[A]

To make replicas.

[B]

Replicas that are as expensive as. And I still think if you were to wear that, but not associate it with the tea, I don't know what

[A]

you'd do with it. Do you remember when Vlad Putin just straight up took Bob Kraft's Patriots championship ring?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, he's like, I would like to see ring. And Bob Kraft's like, okay. And then he just, like, left pocketed it. That is an alpha move.

[B]

I mean, that's disgusting.

[A]

Horrible tyrant. But that is crazy.

[B]

If you can steal. If you can steal someone's championship ring, then that's cool.

[A]

Yeah. It's not even stealing. It's just, like, leaving the room with it, just being like, what are you going to do?

[B]

The two cool things that he's done is that and shirtless on a horse. Cause I feel like that's a look I don't see a lot.

[A]

You don't see that from world leaders. He is, I hate to say not anymore. He's kind of old, and, I heard, sick. But, like, in his prime, he was kind of one of the more jacked world leaders. I mean, yeah, we need more jacked

[B]

presence, but he was, like, jacked in the way that back in the day, like, if, like, Bruce Willis was, like,

[A]

jacked or like, Burt Lancaster.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where it's like you have not even pecs, just strong breasts.

[B]

Like a swimmer's body. Like, what? You know?

[A]

Yeah, a swimmer's body, but you still drink, like, a quart of milk a day.

[B]

So much powdered eggs. Just get it in your system.

[A]

You truly host one of my favorite podcasts of all time. How did this get made?

[B]

And you're. How did this get made? All Star.

[A]

I'm an all star. I've got my challenge coin. I think maybe three or four. If you've never heard. How did this get Made? Stop this podcast right now. Listen to every episode.

[B]

And now I'm done.

[A]

Do you come back? How many episodes have you done?

[B]

We've done it for 15 years. I have no idea how many episodes that is, but we've had a lot. We have a lot. We got a lot.

[A]

It is one of the greatest shows, and I've done a live episode of it, and it's one of the best.

[B]

We have to have you back for that.

[A]

I love it so much.

[B]

I love.

[A]

This is payback, motherfucker. All right, here we go.

[B]

All right, I'm ready.

[A]

We're getting right into it. Hold on. So here's how this is going to work. You've given me your three topics. I'm going to ask you a question about one of the topics. You'll answer, maybe you get it right, maybe you get it wrong. We'll talk, then you'll do the same for me. We'll rinse and repeat twice, and then we'll do the speed rap.

[B]

Can't wait.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go.

[B]

Ready for it?

[A]

Your category's buddy cop movies.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

What 1986 buddy cop movie was. Was set in my hometown of Chicago and stars Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines.

[B]

Running scared.

[A]

Boom. Paul Scheer's on the board for the bonus question.

[B]

One of the most underrated great buddy cop movies. Peter Himes.

[A]

Peter Himes. And a amazing cast, including our beloved Joe Panigliano. And the bad guy was Jimmy Smits. For a bonus, can you name one other actor in Running Scare?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Dan Hedaya. Paul Shay.

[A]

That's what I'm freaking talking about, baby.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

I knew you were gonna get the first one right. I was curious about the bonus. If you had gotten the first one wrong, I was like, the whole podcast.

[B]

We have to scrap it out. Well, here's the thing. I'm so happy that we started there, and I feel a little bit of confidence. I thought you were gonna ask me what was the way that Jimmy Smits killed people. Which is still to my favorite way of death. Colombian necktie.

[A]

Columbia necktie. It's where you cut the throat from ear to ear and then pull the tongue out.

[B]

And I don't understand how that. I'm like, you'd have to do some more work, a little bit more manipulation. I just also. It feels like a full writer's idea. Like. Yeah, that's the way you kill. Pulled your tongue out.

[A]

You pull your tongue out. The only way you should kill somebody is just a quick shot to the head and run away.

[B]

That's the fact. Get it done. Do it from a moving car, even. Oh.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

The histrionics with. We cut his eyes out and put him in his asshole and then stretched his penis so it went into his own mouth because he was a traitor. It's like. It's too much.

[B]

Look, the worst torture scene I've ever seen is Casino Royale. And you have Daniel Craig getting his balls just lightly whacked. Just lightly whacked.

[A]

Just like from. But from underneath is the thing.

[B]

And yes. Oh.

[A]

That's like. It's a sensation that you only know if you're a bro.

[B]

It's a chair with the balls cut out.

[A]

That is a funny scene. That's like Mads Mikkelsen's character talking to his henchmen. He's like, I want a chair. I want a chair with a hole. The middle of the chair has to be empty. So I want to whip his balls.

[B]

And then James Bond gets in there. His balls may be too big.

[A]

Bigger.

[B]

We needed a bigger hole.

[A]

Why would you make it. Why would you make it 3 millimeters? Why would you make it 3 millimeters? It needs to be at least 12 millimeters. I told you. This man has a famously large nut sack.

[B]

Trying to pull the nut sack down into again too.

[A]

Combo.

[B]

What I do love about that movie is that Daniel Craig is in the hospital for ball torture. Like, he's like, I can't walk.

[A]

He can't walk in the next Cock and ball torture. What if he liked it? He's like, joke's on you. I'm actually jizzing right now. And I'm Sean Connery for some reason. I'm mixing up my bones.

[B]

No one ever does a George Lazenby impression.

[A]

Hello, mate. Bourns James Bonds.

[B]

Expecting the other one. Right. It's me.

[A]

Ishin. Oh. 007. This is a boomerang that has a gun in it. Fucking great, mate. I could throw this fucker. Slice his fucking head off.

[B]

I love that. On Her Majesty Secret Service. The idea was we're gonna introduce a new guy. We'll make him fall in love and then we'll kill her in the final.

[A]

We'll kill her right away. And we're gonna take the famously most British character of all time and make him an Aussie. Let's go. People were like, fuck. Fuck you.

[B]

They will accept this. There was no win for that man.

[A]

No. People thought all the riots in England at that time were, like, due to labor. No. It was because of Lazenby. They were furious. George, if you're around, we'd love to have you on the pod.

[B]

Great.

[A]

I don't know if he's still with us.

[B]

He might be. He did a great documentary that was on Hulu just about being the worst double. Not the worst.

[A]

He's not actually bad.

[B]

He was great. That movie is good.

[A]

And that's a very good movie by the Way.

[B]

Yes, I agree.

[A]

I was so happy when you said Buddy Cops was one of your categories. I love Buddy Cops. I remember seeing 48 hours when I was a kid and I was like, I want to be. I want one of these two people to be my central identity. Either the tough, hot, you know, guy who beats people up or the funniest man ever. Neither one happened.

[B]

But you know what? I think you have both. You have. You got some Nolte and you definitely

[A]

got some goddammit, thank you bullshit.

[B]

I mean, that's another movie. I love 48 hours. It gets better as I get older too. So it's like.

[A]

It's a beautiful movie. Also, the way it's shot, the way San Francisco.

[B]

It's absolutely scary. It's good and it's like great.

[A]

Bad guy terrifying.

[B]

Bad guy terrifying.

[A]

What was the first buddy cop film you saw that you remember being like, this is it.

[B]

You know, I think it's tricky, right? Cause it's kind of a buddy cop, but it's not. Which is Beverly Hills Cop.

[A]

I consider it a buddy cop.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Cause it's like almost. Rosewood and Taggart are a character together.

[B]

That's what I kind of think. And that to me, blew my mind again, Eddie Murphy. We're about the same age as like, it's. You can't beat it.

[A]

It's not from this planet. No, no.

[B]

And it's amazing. And I showed that movie to my kids 9 and 11 and it's a. You big. Oh, is it like the sex stuff or the fact. No, they just don't find them to be that funny. They were like, oh, when is it gonna get funny? And I'm so excited. And I never do this. I never push my stuff on them and that. I was like, well, that's gonna kill. It's a great movie.

[A]

I push it on them and the success rate is like 30%. I find I'm like, this is gonna be your new favorite movie.

[B]

You.

[A]

The Goonies, you're gonna love it. And they're like. And I'm like, fuck.

[B]

I gotta find my right moments. I brought my kids to the Goonies at Vidiot's at a sold out screening.

[A]

Oh my God. That. See, God damn it.

[B]

That was the way to.

[A]

Because you never know. Sometimes there's like a random one that they'll just abs. We started watching Groundhog Day. They seem to be very into it. And that's a little more kind of slow and advanced and stuff. I remember I was a big Lethal Weapon head.

[B]

Oh, well, I was Gonna say, that's like Lethal Weapon is my second one. Lethal Weapon 2 especially.

[A]

I saw Lethal Weapon in the theaters. I remember my friend's dad was taking us to the movies and I was so. I really wanted to see Outrageous Fortune.

[B]

Oh, of course. Cause they had been in the theater.

[A]

That middler, Shelley Long. My parents had saw it and they said it was so funny. I really wanted to see that one. And the dad was like, no, we're seeing Lethal Weapon. I was like, ah, fuck. And then I loved it. I also first seen Lethal Weapon. You see boobs.

[B]

Oh, I mean, the first. Yeah, first scene.

[A]

First scene, a boob. And I was like, whatever.

[B]

And then she just does that craz

[A]

jumps off the roof. Waste.

[B]

I mean, that movie is so dark and so weird. I love it. I just rewatched it. I got the Blu ray, like the 4K Blu. And it looks beautiful.

[A]

Here's my pitch. You do a new one, but Mel Gibson. Riggs has now become Mel Gibson's character from Dragged Across Concrete. He's the most psychotic cop of all time. Even more so. I remember Jordan Peele when he first kind of came through Chicago, he was partnered with Becky Drysdale and they did like a two person show together. And they had a blackout where it was like, you hear police sirens and stuff. And Becky Drysdale walks in and she's like, rog, where are you? Rog? What's going on up here?

[B]

I'm up here.

[A]

And he gets upstairs and Jordan is playing Murtaugh and he's sitting on a chair and what's going on, man? You got the police outside, the helicopters are everywhere. And she goes, riggs, Riggs, there's a bomb on my dick. Funny guy. Don't know what happened to him, but he's a funny guy.

[B]

Talk about the like again. I think about, I was talking about this movie the other day. So a bad guy came into his house while he was sleeping. Could have easily shot him in the head.

[A]

Just killed him then.

[B]

But said, you know what? I'm gonna rig the family room's toilet.

[A]

Toilet, toilet. Could be anyone. Could be the nanny taking a dump.

[B]

He has like six kids in these movies. And it's like, I'm gonna take. That's where I'm gonna take my shot is having a toilet that explodes. And then I'll do a little thing like boom. You know, like, you know, whatever. Flushing, you're dead or whatever. It was a little note. So he's also writing on toilet paper,

[A]

which is almost impossible to do. That's very Difficult.

[B]

Very difficult. And then you're like. I'm like, murtaugh's a bad cop.

[A]

He didn't hear. I mean, that movie is so funny, too. Cause they were like. We want these characters to be like drug and money launderers. Who does everyone hate right now? Oh, the South African embassy.

[B]

Diplomatic immunity. Diplomatic immunity.

[A]

If they remade it now, what country do you think would be the bad guy, huh? We'll never know, I guess. Here we go. I want you to put on your hat right now, your Joel Silver hat.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You are a mega producer.

[B]

Love Joel Silver.

[A]

You could meet, had dinner at Joel Silver's house. It was fucking crazy.

[B]

That's a guy who I feel like would love to hear those stories.

[A]

He was at the epicenter of, like, everything. Incredible. Anyways, you are a contemporary Joel Silver, right? You can greenlight a buddy cop movie with any two actors except yourself.

[B]

Okay, Got it. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What is the pitch? Who is it? And what, like, what's the. What's the elevator? You don't have to give a full flesh.

[B]

No, no, no. Yeah. I'm like, this is a good. A good question. I'm going to go and maybe it's this recency bias, but I'm going to say Michael B. Jordan. Right? I feel like you put him in. I feel like he's great and Michael B. Jordan.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Let's do it again.

[A]

This is a.

[B]

They're brothers. No brainer.

[A]

They're brothers. Different backgrounds.

[B]

That's it. You can't get better than that. Michael B. Jordan and Michael B. Jordan, they're buddy cops. This is the best.

[A]

You love them in Sinners.

[B]

Yeah. You know what it is? It's a certain kind of alchemy. Cause, like, I love Sandler and like, Sandler and Damon Waynes did that one Bulletproof. You know, there was that time where, I mean, I love the Hard way a little.

[A]

I love. I had a hard way question coming up.

[B]

Really? Oh, all right, great. I love the hard way. Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot of really good. And James woods is like, one of the best actors and one of the coolest.

[B]

Dude, Cool dude.

[A]

He seems like a really chill guy. Like, you know what I think? I think of Jeff Bridges. I think of James Woods.

[B]

I always go, why wreck it? Like, why open your mouth and wreck it?

[A]

He's just a psycho. Maybe. But I will say, like, I just rewatched Contact.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Such a fucking good actor.

[B]

He's awesome.

[A]

I would work with him in a second. Even though I'm sure he has things like Barack Obama should be probably hung or something, but he is an amazing actor.

[B]

No, and you know what? I'll say, too. I was watching 21 Jump street again, and I'm like, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, like, these guys, they kill it all the time. And then when you look back on that, it's like, oh, they kind of nailed this thing that we don't really even do anymore. Like 21 jump streets. Channing Tatum and Jonah are great.

[A]

Not only did they do it, they nailed the sequel, which comedy sequels are so hard.

[B]

And it was like, meta just enough to be like, acknowledge that we're in a sequel.

[A]

But then that's the trick in a sequel, a comedy sequel, is that you have to kind of make a little bit of a hat tip and some acknowledgements, acknowledgments to what happened. But you cannot repeat jokes, and you cannot. It's comedy sequels.

[B]

Very, very tough.

[A]

22 gems. Three is probably the best one.

[B]

And they did that thing where they just, like, they switched the character. Just. It's. It's hard. It's hard because you're like, I like that you're never gonna. That you're the crazy one and you're the serious one. But they had. They, they switched it. It was good.

[A]

Here's my pitch. Viola Davis.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She's retiring.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She's having a retirement party at the Grove. At the Americana. At the Americana. Great.

[B]

I love that. Closer to my house.

[A]

Closer to your house.

[B]

My mom lives there.

[A]

Amazing. I love the Americana. Wonderful place.

[B]

Great place.

[A]

She's retiring. Her retirement party's here. Her partner has been Jesse Plemons. We love Plemons. Beautiful boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He has to train his new partner, who is Kirsten Dunst. His real life wife. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Love her.

[B]

I love her. Amazing actor. Never, never hit the wrong note. Yeah.

[A]

While they're at this party, terroristic over South African terrorists.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, of course.

[A]

They're back. Yeah, they're back.

[B]

Led by Charlize.

[A]

Charlize is the chief South African terrorist.

[B]

She never plays a bad person.

[A]

Never. Always plays the hero. This is a great chance for her to be the bad guy. So it's Training Day meets Die Hard at the Americana.

[B]

I mean, look, I'm into a world where, you know, like, you're like, to me, Beverly Hills Cop 3. Great premise.

[A]

Great premise. Execution didn't work.

[B]

Didn't work to do it at Disney World. It's a great like.

[A]

And have Plemons and Dunce running around here. Maybe they hook up and have a love scene. They're married, so I'm into it. They're into it. I love it.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

What are some buddy cop movies you've done on? How did this get made? Do you remember?

[B]

We've done a lot of good, bad ones. Like, you know the one that we just did? They often aren't necessarily full body movies. Like, we just did this movie Live Wire with Pierce Brosnan.

[A]

I remember that. Yeah. Where the bomb is inside you.

[B]

Yes. You drink the bomb and then the people are exploding. That's a great one.

[A]

I forgot to mention the part where he swallowed a bunch of nitrocrystalline.

[B]

Not if looks could kill. But it was a movie with John Stamos as, like, a James Bond character.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And Gene Simmons as the vill. Great ones. Solid, Solid.

[A]

I. I got a good pitch for you. Have you guys done Righteous Kill?

[B]

Wait, I don't think so.

[A]

So Righteous Kill, Remember? You know Robert Dairo?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I've heard of him. Right? Alino.

[A]

He's.

[B]

The guy's in the Irish. The Irishman.

[A]

Irishman.

[B]

Yeah, I got that.

[A]

They've done a couple movies together. The boxing movie, the Irishman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they did a movie called righteous kill in 2008 that was like. I think, like, was produced by, like, the Mossad. And it.

[B]

I know what you're talking. Yes, I. Now I know. Yes.

[A]

It's a movie. It's a cop movie where, like, De Niro kills the bad guys. Cause they were bad. They had a couple. And it is awesome. And there is some continuity moments in that movie. There's like. I'm pretty sure it's Righteous Kill. There's a scene where, like, Pacino walks into a room and he's like, what do we got going on? And he's wearing, like, a black shirt and a blue tie. And then in the next frame, he's like, where'd you find the body? And it's a red tie.

[B]

We did do this movie.

[A]

You did this movie.

[B]

Oh, my God. I remember now that you were doing the Pacino. I'm like, right. This is the one where he's in a car. And there's also a giant continuity.

[A]

Shit. Giant continuity.

[B]

Whoa. It takes you out of it. Cause it's like, what, did my brain just misfire for a second?

[A]

My favorite part of that movie is at the end of the movie, there's this very convoluted chase sequence. And at one point, De Niro's character runs over and he just goes David. David, we gotta end this. And Stassin and I said that David was the name of the director. All right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We could talk about buddy cop movies all day. I think it is time for you, Paul Scheer, to ask me a question. Please.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Make it a good one.

[B]

I mean, we'll see.

[A]

These questions, by the way, just for the record, I have never seen them before.

[B]

You did take any curated.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

No peeks.

[A]

No peeks. Annabelle, our producer, curates this and I have never seen it. Scouts.

[B]

All right, well, this is actually really interesting because I actually have experience with this one. Okay, so US Presidents. Okay, Right. They've all brought all sorts of personal hobbies into the White House. Make it a home.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Which US President famously installed the first bowling alley in the White House.

[A]

I know it.

[B]

Even though his favorite pastime was poker. Yes. Go ahead.

[A]

My personal number one, all time goated president. Yeah. My friend. My late, sweet friend. It's Richard Nixon.

[B]

You're wrong.

[A]

What?

[B]

You are wrong.

[A]

What?

[B]

You are wrong.

[A]

Eisenhower.

[B]

I'll give you a hint.

[A]

Give me a hint.

[B]

He was president during World War II.

[A]

FDR, he didn't fucking care.

[B]

Harry S. Truman.

[A]

Oh, that shitbag.

[B]

But you know what? Richard Nixon. I bet you. Here's what happened. It says, first bowling alley. I have a feeling I refurbished.

[A]

I put in another.

[B]

I'm a bowler.

[A]

I put in one of the things that blows the hair on your hands.

[B]

I bowled at the White House. Bowling.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Jesus. It was one of the coolest experiences ever.

[A]

You're friends with Eric Trump?

[B]

Yeah. Hunting buddies.

[A]

Hunting buddies.

[B]

And you know. And again, we don't talk politics. We never talk politics.

[A]

We never talk politics.

[B]

The only time you can kind of get into the White House when you're not like a member of the White House thing is when the President is away, that's a big thing. So I have a friend who works at NASA. No big deal. Wow. And he brought us on a tour on a Sunday. And what you can do is you can rent out the bowling alley for like an hour or two. So a lot of White House staffers are there. So we walked in at like 10am on a Sunday and there was a full on party going on. It's like bagels, champagne, beer. People are like, this is my party moment. They're all. Because they had little kids, they let our kids kind of go in and bowl. It was a beautiful.

[A]

So wholesome.

[B]

A lot of drunk people just like. But again, to see the amount of liquor that was out there and you have to clean up after yourself. But that's. It's a. You know, it's a nice little thing. And you would.

[A]

Ah, the secretary of energy. How you doing as a kid?

[B]

And that person was Kash Patel, who let my. My son Bolver.

[A]

He's a good guy. Cash, we would love to have you on the pod.

[B]

He gave me his phone. He goes look through anything. Cause I don't remember my password. If you remember to get in there.

[A]

Password, I'll give you my gun. That is. Yeah, that's probably the best use of. The White House is a bowling alley for kids these days.

[B]

I mean, it is a cool. Like that sign that's like when you know that you're a level of rich that is beyond. Like when you're like, oh, put a bowling alley in here.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I mean, literally, Daniel Plainview.

[B]

Yes. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes, I have everything. I just need to play my pinball.

[B]

But yet there's nothing more sad than just a lone lane.

[A]

Yeah, a lone lane is rough. You need at least two.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta have two.

[A]

You gotta have two. And the only thing is you have a bowling alley at home. Then you have to get so much accoutrements. Oh, yeah, you need a bumpers guy.

[B]

You know, you're getting somebody. Like somebody's greasing up pins or you got a rack.

[A]

And the reality is this. I really do enjoy bowling. I think it's fun. Yeah. I want spicy Year.

[B]

You know what? I'll tell you, it's a great thing we went on a vacation last year.

[A]

I love Lucky Strike.

[B]

I love Lucky Strike. I love the place in Eagle Rock. But an old school bowling alley.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's cool.

[B]

But what I like is a hotel that has that as an option.

[A]

Now.

[B]

That's great, right?

[A]

That's a perfect activity. It's good you're at the hotel.

[B]

It's like, let's go bowling. We're here. More hotels put bowling alleys in.

[A]

If guys we're.

[B]

That's the one thing I stand on. Like, people ask me about environment, politics. I'm like, I just want to do two things. Half day is on Halloween. Because no one wants to work a full day on Halloween. No, no, no, no, no, no. And. And more bowling alleys than hotels.

[A]

Yeah. I'm a member of Hilton Garden Honors and I have points. And if you guys are watching this, let's get an alley in some of these.

[B]

I mean, that's. That you got to listen to your people.

[A]

Let's fucking go. Who would be the one president you would want to hang out with? You'd want.

[B]

Oh, I mean, fdr. It feels like the one that's the coolest. Right.

[A]

I think FDR would be, like, our best president and is, like, a great guy, but I guess he was funny. He was pretty horny. But, like, I'm talking, like, one night and you're removing politics, right?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, who do you wanna. Who do you wanna have a beer with?

[A]

I think Chester A. Arthur.

[B]

Oh, he's the big guy.

[A]

Did you see Death by Lightning?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, that was Offerman.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And he was just like, a big, drunk New York dumbass.

[B]

Well, didn't like. And Chester. Oh, Garfield got stuck in the garbage.

[A]

Garfield. Garfield was Michael Shannon. He got caught.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And he was. I don't think he'd be fun to hang out with. Cause he was. He was so, like, stressed. And he was like, yeah, yeah, reconstruction. But, like, I think Chester Arthur was like, I shit my pants.

[B]

I feel like Gerald Ford might be fun. Yeah.

[A]

He was like a big dumb jock.

[B]

Yeah, right. It might just be like. I mean, I feel like a lot of these are gonna be me getting put in a headlock, which, like, you know, I feel like FDR is gonna put me in headlock. I feel like drinking would happen and then put. You know, I had a moment where I'm from Long island, and I went home for my cousin's communion, and. And the guy who owned the pizza place that we went to was like, you're a funny guy. Right? You're a funny guy. And I was like, oh, you know, And I don't mind. I don't have jokes. People say like, oh, you have a joke. I don't have a joke. And then sometimes I try to remember jokes, but they're not. It's not gonna work. Oh, I don't know. I just do different stuff. And he. At a certain point, he kept on coming back over the table, kind of being like, this is a funny guy. This is a funny guy. And then he just put me in a full headlock. And I was in a headlock. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

[A]

How you doing? Hey, funny guy.

[B]

This funny guy over here.

[A]

I got a guy. I'm an alcoholic. How you doing?

[B]

Literally, headache had me in a headline.

[A]

I'm very glad. I'm very glad you brought up Long island, because I am gonna ask you a question now about, I think one of the greatest byproducts of that beautiful part of the country, which I love very much. A question. Are you ready for question number two?

[B]

I can't wait.

[A]

Billy Joel wrote a song that's an ode to the fisherman on the East End. First part. What is the song called?

[B]

Down east to? Alexa.

[A]

Bonus question. Correct. Bonus question. Who did he name the song after?

[B]

He named a song after his daughter. Boom, Boom Boom.

[A]

Double bonus question. What album is this song featured on?

[B]

I believe that is on river of Dreams.

[A]

You went two for three, my friend. It was Storm Front.

[B]

Stormfront.

[A]

Storm Front. Stormfront. Stormfront.

[B]

River of Dreams is where he starts to really do the fantasy. Look, we had the fantasy of. He's talking about Vietnam, and I'm like, was Billy Joel in Vietnam?

[A]

No, just a fan of the troops.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Just a fan.

[B]

Just telling their story.

[A]

Then he went through the kind of guilt of seeing Long island gentrified.

[B]

It was like, I long for the

[A]

days because Long island used to just straight up be fishermen.

[B]

Well, this is what he. But then he's like, you know, he's manufactured this thing of, like. And I am one of them.

[A]

Yeah, I'm one of them. And then river of Dreams, it was like. He's like, I did some mushrooms. I did a little bit of mushrooms.

[B]

And I should have remembered it with Storm. Stormfront was a very played album in my house, obviously. Big one to find.

[A]

The first concert I ever saw was Stormfront.

[B]

Oh, me too. Me too.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's fucking crazy. I went with my parents.

[B]

It was Harford Civic center is where I saw it.

[A]

I think it was the. It might have been United center in Chicago or the old Chicago Stadium, but, my God, he is such a great performer, man.

[B]

It really blew my mind. I just saw him recently when he came to Intuit Dome, and I was like, he still does it. And I think what he did was he wrecked every other performance. Cause, like, he's so personable. And even if it's all, like, written, like, he does bits where he. Like, he just does a lot of bits and, like, fake songs and then.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he stands on the piano and pretends to do a backflip and then just jumps down. He also. Do you ever see the clip of him in Moscow just freaking out during a concert?

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's playing.

[A]

I think he's in the middle of

[B]

code klept or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's like, there's a number you couldn't always call, let me do my goddamn show, for Christ's sakes. Just yelling at a bunch of morons from the politburo.

[B]

He also, like, as a Long Islander, I love when he would. Cause it was like the New York State of mind. It was like New York Times, Daily News.

[A]

Daily News.

[B]

And he adds News Day two.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When he does Long Island. But what I never realized was, first of all, one of the best moves of all time. Him and Bill Waterston, in my opinion, did it right. They're like, and I'm done.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I am not gonna make any more Calvin and Hobbes.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

I'm not gonna make any more.

[A]

No new albums.

[B]

No new.

[A]

I'll still play the hits, and that's it.

[B]

And it's a kind of an amazing way to be like, yeah, this is. Again. Paul McCartney is amazing again, one of the best shows I've ever seen. But I don't know if I'm going there for all the new stuff. What I love about Billy Joel is. Or when I first started seeing him, he has a giant songbook. Or when I first started seeing a songbook on his desk, which is like, the biggest binder. And he'd be like.

[A]

Like, all the lyrics are like, he's

[B]

doing, like, karaoke to his own shit. He's, like, reading it, doing it. And it's like, it's amazing to see the lyrics there on stage.

[A]

Only the Good Die Young is my go to karaoke song. I don't do karaoke a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But when I do, I can fit, like, 90% in his range. That's definitely his best song about a Jewish guy trying to have sex with a Christian woman, Which I've done three times. Three kids. I got three kids. I actually. At my wedding.

[B]

At your wedding? You did it. Wow. Now that's good.

[A]

In the middle of the wedding for everyone to see. No, at the wedding, my wife, like, Erica, when we were in the engagement process, kind of jokingly was like, you should sing at the wedding. I'm not a good singer by any stretch of the imagination. And I spent, like, weeks with Josh Meyers, Jordan Peele, and Robbie Benedict, and we would rehearse for the longest time.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And in the middle of the wedding, I sang it to her.

[B]

That's amazing, though.

[A]

That is great. And it was kind of great. Cause it was, like, just good enough where it wasn't awkward.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But also, it just was kind of had a little bit of comedy in it, too. And it's a very tough song. First of all, you know he sings all the parts on that record.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's insane, by the way.

[B]

Well, you know, the thing that I was talking to a friend about, which is really interesting about him, is he now has a Billy Joel double behind him.

[A]

Oh, it's a kind of layer.

[B]

Yeah. He's on stage with him. He is. And this is very much like a rock star, Mark Wahlberg rock star thing, where it's like he number one Billy Joel impersonator, and he was like, you come with me. He still has the Billy Joel tribute band and nails it, but he's there to just fill in those vocals. That's why he still sounds great.

[A]

That's why he still sounds great. For the longest time, too. One thing about Billy, he really made great videos. He was always the star of it. Remember? For the longest time. It's like. It's like a high school reunion. It's over. And the janitor's like, you gonna be much longer, son? He's like, no, not much longer. And then all of a sudden, the doo wop band comes out. It's so fucking strong and even.

[B]

We didn't start the fire, which you think, oh, it's just him in front of that screen with the fire. It's like, no. There's also, like, this weird kitchen.

[A]

Yeah. You're from Huntington.

[B]

Yeah. I will embrace Huntington as my home.

[A]

From what I've learned, Huntington is a larger. A larger town that has lots of little towns and hamlets around it.

[B]

Yeah, you're going in and out. So I was born there. I went to high school there. And it's a little bit of a Thriving clubs and bars are in Huntington, some good restaurants.

[A]

A Billy Joel connection is Christie Brinkley's from Huntington.

[B]

I did not know that.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's nuts. I saw Christie Brinkley one time in the Hamptons when I was very young and one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life.

[A]

Remember the Parks and Recs finale? Like, she's married to. She's Jerry's widow, and she looks incredible. And Adam Scott's like, how great does she look? And Polar's like, she's good. Were you. When you saw Vacation, were you more into Christy or Beverly d'? Angelo?

[B]

Oh, I mean, Christy. Only because I understand. And probably now more Beverly d'. Angelo.

[A]

I was a bev boy.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[A]

I loved Christy Brant.

[B]

At least. She was so hot.

[A]

But, like, there was something about Beverly D'. Angelo. Like, when I saw her, whatever, 35 years later at a Rite Aid, I was still like, oh, my God, I love you. You have some. A lot of people from Huntington from That area. A lot of famous people. I'm gonna start in order of prestige. Anthony Cumia.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, Big one. Big one. No, for real.

[A]

You got Jason Alexander, Mariah Carey, Bob Costas, Edie Falco, Jackie gleason.

[B]

All right.

[A]

50 Cent, Lindsay Lohan. What was your. What were you guys known for? Like, what would people go to your town for?

[B]

I don't think you know, because Long island seems to be, like. Just. At least my opinion of Long island was. It's all just. There's not much that separates the towns. Like, if you're in Smithtown, you're like. Huntington had the Walt Whitman Mall, right?

[A]

Which Walt Whitman's from there.

[B]

Yeah, Walt Whitman. So that mall was a place where you might go. And then as I got older, when you came home for Thanksgiving, you went to Huntington because they had the best bars. Bars and stuff. And there's good pizza. There's. But. But it was. I wouldn't say it was like a Huntington thing. It's like. Still feels like it's all in New York or just like. Or Long island just gets clumped. It's just a clumpy place.

[A]

It's a very clumpy place. Yeah, it's one of the clumpiest places in the country.

[B]

It really.

[A]

But there are, like. I did know I was gonna spend a little time there. You will go from, like, town to town. You're like, this town that has a different flavor, but, like, just different demographics. Like.

[B]

Yeah, there's different things. Like, you know, it's like. Like, I know it from all the places that I wanted to go as a kid. Farmingdale, they have an amusement park, which is in the movie Good Time.

[A]

That's the one in Good Time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's where the guy does acid. Oh, my God.

[B]

That's where I kissed my first girl.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I kissed her in the same haunted house.

[A]

Oh, no, no.

[B]

It was so crazy to watch it. Cause that was the first kiss I ever had, was going on that haunted house thing and kissing that girl in a haunted house. I was like, let's all ride together. And she's like, no, you and me ride together. And I was like.

[A]

Like, oh, wow.

[B]

It'd be more fun with my friends.

[A]

And then you see the most terrifying scene in a movie. It's like. It's like I lost my virginity at the Overlook Hotel. Every time I watched a shining, I'm kind of, like, turned on a little bit. Okay, okay. We're going to talk more about this later on, but right now I need you to ask me a second question, if you please.

[B]

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to mix it up a little bit because I'm not going to go right off the top.

[A]

I'm going to go for it. Go in the middle. I'm not nervous. It wasn't specifically.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I'm joking. Anyway, I have not seen anything.

[B]

This is actually very interesting. This one's gonna be good. All right. Before becoming the world's largest video platform, one major website launched with a completely different and much narrower idea in mind. Okay, what was YouTube originally intended to be when it was launched in 2005? And I have a hint here.

[A]

Let me try to guess first. Yeah, YouTube 2005. What was it made for?

[B]

What was YouTube made for?

[A]

Well, the first. I think it was made for Chocolate Rain.

[B]

Oh. I mean, yeah, Chocolate Rain. Tay's on day.

[A]

Tayne Day, we'd love to have you on. What was YouTube made for?

[B]

This hint is good. And I'll kind of. I'll tweak it a little bit and say this. It was for uploading videos. So that was still the main thrust. Okay, personal videos are being uploaded.

[A]

I mean, it wasn't like vlogs. What's the clue?

[B]

The clue is it involved personal videos, but not.

[A]

It involved personal videos, but not viral ones. It involved personal videos, but not viral.

[B]

This is hard because I feel like I was at the birth of this and don't know this, and this doesn't ring a bell to me at all. But how about this? Here's my hint. When you see, like, people made videos, personal videos the most. For what? And like, before, things like. Like the most personal videos you've ever seen in the 80s and things like

[A]

that were mature pornography.

[B]

Well, yeah, of course.

[A]

No, I mean, like, family videos.

[B]

The dating site.

[A]

YouTube was a dating site.

[B]

That is my. But it makes so much sense because video dating was so, like, that's. I feel like all these things that, like, you see online, like, it's all these collections of, like, these weirdest video dating things. Like, I like women who are easy.

[A]

You know, if you're a smoker, keep on walking.

[B]

Yeah, it's like people were bold. I mean, you know Bryan Cranston, who. You know, that was his job to be a videographer in video dating.

[A]

Personals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God, he has such great stories, man. Like, he's been acting for so long, and, like, his wife is an actress. Robin is amazing. And I was like, where'd you guys meet? He's like, we're both on the same episode of Airwolf. He's like, I was the baddie, she was the hot lady, and we just fell in love.

[B]

I love it. I love. I love.

[A]

He is the coolest man. I. Yeah, those. It's so. I mean, in some ways, it's like, so much easier now with dating apps,

[B]

which you and I know. Yeah. The entire thing, I'm interested in it just to be like, what is it like? Because I hear about it and it seems so, like, insane. Like, I don't know how you would ma. Like, when I hear like, oh, plenty of fish or this. And there's one that's just like a kink one. And I'm like, what is this world? I don't know. I know I don't want to be on it. I just want to kind of, like, look at it. But I can never download. I'm never downloading anything.

[A]

There's been a couple times where, like, younger co workers of mine, I'll be like, let's see what's happening. And it's. I'm so old that I'm like, oh, he looks nice.

[B]

I know. I don't want to.

[A]

Looks like a nice guy.

[B]

I don't want to be, like, saying, no.

[A]

Yeah. No. It's very severe for me.

[B]

The ones that I've. When I've talked to people now it does seem like it's gotten rid of. Like, trying to look presentable. It's like, I like to fuck in a clown costume.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you down to do this tonight at 10:00pm and it's like, yes, yes, I am. So it's just like, it's all out there.

[A]

I have a nose. I just bought a new nose. My giant shoes are getting fixed right now.

[B]

We don't need shoes. Won't carry. Won't get you out. As long as you got the suit.

[A]

Yeah, but I do have a red cock. That's why he got into the fetish.

[B]

Of course, if you have a shiny

[A]

red penis, you're like, I have to be a clown fucker now.

[B]

I will tell you that the thing that I found, the show that I do with Hubold, Dark Web, we found

[A]

this thing, which I am obsessed with.

[B]

I'm obsessed. We try to find the craziest shit, but we found this whole subculture, and I don't. And I'm not yucking anyone's name.

[A]

No, no, we don't kink shame here.

[B]

We're not kink shaming. I didn't know about this, and I found it fascinating. Which is you put yourself in a full inflatable like, blow up costume.

[A]

Oh, Erica and I do that.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You both get in the costume.

[B]

You have two separate costumes and then the like. And they're like sumo.

[A]

Like the sumo guys.

[B]

Yeah. So think of the sumo things with less detail, more like just herrings.

[A]

Like teeth herring. Stay puft, Marshmallow man.

[B]

And they have holes and where your genitals will go. Well, where you're like. I'll just say from the penis point of view, because that's the only one I saw.

[A]

Welcome back to penis point of view. We talk about the real issues.

[B]

You put the penis vinyl on your. So you're still. It's like you're putting on a giant condom and that's blowing up. And then that is also then being inserted. I couldn't figure it all out, but I was like. And one of the rules of being intimate in this is you always have to carry a razor blade in your hand to pop at any moment to get out.

[A]

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Oh, my gosh. My son is dead. I was like. He accidentally cut his wrist when he was trying to pop his giant sumo fuck suit.

[B]

This is the thing I said. I was like, you should never be carrying. And that's where I'm not kink shaming. I'm saying you need better safety protocol. You can't be carrying a straight razor and fucking at the same time.

[A]

I want to endorse it. I'm up for anything. I'm not. I support anything.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But let's just make sure we're not putting our lives at risk.

[B]

Yeah, let's not.

[A]

I promise you, regular jacking off feels just as good as having a rope tied around your neck connected to your penis, connected to the door, by the way.

[B]

You can do that. You can do all that, but just don't have a loaded gun also connected to that door to shoot you. Like, you can't. Just don't add another element of this.

[A]

Make a Tom and Jerry contraption. That would be a booby trap for Jerry to get off. Just be normal.

[B]

I just can't come unless I feel like someone's gonna shoot me in the head. That's how Bruce Lee died.

[A]

That is. All right, all right, hold on. Speaking of putting a gun to someone's head while you have sex, we are gonna talk about late night talk shows.

[B]

Oh, I love it.

[A]

Ready for. Are you ready for a late night talk show question? Here we go. Here we go. Paul sheer airing at 12:30am The Late Late show has been hosted by four people. Who was the second host?

[B]

Oh, this is an interesting. Who was the second host of the Late Late Show? Oh, wait, that's okay. We have to go. I'm right now. I was. So it would be. He's an older man with white hair. Right. I believe Tom Snyder. Am I wrong? That's the third.

[A]

That is incorrect. Tom Snyder was a bonus question.

[B]

Okay, the first.

[A]

The second. I'll give you another chance. Who came after Tom Snyder?

[B]

Ooh, that's.

[A]

I'll give you a clue.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

1999 and 2004.

[B]

1999 to 2004. I feel like I do. And I definitely watched it. It's not the ones that you're. It's not like the Pat Sajak. It's not the, the Tom Bergeron. It's Bob Costas. No, I don't know. I got. I, I'm going to know and I'm going to kick myself.

[A]

Craig Kilborn. Oh, of course. Craigie K. Of course.

[B]

Forget that. I can't believe I got not. And it was. Yeah, Tom Snider was.

[A]

That was the first one.

[B]

The first one.

[A]

When Letterman hired Tom Snider, people were like, what?

[B]

Yeah. That was such a crazy moment.

[A]

It was a crazy moment. Some people said Letterman did that because

[B]

he didn't ever want to be replaced.

[A]

He didn't want to be replaced. So he's just like, I'm just going to pick this guy to older.

[B]

So great.

[A]

It's. Were you one of those kids who watch a ton of late night talk shows?

[B]

I not only watched them, I would tape them. I would, I would do like there was, I had a tape in my house going back to Eddie Murphy. It was just Eddie Murphy on talk shows. So it was like I was. That to me was the coolest thing. It's like watching these celebrities. Cause Arsenio was the one where I was like, this guy, he's got the gifts.

[A]

No one's cooler.

[B]

And it was. And I guess I didn't understand, but Arsenio to me is the guy who actually was going out. I think that most talk show hosts, they're not going out. Like Letterman wasn't going out. You know, Carson wasn't going out. He had Hollywood friends. But like Arsenio was out at clubs and like, he would refer to like, oh, yeah, John Claude, I remember you and I were out and they had like private jokes that they're laughing at. And it felt like you were watching that hangout. Hangout.

[A]

Yeah. Did you watch Carson?

[B]

Oh yeah, of course I would watch

[A]

Carson and try to make it to like his friends first guest. Yeah, I would watch the monologue. I never like, was like.

[B]

I was always like, yeah, right, yeah. And it felt old because you're doing golf swings.

[A]

Reagan does walk up the stairs a little slow, you know what I mean? Like whatever his fucking shitty joke was. But it was really for me and I bet this is true for you. Letterman was your first kind of.

[B]

Oh yeah, Carson was. If Robin Williams is going to be on, I'm watching. I was watching for the guest. But Letterman was the one where it felt cool. Monkey cam, you know, and all that sort of stuff.

[A]

Chris Elliot, when I was like 11 years old or 12 years old, I was like Chris Elliott, funniest fucking guy

[B]

I've ever seen in my life. The main man who lived under the stairs.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Action Family. That was on Showtime, which was like the. It was a hour long cop procedural that then when he would come home was a multi cam family sitcom. And it would go from like his partner dying to like, oh, what's for dinner? It was amazing.

[A]

Larry Budd Melman was a very big.

[B]

I met Larry Budmouth. That was a true, true highlight.

[A]

That's a big one, man.

[B]

And I remember going into the city and going to Rupert G's deli. My first ever talk show appearance was Letterman.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

Wait, wait, tell us about it.

[B]

All right, so I didn't. I never done a talk show and that. I guess if you don't know, it's a very daunting experience the first time you ever do a talk show. Terrifying because I didn't understand how it worked in any way. Right. Like so you get a person to call you up and they'll talk to you and it's like, all right, so tell us a little bit about what's going on.

[A]

Pre interview.

[B]

Right. And I didn't understand that that's what I was doing. I thought the producer was like, hey, how are you? Right. And you know.

[A]

You been on any vacations lately?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I did. So like I'm just having like. Cause I don't know the rules.

[A]

Right, right, right. They don't tell you.

[B]

So then I get to Letterman and

[A]

I'm sorry, is this around like human giant time?

[B]

This is human. It was exactly human giant time. But like 2005. 5.

[A]

I think it's a legendary sketch comedy show.

[B]

Oh, I do. And Jason Wolner. And so I get there and I got up to my Room. And there is a sheet of paper, like, six sheets of paper. And it was everything that I said, but transcribed to and edited in a way that made me sound smarter and funnier. He's like, oh, yeah, we'll just take out all this shit. And then he's like, okay, your questions. And I'm like, oh, shit, I gotta memorize. So now I'm like, backstage, like, reading, trying to memorize my own stuff.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And the guy says, all right, here's the thing. Edie Falco is the first guest, a Huntington native. Boom. And he goes. Carmela, he goes. You know, so she's gonna do two segments. So he's gonna ask you three questions, but if he likes you, he's gonna ask you these two other ones. So now I'm like, jesus Christ.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

So now I have this thing.

[A]

Oh, I hope my idol likes me.

[B]

So I'm like. And it's like, get down him. And it's. It's in the Ed Sullivan Theater. And I'm coming down. I bump into Paul Schaeffer. Lovely guy. And I am nervous as hell. My whole family's there. My mom clapped so hard that her wedding ring flew off, and she lost it in the seats. It was the first time that my parents met my wife's parents.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Cause it's like, there's no way to miss. It's like, I'm gonna be on Letterman. It's like. It's like. It's not, like, come to my improv.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know. And so I. You know, I'm backstage with Biff Henderson, who again, Biff. Legend.

[A]

Legend.

[B]

And now Biff has a gap in his teeth. I have a gap in my teeth. And Letterman has a gap in his teeth.

[A]

Love the gaps.

[B]

Love the gaps. And so Biff goes, I like your gap. And I go, I like your gap. And I go like, dave, he looked at me like, what? What are you like? And then all of a sudden, I'm like, what did I say?

[A]

Isn't he. No, he's famously. No jokes about it. He's not the only one.

[B]

It's like, I've seen posters where the gap is.

[A]

And I'm like.

[B]

And then I'm like. So I'm like, what did I say? He's like, just dead silent. And then all I remember is him going, hey, be careful. There's a bunch of kerosene and gasoline out on the stage. So you don't want to slip that on your way out.

[A]

Go.

[B]

I go out there. I do My three. He gives me the four, gives me the five. He cuts Edie Falco's segment short. My section gets longer.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I'm out there and I'm telling my stories that they're working. He's laughing. And I think we have connected. This is my idol, my hero, and Paul Scheer, everybody go to commercial. Shuts down like a fucking robot.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I was like, oh. And it wasn't rude. It wasn't mean. It was like, done. And wow. I felt.

[A]

Imagine if we would have just asked you one question and been like, thank you, everyone. That was Paul Scheer. Well, you know, but like, the other

[B]

way, there was that fear of, like, did I get these right? I don't want to mess up my own word. I never felt that. Now it's much more, you know, it's easy. But, like, we're going to do an

[A]

extra secret bonus question.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In the middle of the round. What?

[B]

I love this.

[A]

What was Larry Bud Bellman's real name?

[B]

Oh, that is interesting.

[A]

There's a bonus question.

[B]

All right, bonus question. Larry Bud Bellman's.

[A]

It's a. It's a three part name.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, I feel like it's like. Yeah. It's like, I don't.

[A]

I'll give you a hint if you want. I can give you a hint if you want.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Combine Bill Waterston's character with Gene Roddenberry's.

[B]

Right. Okay. It's Calvin DeForest.

[A]

Yes. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I'm assuming, like, me, you kind of went from Letterman to Conan.

[B]

Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

[A]

I was. I couldn't believe it when I first saw Conan and Conan.

[B]

But Conan was interesting because the first interaction with Conan, I remember being so excited for it. There was like a New Yorker article about it. And it was like the first instinct was, he sucks. Right. And like, that was.

[A]

Oh, yeah. They didn't give him a shot.

[B]

Right. It was like, you go on there, like, oh, he's not Letterman. And then it was like, I'm talking about, like, the first couple of weeks that beginning. It was like, what is this? It was so odd.

[A]

It was. Yeah.

[B]

And it was so different. It's like the on youn Majesty's Secret Service. It's like that same thing where, like, it's not the thing I like, but it then becomes a thing that you love.

[A]

I. To this day, the first time I did Conan, I was like, I kind of, on some level, have made it like, I couldn't believe It. I think he is the funniest guy in our lifetime.

[B]

He is. The way that I got my SAG card in this business was doing Conan bets. Okay. So, like, what you would do is you would show up at, like, 10am and you would hang out there and do the dumbest bet staring contest. You know, desk drives, whatever. Whatever. It was. It was a lot of just under fives.

[A]

And this was a way for. Like, I was in Chicago for a lot of this, but you would see, like, oh, who are the funny New York improv people? It was you and McBrayer and Poehler. I mean, Amy Poehler's the same thing.

[B]

Well, so basically, the way it kind of happened was, like, Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, and Ian Roberts, the ucb, they were doing tons of Conan plays, and then they got their show, and they're like, we're too busy. They throw the rope down to us.

[A]

Yes. Next UCB tier. Yeah.

[B]

And then we just start doing all these bits, and you're just.

[A]

You're doing.

[B]

Doing bits with Andy. But the coolest part about that was you would be in the studio with Conan as he's running through bits.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you're watching him, like, kind of savagely rip apart bits that aren't working in the best way.

[A]

That's the thing about him, is that he's, like. You can't even say brutal with his staff because he's so nice and funny. And everything with him is through the lens of this is hilarious right now, what I'm saying to you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And he's like.

[B]

It's very British in that sense that it's gonna cut you down.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's very funny. And it's like. But it's also like. He's also Right.

[A]

I just did his podcast, and they recorded in my neighborhood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I saw him one day walking down the street with his producer or his writer, and he's, like, pretending to wring his neck. And it just made me think of, like, how tactile and faux aggressive he is. I remember watching a bit years ago, remember when he was doing, like, evaluations, employee evaluations of everyone, and he's just walking around to different employees, and, like, one of the guys was, like, a production coordinator or something, and Conan's like. At one point, Conan's like, yeah, but I've never physically touched you. And the guy goes, no, no. Last week you choked me, and then you shoved me into the wall. And it's like, that's a testament to how nice and beloved he is that he does stuff like that. And people. It's just so funny. You can't.

[B]

Well, he's a giant man.

[A]

A giant man. Humongous.

[B]

And he's just. I think I got the best comedy education from watching him, because he is like, he was never wrong. It was never like, this is shit. He would be like, this isn't funny enough. Well, no, we're not doing this. And it was right. He was right. And he would then either make things funnier or cut bad things, and then those bad things would come back better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that was it. No.

[A]

And he does it, like, with the light touch. I'm also obsessed with shows that didn't work. Oh, I watched every episode of the Magic Hour.

[B]

Magic Hour. Well, I was a huge Howard Stern

[A]

fan, and he was very mean to Magic Johnson.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I was obsessed with him, too.

[B]

But do you remember, though, when Howard Stern came on Magic Johnson?

[A]

I remember with the losers, and they played Wipeout and they all farted. Yes, I remember it, Paul.

[B]

I mean, Howard Stern doing talk shows was another level.

[A]

When Howard would go on a show, it's hard to explain now, but it was like it was an event.

[B]

Well, because he treated it like it was his own show. Like he got a segment of time and he took it over.

[A]

Took it over.

[B]

Cross dressing, whatever he did. Like butt bongos. There's an image I saw of him doing butt bongo, which was the butt bongo fiesta, which is like a pay per view.

[A]

I remember watching the pay per view,

[B]

and there's an image of, like, Jay Leno, like, looking at the. This woman over his. You know, he's doing butt bongos.

[A]

Bongo on her naked ass.

[B]

It was so wild. But the thing I remember about the Magic Johnson show was so. He'd been making fun of Magic Johnson relentlessly.

[A]

Magic Johnson, real quick, if you know what the Magic Hour is in, like, 1995.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He. Magic Johnson started a talk show, and it was called the Magic Hour. And it was like, you know, the Tonight show, but with magic. And magic is top five players of all time. Amazing Los Angeles legend.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

The coolest. He's not a talk show. Everyone wanted a talk show that every.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He was just not suited for it. It just wasn't a show for him.

[B]

It's a hard art to do when you're not even coming from a background of comedy. No, no. Right. Yes. Because you gotta be facile and move around.

[A]

And Howard every day would just, like, systematically be like, okay, now we're gonna spend an hour and break down last night's magic hour. It was the funniest shit you could watch.

[B]

And I think it's all coming from the place that Howard's like, why am I not doing the Fox late night

[A]

show that's furious that you're gonna give this guy and not me. And then Howard went on and they farted Wipeout.

[B]

But the guy. This is the thing I remember which was they go, Magic goes, let's go to the crowd. And he had planted actors in the crowd and it was that guy who he.

[A]

Melrose Larry Green.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Was it Melrose Larry?

[B]

No, it was the guy. He was in all these movies. I'm forgetting. He recently just passed. He kind of cross eyed bald guy, big like a muscle guy. Like I feel like he was on like in the Friday's movies.

[A]

Oh, Tiny Lister.

[B]

Yes. So he had Tiny Lister going. Hey, I don't like the way that you make fun of. Like he was gonna beat him up. And Howard. All right, shut up. Like. But it was like that.

[A]

I literally have memory holed that I do not remember.

[B]

I remember it so. Cause it was like, oh, Magic was like, I'll try to intimidate him with my audience. Now. I was actually in the audience of a failed talk show.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

The Fox one with a guy who was Australian. I think his name was Gary. It was before Joan Rivers. And it was. I found a clip of it and they said, you know, if he came into the audience and let the audience ask the questions, that was like part of his thing. And he walks by me and my dad and I go like this. Like that was my. That was me trying to say a wave like that.

[A]

And you're intimidated by a guy whose name you don't even.

[B]

I don't really like, I forget his. But he was a very short lived pretty boy FOX guy.

[A]

Gary.

[B]

I don't remember. I got to. Now I'm going to look at him.

[A]

Let me ask you this question. You can host a late night talk show in any era.

[B]

Where are you going? I think the ones that were the most interesting are the ones where you would get like, oh my gosh. Who? Dick. Dick. Not Dick Van Dyke. Dick Cavett.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Cause it's like there was like a thing where you would bring on interesting people. Like it's like, here's Richard Pryor and John Lennon.

[A]

Long form conversations.

[B]

And it was like. And you'd have these like very like off the rails. I thought that that was like a. Like that's what I think people Tried to capture that. They like when you put a bunch of people on the couch. And I think that Graham Norton does that well.

[A]

He does that very well.

[B]

But it's like, we always kind of manufacture it here. But it's like, those are, like, real conversations with, like, icons.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

You know, and you would be like. You'd have Orson Welles on, and he would.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he was very good.

[B]

So Orson Welles also had a talk show. Jesus. What that is get watched. And that is. That is truly bananas.

[A]

I'm going 70s, okay. Like, I would be Johnny Carson.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like that to me, like, you've had a few martinis. There's, like, a cigarette under the.

[B]

Yeah, the cigarette under the desk.

[A]

And you're just watching, like, Don Rickles just roast on.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's pretty fucking fun.

[B]

And I also think that the 90s in that sense of, like, when you were at Arsenio and you were, like, mediating something between, like, NW east and west coast stuff, it's like. But it's very specific to that. The dog pound and all that. Like, it was a culture that I would not be the best host for. But I think that was a very unique. I think it's like when people were not afraid of being on, like, talk shows were kind of disposable. It's like, they weren't gonna be, like, the front page of anything. The next day it was going away.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it kind of lives forever. So people play it a little safe. Side note. Cause you mentioned Graham Norton as a father of daughters who love Taylor Swift.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My head exploded at the end of the Opalite video when I realized how she assembled the video. Because you're watching the video and you're like, oh, I love that. Domhawk Gleason's in it. He's my friend. And, oh, Greta, she's great. Why are these people in the video? And then you see at the end of the video that. Did you see this? I think I made so the Opalite video.

[B]

I know this. And I'm like, what did I miss at the end?

[A]

Okay, so you have the video right? Where she's kind of fallen in love with Dahmel. And you see Graham Norton. You see Cillian Murphy at one point. The end of the video is Taylor on the Graham Norton show six months ago with that panel. And at one point, Cillian Murphy's like, dumball's a great dancer. And Dahmel's like, oh, just one day, I want to be in a Taylor Swift music video. And you see Taylor go. And I was like, she's a fucking genius, bro. She's a fucking genius. That is amazing.

[B]

I was so into. I love that video and the Pet rock and all that stuff.

[A]

I never watched the end of the video. Like, after post trailer sequences, you see, like, why this group of people are together. I love you. Love you, Taylor, we want you on the show.

[B]

She's the best.

[A]

Last talk show question. How much did you love the Larry Sanders show?

[B]

Oh, the best show ever. Best show.

[A]

I work with Pete and Alex, who are two writers in the studio who wrote on Larry Sanders.

[B]

It's an amazing show. It just like, it like. And it was so like. I mean, what I loved about it was. I mean, first of all, Garry Shandling's show is also. Doesn't get as much, like, credit for what it was. But that, like, I feel like it just bordered that moment where it was like Leno hiding in closets and the mania.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

All that kind of energy. Because it was a show about a talk show that. That also was a talk show.

[A]

Yeah. I've been in a real Artie era lately. I just watched the episode where Phil, the head writer is dating, like this rock and roll chick and he's happy. And the monologue jokes are getting worse. And at one point, Artie's like, phil, stay here and write these jokes. And Phil goes, no, I can. I gotta go. My girlfriend's playing the Viper Room. And Artie goes, you know, no one died there when it was Chasin's. All right, Paul Scheer, I want you to go ahead and ask me.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

One more question.

[B]

Here we go. All right. Ooh, it's a music question. We're good. We're on music videos. Here we go.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Most music videos last only a few minutes, but one band pushed the format to an extreme, turning a single release into a record breaking multi day experience. Which group set the record for the world's longest music video, running at 177 days, 16 hours, 10 minutes and 25 seconds?

[A]

I should say I have no idea.

[B]

I mean, this is wild because rings zero bells with me.

[A]

You don't know the band.

[B]

If you told me this name, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, that's right. I mean, it's like, it's. I mean, is there a hint or a clue? Yeah, here's the hint. Airlines were not involved, despite the band's name.

[A]

9 11. Yes.

[B]

You got it now. That was a great band. 21 Pilots and the song was level of concern. Like 21 Pilots. That sounds like a name that you.

[A]

21 Pilots.

[B]

Okay, wait, so how did I. I guess, I mean, I consider myself pretty pop culture savvy. A music video that ran for 177 days.

[A]

So they're just. Just perpetually shooting. Do they like live streaming? Twenty one Pilots? I mean, I know the band for sure. They are a famous band.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

My kids, I feel like, have listened

[B]

to your two favorite songs.

[A]

You're asking me my two favorite 21? Paul? I friggin know. Well, they have a great song called let's Go Girl Now.

[B]

I did just give you one of them a second ago.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know. I'm not gonna choose that one. Which I heard. I know, but there are other big.

[B]

Of course, Daniel. Why we're not designing a show trying to promote 21 pilots.

[A]

Other big hit is called let's Fly

[B]

up in the Sky. Of course, you know, that was too hard. Let me ask you another question. Okay.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ooh, this is good. You're gonna get this. On December 3, 1992, a young engineer sent the first SMS text message from a computer to his colleague's phone marking the beginning of texting. What did the first SMS text ever send say? You up

[A]

new phone. Who did?

[B]

Now I'll give you out of your head. Okay.

[A]

Penis.

[B]

Think about when it was sent. December 3, 1999.

[A]

Oh, oh. 1992.

[B]

1990. December. The day that will live in infamy.

[A]

No. Tomorrow's Pearl harbor day.

[B]

No. December 13th.

[A]

What are you doing for Pearl Harbor Day?

[B]

That was my favorite Ben Stiller show sketch. It was a student who was bad at history. Time traveler was like. And so she's like, I don't know. December 6th. The day will evident for me.

[A]

December 4th.

[B]

And it was like, we need to know that. She just never knew the actual dates.

[A]

I mean, that's me.

[B]

December 3rd, 1992. Coming up.

[A]

Can't wait to see Die Hard 2 too. I don't know.

[B]

Well, you're close. Merry Christmas.

[A]

20 days early. A little early. A little early.

[B]

Maybe a longer time. Like it was. I got like a pony express.

[A]

Could take 3 weeks to send. We don't know the technology's gonna.

[B]

Merry Christmas.

[A]

Merry Christmas.

[B]

A real Christmas nerd dork is like in the Halloween. November 1st is the beginning of.

[A]

Holidays are just around the corner. I just want to rebel. God, what a nerd. All right, Paul Scheer, are you ready for the speed round? Give it to me. Speed round, speed round. Okay, here's how the speed round works.

[B]

All right, let's go.

[A]

You're gonna answer as many questions as you can in 90 seconds. Oh, boy. If you don't know the answer, say pass.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

If you get it right, I'll say yes. If you get it wrong, I'll say no.

[B]

Got it. And just keep on going.

[A]

Just keep on going.

[B]

Yeah. Don't.

[A]

And then when that's up, you'll do the same for me.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Paul Scheer, are you ready?

[B]

Put 90 on the clock.

[A]

Put 90 on the clock. Here we go. He was the first host of the Tonight Show.

[B]

Jack Park.

[A]

No. This actor played Leo Getz in Lethal Weapon 2. 3. Jopeci.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This Fox News host hails from Franklin Square and is a moron.

[B]

God damn it. I'll pass because I'm not gonna.

[A]

Who was David Letterman's Olympic correspondent? What was her name?

[B]

Oh, boy. His mom.

[A]

I'll accept it. Burt Reynolds teamed up with an 8 year old boy in what 1993 movie?

[B]

Oh, it was a movie with twins.

[A]

Fuck it. Got it. This 1977 Billy Joel album gave us hits like Just the Way youy Are and Vienna Turnstiles. No. This comedian hosted the late show in 1986 and became the first woman to host a late night show. Joan Rivers. Yes. This is the name of Will Smith's character.

[B]

Bad Boys. Will. No.

[A]

Billy Joel grew up in this Long island town.

[B]

Say Osset.

[A]

No.

[B]

Huntington. No.

[A]

Who was the band leader on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show?

[B]

Doc Severson.

[A]

Yes. What movie pairs Sergeant Nicholas angel with Officer Danny Butterman?

[B]

Nicholas. Oh, fuck.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Go, go, go, go.

[A]

What was the name of the couple in scenes from an Italian restaurant?

[B]

This is a song by she played Andy Richards. Little Sister on Lake amy.

[A]

Yes. This 1996 movie paired up Keenan Ivy Wayans and Steven Seagal.

[B]

That is not bulletproof. It's shit. We are Glimmer man.

[A]

Yes. This U.S. president is the first name and we didn't start the fire. Harry Truman.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is the name of David Letterman's stage manager?

[B]

Biff Henderson?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Michael J.

[A]

Fox was paired up with who in 1981's the Whole James Woods. What 80's sitcom used my life as

[B]

its open My buds and buddies.

[A]

Yes. Dan Aykroyd paired with the goat Gene hackman in what 1990 flop?

[B]

Gene acknowledge a Dan Aykroyd. Oh, God, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, wait, what was that? Loose Cannons? Was it Jean Hackman? You got more right than you got wrong, my friend. But here's what you missed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You missed Steve Allen. First host wouldn't have got that Sean Hannity.

[B]

That's okay. Yep.

[A]

You got Letterman's mom. Cop and a Half. Cop and a Half.

[B]

Of course we did that on the show.

[A]

77 Billy Joel album is the stranger. Will Smith played detective Mike Lowry.

[B]

Mike Lowry.

[A]

Billy Joel grew up in. I would have expected accepted Levittown or Hicksville.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The movie that pairs up Nicholas angel and Dan Butterman is Hot Fuzz and the couple and scenes from Italian Restaurant is Brenda Renee.

[B]

But I really enjoyed the past there because the minute I hesitated, I knew I had to go. I had to go. Let's go.

[A]

Passing. Passing is your friend on this show.

[B]

Okay, ready?

[A]

Here we go. Are we ready?

[B]

Annabelle, 90 seconds on the clock. Who won the 2025 Oscar for best supporting actress?

[A]

Sean Penn.

[B]

Wrong. Who wrote the 1969 novel the Godfather?

[A]

Mario Puzzo.

[B]

Yep. What second Roman town was buried alongside Pompeii in 79 AD?

[A]

It was buried alongside Pompeii Crassus.

[B]

Nope. What is the name of the rescue capsule that lifted 33 trapped Chilean miners to safety in 2010?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay. Who was the third US vice president?

[A]

The third president. Vice president. Vice president was James Madison.

[B]

No. Who directed the 2025 Best Picture winner? Onora.

[A]

Sean Baker.

[B]

Yes. Okay. Which NBA team won its first ever championship in 2025?

[A]

2025 is OKC.

[B]

Yep. What's the name of Japan's national parliament?

[A]

The. I don't know.

[B]

Okay. Who was the pope before Pope Francis?

[A]

Pope Benedict.

[B]

Yep. I'll take that. Christopher False won his first for which Tarantino film?

[A]

Inglourious Basterds. Yep.

[B]

This automaker was caught using defeat devices to cheat emissions tests in 2015.

[A]

Elon Musk. No.

[B]

All right, which U.S. president is on the American nickel?

[A]

That is George Washington.

[B]

No. Who composed the score for Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy? Hans Zimmer. Yep. Name the statue that famously overlooks Rio de Janeiro?

[A]

The Christ the Redeemer.

[B]

Yes. Okay. Who is Henry VIII's sixth and final wide?

[A]

Catherine Parr.

[B]

Yeah. Wow. Who was the first person to run a sub four minute mile?

[A]

Usain Bolt.

[B]

Nope. Who was named MVP of the Super Bowl 59?

[A]

Super Bowl 59. I'm gonna guess it. I'm gonna go ahead and say desean Jackson.

[B]

Jalen hurts.

[A]

Jalen hurts.

[B]

I can go through some of the ones that you did not know. Okay. The second Roman town that was buried alongside Pompeii was Herculaneum.

[A]

Oh, town. Yeah.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Pompeii. I thought the Emperor Pompeii. I'm an idiot.

[B]

Okay. The capsule that rescued the miners, that was the Phoenix 2. They could also accept Phoenix. Got it. Third Vice President, Aaron Burr.

[A]

Aaron Burr.

[B]

We got that one. The name of Japan's national parliament. The National Diet. The Diet.

[A]

Something I gotta go on.

[B]

Okay, you got that. You got the automaker that was defeating devices to cheat emissions. That was Volkswagen.

[A]

Oh, I didn't mean like the actual automaker.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you know, look, these are. I didn't write these. So the US President on the American nickel was. Thomas Jefferson.

[A]

Thomas Jefferson. I'm a fucking idiot.

[B]

All right, and then we. You had that one. And then the first person to run a sub 4 minute mileage.

[A]

Roger Bannister.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Wow. Paul Scheer, you have come. You have crushed.

[B]

This was a blast.

[A]

You are a dream guest on this show. Your categories. When I was writing the questions, I was blasting Billy Joel. I love it. I was reading about the history of Hicksville.

[B]

And then you taught me some stuff. Stuff today. Taught me some stuff. And we. And you know what? It's. I think that our conversation actually helped me get back in the mindset of some of these things.

[A]

See that? You come on this show and you walk away not just with a great experience, but you actually have a gift. Whoa, Annabelle. What do we have for our dear friend Paul? Paul Scheer? Yeah, we have for you.

[B]

Yeah. What do we got?

[A]

Now, it's funny because in the course of our interview, you said you just got this.

[B]

Ooh, wow.

[A]

But this is a 4K edition of Lethal Weapon that you have. So now you have.

[B]

I got two.

[A]

Here's what happens.

[B]

One for the upstairs and one for the downstairs.

[A]

How often are you upstairs? And you're like, I really wanna watch a movie in bed. And then you're like, dammit, I left it downstairs.

[B]

I left the dvd. Now, I'll tell you this much, this was a real dad moment because I think about two weeks ago, I just. Just went down by myself, popped this in the main TV and just sat there and watched Lethal Weapons till 2:30 in the morning. And I was like, God damn it, this is good.

[A]

Next time you come back on the show, we'll get you a DVD of National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

A parody of Lethal Weapons starring Samuel

[B]

L. Jackson and Emilio Estevez.

[A]

That's my man right here. Paul Scheer, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

Bam.

[A]

Paul Scheer. Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this carvana thing

[B]

for selling the car.

[A]

I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again.

[B]

I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

Okay, I accepted the offer.

[A]

They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair.

[B]

It's done. The car is gone.

[A]

I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana. Give it a whirl. Love ya. So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up. Fees may apply.