Gayish: 371 Pubic Hair

Summary

Podcast Summary: Gayish - Episode 371: Pubic Hair

Podcast: Gayish
Episode: 371 – Pubic Hair
Hosts: Mike Johnson & Kyle Getz
Release Date: February 1, 2024
Main Theme: This episode takes a hairy deep-dive into the world of pubic hair—its biology, history, cultural associations, personal preferences, and the surprisingly complex role it plays in queer and straight communities. Mike and Kyle bring their classic blend of humor, insight, and sex positivity to one of their most irreverent topics yet.

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Episode Overview

The hosts use their trademark banter to dissect everything there is to know about pubic hair—why we have it, why some people love it or loathe it, and how hair (or the lack of it) ties into sex, stereotypes, and self-image across the LGBTQ+ spectrum (and beyond). Backed by scientific studies, pop culture references, and personal anecdotes, they explore the surprisingly deep and divisive opinions about what’s happening “down there” and challenge some commonly held stereotypes along the way.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lighthearted Start & Framing the Topic

• The episode launches with decidedly nutty jokes and the usual sexual innuendo to break the ice:
  "Get your fingers out of your mouth." – Mike (00:48)
  "I'm picking at my nut." – Kyle (00:49)
• The hosts reflect on why they picked pubic hair as a topic, emphasizing their ongoing mission to smash stereotypes and talk frankly about things gay men actually experience.

2. Queer News Highlights

• Medical Mishaps & the Need for Advocacy:

  • Story of a Canadian gay couple misdiagnosed by a doctor who falsely attributed back pain to HPV.
    "Doctors are sometimes dumb-dumbs too. And sometimes assholes." – Mike (04:10)
  • Emphasis on the need for queer individuals to self-advocate in medical settings.

• Religious Mixed Messages:

  • Discussion of Pope Francis’ controversial statement about blessing same-sex couples but “not the union.”
    "Still horrific and sinful and they're going to hell forever, but let's be nice to them." – Mike (07:51)

• Transphobic Job Posting:

  • A Philadelphia bar seeking "biologically male" bartenders prompted community outrage and a legal investigation.
    "You need your dick to stir up the drinks?" – Kyle (09:56)

3. Biology & History of Pubic Hair

• Unique to Humans:

  • Surprisingly, pubic hair is primarily a human thing; pubic lice are specialized, as their tiny claws cannot grip other types of hair (15:07).

• Development & Science:

  • Pubic hair growth is triggered by testosterone during puberty in all genders.
  • The term for the onset of pubic hair is “pubarche.”
  • Odd but real word: "Pubiphilia" — intense attraction to pubic hair.

• Notable Quote:
  "There's a science word for when you start to get pubic hair. It's called pubarche." – Mike (16:41)

4. Cultural & Historical Perspectives

• Dramatic literary and historical reactions to pubic hair shared, including from Memoirs of Dolly Morton:
  "I've never seen such a fleece between a woman's legs in my life. Darn me if she wouldn't have to be sheared before a man could get into her." (20:20)

• The hosts save an 1800s anecdote involving John Ruskin’s infamous reaction to pubic hair for the Patreon segment (19:28).

5. Stats & Surveys: How Common Are Pubes?

• Trimming, Shaving, Keeping:

  • Only 5% of gay men and 8% of straight men are fully shaved/waxed.
  • 22% of lesbians and 23% of straight women keep it fully bare.
  • Majority of gay men (69%) and straight men (61%) prefer to trim rather than remove everything.
  • Lesbians are more likely than straight women to have a “full bush” (24% vs. 17%).

• Preferences for Sexual Partners:

  • 51% of gay men and 59% of lesbians say they won’t have oral sex with an ungroomed partner.
  • For penetrative sex, about 27% of gay men and 33% of lesbians have the same preference.

• Injury Note:

  • A spike in ER visits for hair grooming mishaps since 2000, including a firsthand anecdote of a frat brother slicing his ball sack before a formal (29:04).

Notable Quote with Statistics (23:51):

"So more straight men than gay men are fully… It's probably their lady friends that are, like, pressuring them into that." – Mike

6. Why Do We Have Pubic Hair? Functions & Theories

• Protection: Acts as a buffer, reducing friction during sex and activity, serving as a “dry lubricant” (35:10).
• Heat Regulation: It may insulate the genitals, which is important for reproduction.
• Microbiome: May help balance good and bad bacteria (especially in people with vaginas), though the evidence is thin.
• Pheromone Dispersal: Hair traps scent molecules to enhance sexual attraction (39:26).
• Sexual Maturity Signal: Marks biological readiness for reproduction.
• Notable Humor:
  "Your horny business makes stinky. That trappy—the stinky make—for other hornies." – Mike (39:19)

7. Cultural Beliefs, Stereotypes, & Sexual Dynamics

• Masculinity, Femininity, and Misogyny:
  Discussion about how societal expectations about hairlessness tie into misogyny and body image for both men and women (32:00).

• Queer Subculture Contrast:

  • Bear culture celebrates hairiness in a way rare among straight communities.

• Notable Quote (about bear culture):
  "Bear culture, of like, let's embrace the hairy—I don't see that as being a thing that straights would do at all." – Mike (32:45)

8. Pros & Cons: To Shave or Not to Shave?

• Reasons to Remove:
  • Cleanliness, partner preference, belief that it’s more attractive or hygienic (though this is largely a myth).
• Reasons to Keep:
  • Reduces risk of skin irritation, micro-cuts (potentially reducing STI risk), less expense, and (often overlooked) medical simplicity: “There’s actually no medical reason to remove it.” (44:09)
• Possible Downsides:
  • Shaving raises risk for folliculitis, ingrown hairs, other irritation, and even more ER visits (45:10).

9. Slang for Pubic Hair

• The duo gleefully lists their 20 favorite slang terms for pubic hair, including:
  • Bush, Muff, Lady Garden, Fur Burger, Junk Forest, Panty Hamster (“That’s a good one”), Love Rug, Bikini Lawn, Bald Eagle, the Fringe, and more. (49:00)

10. Community Voices & Reddit Opinions

• Dive into r/askgaybros for real opinions on pubic hair among gay men:
  • Most popular answer: Trimmed is hottest, but “absolutely hot” to have hair.
  • Shaved is often a turnoff unless you’re an “uber twink.”
  • Some express a strong aversion to body hair due to texture (neurodivergence is posited as a possible cause).
  • “Full bush” lovers are rare, but they exist and are vocal.

Notable Reddit Quote (most upvoted, paraphrased at 51:37):

"Absolutely hot. I adore everything about my husband, including his hair."

11. Personal Preferences

• Mike prefers the "trim but not too much" approach; Kyle agrees but is flexible. Mike confesses to using kitchen shears; both reminisce about the one time they went completely hairless as teens—neither would do it again due to itch and irritation (60:22).
• Mike: Not particularly hairy, so less pressure to trim.
• Kyle: Trims when there’s a chance of action but lets it go during dry spells, defending his choice as self-love.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On doctors and queer self-advocacy:
  "Doctors are sometimes dumb-dumbs too. And sometimes assholes." – Mike (04:10)

• Pheromone transmission theory:
  "Your horny business makes stinky. That trappy—the stinky make—for other hornies." – Mike (39:19)

• On injury risk:
  "There was this time in college… he was going to trim and cut his ball sack open and had to be taken to the emergency room." – Mike (29:04)

• On pubic hair's role:
  "There's actually no medical reason to remove it." – Kyle (44:09)

• On slang terms:
  "Panty hamster, which I think is my favorite. And I think we should try to get the gays to use that one." – Mike (49:49)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening banter and topic announcement: 00:23 – 01:10
• Queer news: 02:04 – 12:15
• Pubic Hair 101 – Biology & Pubarche: 13:20 – 18:41
• History and statistics: 20:31 – 27:00
• Surveys and sexual preferences: 23:39 – 28:54
• Injury risks and anecdote: 29:00 – 30:22
• Gay/straight cultural perspectives: 32:00 – 35:06
• What do pubes do? Theories: 35:10 – 39:26
• Psychology and preferences: 53:09 – 55:33
• Slang time: 47:14 – 50:38
• Reddit reactions: 50:48 – 54:12
• Personal preferences and experiences: 56:03 – 61:16
• Gays & straightest, local gay bar review: 64:41 – 67:31

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Conclusion & Takeaways

• There is more overlap between gay and straight attitudes towards pubic hair than most assume—straight men are even slightly more likely to go fully hairless!
  "Surprising that straight men have more... are more likely to lop it off." – Kyle (62:19)
• Body hair preferences are deeply personal and shaped heavily by culture, subculture, and (sometimes) neurology.
• No one answer is 'right': From historic art scandals to ER mishaps to Reddit threads, pubic hair is a microcosm of broader social anxieties about bodies, sex, and identity.
  "There’s actually no medical reason to remove it. Mostly, just do what feels good for you." – Kyle (44:09)

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Listener Engagement

• Listeners are encouraged to send “pube pics” (jokingly), share their trimming strategies, tell their own stories, and let Mike and Kyle know their preferences.

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Memorable Closing Banter

“Is pubic hair gay?” – Kyle
“Apparently just slightly gayer than straight. So, yes.” – Mike (61:32)

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For more: Listen to Gayish Podcast, Episode 371—where everyone with a panty hamster, love rug, or bush is celebrated.

Transcript

[A]

When you know that you are queer but your favorite drink is beer. That's gayish. You can bottom without stopping, but you can't start going shopping. That's gayish. Oh, gayish. You're probably gayish. Well, life's just too short for narrow stereotypes, so it's gayish. We're also gay. Ish. It's gayish with Mike and Kyle. Hello, everyone in the podcast universe.

[B]

This is Gayish, the podcast that has a bit of nut in its teeth.

[A]

Sometimes more than a bit. Girl, like, you ever swish this entire time?

[B]

I'm just gonna be trying to get this nut out. I swallowed so many nuts earlier.

[A]

I'm Mike Johnson.

[B]

I'm Kyle Goetz.

[A]

And we're here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality today.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Get your fingers out of your mouth.

[B]

I'm picking at my nut. Hold on.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Today.

[A]

Oh. Today we're gonna talk about pubic hair. We can also get stuck in your teeth sometimes. That's true if you're doing it right.

[B]

Yeah, that's how you know you're getting deep enough. Is you flossing with that?

[A]

Tickle your nose a little bit. What are we doing? Who are we?

[B]

I don't know. I'm not sure why we're here, what we're doing. I guess we're talking about pubic hair because it was on my list of topics that I thought we should talk about. I don't know why.

[A]

And then you kind of tried to deny it when we started.

[B]

Well, I just. I'm so forgetful. I'm like, did I do this? Who did this? And then the opposite happens sometimes. I'm like, oh, I came up with this idea. And Derek's like, no, I did. So, you know, it happens both ways.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, both ways. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

We don't have any feedback or corrections or 100 words or anything.

[B]

I mean, we have plenty of feedback, but none that I care to read to you.

[A]

Right? Yeah. But keep sending it in because it's highly valued.

[B]

Yes. We value your feedback.

[A]

Okay, here's the news. Shut your mouth hole. It's time for your ear holes. News, news, news, news. The first.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's a singer, a Canadian singer named Drake Jensen and his husband, Michael Moran, have been married for 17 years, and they told a horrific story to CTV News about a new doctor that they were visiting at the Maniwaki Cls see in Quebec. So Drake Jensen has had chronic back pain. Like, bad. Like, girl, I get it. I'm in my 40s. It hurts all the time. And so they were talking to this new doctor and interviewing and whatever. And so the doctor said, well, you know, you have condyloma, or also known as genital warts. It's caused by hpv. And Jensen said, yeah, I don't really know what all of that means, but, like, can we focus on my back pain?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And the doctor said, quote, well, you two have penile warts. You probably had sex with him and you gave him hpv. Your problem is hpv. That's why your back hurts.

[B]

What? Okay, I don't know a lot about hpv, but it's not hpb.

[A]

I.

[B]

Human path. Loma back.

[A]

Kyle. Oh, Kyle.

[B]

What?

[A]

I just want to sit in that stew of badness for a second. Okay, so. So. So they said, quote, at this point, we stopped the consultation.

[B]

That sounds fair.

[A]

And then they would later find out that the doctor had actually falsely accused them of having an sti. He really. Jensen had only had a skin tag removed in his private area, but he did not have warts. That was just a different dermatological condition. It's really interesting. So the reason that I wanted to pick this story up is to remind everybody that doctors are sometimes dumb. Dumbs too. And sometimes assholes.

[B]

Yeah. Just because they have PhD or MD or MD in front of their name.

[A]

If you're going to a PhD for your back pain, you probably have some culpability there for it not working out so well.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably true. I have a doctorate in history. What's going on with your back?

[A]

You have hpv.

[B]

You have hpp. Oh, yeah. That's why.

[A]

But it's the unfortunate truth, apparently in Canada, as much as it is here in the United States, that sometimes you will have to educate your doctor on your medical issues as a queer person and that you just really need to do a good job of being an advocate for yourself. And I know that that can be hard, but it just. You need to.

[B]

And it fucking sucks that you have to do that. You shouldn't have to do that. You should have a doctor that listens to you and. And understands everything, but that's just not the world we live in.

[A]

And who doesn't think that gay sex causes back pain?

[B]

Yep. I mean, when it's good. Maybe I'm on the doctor's side this time.

[A]

Oh, God. Well, Jensen told CTV News, quote, I said, the pain radiates everywhere in my sit bones. And he said, oh, you have burning pain in your rectum.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

But pretty sure he knows the difference between his Asshole and his back.

[B]

Right? Hopefully.

[A]

Hopefully. Anyway, they have filed an official complaint and they are. That will go through the Canadian healthcare system and however that works. However that works. Yeah. They barely have doctors, Kyle. It's like it's a third world country up there. Okay, news. The second great Pope Francis, who I talk about the correct response, recently said that he approves of blessings for same sex couples. I forget if we talked about that on the show or not, but he has said that it's okay, but has faced huge backlash over that stance, especially from the bishops in Zambia and Malawi and other places in Africa where they are, you know, they're in countries where same sex activity can lead to prison or even the death penalty. But anyway, so he's kind of backpedaling. Or is he? Or like, I think this is a bullshit response and that's what I wanted to talk about. He said, well, you're blessing the people in the relationship, not the union.

[B]

Well, is that true?

[A]

He said, quote, when a couple spontaneously approaches a priest and asks for them a blessing, the priest is not blessing the union, but simply the people who together have requested it. Not the union, but the persons naturally, taking into account the context, sensitivities, the places where one lives and the most appropriate ways to do it.

[B]

That sure sounds like trying to backpedal to me.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. It also sounds like the dick back fuckface asshole of the award nominee for last year, Kim Davis, saying. Or from whatever year she was before we were giving the award away, I guess, but of saying like, no, I'm not discriminating. No marriage is for anyone. Or yeah, like that's the letter versus the spirit or whatever it is. Interesting, because he was already trying to skate this line that said that it's a sin to be gay, but gay couples are a thing that maybe they're celibate. So it's okay that they're together. We don't know.

[B]

Yeah, you're not actually condoning the relationship. You can condone individuals so you can get around the idea that you're blessing a union between people. That's shitty.

[A]

It's still horrific and sinful and they're going to hell forever. But let's be nice to them. Yeah, like that's just not. Anyway, also, the Catholic Church notoriously moves really, really slowly and maybe this is just a. An attempt to sort of yank it in the right direction and by the 23rd century they'll maybe have their shit together.

[B]

Hopefully we'll see that time.

[A]

No, I'm gonna. Well, maybe I'm Gonna upload my consciousness to the Internet. Okay, that's really, I think the only. The only. The only. Maybe I already have. Maybe this is just the Internet and I live here.

[B]

Is that what doing a podcast is? It's basically uploading your consciousness to the Internet so that when we die out as humans, our consciousness can live on.

[A]

We'll.

[B]

Forever. Yeah.

[A]

And if. If AI can already deepfake our voices, maybe they can deepfake us. Yeah, they can deepfake uses based on however many hundreds of fucking hours of this horseshit we've been doing.

[B]

Is this actually me talking or is this just a chatgpt version of what I would say right now? Right. It goes so deep. Such a deep fake.

[A]

Pubes. Deep pubes.

[B]

Deep fake.

[A]

Okay, news.

[B]

The last. Great.

[A]

There is a bar in Philadelphia called Moriarty's and they are in a shitload of trouble because they posted to Craigslist that they were looking for a biologically male bartender.

[B]

What? Why does that matter?

[A]

What the. Oh, the biologically male part?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it matters in a terrible way.

[B]

No, no, no. I mean, like. But for the post, for the purpose of posting for a bartender, why does the. Why should either of those things make a difference?

[A]

I just. I don't. I don't know. Don't know. Moriarty's management has not yet commented on the situation. Philadelphia is not a conservative city.

[B]

No.

[A]

So, like, there are lots of rules and laws and people who are upset and mad and going to do something about it there too. But yeah, they. They had a job listing posted on Craigslist that said that they were looking for a biologically male bartender. Said applicants must be biologically male because.

[B]

You need your dick to stir up the drinks. Like, what do you need a dick for? To do your job.

[A]

Is it that kind of bar? Do we need to go there? Kyle.

[B]

Okay, now that I say that I would drink a dick stirred martini or something and I don't even like martinis.

[A]

I think that's how big fatty prefers because he's always talking about, are they properly stirred? And I think that's what proper means.

[B]

Yep. With your foreskin.

[A]

I went to a party in LA once where a dude was letting people take shots out of his foreskin.

[B]

I've heard of that before. That doesn't seem like enough of a shot. It seems like you're getting cheated out of shot.

[A]

It depends on the foreskin.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. There's shot sized foreskin cups that you can form just like belly button shots. Like that just doesn't seem like A deep enough well to actually merit charging a full shot.

[A]

That's true. I agree with that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Foreskin's a different story.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Maybe we need to compare notes on foreskins. Okay.

[B]

We need to do another episode on foreskin.

[A]

Selena Morrison, executive director of the Philadelphia Office of LGBT affairs, condemned the ad as, quote, extremely problematic and absolutely transphobic. I agree with you, Selena. Along with the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations, Morrison. Morrison's office is investigating the issue, pointing out the illegality of employment discrimination based on race, religion, gender, or sexual identity under federal and state laws. The Pennsylvania Human Relations act prohibits all of that. And in 2018, they added gender identity and expression as protected classes. Basically, like she told the paper, Deja Lynn Alvarez, who's the deputy director of World Healthcare Infrastructures, said, quote, my first thought was, what the hell are they thinking?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Rue Landau, who's a city council member, says that she expects an uncomplicated investigation because it was so overt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Quote, I'm confident it will be an easy open and shut case. So, yeah, we'll see. We'll see what happens with it. But, like, just, what is wrong with people?

[B]

What is wrong with people? Like, how did that even. Who decided to do that?

[A]

What's in your pants does not matter for most of human existence.

[B]

For a lot of jobs. Not all jobs, but a lot of jobs. It doesn't matter, right?

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, that's the news.

[B]

That's the news. Speaking of people, who. What's in their pants doesn't matter to.

[A]

Us or whose jobs do matter.

[B]

Oh, yeah. These people's jobs matter. Please keep up your work so that we can continue to get a portion of that income. Thank you to the following new Patreon members. Luis Sosa or Luis Sosa, Sammy's brother.

[A]

Yep. Great.

[B]

Hondro P. Hondro Hundro P. Hundro P.

[A]

Let's make that happen.

[B]

And toast. Just.

[A]

Just toast.

[B]

Just toast. All lowercase if that matters.

[A]

Sourdough, rye.

[B]

I don't. White, maybe. All of the above, all encompassing toast. Thank you for your support.

[A]

Multiracial toast.

[B]

Thank you for your support. If you want to get ad free episodes a day early if you want. Ton other benefits if you want to use Mike's mouth if you want.

[A]

Yeah. Use my hole.

[B]

Specifically mouth, though, I think just to be totally clear or. Depends on the level. Go to patreon.com gayishpodcast yeah, do it. Do you want to talk about pubic hair?

[A]

Let's talk about pubic hair. This is the episode that's for sure gonna get us kicked off of Instagram, is it?

[B]

Oh, yeah. The post that Dare comes up with for this episode is gonna be, let's try to skirt those lines.

[A]

Maybe just a bunch of pictures of Justin Timberlake's hair.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or just ramen noodles. That'd be a good ramen noodles. Look like pubes.

[A]

Do you. Yeah, okay, okay, I see it.

[B]

Yeah, you bleach your pubes. There you go. Do you have the history of pubes?

[A]

I mean, no, of course not. But I do want to talk about the biology of pubes, because I think that's interesting. And so, first of all, if you go to the Wikipedia article for pubic hair, that is a big penis under the pubic hair for the male pubic hair portion, just a big flaccid. I know you don't like them flaccid, but just a big old uncut flaccid penis. I'm impressed. It's impressive, but yeah. So pubic hair. One of the things that I found most interesting doing the research for this episode is that pubic hair.

[B]

Humans.

[A]

It can be argued that humans are the only animals that have it.

[B]

Wait, continue. Okay.

[A]

Have you ever thought. You've never thought. Does Reynolds have pubes?

[B]

I mean.

[A]

They kind of, like, have a happy skin belly.

[B]

Yeah, they have a reverse pubes because it's all over their dick, but not around it. Huh. Yeah, but don't, like, bears have pubes? Just their pubes are all over.

[A]

Well, okay, so here's the thing. Pubic hair is different than the hair that's on the rest of your body in some important ways. Another super interesting thing that I found out was that the reason that pubic lice have to stay in your pubic hair is because their little claws are. Are specifically shaped to grab onto the. The thicker pubic hair. Their little hands can't get around the hair on other parts of your body, so they have to stay where they're at.

[B]

Wow, that's disgusting. I know, right?

[A]

Ew. Yeah, I want seafood now. Oh, crabs. Yeah, yummy. Never again. Okay, so pubic hair forms due to increasing levels of testosterone in both girls and boys. So in both cases, both genders, these two genders, we're talking about all genders. Doesn't matter, really. It's the increase in androgens, but testosterone specifically that leads to pubic hair. So there are all of these kind of disturbing charts of when you start puberty, how things develop, and I'm nervous talking about them just because it's like, well. Cause we're talking about, like, little boy and little girl pubic areas, and that's like. That's a thing that gay men should not talk about in public.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. But this is a sexually educating podcast. A sexual education first. That's what we're known for, is our sexual educatingly helpful content.

[A]

Okay. There's a science word for when you start to get pubic hair. It's called pubarch.

[B]

No, it's not. It is. I refuse. Nope. I reject this new piece of information.

[A]

Which it's just the name for when you get your period is Men Arsh. And when you get your pubic hair, it's pubarch. That's for sure.

[B]

A word sounds like where D and D characters will quest to find the loot that'll save the goblin hoard or whatever.

[A]

Absolutely. It's an eastern pew bard. Yeah.

[B]

Like this. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. Okay. There are other areas of the body that also respond to androgens at puberty in terms of the hair production, which everybody's familiar with because of how horrible and weird puberty is. But under. Under the armpits, perianal area, upper lip. Your sideburns are. I didn't really ever think of them as being, like, a puberty thing, but apparently they are separate from your beard area.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Nipple hair happens then middle of the chest. So chest hair, neck, under the chin, chest and beard area. Limbs, shoulders, back, buttocks. Your butthole.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These are. These are all things that. That, that, that. That. That happen. And also doesn't have to be the same color as the hair on your scalp, which I've seen before in porn, but I always just assumed it was, like, a choice.

[B]

But you thought they were dying their pubes.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Like. Like, we all know that, like, hair on your head and. Or can be different colors, especially, like, gingers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anywho. Okay, so this is sort of in the history of pubic hair section. Sort of. Do you want me to. Do you. Me to talk about this dude, or do you want to talk about him in the Patreon segment?

[B]

I don't know anything about him. What? Who is he?

[A]

John Ruskin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, I forgot to say this part.

[B]

Okay, do it now.

[A]

Premature pubarch, or precocious pub arch, is if you get pubic hair before the age of, what?

[B]

Eight.

[A]

Eight years old if you're a man in women. Or nine. I should say females. Age of eight in females or before the age of nine in males.

[B]

I got it exactly.

[A]

You got it exactly right. And apparently some people are, like, super into pubic hair. So much so that pubiphilia is a word that you can add to your power. Active vocabulary. Wow. People. People that are super, super into it. Okay, so. So how do I. Let's. Let's talk about him in the Patreon segment. There's this dude named John Ruskin who had such a freak out about pubic hair, it, like, changed the course of his entire life. And I want to talk about him and the potential that he's maybe not. Not gay.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But. So we'll. We'll do that in Patreon. But it's the most. It's the most extreme pubic hair story I could find.

[B]

Ooh, that's exciting. Okay, that sounds good.

[A]

But talking about people who are into pubic hair, I'll just read one of these. I have several quotes from literature about pubic hair. Mostly straight dudes that are, like, into it. But there's a book called the Memoirs of Dolly Morton, which is an American erotic classic. And the attributes of Ms. Dean are noted with some surprise. Her spot was covered with a thick forest of glossy dark brown hair with locks nearly 2 inches long. One man remarked, but, gosh, I've never seen such a fleece between a woman's legs in my life. Darn me if she wouldn't have to be sheared before a man could get into her.

[B]

I hate it.

[A]

I just wanted you to make that face.

[B]

Oh, it worked. Oh, it worked.

[A]

It succeeded. Yeah, I have a section on what do pubes do anyway? Do you want to talk about that now or later?

[B]

Um, maybe I'll give you some data.

[A]

Let's do some gata.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So what percentage of people in this room have pubes? 100%, I'm guessing. Do you have pubes right now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's gonna be my straightest theater show.

[B]

The fact that you have pubes.

[A]

I'll go into it.

[B]

Okay, okay. We'll get it there. I'm gonna talk about. Yeah. How many of, like, gay straight people have pubes and what their pubes look like? So this is from an article on baltimoreoutloud.com by Jim Becker. There was a save Health survey that interviewed over a thousand sexually active people age 18 to 87 for their research.

[A]

And octogenarian pubes is not a thing I wanted to think about today, but here we are. Go ahead.

[B]

Octogenarians have pubes too. They're just like you and me.

[A]

Of course they do.

[B]

And we all have to think about them now and what color they are and what color. Yeah. Are my pubes gonna go gray?

[A]

Okay. That I could speak from experience on. Yes, they will.

[B]

You don't even have to be 80 for that to happen.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

So first we're gonna talk about fully shaved or fully waxed pubic hair.

[A]

Okay. It's like a dolphin down there.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just smooth like butter. Like a Ken doll. This percent of gay men have fully.

[A]

Shaved or waxed pubic hair, fully shaved or waxed.

[B]

I'm gonna go 25%.

[A]

Oh, I overestimated.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Shows the kind of circles I run in.

[B]

Yep. You run her with fully shaved individuals. No, you don't talk about it, but you can just be like, the way you talk. I can tell you're fully shaved. You have no pubic hair. Holding you back right now. Yeah, I mean, I have.

[A]

I have. In all seriousness, I have experienced that. Like, did not expect. And I always would have thought it was like the twinks for some reason. That's not been in my experience.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting. Do you. Are you into or are you gonna talk about that later?

[A]

I'm not. Not into it, but I'm like. I don't. I don't care.

[B]

You don't care about pubes like, there.

[A]

Whether they're gone, if they're gone. I don't miss them.

[B]

I think I kind of do.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

Because when they're gone, it just. It's. I don't.

[A]

This is all.

[B]

This is now personal preference. So no shade to those who fully get all that shit off, which is not that many people, actually. 5% of gay men.

[A]

But, like, piss them off all you want to, then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We don't need you. I. I think I would rather not have you fully bare. There's just something that, like, feels off about that to me.

[A]

Is it pedophilia?

[B]

I didn't want to say that. But you did, so I think that's a little bit part of it. Or, like, I don't know. I want some pubes. Okay. Which I never thought. I don't care. I also don't care about them. I'm not like a pub file or whatever that word was.

[A]

Pube. Phobe or.

[B]

Or a pubhobe. I'm neither. I'm just kind of smack in the middle. I. I don't. I just kind of want. I don't know. Okay.

[A]

You want them right down the middle?

[B]

Right in the middle.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Which is a look. Landing strip. I think so 5% of gay men have fully shaved or fully relaxed pubic hair. 8% of straight men have fully shaved pubic hair.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes. That's what the data says.

[A]

The show is over. You are incorrect.

[B]

This is what does it.

[A]

This is what does it. Okay, wait. But more straight men than gay men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are fully. It's probably their lady friends that are, like, pressuring them into that. Or. Or. Or. No. That's the only thing I could think of.

[B]

I don't know. Why do they just not want to handle it? Like, it's more effort to trim than it is to just, like, take all that shit off?

[A]

Well, I have some evidence to suggest that women are acculturated to think that pubes are gross and unhygienic. And I think that a lot of them are capable of making their straight bro projects, fix their clothes, fix their hair both upstairs and down below.

[B]

Fix your. Fix your pubes for me, honey, before we get married.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Maybe. But that is true. So women have a much higher rate of being fully shaved or waxed. 22% of lesbians and 23% of straight women are 40 fully no pubes.

[A]

Surprises me that those are so close.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. Okay.

[B]

Who would you expect to be more.

[A]

It's straight girls. For some reason I associate. Maybe I should figure this out in therapy tomorrow. I just think of being fully shaved down there as being a thing that straight girls are encouraged to do or feel like they have to. I think that is a little bit about pedophilia.

[B]

And I think that I see lesbians as less worried about removing. Removing all your hair. So I'm also surprised that the numbers are really close for trimmed pubic hair. 69% of gay men have trimmed pubic hair versus 61% of straight men. So more gay men have trimmed pubic hair.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

54% of lesbians have trimmed pubic hair versus 61% of straight women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So more straight women have trimmed pubic hair. And for full bush.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

26% of gay men have full bush and 31% of straight men. So more straight men have a full bush than gay men.

[A]

That makes sense to me.

[B]

That makes sense to me.

[A]

That's the only thing you've said that makes.

[B]

Yes, I agree. So they're both more likely to have fully shaved and more likely to have not touched them at all. Straight men.

[A]

Great. Okay.

[B]

Which is weird. And then for full bush, 24% of lesbians and 17% of straight women. So that aligns with my expectations of lesbians kind of Leaving the full hair there.

[A]

Yep. I agree. Yep.

[B]

Compare at least compared to straight women.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Now, people's preferences for oral. 51% of gay men won't have oral sex with a partner who has ungroomed pubic hair. Half. Mm.

[A]

Half say no.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Tame that or I'm not putting it in my mouth.

[B]

Yeah, I. I think. Okay, I agree with you. Do you think that number would be lower? Yeah, I think that on a survey, it's easier to be like, no way. I'll deal with that. And then you get some Hawkeye back to your place, and you're not going.

[A]

To be like, two vodka sodas. You're going to put anything in your mouth that you want.

[B]

Exactly. Yep. Totally. And then 59% of lesbians won't have oral sex with a partner who has ungroomed pubic hair.

[A]

That makes more sense to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, having. Having gotten down on both sets of plumbing, it is mechanically different.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And like, I. Yeah, I. I could see. It is possible. It is possible to get a penis in your mouth without having the pubes be an issue.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It is less so.

[B]

Yep. Yep. For penetrative sex, 27% of gay men won't have penetrative sex with a partner who has ungroomed pubic hair.

[A]

As the top or the bottom or did it say.

[B]

I didn't say, but that's a good point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because, like, it doesn't matter what I bottom.

[A]

I won't bottom for you if you have a full bush. That's like. That doesn't make sense to me.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

It makes more sense. Like, I'm not putting my dick in there. It's like a forest. That makes more sense. But then we're not talking about.

[B]

We're not talking about butt here. We're talking about pubes.

[A]

Exactly. So then I'm. I'm. I'm not putting it in your butt because your pubes are too big like that. I don't. That doesn't make any sense either. I don't. What the fuck is going on in this survey?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. I have no answers for you. The survey just has more questions than answers. And a third of lesbians won't have penetrative sex with a partner who has ungroomed pubic hair. H. I looked at another study. This was the last sentence of an article on the Guardian.

[A]

Great.

[B]

It said the number of emergency department visits for grooming increased fivefold between 22,002 and 2010.

[A]

So they're like, that's the hair removal revolution.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. They didn't. That was the last sentence of this article. It was like that, that could be an entire article in and of itself. What are you talking about? Emergency room visits. For what?

[A]

Well, okay, so there was this time in college, okay. And we had a fraternity formal and one of the guys was certain that he and his girl were going to get. Get busy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

After the formal because we all got hotel rooms and stayed in this thing, blah, blah, blah. And he was going to trim and cut his ball sack open and had to be taken to the emergency room for like, medical adhesive to like, like. Yeah.

[B]

So is that how one ball Dan lost his ball?

[A]

No, that was cancer. Oh.

[B]

Less funny. But it was also cut, so. Oh, that's true. Yeah.

[A]

Glad you're not dead, Dan. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, I don't know, like it was. It doesn't surprise me at all. The people end up injuring themselves because I know somebody.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I could see that. Makes sense as to how injuries could happen.

[A]

Also, he had one testicle that was way bigger than the other one and everybody used to make him get it out at parties. And it got the nickname the Biosphere, which I thought was.

[B]

Frat guys are so gay. So gay. Another study called Hair Today, gone tomorrow.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

2008 study by Yolanda Martins, Marika Tiruman and Libby Church said, nailed it. Yeah. Got it. You're welcome, people. I credited that quote. Results of their study indicated that many gay men and heterosexual men remove their back, body buttock and pubic hair regularly and that the primary reason for doing so is to maintain or improve their appearance. And then a little bit further down in the abstract, they said the findings offer further support for the premise that gay men that that gay and heterosexual men exhibit similar body image concerns, which this is what I'm learning is that we expect gay men to be the ones that have like this big body image issue and they're the ones with the body image concerns. And it's all gay men that are worried about their bodies and straight men don't give a. And they're frumpy and whatever, but that's just doesn't seem to be true. So it's interesting that they say that we have similar body image concerns, but.

[A]

I wonder if it's for different reasons. Right? Like I, I, I, I still, I think that straight dudes have to view themselves through the lens of bi and Straight women and gay dudes view themselves through the lens of other dudes. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I still. I don't know where this is coming from, Kyle, but I just feel like straight girls don't like hair. And I think that that leads to a hair is gross and ugly undercurrent to, like, straight male culture and that we associate hairlessness with femininity at the same time. And that leads, I think, gay male culture to, like, the hairless twink bottom is a thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think that's ultimately misogyny, maybe. I don't know. I'm trying to pick it all apart real time, which I should have done some more thinking about this before I opened my mouth, but gayish.

[B]

Gayish. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to have it all figured out quite yet because then we wouldn't have a podcast to record.

[A]

True that.

[B]

We got to figure it out together. I had a point that I was going to make to you.

[A]

Oh. And then. And then I also think that, like, bear culture of, like, let's embrace the hairy. Like, I don't see that as being a thing that straights would do at all.

[B]

Yes, we do. That's what I was going to point out. We do have these subcultures. We're not universally okay with hair, but we have these subcultures that are totally down with hair and in fact, want it and appreciate it. And that's not. Yeah. You don't hear about those pockets of straight women who. I mean, I'm sure they exist, but it's just not like an entire subculture that have entire events and organizations and things centered around their hair.

[A]

Yep. And I feel like. I feel like straight women are, like, maybe through media, not sure where it comes from. Doesn't matter. They're like back hair. Ew. Chest hair, shoulder hair. Ew. Chest hair. Okay. But it needs to be like a clean looking, like, moderate amount and not a crazy amount and like, stomach hair. Ew. Except a happy trail. Yes. Like, I feel like there's just like a. There's a. There's a weird, acceptable straight man hair pattern, and I feel like we have less of that in the gay community.

[B]

Do you think. I wonder if maybe. Because we are the ones with the hair, like, we then understand other people with hair and maybe in places you don't want it.

[A]

Maybe. Yeah.

[B]

Women are expected to keep that shit up, to maintain, to remove all their hair in lots of various places.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And so maybe they have the expectations as well that men will keep up to some degree. Their hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whereas we're like, we know what it's like to be hairy sometimes in places you don't want it to be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And are more accepting of that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I think so. That seems right.

[B]

That's the gaita.

[A]

Well, what does pubic hair do anyway, Kyle? What do pubes do?

[B]

They get in my mouth.

[A]

Okay. I mean, that's sort of just a side bonus, I think.

[B]

Needed to floss. Anyway.

[A]

So there are a few theories about the function. Like why did we evolve to have pubes?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Some of them are more compelling than others. But I do want to talk about them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One is there's the claim that it reduces friction during sex, but also other activities and that it acts kind of like a dry lube.

[B]

I read this and I was like, huh. I don't know if I agree with this.

[A]

I don't know if I agree with this either, except it does seem too that like, okay, lube kind of sticks to hair in ways that it doesn't stick to skin. And I do think that a little bit of hair in the butthole area means you have to reapply less often. Oh, but that's not what they're saying.

[B]

That's not what they're saying. But I think your theory might be. I like your theory. It's a lube adhesive.

[A]

Yeah. So this is According to healthline.com the skin on your genital region is delicate. Pubic hair acts like a protective buffer, reducing frizz friction during sex and other activities. Some sources even refer to pubic hair as a dry lubricant. That's because it's easier to rub hair against hair than it is to rub skin against skin. And that's true. Are you touching your hair?

[B]

Yeah, my head. My head. The hair on my head. Just to be very clear for our at home listening audience, just like, what's easier? I guess. Yeah. Touching my beard. It's easier than rubbing against my skin. Huh?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, the next one. It keeps the genitals warm, which is an important factor in sexual arousal. It's also potentially an important factor to reproduction. That sperm have to be kept at a slightly below body Temperature. Temperature. That's redundant, but. Or they slow down or die if they get too hot or too cold. And that. That is easier to regulate when there's insulating hair in the area.

[B]

Do you think Alaskans are more likely to have pubic hair?

[A]

Well, aren't. Like, first of all, hey, Mike, racism is bad, right? And. Oh, and I do think that There are some characteristics of ethnicities that are just true. That, like, on the whole, men of Asian descent tend to have less body hair. Men of western European descent tend to have more body hair. And so when you ask about Alaskans, my first thought was, like, an Elliot, like a first nations person. And what I know of them is that that they're, like, not as hairy as, like, the global average human.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

But I could be totally making that up. That could just be a gross stereotype. So now Alaskan. Alaskan. Alaskan people, like, regardless of ethnicity. Yes. Let's start that rumor. It's just a forest jungle down there.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you got to keep warm somehow. Those long, cold winters. What else do you do but grow up your pubes?

[A]

What else?

[B]

What else?

[A]

What else do you do? Okay, next. That it has something to do with microflora, so especially for people with vaginas. That there is a good bacteria and bad bacteria, and that something about the function of pubic hair is to regulate more of the good and less of the bad. And I don't know. I don't know if I buy that. The reason I don't buy that is that it's, like, not inside there.

[B]

Hmm. But, like, is bacteria. It's like your nose hair helps from getting stuff. It's like, acts as a trap for stuff getting up your nose. Yeah. Does pubic hair act as a trap to bacteria, to getting in there?

[A]

Maybe. Well, okay, so this sort of leads to, like, the next one on the list, which is that pubic hair is for pheromone transmission that, like, your. Your horny business makes stinky. That trappy the stinky make make for other hornies.

[B]

Is that a direct quote from the Healthline.com article? No way. You said made sense.

[A]

Another theory links pubic hair to the transmission of pheromones, or scent carrying chemical secretions that affect mood and behavior. We still don't know exactly how pheromones influence sexuality, but pheromones are secreted from apocrine sweat glands. And compared to other areas of the body, the pubic region has a lot of these glands. Therefore, as the theory goes, pubic hair may trap pheromones, increasing how attractive we appear to potential sex partners.

[B]

So the more you shave it off, the more you're shaving off your good stinky bits.

[A]

That's right. That's right. And your dog is going to be less interested in your crotchal region.

[B]

Oh, that might be a good side benefit. I don't need them getting in there.

[A]

Well, I Mean, your dog, at least, is, like, low to the ground.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I had a Labrador, like, his nose is, like, right at dick level for most people.

[B]

Yep. He wanted some good smells from that. Pheromones.

[A]

Yep. I like this one. But I'm nervous to talk about it a little bit again because of the totally fucking horseshit association between gay men and pedophiles, which we talked about on our pedophiles episode. Pedophiles episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How many times can I say pedophile?

[B]

I mean, you're at, like, five so far.

[A]

Is that pubic hair? It evolved as a way to indicate biological readiness for reproduction.

[B]

That makes sense to me.

[A]

So because you get pubes after puberty, that means that you are sexually mature, and therefore it's okay to fuck. Now, unfortunately, early pubarch for a boy is anything before nine, but that means anything nine and older is not abnormal, Right? That's problematic.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But also, animals are problematic, like we talked about in the Bigfoot episode. They're all kind of rapey. So, you know, there could be something to that one.

[B]

Do you think Bigfoot has pubes?

[A]

No.

[B]

No. You think it's all just hair?

[A]

Yeah, it's like a. It's like. It's like a. It's like a curtain down there. It's like a rug. Like an Afghan rug. Like those. Those dangly things that you walk through in a. That hang from a doorway.

[B]

Yep. Like the beads that hang. Yep.

[A]

Let's see. Is that all I have? Were you gonna talk about tips and tricks?

[B]

Oh, I was gonna talk about. Well, I. I think you covered a lot of the. Like, the pros and cons of keeping or removing. Oh, we can talk about some other. Some other reasons you may keep or remove. Oh, mine is from a Healthline.com article, too.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

I wonder if it's the same article by Katasha Gordon in 2022. The reasons to remove. The first thing they said is, quote, neat workspace, clean off your desk. Yes, exactly. Exactly. To be ready for oral sex.

[A]

Well, okay.

[B]

I mean, we talked about depending on what kind of junk you have.

[A]

Yeah. Be ready to receive oral effects.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Pretty sure you're always ready to give it.

[B]

Don't call me out like that. Hair traps sweat and bacteria, which creates odor. Yeah. Which you talked about the good side. The bad side is odor.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To combat genetics, autoimmune conditions, or even prescription medication side effects that can cause hair to grow more rapidly.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. What? Yeah. Whom knew?

[A]

I mean, more than just Rogaine. Like, there's things that make hair grow.

[B]

I guess so.

[A]

That's interesting.

[B]

Yeah. Propecia. Is there. Is there pubic hair? Propecia. Does propecia affect your pubic hair? Is there such thing as pubecia pubicia? There's such thing as pubic hair loss. That's why they have merkins.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah, we did.

[B]

I didn't. I should have done an entire segment on merkins.

[A]

Like, why?

[B]

Like why? That would be the segment.

[A]

Why have a word for that?

[B]

Why do we need that?

[A]

That's artificial pubes. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a pube belt.

[B]

Yeah, like a pube wig. Great. Other reasons to remove. Partner preference. Sure, I guess, if. What do you like?

[A]

What do you like, baby? I like. You like a dolphin. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Squeak, squeak, motherfucker.

[A]

It's the best dolphin I can muster at the moment. Okay, great.

[B]

The belief that it's more hygienic.

[A]

Yeah, but is it.

[B]

But is it? And personal preference.

[A]

Yeah. Which should be number one.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, but also, keep in mind, I.

[A]

Just want to be loved. Kyle.

[B]

Isn'T that an Elton John song?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Reasons to keep it. There's actually no medical reason to remove it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This is one of the first ones.

[A]

Right, right. Well, okay. Okay. What can't you, like, get, like, licer crabs or scabies or something and, like, shaving it all off temporarily is, like, the right. The right move, maybe.

[B]

I don't know how to treat. I've never luckily had to deal with that. But is. Is shaving it all off like, I don't get lice? Is shaving your head one of the solutions?

[A]

I could have made that up, but I sure think so.

[B]

That makes sense to me is if you're saying, especially if their little claw hands can't grab onto other hairs, then shaving off your pubes could be a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But mostly, I think people assume that it's more hygienic, which is wrong. Like, there's. Medically, most crabs aside. Medically, there's not a good reason to remove them.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

A preference. Again, personal preference. A reason to keep is because hair removal can sometimes cause folliculitis, cellulitis, ingrown hairs, and other skin irritations.

[A]

Yeah, it's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's absolutely true. It also can cause you to go to the emergency room.

[B]

Yeah, apparently.

[A]

But. Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, sometimes. Sometimes when you shave, it's like your skin gets mad.

[B]

Yeah. Your skin's like, hey, I wanted that. Yeah, I grew that there for a reason.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Removing hair can be expensive, depending on how you're doing it, if you're going in for waxes or if you're buying, like, specific shavers to, like, it can. It can take money to remove your hair.

[A]

I cannot think of anything more horrifying to me than the idea of having a fucking stranger take care of my business down there.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

Like, people that go to the salon and get a sack and crack. I'm like, what is. That's. That is some bravery. That is some body confidence. That is some, like, I. Good for you.

[B]

But no, yeah, same. I also have really sensitive skin, so that would not be good for me.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Let's see. Hairs. Consider. You mentioned hair is considered a natural lubricant, so that's a reason to keep it. Apparently, there's a higher risk of getting herpes or other STIs because the delicate pubis is left with tiny cuts through which bacteria and viruses can penetrate.

[A]

See, I had read that, but not the reasoning behind it. And now it makes more sense to me if you.

[B]

It's just like brushing your teeth before oral. Like, don't do that, because that creates, like, tiny little micro abrasions in your mouth that can open yourselves up to more getting.

[A]

Yeah. Yep. For sure. Don't swish that nut like we talked about at the top of the show.

[B]

I mean, not after brushing your teeth. If you don't brush your teeth, swish away.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Swish away.

[A]

Swish, swish, bish.

[B]

Swish, swish, bish.

[A]

That's what that song's about, right?

[B]

Yes. It's about swishing nut after you take a load in your mouth. Those are reasons to keep and to remove.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, all right. Keep or remove your what, Kyle?

[B]

Your pubes.

[A]

Yeah. I have 20 different ways to say pubes.

[B]

Okay. I don't think I know one.

[A]

What?

[B]

Pubes. I mean, pubic hair. Like, that's all I got.

[A]

Not on the list.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But it does seem like it would be short for the. Well, one of these.

[B]

Your downstairs mustache.

[A]

One of them is downstairs mix up, which I think is funny.

[B]

Oh, sure. Okay.

[A]

Okay, here's a list of slang words for pubic hair with meanings from ingdik.orgsure.org.

[B]

That'S great.

[A]

Yeah. Number one is Bush.

[B]

Oh, I do know that one.

[A]

Thick growth of pubic hair and rock band from the 90s. Number two is muff.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Females pubic hair area. Also, I've heard it referred to. Dudes, pubic hair before.

[B]

Oh, I think I mostly associate it with women.

[A]

I think that's mostly right. And muff diving is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Number three is merkin.

[B]

Merkin, yeah.

[A]

Fake pubic hair wig. The rest of these, I think, were made up by somebody who just was a little high.

[B]

Needed to fulfill a quota on their article or something.

[A]

Number four, lady garden euphemism for a female pubic zone. Number five, fur burger, which is slang for a female's pubic region. I think I've heard that one before.

[B]

I don't think I've heard that one.

[A]

Number six is your junk forest.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

This is men's area of pubic hair, which I have heard the, like, jungle or forest like, thing before, which is just like a bush but bigger.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Number seven is your bikini lawn hair seen near the bikini line. Number eight is just a repeat, I think crotch muff.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Number nine is pube carpet. That's the one that it does say. Pube. Dense area of pubic hair. Number 10, downstairs, mix up number 11, man bush, which is just bush with man put in front of it.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Number 12 for a shaved pubic region. Bald eagle. Oh, no, going full bald eagle. I like that one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Number 13 is grass patch area of pubic hair, which leads to that joke about pedophilia of if there's grass on the field, play ball. Number 14, love rug.

[B]

Ooh, I don't like that. Because I'm not like.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like that one either.

[B]

Ride that like a magic carpet.

[A]

Euphemistic term for pubic hair. Number 15 is fuzz. Number 16 is panty hamster, which I think is my favorite.

[B]

That one's good.

[A]

And I think. I think we should try to get the gays to use that one. Like, I need to go take care of my panty hamster. That's a good one.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Number 17, twig and berries. Blanket.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Number 18 is your golden triangle. Oh, God help us. Number 19 is the family jewels guard. And number 20 is the fringe.

[B]

The fringe.

[A]

The fringe. Yeah. Isn't. What does a minj mean?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, minj is just vagina or woman's genitals. It's particularly offensive in the uk. Sorry, Brits.

[B]

Whoops.

[A]

I've never heard that word. Fanny. Fanny pack.

[B]

That's a good one for pew.

[A]

Oh, God. Okay, what do you got, Kyle?

[B]

I want to do an ask Reddit.

[A]

Let's ask Reddit.

[B]

The question is on the subreddit. Gabros.

[A]

Oh God.

[B]

Pubes.

[A]

The gift that keeps on giving.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Gabros pubes.

[B]

Hot or not. This had 87 upvotes and 60 comments.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I selected, I tried to select a variety of opinions. The most upvoted opinions. So the most upvoted one was absolutely hot. I honestly don't care how hairy a guy is and that means anywhere. I myself am quite hairy down there and my husband hasn't complained once. I love that his butt is hairy too. And he has some hair on his lower foreskin too. I still love it. Tbh. It's a natural thing, so I really don't have any issues. I adore everything about my husband, including his hair. Okay, that's kind of a beautiful sentiment.

[A]

It is a beautiful sentiment. It also didn't answer the question.

[B]

Yeah, pubic hair. Yeah, hot. Absolutely hot is what they said.

[A]

Yeah, but then like you then also basically said, and I'd still love him if he had none. Right. Like, so it's not about the pubic hair, it's about the person.

[B]

No, but I think he, it, I think it talks about like it's a natural thing. I adore my husband's hair. Included. Yeah, maybe, maybe it's. I love my husband and so he has hair, so I've learned to love hair. Or maybe he was first attracted to his husband because of the hair.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That and the person came second.

[A]

That would have been more convincing to me.

[B]

Yeah, but you don't know how this person fell in love with his husband. His hairy, hairy husband.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Someone else said, honestly, I like a bit of trim. Nobody looks good with a thicket down there. I guess the ideal is kind of like Chris Evans, which I feel like what you made a no face like, like.

[A]

Let's finish that thought.

[B]

Oh. Like it's more hair than just stubble, but it's not as much as free range growth. You dig?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, great.

[B]

Which I think that's what you were describing when you were talking about straight women of like liking a certain amount of hair but not too much hair. Like Chris Evans might be a good, like, here's the right amount.

[A]

Boy howdy. Everything about him is perfect. It doesn't matter.

[B]

Everything about him is the right amount of it. Point is, trim that shit. But don't go all the way. If you go all the way and shave it, it just looks nasty. Unless you're an uber twink. And even then, not my style.

[A]

I have heard that sentiment before that like the trim is necessary.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And but don't go Too crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And there's the idea again that you mentioned that twinks somehow get a pass on shaving it all off.

[A]

Yep, yep. And the gator supports that, I suppose, Which. That's interesting.

[B]

Well, not. Not about twinks specifically.

[A]

Not twink specifically. I mean, the trim. The trim, but not too much.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That most gay dudes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are falling the trim category. And most of the answers tended to fall in that category. So I didn't copy every single one. But most were like, trim, just trim. Someone else said, yes, Pubes, shaved. Looks like a prepubescent boy to me. No matter how big his dick is. Trimmed. Trimmed is acceptable. All other body hair natural.

[A]

Well, which.

[B]

That's part of the argument that you're talking about. The fact that you've said pedophile 17 times so far. So that's one of the risks of people not being into it because it's like, ooh, am I creepy for liking this?

[A]

Yep, exactly Right. And this brings up something that we haven't touched on yet, which is the, like, reasons to trim. Makes your dick look bigger.

[B]

Yes. I think that's why one of the things that porn stars do, in addition to being teeny, tiny, short people. Like, one of the things they do to trick you into thinking their dick is bigger is trimming their pubes.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

All the way down.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep, yep. Also, having a big dick helps.

[B]

And then having an over above average. Anyway, a differing opinion. I have a deep repulsion towards body hair. It's not a sexual thing. I just hate the texture of hair. I've shaved my entire body consistently ever since I was 11, and I always keep my head hair short. I have a special revulsion towards armpit hair in particular. A guy who shaves his armpits instantly gains a lot of points. With me, that was one opinion that was like, nope, completely shave at all.

[A]

I do think that there are lots of people who are neurodivergent in a way that makes them really sensitive to the textures of things. And I can see that totally following.

[B]

I didn't think that. I didn't think of that playing into it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

There's also some thoughts that that's why some nudists are nudists because they just can't handle slash. Don't like the feeling of clothing on their body. Again, because of some, like, stimulus processing disorder of some kind.

[B]

I didn't think about that either. For nudists. Huh. I wonder if nudists what their opinion on pubic hair is. Like, they're Part of their thing though is like, all natural.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So would you be more likely to be all natural with your pubes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or is it like, everyone's going to see this so I got to keep shit cleaned up and tight for everyone or I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What's your preference on pubes, hot or not?

[A]

I think I'm in the trim but not too much category most of the time. There are exceptions. Like, there are sometimes when I'm like watching porn that I'm like, the dolphins can be hot.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I think especially when you're in the, like, day to day of a relationship, nobody's got time for that.

[B]

That's a lot to keep up with. Especially. Yeah. To have none. That's a lot to keep up with.

[A]

Yep. Like, I want, I want special occasion dolphin. Maybe like.

[B]

Like a little treat for yourself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Now, I'm not repulsed by, but do not understand the full bush camp. Like, there are a couple of, a couple of examples come to mind. There's this guy that I used to follow on Chatterbait who like, while he was talking to the room, like waiting for people to tip him or whatever, he would, like, chat, but he would use a hair pick on his bush because he, like, wouldn't trim at all. Had like full bush, but then, like, wanted it to be styled.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I was like, I was into him and thought he was hot. But it wasn't because of that. It was despite it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And. But I know that there, there's, there are some like, bush lovers out there who are just like, the bigger the better. Give me some, like, volumizer to put in there. Like, I'm gonna blow dry it so it's bigger. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's, that's, that's fine. I just, I just, it doesn't resonate with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How about you?

[B]

I think I'm pretty. We haven't talked specifically about the ball hair.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

If I'm giving you a blowjob, if you have like a lot of ball hair, that's hard for me to, like, then get in. And usually I like to do some light ball work, but if you have too much hair, that might be difficult. So I'm not, like, also not repulsed by it, but, like, it may just make it a little bit more difficult for me to get them balls in my mouth.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

But I think I'm pretty, like, okay with whatever. I don't think it plays a big factor in my interest. I'm trying to think of. I don't think I would ever turn anyone down for what their pube situation is like. And I don't think I have a strong kind of preference.

[A]

What is your preference for yourself?

[B]

Okay. Recently I was debating on what my gayest thing. But recently I've not been having sex, so I've not been keeping anything clean down there because there's been no one to impress. And it's just easier to, like, be full, natural, whatever.

[A]

Yeah. You've got to give up at least one rerun to go take care of whatever you got going on down there.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

There's more. Bob's Burton. You want to watch.

[B]

Exactly. I have to, like, put it on my phone and bring it into the toilet and do a whole thing. I. So I did just after I trimmed because of this episode, because I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do this for me to just clean myself up a little bit and feel good about myself. Just for me, you know, this is a special thing just for me. I don't need a man. I can do this for myself. But so when I'm not getting any, I don't. No, that's not true. That's only been recently because I've been so tired with work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Usually I'll keep it pretty trimmed because I don't know when the next time someone's going to be seeing it is.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

That makes it ready for action.

[A]

That makes it ready to go.

[B]

Ready to go on a whim.

[A]

The landing strip has been prepared, but all systems active.

[B]

What about.

[A]

What's your usual trim? You and Davey Wavy were horrified to learn that I was using kitchen shears for that purpose.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I think that I stand by that as an effective tool.

[B]

It does the job sometimes when my razor dies, you know, you got to use what you got to use.

[A]

Yep. Yep. But I. Yeah, I think I'm trying to think if. If I have ever gone, like, clean. Clean shaven.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And like, maybe once as an experiment in, like, high school or college or something, but, like, it's been. It's been 25 years or more. Kyle.

[B]

I did once as an experiment in high school when I started getting, like, earlier. I forget when, but, like, when I started getting pubes, I was like, what if I lop them all off?

[A]

Yeah. And I didn't really have the tools to work on. Like, it was just itchy and. And ingrown hair that hurt. And I was like, never again. Kind of a thing.

[B]

That happened to me too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wonder if everyone has that one. I was, like, so annoyed and resistant to, like, having hair and having to shave. And, like, I was really frustrated by the entire experience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I did not want hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I shaved it, and then it was like, yeah, real itchy and real bad. Yeah. And so I didn't do that ever again.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

If everyone has an experience or if a lot of people have that kind of experience once in their life.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. I. I also. I'm not particularly hairy anywhere, and so that kind of, like me unkempt is still pretty. Okay.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

For the most part. Lucky, you know? Did we do it?

[B]

Is pubic hair gay?

[A]

Apparently just slightly gayer than straight. So, yes.

[B]

I think trimming it is the gayest thing you can do. I was surprised by the gator that straight men are more likely to lop it off. So the. The stereotypes of the gay man being the ones that are more doing shit with their hair and styling things or being more self conscious or whatever is not totally true. And I think that's my. At least the gay angle of pubic hair. That's my takeaway that that is surprising that I think straight men have more. I was gonna say insecurities, but it may not be out of insecurity. Maybe just a preference, but, like, they have body image things that they're conscious of, just like gay men.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And. And are more likely to lop it off, which is surprising.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That was surprising to me too. A lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let us know. Dear listener, what do you do with your pubic hair? We already except dick pics. You might as well send one into your pubes. Whatever.

[B]

Pube pics is what you're asking for.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

I think you just did.

[A]

Or do. I don't care.

[B]

I don't know. Whatever you want.

[A]

I'll weigh in. Send a pretty design.

[B]

Style it. Like, put a little top hat on it.

[A]

$100 gift card to the merch store for the first person that sends gayish shaved into their pukes.

[B]

Oh, that would be cool. Or maybe to make it more reasonable, just a G. I don't know. That would be doable. No, you want full gayish.

[A]

Well, just.

[B]

Yeah, so then we don't have to spend money because no one's gonna do that. That's smart. Okay, never mind. Full gayish on your pubes. Hit us up.

[A]

Did we do it?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

We did it.

[A]

So it's time to take a break.

[B]

Trim, break.

[A]

That's what we do. Now, right?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Look at my pubes.

[B]

Oh, ew. Break. I didn't mean to say ew to your pubes. I'm sure your pubes are beautiful.

[A]

They're not. Okay, this is the part where Mike and Kyle take a break. Are we back?

[B]

We're back.

[A]

We're back.

[B]

We're gonna do our gayest and straightest.

[A]

We're gonna do our gayest and straightest. But first.

[B]

But first. Hey, our Patreon happy hours.

[A]

Hey, listen to Kyle. Shut up and listen to Kyle.

[B]

Thanks, Mike. Our Patreon happy hour is coming up very soon.

[A]

It is.

[B]

And now over to Mike for the details, because I didn't write them down.

[A]

Patreon Zoom Happy hour.

[B]

Hey, listen to Mike, everybody.

[A]

Wednesday, February 7th at 7:00pm Pacific. That is an hour different than we usually do. 7pm Pacific. And the details will be posted to the Patreon app. So look in the Patreon app for the login.

[B]

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. We'll hang out, we'll drink, we'll talk. It's a lot of fun. So anyone at any level of Patreon can join.

[A]

We'll shave our pubes.

[B]

Yeah, we'll all shave them together. It'll be a party. Pube party.

[A]

Oh, local gay bar review this time. This one's important. Hey, Kyle.

[B]

Oh, I'm listening. Hey, Mike.

[A]

I went to the White Horse Bar or White Horse Inn or White Horse Tavern. It gets called all of those things.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In Oakland, California. And it is, I think, correctly claiming to be the oldest continuously operating gay bar in the entire country.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So they had karaoke. It was very bad. I loved that. It wasn't just a sea of white people there. There's a queer woman of color that recently bought it, and she is doing a grand reopening. It may have already happened, but, like, they were advertising that they were about to do a grand reopening when I was there. It is fascinating to me that the. It officially opened as a gay bar in 1933, but was likely operating as a gay speakeasy since before the end of prohibition. So as early as the 20s. Now, also fascinating to me. When it opened, it was in Berkeley. A law passed that said that bars could not be too close to the University of California in Berkeley. So they picked the entire building up and moved it over a block so that it was in Oakland.

[B]

That's one way around that.

[A]

That's one way around that. Yeah. It survived the 50s and the pink scare in part. Because all of the focus was on San Francisco. So all of the police raids were taking place in the San Francisco side of the bay. It was rated exactly zero times. And so it became sort of a flying under the radar safe haven for gay people in the 50s and 60s. I just, I, I think that it has the best claim to the title of continuously, oldest continuously operating gay bar in the United States. There are a couple of others that would contend that they are like Cafe Lafay in exile in New Orleans. But for my money, it's this one and I went there and it was great. So all of that plus the history alone earns it four and a half dildos.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

In part because there was a. There was this woman that looked exactly like Penny Marshall that was singing and she was holding a stuffed animal with a little paper hat and wasn't singing. She was just standing as the karaoke music was happening behind her. And then everybody clapped.

[B]

Huh. It's like an art piece.

[A]

It was like an art piece. Yeah. And then, and then there was. There was this duo that sang One More Time by Brittany. And I really, I really enjoyed that. So much weird magic. I was there with my friend Sarah, co worker Sarah. And it was, it was a magical evening.

[B]

Is that the highest rated one we've had yet?

[A]

No, there's been a couple of five.

[B]

There's been fives. Okay. Okay. But it's up there.

[A]

It's up there.

[B]

Nice. Way to go.

[A]

Our website is gayishpodcast.com we are on.

[B]

Social media at gayishpodcast. You can find out where our discord, our Facebook group, all that good stuff is by going to gayishpodcast.com. contact our hotline.

[A]

You can send us text messages or leave us voicemails, especially if it's your gayest or straightest is 5855 gayish. That's 585542. 9474. Standard rate supply.

[B]

Our email is gayishpodcastmail.com and our physical.

[A]

Mailing address that I've not been to in like a month is Post office box 19882, Seattle, WA 98109.

[B]

Gayest and straightest.

[A]

Let's do our gayest and straightest.

[B]

I'll go.

[A]

Okay, go.

[B]

So my gayest is. Maybe my gayest of the year is I finally watched Saltburn.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah. What'd you think?

[B]

I thought it was good. I thought I liked it. I thought it was really well written. I thought it was really well acted. I won't spoil Anything? There are a couple scenes that I.

[A]

You see that boy's dick for a long time. Okay, sorry.

[B]

You do see his dick. Well, that's a spoiler. And another spoiler. But, like, if you haven't heard about it by now, I thought Bathwater was going to play a far bigger role in the movie than it really did.

[A]

More of a. More of a quality over quantity amount of screen time.

[B]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. It. It wasn't like a deep thinker that you had to like. I'm not reflecting on it. Or. Doesn't change my belief about the universe or make me ponder deep in heavy things. How many dildos I. When my dad and I watch movies, we always rate them out of seven.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because that's just how we do it. Okay, So I will give it a five and a half out of seven.

[A]

Okay. So it's really a scale of 14 positions.

[B]

I mean, it's a scale of 21 too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Depending on how deep I go into the fractions.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Says the guy who has a weirdest dildo rating system ever. Don't come for my rating system. And my straightest is one time I stood to pee. I so rarely do that. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. Thanks. Went everywhere.

[A]

So the gayest thing about me this week was the drag show that I went to. And I almost feel like going to a drag show shouldn't count.

[B]

Why? Because it just is.

[A]

So.

[B]

It's like.

[A]

That's like the second gayest thing you can do next to fucking a dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But I went and saw Sasha Velour at Bosco's new show called Grindhouse. It's going to be a quarterly thing. Apparently these are names that mean something to people. I did not know who any of them were. The people I was with, including boyfriend, were like, very excited about the fact that this person was. Sasha Velour was going to be there. She sang to a light bulb. It was great. And then her entire head turned into a light bulb like Lumaire. It was actually really fucking cool. Anyway, and I got blacked out wasted that night.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Yeah. You had to see me the next day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You got your shit together.

[A]

The strangest thing about me this week, my manscaped razor died. And so my. My. My panty hamster is just out of control.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It is bad. It's bad. Yeah, it's bad and kind of itchy.

[B]

Anyway, Oka's all grown back.

[A]

Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. That's what that Song's about right back.

[B]

It's all growing back on me now.

[A]

Oh, Kyle.

[B]

Oh, me.

[A]

We have a listener's gayest this week from voicemail and an anonymous one.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. I think I'm gonna make this for the gayest and straightest part of your podcast. But I've been listening for a while. It's been nice. I guess my straightest has been. I applied for the Texas Border Patrol this week, and my guess would be I learned that maybe bottoming isn't all that bad and it's just something I need to try more. And you guys are just amazing, wonderful people and continue your podcast. I enjoy it. Maybe bottoming isn't that bad.

[B]

Maybe it's not that bad. Well, I love a gayest and straightest that compliments us at the end. That's always the best. Those are always the best ones to play. Here's my gayest and straightest, and also, y' all are amazing. Thank you. Thanks for leaving your gay stratus. Leave us a voicemail with your gay stratus so we have more to play.

[A]

Yeah, please, please. Okay.

[B]

Thank you to the pubes out there.

[A]

Thank you to everyone with pubes.

[B]

Yeah, fuck you if you don't have pubes. Whoa. Mike Johnson. That's what I just heard.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And thank you to following pube or publess people. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you to our super Gap Bridgers. Kaylee Adam, Kit Oliver, Andrew Bugby, William Brian, John Crowley, Steven Portio Stoessel, Harry Shaw, Jonathan Montanez, Wadu Forest, Neil Patrick Martin, Steve Douglas, Explosives. On you, Michael Covington. Just Jamie, Kevin Henderson, Thomas B. Timothy Sora, Dusty Sands, A. Coleman, Chris Khatchiatorians, and Jerome York. Thank you for your support.

[A]

Thank you for your money. That's it. This has been Gayish. From the Chris Khatchorian Studios, I'm Mike Johnson.

[B]

I'm Kyle Guest. Until next week. Be butch, be fabulous.

[A]

Be, Be pube.

[B]

Beep pube.

[A]

See you next week.

[B]

Bye.