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A lot of people with OCD live with a quiet rule that they don't actually agree to. One where OCD gets in the way of them from enjoying their own life or tells them they're not even allowed to enjoy. I'm Dr. Patrick McGrath, Chief Clinical Officer here at NOCD, and this video is for anyone who feels like OCD has put a lid on on their own enjoyment. Like they can't fully be present, they can't relax, they can't be in a good mood, they can't have a good moment, or they don't want to let themselves get what they want because of fear, what that might mean and what that might do to them. Sometimes it's because intrusive thoughts and images and urges or mental compulsions make it hard to stay present. Sometimes it's because you're avoiding opportunities for enjoyment out of fear. And sometimes there's a deeper belief that I just don't deserve to enjoy my life. We'll cover how OCD pulls you out of your own life and gets you into the non deserving belief. That's a sneaky thing that OCD throws into people's lives, unfortunately. And we'll show you how ERP can bring you back into the life and give you the permission to enjoy things. So first of all, how does OCD pull you out of your own life? Well, intrusive thoughts can hijack the moment, like a wedding, a vacation, a dinner with friends, a workout class even. And these kind of mental compulsions that we're doing that are running in the background can really interfere with our ability to stay focused. Maybe we're checking in on how I feel. Maybe we're monitoring whether we're really okay. Maybe we're even replaying scenarios to make sure that we handled something right. Like the conversation we just had. Did I say something wrong or inappropriate? And going over and over it. But now I'm not engaged in the current conversation, and then I'm worried about not being engaged in the current conversation. And then I'll wonder, oh my gosh, what does it mean that I wasn't doing that? And how will all the people I would think about me? So you can see it's not really helpful to the situation. A lot of people will do things to try to escape all this noise, right? They'll sleep a lot because it's the only break from thinking. They might numb out with screens or zone out. They might even turn to substances as a way just to kind of calm everything down in their brain. But it doesn't really work because when you awake or when you're not high or drunk or something like that, all of it comes right back, right? No matter where you go, your brain goes with you and OCD's in your brain with you. Over time, this can even fold into depression or a flat sense that joy just isn't available to you anymore. It's not uncommon for people with OCD to also experience depression or other anxiety issues as well. OCD doesn't only attack what you're doing, it attacks who you think you are. This pattern of thoughts can be something along the lines of, if I had a thought like that I must be a really bad person, or bad people don't deserve good things. I can't allow myself to enjoy anything because I've had that thought or that image or that urge. This could show up every day in life when people feel guilty about relaxing or laughing. Maybe people don't even let themselves buy something or do something that they want to do. It's kind of a self punishment that they give to themselves. They might even hold back on celebrations or on wins because they feel that it's undeserved. Or there might even be this vague, hard to name guilt whenever a moment is going well. And some people might even get to the point of sabotaging it. All these behaviors can then get caught up in some kind of secondary grief, which makes enjoyment even harder for people to reach. You might realize how many moments OCD has talked you out of. You might grieve what you've missed and see that you just haven't lived the life that you've wanted to live. You might just feel stuck. Now if you want to get out of this exposure and response prevention therapy, that's the thing that can help get back permission to enjoy your life. The goal of ERP is to target these compulsions, even the mental ones, and the self punishing behaviors that keep you from joy. Now let's take a look at how this can happen. If you can let good moments happen without checking to see how you feel about them, that would be great. Or without punishing yourself for even letting your guard down. A lot of people don't want to have a good time because then they let their guard down. And then there's a fear that now that I've let my guard down, something bad will happen. But if I'm already reminding myself of all the bad things that could go on, then at least my guard is up and nothing bad will happen to me. There can be that self protective mode that is something that we want to take risks to decrease over time. We will definitely want to help people learn to disengage from compulsive avoidance or reassurance or distraction. We want people facing things. We want people feeling the feels and learning that they can handle the feelings and that they don't need to run away from them. We'll have people work on resisting the urge to mentally earn enjoyment by reviewing whether they're a good person or not. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, and we can learn to live with that. Not all of us are perfect. I would say none of us, frankly, are perfect. And that's okay, right? We all do things that turn out well, and we all do things that don't turn out well. When you have ocd, the things that are good are luck and the things that are bad, well, they. That's your fault, right? There's no taking any kind of accolade in. And even when somebody has OCD and you give them a compliment, they even fear that too, because now they think, oh my gosh, now I have to perform to that level. So even taking a compliment might be something that we work on with folks. We want people to allow themselves to have small pleasures and to sit with discomfort. When you go go for certainty, well, I think that you start to realize that it's impossible. One thing that I wrote down recently right here I have on the back, I was working with someone the other day and I said, if your goal is perfection, the only option then is to fail at that, because there's no way to achieve it. Because to truly be perfect would mean all eight and a half billion people on the planet would look at what you did and say, yep, that was perfect. And I don't think that's ever going to happen. Practicing being present, even when an intrusive thought or image or urge shows up, Instead of, you know, waiting until your mind cleans or clears that thing to enjoy it. That's what we want people to do. We could just allow for that to be there. In fact, I'm going to finish this talk thinking that ceiling above me might just collapse on me. And I'm not going to do anything to try to neutralize that whatsoever. I'll just be with that. Over time, the beliefs that you think you don't deserve joy or happiness, well, they can start to fade, right? I know that they can feel so convincing, but we want you to start allowing them just to be there and not having to answer them and start learning that you can live the life that you want to live and not that life that OCD wants you to live. I don't believe what OCD tells people when it says that they're a bad person. And I do believe that people ought to be able to enjoy their life. Exposure and response prevention can help you do this. It's small, actionable steps that we take that will gradually help you to quiet the noise. And by learning that you can tolerate whatever your brain throws at you well and getting to see that you can handle that without engaging in it, I think that means all in the world. It's those types of things that stop you from living your life. That having to engage in every little thing that pops into your head pulls you away from actually being in your life and instead you're trying to figure it out all of the time. Why not just live it and see how it goes? Our therapists are trained to work with mental compulsions, self punishment patterns and this not deserving belief that OCD can throw at us. That's the stuff that keeps us out of enjoyment. And by using exposure and response prevention exercise tailored to what's getting in the way of your life will hopefully get you to start living the life that you want to live. If that sounds interesting to you, book a free call with us@nocd.com that's nocd.com speak to one of our care team professionals and let's have you take a look at our therapists across the country who, who are well trained, who are licensed, who take insurance and let's get you the help that you need. Let's get you living the life you want to live and not the life that OCD wants. We'll see you soon.