Paige (2:27)

I'm going to be honest, at first I was like, are we going to be able to do it? We have crazy schedules. We're tired. We're like.

Friend 1 (2:34)

We have so many excuses for anything.

Paige (2:36)

And it's. I don't know how we weren't doing. I have so much to say.

Friend 1 (2:40)

I have. So we would forget things.

Hannah (2:42)

So by the time it was a.

Paige (2:43)

Week, I'd be like, from zero.

Chelsea (2:46)

Let me start.

Friend 1 (2:46)

Oh, you begin.

Paige (2:47)

You haven't said anything about, my God, awful hair color.

Hannah (2:51)

Cause it's made up in your head.

Paige (2:52)

Hannah, this top layer is black. You're no better than a man. I'm no better than a man. You really aren't.

Hannah (3:01)

This top layer, she goes, I'm a dark, dark, dark brown. And this is light black.

Paige (3:05)

I'm a chestnut.

Hannah (3:06)

You're a chestnut.

Paige (3:07)

I'm chestnut under here and here is black.

Hannah (3:11)

Why don't you just embrace your Megan Fox moment? You look like a Kardashian.

Paige (3:15)

Okay, fine.

Hannah (3:17)

I have some hot takes.

Paige (3:18)

Okay.

Hannah (3:19)

I'm so sick and tired and tired of when I'm in a public restroom.

Paige (3:26)

Oh, my God.

Friend 2 (3:27)

We're changing the name of this podcast.

Paige (3:30)

To Just Hannah Shits My Life. Hannah talks about. And also her.

Friend 1 (3:35)

Like, my life is just one trip to the bathroom with breaks in between.

Hannah (3:39)

Now, just. This is just a gripe I have that I need the public to know about. Okay, what is with people trying to break the door down when it's clearly locked? Like, you know, there's two types of people when you. You don't know if it's open or not.

Paige (3:54)

Stalls.

Hannah (3:55)

Multiple stalls. This is also when it's just like, you're in a coffee shop and there's one bathroom. When you go to check if it's locked or not, you don't need to, like, have a full time, like, kidnapping situation. Just lightly press it up and down.

Paige (4:09)

So you're saying the initial door, they're banging on. Not your stall door.

Hannah (4:15)

Not. But even the stall door, when they try to open it, it's like they. They, like aggressively. Like, if I push it hard enough, it'll pop open. Like, just lightly push and you'll know if it's locked or not. I'm sitting there in a hostage situation.

Friend 1 (4:26)

Someone banging the door down, and it's like, clearly, it's like, put your leg.

Paige (4:30)

Up to, like, keep the door.

Hannah (4:31)

Yeah, that never happens to you where you're just having a peaceful poop, and out of nowhere, you're getting assaulted by someone trying to open the door. What have you ever happened to a light tap?

Paige (4:42)

That's never happened to me.

Friend 1 (4:44)

Well, you don't go to public restrooms.

Paige (4:46)

No, I have, but I'm not in there long enough, I feel like, for people to be like, what's going on in there?

Friend 1 (4:53)

So you're saying that I think, no, but I feel like I'll get called.

Friend 2 (4:56)

The manager at this point. They're like, someone. Something's going on in there.

Hannah (5:00)

Someone's to trying trip. But I. I feel like I have bad luck where I'll be like, okay, this is my one time of solace during the day, going this restroom, locking the door at peace, and immediately someone's knocking. And I'm like, I just got here.

Paige (5:11)

Okay.

Hannah (5:12)

Actually, now I'm on the countdown.

Paige (5:13)

I have a quick bathroom thing that might change your whole life. I got a new toilet. This toilet has a bidet. It has a dryer. The seat is heated.

Friend 2 (5:25)

It wipes your asses for.

Paige (5:27)

It essentially does.

Chelsea (5:28)

Yeah.

Paige (5:30)

I don't think I can go back. I can only go to bat the bathroom in this one specific toilet, and that's it.

Hannah (5:36)

Well, they do say not using a bidet or not using, like, a wipe is like flossing without brushing your teeth.

Paige (5:43)

Well, now I'm like, why aren't these in everyone's home? This is disgusting.

Hannah (5:47)

Because we're not Japan.

Paige (5:49)

Because Americans started on my squatty potty.

Friend 1 (5:52)

That's like, my favorite. You still have the squatty potty?

Hannah (5:54)

Of course.

Paige (5:54)

I've had it for, like six years. We go to the bathroom differently. Let me just say you.

Friend 2 (6:00)

I've lit a candle.

Paige (6:01)

I've.

Hannah (6:02)

Yes, yes.

Paige (6:02)

I've had. I have classical music.

Friend 1 (6:04)

Put your phone on.

Hannah (6:05)

Do not disturb.

Friend 1 (6:08)

Like, Owen, Like, God, what a great.

Paige (6:10)

Way to start Friday episode. You were talking about something earlier, and I want to bring it back up because I had something to say about it.

Hannah (6:17)

Yes.

Paige (6:17)

And it was Harry Styles.

Hannah (6:18)

Yeah.

Paige (6:19)

What was your question?

Hannah (6:20)

Well, I said, what do we think about Harry Styles? Because I have some Gen Z correspondents that tell me what's going on. He's coming back to msg. Tickets are like a thousand dollars each.

Paige (6:30)

I did an Amazon Live yesterday and I had a girl write in, like, oh, my God, are you gonna get tickets to Harry Styles? And I was like, no. I didn't even know Harry Styles tickets went on sale.

Hannah (6:41)

I didn't know. Does he have new music?

Paige (6:43)

I have no idea.

Hannah (6:44)

Oh, he has a new album. This is the thing. We weren't One Direction Girls.

Paige (6:48)

I'm not a fan.

Hannah (6:49)

He's there.

Friend 1 (6:50)

Justin Timberlake before.

Hannah (6:51)

Justin Timberlake is what he is now.

Paige (6:53)

There's no one in the world I'm a fan enough of to stand in a queue.

Friend 1 (7:00)

Okay, Are you British now?

Friend 2 (7:02)

No.

Paige (7:02)

Because, like, when you go. Like, if you go on and you buy a giggly squad ticket, you're getting a giggly squad ticket.

Hannah (7:06)

Yes.

Paige (7:06)

You're not fighting the other people. Like, I've never gone on. I've never set a timer. Like, Ticketmaster is putting these on now. Let me go stand in the queue, like, virtually. And wait, what do I look like?

Hannah (7:20)

You know what I do respect, though? That he's like, yeah, I'll go on.

Friend 1 (7:23)

Tour, but I'm only doing it in one place. You come to me.

Paige (7:27)

I think they're so efficient.

Hannah (7:29)

It's so boy of him, though.

Friend 1 (7:30)

Be like, come to my house or.

Hannah (7:31)

Don'T send me an Uber.

Paige (7:33)

At least my thing, though, is, like, with him dating Zoe Kravitz, I would. I wouldn't have seen the jump from Channing Tatum to Harry Styles. But also, none of my boyfriends have ever looked similar.

Hannah (7:45)

Look exactly the same.

Paige (7:46)

Oh, my. Oh, my gosh. Wait. I've actually never.

Hannah (7:51)

I want over 6, 2 with blue eyes, and I'm done. We're good.

Paige (7:54)

I've never mentally looked at them all in a lineup, but, yeah, mine is.

Friend 1 (7:58)

Like, all over the place. And, I mean, the range you have, babe, it's incredible.

Friend 2 (8:03)

If you put mine all in a.

Friend 1 (8:05)

Line, you'd be like, what, we're anything similar?

Hannah (8:08)

Definitely not Sense of humor. Definitely not intelligence. Definitely not height. Definitely not.

Paige (8:14)

You know what? I've reverted back to the type of guys I dated in high school, which were my favorites.

Hannah (8:20)

You bring it up every day. Good morning to you. And to my favorite, my friend. Well, honest, that's like, in TikTok, where they're like, who was your crush when you were little?

Chelsea (8:31)

I kind of.

Hannah (8:32)

Boyfriend.

Paige (8:33)

What? I've gone back to my crush when I was little. Like, the first time I had, like, an experience where I was like, I think I, like, wanna have sex with this guy. Was in the movie 10 Things I Hate about You. And it's not Heath Ledger. It's the other guy who's, like, the.

Friend 2 (8:51)

Asshole, but he has, like, dark hair.

Paige (8:54)

What is his name?

Hannah (8:55)

See, I'm Heath Ledger. That's why we're best friends.

Paige (8:58)

And that's. That, I would say was, like, my first sexual awakening.

Friend 1 (9:02)

Would you like the guy in Bring it On?

Hannah (9:04)

Who was the brother? First of all, no.

Paige (9:05)

I thought he was gay. Yeah, At a young age, I go, you're gay.

Hannah (9:11)

And you know why you're not obsessed with Harry Styles?

Friend 1 (9:13)

Because he wears a scarf.

Paige (9:14)

Do you want to know why I.

Friend 2 (9:15)

Didn'T like that guy?

Paige (9:16)

He wrote her a song.

Friend 2 (9:17)

You hated that.

Friend 1 (9:18)

Oh, yeah. He had a guitar.

Friend 2 (9:20)

And then she played it in her room. I was like, okay.

Paige (9:22)

Unrealistic.

Friend 1 (9:23)

This is disgusting. All my boyfriends exactly the same, except.

Hannah (9:29)

Some are more narcissistic than others. And I just had to find, like, a guy who had enough. Ego, death.

Paige (9:36)

Very different personalities. None of your boyfriends have had the same personalities.

Hannah (9:39)

Well, one thing I'm proud of women for is when they, like, have a gorgeous man and they're like, yeah, but he's boring. See, I could stay with a gorgeous man for years. Cause I entertain myself. I just kind of need him to physically be there. I'm no better than a man. I'm just like, you are an accessory to me. Cause I'm overwhelmed with what's going on with me. I don't need your own life coming into mind.

Paige (10:02)

My thing was, you would have thought I was trying to go into therapy for college with the type of men I've dated. And I feel like now I'm like, what's best for my cortisol. And that's how I'm picking.

Hannah (10:15)

I feel like there needs to be a cortisol check when you're dating a guy. And if it goes over it, it's just women in stem. It's just science. You can't date him because your unregulated nervous system. Your 20s, you're, like, always unregulated. But by your 30s, you're like, we need to regulate.

Paige (10:28)

I'm waking up in the middle of the night thinking about something in my 30s I gotta get out of.

Hannah (10:33)

I hate to say this, but, like, if I'm not eating at first, it's fun at first. You're like, we're detoxing. Yeah, but if. If I can't eat, that's a serious problem. That's when my mom pulls me aside and she's like, you didn't eat your Bolognese. And I know would have had seconds, thirds, and fourths. The second, I can't eat a pasta because there's a man in my life that's making me nauseous. Yeah, I need to get rid of him.

Paige (10:57)

See, when that hits, I'm like, let me stay one more Year.

Friend 2 (11:01)

Really get this body right.

Paige (11:03)

He's just got to not respond two.

Friend 2 (11:05)

Times, and I'm at my goie.

Friend 1 (11:06)

Can I say one more thing about men?

Hannah (11:08)

Yeah. I had this epiphany with actually Ally on the road. No. Men are assistants. No, straight men. If you wanted an assistant and a.

Friend 1 (11:17)

Straight man walked in the room, you'd be like, no.

Hannah (11:20)

Oh, I'm looking for someone to help me. Men don't help you.

Paige (11:24)

One time when I was, like, looking for assistance, I, like, gave a criteria, and they were like, okay, Paige, that's illegal.

Friend 2 (11:30)

We can't.

Paige (11:32)

There can't be an age range. You can't say one gender. I'm like.

Friend 1 (11:35)

She's like, I'm just looking for a Gemini.

Paige (11:37)

I'm like, no one over 30.

Chelsea (11:39)

Gross.

Friend 1 (11:41)

I want them young and scared.

Hannah (11:44)

But the truth is, like, if you think about it, like, there's no male assistant. I guess, like, I'm thinking about, like, w. Me. The agency. There are.

Friend 1 (11:50)

And you're always like, okay, well, we're.

Hannah (11:52)

Missing a lot of details in that email.

Paige (11:53)

I don't know if I ever get emails from a guy assistant.

Hannah (11:57)

I. I love the stats of how many male assistants they are and also how quick they get promoted.

Paige (12:03)

I was just gonna say how quick they rise to, like, being an agent compared to the girls.

Hannah (12:07)

I mean, a gay man assistant is great, except I feel like he was judging me all the time.

Paige (12:11)

Yeah, I could see that. I almost hired a gay, which I could use. Guy assistant.

Hannah (12:15)

Yeah.

Paige (12:16)

Wait. I saw something on page six, which, like, I rarely go on page six, but sometimes I like to have a little. A little goss. But, like, I don't believe truly anything I read on there.

Hannah (12:27)

It's more like, what are people's PR Pushing?

Paige (12:29)

Yeah, it's more like fan fiction. It's like, oh, that was a fun story to come up with. Or, like, something. Sometimes I've read, like, full stories about myself, and I've been like, when did that happen? But anyway, so I go on page six because I was really looking for, like, Victor. More of Victoria Beckham stuff because I can't get enough. This is definitely not true. But there's an article that says Nicola's dad, who is a billionaire, gives her $1 million a month as her allowance.

Hannah (12:55)

I have so much respect.

Paige (12:57)

I just don't think it would be true. And then, like, the rest of the articles, like, the Beckhams did not foresee, like, their son signing a prenup. They thought, like, it would obviously be the other way around, but I'M just thinking like, what would you do? What could one do with a million dollars a month?

Hannah (13:15)

I'm gonna say it not to be like too optimistic about life, but more money, more problems.

Paige (13:20)

Yeah, totally.

Hannah (13:21)

Like I had a friend who was really rich and her family was always fighting because like so and so got gifted Alexis and she got gifted an Audi and. And like this is what they're fighting about. Yeah. And to do a metaphor, I don't know why I was thinking about this before I go to. I went to sleep and how.

Friend 2 (13:38)

Wow, I can't wait to. I was last night.

Friend 1 (13:42)

Last night I was in a cahole.

Hannah (13:44)

I was thinking about the perspective of life. Marilyn Monroe.

Paige (13:49)

Just a light.

Friend 2 (13:50)

Just a light evening.

Friend 1 (13:52)

If you think of light cute things as you go to sleep, you're fucking adorable.

Paige (13:55)

I've been reading my book.

Hannah (13:56)

Well, yeah. Cause you're like trying to run away from something. There's something.

Friend 2 (14:01)

I haven't figured out what it is yet.

Friend 1 (14:03)

You're pretending I'm avoiding something.

Friend 2 (14:04)

You're fully just.

Friend 1 (14:06)

You're like, if I just try to learn how to read in this moment, I won't remember everything I regret in my entire life.

Hannah (14:11)

So I was thinking about two types of people. Yeah. Some person might get a diamond ring and another person as a gift. And another person fully thought out this might get gifted a rock. And how the person who got the ring might have.

Friend 2 (14:26)

No way you sat up in bed.

Friend 1 (14:28)

I swear to God.

Friend 2 (14:29)

Now was it set the scene though?

Paige (14:31)

Was the TV on and this was just like an inside thought or for sure fall asleep and you're like this like did something spark this idea?

Hannah (14:40)

I feel like sometimes when I go to sleep, I envision like I'm talking to you.

Friend 1 (14:43)

On Giggly Squad. Do you ever like work out bits?

Chelsea (14:46)

Yeah.

Friend 1 (14:47)

Was like thinking about like what inspirational thing I'd want to say. On Giggly Squad.

Friend 2 (14:50)

I've never had an original experience ever.

Friend 1 (14:53)

Well, because when I say something funny, I immediately put it in the perspective of me telling you on Giggly Squad.

Paige (14:58)

Do you know that I bought a shower notepad because there's so many times in the shower I'm like, girl, I gotta tell Hannah this. But immediately you step out, you forget.

Hannah (15:07)

And then you like have self hatred and then you go on a spiral. So I was thinking about when someone gets a ring. First of all, they might might not like who gave them the ring. They might have wanted a different shape ring. They might not like the kind of ring they wanted a lab and they got whatever. But how sometimes people will get a rock, and they love the person who gave it to them. And the rock is actually meaningful for some reason. And there's, like, an inside joke or a meaningful thing in how some people are happier with a rock than a ring.

Chelsea (15:34)

Not me.

Hannah (15:38)

And that was Mel Robbins, my mom always said.

Paige (15:42)

Actually, I don't know if my mom said this. Anyway, I heard a quote, like, years ago that I always remembered. I think I, like, heard it in college. That was, I rather love on a bike than cry in a limo. And I always thought, not me.

Friend 1 (15:58)

Your mom also said, don't marry for.

Paige (15:59)

Money or you're gonna work for it every day.

Hannah (16:02)

Work for it every day.

Paige (16:02)

Which is true. I've also never been in this situation to the marriage, because I also think.

Friend 2 (16:09)

I would do that as well.

Paige (16:11)

I'm exhausted. I did not foresee this for myself.

Friend 2 (16:16)

I'm actually pissed at my own confidence.

Paige (16:19)

Okay. I really got myself in a pickle a lot of times. I could be in a house right now in, like. I don't even want to talk about it.

Hannah (16:27)

There's a lot of different houses.

Friend 2 (16:28)

There's so many different houses I could.

Paige (16:30)

Be in right now. And you want to know where I.

Friend 2 (16:32)

Am Here with you.

Hannah (16:33)

Here.

Paige (16:33)

But you want to know what? I'm peaceful.

Friend 1 (16:35)

Well, I'm your rock. I'm your ugly little.

Friend 2 (16:39)

My rock that I'm.

Paige (16:45)

Hey, you know how many comments I've seen, like, on the Internet of, like, Paige. Paige and Hannah, like, aren't really friends? Like, you want to know what people don't realize about us and our friendship and our personalities in general? Yeah. Maybe we have different interests. Maybe Hannah comes looking like a sex therapist sometimes. Where are your glasses? Put your glasses on.

Friend 2 (17:05)

He can't see without his glasses.

Paige (17:08)

I'm obsessed. No, Hannah, when she sat down, literally leaned over to me, and it felt like she was going to be like.

Chelsea (17:14)

So you're not orgasming. That's a problem.

Hannah (17:18)

So what are you thinking about when he's on top?

Friend 2 (17:23)

That's actually a phenomenal question.

Paige (17:25)

And sometimes a lot of stuff.

Friend 1 (17:26)

Also, let's normalize more men going on top. Why are women going on top? Like, we already.

Hannah (17:35)

Income tax.

Friend 1 (17:35)

Anyway, Continue.

Hannah (17:36)

Yeah. I honestly think we've done such a good job because one thing the Internet loves is pitting women against each other. And I think.

Friend 1 (17:47)

If I just say pitting women against each other, you're like, yeah, I'm. I'm clocked in.

Paige (17:51)

People don't realize that we have such similar personalities.

Hannah (17:55)

Yeah.

Paige (17:56)

In terms of, like, our core values and Our. At our core stance. I would say our mantra for living is, I don't care. Oh, like, we don't care.

Hannah (18:07)

Our. The depth of our friendship, we are literally the same.

Paige (18:11)

Yeah. So, like, if we were to even get in a fight about something, it'd have. We'd have to try really hard to.

Hannah (18:18)

Care, because I get really nice messages about us sometimes, and they're like, oh, that's called, like, unconditional love. Where, like, even if you're upset at each other, you know, it's coming from a. It's not coming from a bad place. Right. Also, this is a little controversial, but people know us from our friendship from a reality TV show. And I'm just gonna tell a story, and I might get in trouble, but I just wanna tell a story. There was a situation where, like, you.

Friend 2 (18:45)

Have to realize that I know all your stories, but I get ready, like, I know.

Friend 1 (18:50)

Meanwhile, you can tell this story.

Hannah (18:51)

I'm kidding.

Friend 2 (18:52)

That did not happen. I'm like, you were there.

Paige (18:54)

Unreal.

Ad Sales/Announcer (18:54)

Reality tv.

Hannah (18:55)

Like, friendships are part of the storyline. Friendship breaks up. Support the storyline. They want to see who's closer to who. Whatever. Yeah. Let me just give you a day in the life of shooting a reality TV show. There was an episode where one of the girls who I loved was sobbing about something.

Chelsea (19:13)

Yeah.

Hannah (19:13)

And me and you were distraught. And we were like, we have to comfort her. We both go run to comfort her. A producer literally puts his arm in front of me, like, tackles me. And he said, no, let Paige handle this. And I'm like, I remember, but that's my good friend, and I want to be there. And I realize now, like, oh, they want to show, like, two people being closer than someone else. And in the moment, you feel, like, helpless or you feel like, okay, this might look. People might not be mad at me that I'm not, like, comforting someone, but what you see on those shows is what they want you to see. And the friendships on those shows.

Paige (19:48)

That's so true. I keep forgetting that that's our origin story. Our origin story.

Hannah (19:53)

Yeah. You have to understand, like, the root of it.

Chelsea (19:55)

Yeah.

Hannah (19:56)

Where things come from, where.

Paige (19:57)

When people see us, know it's just from giggly squad.

Friend 1 (20:00)

Yeah.

Paige (20:00)

They're best friends.

Hannah (20:01)

Also, I think there's a lot of politics that I wasn't always good at with reality TV of, like, keeping people sweet where, like, you just, like, get along with them for the sake of it. Yeah. So that's my, like, two cents on friendships and us on ebay.

Chelsea (20:18)

Every find has a story, like, if you're looking for a vintage band tee, and not just any tee, the band tee from the last show your favorite band ever played. You wore it everywhere. Then maybe your boyfriend stole it, or your girlfriend and they started wearing it, which was cute until they dumped you or unfriended you, which was not so cute. Anyway, now you're on ebay. And there it is. The same tea from the same tour, still living in your memory. Rent free. Free forever. See, the things you love have a way of finding their way back to you. But ebay isn't just for getting whatever your ex stole back. It's also for the rare championship foul ball you caught, then heroically gave to the kid next to you. And where else are you going to find your first car, the one you wish you never sold, but now finally get a chance to get back home. For good this time. Shop ebay for millions of fines, each with a story. Ebay Things People Love have you ever had a moment when you realized you needed help getting your finances under control? Was it a specific purchase, bill or bank statement that made you think, wow, I really need to fix this? Well, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. The app consolidates checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. Rocket Money can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join Rocketmoney.com GigglySquad that's Rocketmoney.com Gigglysquad Rocketmoney.com GigglySuad.

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Hannah (23:34)

This is what it's like living with a man. He was drinking water and it went down the wrong pipe. Went on for two hours, like, to the point that I started laughing because, like, he was choking to death. And I was like, can you order ubereats like right before you choke to death? I just have like one more thing I want to add to it.

Paige (23:50)

Yeah, but.

Hannah (23:51)

But then I started feeling bad for him because people don't talk about how traumatizing something going down the wrong pipe is because you're choking to death.

Chelsea (23:59)

Right.

Hannah (23:59)

But everyone knows you're not gonna die, right? So no one helps you, but you're still fully choking it up.

Paige (24:04)

What was the two hours of, like, when you say it lasted for two hours? Like he was clearing his throat. Two hours or he was just talking about how he almost died.

Friend 1 (24:12)

It was clearing his throat. Like it was like, oh, like, you.

Paige (24:15)

Know when you just can't somewhere right now not fully recovered.

Friend 1 (24:19)

Yeah. And like, I can't help.

Hannah (24:20)

And also, like, he's fine, but he's not.

Paige (24:23)

You know what's crazy too, is that like, women, women just obviously we have.

Chelsea (24:29)

A higher pain tolerance.

Paige (24:30)

That's why we bear children, you know, like that. I don't know how anyone can even like, argue that. It's like, okay, but we push a watermelon out of something that's the size.

Hannah (24:42)

Of a peanut minus smaller. But yeah.

Paige (24:44)

And then the peanut grow. To get like that alone is scientific.

Hannah (24:50)

I do have to say though, stubbing your toe. I've been shot.

Paige (24:54)

You know what? I was going to. It's funny that you say that because I was going to say, and I'm obviously getting a C section.

Hannah (25:00)

What?

Paige (25:00)

Fucking world.

Friend 1 (25:02)

Like, what are you allowed to be like, give me a C section?

Paige (25:06)

I mean, actually, I don't know. Check the. No idea. I have heard like, a lot of when women say that they've asked for C sections and their doctors have been like, no, because it is like you're.

Hannah (25:20)

Cutting your abs in half.

Paige (25:22)

Yes. But then I did have a girlfriend say, my gynecologist had a C section. All the gynecologists in that group had a C section. I'm getting a C section now. I think it's just, like, a longer, obvious recovery. And, like, you do have a scar. I just don't. I know in myself. I'm not built. I don't have the hips.

Hannah (25:50)

Wait, did I tell you on stage, I've been talking about, like, should I have a baby? And I talk about, like, how you're like, freeze your eggs, whatever.

Paige (25:56)

Like, a little.

Hannah (25:56)

And someone raises their hand. I'm like, who thinks I should have kids? And normally they're like, you'd be a great mom. Or, like, it's. It's good material. This girl said the most genius thing. She goes, you're long torso can handle it.

Paige (26:10)

Have good hips.

Hannah (26:11)

I have good hips. I have a lot of space. Like, I think I might be one of those girls who, like, have two abs on top. I think I have to get abs first. But, like, wait.

Paige (26:21)

That actually just made me scared.

Hannah (26:22)

I started to get worried about you.

Paige (26:24)

Because I have the shortest torso in America.

Hannah (26:26)

You have a shortest torso, long, gorgeous legs. Where's the baby gonna go?

Paige (26:30)

Imagine I had twins.

Chelsea Handler (26:31)

Do you imagine?

Hannah (26:33)

Do you want me to surrogate for you? Because I'll have room.

Friend 1 (26:36)

I'll have your baby and my baby.

Friend 2 (26:37)

Could you make. Could that happen?

Friend 1 (26:39)

That would be so cute.

Paige (26:41)

I feel like that, like, could happen Anyway, we're not gonna get into it.

Hannah (26:44)

We're not gonna get into the science of it all.

Paige (26:46)

I didn't think about that. Like, yeah, you probably will carry. You'll be more comfortable than I will be.

Hannah (26:53)

I mean, we'll see. You never know. But I do know. Like, I have. I just know I'm going to fudgeing punt it out of me. Like, I'm like, yeah, like an athlete. Like, I'm ready to just. I love how we're nowhere near pregnant.

Friend 2 (27:04)

Like, I'm going to cry the whole time. I actually decided I can't do it.

Hannah (27:08)

I don't want to do it. And people get scared about, like, having the baby. But then I also feel like it'll feel like puking. Like, you know when you're like, it's gonna suck, but it's gonna feel so good after.

Friend 1 (27:19)

Like, that's how I see it.

Paige (27:21)

You're just like, pull the trigger.

Hannah (27:22)

You can rally.

Friend 1 (27:23)

Just get it out, Pop it out and rally.

Hannah (27:26)

Wait.

Paige (27:27)

I do feel like, last thing about babies, because it's just like, a hypothetical I do feel like you will be in the room when I give birth, and you'll be like, okay, we don't even know this girl yet, though.

Friend 2 (27:35)

Like, we have to be careful.

Paige (27:38)

Like, we don't really even know that immediately.

Friend 1 (27:39)

I'm gonna be like, do you think she likes me? Do you think he likes me?

Paige (27:42)

You were going to be like, so, are you guys closer than we are?

Hannah (27:44)

I'm like, I don't. She gave you a weird look. She's kind of making it all about her right now. And, like, you just had a really traumatizing time, and she's trying to put.

Paige (27:50)

A bow on her, and you're like. So you're already gifting her.

Friend 2 (27:52)

Got it.

Friend 1 (27:55)

Wait, why did I just envision you putting a bow on, like, one hair at the top of your baby's head.

Hannah (27:59)

And being, like, perfect, Yeah, I will.

Paige (28:01)

I've already thought about, like, the mini, little butterfly clips that I could do, like, a little ponytail with.

Hannah (28:05)

She goes, I'm going to bedazzle it.

Paige (28:07)

I can't believe you couldn't notice my hair. I can't even look at myself.

Hannah (28:11)

There is, like, lighting happening in the room.

Friend 2 (28:13)

No, this.

Paige (28:13)

No, it's my hair. That's.

Hannah (28:16)

What.

Paige (28:16)

It looks crazy.

Hannah (28:17)

Well, whatever. You look doesn't look worse. What? Like, it doesn't look bad. Like, you know, I'm not like, whoa, that's bad.

Chelsea (28:24)

Oh, okay.

Paige (28:24)

I am. But whatever.

Chelsea (28:26)

Okay.

Paige (28:27)

What were you going to say?

Chelsea (28:27)

I cut you off.

Hannah (28:28)

Okay, so I don't want to compare our cats, because they're both perfect. Yeah, but butter is a little more slender.

Ad Sales/Announcer (28:34)

Yes.

Hannah (28:35)

As, like, butter's tiny. She's the run to the litter.

Paige (28:38)

And butter's a model. Daphne's an actress.

Hannah (28:43)

Yes, but Daphne also. I would love to see her shaven, because she's probably like, actually, I mean.

Paige (28:50)

She'S on her mom to get a pixie cut. You want to shave my daughter?

Hannah (28:55)

It feels.

Ad Sales/Announcer (28:56)

It's.

Paige (28:56)

It's.

Friend 2 (28:57)

I get what people on the Internet are saying. You hate me.

Friend 1 (28:59)

She has so much fluff.

Paige (29:01)

Yeah.

Hannah (29:01)

She's a little fluffer nutter.

Paige (29:02)

Yeah. Like, you'd like to see what her body.

Friend 1 (29:04)

Yeah.

Hannah (29:04)

Like, when I pet her, I don't, like, feel. Feel her body. It's crazy.

Friend 1 (29:07)

Where butter, like, you're immediately like.

Hannah (29:09)

And that's your rib.

Paige (29:10)

Yeah.

Hannah (29:11)

So butterball. One of her favorite things to do, which Daphne would love to do if she could. She hides in little.

Friend 1 (29:17)

She hides in little places. Like, remember Daphne was hiding and, like.

Hannah (29:21)

You see her entire, like, bottom half.

Friend 1 (29:23)

Of her Body from under the table.

Hannah (29:25)

It's so cute. She thinks she's slick. So today we got a new, like, cabinet for. For the bathroom, and I was looking for my toothbrush.

Chelsea (29:35)

Yeah.

Hannah (29:36)

I open one of the drawers, butter comes flying out. I don't know how she got. How the hell did she get in the drawer?

Paige (29:44)

She can open cabinet. Like, she can open things.

Hannah (29:46)

You ever, like, have one of those bathroom cabinets where when you open it, there's, like, a hole in the. Underneath. There's like, a hole somewhere.

Chelsea (29:53)

Okay.

Hannah (29:53)

She slithered away in. She scared the out of me.

Friend 1 (29:56)

I scared the out of her.

Hannah (29:57)

We both went.

Friend 2 (29:58)

We both yelled.

Friend 1 (29:59)

DEZ is like, what's going on? I'm busy choking to death.

Hannah (30:03)

We had a crazy morning. But, like, at any time, your cat could be, like, in the fridge. Like, people don't talk about that enough with having cats.

Friend 1 (30:10)

Like, they literally see a room, and.

Hannah (30:12)

They'Re like, I will find the one hiding. People always think they lose their cat.

Paige (30:16)

Honestly, Not Daphne.

Hannah (30:17)

No. Well, poor girl. Camp 1.

Paige (30:20)

She can't fit in that crevice.

Chelsea (30:22)

She.

Paige (30:22)

Maybe she'd like to, but she's like.

Hannah (30:24)

Cats can contort their bodies. She. She's designer, so, like, you don't contort it. Yeah. She's, like, trying to put a Birkin, like, in a suitcase and crumble. Yeah.

Paige (30:34)

You're not gonna smush it.

Hannah (30:36)

You can't smush it.

Paige (30:36)

You'll hurt the leather.

Hannah (30:37)

Yes.

Ad Sales/Announcer (30:37)

That's what.

Hannah (30:38)

That's.

Paige (30:39)

I was just gonna say. I don't know why I'm asking you this, which is such a mean way to start this sentence.

Hannah (30:43)

Give it to me.

Paige (30:44)

But I feel like I'm always, like, looking for new jeans.

Friend 1 (30:49)

You go, this is more just towards the ether. This isn't towards. You actually, don't answer this.

Paige (30:55)

Like, no matter what day of the week it is, no matter what season it is, I'm always like, I have no pants.

Hannah (31:01)

Yes.

Paige (31:01)

And, like, I hate my. I always hate my jeans. Even if I see a girl wearing a pair of jeans, and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what.

Hannah (31:08)

I'm looking good with the outfit.

Paige (31:10)

And you order those jeans, then I get them, and I'm like, I hate these jeans.

Hannah (31:13)

Well, depending on your body type, it's a whole thing. Also, I don't know about you, but when I shop, I shop for tops. Shopping for pants is like a. Like, that's like getting new shoes, not new shoes. That's like getting a new house. Like.

Paige (31:25)

Yeah. It's big commitment.

Hannah (31:27)

Yeah. Like, trying on pants. Also, I feel like I don't want as many pants as I have tops.

Paige (31:31)

Here's what I also do. I feel like I'm always ordering pants. I'm trying them on, and I'm returning them.

Hannah (31:37)

Yeah. Because I feel like you can deal with kind of an uncomfy top, but if your pants are uncomfortable, like, you can't run.

Paige (31:46)

I'm just.

Chelsea (31:46)

I'm having.

Paige (31:47)

I'm just having pant problems. Well, my brand jeans are your go to, so.

Hannah (31:52)

I love Abercrombie and Fitch. I love madewell for just, like, good jeans. They're not too stiff. Like, I can't always fit into, like, vintage stiff jeans. I'm obsessed.

Paige (32:04)

That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for, like, a st.

Hannah (32:07)

It's not going past my thighs. I love a gold. A Goldie. I love their barrel jean.

Chelsea (32:17)

Okay.

Hannah (32:17)

I'm obsessed with their barrel jean. Everyone compliments me on it. I don't know if it's just like.

Paige (32:22)

Do you want to know the jeans I've been wearing the most?

Hannah (32:24)

What?

Paige (32:24)

I have these, like, black jeans from Mango.

Hannah (32:27)

Great.

Paige (32:28)

It actually pisses me off because I'm like, these were the least expensive of all the jeans that I'm looking at. I have a pair.

Chelsea (32:34)

I don't know why I did this.

Paige (32:36)

I literally got bullied into buying a pair of Kate jeans. I hate them. They're. I. First of all, I don't have a torso, so anything that goes, like, above my belly button, it's on your nipple.

Chelsea (32:47)

Yeah.

Friend 2 (32:48)

I'm like, okay. So jeans are the whole outfit.

Paige (32:51)

Like, I guess I'll put a bandeau on. Like, I look ridiculous.

Hannah (32:55)

I cannot. With expensive things that are worse than cheap things. Like, it makes me.

Paige (32:59)

That's the thing that annoys me the most is I bought them, I put them on, and I was like, yeah.

Hannah (33:04)

No.

Paige (33:04)

And then I had people being like, yeah, no, you're going to wear them.

Chelsea (33:07)

So.

Paige (33:07)

No, they're like the perfect jean. You have to keep them. And then I kept these jeans, and I'm like, this was the biggest waste of money. And this was two years ago. And I still look at these jeans and I'm like, fudge you.

Hannah (33:18)

That's like when someone pressures you to order something, like, expensive on the menu, and they're like, it's so worth it. It's what they're known for. And then you get it and it tastes like shit. And you're like, I just want the cheeseburger. Yeah, I just want the cheeseburger. Why did I get this pasta that has all this weird shit in it.

Paige (33:31)

When it's out, I'm ordering a grilled cheese sandwich.

Hannah (33:33)

What? You'd never go wrong?

Paige (33:34)

If you're ever. One of my biggest feelings that I hate is when you're hungry but you don't know what to eat.

Hannah (33:40)

Never happens to me. But yeah.

Friend 2 (33:42)

Wait, really?

Hannah (33:43)

I'm like a pregnant woman. I know every time what I want. I'm very.

Paige (33:46)

You're never like walking around the kitchen at like 7pm and you're like, what do I even feel like?

Friend 1 (33:52)

Well, I've never been in a kitchen, first of all.

Hannah (33:56)

No, I always know. It's like my. It's like my.

Paige (33:59)

That's your calling, your superpower.

Hannah (34:00)

That's my superpower. Like, I also wanted to make an app that's like, you know, you go into Uber Eats and either you want like one specific dish. Like, you're like, I need eggplant parmesan. Yeah, but I want like to see all the eggplant parmesan. Not just like the random restaurants, but also put in like, do you want to do on Savory? Do you want vegetable? Like, put more general things and then it like, gives you like, more specific recommendations. Because, like, deciding what you're going to eat every day gives people a lot of anxiety.

Paige (34:28)

Okay. I low key wish that, like, when you went on Uber Eats, you could have friends and then you could see what they were eating.

Hannah (34:35)

Oh, my God. Like, I want to be an UberEats influencer. I would kill it. I'd be like, guys, no, I think they should do.

Friend 1 (34:44)

And you create photos with it. Be like this.

Paige (34:46)

Because how many times are you like, okay, same thing with like, Netflix. I wish I could go onto my Netflix and I could have friends and I could just see what they were watching so I could be like, oh, my God, I didn't. I forgot about that.

Hannah (34:59)

Maybe it's like an app. See, we like to come up with business ideas on this. Maybe it's like an app of like, called Taste, where it's everyone's taste of.

Friend 1 (35:08)

I have the logo.

Hannah (35:09)

It's.

Friend 1 (35:09)

It's in the works right now. Just definitely.

Hannah (35:13)

So it's like.

Paige (35:13)

And it's your taste for all genres, everything.

Hannah (35:15)

So it's all in one place. So then you see like what people are eating and everything can, like, what you're listening to, what you're eating. What. Yeah. What you're watching.

Paige (35:24)

And wait, we might have to cut this out because we need to trademark.

Hannah (35:27)

We need to do this.

Paige (35:29)

That's A brilliant idea.

Hannah (35:30)

Because also, let's be honest, word of mouth is what works. Not people. Like, not a television commercial. You're not suddenly going to be like, oh, I need to eat that tonight.

Paige (35:40)

Unless it's kinder chocolate, then. Absolutely.

Friend 1 (35:44)

Which, by the way, still waiting for my shipment. I'm like, I better have a Fudgeing your supply of kinder, because I love that shit.

Hannah (35:53)

Remember how I was talking about with your closet, how there's all these clothes that you like but you never wear, and I don't know what to do with them because they're starting to build up? Someone had genius advice. She was like, if you're on the fence, force yourself to try it on, and you'll know. Because you know that stuff that you're just like, it's always there.

Paige (36:11)

It looks all my pants, like, getting dressed in the morning. I'm like, okay, I have great jackets. I have really cool tops. I can accessorize this with cool belts. And then I get to the bottom half, and I'm like, what are we doing here?

Hannah (36:23)

See, my toxic trait is I'll wear a jean for weeks. The same gene.

Paige (36:28)

Yeah.

Hannah (36:29)

Yeah.

Paige (36:29)

I can just rotate the wall.

Friend 2 (36:32)

I can picture your favorite pair of.

Paige (36:33)

Jeans in my head.

Hannah (36:34)

Yeah. But also, this is why I love a set. You love a set?

Chelsea (36:39)

Yeah.

Hannah (36:39)

It helps you come up with the whole outfit. And I love monochromatic stuff. Yeah. Which leads me to another thought.

Chelsea (36:46)

Okay.

Hannah (36:47)

I was thinking about Kim Kardashian. Skims.

Paige (36:50)

I'm always thinking about her, and, like.

Hannah (36:52)

Honestly, she's beyond crushing it. Like, if she was a man.

Paige (36:55)

Wait, do you know that I downloaded and bought the subscription to Masterclass just because I wanted to listen to hers? But they have so many Amy Poehler as well. They have so many really good ones. I actually think it's worth the subscription if you're, like, want to better your. Or you want to, like, learn about a specific thing if you want to better yourself.

Hannah (37:15)

Not really. No. But what does she talk about on it? Because she could talk about so many things.

Chelsea (37:19)

Watch.

Friend 1 (37:19)

Yeah, but I mean, I just have this.

Hannah (37:23)

You know what people don't call out, which is iconic. And you and me, we would love this.

Paige (37:28)

Yeah.

Hannah (37:29)

Kanye had Yeezy, right? Yeah. And if you remember, like, the fashion shows, it was very, like, monochromatic and, like. Yeah, he had, like, crazy shoes. She definitely, like, learned from being with him.

Paige (37:42)

Like, oh, that's like, a whole lore thing.

Chelsea (37:44)

Yeah.

Hannah (37:44)

Well, because skims is literally like, if Yeezy was mainstream, successful, and for women, well, she Talks.

Paige (37:52)

She's talked about that, how it inspired her, that, like, when they started dating, he 100 did a whole overhaul of her style.

Hannah (38:00)

Yeah.

Paige (38:00)

And that, like, she wasn't taken seriously by any, like, major fashion, like publications like Vogue.

Chelsea (38:07)

Like, Vogue would never put her on.

Paige (38:09)

The COVID Like, the first time she was on the COVID was with him.

Hannah (38:12)

Yeah.

Paige (38:14)

So I think. And she had a video the other day or something. I don't know where she was. And she was wearing an outfit, and she was, like, wearing easy heels from years ago, and she was like, they truly are the best shoes.

Hannah (38:25)

Yeah.

Paige (38:26)

So he definitely.

Hannah (38:28)

I definitely think, like, influence. If your man isn't good for you, at least look through what he's done in his life and pull anything you can learn from it and then use it against him later.

Paige (38:40)

I'm trying to think if I've dated anyone that they've influenced any part of, like, my style.

Hannah (38:46)

Oh, what a good.

Paige (38:49)

Of my life.

Hannah (38:50)

Wait, so you. Have you ever changed your style, though, based on the vibe? Because a lot of celebrities will. You know, like, Bella Hadid is when. Is when. With, like, the alligator hunter. No, that's Lando Ray Bel Hadid was with the cowboys.

Paige (39:02)

With the cowboy. And she definite. Oh, did they. Oh, my God. Okay. Because I was gonna say the last, like, three paparazzi pictures, I was like, these are great outfits. Where the have you been? Also, she's working.

Hannah (39:16)

She's back working. I don't want to blame the man. I don't blame the man.

Paige (39:20)

Maybe she was just having stuck in a rodeo somewhere. I was like, what are we doing?

Hannah (39:24)

The only time a man's ever, like, kind of tried to inspire my style is when they'll see, like, a sexy dress or a sexy top, and they're.

Friend 1 (39:30)

Like, why don't you wear that?

Hannah (39:31)

And I'm like, because I don't want to. And it's not comfortable.

Paige (39:34)

The only time a man has inspired my style is I was in my early 20s, and I had a guy being like, don't wear that. Wear this like you should wear. And then I realized I was, in fact, in an abusive relationship.

Friend 1 (39:48)

You're like, okay, the first couple. Paper bag over my head. What do you mean, wear this?

Friend 2 (39:52)

The first couple of months, I was.

Paige (39:53)

Like, okay, yeah, I like this.

Friend 2 (39:56)

I can wear this.

Friend 1 (39:57)

I love turtleneck sweaters.

Paige (39:59)

Four months in, my mom goes, you look ridiculous.

Friend 1 (40:02)

You look like a clown.

Friend 2 (40:04)

What are you wearing?

Friend 1 (40:05)

Did you see the tweet that made me think of you? When people go, who is this clown? Is the best thing to say, because first of all, you're calling someone a clown, but then you're also saying they're not even famous enough to be a well known clown. You say, who is this clown?

Paige (40:20)

Just, like, as an insult.

Friend 1 (40:22)

I feel like you've said that before.

Paige (40:23)

I've definitely said that to a guy before. Like, I do know that I've. I have influenced every single guy I've dated style in, like, a nice way. That's like, I like doing that stuff. And so. And I have ideas and I really never got that much pushback. I mean, a couple of times where they were like, that's my favorite sandal.

Chelsea (40:42)

Yeah.

Hannah (40:43)

Like, I hate you.

Friend 2 (40:43)

And I'm like, okay, but you look better. Like, hate me all the way to control.

Friend 1 (40:50)

Yeah, hit me all the way to the photo shoot. Hate me after the reviews come in.

Hannah (40:54)

Okay.

Friend 1 (40:55)

No, truly hate me after they go viral.

Hannah (40:59)

I think I have to be a little more subtle because I'm not like, Mrs. Fashion. Also, I'm not, like, passionate about men's fashion.

Chelsea (41:06)

Okay.

Paige (41:06)

But if I dated you and you. And I said, hey, do you think this joke is funny? And you gave me your literal opinion and you're like, no, I would take that as okay. Well, she knows.

Hannah (41:18)

Also, speaking of dating me, there's also a law of the Internet that is convinced that, like, we are lesbian lovers, but, like, in a non sexual marriage. And, like, a lot of lesbians just listen to our pod as a lesbian podcast. They're like, it's our favorite lesbian podcast.

Friend 2 (41:32)

Thank God.

Friend 1 (41:33)

And I said, that is actually what we've been.

Paige (41:36)

We've set out to do.

Hannah (41:37)

Yes. So in terms of fashion does, as you guys know, he's lived a long life before me.

Chelsea (41:44)

Yeah.

Hannah (41:45)

He's had a lot of influences and he has a way about him. And it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

Chelsea (41:50)

Yeah.

Hannah (41:51)

Also, you have to do it subtly. Now, DEZ famously loves wearing suits when he performs.

Paige (41:59)

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hannah (42:00)

And he looks so handsome in them. But this is like, what he's been doing for a long time. And I did get rid of some of his. He had like, a floral shirt that was annoying me that somehow got out of the rotation. I don't know how. Maybe my mom got rid of it. I don't know.

Paige (42:13)

But I actually feel like I know.

Friend 2 (42:14)

What floral shirt you're talking about.

Paige (42:16)

Was it navy blue?

Hannah (42:17)

Yeah. There's also a purple one. He loved it because that was him having fun, you know? But recently, as you guys know, I love Lululemon and I just was like, let's go to Lululemon and do their men's stuff is amazing. So he grabbed some stuff.

Paige (42:30)

I love a man in a jogger.

Hannah (42:31)

Oh, yes. And then there was, like, this. This adorable giggler helping him shop. And I was like, des, you want me to help you pick things?

Friend 1 (42:40)

He's like, I got this.

Hannah (42:41)

I'm like, okay. So I looked at the giggler and I was like, you got this for me? And he was like, don't worry, babe. So he, like, held his hand through the whole thing. And DEZ has naturally, like, a good sense of style. He just got stuck in this. Like, I wear tuxedos on stage. So if you look at his most recent videos, he's wearing the best Lululemon. Lululemon bomber jacket. People have been commenting like, desi look so good.

Friend 1 (43:00)

Da, da, da.

Hannah (43:01)

And I. He's gonna. If he hears this, he's gonna be like, you know, this was all me. I was working hard in the background. Yeah, you were putting, I'm gardening. I'm gardening. Finally, it's become a flower. So I think I'm. I'm similar to you, just less, like, to his face.

Paige (43:20)

Yeah, but.

Hannah (43:20)

And also, he does ask my opinion about stuff, and he can tell when I don't, like, love something, and he'll take it into consideration.

Paige (43:26)

The only thing that stops me from doing that sometimes with boyfriends is because I'm like, this is like a little sinister in my head. I'm like, I'm obviously getting out of here at some point.

Friend 2 (43:39)

And the fact that you're going to.

Paige (43:40)

Take this on with you when I gave you this, like, confidence annoys me.

Hannah (43:48)

Yep.

Paige (43:48)

You know where I'm like, I almost don't want to teach you all my tricks because you're gonna act like they are yours, which I've seen happen so many times.

Hannah (43:57)

But you also don't want him to use it against other women in the future to trick them that he's a kind of guy that he isn't just because he's wearing that kind of shirt that you put him in.

Paige (44:05)

I don't know what you just said, but I freaking concurrent.

Chelsea (44:10)

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Chelsea Handler (48:11)

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Hannah (48:53)

I had an embarrassing plane moment.

Paige (48:56)

What happened?

Hannah (48:57)

Oh, my God. I was flying Alaska. Flying Alaska out of Seattle.

Friend 1 (49:03)

Alaska is like, very popular.

Paige (49:05)

No way.

Hannah (49:06)

And it was when all the flights were getting canceled. So I booked an Alaska flight and I felt like, so good. I'm gonna get.

Paige (49:13)

No, it's so you to be like, flying in the eye of the storm.

Hannah (49:16)

Yeah. And I'm like, give me a fucking. I find aisle seat. I'm in. So I go to the lady at the desk, security, and she's like, we don't have you down for this flight. Did it get canceled? And I'm like, I don't know. I didn't get notified. And I'm like, here's my ticket. I have a ticket. And she's like, it's not coming up in my system.

Paige (49:30)

What?

Hannah (49:31)

30 minutes until boarding, right. So I have to walk all the way to the Alaska desk. It's chaos. And I'm waiting in a line. And you know when, like, you're like, I'm going to miss this flight. Find another lady who's just walking around. And I'm like, I have a. I have a ticket. I don't know why I can't get on.

Paige (49:46)

I've cried at Newark before.

Hannah (49:47)

The two times I cry are sports documentaries and airplane airport. Because in that moment, you feel like people are sabotaging you.

Friend 1 (49:56)

You're like, I have a ticket. She didn't let me in.

Paige (49:58)

I almost missed my flight to Fiji. And I was there, like, three hours prior just because I couldn't find the gate.

Hannah (50:05)

Why do I feel like I'm so strong dealing with adversity? Like, anything can happen to me. And I'm like, I'll overcome this. But, like, one thing goes wrong at.

Friend 1 (50:11)

The airport, and I'm like, I'm never going to see my mom again.

Paige (50:13)

No one's around.

Hannah (50:15)

No one's around.

Paige (50:16)

Works at the airport.

Hannah (50:17)

They have this thing where at some point they're just like, yeah, you can't get on. Like, there's.

Friend 1 (50:21)

There's bigger rules.

Paige (50:22)

There are times where they're like, this is actually above my pay grade, so I have no idea.

Hannah (50:26)

Always like, yeah, they're like, I want to help you, but the computer says no. Like, that's what they.

Friend 1 (50:30)

Oh, there was like, you know, you're on.

Paige (50:32)

That's like the time my tree said the website blocked me from ever ordering from there. And I. And they said, sorry, you're in the system that you can't order from here. And so I got on the Internet immediately.

Friend 1 (50:43)

I have amazing taste in their dms.

Paige (50:45)

And I'm like, why can't I order from there? Like, I've never even returned something to you guys. Yeah, they're like, sorry. Sometimes it just randomly goes in our name will go in the system. And it gets blocked. And I'm like, okay, can you go in the system and unblock it? And they're like, no. And I'm like, but you're the system.

Friend 1 (50:59)

You're the system.

Paige (51:00)

Anyway, I can order from there now. It lasted like six months.

Hannah (51:04)

So I. This lady walks me back to the same security.

Chelsea (51:07)

Okay.

Hannah (51:07)

And she's like, let's try it again. I'm like, this is not gonna work. It's like 10 minutes till boarding, and suddenly it works. And I'm like, so was I gonna miss the flight because of someone's system? Anyway, I digress. I get on and I have like 30 minutes and I'm like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm trying to cancel a health insurance to go to a new health insurance. Because as you guys know, we're. When you have your health insurance in.

Friend 2 (51:29)

The burner Bishop home also, we like.

Hannah (51:32)

Yeah, we have to pay for. We have to find our own insurance. I don't know.

Friend 1 (51:36)

Actually, I don't know.

Paige (51:37)

We have to get it. We have to have it pay for it.

Hannah (51:39)

So I call and I'm like, I have to cancel. And they were like, oh, you can't cancel through us. You have to cancel through New York State of Health. I was like, okay, call New York State of Health.

Paige (51:49)

You're doing this while the phone on the plane.

Hannah (51:52)

The plane. Because, you know, I'm like, you're like.

Paige (51:54)

If I do just get this.

Hannah (51:55)

If I do it on the plane, it's like productive where, like, if I do it during my free time, I'm like, this is ruining my life. Yeah.

Friend 1 (52:00)

So I'm like, I'm already crying at the airport. I might as well just double down.

Friend 2 (52:04)

Wait, I think the same.

Hannah (52:07)

Like, when I'm gonna be doing something.

Friend 2 (52:09)

Miserable, why not pile it on?

Friend 1 (52:11)

Pile it on, babe.

Friend 2 (52:13)

Anytime someone's like, do you want to.

Paige (52:14)

Do that meeting too? I'm like, you know what?

Friend 2 (52:16)

Add it to that day, cuz I'm gonna want to kill myself all day.

Hannah (52:20)

No, it's.

Friend 1 (52:20)

It's like staying up late where it's like, it's already 2:00am What's 3:00am Wait.

Friend 2 (52:24)

People don't talk about that.

Hannah (52:25)

And they're like, oh, you have to go to the small business person. I say, great. They send me to her. She goes, we don't have your you in our system.

Friend 1 (52:32)

You have to go to our individual people.

Hannah (52:33)

I'm like, you know when you finally speak up and you're like, by the way, like, I have an ex put to like four different people. Are you sure? They're like, I'm sure. You're back to the original person. I'm losing my mind. And finally they're like, we can't find you in our system. So, like, it's. It's like when you put in your password and it doesn't work, and then you. You try to do a new password.

Friend 1 (52:50)

And they're like, is the old password.

Hannah (52:53)

That's literally. I'm like, guys, clearly I have it because I'm getting charged every month. I want to get out of it. So I finally just hang up because we're about to take off.

Friend 1 (53:01)

And the guy next to me is.

Hannah (53:02)

Like, sorry about that.

Paige (53:04)

No way.

Friend 1 (53:05)

And I was like, I am so.

Hannah (53:07)

Sorry, because I was trying to speak low, but he's like, health insurance is a motherfucker. Right? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. You just heard me in my darkest hour. Like, I never want anyone to hear me on a customer service call with health insurance. Like, I am depleted. I am beaten down. I have no belief in myself or the world. And then we ended up kind of bonding. And what I love about when men talk to me at the airport, they don't ask you questions about themselves.

Paige (53:33)

What do you mean?

Hannah (53:33)

Like, you know, sometimes you get stuck in, like, a conversation with, like, a random mom. Yeah. And she's, you know, where you from? And it's nice, but you're tired.

Paige (53:42)

Yeah.

Hannah (53:42)

This man starts talking to me and I'm like, oh, no, I'm gonna have to get into a conversation.

Paige (53:46)

Yeah.

Hannah (53:46)

Talked about himself for 10 minutes and then left me alone. I said, men are amazing.

Friend 2 (53:49)

Some of my best dates, I take.

Paige (53:51)

Yeah.

Friend 1 (53:51)

I take back everything I said about men.

Hannah (53:53)

Yeah. Talking about his job.

Friend 1 (53:54)

Never asked me what I did once. Never asked me what I did once. And for the first time, I was.

Hannah (53:58)

Like, thank God it's a man. Because I was not in the mood.

Friend 1 (54:01)

To get into it.

Paige (54:02)

Because a woman would have been like, what are you doing? Immediately, because they're like, maybe I could help 100.

Hannah (54:07)

This man talked at me for 10 minutes, and I said, I'd rather be on the phone with customer service, but this is fine.

Paige (54:13)

And you were thankful?

Hannah (54:15)

Grateful. Their lack of interest.

Friend 1 (54:17)

He probably was like, there's no way this girl has a job. I just heard her trying to cancel health insurance. There's no way she's capable of anything. He was like, bragging to me about his job too. I was like, okay. He also asked me what to do in New York City.

Hannah (54:28)

I blanked. What do you tell people, Hannah?

Paige (54:32)

I literally.

Friend 2 (54:33)

People snowstorm.

Friend 1 (54:35)

I was like, stay inside.

Paige (54:36)

Girls will always. Yeah, me. Like, what's a fun place for me to go to my. For my birthday? I'm like, I don't know. I haven't known a fun place in five years.

Hannah (54:43)

I'm a girl. Normally I'd be like, okay, like, go thrifting the Lower east side. Walk around Tribeca, soho, West Village.

Friend 1 (54:49)

I said that to him and he was like, okay. He's like a 40 year old, like, engineer.

Friend 2 (54:54)

No.

Paige (54:54)

I'm so bad. And if anyone ever asks Me that, like, in my real life, I'm like, why don't you text my friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, she always knows.

Hannah (55:02)

You have a restaurant that you recommend? No, there's too many.

Paige (55:06)

There's so much. I mean, yes, my favorite restaurant of all time in New York City is bar pity, but that's not a restaurant. You're like getting dressed up and like going.

Chelsea (55:16)

That's just.

Paige (55:18)

Yeah, like, you can go and sit, you can wear sweats.

Hannah (55:20)

Also, what's fun about New York is when you're like walking around, you get starving and you pop into a place.

Paige (55:27)

That you've literally never seen of or heard of.

Hannah (55:29)

Opened up yesterday. But what I say, what I like to say about New York is that because there's so many places, it's so competitive that if it lasts more than a year, like, it's good. Well.

Paige (55:40)

I've been to a lot of really horrible places that are just like nightlife places that you're. That I've gone back to in my 30s and I've been like, how did you guys stay open? Like, this is disgusting.

Hannah (55:53)

Because it's all vibes and aura, also everything.

Paige (55:56)

Now I feel like every new restaurant.

Chelsea (55:58)

Is like, we do bar food, but.

Paige (55:59)

In a cool way. And I'm like, just shut up. Just give me a regular burger, you freak.

Ad Sales/Announcer (56:04)

Hot take.

Hannah (56:05)

Because I've, I, in my older years, I've had more of these, like, dinner meeting things, you know, like events. Well, but it's like you go the table and it's like, these aren't your best friends. These are like, yeah.

Paige (56:18)

You do way more of those than I do.

Hannah (56:20)

I shouldn't Because I go to dinner, I'm hungry. Yeah, it's a dinner. I don't care if there's people that it's work related. It's a fucking dinner. And they love to play dumb. Like they'd never eaten dinner before and been like, should we just share some things?

Paige (56:35)

You know, like, my anxiety works in such mysterious ways.

Hannah (56:39)

Yeah, you're never hungry during these things.

Paige (56:41)

I could be hungry all day and know I'm going to dinner at 7pm Right when I sit down at that table, I'm Ms. Magically Ano Zombie. I'm like, I actually haven't thought about a carb in two weeks. Like, there's something in me that I physically cannot eat. And there are so many times where I've gone out to dinner like, and been like, I'm just gonna wrap it up and eat it at home.

Hannah (57:03)

Well, that's why I get. So when we did reality tv, if you rewind to the dinner portion, I'm stress eating. I'm shoving my face. And I'm also, like, if I'm chewing, I don't have to come with a fast comeback, you know? I mean, you're. You haven't touched your gnocchi.

Paige (57:20)

No, I, like, can't.

Hannah (57:21)

Haven't touched it.

Paige (57:22)

I don't know why, but you let.

Hannah (57:23)

Me eat it, which is why.

Paige (57:24)

And once I have an alcoholic beverage, that's it. Then all. Then I'm like, no, I can't eat. Just get me another drink.

Hannah (57:28)

And you're also, like, a little nauseous.

Paige (57:31)

Well, my baseline is always a little nauseous.

Hannah (57:37)

So, yeah, people will do this. Let's share. And I'm like, first of all, sharing is intimate. Like, I barely share with my husband, and now I have to, like, find the social norms of sharing food with strangers.

Friend 1 (57:50)

So.

Hannah (57:50)

And. And I'm very aware of, like, not being rude, but I'm also aware that I'm fudgeing, starving, and we're all just talking. So I'm the person that's like, are you guys eating that artichoke in front of you? Or like. No.

Paige (58:00)

There are times where I'm like, yeah, we'll do it for the table, but get two orders because this one's mine. Like, I'm eating all of what's on this one.

Hannah (58:07)

And I love going off with apps.

Paige (58:09)

Yeah.

Hannah (58:09)

Order a ton of apps. But in terms of my dinner. Yeah. And I know if people like, I don't know what I want, that's a problem.

Paige (58:15)

No, I. We're very compatible to go out to dinner because I don't eat.

Friend 2 (58:22)

You've eaten yours and then some of mine. I am great.

Hannah (58:26)

I hate when someone is not free with offering their food. That's the thing. Yeah, we'll share. But once. I never know. I have.

Paige (58:35)

Have you shared with me?

Hannah (58:36)

Well, because you can't keep up.

Friend 2 (58:38)

I'll look over to have a bite, and it's all gone.

Paige (58:40)

I'm like, how did you even do that?

Hannah (58:43)

So on the road with Ally, she likes to, like, ask what I'm ordering from room service. You're so jealous right now. Look at your face.

Paige (58:51)

Yeah, I am.

Friend 1 (58:52)

You wouldn't have been jealous this last night.

Paige (58:53)

No, because you want to know.

Friend 2 (58:54)

You guys, like, get ready and you.

Paige (58:55)

Go out to dinner.

Friend 2 (58:56)

Never once is she proposing.

Hannah (58:59)

That was one off day.

Paige (59:01)

No, I feel like you were dressed twice.

Chelsea (59:03)

I saw you.

Hannah (59:03)

Paige was mad that I wore makeup. Going out to Eat with Ali once.

Friend 2 (59:06)

Because I'm just like, when have we ever.

Ad Sales/Announcer (59:08)

It was Aspen.

Hannah (59:09)

Like, that would been disrespectful. If I show up to dinner and.

Paige (59:12)

You were staying at that hotel.

Hannah (59:13)

Yes. There was, like, nuances to it.

Friend 1 (59:15)

I would never just put makeup on for dinner.

Hannah (59:17)

That's insane.

Paige (59:18)

There were nuances.

Friend 1 (59:19)

There were nuances, but you were mad.

Chelsea Handler (59:21)

You go normal.

Friend 1 (59:22)

What did I dress up for?

Hannah (59:23)

Normalize.

Paige (59:24)

People not knowing the whole story and you not expect explaining it to him.

Chelsea Handler (59:27)

To them.

Paige (59:28)

Just being like, there are nuances.

Hannah (59:30)

Context is important.

Paige (59:32)

You wouldn't get the nuances. Context is important, and I'm not explaining it to you.

Hannah (59:37)

Final thing I want to discuss Traders.

Paige (59:40)

Okay?

Friend 1 (59:41)

Can you not go off about Colton this time?

Friend 2 (59:42)

I don't know.

Friend 1 (59:44)

Even though all Your points are 100%.

Hannah (59:46)

Valid, I was just thinking about me.

Friend 1 (59:49)

And you on Traders and how I.

Hannah (59:52)

Don'T understand the strategy.

Paige (59:54)

There is none.

Hannah (59:54)

Because this is the thing. If you really wanted me to find a traitor, which, by the way, I would be a faithful and I'd be a traitor killer. And I would sit there and instead of just like, everyone just looking at each other, being like, where are you from? Look at each other. I go, no, we're all going around. Tell me your name, your sign, and why you're not a traitor. Like, put people under the fucking light. You know, like, everyone's too polite about it. I want to be like, explain yourself. And don't blink when you do it. Look at me in the eye.

Friend 1 (60:22)

Like, I want people being challenged.

Paige (60:24)

My thing is, because we're from reality tv, it's hard for me, even with, like, Dancing with the Stars.

Hannah (60:31)

Yeah.

Paige (60:31)

It's hard for me to be like, oh, yeah, that's a hundred percent what happened. And all those people are safe. Like, in my head, you think it's rigged? Yes.

Hannah (60:42)

Yeah. Yeah.

Paige (60:43)

In my head, there's a producer that went up and said, you're picking so and so. Yeah, everyone will follow you. We've also told this person to pick them.

Hannah (60:51)

Well, also, when you see in Traders, where it starts with, like, one person being like, is it Porsche? And then the next second, everyone's like, it's Foggy Porsche.

Paige (60:59)

But then on the other side of the coin, in my head, I'm a producer. I don't want Portia leaving that early because she's such good tv.

Hannah (61:08)

So that.

Paige (61:09)

But they did have Lisa Rinna. So it's like, yes, they had explosive good tv, but I just can't.

Hannah (61:16)

Like, Donna. Donna Kelsey, apparently, because I was posting, like, That I was sobbing like, Donna Kelsey made me emotional. Just her being like, I want to be here longer, but whatever. And then people are like, you dumb ass. Like, clearly she agreed to do one episode. Yes, I was.

Friend 1 (61:32)

I was like, why would you think.

Friend 2 (61:33)

That the nice old lady off.

Friend 1 (61:35)

And then they played it that everyone was just like, donna, you're a traitor. They made her a traitor. Like, everyone knew it was so fake.

Paige (61:41)

That was like, she loved the show, she wanted to be on it. But they were like, hey, you can't actually do probably.

Hannah (61:47)

Like, let's not like, she probably in the van.

Friend 1 (61:50)

Immediately they were like, so what's Taylor?

Paige (61:52)

Like, that's also like, so crazy. But yeah, it was definitely like she had a one episode contract.

Hannah (61:58)

I would never let my mom go on a reality TV show, even though I did before. Like, it would.

Chelsea (62:02)

That's.

Hannah (62:03)

If they made one fudgeing thing look bad, I would lose it. I would lose. Imagine your mom. I mean, horrible.

Friend 1 (62:12)

I mean, we could imagine. But the whole time I was like, leave.

Paige (62:15)

There were so many times where like Summer House wanted to film certain things with my family. And like, my mom was like, no.

Hannah (62:21)

The biggest, biggest regret I have is first season putting my family on because I didn't know final thought about my dad. I'm, you know, doing stand up comedy, having fun, and there's always occasional man that'll be like, like, does your dad know you say that stuff on stage? Like, how do your parents feel? Yeah, and I'm always like, I am my dad. Yeah, I'm my dad.

Paige (62:44)

Yeah.

Hannah (62:44)

Like, I'm just being my dad. I'm half 50's my dad. And that what you're seeing on stage is my dad. I've said actual jokes that he said.

Paige (62:52)

And now I come from like a little bit more of like a conservative.

Friend 1 (62:55)

You're gonna say couth a little more.

Paige (62:58)

Conservative parents in terms of like, yeah, you don't talk about that. You don't say that, blah, blah, blah. And even people will say to my dad, like, wow, she really. And my dad will go, right, like, oh, really?

Hannah (63:11)

They don't say that to the male comics.

Paige (63:13)

Yeah. And it's even like reality tv. It's like there was like a time where people were like, so Paige does only fans? And my dad was like, no, but.

Hannah (63:23)

Anyhow, we love you guys. Thank you so much for giggling with us. And I think our Netflix thing with Mindy Kaling and Kate Hudson and Brenda Song, you could buy tickets. It might be sold out, but double check, okay? Netflix is a joke. Festival. We love you guys. Bye.

Ad Narrator (63:47)

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