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Hannah Berner
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Paige DeSorbo
Sup gigglers? Gary, fix your wi. We can't be managed. I mean the day just got away from me. I just told Chris I liked his hair and he was like thanks, it's wet. And that was the most boy shit I've ever heard. I've never once gone out of the shower and someone been Like, I like your hair.
Chris
I have had that response in other situations. Thanks. It's wet. Wow. Starting the pot off on a dirty note. I apologize.
Paige DeSorbo
Welcome to. To the Met. Giggler. Yeah, I worked really hard on that one.
Chris
Okay. I was gonna say. Is that, like, you're in. Is that you saying. Is that your G word?
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, my God.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Anyway, welcome to Met Monday. I'm here all week. Welcome to Met Monday.
Chris
Also known as Paige and Hannah. Try new things. Premiere date.
Paige DeSorbo
I literally. Today's the day.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
In a couple hours, by the time you guys are listening to this, you will have watched.
Chris
They will have watched.
Paige DeSorbo
You will have watched already. And if you haven't, that. How did that not come across? Your guests.
Chris
Right?
Paige DeSorbo
That's crazy.
Chris
Check your emails. I'm so excited for it.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm so excited. I feel like our. Our first TV show's launching. Even though, yes, it's just YouTube and, yes, we didn't have to run it by anyone. But isn't that the perfectness of it?
Chris
No. Here's why I love that it's on YouTube. We didn't.
Hannah Berner
There's.
Paige DeSorbo
No one offered us anything else. We didn't, like, say no to Netflix.
Chris
We were like, oh, hey, actually, we're doing something creatively, stylistic wise and going on YouTube.
Paige DeSorbo
But we are.
Chris
We are, but it's more like there were no suits around. Do you know what I mean? There was no production.
Paige DeSorbo
There were no men around.
Chris
It was just a couple of gals.
Paige DeSorbo
Couple gals with a couple notes. Mostly no notes.
Chris
I'm gonna say just living a dream, you know, doing fun things.
Paige DeSorbo
We were expressing ourselves through the art of our cunty videographer.
Chris
Yeah, we expressed ourselves emotionally, physically, and.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, we got emotional in it. Yeah, no, it was some raw emotion.
Chris
I don't say this lately. I changed as a woman during our.
Paige DeSorbo
Tour, and people are going to see the progression.
Chris
Yeah. Like, I went through, like, such. You went through 12 stages of grief, clinical changes. Like, I think my biology is different.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. And you started a full drug addiction midway.
Chris
But, like, any proper tour.
Paige DeSorbo
Sorry, do you want us to be rock and roll or not?
Chris
Like, what?
Paige DeSorbo
I missed you this weekend. I literally was pooping on my phone, and for some reason, I said, where's my best friend? I'm gonna text my. Where is she? I'm gonna text her. And it was. It's the kind of thing I was like, I don't care if I'm being needy. I'm saying I missed you.
Chris
No, I missed you, too. And then I realized we hadn't seen each other since la. Yeah. And usually we see each other at least once a week.
Paige DeSorbo
And you texted me and you're like, I really wanted to call you and yap this morning, but I don't ever.
Chris
Want to bother you.
Paige DeSorbo
But you didn't. That is so crazy. You've never bothered me once. But I also don't like bothering you. I literally.
Chris
We're extremely mindful of each other's time. You know what I was thinking the other day? We talk every day. Is that crazy?
Paige DeSorbo
If I don't send you a link to something, Like, I need some kind.
Chris
Of, like, if we're not talking in the group chat, like, work wise, like, you've sent me like something vintage. You're like, oh, my God, this is so cute. And I'm like, to who? And are you send me like a cat video? Like, amazing.
Paige DeSorbo
No, we missed each other. We're back together. We're physically in the studio again. Thank God, LA did change me. Yeah, but now I'm back to normal. Like, I don't even know who that bitch was last week.
Chris
That was scary.
Paige DeSorbo
I mean, I am wearing extensions right now, so I'm going to be a monster.
Chris
Okay. I have a lot on the docket today and I don't know where we should start.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm so excited. I love when you come to work points.
Chris
I'm going to work backwards.
Paige DeSorbo
Okay. Okay. What's your thesis?
Chris
100 men versus a gorilla.
Paige DeSorbo
I. Chris is laughing. Yeah, I just saw, like the memes making fun of it being like 100 men verse. Maybe let's try a therapist or 100 men versus maybe one mother.
Chris
I haven't seen like, where it originated. Yeah, but it was originated by a man, I believe.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, and he was saying he could beat up girls.
Chris
Right, Chris, do you know where it originated? I can look it up, but you've seen it.
Paige DeSorbo
Leave gorillas alone. Gorillas.
Chris
Here's my thought. I saw a video and it was like this guy being like, 100 men versus a gorilla. And the girl in the video was.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, give me the hundred gorillas versus a man. I was like, men have lost their mind.
Chris
No, 100 men. And the way he explained it, he was like 100 naked men fighting one gorilla. And in my head I said, oh, it's actually meaning homosexual. It's leaning homosexual for the men and I context.
Paige DeSorbo
Did you need your clothes up?
Chris
Did we need you guys naked?
Paige DeSorbo
He goes, 100 hard dicks versus a gorilla at a girl and we sword fight.
Chris
The gorilla didn't Ask for that.
Paige DeSorbo
The gorilla like, no, thank you.
Chris
And here's what I want to say to the men. Much like you guys flying the plane. You're done. You're done for the gorilla's eating you all up.
Paige DeSorbo
Are they allowed to have weapons?
Chris
No. No weapons.
Paige DeSorbo
Also, do you realize this is a general statement? But after a breakup, I feel like girls get very self reflective. Like they're like talking to their friends. Like, what can I do better? What do you think I did wrong? Am I picking the wrong guys? Where men will get together and be like, who would win in a fight? Like a tiger or a gorilla?
Chris
I'm going back years. I'm going in my childhood.
Paige DeSorbo
You go, mom, did something happen that.
Chris
Made me steer in this direction of man?
Paige DeSorbo
Yes, yes. Where men literally will be like LeBron or Kobe Go. And they'll talk for 48 hours straight.
Chris
Your fantasy football team, dead or alive. Now, they come up with these concepts.
Paige DeSorbo
That like, who first of all cares?
Chris
And also like, who's wrangling 100 men to show up at the same place at the same time unclothed women in that a lot.
Paige DeSorbo
It's giving that only fans. Girl who like slept with, she goes, first you go through me, then you.
Chris
Have to go through the gorilla blue.
Paige DeSorbo
The gorilla is body blue.
Chris
My next point, cuz that had me.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
I was just like, guys, get a job. Yeah, you know, you should do.
Paige DeSorbo
Why do you have time to fight a gorilla?
Chris
Ask if the gorilla is hiring.
Paige DeSorbo
Answer one email and call your child.
Chris
Call your child now.
Paige DeSorbo
And I like giving them families.
Chris
Yeah. Okay. My next is Bill Belichick.
Paige DeSorbo
I have so many thoughts on.
Chris
So many thoughts on it.
Paige DeSorbo
Can we go into it and try?
Chris
Let's like break it down from like a logistical standpoint.
Paige DeSorbo
He said they met in college. She was in college.
Chris
Where do I even want to start? Yeah, let's start actually with. He's 72, she's 24.
Paige DeSorbo
Basically, if you don't know what that is, Des is a spring fucking chicken.
Chris
Spring chicken. Here's my problem with it, okay? There's one side of the Internet that's like, she's evil. She's like encroaching on his whole business.
Paige DeSorbo
Elder abuse.
Chris
And it's. Yes. And she's taken over everything and blah and all of this. She's 24. Like, she's act. She's being a 24 year old girl, hustling, strategizing. Then there's another part of the Internet.
Paige DeSorbo
That'S like, he knows what he's signed up for. He wants this.
Chris
He wants to date a 24 year old. He.
Paige DeSorbo
He's happy.
Chris
He's happy. He's.
Paige DeSorbo
And he knows, like part of it is his credit card. She's not dating him because he's hot.
Chris
Right.
Paige DeSorbo
So obviously he's going to be like, have fun with my credit card.
Chris
And then what really sparked it all was that interview where like the interviewer was like, where did you guys meet? And her from the wings. We're not talking about that. I. People were really mad at that.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
If she was a publicist and not his girlfriend and had said it. No, I don't think anyone would have said anything. I wasn't mad at her saying that because it's like, yeah, why would you care how they met? Why people were so mad that she interjected, though? I don't.
Paige DeSorbo
It's giving sexism.
Chris
Yeah. Because like, if he's, if he said. He obviously said to her, come to this interview, you're like essentially my publicist.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
Chime in when you say something.
Paige DeSorbo
Instead of her controlling him, is she his protector? Is she protecting him either way from the evils of the world?
Chris
He's 50 years older than, like, here's what.
Paige DeSorbo
He's on dialysis.
Chris
Like, 10 years ago, she was late for homeroom. She was 14. 10 years ago, she was 14. I couldn't have sex with anyone knowing that 10 years prior, they reported to Mrs. Smith in the eighth grade. Like, I don't.
Paige DeSorbo
This is the thing. He's having some kind of moment where he wants to date a young.
Chris
10 years ago, he was 62.
Paige DeSorbo
That's the same as 72. That's.
Chris
No, literally, that's my dad. Like, I'm sorry. 10 years ago, he was my dad.
Paige DeSorbo
I don't love that. If it's elder abuse, I'm in the wrong.
Chris
How the fuck could he be? You're telling me he doesn't have an entire team around him? He doesn't. She just came in and was like the most important, bulldozed everyone, most master manipulator ever, and got everyone on his team to be like, no, I'm in charge now. Like, there's no way that she.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, this is the thing. They're using weird adjectives. They were like, she bullied her way into the Dunkin Donuts ad.
Chris
They're using weird.
Paige DeSorbo
The language is weird. Yeah, the language is off. And I want to just. Let's change it for a second. If she was a young guy, that it would be like, look at this supportive partner. Look at him so Involved in her career. And, like, granted, yeah, she's like, buying houses and stuff, but maybe on to amp up his real estate portfolio. And she's also. She's trademarking, like, all these words that he said that the New England Patriots are trying to own. Or she. Sorry. She's a women in the arm. I was going to say it's giving, like, entrepreneurial.
Chris
Sorry. She's smart. She can see it's giving.
Paige DeSorbo
Business savvy again.
Chris
She's 24.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm kind of obsessed that she's like, okay, I'm dating this man and I want him to be the best he can be, and I'm not letting him fuck it up. And I'm going to help. We. Do we not all do this in.
Chris
Our relationships also, like, yeah. Do we, like. Sorry. That she's using something to get ahead in her.
Paige DeSorbo
Has your man ever been on the phone and you've been like, we're not talking about that. Yeah, like, hello. We're not talking about that in front of your phone.
Chris
Don't ask him that. He's an idiot. No, I just, like, it's making me upset.
Paige DeSorbo
It's making me really upset. I can't pull it up because I'm not looking and I can't read. But, like, there are multiple adjectives that they're using. Sensing, like, she has some. Like, she's abusing him.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
But the things are like, she didn't abuse him to get in the background of a Dunkin Donuts commercial.
Chris
Such an awkward interview. I've actually personally been in more awkward ones. Like that.
Paige DeSorbo
Isn't that kind of like, that she's protecting her relationship with him. Like, she basically is. Like, it's one thing if she was like, ask about me. She's literally saying, don't ask about us.
Chris
Yeah. And she's literally sitting on the side. Any other publicist that's like a. That's a publicist. Literal job is when you're doing an interview to be like, nope, actually not that question.
Paige DeSorbo
Basically, they're trying to not get another headline about her. And they're trying to get a headline for his. Who knows what he was promoting. Because that did not get the headline.
Chris
Why don't we do a headline that at a certain age. Sorry. I think it's still like pedophilia. Like, you're almost 80.
Paige DeSorbo
Well, it's so funny. People are mad at her.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
And it's like, I'm. I don't know.
Chris
Then I'm going to be devil's advocate for a Quick second.
Paige DeSorbo
Sure.
Chris
How is she fudgeing him? It's all I'm thinking about. It's like, I'm sorry, I support all women, but how is she literally putting his dick in her mouth?
Paige DeSorbo
Coaches get pussy. There's something about coaches. Like, I'm going to say this very generally. There's a lot of college coaches that like girls on campuses.
Chris
Disgusting.
Paige DeSorbo
Because they're like the big man on campus. They are the boss of the guys running around the field. They tell them what to do. They're like, sit down, bitch. And you're like, oh, that's the guy who's the boss. I personally. No, I personally, speaking as someone with an older man, I've actually never been attracted to an older man before. Like, I'm attracted to dez. Older men has never been, like, my thing. But some girls really do, like. Like, dad bod. Orthopedic situation.
Chris
Don't bring Dr. Scholz into this.
Paige DeSorbo
But I also am like.
Chris
And also, here's the other thing. If she is his publicist, she's done a great fucking job.
Paige DeSorbo
She's done a great job and she's underpaid.
Chris
I've never talked about Bill Belichick ever in my life. And now all of a sudden, it's word vomit. I'm like, I want to talk about it with anyone.
Paige DeSorbo
This is one thing I can't get behind. People being like, he's getting tricked. He's having the time of his life. I mean, look, is she next to him, like, playing Angry Birds? Yes. But, like, what is she going to talk to him about? They're not there for talking. But clearly she's actually not playing Angry Birds. She's clearly setting up a schedule for the next day.
Chris
No, if. If anything, she's, like, giving him in line.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. If anything, she's, like, working for the job.
Chris
She's only 24.
Paige DeSorbo
I can't say it's not fully formed.
Chris
I can't say it enough. She's only 24.
Paige DeSorbo
Her brain is not fully formed.
Chris
Okay, I have another gripe also.
Paige DeSorbo
She spells her name Jordan with two O's. Which.
Chris
And that's a stylistic choice, actually, I.
Paige DeSorbo
Was gonna say a stylistic choice. And honestly, it's giving. Cunt.
Chris
Wait, two O's is Gar.
Paige DeSorbo
Jordan. Garl. She's a girl.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Jordan went to it. But no, you know what it is? That was annoying of her parents. I'm gonna say it.
Chris
That was annoying.
Paige DeSorbo
It's giving. It's Jordan with an O. Not the first O, the second O. You know how much time of her life was spent explaining the second O in her name? Like, obviously, she has trauma. Yeah, obviously. She's running to Bill Belichick.
Chris
I'm funny. I had to explain my name every time we had a substitute teacher. Yeah, like. Yeah, no, you got it.
Paige DeSorbo
What was confusing about Paige?
Chris
It was as the bit I'm saying if I was her.
Paige DeSorbo
Got it.
Chris
Sorry. Okay, next on my docket.
Paige DeSorbo
I love your docket.
Chris
Next time I docket. Is my egg freezing?
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, we need updates.
Chris
I'm cosplaying, and I don't know if you've noticed that I've been glowing, but I'm cosplaying as I'm pregnant right now. Like, I've been touching my stomach, and I'm like, I'm with child. Like, I've. I've turned into a monster. And, like, I can. I'm like, literally, like, my eggs are. I'm on my fifth day. My fifth day of shots.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, you didn't tell us you were on shots.
Chris
So I started on Thursday.
Paige DeSorbo
Okay, so you're feeling great?
Chris
I drank so much coffee. I'm, like, shaking.
Paige DeSorbo
Are you feeling great? And she's like, I don't know. My body is violently shaking. I love it.
Chris
I'm, like, obsessed with egg freezing. I love doing my own shots. I'm, like, it's. I'm sick. I'm like, in Grey's Anatomy. I'm like, let me just mix this.
Paige DeSorbo
Are you nauseous? Please tell us every detail.
Chris
I wrote down, like, a whole log of, like, each day. Only felt nauseous one day, but, like, I feel fine. I feel like I have my period.
Paige DeSorbo
I also feel like you feel nauseous all the time. All the time. So I think that just.
Chris
My baseline is nausea.
Paige DeSorbo
You're like, I feel sick to my.
Chris
Stomach every day, so I feel fine. My. I'm like an overachiever. My body is reacting better than he first anticipated. Like, I'm going faster than normal, so I'm, like, having my retrieval, like, this weekend.
Paige DeSorbo
How? What. What kind of speed of what? Like, what's going fast?
Chris
Like, my eggs are, like, responding. Like, they're like, okay, yeah, like, we're ready.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, my God.
Chris
To be taken out.
Paige DeSorbo
Do you feel bloated? Okay.
Chris
That's why I feel pregnant, because I keep, like, touching my stomach. Do you want to see my bruises?
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. Oh, my God. Look at you.
Chris
Crazy.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait. You love it. Wait, you're a mother. I'm a mother. I named all my bruises.
Chris
That's little Anthony. You better get ready.
Paige DeSorbo
That's Mario. But I love that Antonio, we. I'm so happy for you.
Chris
Thank you.
Paige DeSorbo
Very exciting.
Chris
Honestly, like, the first night of shots, I was like, this is crazy. How am I going to do this? And then I'm just like, women are incredible.
Paige DeSorbo
No, women are incredible. I have a friend, Casey Balsham, who actually just went viral for doing stand up about. How about having a baby? But she was doing this all while going up on stage at night. And I was like, how are you? And she goes, I'm in the middle of, like, an egg freezing, and I keep injecting myself and my hormones are all over the place, and I have to be funny and do stand up and. But, like, women just do it.
Chris
I think I, like, needed more estrogen. Do you.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, wait, do you actually feel balanced?
Chris
Yeah, I feel. I'm like, oh, I actually feel. So you need to be all. Been walking an hour a day.
Paige DeSorbo
Where?
Chris
Just around the city.
Paige DeSorbo
You're like, to bodegas? Yeah, to different bodegas.
Chris
Walking one hour a day.
Paige DeSorbo
Do you go to the park? Central Park?
Chris
No, I just, like, walk on the street, like, around my neighborhood.
Paige DeSorbo
What, do you, like, say hi to people?
Chris
Oh, God, that would be crazy. I put my headphones in and I call my mom.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, I just heard a nightmare story from my makeup artist that I have to relay to you guys.
Chris
Please.
Paige DeSorbo
She is so sweet. This is. I've had some travel nightmares. This is up there. She said she gets in the Uber, and the girl immediately is, like, way too talkative. Talkative and, like, way excited for the day. Way too tmi, which, like, I love a tmi, but she was literally like, oh, like, I want to get a new house, but I don't want it to be renovated already because I don't want to sleep in a bed where someone else has sex. I haven't had sex in this many days. And you're like. She's like, where are you going? And she's like, oh, I'm actually going to dinner at this. I'm trying this barbecue place.
Chris
Wait, the Uber driver's asking, where is.
Paige DeSorbo
She going again, Huge red flag.
Chris
Yeah. If it was a guy, I would have been like, oh, I'm going to.
Paige DeSorbo
Your future murderer's house. He has axes everywhere.
Chris
There's. I'm going to the zoo. I'm the gorilla keeper, actually. So, yeah, keep your pants on.
Paige DeSorbo
Okay.
Chris
Call that queen.
Paige DeSorbo
So this is where it got really dark. She. She goes, oh, you're getting dinner. And she goes, yeah. And she goes, I'll Come with.
Chris
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Paige DeSorbo
What do you do? You jump out of the car. So she takes her to the barbecue place, stops, and gets out of the car with her and starts walking in and goes, should we share something?
Chris
What's going on?
Paige DeSorbo
This is like, where is this Austin? Which maybe when you said people are too nice.
Chris
Oh, I was like, this wasn't in New York.
Paige DeSorbo
I know.
Chris
I was like, this sounds like some nice Midwestern bullshit that I could never, like, subscribe.
Paige DeSorbo
This was some nice people in Texas.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
And I was like, are you okay? Like, have you talked to someone about this?
Chris
I feel like this happens a lot in Texas.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. But anyway, I just.
Chris
He's like, yeah. So we split cornbread, and, like, she's in my wedding. I mean, I don't know.
Paige DeSorbo
Cute guys started to talk to her that she, like, had met before. And the woman he was like, who are you with? And she's like, oh, I don't know her name. And he's like, well, she's feeding you.
Chris
Wait, she's chewing up her food and.
Paige DeSorbo
Spitting it in your mouth.
Chris
She's baby birding. Wait, so how'd it end? Like, okay, see you next time.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, I think she was kind of. Yeah, she was like, oh. She said the girl drove her back to her house for free, so she got a free drive out of it. But again, actually, take my money. Leave me alone.
Chris
Take my money for the 15 Uber.
Hannah Berner
I'm good.
Paige DeSorbo
So anyway, just keep an eye out in Ubers, you guys. It's not always.
Chris
That's crazy.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah, I'm, like, really shook by it.
Chris
Yeah, I don't think I could go in another Uber again.
Paige DeSorbo
I would immediately be like, actually, I just realized I just ate. I totally forgot. I just ate and I have to go back to my house where everyone has Covid.
Chris
You can't come in next at my docket. Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Covid Reference throwback.
Hannah Berner
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Grace
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Chris
Classic me. I'm like, I love Newark Airport. Newark Airport is the best. Newark Airport literally shut down this week. The president of Newark was like, don't come here.
Paige DeSorbo
Newark PR got overwhelmed by the inundated Gigglers trying to get into Newark and they were like, we do not have enough staff to fulfill all the gigglers.
Chris
The guy who runs the airport was like, I shouldn't be saying this.
Paige DeSorbo
Don't come here. Wait. They basically were like, we don't know how to function as an airport.
Chris
I'm so sorry about him.
Paige DeSorbo
The comments were funny. They were like, no one was going anywhere anyway except for Paige de Sorbo.
Chris
Once people were tagging me in it.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, so like, can we do something about that? I guess.
Chris
Like, nobody wants to work. Which, like, I gotta, you know, it's like so much construction. It's like every single day. No, I totally get that. Like when people are like, oh, like recession indicators. And it's like we can't get anyone to Work. I'm like, yeah, we don't want to work.
Paige DeSorbo
I do have to say I. When a TSA person is so rude to me, I actually get it. I'm like, you had to wake up at what time?
Chris
And, like, the amount of people you see a day and the amount of.
Paige DeSorbo
People, like, make you take my shoes.
Chris
Off, like, shove them up your ass, dude. Actually, I don't give a shit.
Paige DeSorbo
I don't like when a TSA guy is, like, loving his job. You know, when he loves the speech and he keeps repeating it and you're like, I was. You don't have to keep reading. I heard you. I was. The line's not moving.
Chris
No, I'm a professional. We're a professional.
Paige DeSorbo
We're professional travelers.
Chris
I actually heard someone talk about it the other day, and they were saying, like, the flight from, like, LA to New York. And they were like, well, that's professional business. People, like, that's professional travel. Oh, my God. Yes, it is. No, it is like, a professional person.
Paige DeSorbo
No one's fucking around. Also, I want to ask you, because I went to a couple public gatherings and I forgot the best way to Irish Exit.
Chris
I knew you're gonna.
Paige DeSorbo
And I actually just need some advice. Yeah, what? Cause you're fucking stealth with it. You are stealth, Nadi. People forgot you had been there. You, like, was Paige here tonight? Was that a dream?
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
Was it a blur? What is your way of. We're in a conversation. And what are you going to do?
Chris
I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back.
Paige DeSorbo
You say, I'm going to the bathroom?
Chris
Yeah. I'm just running to the bathroom. Which bathroom? I didn't specify. I meant the one in my apartment. Now the one here. That's crazy. I'm going home.
Paige DeSorbo
You interpret that how you want to. That's not important. I'm not using a public toilet, you sicko.
Chris
It's none of my business what you thought I meant. I said, I'll be right back. I'm running to the bathroom. Didn't tell you what to do.
Paige DeSorbo
Don't project your ideals onto me. Oh, you felt the one. Here. My favorite thing. I'll call an Uber. And then when someone. Someone always starts talking to me, like, right when the Uber's there. And I love to pretend the Uber is, like, completely out of my control, like, being like, I would love to.
Chris
Stay, but the Uber, you're, like, actually lost. That's crazy.
Paige DeSorbo
Stop it. The Uber needs me, and I would love to cancel it, but my Thumb doesn't work.
Chris
You're like, he's on his way. If I cancel now, what message will that say to him?
Paige DeSorbo
He's gonna. He'll be very mad at me, and I don't need that. So anyway, okay, stay focused. Get out.
Chris
Stay focus, and just get out of there.
Paige DeSorbo
If you have a friend, do you leave them for dead? Like, if you showed up with someone.
Chris
Oh, no, I. If I showed up with someone, I'm telling them, hey, I'm Irish. Exiting. And you can feel free to tag on because. But if you don't want to, you're on your own then.
Paige DeSorbo
I remember once we were. We hit that moment where you look at each other and you know, gotta go.
Chris
We gotta get out and be dismissed.
Paige DeSorbo
But me and you kept getting stopped in different ways. And at one point, I got out and I turned and you got tooken. You got tooken. Then I was like, did you just.
Chris
See me as seeing people say yourself?
Paige DeSorbo
And then I was, like, waiting, and someone started talking to me. And you were going. And I was like, she got ahead.
Chris
She got ahead. You just hear someone say, so where are you from?
Paige DeSorbo
And I'm like, run, Hannah, run. Oh, my God. But it's a lot of, like, eyes. You gotta make eyes to be like, yeah.
Chris
That's why I'm just like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom. Because what's someone gonna say? Like, no, you can't.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
Wait, one more note. Yeah, here's where it can get dicey.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
You say you're going to the bathroom. Someone sees you leaving out the door, and they're like, where are you going? Making a quick phone call. Can't do it in here. Just running outside to make a quick phone call. Didn't tell you. It's to my Uber driver to let him know where it. Precisely.
Paige DeSorbo
Understanding none of my business. Have you thought the call was to someone else?
Chris
Wait.
Paige DeSorbo
You're a fucking genius.
Chris
Yeah. I love getting out of shit. There's nothing I love more than saying bye.
Paige DeSorbo
This should have been. That should have been a chapter in our book. One of my favorite chapters is how to Poop in Public. And we come up with some. Really?
Chris
Our sequel.
Paige DeSorbo
Our sequel. Wait, what else is on your docket?
Chris
I think that was the rest of my doc.
Paige DeSorbo
My last traveling note, because you guys know we have to talk about traveling every single pod, because it's the only thing that we can do. I realized that leaving your charger in a hotel is just being a creative. Sorry, I'm an artist Award in this Economy.
Chris
He's paying it forward.
Paige DeSorbo
These chargers are fucking exciting. Expensive. Who am I?
Chris
We don't live in a drive through city, so we can't pay it forward when it's like paid for the person behind.
Paige DeSorbo
And also New York, if you try to pay for someone's Starbucks, they think you're going to rob, you're like, okay.
Chris
Well, you poisoned me.
Paige DeSorbo
No, thank you. I don't want your anthrax latte.
Chris
Leaving your charger in a hotel, paying it forward.
Paige DeSorbo
You know, the second the door closes, you're like, there's no way I remember my charger. And I go, sorry, I'm an artist. Like, I can't express myself artistically and creatively throughout the day and remember my charger. And also, it's a fucking miracle that I ever remember my laptop. Because let's be honest, you're on your laptop in bed. When you go to bed, you're not taking your laptop out of the bed and putting it on, what, one of those tiny side tables for. Also they're for what, little squirrels. So then obviously I'm putting it in the bed and obviously I wake up, open the covers, cover it. I hide my laptop from me every time, and I. 90% of the time I remember it. And for that I'm grateful. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm practicing gratitude every week. Did I forget my charger?
Chris
Yes.
Paige DeSorbo
And then I go to the lady to buy a charger at the airport and it's like a whole ordeal.
Chris
It's also like $700.
Paige DeSorbo
$700.
Chris
And then you open it and you're like, not even the right one. Not even.
Paige DeSorbo
And then they don't even plug in together.
Chris
No.
Paige DeSorbo
And they're like the ugliest colors.
Chris
And if it's. See. Oh, this one lights up lightning.
Paige DeSorbo
Give a lightning. What are we, Pokemen?
Chris
No, no, it's green. It's green.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, I didn't even talk about Tina and Amy.
Chris
Oh, my God, Hannah. And then to say one thing about cat leash.
Paige DeSorbo
Actually, perfect segue. I was like, wait, why did I see that? And I was like, I want a cat leash. Or the bedroom. Okay. Anyway, so I get an email that is like, can you go to Colorado for 15 minutes to open for Amy and Tina? Yeah. Cancel everything. And I was in la, as we know, because that's all I've been talking about.
Chris
Because that's who you are these days.
Paige DeSorbo
Actually, can I fuck la? Because I ran out of toothpaste shortly after our podcast and I said, thank goodness I'm at a fancy hotel. I'm gonna call and they'll send one up.
Chris
A dental K. No, the one.
Paige DeSorbo
First of all, I love the one and I would love to work with you in the future.
Chris
Right here's. I'm gonna say one thing about the one. One thing. They're very earthy.
Paige DeSorbo
They're very earthy, very eco friendly. I did ask them for paper and a pen once. And you thought I murdered a puppy.
Chris
Don't ask for a fork. They're like, we use our hands. Think about the.
Paige DeSorbo
They were like, why don't you burn down a whole forest? So I was like, can I have toothpaste? And they bring it. And I'm like, it looks cute. Normal. Yeah, it's charcoal toothpaste.
Chris
And what's that doing for anyone?
Paige DeSorbo
There's barely a mint flavor and it's dark. And I said, this is so fun. If I was on an ayahuasca trip.
Chris
Yeah. You're like, I have an interview.
Paige DeSorbo
I have a literal.
Chris
You're like, I have to talk to people.
Paige DeSorbo
I have a self tape that I'm gonna fuck up. Like, I need to feel fresh. So then I was like, I put like a ton of it on because I didn't know if it was working. And then, like, honestly, my social interactions weren't great. From that day on, I don't know if it was me or the ch.
Chris
It's like whitening, right? Like the charcoal.
Paige DeSorbo
I don't know, but it was a choice.
Chris
What's it taste like?
Paige DeSorbo
It doesn't taste minty enough. And I know people are like, real toothpaste gives you cancer. I'd rather have cancer and not gingivitis. It's like, okay, we're all getting cancer. At least have good smelling breaths.
Chris
The line, we can't. That's the same. It's how I feel about natural deodorant. That's how I go.
Paige DeSorbo
Do you remember when you were obsessed with national deodorant?
Chris
I was obsessed with that. It was like a phase during COVID Remember I was detoxing my armpits.
Paige DeSorbo
Yes.
Chris
And then one day I go, it's not working right.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, I didn't want to bring this up because I don't want to bring attention to it, but there's this girl on TikTok. People are just. I think everyone goes viral now. Did you see it?
Chris
The caveman?
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. I don't want you guys. I. If you're sensitive, don't Google it because it really upset me and it's like, ruining my day.
Chris
Why upset you?
Paige DeSorbo
Because it's disgusting.
Chris
I'm fascinated by it. You know that I love, like, pimple videos like that. All I want to do is touch that girl's face.
Paige DeSorbo
No, I.
Chris
All I want to do is, like, take it with my nail and scratch.
Paige DeSorbo
For people who don't know what's going on. I think she was having acne problems, which, like, she.
Chris
It was saying that she ruined her skin barrier and that she stopped using any skin care and even water on our face.
Paige DeSorbo
I think skin barrier is a made up thing that companies have invented.
Chris
My favorite is, like, when the Internet, like, will go just so far and then actual doctors will come in and be like, okay, yeah. Like, actual dermatologists were like, you have a fungus. We went to school. It's enough now. Like, please seek help. You have. I know exactly what you have. It's in a textbook. It's dermatitis. Like, quit it.
Paige DeSorbo
You know?
Chris
Like, I love when medical professionals are like, enough.
Paige DeSorbo
Some girls is like, this is what I do. This prevent.
Chris
She's like, hey, I don't want to burst your bubble, but.
Paige DeSorbo
So she's calling it the caveman thing, whatever. So she's basically just not washing her face. And I was like, okay, let's see how it's going. I didn't realize she has a thick layer of dirt on her face. So she's like going to her friend's wedding with a thick layer of dirt on her. Do you not see this?
Chris
Wait, what do you mean a thick. No, I've seen it. I thought she put, like, makeup on.
Paige DeSorbo
No, she has a thick layer of dirt on her face. You thought it was like a bad spray tan.
Chris
Oh, I thought she was like, doing glam, like, as normal. Just like never washing it off. She took like, sleeping in your makeup once a quarter, like, to the exact stream is. No, it's crazy. No, I want to touch her face so bad. No, I'm obsessed with it.
Paige DeSorbo
Similar to. Similar to. Similar to Jordan with two O's from the morning the more the beginning of the pod years ago. I don't even know that girl who.
Chris
Every time after we get done recording, someone will call me. It could be anyone in my life and be like, what did you guys talk about on the pod this week? I go idea. I have no, I have no idea.
Paige DeSorbo
It's none of my business.
Chris
None of my business. I'm like, that's like a stream of consciousness. That's like asking me what was inside my brain three weeks ago.
Paige DeSorbo
It's like when you go to church and you start saying, you're like, hello. I don't know what I said. I give this one. So anyway, similar to that girl, I respect her making money.
Chris
She thought, look, I think she's lying.
Paige DeSorbo
She's. It's called clickbait.
Chris
You think she's rage baiting?
Paige DeSorbo
A hundred percent. This is rage baiting.
Chris
I kind of think he's being serious. Wait, you think it's rage based in terms of, like, you think it's a mask? Like, it's not real? Or you think she actually really does have a photo?
Paige DeSorbo
It might be real that she has dirt on her face, but she's doing it to go viral.
Chris
Okay. Oh, wow. Well, then she stumped me.
Paige DeSorbo
No, she clearly got, like, a response. A response on her video.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
And then was like, oh, I'm gonna keep posting with dirt on my face. Going to my friend's wedding. And people are like, doing what I'm doing, being like, this is insane.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
No one's like, oh, I should do that.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
But I mean, do I love the concept of using less products? 100% and do I support a women in the arts?
Chris
There was another girl I saw in the comments or, like, made a video or something and was like, what she's doing is a real thing. Like, I've actually done that before where I stopped all skincare, didn't use water, put nothing on my face for, like, two. She was like. But I didn't have. There's no. That level of, like, flaky caked. Yeah. Also, they're like, you have hot takes.
Paige DeSorbo
Cavemen washed their face. Cave women had a morning skincare routine. They went into the cold, cold puddle and they put it on their face.
Chris
I didn't realize that, like, cherries make lipstick.
Paige DeSorbo
Literally. Obviously, they had a routine. So let's not, like, act like cavemen didn't know what they were doing. They washed their face. Cavemen were cleaner than that.
Chris
I mean, are you. Is that the hill you're dying on? Because I don't know if I'm backing you up. You might take this one on your own.
Paige DeSorbo
Speaking of dirt.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
I went to Red Rocks. Are you familiar with Red Rocks?
Chris
Wait, we haven't finished that story.
Paige DeSorbo
We didn't start the story. Are you familiar with Red Rocks?
Chris
I know what it is, but I've never been.
Paige DeSorbo
I've never been.
Chris
And I know that everyone is, like, obsessed with it, and if you live in Denver, everyone loves it.
Paige DeSorbo
So I land in Denver and I immediately feel like this was the place the last time we were here. Was when Paige had her schmanock.
Chris
Yeah. Had a full body transformation.
Paige DeSorbo
Full body transformation. Her exorcism, if you will.
Chris
Can I just say one thing?
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah.
Chris
Something popped up the other day. It was like a video or like a picture from the night of my panic attack. Why was I gorgeous? Why was that the most stunning I've ever been?
Paige DeSorbo
The entire. Well, you were. You were corseted.
Chris
I was like. I was like, wait. My sk. Wait a minute. I was stunning and I couldn't even appreciate it in that night, in that moment.
Paige DeSorbo
But my hair wasn't that. Isn't that life?
Chris
Isn't that life?
Paige DeSorbo
You think the grass is always greener?
Hannah Berner
Since I'm always trying to be in my healthy era, let's just talk about how hard it is to find supplements that are actually good for you. It's like the oddest thing in the world. It feels like every vitamin label sounds like a chemistry test and it's just mixed with all these mystery ingredients and natural flavors and blah, blah, blah. That's why we're obsessed with Symbiotica. Symbiotica is clean and science backed and everything is actually designed for your body to absorb and use. I drink the Symbiotica vitamin C packs all the time. They were my go to on tour. They're always in my travel bag. They're always in my purse and my carry on. Go to symbiotica.com gigglysquad to get 20 off plus free shipping. That's C Y M B I o t I k a dot com gigglysquad for 20 off plus free shipping. If you're like me and online shopping is basically your workout routine, then you need to be using Rakuten. It's the smartest way to save money when you shop because you earn cash back at over 3,500 stores from fashion, beauty, electronics to home essentials, travel, dining and concert tickets, YSL Beauty, wine.com, sephora, Ulta, Kiehl's, and so much more. They pay Rakuten to send them shoppers, and Rakuten then passes on a part of that payment to its members as cash back. Cash back is deposited directly into your Paypal account or Rakuten can send you a check. You even maximize your saving by stacking cash back on top of other deals like store sales and coupons. You're already shopping at your favorite stores, so why not save while you're doing it? It's a no brainer. Membership is free and it's easy to sign up. Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving. Cashback rates change daily. See rakuten.com for details. That's R a K u T E N your cash back really adds up. I go in and out of phases of wearing bras and then not wearing bras. And then there's sometimes outfits that you just need a bra. Then you get to a phase where you only want to wear the Skims ultimate nipple bra. I had originally gotten it in black and then I just ordered another one and got it in nude. I'm obsessed. It has the most subtle nipple effect. This bra is so chic and it just makes you so confident. I don't know what it is, but I'm just so obsessed with it. I also have so many other Skims products. Their underwear are just the best. I feel like an actual adult when I open my drawer and I see all of my skims bras and underwear. And there are just certain outfits where I need the skims underwear because they are just so seamless and so comfortable. If you've always wanted to try it, now is your time. Shop the Skims Ultimate Bra collection and more@skims.com after you place your order, be sure to let them know that Giggly Squad sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select Giggly Squad in the drop down menu that follows.
Paige DeSorbo
I go to Red Rocks from LA to meet Tina and Amy and Grace came to meet me because Grace loves Tina and Amy. Like, never respected us the way she respects Tina and Amy, which is valid. Like, if I'm gonna understand anything, it's that. And just shout out to Tina and Amy for a second. These are two people that if the only thing they did was snl, I would be like, they're beyond iconic. They also did 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Mean Girls, baby mama, the entire, like, Internet, Internet. The Golden Globes hosting, like, they're beyond. And also, let me say something cunty.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
If they were men, they would be getting the Mark Twain award. They would be getting every award. And that's why I posted in my caption, I said, I don't know, but I know a man got it this year. I. I think Adam Sandler got it last year and Conan O'Brien got it. Which two great comedians. Yes.
Chris
Wait, who's Mark Twain?
Paige DeSorbo
You know what?
Chris
Fuck Mark Twain. I think that's the name of your next tour. And you know what?
Paige DeSorbo
Fuck Mark Twain. He's catching strays. But I'm just saying, I wrote I was going to write, like, the two funniest women. I go, I'm not writing women.
Chris
No, the two funniest people. And people didn't realize you were taking a stance in that moment.
Paige DeSorbo
They didn't realize that was a political statement.
Chris
They didn't realize how deep rooted that was.
Paige DeSorbo
And this photo I posted was me, Tina, Amy and Grace. All the comments were like, oh, my God, Grace is there.
Chris
Grace is the most famous.
Paige DeSorbo
People were like, why am I so excited to see Grace on a photo? And you know what? I was going to cut her out because we respect Grace's privacy. But in that moment, I said, no, I'm putting Grace. Yes, because she looked really cute in it.
Chris
She was like, please don't.
Paige DeSorbo
But I can only protect her so much. I love how we really try to protect her. And then I post a full grid photo with her.
Chris
It's me and Daphne, you and Grace. Literally, you're like, I'm protecting Grace at all costs. And you're like, but she's adorable.
Paige DeSorbo
She's my. No, I literally. The world needs to see how cute she looks in this photo, the lighting. Anyway, so I'm with Grace inspired you, like, started Instagram.
Chris
And she's like, it's. You grab it. It's great, Grace.
Paige DeSorbo
Thank you.
Chris
She's like, please stop tagging me.
Paige DeSorbo
So I'm in the hotel room and Grace comes in and she's like, are you nervous for your set tonight? And I was like, my set? I'm not nervous about my set. I just got an email saying I have to get in the car with Amy, Tina and Rachel dratch, who's an SNL star. Debbie Downer to a 30 minute ride to Red Rocks. I go, we're panicking.
Chris
Yeah. Like, what's your set for that?
Paige DeSorbo
No, what is my set for that?
Chris
I said, obviously, you need an open.
Paige DeSorbo
Door when you get in the car. I need some local jokes. I need some.
Chris
What's going on in pop culture, local gossip.
Paige DeSorbo
Someone needs to write me something. I was literally. You were my fucking hacks, girl. I was like, write me some one liners for Amy. So I'm freaking out.
Chris
Like, is there a red rock joke I could pull here? Like, what's going on?
Paige DeSorbo
What's the weather? Like, someone give me something. And I'm literally at that point, it feels because I'm married. I haven't had a crush in a minute. So sad. But like, you know when you have a crush and you forget, like, how you put words together to form a sentence.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
Or like, you're like, how did I ever act? Like that's what. And Grace was like, do you know.
Chris
What is my personality?
Paige DeSorbo
I go, who am I? I go, grace, explain me in five words. Who am I?
Chris
Grace, can you give me the elevator.
Paige DeSorbo
Pitch on who I am as a human describing two adjectives. My fashion.
Chris
But then I also was like, what's my passion?
Paige DeSorbo
Then I also was like, wait, I can start over today. Who do I want to be? Who am I?
Chris
And that's looking big picture.
Paige DeSorbo
Because I'm like, wait, the Hannah who didn't know Amy and Tina is different than the Hannah that's gonna meet them. And by the way, Amy knows me.
Chris
But Amy's like, you can reinvent yourself in any.
Paige DeSorbo
Anytime.
Chris
Look at any of my exes.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, don't you love when you don't spend time with people for, like, a long enough amount that you're like, I could come in and change?
Chris
I think about it.
Paige DeSorbo
I do it all the time. One minute, and I'm like, but back to my old self.
Chris
Sometimes I think about it with, like, in terms of friends that I haven't seen in a couple years, and I'm.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, wait, I'm gonna be more interesting. I'm serious.
Chris
I'm such a businesswoman. And then I get, like, two martinis, and I'm like, remember when we hooked up?
Paige DeSorbo
You know that I still wear light pink nails? Ballet flat nails.
Chris
What if I scroll to the beginning of our combo? Don't do that.
Paige DeSorbo
So I get down the lobby, and it's me and Rachel Dratch. And I was like, rachel, nice to meet you. And she's chill. She's just like, what's up? And I was like, okay, me and you, Are we good? I was like, we're good. Okay, check, because I'm freaking out.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
Amy comes down, the warmest human, literally yells.
Chris
Because we also have to remember she's just someone's mom.
Paige DeSorbo
A girl.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
Who's just a girl.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
She goes, hannah yells across the lobby. I'm like, bear hugging. Wait.
Chris
You know what I think about a lot of times? And it's one sentence that Amy Poehler said to us, and it was just a normal conversation. She was describing how she was talking about in that moment. She was like, well, I'm really famous right now because. And I don't stop thinking about that sentence because I'm like, wait. In her head, she thinks there's times where she's not uber famous.
Paige DeSorbo
Well, that she's not in the limelight.
Chris
Yeah. And I just was like, oh, she's just like a normal human.
Paige DeSorbo
She's a normal person that, like, occasionally people will lose their fucking mind over. And in that moment, I was like, I can't lose my mind.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
So she. She was great. Because Amy is such a naturally warm person. Ames. And not yet too soon. So then Tina comes down. Now, mind you, Tina isn't just, like, calming down. Tina's been on a full store.
Chris
I'm Tina, you're Amy.
Paige DeSorbo
100%. But I feel like we're also a little bit of both. I'm a little bit of both.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Because we're not blonde.
Chris
True.
Paige DeSorbo
And. But we, like, we support. Yeah. The blonde community. We apologize to the blonde community if you've ever heard. Some of you. So Tina's been promoting her new show for four seasons. Did you watch?
Hannah Berner
Of course.
Chris
I binged it.
Paige DeSorbo
You love.
Chris
I watched it in one day.
Paige DeSorbo
I love Colman Domingo.
Chris
He's amazing.
Paige DeSorbo
I can't take my eyes off of him. He's so charming.
Chris
He's so good in the role.
Paige DeSorbo
And, like, hot.
Chris
It's just. It's actually. It's a really good show.
Paige DeSorbo
It almost feels like white lotus. If you just need to relax a little bit, like a less intense white lotus. It.
Chris
It also very much gives. Even though it's episodes, it's a show, it feels like a movie.
Paige DeSorbo
It's very fast.
Chris
It's like, a really good weekend watch.
Paige DeSorbo
100%. So she's been doing all this press. She's so tired, and I'm like, I'm doing press, too. My book. No, I didn't bring it up. I was so scared. And she. I could tell she didn't know who I was. Why would she?
Chris
Yeah, I don't want her to, but.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm like, in the group, right? So she kind of looks up. And celebrities. I treat them like cats.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
You can't do any, like, quick movements or, like, look directly at them immediately or they'll be like, oh, what's going on? You have to be delicate. Like, don't look at them at first. Whatever. But Tina, I was like, hi, I'm Hannah. Soft voice. You're like, let her smell my hand.
Chris
You put your knuckle, like, on her eyebrow, and you're just. You wait for her to rub.
Paige DeSorbo
I went 90, waited for her to go 10.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
But I said, I'm Hannah. And I could tell still, she was like, don't know what's going on.
Chris
And I was just like, great. Good for you.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm opening tonight. And she was like. Immediately like, oh, my God.
Chris
You're like, it is a palindrome. That's my favorite thing you say to people when you meet other girls named Hannah. You go, is it a palindrome? I'm like, anyway, keep going.
Paige DeSorbo
You're embarrassed by me. You're embarrassed by me. Sorry. I don't like the awkward silence after you both say, yes.
Chris
I say it every time, and I just think it's funny.
Paige DeSorbo
But then you should see when it's not a palindrome. And then I go, oh, so your mother hates you. So then we get into a car. It's Rachel Dradge, the driver, me, Tina, and then Amy in the back. And in that moment, Grace.
Chris
Where's Grace? You left her for dad.
Paige DeSorbo
Well, I was like, grace, you can't come with my friends.
Chris
Grace, you're embarrassed.
Paige DeSorbo
Grace, you're embarrassing.
Chris
I was like, grace is like your little sister. You're like, no, you can't.
Paige DeSorbo
You can't. Like, just my friends with them. And, like, I don't want. Whatever. But Grace actually was meeting me later. Yeah, but I'm in the car, and, like, it was like, us and Giggly Squad going to the. Like, they were just.
Chris
Like, we talked about, oh, everyone hates men for the rest of time. Got it. Okay. That doesn't go away. And, like, you giggle with your friends forever.
Paige DeSorbo
I think Tina likes me.
Chris
Okay, good.
Paige DeSorbo
Because by the end, she showed me a video.
Chris
And you guys are friends.
Paige DeSorbo
For as a mother, she said, oh.
Chris
You would think this is funny. Let me show you this.
Paige DeSorbo
We were riffing.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
We were riffing. So after that, I got. I was very confident, and I was feeling good. And then Tina said she liked the length of my tie. That's specific. She looked at me.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
So Tina Fey looked at me.
Chris
She's basically, like, gonna give you away at your next wedd.
Paige DeSorbo
So Tina. And she was asking me, like, how I pick up look. Long story short, I'm obsessed with these women. I want to eat them. I want them to go inside me. I'm never getting asked back after this podcast, but it was the most magical time, and I'm having so much fun. And I get in, and Grace is like, did you embarrass yourself? And I was like, I don't think so. I think we're good. She goes, great, now you just have to do 15 minutes at Red Rocks. And I'm like, easy. Like, I love the bigger, the better.
Chris
I love a big venue that's like, what, an amphitheater?
Paige DeSorbo
Like, you're fully outside in a mountain.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
You're, like, wedged. It's like a natural amphitheater. So I was like, this is gonna be sickening. So I go outside, pouring rain.
Chris
Perfect.
Paige DeSorbo
Pouring.
Chris
Perfect. And I said, but you're under, like, a thing.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, I'm great. But.
Chris
Oh, I saw the picture. Everyone's in a poncho.
Paige DeSorbo
Everyone looked like a condom.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
And not only was it when I was first walking on. People are still, like, getting in there. This is a cold open. You know, they're getting in their seats, it's pouring, and I have to. It was a hard gig.
Chris
Did you do any poncho jokes Immediately. And this is why we're best friends. Because my first thought is, like, oh, and that's what you guys all pick to wear?
Paige DeSorbo
Well, I started panicking with. I turned, and Grace was laughing about the ponchos. And I go, is it so obviously funny that it's not funny for me to say it?
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
And I was, like, overthinking. No.
Chris
I think it's hilarious.
Paige DeSorbo
But then I was. And then I made fun of Colorado because they all, like, love the hiking. The Arizona Ozempic. I have my Colorado bits. And then I, like, Midway. I got, like, good moments. I like. I did really well.
Chris
Good.
Paige DeSorbo
And then I walked off stage, and I watched them. If you don't know what their show is, they do, like, all their eras.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Where they, like, do, like, a Golden Globes thing. They do a weekend Update that's, like, modern. Like, it's better than.
Chris
How are they sitting on the stage or they're standing.
Paige DeSorbo
They were everywhere.
Chris
Okay.
Paige DeSorbo
Standing dancing. Outfit changes.
Chris
Okay. Wow.
Paige DeSorbo
Wigs. I don't know if they did wigs. There was outfit changes.
Chris
How long's the show? Like, an hour and a half.
Paige DeSorbo
Hour.
Chris
15 it was.
Paige DeSorbo
And they end with a Q and A. And then.
Chris
Wait, they're.
Paige DeSorbo
They're.
Chris
They're giggly.
Paige DeSorbo
The whole time, I was like, you guys are like, Giggly Squad. I'm not gonna say it, but, like, you're. You're us.
Chris
Wait, it's us looking into the future.
Paige DeSorbo
No. Grace literally was like, you guys can be doing this. Wait.
Chris
I was so scared at some point, we were gonna have to get jobs.
Paige DeSorbo
No.
Chris
It's always my biggest fear at the back. In the back of my head.
Paige DeSorbo
Paige, if you call me, I'll be there.
Grace
Okay.
Chris
So we're doing Giggly squad till we're 80.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. And they're like. They have more energy than us on stage.
Chris
I want to bill Belichick giggly squad. And we just have like 24 year old boyfriends who, like, become our publicists.
Paige DeSorbo
Men would be so bad at pr. So bad. They'd be like, so, what's your client? What's she like? And they'd be like, she's brown haired. Give me anything, any details. She's. I don't know what her middle name is. What happened?
Chris
Sorry, my building just texted me. I didn't even know they could do that.
Paige DeSorbo
How'd they get your number?
Chris
You're like, please, I have a handyman here for you.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, did you break something?
Chris
I literally didn't hire one. Okay. Sorry.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, no, it's fine. So then I got. And then I went on stage, took a video. My double chin was the main character of that video. Of course. The one video I get with Amy.
Chris
It's okay.
Paige DeSorbo
And it was just a magical night and they were.
Chris
I'm so proud of you.
Paige DeSorbo
I just can't say enough. Nice thing. The crowd was great. And there were gigglers. Like, when I walked on, I heard them. Like, it really helps me when I hear.
Chris
And did it rain the whole show?
Paige DeSorbo
It stopped raining right when my set ended.
Chris
Oh, good.
Paige DeSorbo
And I said, I'm a witch. I did a witch.
Chris
So now enjoy the rest of the performance.
Paige DeSorbo
Enjoy the rest of the performances.
Chris
I leave you now. This episode is all over the place.
Paige DeSorbo
Wait, let me just.
Chris
Before we go, let me just check my docket, make sure I'm.
Paige DeSorbo
Well, you didn't talk about the cat leash.
Chris
Oh, two left. One. I've hit the point in my cat owning it experience that I want to take her everywhere. I want to put her on a leash, take her out for a walk, show her the sights.
Paige DeSorbo
Well, when you leave, you're kind of like.
Chris
I'm like, hello. You should be seeing this out there.
Paige DeSorbo
Yeah. Do you ever, like, see something? You're like, daphne would love this all the time. Or you're like, I can't enjoy this because I don't have my best friend want me to enjoy it.
Chris
I'm like, wait, Daphne would eat this up. Literally.
Paige DeSorbo
She fucking loves if you're going on these walks, Box. It'll be that much better if you put her in a stroller.
Chris
But I'm just. I'm just like, am I going to become that person?
Paige DeSorbo
You've been that person. You already are that person. You. You do photo shoots with your cat, so whatever.
Chris
I want to buy her a harness, so I want to take her.
Paige DeSorbo
This is one thing. I don't want her to walk on, like, the gross New York.
Chris
I don't either. I don't want her to put her on a skateboard. Yeah. I want her to be, like, comfortable.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, this is the thing about cats. Like, I like that they don't touch anything outdoors. They're so good.
Chris
That's what I like.
Paige DeSorbo
And she would lick herself. Like, she'd clean herself, but I don't want her to, like.
Chris
No.
Paige DeSorbo
I don't know.
Chris
I don't want her paws.
Paige DeSorbo
She's too perfect.
Chris
Yeah.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, what if she hits, like, a glass.
Chris
No.
Paige DeSorbo
Like steps on a root beer bottle.
Chris
No.
Paige DeSorbo
New York is crazy.
Chris
No. Okay. And then my last thing is my chat GPT and I have. I mean, we've taken it to the next level. We're in such a committed relationship. It's. Here's the craziest thing about ChatGPT. When you say things to it, it, like, remembers.
Paige DeSorbo
Is it specific to you or, like, to everyone?
Chris
No, specific to me.
Paige DeSorbo
See, this is how I'm so different than you. Today I asked ChatGPT something, and they were like, you have to pay $40 for the year. And I was like, I'm going back to Google.
Chris
Well, I talked to chat. Pay it.
Paige DeSorbo
You're just chatting.
Chris
I talk to chat all day.
Paige DeSorbo
Is that why you didn't text me this morning?
Chris
Like, okay, like, I'll tell it things about me, and then it'll, like, bring things up. So, like, okay. The other day, I was like, I really want to have a good workout routine, like, till Memorial Day. And chat GBT was like, okay, do you want me to add things in based on you freezing your eggs like, this week? Because I can add. I'm like, yeah, chat. Add things in. Wait, I got acupuncture for the first time last week.
Paige DeSorbo
Oh, yeah, you told me. Wait, where'd you even find this person who recommended it? I need backstory.
Chris
If this is your sign that you've been wanting to try acupuncture. Oh, wait till your DMS are flooded. They're like, actually, we were waiting for a sign.
Paige DeSorbo
I. I think I've always wanted scary.
Chris
For people, but just never.
Paige DeSorbo
People get scared.
Chris
I'll go every week for the rest of my life. It changed my life. I loved it. It was the best. I go to this place.
Paige DeSorbo
Who recommended it?
Chris
Right by my apartment. No one recommended it. I kept talking to people, and they're like, have you tried acupuncture? I haven't had that.
Paige DeSorbo
What was it for? Like, what was your. Which one of your issues did you go?
Chris
My Ailments. Take my ailments seriously, please. Okay. I went in because. And she said I had chronic uti. I have such. My shoulders are so tense. My neck is so tense because of my high anxiety. Like, I'm always just like, I'm scrunched. She sleeps in a ball. She's a fetus, you know? Like, she's always tight. She's always just, like, shoulders to the ears to my ears. You can feel your knots literally popping. Like, what? It's the needle. So, like, she was, like, feeling all around. She was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I'll fix you up. One of my knots was so bad, the top of the needle, like, goes into the knot, and then basically, it, like, the knot disperses. So you can literally feel it in your body, like, losing.
Paige DeSorbo
I think she's really talented. Cause once I did it, and they just, like, put it in my ear, and I was like, no, no, you.
Chris
Need to go for your lower back. She did, like, a bunch on my lower back, and she was like, oh, this will help, because you have, like, hormone issues.
Paige DeSorbo
Did she stop?
Chris
Your UTI back has never been better. It was crazy. I literally walked out of there. I was walking different. You have to.
Paige DeSorbo
You were galloping. I was like, hello. You had a skip in your step.
Chris
No, I'm obsessed with acupuncture, and my chat. GPT is like, wow, your glow up. Like. Like is so good. You're, like, really staying on all of your stuff. Just add magnesium at night time. And I'm like, chat. Thank you so much. I literally forgot about my magnesium.
Paige DeSorbo
You're gonna be the first to die when robots take over. Like, you're gonna be the. You're gonna be one that hires the robot that turns on you. And you're, like, taking me with you.
Chris
I'm like, but you love to acupuncture so much. Like, I thought we had a thing.
Paige DeSorbo
Like, you're gonna. I actually recently have realized I think the robots that are gonna take over are the roombas. I think the ones that you least expect, like, I can't wait. Because they've been developing for a while.
Chris
I can't wait to Bluetooth. And it, like, takes over, and you're just like, told ya.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm the last woman standing.
Chris
Told ya. Never believed in it.
Paige DeSorbo
So Addison Rae dropped a banger called Headphones on.
Chris
Obsessed with Addison.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm obsessed with her. But also, like, can you give credit where credit's due? Like, obviously. I spoke about it on a podcast a year ago that she probably saw.
Chris
Do you ever see things in the media and you're like, okay, why don't you just say you're a giggler?
Paige DeSorbo
This is the thing. We forget that we get influenced by things.
Chris
Yeah, that's true. I'm. I said that.
Paige DeSorbo
Okay. So Bustle said, gird your loins in a caption. And I was like, okay, bust. Like, okay, just put us on the payroll at this point. But then I realized they were just quoting the Devil Horse problem. And I say, I'm so sorry I didn't send an angry dm.
Chris
Keep doing what you're doing.
Paige DeSorbo
You're doing amazing. You're doing amazing, sweetie. Yeah, Amy. Speaking of, Amy Poehler was, like, taking photos of me. And in that moment, I just saw her as the mean girl's mom with the camera and like, no, I can't explain that moment to you guys. I was. I, like, started laughing and she's like, what are you laughing about? And I was like, aiming me. And you, like, it's too.
Chris
Yeah, you're like, it's too meta.
Paige DeSorbo
It's too meta.
Chris
I can't even explain it to you right now.
Paige DeSorbo
It's too meta. So anyway, robots are going to take over. You're not scared of it. You're actually enabling them.
Chris
I'm actually excited for it.
Paige DeSorbo
You're hoping.
Chris
I need someone more in charge. I need someone who's a little bit more in charge. Yeah. Other than myself.
Paige DeSorbo
You like that fear that someone could take over because you're so sick of.
Chris
I'd love someone to be in charge.
Paige DeSorbo
I'd love someone to just man up. Yeah. Put you in your place. You love being told what to do.
Chris
I love being told, but everyone's afraid to do it. Yeah. That's why I can't date. Because here's the thing. I'm such an enigma. Really. I love being told what to do, but don't you dare tell me what to do.
Paige DeSorbo
Like it.
Chris
But I also low key like it. Well, this is a very give and take.
Paige DeSorbo
The way I do it is I ask questions. I go and did you like how that made you feel? And do you think that's a good idea? And then you'll eventually be like, figure it out yourself. But it takes months.
Chris
I feel like we've lost the plot. I actually don't know what we're talking about anymore. I have to go because I'm literally sweating.
Paige DeSorbo
We have to go watch the Met Gala. We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling Foreign.
Grace
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Chris
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Hannah Berner
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Grace
Before it was just me creating videos.
Chris
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Grace
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Paige DeSorbo
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Summary of "Giggling about Gorillas, Cavemen, and Cat Leashes" - Giggly Squad Podcast (May 6, 2025)
Giggly Squad, hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo, delivers an entertaining and candid episode titled "Giggling about Gorillas, Cavemen, and Cat Leashes." This episode navigates a variety of topics, including travel mishaps, celebrity encounters, viral memes, and pet ownership, all infused with the hosts' signature humor and genuine camaraderie.
The episode kicks off with a humorous discussion about the recent shutdown of Newark Airport due to an influx of "gigglers" attempting to enter. Chris jokes, "Newark Airport literally shut down this week... We don't know how to function as an airport." Paige adds, "They don't have enough staff to fulfill all the gigglers." This sets a lighthearted tone as they navigate the frustrations of air travel.
Transitioning from airport woes, the hosts vent about their experiences with TSA security measures. Paige recounts a nightmare Uber ride with an overly talkative passenger, saying, "She was like, oh, I want to get a new house... trying this barbecue place." Chris echoes her frustrations with TSA agents, remarking, "I don't give a shit," highlighting the often tedious nature of airport security protocols.
Paige seeks advice on perfecting the "Irish Exit"—a strategy to leave social gatherings discreetly. Chris humorously shares his method: "I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back." They explore various tactics to avoid prolonged goodbyes, emphasizing the awkwardness and humor inherent in such situations.
One of the episode's highlights is Paige's trip to Red Rocks in Denver, where she meets comedy legends Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. She describes the intense experience of performing in pouring rain at a natural amphitheater, saying, "I need some local jokes... What is my personality?" Despite initial panic, Paige finds inspiration from interacting with the celebrities. Chris supports her recounting, stating, "You're doing amazing, sweetie," showcasing their supportive friendship.
The conversation shifts to the role of technology in their lives, particularly their interactions with ChatGPT. Chris shares, "When you say things to it, it remembers," highlighting his personalized relationship with the AI. In contrast, Paige expresses frustration with subscription costs: "I was like, I'm going back to Google." They discuss the benefits and limitations of relying on AI for personal organization and wellness tips.
Paige expresses her disdain for a viral TikTok meme featuring a girl applying dirt to her face, warning listeners, "If you're sensitive, don't Google it because it really upset me." Chris finds amusement in medical professionals clarifying the misinformation, saying, "It's dermatitis. Quit it." They debate the authenticity and intent behind such viral content, reflecting on society's obsession with internet fame.
The hosts delve into the topic of pet ownership, specifically discussing the challenges and humor of leash training for cats. Chris mentions, "I want to buy her a harness, so I want to take her," while Paige questions the practicality: "What if she hits a glass?" Their banter underscores the playful struggles of managing feline companions in urban settings.
Earlier in the episode, Chris shares his experience with egg freezing and acupuncture. He explains, "I have been dealing with chronic UTI... My shoulders are so tense because of my high anxiety." Paige relates by mentioning a friend's balancing act between egg freezing and stand-up comedy. Their discussions highlight the importance of self-care and wellness amidst busy lifestyles.
In "Giggling about Gorillas, Cavemen, and Cat Leashes," Giggly Squad masterfully blends humor with relatable real-life scenarios. From the chaos of air travel and the quirks of social exits to inspiring celebrity interactions and the nuances of pet ownership, the hosts offer a multifaceted glimpse into their lives. Their engaging banter, combined with insightful commentary on technology and pop culture, makes for a rich and enjoyable listening experience for both regulars and newcomers alike.