Giggling about housewives, brand deals, and anal beads

Summary

Giggly Squad Podcast — Episode Summary Episode: Giggling about housewives, brand deals, and anal beads
Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Date: April 10, 2026

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Overview

In this characteristically off-the-rails Giggly Squad episode, Hannah and Paige dive into the absurd and relatable corners of pop culture, TV, brand deals, reality stars, and their own lives. They discuss everything from the Real Housewives franchise and influencer economy, to viral chess scandals, sisterhood, and the importance of a good laugh. All is done in their signature, self-deprecating, witty banter, seamlessly jumping from vulnerable real talk to biting observations.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Imperfection Confessions & Invisalign Woes

[00:54–03:37]

• Hannah opens with a humorous “PSA” about not being perfect, joking about her failed Invisalign journey.
  • “I failed my Invisalign… The bottom of my teeth look like cemetery. That, like, is a bad cemetery.” – Hannah [01:21]
• Paige is finishing her Invisalign and planning a permanent retainer.
• They riff on being “messy bottoms” vs “chaotic bottoms,” turning a dental chat into a sexual innuendo-laced bit.

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2. Hyperfixation Meals & Food Hot Takes

[03:37–04:21]

• Paige details her “hyperfixation meal”: a homemade tuna sandwich with American cheese, sweet baby pickles, and Lay’s Ruffles.
• The debate on pickles (“You just love them cause they're little and cute, not cause they actually taste better.” – Hannah [04:03])
• Cheese shaming: Kraft Singles, American vs. “real” cheese.

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3. IVF, Twins, & Parental Investments

[04:27–06:47]

• The conversation veers into IVF, twins, and the value children represent to their parents.
• Implications about “paying” for kids vs having them “by accident” are humorously but darkly explored.
  • “If they're disrespectful, you're like, I literally paid for you, and now you're turning on me.” – Hannah [06:33]

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4. Influencer Brand Deals, Gays & Gender Politics

[07:00–10:58]

• Paige is “a bit controversial” about men, especially gay men, getting makeup brand deals (specifically referencing Rob Rausch promoting Kosas Lip Plumper).
• Hannah and Paige critique the trend of men entering influencer spaces built by women:
  • “Don’t tell women what to buy. Like we’re already getting 70 cents on the dollar.” – Hannah [09:41]
  • Influencer economy allows women to build generational wealth, and men “are mad” it isn’t going to them.
• Shoutout to influencers for democratizing ad revenue.

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5. Reality TV Fame & Housewives Deep Dive

[11:21–19:39]

• Discussion of Rob, his reality TV arc, attention-seeking, and his venture into writing erotica.
• Shift in reality TV motivation:
  • “No one goes on reality TV to be like, I just want to keep my private life private.” – Hannah [12:22]
• Deep dive on the new Real Housewives of Rhode Island—its casting, drama style, and surprisingly open cast.
• Comparisons to Mormon Wives and Salt Lake City cast intermingling, the evolutionary stages of Housewives franchises, and glam/looks discourse.
  • “All the girls looking the same”—injector theory, Italian-American stereotypes (turned upside down).

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6. Sisterhood, Family, and Building Friendships

[25:25–29:11]

• Paige movingly recounts forming a sister-like bond with her brother’s girlfriend, Amanda, and how adult friendship can mirror family:
  • “Now to think that, like, one day I will have Amanda as my sister… it’s kind of beautiful.” – Paige [27:28]
• Hannah feigns jealousy, launching into a comedic bit on friendship hierarchy and best friend claims.
• Lighthearted, relatable rants about women judging, comparing, and negotiating friendship status.

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7. Mormon Soda & Healthy Living

[30:04–31:37]

• The Mormon “dirty soda” trend hits New York, and Hannah is confused/disgusted (milk in soda?!).
• Commentary on Mormon “clean living” but allowing Adderall (“just nerdy cocaine”).
• Paige boasts about Hannah’s purity: “She’s never done a drug, she rarely drinks soda, she hates cigarettes.”

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8. Retired Sports, Golf, and “Rich Guy” Hobbies

[32:26–33:24]

• Hannah proposes women should take up “retired sports” like golf and tennis to channel rich man energy.

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9. The Chess Scandal: Magnus, Cheating, and Anal Beads

[33:26–54:07]

• The duo break down the chess cheating scandal from the Untold Chess documentary:
  • Magnus, world’s best, is bested by a newcomer who is then accused of cheating.
  • Internet rumor explodes: the “anal bead” cheating theory.
  • Hannah and Paige riff on the absurdity: “They go, he must have had anal beads in his butthole and used the vibrations to tell him what move to make.” – Hannah [46:53]
  • Fallout: reputation destruction, inability to prove cheating, and misogynist underpinnings in chess.
• Comment on evolution of nerd culture and gatekeeping among “elite” chess players.
• Paige jokes that even chess club has bad boys (“I might have dated him. In fact, he sounds similar.” [51:10])
• Ultimately, case unresolved, but social perception remains.

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10. Lip Plumper = Pain, Nostalgia, and Quippy Mental Health Quotes

[53:09–54:24]

• Brief tangent on lip plumper products: pain vs. beauty (“If you like lip plumper, you’re into BDSM. And I would never yuck someone’s yum.” – Hannah [53:43]).
• Paige recounts a viral TikTok quote: “Once you lame to me nothing can unlame you. You laminated.” [54:18]
• Old-school insults they want to revive: “lowlifes.”

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Memorable Quotes

• "We are messy bottoms." – Paige [02:27]
• "I just let the chess speak for itself." – Magnus (relayed by Hannah) [44:24]
• "Chess player beats number one chess player with anal beads. Anal bead chess player. It's everywhere." – Hannah [47:07]
• "Once you lame to me nothing can unlame you. You laminated." – Paige (quoting TikTok) [54:24]
• "If you like lip plumper, you're into BDSM. And I would never yuck someone's yum." – Hannah [53:43]

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:54: Hannah’s PSA about imperfection and Invisalign confessions
• 03:37: Paige details her hyperfixation tuna meal
• 06:47: Discussion on IVF, value, and family dynamics
• 07:00–10:58: Brand deals, gender, and influencer economy
• 13:31: Paige watches Real Housewives of Rhode Island
• 15:07: Mormon wives’ first season confessions
• 27:28: Paige talks about gaining a “sister” through her brother’s girlfriend
• 30:14: Mormon dirty soda and clean living debate
• 33:26: Chess scandal deep-dive begins
• 46:53: Anal beads theory explained
• 53:09: Lip plumper = pain section
• 54:24: “You laminated” quote

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Tone & Style

As always, the episode is irreverent, spontaneous, and hilarious. Hannah and Paige celebrate self-deprecation and vulnerability while offering sharp (and occasionally savage) cultural commentary. Their chemistry keeps the pod bouncing between witty bits, pop culture breakdowns, and honest moments of friendship.

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In Summary

This episode is classic Giggly Squad: pop culture, reality TV, influencer drama, viral nonsense (and anal beads!), mixed with real talk about friendship and the struggles of adulting as a millennial woman. Listeners get both belly laughs and surprisingly poignant insights, all in the Giggly Squad’s unfiltered, delightful style.

Transcript

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[Paige]

Sup, Gigglers? Gary, fix your WI fi.

[Hannah]

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

[Paige]

I mean, the day just got away from me.

[Hannah]

Hello, my groundbreaking Gigglers. Are we on?

[Paige]

Oh, we're on.

[Hannah]

We're on. We're live.

[Paige]

We're here.

[Hannah]

Can I just do a quick psa?

[Paige]

Sure.

[Hannah]

Cuz, you know, we like to keep it real. Yeah, on the pod, we're fucking. Like. We're vulnerable and real. I just know that most people, when they stop listening to the pod, they think to themselves, hannah's perfect. Like, that's the first thing you get for. You're like, oh, my God, Hannah's so perfect.

[Paige]

She's aspirational, yet inspirational. She's a redhead, yet also a brunette. How does she do it?

[Hannah]

Believe in yourself. But I just want you guys know, I'm actually not perfect. I failed my Invisalign. Like, I had it perfect at one point, and everyone was like, you're so perfect. And then I actually felt like I wasn't relatable because my teeth were, like, really fucking straight. So then this last year, I haven't done it, and I think I have to do the, like, walk of shame where I have to go back to the dentist and be like, hey, how y' all doing? And I have to start Invisalign over. Cause the bottom of my teeth look like cemetery. That, like, is a bad cemetery.

[Paige]

I hate to kick you when you're down. I truly, truly do.

[Hannah]

No, I know. Cause you're on your shit.

[Paige]

Well, I just finished, and I'm gonna go get my permanent retainer, like, next week. Cause I can't be trusted to wear it every single night.

[Hannah]

I can't either, especially with all the travel.

[Paige]

So I'm gonna get a permanent one on my bottom teeth. And then I'm gonna see if I'm gonna do Invisalign for my top. Cause I had to separate them.

[Hannah]

Are you more of an Invisalign top or bottom?

[Paige]

I went bottom first. Which I wonder what that says about me.

[Hannah]

I. A chaotic bottom. That's what someone told me.

[Paige]

You're a messy bottom. Strong bottom.

[Hannah]

We are messy bottoms.

[Paige]

We're matching.

[Hannah]

We are. Well, I do have to say, you guys, when you hang out, the amount of time that me and you hang out and talk, you do start getting the same words.

[Paige]

Sorry, my instacart just gave me an alert that they are in fact going to send me a different toaster.

[Hannah]

Are you okay with that?

[Paige]

I'm okay with that. I'm real toast. I don't care because I'm on, like, a real. You know what. Are you toasting my meal right now? This is going to be disgusting. And I'm eating over and over your hyper fixation meal. Tuna sandwich.

[Hannah]

Okay. You're speaking to the tuna queen.

[Paige]

I enable that, but only homemade, not ordering tuna.

[Hannah]

How much mayo are you putting in it?

[Paige]

I'm moderate.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Paige]

To. I'm heavier rather than being light.

[Hannah]

Are you doing mustard?

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

Are you doing relish?

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

No relish?

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

Are you doing lemon?

[Paige]

I'm doing tuna mayo, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, pepper. Oh, cheese on my sandwich. But I don't toast the bread because the tuna. I don't like a tuna melt.

[Hannah]

Hot tuna is legal.

[Paige]

And then I'm doing lay's Ruffles hashtag sponsored by lay's. Then I'm doing.

[Hannah]

On it.

[Paige]

Sweet. No, on the side.

[Hannah]

Okay.

[Paige]

Then I'm doing American cheese on it, though. Then I'm doing sweet baby petite pickles. If you only fuck around with like, dill pickles or you're. And you're not in the sweet baby pickle game, you're really mistaken.

[Hannah]

You just love them cause they're little and cute, not. Cause they actually taste better.

[Paige]

They're sweet. They're cute.

[Hannah]

Wait, also, you would use American cheese.

[Paige]

Love it. Kraft Single right from the plastic.

[Hannah]

American cheese is so American. Like, you know all the other cheese. Look at. Look at it. And they're like. You're so annoying.

[Paige]

Well, they're like. You're made in a lab.

[Hannah]

You're made in lab. You're fake. You are like the loudest, but you don't actually taste.

[Paige]

Wait, have you seen that thing where people are trying to be like you? I can tell if you're an IVF baby. They're saying that they're prettier. So, like, upside. But yeah, I'm really. But I don't think that's. I just know that never looked at someone and been like, made in a

[Hannah]

petri dish growing up in Parksville, Brooklyn, there were a lot of power lesbians and just, like, power women who had, like, huge careers. And then at 42, did IVF and they all popped out like twins. It was so chic. They just pop out twins. Once I had a lot of twins friends and I'm like, who's your mom? And they'd say, like, the fucking founder and CEO of something. So I knew that it was twins, but I didn't. I don't remember the twins being particularly good looking. A twin listening was like, okay, what's with the cat?

[Paige]

I do find twins to be a bit freaky. Like, just the science of it. It's like, oh, my God, that egg split in half and now there's two of you. Like, if you really break it down, it's like, quite weird. But I do envy their bond. I really do feel like they're telepathic. They, like, feel the same thing. I think that is very fascinating.

[Hannah]

I do also think people with IVF kids, you know, I don't know about you, but my family would joke a lot, but like, my dad, I'd say something like, hey, can I have $5 for pizza? And he'd be like, you owe me $300,000. Just, like, come up with numbers of, like, the expenses of just being my dad. Yeah, but like, I wonder if moms who were like, I spent what, 100k possibly, to, like, have you, like, treat them differently than, like, an accident or a mistake. That is so too dark.

[Paige]

Dark. So dark. Because, okay, you could. You could argue the same sentiment for like, a dog you adopt versus a dog you buy.

[Hannah]

Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. No, because the dog you adopt, you're like, you, I saved your life.

[Paige]

No, you love them equally.

[Hannah]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Paige]

Just like your children.

[Hannah]

Yeah, but like, 50,000 for a baby, it's. Or like, if the kid did anything,

[Paige]

I'd be like, you owe me money. No, like, you owe me money.

[Hannah]

If they're disrespectful. You're like, I literally paid for you and now you're turning on me.

[Paige]

But, like, you came into this world with value and I gave you that value. Wait, I have something that's like, kind of annoying me, but I don't bring it up.

[Hannah]

This is. This. This is the space to do it.

[Paige]

It might be a bit controversial, and I don't mean it to be because

[Hannah]

you've never said something controversial, though.

[Paige]

So don't worry, I'm.

[Hannah]

And I'll agree with you regardless of what you say.

[Paige]

So here, for the gays. I want the gays.

[Hannah]

Okay, I'm out of this. I don't want to be a part of this. Okay, no, it's.

[Paige]

Wait, just follow me. Follow me. I'm so here for the gays. I want them to get all the brand deals. I don't care if you wear makeup. If you don't wear makeup, I don't care. I don't care. Do whatever. I want you to have equal opportunity. With that said, something came across my desk. Now, you watched the last season of Traitor. So you know Rob?

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Paige]

Roush. I. I know him from Love Island. I don't even remember that season now.

[Hannah]

I didn't know his last name was Roush.

[Paige]

Yeah, I just learned that.

[Hannah]

How the fudge do you spell Roush? Anyway, continue.

[Paige]

Anyway, it's not important.

[Hannah]

I digress.

[Paige]

So. And not to say that you can't come back from a reality TV edit. Not to say that, like, you should be held to your edit in a game show. He won the, like, coming for me right now. Forgive Hannah. She never had sex in the bathroom. Okay. And we're here to say it here and now. Anyway, digress. Back to my story. So, like, whatever. Rob should do as many brand deals as he gets.

[Hannah]

Fine.

[Paige]

He has an ad right now for Kosas Lip Plumper.

[Hannah]

He wasn't wearing the product.

[Paige]

Well, no, he's not. And, like, that's why I'm saying, like, if there's a gay man that's like, I wear lip gloss and they gave him a brand deal, I'd be like, yeah, I get it. A hot man selling lip plumper and talking about it in the. Like, the ad is him being like, I feel everything. I feel hot and then I feel cold. Like, I don't know if the lip plumper is, like, cooling and then, like, warm. I don't know what the objective was, but I know we're talking about it. We're talking about it, but it didn't make me, like, go by Kosas. Now, when Sarah Pigeon did Road, I thought, oh, iconic. Oh, should I buy a red lip gloss for the summer?

[Hannah]

Well, this reminds me. Do you remember when Matt Rife did an elf commercial and people rioted and they took down the commercial in, like, five hours? They were like, why the fuck?

[Paige]

Other problematic things.

[Hannah]

Yes, yes. But I'm saying there was the overlying, like, why is a man getting paid to promote female beauty standards kind of thing. Yeah. I have to say, I am wearing Koza's lips. If we could do a little close up. Must we Stone in that part. And it does hit. Right. But that's actually, that's using the product. Product.

[Paige]

I think I'm wearing makeup.

[Hannah]

I just. Men getting brand deals in general gives me hives, freaks me out. I don't like it at all.

[Paige]

I don't like it at all.

[Hannah]

Don't tell women what to buy. Like we're already getting 70 cents on the dollar. Don't tell me to waste my money on more shit.

[Paige]

If you're a man and you're in the situation that you are getting brand deals and yeah, I feel like they should be for you guys.

[Hannah]

Make other men feel ugly and tell them that they need to color their hair or they need to use eye patches or pimple patches.

[Paige]

Don't market to me.

[Hannah]

A lip liner. Don't market to me. Also, brand deals is the one thing that women have. That's why people hate influencers. Because women are able to get generational wealth from shilling product.

[Paige]

And if you think about it, it's not like all of a sudden these companies have all of this money. That advertising money would have gone somewhere but it. Because it's going to a 19 year old influencer in Iowa. People are mad. The men are mad.

[Hannah]

Also shout out to influencers because before you guys, it was going to big business. It was going to, you know, commercials,

[Paige]

it was going to network.

[Hannah]

We're now they're saving money because when you get an influencer to do your deal, there's no production fee. Yeah.

[Paige]

There's no higher overhead, is not as.

[Hannah]

And it's getting more engagement than the commercial that no one was going to want.

[Paige]

It's getting niche. Like you can hit different mark. Niche markets.

[Hannah]

Yeah. But Rob's, you know, he's having his moment.

[Paige]

Right.

[Hannah]

And he did an erotica book. Did you see that?

[Paige]

I did not.

[Hannah]

Well, I love Rob kind of was like, I want to live a slow life on a farm. That's how he ended Traders, which, that was the funniest part. Traitors to me. But then he did say like, I love attention at some point.

[Paige]

Well, yeah, obviously you don't.

[Hannah]

You don't get a snake tattoo. That's why if you don't like attention,

[Paige]

like there's like a cast. Oh, I watched a Real Housewives of Rhode island like out of nowhere. I was just like, maybe I could watch Housewives again. And I watched it. I have thoughts. Okay, but wait, what was I just

[Hannah]

saying with Rob with a snake tattoo? How he loves attention.

[Paige]

I hate when there's a cast of a reality TV show. And they're like, who's in it for fame? Who's the thirstiest? Y' all signed up to be on TV every single.

[Hannah]

Did you sign up for the love of the game?

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I love how people in the beginning were like, I am here to find love. Which is totally fine, but you can find love anywhere. It doesn't have to be on camera on a network television show. I do think that reality TV has shifted in that before, it actually was just kind of like crazy people being like, fuck it, let's do this experience.

[Paige]

Yes.

[Hannah]

Where nowadays everyone is like, holy shit. Like, Cardi B was on reality TV and she won a Grammy. Like, Kim Kardashian's reality tv, now she's a billionaire. Like, people see that and no one goes on reality TV because they're shy.

[Paige]

Right.

[Hannah]

No one goes on reality TV to be like, I just want keep my private life private.

[Paige]

Right.

[Hannah]

But you were saying you watched Rhode Island.

[Paige]

I watched Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Well, I was on the phone with Lucho the other day, and so. And he's from Rhode island, and so we just, like, naturally started talking about.

[Hannah]

He knows them all.

[Paige]

Yeah, he knows. He literally was the casting director they wanted him on. But to our point, he would be so good. But he would never. He wouldn't want that life.

[Hannah]

No. I think it's good for him to maybe, like, just promote his great photography services. Yeah. So the only joke I saw online was that they said every girl looks the same.

[Paige]

So Lucho will randomly call me and we'll just talk, like, business. Like, he'll come up with business ideas and we'll just like, chat back and forth. He's just like, my gay boss. Yeah, he's the best. He's a girls gay. Like, he can't understand when there's, like, not girls.

[Hannah]

He is a giggler to his core.

[Paige]

So anyway, he was like, you have to watch Real Housewives of Rhode Island. And I was like, I really can't watch Bravo. Bravo. And I can't watch Housewives. Like, I just can't do it. And so I'm, like, laying on the couch and I'm like, whatever. It. Like, I'm just gonna turn it on.

[Hannah]

Because it's new.

[Paige]

Because it's new. And, like, watching a first season of a show, usually it's not that dramatic because they've never filmed a TV show before you. You haven't really gotten your foot in.

[Hannah]

They're not fighting about who's more famous yet.

[Paige]

No, there hasn't been, like, rumors yet from, like, blogs, there hasn't been someone, like, trying to take someone down.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

Oh, my God. Something's in the water in Rhode Island.

[Hannah]

What?

[Paige]

They are so open, so vulnerable.

[Hannah]

They don't know and they don't get.

[Paige]

They have not gotten to the point where they get mad at each other. They sit across from each other and they go, hey, is it true your husband has a girlfriend? And the girl will be like, babe now? But, like, maybe. And then they, like, go on with their day. And it's. Every single one of them has cheated at some point. It's one of the craziest shows. The one girl has a boyfriend of 10 years that she only sees for half the year, but she lives in the home in Rhode Island. He has another girlfriend in Florida. They're fine with that arrangement. Now she's going to get another. But very open. And they're like, ask me whatever question you want. One lady goes on the. On the TV and she's like, I don't love driving. I. I drove over a woman one time, but I don't love driving. And they're like, can you. Can you rewind? And she's like, yeah, I drove over a woman. Next question.

[Hannah]

How more clear can I be?

[Paige]

Well, I was on for seven years. You had to waterboard out of me.

[Hannah]

Like, I.

[Paige]

It was so crazy.

[Hannah]

Well, that's. You said that about Mormon wives, how the first season, they're so just like. And you slept with this person. You did this? And they're just letting it all out. And then.

[Paige]

And the viewer thinks they want that. Until then, they like, well, the viewers.

[Hannah]

The viewer does want it. Until then, the viewer gets mad because they're not getting anything from it. And then they realize, like, kick him off the show.

[Paige]

Kick them off the show. And it's like, they're the show. That's why that person is.

[Hannah]

One of the girls looks just like Dolores. Do you think they're all using. Do you think they're all using the same injector? And that's why they're kind of, like, looking alike or. You know what's funny?

[Paige]

And I got some inside tea.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

I was like, oh, they're all Italian. Because they marketed it as almost like a rivalry to New Jersey. I almost feel like Bravo did that so that New Jersey got their shit in check.

[Hannah]

Oh, like, they're saying, these girls will replace you.

[Paige]

These girls could replace you. Figure out, like, they go, we don't

[Hannah]

have room for that many Italians on the network.

[Paige]

Well, okay, so they marketed it very mafioso. Yeah. None of them are Italian. What?

[Hannah]

Yeah, I thought they all were.

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

What are they?

[Paige]

Maybe, like, one of them is, I don't know, brunettes. And then Ashley is on it from, like, Bachelor franchise, which I watched.

[Hannah]

She has a crazy background, and she was a podcaster back in the day,

[Paige]

and I met her a couple of times at Amazon Live. She's very lovely on the show. She was always very lovely in real life. She is aghast at the girl. I think she's probably the one that's the most like, oh, this is like, a crazy topic to talk about. Like, your husband having an affair. There's one lady on there that's like, everyone's like, your husband's cheating on you. And she's like, I know, but, like, please stop asking about it. I'm just going to live with it, basically. She's like, I'm going to live with it. And, like, I want you to live with with it.

[Hannah]

She's like, we're talking about practice, and

[Paige]

it's very fabulous, like, which is what

[Hannah]

people want to watch.

[Paige]

They look good. They're full glam.

[Hannah]

The mansions in Rhode island are gorgeous.

[Paige]

Their homes are nice.

[Hannah]

Also, Rhode island is so small that I actually believe that they are in each other's business, where, like, New York people are like, yeah, we've been friends. I'm like, y' all never even heard,

[Paige]

like, three of them. They're like, I've known this person since I was 4 years old.

[Hannah]

Like, Ashley and Kanati. I don't know if I pronounced that right.

[Paige]

A genetic.

[Hannah]

I think I just got PTSD for the first time. I interviewed Teresa Giudice and I called her Guidiche.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And she said, why do you call me Sandwich? So Ashley's story was she was on the Bachelor and did like. She was. She's really pretty and cute, and she did fine.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

And then she went a bachelor in paradise.

[Paige]

Got it.

[Hannah]

Meets this guy Jared, who is her husband. Now, they look related, which sometimes, like, that happens with couples, but they look. It's brother, sister, vibes.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

They hit it off. And then he immediately is like, I'm not into this. She spends the entire season crying over him.

[Paige]

Oh, she cries a lot on the show.

[Hannah]

She's always crying, but, like, not in an annoying way. It's so funny.

[Paige]

I didn't. Yeah. I didn't find her annoying at all.

[Hannah]

You're almost like. It's like. It's like, nice to see someone just

[Paige]

so free with their tears. She was who, like, the viewer Is like, wait, I actually, actually I'm gonna cry, right?

[Hannah]

She's always crying. And I don't remember if it was that season or another season, but basically you're like, this guy doesn't like you. Like, move on. You guys had something. I don't know what's going on. But he's like, not that he doesn't like you, but like, you deserve better at this point, somehow the tables turn and he proposes to her.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

And now. And he's from. I was gonna say Long Island, Rhode Island.

[Paige]

Okay. And that's how she owned a restaurant.

[Hannah]

Yeah, they own some of that stuff. So anyway, it is funny how all the reality TV places, I think because of streaming, they're all starting to merge and everyone's like, it used to be very like, the ABC people stay with abc and the like, Bravo people weren't going on the Bachelor and stuff.

[Paige]

I think the biggest thing for me that I see a lot in reality tv, specifically Bravo, is like, where in the country the show is based. Because it says, like, the fans are quite different. The vibe of the show. Show is quite different. And the conversation does.

[Hannah]

Salt Lake City housewives and Mormon Wives, like, have they ever intermingled anywhere?

[Paige]

Salt Lake City and Real Housewives of.

[Hannah]

And the Mormon House. Sorry, the more secret lives of Mormon lives.

[Paige]

I think, like in the Wild or

[Hannah]

on the show, like in the wild

[Paige]

100, they're all like, Yeah, I think they're all at the same events. They all know each other. Like, they're all in the game.

[Hannah]

That is so, so interesting.

[Paige]

Right?

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[Hannah]

I have some mental health moments since we just went through some reality tv.

[Paige]

Okay, do you want to do it before or after we talk about Lamar?

[Hannah]

What did Lamar do now? Oh, I saw a quote, but it was too long of a quote. I didn't read it.

[Paige]

So he's doing like Some type of press tour for the documentary. And obviously every single person that interviews him is like, oh, my God. Wow, Chloe, like, really saved your life. Like, she stayed with you for four months. She basically told your dad not to kill you and, like, helped you learn how to talk again. And he sits there and he's been looking at every single interviewer and being like, well, God saved my life. He's acting like he's never loved giving

[Hannah]

credit to a man.

[Paige]

Yeah, it's.

[Hannah]

Of course he said a man did it.

[Paige]

No, it's like, it's actually really hurtful. Like, it's. It seemed the way he's answering is that he seems very annoyed that she's getting any type of credit or any type of notoriety.

[Hannah]

He's re saying the story in his head differently so he doesn't have to feel bad that this woman. That he hurt this woman so bad. That's what I. That's my two cents.

[Paige]

Well, a lot of the comments were like, yeah, God sent Chloe. Like, God didn't come down and say, what's up, Lamar? Sorry about those erectile dysfunction pills. Let me fix you up.

[Hannah]

Did God send you to the brothel too?

[Paige]

Yeah. Like, it.

[Hannah]

You can't pick and choose when God is helping you.

[Paige]

It just. It would put a very bad taste in my mouth. And it was just like, mean. I really just felt like it was mean.

[Hannah]

Yeah, it was like, you could have

[Paige]

said, thank God for her. And also, thank you, God.

[Hannah]

I know they're not together now, and I know they probably have some forms of beef, but you can acknowledge that certain people were there for you during a season of your life at the right time.

[Paige]

Beautifully.

[Hannah]

Right. Actually, not to bring it back to Housewives, but Margaret Joseph's I interviewed back in the day because she's. She left her husband for her construction contract contractor.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I had said, like, did you regret your 10 year marriage that you. Because she's like, I found the love of my life. I found the love of my life. And she was like, no, that's man before was the right man of love of my life for that time. And then I evolved and this is the love of my life right now. And I said, okay, mj. I said, shout out, mj.

[Paige]

Okay. Well, to stay in that same vein, Nikki Glaser just went on call her daddy and said, I don't mind if my boyfriend hooks up with other girls. I personally don't want to hook up with other guys while I'm dating him, but if he hooks up with other girls, that's Fine. To each their. She's stronger than me.

[Hannah]

Well, she joked that she was like, I love women and that's ultimate feminist move.

[Paige]

She's like, I trust their opinion.

[Hannah]

But my thing is like, if your man's hooking up with other girls, hook up with other guys. Yeah. That is layers and layers of like psychology that I don't have the capacity to get through right now.

[Paige]

Yeah. And like I have a full time job. I can't look at your location and then put it together from someone else's loc. Like I don't have to the time to look into it and it would consume my day.

[Hannah]

I think Nikki also is kind of like, I know I'm funny and I know that I have a connection with you. So if you want to hook up with other girls, that's fine. But I'm like the one you're in love with.

[Paige]

But I feel like if you are considering cheating, it's so much easier to send a text and be like, hey, I hate you. I'll never see you again.

[Hannah]

Hey.

[Paige]

Just wanted to reiterate. I hate you. And I'm actually leaving.

[Hannah]

I just, I don't love the idea of me like needing my man for something and he's on his phone like scrolling through other girls. Yeah, no, that's not what I need. But shout out to Nikki, she has a Hulu special coming out and then I think mine would come out after hers. So shout out to Hulu for putting the girls on and stand up.

[Paige]

Yeah, I love that.

[Hannah]

I'm actually in like a deep editing hole right now with my special.

[Paige]

And you got your hair dyed.

[Hannah]

And I got my hair dyed so good. Well, you like it?

[Paige]

Okay, good.

[Hannah]

You never know what the red like tinge it's going to come out in.

[Paige]

But it's so good.

[Hannah]

My hair. I'm getting visline and I'm finishing up

[Paige]

the edit and then it's over for you bitches.

[Hannah]

The edit though is crazy because like I'm literally sitting through hours of footage of myself being like, yeah, I don't like that angle. That's right side my face. Click it here. It's. It's getting dark.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I'm at the point now where I'm like, grace, can you just tell it? But, but we did this cute thing where at the end we did exit interviews with like girls leaving. So I'm looking through like all the stuff they said to me. That's really cute. I think I'm gonna edit it and put it at the end like with the credits yeah.

[Paige]

Which blooper type thing?

[Hannah]

Yes. Yes. So that's fun. But, yeah, the editing of the special is harder than the two years on the road.

[Paige]

Tedious.

[Hannah]

Tedious. And, like, there's nothing worse than having to judge yourself.

[Paige]

Yeah. Because I try to come from even, like, watching yourself.

[Hannah]

Yeah. And having to be like, this is good enough. This isn't good enough.

[Paige]

Listening to your own voice back. You're like, great. I'll never speak again in public.

[Hannah]

My laugh, like, when I do a random laugh. My laugh in the background of Instagram stories. That was the first.

[Paige]

You know what's so funny is because I've gotten so close to my brother's girlfriend. She's, like, truly one of my best friends. And when I first met her, she has the most insane, insane laugh I've ever heard.

[Hannah]

I love her laugh. I. With girls with a laugh that you're like, did that just come out of you? That's. I know that.

[Paige]

To the point where I've looked at her before and been like, we're in public, Amanda.

[Hannah]

Like, you just see. I'm like, finally, I'm getting the respect I deserve. I'm like, that's the laugh. Anything less than that is. I don't want.

[Paige]

It's changed my whole life because now when I'm with her and we're laughing.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

Whatever we're laughing about immediately becomes 10 times funnier because I can tell by the range of her laugh how good of a time she's having, and it makes me have a better time. And it's like, it's just the best thing ever.

[Hannah]

And that's the ethos of Giggly Squad.

[Paige]

It kind of is. And I sent. I actually sent her a tik tok the other day. It was like, this girl made a tik tok, and she was like, I just had the realization that there's a girl in the world that gets excited to see my brother's name pop up on her phone. And that's disgusting. And so I sent it to her, and she, like, texted me. She was like, that was so funny. And Gary's so mad about it

[Hannah]

because

[Paige]

she must have, like, started playing and, like, immediately started laughing.

[Hannah]

I feel like your brothers want you to get along with their girlfriend until they don't. You know what I mean? Like, until it's too much. And they're like, now I'm getting bored.

[Paige]

Me and Amanda, like, when we go on our family vacation in Italy, it's as if I brought my friend.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Paige]

And then, like, my brother's there. And I'm like, oh, you should, like, meet my friend maybe.

[Hannah]

Yeah, it's literally there. My brother didn't let me meet his girl at first when we were in college together because he was like, I don't let me just. And I'm like, okay, that's rude. He literally kept me away from her.

[Paige]

There's so many things that my brother will do, and I'll look at Amanda and I'll be like, I would leave.

[Hannah]

No, that's the one thing that DEZ doesn't have parents or sisters. I have no one to look at

[Paige]

and be like, okay, you want to hear something beautiful? It's like such a mental health moment. I truly lived my whole life being like, I wish I had a sister. Like, I can't believe I don't. Like, if I had a sister, I'd have, like, a built in, like, friend that, like, always takes my side and, like, always has my back. And now to think that, like, one day I will have Amanda as my sister sister. Like, I already refer to her as, like, my sister in law. Like, if we're somewhere like, oh, that's like my. Whatever. And so it really. It's kind of beautiful that, like, I'm getting given a sister.

[Hannah]

It's just crazy. Like, I haven't been here your entire life. It's crazy how you erase me from history. Like, at first I was like, this is cute. And then I was like, this is actually insulting and, like, attacking me.

[Paige]

You have a sister in law.

[Hannah]

She's in Indiana.

[Paige]

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

[Hannah]

Oh, no. Well, I'll accept Amanda into the sisterhood.

[Paige]

Yeah, we don't live in the same city, so it's not like we're okay just.

[Hannah]

You throw around best friend sister.

[Paige]

I did earlier.

[Hannah]

Wait, Grace, can you please rewind? Rewind the tapes. What did we want to do?

[Paige]

Because I've gotten so close to my brother's girlfriend. She's like, truly one of my best friends.

[Hannah]

Okay, now we'll continue. Okay, are you done trying to make me jealous?

[Paige]

Also, I will say, dating a guy

[Hannah]

that has sisters, you love them too.

[Paige]

I love them too. I'm like, oh, wow, now I have multiple sisters.

[Hannah]

Like, I want you to get along with other people, but I feel like sometimes you're just like, I never had a connection with a girl like this, and I love her and she's here for me. I'm like, who? Like, who am I to you? Sometimes, like, literally, you're my. My soul, my blood. Sp. Good. Thank you.

[Paige]

You're on a different level. Do you know how many times I had to tell my other friends, like, is she really your best friend? I'm like, no, I don't even know her.

[Hannah]

I'm such. I'm such a Leo.

[Paige]

Like, Stephanie will at least once every two months be like, who is your best friend, though? For real? Yeah.

[Hannah]

And you'd be lying through your teeth to these bitches. You look so impressive.

[Paige]

Well, when it was Stephanie's wedding year, I had to be available,

[Hannah]

but I'm not. Can I just say, I'm actually not a jealous friend.

[Paige]

No, you're really not. I know this is a bit we're having. Also, Stephanie's. Think of a flying.

[Hannah]

But also Stephanie and I talk about you behind your.

[Paige]

And she lives in Colorado, so I talk about it all the time. I'm like, I literally have a panic attack when I touch it down in your state. That's why I can't go visit her.

[Hannah]

No. I'm actually so annoying, though. Whenever I hang out with someone, they do something that's, like, similar to you. I'm like, oh, Paige does that. They're like, you're. Stop it. Like, stop. One more thing about Mormons. Yeah.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Whitney Levitt is now, like, a chief creative officer, which. I'm obsessed with that title. Like that on everyone for the soda drink in New York.

[Paige]

Genius. Genius.

[Hannah]

I didn't know what this soda thing is.

[Paige]

The dirty soda.

[Hannah]

Dirty. So they put, like, milk in it.

[Paige]

They're putting, like, everything.

[Hannah]

This soda isn't. Isn't bad enough. Let's put more shit to give you diarrhea.

[Paige]

Yeah, they're at. Yeah. Like, it's almost like if you were to get, like, a vanilla Coke, if they're adding hazelnut.

[Hannah]

Like, if you're a kid and your mom was like, hey, go fuck around at the soda station. Put anything you want. And they're like, chocolate milk.

[Paige]

They don't have coffee.

[Hannah]

Well, this is the thing. They don't drink coffee in Mormon culture. But then they're allowed to do Adderall, which is just nerdy cocaine.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So, like, I don't know the rules.

[Paige]

One soda has caffeine.

[Hannah]

As a girl with a sensitive stomach, like, one of those sodas would do more damage than, like, me taking, like, lsd. Like, I would bash my head through a wall. I'd be puking out of both holes.

[Paige]

You could never do. Well, you don't like.

[Hannah]

And I don't like soda.

[Paige]

You don't do carbonation. Sometimes you'll do carbonation, but you really

[Hannah]

don't with Peer pressure. I will, right? Like, if you're with a new person, they're like, I'm going to Diet Coke. Do you want one? I'll be like, yeah, I'm cool. I can hang. And then I'm like, spicy, spicy, spicy, spicy.

[Paige]

One of my favorite things to brag about you is that your body is so pure. I'm like, not your mind. I'm like, you've never met Hannah, but she's never done a drug. She rarely drinks soda. She hates cigarettes.

[Hannah]

That's why your parents love me.

[Paige]

I'm, like, obsessed with.

[Hannah]

Your parents are like, hang out with Hannah more.

[Paige]

Yeah. That's why you don't age. That's why your skin is always glowing.

[Hannah]

Oh, stop now. Stop now.

[Paige]

I talk a lot about other people. Look how telepathic we are. We both showed up in multicolored track jackets.

[Hannah]

Oh, yeah. Where's yours from?

[Paige]

Saint Laurent.

[Hannah]

That is so sickening. So sickening. I love that when.

[Paige]

When they have a little Morgan Stuart Jean on.

[Hannah]

So good. I'm wearing my Lululemon Indian Wells, limited edition.

[Paige]

That is cute. Oh, are you, like, interested in what is going on this week? Got the golf stuff. Because I know you love. You're like. You love old man stuff. Stuff.

[Hannah]

I love retired sports. It's very powerful. I think more girls should get involved in retired activities. Cities.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

It channels rich men. Men. And that's our vibe. I'm watching tennis. When golf comes on, I'll watch it. I don't know. But you're not like, oh, the, like, masters or something.

[Paige]

I haven't.

[Hannah]

I know there's. There's, like, a Masters every week. All I know is Tiger woods is he's out in these streets.

[Paige]

That's the only reason I knew about it was because I kept getting Tiger woods videos, and it's like, I think he was supposed to be in it.

[Hannah]

Speaking of sports and algorithms that haven't hit us. Oh, my God. There's a chess documentary.

[Paige]

Oh.

[Hannah]

Something that you are way too beautiful and cool to ever click on. Not me, though. No, it's called Untold Chess, and it's basically a fight with, like, a bunch of geniuses. And apparently it happened a couple years ago, but never came across my algorithm. Like, Des was like, yeah, you didn't hear about this? I'm like, it never got to, like, Gen Z, Millennial Girl TikTok.

[Paige]

I love that you put in Gen Z. Sorry, I never got to. Us younger folks, you're almost. You're 35, Hannah, when you say it

[Hannah]

like that, it's crazy. But I am gen alpha.

[Paige]

No. Like, we should be mothers. Society is like, have a baby.

[Hannah]

I'm too old to have a kid.

[Paige]

I'm like, we're in track jackets. We can't.

[Hannah]

I am at the point, though, I did see someone wear something the other day, and I was like, oh, like, where's the rest of her outfit? And I'm like, I'm turning into my dad.

[Paige]

No. Like, every single day, I have impending doom. That, like, I'm not evolving as a person. And I think that is just being a woman in society. Like, every day I'm like, am I evolved?

[Hannah]

See, I'm like, I'm evolving too much. I miss the bliss. I miss the lack of self awareness. But this chess documentary is so good. Okay, so there's this guy named Magnus.

[Paige]

Of course.

[Hannah]

Of course.

[Paige]

Because in what situation? He's literally anything else.

[Hannah]

It's literally a Disney. Magnus is the greatest chess player of all time. Also, like, he's the nerdiest nerd, but, like, happens to be, like, kind of Disney prince hot. Like, accidentally. Like, he has, like, kind of a flow in his hair and, like, accidentally really hot. Like, when.

[Paige]

Hell yeah.

[Hannah]

When he speaks, you're like, oh, this guy's never spoken to anyone but a rook. Yeah, but a what? A rook is a. Is a stop. You're like, stop your hot girl brains malfunctioning. You're like, what? So, okay, so he's beating everyone. Like, he'll beat people blindfolded.

[Paige]

How old is he?

[Hannah]

He's now, like, in his 30s.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

And he has been beating people since he's, like, 10. He's ranked number. There's a whole ranking system. Okay, so then there's this thing called Chess.com where all of them train. Like, Chess.com is where they all are. They also stream it so you could watch people playing chess. Never cross my desk. I had no idea this stuff was going on.

[Paige]

This is like, Ask jeeves. Like, what? Chess.com Guys, get a grip. Can you think of something better?

[Hannah]

So there's this guy that left his family. He's like, I left my family and went to New York. They were in Connecticut. He literally took. He took a train. He's talking like he left. Like, that is the only way I

[Paige]

want my chess guys to talk, though. Like, they mustered up the courage to get on the LIR.

[Hannah]

He paid $20 and he basically. They show his room. It's, like, disgusting, but, like, literally how my room looks. And he just, all day long, like, will go 30 hours just like learning chess moves and playing chess.com and on chess.com when you beat people, your ranking gets higher. And he's this new age of. Of chess player where he, like, gets emotional. Like, he'll be like, yelling, wait.

[Paige]

They're ranking people on this website. And you can be anyone from anywhere. You're not considered, like, a professional.

[Hannah]

Yeah, but when you play a profession, like, to be able to play a professional, you have to be ranked really high. But it's like they practice all day, these guys. This is all they do because there's like a trillion different chess move scenarios.

[Paige]

And you, like, what are they pulling in?

[Hannah]

Apparently, like, well, it's very. Like, they'll go to Monaco, they'll go to Miami and do these, like, tournaments. Tournaments. You could win, like, hundreds of thousands

[Paige]

of dollars people betting on.

[Hannah]

Yes, probably. That's probably where there's a lot. There's. When I tell you, I was like, where have I been? And. And of course, it's all men, which makes me just going to say the

[Paige]

men have so many opportunities for hobbies because they have so much fudgeing time.

[Hannah]

Well, also, they literally said, like, in the 70s that, like, women weren't smart enough to do chess. But, like, women are. Sorry, we're busy, like, raising the future of our world.

[Paige]

This is Women of STEM of the Week. We have a woman on the goddamn moon. You haven't said a single.

[Hannah]

And you formally apologize to the academy for forgetting to put the women on the moon in the women's STEM of the Week. That was my bad. That was my oversight. We learn, we grow. I apologize.

[Paige]

I literally started laughing to myself last night. I'm like, we have a whole podcast. Uplift, Uplifting Women of stem.

[Hannah]

I do have to say, there was a funny clip of apparently, like, the President called them and he was, like, going on, like, a long rant. And I was like, these left Earth to try to get a break from reality, and you're stuck on a zoom meeting, having to listen to someone talk for two. I would be like, I'm in space right now. Like, I'm. How far away can I get away? I'm a little busy floating. I'm like, can I call you back? How did you get his number?

[Paige]

Spam will find you anywhere.

[Hannah]

They're like, hi, you have a loan that you need to pay. So anyway, this guy is chess.com realizes he's kind of, like, getting a lot of attention, this up and coming guy.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And it's like, good for chess dot com. So he becomes Like a chess influencer where they kind of like, help his career. And he yells when he wins and he's like. And everyone else is really, like, nerdy. So this guy's like. I mean, he's nerdy too, but there's levels of this. There's no levels of nerd.

[Paige]

The generations are getting dumber and we need to get back to classical smart people that people need to listen to classical music.

[Hannah]

Where did Tic Tac go? Whatever happened to Hangman?

[Paige]

Remember when you were little and you'd play like memory games for fun? Bring it back.

[Hannah]

Battleship.

[Paige]

That taught us about adversity, to be more.

[Hannah]

Because we used to know how to lose anyway.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So he then is like at the end of high school and he goes, fuck this. I'm going to Europe and I'm going to just play a ton of tournaments.

[Paige]

Just like the Marty supreme, actually.

[Hannah]

I mean, Timothy Chalamet is going to play this guy in a movie, I'm telling you. So he.

[Paige]

I know people were really hating on Timothy Chalamet like a couple weeks ago, but I do want to say, like, as someone who did watch all the movies that were nominated, I did think he. His performance was really good. The guy didn't love the whole movie.

[Hannah]

Like, that's why they call you Paige. Pick me to Sorbo. How has no one called you that? How is that such a good.

[Paige]

I think because I tell men to shut the up to their, like, faces.

[Hannah]

We'd never. That, like, pick me's never even come through people's.

[Paige]

But I've definitely made a lot of pick me moves in my life before.

[Hannah]

100%. Yeah, 100%.

[Paige]

So anyway, I'm stronger than the patriarchy.

[Hannah]

I'm one woman, Paige. Pick me. Patriarchy. Just patriarchy. Okay, I'll stop. I need to stop.

[Paige]

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[Hannah]

So this guy goes to Europe and he starts winning all these tournaments, and he's ascending the race.

[Paige]

At what age is he now that he's like, 18. Okay.

[Hannah]

And he does have one month that he, like, weirdly doesn't do well. But all the other months, he's killing it. Okay.

[Paige]

And maybe got the yips for a minute.

[Hannah]

Chess is, like, very elite, where it's like, people who are the top 10 chess players in the world. Like, it's a community you don't just, like, break into. It takes, like, years. So these guys are all like, who is this fucking new guy in the group? It's so funny.

[Paige]

This is so nerdy.

[Hannah]

You need to watch it. And all the nerds are like, I've never heard of this guy. What is like, I've never. He's. The way he moves his rook. I've. It's insane before. And we've seen this, and it's so funny. Nerds and bullying other nerds. So it's. They're like, you're not part of this nerd club. So he finally gets to play Magnus, the number one guy.

[Paige]

Okay?

[Hannah]

And somehow, some way, he beats him and everyone is guffawed. Yeah. And he has this, like, iconic line where he's, by the way, talking trash, talking trash, talking trash. And at the end, after he beats him, they're like, what do you have to say? And he goes, I just let the chest speak for itself. And he walks away. And I'm like, this is like rappers in a beef right now. I feel like it's like a parody. It's so good. And I'm locked in at this point, me. And I almost said Trixie, which is my cat of two decades ago, Trixie speaking through me. Which we have to get to that later. Me and Butter are just loving it. So then they play again. He beats him again. But Magnus this time is like, something's wrong. He says something's wrong. He walks out and he goes it felt like I was playing a computer. Because a computer will always beat a human, no matter what, Even if.

[Paige]

Maggie. Really scary sentence.

[Hannah]

I know. That was very scary. That was so dumb. That's right. Watch iRobot. I know we're gonna lose to the. To the robot aliens. Happy weekend. So he calls his dad, and his dad's like, it's okay. You had a rough day. And he goes, something was weird.

[Paige]

And he goes, magnus.

[Hannah]

Yeah. Magnus is like, there's no way I could have lost to this guy again.

[Paige]

Why am I, like, loving the name Magnus now? It's kind of hot.

[Hannah]

So it's hot.

[Paige]

Like, if you're really hot and your name is Magnus, no one's ugly named Magnus. Well, it's also like. It's giving. Like, your grandpa has a library.

[Hannah]

And at one point, he goes, these Americans, they talk so much. Sometimes I'm like, use less words. And I was like, that was hot. That's so hot. Tell more men to use less words.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So he tells his dad. He's like, I think he cheated. He then withdraws from the tournament. Which. Yeah. Which is basically saying, I. I think this guy cheated. So the whole community has lost their mind. They're like, first, the number one guy goes down to this new guy. The number one guy is accusing him of cheating. And everyone, like, loves Magnus. So they're like, what the hell's going on? How did.

[Paige]

How could you even cheat at a.

[Hannah]

So that's what. The whole chess community is losing it. They're all these, like, guys on Twitch being like, what could he possibly done? They're analyzing all his movements. They're like, is he touching his hat? But before they go in, there is security. Like, they get scanned. Like, they're not just walking in randomly. And they're like, it's not in his head. Is he looking at something? His arm. They're like, what could it be? Someone starts a rumor going, anal beads. They go, he must have had anal beads in his butthole. And use the vibrations to tell him what move to make.

[Paige]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Hannah]

So that's what I said. It catches. The fuck catches on.

[Paige]

Every time I get this close to supporting a man, literally immediately, they show me why I don't.

[Hannah]

The Internet runs with this. It's on the Daily Show. I know where I was. I didn't hear. And they just go, chess player beats number one chess player with anal beads. Anal bead chess player. It's everywhere.

[Paige]

And everyone gets mad at me because they're like, paige, you Think everyone's gay. Every guy is gay. And I'm like, okay, only because there's evidence.

[Hannah]

Now, by the way, I do think buttplay should be more normalized in straight relationships. But I digress. So not my place, but I'm saying in general, for the culture, this guy then is like, you fucking ruined my reputation. Whenever I say I'm a chess player now, they go, are you the anal beats guy? So he's fuming. But then he after this.

[Paige]

So I'm livid if I'm him and it's not true.

[Hannah]

After this accusation, he loses.

[Paige]

See, people can make up the craziest thing about you. It could be so not factual. And that's all people remember you for. And you're like, I didn't even do that.

[Hannah]

The next couple games though, he loses, like, really bad. So then it makes you think, like, was he doing something? And then he stopped doing it.

[Paige]

He got nervous and so he was

[Hannah]

saying, my head wasn't in the game, but, like, he's getting his ass kicked, like nine moves. He's getting taken out. Yeah. So this documentary is basically both their sides of the story. So then Magnus is about to do a deal with Chess.com and Chess.

[Paige]

This is the only type of like brand influencers I want from the men.

[Hannah]

That's the only thing you can. Yeah. Have a deal with.

[Paige]

Yeah. Be tied to something intellectual.

[Hannah]

Not lip plumper.

[Paige]

Yeah. Like be tied to like your profession in some capacity.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Paige]

Not our stuff.

[Hannah]

Gas. Like pipes.

[Paige]

Plumbing.

[Hannah]

Plumbing.

[Paige]

Yup. Fixing refrigerators, tires.

[Hannah]

Cement. What's up, guys? I got this new Tony 20 for the new cement. It's smooth.

[Paige]

Really.

[Hannah]

Also anyway. Weed whacker. Anyway, so he. He basically goes to Chess.com Chess.com says, you know what, we have to tell you something about this guy.

[Paige]

You know what would be a really funny thing is like, if better help online therapy. Like rounded up all the men on Bravo and did like a massive ad. It'd be great.

[Hannah]

Or they'd be like proof that therapy doesn't work for everyone. We got our best therapist.

[Paige]

Any online therapy, that would be an amazing.

[Hannah]

Funny. They should do like a sponsored series giving therapy to all the, like, worst guys.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Or just any man who does reality TV. So the guy basically goes to Chess.com and Chess.com goes, we have to tell you something about this guy. He's been caught cheating before on chess.com when he was younger because you actually can just like Google moves while you're playing on chess.com. okay. But chess.com has all these really great algorithmic ways.

[Paige]

Chess is getting a lot of unpaid promotion.

[Hannah]

Basically, they created. They were my life in, like, 2005, they were created. And everyone's like, there's no money in chess.com. like, do you remember when everyone tried to get, like, apple.com? like, it was like the dot com bubbles. And they were like, Chess.com. and everyone's like, you're fucking losers. During COVID apparently Chess.com blew up. And now I'm talking about it. So the gigglers are about to play chess. The girls are loving chess. Yeah. So shout out to my dad here. He taught me how to play chess because he said it was like tennis, because my dad's a feminist icon. But I digress.

[Paige]

I got brought to dance class.

[Hannah]

No, I know. You're just a. You're a victim. Like, you actually are a victim. You could have been a doctor. A doctor?

[Paige]

We don't know.

[Hannah]

A surgeon.

[Paige]

We have no idea.

[Hannah]

Definitely a dermatologist.

[Paige]

Yeah, 100%. Okay.

[Hannah]

So chess.com is like, we're going to use our algorithms that we use to test if people are cheating. Because they called him once when he was like, 16. They're like, we know you're cheating. You have to stop, Stop. And he was like, I'm sorry, but people used to cheat to, like, get themselves to better levels, right? But they said, he's cheated in, like, over 100 games. So this guy's capable of it.

[Paige]

I might have dated him. In fact, he sounds similar.

[Hannah]

What's his number?

[Paige]

Can I see a picture?

[Hannah]

He does actually at one point say, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a nice guy, and kind of turn me on.

[Paige]

Now you can't even trust the guys that are in the chess club, like,

[Hannah]

where there's fuck boys in chat.

[Paige]

That's it. I'm packing it in. That's it.

[Hannah]

I'm bad boys of after school programs.

[Paige]

Like, are you fudgeing kidding me, Magnus?

[Hannah]

No, it was hot. He literally was like, I'm not a good guy. And I'm like, I've never had a guy say that. Okay, so that was honest and hot.

[Paige]

Give us the ending.

[Hannah]

So you're like, let's.

[Paige]

Because now I'm like.

[Hannah]

So long story short, literally, he. They're like, we're gonna test if he cheated during these live games against Magnus.

[Paige]

And the vibe, the vibrational anal beads was real.

[Hannah]

They don't know if it's real, but they test it and they go, it doesn't look like he cheated in the games. Against Magnus. So everyone's kind of like, doesn't know what happened.

[Paige]

How. How scientifically would the vibrational.

[Hannah]

Because they'd be like, if he touched a we. Who knows? Like, no one really knows, but it would be like, if I do it.

[Paige]

Or would it be somebody else watching?

[Hannah]

Someone else is watching. Googling and then, like, yeah, telling him with vibration.

[Paige]

Morse code.

[Hannah]

Yes, Morse code through anal beads. That's what we do on this podcast, actually. That's how I know when to agree or disagree.

[Paige]

So far from what the Lord wants

[Hannah]

from the holiness, the Mormons were right. Just drink your weird soda and leave people alone. But, like, we don't need to shove things up our asses. But I don't want to spread the rumor. Yeah, this could be false.

[Paige]

It could be false.

[Hannah]

He hasn't really won a lot since. So there's. It's all kind of up in the air, people. I digress. But that was. I'm exhausted from that story. Like, that took a lot out.

[Paige]

Wow. I'm really glad you told that, though, because how interesting.

[Hannah]

So interesting. And also, can I say one thing about lip plumper?

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I hate lip plumper.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

It hurts.

[Paige]

I like it.

[Hannah]

I'm already dealing with enough, like, day to day. I don't have to, like, remember pain on myself.

[Paige]

Remember when I went through that phase where I put my thing in my lips in that thing?

[Hannah]

It would work for, like, 10 seconds. You'd look, like, gorgeous. I loved it.

[Paige]

I forgot about that. What happened to me, like, in a drawer somewhere.

[Hannah]

It definitely caused Covid all the girls putting their lips in it.

[Paige]

Definitely washing it wasn't good for, like, the circulation of my lips.

[Hannah]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, people said you had lips filler,

[Paige]

so that was it for like, 15 minutes. It wouldn't even.

[Hannah]

Literally 15 minutes. You're like, get the cameras. I do think if you like lip plumper, you're into bdsm. And I would never yuck. Someone's yum.

[Paige]

If I feel like something is, like, painful, I feel like it's working. Which is not smart because, like, sometimes I'll put something on my skin and it'll burn a little and I'll be like, it's just working. And they're like, nope, you're allergic to that. Stop using that.

[Hannah]

Go to call a medic. Yeah. To. To wrap it up. I want to give us a mental health quote of the week from Saint Dairy on. On TikTok. Once you lame to me nothing can unlame you. You laminated.

[Paige]

That is so quippy, fun, clever. I don't call people lame enough.

[Hannah]

Yeah. You know what word I want to bring back? Which is, I think, like, my nan and papa would say lowlifes. Bunch of low lifes.

[Paige]

Yeah, I think that might be a big thing in. Is that a big thing in Italian Americans?

[Hannah]

Yeah. They're just like, it's their low life.

[Paige]

No, she's a low life.

[Hannah]

When they say low life, you're done.

[Paige]

Imagine the Italian just coming over and being like, hey, let us just better your lives with this food.

[Hannah]

The Irish were like, we'll stick with the potatoes. Get the fuck out. Anyway, we're not getting into New York City immigration history right now. We love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us, and we'll talk to you later. Bye.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive's name your price tool for years. Now, with the name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So whether you're picking out your first policy or. Or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options. Visit progressive.com find a rate that works for you with the name your price tool. Progressive Casualty Insurance company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law.