Giggling about meatballs, minions, and masseter disasters

Summary

Giggly Squad – "Giggling about meatballs, minions, and masseter disasters"

Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Date: July 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic Giggly Squad: a hilarious, meandering chat packed with oversharing, pop-culture gossip, bodily function horror stories, and sharp observational humor. Paige, Hannah, and special guest Des recount personal disasters (food poisoning abroad, failed beauty experiments), spiral into rants about Love Island and the Taylor Swift wedding, and explore everything from fashion thrift finds to minion-singing contests to the trauma of reality TV. As always, the conversation is wildly candid, irreverent, and full of the giggly, self-deprecating charm that defines the show.

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Highlights & Key Discussion Points

1. Vacation Gone Wrong: Meatball Mayhem & GI Woes

[02:23 – 05:08]

• Des describes a catastrophic bout of food poisoning after eating undercooked meatballs in Italy.

  • Quote: "I'm peeing from my asshole. That’s how I fucking feel." – Des [02:23]
  • Des's family is nonchalant about raw beef, but her paranoia runs wild, especially after her mom points out the meatballs might be uncooked.
  • Results: sleep ruined by stomach gurgling, fever, chills, and repeated sprints to the bathroom.

• Discussions of travel anxiety:

  • Des laments how her sensitive body can't handle the chaos of vacation.
  • Paige posits, "It is a privilege to get sick on prosciutto." [05:05]

• The unique struggle of not having your "stuff" while away, referencing missing comfort routines, favorite gadgets, and constant pet-checks via Furbo cameras.

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2. Self-Loathing, Baby Fever, and 30s Ennui

[06:59 – 08:28]

• Des: "I'm so goddamn sick of myself. Everything's about me all the time."
• Both joke about how, in your 30s, you become tired of your own problems and start wanting a baby, if only to have someone else to focus on.
  • Quote: "In your 20s, you're like, I'm so excited to explore who I am. In your 30s, you're like: Yep. Know who I am. Yeah, I’m good." – Paige [08:16]

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3. The Masseter Disaster: Smile Anxiety & Cosmetic Regrets

[09:01 – 12:54]

• Paige opens up about dealing with facial muscle paralysis post-masseter Botox ("the Masseter disaster") and the emotional rollercoaster that’s followed.
  • Giggly Squad listeners reassure her: "Let your smile fly!"
  • Paige’s husband analogizes: “Your smile is like a stock. You invest, don’t check for a year.” [09:45]
  • Paige accepts her current face: "I’m not waking up and being like, Oh my god, I can’t smile. This is she—this is what I got." [10:17]
• Paige details her frantic efforts to “heal”: facial acupuncture, microcurrents, massages—none of which really worked.
  • "Last week, my sweet, sweet—Oh, my God, I was so determined and hopeful...I was going to sauna. I was getting acupuncture. I was doing massages. I was doing microcurrents." – Paige [10:31]
• Both reflect on the neurotic side of beauty culture, their mothers' skepticism, and the permanent gamble of fillers and Botox.
  • Quote: "If God wanted you to look like that, he would have made you like that." – Des (mimicking her mom) [12:35]

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4. Fashion Fails & Scarf Visor Controversy

[13:44 – 16:44]

• Des talks about her much-memed "scarf visor" TikTok and its divisive reception (was it chic? was it a fail?).
  • Being in Italy influences what she wears and posts online due to time zone disconnection.
  • The model for the visor looked just like Hannah, touching off more comparisons.
  • They joke about the internet putting Hannah’s old smile "on a pedestal" post-procedure.
    • "People are treating my old smile like someone died…She just lit up a room, like, they’re remembering you." – Paige [16:19]

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5. Thrifting, Consignment & Vintage Fashion

[17:32 – 18:39]

• Des shares her find of a vintage ‘90s Valentino turtleneck dress/shirt in Italy.
• Paige and Des bond over the emotional narrative of consignment shopping: “What was her story? That she had this sick designer piece, then she doesn’t need it anymore?" – Des [18:01]

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6. Pop Culture Dish: Taylor Swift’s Wedding

[22:30 – 29:56]

• The wedding is described as "the Met Gala" of events (celeb spotting galore, e.g., Hugh Grant, Gigi Hadid).
• The AT&T style wedding graphics become a running gag (“it was really giving AT&T”). [23:40]
• Debate over citywide disruption in NYC for the event:
  • "I hate parades, specifically just for this reason. If a street is shut down, you’re fucked." – Des [25:03]
• Taylor’s $50 million charity donation to try to avoid public backlash is contrasted with how male celebrities are rarely subjected to such pressure.
  • "A man getting married, doing something crazy, would never have to do that." – Paige [26:28]
• Musings about celebrity privacy, fame, and the strain on relationships:
  • "With fame, you can fall in love with the spotlight on you rather than the person." – Paige [27:47]
  • Zendaya & Tom Holland as the privacy blueprint, and personal reflections on sharing relationships publicly as a reality TV star.

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7. Love Island Rants: USA vs. UK, Lustfulness & Banter Wars

[31:11 – 34:16]

• Paige and Des trash the “Manosphere” energy in Love Island USA: guys are applauded for gaslighting, girls shamed for being “lustful” (which they mock relentlessly).
  • "If I hear someone call them lustful one more time, I’m gonna scream. What in the Old Testament are you saying?" – Des [33:09]
  • "Girls can kiss multiple men and not be a whore, you absolute weirdos." – Des [33:23]
• UK Love Island is superior (“double the time, more banter, feels more mature”).
• Notable line: “Love Island USA cast feels like you’re inside TikTok.” – Des [34:16]

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8. Backstage Beauty Drama: Shooting, Bobby Pins, and Hot Mics

[36:17 – 38:15]

• Paige recounts harassing her hair and makeup team while shooting her new show, especially a near-meltdown over a bobby pin mishap that led to a full hairdo collapse.
  • "It was the main character Bobby pin." – Des [37:26]
  • She also admits to farting while mic’d up on set, a true “hot mic” moment.

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9. Petty Apologies & Health Complaints

[38:41 – 41:03]

• Public apology for slandering men named Brayden after Giggly Squad fans protest on behalf of their sons.
  • "I want to say sorry to all the Giggler Bradens. You guys are perfect because you're being raised by us..." – Paige [39:16]
• Des crowdsources help for her ganglion cyst, and Paige contemplates her own weird new mole.
• “The humidity broke” enters the lexicon as their new favorite adult phrase.

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10. Sport Talk, Hydration Breaks & Pizza Parties

[47:46 – 49:46]

• Des is mystified watching World Cup water breaks and learns that pro athletes often just swish and spit water.
  • "I’ve lived my whole life not knowing that when athletes are playing...they're never drinking water; they're putting it in their mouth and spitting it out." – Des [48:05]
• Paige reminisces about eating entire pizzas after tennis, shattering stereotypes about athlete diets.

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11. Hot People Privilege: Empire State Proposal

[49:55 – 51:08]

• They marvel at an Instagram-famous couple who snuck to the top of the Empire State Building to propose, joking that if they weren’t hot, people wouldn’t be so forgiving.
  • "If they were butt ugly, people would be pissed." – Des [50:26]
  • "Put it in the Louvre privilege example." – Paige [50:35]

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12. Wedding Do-Overs, Friendship Tiers, and Invitations

[51:37 – 54:09]

• Paige reflects on how much she’d change about her own wedding ("I would have eloped"), linking it to over-the-top events like Taylor’s.
• Discussion of wedding politics, the pain of being “on the cusp,” and the narrative around Blake Lively’s absence from Swift’s wedding.

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13. Relationship Real Talk: Chosen Intimacy & Public Scrutiny

[54:25 – 56:00]

• Paige emphasizes marriage is not a "win" and shouldn’t be the endgame for women.
• Love Island wisdom: “Getting picked isn’t the prize, it’s how he treats you.”

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14. Sex Mishaps, Walks of Shame, and College Trauma

[55:49 – 60:16]

• Des tells the wild story of a guy having a heart attack during sex ("my pussy is fire!"), leading to a frantic defibrillator grab—roommate present and all.
  • "Have I never told that story? ...To the point where it was like, Paige, defibrillator in the closet. Grab it." – Des [56:02]
• They reminisce about the true "Walk of Shame": passing entire guy apartment squads after a hookup.

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15. Women’s Experiences: College, Gossip, and Safety

[60:31 – 63:33]

• Observations about college gender dynamics and the assumptions men make about sex.

  • "Did you know most men think if you go back to their place, that means you want to have sex?" – Paige [61:09]

• Paige introduces "post-gossip clarity":

  • "I didn't realize how much in my life I would gossip to connect with people." – Paige [62:40]
  • Both agree: true intimate gossip only works with your safest friends.

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16. Life Perspective: Real World vs. Internet & Vacation Mode

[64:30 – 67:24]

• Des finds peace in disconnecting from social media and centering on real life: "The more you immerse yourself in the real world, the more you realize the things you read on the internet are insane. Written by insane people." [64:58]
• Both emphasize the clarity travel brings: the world is bigger, and only a few people really matter.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Des, on food poisoning: "I'm peeing from my asshole. That's how I fucking feel." [02:23]
• Paige, on entering your 30s: "In your 20s, you're like, I'm so excited to explore who I am. In your 30s, you're like, yep. Know who I am. Yeah, I’m good." [08:16]
• On cosmetic regrets: "You can't beat Botox. This is your nerve endings.” – Paige [11:38]
• On Love Island USA: "If I hear someone call them lustful one more time, I'm gonna scream. What in the Old Testament are you saying?" – Des [33:11]
• On celebrity privilege: "If they were butt ugly, people would be pissed." – Des [50:26]
• On gossip as connection: "I didn’t realize how much in my life I would gossip to connect with people." – Paige [62:40]
• On reality vs. online: "The more you immerse yourself in the real world, the more you realize the things you read on the internet are insane. Written by insane people." – Des [64:58]
• On marriage: "Getting picked isn’t the prize; it’s how he treats you." [55:08]

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Funniest Exchanges

• Hannah burner as a verb:

  • Des: “I'm not having a Hannah burner in Capri. Okay? I'm not Hannah burnering all over.” [06:15]
  • Paige: “It's a verb now. We're about to Hannah burner this pool.” [06:24]

• Heart attack story:

  • “Yeah, my pussy is fire, literally. You almost died.” – Des [56:39]

• Dog smile analogies:

  • Des, on Paige’s post-Botox smile: “There was a dog sitting next to us at dinner...that's your smile.” [67:24]

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Quick Segment Timestamps

[02:23] – Food poisoning in Italy
[06:59] – Baby fever and being tired of self
[09:01] – Masseter disaster and smile anxiety
[13:44] – Scarf visor debate
[17:32] – Vintage shopping in Italy
[22:30] – Taylor Swift’s wedding
[31:11] – Minion singing contests & Love Island
[36:17] – Filming struggle stories
[49:55] – Empire State proposal hot people privilege
[55:49] – Sex and heart attack story
[62:28] – Post-gossip clarity
[64:58] – Real world vs. Internet

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Tone & Style

Bawdy, self-deprecating, tangent-loving. The humor is quick, unfiltered, sometimes gross in the best way. The hosts call out their own neuroses, find light in disaster, and bring listeners along for every giddy mental detour. It’s chaotic, relatable, and unashamedly honest.

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For More

Catch up on meatball mishaps, “lustful” island drama, and smile sagas wherever you get your Giggly Squad fix. This one’s a must for the full Giggly experience.

Transcript

[Hannah]

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

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[Paige]

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[Des]

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix your wi fi. Manifest that shit.

[Paige]

We can't be managed.

[Hannah]

I mean, the day just got away from me.

[Paige]

Hello, my gastrointestinal gigglers. Paige, how are you?

[Des]

I'm peeing from my asshole. That's. That's how I fucking feel. I'm the most annoying person to go on vacation with. Like I truly must be a menace.

[Paige]

You were complaining about not eating enough at dinner. Now you ate and are dealing with the repercussions but what happened?

[Des]

So I'm at dinner last night. We're getting appetizers. I see meatballs on the menu.

[Paige]

You sent me a photo of them.

[Hannah]

I go, look how gorgeous these balls are.

[Paige]

And I wrote, adorable. I love a little ball.

[Des]

I take a bite. I'm like, oh, my God, this is so good. I I. My brother gets the same thing. I look over at my mom. I'm like, you have to have one of these meatballs. I'm a whole meatball in. Okay. I cut another one in half. I give it to put it on my mom's plate. It's red sauce on the meatball. So I'm thinking, nothing. My mom looks at it, and she goes, I don't think this is cooked. And my whole face goes white. I'm like. I'm like, what? What do you mean it's not cooked? And my brother looks at me, and he's like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, beef carpaccio. Like, don't. Like, you're literally, like, you're freaking out over nothing.

[Paige]

And I'm like, also, you're in Italy. Everything is good.

[Des]

I'm like, I'm freaking out over nothing.

[Hannah]

I get back to my room.

[Des]

I fall asleep at, like, 5am I'm woken up by the own sounds of my stomach. I said, what? A little melody we're playing. I mean, the gurgling was. I literally woke up. I go, something's going on in the room next door. What the fuck is that sound?

[Paige]

You go, there's a tornado.

[Des]

I run to the bathroom. I'm truly peeing from my. I get up. I'm dizzy. I'm lightheaded. Like, I'm like. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm. I'm gonna throw up. I could throw up just talking. I get back in bed. I fall asleep for a couple hours. I'm like, I'm fine. I just, like, my body's so sensitive. Like, I'm literally. I'm fine. I go to the pool all day. I think the heat. And then I had prosciutto and cheese. And I thought, no, I'm fine. I can eat this. I had a little bread. I literally had to leave the pool, run to my bathroom, pee from my. Again. Now I'm cold. Now I'm getting the shakes. Now I have a fever. I. My head is pounding. I'm like, here. And here's the thing. It is a privilege to travel. I am so.

[Paige]

It is a privilege to get sick on prosciutto.

[Des]

I am so blessed in this life that I live. But when people say, I love traveling, I don't relate to them because my body is so sensitive. It's. I can't get thrown off.

[Paige]

Or it's also, yeah, you don't have your vibrating plate. Like, you don't.

[Des]

I don't have my stuff. Where's my stuff?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Stop.

[Paige]

There's a lot of things that go into you existing, and you don't just go into a hotel room and have everything you need. Even if it's five stars.

[Des]

I'm checking three Furbo cameras every 10 minutes.

[Paige]

I'm like,

[Des]

I'm such a pain in the ass.

[Paige]

Kitty put a little hex on you. She said, yeah, go have fun. Go have fun. Leave me. Leave me at home.

[Des]

Every year, there's like a. There's a pool rule at our hotel that, like, once it hits 2pm like, kids have to get out of the pool.

[Paige]

I thought you're gonna say, pool rule, no diarrhea. I love when they write that, like, somewhat diarrhea would be like. You know what would be good? Being in a pool right now.

[Des]

Well, I'm sitting in the pool and I'm like, I have to go to my room and fart because I'm not having a Hannah burner in Capri. Okay? I'm not Hannah burnering all over.

[Paige]

It's a verb now. We're about to Hannah burner this pool.

[Des]

I'm like, I'm not sharding in a Gucci bathing suit. I rather kill myself vintage.

[Paige]

You can't just buy it if you lose it. Also, farting in a pool is so freeing when it's not a shark, because

[Des]

that's just this pool. Like, it's a big circle pool, and there's, like, random buttons that you can press and, like, jets will come on. And the first thing I think of was, Hannah would freaking love this. And every time I have to pee, I turn the jet on.

[Paige]

Wait, so where's your stomach in this moment? Where are we at?

[Des]

She's just, like, gurgling a little. She's like. I think she's, like, getting better. But now it's just like, my head. I'm dehydrated. I'm just like, here's another thing I realized. I'm so God damn sick of myself. Everything's about me all the time. And I think it's because I'm on vacation with my parents where, like, they're so obsessed with me. I'm like, enough with this, bitch.

[Paige]

Yeah, you're like, can we get one other topic to talk about? A dinner?

[Des]

And this year, for whatever reason, there's so many babies at the pool. Like, baby babies. Like, not speaking, like, not even a year old. And I've had, like, you're like, can't

[Paige]

even have a good conversation. Can't even.

[Des]

Not even a hello, hello sentence together. But I've been having such, like, baby fever. I don't know why. And I think it's because I'm sick of my own, like, figuratively and literally.

[Paige]

I do have to say, the only time I've been wanting to have a baby is when I'm like, I want to deal with someone else's issues.

[Des]

Yeah. I'm ready to pour myself into someone else and let myself fade away.

[Paige]

I do think that's something that kind of happens in your 30s. Like, you're like, oh, it's me again. Morning. Me again.

[Des]

Wait, what is that? I feel like no one.

[Paige]

It's called being tired. Like, and I think that's why people like to have babies and people to talk about it. Your 20s, you're like, I'm so excited to, like, explore who I am. In your 30s, you're like, Yep. No, who I am. Yeah, I'm good.

[Des]

And honestly, I don't. With her. So let's, like, move on. Right. Like, everyone talks about, like, oh, your biological Clark Clock starts ticking. You get so maternal. I'm not feeling that. I'm feeling, like, more.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Let's.

[Paige]

Let's talk about another character into the storyline, because I'm. I've ran out of storylines over here. I've. I'm sick of them. Also, side note, the gigglers wrote in our YouTube, they were like, hannah, this is a safe space. Let your smile fly. So I'm not going to cover my smile when I laugh this episode.

[Des]

That is so sweet.

[Paige]

Not because I necessarily feel safe, but because I'm at the point with a smile fiasco. Or as people call the Masseter disaster. Wait, that's so cute. Is it cute? It's that way.

[Des]

That's adorable.

[Paige]

I need to say shout out to my husband, who I love soft launching on Instagram. Do you notice, like, you've been married for five years. I don't put him in any photo. It's just like, you'll see his hands and everyone's, like, kind of stuff launching. So he's my soft launch baby, but he's distracted me. But he's again doing his tough love thing where now I have someone with me. So every, like, every, like, 20 minutes. I'm like, do you think it looks better? And he's like, I swear to God, if you ask me one more time, he goes, your smile is like a stock. You invest in it, don't check for a year. And I was like, what kind of analogy is that? But he's like, kind of low key, right? He's like, if you keep checking every day, it's going to be torturous. He's like, come back to me in a month and check it.

[Des]

Do you feel like it has, like, from when you first got it? Do you feel like any little, like a more range of motion?

[Paige]

No, but I do feel like emotionally I've come to terms with it a little more, where I'm not like, waking up and being like, oh, my God, I can't smile. I'm like, this is she. This is what I.

[Des]

This life has worn off.

[Paige]

The shock has worn off also. Last week, my sweet, sweet. Oh, my God, I was so determined and hopeful. I was, like, running. I was going to sauna. I was getting acupuncture. I was doing massages. I was doing microcurrents.

[Des]

Did you do acupuncture in your face?

[Paige]

Yeah, I did it in my face.

[Des]

Oh, how is that? I've never done that. I've never done it in my face.

[Paige]

It's interesting because you do feel like kind of a rush of the blood. Like, I feel like it's doing something. Totally. I don't think it helped.

[Des]

I do feel like acupuncture is one of those things that, like, it doesn't work unless you did it every day, all day. Like, so many girls, I feel like, have recommended it and I've done it before for, like, certain pain, and I'm like, yeah, I can feel something. But unless I'm doing this three times a week, like, and this is a lot.

[Paige]

Yeah, they recommend twice a week, but also, no. I just had so much hope for myself, and I was like, I'm going to beat this. I can beat this.

[Des]

You're like, I'm not a statistic.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I know.

[Paige]

I literally was like, I'm gonna be the one girl that, like, tricked her nerves to not do this. Because I. I'm. I'm working so hard at it, and I care. And then I woke up this morning, I said, you can't beat Botox. This is your nerve endings.

[Des]

No, it's a chemical. It's a poison.

[Paige]

You're done. You're done.

[Des]

It is kind of crazy, though. And because that had happened to both of us in such A short amount of time. And I've now the gigglers are sending me so many DMS of like, different stories, like on Instagram and tick tock of like, it's poison.

[Paige]

It's like, did you see my mom commented under our video saying, don't do drugs. Like, my mom is horrified. My mom's never touched her face. Her mom's never touched her face. Her mom's mom's never touched her face. And she's like, yeah, you put crazy stuff in your face. Of course something stupid is gonna happen to you.

[Des]

I do implore the filler girls to just do a little research, take a look. Because God forbid you do something with filler. And then that's it.

[Paige]

Oh, yeah, filler. Your phone.

[Des]

That's what you look like.

[Paige]

That's.

[Des]

And it's. I just like, have my mom in the back of my head. Like, if God wanted you to look like that, he would have made you like that.

[Paige]

Well, yes.

[Des]

I searching the island for rosary beads. She said, I just want a nice. You would think that they have rosary beads here and they don't. She can't find them. She's literally. It's.

[Paige]

It's ruining her trip, I guess, because the rosary, no one needs it on vacation. Everyone's relaxed. You don't need a rosary on vacation.

[Des]

I don't know, but Italy is so funny because any. If you look anywhere randomly, there's just like a statue of the Blessed Mother. And you're just like, okay, sorry.

[Paige]

It's like me in Canada. I'm seeing like different celebrities on ads that are, like, really famous here. I'm like, oh, I didn't know they were big in Canada. That's the Blessed Mary in Italy. I'm like, she's huge.

[Des]

Every time we go to, like, the pool or anywhere, my dad will say, hey, look at that guy. He's on tv, I think. And I like, look over. And I'm like, no, he's not.

[Paige]

That's just a handsome Italian man.

[Des]

I'm like, he's not on.

[Paige]

It's just a tan, full head of hair Italian man.

[Des]

He's like, are you sure? Let me get a good. Another look. Oh, yeah, maybe you're right. Like, he literally thinks everyone we've seen is a celebrity.

[Paige]

Also, can we address the scarf visor that broke the Internet?

[Des]

I knew that my scarf visor was going to be split down the middle. And here's the thing about being in Italy and posting content. I feel like I post more tik Tok videos in Italy because I'm happier.

[Paige]

Also, you did say you were going on a phone strike, and I kind

[Des]

of have, because I feel when I post here, it's such a time change that I am so disconnected from, like, the comments or, like, so, like, because I'm on, like, a different schedule. So right when I post it, no one's commenting it because no one's awake. So I do feel very disconnected from the world we. I feel so disconnected from the world here that I haven't even done my skincare routines night or morning.

[Paige]

Oh, because skincare doesn't count in Italy.

[Des]

I don't know. I just have no desire. I'm like, I don't care. Not doing it. I feel free.

[Paige]

It's because you're relaxed.

[Hannah]

I think that's what it is.

[Des]

Haven't done my hair.

[Hannah]

I've.

[Des]

I've barely put on makeup. I've done, like, mascara and blush.

[Paige]

Well, Paige, I don't want to diagnose you, but your skin care is also a coping mechanism of your anxiety somehow. Like, it's like, when you're anxious, you're like, if I could just fix this pimple, everything will be better. It's like my mom was cleaning.

[Des]

Well, sometimes that pimple is the problem. Okay, so I feel like you're putting

[Paige]

all your problems into the pimple. But we'll discuss.

[Des]

Sometimes my life is going great unless I get a cystic pink ball.

[Paige]

Well, cystic, that is truly volcano in the center of your face. So I do have empathy for you. Scarf visor. This is also my algorithm shows me if I. If you post when I go on TikTok, your video comes up first, so I get you early. I don't see comments. I leave my stamp of approval, and then I move on. So I don't actually know the response of the visor. I just know that I was. I felt it in my core that it was a moment.

[Des]

I saw it online, like, a couple weeks ago, and I was just like, that shouldn't cost $200, but put it in my cart because I'm intrigued. I'm like, this is just a piece of sheer, but, like, I just thought the model looked so cool. And I love an accessory. I love a bathing suit cover up also.

[Paige]

You love a frill. You love a frill.

[Des]

I love it. I just love something different. Let me just try it, you know, and. But I didn't realize that the model legitimately looked like you. Like, everyone was like, this picture that you posted of the model is Hannah.

[Paige]

I don't know. I think People are like. You know when someone dies and people are, like, putting them on a pedestal, that's how people are treating my old smile. They're like, hannah was so beautiful and she was. She just lit up a room. Like, they're like, remembering you and they're like putting rose colored glasses on who I was. They were like, she was just euphoric.

[Des]

But they're rewriting history.

[Paige]

They are rewriting history.

[Des]

They're literally any man on bravo. Let's just rewrite it. Let's just change the past, I don't know, 10 years.

[Hannah]

Sorry, that was out of pocket.

[Des]

And I don't care because I'm thousands of miles away.

[Paige]

Doesn't count. You're in Italy. What Absolutely stays in Italy. So my thing also with the visor, it kind of made you look like you had bangs. Like, in a good way.

[Des]

Like, I don't think I actually had it on correctly. I think I should have flipped it over, but I'm gonna wear it again for sure. I actually think I might wear it neck this weekend because I don't think it fully got its moment. I didn't even get a picture.

[Paige]

Did some Gucci, which is kind of like. I don't know. I'm just, like, proud of you.

[Hannah]

Wait, Hannah, I didn't even tell you.

[Des]

I went to my vintage store here and I got the sickest vintage, like,'90s Valentino turtleneck dress. Not really. It's like a shirt that I'm gonna make a dress, and it has these, like, big cutouts and it's. It's so cool. You'll be so proud of me.

[Paige]

I'm so excited because I feel like you're getting better and better at thrifting. It's like everyone has their own eye and skill, and you're, like, really getting into it. You're in the weeds.

[Des]

Yeah. Well, you've really inspired me because I just think it's more consignment. I think, like, assignment is so. Because you're like, what was her story? What was her story? That she had this, like, sick designer, whatever. And then she's like, I don't need it anymore. You know? And I'm like, what? You know, I love it.

[Paige]

It's like, she wore it enough.

[Des]

Yeah.

[Paige]

Or she's dead.

[Des]

Oh, you know, I didn't think about.

[Paige]

She lives through. There are a lot of, you know, estate sales where, like, a really cool woman passes away and, like, she didn't have any daughters.

[Des]

Yeah, that's so true.

[Paige]

That was. That was her lesson.

[Hannah]

Support for today's. Episode comes from Square, the system powering like half the places I go. We've built Giggly Squad into a full business at this point, between podcasts, merch, touring and everything. And there's a lot of moving parts. And if there's one thing we've learned, it's that you can be chaotic, but your business cannot be Square helps business owners focus on the fun parts. Creating things, building something, showing up, not chasing down where a payment went or trying to figure out if something is in stock. Have you ever walked into a place and you're like, oh, this business has their life together? Like, you tap your card, it's instant, they already have your info, the receipt just appears. Everything is seamless, and you're like, wait, why was this so smooth? Well, that's Square. And once you notice it, you see it everywhere. Coffee shops, salons, boutiques, all the places that just feel on top of it. Which makes sense because Square basically runs everything behind the scenes. It's not just payment, it's inventory, online orders, scheduling, team management, reports, all in one place. So instead of business owners juggling five different apps and trying to make them all talk to each other, it's just handled. And it works. Whether you're starting out or your business is growing and getting a little chaotic. You can take payments in person, online or on the go, see what's actually selling, manage your team, even access your money faster. With Square Banking, it makes everything feel way more under control. And now that we're actually building brands, I realize how important it is that everything just works. The back end matters so much more than people think, and we may not always be the most organized, but Square keeps everything else under control. You don't need an IT team or a degree in accounting. Also, businesses using Square Online earn 36% more revenue on average, which makes sense. Some of my favorite places to shop that use Square in the city are places like Van Leeuwen Ice Cream on Columbus. I'm always getting ice cream, especially in the summer. Also La Colombe easy going in to get your coffee. Of course they have Square. So if you're starting a business or running one, that deserves better tools. Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com go giggly that's s q u a r e dot com go giggly. Run your business smarter with Square and get started today. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. I feel like we talk about therapy all the time, and it's so streamlined, but there is still a sigma that gets in the way of getting support. Better Help's 2026 State of Stigma report surveys 2,000Americans and reveals that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. I feel like the more we talk about and the more we normalize going to therapy, asking for help, talking to people, the more it will actually happen. And with Better Help, they're the perfect people to start with. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. And BetterHelp does the initial matching work so you can focus on therapy and your goals. All you have to do is take a short questionnaire and this helps identify your needs and your preferences. If you aren't happy with your match, you can switch at any time to a different therapist from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with Better Help. Sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com that's betterhelp H-E-L-P.com gigglysquad can we

[Des]

talk about Taylor Swift's wedding?

[Paige]

Yes. Initial Thoughts it felt like the Met gala. Like I was in Toronto and I was just kind of looking and like it's interesting what celebrities got papped and which didn't because there were a thousand people there. So it's funny that like Hugh Grant was the one that like we kept getting photos of and then like Gigi Hadid, like, I wonder if there were. She was like, okay, let these couple celebrities post and then no one else. I did get like tea like a month or two ago that it was in MSG and no one believed me. And my only real thought was I love how they posted on the screen. And like some someone just was like get canva. Let's just pick a font. And I thought it was an AT&T ad, which if it was genius, if it wasn't kind of annoyed because AT&T didn't deserve that kind of promo. But like seeing tnt, yeah, if it was a T plus T, I feel like that might have been better.

[Des]

You know, you're so right.

[Paige]

It was really giving at&t. And I was like, holy 18. @t&dior were the main sponsors of the event. Iconic.

[Des]

At first I thought like, oh, she's doing it at Madison Square Garden because, like, security and, like, privacy and blah, blah, blah. And then I quickly realized, like, that she didn't really give a about that. Like, I think she liked doing it on fourth of July weekend, like, a holiday weekend. I think that, like, goes with whatever album.

[Paige]

Someone said if they break up, she's gonna write Independence Day as, like, the divorce song.

[Des]

I also think that weddings have changed so much since COVID and I truly believe in elopements. No, I truly believe you should have whatever kind of wedding you want. I mean, you should do whatever you want always, but specifically your wedding. I think you should truly do whatever the you want. Like, elope, Have a party. Don't have a party. Go to the courthouse. Invite a thousand people.

[Hannah]

Invite two people.

[Des]

Like, I don't care. It has no bearing on my life.

[Paige]

Go to a pizza parlor.

[Des]

The only thing I have to say about Taylor Swift's wedding is the thought of four avenues being shut down in the middle of New York City on a holiday weekend. What are you talking about? If you've ever been in New York City where just a side street is shut down, the whole city is where we go. We don't know where to go. You're telling me they shut down 7th Avenue, 6th Avenue, 5th? Like, you're telling me five streets were shut down on a holiday weekend? My first thought is, what if there was an emergency and an ambulance couldn't get through? Like, this is why I hate parades, specifically just for this reason. Because if you see a parade in New York City and a street is shut down, you're fucked. Like, it will now take you 45 extra minutes to get to your destination.

[Paige]

But I think she was toking on July 4th. A lot of people being out in the Hamptons, But I don't think everyone in New York City is going to the Hamptons.

[Des]

It's not like Hamptons is for elite assholes. In what world are the majority of New York City out in the Hamptons? They're not. That's like a facade on Instagram. The majority of people that live in New York City are there for the holiday weekend. So I. That was my only thing. I was like, I'm shocked that this is. That the city is even kind of letting this happen, because I felt like it was kind of dangerous. You can't shut down five avenues.

[Paige]

I have a lot of mixed emotions. I feel like it's kind of annoying that she had to donate $30 million to charities to try to avoid some hate on her wedding weekend.

[Des]

Well, I did hear it was $50 million.

[Paige]

50 million. I feel like a man getting married. Like a famous man doing something crazy. Like, he would never have to do that. But she literally was like, can you guys please let me just have a weekend? I'm putting $50 million to charity. Like, please don't.

[Des]

And, like, look, I'm not mad at her for wanting attention. I love attention. I've been. I was on reality TV for seven years. I think attention is amazing. But, like, she wanted the attention for her wedding weekend. And that's totally. I don't. I'm not mad at that. Like, But I think people being like, oh, so she didn't care about privacy? Well, obviously not. That didn't.

[Hannah]

She didn't care. Yeah.

[Des]

She wanted people to know she was getting married, which. Yeah, let the people know.

[Paige]

I do think also, logistically, her team is so good at building sets. So, like, a parent. Like, it was literally the same people from the ERAS tour. I think that, like, came in, built this fudgeing set in a quick amount of time. It's like, what they know. And it is just so funny when you have more money than you can imagine. It's almost like you have too many options of what to do. But I feel like her and her and Travis love socializing. They love partying. They love.

[Des]

I think he loves being famous, and I think she loves showing him, like. And look how famous you are now. I think that, like, I was gonna say.

[Paige]

And I don't. I love is love. But, I mean, you would understand more than anyone how sometimes with fame, you can fall in love with the spotlight on you rather than the person.

[Des]

Okay. In my fragile state of. From my.

[Paige]

But you can fall in love with the idea of people. The idea of your relationship through the public eye versus your relationship. And that's why I think so many extremely famous people don't survive their relationships. Because you can't actually see, like, true intimacy when you have so many lenses on you. I don't know. That was a lot. That was really wordy.

[Des]

But I think that's why a lot of people got divorced or married during

[Hannah]

COVID because you were so forced to

[Des]

be with that person, and it was just you two. You couldn't socialize with anyone else. And I think that is really important. Like, a perfect example is Zendaya and Tom Holland. Like, we still don't even know when or where are they together. Do they even live in the same house? We don't know. And I just think that I also. Because I have been in, like, a public relationship before. I do think when you are in something and you can relate to this, but this one's a compliment. When you truly. And it doesn't even matter. It doesn't even mean the relationship. It could be the relationship with your mom, your dad.

[Paige]

People hurt people. That's what we're learning today. Hurt people.

[Des]

When you truly love something so much and you care about it, you want to protect it from even, like, I'm gonna cry. The person on the street, like, you. You're like, you can say whatever you want about me, but if you say one thing about my mom, like, so I think if you really, like, cherish, there are certain things that you're like, I would never want anyone to know this. Like, I would never want someone privy to this, because this is just for us. And so I do think that there could be a lot of criticism of Taylor and Travis's wedding, but also, like, if it works for them. Mazel tov.

[Paige]

After dealing with reality tv, where I put someone I love in a position, I. That's why I've had to scale back, because I feel like I made a mistake and I shouldn't have done that to him.

[Des]

It's funny. I had someone ask me the other day if I would, like, when I get married and have kids, like, would I do a reality show? And I. It was like, a random person, and I was like, oh, my God.

[Hannah]

That's such an interesting question.

[Des]

I've never really thought about that before, but my gut feeling was the thought of someone criticizing my child. Like, no.

[Paige]

Well, the whole thing with reality TV is I always say, people are like, why did you do it? And I'm like, I was 26 and single.

[Des]

Yeah.

[Paige]

And I did it until my family started to get hate messages.

[Des]

Dude, I did it as revenge. I didn't even think it was real. I literally. My boyfriend pissed me off, and I was like, watch this. I'm going on a show. And then I walked in. I was like, wait, I forgot I

[Paige]

was actually doing this. Oh, God. Our women in STEM of the week. I'm on a really weird algorithm. It's iconic. It's. There are these minion contests. Have you seen these minion singing contests?

[Des]

I haven't, Hannah.

[Paige]

So it's these just, like, normal, hot girls that go up to a mic and then sing songs in the minion voice and language. I've never seen the mini movie, but I guess they have their own language, like, elfish type thing. So these, like, gorgeous girls are, like, singing, like, in A minion voice. And it's getting, like, really competitive, and, like, the winners are kind of blowing up. So shout out to all the girls who are really good at being minions.

[Des]

Wait, I don't get it. Where are they doing it?

[Paige]

In a theater somewhere? Maybe it's Canadian. I don't know.

[Des]

So confused. You want to know what? That's actually what pissed me off this week because. What are you talking about? Just a bunch of grown people pretending to be minions in a theater. No, thank you. I don't want.

[Paige]

But you know what? Nothing makes me happier than a hot girl doing something weird.

[Des]

Totally.

[Paige]

Suddenly, I respect her. Suddenly I'm like, oh, you've been through some dark. If you found yourself.

[Des]

At this point, I'm caught up on Love island, usa, and I'm done watching it. I actually don't care who wins. This season was one of the weirdest seasons of Love Island I've ever watched in my entire life. There's three men on the show that are so, like, annoying. Two of them, okay, they, like, kind of owned up to, like, their whatever. The one guy, I mean, he's a pathological liar. It's not even like, sorry, I shouldn't have done that. He's, like, blatantly a pathological liar. He can't stop lying. He's, like, literally getting no hate. And the girl who had been dumped and, like, over and was, like, exploring other men is getting more hate. And if I hear someone call them lustful one more time, I'm gonna scream, like, what in the Old Testament are you saying?

[Hannah]

Stop.

[Des]

You. Gen Z. Stop using the word lustful. You sound like freaks. You sound like actual weirdos.

[Paige]

You're on a dating Adam and Eve.

[Des]

Yeah, like, okay, you sound so manosphere. It's actually really terrifying. And, like, girls can kiss multiple men and not be a whore. You absolute weirdos. Like, and all the girls want this one girl, Melanie, to go back with this guy who's lied since the day he's gotten in there and then looked at the other girl who was being lustful and was like, it's really bad for you. I don't know what's going on with love, but I don't. I actually don't care who wins.

[Paige]

Do you care about uk?

[Des]

So now I'm getting back into UK and I'm starting to care more about them because, well, here's the other thing. UK is like, double the time, and they get to know each other more, and there's more conversation, and they. I'm sorry, they have more Banter. We, as American, we sound dumb, we sound stupid. Now, I'm not saying the UK Love island cast is a bunch of goddamn geniuses.

[Paige]

No.

[Des]

But they just feel they're more mature. Yeah, they just feel like they're more. Honestly, the Love Island USA cast feels like you're in a Tick tock. I feel like I'm in the app of Tick tock where, like, uk, it feels like real young kids, like, trying to meet each other and like, around.

[Paige]

Well, my husband has been getting.

[Des]

Oh, yeah, he texted about it.

[Paige]

Yeah. Love Island UK clips. But now he's like, fully immersed in it and it's like the. I'm not watching it. So I'm like, text page. She's watching it. But we watched it when they were like, fact of 50. So I keep going up to him being like, are they saying, like, factor 50? And he's like, no, that's so five years ago. No one says that anymore.

[Des]

And I was like, shit, there have been dumb people on Love Island. Like, one girl didn't know the difference between a continent, a country, a county. Like, she was.

[Paige]

You do not have to be smart.

[Des]

No, absolutely.

[Paige]

To get on Love island, you have to be some version of hot.

[Des]

And look, a lot of people will say it's not that serious. It's not that big of a deal. It kind of is because they just pooled a group of the same age people and this is their dating habits. The men lie and the girls think each other are whores and should put up with way more than they should put up with.

[Paige]

I can't, you guys. I want to be part of this dialogue and I want to be making fun of it and stuff, but, like, you're too. I'm just, like, not lustful.

[Des]

Oh, I'm like, what in the Serpent Queen are you talking about? Like, lustful? I. I've never said that word in my 33 years on this planet. They're like, lust is like the worst thing you can be in a relationship. It's like, actually, maybe a dingbat is the worst thing you can be, like, shot up.

[Paige]

Bring back dig Ding that. Bring back dingbat. A little update. Speaking of shows, I'm shooting my show right now.

[Hannah]

How's it going?

[Paige]

It's going really. I'm, like, really excited for this show. I can't, like, give details, however, I am being a menace to the glam team. Well, the makeup artist, she's fully trying to, like, joker me and make it look like I'm, like, lifted and, like, not looking sad and Every thing. And then so this one guys, the hair guy, Rye, he's like, let's do a ponytail. Which I said, you know what? Let's do it. But when they do a, like, slick back ponytail, they put so many bobby pins. Now, you, more than anyone would understand, you know when a bobby pin just, like, hits wrong, and you're like, that's in my brain.

[Des]

Yeah.

[Paige]

And like, when you're shooting a show, like, first 30 minutes, I was fine. An hour in, I was like, something's going on back there. I was just, like, waiting in between takes, and I'm like, fuck it. I'm trying to move this bobby pin. I pull out a bobby pin because I'm like, yolo. Whole ponytail comes undone. It was like, the important Bobby pin. I know. Eighteen.

[Des]

The Bobby pin.

[Paige]

It was the main character Bobby pin.

[Des]

It was Mr. Bobby Pin Pin as

[Paige]

Mr. Pin to you. Yeah. So I go, oh. Because I thought I could take it out. No one would know because.

[Des]

Right. Because sometimes you can. You're like, oh, this one is like,

[Paige]

this was not even needed. And it was just like, I literally still feel it. So the guy comes out. Ryan's like, rolling his eyes. He's like, oh, my God. Has to redo my whole pony. Stop production. My whole face falls. Everyone's like, okay. So I know it's like reality TV again, because I have my mic on me, and they'll, like, put me in a room and be like, okay, like, in 10 minutes, we'll have you come out of the room to, like, it's

[Des]

a hot mic situation.

[Paige]

Fully farted.

[Des]

Like, wait, when are you done?

[Paige]

I think next week. But, like, I'm so excited for the gigglers to watch the show. Like, we're killing it with the looks, and I'm wearing glasses every day to, like, make me a different person.

[Des]

Yeah. Okay. I think that's. I love I. The picture you posted on your story the other day, I love when you wear your hair pulled back like that.

[Paige]

Yeah. I knew you'd be into it. Oh, also, I have to issue an apology. Sorry, just going through some notes.

[Des]

Okay.

[Paige]

I did this thing of, like, things that I hate. And I. I said, man named Brayden. And then I got. I got only like, three messages, but it was enough backlash from the gigglers. I feel like I should address it of gigglers being like, hannah, I love you so much, but, like, my sweet, sweet son's name is Brayden. And this, like, really hurt. Really hurt my feelings. So I just want to say, when I say I don't like guys named Brayden. I don't mean the Giggler's son's name. Brayden.

[Des]

We don't mean anyone under 30, 25. Sorry.

[Paige]

I want to say sorry to all the Giggler Bradens. You guys are perfect because they're being raised by us, but anyone already millennial Bradens, they have no shot.

[Des]

Sometimes I use this podcast as, like, my personal forum. Sometimes I really need an orthopedic surgeon to get MIT because. Hannah, do you know what a ganglion cyst is?

[Paige]

I feel like my dad had that once.

[Des]

Okay, look at my wrist.

[Paige]

Wait, that's what, like.

[Des]

Oh, like, old women have. My grandma used to have one. I have the.

[Hannah]

Look at that.

[Paige]

Oh, oh, oh, look at that.

[Des]

Oh, dude, it hurts so bad. That's why, like, I used to have to wear my wrist thing all the time, because I think it was that

[Paige]

you would get a ganglion cyst on your hand. That's because your hand is too long.

[Des]

I was like, mom, what do I do about it? And she was like, oh, your grandma used to have that. They go away on their own, or you can get it surgically removed. And I'm like, but I don't want to get it surgically removed, but I need it gone because it's actually really starting to hurt me.

[Paige]

And then.

[Des]

Then I have, like, an indent right here.

[Paige]

Yeah, well, the good news is you're not walking around like this.

[Des]

That my dad said. Oh, just to go like this.

[Paige]

Yeah, just don't walk around like a little rabbit.

[Des]

This is why I have to have a baby. I'm so sick of my own shit. Who gets that?

[Paige]

Yeah, well, if it makes you feel better, I got a mole on my back. Like, I don't have a mole. I've never had a mole in my life, but it's a mole on my back. And Des was like, you should get that checked. It's cancer. And I'm like, no, my grandpa got these. Like, this is just who I am now. So. But I'll get it checked.

[Des]

I think you should get that. No, no, no, no, no.

[Paige]

Also, I know we're getting older. I know I'm getting older because I love. This is my favorite thing to say now. I love going, oh, the humidity broke.

[Des]

What?

[Paige]

I feel like that's such an adult thing to say. Like, you know, after it rains, I go, yep, the humidity.

[Des]

That's not even an adult thing. That's, like, a very niche type of dad who's always over 55. Way above 55.

[Paige]

No. Well, Des Loves the weather. My mom loves the weather.

[Des]

It's someone that, like, worked with their hands, you know, like they did something.

[Paige]

Saying the humidity broke is my new. Like, it's really nice outside. Yeah, the humidity definitely broke. And then I heard myself say, I'm like, who are you? And like, they are not saying that on Love island for sure.

[Des]

The humidity broke.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Des]

No, but it definitely is really fucking hot there. And I don't know how they're. Like, their makeup is staying because they never look like they're sweaty and their hair always looks put together. And I don't. I don't know how they're doing it. I'd also like to know what time they're going to bed and what time they're waking up. But that's my own.

[Paige]

Yeah. Are they allowed to drink on Love Island?

[Des]

To drink minimum. And the Brits ruin that for them, I'm pretty sure.

[Paige]

But also to drink. It doesn't say how many shots. That is. Like, you could do just like two huge vodka cups.

[Des]

No, I don't. I don't think they give them hard liquor. I want to say it's wine or beer. OG uk, they would like chain smoke, cigs and drink. And then I want to say like season early in uk, it turned into a two drink minimum. And I think USA just adopted that because if they were drunk, it'd be a very different show. The word lustful would go right out the window, I'll tell you that. Okay. Maybe we should let next season let them get a little liquored up and show their true feelings.

[Hannah]

This episode is brought to you by Experian Boost.

[Des]

Red Flag.

[Hannah]

He Venmo requests you for coffee.

[Des]

Green flag.

[Hannah]

He raises his FICO score with Experian Boost. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You've been paying your bills on time every month. Your utilities, your phone, your rent, your insurance.

[Des]

But your credit score still doesn't reflect that effort. Kind of sounds like dating.

[Hannah]

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[Des]

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[Hannah]

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[Des]

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[Hannah]

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[Des]

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[Hannah]

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[Des]

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[Paige]

See experian.com for details.

[Hannah]

Can we talk about how summer dressing somehow becomes harder than winter dressing? Like, you're either comfortable and look like you gave up, or you're cute and you're counting down the seconds until you can change. That's why I've been obsessed with the Breezily Collection from Lululemon. I recently wore the Breezily mid rise cropped pants to lunch, and they're exactly what you need in your summer staples. They have this relaxed, effortless look that's somehow casual and polished at the same time. And not to mention they're so lightweight and breathable. Sometimes pants in the summer feel like a personal attack. And these absolutely don't. They're made with Lululemon Swift fabric so they stay airy and comfortable and they move with you instead of feeling restrictive. The fit is drapey and easy, but still looks elevated. And that's what I love about the Breezily Collection in general. It feels like clothing for when you want to look like you made an effort without actually the hard part. I wear Lululemon and you should too. Go to lululemon.com right now. New styles drop all the time and the colors go fast, so don't wait. And if something doesn't work for you, free returns always. That's lululemon.com lululemon.com as you know, this

[Paige]

is the number one pet podcast in the world and that's why we love petsmart. I mean, have you ever saw a pet a petsmart and not like gotten giddy and wanted to go in and just get like kitty every single g.

[Des]

Well, you're not walking by a PetSmart and not looking in the window. I mean, you would be a monster if you were to not look in the window, see what's going on, see who's in there. I love petsmart because not only can you get everything in store, but they also ship everything really fast. So sometimes I want to go online

[Hannah]

shopping for Kitty too.

[Paige]

Oh my God. For sure. And you get what you need when you need it. There's so many ways to shop when life gets hectic. You can get food for your cats, you can get toys for your cats Get a snack for your friend's dog. You can get a collar for your friend's dog.

[Des]

Just gonna see how long you could go.

[Paige]

They have auto ship so you never run out of your pet's favorites by putting it on auto ship free same day delivery store pickup shipped to home in store. And petsmart is the one stop shop that delivers all my needs as a cat mom. Which obviously like celebrating Daphne's birthday is a need, not a want a need. So Visit your local PetSmart store. Go to petsmart.com today PetSmart Anything for

[Hannah]

Pets, no matter what stage of family life you're in. Family Proof your family with Life360 app, a location sharing app that works whether you're on an iPhone or an Android. I don't have children yet, but let me tell you one thing. I love tracking my mom and dad. It's actually my favorite, favorite pastime because if they're not answering my phone calls, I just tap and see where they are and I'm like, you absolutely should be answering my phone calls. Location sharing with your family is streamlined and improved with Life360. And also it just gives you peace of mind when you know where everyone in your family is. And it's so much better for scheduling because you can just double check where someone is rather than having to call them and disturb them. Life360 Place alert notifications let you know when someone arrives and when they leave a location, making it easier to stay coordinated with your family family and plan accordingly. Family Proof your family with Life 360. Visit life360.com or download the app today and use code giggly to get 15 off. That's life360.com code giggly.

[Paige]

Des made me watch the World cup last night.

[Des]

I wrote down World cup water, but I don't remember what I was.

[Paige]

Water, Water. Oh, they're doing water breaks. That's like a drama. There's like a water break thing happening. They're called hydration breaks. That I think is for like, advertising.

[Des]

I don't know what it was.

[Paige]

Well, anyway, I did watch.

[Des]

Oh, I know what it was. Wait a minute. I've lived my whole life not knowing that when athletes are playing in a game of any sort, they're never drinking water. They're putting it in their mouth and they're spitting it out.

[Paige]

No, they drink water.

[Des]

Oh. Because everything in like the World cup was like showing them, like swishing it in their mouth and then spitting it out. And I was like, oh, why are they doing that? And then the comments were like, no one's running with a full stomach of water. But also, like, how are they not dehydrating, dehydrated, and passing out?

[Paige]

I do think it's a combination I actually don't know about, like, soccer players. Maybe that is a thing that they're not, like, chugging water on the side, but, like, they have to stay hydrated to an extent. Like, sometimes with tennis, they'll have, like, electrolyte gels and stuff, but they're drinking water.

[Des]

Electrolyte gel. See, this is a whole world I

[Hannah]

was never privy to.

[Paige]

You're never privy to. That's why. Yeah, you do all. But you know what you'd love? If you start cramping, they give you a Diet Coke.

[Hannah]

No, that's just sheep.

[Paige]

Because you need sodium.

[Des]

No way. I didn't know that. What about Gatorade?

[Paige]

It's like, they need even more then even more. Like, they'll have you eat, like, McDonald's after just to get, like, salt.

[Des]

Okay, now I'm actually calling the police. Why didn't anyone put me in sports? Are you kidding? I would have crushed a soccer game. Oh, I'm just gonna. Sorry, I don't feel good. Let me get a Diet Coke and McDonald's.

[Paige]

Well, that's why everyone's like, you must have been so, like, fit during tennis. And I'm like, the amount of calories I was eating was. Yeah, diabolical. I was doing pizza eating contests after practice. I was like, who thinks they could eat a pizza faster than me?

[Des]

You know what I always loved in high school? That when the track team would have a pizza party, I'm like, God, guys, you really knew the right team to join. Used to have pasta parties.

[Paige]

Oh, hell yeah. Car blowed that. You know, we never talked about what the Empire State couple. You know, Taylor Swift was like, guys, not this weekend. This weekend you're not climbing to the top. They were like Instagram models. Like, they were, like, really hot and cool, and they, like, proposed to each other, but no one talked. Are they arrested now? Like, what's the vibe like?

[Des]

I think they got arrested. It gets a felony.

[Paige]

Yeah, you know what? Hot people get bored. They have, like, no issues in their life. They're like, what if we just.

[Des]

And let's talk about that. Because if they were butt ugly, people would be pissed.

[Paige]

No, it's so true. The fact they were hot. Everyone was, like, iconic.

[Des]

It was. Put it in the Louvre privilege example.

[Paige]

They were ugly. They'd never be allowed in New York City again. But Instead, we were like, take a photo, put it in every pizzeria. Like, these people are icons.

[Des]

That would have crushed on Tumblr.

[Paige]

Oh, yeah. But you know what? I don't love it, like, even becoming a trend. Like, it's just. It's not. I do wonder what security's up to. Empire State Building. Where were they?

[Des]

Well, surely they snuck into the building.

[Paige]

They were just, like, bandits. Like, the first time we walked in, I would have been like, that looks like a bank robber.

[Des]

And then what? They slept there the night before and then, like, snuck out onto the top? Like, I don't even get the logistics of it. And also, like, yeah, that's really scary if this hot little brunette with a bob can get past the security. I'm worried. Yeah, I am worried.

[Paige]

Taking a selfie up there. I would have dropped my phone.

[Des]

No. I would have been so clumsy. Also, I would have been cheek. No. Well, you and I are similar. We have no adrenaline rush seeking vibes whatsoever.

[Paige]

You're so right. Also, I feel like I got married, like, generations ago.

[Des]

Yeah, you've been married for 20 years.

[Paige]

My wedding was not in this millennia. Like, no. I would have done it so differently. It is so funny how.

[Des]

Like, really, what would you have done different?

[Paige]

I mean, it was perfect, but, like, I feel like my fashion's so different now. Like, I would have done, like, a. Something crazy. I would have. I don't know. I literally went to a strip mall and was like, that looks good on my body.

[Des]

Yeah. No, Hannah, you picked the first dress you tried on.

[Paige]

I picked the first. Which. Which iconic.

[Des]

Which some people say when you know,

[Paige]

you know, when you know, you know. And I would have eloped.

[Des]

I could have seen you doing the courthouse and then having a dinner after.

[Paige]

Yeah, that's what I would have done. But I also know what Taylor Swift felt where she was like, let's celebrate and make it a moment. Like, I mean, I had Raquel at my wedding. Like, I had, like, crazy shit happen at my wedding, so.

[Hannah]

Oh.

[Paige]

Oh. The one last thing I want to say about Taylor is she was on that. That interview show where she was like, I don't like people being on the cusp. Which is true. There's, like, your really close friends. Then you have a lot of people that you're like, a ton of people that are on the cusp, and you don't know what to do. So she's like, so I'm just gonna invite a shit ton. But then it actually hurts more to not get invited because you're like, Oh, I wasn't even in your top 1000.

[Des]

Well, when I saw that Blake Lively wasn't there, I was like, wait, this is actually. I feel like even more of a fuck you because it's like, Fergie's there, so it's like Adam, Sam, I really, honestly, I hope that like, like, Adam Sandler officiated. I don't. I feel like it was just like, it's the most random event ever.

[Paige]

It felt like the Oscars.

[Des]

I think my mindset would be the exact opposite. Like, oh, I don't want to have to evaluate my relationships with these people. It's like my wedding so small. It would be weird if you got invited. Like, not, oh, my wedding so big. Everyone come. I'd be like, it's 50 people. I don't know. You like that?

[Paige]

I almost feel like her inviting, not inviting Blake Lively, she knew would be such a story that, like, she hates her that much, that she's like, I'm fine with that being the press on my wedding weekend.

[Des]

Well, she could have invited her. And Blake said no. But I don't see Blake saying no.

[Paige]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Des]

I mean, look, she. I think she wanted people to talk about her marrying Travis, and that's what. Exactly what everyone's doing. So I don't. And I don't think that's a bad thing. Zendaya didn't want anyone talk, and that's exactly what happened. Nobody talked about it. So I think you do what you want.

[Paige]

There was a really good TikTok someone made about who's like a big swifty, and she was like, just want to reiterate, you guys that, like, this isn't the end of the story. Like, getting married is not your win in life. It's not like she went through all the up and downs for this moment, and now everything is rainbows of butterflies. Marriage is a huge decision in your life that could ruin your life.

[Des]

No, but also kill you. It could kill you. Kill you.

[Paige]

But also, like, this is just one part of, like, all the beautiful things that she hopes to do in her life. And this is not the win as a woman is not, oh, I got a man to, like, do paperwork to be in the relationship.

[Des]

One of the girls on Love island actually had a great point. She was like, getting picked isn't the prize, it's how he treats you. Which, honey, if I had a God damn nickel, girl, I actually get more

[Paige]

of a high off of the guys who I didn't let pick me because I'm like, first of all, they, I feel like, put me on a pedestal in their head because they never know what it was actually like to date me. Like, they never got me. So, like, it's like that. Like, it's an illusion.

[Des]

It's like a situationship. You're like, well, you made it all up in your head because you never actually experienced it.

[Paige]

Yeah. Like, they had, like, one good blow job by me and that's all they're left with. So, like, that's. That's iconic to me.

[Des]

Like, did I ever tell you about the time I had sex with someone and he had a heart attack? Have I never told that story? No, I feel like I definitely have to have.

[Paige]

You've never told me. I know.

[Des]

To the point where it was like, paige, defibrillator in the closet. Grab it.

[Paige]

Why does he have a defibrillator in his.

[Des]

Because he had a heart problem. And like, not. This is like, not. This is not.

[Paige]

Did he tell you beforehand? Like, this could happen. Yeah, but wait, low key, where you were. Like, if he doesn't have a heart attack while I'm fucking him, like, that means I wasn't. Like, I didn't blow his brains out.

[Des]

Once the dust had settled and like, he was okay and we were, like, recovering from it, I obviously said, yeah, my pussy is fire,

[Paige]

literally.

[Des]

You almost died. You couldn't. No, I mean, this is so long ago.

[Paige]

So, like, were you scared that, like, he might die?

[Des]

Yes, Hannah, I was terrified.

[Paige]

Did you know how to use a defibrillator?

[Des]

No, I. It wasn't like. I feel like people are thinking like, oh, my God, Paige had sex with like an 85 year old man. Like, no, this was like a normal age person who had, like a heart problem problem. And literally we slept together one time. It was one time. We slept together legitimately once.

[Paige]

First question. Were you guys drunk? No.

[Des]

No. He, like, I don't think he. He, like, didn't do drugs, he didn't drink. Like, this was like a normal. I like, oh, my God, this is so. I was like 20.

[Paige]

So. Second question. At what point was he like, did he immediately know he was having a heart attack or did it, like, take some time?

[Des]

I think we were like maybe like three minutes into it. Maybe two, 2:30 into it.

[Paige]

But two minutes in sex world is like 20 minutes.

[Des]

Yeah, you're right. Actually, let's say we're. Let's say we're 45 seconds in. Maybe a minute. Maybe a minute we're in.

[Paige]

It's like running on a treadmill I'd

[Des]

have to call one of my girlfriends because I literally can't remember. And they'll renault, wait.

[Paige]

Sex time is true. Like, 10 minutes of sex feels like 10 minutes of running on the treadmill. Like, you're like, I ran a marathon.

[Des]

Totally.

[Paige]

I'm raw, I'm bleeding.

[Des]

I think he had, like, a thing inside of his body that could get, like, thrown off and got, like, a device. And so, yeah, if it got thrown off, he could fix it himself. And it did. It, like, got thrown off, and I had to grab something, and he, like, did something, and then he was fine.

[Paige]

Did you put on clothes or were you running around naked trying to get a different relator? Like, did you put your cute outfit back on before you saved his life?

[Des]

This is very sad. When I was younger, I was so insecure about having, like, small boobs, so I never, like, took my bra off or took, like, my top off, really. So I think I probably had a top on.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Des]

And his roommate was there.

[Paige]

Wait, that's.

[Des]

So I'm pretty sure I literally have to call my. One of my girlfriends and ask her, because she'll remember.

[Paige]

I was always the opposite. Like, taking off my underwear was like, that was the final boss. But, like, yeah, top off, I was. That's like, good morning. No, but I also. I just don't like wearing a bra. Also, I wouldn't wear.

[Des]

I never wear a bra. Yeah, I never wear a bra. So it's like, go ahead.

[Paige]

That's very lustful of us. Very lustful. Wait, I'm not done with my question. So then when you were deferring him, did you. Was it easy or were there, like, a lot of steps?

[Des]

No, no, no.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

He.

[Des]

I just had to hand him something, and then he knew exactly what to do. It wasn't like he passed out and, like, was about to die. It was like something was happening, and he was like, holy. You gotta go get, like, get off.

[Paige]

After he did it, did you guys finish, or were you like, maybe we. Maybe we just call the night.

[Des]

No, no.

[Paige]

Were you like, well, I need to

[Des]

finish because, like, I was like, I want to go home. I wanted to go. I was like. It was traumatizing. No, he was older than me, and it was like, I didn't really. No, we weren't, like, ever. Like, we were never, like, together. We never, like, went out on dates. Like, it was like a random hookup one time, and I was just like, yeah, this is like, not for me.

[Paige]

In my special, I have a bit about how the true Walk of shame is when you have to walk into his bedroom with all the roommates who are, like, playing FIFA on the couch. Like, why are there always, like, 20 men at Guy's apartments?

[Des]

Like, oh, my God, that's such a feeling that I, like, forgot. That's such a college. I haven't felt that in so long.

[Paige]

When you literally have to be like, I'm gonna go get dick down. Hold on one sec, guys. Oh, and you're like, pray for me. You're like.

[Des]

It's also just like, men are so misogynistic that, like, you feel. They make you feel slutty for even walking in.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Des]

Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I just feel like there are situations that you get in as a growing up in a. A woman and you're in college where there's so many times where you're just like. I know they're saying some really crazy misogynistic.

[Paige]

Also, as a woman, did you know that, like, men, most men think if you go back to their place, that means, like, you want to have sex?

[Des]

Yeah, I could see that.

[Paige]

What if you just want to?

[Des]

Like, I think it's more. I think it's. Look, if I'm going home after the date, I don't. With you. I didn't with you on the date. I don't want to spend any more time with you if I'm going home with you after the date. It's not necessarily that I want to say sleep with you. I just want to continue hanging out

[Paige]

exactly where guys will take it as, like, she for sure wants to have sex.

[Des]

No, it's like an after dinner drink

[Paige]

or like, yeah, you want to keep talking. You want to possibly let him touch your boob. But this is also when I was younger.

[Des]

Yeah, this is like, I wouldn't do that now.

[Paige]

Like, when I, when I was like, even in college, I was like, okay, otphj, you get. But I was also scared. Terrified.

[Des]

No, I'm still scared. I'm still scared. After reading the book Strangers, anything could happen. I think about it all the time. I'm like, you don't know any of these men. We don't know any of them.

[Paige]

I also learned a new term, which I. I don't know if you connect with because you're, like, better at it than me, but I definitely connect with it. It's called post Gossip clarity.

[Des]

I just saw that on Tick Tock. I literally reposted it. I've never felt something deeper in my life. The amount of times where I've spilled my guts and have been like, why the hell did I tell her that?

[Paige]

So for people who don't know, it's like, guys say they have post nut clarity where after they come, they, like, suddenly see everything clearly and regret everything. We're like, post gossip, Claire. I didn't realize how much in my life I would gossip to connect with people.

[Des]

It's also because, like, you think see it as, like, a vulnerable thing, and that's how you connect with people. Like, yeah, both being vulnerable. Here's the thing. There's layers. I don't feel like that with you. Like, I hear a juicy story, the first thing I'm like, is, Hannah's gonna die when I tell her this.

[Paige]

If anything, I get mad when I don't give you enough gossip. I'm like, I didn't do well enough today.

[Des]

Someone, like, outside my circle. I'm very like, maybe I'll give you, like, a little more so. But what are you giving me back? And, like, I. I feel like that's something you learn. Like, late 20s, early 30s. Like, actually, I'm not telling you anything,

[Paige]

but that was, like, my mid-20s, I feel like, because you don't even know whose side anyone is on. But I would say one thing I learned as someone who's heard people talk bad about up herself, which is not a uncommon thing, is a lot of the time it literally isn't personal. Like, you think someone's like, oh, that person thinks that about me. And it's like, no, they were just trying to be cool with that other person.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

And once you realize that, you actually get a lot of confidence in life and be like, oh, they actually like. Or they actually, like, respect you. And that's why they're trying to bring you down, because they both put you on a pedestal and that's why they trying to pull down.

[Des]

Or they're psychotic and they literally want to be you and skin you and wear you. Like last year's Versace, which I feel like happens to me a lot.

[Paige]

And that's why we thrift. Just do some consignment shopping and figure it out. So overall, how's your vacay going? Besides the anal fissures?

[Des]

It's amazing. I've done so much good shopping, and I just feel so, like, I feel so disconnected that it's like, so nice. Like, I forgot what it was like living in the real world and not on the Internet. Like, the more you immerse yourself in the real world, the more you realize the things you read on the Internet are insane. Written by insane people.

[Paige]

Well, when you travel, you just realize, like, oh, the world is so much bigger where when you're online, it feels so small and like.

[Des]

And it's also. I'm also like, oh, wow, these are the only people plus Hannah that I actually give a shit about in the world. The people I'm with right now, like, I haven't looked at my phone because I'm like, the only person that's texting me is Hannah. And she's working

[Paige]

and she's going through something right now. Wait. I'm so happy that you're in this mindset. I also can. You're tan.

[Des]

And I might skip dinner tonight and just do room service. My dad is gonna, like, really kill me. But, like, I think I need to give my stomach a little bit of.

[Paige]

You need to look out for yourself in these moments. Also, let the family try to talk about something else other than me. Yeah, give them a moment. It's like when I wouldn't go to school one day, I'm like, what are people talking about?

[Des]

If I'm not there, I can't perform in the pool. I can't perform at lunch. I can't then go to dinner and do a one woman show. I'm tired.

[Paige]

Call back, Riff.

[Hannah]

Call.

[Des]

Yeah, my brother, though, he. He's pretty good. Yeah.

[Paige]

Yeah. No, well, let him, let him, let him.

[Des]

My dad's like, when are we making another tick tock? I have to figure out the tick tock situation for my dad, but, you know, it's very. Crush.

[Paige]

Yeah, it's a lot strategizing.

[Des]

I also haven't been taking a lot of pictures because I'm just like, I don't care, Des.

[Paige]

And I never take photos. I'm like, we. There's no evidence that we've ever been together. We're alive. And I want to do a quick shout out all the. There's so many gigglers in Toronto. Because Toronto is like, like, really cool and full of just like hot girls being girls. Girls. Every girl comes up to me and goes, sorry about your smile. So, like, immediately I don't feel rude when. Yeah, they're like, hi. And I'm like, at dinner. And I'm like, hey. So I want to say if you're a giggler and you see me, tell me, you know, about the smile thing because it helps me, like, with the social interaction. And then I'm like, at ease because I don't want to have to, like, tell you what I'm dealing with because

[Des]

like, you don't have to explain it yourself. Yeah. On your stank face.

[Paige]

And I'm giving smiley selfies with just a little kissy face. And it's like, it's working.

[Des]

It's chic, it's cute, it's chic. And we're gonna look back on this time and be like, haha, he, he funny. You know, that's not this time right now, but we will get there. We're gonna get there together.

[Paige]

DEZ says that I'm snarling. It's a snarl. Okay, guys, those dogs. There was a dog sitting next to us at dinner. And Des goes, that's your smile. And the dog was like, like a Bijan.

[Des]

Like my, like one of my boyfriend's families had this dog like a lobster apsa. I think it was called like a. And it had like.

[Paige]

That sounds like an Italian entree.

[Des]

No, it like looked like a bijon, but it was like had an underbite and I was shaking.

[Paige]

I look like a little dog that you could. That's biting people's ankles. That's what I look like.

[Des]

Okay, and that's all we have for today.

[Paige]

Well, no, it hasn't gotten better. But we love you guys so much and we'll talk to you later in the week.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Bye.

[Hannah]

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