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Hannah Berner
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Paige DeSorbo
Okay, guys, let's talk about dating. Specifically, let's talk about Bumble. A lot of brands are always like, New Year, New Me, blah, blah blah. Not at Bumble. We think that women have had a tough year and that we are allowed to date however we want, whenever we want, wherever we want, whoever we want. And I could not be more obsessed with that because as women, I feel like we need to celebrate more parts of ourselves. And that's truly what we do at Giggly Squad. Because on Bumble, you can date how you are. So for me, it's New Year, More Me. And so if you're ready to date exactly how you want, Bumble is the best dating app for my single girls with Bumble Premium. Their features help show more of what makes you you. Whether that's your personality, what you're into, what you want from a relationship. Bumble will let matches know from the get go. Bumble spotlights what you have in common with potential matches, making it easier to see if they're a fit, giving you a shared interest to start a conversation. You can also now filter profiles by interest, making it easier and quicker to find people who like what you like. So 2025 New Year. More you join Bumble. I love the new year. I love a resolution. I love a reason to get organized. I love simplifying things in my life. And one of those things I love is like kickstarting a healthy journey. And let me tell you a statistic. Over 10,000 chemicals have entered our food supply, yet the EU limits this to just 300 additives. So I personally can't look at the back of every single product and know if what I'm getting is good. That's why Thrive Market makes it so easy to find better options without the hassle. One of my favorite features is the Healthy Swap Scanner. It's in the Thrive Market app. It's simple. You just scan any item and it'll instantly suggest cleaner, healthier grocery items, alternatives. This simply means just like swapping out my sugary snacks for Something more high quality. But the best part about all of this is that everything gets delivered right to your door and you get savings on every order. Another thing I love is Thrive Market's smart cart feature. It takes the stress out of replacing junk food. When you create an account, Thrive Market asks the right questions and automatically builds a grocery cart tailored to your needs, filled with healthier alternatives to your favorite brands. From there you can just adjust, add or remove items before checking out. I found so many brands that I've never heard of before that I'm obsessed with. Like my freestyle olives. I'm obsessed with those. So if you're ready for a junk free start to 2025, head to thrive market.com giggly and get 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R I V market.com giggly thrivemarket.com giggly.
Chris
Sup gigglers? Gary, fix your wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up my? Get back to work, Gigglers. No more relaxing. We're taking on the town.
Gary
Honestly, I miss Giggly squad. I feel like I've lived seven lives since our last pod.
Chris
Well, okay, we have to apologize not only to the Academy.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
But we dropped the most dramatic episode ever on a Monday with no warning. And we were just like, figure it out, Googlers.
Gary
The drama.
Chris
The drama. And then we went radio silent.
Gary
See ya. The only place you could find me was in TikTok comments. That's the only place I liked.
Chris
Which is so funny because I'm. I haven't been allowed to look at like Bravo related stuff for years now.
Gary
Well, here's the thing. I'm in TikTok Comments. Like in general. Like I'm in there.
Chris
It's better than actual videos.
Gary
Yeah. Like I pop in there.
Chris
Yeah.
Gary
So like when I see one about me, I couldn't. I was like, let me tell you about your fucking self for a second. Like I couldn't resist.
Chris
And you sue someone.
Gary
I no.
Chris
How many people did you sue?
Gary
I'm so obsessed with the Gigglers so much. First, wait, first and foremost, let me just say the Gigglers like gave me life this weekend. Like I don't think I would have survived this week if I didn't see the Gigglers in the comments being like, you don't fucking get it. She's not actually suing you.
Chris
I started getting tagged of people being really tired being like the Gigglers this week trying to defend Hannah and Paige, like this woman smoking a cigarette just like the Gigglers. You guys, you work so.
Gary
No, they work so hard. I felt like I had 17 million girlfriends just being like, what did you say?
Chris
What'd you say to her?
Gary
Fuck. Say it to my face.
Chris
Say it to my face.
Gary
I didn't cry in the breakup episode, but I literally might cry over the Gigglers because I just. I knew that this week was going to be, like, a little tough. I was not expecting, like the amount of misogyny and like the 65 year old boy moms can absolutely fuck off.
Chris
The act of dating is figure out figuring out how long you want to be with that person and then you get to a point where you go, I think we did our time.
Gary
I feel like I was extremely graceful and nice on the last pod. That was just one version of me. Okay. I made the right decision.
Chris
Don't make lasagna.
Gary
The virtual lasagnas that I got, my aunt Pam literally had frozen meat lasagna and sent it to my apartment. She's just like a queen. Um, shoot. I was gonna say something and literally now I forget the only, like, I don't care about any rumor that is, like, ever said about me. I felt like that TikTok sound when it's like, you're a drug dealer. I was like, what? Like, watching things about myself. The only thing that I was like, okay, can't like let this go by was because it was like a third party involved. It was like people saying that I cheated on Craig with Marcelo, which, when I first saw that I. I died. I was, I was laughing.
Chris
I was going to text him and then I was like, I don't even want to bother him with this because it's so stupid.
Gary
I felt weird. I was like, I feel like I have to text Marcelo. Like, what if he sees that? What if he has a girlfriend?
Chris
For the record, have you ever texted him one on one? Not in our bachelorette group chat one.
Gary
Time to get me into the SNL Shane Gillis after party. Literally, the only time I've ever texted Marcel was, hey, do something for. For me and get me to meet Shane Gillis.
Chris
So I. When I see that, I go, that, wait, that's my baby brother. Yeah. I go, that's my literal. She would never touch my baby brother.
Gary
I can't have sex with a minor. That's illegal.
Chris
Literally. He is our baby. We birthed him from our pussies. Domingo came out of my vaginal canal.
Gary
So I just, like, texted him. I was like, hey, just want to let you know, there's, like, a rumor going around that, like, I cheated on my boyfriend with you. And he was just like, yeah.
Chris
We should. We make a sketch where he comes out as Domingo, and he's like, what did he say?
Gary
I don't even know. But, like, he was sending me screenshots of DMs he was getting of people being like, we fudgeing. Hate you now. And I was like, marcel, I'm so fucking sorry. Like, this is so embarrassing. And no. No one was. No one involved was defending me, which I found interesting.
Chris
But no, because I think anyone involved was like, this. We're not taking this seriously. But it is crazy to be on the side of seeing stuff being made up and then how it just can go through the Internet like crazy. No.
Gary
Rapid fire. I was like, wait, am I going to jail?
Chris
No. That was like, when there was a rumor that DEZ and I broke up, and I was at the Verizon store, and he wasn't there, and I texted him, and I was like, are we broke up?
Gary
No. It's so crazy.
Chris
This is why I want you to not be in the comments, because you don't need extra anger. You're already Sicilian. We're already up to here. We're gonna snap it any second. You don't need this. But I do have to say, I.
Gary
Think people forget that we're Sicilian.
Chris
They forget.
Gary
I think that they need to be reminded. And this is your fucking reminder. I'll show up to your house.
Chris
But it's also like, I think breakups are so beautiful. And I was just getting a lot of really positive messages from the gigglers.
Gary
No, the gigglers were sending me some of the. Like, the therapist girl. Did you see that video?
Chris
Yeah. She said no.
Gary
I started crying.
Chris
She Six girls had brought up your breakup. I hope that your breakup caused a massive breakup where everyone broke up with their boyfriend.
Gary
We all got cats months ago. And then we were like, wait, are we lesbians?
Chris
And this is why I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night, because I said, I want you to shave your head like I'm a stone. The girls were not happy. They said, first of all, I think you're sabotaging Paige's Sorbo. And I go, mm, she does that to herself. Second of all.
Gary
Gender for second of all.
Chris
They were like, she's going through a breakup. Why would you even put this in her head when she's vulnerable? I said, okay, valid point. And then three, they were like, no one's gonna Pino guy will want to date her. And I go, again, amazing. But still, the misogyny in that. People don't realize I'm. I'm a creative. I come up with ideas. I throw ideas at Paige. She takes what she wants. I'm just throwing stuff in there. Just because it hasn't been done doesn't mean it can't be done.
Gary
Well, you want to know what I think? I think there's an Audrey Hepburn biopic that's circulating Hollywood.
Chris
That's what I heard.
Gary
And I think all the actresses are trying to get that role. And so they're dressing like her, they're cutting their hair like her, and they're.
Chris
Like, do you know who I think is gonna get it?
Gary
I'll say, who I. Who I think should get it. You say who you think should get it.
Chris
I just heard randomly today.
Gary
Wait, let's do it on the counter.
Chris
Okay.
Gary
One, two, three.
Chris
Ariana Grande.
Gary
I don't like that.
Chris
I didn't cast her.
Gary
Oh, wait, here's another thing I have to say. I've been really. I've been trying to watch Wicked for. We're going on seven days now. I've taken seven phenomenal naps right when it starts.
Chris
Wicked would be so good without the singing.
Gary
Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing.
Chris
But do you see how you are, Glinda?
Gary
Yes, Ariana. From what I saw 15 minutes intermittently, she crushed it. She's amazing. She's phenomenal. She's the best singer of our entire generation. I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn.
Chris
Why? She's Italian.
Gary
I. I shouldn't say that, because I do love her, and I actually do think she probably could do the role because I've. We've seen her, like, be able to commit and, like, whatever. In my head, it's someone older.
Chris
But what if she's playing her that age?
Gary
Yeah, no, you're right. But, like, I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her. Or Lily Collins. Or you or me. Honestly, maybe I'll just. Maybe I just wanted. I'm like, I've never acted. Put me in, coach.
Chris
I've seen you on Summer House. You're pretty good.
Gary
According to everyone on the Internet, I've been acting for three years. My mom is, like, the best mom ever. And when I was little, not little, I think maybe I was in, like, seventh or eighth grade, and something happened for the first time ever, like, with a boy. And I remember my mom saying to me, and she'd, like, repeat it to me, like, every couple of years. And she would say, paige, I need you to understand that this is a man's world, okay? It's a man's world. So you need to always be smarter, quicker. Like, thinking on your feet like, you're gonna get fucked over in situations that you shouldn't just because you're a woman. And I feel like that always seems stuck in the back of my head. And I think people get so mad at me because I move like a guy. I've always moved in the world like a guy. I will ghost the fuck out of you. I don't give a shit. I, like, will take your job. I'm not the kind of crazy where it's like, I need to get back at you. It's. I'll get. I'll take your job and become your boss, and then I'll fire you. Yeah, like, that's my kind of crazy.
Chris
No, 100%.
Gary
It was just, like, very telling. Like, I knew our world was misogynistic, but I didn't know to the extent until it was, like, coming at me or.
Chris
I do have to say I saw a stat on Instagram, guys in their 20s, one in five are in relationships, and girls in their 20s. It's like, two out of three.
Gary
Okay?
Chris
And the way that makes sense is because girls don't want to date guys in their 20s. They want to date older guys. I'm not saying I started that, but, like, I probably did. And there's, like, a maturity thing, but that there is a problem with men right now. Like, majority of homeless are men. Majority of addicts are men. Obviously majority of people murderers are men. But at this point, what do we do? Because now. Chris, what do we. Chris, what do we do? Because I was talking to my cousin who's at fit, I was like, who are we dating? And she was like, no, it's not good out there. And I was like, sorry, I'm with an older gentleman. Gentleman, yeah. Chris, can you tell me the year women were allowed to get divorced, they weren't allowed to get a credit card without until man being on it.
Gary
Like, 1970. Like, what is that?
Chris
1969.
Gary
1969. 1969.
Chris
That's fucking crazy. Because that's like, when our moms were born. Like, we're just second generation of women.
Gary
No, our parents were literally, like, 10 years old. That's crazy.
Chris
That's fucking crazy. Also, I've been working on this bit about icks and how, like, the reason ick got so popular is because we literally Weren't allowed to have icks before?
Gary
No, we couldn't say it.
Chris
Like, he'd be sitting. He'd be like, singing in a restaurant, happy birthday to another table. And you'd be like, well, I literally can't get a divorce. So, like, la, la, la. Where now, like, he comes in with flip flops and you go, divorce, motherfucker.
Gary
We've made a whole career on talking about icks and the things we hate about men. A whole career, literally.
Chris
I just got tagged in something of me being like, I hate if he's bad at bowling and you're good at bowling. And I was like, oh, no, wait.
Gary
Can we talk about Nikki Glazer for?
Chris
Yes.
Gary
Because one of her jokes to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban was like, he thinks we're playing the guitar so much that Nicole Kidman won and made 18 movies this year. Like, so true. She's probably like, did you ever shut the fuck up?
Chris
It's so funny because you just envision him, like, trying out a new thing, like, oh, my agent, just go home.
Gary
She's like, that's crazy.
Paige DeSorbo
I have to go to America.
Gary
She crushed it.
Chris
I mean, it was so good. It was so funny when she said that no one had eyelids in Hollywood left. That was so fucking funny. I also. I love that she also didn't play the, like, look. Like, everything's so effortless, and I'm just, like, so chill and, like, this is just me. She was like, I worked my ass off for this. For 20 years, I've been in the trenches. I did this set 91 times. I hired 10 writers, and I'm testing and testing, and I know I'm going to kill it because I put the work I love. I hate when people are just like, oopsie, poopsie, I crushed it. And then you're sitting at home like, oh, I guess. Like, I'll never be talented enough.
Gary
No. I think she's such an inspiration. Not only did she crush her job, she looked. Obviously wasn't an effortless job. She looked effortless, though. She looked gorgeous. She looked stunning.
Chris
I think something like we like to put out in the world is how women can be multifaceted. Like, you can be beautiful, but also a bitch. Yeah, I. I can. Funny, but also depressed. And I love that she's multifaceted on there. And it's like, she's not just like, oh, I. I hate myself and I am funny. No, she's like, I'm hot, but I'm also funny. But I also worked really hard for This. I also was nervous. Like, just the multifaceted. Just being a human.
Gary
Yeah. She's very. Just authentic and relatable. I also loved that people were like, she's the best host since Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, which I, like, forgot that they used to host it.
Chris
Shout Out Amy.
Gary
And they were phenomenal. And it's like, oh, does anyone know what guy has ever fucking hosted? No. Because he sucked. Remember when Jo Koy did it? Get the fuck out of my face. Like, that's crazy.
Chris
I have some, like, tea. Yeah. Did you know that Nikki Glaser's the reason DEZ and I are married?
Gary
No.
Chris
I don't know if I ever, like, said.
Gary
Wait, no.
Chris
So dez. I saw dez, like, eight years ago at the Comedy Cellar when I was, like, in sales or something. Yeah. I thought he was so cute. But his whole set.
Gary
Wait, that's so crazy, because I keep getting TikToks. That's. That are, like, you meet your husband twice.
Chris
Stop.
Gary
Is that nuts?
Chris
That's crazy because, like, I remember thinking, he's so cute. He's so whatever. But his. He lives in Ireland. His whole set was how he's in Ireland. Yeah. And. But I, like, remembered him.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
And then years later, I get into comedy, and he starts following me, and I follow him back, and, like, nothing happens.
Gary
Okay. How long is this before you went on your first date? Like, a year.
Chris
A year.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
So we've been following each other for, like, a year.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
And then I take a photo with Luann and I tag that I'm in shelter Island. He DMs me. Are you out east? Yes. Do you want to get coffee in Sag Harbor? Here's my digits got there.
Gary
Did he actually say the word digits?
Chris
I said digits.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
I was like, really? Digits? I. Long story short, he was like, oh. I started following you because you were in the background of Nikki Glaser's Instagram story, and I thought you were pretty. And he goes, I thought you had fake lips.
Gary
You do have phenomenal lips.
Chris
Thank you. They are overlined right now.
Gary
They do always look plump.
Chris
But he basically was like, I was following so. Because of Nikki.
Gary
Oh, my God.
Chris
Because him and Nikki had been friends.
Gary
Wait, that's crazy. Have you ever told her that?
Chris
Yes. And also, Nikki, early on one night, she was like, do you want to follow me around? And I was like, yes, please. I just want to smell your hair.
Gary
That's so nice.
Chris
She literally was like, I'm practicing my set. And I watched her do a set at the stand. We jumped in a car, went to the Cellar. I watched her do three other spots. We sat at, like, the table, and she looked at me, and I asked her some, like, stupid questions. I was like, how do you remember? Like, I just asked her, and I was like, do you forget things? Do you bomb? Yeah. And she just was, like, so nice. And, like, from that moment on, I was, like, really inspired.
Gary
Women Supporting women.
Chris
Women Supporting women.
Gary
You love to see it. I feel like. I don't know why I feel like this. Probably just because of the week I had. I feel like all the Gigglers and, like, the girls are in on a secret that, like, the guys don't know. It's like, the guys and the women over 65, they're on their own island. And we're.
Chris
Well, Chris is on our island, too.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
We don't know what he does when he leaves the studio, though. Like, we cannot. He cannot be held accountable.
Gary
Yeah. Like, we don't know who he dates.
Chris
It. Did you think when you wrote see you in court to that one guy that he was going to. It was going to become, like, a whole thing?
Gary
I certainly didn't think, like, People magazine was going to be like, paige, Paige threatens legal action. I was like, it's a joke. Like, it's a fucking giggly squad joke.
Chris
Out to my fucking life.
Gary
Yeah. I was like, listen to my podcast, you idiots.
Chris
No. The Gigglers have been defending us day and night. I think they're, like, taking turns.
Gary
They're, like, tirelessly working. Also, I need to shout out Tracy Carnazo and, like, eight team of gigglers sent me a massive bouquet of flowers. It literally looked like I died in a car accident. I was like, wait, what happened? It was so nice. And then they donated $500 to a woman's shelter. Is that not the sweetest? I was like, it's all worth it.
Chris
No, because there's people. There are fucking people. Well. Cause our own was going through it last week. One of our own.
Gary
The range of emotions I went through. At one point, my mom was like, I think I need to hang up.
Chris
And I hate to say I was kind of happy that you were getting some press, because I was trying to get out of my own press.
Gary
No, literally, I knew. And he's getting mauled with a bleak, lively Joseph Baldoni. I gotta hold my beer. Literally. Hold on, I've got your back.
Chris
I literally was like, okay, we're dropping the episode tomorrow, I'm pretty sure.
Gary
No, there was a moment where I was like, should we just Drop it today. To really, like, to really stop this.
Chris
My only note I'm gonna. My only note that I'm gonna say about that is that it was kind of crazy that there were, like, five comics and we're all doing, like, the roughest roast jokes you could think of.
Gary
Yes.
Chris
And one line from me is the only thing that got picked up.
Gary
Hannah. Tim Dillon, I love him dressed up like a murdered man. And everyone's like, phenomenal, creative. You said the word cunt.
Paige DeSorbo
And they were like, I'm sorry.
Gary
This whole week, I felt like a witch in Salem. I was like, wait a second. My ancestors truly are like, bitch.
Chris
Also, I just want to say the joke in general was kind of phenomenal and hilarious. It was about how, like, girls are getting hate.
Gary
Yes. And it was highbrow, high level.
Chris
It's super high brow. I also have to say that the word cunt in America, people fucking hate.
Gary
But it's an amazing.
Chris
They lost their mind.
Gary
Thank you, Gen Z. Like, really shout out to Gen Z for bringing that to, like, it being normal.
Chris
There were some people that were, like, mad at me. So this one woman kept commenting on my photos, cunty. And I was like, I don't think she knows it's a serve. I'm like, that's literally the look I'm.
Gary
Going for with a spoon. No, the amount. Okay, that's the other crazy thing. The amount of, like, mean comments. Like, it's never a girl our age. It's never a girl younger. Like, to see a mom, like, it actually is pure comedy. And I feel like we could write a skit about it. To see a mom, like, with a pixie cut and, like, glasses, and her profile is, like, live light. God. And then, like, okay, well, I love pixie cuts. And then to be like, you're a raging cunt and I hope you never get married and have children, I was like, that's crazy.
Paige DeSorbo
I'm trying to plan an upcoming trip, like, some type of, like, chic ski trip where I don't actually ski with a few of my girlfriends. And we were talking about, like, what hotels should we book? And then we were like, we really want to be together the entire time. And booking a suite is just, like, too much. And so we keep looking at all these different houses, and it just is making the trip so much more exciting to think about being in a house all together. We can hang out in different rooms. We don't have to go to bed and, like, not see each other. We can go into each other's rooms. It's so much easier. So next time you're looking to book your next trip, be sure to look for a guest favorite on Airbnb. Guest Favorites are a collection of the most loved homes based on reviews and reliability so you know you can't go wrong. If you're like me, then this time of year you're definitely struggling with patchy, dull skin and kind of like an uneven skin tone. Well, I have the remedy. Facial Radiance Pads from First Aid Beauty are truly the solution. These pads are pre soaked so all you have to do is wipe and glow. They're formulated with lactic and glycolic acid to gently exfoliate, brighten and help refine the look of your pores. We can all use it this time of year. I trust all of First Aid Beauty products. I have so many of them and they're good for sensitive skin and they just leave you with like a nice smooth finish without dryness or irritation. One of my favorite products from them is their moisturizer. It just like oh my God, truly saves my skin, especially at this time of year. See the difference? First Aid Beauty's Facial Radiance pads make for your complexion. I know you'll love them just as much as I do. And right now I have a special offer for the gigglers. Get 20 off when you visit our exclusive URL firstaidbeauty.com giggly and use our promo code giggly. That's First Aid beauty.com giggly don't wait. Get 20 off with promo code giggly@firstaidbeauty.com giggly hey gorgeous gigglers. You know I love changing up my look, but it really takes a toll on my hair health. So to keep it looking gorgeous, I use K18's viral molecular repair mask. It reverses damage in just four minutes. So I get strong, soft, bouncy hair again with with one use. I love it. Stylists trust it and their patented science is legit. So pop to your nearest Sephora to discover my K18 favorite or try it 10 off with code giggly on your first order@k18hair.com that's code giggly@k18hair.com so in 2024 I started taking Symbiotica's Liposomal Vitamin C to improve just pretty much everything, but mainly my skin. And I just felt like it made me peppier, honestly. And I kept seeing all these girls on t back like slurping up the Symbiotica packets and I was like, wait, I need those. And what's really cool about Symbiotica is the quality of their products. They're free from seed oils, preservatives, toxins, artificial additives. You're only getting the good stuff that your body craves and needs. And it just feels so much better knowing that their formulas are clean and intentionally sourced. Because when you're taking vitamins, you don't want to worry if they're actually good vitamins. Symbiotica is high quality holistic wellness right at your fingertips. Be present and feel your best for life's most memorable moments, go to symbiotica.com gigglysquad for 20 off your order plus free shipping today. That's symbiotica.com giggly squad for 20% off your order plus free shipping today.
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Chris
I wanted to tell you the jokes, some jokes that were cut that I thought were way worse.
Gary
Okay. Yeah.
Chris
And I want to see if you think they're funny or not.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
This first one I'm starting with was actually written by Kim Congdon, who's this, like, amazing roast writer that she. And she pitched this joke to me and it's fucked up. Okay. Selena. What an evil. Okay. Selena Gomez got engaged to Benny Blanco, who seems nice, but he does look like the monster inside P. Diddy. That was too savage.
Gary
That's so savage.
Chris
Okay.
Gary
That's hilarious. Okay, next.
Chris
Let me go easier. This is like a sweet one that got cut. Okay. John Krasinski was announced the sexiest man alive. The same guy who took five seasons to try to fuck Pam. Then I go, this whole industry is very plastic. Every time there's a wildfire in the hills, I assume a Kardashian got a little too close to an open flame. Okay, this is mean.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
Cause I said no plastic surgery for Jeff, though. I like your suit. You look like a fancy aborted baby.
Gary
Oh, my God.
Chris
That'S awful. I wrote that one.
Gary
Oh, my God.
Chris
I Said big year for podcasts. Call her daddy. Had Kamala Rogan, had Trump. And I had a more influential blonde hawk, Tua. She gave me amazing financial advice. Wait, what is going on with her?
Gary
I don't know.
Chris
But like, that point, I don't know who's managing her, but, like, you know that. That was not her idea.
Gary
Someone took advantage.
Chris
Someone took advantage of her. And I'm not witch hunting her.
Gary
No. Some men definitely came in and, like, ruined all her shit. She's probably going to disappear now because what she do? She stole a bunch of money from people.
Chris
No, she did a. It's. It's bitcoin stuff, so obviously Amanda.
Gary
Right.
Chris
But it's like, she got people to buy bitcoin. She didn't. She. That girl did not.
Gary
She didn't know.
Chris
Okay, this is the most fucked up one. Are you ready? Some girls have been singing out loud during the Wicked screenings, which is not okay. Kind of makes you wish Luigi hit a couple AMCs before you got the CEO.
Gary
No, that's evil. That. Anyway, so anywho.
Chris
So that's roast jokes.
Gary
No, I love it. You did so good on that.
Chris
Thank you.
Gary
And you looked phenom.
Chris
Oh, my God. I found an amazing makeup artist out there.
Gary
Your hair and makeup, honestly, so good.
Chris
Thank you. And I wore a dress that I'd previously worn that I knew was comfortable. Shout out to the Gigglers.
Gary
You should use them for that thing. For the thing we're doing in March in la.
Chris
Okay. Scrambling eggs. I do have to say, I got there and John Stamos was playing on the drums.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
And immediately I like, always know the zaddy in the room. Like, hi. But I was like, I'm not talking to him.
Gary
Right.
Chris
Like, I don't talk to famous people in the room. So I'm minding my own business, and we make eye contact accidentally, and he starts mouthing something to me because he was behind the drums and I was in the crowd during a practice, and I love, like, what's he saying? And he goes, gotcha.
Gary
No.
Chris
And I. That's why I said. I start going, no, no. I turn around, she goes, no. And I start laughing. And then I turn to the girl and I. I'm like. I think John Stamos just, like, made an inside joke about my podcast. But I think I. I think I'm.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
The guy who hated it.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
Then he. I try to avoid him for, like, the next hour because I just. What do you say?
Gary
What do you say?
Chris
What am I supposed to say? John Stamos Yeah.
Gary
What do you say to Uncle Jesse?
Chris
Finally, he comes up to me and he goes, hey, watch your special twice. But he was so nice.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
So talented on drums. So cool.
Gary
I didn't even know he played. Like, how did that even come about? They're like, and we'll get John Stamos to play drums.
Chris
I think, like, Jeff Ross has been in Hollywood for so long, he's, like, friends with, like, Diplo was there just because Diplo's, like, friends with him. Like, it was so. It was definitely, like, on the verge of a P. Diddy frequent.
Gary
No, I really. We need to go to LA and have lunch with John Stamos and Aunt Becky. I met her one time at a wedding, and I literally. I like. I mauled her. I was like, I love you.
Chris
Talk to her. Yeah. Was she nice?
Gary
It was literally right after she got out of jail. And I was like, I don't care what they're saying about you. I'm obsessed. And she was like, thanks.
Chris
I love a woman in step.
Gary
I love a woman scheming, plotting. Okay.
Chris
No, he couldn't have been more nice than afterwards. Just, like, chill. Like, I love when celebrities don't, like, pretend they're on, like, you know, when they pretend they're on a different planet and, like, they can't process anything around them because they're so famous, right?
Gary
Like, they're so out of reality that they don't even know.
Chris
They can't process the moment. And you always feel like it's fault. You're like, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, like, opened my mouth in your vicinity. But then you're like, oh, no, People can be normal. So shout out John Stamos. You're a giggler. He did a video for us.
Gary
No, I love him.
Chris
But overall, I had to cancel my vacation, which I never vacationed.
Gary
You canceled, like, seven vacations this month.
Chris
I canceled every vacation. I'm so bad at vacationing. It took so much balls for me to, like, click, book. And then I got an email, and Des and I were, like, at dinner, and it said, like, netflix roast. And I just looked at him, and I was like, we're not going to Columbia or wherever we're gonna go.
Gary
You're a career woman.
Chris
I'm a career woman. And then I just worked, Like, I didn't sleep for the next five. They gave me, like, five days to get the jokes together, so it was, like, chaos. But it was so much fun.
Gary
And, no, you did phenomenal. It was, like, so exciting to watch. I literally had, like, a Hannah weekend the other weekend. I watched your roast again, and you're special.
Chris
That's like me when I just go to your Instagram to look at your outfit sometimes.
Gary
I. This is my human beta blogger. I'm just gonna put her on in the background.
Chris
Wait, I did FaceTime you a couple times when Des was napping.
Gary
Yeah, that was nice. That was nice.
Chris
Oh, yeah. We're gonna go to the Knicks game tonight. Oh, yeah. With our dads.
Gary
How adorable.
Chris
What are our dads gonna talk about?
Gary
Who needs a son, honestly? Is the first thing I'm thinking of. No, what are. I can hear them giggling in the other room right now.
Chris
Our dads and Des are talking. I would love to know what they're like. What could they possibly be talking about?
Gary
I don't think they ever thought that they would get here with us. Do you know what I mean? Like, what do you think our dads think about us?
Chris
I was just thinking, because my dad has. He's so cute. He has a basketball league. And when I first started comedy, a guy came up to him and was like, what do you think about, like, the stuff your daughter says online? Like, she's pretty gross. And my dad. My dad kind of, like, laughed it off, like, whatever. And it's like, yeah, me being gross online got him courtside tickets, right?
Gary
So, no, my dad's friend think that I, like, do porn. They like my dad.
Chris
I do do dildo ads. We did not buy courtside tickets. Radio City is owned by msg.
Gary
Yes.
Chris
And we have two sold out Radio City shows. So it's like a thing they do where they give people who are playing Radio City seats. And we. We asked our daddies. So we're just two daddies. Girls.
Gary
What? I didn't, like, when I asked my dad, I really, like, didn't think of it. I was like, oh, we got these tickets. Like, do you, like, Hannah's gonna bring her dad. Like, do you wanna come? I didn't realize it until I got home for Christmas, how excited he was because, like, his friends were calling him, like, hey, just checking in. Like, when were you going to that game? And, like, where are your tickets? And he's like, you know, we got the separate entrance. That's what Paige said. So, like, and I didn't realize, like, how excited he was. And I forgot, like, how much men love sports. And it's adorable.
Chris
My dad, after we went, we went once, my dad and I, and it was like, the most amazing experience. And afterwards, he goes, so next time Can I bring my friends? And I was like, this isn't for your 20 friends from Brooklyn.
Gary
No. How the tables have turned. Literally, before we got in the car today to come, I looked at my dad and I go, now act like you've been somewhere before. Please don't embarrass me. If you're thinking, should I say that? The answer is no. Like, I literally gave him this beach he would give me when I was eight. Like, going places.
Chris
That is so funny. Well, my dad, just to warn you, loves a buffet. Like, lives for a buffet. And the last time, I didn't know there was free food, so he ate beforehand, showed up, saw the buffet, looked at me, said, why did I eat beforehand? Now I have to eat.
Gary
Were there hot dogs in that buffet?
Chris
Yeah, there's everything you can imagine. So my dad hones in and goes, he thinks that he's.
Paige DeSorbo
No, you are his daughter.
Chris
He thinks he's losing money if he doesn't eat at the buffet. So he needs to eat. He's getting ice cream. He's getting ice cream in between. Because my mom's not around, so she can't, like, like, judge him. I think he has gout also. And I'm like, go off, king. Go off.
Gary
No rules here. We're cool daughters. We're not regular daughters.
Chris
We're in the messy house.
Gary
I'm obsessed.
Chris
So Paige and I did. I am letting you know we're putting my output together like, 10 minutes before we leave, per usual. But I'm excited. Do you think they're going to get along, our dads? Like, they've hung out, but not, like, in this capacity.
Gary
Yeah, I think dads, like, have to. They have to because they're just.
Chris
Just dads, but also our dads weirdly have this, like, crazy connection. But that both their daughters, who were written off many times, are now, like, have a good business together.
Gary
No, my dad. Look, he's very supportive, but when I tell you that he did not believe in me for a second, I am. I am not. I am not over exaggerating.
Chris
I will thank him at every award show. But when I tell you, when I.
Gary
Say, this man was nervous. I was applying to colleges, and he said, what are you doing? Do you really think you're gonna be able to do that? I said, dad, I think I should try. And he goes, look, I'll take care of you for the rest of my life. And I said, okay, thank you. And look at us now.
Chris
My dad was literally the exact opposite. Like, the way he raised me, though, Was like a dog. Like he would like just throw, he would just throw a ball and be like, can you bring it back? And I was like, I love you, daddy. Was that fast enough? And he all, we only conn over sports at first, but we are like the same person. But he like believed in me too much. Like, I would like lose a match to like the number one girl in the nation. And he'd be like, what the was that? Yeah, like, what are you doing?
Gary
No, that's good.
Chris
But like his belief in me.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
Made me who I am, but gave you drive. Yeah. And he made in any room I walk into, like, he made me. And he's also a feminist king, my dad. Like, he loves the wnba, he loves female comedians. He likes, I think cuz he's such a girl dad.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
You don't see what women deal with. And it's like, dez, he hasn't seen what like female comics deal with. And he'll be like, oh, that's weird they picked your quote. Or like, oh, why didn't they choose you for that?
Gary
Is that not crazy?
Chris
And they learned so much from seeing it through our lens.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
And I think my dad, he loved when like I was on the boys team and the boys were complaining. Like, my dad lived for that.
Gary
So no, I think that like, life is like such a cycle that men get daughters that need to have. Oh, my dad needed a daughter like beyond. Because they always say that, like when you have a son, like a certain part of like love that you've never experienced, like, you experience it. But I feel like with dads and daughters, it's like 10 times more.
Chris
We're very similar. And also I feel like the sons, they have that little bit of like bucking authority where they want to be like, I'm my own man. Where like me with my dad, I'd just be like, I love your daddy. You can do nothing wrong.
Gary
Well, also think of their generation. They're the generation of like, yeah, you couldn't get divorced, you couldn't have a credit card. So like them growing up and then having daughters that are like so opposite of anything they've ever been used to is like kind of crazy. But that's a testament to our moms.
Chris
Well, I was about to say my dad is the least powerful person in the household.
Gary
Right. My dad doesn't know where a goddamn thing is.
Chris
My dad doesn't know my birthday or his own birthday.
Gary
Right.
Chris
My dad did not know one gift that he gave over the holidays. I love to look at Him. I said, dad, what is this gift? What is it? And he beats me. I don't know.
Gary
Whatever your mom picked out.
Chris
But it is. It is a cool full circle moment to bring our dads to game to watch other men run around.
Gary
How cute.
Chris
You're gonna like their huddles. They do huddles when they huddle. They huddle and they whisper. They gossip about the other team. They'll be like, he is really bad at passing. So I'm not saying no.
Gary
I. I thought about my outfit for so long. I'm just like, what would Khloe Kardashian wear?
Chris
Oh, what? Yeah. What is your inspo? And why did you choose what you chose?
Gary
I was.
Chris
I'm obsessed. Also, I feel like your makeup's a little Charlie xcx.
Gary
I felt like, ponytail gives wag.
Chris
Yes.
Gary
I was like, slick back ponytail. Off model, off duty. Just like a tank and jeans.
Chris
Yes.
Gary
And then a trench.
Chris
Yes. You know, I like trench because it looks like you're busy and you have to go somewhere because there's so many pockets. There's so many pockets. You do look like anytime you're like.
Gary
She has to get to things quickly.
Chris
And you look like you're gonna investigate something or flash someone.
Gary
Right.
Chris
This is where me and you differ. I wanted to wear this jacket, but I cannot deal with the fact that I'm afraid that when I sit down, I'm gonna feel hot.
Gary
But we put it on the back of your chair.
Chris
No, but you know how, like, it's the outfit. Like, you can't take it off. I don't like feeling trapped.
Gary
That's why I don't like. Because I was like, you can have.
Chris
It hang off y.
Gary
Like, I felt the same way. I was like, am I going to want to take it off? But, like, I can't wear a tank top. But like, I ordered, this is my first time on a jumbotron.
Chris
Yes. Watch. They don't do it right.
Gary
They just do you. The giggly squad in my club.
Chris
No, there is, like, an asterisk that, like, says, like, we can't guarantee that you're on the jumbotron.
Gary
Is there?
Chris
Yeah. But I think just, like, if they ever fuck up, like, they can't get sued, you know?
Gary
Okay. Got it. And, like, I need to be on the Jumbo.
Chris
Also, the jumbotron is. It's very quick. And you always like, like, look, I was on Drum Trail once at the Met game, and it was pretty great. But it goes so fast. You don't know if you don't know where to look because if you look at it, you're not looking in it. It's a whole thing.
Gary
No, I'm a little nervous.
Chris
But you're gonna be great. You've been training your whole life for this.
Gary
No, I've literally been training my whole life for a Jumbotron. That's how Pamela Anderson got discovered. And I think that's been in my head cuz I'm like. Hello.
Chris
Is that really how she.
Gary
Yes. Pamela Anderson got discovered on a Jumbotron At a football. Football game, I think.
Chris
Wait, you're right. I know.
Gary
A professional baseball game maybe.
Chris
Do you like how she's been showing up to red carpets? Just like, no stylist, no makeup, just me.
Gary
No. No, not at all. No stylist, no makeup, no hair. No we can tell. No, I clocked that. So empowering. She is stunning. She's gorgeous. I love what she's doing. But like, I would like to see a look for. I'd like to see one look.
Chris
I think I get it. If you're saving money. Stylists are so fucking expensive. So is hair and makeup, Truly. And I get it. But she doesn't have to. I.
Gary
She could have look, I am so do whatever you want, Truly. Like, don't wear makeup. Wear makeup. Get dressed up.
Chris
She always wear like a light makeup.
Gary
Do whatever. But sometimes I do think, like when you are invited to certain events, like, it is like almost rude if you don't come correctly, like appropriately.
Chris
But I do think when you're such an icon and you're of a certain age, rules go out the door.
Gary
Like, Jerry Seinfeld only wears sneakers.
Chris
Like Adam Sandler.
Gary
Right. And though he did dress up, that's fine for them. But like, I don't like that.
Chris
Can I tell you what I've been doing this whole break?
Gary
Yeah. Nothing.
Chris
I've been. Yes. I've been watching Dexterity.
Gary
No, the new one.
Chris
No, I've never watched it before. Does.
Gary
Okay. Yeah.
Chris
Does like sick because I didn't watch that many.
Gary
That's so crazy. I'm watching the like, reboot right now because I've. I watched.
Chris
So first of all, hot.
Gary
Hot.
Chris
It's. If you don't know, it's a show about a serial killer. But he only kills bad people. Bad people and serial killers. So it's like Robinhood serial killers. So you're like so into it. I watched five seasons and then does made me stop because he said it goes. It gets bad after four.
Gary
It gets so bad.
Chris
So he was like I don't want to ruin it for you, but now, you know, when you. This is the one thing I love about TV shows. You know, when you miss your family.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
Like, they're my. My best friends. You get invested with them, and I'm like, what is angel doing? And like, Matsuka.
Gary
Well, good news, because they just rebooted it as, like, a prequel. But this is, like, how he got there.
Chris
This is where I'm gonna be annoying. I don't like change. I don't know how to like them.
Gary
And that's fine. They use some of the same cast.
Chris
That makes me happy.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
I also saw Christina Milian is on.
Gary
It, and she's phenomenal. And she's so good. I'm very proud of her.
Chris
I love all her music.
Gary
Yeah. Oh, come on.
Chris
I love all her song.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
I've been doing too many roasts. I've been doing too many roasts. Pick it up slow.
Gary
No, she wasn't.
Chris
Pick it up.
Gary
I literally thought I was gonna, like, lose my virginity to that song, you know?
Chris
No. That was so good. And then the Sarah James Geller. Sarah Geller. What's her name? Michelle Gellar. Shane James.
Gary
Sarah Michelle Gellar. It was one of them. People don't talk about her and Freddie Prinze Jr. Enough.
Chris
They're so.
Gary
But they're one of, like, the longest lasting talking.
Chris
I think, because people aren't talking about them is why they're so happy. Also, quick thing about interviews at these award shows with these actors. Sorry, I didn't act.
Gary
As for it.
Chris
They. The actors. It's so funny. They're so different than, like, they take themselves very seriously, but in, like, they're saving the world that day.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
How do we get that passionate about. What if we talked about Gig. Wait. Doing this podcast, I felt connected to the feminine energy that. That the space had not been open for. And then the work I've been doing every week as I put my head down and I trained for this for months, making fun of my little brother. To be able to put myself in this place with you in this moment, in this present moment, on the mic.
Gary
It's a word salad.
Chris
I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about?
Gary
What did you just say?
Chris
You were in a movie where. What?
Gary
We don't know what, like, you. Yeah, no, I feel.
Chris
I love. I couldn't think of one movie.
Gary
Name a woman.
Chris
Name a movie.
Gary
No, I could name one movie.
Chris
Like, the fact that the interviewers remember anyone's name is a miracle because, like, you get so nervous. I'd be like, you.
Gary
And I'm gonna shout out. There's a shout out to Heather McMahon because I feel like she is bringing, like, a little bit of Joan Rivers back. Because she will laugh. Even if people don't laugh at with her because they're serious, she will laugh at her own joke. And that I appreciate.
Chris
She's not taking it too seriously. She's having fun.
Gary
She's not taking it too seriously. The other E. News host, Zuri Hall. I'm sorry, but if I was an actress and I. And I showed up to the red carpet and the interviewer looked 8,000 times better than me, I would be like, what the fuck? This is my night. She's always best dressed for me.
Chris
And she's extremely professional and smart. And shout out to Kelty Knight.
Gary
Yes. And Kelsey looked gorgeous.
Chris
Too gorgeous.
Gary
I will say all of the E. News girls are great at their job. I don't really watch any other, like, yeah, red carpet. But I will say I think everyone's just, like, scared to say anything.
Chris
Yeah.
Gary
And, like, it's so serious.
Chris
Well, someone was saying how interviews. It's either, like, too deep of a question, like, what does this movie represent for your entire life? And people are like, wait, what? Or they say something like, super. A question like, how'd you get ready this morning? And there's, like, no in between. But it's also. I don't know about you, but it's so hectic when you're on a red carpet. Red carpet that, like, you are just word salad. That's what I do.
Gary
No, 100%.
Chris
And then I just look at them, like, did that make sense?
Gary
Bring back the Manny cam. Like, what? Do you remember the Manny cam when they.
Chris
Wait, who?
Gary
The Manny cam when they put their.
Chris
No, I know.
Gary
Yeah, like, bring it back. But also, honestly, the era of, like, Juliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest. I think I, like, hold on to that.
Chris
Where is she?
Gary
I don't know.
Chris
Did they ship her back to Italy?
Gary
No, she lives in Chicago, I think, with her husband.
Chris
Oh, so she has a family.
Gary
She has a family. She owns, like, an Italian. I think they own, like, Italian restaurants there. But I don't know. Like.
Chris
Well, you know what's taking over now?
Gary
TikTok.
Chris
Bitchy gays on TikTok, who I'm obsessed with.
Gary
And there are no gays on the red carpet. Why? Why are there no gay interviewers? They would be 10 times better.
Chris
I feel like there are, but not.
Gary
On E. I mean, like, I don't want A straight man interviewing me.
Chris
They have Siriano on.
Gary
Christian Siriano, who I think is. Yeah, but it's also like, he's. He's a designer. So it's like, I mean, someone that, like, their profession is.
Chris
What's his name?
Gary
They have Mario Lopez, Mickey something.
Chris
Who's the guy who's like, hungover and just goes, no. Ew. Bad.
Gary
Oh, on TikTok. Okay.
Chris
Why'd you do that? I'll tolerate it.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
I want him to destroy my Elvis so bad. I know he's gonna see it and just go.
Gary
No, he's so good.
Chris
Like, but why can't we have that on tv? Yeah, like, I know.
Gary
I think because, like, I know it's rude. Yeah.
Chris
But I think you need a villain.
Gary
Like, well, I think streaming networks should start doing red carpet.
Chris
I also think if there's comedy. Let me say that you don't need a villain. It's like the roast. If there's comedy to it, if it's clever, if there's entertainment to it, that's one thing. We don't want people bullying people, being like, she looks ugly, she looks bad. This looks stupid. We want funny and not funny being like, oh, she looks like a lampshade. Like, we've heard that a zillion times. Oh, she looks like a mattress cover. Oh, like, good one.
Gary
Right?
Chris
We want it more.
Gary
Well, here's the problem.
Chris
Banter.
Gary
More banter. The problem with us is, is we're so self deprecating. And let me tell you, the majority of people are not. And it's genuinely uncomfortable when you're with, like, around someone that takes themselves so fucking serious. It's actually such my biggest ick.
Paige DeSorbo
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Chris
I did something so embarrassing speaking to talking to people. I tried to put myself out there. Be a good friend. Yeah, there was a person who like I love and we've only hung out a couple times but like he basically posted saying that he was going through a hard time.
Gary
Okay.
Chris
And I was like, you know when you think in your head like oh, I should have said something. I'm like I'm gonna say Something nice to him. So I message him. He goes, you're actually the reason for all of these problems. I messaged him, I said, try to keep your head up. You're really talented and bring joy to so many people. Take care of yourself. And he wrote, thanks, Hannah. I appreciate it so much. Much. I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch. I read it as, I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch. And I go, haha, you being a little bitch makes you who you are. He goes, no, I'm saying it. He goes, I'm saying still making shit is just a bitch. Like making comments.
Gary
This is why we have no friends. This is why it's just me, you and Grace. This is why Chris fucks with us just once a week.
Chris
It's so. Look, he's teetering. And I. I go, yeah, cuz you're a little buggy.
Gary
You go, yeah, well, everyone knows you're a little.
Chris
I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry I called you a. I go, this is why I don't help people. This is why you're like, oh, by.
Gary
The way, suck it the up, you.
Chris
He basically saying his job is like making content. He's like, making is a. And I go, I know you're a little stupid. And I was. And then I was like, I hope I made him laugh. And then I checked in on him later, like, hey, we good? And he goes, I don't need. No worry about that. So anyway, just be careful. Sometimes when you try to make people feel better, it makes them feel worse.
Gary
Okay, I'm gonna also say something that's so crazy. I like miss tour.
Chris
I do too. We had a purpose.
Gary
I had a reason to get up every day because I had a flight. I mean, well, I can't miss my flight. I'm not losing out on that money.
Chris
No, the quiet was loud.
Gary
No. During vacation, genuinely realized that, like, you and Grace are my best friends. And, like, I only want to be around you guys and I need to go back on tour, even if I have to heavily medicate myself.
Chris
See, I knew you loved tour.
Gary
I love tour.
Chris
We love tour.
Gary
No, I love it.
Chris
But like, so that's why I'm obsessed with rap music, because they're always rapping about, like, hustling and being on tour. So I pretend I'm a rapper.
Gary
Wait, I want to tell the Giggler.
Chris
Are you gonna talk about Taylor Swift?
Gary
Maybe for a second. I want to tell the Gigglers because I. I like go. I love the bit where it's like, oh, I hate music. Whatever. I don't hate music. I used to be like a huge, like, I only listen to rap in the past, like three weeks. I'm back. I have a slick back bun. I mean, it's like back pony. I am so back. There is music playing in my apartment at all times. Like, cheesy. No, it's just like future and gonna like on repeat. And then I'll throw in like a sad Taylor Swift song.
Chris
Did you hear the new song called Peggy? I'll send it to you. It's.
Gary
Who is it?
Chris
It's this British rapper love a British rapper girl who it's basically about, like being about like on men and being a dominatrix. And she's iconic. I was gonna say people kept tagging.
Gary
You in Midnight rain being like, paige.
Chris
Listen to this song. Did you listen and are you now a swifty?
Gary
I did listen. I'm not a swifty, but I. I'm not a swifty. Where I'm like, I'm not emotional. I'm not gonna like murder people that like, go against her. I think she's one of the most talented songwriters, like, vocalist. She's amazing.
Chris
Is there a position?
Gary
But in high school, all I listened to is Taylor Swift. Like, I was there when the first album dropped. Like, I've always been a Taylor fan. Wait, I just, I just had like some thoughts on her wardrobe. But like, what is the quote?
Chris
She goes, are you a. Are you a Nicki Minaj fan?
Gary
What? She says the wrong quote.
Chris
Pull up in the Sri Lanka.
Gary
It's like non the sentence.
Chris
So is there a particular Taylor Swift song?
Gary
I started listening to the one that the girls tagged me in. But no, honestly, I. I've been going more rap music because I feel like that's where I'm. I'm. I'm at that more emotional.
Chris
One of the final questions because we pre recorded our last episode, kind of missed some stuff. Do you have any thoughts on Lily J's essay?
Gary
Who the is Lily J? Lily J's essay.
Chris
Sorry. The boys are like laughing.
Gary
No, it's literally so loud.
Chris
Kind of makes me upset. The girls are working so that you can have your courtside scenes again.
Gary
Laugh it up over there. Jobless.
Chris
Nobody wants job as Fox.
Gary
You're going in a home as soon as you're of age.
Chris
I'm not wiping your asshole.
Gary
A state facility. Who is Lily J?
Chris
She is even Slater's ex who wrote. I was like, why are you pretending you don't know what this is? I feel like you did you. Did you read it?
Gary
No, but she did say, like, hey, this is fucked up. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris
She basically didn't address anyone, though, but in so many words, was like, I'm a therapist. My whole life I've wanted to be a therapist.
Gary
She is.
Chris
She helps women whose children are dying. So she's an angel.
Gary
An angel.
Chris
And she goes, my whole job being a therapist is that they look at me as a blank slate. I can take in all their trauma. And she goes, now people see me and know my story of my own issues, and that affects my job, because my job as a therapist is to be unknown. I'm fine with Ethan Slater doing his thing, but I've always wanted to be anonymous because that's my job and that's what I do. And now she's. And then she basically drops the bomb that, like, she went to England, had the baby to support him while they were shooting in England, and then makes no other detailed comments.
Gary
That's where they filmed Wicked. So she had the baby, they went on double dates. Like, they went out to dinner with each other. Other like, that.
Chris
How. This is his dick. Just, like, insane. But also, again, I don't care how. I don't. Can't. No matter how good the dick is, you get tired, you get bloated.
Gary
At some point, you're like, no man is worth, like, ruining another woman's life and a child.
Chris
I believe in love. I have that story when I was a freshman, and my friends and I, who were very similar, my whole thing.
Gary
Is just break up. You don't have to cheat. Everyone's an adult, so, like, oh, they get their feelings hurt. Shoot. They're going to have to deal with.
Paige DeSorbo
That for a little.
Gary
You don't have to cheat.
Chris
Just what the Internet was saying about you, Marcelo. I mean, we were trying to tell you my own damn advice, but I do believe. And I wasn't cheating because I was an official, but, like, my friend hooked up with the guy I had been, like, talking to for a couple weeks because I was, like, playing tennis tournaments, and they were just, like, hanging out.
Gary
This is your college friend that got married?
Chris
They got married, they had babies, and I got go. As they should. They were clearly meant for each other.
Gary
As they should.
Chris
They found love. I wasn't going to marry that man.
Gary
No.
Chris
And it's. When people find love, sometimes it gets ugly. But, like, as long as people are happy, I'm happy.
Gary
No, that quote of, like, if you can take them, have them. Yeah, if you can take them. I don't freaking want them.
Chris
Yeah. I just shout out to Lily J. She may have been under an NDA, but I thought it was very classy of her not to, like, throw anyone under the bus. But she just spoke of, like. Like, first of all, she's like, I'm Dr. Lily J. So when all the tabloids write about me, she goes, it's doctor. Isn't that so nice?
Gary
That's so good.
Chris
And she basically was like, this is my life and my perspective, what I'm dealing with. And I hope it helps any women who are struggling, because I got through it. So it was a phenomenal essay. Wow.
Gary
Good for her.
Chris
It was great.
Gary
What a strong mom. And, like.
Chris
And Paige would write a essay about her experience, but she. You can't read or write. Who knows how? We could do the book.
Gary
I don't love punctuation. Okay. Sue me.
Chris
Oh, God. Any other notes that we have?
Gary
What else? Oh, I have, like, a quick question.
Paige DeSorbo
I, like.
Gary
I don't know why, but I've been getting, like, a lot. My TikTok algorithms. Like, it's all over the place. I've been getting, like, a lot of moms, like, preparing to have a baby and, like, getting their nursery ready and, like, doing all these things and whatever. And I had a thought. Do pregnant women shave their vaginas?
Chris
I think some of them do before.
Gary
I mean, I'm talking, like, when they're about to give birth.
Chris
I think some of them. I think I'm spitting, like, out of my.
Gary
You can't see it.
Chris
I have no idea. I think if you have, like, a midwife and stuff, they will, like, trim it for you. I think nurses will trim it for you because it's uncomfortable.
Gary
I would feel like it's uncomfortable.
Chris
But also, you're not going in there being like, oh, I'm gonna make sure she's shining.
Gary
I think it was just a thought that I was just like, I need to know this.
Chris
I think, like, you don't want to full bush just to keep it, like, cleaner. I have no fucking clue.
Gary
I just feel like it would get in the way.
Chris
Also, I love that people on Instagram are like, paige doesn't want children. When you're like, my whole TikTok algorithm is.
Gary
My whole TikTok algorithm is, like. Because I get tagged in so many little girls, like, dressed up, and they're like, your daughter. Your daughter. So, like, my algorithm, you can blame me.
Chris
Comes up, you can blame other people.
Paige DeSorbo
I've been doing it my whole life.
Gary
I've never once been the Problem. That's crazy.
Chris
No, these, these are the whole like packing the bag thing when you have a baby. Yeah, that's a whole thing that.
Gary
No. And I love when people are like, just gave birth and they do a TikTok with their husband. Like it's like you can pick any name when you get down there.
Chris
It was a crazy story. Do you know when the thing was trending with like that funny muppet face and it was like people with these insane stories. Well, our algorithm is this one girl told us, I'm going to fuck it up. But like she was pregnant and she was. Her water broke and she got somewhere and it wasn't the right doctor. And her husband started yelling because he was like, where's the doctor? Yeah, and they kicked them out because the husband got upset. So then they had to go to a different hospital and they get there and they get her all set up and then they're like, oh, we just got a call and like we're owned by the same hospital that you were at and like you aren't allowed to be in this hospital. So they get kicked out again.
Gary
What?
Chris
Like this whole crazy story about. But like I feel like people. Everyone's freaking out when you're about to have a baby.
Gary
Yeah.
Chris
I mean, what, that's just a day in New York City trying to cross the street.
Gary
No, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I'm like so open to a home birth.
Chris
I'm obsessed that you go from a breakup to talking about baby. It's very celebrity of you guys.
Gary
I'm having a home birth.
Chris
It's very Kylie Jenner of you.
Gary
Right. I just think I would be more comfortable.
Chris
Well, very Gigi Hadid.
Gary
I mean I want all the machines and all the people and we'll all sit like I want health professionals.
Chris
It's giving second baby is going to be surrogate energy.
Gary
Thank you so much. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Chris
But they say the second one just falls out. Cuz you.
Gary
Yeah, Yeah, I could feel that. I could see that.
Chris
How many are you gonna have?
Gary
How many kids? Well, my psychic said I have two and I could have an accidental third. Third.
Chris
Okay. You're freaky. You're just.
Gary
I have another psychic appointment this week, so I'll update you guys.
Chris
How many have you had?
Gary
This will be my second.
Chris
Okay. Is it the same person?
Gary
Nope, different person. I like to compare notes. I'm like, are you, Are you guys, are you guys aligned?
Chris
Hasn't spoken to each other. I love that for you.
Gary
Thank you.
Chris
And also thank you again for fighting the good fight. You guys are probably so exhausted out there in these streets.
Gary
I'm sick of my own myself, so I can't imagine you guys. But I also want to say thank you of the Gigglers. I actually. I'm, like, being serious. I would have been destroyed this week, like, if it wasn't for you guys. Like, I saw comments and then I saw, like, I could spot a Giggler a mile away, and it just, like, I felt so much better. And I'm so fucking proud to be a woman. And I love everything I've said because I can't wait for my daughter to hear it. I did realize that, like, the majority of people were projecting onto me, and I was like, oh, you hate your marriage. You hate your life. You don't have a daughter.
Chris
Seeing someone have freedom and choosing themselves.
Gary
Yeah, you. You were in that situation and you picked the other decision, and I picked the opposite. And you're pissed, and I'd be pissed, too, girl. You can't go back. You can't go back. That sucks. Have a great week, everyone. She's back.
Chris
We love you. Thank you for giggling.
Giggly Squad Episode Summary
Episode Title: Giggling about roasts, jokes, and shaved heads
Release Date: January 7, 2025
Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Timestamp: 00:32 - 03:25
The episode kicks off with Paige DeSorbo delving into the topic of modern dating, specifically focusing on the Bumble app. She highlights Bumble's empowering approach for women, emphasizing the slogan "New Year, More Me." Paige expresses her admiration for Bumble Premium, which offers features that allow users to showcase their unique personalities and interests, making the dating experience more authentic and tailored. She underscores the importance of celebrating one's individuality and how Bumble facilitates this by spotlighting shared interests between potential matches.
Notable Quote:
"As women, I feel like we need to celebrate more parts of ourselves. And that's truly what we do at Giggly Squad." (03:00)
Timestamp: 03:26 - 09:00
Transitioning from dating, the conversation shifts to social media dynamics. Chris and Gary discuss the challenges of managing online interactions, particularly negative comments and rumors. They recount experiences where their social media presence led to misunderstandings and backlash, emphasizing the emotional toll it took. Gary shares a personal anecdote about being falsely accused in public comments, highlighting the resilience required to handle such situations.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 26:52 - 31:00
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing roast jokes and the backlash they received. Chris shares several roasted jokes that were cut from their episodes, illustrating the fine line between humor and offense. They discuss the societal perceptions of certain language, such as the word "cunt," and acknowledge the evolving acceptance among younger generations.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 31:00 - 45:00
The hosts delve into their personal lives, particularly focusing on their relationships with their fathers. Chris and Gary explore the generational differences and how their fathers' perspectives have shaped their own approaches to life and career. They share heartfelt stories about their fathers' support, highlighting the balance between familial expectations and personal aspirations.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 45:00 - 57:00
The conversation shifts to their favorite TV shows and celebrities. Chris discusses the reboot of "Wicked" and shares amusing encounters with celebrities like John Stamos. They also touch upon favorite music genres, with Gary expressing a newfound appreciation for rap music and Chris reminiscing about her early fandom of Taylor Swift.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 57:00 - 66:00
Chris shares a personal story about reaching out to someone she cares about, only to receive a negative response. This segment emphasizes the complexities of offering support and the unpredictability of how others may perceive well-intentioned actions. They reflect on the importance of self-care and the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships in the public eye.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 66:00 - End
As the episode nears its conclusion, Gary and Chris discuss upcoming projects and events, such as attending a Knicks game with their dads and participating in a Netflix roast. They express gratitude towards their listeners, affectionately referred to as "Gigglers," for their unwavering support, especially during challenging times.
Notable Quotes:
Empowerment in Dating: The hosts advocate for platforms like Bumble that prioritize user individuality and empowerment, particularly for women seeking authentic connections.
Navigating Online Negativity: Chris and Gary underscore the emotional challenges of managing social media backlash and the importance of resilience and supportive communities.
Balancing Humor and Sensitivity: Through their discussion on roast jokes, the hosts highlight the delicate balance between humor and offense, acknowledging evolving societal norms regarding language and respect.
Importance of Family Support: Personal anecdotes about their fathers reveal the profound impact of familial support on personal growth and career trajectories.
Authenticity in Public Life: The episode emphasizes the value of authenticity and vulnerability in public personas, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves amidst external pressures.
Paige DeSorbo: “As women, I feel like we need to celebrate more parts of ourselves. And that's truly what we do at Giggly Squad.” (03:00)
Gary: “I felt like I have to text Marcelo. Like, what if he sees that? What if he has a girlfriend?” (06:47)
Chris: “Sometimes when you try to make people feel better, it makes them feel worse.” (56:24)
Chris: “My dad was the exact opposite. He believed in me too much. His belief in me made me who I am.” (36:29)
Gary: “John Stamos was playing on the drums, and I think I'm the guy who hated it.” (30:32)
Chris: “Have a great week, everyone. She's back.” (67:46)
This episode of Giggly Squad offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and candid discussions about contemporary issues like dating, social media, and the intricacies of personal relationships. Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo create an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners, fostering a sense of community and shared experiences.