Giggling about sourdough, supplements, and sex scenes

Summary

Giggly Squad — "Giggling about sourdough, supplements, and sex scenes"

Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Date: February 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of Giggly Squad, Hannah and Paige bring their signature humor to a wide range of topics: navigating illness and “flu influencer” culture, airport travel nightmares, wellness obsessions with supplements, the controversial necessity of sex scenes in media, personal beauty and self-care routines, and misadventures in the world of retail therapy. Throughout, they weave in playful roasts of themselves and each other, effortlessly combining real talk with comic relief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Battling Sickness & “Flu Influencer” Status

• Paige is under the weather, which sparks an early discussion on how women and men handle illness differently.
  • Paige: “If I was a man, I'd be like, I'm dying. I have to go to the hospital. But because I'm a woman, I've worked full days, you know.” (02:01)
  • She recommends Honest Company “Sniffer Soothers” tissues, joking about being a “flu influencer.”
  • Hannah mocks Paige’s TikTok Vicks Vaporub tips: “You can't just tell people to, like, stick Vicks Vapor Rub up their ass. There’s gonna be infection.” (02:31)

Beauty Routines & Botox Confessions

• Paige shares her latest Botox mishap: too much in her chin has left her bottom lip immobile, but she’s “obsessed.”
  • “Now my chin, my bottom lip goes to one side. But I'm like, obsessed with it…I love it. Freeze my whole God damn face.” (03:57)
• The pair jokes about skincare as adult hobbies, with Hannah admitting Paige inspired her to find “joy out of such little things.” (32:00–32:30)

Long Fingers, Queen Elizabeth, and Finger Extensions

• A tangent about Paige’s “Queen Elizabeth I”–level long fingers, referencing TikTok and historical beauty standards. (04:44–05:18)

Hannah’s Frontier Airlines Airport Odyssey

• Hannah recounts a stressful travel tale: flying post-gig from Atlanta, unforeseen line chaos, and a race against the clock in full stage outfit.
  • “I felt like I was holding a plank. I felt like I was having the worst sex in my life.” (13:18)
• The airport worker asks if he recognizes her, giving her a minor VIP fast-pass—only for her water bottle to get flagged, negating her progress.
  • “So I had to go back through. So it literally was a net zero.” (13:05)
• Dramatic run to the gate, only to be punked by a gate agent pretending doors were closed, when the flight was actually delayed.
  • “Not only have I been punked by a man…at my lowest point and he took a fucking dagger and stabbed me.” (18:15)
• #Relatable suffering: delayed flights, eating McDonald’s at 1 a.m., and weird airplane seatmates. (19:01–20:49)
  • “The girl next to me…kept kicking my elbow…And the woman in front of me was humming the whole time…It really was pissing me off.” (20:10)

Sourdough Starter Shoutouts

• Fans DM about naming sourdough starters “Hannah” and “Paige,” which sparks a detour about creative puns and bread starter pride. (22:07–22:25)

Supplements & Wellness Fads

• Paige swears by Aquaphor balm sticks for winter; the conversation snowballs into the duo’s latest supplement obsessions, especially oregano capsules.
  • “Did I tell you I've been taking oregano supplements? Shut the—Paige DeSorbo. Shut the—up, you witch. You little witch.” (52:11–52:15)
  • They discuss the strong, sometimes unpleasant effects of oregano, and the perils of taking TikTok supplement advice.
  • Paige warns: “You do have to ask a professional, because I think you can really fuck up your stomach if you take too much of it.” (53:19)
• Commentary on men being “weak” when sick compared to women. (54:04–54:49)

Sex Scenes: Essential or Unnecessary?

• Paige brings a “rage bait” TikTok example where Gen Z/Alpha argue against sex scenes in media.
  • “Are you kidding me? There are some movies that I'm like…I will. Do you remember my stint with 365?” (29:04)
  • Both argue that sex scenes are vital for storytelling, chemistry, and, well, realism.
• The conversation expands to generational differences regarding sexuality, the plummeting teen pregnancy rate, and the high school canon event of false pregnancy scares. (29:33–30:36)

Self-Care as a Hobby & Box-Cutting Bliss

• Paige reframes elaborate self-care as a hobby instead of “just hygiene.”
• Hannah discovers the addicting joy of cutting up boxes for recycling:
  • “Holy. That felt amazing. I could not stop cutting boxes. I cut every box in the house…It’s my new hobby.” (34:02)

Retail Rants: Store Experiences & Fashion Mishaps

• The Adam Sandler Chanel store legend: his daughter gets snubbed by a saleslady, he buys out the store in response.
  • Hannah critiques the approach: “You had to go another store and you’re supposed to say, huge mistake. Huge. Go to Prada.” (37:10)
• Hannah’s awkward experience at Supreme—being asked to try on shirts in the open, surrounded by guys:
  • “I felt. I was like, what fraternity am I in right now? Are you going to make me make out with my friend?” (40:19)
  • The duo rants about Aritzia and the modern impossibility of shopping in-person in NYC. (42:18–43:32)
• Broader reflection on fashion retail, city life, and the chilling archetype of “boys from Connecticut.”
  • “Girls are allowed to grow up in Connecticut, by the way. Girls are allowed to. Boys aren’t.” (44:49)

"Girl Math": Measurements, Ratios, & Dating Investigations

• Paige and Hannah discuss analyzing a guy’s height based on photos with cabinets, and new “forearm-to-calf ratio” methods for judging attractiveness.
  • “If we hug and your head goes in my neck, I'm out. If you're curled up in my bosom? What are you, a squirrel?” (50:12)

Microfeminism & Mental Health

• Listener DM: being kind to oneself as “practicing microfeminism.”
  • “Anytime I'm being mean to myself, I remind myself that I'm being mean to a woman. And then I stop.” (55:12)

IV Therapy & Benadryl Mishaps

• Hannah and Ali Colbert’s post-show IV experience, featuring questionable add-ons and getting “high” from IV Benadryl.
  • “Am I supposed to be feeling this fucking high from the Benadryl?...It comes harder because it's right into the bloodstream.” (56:41–56:56)

Ending on Men, Athletes, and Body Positivity

• More playful man-bashing: “Remember, all men are not good. So Derek Jeter, I don’t know what you’ve done, but we still love you. But I just want to normalize, we’re not putting him on a pedestal.” (60:12)
• Reflections on sports world double standards for male athletes who commit misdeeds.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paige, on Being Sick as a Woman:
  “If I was a man, I'd be like, I'm dying. I have to go to the hospital. But because I'm a woman, I've worked full days, you know.” (02:01)
• Hannah, Mocking Supplement Hype:
  “You can't just tell people to, like, stick Vicks Vapor Rub up their ass. There’s gonna be infection.” (02:31)
• Paige, on Her Botox Addiction:
  “Freeze my whole God damn face.” (03:57)
• Hannah’s Airport Ordeal:
  “I felt like I was holding a plank. I felt like I was having the worst sex in my life.” (13:18)
• On Sex Scenes in Movies:
  “If I'm watching a love affair movie and they don't show...I want to be, like, judging. The chemistry, was the casting right?” (29:14)
• On Modern Shopping:
  “Shopping in person, there is no shopping in person. It's actually makes me so sad.” (42:34)
• Paige on Self-Care:
  “My Sunday routine is one of my most favorite hobbies, and why it's looked down upon when it's literally just hygiene.” (31:11)
• Amazing Microfeminism Advice (Listener Submission):
  “Anytime I'm being mean to myself, I remind myself that I'm being mean to a woman. And then I stop.” (55:12)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:01 | Paige on sickness & “flu influencer” tissues | | 03:10 | Botox gone wrong and loving it | | 06:58–18:33| Hannah’s airport/Frontier Airlines travel nightmare | | 21:13 | Paige swears by Aquaphor for winter skincare | | 22:07 | Sourdough starter fandom shoutouts | | 28:42 | Debating the necessity of sex scenes in movies/TV | | 32:00 | Self-care as an adult “hobby” | | 34:02 | The addictive satisfaction of cutting up boxes | | 37:04 | The Adam Sandler x Chanel legend | | 39:23 | Supreme store humiliation—retail therapy gone awry | | 52:11 | Oregano supplements & TikTok-fueled wellness claims | | 55:12 | Practicing microfeminism (listener moment) |

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Overall Tone

Playful, irreverent, and self-deprecating—Hannah and Paige riff on personal woes and social observations with sarcastic wit and mutual support. The episode blends candid confessions with effortlessly silly asides, never letting a tangent go un-giggled.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a perfect snapshot of the Giggly Squad dynamic: deep dives into wildly varied topics, lots of “girl math,” absurd personal anecdotes, and a relentless commitment to both honesty and hilarity.

Transcript

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[Hannah Berner]

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[Hannah Berner]

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

I mean, the day just got away from me.

[Hannah Berner]

I just need you guys to know that Paige just sneezed and said, okay, now we're cleared and ready to go.

[Paige Desorbo]

I can't even. I have not been this stuff. Here's the thing. I'm. If I was a man, I'd be like, I'm dying. I have to go to the hospital. But because I'm a woman, I've worked full days, you know.

[Hannah Berner]

Feel like I'm working overtime.

[Paige Desorbo]

It's a Sunday. I had to like, catch up on things. One thing I do want to say, and this is not an ad, honest company makes these tissues called sniffer soothers. Oh, they've changed my whole life.

[Hannah Berner]

I. I love that you've become a flu influencer. You're on TikTok, telling people to put Vicks Bake Vapor Rub into their brain. By the way, you're going to get. You're going to get sued. You can't just tell people to, like, stick Vicks Vapor Rub up their ass. There's gonna be infection.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, who is the company that emailed me and they were like, please stop. Who was that?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, because you were saying you use something for a different thing.

[Paige Desorbo]

I feel like I lowkey have so much to say on this pod, but I, like, I can't get anything out.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay, should I start with a story?

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Are you still ordering Ubereats? I swear to God.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wow, that felt really good. I needed that cough. I needed that sneeze 20 seconds ago. Here's one thing before you tell your story. I'm obsessed with Botox. I got too much in my chin. I can't move my bottom lip, and I love it. I literally thought I was having a stroke last night. I was like, wait, is one side of my face drooping? Nope. Allison just did a little bit too much in the chin.

[Hannah Berner]

But I love it.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm obsessed.

[Hannah Berner]

Did you get your chin before?

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, I did.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay, so it's like a refill.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, I went back and, like, got some more done. You know, it was time for my check in. And she was like, did we hit your chin last time? And I was like, we did. And so she did it again. And I think maybe just like a.

[Hannah Berner]

Leila a little bit too much, because.

[Paige Desorbo]

Now my chin, my bottom lip goes to one side. But I'm like, obsessed with it. And I knew this was gonna happen, and now I'm like, freeze my whole God damn face.

[Hannah Berner]

Proceed with your story if you're not on YouTube watching. Paige's eyes are, like, all red and swollen, but her forehead is so perfect and shiny right now. Well, she looks gorgeous.

[Paige Desorbo]

I took a bath today. I washed up. I really needed it. I am gonna blow my nose quickly.

[Hannah Berner]

Let's see your nose.

[Paige Desorbo]

If you want to see my snippeting technique.

[Hannah Berner]

As an. As a flu influencer, how's the best way to blow your nose? Okay. She's taking her long fingers. Oh, she goes back and forth. She doesn't do one at a time. She goes, but, but, but, but. Interesting.

[Paige Desorbo]

Somebody tagged me in a TikTok that said Queen Elizabeth the first had, like, the longest fingers ever. I think they were like three inches, three and a half inches or something. And they became the beauty standard in England, and everybody wanted long fingers.

[Hannah Berner]

People are getting finger extensions.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yep. They were, like, wearing gloves and all of this stuff. And so I just want to put that out there in the e. They were stuffing.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, they were stuffing their gloves. Wait, maybe you're her reincarnated.

[Paige Desorbo]

Maybe that would make.

[Hannah Berner]

That would actually.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, it says that, like, if you have long fingers, like, you're that girl. You're part of the bloodline.

[Hannah Berner]

You could also catch a football with one hand. As you guys know, I'm on tour without Paige, fighting for my. So right now I'm in New York City, but.

[Paige Desorbo]

I. Oh, okay. So you're at home.

[Hannah Berner]

I was supposed to be in Durham and Charlotte and Nashville, but they got canceled because of the storm.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that down there, they're like, freak out. Yeah. They can't go out.

[Hannah Berner]

The Southern girlies were like, hi, Hannah. Please read. Bless your heart, read my dm. I cannot be out here in the ice. I don't care if it's one foot of snow. We're shutting down. We have power outages. We can't do this. So I said, fuck this. I'm not having people fight for their lives to get to my show next week. I'm going to be in Milwaukee and where else? Sorry, I'm blanking. Indianapolis. But I've had, like, pretty good travel up until this last weekend. I had one show in Atlanta. The only show that didn't get canceled was Atlanta, so. So I. I flew in. And then after my show, I see that there's a 10:30pm flight. And I said, look, she's a jet setter.

[Paige Desorbo]

She's crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

Got off stage.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Got back in the car and said, send me home. And look, I stayed on the stage a little longer, but I was feeling myself. I was having fun. The Atlanta Gigglers were amazing. And I get in the car and there's some traffic, but I'm not. I'm not worried. You know why? Because I'm professional. I have clear. I have preach.

[Paige Desorbo]

I was just going to say, are you flying Delta?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, that's the thing. That's the thing. Have you ever heard of Frontier?

[Paige Desorbo]

Mm.

[Hannah Berner]

I was. I've never really heard of Frontier. So I was optimistic going in.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Green logo. Green is positivity, wealth. This will go well. Turns out also the Atlanta airport, the biggest airport there's a north and a southern hemisphere Hemisphere. And the lady's like, is it north or south? I'm like, of what? First of all, I don't know what north is.

[Paige Desorbo]

A couple airports I'm not with Atlanta and Denver, I'm going seven hours early.

[Hannah Berner]

And those, both those airports love a train. They love to throw you on a train. Now Atlanta is like the hub for a lot of international flights, so it is necessary. And I respect, like, the women of the arts that work there. However I get it. And I get to the security girl, everything's smooth, and she's like, oh, we don't have your Frontier flight. And I'm like, that's crazy. So then I go back to Frontier, come back, and they're like, oh, yeah, sorry, it was our system. So already I'm like, okay, that's a little weird. Fine, get to security.

[Paige Desorbo]

You're the only person I know that like, can fully go through the airport. And they're like, hannah Burner. Never heard of her.

[Hannah Berner]

I go, it's on my phone. I go, did the flight get canceled? They go, no. And I go, what's going on? Never heard of her. So then I get to, I get to security, they let me through, and I go, where's, Where's Precheck? And they go, oh, after 9pm In Atlanta, there's no Precheck or the other one. Clear. Clear. I said, I didn't know that we had a curfew, cuz Mama needs to get home.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, okay, keep going.

[Hannah Berner]

So when I tell you the line was, it said 20 minutes on the thing, and it was one of these mazes that like, you didn't even know where the line started and ended like it was. And my phone, of course, is at 8%. So I'm like, of course I have to raw dog this line to be able to get there. So it's 9:55, boarding's at 10:05, and this plane closes at 10:30.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

So I'm just thinking, door close. You gotta make it by door close.

[Paige Desorbo]

I feel like door closes 10, 15 minutes before takeoff. No. Anyway, you're in a pickle. Okay, keep going.

[Hannah Berner]

And you're. I'm looking around and I realize, like, I can't care in this. Like, everyone else is also in a pickle with me. Like everyone is worried about getting on their flight. No one anticipated a 30 minute wait at 10pm Atlanta.

[Paige Desorbo]

What did they shut down the Clear. Like, machine?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. No, I was like, I'll do it. I'll start scanning people. What do you need? So I'm just Waiting there. Can't look at my phone because I can't have it lose battery. And I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. It gets to, like, 10:15, and the doors close at 10:30, and there's no other flights after this. Babe, like, this is. You got one shot to not miss your chance to blow this opportunity Comes. Sorry.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm quoting.

[Hannah Berner]

Sorry.

[Paige Desorbo]

I know. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. That was my bad.

[Hannah Berner]

Sorry. I was trying to do a monologue. What? What'd you say?

[Paige Desorbo]

Did you have a flight for Saturday? No.

[Hannah Berner]

No. Girl, you got one shot. Do not miss your chance to play. Sorry. I should have listened. So it's 10:15. I have 15 minutes. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna make it. And then I realized I don't know where my gate is. I'm in the fucking Atlanta airport. It could be anywhere. Now, mind you, I don't get recognized too much by airport security because it's mostly men, so I don't get VIP treatment. But I get to the front, and we finally are putting our luggage through.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait. Remember the time that Giggler let me come back into America from Canada, and I, like, didn't. I have bronchitis?

[Hannah Berner]

You fully do. Before you die. Let me finish this story before you black out. So I realize I have 10 minutes, and I'm putting my stuff down, and this. This guy just looks at me working there, and he goes, do I know your face from somewhere? And normally when people say they know you, but they can't put their finger on it, I'm not giving you a resume. I say, I'm not here being like, well, you know, I did do.

[Paige Desorbo]

I had a stint on reality tv.

[Hannah Berner]

Now it's on Peacock, I think. I don't know what.

[Paige Desorbo]

You could stream it.

[Hannah Berner]

You could stream it. Have you heard of betches before? Like, I also have these street videos online. Also. Have you heard of Paige? Because people like our friendship.

[Paige Desorbo]

Do you. Do you by chance watch the Hot Wing Challenge?

[Hannah Berner]

I go, I did win the trophy. I did win the trophy. People don't talk about it. People don't bring it up ever.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, you're so right. You didn't get enough praise for that.

[Hannah Berner]

No. So then I look at him and I go, yes, I'm a comedian. And he goes, oh, my God. And I go, also, my flight starts so loud. I got my flight.

[Paige Desorbo]

Do you know I read the wrong ads. I read the ads for last week, and Grace texted me and goes, you read the wrong ads? And I go, I'm really sick. And she goes, okay, I'll do some. Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

So I say, by the way, the door is closing on my flight in 10 minutes. And he goes, don't worry, I'll get you through. Takes my luggage and puts it in front of everyone. And I'm like, this be my. This must be my fucking lucky day. As I'm walking through all cocky, feeling myself looking at everyone, I'm like, what's up, losers?

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I realize, fuck. This morning, I put the water from the flight in my backpack. So this guy is like. So I'm literally watching. And I go, there's water. There's water. And the guys look at me like, you dumbass.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah. Not as you go back through.

[Hannah Berner]

So I had to go back through. So it literally was a net zero.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But I was like, I love you so much. Then I go, how long until I get to C7? He goes, with no drama. Six minutes.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, what could the drama possibly be?

[Hannah Berner]

I have to get on a train. So I have seven minutes. I have six minutes. But there's seven minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, six minutes. So first I walk down the train, says it's two minutes away. When the fuck has the train ever been two minutes away? It's never happened to me, ever. So I'm sitting there, goddamn subway, trying to get to Brooklyn. Also, do you know how long two minutes feels when, like, I felt like I was holding a plank? I felt like I was having the worst sex in my life. I was like, when is every second gonna be over? I'm looking around, I'm freaking. I'm tweaking. I get on, it's three stops, and I have seven minutes. So. And I'm just checking my phone, which is dying, by the way. My phone's dead. So then I finally get off, I have three minutes to get to C7, and it's. And it's C1 to C40. And I go, please, God, have C7 be close.

[Paige Desorbo]

You know, I always see people like you in the airport, and I always.

[Hannah Berner]

Think, how did they get there? What decisions did they make?

[Paige Desorbo]

What happened earlier today that they're running full speed.

[Hannah Berner]

I also didn't preface this for you. I'm in my full outfit that I wore on stage. I'm wearing a tie, wearing my high waisted. What are they called? Cumberbatches. Cumberbuns. A cumberbun. A cumberbun. And my Amazon high boots with heels.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hannah.

[Hannah Berner]

So you didn't.

[Paige Desorbo]

You didn't change in the car into like, sweats and sneakers. Why didn't you change in the green room?

[Hannah Berner]

Cuz in my head, well, I ran. I didn't go to the green room. I ran out onto the car. And in my head I was like, I'll be there 30 minutes early and I'll do it peacefully in one of the small bathroom stalls where you, like, can't even move. Also, mind you, to get to the walking place, you have to go up the longest escalator in the history of escalators. And me and this other girl, I can see, we both are like. She starts running, right? And I'm behind her. We're holding our luggage. Grown women holding our luggage, running up the escalator. And then she starts getting too tired because this is a long escalator. And she literally looks at me and she was like, save yourself. Like, I can't. I can't go on. And I was like, well, I'll tell them to wait. And she was like, C4. And I was like, okay, ma', am.

[Paige Desorbo]

This is like Saving Private Ryan.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, I'm running up and I see that I have three minutes to get from. Of course, C7 is at the far end, so I have to go from C40 to C7 in three minutes. It's possible, but I need to do high knees.

[Paige Desorbo]

I would have cried. I would have been crying.

[Hannah Berner]

I start running. You know, we talked about the mild test. Yeah, I was back in college. 6:00am, running the mile, fighting for my leg.

[Paige Desorbo]

Sometimes I feel like we talk about something on here and we're like, that'll never happen again. And then the universe is like, you manifested it. Here it is.

[Hannah Berner]

Paige, do you know when you're, like, running late for something? I don't know if you'd ever go into a jog if you're running late. I feel like you would just lay down.

[Paige Desorbo]

But no, you want to know what I do is I speed walk, speed walk, speed walk, stop walk, normal speed walk, speed walk, speed walk.

[Hannah Berner]

So I do this all the time in New York, but I'll run, then stop. So imagine when you're running and you feel like you need to stop, and then saying, hannah, you got one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. So I'm running to the point where I start feeling like blood in my throat. Have you ever run? Oh, my God, yes.

[Paige Desorbo]

I know.

[Hannah Berner]

You're talking. I'm dying. And I'm looking at my phone, and it's at. It's at 10:29. Doors close at 10:30, and I'm literally still like five gates away and I'm dead. Like, I have nothing. I do not have the cardio for this. I do not have the cardio.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

This is crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

Pilates does not help you with cardio. I'm just going to say it in case anyone was confused, but I do have a good pelvic tilt anyway, so I'm running. I'm running and I'm dying. I'm sweating. I'm breathing so heavy. I'm starting to make like asthmatic noises. I'm like, so. And then I. I see that there's people at the gate, but I'm assuming it's. Cause like, the next flight is already ready to go. So I sprint and I look at my phone and it's 10:30 on the dot. And I go to the guy and he goes, what are you here for? And I'm like, I have to go to the. You're like, my flight. You're like, my flight. Take me home. Take me home. And he looks at me and goes, oh, we already shut the doors. And I go. I take my phone, I go, but it's 10:30. You said doors close at 10:30. And he's like, yeah, we already closed it. And I look at him and he looks at me. And then he pauses for like three seconds. He goes, just kidding. The flight's delayed. In that moment I realized not only have I been punked by a man. By a man. And I don't. I don't like when men make jokes.

[Paige Desorbo]

You're like, your crowd having enough problems that you gotta start beefing with me. Like, is it your club in enough hot water?

[Hannah Berner]

I was at my lowest point and he took a fucking dagger and stabbed me. So then people around, you know, and.

[Paige Desorbo]

That'S what they do. And that's what they do.

[Hannah Berner]

That's what they do. They talk about punching down. So I'm. But I also feel a mix of emotions because part of me is like, great, I didn't miss it. But then part of me is like, that was fucked up. And then part of me is also like, oh, no. How long am I going to have to wait? We had to wait like two and a half hours. I got home at like 3:30am I got McDonald's at like 1am at the airport. It was kind of fabulous.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, that's low key.

[Hannah Berner]

Kind of.

[Paige Desorbo]

So fun. Did you change?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, then after that I was like, okay, I need to change. I go to change. But I. I didn't catch my breath.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

For 40 minutes. Yeah. I. At one point Was lying down on the ground.

[Paige Desorbo]

Was there anyone else in the airport? Probably not.

[Hannah Berner]

Were there? There were not that many people. If any gigglers saw me at the Atlanta airport on, I believe, Friday night, that was the kind of backstory.

[Paige Desorbo]

What a story.

[Hannah Berner]

And actually woke up. My thighs are burning, like, so sore. I'm traumatized. I. It was the whole thing. I just. I wouldn't wish. I'm. Oh. Then I get on the flight. Sorry. I'm not dumb. Frontier is a bunch of animals, okay? And all kinds of animals. By the way, though, the girl next to me, and I say girl lightly. She was 19, okay. Was putting her foot on my armrest, which I was using, obviously. So she kept kicking my elbow when I was trying to sleep. And I was like, ma'. Am. Like, kept doing the, like, kind of turn, and she just kept doing it. And then the woman in front of me.

[Paige Desorbo]

19. Is that Gen Z? 19?

[Hannah Berner]

I think it's Alpha. But the woman in front of me was humming the whole time. And I know it sounds nice and sweet. It wasn't. I was trying to sleep. And you just hear, like, I don't even know what song you're humming, which is throwing me off. It's actually like, it really was pissing me off. There was a Midwestern couple on the left who were talking like this. Every single thing they're gonna do on their vacation, they had a tack about. And it was like, you're sitting next to each other. Why are we yelling pleasantries at each other? You're married. What do you possibly have to talk about at a 1am flight?

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, that's crazy. I don't want to.

[Hannah Berner]

And you had to pay for water. No, I know. It was.

[Paige Desorbo]

It was not doing well over here.

[Hannah Berner]

We're not doing well. But anyway, I made it, and I'm so excited for tour St. Louis, Missouri.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm coming.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay, Wait. What's going on with you?

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, quick word from my sponsor, Aquaphor.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, wait, you got the thick one.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay. They're not actually a sponsor, but let me influence you on something else. When you're sick, you have to have the Aquaphor balm stick for the winter. Because if you live in a cold climate, putting Chapstick just on your lips isn't gonna freaking cut it. So you have.

[Hannah Berner]

You're putting it all over.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, I'm putting it right here, honey.

[Hannah Berner]

What is it called? Do you remember slugging? Remember when you were, like, obsessed with that? Is that how you.

[Paige Desorbo]

This is probably, like, cross contamination, but.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't give a I mean this is the thing. You are influencing everyone but you also are not getting better. So I feel like everyone should take it with a grain of salt as she's like choking on herself. This has been amazing. Yep yep. Fun update in the giggly squad community. A giggler DM me and said she named her sourdough starters Hannah and Paige.

[Paige Desorbo]

I have actually had a couple of those because my last name desorbo. The girls are really innovative on how they make it a sour dough to sour dough. They're smart about it. Yeah, something like that.

[Hannah Berner]

Starter. I love that.

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[Hannah Berner]

So one thing about me is I'm not drinking water when I want to have fun. I'm getting a smoothie. I'm going to Tropical Smoothie Cafe.

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[Hannah Berner]

And my announcement is the chocolate covered strawberry smoothie is back at Tropical Smoothie Cafe for a lim. I love a limited thing because it means it's special, it's a fan favorite and it's very much like a Valentine's Day moment. One thing about me is I love like strawberry with a chocolate and I.

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[Hannah Berner]

I do have to say we live one life and like if you want to have a mini getaway from the harsh reality of our existence, have a chocolate covered strawberry smoothie to get an instant mood lift. It's very much you're on tropic time now Energy.

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[Paige Desorbo]

We're bringing soda back.

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[Paige Desorbo]

If you take a poppy. Here's the other thing.

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[Hannah Berner]

I've also seen your fridge though, and you like color coding it and it's really cute because I feel like I'm at a bodega, but like a fancy bodega. Yes, I love the cream soda because I like to feel like it's like a fun dessert at the end of the night as like a celebration.

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[Hannah Berner]

Best soda and it complem so many.

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[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, I saw something the other day. You know how, you know how we're always like, oh, sometimes you go and you watch a video and you're like, that was crazy. Let me check the comments. Everyone must think that's crazy. And they don't. And they're like, really agreeing. And I always am like, I have to remember that example to tell Hannah because we never have, like, a good example. I saw a tick tock video and it was this girl being like, why do we need sex scenes? They're like, so intrusive. They're like so much like, like, okay, just allude to the fact that, like, they're having sex. Like, I don't need, like a full sex scene. And I was like, surely this is rage bait. Like, no sex scene in a mo like certain movies.

[Hannah Berner]

Was she Amish?

[Paige Desorbo]

Just Gen Z. I go into the, I go into the comments and they're like, seriously? Especially when, like, the scene starts out as, like, they're having sex.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm like, that's every great movie. Bridesmaids, hello. Greatest movie of all time. I'm like, Kristen Wiig on top of Jon Hamm. Thank you. Right now in the fucking loop.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm like, are you kidding me? Like, there are some. There are some movies that I'm like, I will. Do you remember my stint with 365?

[Hannah Berner]

I mean, hello.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, I don't know, grow up. Like, if I'm watching a love affair movie and they don't show, I want to be, like, judging. The chemistry was the casting, right?

[Paige Desorbo]

It's also just like you're watching a fudgeing movie. It's not real life.

[Hannah Berner]

And sex is part of life, and. And life is art, and art is movies, and sex is movies.

[Paige Desorbo]

And it made me think, like, oh, my God, are they so. I think maybe the girl was even younger. Now I'm like, maybe it is gen Alpha. Are they so not socialized with each other that they don't even. Because also, the teen pregnancy rate is down. And I know that everyone thinks it's a good thing, but you know what? We've got a bunch of losers out there. They're not even going out and having sex. A part of high school, a peak canon event in high school is thinking you're pregnant when you, like, haven't even really had sex.

[Hannah Berner]

A hand job. A hand job. And you're like, oh, no, I think. I think it went on my hand, and then I brushed my teeth, and then it might have, when I slept, went in my mouth and then went through my.

[Paige Desorbo]

In a home room and think, do you think I have chlamydia? And your best friend's like, I don't know. Like, what do you think?

[Hannah Berner]

The amount of friends I talked off the ledge about their chlamydia, not knowing if they had it or not, but just wanted to.

[Paige Desorbo]

The amount of pregnancy tests I think collectively my friends in high school took to all be negative because it's actually hard to get pregnant. I'm like, what is going on?

[Hannah Berner]

And then the girls who did get pregnant when they were 16, back in our day, they got famous on MTV.

[Paige Desorbo]

And we carved a space for them. Okay. Anyway, so I saw that, and I was, like, so annoyed by it. Also, I've added something to my nighttime routine and. Which brings me to my next point. There was this girl that made this TikTok about her sister, and it was like she was praising her sister. She was just like, my sister's so cool. Like, I've always, like, loved everything about my sister. My friends love my sister. She's just so perfect. She's so nice. She's so gorgeous.

[Hannah Berner]

And.

[Paige Desorbo]

And she was like. And then I realized that she's so pretty and she's so like, delicate. But she also does a ton of shit that I would never want to do or think about doing. And then she started talking about how, like, grooming and being ultra. Like, you love your skincare routine. Like, you want to do all these different. You want to do a hair mask. All of this stuff is actually a hobby. Like, my Sunday routine is one of my most favorite hobbies and why it's looked down upon when it's literally just hygiene. Are you. Have you noticed my lip at all?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

This is girlhood. Going on a rant about nothing and being like, am I ugly? Have you been looking at my lip because I'm ugly? I'm like, no. I'm trying to understand what you're saying in between coughs. No, Paige, not to like, make you. Like, basically, you've inspired me to take care of myself more because I didn't realize you could have so much joy out of such little things. And you know what? We work on living such a big life all the time. And it's crazy, because in my 30s now, I'm like, I just want to enjoy the little things of life, because that's all you really can control. Is. Is that face mask gonna hit when you put it on? That's life.

[Paige Desorbo]

I know I said a couple years ago that I didn't want to ever slow down, but. Honey, I am sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

Paige. I'm off this weekend, by the way. Like, I haven't been off in forever. Do you know what I did? What? Well, the. The building made a new law that if you want to put your box as a way to recycling, you have to cut them first. You have to cut the boxes. I don't know if it was my fault. I don't know how it happened.

[Paige Desorbo]

Nothing worse than getting an email after you've done something and you're like.

[Hannah Berner]

So Des told me that he bought a box cutter, which I thought was aggressive. And honestly, like, male toxic. I own, like, we don't need a box cutter to box. To cut box.

[Paige Desorbo]

What are you talking about? I own literally two box cutters. How are you going through life without a box cutter?

[Hannah Berner]

You have, like, some toxic, toxic masculinity to you. But that's for another time.

[Paige Desorbo]

How do you open an Amazon package.

[Hannah Berner]

Without a box cutter? With a scissor. Because I'm a woman of the arts. I'm not. I'm not bringing out a weapon to open up.

[Paige Desorbo]

But anyway, I also own cutters.

[Hannah Berner]

So Des is gone in Toronto this weekend, shout out does working his little butt off. So I'm here with all these Amazon boxes, and I noticed this box cutter, and I said, okay, let's give it a try. Like, I appreciate other cultures. Let's figure. Figure it out. Holy. That felt amazing.

[Paige Desorbo]

New box cutters are amazing.

[Hannah Berner]

Is. I could not stop cutting boxes. I cut every box in the house. I layered them up. I called dez. I go, you're not gonna believe it. I love cutting boxes. It's my new hobby. It's my new passion. If anyone needs a box cut, send it to me.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm gonna get you a letter opener for your birthday. The. The joy of.

[Hannah Berner]

But, Paige, this is my problem. I don't. I don't like receiving mail.

[Paige Desorbo]

I know.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, actual mail.

[Paige Desorbo]

You will. If you get to put a knife out. If you get to pull a knife out, you actually will receive, like, receiving mail. I'm telling you.

[Hannah Berner]

No. Like, it. It's the most, like, asmr. Relaxing feeling. Cutting up boxes and then putting them in a layered way and then getting them out of your apartment. So that's what I've been up to all week.

[Paige Desorbo]

There's also nothing like spending a weekend like throwing shit away at your apartment.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, do you think we're losing listeners? They're like, okay, Hannah's cutting boxes. She's coughing.

[Paige Desorbo]

Not until I tell you the next thing you have to buy. I recently bought part of my nighttime routine, a red light. Me and Kitty lay on the bed every single night.

[Hannah Berner]

Does she have a red light for this?

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay, well, Paris Hilton said that she red lighted her Chihuahua, and she literally lived till, like, 17. And so I was like, kitty, get your fucking ass over here. We're red light therapy now. I wear protective sunglasses, but I can't find small ones for cats. So I've just been putting regular sunglasses on Kitty. But I'm nervous that I'm not protecting her eyes well enough. But I would assume she's closing them. No. I'm like, can't be that stupid.

[Hannah Berner]

Kitty PETA's gonna be on the phone.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, no, they're definitely. Yeah, they're just not happy about it. One other thing I could not wait to talk to you about. Did you see the Adam Sandler Chanel store thing?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay. So apparently, there's this I. It's, like, a rumor slash, like, story that Adam Sandler's daughter went into a Chanel store in, I think, Los Angeles, and she was dressed like a normal, like, kid. I think she had, like, sweatpants on and, like, a hoodie. And she goes in and she's Asking the saleswoman like, oh, can I see this bag? And the bag was like, 20 grand or like $25,000. And the sales lady was like, this is for serious customers. Like, no, I'm not showing you this bag. Like, it's $26,000. And so she calls her dad and she tells Adam Sandler, like, what happened? He comes into the store and he goes, like, up to his daughter, puts his arm around her, says to the saleswoman, like, so you judge people based on how they look and, like, what they're wearing. I'll take every style that this bag is in, every color in the whole store. He walked out, he spent like $300,000 and bought all their bags.

[Hannah Berner]

But he just gave her, like, the best commission ever.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay. That's why I knew I wanted to.

[Hannah Berner]

Go to another store. You had to go another store and you're supposed to say, huge mistake. Huge. Go to Prada. Get all Prada bags. Walk past Chanel and be like, suck my dick.

[Paige Desorbo]

Watch a Julia Roberts movie. But what is not so. What a story.

[Hannah Berner]

I do have to say, though, I went shopping this weekend because, you know, I've been. I. I need to get boxes to cut, you know, the chicken or the egg, you know, so I. My daily wear. And I think it's because I'm an athlete is what I've been telling myself. Now, if I'm not performing, I'm in practice clothes, right? Like, I'm wearing sweats, I'm wearing a T shirt, and I'm wearing a zip up hoodie. I like it monochromatic. It's all gray. Also, no, I'm not putting makeup on. Yes. I haven't brushed my hair. And then I'm walking through this, like, nice area of stores, and I realize, like, I don't feel comfortable walking into these stores because they're looking at me like I just climbed out of the ground. Yeah, the stuff.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But I do have to call a store. Out. I went into the supreme store, which is a very cool store, and it's all these, like, boys. I'm not going to say men, because it's all these, like, boys. And they, like, one of them, like, has a skateboard. Like, I don't know what's good. The vibe is kind of crazy. And I'm like, I'm a fudgeing New Yorker. Like, I've known about supreme since day one. Yeah. Everyone calm down. But these boys are, like, they're all hanging and, like, talking really loudly. The guys who work at the store.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, okay. So not Customers?

[Hannah Berner]

No. And it's this big, big store, and it has this huge opening in the middle, and the clothes are just around the edges. So, like, I love a T shirt more than anyone. So I see, like, a cool Supreme T shirt. I'm obsessed. I love supreme, but it's like a large, and I'm like, maybe it'll be too baggy. Paige will get mad. Whatever. So I look at the guy who's very nice, and I said, can I try this on? And he goes, yeah. And I go, do you have a dressing room? And he goes, oh, no, you have to try on the shirts right here. And I looked at him like, what? And he's like, yeah, just. You could put it over your shirt. I was like, what? Kind of like, no, that's illegal. Humiliation ritual is going. I'm like, what in the.

[Paige Desorbo]

No, I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

[Hannah Berner]

So then I'm like, wait, wait. So if it was a pant, I'm allowed to use the dressing room, but I can't?

[Paige Desorbo]

Did you ask that?

[Hannah Berner]

T shirt? Well, then I was like, it. I'll just get the medium. I'm Adam Sandler.

[Paige Desorbo]

This is a horrible policy. I'll take three.

[Hannah Berner]

This is sexist. This is weird. But the shirt is really cool. But I'm going to talk about it on my podcast, and I don't like this at all, but what the. Like, they had dressing rooms, would not let me go. So then I'm like, okay, do I have to pull a. A pant to go try it out?

[Paige Desorbo]

Were you by yourself?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I was so scared it was me, and just all these men. And he's like, yeah, try on the shirt. I'm like, what? What? Have some couth. Also, you know, my. I'm sweating underneath my armpits where we are so different. Like, what would you have done?

[Paige Desorbo]

Like, okay, I don't want to say that I'm a Karen by any means, because I'm not ever asking for, like, a manager or, like. But I'm definitely being like, that's so fucking weird. And there's no way that's real.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, yeah, you would say that. Also, I hate to say it, and this could be totally false. I feel like if you asked, they would be like, oh, yes, little princess. Go try it on in the back. But, like, me, I was like. I was like, what shirt is this? And he's like, put it on. And I was like, I'm still a lady and actually have gorgeous breasts under this outfit that you can't see. But he was literally like.

[Paige Desorbo]

Sab, you're making me cough. You're making me cough.

[Hannah Berner]

We've all been in Zara where you're like, yeah, I'll try this bomber jacket on over my outfit. No one's trying.

[Paige Desorbo]

Here's the other thing. Like, Zara, Noritzia, it's all girls too. So it's like all Paige.

[Hannah Berner]

I was so scared in that moment. There was like 15 boys, they're all in their 20s, standing there and the guy's like, try the shirt on. Put it over your shirt. It's like, I felt. I was like, what fraternity am I in right now are you gonna make trying to make me make out with my friend? Also, like, what's going on? He's like, we have some punch in the back too, if you want to taste it. It's. It's. It's the frat masters recipe.

[Paige Desorbo]

Another girl walks in. He's like, do you guys know each other?

[Hannah Berner]

No. But at first I was like, this is so cool of me to be like, the only girl here and taking up space in this male dominated store. And then he was like, try it in the middle if you're really cool. And I was like, I'm not and I'm scared. Shows your tits if you want the shirt free if you show us your tits.

[Paige Desorbo]

Literally.

[Hannah Berner]

I do have to say that was so. But then I went into kith afterwards because I was in my, like, cool gear era and they were so kind and they got me in the back and I could try on clothes without all these men staring at me.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hannah, oh, my God, what a crazy shot. I've never in my life, like, even Aritzia, though, like, oh, the mirror is in the middle. Shut the up. Like, that, I think, is the craziest thing.

[Hannah Berner]

I never got into Aritzia because I've litter.

[Paige Desorbo]

I don't own a single thing from Aritzia. Because here's the other thing. Shopping in person, it. There is no shopping in person. It's actually makes me so sad. And if I really sit down and.

[Hannah Berner]

Think about it, touching it, seeing how it actually.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay, a perfect example is like, I do so many segments for the Today show and, like, because it's news and like, sometimes I won't know, like, until like four or five days before. And if I have to do like four outfits for a segment of like, all different body types, all different ages, I have to order clothes. Yeah, I can't even sometimes if something doesn't fit or like, I don't have the right item, I Can't even go and find it in stores. And I'm like, this is New York City. And they're like, every time I walk into a store, they're like, we don't have it in the store. You're gonna have to order it online. And I'm like.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, what's in the store? It's such a weird time.

[Paige Desorbo]

It's such a weird shopping time.

[Hannah Berner]

I was just thinking about. Let's say I said yes to the guy. I said, okay. And I put down my. My purse, which I don't like. I hate that. And then I take off my zip up. Who knows if I'm wearing a bra? You know me, I probably didn't have a bra on. And then I put the shirt over my head with all the men watching. Then these men are going to tell me if it looks good or not. That's diabolical. Then if I don't, then I have to take it off in front of everyone, and it gets, like, stuck on my earring or something.

[Paige Desorbo]

No, Hannah.

[Hannah Berner]

They're moved to a new country.

[Paige Desorbo]

I've never heard that.

[Hannah Berner]

I got bullied at supreme, and I will be wearing the T shirts on one of.

[Paige Desorbo]

And I will be supporting their company, and I will continue to purchase from there.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, when I got to the. The register, the guy was. I was like. The guy was like, how are you? And I was like, good. How are you? And he said, chill. And I was like, I'll blow my brains out. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. He was like, chill. Chill. Shut the. Shut up, you pro. You shut the up. You grew up in Connecticut. Shut up.

[Paige Desorbo]

Young men are scary.

[Hannah Berner]

Girls are allowed to grow up in Connecticut, by the way. Girls are allowed to. Boys aren't.

[Paige Desorbo]

That is one of the realest things you've ever said. That's so true. Girls are from Connecticut, not boys.

[Hannah Berner]

Boys are not boys from Connecticut. You grew up in Connecticut? No. Thank you.

[Paige Desorbo]

The archetype of that.

[Hannah Berner]

That's why all the guys lie when they grow up in Connecticut.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

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[Hannah Berner]

Hi, this is Hannah Berner from Giggly Squad. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. I've been trying to stay consistent with moving my body in ways that actually fit into my real life and peloton. So much easier. The new cross training series balances your workouts with 15 plus workout types for endless movements on and off your equipment. Stay motivated with weekly personalized plans that guide you from beginner to experienced. Push past your goals with routines tailored for you. It feels really approachable, even if you're just getting back into a routine, which a lot of us are this January. It's nice not having to think about what to do. It's already mapped out for you. Get the new Peloton Cross training series terms apply. Have you heard of the concept forearm to calf ratio?

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

No.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hannah, you know, I'm sick right now. I don't need this. I don't need it.

[Hannah Berner]

Sorry, I was starting with a question.

[Paige Desorbo]

What happened to, hello, how are you?

[Hannah Berner]

How are you?

[Paige Desorbo]

Like, I'm literally in a fragile state. And you're like, have you ever done algebra?

[Hannah Berner]

It's because it was math. It was triggering. I'm really sorry. Well, it's not real math, but I was talking to one of my single friends. Shout out Gabby Bryan, who was my only other blonde friend I talk about on the pod, who has never met Paige, but they dm. So she's single. Arms. She's single. And we had a show in Atlanta and she was like, I found this guy on Instagram. I wanna. I've been chatting to. So immediately I'm like, send it to me. Because one thing I will do is live vicariously through my single friends. I want every detail. I'm. I'm part of it. Yeah. So I see the guy and he's standing in front of like some cabinets and I just said, oh, can you double check that cabinet video? I don't like where his head was compared to the cabinets. It's giving like 5, 5, 9, 5, 10. And Gabby's tall. Gabby's like 5, 10. And you don't want to kiss, like, looking down. So I was just looking out for.

[Paige Desorbo]

Her and she was like, I'm like, so interesting. I'm in an eye examination. I feel like you are my eye doctor. I'm like, I actually can't do that.

[Hannah Berner]

If we hug and your head goes in my neck, I'm out. I'm out, I'm out. If you're curled up in My bosom? What are you, a squirrel? Don't snuggle up into my neck, you freak. No, I want my hand to be a little high when I'm trying to hold your hand. Anyway, I digress.

[Paige Desorbo]

I can't hold hands with anyone. It's actually so that's. It's so crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

There's pros and cons to your gift. The guy's like, why? You have a claw. The claw. So stop laughing. You're gonna cry. Stop. Stop it. Stop. So Gabby was like, don't worry, I did the forearm to calf ratio. I said, I've never heard of this. So she basically was like, if he has short calves, it means he's short. And I was like, that's not true, because I have short calves and I'm five seven because I'm all torso. And she's like, yeah, that's why you also double check. Check that they have long forearms. And I was like, I've never thought of this before, but I don't know if it's true.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait a minute. I thought this was somehow going to relate to their dick. And I'm really pissed that it doesn't.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, no. But, like, also, I feel like I. I don't have particularly long forearms. I'm just torso and I'm tall. I think girls are just trying to, like, understand.

[Paige Desorbo]

Do you know that your foot is the size of your forearm?

[Hannah Berner]

My forearm's longer than my foot is. Not true.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, you're an alien and a brain.

[Hannah Berner]

Who told you that? Who told you? Who told you that?

[Paige Desorbo]

I don't know. Wait, there's one other cuckoo wacko thing I bought on TikTok. Well, actually, no, I didn't buy it on TikTok because the millennial in me makes me go over to Amazon and I buy it. Like, I can't do purchases on Tick Tock.

[Hannah Berner]

That's insane.

[Paige Desorbo]

Tuning forks.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, we lost her, you guys. We lost her. She's far, far too gone. Paige. Paige.

[Paige Desorbo]

I took an oregano supplement earlier, too, and I think it's literally.

[Hannah Berner]

Did I tell you I've been taking oregano supplements? Shut the. Paige desorbo. Shut the. Up, you witch. You little witch. No, because I've been on tour with Ali Colbert, and she gets sick because she's weak. Gets me sick. Now I'm weak. Now we're both weak. And I tell her that it's mental, and then I get it. She goes, have you taken an oregano shot? And I was like, fuck, yeah, let's do it. And she goes, it's really, really painful. It tastes really bad. And I'm like, I'm not a pussy. I've taken tequila shots. I could take an oregano shot. The way I almost died in that.

[Paige Desorbo]

No, Oregano is, like, no fucking joke. Well, who.

[Hannah Berner]

Who told you to take it?

[Paige Desorbo]

So my. My holistic guy. Part of my. Part of my UTI regimen that we're, like, testing out to see is he has me on, like, an oregano supplement and then, like, another cranberry supplement, and I'm, like, seeing if that, like, builds up my uterine line. I don't know.

[Hannah Berner]

How often do you take oregano to the face?

[Paige Desorbo]

So I take one a day, but they are so potent, so I.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

You.

[Paige Desorbo]

So you do have to, like, ask a professional, because I think you can really fuck up your stomach if you take too much of it.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I was scared. Also, you have to take it with, like, some juice.

[Paige Desorbo]

Also do juice.

[Hannah Berner]

Oregano juice. Oh, and eat. There's all these rules. Who knew? But, yeah, I was. I've been into oregano. Do you think because we're Italian, it.

[Paige Desorbo]

Like, it feels good in our body?

[Hannah Berner]

Likes it. Her body's, like, back to our people.

[Paige Desorbo]

They say it, like, helps clear out, like, bacteria and, like.

[Hannah Berner]

But this is the thing, Paige. You're sitting here, you're telling me all your holistic strategies, and they're not working. But, yeah, you go. I've never felt worse. I'm on my deathbed, but I swear, oregano shots are incredible.

[Paige Desorbo]

I've never felt worse. But truly, this is the first time I think I've ever realized that, like, men are so, so weak. Like, I knew, but I. I needed, like, a really, like, a certain type of reminder around sickness, like, true flu symptoms. And it's so interesting to listen to them speak about it, because I'm like, you're weak.

[Hannah Berner]

I think about the men who are listening to this pod accidentally. It's in the background, and they'll. We'll finally get into a part that, like, we're in a funny flow. The men are probably laughing. And then just when they think they're safe, we can always. We always get it back to the men somehow. So just keep one eye open.

[Paige Desorbo]

There's a man somewhere in a car being like, their whole personality is just hating on men. So really, they're obsessed with us.

[Hannah Berner]

Women will catch strays. They will catch trays. Strays, Trays. And they catch trays, too. Amanda Rodriguez sent us a giggler. DM'd me a really good mental health moment that I think it's time for before you black out. Yeah.

[Paige Desorbo]

Before I take Sudafed to the face.

[Hannah Berner]

She goes, I saw a post about what is the most unhinged way that you practice microfeminism in your life? And when the comments was, anytime I'm being mean to myself, I remind myself that I'm being mean to a woman. And then I stop. It's a great mental health moment.

[Paige Desorbo]

Wait, that is so sweet.

[Hannah Berner]

No, like, whenever you be mean to yourself, you're like, we support women. We support women in the arts. Are you not a woman in the arts? Let's move on. Do you know I got an IV last week?

[Paige Desorbo]

Did you? For what?

[Hannah Berner]

I got an IV because I was, like, really sick and dying with Ali.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And Ali's just like you. Where we get to the IV person and they're telling us all these add ons. And I'm like, I'm not doing drugs. Give me the basics. I don't want lsd. I don't want to be.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm like, ring it up.

[Hannah Berner]

Literally. So Ali's sitting there. She's like, yeah, whatever. And the lady's like, it was after our show, so it was like 10pm and she tells Ali like, do you want some Benadryl? And I'll just, like, put you to sleep. And Ali was like, yeah, I'll take some Benadryl. And they asked me, and I was like, no, I don't need to be black. Sorry.

[Paige Desorbo]

I don't do methamphetamine.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like, I can't help handle melatonin. I'm not taking Benadryl to the lung, okay? So Ali's like, yeah, I'll take some fucking Benadryl. Five minutes in, she's looking at me, and she's like, I'm gonna pass out.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm gonna pass out.

[Hannah Berner]

She's like, hannah. Well, I start laughing and go, last time I did this with Paige, Paige thought she was dying and was fainting because she got some extra. And Alex put something in the bag. She's trying to kill us. Paige goes, this would be the perfect way to murder. This is the perfect murder. I'm like, the nurse is still in the room. The nurse is standing right here. She can hear you. And Allie is looking at me. She goes, can you tell I'm high? Can you tell I'm high? She's like, I just want you to know I'm not freaking out, but I'm freaking out right now. I'm getting high. And I'm like, I'm trying to have a nice night and my friends always have to get fucked up. Some ivy. And Ali's like, no. And she looks at the lady and she's like, am I supposed to be feeling this fucking high from the Benadryl? She's like, can you. The lady starts panicking and, like, looking at the vials to see if she put the right thing on. But she was like, yeah, just. It comes harder because it's right into the bloodstream. And like, ali, tiny. Put her in your pocket. You didn't have an excuse, but. Just kidding. Your wingspan, babe. You can handle. Your big ass feet.

[Paige Desorbo]

That's the size of your forearm. You can handle it.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you want to know how humbled I was? I asked Ali for a belt. She's like, yeah, I have brown. I have black. I said, amazing. Couldn't get it around my waist. I said, ally, you were like, sorry.

[Paige Desorbo]

A belt for an adult?

[Hannah Berner]

I don't. But she's small. But I never consider her, like. Like that. Tiny, but couldn't get around. It was the most. I said, thank you. But now. Thank you. So you.

[Paige Desorbo]

You're like, hold on. The math actually is this is the matrix. Because if my waist and your waist, there is something. This isn't making sense.

[Hannah Berner]

I looked at her and I said, is this. Does this. I said, does this fit you? And she's like, yeah, it's my mouth. And I said, that's crazy, because we look the same.

[Paige Desorbo]

You asking her if her belt fit her is so.

[Hannah Berner]

You really. Okay. I thought belts had range, though. Like, why do you have so many holes in it? But it was like, yeah, the end.

[Paige Desorbo]

Of the whole range for that size. She's like, an extra small. Small.

[Hannah Berner]

Now, guys, I'm all about body positivity. I've never felt grosser in that moment. And I wasn't even bloated.

[Paige Desorbo]

Don't.

[Hannah Berner]

She's also.

[Paige Desorbo]

Ally is also so tiny. She's way shorter than you.

[Hannah Berner]

I know you. I know.

[Paige Desorbo]

I mean, you just called me fat, but I'll make you feel better. No, we're good. I'm dying. This may be the last time you fucking see me.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, God. Anything else?

[Paige Desorbo]

I saw an Instagram video of Derek Jeter the other day, so that brightened my day. And that's about it.

[Hannah Berner]

Love of my life. And I do have to just say one thing, though, about men. Every man that everyone's like. And he's the good one. He's not like. I even. I recently saw, like, a list of people being like, Be like, these Non problematic male comedians, they listen. And I was like, no, no, no, nope and nope. So anyway, remember, all men are not good. So Derek Jeter, I don't know what you've done, but we still love you. But I just want to normalize. We're not like putting him on a pedestal.

[Paige Desorbo]

I just saw one clip, quick video of him. I feel like I never see him on social media.

[Hannah Berner]

We had a complicated breakup. We had a complicated. But you don't follow him.

[Paige Desorbo]

No, I do, but I feel like I never see his stuff never pops up.

[Hannah Berner]

It's always like him being a dad.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, it was him being a dad. And I was like, oh my God. I feel like I never, I've never seen this in this context. And then I did have a thought about Tom Brady. But honestly, I digress.

[Sponsor/Ad Host]

I digress.

[Hannah Berner]

You don't want to get into it.

[Paige Desorbo]

I don't.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm too sick to get like a positive thought.

[Paige Desorbo]

I can't get into it. I'm too sick. I just thought like, wow.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm too sick for this.

[Paige Desorbo]

I just felt like, wow. Derek Jeter is the blueprint, I feel like, of like how an athlete should behave.

[Hannah Berner]

He apparently gave gift baskets to women he'd hook up with. They'd leave with a signed ball.

[Paige Desorbo]

I then started to think about like the Colton of it all.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, no. She goes, you know why I'm sick? Colton Underwood and his fucking. You've opened up a can of worms. If you really want me to say.

[Paige Desorbo]

What I was thinking, I'm going to.

[Hannah Berner]

Give it to you.

[Paige Desorbo]

Here's what I was thinking. I was thinking, wow, Colton Underwood can get another really big job like on a hit TV show. Then I was thinking, wow, actually athletes can do like a lot of fucked up shit and then like continue to.

[Hannah Berner]

Play and they just get two game suspension.

[Paige Desorbo]

And I was like, you two game suspension. You could literally beat your girlfriend.

[Hannah Berner]

Vacation.

[Paige Desorbo]

Beat your girlfriend up in an elevator, in a hallway in her own home. It doesn't matter. You can be suspended for two games. If you smoke weed though, you could be suspended for like four.

[Hannah Berner]

And this is a sports podcast. Oh, she's bringing out her special wipey. Ew. She's okay.

[Paige Desorbo]

I had to spit.

[Hannah Berner]

Turn off the YouTube. Turn off the YouTube. Turn it off. Blur that Grace. That was. At least warned the viewers. That was crazy. That was crazy.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, you wanted me to go on a rant and this is what happens.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm glad that it's flowing though. We don't want it to get stuck.

[Paige Desorbo]

No, I think I took a shower and I like, seemed. This is what I wanted. I. I guashaed I like did all this stuff for my.

[Hannah Berner]

No. You look so sick but so glowy at the same time.

[Paige Desorbo]

Thank you, doll. I don't feel glowy, but thank you.

[Hannah Berner]

No, you do. You do.

[Paige Desorbo]

I have a hundred pages left in my book.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh my gosh. How long is that gonna take you?

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, we don't know.

[Hannah Berner]

It's funny. Books, I feel like they either like, fly by or you're like, it's been three years. Like one paragraph.

[Paige Desorbo]

I have to go. I can't. I can't even laugh anymore.

[Hannah Berner]

You guys, we have to go. We love you so much. Thank you for giggling and we'll talk to you later. Hi, this is Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. I've been trying to stay consistent with moving my body in ways that actually fit into my real life, and Peloton makes that so much eas. The new cross training series balances your workouts with 15 plus workout types for endless movements on and off your equipment. Stay motivated with weekly personalized plans that guide you from beginner to experienced. Push past your goals with routines tailored for you. It feels really approachable, even if you're just getting back into a routine, which a lot of us are this January. It's nice not having to think about what to do. It's already mapped out for you. Get the new Peloton Cross Training series terms apply.

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