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Narrator/Ad Voice
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Hannah
Sup, gigglers?
Dez
Gary, fix your wifi.
Hannah
Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
Dez
I mean, the day just got away from me.
Hannah
Hello, my glamorous gigglers. We're on the COVID of Sports Illustrated. Just kidding.
Dez
You looked so beautiful.
Hannah
Thank you.
Dez
Like, truly gorgeous and stunning.
Hannah
Oh, my God, thank you.
Dez
And I loved that you were wearing, like, a men's shirt. No, it was just so, like, you're like, yeah, this is my beach. Like, that's how it felt.
Hannah
You have to say I've been going to Montauk since I was a little girl.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
Little girl running around. And it was a cool full circle moment. But I have to say, the only thing that really brings me joy in life is feeding the gig. I was going to say feeding the gigglers. Like, I love when they, like, think they don't think something's coming and then they get to wake up and see something that they didn't expect. And they get all jacked up. Like, all I cared about was reading the comments of all the gigglers saying the funniest. They just make me laugh so much, and I just. I can't believe we have this community of cool girls supporting us.
Dez
You know what something that brings me joy is? Like, when you do something, it feels like I did it, too. Cause I'm like, oh, all my exes are so jealous. Hannah's Illustrated. And in my head, I'm like, do they care? And I'm like, yeah, they do.
Hannah
No, they do. Also, my Buffalo Wild Wings commercial. You know your exes were mad about that. I know they were mad about us, you know? Cause you can't think of me without thinking of you.
Dez
And also, like, just knowing that, like, a bunch of exes were watching March Madness. And then my best friend pops up on the tv, and they're like, oh, Paige's friend?
Hannah
And then they're nervous that your ad's gonna come up, so then they start just getting paranoid.
Dez
It's like double revenge. And there's nothing. There's no sweeter words to me.
Hannah
It's so true. But, you guys, that's what female friendship is. When you surround yourself with badass women, you take credit for their shit.
Dez
Yeah. That's how it feels.
Hannah
I'm like, it's amazing. And you didn't even have to put
Dez
on a bathing suit, and I didn't even have to go. I remember that shoot day. You were like, it's freezing. I'm like, I'm in bed. But this is great for us.
Hannah
And I do have to say, like, Sports Illustrated back in the day, I think it was like an. It was a little more like male gazy. Like, it was very, like, for the hot girls and for the men to buy the magazines. I don't know. But Sports Illustrated swimsuit has evolved so much where, like, Serena Williams has done it. Like, all the WNBA girls are doing it. So when they asked me, at first, I was like, are you sure? Yeah. But then I realized I do have a fat ass.
Dez
Yep.
Hannah
And I was like, no, people.
Dez
See, I say this all the time. People were like, wait, what?
Hannah
I think it got such a response because people were genuinely surprised.
Dez
Genuinely.
Hannah
Generally. Generally gen. Genuinely, yeah.
Dez
Surprised surface. But I've been telling the gigglers. I'm like, no, she has huge boobs. Like, no one. Everyone's like, are you sure?
Hannah
Also, I'm going to be real with y'.
Ad Voice
All.
Hannah
And I know Zara. Zara Larson. Zara Larson said I can't speak this morning. Said she gets abs from giggling. Which we do. Which we do.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
But nothing will get you in the gym more than knowing you have a Sports Illustrated shoot. And I know you guys remember me talking about Pilates during that time, which, by the way, haven't done Pilates in like three months. I've been on tour. Okay, but that will get your ass out of bed when you're like 50. 50. Should I go to the gym when you're like, I need to look good for the gigglers and so shout out to soundbody Hamptons and West Hampton. I literally went. My actual routine was like four times a week. Because you. You actually have. You can't do every day. Like, you. Even if it's just Pilates, you have to recover.
Dez
Yeah. And yeah, I'm on a recovery right now. You're like, I'm going to recover for eight years.
Hannah
You have to recover. I also was playing a lot of tennis because I had that pro Am coming up, that tournament, so I had to be training for that. I had a lot of pressure this summer.
Dez
You were training.
Hannah
That was not related to anything. That was like, making me any money. Like, not job related. I had, like, a lot of. I was in full training mode. Yeah, you were. I also got a spray tan, which changes the game. But I also just loved at like 34. Just like, it's the best I've ever looked.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
Like, I've never looked better.
Dez
Did you ever think, like, oh, I'm gonna be in, like, when you were younger because you were so sports focused? Like, I don't. I didn't. Sports Illustrated was a thing probably until like my 20s.
Hannah
Yeah.
Dez
Like, did you always see it and think like, oh, I want to be in Sports Illustrated?
Hannah
Quick story. When I was working as a sports reporter at Wisconsin, I had something like kind of go viral of me interviewing Frank Kaminsky. And Barstool had written like an article about it. And it ended up being like they kind of were like, oh, and look at this female sports reporter. Like, she's kind of cute, whatever. And I gotta.
Dez
Barstool really gets away with whatever they want.
Hannah
I gotta. This is such a, like, moment in time. I got a Facebook message from Barstool saying, do you want to be smoke show of the month?
Dez
Oh, my God. That just unlocked a memory that I literally forgot I had now.
Hannah
Let me put you in.
Dez
I forgot that was a thing.
Hannah
Let me put you in, like, 20 year old Hannah's mind. I was aghast. I was offended.
Dez
It was smokeshow of the week.
Hannah
Smokeshow of the week. Sorry, I was upset. Me and my best friend, lesbian Becca, were like, how dare they take my serious journalism career and just decide that they're gonna make me a smoker. Also, do you think I had photos of me in bikinis on my Instagram? No. It was, like, me crying with a tennis rack.
Dez
If I think back to smoke show of the week when we were in college, that was so.
Hannah
But I do think there were two types of girls. There's the girls that are like, I'm gonna monetize this. I know I'm hot. And these dumb idiots are gonna, like, give me follows and, like, cool. And then there's the girl I was very anti. Like, I was very feminist about it, where I was like, how dare you? And I wrote. I think I wrote, like, a whole paragraph. Like, not mean, but just basically, like, thank you, but, like, no, thank you. I don't want to be a part of that kind of thing. So fast forward. Like, I never dreamed of being on Sports Illustrated. I never want. I'm gonna say this so clearly. Men wanting to have sex with me has never done anything for me. It's not a compliment. Men would have sex with an apple pie. An apple pie. A slightly warmed apple pie. Men have had sex with warm apple pies. So, like, immense. A man you're saying you're hot. A man saying he would fuck you. I don't care about it. It is not a compliment to me.
Dez
The majority of the men I know can't read, so.
Hannah
So, like. So that was not ever my goal. And I think maybe it's because of, like, my parents or, like, I mean, definitely my mom being, like, the baddest bitch ever, but also my dad. Like, it was all just about, like, are you working hard? Are you being kind? Are you. Like, I wanted. I never wanted to impress my dad by, like, looking pretty. My dad got mad when I looked pretty. He'd be like, where's the rest of your shirt?
Dez
Our dads are so different. He's like, I can't look at you. Put something on that pimple.
Hannah
I will literally put on lipstick and be like, you look like a clown. So I never wanted to do something that was male gaze oriented or, like, pick me in that way. Even though I've definitely done pick me shit in the past.
Dez
I mean, we're not stronger than.
Hannah
We're not stronger. When they approached me like this, the, like, editor in chief is the coolest woman mj, and she was like, we are about women. Like, showing off and being proud of, like, who they are. And, like, it does take, I guess, like, a sense of confidence, which. Yeah, but, Paige, your favorite thing to say about me is you don't care. What did you say about me? I literally forgot. Are you. No.
Dez
You said a lot.
Hannah
You said, my confidence needs to be studied.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
Which is so funny, because in the caption, I forget people don't, like, do sarcasm all the time. But I was like, I'm so, so, so shy, and this was so, so hard for me. And girls were messaging me like, I. I'm so happy you overcame your fear. And I was like, they're like, you're so strong. And, like, you did so well, bitch. I was shaking my ass the whole time. They were like, okay, Hannah, you're done. You can go.
Dez
We got the shot 30 minutes ago. Hannah.
Hannah
No, I actually was nervous. I got to Montauk, and I could hear there were, like, other girls there in the hotel, which. This was, like, bringing me back to, like, high school, where you're, like, the new girl in school. Like, everyone was already friends. Like, I'm the rookie.
Dez
And people and other girls had shot for them prior.
Hannah
Yes. And I remember Remy Bader was there, and she texted me, like, do you want to come out and talk with us by the. The fire?
Dez
Like, the watering hole.
Hannah
Yeah, the watering hole. But, like, they were already giggling, so I'm like, I'm not fucking. Like, I literally got so socially anxious, and I'm like, I'm going to sleep and watch an intense channel. And that night, I also remember I brought my razor. I remember thinking, you have to get every little speck, because also, Sports Illustrated. And we talked about it. I was like, I don't want a lot of editing. And they're like, we're not about that. But I was like, then I have to do some manual labor here. It took a long time.
Dez
I can imagine.
Hannah
I found places I didn't know I had.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
So when I started the shoot, I was with Nicole Williams. English. Yes, she is.
Dez
I know who she is.
Hannah
She is.
Dez
I'm obsessed with. I've been obsessed with her for years. She was, like, the original on Wags.
Hannah
Really?
Dez
Yes.
Hannah
See, I didn't know that. All I know is I walked in and, like, she's like an AI Sports Illustrated model. Gorgeous from the tip of her head to her toenail. And then the nicest, warmest human, literally was like, get in here. This can be so much fun.
Dez
You're going to do great. She was always my favorite on the show. I think she has, like, two kids.
Hannah
Well, what's crazy is we also had, like, really fun chemistry together. You get partnered with her. Even though I wasn't in, like, shots with her, she was like my partner for the day and we were just giggling, giggling, giggling.
Dez
But she's been with her husband for a while.
Hannah
Yeah, she was like, she has kids.
Dez
Yep. They have kids together.
Hannah
Yeah, she's had babies and she.
Dez
When the show first started, she was like, we're not. I don't know if they were engaged yet, but it was all about, like, her wanting to get married. And everyone was so mean to her. Like, you'll never. He'll never marry you. Like, you'll never stay together. And now, like, Fast forward, like 10, 15 years are, like, still together.
Hannah
And not to be. Like, have respect for pretty people too, but, like, people. You remember how they make you feel, not how they look like. I literally don't remember how she looked. By the end of it. I just remembered, like, a warm, smiley feeling. Shout out, nicole, you're the shit, but you're gonna die. So I'm so ready. They. They put. They put you in your little thing, your little. Your baby, your outfit. They put you. I'm in, like, a thong.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
And my ass is out. It's music video time. My mom's with me. Of course.
Ad Voice
Of course.
Dez
You need an adult on set. What if they try and take advantage of you?
Hannah
Full momager. She's literally like, you're doing amazing. She's looking at me. She's like, this. This is all Lenore wanted. Yeah. Was for me to show off my body. She's like, finally a good shoot.
Dez
Me and her similar.
Hannah
She's like, enough with these jorts.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
So she's loving it. And she's. But she's also momagering it. She's like, eyebrows a little dark right now. Okay. She's.
Dez
She's literally chin up, chin up, chin up. Literally.
Hannah
You're doing amazing.
Dez
Sweet.
Hannah
Leaned over with my ass crack out. So we get to this restaurant in Montauk and I'm like, great. We're shooting at the restaurant and they go, oh, actually, we're first going to shoot in front of the sign. The sign is on the highway.
Dez
Perfect.
Hannah
There's cars driving through and Nicole's like, I'll go first. Throws off her jacket in a, like, thong bikini.
Dez
People don't give enough respect to models standing. Yeah.
Hannah
Basically imagine you're on a highway and deciding, I'm going to stand here in a bikini.
Dez
It's like, you told Tyra your family died in a car accident. And she was like, you're on a highway.
Hannah
So I came in. I'm like, I could do anything.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
I've. I've been through a lot in my life. I could handle a bikini shoot. Yeah. I'd look at my mom. I said, I don't know if I could do this. The men are honking at her. No, Wait, what?
Dez
When did you shoot this?
Hannah
Because you shot it in the September 10th. So this was after, like, working out all summer, but, like, not. Let's be honest, I wasn't that intense. I wasn't, like, stopping eating. Right. Like, I ate all summer. Right.
Dez
You didn't, like, get on Ozempic?
Hannah
No. So she's getting honked at, and she's just working it. She doesn't give a shit. And these are, like, all types of men driving these cars. And this is. I'm starting to get triggered. I'm like, I actually don't. First of all, they don't get this show for free.
Dez
Y Second, also, like, men are so stupid. They could be staring and then, like, go off the road.
Hannah
It's dangerous.
Dez
Yeah. Like, I've seen so many men fall down stairs because they're stiff. Actually, someone almost got into a car accident the other day because they saw two men watching this girl cross the street.
Hannah
Forget drunk driving. Keep your eye off people's butts. We had to change, like, bathing suits, and they put me. They put me in a bathing suit when I tell you it didn't cover my pubes.
Dez
You didn't shave your vag?
Hannah
I did. But, like, you can only shave so well in the thick parts. Like, it was a little stubby, and I looked at my mom, and I was like, my stubs are out.
Dez
Well, that they could edit. Yeah.
Hannah
But then they got me. They literally had to pull out, like, a dermaplane thing, and I was dermaplaning my pussy. But this. I have a photo. Maybe I'll put it in the. Entering full only band in the newsletter. You could see the butt crack of my vagina. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, it was that low.
Dez
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Hannah
Like, it was hair that I couldn't even get if I tried.
Dez
You're like, I. The only other people that have seen this is me and Goth. Like, I don't even know how to get down there.
Hannah
People don't talk about vagina cracks enough. And also, I don't have a Kendall Jenner pussy. Like, there's you're at least Chloe. Yeah, there's cleavage. So, honestly, I had way too much fun. But the nerve wracking thing with it is you shoot, obviously, I forgot about it. And then Sports Illustrated is like, they're very, like, secretive. Secretive. You can't tell anyone anything. And then they were like, we'll tell you what photo we're dropping the day of. So I didn't know what photo they chose, mind you. We shot for eight hours. Like, I shot in different locations. I have all these different looks. I posted the behind the scenes.
Dez
Who's in charge of picking the photo?
Hannah
The night before, I was like, so excited it's gonna come out. And then I was like, what if I hate the photo? Yeah. What if it's my right side of my face? Cause, you know, when other people pick
Dez
your photo, it wasn't, though. It was the left side.
Hannah
It was the left side. Thank God. My hair was kind of Donald Trumpy. Like, it.
Dez
I didn't feel that.
Hannah
It was a little like.
Dez
No, it was beachy.
Hannah
It was beachy. I just have to say I got lucky. God had my back on this bikini shoot.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
And they picked a photo that I loved. But it could have gone haywire.
Dez
It really could have. But I don't think you probably took a bad photo that day.
Hannah
Shut up. How many shoots have you done where, like, they shoot all day and then the article comes out and there's three photos and you're like, oh, that's the photo you choose, honey.
Dez
In my contracts, I get first approval. Do you in? Well, sometimes, like, if you're. Sometimes if I'm working with a big brand, they'll be like, okay, here are the four shots. Like, pick your favorite.
Hannah
But I'm saying, like, press sometimes, like, if you do, like, yeah, Marie Claire or like, Glamour.
Dez
Yeah. It's like, let go and let God.
Hannah
Even, like, a lot they choose to
Dez
New York Times or Washington Post, it's let go and let God. They're not letting you.
Hannah
Yeah. You're not like, can I see some of them?
Dez
And like, those, like, news things, like, they won't edit anything. Like, I remember New York Times. I was like, I have a massive pimple, honestly. In the same spot. And I was like, you have to edit it out. And they were like, we don't do that. Like, we can't.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Yeah.
Dez
And I was like, you're fired.
Hannah
Also, sometimes they'll pick a quote that they use, and it's always a quote that sounds like.
Dez
You sound like an idiot.
Hannah
You sound like. Or I Did sound. I did say something stupid. Like, why did we pick that one?
Dez
I forget. There was an article I did, like, over the past year, and I was like, guys, I sound. I get why people hate me. I sound like a fourth grade reading level.
Hannah
I had one that was like, just believe in yourself so you can be more you and then you can do you. I was like, guys, you got.
Dez
I'm like, if the goal is to sell issues, it's not on this one, babe.
Hannah
It's certainly not here. Also, when you do take just a sentence out of context, it's so easy to sound like, cocky or stupid.
Dez
There also are some situations where, like, if you work with big brands, like, they hire the stylist and you have no say on things. So there's a lot of things where I'm like. I'm like, okay, so you want everyone to hate me. You know that everyone's gonna say that I look disgusting, and that's what you want from me.
Hannah
Well, the truth is you're getting booked because they know everyone wants to see what you wear.
Dez
Yeah. And then I'm like, the girls are going to have a field day with this one.
Hannah
I've walked into things where, like, they pick stuff for me and you, but they don't know what we're going to do. And then they go, well, Paige, pick this. And we have to go off of Paige's decisions. And I'm like, whatever.
Dez
Those are my favorite shoots.
Hannah
Whatever makes her day go smoother. As long as I don't have a side part. Yesterday was, like, kind of crazy. I wasn't expecting it. I was just hoping my photo didn't bomb because that's, like, embarrassing to post a. If. If you never post bikini photo, then you do, and everyone's like, no, thank you.
Dez
It was not going to bomb. Sports Illustrated has a reputation.
Hannah
I did get a couple body positivity comments, which trigger, yeah, you know, I hate those. I hate them.
Dez
What do they say?
Hannah
They're just like, thank you for representing body positivity. And someone's like, thank you for not using GLP1s. And I'm like, and I get it.
Dez
Well, that I. Now I'm like, that is a compliment. One made. Like, I forget what it was. It wasn't a TikTok talk. Where did I see it? Maybe it was a real. Whatever it was. I'm pretty sure she was making a video for, like, a publication, but I can't remember. Whatever. And she was saying how women's body standards, like, they're always changing and they're always different where like men's hasn't changed and like women being mothers, their expectation is always changing. It's only gotten like more insane where men's expectations of being fathers, like, hasn't changed in the, like that much in the past couple of years. But she was talking about how in the 90s it was like super into be super, super skinny and that was like unattainable for a lot of people. So that was the beauty standard. Now that GLP1s, everyone can be super skinny if they want to be. What will be the new body standard. And, and so I was looking at the comments and a lot of the comments were like, it's going to be muscles because everyone can be skinny now or everyone could get a beautiful muscles
Hannah
is what people lose when they do GLP1s.
Dez
Yeah. And so it was just like very interesting because I was like, I wonder if that will turn true.
Hannah
They always have to have a hierarchy. Like if other people can get it, then it's like not at the top.
Dez
Yeah. It has to be unattainable. Yeah.
Hannah
Because once people realize that you could just buy boobs and asses, gonna be
Dez
like joining bodybuilding companies.
Hannah
That's why everyone's selling protein popcorn. Shout out, Chloe.
Dez
Oh.
Hannah
Oh yeah, everything's protein now.
Dez
Is that why?
Hannah
Because I think this is. Okay guys, this is a science podcast, but this is a theory because everyone's on GLP1 and by everyone, I mean just more people than there used to be. Yeah. You lose muscle mass. So people are eating more protein to try to make up for the muscle mass that they think they're losing. I think they tell you about when
Dez
I was on the beach the other day and a lady pulled out a thing of cottage cheese.
Hannah
Was that me?
Dez
No, no. But I was literally sitting on the beach and someone next to me.
Hannah
Can I meet her?
Dez
Pulled out just out of her beach bag. It's an 85 degrees out of her non insulated like woven beach bag. Pulled out a thing of cottage cheese and ate it with a spoon. And I was just like, literally, I
Hannah
want to know everything about that girl. I'm obsessed with her.
Dez
The opposite. I was like, something weird's going on.
Hannah
I didn't say something weird wasn't going on. I just, I want to get to know her.
Dez
Full on gossiping with her friend. I was like.
Hannah
And the friend didn't even comment on it.
Dez
Not us for a second.
Hannah
They're sharing and she's ordered food. Oh.
Dez
And so I was like a snack before A snack. I love that. I just like, wasn't expecting it to be cottage cheese.
Hannah
I had cottage cheese in my fridge and I hadn't opened it, but it's been around for a while. And then I realized, like, regardless if it's good or not, it always looks like it went bad. Like, if it's in my fridge more than five days, it went bad. It's just cheese that went bad. But I love cottage cheese. Shout out to cheese.
Dez
I feel like we're on the extreme ends with that. I'm throwing something away two days before it expired.
Hannah
See, I'm eating anything that doesn't have like growths on it. Yeah, but DEZ is like, you. Des is throwing shit away. And I'm like, okay, okay.
Dez
Like, people will walk in and be like, where's my.
Hannah
My mom?
Dez
Like the other day my dad was like, you threw out the milk, didn't you? Yeah, I did.
Hannah
That's the fights I've had. I was like, does that wasn't bad. And he was like, google it. And I'm like, google.
Dez
I think because my mom was like that growing up, like, if there was leftover dinner in the refrigerator, you could only eat it the next day. She wasn't letting you eat it two days after.
Hannah
I get it. If you've had like a traumatizing food poisoning experience inflicted upon yourself.
Dez
Have you ever had food poisoning?
Hannah
I feel like I have. Subtle. I microdose food poison.
Dez
Yes. That's how I feel. I don't think I've ever had it full on.
Hannah
I may have.
Dez
What I'm really asking is, have you ever shit and thrown up at the same time?
Hannah
I've had it at Thanksgiving once, which honestly felt amazing after. Yeah, I highly recommend. But yeah, I remember it was coming out of like every orifice.
Dez
Anyway, if you don't have a Lola
Ad Voice
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Dez
And I'm just one person.
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Hannah
hi, it's Hannah from Giggly Squad. Bottomless apps for $9.99 are back at Buffalo Wild Wings. Or as you know, I like to say, B Dubs. Paige and I love going to Buffalo Wild Wings, sitting at the bar and just yapping while we snack. Bottomless yaps, bottomless apps. I love my mott sticks, fried pickles, onion rings, Hatch queso chips and salsa. Honestly, we end up ordering everything and just sharing it across the table, which is kind of the best part. If you're gonna gossip with a girlfriend, do it over apps. And it's honestly such an affordable way to snack on all your favorites. Order your apps and keep them coming while you spiral on the same gossip from every possible angle. It'll quickly turn into one of those nights when you're laughing the whole time and suddenly it's way later than you thought. So head to Buffalo Wild Wings to get bottomless apps for $9.99 while you still can.
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Hannah
Finally, with the Sports Illustrated. Also, Des is so annoyed with me. Everyone's like, Des must be like loving it. I'm literally like, have you ever been with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model before?
Dez
Just like, make him a calendar.
Hannah
He's like, okay, calm down. Like, my head is so wet. I'm like, Sports Illustrated model's hair.
Dez
You're like, I guess I have to walk in the show next year.
Hannah
No, I got a pimple. And I was like, I can't have a pimple. I'm a sports illustrator, so people are gonna question me. I wanna show that women can be funny and depressed and anxious and a boss and scared and gorgeous.
Dez
We have layers to our personality. We're not just one thing. Don't put me in a box.
Hannah
100. I hate being put in a box. And like, just when people think they know what box I'm in to change the box.
Dez
It's the same thing of people that are like, oh, you think I'm like a quiet person. You just don't have access to my full personality. And that, like, I. So like, that's why I'm fine being a different version of someone in other people's stories. Because I'm like, you don't even know me. Like, you don't get full access.
Hannah
That's why I love the gigglers because I feel like they do get a lot of access. So when sometimes people say stuff about us like, you're like, you guys are so far off, you don't even know.
Dez
Someone commented something me, I don't even know what it was like, they're stupid. Something. And the gigglers were like, actually, we're all really funny and cool. Oh, it was like a comment about the gigglers. It wasn't even about us. And they were. And if they're going to go hard for something, it's for them. They're like, actually, we're all really educated.
Hannah
Yeah. We're in the Smithsonian phone age. It's a bit. You have to be smart to make fun of yourself.
Dez
I have a woman of stem of the week.
Hannah
Wait, it's Paige's first ever woman of
Dez
STEM of the week and you're not even gonna guess what it is?
Hannah
This is my favorite.
Dez
It's the entire wnba. They're all my women of STEM of the week. I don't know what they did. They did. They're getting paid.
Hannah
They're getting paid. And it's the first time ever that a first round draft pick is getting like 500k.
Dez
I think one girl is getting Aussie FUD. A million.
Hannah
Wait, do you know the lore of Ozzy Fud?
Dez
No. But what a name.
Hannah
She's gorgeous.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
And she just got drafted to Dallas. You know who's at Dallas? Paige Beckers. Who is.
Dez
I love her.
Hannah
Who is was the number one draft pick last year, who's a full star. And guess what? Paige and Ozzy are dating.
Dez
Oh, then I do know who she is.
Hannah
They're iconic together.
Dez
They just start dating or have they been dating? Yeah, but like.
Hannah
But it was like on the low and then they literally interviewed her and they're like, are you excited to go to Dallas with Paige? And she was like, so cute about it. She was just like, yeah, I respect Paige as a person.
Dez
There was something about Paige Beckers, like, on the Internet and everyone was like tagging me in it. And they were like, oh, like she went to like a basketball game, like, with a hoodie on, like, incognito. And everyone thought people were like, wait, this is Paige the Sorbo. They were like, Paige would never wear this. Also, if I'm sitting courtside, you're going to see it. I'm not going to incognito. Courtside at the Knicks.
Hannah
With some respect, I've actually never seen you incognito.
Dez
Who am I hiding from?
Hannah
That's not a font in your dictionary.
Dez
We have some blonde on blonde crime happening. Blonde on blonde crime is so interesting to me because I stay far away from it. It's blonde on blonde is very different
Hannah
when you put it like that. It's so true. It's so different. Some were saying it's white girl and white girl crime, which is true. But this is also.
Dez
This is another layer.
Hannah
This is another layer. This is an upper level, an umbrella of that umbrella.
Dez
There's white girl crime.
Hannah
Yep.
Dez
And then there's blonde on blonde on blonde. Two brunettes. Different.
Hannah
Two brunettes. Your ass got beat. Stay and get your ass beat or stay and get your ass beat.
Dez
That's brunette. Blonde on broad. Blonde on blonde. CIA, FBI. Things are subtle. Things are the passive.
Hannah
As a brunette, I can't process it.
Dez
And this is why it makes me upset that people that there's like the joke like a dumb blonde because I have not met a dumb blonde in 15, 20 years.
Hannah
Are they both. They're both actual blondes. I think.
Dez
I think they're both. They're both, yeah. That's another layer.
Hannah
Layer to layer.
Dez
Fake. Blonde on blonde.
Hannah
Very diabolical. That's another umbrella born.
Dez
Blonde on blonde. The same name too. Speaking of blondes, Cate Blanchett is set to play Martha Stewart in a biopic, which I couldn't think of a better casting. I love that my gripe with it. I don't want just a movie. I re because what part of her life TV comedy series. I want a full. Yeah, I want a full season. Like I want eight to 10 episodes.
Hannah
Yeah, because you can't. She has so many errors.
Dez
Yeah. You can't put her whole life in one movie at all. Like, and what era are you picking? Jail or are you picking the early years?
Hannah
What if we just do jail? I'd watch that. It's just. Orange is the New Florals with Martha Stewart.
Dez
I just. I just need to get the new charcuterie. I think it needs to be longer than a movie.
Hannah
For sure. Well, she also. People forget that she was a finance girl, she worked in the South. Yeah.
Dez
Like, I want them. I want camp. Cate Blanchett in Italy on her honeymoon, making out with someone in a cathedral and being like, get over it.
Hannah
Oh, my God. It is crazy that you get to a point in your life where people start, like, writing books about it and, like, you start winning, like, awards and, like, people do movies about, like, your, like. It must be a weird feeling. It's like, I'm still alive. Like, I'm still here.
Dez
Actually, when I was at this actor Awards, what you might call it, got lifetime achievement, Harrison Ford, and he got up on stage and he was like, I'm alive.
Hannah
It's one thing if, like, you're on your deathbed, but, like, he's in a full top TV show right now, like
Dez
the star of an Apple series.
Hannah
It is nice to appreciate things. Do you think you're good at. Because me and you, let's be honest, we are always working. We're always like, how can we do better? We're always trying to improve things. We're hard on ourselves. Do you think you're good at celebrating wins?
Ad Voice
No, not at all.
Dez
It's something I really need to dive into in therapy, but I've got so many other things.
Hannah
I know there's so many things going on. I can't be stressed about celebrating wins, but I also think about, like, when you think of good things that happen to you, you're like, oh, should I sat in that longer? Because one thing people don't talk about. You see, people win championships and people win awards. Sometimes it. It really is fleeting. Like, it really feels like 30 seconds. Then you're already stressed about what you're doing the next day.
Dez
Well, I feel like it's also very fleeting. Because of the Internet? Yes, because the Internet is on to the next thing. And then it's like, what is she even done? Is she even successful?
Hannah
Are we still talking about that?
Dez
Yeah. No, truly, like, let us have a time. I get annoyed is when someone ever tries to, like, say that my success comes from any Type of man. Like any man in the entire world chapter. So that's the only time where I'm like, actually, bitch, I'm a New York Times bestselling author.
Hannah
You guys, there's another version of Giggly Squad where we, after Denver said, we're not doing this anymore. Yeah. You were like, I'm traumatized.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
It could have caused like, you didn't not want to do the pod in
Dez
an alternate universe somewhere. I'm like pregnant and laying on the couch and like scrolling.
Hannah
Which does sound quite peaceful.
Dez
Scrolling. Instagram being like, I could have done that. I could have done that.
Hannah
But you like, push through. Despite a lot of difficulties. Yeah. Where men were involved. Which I do have to shout out to myself. I did say, you don't have stage fright. This is other things.
Dez
And you were right. Which actually brings me to a great segue. I wrote in my notes, Emma and I remember who.
Hannah
Who was.
Dez
I knew Emma Grade just put a book out.
Hannah
She's so like, is that why I
Dez
love her so much?
Hannah
Because she sounds like so freaking smart every time she talks. She looks amazing. Well, she also is running like multiple million million dollar companies, but she has
Dez
a book out and or it's coming out. So she's doing all like book press tour. And one of the number one things she said, can you cough? Thank you.
Hannah
That was.
Dez
Sports Illustrated one time. Now all of a sudden is a monster on set. I didn't wear makeup for the first time in seven weeks. And she's like, you're kind of grossing me.
Hannah
Can you just a little. Okay, get the frog out. Let's go.
Dez
She said that she and people are like, okay, wasn't that funny? No. She said she's been like doing all these interviews and I don't know if this was from the book. It must have been from the book. It's like one of the quotes they pulled. And she said, I'm a three hour mom. And people were like, oh. Like up in arms about it. And so she explains it where she's like, I work Monday through Friday and then if I wake up in the morning and I'm with my kids all morning on Saturday and we're doing the birthday parties and we're hanging out and we're playing with cars on the rug. Then at a certain point I have to go run errands, like, I need to do things for myself for the next week of my work. And she was like. And that's not a crazy thing to say. Like she's really also.
Hannah
I would argue she. She isn't really a three hour mom. And that all the stuff she's doing is also to provide for her family to be a mom. But she also was. I saw a part of that clip where she was like, I also want to be realistic with women. I don't want them thinking that I'm doing all these mothering things while I'm also in all these meetings, while I'm also running these companies and making them feel shit about themselves. You have to prioritize your time. Also, if a man, a dad, said, I'm a three hour dad, everyone would be like, because he's working so hard for the family.
Dez
That's the thing. Like a. A man wouldn't even have to say that when he had a baby.
Hannah
No one would ask how many hours. No, they'd be like, did you try? No, like once.
Dez
It's so crazy.
Hannah
She's a badass, though. I really like her too.
Dez
I really like her. She has a podcast and she. She just wears a cute outfit I'm obsessed with.
Hannah
I love how we both like the same person, but it's always for different reasons. You're like, did you see her shoes?
Dez
She's gorgeous.
Hannah
She is gorgeous.
Dez
I'm like, I could just stare at her.
Hannah
Dez. And I did celebrate the end of my tour, which ended up being 68 shows.
Dez
Oh, my God.
Hannah
I know. And I went to the dentist yesterday.
Dez
Grind your teeth a lot.
Hannah
Yeah, you have to bring that up until I get a cleaning and my Invisalign. And they were. They like, were disappointed in me, you know, they can't help it. They're just like, you need a floss more. Like, are you flossy? I'm like, I don't not floss, but I'm not like, doing it every time after I eat. And the lady was like, you got to floss? And then at the one point was like, she was like, why did you stop using your Invisalign trays? And I looked at her and she didn't know, like, who I was or anything or what I do. And I just said, I had 68 shows.
Dez
And she looked at 68 shows.
Hannah
And I forgot it a couple trips. And next thing you know, it was hurting when I put it in. And then I just stopped. Cause I wanted to get a good night's sleep. And the lady was like, okay, we don't need all the details.
Dez
But, like, that's why I hated Botox. I was like, sorry, my job is to speak.
Hannah
Sorry. I'm a 3 hour Invisalign per day, girl.
Dez
Yeah, but that's enough. And that should be enough.
Hannah
That should be enough. I think I might have to get a permanent underneath. Cause I crowd easily. But I digress. Des and I were like, let's go to dinner. Which is hard as a married couple. Cause you're like, could easily order in. We could easily. I'll have cereal. I don't give a. Like, I don't want to put on clothes. But he's like, you have to work on celebrating when you do something. And he's good at that. Like, he's like, when he finishes tours, they'd. They had this. They'd always go out for Chinese food. It was like their thing. And like, you have to create your own traditions is what I'm realizing.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
And I think you're good at that.
Dez
Your own fun.
Hannah
Yes. Like, you have to romanticize your life because no one is going to do it for you. And it doesn't. It never feels good unless you want to feel it.
Dez
And no one really talks about. I mean, they do, but, like, not in depth of like, the friend shift in your 30s. In my 20s and in my 30s in New York, it's not like I had a friend group of girls that, like, they were all friends. Like, I had two girls that were friends, and then I had like a friend over here that I would go out with that, like, didn't really know those girls. But like, okay, if we were all at a dinner. But I never had like a five person group chat where we were all friends. It was all girls. Because you just meet different people in different parts of your life. And so it is interesting now being 33, not married, with no kids, and it's like, how do you hang out? Like, they have to make time. You have to make time. Then you have to figure out something that, like, benefits both of you that isn't like. Like, I don't want to call my friend and be like, let's go to a Pilates class. You know, like, because we're not talking for that hour. We're just in the same room.
Hannah
But I also feel like when you hang out in your 30s, it, like, means more because you're like, holy shit. Like, you.
Dez
Yes.
Hannah
Take. We're in your 20s. You'll fall into someone's couch.
Dez
Like, like my one girlfriend, Dominique. Like, we've been trying to hang out for. I'm not kidding, a year.
Hannah
And when you actually do.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
It's gonna feel so good. And, like, be quality time. And you just know these People with you cuz you know that like they could be hanging out with their family,
Dez
they could be with their kids.
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Hannah
And I also have to say about your 30s, not to cause drama, but in your 30s, once the things you've been chasing start to like, come to fruition. Yeah, you people treat you differently. Oh, people treat you differently. Like you. It gets. It can be lonely like when, when. Oh, I saw a quote that I wrote down that I think was probably TikTok.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Ooh.
Hannah
It said make sure you pick friends who love their life or they'll end up hating yours.
Dez
Oh wait, that is really.
Hannah
It shook me because I. I would
Dez
say that with dating too.
Hannah
Yes. I surround myself with people who like,
Dez
like what they do.
Hannah
Like what they do. Because it's not about success. It's not about money. It's about is this person, like, alive when they talk about what they're up to. I have some friends. Friends who.
Dez
And, like, like who they're with.
Hannah
Oh, those. And those are my favorite people because I call them. And they're happy in their relationship. They have. And I have some people, they have jobs that, like, I would be so bad at. And I. I don't know how they get through the day. It's what they love to do.
Dez
You absolutely love real estate.
Hannah
I know, like, next level. And I know that when I started discovering standup, like, it. It caused issues with people who. I think they saw me even though I wasn't, like, immediately popping off with it at all. Yeah, they saw that at least I was, like, chasing something that I wanted. And instead of them chasing what they wanted, they just started, like, having negative energy towards me. Yeah.
Dez
And a lot of men.
Hannah
Well, stand up triggers a lot.
Dez
Yeah. A lot of men were, like, visibly mad at you.
Hannah
Visibly about the stand up. Yeah, it was very funny.
Dez
It was very funny.
Hannah
Very funny.
Dez
Chill out. My mom has said this from, like, when we were little, and now it, like, has come into my adult life. And she would always say, my child's success does not take away from your child's success. Like, whenever there was, like, a girl that was, like, jealous or mean or whatever, she would be like, what you're doing isn't taking it away from them. They can also do it. And like, now as an adult, it's even more true of, like, what I'm doing isn't. I'm not taking your spot. And it was so interesting because anytime I've ever felt jealous of someone else, it's more that I'm like, why didn't I also work toward doing that? It's not like that person in particular. It's more like, oh, I think I could do that too.
Hannah
And I realized a lot of people feel jealousy because you think people don't deserve what they're getting. You don't know what that person did to get there.
Dez
Right.
Hannah
And try to tell yourself, I don't know what they did with closed doors. I don't know what they're dealing with. I'm looking at Instagram and I'm. I'm putting a whole narrative and story around them. They earned it, and I'm gonna earn mine. So now selling my Celebrating with Des at this dinner and it was interesting dinner where like it wasn't omakase. Which by the way, I've never done omakase. Have you done omakase before?
Dez
You know, I never done it before and I did it with one time and like, I don't know, I was like 23 years old and I had no idea what was going on.
Hannah
Why are you like throwing octopus at me?
Dez
I was like on a date. I had no idea it was even expensive.
Hannah
I was like for this little thing.
Dez
So I had no idea. I remember I hated the date and I got in an Uber.
Hannah
Although that's probably like a thousand dollars easily.
Dez
I had no idea. I get in an Uber, I call my girlfriend. I'm like, where are you? I just had like a horrible date. I'm going to meet you at my barn.
Hannah
I'm starving. Do you want McDonald's?
Dez
I went to the bar, the guy texted me and was like, did you seriously go out after our date? And I was like. He was like, I took you to omakase. I was like, I didn't. I don't even like that restaurant.
Hannah
You never asked for an omakase?
Dez
Yeah, like I didn't know. Also if you take me to an expensive dinner that you're not then owed something after what year is this that nicely.
Hannah
It takes a long time. That's like a three hours in our bay.
Dez
No, it takes take. So.
Hannah
And I know you, you like a little snack.
Dez
Seven Diet Coke.
Hannah
But this, but this wasn't Oma. But it was one of those where you sit at the bar and you could see people like cooking and it was like kind of fancy and they had like a wine sommelier which I'm
Dez
obsessed with wine just to pronounce that correctly.
Hannah
I'm new obsessed with them cuz I'm like you're, you're like this is my life's passion.
Dez
You know that's a male dominated area that women are really starting to, to get into.
Hannah
Do you know it's crazy. Male wine, sommelier, the whole kitchen, men. And I turn to DEZ and I go, this is just weird. Why are they all men? Why are all the men, the chefs men? Yeah, like, like women. Don't tell me women can't cook.
Dez
Right?
Hannah
Because people say women can't do chess. Don't tell me they can't cook. Yeah, like let's, let's get our, our, our tubes in order. So. So anyway, this guy's the wine smell ace. So I'm just watching him fascinated by his mustache. Just can't stop looking at him.
Dez
I was supposed to get my pimple injected the other day, but I didn't go because I popped it kind of. And then I got nervous, but then I should have gone.
Hannah
Anyway, thank you for that intrusive thought. Let it out when it comes. Let it out. It's my place.
Dez
And I didn't wear makeup today because I just like, I couldn't. Anyway, keep going back to the wine.
Hannah
Sommelier. Yeah. Do you know that these guys taste the wine and then spit it back out?
Dez
What, at the restaurant?
Hannah
Yeah. So the guy's job, he like, opens something and I guess to like, explain what the wine tastes like.
Dez
They take a sip in front of you?
Hannah
Yeah, they take us.
Dez
I've never seen that.
Hannah
And they go. And he, like, does this weird thing, and then he takes this. This black cup thing and spits it out. And I said, I turned to Des. I go, that man just spit out. And he goes, yeah, he can't be drinking wine all night. He'll get blackout. And I'm like, I've never seen that before.
Dez
Never seen them do that at the table.
Hannah
I think they do it behind the scenes normally, but because it was like omakase style, the guy, the bartender was just like, right there. I was like, I could see you. That's like. You know when you eat a chicken and you hit a weird thing, you're like, I'm gonna get this out of my mouth. And like, no one looks. And you like, spit it out in the napkin.
Dez
That was so niche. But I know exactly what you.
Hannah
And then you're like, I'm actually done with this meal anymore, cuz a piece of cartilage touched my tooth.
Dez
When the chicken starts tasting like chicken, I gotta go, oh, when?
Hannah
And it could be the tiniest piece of cartilage. I said, I'm out. That's an animal.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
So just want to let you know that's happening out there in these streets. These men are out here, like, spitting.
Dez
Okay. I didn't know that that was happening, but I did know that, like, the test to become that like a sommelier is like one of the most insane tests ever. Like, they just give you a glass of wine. You have to say the year, the region, and like, what it. So it could be like, oh, 1562. Like, that's insane.
Hannah
I mean, I. I love when people love something so niche and it brings them joy. But also it's like at some point you're like, this is alcoholism. You're not a Wine sommelier. Okay. Like you fucking want to go on wine tastings like every weekend. Okay. That's call a therapist. Why? So that's like me saying, oh yeah, I'm a cocaine sommelier. Let me sniff that. I'll blow it out after.
Dez
It is a crazy profession. I wonder if they make a lot of money.
Hannah
I think they have to. If like it causes. There's so much training involved.
Dez
There's a lot of training, but then
Hannah
there's a lot of training to become a teacher and they don't pay them, period.
Dez
Oh my God.
Hannah
Tell me the clavicle guy that like
Dez
I can't get enough of because he's just so insane.
Hannah
Yeah.
Dez
Brought to the hospital last night. Overdosed.
Hannah
Well, he loves drama.
Dez
Well, he does meth.
Hannah
Yes. Also someone messaged me that and was like more Chess.com drama. So the girls are getting confused with all the nerdy brown haired men.
Dez
Have a call. Just like really? Like there's just some. I'm so fascinated on whatever the fuck that subset of the Internet is.
Hannah
It's fascinating, but it's scary.
Dez
Well, it should be illegal. You can't go on the Internet and tell a bunch of 16 year old kids that they should do meth.
Hannah
He's a looks maxing meth sommelier.
Dez
Like that's like where. And he. He's from Jersey.
Hannah
Well, that's.
Dez
And that upsets me because I'm like, I know his mother is somewhere really upset.
Hannah
Really upset. Or enabling him being like, he's. He's a sweet boy.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
He's working on some stuff. Claviclear. We hope you get sober. We hope you love yourself as just for you.
Dez
I literally don't give a shit. But I just think it's crazy that this is like that he's getting so.
Hannah
Also I didn't tell you something. I just want to tell you to wrap this up. Yeah. We're going to Devil Wears Prada premiere on Monday. I'm bringing my mom.
Dez
Oh my God.
Hannah
Can you bring Kim?
Dez
I'm bringing Lucho. So we have.
Hannah
Okay, well that makes sense too.
Dez
Who's gonna take pictures of us?
Hannah
I know. Yeah. We can't have Lenore on photo duty.
Dez
Lenore has to be. That actually makes me sad because I
Ad Voice
didn't even think to bring my mom.
Hannah
I literally normally bring Haley.
Dez
Yeah.
Hannah
But my mom was like free, which she rarely is.
Dez
Usually I bring Josephine, but she's God knows where doing God knows what. She literally quit and was like, I'm going on vacation. Okay. I haven't seen her in a month.
Hannah
Anyway, we love you guys. Thanks for giving with us and have an amazing weekend. Bye.
Narrator/Ad Voice
We're lost.
Hannah
If the show starts without us, there's no hiding in the back row.
Dez
I'm gonna ask that man for directions.
Hannah
Hi there. We're trying to get to the comedy club.
Ad Voice
Well, you're gonna take a left at the old oak tree at this here road. Nah, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.
Hannah
How is there signal out here?
Ad Voice
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Hannah
Actually, can you pull up the way to a T Mobile store?
Ad Voice
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Episode: Giggling about Sports Illustrated, Friendship Breakups, and Blondes
Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Date: April 17, 2026
In this lively and candid episode, Hannah and Paige unpack the recent buzz around Hannah's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit feature, dive deep into the nuances of female friendship breakups, body image, and evolving beauty standards, and explore the complex social dynamics of "blonde on blonde" drama. The gigglers serve plenty of self-aware takes, personal anecdotes, celebrity gossip, and their trademark witty banter—serving as a humorous and honest examination of modern womanhood.
[01:45–19:28]
Celebrating the Cover:
Hannah jokingly claims she’s on the cover of Sports Illustrated (SI), prompting playful banter from Paige about ex-boyfriends' jealousy and the joy of shared successes in female friendships.
Memorable Quote:
"That's what female friendship is. When you surround yourself with badass women, you take credit for their shit." — Hannah [03:28]
Changing SI Standards:
Hannah reflects on SI's evolution from a “male-gazy” magazine to one that now celebrates diversity and empowerment, noting icons like Serena Williams and WNBA stars.
Quote:
“Sports Illustrated swimsuit has evolved so much...when they asked me, at first, I was like, are you sure? And then I realized I do have a fat ass.” — Hannah [04:14]
Preparation & Pressures:
Detailed stories about preparing for the shoot—training at Pilates and tennis, spray tans, managing body image insecurities, and even the challenge of “manual labor” (shaving for the photos).
Quote:
“Nothing will get you in the gym more than knowing you have a Sports Illustrated shoot.” — Hannah [04:51]
Behind-the-Scenes & Female Solidarity:
Experiences with model Nicole Williams at the shoot—from initial social anxiety to finding warmth, encouragement, and fun camaraderie.
“You remember how they make you feel, not how they look.” — Hannah [12:12]
Vulnerability and Humor:
Unfiltered discussion on body image, hair in awkward places, and the reality versus the perception of “body positivity” online.
Quote:
“People don’t talk about vagina cracks enough.” — Hannah [15:40]
Media and Body Standards:
Paige raises the shifting body ideals for women, from ‘90s thinness to current muscular trends (influenced by GLP-1 drugs).
Quote:
“Now that GLP1s, everyone can be super skinny if they want to be. What will be the new body standard?” — Paige [20:23]
Online Comments & Public Response:
They discuss public reactions—positive, critical, and triggering—highlighting the tension around body image praise, “body positivity,” and assumptions regarding GLP-1 use.
[21:28–23:06]
[39:20–45:48]
Evolving Friendships:
Challenges of maintaining connections as priorities shift with age, relationships, and kids.
Quote:
“When you hang out in your 30s, it, like, means more because... you could be with your family, they could be with their kids.” — Hannah [40:32]
Loneliness & Success:
With personal accomplishments come shifts in how others treat you, sometimes generating jealousy or distance.
Notable TikTok Quote:
“Make sure you pick friends who love their life or they’ll end up hating yours.” — Hannah [43:13]
Celebrating Wins:
Both hosts admit they’re not great at “sitting in success” and are usually focused on the next goal, noting how fleeting achievement feels on the internet.
[44:18–45:24]
Lessons about jealousy in adulthood:
“My child's success does not take away from your child's success... I'm not taking your spot.” — Paige’s mom (quoted) [44:31]
Reflection on putting in work behind the scenes and not knowing others' real journeys.
[28:31–29:39]
“It's the first time ever that a first-round draft pick is getting like 500k.” — Hannah [28:52]
“Paige and Ozzy are dating—they're iconic together.” — Hannah [29:15]
[30:14–32:28]
[17:19–18:53]
[47:03–50:19]
“When you do something, it feels like I did it, too. Cause I'm like, oh, all my exes are so jealous.” — Paige [02:46]
“Men wanting to have sex with me has never done anything for me. It's not a compliment. Men would have sex with an apple pie.” — Hannah [08:10]
“Once the things you’ve been chasing start to come to fruition, people treat you differently...it can be lonely.” — Hannah [42:49]
“They always have to have a hierarchy. Like if other people can get it, then it’s not at the top.” — Hannah [21:10]
Through unfiltered storytelling, inside jokes, and sharp cultural observations, Hannah and Paige reiterate the value of supportive female friendships, maintain humor while acknowledging vulnerability, and embrace the messiness of fame, adulthood, and beauty standards. Listeners are left both laughing and feeling seen, making it quintessential “Giggly Squad.”