Giggling about subpoenas, sunny d, and ex boyfriends

Summary

Giggly Squad
Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Episode: "Giggling about subpoenas, sunny d, and ex boyfriends"
Date: May 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Hannah and Paige dive into a variety of hilarious and relatable subjects ranging from run-ins with over-the-top coffee shop baristas to kitchen cleaning epiphanies, nostalgia for childhood drinks like Sunny D, and an in-depth, giggle-laced analysis of ex-boyfriend run-ins and breakup strategies. The hosts also muse about pop culture—touching on State Farm’s Jake, commercial icons, and the oddities of hotel life—sprinkled with their trademark blend of wit, candid self-deprecation, and “can’t be managed” energy. The theme of friendships, personal growth, and owning your quirks runs through the conversation, making for an episode packed with authentic, laugh-out-loud moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Coffee Shop Comedy & Barista Theater

[01:44–05:41]

• Hannah recounts a comedic encounter at a new coffee shop where a flamboyant barista turns the order line into a stand-up performance.
• Quote:
  • "Baristas are the flight attendants of earth. They literally have so much power in such a small area." — Paige [02:11]
  • "I'm like, Hannah, you're a fucking stand up comedian. You stand up to this." — Hannah [04:23]
• Paige and Hannah compare the performative nature of NYC service workers to flight attendants with power over a captive audience. The dynamic of playing along vs. just wanting your coffee is debated with classic New York flair.

2. Brand Throwbacks and Commercial Icons

[05:53–08:51]

• The hosts riff on the enduring impact of ad mascots—Jake from State Farm, the Progressive lady (Flo), and the Mayhem guy.
• Hannah shares insider trivia about the original Jake from State Farm:
  • "The original Jake from State Farm was a real State Farm employee named Jake Stone...did not pursue acting, left State Farm to become a bartender, and now lives a private life with his family." — Hannah [08:19]
• Paige reflects on the quirks of keeping branded mugs from dating history and how “inanimate object guilt” leads her to unique sentimental habits.

3. Kitchen Clean-Outs, Childhood Fads & Product Loyalty

[06:22–13:34]

• Paige’s kitchen purge inspires nostalgia for spiralizers and unused gadgets, prompting reflections on adulthood and buying things to 'feel complete'.
• Discussion about brand loyalties learned from their moms, with Paige asserting, "If my mom didn't buy that brand, I'm not buying that brand." [12:03]
• Fond, hilarious memories of childhood “Sunny D blackouts”:
  • "Sunny D is if orange juice and Mountain Dew had a baby. And their name was Chad Juice." — Hannah [12:55]
  • "My mom had full meetings with babysitters telling them to water down my juice because...I was unsafe to be around other kids with the amount of sugar." — Hannah [13:22]

4. Rings, Accessorizing and Sensory Issues

[13:41–15:10]

• Paige talks about her newfound love for pinky rings and accessorizing, confesses to odd empathy for rings/fingers.
• Both discuss their minimal jewelry habits due to sensory discomfort, noting that “accessory girls” have a natural flair that doesn’t feel authentic to them.

5. Relationships, Anniversaries & Unconventional Romantics

[15:29–19:36]

• Hannah casually reveals it’s her four-year wedding anniversary, which she and Dez both forgot. Their relationship is painted as playful, stress-free, and grounded in shared bits—not romance clichés like routine flowers.
• Notable exchange:
  • Paige: "Not to sound so pick me...you really aren't like other girls." [16:56]
  • Hannah: "When a guy goes too hard on anniversaries, it's like you have another family." [17:23]
• Hannah values acts of service over traditional romantic gestures:
  • "That's what I want my husband for, right? Not giving me flowers and then, like, not talking to me all day." — Hannah [19:30]

6. TikTok Trends, Chinese Medicine, and Hotel Coffee Shenanigans

[20:25–22:12]

• Paige shares a TikTok about washing underwear in hotel coffee machines (!!), leading to absurd and gross-out comedy.
  • "Des makes the coffee in this household or I order it. But also when he tried to explain to me how to make coffee...I could barely drink Sunny D." — Hannah [22:12]

7. Little Luxuries and Vintage Shopping

[23:12–28:18]

• The joy of small “adult” luxuries like well-placed phone chargers and outlets in every room is discussed, as well as the art of hunting for vintage fashion bargains—warts and all:
  • "My favorite things is, like, small luxuries that aren't real luxuries." — Paige [25:05]
  • "These people are rich and they know luxury." — Paige [25:03]
• Paige is decisive in de-cluttering; Hannah’s approach to vintage is more romantic and competitive.

8. Drawers, Organization, and Domestic Habits

[28:32–29:38]

• A debate about the utility of drawers for clothing—Paige is pro-organization and loves constant closet re-organization.

9. Ex-Boyfriends, Healthy Breakups & Subpoena Nightmares

[33:05–47:47]

• Paige shares a “snot rocket” horror story involving an ex and muses on how men’s weird habits go unchecked without female friends calling them out:
  • "They can get into these little pockets for years where they're around people that are enablers..." — Paige [35:00]
• Hannah and Paige discuss the nuances of being “pick me” vs. high-maintenance partners, strategies for healthy breakups, and also laugh about running into Hannah’s actual ex on the street:
  • "So I had a meeting with my mom, and...we're going to have to let you go." — Hannah [43:58]
• On breakups:
  • "If you're blindsided, like, that's not your soulmate. But thank you. Now go have fun." — Hannah [50:36]

10. Notes App vs. Texts—What Would You Rather Have Subpoenaed?

[52:34–54:45]

• Paige and Hannah debate which digital possession is more incriminating—notes app or texts?
  • "Notes app, 100%. My text messages are insane. Insane." — Hannah [53:16]
• Notes are a mix of to-dos, manifestations, random jokes, and breakup texts.

11. Mezcal Mishap, Plane Drink Etique, and Observational Giggles

[54:51–58:43]

• Hannah shares a Mezcal horror story, and the duo rift hilariously on the strange etiquette of airplane drinking and the performative masculinity around in-flight mimosas.
  • "What kind of deranged person doesn't warn someone that their drink is Mezcal?" — Hannah [55:27]
  • "A lot of people order just like straight red wine too. At any time of day." — Paige [57:55]
  • "I'm like, what are you celebrating? Go to work." — Hannah [59:11]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Baristas as Entertainers:
  "Baristas are the flight attendants of earth. They literally have so much power in such a small area." — Paige [02:11]

• On Brand Loyalty & Moms:
  "If my mom didn't buy that brand, I'm not buying that brand." — Paige [12:03]

• Sunny D Nostalgia:
  "Sunny D is if orange juice and Mountain Dew had a baby. And their name was Chad Juice." — Hannah [12:55]

• Anniversary Nonchalance:
  "When a guy goes too hard on anniversaries, it's like you have another family." — Hannah [17:23] "Not to sound so pick me... you really aren't like other girls." — Paige [16:56]

• Breakup Wisdom:
  "If you're blindsided, like, that's not your soulmate. But thank you. Now go have fun." — Hannah [50:36]

• Notes App Subpoenas:
  "Notes app, 100%. My text messages are insane. Insane." — Hannah [53:16] "They'll just be like, that's not a funny joke. Like, that's what they'll see in my notes app." — Hannah [53:23]

• Ex Encounter:
  "So I had a meeting with my mom, and...we're going to have to let you go." — Hannah [43:58]

• Airplane Drinkers:
  "A lot of people order just like straight red wine too. At any time of day." — Paige [57:55] "I'm like, what are you celebrating? Go to work." — Hannah [59:11]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Coffee Shop Stories / Barista Drama: [01:44–05:41]
• Jake from State Farm, Commercial Actors: [05:53–08:51]
• Childhood Fads, Sunny D, Brand Loyalty: [06:22–13:34]
• Rings & Accessories: [13:41–15:10]
• Anniversary & Relationship Philosophy: [15:29–19:36]
• Hotel Coffee Horror / Underwear Washing: [20:25–22:12]
• Small Luxuries & Vintage Shopping: [23:12–28:18]
• Drawers & Organization: [28:32–29:38]
• Exes, Breakups, and Healthy Goodbyes: [33:05–47:47]
• Notes App vs. Texts — Subpoena Scenario: [52:34–54:45]
• Mezcal Story, Plane Drinkers, Men on Flights: [54:51–58:43]

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Tone & Style

The conversation is fiercely witty, self-aware, and delightfully candid; both hosts blend personal anecdotes with sharp pop-culture observations and lively banter. Listeners will find themselves both laughing out loud and nodding along with Paige and Hannah’s hot takes, tender confessions, and no-holds-barred attitude towards life, friendship, and growing up giggly.

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Transcript

[Hannah]

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[Ad Voice]

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[Paige]

it just gonna be about machines talking to other machines? I mean, should you quit your job

[Hannah]

and start something on your own, what would that take?

[Ad Voice]

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[Hannah]

when we're all at the starting gate together?

[Paige]

These are the questions we answer each week on Lead Human with Jack Myers and Tim Spengler.

[Ad Voice]

Join us each week and subscribe at your favorite podcast platform and YouTube.

[Hannah]

We'll tell stories, we'll hear from some

[Paige]

of the best, and we'll try to

[Hannah]

figure this out together.

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[Ad Voice 2]

Sup, gigglers?

[Paige]

Gary, fix your wifi.

[Hannah]

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

[Paige]

I mean, the day just got away from me. Okay. You on cocaine would actually be the best night of my life.

[Hannah]

We'll do a hand and page, try new things.

[Paige]

The business ideas alone that you would

[Hannah]

come up with if I did do hokane.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And came up with a hundred business ideas. And one of the business ideas was good and worth it. Worth it.

[Paige]

Absolutely worth it.

[Hannah]

Absolutely worth it. By the way. Yeah. Oh, my God. I tried a new coffee place and I walked. No, it's fine. I love a new coffee place. It's fine.

[Paige]

You were being a tourist in your own city.

[Hannah]

Yes. And the barista was, like, performing. And I'm like, on my phone and I hear. You know when you hear baristas are

[Paige]

the flight attendants of the land.

[Hannah]

Yes. They either. Oh, my God.

[Paige]

Right?

[Hannah]

Oh, my God. That was cheap.

[Paige]

They are the flight attendants of Earth. They literally, they have so much power in such a small area.

[Hannah]

And, like, their mood dictates everyone's mood everyone else. And it's so true. Cause, you know, a flight attendant comes in and you're like, oh, it's jokes. We're having jokes, everybody.

[Paige]

She's well rested.

[Hannah]

And then there's the ones that you're like, I'm scared of her. I'm messing up. She's not. She's not.

[Paige]

Over time. And she's Livid.

[Hannah]

So this barista, I hear him like, obviously, he's like a hilarious gay. And so he's running the room. And this is early. So I'm like, not. I haven't turned on my personality yet. Yeah, we're charging. And he. I hear him exclaim, like, the word exclaim. Like, he exclaimed. You know exactly what I mean.

[Paige]

Exactly what you're talking about. I've Never in my 33 years on Earth has have ever heard someone say that. I've only read it in a book.

[Hannah]

I've only read it in a book. I saw it for the first time in person. He exclaimed. He went, oh, oh. He makes his.

[Paige]

So I'm aghast.

[Hannah]

Aghast. And at attention, the girl in front, he goes, ice latte with oat milk. Never have I ever. So he's like making fun of her. And I realized, like, oh, we're in a bit. Yeah, we're in a bit. And she's just like, froze. Which, like, I would be in my 20s for sure. So he's. And she's like, yeah, with ice. And he's like an iced one. Never heard of her. And he's like, you can tell the

[Paige]

girl couldn't go along with the bit.

[Hannah]

She was just kind of like, just, please give me my coffee.

[Paige]

Yeah, I don't have time for this right now.

[Hannah]

This is my thing.

[Paige]

In New York City, it's always the days that you're like, I don't have time.

[Hannah]

I'm overstimulated.

[Paige]

Someone's doing something so insane and to, like, explain it to anyone anywhere else in the country, they'd be like, oh, my God, go to the police.

[Hannah]

And by the way, this place is full of people working and no one's looked up from their computer. Like, they're just like, it's another day. I don't know if he does this all the time. I'm new to this establishment, so I don't know if they're like, oh, just Gary being Gary. So he's going nuts. And then I for a second am like, there's two ways to go about this. I can show up and just kind of take it and leave. I'm like. Or I'm like, hannah, you're a fucking stand up comedian. Yeah. You stand up to this.

[Paige]

Join in.

[Hannah]

You join in. So I go, fuck it. And it's my turn. I go, you're not gonna believe what I'm about to order. And you could tell he's like. He's like, is she fucking whatever? And I go, I'm getting an iced latte with oat milk plus vanilla. He jumps in, he goes, not vanilla. And we like circling back and forth.

[Paige]

Except today.

[Hannah]

So I'm exhausted. I put in good 30 minutes of crowd work with the barista. Oh, God.

[Paige]

I can honestly say I've never once talked. Any time I've ever walked into a car.

[Hannah]

No, but this is the thing where I'm like, I'm sorry. I just need my coffee. Like, it's one thing if it's. No, but you know what? I. I see both sides when I'm miserable at work. There's two ways you go about it. You could cry or you can laugh. And this man chose happiness. Is he coming for some people in the line? Yes. But you know what?

[Paige]

You know, this is New York City. People are always auditioning.

[Hannah]

I was about to say, do you. Do you want to open for me? Do you have a good 10 minutes

[Paige]

the floor for a minimum eight hours?

[Hannah]

I mean, he's on a stage.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

He has the microphone. But it does make your job more fun when every time someone orders something, you have an insane reaction to it. Just watch it. It's in the Lower east side. If anyone. What's it called? I don't know. I blacked out.

[Paige]

Small business. A shout out.

[Hannah]

But if you're not in the mood, don't go to that place. Anyway, what's up, Gigglers?

[Paige]

Yeah, we didn't even say hi because we got right into it.

[Hannah]

I like your headband.

[Paige]

Thank you. How are you?

[Hannah]

Good.

[Paige]

Did you see the Jake from State Farm? Got a hold of Windbreakergate. Whenever brands get involved in, like, certain funny bits, it's interesting to see, like, what brands. State Farm wasn't in my back pocket. I was not expecting them.

[Hannah]

The OG Gigglers. Know, back in my day, I was seeing a guy named Jake during COVID and we called him Jake from State Farm. So it was kind of a beautiful.

[Paige]

Honestly, forgot about that.

[Hannah]

And, you know, we call DEZ Caddy Daddy.

[Paige]

Oh, my God. It's so funny, though. The other day, I was cleaning out my kitchen. You ever cleaned out your kitchen?

[Hannah]

Never in my life.

[Paige]

Okay. Let me tell you, you find things like, it's a totally different world than, like, cleaning out your bedroom or cleaning out your closet. Cause you're like, when would I ever use 85 spatulas?

[Hannah]

Do you remember spiralizers?

[Paige]

Spiralizers.

[Hannah]

There was, like, a time in 2018 where all the girls were buying these, like, $10 spiralizers on Amazon where you put a zucchini in it, and you spiral it, and you make zucchini pasta.

[Paige]

You know, I didn't have one of those, but that's the type of things I was finding, like, choppers and, like, slicers and, like, a salad maker. I'm like, I've never made a salad,

[Hannah]

but it's the kind of stuff you buy to just make yourself feel better.

[Paige]

But, you know, I was like, I'm an adult. I should have, like, a complete kitchen. So I'm cleaning out my kitchen, and I just find, like, a coffee mug that says State Farm on one side and Jake on the other. And I was like, is his name Jake? No, not his real name.

[Hannah]

Okay. It's false advertising.

[Paige]

There was a whole other guy before him.

[Hannah]

Yeah. What did they do with him?

[Paige]

You're done in this town.

[Hannah]

I want to see a documentary of where the first Jake from Save Farm is now.

[Paige]

Yeah. What is he doing?

[Hannah]

The guy from Del.

[Paige]

Whatever happened to him? Remember him?

[Hannah]

True.

[Paige]

Remember, they brought back the mayhem guy because people were like, hello.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

There should be awards for commercials flow from progressive. We do know she's probably made so much money. So much money from.

[Hannah]

She's probably, like, tried to audition for something else, and they're like, hey, can we talk for a second? You're full from safety.

[Paige]

I actually have seen her in something, and I'm like, sorry, she's typecast now.

[Hannah]

No, like, they actually do. I met the Verizon girl.

[Paige]

Yep.

[Hannah]

Who is an incredible actress, but, you know, she's so widely known.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Do you guys want to know what happened to Jake from State Farm?

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

The original Jake from State Farm was a real State Farm employee named Jake Stone, who worked in an Indiana call center, was cast from an internal casting call, blah, blah, blah, and he did not pursue acting, left State Farm to become a bartender, and now lives a private life with his family obsessed with him. He got too big. He was like, I didn't want this fame. I didn't want this life. He's like, hollywood is not for me.

[Paige]

That is so not how I saw it going.

[Hannah]

He got too famous. The guy's name is Kevin, by the way.

[Paige]

And he was like, I just want to do my passion, which is making drinks.

[Hannah]

Look, I get it.

[Paige]

Well, what's funny about when I saw this cup, I literally had a thought where I was like, oh, should I throw this out? And then I was like, yeah, throw it out.

[Hannah]

No, I would never.

[Paige]

You don't know anyone.

[Hannah]

I don't throw away cups.

[Paige]

It doesn't matter. Like, just throw it out. And I was like, when am I ever having an encounter with State Farm where I have to be like, I threw your cup out literally three days later. Jake from State Farm on When the

[Hannah]

universe came for you.

[Paige]

Yeah. I was like, it's just a cup. Also, I've been thinking about it, though, nonstop.

[Hannah]

State Farm is so happy right now. The marketing girls are like, we knew they would latch onto this, you know, that he. They had to set that up. He had to go in his green room, the windbreakers or the jackets lined up. So shout out to the girl at marketing that.

[Paige]

Do you ever have, like, where you feel bad for, like, inanimate objects? Like, do you. Are you ever, like, in your house? And, like, like, I'm trying to think of an example. Like, like, the salt shaker is in one cabinet and the pepper is in another. And you're like, oh, I feel bad because they're, like, alone, so I have to, like, put them together.

[Hannah]

You should talk to someone about that. You should for sure talk to someone about that.

[Paige]

It's crazy.

[Hannah]

Cause you don't feel bad for. You don't feel bad for animate objects, but non animate objects you suddenly have empathy for. Yeah, look that up, get that checked out.

[Paige]

Go to, like, you've never, like, left your stuffed animal. And you're like, okay, I'm leaving and I'll be back.

[Hannah]

This isn't Toy Story 3, guys.

[Paige]

Not one time, your entire childhood. So you've never looked at an item and been like, I feel bad.

[Hannah]

Well, you're. You're like, the most materialistic person I've ever met in my life. But now I love. Now it makes sense. Because you're like. Cause they have feelings too. Like, maybe.

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

A plant. Maybe I would.

[Paige]

Don't get me started about my plant. I'll cry. I've had my plant for almost 10 years. It's my favorite item.

[Hannah]

Don't give me.

[Paige]

Josephine had to take my plant for, like, a couple weeks.

[Hannah]

You didn't trust her.

[Paige]

And I checked on my plant more than I've ever checked on Daphne with, like, the sitter. I'm like, josephine, don't forget to water my.

[Hannah]

The sitter. You have to check on the sitter more than Daphne. You're like, has she been rude? Is she making you feel bad about yourself? Okay, so is your kitchen clean?

[Paige]

Yeah, my kitchen's clean. I got a lot. I got rid of a lot of stuff. You don't realize how many things you have that end up being expired. It's not good. You gotta check oh, that's why I

[Hannah]

don't have anything in my fridge.

[Paige]

Yeah, well, it's like, more of, like, my canned items and, like, my dressings.

[Hannah]

Wait, canned items go bad? I thought that was the whole point of preparing for the apocalypse.

[Paige]

Well, sometimes, like. Like, I think I threw out some, like, soups.

[Hannah]

I don't think I've ever bought a canned item and ate it. Really. Like, I.

[Paige]

You know, I've been on a tuna kick, so, like, I've been eating tuna. I just recently ordered a bunch of beans because I got a TikTok that was like, beans are so good for you. And my mom always says that. So I'm like, let me get on my beans.

[Hannah]

Poor Daphne. She's like, you're hotboxing me. Wait, wait, wait. You love tuna, but you're not giving fish wife a chance.

[Paige]

Fish wife? Oh, the tin fish.

[Hannah]

Yeah. Cause they have tuna albacore.

[Paige]

What does it look like inside the tin?

[Hannah]

It looks like a tuna fish can.

[Paige]

Okay, then I'll give it a try.

[Hannah]

You should give it a try. Cause it's full of antioxidants, and I'm not sponsored by them.

[Paige]

There's this thing in my brain that it's cat food. No, there's this thing in my brain that it's like, this is sick, too. If my mom didn't buy that brand, I'm not buying that brand. Oh. Like, I can't deviate from certain things because I'm like, I didn't grow up with that. And, like, we use Heinz ketchup.

[Hannah]

Like. Yeah. Do you know?

[Paige]

And you know, like, when you go to someone else's house and you're like, oh, interesting. You guys are that family. You buy that.

[Hannah]

You're like. You guys are glowing the dark because you're drinking that orange juice product.

[Paige]

Like, I remember one time I went to my friend's house, and instead of orange juice in the morning, they drank Sunny D. And I was like. I was, like, obsessed. I love it. And I remember going back home being like, mom, there's a different kind of orange juice you can buy. And she was so offended. She was like, I'll never.

[Hannah]

Sunny D. Sunny D. Sunny D is if Orange juice and Mountain Dew had a baby.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And their name was Chad Juice.

[Paige]

I mean, not juice. It's basically soda.

[Hannah]

It's like soda juice.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Wait. Sunny D. Oh, my God. I had some crazy days on Sunny D as a kid. You have a Sunny D and then blackout for four hours. You wake up, everything's a mess. You came out from that's a K hole.

[Paige]

Sunny days, we were very different children.

[Hannah]

That was my K hole.

[Paige]

Like, I didn't play unless my socks matched my bow. So, no, I didn't black out on sunny day.

[Hannah]

My mom had full meetings with babysitters telling them to water down my juice because I was, like, unsafe to be around other kids with the amount of sugar I was anyway. Sunny, Sunny D. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Paige]

That was a blast from the past. Wait, I was gonna say something before we got on a sunny D tangent that I just didn't see coming.

[Hannah]

I feel like you should be wearing more rings. Why are you not wearing any rings? Right.

[Paige]

You know, I just saw my r. This is also what happens when you clean things out. I go, guys, I don't wear you enough.

[Hannah]

Paige is wearing enough.

[Paige]

I feel bad for my rings.

[Hannah]

How did you choose which fingers do you feel bad for? The fingers that don't have a ring.

[Paige]

I actually did. I said, oh, you guys have two rings here together and you don't have any rings. I'm really into, like. I mean, this is obviously a fake diamond, but I'm really into pinky rings recently. And I ordered from this because you're Italian. Wow. Yeah. And I ordered from this brand, it's called Wolf and Badger. And they had like all these, like, diamond pinky rings that I'm like, obsessed with. And that's just my.

[Hannah]

I'm obsessed with non diamond rings because I don't want the responsibility of owning real jewelry.

[Paige]

You know, I have a sensory problem. So I don't. Which I feel like you do too, because you never wear jewelry when you don't have to.

[Hannah]

I don't wear my wedding ring right. Because it gives me.

[Paige]

So I don't wear a lot of jewelry either. But every time I see a girl that has a bunch of rings on, has a necklace, has her earrings, I'm like, oh, yeah, your outfit looks ten times better. Cause you accessorized.

[Hannah]

I feel like ring girls to me are tattoo girls where it looks good on them, but on me, it's like she's a try hard fake bitch.

[Paige]

I love tattoo girls.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God. Every now and then I see one. This girl was playing tennis and she has one on her arm.

[Paige]

I mean, real tattoo girls, like a Kat Von D tattoo girl, like full sleeves.

[Hannah]

Do you know how girls were like, if I was a worm, would you love my ass does. I was like, if I was tatted up all the way, would you love me? I don't remember what he said because

[Paige]

I didn't care so that is the most random look. If he said no, I would be like, what is it, 1955?

[Hannah]

Wait, I keep this a secret, so I'm just gonna tell the gigglers. It's our four year anniversary.

[Paige]

That's disgusting.

[Hannah]

I know.

[Paige]

Wait, Hannah, the other day, did you see that when you commented on Dez's Instagram, you're like, nice jacket.

[Hannah]

Oh, yeah.

[Paige]

I commented back to you and said, don't get any ideas. But when I saw you comment on your own husband's Instagram, I did have a moment where I was like, oh, they have inside jokes.

[Hannah]

Oh, okay.

[Paige]

So they have bits that they run that I have no idea about.

[Hannah]

You're actually in on that bit? Because Des was going to do comedy stops and goes back at my outfit. And I go, wait, I love that jacket. And he goes, send it to Paige. And then walked out.

[Paige]

But I just had a moment where I was like, oh, she has a friend.

[Hannah]

She talks. But like, obviously you've been married for

[Paige]

four years, that's your friend. But I was like, oh, okay, I guess, I guess I'm out.

[Hannah]

I like, I do like to comment on his photo just to remind people that I'm there, that I'm lurking. But never too, like lovey dovey.

[Paige]

No, not really.

[Hannah]

But not too mean. Where people think we're in a fight. I like it very.

[Paige]

What are you gonna do for your four year anniversary? Are you doing anything?

[Hannah]

We forgot it was actually yesterday.

[Paige]

That's so you. Wait, that is so you guys.

[Hannah]

Well, we woke up in the morning and I had to hop on a plane and I got on the plane, he texted me, by the way, it's our anniversary. And I was like, I love you. And then.

[Paige]

Wait. Not to sound so pick me. But you really aren't like other girls. Like, like, I feel like if you ask like a 25 year old guy, like, what's their dream girl like, it is, it is you. Because you don't about, like certain things that, like the majority of girls would be like. If you asked a random girl, oh, if your husband forgot your wedding anniversary, would you be pissed? The majority would say, yeah, well, but you're like, I forgot.

[Hannah]

I was gonna say I'm not mad at him because I'm in the same boat. But also, I just want a man who's kind and nice and funny and those. I do think when a guy goes too hard on anniversaries, it's like you have another family.

[Paige]

Yeah, interesting.

[Hannah]

Like, Des is not overcompensating.

[Paige]

Is DEZ Like, I'll send you flowers randomly kind of guy. Or is he like. I feel like he's like an act of service guy. Like, I helped you organize this because it would help your day.

[Hannah]

So. Great question. I early on, like, kind of made a joke, but I was serious. I was like, I don't. I'm not really a flowers person. I get them and then the most pick me thing. No, it's because I don't say it out loud. That's pick me. But, like, to him, I was like, don't give me flowers.

[Paige]

What don't you like about getting flowers?

[Hannah]

Because then they go bad. Also, I have to take care of. Suddenly I have a child in my house that I'm not a around and then starts smelling. I get in trouble because the butter eats a flower, throws up. Like, it's just. I've never had a good experience with flowers. I guess, like Valentine's Day, I'm like, yeah, I could use a flower. But, like, guys randomly bringing you flowers, I'm like, who did you today? Yeah, Like, I don't like that at all. This is. Does I let. Well, first of all, I land for the Sports Illustrated weekend. I'm doing immediately order Chinese food. Like, as I'm getting in the Uber, I get my chicken and broccoli with white sauce, mushu pork and dumplings. Go to town on it.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Realize, oh, I have a fitting for Sports Illustrated weekend. Nothing sipping. And I was like, well, the sodium.

[Paige]

A lot.

[Hannah]

The sodium and the bloat from the flight together was disastrous. And I knew I was about to get a spray tan. It was hard. But anyway, my special is coming out and we're doing. We're trying to put the trailer together. Comedy trailers are really hard. Cause they don't wanna put the full bit. They wanna, like, tease. But if you tease too much, it just doesn't look like you're saying anything.

[Paige]

Right.

[Hannah]

So I'm like, insanely editing this trailer. And I called him just, like, overwhelmed by the edit and, like, trying to figure it out. And he, like, talked me off a ledge and he's like, let me look at it. I'll help figure it out. Whatever. Like, that's what I want my husband for, right? Not giving me flowers and then, like, not talking to me all day. Which does sound peaceful as well.

[Paige]

Honestly, I'm gonna say the latter, but

[Hannah]

the trailer is said. I think we got it. I'm just like, a perfectionist with it.

[Paige]

Yeah, you are a perfectionist.

[Hannah]

I showed it to you.

[Paige]

Yep. It's really Good. You looked phenomenal.

[Hannah]

Well, that's all you care about.

[Paige]

It's so funny. Cause there was one part in the trailer where I was like, pause real quick. And you were like, I know what you're gonna say. And I was like, your hair looks phenomenal. Like, in that two second you watched

[Hannah]

it on mute, I was like, did you like the bits? I changed shows. And you go the way your hair was, like, off your shoulder.

[Paige]

Because you know what? I think everything you do is funny. So I don't even have to, like. I don't have to check on that. I'm there for certain aesthetics. Things that maybe you wouldn't think of.

[Hannah]

I would have missed.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And Des would have missed. Oh, God. So anyway, happy anniversary, Desmond.

[Paige]

You know how there's like a whole side of TikTok that's like Chinese medicine and like, guys, this is important, actually.

[Hannah]

She goes, it's where I get all my doctor stuff.

[Paige]

Don't even speak badly. Because there are a lot of things that I've tried that I'm like, that actually really did work. So the most recent, you know, you're

[Hannah]

gonna go, that's hard. And look, St. Anthony, don't let this happen.

[Paige]

But I'm gonna see, like, a trend.

[Hannah]

Shove something in the wrong place, Wake

[Paige]

up in the morning, or, like, eat this. I'm like, absolutely.

[Hannah]

No.

[Paige]

This girl was saying that in Chinese culture, it is just the norm that when you're at home and you're about to take a shower, if you're a girl, you get undressed, you take your underwear in the shower with you, you wash it in the shower, then you throw it in your dirty laundry because they're like, it's such a sensitive area that it should be washed double. And I. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. That makes so much sense. Then I saw the video. Did you see the girl washing her underwear in a hotel in the coffee machine?

[Hannah]

Woman in 7.

[Paige]

That is one of the most diabolical, genius things I've ever seen in my life.

[Hannah]

This is how I do my laundry from now on. No, that's because, you know, I'm in a hotel with just a bunch of dirty underwear, and I'm like, do I instacart? There's a coffee machine. But the coffee, the heat. The heat really gets material.

[Paige]

And then people are just drinking your discharge. I don't even notice if there's a coffee machine in my hotel room.

[Hannah]

Des makes the coffee in this household or I order it. But also when he tried to explain to me how to make coffee. Because I didn't drink coffee until like I went on tour.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Because I was too hyper. I could barely drink Sunny D. He's like, yeah. You just know how much he acts like an Italian grandma. He's like, you just put some coffee on the coffee on the top.

[Paige]

What's your coffee machine of choice?

[Hannah]

He's, that's his job. Like, he's the house manager, right?

[Paige]

He is.

[Hannah]

Like, I don't ask where things are from, how they got there.

[Paige]

It's so true.

[Hannah]

How they work. I don't know when it's working, when it's not working. Occasionally I'll just be like, do you know the brand?

[Paige]

Like, are you a Cuisinart person? Do. Are you doing like cuisine? Cuisine, Cuisine, Art.

[Hannah]

Cuisine, Art.

[Paige]

No, cuisine, art, I think. Or you like an espresso pod family.

[Hannah]

See, Nespresso pod, that's a whole different. It's a whole different genre that really stresses me out. I fucked up many Nespresso pods in a hotel room.

[Paige]

Yeah. See, now after the woman washing her underwear, I'll never even.

[Hannah]

Two things that are bougie about me.

[Paige]

Let's hear them. Because I. Let me think first. What I think. Not travel. Not every day. Not sleeping accommodations. I'm really getting stumped. I would say now the person you are today, I would say you're not gonna get it. I know because I was gonna say hotel, but you're really not.

[Hannah]

Well, I do, I do love hotel rooms. I love treating my openers to amazing hotel rooms now. But that's all because you taught me that it was important. Because I'm like, we gotta bed. We gotta bed. Okay. These are things I spoil myself with now. I will order an $8 delivery coffee in the morning. In the morning if I want.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

That's a non negotiable. I, I love and I want it like a milkshake. I want hazelnut. I want, I want it. Whatever. Yeah.

[Paige]

Second thing, really get your gut started on the right foot.

[Hannah]

Yes. Really. Then I'm like, I think I start

[Paige]

the day off with bloat. Only down from there.

[Hannah]

If I'm going to be emotionally miserable, I might as well be physically, emotionally, whatever. Anyway. Okay, this is insane, but I bought on Amazon phone chargers with really long cables.

[Paige]

Cables, like 10 photos.

[Hannah]

And I put it in every single room.

[Paige]

You're rich.

[Hannah]

So every room I go into, put your hand down, you'll find a cable. Plug it in somehow. Still my phone's never charged. But like, you know how like you have that one Charge you can never find. I'm losing it. One day I said, fuck it. I'm buying 10 chargers on Amazon. I'm putting it in.

[Paige]

Every one of my favorite things is small. No, we got it. Yeah.

[Hannah]

Every crevice in my house, one of

[Paige]

my favorite things is like, small luxuries that aren't real luxuries. Like, one time I went away for like a weekend with one of my girlfriends. We stayed at this insane house in Miami. And everyone was like, oh, my God, this house is amazing. And it has this and it has this and blah, blah, blah. And I go, did you see that next to the beds, they had like a little sticky thing that stuck onto the nightside table that you put the charger in so the cord never. I was like, these people are rich and they know luxury. I then ordered every room needed to have one wherever there was a charger so it never like slipped down.

[Hannah]

I think this might be like the New Yorker in me where like, I like to smell bullshit. And sometimes we'll stay in like a nice hotel. And you're like, oh, it's so nice. And I get there, the fucking light isn't working. You have to go here to get the charger. I'll burn the place to the ground. I'm like, that's not luxury to me. I don't care that it's like, it has gold, like toilets. I want a charger that like, I want.

[Paige]

What are you in Vegas?

[Hannah]

Where the hell are you? I am talking about a fucking casino in Vegas. We went to. Yes, but these are like, oh, this marble's been around. So I don't give a fuck. I can't charge my phone.

[Paige]

Yeah, I hate when there's not enough outlets. Like, I don't need the alarm clock plugged in. I have a phone. It's 20, 26, going to rip.

[Hannah]

Have you ever had an alarm clock go off in a hotel?

[Paige]

No.

[Hannah]

Well, that's happened to me, but I'm not going to get into it right now. I digress. And lastly, I like vintage bags.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Because it's sustainable.

[Paige]

Well, sometimes you do send me a bag where I'm like, that was run over by an 18 wheel tractor trailer. Someone's grandma owned it. Ripped the handle off, sewed it back. And I'm like, why would you buy this bag for $2,000?

[Hannah]

Because I love a sale.

[Paige]

Yeah, you do.

[Hannah]

And if it's like, it says like Chanel bag for, for $700, I'm like, it's just incredible. I send it to you.

[Paige]

I really like shopping to be competitive.

[Hannah]

Yeah. I feel like I got something.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So. But then you'll be like, let's zoom in for a second. Let's take a quick gambling. Someone took a Sharpie and wrote all over it.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And. And I'll be like, oh, that's why it's like $4. Yeah, it's $4 for a Chanel with vintage shopping. If you find your size, even if it's kind of ugly, you're like, well, I have to get it.

[Paige]

Yeah, absolutely. Cuz you're like, when am I ever going to come across? Like when I go to Italy, there's one vintage store that I go to that I'm like, I have to get everything that's in my size. Cuz what am I going to come across? My mom's like, you don't even like it.

[Hannah]

It feels like the universe was speaking to you. I'm like, I need to get it.

[Paige]

One time I went into a vintage store and they were like, this bag came out in 1992. I go, I was born in 1992. That's my bag. She was like, okay. I also think with bags, so is a whole generation.

[Hannah]

There'll be an outfit one day that you're like, oh, this crazy outfit works perfectly with this crazy bag. But it could take years, right?

[Paige]

And there's vintage shopping is like, it could take years to have the perfect thing to wear that to where I am such a like thrower outer that I'm like, if I haven't worn it in the past year, it's out of there.

[Hannah]

You get rid of vintage?

[Paige]

Well, no, I don't get rid of anything designer. But like if I don't wear something for a full calendar year, I get rid of it. Cause I'm not. What?

[Hannah]

Well, I'm a horrible shopper. I never wear anything.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

It goes the whole. I'm like, I'm wearing what I've been wearing.

[Paige]

Here's the other thing. If you don't see what you have, you can't remember. That's why I'm always organizing my closet. Cause I'm like, I forget that I have things.

[Hannah]

Are you against drawers?

[Paige]

Speaking of inanimate objects, drawers in 2026,

[Hannah]

the answer because if everything.

[Paige]

I'm not anti drawers.

[Hannah]

Okay, but like if things are folded up in drawers, you feel like you don't wear.

[Paige]

Well, I think what goes in drawers is your like essentials, like your workout clothes, your underwear, your pajamas, like, things that you're not putting together.

[Hannah]

I do see a World where you're running like a styling organization, pimple popping company in your future. I don't know, it's just like, you'd be so good at it, but I guess it's. That's how you influence now. Like, you tell people, those are just my hobbies. Yeah. You're like, don't try to monetize.

[Paige]

Don't try and monetize. Do I try and monetize when you do needlepoint? No.

[Hannah]

Although I did it for one day. I'm so annoying that, like, my dad loves the Knicks and he's so funny when he talks about the Knicks. And I'm like, dad, start a Knicks podcast. And he's like, no, this is what I love to do. Why make it into a job? And I'm like, okay, I'll go to therapy.

[Paige]

No, truly.

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[Hannah]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's the show that we recommend.

[Paige]

Hello hello, it's Brooke Devard from Naked Beauty. Join me each week for unfiltered discussion about beauty trends, self care, journeys, wellness tips and the products we absolutely love and cannot get enough of. If you are a skincare attraction, obsessive and you spend 20 plus minutes on your skincare routine, this podcast is for you. Or if you're a newbie at the beginning of your skincare journey, you'll love this podcast as well. Because we go so much deeper than beauty, I talk to incredible and inspiring people from across industries about their relationship with beauty. You'll also hear from skincare experts. We break down lots of myths in the beauty industry. If this sounds like your thing, search for naked beauty on your podcast app and listen along. I hope you'll join us.

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[Hannah]

I have an update from last week. I was complaining about people who blow their nose and make like insane sounds. Insane sounds. A girl messaged me. She's our running runner up Woman of STEM of the week. Oh, she said she used to make that noise. She realized it's cuz those people don't realize that you're supposed to close one nostril. So they're doing two nostrils which makes

[Paige]

how do you get any grit? How do you get any air to.

[Hannah]

Also how did we get there? Like I don't remember anyone telling me you do one nostril. Do you want to hear. I thought it was just innate.

[Paige]

Do you want to hear one of the most disgusting things that I've ever witnessed in my I don't like phlegm stories. Well, it's a phlegm story so buckle up.

[Hannah]

Loogies make me. I'll die.

[Paige]

I had a boyfriend for a. I know already.

[Hannah]

The baggie said boyfriend.

[Paige]

I feel like anyone listening to this is like, how many goddamn boyfriends? And honestly, guys, it's actually not that many. It's just they did a lot of weird shit. So I rotate the stories in and out. I had a boyfriend for kind of a little bit of a while. I was just as shocked as he was. Who would blow his nose? No tissue, no nothing. Put one finger and just blow into the air.

[Hannah]

Well, you know what that's called?

[Paige]

I'd be like, this is my living room.

[Hannah]

It's called snot rocket.

[Paige]

Now, if we're outside on a hot summer day somewhere, he's a little stuffed up. Like, maybe I would get it. I'm like, go to the bathroom. Get a piece of toilet paper. What's going on?

[Hannah]

Where did you meet this caveman?

[Paige]

If there was a takeout bag or something on the table, he would just go like that and do it. And I would look at him and be like, people think you're a put together person. And I'm out here lying.

[Hannah]

That's, like, sad.

[Paige]

No, it was crazy. It was one of the craziest, like, habits that I'm like, where did you even learn this? And how has no one in your whole life. See, this is what I think about men.

[Hannah]

No, no one's called them out.

[Paige]

No one calls them out. Yeah, they can get into these little pockets for years where they're around people that are enablers, calling them out. So then here I come, and they're like, this is the meanest woman we've ever met in our lives.

[Hannah]

Like, I'm calling it how I see it.

[Paige]

And I'm like, hey, just. He's telling you that.

[Hannah]

No. You're so red. He was around friends that were like, that's actually pretty cool, bro. And he was like, that's my whole thing now. It's my whole personality. I've snot rocketed before because, like, I'm on the tennis court and you're playing.

[Paige]

It's so funny.

[Hannah]

And you go to the back and you don't have a paper, and you just go. And it feels disgusting. But, like, you have to. And you're sweating and you're crying and you're bleeding. Like, that's just part of the war.

[Paige]

I'm so happy you said this and brought this up because I used to have a theory. That's another thing. Whenever I have a boyfriend, I have multiple theories about that. I don't dare Tell anyone, because you

[Hannah]

let the Internet handle that.

[Paige]

I only tell Hannah so that we can revert back to it after I break up with them so that someone here has remembered my theory. And I used to think, like, oh, did the guys that were cool in high school who played sports do that? And you thought it was cool, so then for the rest of your life, you did that. Now I made that entire thing up.

[Hannah]

No, you didn't.

[Paige]

But I think it was true, and I think it was accurate.

[Hannah]

I just had an epiphany.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

That's why loud, short men don't like me.

[Paige]

They hate you.

[Hannah]

Loud, short men.

[Paige]

Well, you're their competition.

[Hannah]

Hate me because they see me and they were like, oh, she could beat me at sports. And they hate that they couldn't do sports. And I'm like, it's not my fault that I'm naturally athletic and my calves, like, I have a good vert.

[Paige]

Men don't care about women they don't find attractive. So if you meet someone who's your same height, they already know that she's never, like, saying yes to me for a date.

[Hannah]

And they know I can throw a football farther than them, and they know I could beat the shit out of them.

[Paige]

Yeah. And so they're immediately, like, on the defensive with you.

[Hannah]

But then with you, they're not.

[Paige]

Well, because I come off dainty. But they don't know that I have a mouth on me.

[Hannah]

I know.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And then when you do let the mouth out, they think that they blacked out. They're like, that couldn't have been Paige. That was Hannah.

[Paige]

I think the first time Joe ever heard my mouth, he was like, whoa. And I was like, yeah. I'm so sorry for that. It will happen a million times again. I had a giggler. DM me. And she goes, he found my boyfriend's pocket pussy. What should I do? I'm jarred. I'm floored. I'm like, of course. The 1 DM I open, it's the most sexual. I'm like, girl. Where, you know, she goes, what should I do? I get. I sent her back the most diabolical response. I go. She goes, should I say something about it? I go, don't you dare let him know that you know this little tidbit of information, because you might need blackmail at some point. Then I said, if you ever get into a fight. And immediately the line that came to my head was, go fuck your pocket pussy, you incel. Loser. And then I go, I'm so sorry. He might be A nice.

[Hannah]

Wait. I love how you go hold that. It's like a. It's like a punchline where you're like, I'm gonna wait for, like, an important show to do that punchline. You're like, this is good. See, I would immediately just wanna talk to him. Be like, wait, tell me the story how this happened. Or I would cut. I would find a printer, somehow print out a photo of my face, tape it on, put it back, or I put hot sauce in it. But that's like, if he's cheating or something.

[Paige]

But also, like, look, other side. He's. He's minding his own business. He's literally at home minding his own business, just having fun, doing what's naturally done.

[Hannah]

It's the same as a Fleshlight.

[Paige]

I think it's the same thing.

[Ad Voice 2]

I've never.

[Hannah]

Same company, same brand.

[Paige]

Have I ever seen one in person?

[Hannah]

Never have I ever.

[Paige]

I'm gonna say never have I ever.

[Hannah]

I wonder. Oh, no.

[Paige]

Remember that time one got delivered to my apartment and I opened it and I was like, what the fuck is this?

[Hannah]

And he was the wrong. And you had to look the guy in the eye and give it him.

[Paige]

I didn't buy that. I never looked him in the eye. I knocked and ran.

[Hannah]

That's how the guy at the hotel felt, giving me my thongs from Target. Chris, do you judge a friend if they have a Fleshlight, or is that just.

[Paige]

That's. They definitely don't know.

[Hannah]

Like, is there a certain guy who has a Fleshlight? Or it's like, anyone can have a flashlight.

[Paige]

It's not something you guys would, like, openly talk about in an open.

[Hannah]

Oh, some guys do. It gets gross. I don't even want to say.

[Paige]

And they'll say, like, I bought one.

[Hannah]

Wait, I love Chris. He's like, honestly, it's really gross. I don't want to talk about it.

[Paige]

Not to be. So pick me. Which is the theme of the episode. But dare I argue, it's the same as a vibrator. I mean, kind of. We're both, like, doing the same thing with something plastic.

[Hannah]

No, you're right.

[Paige]

It's, like, not good for these environments. It definitely doesn't decompose.

[Hannah]

There's a sadness to it, though. You know what it is? It's because, like, men can jerk off easier. Where women. Like, we need multiple vibrations, we need different shapes, we need a rabbit. We need, like, all these.

[Paige]

Did you see the TikTok of the girl that was. Sorry, is anyone using the setting? And everyone was like, no, why do they have.

[Hannah]

Why is it Morse code? It's literally. She's like, is anyone stopping starting female aliens calling for help from a different planet? And we're like, what is this? Our third woman of STEM of the week.

[Paige]

Oh, my God.

[Hannah]

Is Zara Larson. Yeah. I have a question. People do the Today show all the time.

[Paige]

Every day.

[Hannah]

People perform every day on the Today Show. Why is this the first time there's footage going around of an actress, I mean, a singer, like, doing their practice run at the Today show. Have you seen this? Didn't see this all over my feed. Is Zara Larson. It's like, 4am her face is like, 4am no makeup, and she's, like, trying to go through her practice. And I'm like, why is this being filmed and blasted everywhere?

[Paige]

What is the. Like, she's doing a morning rhetoric of the video. Like, what are people saying?

[Hannah]

People are just, like, getting footage of her doing the practice. Like a sound check, as they call it.

[Paige]

They're not being like, oh, my God. She.

[Hannah]

No, they're like, she's awesome. But, like, she's barefaced. We just made, like, a comment about it.

[Paige]

She's in practice for the Today show.

[Hannah]

Yeah, there's not. Why is it just Zara Larson? They have on blast doing that. I mean, it was iconic, but, like, I've never seen a sound check.

[Paige]

I've never seen a sound check either. And I would assume because it's so early in the morning that the people aren't there yet to get footage of celebrities. I don't think people perform that much. I think they only perform in the summer.

[Hannah]

Oh.

[Paige]

Cause they do that outside summer series.

[Hannah]

But still, I've never seen makeup lists. And you feel bad for her.

[Paige]

I get it.

[Hannah]

No, I don't feel bad for it. It was empowering. But I also was like, at least make it an even playing field. Why just make Zara Larson go out there? Cause I'm not a morning person. So I saw the pain in her eyes, and I was like, I feel so bad. Also, we ran into my ex boyfriend. Oh, my God, we have to tell the game. Wait.

[Paige]

Okay. You know when you're walking with your friend and you see someone that's like, okay, maybe not, like, aesthetically pleasing, and you're like, that's your boyfriend. And you're joking. You're like, oh, here's Hannah's boyfriend. So anyway, me and Hannah are walking on the sidewalk, and Hannah goes, oh, that's my ex boyfriend. And I immediately just think everything she says is A joke.

[Hannah]

So I'm like, okay, cool. I don't. All the time. I'll see, like, a crazy man running down the street. Yeah.

[Paige]

So I'm just thinking, like, it's a bit, but. But I didn't really look at the guy, but I just saw that he was on a bike. And so we're like, keep walking. And Hannah's like, no, really?

[Hannah]

That's. You had zero reaction. I was like, that's when I was 22, living in Hill's kitchen. That's why I came.

[Paige]

And I was like, oh, I didn't know you were serious. Then at that same exact moment, you're still looking straight. I turn around, I see him go past on the bike. And I'm like, oh, he's definitely checking to see if it was you. Then I hear him coming, like, behind us, and I'm like, okay, just like, keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. Now, mind you, so many obstacles when we.

[Hannah]

I was really. First of all, I was really sweaty.

[Paige]

Yeah, to the point. You were overstimulated.

[Hannah]

I was wearing jeans, and it was really sweaty, and I had.

[Paige]

You had been overstimulated for, like, the last hour. Yes.

[Hannah]

And then I put my hair up in a bun, which I never do, because that's how hot and overstimulated it was. Yeah.

[Paige]

And if you see Hannah's hair up, it's not good.

[Hannah]

I'm freaking the fudge out. So I was already, like, over it. And then it was such a, like, moment that your ex boyfriend would come by.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

So if I had been, like, feeling myself, I would have turned the fuck around and be like you. But I was like, we got to get out of here. Like, this is not the moment that I envision. This is not the timing. And because he was one of my good ex boyfriends, like, he did.

[Paige]

Oh, so, like, we could have said hi.

[Hannah]

No, he's done nothing wrong in his life.

[Paige]

What is that?

[Hannah]

Like, this was the Lenore situation. This was early in my 20s. Lenore just goes, I'm over it. And I was like, but he's like. And she's like, yeah, I don't think he's the one.

[Paige]

Yeah, he's fine.

[Hannah]

She was like, he's fine. You're 23. What are you gonna do, date him for four more years? Get out.

[Paige]

That's me.

[Hannah]

And the breakup was actually really nice. Sad.

[Paige]

Oh.

[Hannah]

Cause, like, it was just like a normal day, and I was like, hey. So I had a meeting with my mom, and.

[Paige]

And we've decided to never see you. Again, we've.

[Hannah]

We're gonna have to let you go.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And he was like, so I can't talk to you tomorrow? Like, there was, like, no bad vibe. Like, it was really sad.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And I was like, I don't. Let me call my mom. And then I was like, yeah. She said, we can't talk tomorrow. And like, she was right. Like, he wasn't who I was meant to be with, but, like, I actually wouldn't have. I could have not gone into comedy if I stayed with. Stayed with him.

[Paige]

Wow. I think I've had, like, one of those breakups.

[Hannah]

I think I would have gotten distracted. Maybe later.

[Paige]

Well, you were bored already with him.

[Hannah]

Maybe.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I remember, like, it was young. It was a premature breakup. Like, I definitely was. Like, the next day, I was like, oh, I can't text him, and I'm the one who broke up with him. But it was. I was ready. There was tears for sure. It was really sad.

[Paige]

That's sad.

[Hannah]

But, like, it was mature of me to be like, we need to get more people on the roster.

[Paige]

I don't recommend sad breakups.

[Hannah]

It felt like. It felt like I was running a basketball team and the star of my team. He was good. He's never done anything wrong. We're not winning a championship.

[Paige]

Got it.

[Hannah]

So I was. They're like, what can I do better? And I'm like, it's just not championship.

[Paige]

You just don't have the sauce. You don't have to.

[Hannah]

And we need to bring in some new blood to, like, get a new team to possibly win a championship one day.

[Paige]

Wait, that's a great way to.

[Hannah]

That's literally how it was. So I actually have not had, like, any real dramatic breakups. One breakup I had.

[Paige]

That sounds so nice. That says a lot about you. I think a lot about me.

[Hannah]

Shout out all my ex boyfriends. Also, all my ex boyfriends. Like, real ex boyfriends don't have social media. That was what was crazy about seeing him on the bike. Cuz, like, he has you search his name, nothing comes up. And his mom has texted me recently. It was one of those. Cause, like, we never had beef. I never had beef with his mom. And she probably was like, I get it, girl. But, like, we're cool.

[Paige]

No satisfaction. Like a mom years later being like, you were the one. And I'm like, bitch, I know, I know. Tell me something I don't know.

[Hannah]

I'm like, you have amazing taste, just not with your son. But then also, once I had to break up with a guy, I Had to wait for my mom to go on vacation so I could do it. Cause she really liked him and I didn't want her. So I did it while she was on vacation. She came back and I had a drink drop it on her. I mean I was right. She just was like I knew it would upset her and I didn't want to upset her before her vacation. Cause I love my mom.

[Paige]

It's funny because I get a lot of DMs of girls being like, I'm going through a breakup and very split. Some are like, what do you do to be like distracted? Like how do I move on? And then other girls will be like, I'm devastated. Like I was blindsided. And honestly I feel like they should be sending like you those messages because you're more like of a logical breakup where I'm. I'm like, I hate you.

[Hannah]

Just went through a very public breakup. So people are like want to connect with you on it. But no, I'm really healthy with breakups. Yeah. Where I'm like, I've never hooked up with an ex.

[Paige]

Yeah, that's crazy. And do you do any ever reach out to you like amicably and say like just like been seeing what you were doing. Like so proud of you.

[Hannah]

I've dated a certain character of guy who again is like like chill, confident, doesn't do social media, doesn't want attention. When we broke up, he was like, I love you, I wish you the best. And then never heard from him again. Yeah, I have like multiple guys like that where I can't. That's why I was so freaked out. Yeah.

[Paige]

A couple, like never heard from them again, which I don't know if they're alive.

[Hannah]

Shout out British Dave. Like I don't talk to him. Like he'll say Happy birthday. Sometimes if something really big happens, he'll say something. He's dating a girl in Australia. And like we just, we always loved each other. We just, just. It wasn't like we never even were like official I don't think. Stop.

[Paige]

That's so nice.

[Hannah]

We just. Cuz we like fucked with each other. Like it was, you know.

[Paige]

I don't have one ex boyfriend that would dare even dream to dare to send me a text saying congrats on like anything. They wouldn't, it wouldn't even cross their mind.

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[Paige]

We're about to be outside.

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[Paige]

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[Hannah]

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[Paige]

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[Hannah]

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[Paige]

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[Hannah]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. There are a ton of great guys I dated, and then there's some where it's like, they know I know who they are.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

The shots are.

[Paige]

Lord. Yeah, this episode took an interesting, interesting turn.

[Hannah]

I have the best break of advice.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

If you're feeling like, first of all, if you're blindsided, like, that's not your soulmate.

[Paige]

Right?

[Hannah]

But thank you. Now go have fun. If you're single, tell yourself, I'm going out tonight. This is the song you put on that will heal everything every time. Riding solo. Jason Derulo. Have you played that song recently?

[Paige]

I haven't put it on.

[Hannah]

You're good. You've moved on. You're excited. You're like, get me out there in these streets.

[Paige]

I hate the phrase industry plant. Cause I don't know what it is, but I feel like Jason Derulo was an industry plant. He had, like, a real time happening during COVID Like, he was really on the Internet during COVID Well, he was

[Hannah]

at a point with his songs where they all somehow had a little cocaine in them or they were so catchy, it was bad. But the trumpet song, Imagine me trying to pitch that to a room. It's just about trumpets and the trumpets go.

[Paige]

That is a phenomenal song. They'd be like, one of the best songs on paper.

[Hannah]

Sounds horrible in person. That could change a party.

[Paige]

Remember, he, like, broke his tooth or something? Some type of way.

[Hannah]

I think he dated Jordan's.

[Paige]

Can you pass me that water?

[Hannah]

Well, whoever decided water bottles should be made for ants, why are there ant water? Like, who's like, just have a full water bottle.

[Paige]

It's not even good for you because it's in plastic. And it's just like, there's so much plastic all around us. I can't take it.

[Hannah]

I have two qualms with. With, like, technology right now. One, my TikTok is so bad right now. Where I don't know if it's. Cause I don't scroll that often, but when I do, I'm seeing things from a month ago. I hate that on my feed. And I have, like, pop culture stuff, so they'll be like, you'll never guess what just happened. And I'm watching three minutes of it, and I realize this is from three months ago. Nothing should be on your feed from April 1st.

[Paige]

Right.

[Hannah]

That never happens to you.

[Paige]

It does, but that's when I'm always like, the government's up to something. Yeah.

[Hannah]

Like, I don't know what's happening.

[Paige]

Then number two, I'm like, this is bigger than me.

[Hannah]

It's too easy to delete a note on your notes app.

[Paige]

Hannah. I literally thought I got fired from Giggly Squad last night because I went to add something to the Giggly Squad Notes app, and it wasn't there.

[Hannah]

I gaslit you and started laughing. I'm like, of course you don't have the Giggly Squad app on your phone.

[Paige]

I was like, did I just, like, delete it?

[Hannah]

I think I accidentally deleted it. And it deleted you because I be crazy. With my notes and you know you like sneeze and next thing you know you have no notes on your phone.

[Paige]

If you had to pick one. Your text messages getting subpoenaed. Your notes app getting subpoenaed. What are you picking?

[Hannah]

Notes app, 100%. My text messages are insane. Insane.

[Paige]

I don't know. I say some crazy things to myself in my notes app.

[Hannah]

They'll just be like, that's not a funny joke. Like, that's what they'll see in my notes app. They'll be like, I see the premise. I don't see where it's going.

[Paige]

They'll be like, her idea when she was high is just. Just chips and dip.

[Hannah]

I think it would be hilarious. My notes app. But also my notes app. What I love is you can go to 2017 and I have like my goals. I have like lists of like my to do list when I was like manifestations. 20 manifestations or like things that I'm working on. Like, it's actually every now and then when you're need to like reflect on your life, scroll your notes app. You'll see like a breakup text.

[Paige]

I always have like my long to do list.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

My ten year plan.

[Hannah]

Yeah. I was coming up with like funny video ideas in 2016.

[Paige]

Outfit ideas. A lot of outfit ideas.

[Hannah]

I don't have any of those.

[Paige]

I've never clothes I want to order, stores I want to shop at, that I won't remember the name of them.

[Hannah]

Recipes of things that you'll never make.

[Paige]

Yeah. I actually don't have a single recipe in my notes.

[Hannah]

My problem with text messages, which people have to talk about with subpoenas, is when someone's texting me. I'm leaning into their side. Doesn't mean I agree.

[Paige]

Well, I'm matching their energy. I'm not gonna just leave someone out here on a limb.

[Hannah]

Like, they'll be like, oh, these two were talking shit. I'm like, yeah, but show me talking to the other girl.

[Paige]

Right?

[Hannah]

I was playing both sides, babe. Like, don't put me in a corner. I was just getting information.

[Paige]

I really hope that our text messages are never subpoenaed. I don't know in what situation that would happen.

[Hannah]

And then they throw this clip of me being like, I'm playing both sides, baby. And they go, she plays every side. Oh. I also had a really traumatic experience at the Netflix the joke festival that I didn't bring up Night Chelsea Handler show after I was like running away from Maria Sharapova. She kept trying to talk to Me, I was like, stop. I run into Blakely Thornton, who's hilarious, fun. We're vibing, we're loud, we're kikiing. And then he's holding a drink, and I'm just like, I'm gonna have a sip. I'm kind of parched. I'll have a sip. Yeah. And he's like, sure, take a sip. Mezcal.

[Paige]

Oh.

[Hannah]

What kind of deranged person doesn't warn someone that their drink is Mezcal?

[Paige]

Had you ever had it?

[Hannah]

Yeah, once. And I said, never do that again.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

Mezcal. If you don't know what it is, it's. I don't know what it is.

[Paige]

All I want is to see you at, like, an after party at 4:00am Like, I just want to see what you're doing because. But I feel the same way. Mezcal is, like. Because it's so, like, smoky.

[Hannah]

It has a smoky, but it's like smoked salmon. Do you know what it was? Do you ever see those YouTube videos of babies eating lemons? Yeah. That's what I was when I drank Blakely's Mezcal. I put him out. I looked at him like I'd been shot.

[Paige]

Yeah. Like, I can't drink anything that has any type of smoky. Like a bourbon. I don't even know.

[Hannah]

Like, I'll do a spicy margarita.

[Paige]

Of course I'll do a spicy.

[Hannah]

I'll do a whiskey ginger.

[Paige]

Except then I have a heartburn.

[Hannah]

Yeah.

[Paige]

Spicy margarita.

[Hannah]

To think that you're just going to get a little, like, tequila soda in your mouth.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And then get Mezcal. And he said nothing. He left me for dead.

[Paige]

Well, because tequila drinkers are a different breed. Like, I actually. I would say the majority of the people in my life that I'm around when they're drinking is tequila on the rocks.

[Hannah]

I feel like it's showing off. Like, in your heart of hearts, is that really what you want? Get.

[Paige]

No, I don't like alcohol. I don't like the taste of anything.

[Hannah]

I get pineapple juice.

[Paige]

It has to taste with a little bit of.

[Hannah]

Of a little bit of vodka.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

And ice. And a lot of ice.

[Paige]

That's like 17 years old.

[Hannah]

I'm like, give me orange juice, but

[Paige]

water it down, please. You're like, do you have any Sunny D back there? I just love it. With a little tequila.

[Hannah]

Wait, Sunny D with tequila? It's basically anything.

[Paige]

Basically, a mimosa. Like, Sunny D with champagne would be so good.

[Hannah]

Lightly on flavor flights. Everyone is ordering alcohol next to me.

[Paige]

Wait, I clutch my pearls on flights sometimes and I understand that people get nervous, but the other day I was on a flight and it was literally, I think we took off at 10:10 and there was a woman behind me and she ordered the most like hardcore drink. I just like the way she said it. She was like one big rock, like three.

[Hannah]

Well, they ordered like they're out of fancy bar in Manhattan and I'm like this. First of all, I like didn't really

[Paige]

even know you could drink on a plane until like that.

[Hannah]

Also, these businessmen are ordering mimosas. I thought that was for girls. Yeah. Like, why are they taking.

[Paige]

A lot of people order just like straight red wine too. At any time of day. Red wine, where I'm like, I feel like that's an after dinner drink this.

[Hannah]

It just wasn't the demo. It was like a 47 year old businessman sitting next to me who's like bossily was like, I want a mimosa. And I was like. And then he went to white wine. Then I'm tracking this man's night. Like, I'm like, oh, we're doing another. I feel like his girlfriend being like, okay, well we're gonna have a fight. He had like, he was. He kept switching. I'm like, why are we switching? Like, stick with an alcohol. And then he's peeing like the whole time. For the girls who are stressed when you're. And you don't fly that often and you want to get a fucking Bellini. Sorry. I love saying bellini.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Hannah]

I don't know if they're available on flights, but get it. But it's just the men ordering all these mimosas and it's like, this is a business trip. You do this every week and you always get the mimosa. And it's 8am and you've drinks on

[Paige]

flights are forgotten girls.

[Hannah]

Yeah, it's. Unless you're in a bachelorette or you're like going to.

[Paige]

I love the girls on Tik Tok that pack. Like first of all, the girls that have their little snack traits. Adorable. The girls that pack. There was a girl that made a full matcha. I was like, you're the cutest girl I've ever seen in my life. That's a freaking adorable. Romanticize your life. It was so sweet. And then there's like men ordering like tequila straight. I'm like, no, no. And like, you're going to see your second family, aren't you? Yeah.

[Hannah]

I'm like, what are you celebrating? Go to work.

[Paige]

Wait. People need to ask men yelling on

[Hannah]

speakerphone for the first 20 minutes. Stop. Literally stop.

[Paige]

Okay.

[Hannah]

Anyway, thank you guys so much for giggling with us. We love you so, so much and we'll talk to you next week.

[Paige]

Yeah By.

[Hannah]

Acast Powers the World's Best Podcasts Here's a show that we recommend. Do you like being educated on things that entertain but don't matter? Well, then you need to be listening to the Podcast with Knox and Jamie. Every Wednesday we put together an episode dedicated to delightful idiocy to give your brain a break from all the serious and important important stuff. Whether we're deep diving a classic movie, dissecting the true meanings behind the newest slang, or dunking on our own listeners for their bad takes or cringy stories, we always approach our topics with humor and just a little bit of side eye. And we end every episode with recommendations on all the best new movies, books, TV shows or music. To find out more, just search up the Podcast with Knox and Jamie Wherever you listen to podcasts and prepare to make Wednesday your new favorite day of the week. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com

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