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- [00:00]
Paige DeSorbo
For thousands of years, explorers the world over searched for and told tales of a mythical fountain said to restore one's youth and cure anything. Newsflash. It was never found. But hey, we do have collagen. While it's not a miracle, it is proven to be pretty darn good at helping you look and feel younger and more healthy. A collagen supplement from Ancient Nutrition can help you feel and look your best. My birthday is right around the corner and the older I get, the more I realize how important it is to take care of my body. I've started adding their multi collagen protein into my coffee and it's been the perfect way to start my day off strong. It's unflavored and includes 10 types of collagen from four sources. Ancient Nutrition's Multi Collagen Advanced Lean Supplement formula is powered by clinically studied ingredients that promote fat loss and healthy weight management as well as building lean muscle. Right now, Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to ancient nutrition.com acast that's ancientnutrition.com acast that's acast A C A S T for 25% off your first order and ancient nutrition.com acast.
- [01:03]
Hannah Berner
Sometimes hosting can be a little bit stressful and you always have to have a plethora of drink options and I'm not the best at mixing different cocktails and that's where Sun Cruiser comes in. Sun Cruiser is a refreshing iced tea and vodka drink. It's a non carbonated so no bubbles, fill you up or have you burping and it's only 100 calories. It's so easy when people come over to just offer them drinks that already taste good. Easy cleanup. Here you go. No mixing, no adding chasers and Sun Cruiser inspires good times and it brings the sunny vibes to you. So no matter where you're hosting, if you're in an apartment this fall or you're in a house and it's getting chilly, it's still summer vibes with Sun Cruiser. So crack one open today and let the good times cruise. Have you ever had a man mansplain investing to you? Well, no more. With Acorns, investing doesn't feel as intimidating and you don't need a lot of money to invest. Investing often gets put off because it doesn't seem urgent. You don't have time to research acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for you, your kids and your retirement. You don't need a lot of money or expertise to invest with Acorns. In fact, you can get started with just your spare change. And now Acorns is putting their money into your future. Open an acorns later ira and get up to a 3% match on new contributions. That's extra money for your retirement. Acorns recommends an expert built portfolio that fits you and your money goals. Then automatically invest your money for you. So no more men mansplaining investing. You can just show them Acorns. Head to acorns.com giggly or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client testimonial compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Investing involves risks. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures@acorns.com Giggly sup, gigglers?
- [03:07]
Giggly Squad Host
Gary, fix your WI fi manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day dropped just got away from me. What's up? Growing and learning Gigglers. We're growing and realizing things every day. I was trying to sound like Courtney. We're growing. Okay, long story short, we're going to start with some housekeeping. Up top. We're both very nervous this episode. We have Radio City. I think there's a couple tickets left. But then we added Nashville, New Orleans, St. Augustine, Florida. Where we have no idea where that is. Hollywood, Florida.
- [03:45]
Hannah Berner
I've never been to New Orleans. I'm actually so excited to eat a beignet.
- [03:49]
Giggly Squad Host
Oh my God. That's honestly the chicest food I've ever heard. I feel like beignet is the name of your next cat. Can you spell beignet?
- [03:57]
Hannah Berner
I don't think it's important to be able to because the cat can't you.
- [04:01]
Giggly Squad Host
I don't think anyone can spell beignet.
- [04:04]
Hannah Berner
I don't think that's a thing that people spell. They just say it.
- [04:07]
Giggly Squad Host
So then we have Portland, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City. Check it out. Okay. This is gonna be a unique episode of Giggly Squad. I mean, not really.
- [04:17]
Hannah Berner
Yes and no. Because I. Here's what I'll first and foremost say. Anything that's happening in my life, first I tell Hannah. First I tell my mom, then I tell Hannah, and then I tell the gigglers. So like, if I. If something in the universe is going on and I haven't said it to the gigglers first, then it's not true.
- [04:38]
Giggly Squad Host
And you've said things to me before that aren't true.
- [04:43]
Hannah Berner
I've lied to you multiple times.
- [04:46]
Giggly Squad Host
What is reality?
- [04:48]
Hannah Berner
And so I Was trying to think about how I was gonna say this. And one of the things that popped in my head was our beta blocker episode was probably one of the most nervous I've been to do an episode and say just like something I've never talked about before in real time of, like, how I felt a couple days prior to that. And I think it was like our biggest response episode because there were just so many Gigglers were like, wow. Like, this was like, on another level, like, we get each other. We've truly formed a cult.
- [05:23]
Giggly Squad Host
This pod was made off of making fun of each other, most importantly, ourselves. But in that, as you're making fun of yourself, you start being like, holy shit, I'm seeing some real shit. And we talk about it and we go in and out all the time. But look, the Gigglers are our best friends.
- [05:40]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. And it's kind of crazy. Like, we've been doing this podcast now for five years. It does not feel like that at.
- [05:46]
Giggly Squad Host
All because we're only 26.
- [05:49]
Hannah Berner
Because literally I'm 27, like, when Covid started. So obviously I want to tell the gigglers first. And I. And I feel like the most comfortable with the Gigglers. And I know that, like, people are gonna, like, take these clips and it's gonna be not a lot of non gigglers, like, chatting.
- [06:05]
Giggly Squad Host
This is all just you announcing you have another uti and the gigglers are like, we've. We're tired. We're tired, Paige. So I know this is gonna be a little dramatic episode. And we didn't have a plan. We didn't have a plan. And I told her my plan was to let her talk, and my plan.
- [06:23]
Hannah Berner
Was to let Hannah talk.
- [06:25]
Giggly Squad Host
Never knew.
- [06:25]
Hannah Berner
So we got on the pod and we've realized that we have no plan. This episode is pre recorded. So we'll say that in case, like, anything happens in the news that, like, we're not touching on, because it's, like, all about me right now. What I did want to say was that Craig and I have decided to no longer be together. And I know I said I would never cry on the Internet, but, like, it's okay if I cry on the podcast. I feel like that's okay. It's weird. Obviously, it's weird. Like, it's very weird. I wasn't expecting this. Obviously, when we first started dating, like, you don't. You don't think, like, oh, what's gonna happen? Like, will we get married? Will we not? You just kind of like, are in this relationship, and as you get older, I mean, I started dating Craig and I was 29 and I'm 32 now. In your 30s. For women, I feel like, really are very transformative and you change a lot and you grow a lot. And him as well. Not to sound traditional and old fashioned, but, like, this is not a situation where, like, I have a 50 part series of like, who the. Who the was I dating? Like, could not be more opposite of that. I have so much love and respect for Craig. I think he is one of the best people I've ever met in my entire life. I will remain the biggest fan of him and want the best for him and he truly will get the best because he is the best. Um, but with that said, I think it is just the right decision for both of us, like, moving forward in our lives and like, the direction that our lives are, are going in that we like, didn't foresee or like, whatever. It's a very sad thing. And, and just to like say this, not that I even have to, but like, in terms of people, like saying rumors like, oh, Paige was told to like, wait until Southern Charm came out or like Summer House came out. No one can tell me what to do. Like, the network has power, but they did. They don't have that much power. So, like, that is not. That was not a real thing. Like, rumors of us breaking up months ago, Again, also not a real thing. I feel like when we started dating, our first rumor was like, we were in a PR relationship. So like, we've been with these rumors our whole relationship, so we didn't really give it a second thought. But I, I didn't want the gigglers to think like, oh, I was like, leaving them out of the loop or something. Like, not at all. Like, any time those rumors were happening, we were still together. When we did break up, like, obviously I didn't run to social media and I didn't run to the pod. Like, we both gave each other, like a little time to deal with it on our own in private, like with our family and friends. And now I feel like it is appropriate to like, be able to tell people. And so obviously I would come to the gigglers first. And I'm not like throwing up an a joint Instagram post, you know, that's not how I. I'm going to handle it. But I love him. I think he loves me. I think we will remain friends. No one did anything. It wasn't like a bad thing. I think we both were just being really mature and saying what we want and what we didn't want. And I think that's like extremely powerful to be able to voice, like, how you're feeling in real time and what you want for your future.
- [09:53]
Giggly Squad Host
Wow. Wow. You're so fucking strong for being in a public relationship and putting yourself out there. And you guys, you both like fought really hard for this and wanting to make it work. And I do have to say shout out to Craig because reality TV dating is really hard. And I remember when you found him, he was the first guy who really like lifted you up and was so.
- [10:22]
Hannah Berner
Like, God, he got you.
- [10:24]
Giggly Squad Host
He was so proud of you for what you were accomplishing, like on TV and off tv and you hadn't had a guy support you like that. He's a huge reason for like, who you are in the last couple years becoming who you are.
- [10:38]
Hannah Berner
Oh my God, what a thank you for saying that because I would have not even remember, like, been able to say that to the Gigglers. He truly helped me grow so much in these past three years. Like, I am a different person than when I started dating him. Like, I truly do feel like, more mature, more just like confident, all of these things. And that's definitely like a tribute to him. It's just like so weird to talk about. Like, it's just so weird.
- [11:07]
Giggly Squad Host
It's also weird because we forget people listen to the pod. And I think why we're nervous is we know more people will like, listen, Listen in to get the tea.
- [11:13]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, no, that's what it is.
- [11:14]
Giggly Squad Host
I'm like, we know that it's non Gigglers listening. And we're like, yes.
- [11:18]
Hannah Berner
Because I'm like beta blocker episode. Like, once I got into the story, I was like, girls, listen up. This is like, I feel awkward because I don't want to say anything that can be like taken and misconstrued about him or about the breakup or any of it.
- [11:32]
Giggly Squad Host
To make this about me.
- [11:34]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, please.
- [11:34]
Giggly Squad Host
What was hardest about it for me? No, it was hard. What was hardest about this relationship was that there wasn't a smoking gun. And I think the positive for like anyone who's listening right now is that relationships don't just end because there was a murder suicide. Like, relationships don't just end because there's a Sandoval or like something or he's, you know, doing fucked up things. The hardest relationship, I think, to get out of is sometimes when you're like, I love this person. Do I want to be with this partner forever? And am I the same person I was four years ago? And I think for anyone listening I love a breakup. They're scary, but they're empowering. And I'm excited to see, like, where you both go from here. And I just have to say, of a lot of the guys that do reality tv, he's definitely one of the better ones that's crossed my path.
- [12:29]
Hannah Berner
No, he's definitely, like, the best boyfriend I've ever had. Like, I can truly say that. Like, he was a great boyfriend, and he did everything correct, and he never made me feel insecure or anything like that. And so it. It almost is harder when, like, no one's done anything to be mad about, and that's hard.
- [12:50]
Giggly Squad Host
Like, I have a lot of empathy for people who are on reality TV and dating. There's a reason why a lot of housewives are not in healthy relationships. And it's not for the week.
- [13:04]
Hannah Berner
No, it's. It's not for the week. And it's not even. I think, maybe, like, why I was so nervous to say it is because I try and, like, live my life and be like, I don't care what people think about me, and that's just not true. I care a freaking lot. So, like, don't get down on yourself when you're, like. When people are like, oh, you care too much what people think. Like, okay, sorry. Like, yeah, it's human nature. I want people to, like, feel good around me and like me and all of this. So I think, like, also saying it publicly, I'm like, I feel mean. Like, I feel like a bad person. Like, because I know there's so many people that are like, how are you two not getting engaged? And how, like, how is this whatever? It's just, like, a tough thing, and it's a tough world to, like, be in, and. And I want to feel like I'm being vulnerable and authentic, specifically to the gigglers. But I also want to be, like, classy about it and, like, say everything in the correct way because I don't want things to be misconstrued of, like, that we hate each other or that, like, something happened or whatever. It's really just, like, two people growing and changing and, like, things that they want in their lives changing. And, like, I feel like I've been very vocal on the pod about how I hated turning 30. Like, everyone around that had turned 30 was like, you're being dramatic. It's the same thing as 29. And I really had, like, a problem with it, probably because I'm, like, so vain and narcissistic, but whatever. I, like, just didn't like getting Older. I love being 32. I've never felt more myself than in this past year. Like, even though Giggly Squad Tour, I had, like, my first panic attack ever. And that was the craziest time of my life. I'm so, like, thankful for it because, like, the connection I feel like I formed with the Gigglers became even deeper. And I just felt like, so myself this year. I loved throwing myself into work. Like, I loved doing everything I was doing. And it was stressful and it was hard, but, like, I just felt very mean.
- [15:20]
Giggly Squad Host
And it's so funny. Cause four years ago, if I told you what we did these last six months and what we created and what you push yourself through, I don't think you would have believed me.
- [15:31]
Hannah Berner
No, I would have been like, I'm staying in bed. That sounds like a lot. And also, I think. I think one of the things that I get, like, the most insecure about is I am 32. And so a lot of times the rhetoric, like, online and directed at me is, you're 32. Like, shouldn't you pack it in and get married? And, like, you're not a kid anymore. And while I fully acknowledge I'm not a child, you also don't have to use the phrase pack it in when you're talking about the rest of your life as a woman.
- [16:03]
Giggly Squad Host
Let's stop with the word geriatric I've been seeing on WebMD.
- [16:06]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. Like, so if you're mad that I'm not mature enough to, like, get married, it's not maturity.
- [16:14]
Giggly Squad Host
It's not maturity.
- [16:15]
Hannah Berner
Then you. Yeah, then you don't get me at all. Like, you can be 32 and decide to change the entire course of your life. You don't have to get married and have a baby because you think you have to. Like, you. Just because you're in your 30s does not mean you're running out of time. You can choose to do whatever you want.
- [16:34]
Giggly Squad Host
There were timelines back then, and back then was very different. Women were not allowed to get a credit card until 1975. Of course, the only thing, their only accomplishment that they were told to do was have a baby with the husband they met at 18 who took their virginity, and they didn't know what any other dick felt like. So they were stuck with that one dick.
- [16:56]
Hannah Berner
Right.
- [16:57]
Giggly Squad Host
Not to go on a rampage right.
- [16:59]
Hannah Berner
Now to make it sexual.
- [17:01]
Giggly Squad Host
It does annoy me when. Yeah, people put timelines on people. And I do have to say reality TV producers put timelines on you because they're kind of like, what's your story this season can't be the same as last season. What's the new story? And sometimes relationships aren't like that.
- [17:17]
Hannah Berner
And, like, obviously, I don't control, like, what. What happens on our shows or, like, what they show what they don't show what, like, storylines are like, I'm just living my life, and they're painting a picture around it. So, like, I get that people are like, oh, it was always. Was she. Wasn't she moving? But, like, that was my life. Sorry. Like, I couldn't, like, move forward for you.
- [17:39]
Giggly Squad Host
We both did not anticipate, like, the amount of passion we'd have for Giggly Squad. And, like, your. The stuff you have based in New York.
- [17:50]
Hannah Berner
No, Giggly Squad's my whole life.
- [17:51]
Giggly Squad Host
We didn't anticipate it.
- [17:52]
Hannah Berner
Giggly Squad is my whole life. It's truly the only thing I care about. Like, I love Daphne, but I love.
- [18:00]
Giggly Squad Host
Giggly Squad, and she's part of Giggly Squad. So it's a Venn diagram.
- [18:04]
Hannah Berner
Yes.
- [18:04]
Giggly Squad Host
Can I say something controversial?
- [18:06]
Hannah Berner
Truly is.
- [18:07]
Giggly Squad Host
You keep bringing up the beta blocker episode. I was told by a therapist who I've since fired. No, I'm just kidding. But that anxiety comes from when you feel like you're not being your authentic self or you're not in alignment with what you should do. And I remember during tour when you start having panic attacks, thinking, like, this isn't because of the gigglers. This isn't because you don't love performing. This isn't because you don't love your outfit. There's other stuff going on in your life that you're trying to figure out, and you're feeling a little stuck. And I think.
- [18:41]
Hannah Berner
And I don't think I, like, saw I, like, fully.
- [18:44]
Giggly Squad Host
You were like, I'm nervous about going on stage. And I'm like, no, you're not. Like, you never were.
- [18:49]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I just. I didn't feel aligned, like, in myself. And. And I'm someone that's very, very in touch with my body. Like, perfect example. I know when I have a uti. I know when I have a yeast infection. Like, I've never had a pregnancy scare. Like, I fuck.
- [19:03]
Giggly Squad Host
My favorite is when Paige cancels plans because she feels a UTI coming on.
- [19:09]
Hannah Berner
But that's real. I know when they're coming out. Like, I. I will say I feel very in tune with, like, how my body feels. And so, like, when my body does. And this has happened to me in the past. This isn't, like, the first time when my body does kind of like betray me in a moment. I do know, like, oh, some. I'm ignoring something so big and I'm trying to act like it's not a big deal and, like, it is.
- [19:35]
Giggly Squad Host
And to listen to your body, like, don't take it as like, I'm fucked up. Take it as, ooh, what is this message? It's not just that you're gluten intolerant. It's that your body's. It's giving you that like, fight or flight response. And you're like, what the. I'm just sitting here about to perform. Why am I treating this like a lion's chasing me? But I also do think that in your 20s, you date because you're like, this guy's great. I'm into him. Let's go. And then as you approach 30, it becomes like, I feel like you guys could have dated for a long time.
- [20:05]
Hannah Berner
Yes, well, people get so much more serious, obviously in their 30s, and people it. You take it more seriously, but that doesn't mean you're locked in. Like, I just, I feel like obviously the message I want to, like, send across to this episode is like, giving the gigglers, like, information about my life of like, what's going on so they're in the loop. But also if you are in the same situation that I am in right now and you're in your 30s and you're like, but I'm so torn and I don't know what to do. And I, this is the first time I've never had a plan or the first time I don't know what the next five years is. Like, that's where you should be at. Like, not everyone who's married and has kids feels like they know what the next five years of their life is or know what the plan is. They just may know some of the people that might be around, but they don't also know, like, they're not better than you because they may seem like they have it all together because they're married and have children. Like, you are worth just as much as a single 32 year old woman. Like, you have thoughts, ideas, and things you want to do. And like, you don't have to put them in the back seat because your eggs might dry up in a little.
- [21:21]
Giggly Squad Host
And then there's the thought of, like, on my end, as someone who is married, I'm petrified of having kids and it slowing down everything that I've worked so hard to accomplish where, like, I'm now having momentum and I feel like If I have kids, is it going to. I'm gonna lose my identity of the person I worked so hard to create. So y'all, we in this, bitch?
- [21:49]
Hannah Berner
No, we're in this.
- [21:50]
Giggly Squad Host
We're in this. We're in this.
- [21:52]
Hannah Berner
Never a dull freaking moment with us giggling in bed. Brought to you by Mattress Firm. The holiday season is obviously full of joy and holiday spirit. But there are certain things about the holiday season that can really just annoy you. Like walking into a store and realizing that everyone has taken all of the gifts and you are left over with socks and candles. And maybe it's your fault because you've waited so long, but it's also the people's fault that took everything. Do you ever wonder how those people sleep at night, leaving you with just leftover candles and socks? Well, it's Mattress Firm upgrade to the luxurious rest you deserve with their premium selection of top brand mattresses. They offer a premium selection of mattresses so that you can get your best sleep ever. You can also rest easy with Mattress Firm's 120 night sleep trial. Love it or your money back. Get matched at Mattress Firm's semiannual sale and clearance and sleep at night. Text Giggly Squad to 766693 for $100 off your next purchase at Mattress Firm. Restrictions apply. C mattress firm.com or store for details. I feel like as girls we're always trying to do something different to our hair. I'm always trying to hair cycle. Some girls are trying to grow it out, some girls have heat damage. Well, let me show you the way to a healthy scalp. Get to the root of your healthy hair goals with Waze scalp care that will get your strands looking stronger, fuller, healthier. Have so many whey products that I'm just obsessed with. I'm always getting compliments on all of my way products because they smell so good. Whether it's my shampoo or conditioner or Way's iconic scents, they're just incredible. I would have to say though my go to that I grab is their Detox shampoo because I always have like a lot of gel, a lot of hairspray, just a lot of stuff happening and I feel like I always need to detox my hair. And the way to a healthy scalp starts here. Go to t h o u a I.com and use code giggly for 15 off any product that's T-H-E-O-U-A-I.com code giggly. So in 2024 I started taking Symbiotica's liposomal vitamin C to improve just pretty much everything, but mainly my skin and I just felt like it made me peppier, honestly. And I kept seeing all these girls on Tick Tock, like slurping up the Symbiotica packets and I was like, wait, I need those. And what's really cool about Symbiotica is the quality of their products. They're free from seed oils, preservatives, toxins, artificial additives. You're only getting the good stuff that your body craves and needs. And it just feels so much better knowing that their formulas are clean and intentionally sourced because when you're taking vitamins, you don't want to worry if they're actually good vitamins. Symbiotica is high quality holistic wellness right at your fingertips. Be present and feel your best for life's most memorable moments, go to symbiotica.com giggly squad for 20% off your order plus free shipping today. That's symbiotica.com giggly Squad for 20% off your order plus Free Shipping today. No matter what stage of life you're in, whether you have children, you don't, you live by your family. You live away from your family. Life360 makes coordinating your family's daily routines and activities so much easier. Just open up the app and see real time locations for everyone in your family, eliminating the stress of wondering where everyone is, what everyone's doing, and if they're safe. I love location sharing with my family. We are just that kind of family. And you truly do feel more connected to your family in real time. Knowing their location, you can set custom alerts for your family. And if you have small children, it's also so easy to know their schedule. Life360 placed notification to let you know when your family arrives, lives and when they leave a location, making it easier for you to stay coordinated with your family and plan accordingly. And you can get peace of mind knowing where everyone in your family is at any given time. It's family proof for your family with Life360, visit life360.com or download the app today and use Code giggly to get 15 off. That's life360.com code giggly.
- [26:09]
Paige DeSorbo
For thousands of years, explorers the world over searched for and told tales of a mythical fountain said to restore one's youth and cure anything. Newsflash, it was never found. But hey, we do have collagen. While it's not a miracle, it is proven to be pretty darn good at helping you look and feel younger and more healthy. A collagen supplement from Ancient Nutrition can help you feel and look your best. My birthday is right around the corner and the older I get, the more I realize how important it is to take care of my body. I've started adding their multi collagen protein into my coffee and it's been the perfect way to start my day off strong. It's unflavored and includes 10 types of collagen from four sources. Ancient Nutrition's multicollagen advanced lean supplement formula is powered by clinically studied ingredients that promote fat loss and healthy weight management as well as building lean muscle. Right now, Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to ancient nutrition.com acast that's ancientnutrition.com acast that's acast ac a s t for 25% off your first order ancientnutrition.com acast.
- [27:13]
Giggly Squad Host
And I do have to say one other thing about reality tv Is that why people love it is it's very like wwe. I was watching a documentary about WWE and it's funny because they would just like create storylines and they wouldn't know how the audience would react. They just wanted the audience to react and they wanted to make it clear, like, who the villain was, who the good person is. And you can enjoy Southern charm, summer house, whatever, but just know like on giggly Squad there's. It's not black and white, there's not a villain, there's not a. Like, this is two people who love each other and just like remember that they. Yeah, these are two people who had an amazing experience with each other. And actually to keep it on the Bravo theme, I remember one of my first ever interviews with was with Margaret Joseph, New Jersey and she was telling me how she had a hus and then left him for like the contractor. And I was like, do you regret marrying your husband? And she was like, no. And I was like, but you a contractor? And she was like, no. Because at that time in my life, he was perfect for me and he's exactly what I needed and I love him to death. And it was kind of this beautiful thing of oh my God, we're like taught. Like, you wake up, you wake up, you come out of your mom's, you wake up and you're searching for Prince Charming, which is everything. We like talk about decentering on this pod, which is not okay.
- [28:37]
Hannah Berner
Yeah.
- [28:37]
Giggly Squad Host
And also that like, you're not just going to find that one person. There's Going to be different people for different stages of your life, honestly.
- [28:43]
Hannah Berner
And this is like me being so truthful. You will not hear me say a bad thing about Craig. I have nothing bad to say about him. He truly let me feel all my feelings, like, go through like everything that like, would pop into my head. And I'm so beyond grateful for that. Like, his family, his friends are like all amazing people. Yeah, I just, I stand with the, the early 30s single girlies.
- [29:09]
Giggly Squad Host
I love that for you.
- [29:12]
Hannah Berner
I also, I feel like me and the single early 30s girls gigglers just got exponential.
- [29:20]
Giggly Squad Host
There's something very powerful about her. A girl who's single in her early 30s.
- [29:24]
Hannah Berner
So, yeah, I don't think the gigglers were expecting this type of episode, but here we freaking are. Life, like, comes at you so fast. I think one other thing that I'm really grappling with and if anyone's like going through a breakup or like a change in career or anything, it's not that I, I love where my life is at. Like, I, I truly can say that. Like, I wake up every morning and I really am like, okay, yeah, like, I do. Like, I love my life. I think it's more the fact that you have to come to terms with the fact that your life is not what you thought it would be. Whether it's better or worse, it's just not what you thought it would be. I truly do feel like my life is better than what I was imagining when I was 16 years old. Like, oh, yeah, by 32, are you kidding? I'll have two kids. It's not that. And that would have been amazing too. It's better. But getting over the fact that it's not what you made up in your head is like kind of a thing.
- [30:23]
Giggly Squad Host
You're not the person you were when you were seven years old and you were just taught from society what your life should be. I mean, I didn't think I'd be 33, married and like, not in the mood for children.
- [30:35]
Hannah Berner
Like, right.
- [30:37]
Giggly Squad Host
Have you ever seen a 33 year old in a movie when in the 90s, they literally are like grandmas.
- [30:44]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. Like, there was no thought in my mind that I would be like, no, I want to like, work. Like, if you told 16 year old Paige, like, no, you're going to be like, I want to like work on my career. I'd be like, fuck that bitch. Pack it in, take a nap. But that just like, I grew up to not be like that and that I did not see that.
- [31:06]
Giggly Squad Host
What's that quote that, like, whenever you make a plan, God laughs at it. I think if we're going to go back to something that's very giggly coded, this reminds me of, like, the concept of karma. And me and you always talk about this, like, when someone wrongs you, you can, like, try to be like, oh, I'm going to get revenge, or this is what I'm going to do. Natural karmic cycle that's going to happen by you stepping back and focusing on yourself. The universe is so much more creative than anything you. You could come up with. You just put good energy into the world and watch it come back. And that's how I feel with, like, your plans. Like, we both put it out there that, you know, we want to express ourselves, we want to make people laugh, we want to be kind, we want to be creative. And. And that's how giggly squad happened. And when things don't match up with that, that's okay, because plans are a fucking social construct in your own little teenager head. I've been sending you a lot of inspirational quotes.
- [32:02]
Hannah Berner
You've been sending me a lot of inspirational things.
- [32:06]
Giggly Squad Host
Now that we're getting into, like, our mental health moments, it's that the universe will keep sending you the same thing to see if you learned your lesson yet, and it'll keep giving you the same result. And then once you can, like, get the balls to evolve and change and do the hard thing, then good things will happen. Because if everyone could do the hard thing, then everything would be easy. But it's not. The hard thing is hard. And you did something really difficult, and it was confusing.
- [32:35]
Hannah Berner
Yeah. And I think, like, one of, like, which I'm, like, almost mad about myself was, like, saying it publicly because I was just like, oh, my God, what are, like, people gonna, like, like, make, like, construe of this? And, like, no. So, like, I don't know whether to, like, laugh or cry or, like. And obviously, like, there are days where I'm just like, what am I doing? Like, who am I? What do I want? Where am I going? Like, and it's confusing and it's hard. And I feel like people are just walking around acting like their 30s are so easy. Like, here's a perfect example on how you and I are very different. I feel like you're very vocal about how your 20s, you were like, I'm flailing. I have no idea what the going on. Like, you hated your 20s. I loved my 20s. Could not have been more in my vibe in my 20s, had a job. I Didn't really give a about. Had so many fun friends. All I did was party. All I did was go out and go on dates. Like, I didn't live at college. I lived at home for college. Like, when I moved to New York, I really felt like I was, like, finding myself. I loved my 20s. My 30s have been a little bit more difficult than I had planned.
- [33:50]
Giggly Squad Host
Well, because you have to start taking responsibility for some shit.
- [33:54]
Hannah Berner
How dare you? In my breakup episode.
- [34:00]
Giggly Squad Host
Sorry. That was so out of pocket. I'm so sorry.
- [34:02]
Hannah Berner
You're gonna come at me during my freaking breakup episode?
- [34:07]
Giggly Squad Host
No, that was so fucked up. I'm sorry. I need to apologize.
- [34:13]
Hannah Berner
No, no, no. You actually made a good point. Because things, like, in my 20s that I would be, like, insecure about. I feel like I've really. In my 30s, had to be like, it's enough, like, and enough with being, like, insecure about that. Like, deal with that, like, and move on. And one of the things in my 20s was like, oh, my God, what if I, like, didn't have a boyfriend? And, like, what if no one wanted to marry me? And, like, then I loved having a boyfriend in my 20s. Yeah. And so, like. And now in my 30s, I'm like, why are you so fucking insecure about that?
- [34:47]
Giggly Squad Host
Wow. You've been meeting with energy healers. You.
- [34:50]
Hannah Berner
I've. I was just gonna say the girlies that are going through breakups. I've been doing work. The stuff I've been putting in the time. I've been seeing my energy healers. I've seen two psychics.
- [35:01]
Giggly Squad Host
I'm obsessed with that.
- [35:02]
Hannah Berner
I'm like, do I start Reiki?
- [35:04]
Giggly Squad Host
You're about to get a degree from Harvard. You're gonna start. You're doing Pilates again every day. I mean, you already have bangs. That should have been.
- [35:11]
Hannah Berner
I actually. I did start working. I did start working out again because I was like, I need some, like, natural dopamine.
- [35:18]
Giggly Squad Host
I always say that breakups are, like, when you get fired from a job, which, you know, is my favorite hobby, because whenever you leave something, you level up. Like, if you're a corporate girly, the way you get a big raise is by leaving that job for the next job, and then you just keep growing. And I do think there's this crazy time in your 20s where first you're just like, ooh, boyfriends are fun. What can I get? Who can I see? Who can I be with? And then when you realize that the wrong person is actually, like, so much worse than you being single, then you start Having this mentality of like, okay, I love me, I don't like me with the wrong person and I love me with the right person. And that's when you start being smart.
- [36:01]
Hannah Berner
I traumatized myself in my 20s. I traumatized myself. If anyone knew me in my 20s or knew any of the guys that I dated in my 20s that you know that I traumatized myself. And so I think like when I got out of my previous relationship and I was single and I met Craig, like I was like, I finally figured it out. Like I'm going to be with someone that like loves the fuck out of me and I'm going to like, it's good. This is all like happening the way it's supposed to be. And I don't think I realized that I didn't give myself time to like get over those men in my 20s and like be alone.
- [36:38]
Giggly Squad Host
You wanted Craig to like heal those and that's not his job.
- [36:42]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I think I look to him to like heal certain things that I like on why I dated, who I dated, like yes, there are some girls that just like pop out of the womb and they're confident. I was not one of them. Like maybe in my teens I was confident because I didn't know anybody as.
- [36:59]
Giggly Squad Host
A 2 month old when my skin.
- [37:02]
Hannah Berner
Was perfect, when I peaked at four years old on the Easy Bake Oven, yeah, that was my frickin time. I was at my goal weight of 72 pounds. But like no, I think I was. I probably got my most insecure when I was like 19 or 20. I dated like a really physically and mentally abusive man and it changed my whole course of like dating in my 20s. And so then I looked for like chaos and I looked for like pure just like adrenaline and emotion. And I was like this is so fun and this is so crazy. And like so I would get out of one bad relationship and get into like a slightly better one but like by standards very bad. And I just like filled this pattern until I was like 26. Thought I was dating someone that like okay, this is like normal. And I was like, no, this is not. Like I can't do this either. And so it's hard to not look at yourself as a girl and be like, maybe I am the problem, maybe it is me. And in part like yes, it was definitely like people I would pick in the past. Like I put myself in a lot of situations but also at a lot of times it wasn't my fault. Like it truly wasn't. Like I was just vibing and People were fud up. So, like, it wasn't my fault. And so to be in my early 30s and, like, be like, hey, bitch, you're fine. Like, I'm thankful for, like, I. I don't regret any. Any of my relationships because I would have never learned certain things about myself. And I don't even know if I've, like, ever even said that on the pod, that, like, I was in, like, an abusive relationship before. But, like, I feel like if I'm gonna say it, this is, like, the episode I would say it because I'm. I know for a fact a ton of other girls have been in them.
- [38:47]
Giggly Squad Host
Too now crying again.
- [38:50]
Hannah Berner
Don't cry. It was definitely, like, a very weird time of my life. It was. I was 19. I was 20 years. I couldn't even legally drink. And it really did change a lot of, like, how I looked at relationships. I'd never been exposed to that ever. I never thought that that could be me. I never, like, I would hear people say, like, oh, you get, like, brainwash. And I'm like, there's just no way. And I was fully brainwashed. Like, I didn't even. Until I got out of that, Like, I didn't even know that person. And obviously, I don't think about that now because it was, like, over 10 years ago.
- [39:23]
Giggly Squad Host
But that was one of your first relationships. Like, yeah.
- [39:27]
Hannah Berner
And so it definitely changed a lot of, like, how I dated. And I'm not, like, ashamed. I used to be very ashamed of it. Like, I would never tell anyone, and I'm not ashamed of it at all because I'm really proud of myself on how I handled it and how I handled it afterward. And I'm proud of myself on, like, talking about it and letting girls know. Like, it can literally happen to anyone. Like, I feel like a lot of gigglers see me as, like, very confident. And it's like. But it also happened to me. That doesn't mean make you not confident.
- [40:00]
Giggly Squad Host
No, but guys like that go for confident women. They try to find confident women that they can bring down and manipulate or groom. And it was never your fault. If anything, you were shining so bright. He wanted to dim your light. And sometimes a relationship like that, you don't know, but you're coping with it by trying to convince yourself that, like, you can handle that or that it didn't. Like, I don't. I'm not a therapist. I don't know the extent of it, but it's like, I know that I was going for guys who were not emotionally available. Because I wasn't emotionally available, because I didn't want to get hurt, because I wanted to protect myself. And long story short is, like, thank you for being so vulnerable and open because you don't have to give us any of this information.
- [40:45]
Hannah Berner
No, but you know what? I do. It's not that I feel like I have to give it to the gigglers, but, like, here's one thing about me. I am loyal and protective. And I'll be damned if I was going to see online people coming at the gigglers and being like, you don't know what's going on with Paige. Like, and the gigglers being like, yeah, we do. Like, yes, the gigglers will always fucking know first what's going on with me.
- [41:07]
Giggly Squad Host
If they've been listening, like, they know that it's been this, like, this thing of you being busy and your career and what you're trying to prioritize. And also, like, yeah, you joked a lot about him, but it's. It shows, like, how nice of a guy Craig is that, like, he loves when you make fun of him. He loves the banter. And that was part of, like, the fun of your relationship. He loved you poking fun at him and stuff. People also don't factor in. Yeah. The third lens that's in the relationship, which is the. The public eye. Wait, I get there was a new giggler that DMed me and he's like, hey, I'm a new giggler. I'm a guy, but I'm gay. Like, where do I stand in this? And I'm like, oh, my God, you missed the episode. You're a giggler. You're actually very important in the giggler.
- [41:55]
Hannah Berner
You're actually really high up on the hierarchy.
- [41:57]
Giggly Squad Host
So we need you. We need you in these streets. How do you feel?
- [42:00]
Hannah Berner
I feel. I feel like the last piece of the puzzle was, like, saying it out loud. Like, I haven't said it to literally anyone. Like, nobody knows this. Like, my family and, like, my very, very close friends know this, but nobody else. And so I think, like, the last part for me was, like, saying it to the gigglers and, and like, seeing what, like, what would come out of my mouth when I said it to the gigglers. Because I was like, this is something I can't, like, can't. Like, I'm not, like, rehearsing what I'm gonna say, but also, like, I want to be thoughtful and, like, organic.
- [42:34]
Giggly Squad Host
Yeah. And it's not going to be cut up for a three minute scene.
- [42:37]
Hannah Berner
Right. And so I. I'm like, Thankful for the gigglers, for like knowing me and like knowing me at my core. And so, and like giving me the space to be able to say, like, how I truly feel without feeling like, so judged. Even though I know there's like a lot of non gigglers probably listening to this right now, which, like, happy to have you. Thank you for the engagement.
- [42:57]
Giggly Squad Host
Also, you may be a giggler if you like to make fun of yourself. Stay. Swipe up. New merch just dropped.
- [43:06]
Hannah Berner
Our book comes out available for pre.
- [43:08]
Giggly Squad Host
Order, which we actually do get into a lot more deeper stuff in the book. But I do think with you, this is important for the gigglers because anything moving forward that you speak on, like, they have to know what you've been through and they have to know every single part of the journey so that we all can understand each other. And I do think, like, Paige of four years ago wouldn't have done this.
- [43:30]
Hannah Berner
No. Here's another thing for the gigglers. Yeah. Every time I do something in my life, thinking back, like, would 25 year old Paige even believe this? No. She would have ran away so quick. Or she would have just like beat. Been gone with the flow. She was such a go with the flow girl. And so like, there is a sense of like, I'm really proud of myself for like being like, how do you feel? Okay. That's how you feel. What do you want to do about it? Okay, that's what you want to do. Like, then we're gonna do it and then like doing it, seeing it through and then being like. And you came out the other side and like, you are fine. Like every crazy scenario you made up in your head, whether it happened or it didn't, like, you're fine. And I think that's like something if any giggler needs to hear that, like, you are fine. You're going to be fine. He's going to be fine.
- [44:23]
Giggly Squad Host
Like, why am I crying the entire episode?
- [44:26]
Hannah Berner
No, you cried this also.
- [44:29]
Giggly Squad Host
This could be totally off. And this might not pertain to you, but could pertain to other people. But I was thinking about, like, when you're in a relationship where someone treats you horribly and does not respect you, the way to cope is to not respect yourself.
- [44:42]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I wasn't in that. I still like, loved myself. I wasn't in that. But yes.
- [44:45]
Giggly Squad Host
And like, then when you get treated badly in the future, you're just like, well, I don't care because it's fine. It's not a big deal. I. I'm not. You're not hurting me. This has to do with friendships. If you're in a place right now that you're not happy, you do not have to stay in it. And you're not selfish. You're not being a.
- [45:03]
Hannah Berner
Because, like, next week, you could be in a different room with all different people and having a completely different experience than you were this.
- [45:12]
Giggly Squad Host
That was your biggest fear. You've always been so afraid of change.
- [45:16]
Hannah Berner
Yeah, I've always been really afraid of change. My last boyfriend, when we broke up, I was like, I'm so happy. I can laugh about it now. I was, like, so terrified that none of my friends would stay friends with me. Like, I felt like they were going to be so mad at me that I was, like, breaking up with this guy and. And that I wasn't ever going to be able to go out anymore. I wasn't going to be invited any place. And I definitely lost some friends. Like, I had some friends truly do that. And it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think that was the biggest takeaway.
- [45:48]
Giggly Squad Host
People who would leave that easy, right?
- [45:49]
Hannah Berner
I was like, oh, you don't fuck with me anymore. Great. I've been not fucking with you. Any scenario that you've created in your head that you're like, that's going to be the worst. Even if it plays out, it's not as bad as, like, you thought it was going to be in your head.
- [46:03]
Giggly Squad Host
Oh, my God.
- [46:05]
Hannah Berner
Thank God I have a kitty again. Thank God I got a fucking cat. I'm because her just purring on my chest. I'm like, the world's okay.
- [46:16]
Giggly Squad Host
Life is worth living. I do have to say, if you guys are having a rough time, go to your local adoption shelter, find the cutest fucking kitten in there, take it, and pretty much 98% of your problems will be solved. And that's just science. That's just science. We didn't plan this, by the way, because we don't do admin. I thought you were going to, come on, say kind of a simple statement.
- [46:41]
Hannah Berner
Me too.
- [46:42]
Giggly Squad Host
Yeah. Okay. That was the point.
- [46:44]
Hannah Berner
Me, too. Yeah. This took a turn. I thought I was going to say, like, a quick hit, and then we were going to resume the episode like normal, but I just couldn't. I couldn't go into, like, Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni. What's going on? What's going on? Like, I really. I don't actually have the mental capacity to read any of those articles, watch any of the videos, because I'm dealing with my own trauma right now. But truly, I Did not expect. I certainly didn't expect to tell everyone about my 19 year old boyfriend. But. But it feels right. Like, it felt like this episode felt organic.
- [47:17]
Giggly Squad Host
And if we learned anything from this episode, if you enjoy Giggly Squad because you, you enjoy the comedy, you now realize it's because both of us have dark, dark demons.
- [47:29]
Hannah Berner
And no, it's not great over here. We're only sarcastic because we've had major trauma that we will not. We refuse and it's for the good of the gigglers because we would not be this one.
- [47:42]
Giggly Squad Host
Unpack your trauma. Is Paige venting to me on a pot of me going, you're so right. You're literally so right. Now let's go back to being stuck. Stupid.
- [47:53]
Hannah Berner
Sorry that this is like, right.
- [47:54]
Giggly Squad Host
Do not apologize.
- [47:55]
Hannah Berner
I didn't want to ruin your. I didn't want to ruin everyone's Christmas, but like, I will ruin your New Year's Eve.
- [48:01]
Giggly Squad Host
Imagine somebody goes, I can't cuz Greg and Paige, I don't believe in love anymore. Also, guys, stop with that. I can't with the, like, I don't believe in love anymore. When a relationship fell apart that like you don't know anything about, they were very good looking together. We all can acknowledge that. And let's, let's not project that onto them.
- [48:20]
Hannah Berner
I think this is, this is a cool ending.
- [48:23]
Giggly Squad Host
That was cool.
- [48:24]
Hannah Berner
Thank you so much for going through this journey with me and letting me be able to like freely speak and not worry about like how it's going to be edited, how it's going to be cut up, like what people are going to say about it. What, like, who did what, like all the speculation. Thank you for giving me this platform of like all of these amazing gigglers to. It's truly therapeutic for me to like say how I feel and what I'm going through and know that there's girls out there that like, whether they take like a minute of this to like relate to or a second of it, like, I'm thankful for it and just thank you and I love you all.
- [49:01]
Giggly Squad Host
We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling, for crying, for everything. Enjoy time with your family. Or don't. Or don't.
- [49:08]
Hannah Berner
It's not okay to cry on the Internet. It is okay to cry on your own podcast.
- [49:13]
Giggly Squad Host
And that's just science. Bye guys.
- [49:24]
Hannah Berner
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