Summer Break Giggles

Summary

Giggly Squad - Episode: Summer Break Giggles

Release Date: July 8, 2025
Hosts: Hannah Berner & Paige DeSorbo
Description: In "Summer Break Giggles," Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo deliver their trademark blend of humor and candid conversation. This episode delves into their personal lives, relationships, societal expectations, and the dynamics of friendship, all while maintaining their unapologetic, self-deprecating charm.

---

1. Behind the Scenes: Scheduling Shenanigans (02:12 - 03:19)

The episode kicks off with Paige DeSorbo unexpectedly traveling from Italy to America, putting a temporary damper on their planned content. Due to a court-ordered hiatus, Hannah and Paige decide to compile their favorite moments from past episodes. Hannah quips:

“We love you and enjoy this fun, light-hearted, best moment episode.” – [03:13]

They also tease a blooper reel available on YouTube, showcasing their candid and often hilarious off-script moments.

---

2. Navigating Relationships and Expectations (03:25 - 07:19)

Hannah and Paige dive into the intricate world of dating, sharing their humorous yet honest takes on interactions with men. They discuss the pitfalls of partners who seem "too good at sex," leading to unrealistic expectations:

“Guys who are too good at sex kind of give me an ick. I'm like, what is this performance?” – [04:14]

The conversation steers into the realm of intimacy, self-discovery, and the humorous struggles of understanding each other’s needs and boundaries within relationships.

---

3. The Power of Gossip: A Cognitive Advantage (05:12 - 05:43)

The hosts explore gossip not just as idle chatter but as a mental exercise that keeps their minds sharp:

“I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die, as long as it's honest and pure and truthful.” – [05:29]

They argue that sharing stories and memories enhances cognitive function and serves as a subtle rebellion against patriarchal norms.

---

4. Managing Mental Health and Communication (07:47 - 08:37)

Paige introduces the concept of "voice rest" as a humorous excuse to avoid unwanted conversations. They discuss the challenges of communicating mental health struggles and maintaining boundaries:

“If you don't want to talk to someone, just say I'm on voice rest.” – [08:37]

Their banter highlights the importance of mental health while keeping the tone light and relatable.

---

5. Sharing Space: Intimacy vs. Personal Space (15:18 - 17:11)

The dialogue shifts to cohabitation and the balance between intimacy and personal space in relationships. They debate the merits of shared bedrooms versus having separate spaces:

“Sometimes I understand quality time when you're both asleep, like, is that really intimacy?” – [15:56]

This segment underscores their desire for personal autonomy even within close relationships, emphasizing the need for balance.

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6. Challenging Societal Standards: Wives vs. Husbands (27:17 - 29:20)

Hannah and Paige critique traditional societal standards that hold women to higher domestic expectations than men. They humorously dissect the double standards in marital roles and advocate for more equitable partnerships:

“Why can't we do that for girls? Why can't we have names like long, long torso Kinkle cuties, Double chin divas?” – [31:46]

Their discussion highlights the persistent gender biases in societal expectations and relationship dynamics.

---

7. Sibling Dynamics: Sisters vs. Brothers (52:06 - 52:35)

The hosts compare the emotional and behavioral differences between growing up with brothers versus sisters. They conclude that sisters tend to be more emotionally manipulative and wise, while brothers foster toughness and resilience:

“With sisters, you're at a little bit more of an advantage. Emotionally manipulative, wise.” – [52:21]

This light-hearted comparison sheds light on how sibling relationships shape personal development.

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8. Dating Theories and Perceptions (53:22 - 54:50)

Introducing their unique dating theories, Hannah and Paige discuss how women often have preconceived notions about their partners, leading to unmet expectations:

“Where Girls date from 100, we meet you and we go, you are perfect.” – [53:24]

They humorously depict the often unrealistic standards women set in relationships compared to men’s straightforward approaches.

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9. Bloopers and Unfiltered Moments (55:14 - 66:22)

The episode wraps up with a series of amusing bloopers and deleted scenes, showcasing the unguarded and spontaneous moments between Hannah and Paige. From failed costume attempts to hilarious miscommunications, this segment highlights their authentic and playful chemistry.

“In no particular order, here's Hannah and Paige. Try Bloopers.” – [55:37]

They share laughs over their on-air mistakes, reinforcing their relatable and down-to-earth personas.

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Notable Quotes:

• Hannah Berner: “Guys who are too good at sex kind of give me an ick.” – [04:14]
• Paige DeSorbo: “I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die.” – [05:29]
• Hannah Berner: “Do pregnant women shave their vaginas?” – [15:56]
• Paige DeSorbo: “Why can't we do that for girls? Why can't we have names like long, long torso Kinkle cuties, Double chin divas?” – [31:46]
• Hannah Berner: “With sisters, you're at a little bit more of an advantage. Emotionally manipulative, wise.” – [52:21]
• Paige DeSorbo: “Where Girls date from 100, we meet you and we go, you are perfect.” – [53:24]

---

Conclusion:

"Summer Break Giggles" encapsulates the essence of "Giggly Squad" with Hannah and Paige’s unfiltered humor and heartfelt discussions. From dissecting relationship dynamics and societal expectations to sharing personal anecdotes and hilarious bloopers, the episode offers listeners a blend of laughter and relatable insights. Whether navigating the complexities of intimacy, challenging gender norms, or simply enjoying each other's company, Hannah and Paige create a space where giggles and genuine conversation coexist seamlessly.

If you haven't tuned into "Giggly Squad" before, "Summer Break Giggles" is the perfect introduction to their witty banter and candid storytelling, ensuring you're both entertained and enlightened.

Transcript

[Hannah Berner]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Oral Care Month, which means you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Can earn four times points on all.

[Hannah Berner]

Your favorite oral care brands. Now through July 15th. Shop in store or online for items.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like Colgate Toothpaste, Listerine Mouthwash, Crest Mouthwash.

[Hannah Berner]

Or Toothpaste Sensodyne Toothpaste, hello Toothpaste or.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Gum Flossers and earn four times points. Points can be redeemed for future discounts on gas or groceries. Offer ends July 15. Restrictions apply.

[Hannah Berner]

Offers may vary.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I have been really bad at grocery shopping since I can remember, especially if I'm hungry. When I'm grocery shopping I will just pick everything in the aisle. And now I realized I want to find healthy options that fit my budget and work for everyone. And that's where Thrive Market comes into play. It's a total game changer because it's only offering the highest quality brands I love for less and without compromising any standards. It's the number one destination for parents looking for healthy stress free grocery shopping for the whole family family and they carry all the trusted premium brands like Poppy, Primal Kitchen, Go Macro and Simple Mills. I love shopping from a store that's already vetted everything. So all the products are premium non GMO and they ban over 1000 ingredients that are still allowed in US products like artificial dyes, preservatives and seed oils. It's so easy to shop with filters for every diet like gluten free Paleo Keto, Low sugar Vegan and their Healthy Swaps tool helps you find better few options. It's like literally so easy and fun to grocery shop.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Take care of your health and your wallet. Thrive Market's biggest sale this summer is officially on through July 23rd. For a limited time go to thrive market.com giggly to get 30% off your first order. An extra 25% off thousands of summer essentials plus a free $60 gift just for signing up. That's thrive market.com giggly to claim the offer before it's gone. Thrive market.com giggly.

[Hannah Berner]

Sup gigglers? Gary, fix your wi fi.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

[Hannah Berner]

I mean the day just got away from me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What's up my grenadine Gigglers? Quick update. Paige is currently on a plane from Italy to America. She's not happy about it. She's not in a good mood. So I'm just doing the introduction. We actually are not supposed to have an episode today. Like, court ordered. We were told we have to take.

[Paige DeSorbo]

A week off, but we were like.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, well, we have to post an episode. So I talked to Grace and we decided to put together all of our best moments from the last couple years. But also bonus at the end, we have a blooper video out on YouTube right now of all this footage from Hannah and Paige try new things that I guess we didn't know where to put. So I told her to pull the audio version and put it at the end. You should watch it too. It came out last night. And then the final episode of our Radio City episode is out next week. Look at all this housekeeping.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, honestly, the admin is exhausting me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I need to take a nap after this intro. So we love you and enjoy this fun, light hearted, best moment episode.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Look at me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'll do the intro for 30 minutes and it'll just be an episode. But I'll shut up now. Enjoy.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I've never had a guy try to, like, really choke me.

[Hannah Berner]

Interesting.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Cause I don't give off that energy.

[Hannah Berner]

And you talk a lot. You would think they're like, I'm finally in here.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Shut the fuck up. The only time I shut up is when butter falls asleep by my mouth.

[Hannah Berner]

I have an eye twitch, which means a man is about to die soon. Oh, no. It's that time of year. I have to sacrifice a man. No, truly, I've had this eye drop for like, four days.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Because you also know everyone's, like, staring at it.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't even think that everyone's staring at it. I'm just like, what is it, your.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Bigger eye or your smaller eye? It's your bigger eye. Why did I even ask.

[Hannah Berner]

Up question?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I don't know. Check your cornea.

[Hannah Berner]

No, it's just like, I think stress back to me. Guys who are like, too good at sex kind of gives me an ick. I'm like, what is this performance? No, lay down, act like you're tired.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Make me make you want to do this. Like, I don't want you to be like, welcome to the show.

[Hannah Berner]

Right? If you're like, oh, my God, your mind's gonna be blown like, gross if.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You find the clit too fast. One, someone cooked here.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Two, it took me 18 years to find my own clit.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

What have you been doing in your downtime? When he, like, does the bra too fast and you're like, okay, you have chlamydia.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, you just.

[Hannah Berner]

You're two fingers just.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And you're like, oh, like, at least pretend you're if he takes too long, then you start getting sad.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, man.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Because you're like, if you can't even unbutton this, you're not like, we'll be great friends.

[Hannah Berner]

We'll go shopping together.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Men try to get women to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on. Yeah. So gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die, as long as.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It'S honest and pure and truthful.

[Hannah Berner]

And she is a fucking bitch. That can be a fact. It's also really good for our brain because we hear something, we have to remember it, and then, you know. So really, we're just. We're fighting dementia each day you're.

[Paige DeSorbo]

When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you. And then the fun of it is.

[Hannah Berner]

Telling your friends, your friends and reflecting.

[Paige DeSorbo]

On it be like, what just happened to me? Am I insane?

[Hannah Berner]

No. We're storytellers. Sorry for entertaining. I feel like I can't go to a basketball game without spending at least one whole period of it being like, and then they make this into an ice skating rink. You know, like, every time it blows my mind, I'm like, and then they can do concerts here, too. Isn't that crazy? I'll never get over it. I'm like, but where is the ice right now? Where's the ice right now? Is it melted? You know, like, I'm always asking the question.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I don't want to know logistics. Like, I don't want to know how the sausage is made. I want it to be magical. Walt Disney.

[Hannah Berner]

Is it underneath the court? Where is it at this exact moment?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Where are you hiding the hockey players? Where are they sleeping?

[Hannah Berner]

Where are the Rangers team? Do they sleep here?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I realize that all Southern men are named after Labradoodles.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Chester. That's it.

[Hannah Berner]

Literally, dog names.

[Paige DeSorbo]

At least.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, a contrast to, like, Maverick and Jet.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Sawyer, Mason, Duke. Those are names of dogs. Rottweilers.

[Hannah Berner]

It's either like, they sound like dogs or, like, really old presidents.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah. Or if you take two of them together and you put a plus in between, it becomes just like a farm to table restaurant. Dalton, Sawyer.

[Hannah Berner]

It's booked for a year. You can't get in there. You have to know the chef to get into Dalton, Sawyer, Duke, and Carter.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Are you even allowed to go near.

[Hannah Berner]

A really prestigious, very small private school? What's the worst thing that you hear in bed? Or, like, what would make you cringe. Mine was very simple and it's the word. What? Have you ever said something like, like during sex and they didn't hear you and then like, they say, what? And you're like. You're like, am I gonna say it again? Or like now, is it weird?

[Paige DeSorbo]

How long is the sentence that he wants you to repeat? Also, did you say like a whole barrel?

[Hannah Berner]

Cause sometimes like your heads are like different ways, so it is hard to.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Said what is not okay. At least pretend you know. Just go with it.

[Hannah Berner]

Just go with it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Cause whatever I said, I'm telling you, wasn't important. Not important. And if I need.

[Hannah Berner]

If anything, I didn't even wanna say it in the first place.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I was trying to shut up and go on voice rest for like two days.

[Hannah Berner]

No, you've sent me more voice notes than you ever have in your entire life. Wait, was that true? I thought you were just saying that as like a bit. Were you legitimately trying to be on voice rest?

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, it's my new thing. Just tell people you're on voice rest if you don't want to talk to them.

[Hannah Berner]

I legit. I was like, oh, she must have something really intense.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I told four people I was on voice rest.

[Hannah Berner]

In context. This is how Hannah told me. Hey, do you want to come to my house this weekend? I promise I won't even talk to you. You can literally sleep in another room. I'm on voice rest anyway, so I won't even talk. I'm like that. Seven seconds. Seven seconds.

[Paige DeSorbo]

If you don't want to talk to someone, just say, I'm a voice rest. Or if you want to really lean into the character, put it on your nose and just raise it.

[Hannah Berner]

When they ask for what? What's your response? You're just like, not at this time.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Well, it's easier for me because they know I'm a performer.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I believed you. Anyone could go on voice rest. Like, if you have meetings, imagine sending.

[Hannah Berner]

Like the newsletter one week and was like, sorry, I'm on voice rest.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I can't write this as like a single voicemail. No, singers get like, really serious about it. And, you know, I. Everyone lost their virginity half at first, right?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I think if you go full on the beginning, you're not okay, you should call your mom because you got some virginity. You should call some more.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I feel like every girl is.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Hannah Berner]

Maybe next weekend. Like, I'm just like, I feel like it kind of hurts. And like, maybe next weekend. I feel like I Used to do that all the time.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I still do that. I still do that. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Actually, no.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Did I ever tell you what my nickname was? Like, high school into college?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Quadzilla.

[Hannah Berner]

Which I'd quite literally. That's why I'm in my own grave.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's why I'm funny. Literally, like, hot guys would be like, sub Quadzilla. I couldn't tell if, like, they thought my legs were, like, cute or not. I don't. Men look at me like a horse. They, like, check my teeth. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

They're like, why are men always trying to treat you like they're breeding with you?

[Paige DeSorbo]

And they're like, what's your vert? What? They're like, do you want to race? Division one babies were like, a topic.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then they'd see me and they'd just smell a Nike sponsorship for their child, like, immediately. Like, yeah, you could vote with the sorority girl who can't fucking walk in a straight line. Or I could fucking throw a football 100 yards. Do you want your child to dunk with these calves?

[Hannah Berner]

No one's ever come up to me and said, like, hey, our kids might be athletic. If anything, they're like, I think you'll have a gaesan.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Gaesan who, let's just say, could palm a basketball with your fingers.

[Hannah Berner]

One thing about me talking about my unborn gaysan, because he's fabulous.

[Paige DeSorbo]

When someone says, paige, you have to look your best at this day. She has a routine.

[Hannah Berner]

All I did was get facials and massages in la.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And I started to get kind of paranoid that I was.

[Hannah Berner]

You started to panic.

[Paige DeSorbo]

So I started to.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, then Lenore got involved.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Lenore got involved. And Lenore was like, whatever Paige is doing, do what Paige does. So I go online and I'm clicking every lymphatic drainage place near me. Find just like a woman in an apartment.

[Hannah Berner]

Awesome.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And I was like, the Price is Right safe. She does face and body. I said, we're doing it. So I just went to a random apartment building somewhere in la. What is wrong with you? You know that it's sketchy when the first thing they ask you when you walk in is, how'd you find me? She literally was like, how did you.

[Hannah Berner]

How did this come across at your desk?

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then she was like, your name's Vanessa, right? And I was like, nope. And I was like, it's okay. It's fine. It was amazing. I don't think it was lymphatic, though. I think she gave me a full on abortion. I Don't know what happened. Why are TVs so complicated? No, why do you need seven remotes to turn on a TV?

[Hannah Berner]

You can't go to someone else's house and just turn the TV on.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Is it not insane that if it's not your own tv, you don't know how to work it?

[Hannah Berner]

Have you ever been to a boy's house when there's also, like, a rogue Xbox controller and they're like, use this? I'm like, why?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Oh, my God.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like, how do I use that?

[Paige DeSorbo]

If he uses an Xbox controller to turn on his TV, you will get chlamydia.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, 100%.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You will get chlamydia.

[Hannah Berner]

He's texting multiple other guys, and he.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Won'T go down on you if he.

[Hannah Berner]

Says, here, just turn it on with the Xbox controller. Grab your things and get out. What's your headphone of choice?

[Paige DeSorbo]

So I collect Delta headphones. So I have, like, hundreds of Delta headphones.

[Hannah Berner]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, hundreds.

[Hannah Berner]

When you get on a plane.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

You put the Delta headphones in your ears, and you connect it to what?

[Paige DeSorbo]

The tv. And if there's no tv, we're sleeping.

[Hannah Berner]

No headphones in.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No.

[Hannah Berner]

There's technology now that, like, you never have to hear the sound of an airplane ever again. Like, when I fall asleep, I'm not listening to anything.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I need noise to quiet my own thoughts. I don't want to be sitting in silence. That's the scariest thing you've ever said to me.

[Hannah Berner]

So you get on a plane. Most of the time, Raw dog.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wait for her or he to walk.

[Hannah Berner]

Around and say, does anyone need headphones?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Does anyone need headphones? And I always go, yep. And then I say, thank you. Because regardless, I like free shit. If it's. I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it. I will put the amount of Delta headphones I have in my bag is crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

This is a wild revelation.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then I love a fresh new pair. You pull it out every time she.

[Hannah Berner]

Walks by and says, headphones. Headphones. In my head, I always think, who.

[Paige DeSorbo]

The fuck is getting on the plane without headphones? People are like, I love throwing dinner parties. What is that life like that you a love to socialize. You're like, you know what would make my life better? If I had to cook, decorate, invite people over, and then clean after. That's my nightmare.

[Hannah Berner]

Having people over to my own home to socialize.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It's dirty. Get out. It's get out.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, what if I hit a moment Where I was like, mmm. And I want everyone to leave right now.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I watch HGTV right now. Like, a weird phase I'm going through, but I'm obsessed with it. And they'll be like, what kind of house are you looking for? And they're like, we love to entertain. And I'm always like. I was trying to explain to Allie, who's a lesbian, our relationship. We left the house, and she's like, she's your partner. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

No more partner. Because she was like, no, we're more than friends. Like, like, okay. Like, if we were to be with another friend duo, I'd be like, cute. That's adorable.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We would leave and be like, they think they're fun.

[Hannah Berner]

That's so sweet of you guys to, like, be friends. But, like, we're close partners.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Well, Ali was like, I loved hanging out with you guys because I love being, like, a third wheel. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I love hanging out with couples. And I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, you guys will talk with your eyes all the time.

[Hannah Berner]

If you're gonna gossip with one of us, you're gossiping with both of us. But it's a safe space.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, we share the same ideas.

[Paige DeSorbo]

She was like, you have a full partner. And I was like, I know. And I was like, I am the man. 1.

[Hannah Berner]

Do pregnant women shave their vaginas? I'm talking, like, when they're about to give birth.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I think some of them. I think I'm spitting, like, out of my.

[Hannah Berner]

I can't see it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I have no idea. I think if you have, like, a midwife and stuff, they will, like, trim it for you. I think nurses will trim it for you. Cause it's uncomfortable.

[Hannah Berner]

I would feel like it's uncomfortable.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But also, you're not going in there being like, oh, I'm gonna make sure she's shining.

[Hannah Berner]

I think it was just a thought that I was just like, I need to know this.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I think you don't want a full bush just to keep it, like, cleaner. I have no fucking clue.

[Hannah Berner]

I just feel like it would get in the way. I hate sleeping in bed with men. I don't know what it is, because I can fall asleep on the couch with them. But once it comes to getting in the bed and falling asleep, I'm like, no, I have to be alone. I have to hang out with myself more.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It doesn't make sense. We all have roommates. And then you get to the point where you Try to not have a roommate. But then when you meet a guy, now you're forced to have a roommate. But this roommate literally takes up half the bed and is hot and is breathing in your fucking.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. And I'm like, now I can't watch a TV show and, like, also have my phone on when it's like, 3am because you have to sleep when it's.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Understand intimacy. Sometimes I understand quality time.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

When you're both asleep, like, is that really intimacy? I need my own bed. Sleeping in separate beds I honestly think is great.

[Hannah Berner]

I need my own bedroom. And I'm so down to start the night with you and then, like, start the morning with you. But what I do in the in between is, like, none of your business.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You're starting a business. You're running numbers. You're looking up past ex's ex's, ex's girlfriends. You have stuff to do during the night. I saw a tick tock that was.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, I still stalk my ex's eggs, even though we broke up.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But she's part of my routine. Wait, your comfort stock.

[Hannah Berner]

Your comfort stock.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Your comfort stock. Where, like, when you watch them, it kind of makes your day. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I want a man who's more involved in, like, the cooking and the cleaning.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I do have a really.

[Hannah Berner]

I just want a housekeeper. I just realized that I want an assistant.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Some of these girls who have done it right, they marry chefs.

[Hannah Berner]

I just want someone who's like, I'll make school lunches.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I do have to say I've dated guys in the past who have cooked, and it's been so hot and so fun. You have to trick them to be like, oh, my God, I love that salmon you made.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then they, like, get passionate about it, and then it gets part of their ego, and then they're, like, obsessed with it.

[Hannah Berner]

That's what it is. Make it a part of their ego.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes. Chris is smiling right the second you make it. And I go, oh, my baby.

[Hannah Berner]

I love barbecue chicken.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I go, my ex used to make it disgusting. Disgusting. And honestly, he had a weak wrist. Make him feel like hunters, you know? Someone said, you know, you're a kid and you have to sharpen your pencil. Yeah. So you'd get up to the garbage and you just, like, sharpen it, and it feels kind of nice. And you'd also get to, like. That's a version of a cigarette break.

[Hannah Berner]

As a kid, I was the queen of taking a break. The pencil sharpener wasn't enough for me. I was like, ooh, still too Stimulating. You guys are all here. I was at the nurse's office. The nurse knew me, okay? I'd walk into the nurse's office, and she'd say, what is it today, Paige? I'd say, well, I don't know.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We walk into the green light.

[Hannah Berner]

Tingle in my throat, better call my mommy.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I feel like my past life with my children died of cholera. Is coming forward today.

[Hannah Berner]

No. I'd literally go to the nurse's office, and the nurse would say, why don't we just call your mom, talk to her for a few minutes and see how you feel. And I'd be like, that sounds nice. I needed, like, a midday pep talk.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

It's hard out here.

[Paige DeSorbo]

So real. So real.

[Hannah Berner]

Let kids call their mom during school.

[Paige DeSorbo]

What was the harm in it? Could you be like, a jail where they have a row of telephones where you go, you're getting a call from PS321 during the middle of the day. Mom, I can't do it anymore. This place, it's a prison. I showed up with a tie, and I think I went a little too business formal. Like 80s businessman. Like, coffees for closers. But I do have to say, see.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like you're giving news reporter. Like, high school sports news reporter. It's like assistant dynamite.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, you know, Brandon is killing it today. I wish I had a son. I realize having a tie, I know how it feels like to be a man.

[Hannah Berner]

It's like assertiveness.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Well, it feels like I have a dick. Yes. Like, I feel like I was putting on my coat and I'm like, oh, gotta put my tie in. And, like, I don't want it to be flinging around. I have to keep it and.

[Hannah Berner]

Sorry, I have things to report to.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I know how it feels like to wear a dick. Because suddenly everything I say, you're like.

[Hannah Berner]

You're all of a sudden overexpo.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Everything.

[Hannah Berner]

You're like, paige, I don't know if you know the word finance, but let me tell you about it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I feel like an alpha man. And I'm like, are you going to talk to me while I have my fucking tie on? Like that? Do you not see my fucking tie? And then you just want to, like, flip it around, hit people with it. You'd thank God I don't have a dick. Top 15 most attractive hobbies for men to do.

[Hannah Berner]

I would love to see this list, because hobbies in general, get a second job.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Playing an instrument. Is there any. Is there any instrument that a guy plays that you'd be like, that's kind of hot.

[Hannah Berner]

The recorder.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Actually, the fingers would be kind of hot. I'm like, oh, he's fast. No, this I can agree with. Cooking.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But I don't want them to talk about that. They do it. I just want them to do it. Woodworking. No, no.

[Hannah Berner]

Let the Amish have one thing.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And if you are a woodworker, you're a Nepo baby.

[Hannah Berner]

If you give me a birdhouse, I'll throw it in the dirt.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Painting. No, no.

[Hannah Berner]

Painting is for me and my iPad.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Swimming. I like it because it tires them out.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I'm not mad at that.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Go swim. Archery. What is this, Medieval Times?

[Hannah Berner]

I'm actually not mad about it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Old money.

[Hannah Berner]

It is giving a little.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It's giving old money. You have to have like a lawn.

[Hannah Berner]

It's giving like quail hunting.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Finally, traveling. That's not a hobby.

[Hannah Berner]

That's not a hobby.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's not a hobby.

[Hannah Berner]

Get jobs.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Get a job. Figure it out.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's summertime and we have a lot of big moments coming up. Weddings, vacations, endless photos. And you want to feel confident in your hair. If you're dealing with hair thinning or shedding, it could be stressful. I've definitely brushed my hair before and been like, why is so much hair on my hairbrush? That's when I discovered Nutrafol. It's the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. Anything truly worthwhile just takes time and effort. And with Nutrafol, see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair and less shedding in three months. Everyone's causes of hair thinning can be different. Whether you're going through postpartum menopause, a plant based lifestyle, or simply looking to get less hair, shedding neutral has you covered and it's really easy to add to your daily routine. No prescription, purchase online. Automated deliveries keep you on track. And with a Nutrifil subscription, you save up to 20%, which we love. And you have access to free one on one naturopathic doctors to help support you on your hair growth journey. And a headspace meditation membership is included, which we love. This summer, stop worrying about your hair and making memories. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GIGLI. Find out why Nutriful is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code giggly that's nutrafol.com promo code giggly this show is sponsored by Better Help. There's a lot of stress going on.

[Paige DeSorbo]

In the world right now and in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The summertime we want to relax, but sometimes the thoughts in our head will not help us to battle stress. I like to go to therapy. Therapy is so important to have a non biased person in your life to give you advice, to give you coping skills, to give you homework on how to manage some of your intrusive thoughts. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform serving over 5 million people globally. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time and it's convenient and affordable. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com gigglisquad that's B E T-T E R-H-E-L-P.com Gigliesquad Summer's in full.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Swing and I have to be honest, a lot of the stuff I wore last summer I either don't like or it's stained.

[Ryan Seacrest]

There's marinara sauce all over the place and that's why I love going to Quint's. The clothes are timeless, luxurious, elevated and the quality is so beyond what you'd expect for the price point. I hate buying like a nice sundress that's so freaking expensive that I end up only wearing for a season. Quint has the highest quality linen tops, washable silk dresses, skirts, soft cotton sweaters, versatile pieces that you'll reach for again and again and it's half the cost of similar brands. I hate paying for overpriced clothes. They cut out the middlemen and work with top artisans giving you luxury without the markup. And they work with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I love their bikinis right now their Italian V neck bikini top is so cute and only 25. And I really like their 100 organic cotton poplin tiered maxi skirt. I love wearing it with a little tank and flip flops in the summer. Give your summer closet and upgrade with quince. Go to quince.com giggly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince.com giggly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com giggly.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm 32 years old, but like, I was home. So like when I step into Albany and I step onto my parents street, I'm 16, 100. I have to ask to leave the house. Like, I could never just leave my house. Like that would be.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Get permission.

[Hannah Berner]

Insane.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Ask when they want you home.

[Hannah Berner]

So it's like Friday night, sneak in.

[Paige DeSorbo]

A weed pen, 10 o'.

[Hannah Berner]

Clock. And I'm like, burns a little. And my mom can hear me. And here's the other thing. I'm in the bathroom in my room for like a while.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But my bathroom is above her bedroom, so she knows when I'm in the bathroom.

[Paige DeSorbo]

She knows when you have a tummy ache.

[Hannah Berner]

I hear coming up the stairs, what's going on? Are you okay? And like, I immediately turned 16 and.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm like, I think I actually might.

[Hannah Berner]

Have a uti, but I promise I actually didn't even have sex. And she just looks at me and she goes, okay. She was like, well, you don't always have to have sex to get a uti, you whore. I was like, yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

She goes, I just was giving blowjobs. I wasn't letting him go in. I just didn't.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like racking my brain because I'm like, how did I get one without having sex?

[Paige DeSorbo]

You sat on an MSG chair with like, mostly men in that stadium.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't know. And then I was like, well, did I use a new soap? Like, have I? And I was like, you know what? I think my immune system's just down. Like, I'm coming up with like, all these things.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I found myself on Amish TikTok.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm surprised the Amish don't do more Amish retreats.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Imagine that's the next brand trip.

[Hannah Berner]

It's giggly times Amish. Grab your bonnets, ladies. All the big influencers, like, rolling out dough.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Hey, what's the coupon code for this dough? But I think they don't.

[Hannah Berner]

Where'd you get that Churn?

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know what we need? The Real Housewives of Housewives of Amish.

[Hannah Berner]

I'll go to Pennsylvania right now.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Where the fuck is it? I want to know the gossip, too.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, you're like, did you. Did you try Becky's butter? It was so bad. Becky can't churn butter to save her fucking life. No.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Her churning technique is so embarrassing. It's so chuky.

[Hannah Berner]

She's been making those same cookies every year. Like, think of something else also.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, she's been doing braids for, like, so long.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, we're done with the braids, Becky.

[Paige DeSorbo]

They're like, oh, my God. Did you hear which him Becky picked out today? Like, that's so last year.

[Hannah Berner]

Becky, like, says she believes in God.

[Paige DeSorbo]

She likes top 40.

[Hannah Berner]

Her. She also tried eyeliner the other day. So, like, I don't know.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, literally. But, like, are you Amish? People end formal education at the eighth grade.

[Hannah Berner]

I love it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm going, so did you. Yeah. Most successful people are unmarried women.

[Hannah Berner]

No. There's a legitimate statistic that when men and women get married, the men's life. The men get more successful, their quality of life goes significantly up, and ours goes significantly down. Like, that's just science. Because. Yeah, they are now moving into a home where, like, everything's clean, everything's aesthetic. Like, there's a refrigerator with, like, more than just ketchup. And so, like, their. Their minds are blown where, like, we get in that situation, and we're like, towels don't go over the door.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I do have to say, because I can't be fake. Maybe it's, like, my form of feminism. I've decided that I'm gonna take on the male qualities of, like, I don't cook. I put the towel on the door. I take my clothes.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you put the towel on the door?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I mean, it's lucky if it gets to the door, it's on the floor. I take my clothes off wherever I'm standing, and I leave it. I eat food, and I leave it. It's like this empowering thing that I do where it's like, it's not my job.

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Cause guess what? Mom was working. I feel like men after a breakup will just go with the next girl because they don't want to process the emotions, and they need a girl to make them feel good. Where when a girl's in a breakup, she's like. Like, I'm getting new hair.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Whole new personality.

[Hannah Berner]

New gym, new wardrobe.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Going to an Ivy League school to get a new degree.

[Hannah Berner]

Might even move.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like. And I really do believe you always level up after these traumas.

[Hannah Berner]

100.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's why I'm so pro. Failing. Like, failing makes you so much stronger.

[Hannah Berner]

Natalie. Nick Vile's wife.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

She said something, and she was like, oh, yeah. And then I flushed my tampon, and the girls were like, what?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wait.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I'm flushing the tampon. No one's ever told me no.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You've been exploding pipes nationwide.

[Hannah Berner]

I didn't know. I thought the signs at different restaurants and Places, like, don't use feminine products. I was like, oh, they have bad plumbing. I just thought their. They knew their plumbing was weaker.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, see, my mom, like, terrified me where she was like, if you put this in the toilet, the whole house will implore. No.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like no one ever told me no.

[Paige DeSorbo]

My mom was like, everyone will die.

[Hannah Berner]

No. Like, I'm not worried about it for a fucking second. Literally, I've gone this long, nothing's happened. I've never heard of a toilet blowing up. I've never heard of them shutting down because feminine products. I think we're fine. I think it's something that the men gaslit us about. They're like, we don't want it near us.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know what I think it is? You know when you have your period, you go through, like, 100 rolls of toilet paper. I think it's a toilet paper business who's like, roll up the toilet and put it in the garbage.

[Hannah Berner]

Why has the standard for a wife stayed the same, yet the standard for a husband has go. She was like, my grandpa built my grandmother's house. Like, okay. Now, like any man, he's like, cool. I'll call a task rabbit.

[Paige DeSorbo]

My final thought is, like, men literally used to go to war. Like, they would, like, get.

[Hannah Berner]

Is it even a final thought if you don't adjust your glasses?

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know, also, this whole time, this whole time, I can't see. Like, I can't see. I've been fighting for my life with these fake glasses because I like the aesthetic, but, like, I feel blind. I can't hear. I can't talk. I. I feel I have nothing left. Men used to go to war. Men used to, like, have their arm blown off and still run and, like, do what they had to do. Nowadays, a man's going down on you and sees your spotting slightly on your peer, and he's like, I can't do it.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Men used to go to war. And you can't go down to me when I'm on my period. Grow up.

[Hannah Berner]

I miss giggly Squad. Like, I feel like something will happen on a Thursday. And I'm like, am I really going to wait till Monday?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I do just say, Thursday. I start itching.

[Hannah Berner]

I started itching.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then I, like, want to tell you things. And I'm like, hold it, hold it.

[Hannah Berner]

That's why Saturday. I was like, we got to move the pot to Sunday. I got shit to say. How about I texted you at, like, 8am on a Saturday morning this weekend?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I was like. And I just feel like overwhelmed. No. Well, you get morning anxiety. I get morning that disappears by 1pm so I'm out here all day. I'm like, I'm calling Des. I'm like, I don't like, I think Paige is having a bad day. Like, what should I tell her? Radio silence from her. I was like, call me whenever you need. I'm here. I go, she must be in an escape room right now. She must be have checked in into a mental health rehab facility. And that's why she hasn't called me. Text you around 8:30, just like, how you doing? You go, oh my God. Lol. I was so dramatic. I go, I've been freaking out.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh my God. That was this morning. Literally so dramatic. I'm over it. Non conventionally hot men, they're calling it rodent boyfriend summer.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm just kind of sick of like when men are ugly, them getting rebranded into a trend.

[Hannah Berner]

No, no, I.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Why can't we do that for girls? Why can't be like long, long torso Kinkle cuties, Double chin divas.

[Hannah Berner]

It's never greasy hair girl summer. It's never like slightly depressed, possibly anxiety.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Sweaty, dehydrated girl, sexy summer.

[Hannah Berner]

Never.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We grew up with like dad bods being cool, which is basically like, hey, all the lazy guys can be fine who drink too much beer are hot. The PR on the men's side is so good. Which is crazy because PR I thought was a woman run business.

[Hannah Berner]

They're coming for hot girl Summer. Like all of a sudden it's hot rodent boyfriend summer. No, I was with Summer was our thing.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But also I think we're in on it. We have internalized misogyny like last.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I literally.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We thought Dr. Pepper was a man. We assumed. And I apologize.

[Hannah Berner]

I blamed my period instead of blaming my boyfriend this week.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But I think what the truth is is that most women actually don't care what men look like. We just want them to be nice.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You said the reason you decided to get a cat finally was because. Do you want to tell them.

[Hannah Berner]

Like filling out all these poking questionnaires that like Hannah's making me fill out and I freak. I'm starting to freak out like when I'm about to press send for the email. Cause I'm like, they're gonna email back immediately and like give me a cat. And then all of a sudden I'm locked into this fucking cat. And I was like, I can't do it. And then I had a thought and I was like, no. Hannah's literally my most Incapable friend and she's had a cat for a eight years. Like, I'm like, I've been to Hannah's apartment.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm fine. Calling me incapable is so on the nose. I'm the kind of friend that, like, you're nervous for an event, you call me. You're feeling down on yourself, you call me. If you're going to the airport and you forgot your passport, you're not calling me. You're not calling me.

[Hannah Berner]

In a pinch, you have to be somewhere in five minutes and, like, bring a dollar document.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, I'll get the wrong thing. I don't know how to drive. But it's so true.

[Hannah Berner]

That's a major thing. You don't know how to drive. That's huge.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Honestly, if someone's like, hide the body, I don't think you ask me. I think I have too big of a mouth. I also don't know how to hide a body. Honestly, the admin of hiding a body.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I would never ask.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'd be like, wait, where should we dig? Like, I feel like I would.

[Hannah Berner]

I'd voice note you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm like, we have to cut it. Ew.

[Hannah Berner]

Whilst. Because I'd be like, you're never understood.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You go, hey, can you help me hide the body? I go, oh, my voice roused. My favorite is when the gigglers come up to me with two of them and one of them goes, she's my Hannah. And then some girl comes up like, hey. And I'm like, me and you, girl.

[Hannah Berner]

She, like, walks out from the bathroom.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

She's like.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And it's always perfect. I'm like, this is perfect. Whoever has a slick back bun. I'm like, you're Paige. They're wearing bows. Like, it's actually like, no, you can.

[Hannah Berner]

Spot them in a second.

[Paige DeSorbo]

In a second.

[Hannah Berner]

Did you also see the Travis Barker drumming during Courtney's birthing? Oh, he has two of his little sticks that he drums with, and he's drumming to the baby's heartbeat. And it's like. I mean, he's going. He's going for like a full. I mean, I think he goes for like a full 10 minutes. 10, 15 minutes.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Beeps in the background, like, beep, beep.

[Hannah Berner]

Nope. It's just. You can just hear him, like, drumming. And every comment was like, divorced, Divorce. My husband tried to talk to me when I was giving birth, and I told him to get the fuck out.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I would be like, I feel like you're making this pregnancy about you right now.

[Hannah Berner]

I would. That's like him Picking up the guitar after having sex to a whole nother level, I would be like, hey, do me a favor. Take those sticks, bend over and jam them right up your fucking ass. Are you kidding? The day I give birth. Scram.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know, I was about to say, it's like, when I'm about to orgasm. Don't look at me. Something weird is gonna happen. Why are you here?

[Hannah Berner]

What are you. What are you going to offer to the situation? I think actually the women that want their husbands in the room when they give birth, that's we. I think you're weird.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Thing is, part of me wants part of him. Me wants him there to, like, make him feel bad. To be like, you did this to me, and I'm going to use this against you. The rest of our relationship.

[Hannah Berner]

Never endure this. Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, so then, like, one day I'll be like, hey, can you hand me the remote? And he'll be like, you're right there. I'm going to be like, I tore my pussy hole into my butthole. And you saw it, right?

[Hannah Berner]

Remember when they took my organs out and they put it on that silver plate?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Am a big screenshot girly, right now.

[Hannah Berner]

What's the percentage that you're ever going back and looking at those screenshots?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Zero. Yeah. What mental illness am I suffering from that? I continually keep screenshotting things that I know I will never, never see again. But I feel good.

[Hannah Berner]

What do you screenshot?

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know what?

[Hannah Berner]

Let's.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'll show you my screenshots. Okay. I screenshot a vintage store that I want to go to in France one day. Screenshot it. Romay and Michelle's high school reunion. Because I've never watched it, and I want to watch it once. I screenshotted this girl's outfit, but a photographer was walking in front, so I missed the outfit. 4 ingredient banana bark that I'm never gonna make. You're never gonna make a tweet that says, what if birds don't even need to spit food into each other's mouths? They just like it. No, my screenshot's a wild place. Everyone knows football's gay.

[Hannah Berner]

After the game, what do they do together? Shower. I've heard multiple men football players are not saying it's team bonding. I'm sorry.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I'm sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

I never team bonded with a friend naked.

[Paige DeSorbo]

The closest me and you have been to being naked in the same room together is when I'm pooping and you happen to be trying to do your makeup in the same room.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. And it's against my will. I know for a fact I was in there first. I know for a fact. And that you had a chimichanga. Okay, so let's not even act like it was just us bonding. It was you having a serious problem.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Also clean emergency. That's medical.

[Hannah Berner]

That's just medical. I'm your emergency contact.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I was offered mdma.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do I feel cool about it? Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Wait, Hannah calls me after she goes to this party and she would not stop saying mdma. And after the fifth time, I was like, it's Molly. Stop saying mdma. I'm gonna have to have a freak out.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I go, since when is MDMA Molly? You woman in style.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, since forever.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I wasn't gonna say yes, but I pretended I was considering it. Like, I'm like, you know, I normally would.

[Hannah Berner]

Cuz I want, but it's Saturday night and I can't.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It literally was like, totally a time where you could do. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

If there was ever a time, it was in that moment.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And then people were like, we're micro dosing. And I'm like, okay. Like, regardless what dose, I would ruin the party. I would never work in this town again.

[Hannah Berner]

I actually feel like you wouldn't micro dose because you're an all or nothing girl, you know? So you're like, if I'm gonna do it, let's become drug addicts.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Well, that's why weed fucks me up. Because everyone's like, just take a little hit and I take a little hit, don't feel anything. Take the biggest hit I've ever taken in my life. Can't breathe for. Yeah, for an hour. And then.

[Hannah Berner]

And then you find yourself on the bathroom floor and you're like, I think I'm having a panic attack.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Exactly. Just like, staring at my fingernails for. For way too long.

[Hannah Berner]

Once you give birth and you are in the state that you are in, like, this baby's just come out of you. Your stomach's still huge. I can imagine that in that moment, you know if you married the right person or not.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Mic drop.

[Hannah Berner]

But I wonder how many people had the thought before they got married of like, I don't know if this is the right guy. And then right when they had a baby, it was like, this is definitely not the right guy.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It's literally post baby clarity.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Because you get post baby clarity.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You're at, like, your most vulnerable form of, like, my body just went through trauma.

[Hannah Berner]

Yep. I need someone to love me for me because I don't look the way I know myself to take care of me? Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No. Well, that's why I think when people say, oh, we were struggling, so we want to have a baby to bond us closer, it apparently, like, makes it worse. But if your relationship's strong, it makes it stronger. But babies will expose the out of it. So I found a photo of Paige dressed up.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, when you picture a boy mom, like, picking her son up from practice.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And, like, her son's name is, like, Tanner Tucker something crazy xylophone. You have, like, flannel on and you have your knee high boots and, like, you have your Starbucks order that was so complicated and unnecessary and, like, the.

[Hannah Berner]

Weather isn't conducive for a beanie. But she's wearing a beanie.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It's part of your look. Cause it is fall.

[Hannah Berner]

It's part of her allure.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

And, like, she just gives that, like, her oldest, Trenton, she loves him the most. And, like, everyone knows she loves him the most. And she, like, writes him notes in his lunchbox that, like, nobody's gonna ever love you the way mommy loves you. Like, his little girlfriend, she, like, refers to her as little girlfriend, you know, and she also, like, wants to fuck him.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Speaking of bad habits, I hung out with a straight man accidentally.

[Hannah Berner]

Where?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Work stuff.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay.

[Paige DeSorbo]

They do this thing where, like, when they try to connect with you, they.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Keep showing you YouTube videos.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And it made me feel like an outdoor cat who brings you a dead pigeon.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And you go, oh. And then you go, oh, wait, that's their love language.

[Hannah Berner]

That's. Yeah. Oh, they're trying to. They're trying to cut.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's them showing effect because he shows me one video and you know, like, you get the point. After, like.

[Hannah Berner]

And it like, oh, my God, that's so funny.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I sat there for, like, two minutes watching it and like, oh, you watched the full. Yeah, I was like, okay, that was a one off. He really is passionate about this video. And like, 10 seconds later, he's like, oh, watch this. And I was like, oh, this is. This is a thing. This is a thing in the community. Chris, Is this what you guys do? Yeah, I call it YouTube waterboarding. Wait, YouTube water.

[Hannah Berner]

What are, like, men?

[Paige DeSorbo]

That was the question. What are. What are men?

[Hannah Berner]

What are men?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do you guys waterboard each other? Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

You guys?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do you ever say, bro, I don't want to watch? Yeah, that's why I started calling it waterboarding, because all men do is hang out and go, bro, watch this. That'll be. Yeah. There's something also about when I'm watching someone's watching Me watch a video. I can't. Enjoy the video.

[Hannah Berner]

Me neither. Milla Cabello. Go to her Instagram. Okay, tell me this is not an exact replica of if you and I had a baby.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wait, it is.

[Hannah Berner]

Why did we birth Camila Cabello? And, like, obviously she'd be a phenomenal singer. She gets that from you. You know, she loves a mini skirt. She gets that from me. She loves wearing it with a tie. She gets that from you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Also petite but big butt.

[Hannah Berner]

She's tiny, but she's quirky.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Pulls off a bang. But is also outgoing.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Is also outgoing. Kind to strangers, but also looks like she's. She's an introvert. Extrovert.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wait.

[Hannah Berner]

I just feel like she's our love child.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I see that I'm obsessed with Rocket Money because I sign up for so many, like, subscriptions, and I forget about it. And that stuff adds up with Rocket Money. It shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about. And if you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. It's amazing. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your saving savings. Look, not all of us are women in finance, but we are women in finance. We're making money. We have to manage our money. So it's great to have an app and a tool to help us while we want to be women in the arts so we can focus on our creativity. They try to negotiate lower bills for you. It automatically scans your bills to finds opportunities to save, and it has a dashboard that lays out your total financial picture. I love it. There's 5 million members that have helped saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions. That's a lot with members saving up to 740 a year when they use the app's premium feature. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, Giggly Squad, in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show. I actually first discovered Skim's bras when a stylist gave it to me because I told her I don't want to wear any bras with wires. I don't like too much padding.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I feel like a football player when I wear that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And they were like, like, oh, have you not tried skims the fits, everybody? Triangle Bralette is so comfortable. I feel like I'm not wearing a bra but it keeps me right and tight and it's so smooth and actually comfortable. I wear it every single day whether I'm wearing a nice outfit or just a casual outfit. I also love their scoop bra and if you love full coverage underwear like me, the fits everyone boy short is great for no panty lines but still feeling a lot of coverage. The fabric is so good. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order. Be sure to let them know we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. It seems like everything's connected to your gut microbiome nowadays, but the fact is we're learning so much about how the gut microbiome is the key to our mental health, immunity and of course, digestion. So how do we get digestive support? Ritual has your back they use Symbiotic Plus, a three in one powerhouse of clinically studied pre, pro and postbiotics to support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. I think it's so important to take care of your gut and ritual products in particular contain high quality, clean ingredients that not all vitamins provide. Their products are vegan, GMO free and tested for heavy metals and common allergens.

[Hannah Berner]

I love Ritual Symbiotic Plus. It truly has changed my mornings and it's so much easier to get through my day. Ritual Symbiotic plus makes taking probiotics so easy. It's designed with a delayed release capsule.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is serious woman in stem stuff.

[Hannah Berner]

To help reach the colon and not the stomach which is an ideal place for probiotics to survive and grow.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's one daily pop of mint scented for bloat, gut and regularity support. So get your gut going. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Get 25 off your first month at ritual.com giggly that's ritual.com giggly for 25 off your first month here's the thing. There's beauty shopping and then there's Sephora. And if you know me, you know I do not play around when it comes to beauty. I only want to use the best products and that's why I'm obsessed with shopping at Sephora. I love a haul, but I love getting advice from people who actually get it. Like I want to walk in and I want experts. I don't want someone just pointing me to aisle 14 like I'm in a warehouse At Sephora, you're getting real advice from people who live for this.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like the color matching is on point.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You find the perfect Kayali fragrance that literally makes strangers stop you on the street. Or that day shampoo that gave me main character hair after one wash. And don't even get me started on rare beauty Soft pinch blush. You need it in your life. And you know, I grabbed the new House Labs lip oil and and of course I stocked up on my Lineage lip sleeping mask. I love the vanilla because it's non negotiable. I've tried dupes before but nothing beats the stuff you get only at Sephora. Only Sephora can get you the best beauty products and the best experts. Go treat yourself. Your skin, your hair and your entire vibe will thank you. Olipop is a new kind of soda that combines the classic soda taste with the benefits of a functional ingredient blend to support digestive health health. It's reimagining soda with high fiber and only 2 to 5 grams of sugar per can. And it's sold online and available in almost 50,000 retailers nationwide. Now. Growing up, I always loved soda, but it was like naughty. It was bad. And my mom was like, do not drink it, you will get addicted. And there's too much sugar. But Olipop uses a functional ingredient blend to support my digestive health and make it taste like normal soda. I hate when something's healthy, but it tastes so bad that I can't enjoy it and I'm like, I'd rather eat mud. 90% of Americans consume more than the daily recommended sugar intake, which is 30 grams. And sweetened beverages are the leading source of added sugars in the American diet. So that's why I love Ollipop because it's much lower in sugar. They also have an orange squeeze flavor that really tastes like orange Fanta. Get a free can of Ollipop. Buy any two cans of lollipop in store and will pay you back for one. Works on any flavor. Any retailer go to drinkollipop.com giggly that's drinkolip.com giggly. It's sold online drinkolipop.com and Amazon and available in almost 50,000 retailers nationwide, including Costco, Walmart, Target, Publix, Whole Foods, Kroger and H E B.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night because I said, I want you to shave your head like I'm a stone. Girls were not happy. They said, first of all, I think you're sabotaging. Paige is Sorbo and I go, mm, she does it to herself. Second of all, I'm a creative. I come up with ideas. I throw ideas at Paige.

[Hannah Berner]

I think there's an Audrey Hepburn biopic that's circulating Hollywood.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's what I heard.

[Hannah Berner]

And I think all the actresses are trying to get that role. And so they're dressing like her, they're cutting their hair like her and they're.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, do you know who I think is gonna get it?

[Hannah Berner]

I'll say who I. Who I think should get it. You say who you think should get it. One, two, three. And Ariana Grande. I don't like that.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I didn't come up. I didn't cast her.

[Hannah Berner]

I've been trying to watch Wicked for. We're going on seven days now. I've taken seven phenomenal naps right when it starts.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wicked would be so good without the singing.

[Hannah Berner]

Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing.

[Paige DeSorbo]

But do you see how you are, Glinda?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

Ariana. From what I've. What I saw 15 minutes intermittently, she crushed it. She's amaz. She's phenomenal. She's the best singer of our entire generation. I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Why? She's Italian.

[Hannah Berner]

I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her. Or Lily Collins. Or you, maybe. I just want. I'm like, I've never acted. Put me in coach.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I've seen you on Summer House. You're pretty good. I actually almost choked one of my male friends to death this last week. The tea was piping hot.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

He was like, they were talking about you. And I was standing there and I was like, oh, my. Please tell me you got a microphone. You turned down the air conditioner.

[Hannah Berner]

If that was a girl, she would have texted you in moment being like, wait till I fucking tell you what's happening to me. And we were in a two hour.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Car ride and I was like, get the popcorn. I'm ready to fucking go. And he's like, like, yeah, they brought you up. And I was like, yep. They said, what did they say? What did they say? Start from the beginning. Start at the beginning. And he was like, yeah. They were like, it's yeah. And I was like, no, no, no. From the beginning, from the beginning. I want every. I want, like, I want every detail of, like, how women should never.

[Hannah Berner]

Women should never be condemned for gossiping it. We literally gossip because we're smarter, because we can remember more things. Guys just can't gossip because they can't remember shit. I Don't talk shit. I tell a story. I entertain people.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No. When I, like, FaceTime you with something to say, I don't just tell you what happened. I'm giving you a play. I must playwright. I'm setting the scene.

[Hannah Berner]

I gossip so hard with my mom. So hard that we'll circle back and she'll be like, and now, what was everyone wearing during it?

[Paige DeSorbo]

And I'm like, girl, something I'm annoyed at. Yeah, Ballet flats.

[Hannah Berner]

What in particular are you annoyed by?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Something about me wearing a ballet flat. Just seems like a rhinoceros trying to, like, ice skate. Like there's something aesthetically wrong with it. I'm meant to wear big. Okay, you're laughing too hard. I'm meant to wear, like, big dad sneakers. Cause it evens out. Also, flats in New York. You step in one puddle, you're done.

[Hannah Berner]

And then the ballet flats, they're not for you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That was so mean. Then maybe you just don't fuck around. Then maybe it's not for you. You're like, sorry, it's not for everyone.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I love that.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Are you just, like, prancing like a little cunt? I hope you step in a fucking puddle. And I hope you get chlamydia from that puddle.

[Hannah Berner]

I literally have an audition in Juilliard after.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We don't have sisters. But what I've heard about sisters is you would, like, punch them in the face and tell them you want them to literally, like, rot in hell. And then the next morning be like, do you want to get breakfast?

[Hannah Berner]

There are definitely two types of people. People that have brothers and then people that have sisters.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like if you grow up with a brother, you're a little bit tougher, exterior wise.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, it's harder to rattle.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Also, brothers are so, like, they're not into the gossip and the drama where it's like, you'll fight over, like, a Nintendo.

[Hannah Berner]

It's more like they're saying, like, mean things and then, like, moving on and then, like, punching you and you're like, okay.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Where?

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like if you grow up with. With sisters, you're at a little bit more of an advantage. Emotionally manipulative, wise. At a young age.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I have a new dating, like, theory. Shit, I can't credit the right person. But it was not for me. It was someone on TikTok that men date from zero. So when men meet you and start dating you, you're a zero. And you have to build up to, like, earn them wanting to date you. Where Girls date from 100, we meet you and we go, you are perfect. And then you. We realize all the things that get you down. And I've never heard anything more fucking accurate.

[Hannah Berner]

We go in reverse order.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We go in reverse.

[Hannah Berner]

If I'm meeting you, I've already thought in my head what your personality is like, what your family's like, what you dress like, what our life is gonna be like together. And then I meet you and you're none of those things because obviously that's insane. I made them up in my head.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Where men, I guess, don't make stuff up in their head and immediately they're.

[Hannah Berner]

Just like, how do they get through the day?

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's very accurate. So boring. I would always go into dates with men being 100. I'd be like, he's perfect. And then immediately. And then sometimes he'll even do not perfect things. And you'll be like, oh, I'll just deduct two points. I'll just duck one. It's like he's in jail. That's girl math.

[Hannah Berner]

And that's literally our campaign strategy for the 2024 election. You know, like when you're in college and you have, like, a hungover next day, and everything's funny and you're just like, all like, I never want to leave this place. Like, this is the best day of my life. Like, we're all in our jammies, eating food and, like, everything.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No responsibilities.

[Hannah Berner]

No one cares about you. That is Giggly Squad. It's like that hungover next morning where you're not sick, you're just silly, but.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You'Re a little sick in the head. But. But we're thinking it's Gigi.

[Hannah Berner]

And if you have a moment of silence. Silence. And you think back to everything you've.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Ever done, you're like, oh, you two are so silly.

[Hannah Berner]

We are the giggly squad.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We make money from giggling. Okay, so if you're not caught up.

[Ryan Seacrest]

On Hun and Paige, try new things on YouTube. Catch up. Because the finale, the huge Radio City.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Finale is coming a week from today. Monday, July 14th at 6pm Eastern.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Be there on time. Watch it live with us.

[Hannah Berner]

In the meantime, we thought we'd share some stupid stuff that got left on the cutting room floor for the gigglers that want the deep cuts. Cut that part for sure.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We're not cutting it, Hobson. If you cut it, cut that. This episode needs to be deleted. This episode needs to be deleted to be leaving. Cut the cameras.

[Hannah Berner]

Cut the cameras. In no particular order, here's Hannah and Paige. Try Deleted scenes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

She could call it bloopers.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, let's call it bloopers.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's fun.

[Hannah Berner]

In no particular order, here's Hannah and Paige. Try Bloopers.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I was a gay man in a past life. He's different than a lesbian. Allpress is good.

[Hannah Berner]

Press, right?

[Paige DeSorbo]

All press is good. Press it. Wash. Are you crying? You should try Invisalign. Are we gonna see Water aliens today?

[Hannah Berner]

Bobblehouse.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We're not a rock band. Sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

You don't really like soda.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, I think the bubbles are violent.

[Hannah Berner]

I like the burn. Cause we are living in a material.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Okay, there she is.

[Hannah Berner]

There she is. This is.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do we like Crocs or alligators? More like. I don't want to pit women against.

[Hannah Berner]

Each other, but I like a crocodile.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Okay, well, then I like alligators. Should we become trad wives? I need a husband first. Your kids are gonna be monsters.

[Hannah Berner]

You think? No. I feel like my kid's gonna come out of my womb, look at me, and be like, ew.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Well, let's be honest. Your kid is Daphne. And when you leave, she on your pillow. Yeah, but we're having a mound conversation. She's kind of the person problem.

[Hannah Berner]

No. And the coaches are saying really mean stuff to me, and I'm like, I told you I didn't want to wear these tight pants.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I feel like the guy on the left is judging your outfit, and, like, he doesn't understand it's a uniform.

[Hannah Berner]

Don't you get it?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Also, like, I've been training my whole life for this moment, and they're, like, pretending this is a joke to them. It's not a joke.

[Hannah Berner]

This honestly smells so bad.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I am so sweaty.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm winded, I'm hungry, I'm breathing. I don't shower.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Wow. ChatGPT has changed you. And I don't think it's for the better.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you know it's Chat. GPT?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Chat BT for bitches.

[Hannah Berner]

Ch GPT. G, B, T, G, P, T, P. Not B. Oh, wait.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Why can't I hear anything? GPT.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. ChatGPT for preschoolers. No, it's not ChatGPT.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Oh, okay. Ever GPT. Oh, Grandpa. Physical therapy. Yep.

[Hannah Berner]

People ask how we prepare for a show, and. And we try and stretch, and we try and just get our blood flowing.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Didn't get my full morning poop. I kind of need to poop, but I can't. If I had a Starbucks, we had fine. Am I embarrassing you? You're screaming. I love how cat eye is so intense. I feel like I'm getting A boob job if the left one's a little big. Oh, my God. The St. Louis trials during TikTok would have been crazy. 50 part series exposing this man. I think I was an Amazonian woman, and I think you were a flower in the Amazon. Okay. And I was like, I love that flower. We were thinking of Grace, too, where, like, Grace was either our mom or Grace was our daughter. And we were in a lesbian relationship in the 1800s. Wait, Summer House. We never got to do interviews together because of the patriarchy.

[Hannah Berner]

That's so true.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We would have crushed. This is the thing. I always felt really connected with the gays, and now I know why.

[Hannah Berner]

Dandy is a man who's very concerned with his appearance, grooming, and lifestyle. You may also enjoy refined language and leisurely hobbies.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know, so I was basically a Real Housewife of England. But if I was a man.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, just a fancy man, that's me.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I wore one of those little tie things, Mr.

[Hannah Berner]

Fancy Man.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And I probably saw you on the street with all your diapers. You're probably like, ew, gay men love you.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Like, when gay men see us, they go, I'm a Paige.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I'm very connected to the gay men inside. And, like, you do put my bags in the overhead luggage.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, I'm literally your boyfriend. Yeah, but I do. I love fashion, but I am tired. I think I had to put together a lot of outfits back in the day.

[Hannah Berner]

And you also like things that are, like, pizzazz. I like chic, minimalist, like, fashiony outfits. You like things that are, like, oh, what if we, like, added a red?

[Paige DeSorbo]

So next time you're mean about my outfit, you're being homophobic.

[Hannah Berner]

So moral of the story, Hannah's gay and I am depressed.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We're both depressed and have mental problems. Tell us something we don't know.

[Hannah Berner]

Psychic.

[Paige DeSorbo]

When you're over 30, take Advil, swipe up. It's so good.

[Hannah Berner]

I just looked at her and I said, daphne, stop, Stop.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You know how your mom feels now.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You were raised Catholic. Catholic, right. What did Jesus say?

[Hannah Berner]

Catholics don't believe in evil, Reincar. No, they believe in evil, but they.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Believe that Jesus rose from the dead.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, he was, like, going through something.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, he's an influencer, so we just.

[Hannah Berner]

Have to be like, I've already told God. You told God?

[Paige DeSorbo]

I love how God is dealing with three wars right now. But he's like, wait, pages.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So everyone's going to Salem.

[Hannah Berner]

Kai got me beta blocker. So, like, he's in tune with what's going on with me? Two types of girls. Girls.

[Paige DeSorbo]

They forgot my sausage.

[Hannah Berner]

L. Do you have a spoon in there? There were three girls in the front row that, like, where, like, my finger. My hands tingle, too, when I have a panic attack and they, like, go numb. And I felt very seen.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, we were like, who had a panic attack today? And I swear, the entire crowd was like, me. If you're not having panic attacks at the club, like, you're not on tour for Club Bigly. Also, I didn't know we could get closer. Like, I feel we're closer.

[Hannah Berner]

Me and you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yeah. I mean, I was like, at one point, I was. I was kept. I was wearing this. Did you, like, when I was rubbing your bat?

[Hannah Berner]

I couldn't even. I feel like I've watched a couple softball games.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Okay, you're making that up. Just.

[Hannah Berner]

No, it's sometimes on espn.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You don't even have ESPN at your house. We couldn't find ESPN that. One day at your house.

[Hannah Berner]

Stop.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I think one of the guys should walk up to Cardi. B Wap. There's some holes in this house. There's some holes in this house.

[Hannah Berner]

That would be a good one.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Seven days a week. Not to speak about my husband again, but we almost got a divorce because I didn't have TSA Pre.

[Hannah Berner]

I was on his side for that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, you were.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And you were right. You guys were actually right.

[Hannah Berner]

I won't even travel with someone who's on TSA Pre. I feel better than them.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Flying is an art form that Paige and I have not mastered yet. Paige is a little annoyed with me because I liked her luggage, so I bought the same luggage, which has made our lives more complicated. If you went home and it was just all my smelly clothes, like, I.

[Hannah Berner]

Got your luggage and you got mine. You wouldn't know that you had my luggage for two months because you don't unpack.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That was so messed up. Don't listen to a word she says. You know what we should have done for Halloween? We should dress as each other. And I dress as the. In the Miu Miu outfit. And you dress. Yeah, me too. Okay, so this is how I do my wigs.

[Hannah Berner]

This is how you do your wigs. This is the first time you've ever done a wig.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It's literally chaos. So first you just kind of. You go like this with your hair. Then you go like this. You just go.

[Hannah Berner]

Put your hair in a low bun.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Oh. Oh, that makes it so much easier. Well, now I look like Thomas Jefferson. You look like A penis. I do look like a penis.

[Hannah Berner]

If we walked on stage in jeans and a baggy T shirt and sneakers, people would be like, how dare they? You didn't get ready. But, like, any male comedian could go out disheveled.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We're starting four hours before the show. Male comedians are still jerking off in the bathroom. Wait, I'm literally more. Now I need my eyelashes, which I don't have. Eyelash glue, but I don't think I'm gonna need it. Main ingredient. I just want them the same.

[Hannah Berner]

Fake eyelashes is the glue.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I think I kind of nailed it. Really? Do you look more like that woman in the documentary about the apes? Wait, you did? Cuz they're gonna make me do the worm. No, don't let them. You need to protect me.

[Hannah Berner]

I need you.

[Paige DeSorbo]

You need to protect me.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank God we weren't in high school together because I would have gotten you to do so many things. Your peer pressure, like, meter is zero.

[Paige DeSorbo]

They'll be like, would it be funny? And I'm like, yes.

[Hannah Berner]

You're like, no, I really can't find. And then you're, like, up doing it.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No, I was so bad, people would be like, take ayahuasca. And I. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And the expert.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Take eyebrows.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So I have this pimple right here.

[Paige DeSorbo]

And at first I was upset, and then I realized I look like Cindy Crawford when I go like this. That setting spray, I don't know if it does anything. I think it's bs.

[Hannah Berner]

You probably need, like, a really good primer.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I feel like your fingers are too skinny and nothing's happening right now.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I. I give great air. They flat. You didn't put it on your face. Hold your breath. Breath.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Okay. That was a lot.

[Hannah Berner]

That's how much you have to do.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Oh, what am I on? I'm suing this company. I'm suing our company.

[Hannah Berner]

Put it on the company card.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Put it on the company card. Okay. She just blinded me. Completely blind. Look like a serial killer. I look like. Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Why does every costume you put on look like the HBO ladies?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Why is every costume.

[Hannah Berner]

Tonka, wait.

[Paige DeSorbo]

I just watch a YouTube channel of you just doing Halloween costumes. This is cute. The tuck.

[Hannah Berner]

Let me see. I don't hate it. I actually. I don't hate it. That's the thing.

[Paige DeSorbo]

That's. But that's the worst when you actually feel nothing about it. I saw me look up and down. She went. She went.

[Hannah Berner]

I didn't do that. Look. Second of all, I didn't say I hated it. Did I say that?

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do you like it? No.

[Hannah Berner]

Look, it's very you. I like it. I like like that you like those kind of dresses. I have personally don't like those kind of dresses on me.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Do you like it on me?

[Hannah Berner]

I also can't say that either.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Should I wear this? No, it's too slutty. I've realized through Paige, actually, she's inspired me that the more put together I look, the better things come of it.

[Hannah Berner]

It's just that sense of I look good, I feel good.

[Paige DeSorbo]

Yes. You play good. Yep. Yes. Oh, I would have loved to had.

[Hannah Berner]

To pick out tennis outfits.

[Paige DeSorbo]

We would have lost every match, but we would have won the best looking girl. So I realized that this shirt I'm gonna sweat through. So who needs Botox? Can't tell unless it falls out. It is a little itchy too. I need period pads. Are they period pads in here or are they sexist? Not even a tamper on. Do you see what we have to deal with as women in the arts?

[Hannah Berner]

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