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Girls Gone Bible
Honest Convo About Anxiety | Girls Gone Bible
01:25:13
Hiiii GGB! this week we have an honest conversation about anxiety, how we’ve experienced it and how we combat it. we love you so much. Jesus loves you more. -Ang & Ari Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made! Go to...
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- [00:01]
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- [01:04]
Ang
What's up, R?
- [01:05]
Ari
What's up?
- [01:08]
Ang
Hey, guys, I'm Ang. And I'm R. And this is Girls Gone Bible. We are a faith based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, relationships specifically, and most importantly, we talk about Jesus. We love our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yeah, we're obsessed with him. Any other thoughts?
- [01:28]
Ari
We love him so much. We love him and we love you guys.
- [01:32]
Ang
We love you guys. What's up, you guys? We're here for a little fun convo around anxiety. But before we get to that, can we please talk about the Boston show? And did you see that comment that I got on my photo?
- [01:52]
Ari
Read it.
- [01:53]
Ang
Okay, so first of all, something happened at the Boston show that has never happened before. So obviously, like, Ari and I both believe in the manifest presence of God. We believe in the glory of God. We believe in Jesus manifesting himself on earth in a way that, like, it can come up in so many different ways. You can. It can be a feeling, it can be a sense. Sometimes people laugh uncontrollably, sometimes people sob job uncontrollably. And it's like getting touched by the presence of God. And it's something that's so intense. And I think sometimes at a lot of churches, like, we love the Holy Spirit so much. I'm obsessed with the Holy Spirit. And there are some churches, this is what they say, like in church talk, where, like, some churches quench the Holy Spirit. Like, they don't let the Holy Spirit move the way that he wants to because it can be, like, uncomfortable sometimes, you know, and, like, really disrupt. Like, sometimes the Holy Spirit wants us to worship for the entire, entire time, and the pastor not even give a message.
- [02:54]
Ari
Yeah.
- [02:54]
Ang
Like, I remember one of the first times I saw a pastor. It was Stephanie at 1. The first time I really saw a pastor, like, yield to the Spirit is she let us worship. Something so significant was happening in the room. Like, I was losing, like, losing it. Getting touched, getting transformed, like, in a moment. But, like, everybody in the room felt it. And Stephanie was, like, humble enough to be and, like, discerning enough to be aware of it and say, I'm not even gonna preach today.
- [03:24]
Ari
I know.
- [03:25]
Ang
You know, she let us worship for two hours and then, like, spoke for, like, 10 minutes. She's incredible. You know what I mean? So it takes a lot of humility and just, like, maturity, I think. And so on tour, Ari and I's, like, biggest wish is always that just the Lord would really manifest himself. Like, that he would come, that the Holy Spirit would be in the room, that Jesus would be in the room. And that's what people always say to us about Tor that, like, Jesus was in the room. You feel the Holy Spirit in the room. Like, it is very obvious. It's very evident. And Ariani's prayer is always like, jesus, disrupt our plans. Disrupt our plans. Do whatever you want to make it uncomfortable. Move. Like, sometimes people quench the Holy Spirit, because when he comes and he moves, it just. It can be uncomfortable. And so before Boston, I was like, all right, I am really coming to you this time, and I'm really asking you, like, make yourself known tonight. And Ari and I have this part in the. The night where we both basically tell our testimonies. And I get to the part where I talk about how Jesus supernaturally delivered me from alcohol. And as I'm speaking, it wasn't even, like, I was, like, overly emotional in my testimony. I was, like, connected, of course. But when you're on stage, it's always. There's always agree with me. There's always a level in which, like, you're in it and you connect to Jesus, of course. And you're very much like. Like, you let God take over you. Let him speak. But there's always this sense of, like, you're in front of people, like, in a way, like. And I've just been dying to break out of that. Like, I've been dying, and in a moment, I'm Literally, like, I get to the part where I say, like, jesus supernaturally delivered me from alcohol. And as the words are coming out of my mouth, they become so real to me. And I get, like, shocked by what I'm saying. And I get hit on stage in front of 1500 people with the manifest presence of God. I start uncontrollably sobbing on stage.
- [05:32]
Ari
It was my favorite part.
- [05:33]
Ang
It was not even, like.
- [05:34]
Ari
It was amazing to see that moment for you.
- [05:38]
Ang
It was crazy because, like, I. It's almost like you. Like, I wouldn't want that to happen. I don't want to uncontrollably sob in front of people. I'm trying to get it. And everybody stands up and is screaming like, Jesus. Like, Jesus literally stepped in the room and made himself known. Made it. Like, he interrupted and said, I'm here, and everybody's gonna stop and acknowledge it. It was the most insane thing.
- [06:06]
Ari
That was my favorite moment of that night. It was insane seeing you. I was like, I wish somebody could have videotaped that because you had to see my face. I was like, it was crazy. Cause I know you when you get touched by God, everyone gets touched by God differently. But I know for you specifically, you do this laughing thing, and then it follows up with a cry. And so I'm sitting there, and I'm like, yes. It was like my whole family was there. So I'm like, yes. I need everyone to see this moment.
- [06:39]
Ang
It was so special.
- [06:40]
Ari
And so that was a really. That was a really special moment for me.
- [06:44]
Ang
And then. So somebody commented on. I don't know if you saw this, but, like, praise God for what he did in a city like Boston on. On a Friday night. So I'm on the phone with Will, and Will Har and Moosi, his wife. And Will's actually from Boston. He is? Yeah, he's from Boston. Know Will's from Boston.
- [07:05]
Ari
Why didn't we just talk about that?
- [07:06]
Ang
I don't know. I don't know. I thought I told you had no.
- [07:09]
Ari
Idea he was from Boston. God, I love that guy.
- [07:12]
Ang
He's the greatest. So I'm telling him about the night and just everything that happened, and he's telling me. He's like, I need you to understand something. He goes, boston. Not just Boston, like, the whole Northeast. The most fun thing about Torah for us, you guys, is the fact that, like, there is a different spiritual reality in every.
- [07:30]
Ari
Every city.
- [07:31]
Ang
City in every region. Like, God will speak to both of us upon arriving somewhere. Like, put something on our hearts. Like, we have a Heavy conviction on. Like, this is what we need to talk about. This is what these people need. This is their issue. And Will was telling me, like, Boston is so.
- [07:47]
Ari
Oh, yeah.
- [07:48]
Ang
And that's not to say that people there are hungry people. People hungry for Jesus. But the whole Northeast, they're tough.
- [07:54]
Ari
So much brokenness. So tough. So stubborn. Yeah.
- [07:57]
Ang
Super stubborn. And just shut. And they're not. Some. They're not maybe as open as, like, the Bible Belt is in. In the South. They don't have, like, as much of a spiritual understanding. And so I'm telling him everything that happens in Boston, and I tell him this. So someone says, praise God for what he did in a city like Boston on a Friday night, all of God's children left the theater, and you just shouting, jesus is king. My friend and I went and evangelized to some people who accepted Jesus into their hearts and were receptive to the Holy Spirit. A light expelled in. Sorry. A light expelled in the spirit and softened the hearts of people. Truly a beautiful night.
- [08:37]
Ari
We've. Honestly, it was the most beautiful night. And the response we got was unbelievable. It couldn't have been more perfect.
- [08:45]
Ang
Multiple people said that about how people were leaving the theater, yet chanting, jes is king in a city like Boston, like, in a city in the North. Like, that is insane. That is insane that people's hearts were so set on.
- [09:03]
Ari
I know. It's. I. I said too. I said because we had been praying. Lake Boston was, like, one of the biggest nights just because it's where my hometown. I know the brokenness. I know. I know what that city carries, but I know how hungry people are and how real they are passionate and just like, people from. Like. I've never been more proud to say that I'm from Boston. Like, I'm just so proud because it's like, it's just such an unbelievable city with people that have been through so much that would die for you, that are just. We're just. We face a different battle. But that's why we're so loyal and good and, you know, you're from the east coast, too. And I just believe that God is gonna do something so massive, specifically in Boston.
- [09:54]
Ang
There's gonna be such a beautiful revival. Sorry, go ahead.
- [09:57]
Ari
No, it's true. A revival. And we really want to build something there. So I'm just like. I'm praying on it, but we really want to start building something really cool. There's. In the future.
- [10:12]
Ang
I think Tor has just opened us up to. We never really get Let you guys in. I feel like onto into tour. So we just did 25. That was our 25th show. They're meetings, they're revival nights. They're not a show. There's nothing showy about it, like. But we did 25.
- [10:31]
Ari
I like that meeting.
- [10:32]
Ang
They're the Christian meetings. That's what they're called. Yeah, it's cool, but. And there's just something about the apostolic nature, which is basically you going and it's like, not. You're not doing just like local ministry at a local church. That's like building one environment in one place in one church. Apostolic ministry is like going around to different places, different regions, different cities, and establishing a culture there. And I think there's something about Tor that has like a lit up an apostolic just drive for me and I think for you too, where, like, I love the idea of going to different places where people don't know Jesus or they don't know how to follow Jesus, and then you just, like, help them establish a culture and you help disciple people and you put things in place and potentially plant church. I have no idea. I, like, I need to get disciples. So I don't know. I'm like, sorry, I just got hit by that. But we have big dreams. Really big dreams.
- [11:36]
Ari
No. Yeah.
- [11:37]
Ang
It's just so funny how I think for both of us, so much is changing in our hearts. We're like, public ministry is the best. It's the greatest. I love. We love being on a podcast, but the closer you get to Jesus, the more your heart begins to burn for the things of the church, the things of that are less entertainment. And like, there's so much value in entertainment. Ish, stuff like this, like social media. But yeah, it's just, I think for both Ari and I and hold us to this in a couple of months, I think God is really going to start speaking to both of us in the next couple of months of like, our calling is to follow Jesus and to evangelize. And, like, I think the vehicle in which we do that is just. He's just going to start really speaking. Like, this is what you guys are supposed to do. This is the route you're supposed to take.
- [12:26]
Ari
Yeah.
- [12:26]
Ang
Because we always talk about this. We're like, what are we going to do? Are we going to go do missions in other countries? Are we gonna. Are we gonna, you know, do social media? Are we gonna plan to local, like, be in the local church? I don't know. It's just.
- [12:38]
Ari
Yeah.
- [12:39]
Ang
The world is our oyster.
- [12:41]
Ari
I know sometimes when we're on stage too. I'm like, do you ever feel like this? I'm like, did I say enough to bring them to Jesus?
- [12:50]
Ang
Oh, yeah.
- [12:51]
Ari
And I, I used to feel like that I sometimes will feel like that because sometimes we don't have time to hit all the points. And I'm like, no, we're planting the seed. We're planting the seed. Like there's, there's. It's okay. Like, as long as you're doing something, showing them the love of God, you're doing enough.
- [13:09]
Ang
Oh, yeah.
- [13:10]
Ari
So just, it's just a reminder to always plant the seed. You don't have to say too much, you don't have to say too little. Just plant the seed of Jesus.
- [13:18]
Ang
Yeah, the. And the thing about Tor is like, I think what it is most of all, since it is like a revival night, that's what's, that's what's happening. It's like, you. Sorry. Oh, you, you develop, you establish an environment where, like, it's true worship of Jesus. And when people are truly worshiping Jesus in a room and when people are talking about Jesus and reading from the word of God, everybody's hearts begin to be. They're set ablaze for Jesus. Like, that's what it is. Like, the nights that we do tour, it's not a show, it's literally an hour and a half of an opportunity to set people's hearts on fire for Jesus.
- [14:00]
Ari
Yeah, it's really special. It's been a, it's been quite a gift. Quite a gift. Very hard.
- [14:08]
Ang
The hardest thing we've ever done.
- [14:11]
Ari
I loved when we were on, we were about to go on stage, I don't know which night it was, but I was like, you ready to go? Because me and her, we just like, it's like we lose all strength right before we go on there. And she's like, yep, let's go on that battlefield. I was like, okay, go on.
- [14:27]
Ang
Let's go to battle.
- [14:36]
Ari
This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. One thing we've learned from being on the road, rest is everything. And there's nothing like coming home, crawling into your own bed, and finally getting that deep, peaceful sleep. That's why we're obsessed with miracle made sheets. They're inspired by NASA and made with silver infused fabric that helps keep your body at the perfect temperature all night long. So you're not too hot and you're not too cold, just cozy. And let's talk about the self cleaning part. These sheets help Prevent up to 99.7% of bacterial growth that means they stay fresher longer, they don't hold on to weird smells, and you can go longer between washes, which we love. Plus they're insanely soft. You guys like luxury hotel soft, but without the luxury hotel price tag, comfort, quality and peace of mind. So if you're ready to upgrade your sleep, go to try Miracle.com GGB and use our code GGB at checkout. You'll save over 40% off plus you'll get a free 3 piece towel set and it comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. So if that's not your thing though we think it will be, you've got nothing to lose. Again, that's try Miracle.com GGB and use the code GGB to treat yourself. Thanks to Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode and for making our post tour sleep that much sweeter. This episode is sponsored by the Chosen Last Supper. If you've been following the Chosen, you already know it's one of the most powerful portrayals of Jesus we've ever seen on screen. And now it's coming to theaters in the most beautiful and heart wrenching way yet. Last Supper covers the dramatic events of Holy Week, starting with Jesus entering Jerusalem as king. The crowd wants a revolution. His disciples are ready for one. But Jesus has something entirely different in mind. Tables are turned, loyalties are tested, and the leaders of the time will stop at nothing to make sure this Passover meal is his last. It's cinematic, it's raw, it's deeply moving. And for so many of us who already love Jesus or are just getting to know him, it makes the gospel feel so real. This season, Season five is being released in theaters as a three part event, all eight episodes on the big screen. And honestly, there's something so special about seeing his story unfold in a room full of people leaning in together. So grab your people, your favorite movie snacks and get your heart ready. You can go get your tickets now at the chosen last supper.com that's the chosen last supper.com what's coming up in June and.
- [17:14]
Ang
We are releasing our 31 day devotional called out of the Wilderness. 31 devotions. I'll put it on the screen right here you guys. Ari and I wrote a devotional and it was the craziest, one of the craziest things that we've done. And we truly poured our hearts and our souls, blood, blood, blood, sweat and tears into this devotional. It's, it's more than just a devotional. It's really, it really is our hearts on paper. It's like, everything we've been through, we hit so many different topics that I. Our point in this book was that, like, anybody who reads this is, no matter who it is, whatever their situation might be at that moment is probably talked about within these 31 devotionals because we just went from, like, everything in our lives.
- [18:05]
Ari
It's so true.
- [18:06]
Ang
And so we tell personal stories through the lens of the life of Jesus in a biblical perspective. And it's obviously all about Jesus, and it's just about how to navigate the wilderness season and just the hard things that you go through in life that we all go through. And Ari and I talk about things that other people sometimes shy away from. And, you know us. Here you go.
- [18:27]
Ari
Yep. We really don't. Tell me we don't bleed everything out, man.
- [18:33]
Ang
So you guys can pre order your book@girlsgonebible.com book and you can also get your tickets for the tour that we were just talking about@girlsgonebible.com tour. Gosh, we want to see you guys in person so bad. So Ari and I really wanted to come and have a conversation today around anxiety, because I read something the other day that said that anxiety is the number one health issue in America. And R and I have both had very long journeys with anxiety. We both actively battle anxiety at some times, and we'll get into that. But I just want to preface this by saying we're not doctors. We're not psychiatrists.
- [19:15]
Ari
I'm so sorry. Obviously, picturing us in little doctor outfits walking in that there.
- [19:21]
Ang
Hey, take this.
- [19:24]
Ari
What is that the shot?
- [19:27]
Ang
Oh, you know, we're not doctors. We're not experts. This is strictly our experience. What we've done, what's helped us. And I just want to say, too, that, like, we believe in spirituality and practicality both together. We don't think that you can have practicality or you. We don't think you can be spiritual without having practicality, and we don't think that you can just be practical without including spirituality. And when it comes to mental health, anxiety, mental illness, it is definitely a spiritual thing. However, it's not just demons attacking your mind. There's obviously a psychological and physiological aspect to anxiety and stuff like this, but we also don't just believe that it's psychological. We believe that Jesus is very much involved in mental health. And Jesus experienced anxiety. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane when he was. When Jesus was sweating blood, that was anxiety. That was anxiety induced. He was sweating blood because of the. The deep anguish that he was Experiencing in himself. And you read. And you know, the Lord is consistently speaking by the Spirit about his sorrow, his anguish, his deep, deep anxiety and fear that he experienced.
- [20:51]
Ari
And so I love that you said that about Jesus. It's something that really comforts me a lot knowing that he was so stressed out to the point of sweating blood. And he. He went through that too. So he understands. Because through my journey, I've been like, oh, my gosh, is this a sin? Is this a sin that I'm so anxious and I'm struggling with doubt and all these things and my OCD with my, you know, trying to be so good and lead people? And I have so many of you people that I carry in my moments of such anxiety and fear. I'm like, oh, my gosh, am I sinning? I'm so sorry that I'm doubting you, God. And I think about that story of just being in anguish and just. Just having that moment with such anxiety. So it just comforts me so much knowing that he really does understand because he felt it too.
- [21:54]
Ang
He says, cast your anxieties onto me because I care for you. That's what he says. Cast your anxiety onto me. That means, give me your anxiety. Give me your worry. Give me your fear. Leave every. And you do that through prayer.
- [22:07]
Ari
Yeah.
- [22:07]
Ang
You do that through repentance, and you do that through agreement. And, like, verbally just coming into agreement that I give this to you, you take it and you help me.
- [22:17]
Ari
I love that you say the caster cares on me, because that's something I repetitive, repetitively would read all the time. And it was something that I had a hard time understanding when I first started reading it, because I'm like, okay. Like, okay, I'll cast my cares on you. But I still have anxiety. Like, how do I do that? And I don't know. During my journey, I just realized it's like when you're having a panic attack, you're like, I can't handle this. Help me. Like, I say this all the time, but it's like, it's seriously what freed me. Like, being a little girl and being like, I cannot handle this. I can't carry this. What do I do exactly? Screaming out, crying out, being like, I can't take this anymore. Like, my heart is so broken. I'm, like, getting crushed with grief. Like, take it, please help me. Like, fervently going to him and being like, help me. Help me. Crying out. When I think about. It's so funny. I was just thinking about this because we've Been when you text me on the plane, I just thought about so much when I was dealing with my anxiety. And it wasn't that it just went away. It was that I just kept showing up at that little Catholic church on my hands and knees and was like, please. Like, I kept going. I kept asking, I kept seeking, I kept crying out. And some days it would look like hours and hours of it, but that's when you keep going and you don't give up. You keep knocking. You just keep fighting with him. It doesn't mean that all of a sudden it goes away. It just means that he cares for you and he's helping you through it and he's developing you through it.
- [24:03]
Ang
It's like an invitation. Like, you have to invite the Lord into it. You to invite Jesus into it because he can't heal whatever you've. And like, I said it last week where I was like, sometimes anxiety will make me turn away from God because I just. It makes me, like, harden up every time I'm anxious. I get super hard and I like, almost ice God out in a way, when that is the number one time where I have to open myself up fully and be like, I need you to come in. But anxiety causes us to turn away so much. Num out. Avoid all the things I think what I really. What was on my heart for this was like, anxiety, first of all, okay, our brains can be so interesting. Our brains can be so scary. When your mind feels like a dangerous place to live, that's so scary. And so many people experience that where they feel unsafe in their own thoughts, they feel unsafe. Their anxiety is making them feel unsafe. And anxiety can make you feel crazy. Anxiety could make you feel like something is really, really wrong with you. And I think I've told this story before, but I remember the first time I ever talked to a therapist. I talked to her one time. I've never been good at being consistent with counseling, but I tell her what I'm feeling, and all she says to me is, that's so normal. This is what it's called. So many people experience it. I was free in a second. It did not have as much power. It wasn't happening as much after because somebody just told me that I am not alone. Like, anxiety will make you feel like you're the only person in the world who feels like this. Anxiety is so isolating. If you have social anxiety and you're going out places and you're going hanging out with friends and you're having all of these thoughts running through Your mind and you're super in your head and soup. Who else? Like, you know, when you get in your head, when you're in public or when you're with people, it's the worst feeling in the world. You feel so isolated. You can feel so awkward. You can feel so. It's just horrible that's happened to me. I used to struggle with that so, so much. And a lot of my anxiety manifested physically. That happened to me a lot. So I grew up in an environment where, like, so any Eastern Europeans or really any foreign people, we all know, like, growing up in a foreign household is the greatest thing. It is the best. The best. The best. And a lot of the, like, Albanians, for example, they're super tough. Like, they are. They're, like, from the east coast, like, so tough. They're so resilient. They're such survivors. And it's the most beautiful thing in the world. But there is this mentality of just like, keep going, push forward. Don't acknowledge it. It's all good. Just keep going. And like, you never acknowledge any sort of pain. You never acknowledge. I remember my mom would always tell me she. She. She couldn't understand anxiety because she's like, we. She's like, we never had society. And I'd be like, I think you. You guys, You. Your generation did, but you just didn't ever know how to put words to it. Nobody ever talked about it.
- [27:18]
Ari
Such a different time. They just.
- [27:20]
Ang
Such a different time.
- [27:20]
Ari
They didn't deal with it. Yeah.
- [27:21]
Ang
Yeah. And so. So I grow up in this environment that, like, you don't acknowledge things. You don't. So that's where I learned to avoid and to stuff and to numb and to escape. But I always say this, that, like, because I avoided so much, because I never processed anything, because I stuffed everything down. Like, everything that my mind suppressed, my body stored in itself. And so everything I experienced came out as physical anxiety. A racing heart for me. I get super hot. I get super dizzy, and I just get this over. I get really bad chest pain. And that's something that I'm battling currently since being. Since traveling so much. I am battling really bad chest pain. If anybody would like to pray for me for that. I am so tired of my chest getting so tight that I feel like I'm gonna die. And this is real. Like, this is still somebody who is wholeheartedly following Jesus. No habitual. Everybody sins, but no habitual sin, no tolerating sin. And I'm still battling this for various different reasons, you know, and then so, yeah, my vision gets blurry, my body gets hot, and it's just the worst feeling in the world. And I, you know, used to deal with such bad panic attacks and Ari's watched me go through panic, a couple of panic attacks since being friends. And it's like so sad, right? It's like so scary and. But imagine I used to experience that from 20, from 19 to like 24, 25. I experienced a panic attack all day long every single day for almost five years, like consistently. That's why I started drinking. I started to self medicate with alcohol and so I was. It was just the worst thing. It was so, so scary, you know?
- [29:13]
Ari
Are you so like, right next. What do you think? The. Cause I have so many questions. I'm sorry, I want, I want to. Can I just go back a little bit? The first question I wanted to ask you was your social anxiety. Do you still struggle with that? And how, how have you overcome that? What. What tools do you do to. You know, A lot of people deal with this stuff like to the point where they don't even want to go out of the house.
- [29:44]
Ang
Yeah.
- [29:45]
Ari
I even have moments where I'm such an extrovert that I'm like, I can't.
- [29:49]
Ang
An introvert.
- [29:50]
Ari
An introvert that I'm like, if I'm around a lot of people, I get overstimulated for sure. And that causes a lot of anxiety. So what, what do you. You know?
- [29:58]
Ang
Yeah, for sure.
- [29:59]
Ari
Yeah.
- [30:01]
Ang
Ari and I are really similar in that way that like, we love people so much. We for sure get charged being with people. I love being with people and talking to people. And I'm equally such an introvert that like when I used to have really bad social anxiety, I mean, I would. So I think I've fought being an introvert for a long time because extroverts just like they. We thrive in society, you know, and like, we live in a world where being extroverted is like, it's a good. Like it's a good thing. And so I always fought being introverted, but I've really come to the conclusion that, like, I really believe I'm a person who's meant to spend a lot of time alone with God, you know, Like, I really have settled into that where I used to not be like that. That's why I would drink to, like, do things. I used to when I was drinking. I would like, I couldn't go if we weren't drinking because I had such bad social anxiety and I didn't even know what it was exactly. Mine really came from. I was just anxious all the time, and so I didn't want to be around people. And then I had a phobia of panic attacks. That's literally what panic disorder is. I would be with people, I'd be at a dinner, and then it'd start happening. My body would get hot, I'd start to get dizzy, and then I'm super in my head thinking I'm about to have a panic attack. And that would give me so much social anxiety.
- [31:26]
Ari
But what were the thoughts that were coming through your mind? Like, what. What do you think the root cause of the panic attacks were? Do you feel inadequate? Do you feel like you didn't have an identity? You don't. You didn't know how to act? Like, what was the cause of that?
- [31:40]
Ang
So the. The panic attacks are, I think, where it was really unprocessed trauma and pain just like, making its way out and.
- [31:47]
Ari
Yeah. Manifesting.
- [31:48]
Ang
Yeah. And then social anxiety probably came from just a deep lack of self worth. I think. I always struggled with small talk, and so it'd be really hard for me to like. I always loved meeting new people and I loved being with people. But I. Yeah, I would just battle insecurity and I would battle this feeling of I remember when it was really bad. And I do believe that this is truly just an attack from Satan because there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I would get the social anxiety of, like, what are we going to talk about? Of just like, letting. Instead of just being like, just let the conversation go. Like, it's okay if there's a silence. Don't have to fill it. You don't have to talk. I would be like, what are we going to talk about?
- [32:38]
Ari
Because you're like, are they not going to like me? You know?
- [32:42]
Ang
Yeah, yeah. Overanalyzing how somebody else feels in a situation. It's just this feeling of being in your head. Yeah, G. It's just the worst. Instead of just freely being like an in relationship with Jesus, there's boldness and there's confidence that comes naturally. And there is something that comes from your identity, being in Jesus, that you become solidified and you are no longer. You are no longer so insecure and specifically, you're no longer thinking about yourself so much. You really start to follow Jesus. You fall in love with people and being there for people. So now when I'm with people, I'm oftentimes looking at them being like, what do they need? Like, are they good? What are they thinking? Or I'm just having a good time. Yeah, you know.
- [33:32]
Ari
This show is sponsored by Better Help. Okay, so let's be real. Therapy can feel like a big step, but so is living with unprocessed stuff. Your peace, your healing, your growth, truth. They're worth it. And while we love prayer, you guys know that's our foundation. We also believe in using the tools available to us, like talking to someone who's trained to help you work through what you're carrying. Here's the thing. In person, therapy can cost anywhere around a hundred dollars to $250 per session. That adds up fast, but with better help. You get online sessions for a flat weekly rate and it can save you up to 50%. It's flexible, it works around your schedule, and you can switch therapists anytime if you' vibing with your match. No drama, no pressure. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30,000 licensed therapists and more than 5 million people helped around the world. Whether you're walking through something big or just trying to get better at doing life, therapy can give you the space to grow, reflect and reset. Your well being is worth it. Go to betterhelp.com GirlsGone Bible to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com GirlsGoneBible okay, so let's talk about kids vitamins for a second. Most of them literally candy full of sugar, weird dyes and stuff kids don't need. That's why we love Haya. They're doing it so differently. No sugar, no gummies. Just a chewable vitamin made with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies plus all the essentials like vitamin D, B12, zinc and more. And it actually tastes good. We tried one just to see and yeah, we get the hype. You get this cute reusable bottle with your first order and then they send you an eco friendly refill every month so you never run out. It's easy, thoughtful and made for real life. And they just launched something new. That's so good. Kids Daily Greens and Superfoods. It's chocolate flavored greens powder packed with over 55 ingredients to help support digestion, brain development and all the things. You just mix it with milk or whatever your kid drinks and that's it. Got a deal for our girls Gone bible listeners. Get 50% off your first order at hiah health.com ggb that's h I y a h e a l t h.com ggb for the kids you love. This is a win. This episode is sponsored by Smalls. Okay, so neither of us technically have cats, but our best friend Carolina does. And let's just say we are honorary cat moms at this point. Emr obsessed with her. And she is obsessed with Smalls. We're not kidding. She went from turning her nose up at everything to full on sprinting to her bowl the minute she hears that Smalls pouch open. It's literally the cutest thing. Smalls is made with real fridge level ingredients like chicken, turkey and beef. None of the weird stuff that you can pronounce. And ever since the switch, her cat has had fewer hair balls, shinier fur and the litter box isn't as, as aggressive. You know what we mean. She even did a little side by side bowl test with the old food and Smalls Smalls won instantly. Plus the packaging is actually cute, the brand is thoughtful and the food is protein packed without any fillers. And honestly, we're into anything that helps take better care of God's little creatures. So your cat deserves a glow up or just a less chaotic stomach. We highly recommend this one. What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food they deserve for a limited time only because you're a girl's gone a listener. You can get 35 off smalls plus an additional 50 off your first order by using the code GGB. That's promo code GGB for an additional 50 off plus free shipping@smalls.com. what?
- [37:28]
Ang
What? Do you have social anxiety?
- [37:32]
Ari
Yeah, sometimes.
- [37:34]
Ang
Of course.
- [37:35]
Ari
I especially had a lot of social anxiety in the Christian world. I was like, oh.
- [37:42]
Ang
When they started speaking to Christianese and you're like, I'm gonna recite.
- [37:46]
Ari
They're looking at me like I'm, you know, I don't know, from the hood. I don't know. Like I just never felt, I didn't feel like I added up.
- [37:54]
Ang
You were wearing a bow in your hair and Chanel shoes and then I opened my mouth.
- [38:00]
Ari
I'm just this like Boston big mouth. Boston big mouth, you know. But I love it. Yeah, of course. I think we all struggle with social anxiety and you wanna, I don't know.
- [38:12]
Ang
You wanna be liked. You wanna be.
- [38:14]
Ari
Yeah, you wanna be liked.
- [38:15]
Ang
You wanna, you wanna feel comfortable in the conversation.
- [38:19]
Ari
I also have, I have moments where I'm like, I feel stupid. I don't know.
- [38:26]
Ang
Oh, me too. You know when you're at a dinner and you can't stop saying the wrong thing? Sometimes I'll get anxious and it'll make me start talking a lot, and then I'll, like, consistently say the wrong thing and take jokes too far and, like, stop talking. It's really bad.
- [38:43]
Ari
No, I was just gonna ask you. Your anxiety and panic attacks, you know, they both go together at this phase of your life. Have you pinpointed where it's stemming from or just like. Yeah, where it's coming from? Because I know it's probably a lot different from when you were younger.
- [39:04]
Ang
Well, you realize over time that, like, I have a preconceived. Preconceived. I have a predisposition to anxiety. I have family members who deal with the same thing. You can see the way that it's trickled down. Like, you can see where it comes from. And when I'm far from Jesus, that's my default. So.
- [39:33]
Ari
Right.
- [39:33]
Ang
I'm supernaturally delivered from alcohol. And then my anxiety gets healed over time through my relationship with Jesus, through abiding and, you know, spending time with Jesus, through reading the Word and letting the word of God renew my mind and transform everything about my mind and my brain and my thought patterns. The more you read the Bible, the less your mind will go to fear. The more you read the Bible, the less your mind will go to anxiety. This is what happens. Like, you start to live, breathe, and think scripture. And everything about scripture is hope, because God is the God of hope. So if you renew your mind with scripture, your mind will always immediately go. Not always, but it will begin to go to hope rather than fear.
- [40:19]
Ari
Yeah.
- [40:19]
Ang
Whereas. So when I'm away from God, my. My default is fear and anxiety and amongst many other things, insecurity and all the issues. But. So one thing that's different is, I mean, obviously my relationship with Jesus. But I remember when I was having really bad panic attacks, and this is something I wanted to talk to you guys about is the way we treat our bodies in our minds.
- [40:46]
Ari
Yeah.
- [40:47]
Ang
Is crucial.
- [40:48]
Ari
Yeah.
- [40:48]
Ang
When I was drinking and when I was vaping, obviously I had anxiety. If you're smoking cigarettes and you're vaping and you're doing all. If you're smoking weed, like, of course your mental health is not to be good. And I don't care what anybody says. I don't care if somebody clips this and calls us dorks, it's the truth. You will not have good mental health. Nobody's going to tell me that smoking weed is good for your mental health. Like, I. No, it's not. And smoking and vaping and drinking. If you're struggling with your mental health. These are the very practical first steps to take is removing anything like this because it's all destroying your body. I remember when I used to like it was. I would start shaking like it. You're filling your body with nicotine, like something.
- [41:38]
Ari
Is that what it is?
- [41:38]
Ang
Nicotine?
- [41:39]
Ari
Yeah.
- [41:39]
Ang
Like you're not supposed to have that in your body. Your. Your lungs are supposed to take in air, but they're taking smoke instead. Like that's. You're killing yourself.
- [41:48]
Ari
Yeah.
- [41:49]
Ang
And so like treating your body is right. Is everything. And so recently, with all the travel with Tor, you know, pouring out in ministry, being in ministry is you're in a spiritual battle. This is. It' not like a glamorous thing where, you know, and it's beautiful and it's the greatest gift. And equally anybody who's in ministry knows that, like, it's a spiritual. It's spiritual warfare.
- [42:16]
Ari
Yeah.
- [42:16]
Ang
And so that's how I get attacked is by. Through anxiety. And like this past weekend we're on tour. They're very intense, beautiful nights, but they're incredibly intense. And I am incredibly vulnerable after so much so to. I'm almost like not well fully, if I'm being completely honest. And you do everything you can to self soothe and let Jesus come in and comfort you, but it's. It's like a. It's a major battle. And so I am constantly combating this chest pain and panic attacks because I'm not always sleeping right. Traveling so much takes a lot out of you. So you see what I mean when you're not. And it's not that I'm not treating my body right, but there are external factors that are having an effect on the way that I feel. And so if you're not treating your body right, if you're not exercising, you guys, if you're not moving your body, if you are not sleeping right, if you're not eating enough, that's another thing that makes me anxious. When I begin to starve myself and not treat my body right in the way that I nourish my body, I will start having panic attacks because I'm not treating my body correctly, you know?
- [43:29]
Ari
Yeah.
- [43:30]
Ang
Do you ever experience that?
- [43:31]
Ari
Oh, gosh, do I Ang? Yeah. Just listening to you. I mean, we're both going through this together. Thanks for sharing that. That's. It's. It's. It's crazy. It's like it's been this battle for the both of us with our minds. And. Yeah, I. The only way I can describe my journey since finding Jesus, because I've battled with anxiety my whole life. The only way to describe it, it's like I'm in my 30s and I, like, I'm a woman, right? But I've truly have reverted back to like a little girl. Like, it's insane. Like, I have. I feel like I'm. I've said this in another episode, but I am truly like a little girl again. Having to unlearn so much, unlearn thought patterns, unlearned ways of coping. Unlearn, unlearning. Like I'm seeing so much in myself that needs to change and that God has to work on, that I have been accustomed to since my whole life. And so unlearning these thought patterns, I mean. I mean, with my anxiety. I think everybody deals with anxiety in a different way. Like, you deal with it in a completely different way than I do. When I get anxiety, I like, mine comes out where I spiral. Everybody.
- [45:14]
Ang
This is very much thought based, right?
- [45:17]
Ari
Everything's thought based. Everybody becomes a threat. That's close to me, that's near me, me. I. I completely freeze in my chest. I actually don't know what's going on. And I don't know how to process anything. And so I will have outburst. And it's been something that God has really. He's really been working on in my heart. And it's. I've been going through a lot of shame with it because it can come off that I'm actually like, I've had moments of being like, do I even have a good heart? That the people around me, I just like, I'm like, get away from me. Or like, I can't talk about this right now. And I completely, like, go, Go cold. And it's been super hard, like Angela said, doing ministry. This is also new. And it's just the biggest blessing, but equally so hard.
- [46:23]
Ang
It is more costly than anybody could imagine.
- [46:27]
Ari
And I have. And I tell you, I've had moments of being like, you do not deserve to feel. Like you should. Like, you should not feel like this. Like, this is amazing. Like, you know, but I'm like, but I'm sorry. It feels heavy and I don't know what's going on. At times I don't know what I'm feeling. I mean, I can't tell you guys. I've had moments where I'm like, I don't know what I'm feeling. And I'm actually really scared. And some nights I'll get to my room and I'll feel like my whole body is. I didn't mean to get emotional. But like.
- [47:16]
Ang
I know.
- [47:24]
Ari
Yeah, like, I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
- [47:28]
Ang
This is so helpful.
- [47:32]
Ari
Yeah. I'm going through so much, so much right now. And as like a 30 year old woman, it's like I have such moments of feeling so embarrassed because I'm like, God, shouldn't you have it together? Shouldn't you know how to navigate these things? But I've never known how to. I've never known how to deal with this stuff. And I've never been taught how to deal with my feelings or anxiety. And I've been having a really hard time lately processing what's going on inside. Yeah, it's been a hard time to express what I've been going through, but it's been really hard. I remember when I had my breakdown of when I lost everything and I found Jesus, I would go in there and talk to him for hours. But lately my first default is not to pray. And I think that's one of the gifts that you have is you had just. You've always had the gift of faith. You've always, always, like every time something would happen with us, you'd be like, can I pray for you? Or let's pray. And I mean, there have been moments where I'm like, no, I don't want to.
- [48:44]
Ang
So normal.
- [48:46]
Ari
Yeah.
- [48:46]
Ang
So many people feel that way. It's more common to feel like that than to have the desire to pray. Yeah, a hundred percent.
- [48:54]
Ari
Yeah, it is, right?
- [48:55]
Ang
Yeah. I swear, this is so helpful.
- [48:57]
Ari
Yeah.
- [48:58]
Ang
These people probably feel so much shame.
- [49:01]
Ari
I have too. I have felt a lot of shame because, I mean, even you, you've been like, ah, no, we're gonna pray. And I'm like, no, I don't want to. Why can I? And so my, my first default is just to run and panic and, and just like, like lose control. Because that's what I have always done as a kid. And so God's been doing a work in me. He really has. I've been unlearning so many things. He's really brought me to a place of humility and working through things with him. It was so funny the other night. I was really struggling with anxiety. My little sister came to a couple of the shows that we went to and it's been so great because my sister's a little bit stuck in her way. She's 11 years younger than me and so she's really watching me. She hasn't really seen all this spirituality stuff. She's learning it.
- [50:01]
Ang
I love that kid so much.
- [50:03]
Ari
She loves you.
- [50:06]
Ang
You just sounded like her.
- [50:07]
Ari
I did. I know. We're just like. And so I was having a moment, and then I had called a couple people, and I said, hey. And I didn't even know my sister could hear me. And I was like, hey, I really. Do you think that you could pray with me right now? And I just, like, closed my eyes. I had two people just pray. Pray over me and stuff. And I look over and my sister is bawling her eyes out, and she's like, I can't believe you. She's like, I mean, my sister has seen me through every single walk of my life of just, like. Just every single season of my life. And so this was never who I was. I was someone who would just, like, panic and go in my dark room and dwell. And now she. And she saw that moment of me doing that, and she's like, look at you. Look at how far you've come. You were a girl who, like, never knew how to deal with feelings, who had to live in survival mode your whole life, and you just, like, learning all this stuff on your own, and you're calling people to pray for you. She's like, that was the most beautiful thing and moment I've ever seen. And I'm so proud of you. So I had a lot of. I've had a lot of breakthroughs this past weekend, and. And I've had my family really help me see myself. I think with my anxiety, you just need people. You need prayer, and you need to. When you want to fight against prayer, that's the time you need to go into prayer, and you need people.
- [51:41]
Ang
Call somebody.
- [51:42]
Ari
You have to have people. And I know that is so hard when you are in anxiety because your first defense mechanism is, let me take a pill and ice out. Let me go in my room and sleep. Let me, like, let me, like, go to a fleeting pleasure. Let me go to a device. Let me go to something to, like, mask that anxiety. I know that's what I did. Yeah. But, yeah, people that love you, like, going to people therapy help. Because I hear a lot of mixed things from Christians of being like, oh, no. I actually hear Christians say that you should go to God and not therapy. I've heard that a lot. Therapy has helped me unlearn and get to the root of so much of why I act, the way I act, why I'm avoidant in my feelings, why I'm doing certain things that are out of pocket. They're really helping me go deep into. When I was a child Because I don't even know why I do the things that I do. We don't know. And so they help you go back and they, they dig deep and they, they help you navigate between.
- [52:59]
Ang
Can I just say, some therapy. So I've been going to counseling recently and I'm not kidding, Like, I'm truly not kidding, you guys. It has changed my life. It has changed the course of my life and it hasn't even been that much. It's not like I've been doing this for a long time, but having talk to who can speak sense and truth into what you're feeling and just to go off what Ari's saying as a girl, finding spiritual mothers has changed the course of my life. I don't know how I, I do, actually. I was walking with Jesus with not that much transformation in my life because I didn't have mentors and I didn't have anybody to guide me. Having spiritual moms, guys, finding spiritual dads. You find these people in church. You find these people, not just friends who tell what you want to hear and tell you that you're amazing. My spiritual moms, the women that I talk to, Every conversation that I have always ends with what I'm going to do, what I need to do better. I can literally come to them with an issue about somebody and like, it's the other person's not even a part of the conversation. It's incredible because we don't need people just like making us feel like we need people who can speak truth and life over our situation. And like, you have to find people who are older, who have walked with Jesus for a long time and who've been through what you've been through and can see things from like an overview. Like, this is why you're feeling this way. This is why you're triggered, this is why you're anxious, and this is how we're going to deal with it.
- [54:32]
Ari
Yeah. Or even like friends that you've had since you were just a kid that know you, that understand.
- [54:38]
Ang
Know your patterns.
- [54:39]
Ari
Yeah. Know your patterns and stuff. Yeah. So that's where I'm. What I, what I'm walking through right now and understanding what, what triggers my anxiety. Why there's, there's like a, there's always a route to like, why, why you're going through certain things so much. I don't know. I mean, we could go. Yeah. Like, yeah, I, I self blame a lot, like to the point where I've been trying to get to the root of it lately. But I believe that's what's causing a lot of my anxiety. And I think God is really working through that with me right now. And it goes back to when I'm a kid. It was always my fault. So I just always had this perception that it was always my fault and I would always self blame. Self blaming has caused an im immense amount of anxiety. Keeping things in and not talking things out right away. Oh for sure creates so much anxiety. And so I'm just trying lately like my anxiety has gotten so much better. It's like actually insane. I, I, I can't believe like when I laid my life down, when I took sin out, when I just started, like the forgiveness, not having a hardened heart, like all these things are so, are correlated to anxiety. But lately for me is like the self blaming, like the fear of abandonment. These and then when I don't go to someone right away and talk things out and when there is this barrier between me and someone, I almost cannot sleep at night, I'm sick. Or when I feel like it's my fault. I will live in condemnation and shame for weeks. And I cannot, it is like I'm in prison. And so this is what I'm walking through right now currently. And, and God is just really. Yeah. God's, God's. I don't have all the answers. I don't, I don't have this, all the solutions. But like this is what has been causing me anxiety in this. Yeah. In this season of my life.
- [56:57]
Ang
Thank you so much for sharing that. You don't know how many people that you just freed and helped because you have such a beautiful way of articulating what you feel heal like you really do. It's one of your gifts. Like you just like, I don't know, you just have this power and like so many people don't know how to heal from anxiety because they don't even know how to address it. They don't even have know how to acknowledge it. So like Ari finds the root and the, and the, the problem and like the origin of why she's feeling like you just helped so many people right now.
- [57:30]
Ari
Because I don't feel like that I know how to articulate. So thank you.
- [57:33]
Ang
You are really, you are one of the most articulate people. Um, yeah, I've been going through something very similar to Ari. I'm having a lot of, I'm just like I am in so much transition right now and I think I've actually never heard anybody talk about this. How difficult transition is how much anxiety comes, comes from Transition happening in your life. I have the greatest life ever. Like literally such an amazing life. I have everything I could ever need or want. And it does not fix everything. And you know it doesn't. There's something about transition that causes you to grieve in a way that brings up every single thing that's in you. If you are somebody who's transitioning fashioned out of a relationship or even into a relationship that's both. Transition. If you're about to get married or you're switching a job or you're moving to a new place, this, these things create so much anxiety. I am dealing with such a deep level of anxiety that I am like waking. It's this chest tightness that like, for the love of God, I. It has to go. And it will and I know that it will. And like this is an episode on hope. Jesus is hope man. Like he is hope. He's hope. And there's hope in healing from everything because we'll go back to how we've healed from so many different things. But like right now I'm transitioning into like a beautiful part of my life. I just moved. I am in a relationship that's beautiful. All of my dynamics in my life are changing. Everything is changing. And it has brought up so much fear, so much abandonment issues. I'm just afraid all the time of things changing. And yeah, I'm just experiencing like a deep level of anxiety of. For the future and like, yeah, and like all the things. Right. I, I have faith. I know Jesus is going to come through. But I just want anybody who's in a season of transition understand. Cuz you can't really, you don't understand why you're feeling the way that you feel. And if you're like me, like so many dynamics in my life are changing and I realize like I've literally never not had a codependent relationship in my life. Codependency is, I've done a, I've been like learning about codependency because codependency will wreak havoc on your life. Like codependency. Codependency is like you're completely enmeshed with somebody else. And so if one person goes this way, you go with them. If you go that way, they come with you. So it's this constant relationship should be like one person moves and then the other one pursues and then. But there's like a choice in the pursuit. Codependency is like you're pulling each other back and forth and it's just It's. It's awful, honestly. And so I'm, like, realizing that, yeah, I'm like, just like Ari. Like, I'm trying to learn how to have relationships in my life that are not based out of fear. And I have a deep, deep, deep fear of abandonment that goes way back to my childhood and multiple things that have happened that I don't usually talk about. But almost all of my relationships are based out of fear, in a sense, like, deep love. And then there's always fear in it. Fear that they're gonna leave, fear that they're not gonna want you anymore, fear that you're gonna be pushed out and forgotten. Like, it's so weird. And it's so weird to be 29 years old and be like, you feel like you're in high school because you're like, why am I afraid of all that? You know what I mean? Like, so much shame comes along, I think, with what we feel. Because you're like, I'm. I'm like a full adult. Why do I. Why am I going through things that feel like, yeah, I'm in high school? It's just. It's so crazy. So that's what Ari and I are dealing with right now. And all of this stuff develop, like, will bring up anxiety, and it brings up all the issues in your heart. But the Lord is so good and he's so kind, and you have to go on a journey of healing. You have to go into the depths of your heart that you've never touched before, that you've never even seen before, that you've never let anybody else see. And you've got to let Jesus put his finger on it and move it and, like, heal it, because you can't heal if you don't bring it to the light. And I think that's what Ari and I are both experiencing. We have moments where I think we're so overwhelmed and we're so overtaken. We're like spiritual warfare. And then it's just like, Jesus is doing a deep, deep work in our hearts.
- [62:33]
Ari
Yeah. This episode is sponsored by Glorify. Easter is one of those seasons that can be easily rushed through. You have church service and then brunch and then maybe a quick feed party. But sometimes we forget what it really means. God became human. He walked with us, and then he gave his life for everyone. Not just for people who've been doing this for a long time, not just for the perfect Christian, whatever that means. He died for the person who's never prayed, the one who's struggling. The one who just started asking questions, all of us. That's why I love the Glorify app, especially right now. It's the number one Christian daily devotional app and honestly, it helps me slow down and connect with God in a real way. Whether you've been in your faith for four years or you're just starting to explore it, this app meets you right where you are right now. They're doing a Holy Week challenge. Eight days of devotional scripture and reflections that walk you through the heart of Easter. It's simple, it's powerful, and you can do it at your own pace. And this is really cool. Glorify teamed up with the Chosen and Lara Silva, who plays Eden, created exclusive content just for Holy Week. It's such a beautiful way to go deeper. If you're ready to celebrate Easter in a new way, join me and join Glorify's Holy Week challenge. You'll get exclusive reflections from Lara Silva to guide you through this season of renewal. Visit glorify-app.com GGB to download the Glorifi app for free. That's glorify-app.com Ggb this episode is sponsored by Good Ranchers. We really believe that God calls us to be intentional with what we've been given. Our time, our health, even the food we put on the table. That's why Good Ranchers have has been such a Blessing. They deliver 100% American meat, beef, chicken, seafood right to your door. And it's all sourced here in the US which means it's tariff proof. No surprise. No hikes, no guessing where your food came from. Everything is pre trimmed, vacuum sealed and lasts up to a year in the freezer. So you're not wasting what God's provided or your money. It's a practical way to care for yourself and your home with purpose. And when you subscribe, you get free meat for life plus $40 off your first box with code GGB. If you're looking for one less thing to stress about and one more thing to feel good about, this is it. Go to goodranchers.com and use code GGB and get $40 off and free meat for life. That's good ranchers.com American meat delivered. This episode is sponsored by O Positive. Okay, you guys, we have to say it. Being a woman is one minute you're feeling good, the next minute you're crying over a TikTok and wondering why your face looks puffy and you're exhausted even though you slept eight hours. Like, what is going on? Hormones that's what's going on. And it's not just you. Over 80% of women deal with hormone imbalance, and most of us have no idea what's even happening. That's why we're so excited to try Flow Endocrine Superfood. It's a daily strawberry lemonade drink that supports hormone balance, cortisone levels, energy digestion, literally everything we've been struggling, struggling with in silence. It's like your daily multivitamin meets your greens powder, but actually made for women. You just mix the scoop with water and that's it. We're not saying this drink will fix your entire life. Only Jesus can do that. But it definitely helps your body stop fighting against you so you can start feeling like you again. Take proactive care of your health and head to oh positive.com GGB or use the code GGB at checkout for 25 off your first order. That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I V.com GGB for 25 off. It's really scary. It hurts.
- [66:29]
Ang
Yeah.
- [66:30]
Ari
But you have to face yourself.
- [66:31]
Ang
You have to.
- [66:32]
Ari
And sometimes that looks like you're in a pit of hell, and it sucks.
- [66:39]
Ang
Having to look at everything.
- [66:40]
Ari
But, like, I know. I'm sorry, but, like. Like, you. Like me, I've always been. I've always had someone. Like, whether it's a partner or a friend, I've always had, like, someone. And it's like, he's like, no. He's like, I'm. You're gonna face yourself. I mean, the amount of tears and loneliness and just, like, what I've had to endure, what I've had to endure through this time of loneliness and being alone and having to face myself and not leaning on someone has been. And, like, being in this time of my life, in my 30s, where I thought I would be married and I would have someone and I want so badly. Like, I was literally looking at a video last night of a girl holding her baby, and I start weeping. I'm like, I've never felt more of a desire that I want to have a baby in my arms, that I want to raise a child, that I want to be a mother. Like. Like, it's something I deeply desire so much. And so it's. It's like, it's a wrestle, because I say this all the time, but. And I'm. And I. And I struggle with it. Like, I'm not someone. Like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe who I am through my singleness. Like, no, I am not this tough girl.
- [68:08]
Ang
Like, I'm perfect. I don't even want it anymore.
- [68:10]
Ari
Yeah, like, no.
- [68:12]
Ang
Like, I certainly did get there. I'll be fully honest. I was like, all right, I got it.
- [68:20]
Ari
Like, I go through so much. I go through days where I'm just like. But it's just, you gotta do it. You have to face yourself. You can't lean on someone. You have to do it with Jesus. And it looks lonely and it's hard and it's isolating at times and it's scary and it looks unpredictable. I can't tell you how many times I've literally looked up to Jesus, especially recently, and been like, all right, if I'm supposed to be like, ball, just equip me now. Because at this point, I don't know, you want me to be a nun and just get some dogs? I don't know. But like, it looks really unpredictable. But one thing I will say is like, I've had an epiphany where I'm like, Cuz I've looked at my life and I've seen how many years I wasted of complaining, right? And how he worked it all out for me. I stressed out my whole life about what I'm going to do with my life and look at what he did.
- [69:23]
Ang
Oh, I heard the best thing. I think you were with me. What did we hear? It says, Scripture says that when you praise, you gain an audience with God. So imagine when you complain who you gain an audience, Audience with.
- [69:36]
Ari
That's. Wait, can you say that again?
- [69:37]
Ang
When you. Scripture says that when you praise, you gain an audience with the Lord when you come. So imagine if you complain who you're gaining an audience with.
- [69:47]
Ari
That's really good.
- [69:47]
Ang
Isn't that crazy?
- [69:48]
Ari
Yeah, that's good. So, so yeah, so I, I really, this is something I'm, I'm walking through that. I'll just say real quick, I, I look at my life. I complained my whole way through my 20s. I'm like, why did I do that? I missed so many amazing moments with family, with friends. I'd be on beautiful vacations and I'd be so stressed out I could not function. And so I'm like, I had this moment with Jesus where I was like, I'm done complaining. Like, it's okay to feel, it's okay to mourn. But like, I do not want to look back at this season and I've done a really good job. So I give myself grace, but I don't want to look back in the season. And be like, I complained my whole way through this.
- [70:35]
Ang
No, you haven't. Yeah.
- [70:36]
Ari
And so I'm like, I don't want to do that, don't want to do that. And so I've been really intentional about being present. This is what God has me in. And me complaining and me fighting and me looking back is giving me anxiety, it's keeping me stuck. And I do not want to end up like the other because I'm telling you right now, what should have taken them 11 days, took them 40 years. And sometimes when we keep complaining and we have that lack of faith, we stay stuck and we're just, we're prolonging what God has for us. And so, yeah, just understanding where we are right now is where we are supposed to be. And if we be on mission of where God has us, it's going to take a lot less longer.
- [71:23]
Ang
I swear, 100%. And I think that is so helpful to everybody that an anxiety comes so much from looking at the past and from longing for the past. And just like so much of your anxiety will stem from just being just so stuck in the past. Because Jesus says, press on, move forward. We just wanted to tell you guys a few other things because I really want people to feel seen in their anxiety because so many people experience things that they don't know how to put language to. And it really removes the power of everything that you're dealing with. When there's a name, there's a feeling. There's some way to acknowledge what you're going through. And there was something that I experienced that when I have mentioned this before, I've had so many people be like, I cannot believe you said that. I've never heard anybody else talk about it. Or I can't believe that had a name. I've experienced that. So when I was going through. So I got sober at 23 and then I spent the next like year young and a half healing from the anxiety and the panic attacks. Because while God got me sober in a moment, like I said, the healing took a while. It took a while of prayer, deliverance, therapy and just abiding in the presence of God. But I was experiencing so much anxiety, so much panic because, right, I was self medicating for all of those years. And then all of a sudden I don't have alcohol anymore. I don't have anything to mask or numb what I'm feeling, feeling. All of a sudden all of that anxiety hits me at once. You guys. For a year I literally thought I was gonna die or end up in the hospital because my mind was so broken, it was so full of fear, it was so full of anxiety and I could not make sense to what was happening. I thought I was dying all the time at that point. The social anxiety was like I couldn't even sit at a dinner with people. I was so anxious, I couldn't look people in the eye, I couldn' hold a conversation. Like I was dealing with so much anxiety that I was freaking out. Like freaking out. And I remember I went into a therapy session, my first one, and I told the lady what I was experiencing and she goes, this is what it's called. You're experiencing derealization and depersonalization. This is a symptom of anxiety and I'm just going to read it for you guys. So many people experience this, it's almost like a form of disassociation and way. So depersonalization is a feeling of being detached from yourself. You might feel like you're watching yourself from outside of your body or that you're not really in control of your actions or speech. People often say I don't feel real or I feel like I'm floating outside of myself. I know so many people feel that way and it is the scariest thing cuz you really feel like you're crazy or like losing your mind. I know how often people feel something like this and I just want you to know that you're safe in your body, you're safe in your mind and you're not alone. And then the other one. This is what I experienced. Derealization is a sense that the world around you is unreal or distorted. The environment might feel foggy, dreamlike, colorless or like you're in a movie or behind a glass wall. And you might think nothing around me feels real or the world feels off or unfamiliar, familiar. And I remember the first time this ever happened to me where I Is that. Do you. So that's derealization. I was sitting in Covid. It was the height of my anxiety. I had just gotten sober, I it's Covid and I'm in Florida with my family. And we're sitting around me and my family members and we're playing a card game and all of a sudden this is my mom, my brothers, my sister in law, my niece, people that I've known my whole life, people, they're my family. And all of a sudden we're playing cards and I look up and I go, I don't know them. I lost my mind for a second. I was like, I Don't recognize these people. Like, I knew who they were, but they felt so unfamiliar, and it didn't feel real. And I go outside and I start panicking because I'm like, what just happened? Like, what is that? I thought I was losing my mind.
- [75:52]
Ari
How many years ago was this?
- [75:53]
Ang
I was probably, like, five years ago. Five, six years ago. No, four or five years ago. And then after that, it would happen every once in a while. Like, I remember I was on the phone with my boyfriend at the time on FaceTime, and I had the moment again where I'm looking at him, and then I go, he looks unfamiliar. Like, so. So weird. And it's anxiety. It's a symptom of anxiety. And both are part of what's called disassociation. And they're often triggered by anxiety, trauma, or stress. While they can be unsettling, they're not dangerous. And they don't mean that you're losing touch with reality permanently. This is what I want to tell you guys. I have such a heart for minds and brains and anxiety because I know what it feels like to have your mind play tricks on you. I know what it feels. Feels like to feel unsafe in your mind. It's the scariest thing in the world when you feel like you're not in control of the thoughts that you're having. One more thing I just wanted to mention was intrusive thoughts. We've talked about this before, but I'll never stop talking about them because I have so many people who tell me they experience intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts can come in the form of thoughts, ideas, or images. I used to have really bad intrusive thoughts that I was gonna die. Like, that's just. My mind would tell me all day, you're gonna die. But it's not even just a thought. It's like this. It's intrusive, and it's like this demanding thought that comes into your mind, and it's so loud.
- [77:23]
Ari
Then you think it's a sin, and you're like, am I bad?
- [77:26]
Ang
Oh, so a lot of people. And this is why I want to speak this, because I know what people go through. I. I have met girls. I've met boy. I've met people who have been like, I need to tell you something that I've experienced. People have, like, sexual intrusive thoughts. They have dangerous, intrusive thoughts. I've known people to have sexual intrusive thoughts when they go to church, and it's so shameful, and it's so Scary. And you think something is deeply wrong with you. And, like, while that's not something that. Like, there is prayer, healing, and possibly deliverance that needs to take place if this is, like, an ongoing thing. Um, intrusive thoughts are not real. And your mind just does crazy things sometimes, but you're not crazy, and they're not your thoughts. And I've always heard this from a psychological point of view, that with intrusive thoughts, you just let the intrusive thought go by, because the more you try to fight it, the more power you feed it. So if you just let the. It happens to me all the. Recently? Not recently. A few months ago, I had a thought. What was it? What? It was something like. This is so weird. It's so weird. I think I was, like, at a Starbucks or something. I don't. I really don't know if I'll keep this in. It's so weird. And I have a thought of, like, I, like, got my drink, and then I had a vision like, that I threw the drink at the lady, and that's an intrusive thought. Like, obviously, no part of me is gonna throw the drink. And I remember I started dying laughing because I. I was like, that's so weird. Like, it's so weird. But this. This happens to people, and they think they're losing their mind. So we're here to tell you today that these are all things that you pray about, you bring to Jesus. You read the word of God. That renews your mind. The more you fill your mind with scripture. Honestly, can I be honest? The past few weeks of my life, we talked about this earlier. I have had a little bit more of an emphasis on abiding in worship than I have in script. And that's beautiful. But we need the word of God. We need scripture to fill our minds because we will become very weak in our minds very quickly. And I noticed my capacity for stress, my capacity for conflict. My emotional life was suffering severely because I was not in the Word as much as I should have been. And. Right. I'm still spending time with Jesus. I'm doing. I'm. I'm praying a lot. I need the Word of God. I need him to speak. I need him to fill my mind.
- [80:09]
Ari
The topic of intrusive thoughts I have. One of my biggest things is obsessive compulsive. I have it probably worse than most. I've had it since I was a kid. Obsessive compulsive thinking. Sometimes you get healed from. I don't want you to beat Yourself up. If you hear these stories of deliverance and healing and then some people, they, It's a process. For me, it was a process. And I love that you say that like. But I will tell you, for someone who thought I had to be on and listen, medication is also great for people too. That's why God makes medication. What I've lived for two years is that going from a girl who could not live life because all I did was get tormented in my mind, to then like, truly, like, you could be someone new, could be listening to this and be like, renewing of the mind. What do you mean? Well, we've lived it. I. I'm telling you right now, obsessive compulsive thinking. I cannot believe my mind. Two years later from. I know that if I'm not close to Jesus, if I'm not praying, if I'm not in my Bible, if I'm not like, even first thing I in the morning, those thoughts, I'm going to, I'm going to backtrack. I'm going to revert back to having obsessive compulsive thinking. I didn't just get completely delivered from it. I have to stay as close to Jesus as possible. I mean, a lot of my tormenting thoughts were from being in sin. I can't believe that I don't suffer the way I do. Now that I've laid down sin. I can believe it because that's what scripture says. If you're someone who, who's like, I know, but I'm still battling with it, it's okay. It's a process. But he's with you. That's why he says, cast your anxieties on him because he cares for you. It's crying out to him, Staying close to him and you will just see the renewal of your mind. It's insane what he did through my mind that the doctors always told me would never be cured of.
- [82:09]
Ang
His name is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. And nobody's gonna tell me otherwise. Nobody's gonna tell me that the God of the Bible, who literally spent his entire ministry, he healing people, delivering people of tormenting spirits that tormented their thoughts. And he's not going to do that today. That's what he does. That's what a relationship with Jesus does. You have to take heart, you have to have hope. You have to believe for healing. That is what you need to do. If you're struggling with your mind, if you're struggling with your thoughts, you have to come into agreement with What Jesus says in his word, that if you go to him, if you cast your anxiety, he will take care of it because he cares about you. He cares about your anxiety. You have to give him everything. And like Ari said, you have to remove sin from your life. You have to remove sin from your life. I'm not saying that all mental illness comes from sin, but what I am saying is that when I was in sin, sin separates you from God, which leads to death. Sin leads to death. Separation from God is a spiritual death. If you're spiritually dead, it means you're not spiritually alive, which means that you're not fed, which means that you will be filled with anxiety and worry. Any sin in your life is driving your mental health down, like it really is. I'm telling you, when I was still living in impurity, when I was not pursuing purity, when I was tolerating sin, when I was tolerating sin out of my own mouth, when I was tolerating the things that I watched, every single thing, ear gates, eye gates, open doors. Like everything, everything, everything that we do has an effect on our mental health. That's why Jesus calls us to a life of purity and righteousness, because that's what leads to life. Everything else will truly lead you into bad mental health. And there's genetic predisposition. So you're already fighting a battle that's not yours to begin with. You're fighting your parents battle with mental health. Their parents battle. That's just passed down. But the beautiful thing with Jesus is that he steps into your story, rewrites your family bloodline, and says that it ends with you. Whatever you're dealing with that your mom couldn't heal, that your dad couldn't, couldn't fix, Jesus can fix. In your life, you have the ability. And so we're just going to give you one piece of Scripture. 2 Corinthians 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God. And we take every thought in our mind captive and make it obedient to Christ. We declare every thought that comes in obedient to Jesus. That means no thought can come into your mind. That's a lie. That's an anxious thought. That's a fearful thought. Jesus is lord over your mind. Jesus, you are governed by the spirit of God, not by fear, not by anxiety. You have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. And we come in agreement right now and declare the mind of Christ over you. You have the mind of Christ. You belong to Jesus. Your mind belongs to Jesus. He is your safety and your a refuge. You are safe in your body and you're good. You just have to understand you're more than just okay. Your future is going to be more than just okay. It's going to be full and it's going to be full of life.
- [85:23]
Ari
Yeah. Good job, Van.
- [85:26]
Ang
We love you guys so much. Seriously. We're so in this mental health journey with you because we've walked it. We continue to walk it. We're in it with you. And it's a daily renewal, it's a daily surrender, it's a daily battle. But you're not fighting it. Jesus is fighting it on your behalf. But you have to let him in.
- [85:45]
Ari
Yes. And God will never condemn you. So when you have condemning thoughts, you have to know it's not real. He will never condemn you or make you feel shame. And one of the greatest things that we have is we can choose our thoughts. We can choose them, we can shut them down. We can make it obey Christ.
- [86:01]
Ang
Amen. Amen. We love you guys so much. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. We love you.
- [86:12]
Ari
Great episode.
- [86:13]
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- [87:13]
Ari
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Ang
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Ari
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Ang
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Ari
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