Unanswered Prayers & Disappointment | Girls Gone Bible

Summary

Girls Gone Bible: Episode Summary – "Unanswered Prayers & Disappointment"

Episode Information:

• Title: Unanswered Prayers & Disappointment
• Hosts: Angela Halili and Arielle Reitsma
• Release Date: July 4, 2025
• Description: Hosted by Angela Halili and Arielle Reitsma, Girls Gone Bible explores all things Jesus and life, navigating the challenges of faith and everyday experiences as two imperfect girls serving an absolutely perfect God.

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Introduction: Embracing Imperfections (00:00 – 08:13)

The episode opens with the hosts sharing light-hearted, personal anecdotes about their appearances and quirks, setting a relatable and authentic tone. Angela humorously discusses her experience on a podcast, highlighting her imperfect moments, such as awkward hairstyles and dental issues. This candid conversation quickly transitions into deeper topics, establishing a foundation of vulnerability and honesty.

Notable Quote:

Angela (00:04): "The greatest thing that God has ever done for me is put me on a podcast where I have to watch back with, like, hair sticking up on the back of my head."

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Understanding Unanswered Prayers and Anxiety (08:14 – 20:30)

Angela delves into her recent experience with therapy, revealing her diagnosis of heightened anxiety and her struggle with high functioning stress. She discusses the challenge of seeking help and the common misconceptions about therapy, relating it to their personal journeys of faith and reliance on God.

Notable Quotes:

Angela (02:13): "I have a high capacity for stress and that I can handle a lot, but it's not good for me."

Arielle (10:40): "One of the greatest things I think I've ever gotten to do with you. It's been so amazing to see the outpouring of how much people relate to us just through our stories and our vulnerability."

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Scriptural Reflections: Proverbs 13:12 (08:16 – 17:14)

Angela introduces the key scripture of the episode, Proverbs 13:12, which contrasts the pain of deferred hope with the life-giving nature of fulfilled hopes. She explains how delayed answers to prayers can lead to bitterness and resentment, drawing from her own experiences of heartbreak and unmet expectations.

Notable Quotes:

Angela (08:18): "Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Arielle (10:40): "Out of the wilderness 31 devotions to walk through your hardest seasons."

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Personal Testimonies: Wrestling with God (20:30 – 33:38)

The hosts share their personal stories of dealing with unanswered prayers, particularly focusing on Angela's experience with a broken relationship and Arielle's fasting and prayers for a loved one. They explore the emotional and physical toll of prolonged suffering and the importance of maintaining faith despite not seeing immediate answers.

Notable Quotes:

Angela (11:20): "I was in 2022. It felt like a nightmare I was waiting to wake up from."

Arielle (15:58): "When you have such a high capacity for stress and handle a lot, it’s not good for you."

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The Tension of Faith: Immediate and Final Hope (33:38 – 46:17)

Angela and Arielle discuss the inherent tension in the Christian walk between immediate hope—trusting in Jesus' presence and miracles—and final hope—the promise of eternal life where there is no more pain or suffering. They emphasize that this tension is a fundamental aspect of faith, helping believers navigate disappointment without losing their trust in God.

Notable Quotes:

Arielle (17:13): "When you're in the will of God, you stop trying to go by your own ignorance and your own strength."

Angela (28:22): "This is the tension we live in. Faith and a lack of faith, trust and mistrust, joy and suffering—all realities of journeying with God."

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Coping with Disappointment: Acceptance and Dependence (46:17 – 50:14)

The hosts offer practical advice on dealing with unanswered prayers and disappointment. They encourage listeners to embrace their emotions, share their burdens with Jesus, and maintain persistent prayer. Angela emphasizes the importance of acceptance and letting go of resentment, while Arielle highlights the significance of community support and continuous prayer.

Notable Quotes:

Arielle (40:31): "Give your sick heart and your broken pieces to the one that is whole, to the one who will never leave you."

Angela (43:24): "Any disappointment that we face is truly, truly supposed to lead us towards Jesus."

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Conclusion: Hope and Healing (50:14 – End)

Angela and Arielle wrap up the episode by reaffirming the value of suffering with Jesus, which leads to deeper faith and eventual healing. They stress that while pain and disappointment are inevitable, they serve a greater purpose in bringing believers closer to God. The episode concludes with a blessing, encouraging listeners to find peace and shalom despite their struggles.

Notable Quotes:

Angela (44:08): "Not everything has to make sense for me. I have no idea what God is doing."

Arielle (48:19): "He doesn't let your pain or your grief go to waste."

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Key Takeaways:

1. Vulnerability in Faith: Sharing personal struggles and imperfections fosters a deeper connection with God and the community.
2. Understanding Anxiety and Stress: Recognizing and addressing mental health is integral to maintaining spiritual well-being.
3. Scriptural Guidance: Proverbs 13:12 serves as a foundation for understanding the impact of unanswered prayers.
4. Balancing Immediate and Final Hope: Navigating the tension between trusting in present miracles and the promise of eternal life helps sustain faith during tough times.
5. Practical Coping Strategies: Embracing emotions, persistent prayer, and community support are essential for healing and maintaining hope.
6. Transformative Suffering: Suffering, when shared with Jesus, leads to deeper faith, healing, and eventual redemption.

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Final Blessing:

Angela (50:11): "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom in your life."

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This episode of Girls Gone Bible offers a profound exploration of the struggles associated with unanswered prayers and disappointment, providing both personal insights and spiritual guidance. Through honest dialogue and scriptural reflections, Angela and Arielle encourage listeners to maintain their faith, embrace their emotions, and find solace in their relationship with Jesus, even amidst life's most challenging moments.

Transcript

[Ari]

Foreign.

[Angela]

Let's go. Today is a truly the day the Lord has made, and we will rejoice and be glad in it. Even in the shirt. And look Chicken Little with the hair. Like, listen, the greatest thing that God has ever done for me is put me on a podcast where I have to watch back with, like, hair sticking up on the back of my head. I have literal Princess Diana sitting across from me. I show it. No, no, actually. And I love it. But then I show up in this. By the way, I want you guys to know that under Ari's dress, she has a camisole with bunnies on it. Like, these are the things you don't know. And I feel like you should know.

[Ari]

You really should know. I also have tooth. Listen.

[Angela]

Hey, how much do they charge for a crown? This guy in Beverly Hills tried to.

[Ari]

Charge him 2,500 teeth. You know, I used to have silver caps on your teeth, everyone. I don't know if this is just an east coast thing. I think it is, but growing up, I had all silver caps on my teeth. Yeah, no. Yeah, my teeth used. I have really weak enamel, so my teeth would rot out of my head. I'd get a cavity every other week.

[Angela]

I've had so many cavities. Let's go, cavity king. Let's go.

[Ari]

I love this. I love this personality in your cold, baby. Yeah, let's go.

[Angela]

Come on, baby. Come on. Let's go, skinny legend.

[Ari]

Angela, please keep your.

[Angela]

Feel good? I feel good.

[Ari]

Angela. Angela. She gets her Bowie.

[Angela]

I don't know what's happening. I'm just like. I'm so tired. I don't know.

[Ari]

Well, yeah. You filmed an episode.

[Angela]

No. You know what it is? I went to therapy. Was it yesterday morning? Yeah. Went to therapy yesterday morning, and I laid out my life for the lady. I told her everything. And then I told her just, like, about what I deal with these days and just everything about my life. I finished. She goes, are you okay? And I said, yeah. Why? And she goes, that's a lot. And I was like, okay. And then she goes. And then she told me that I have heightened anxiety. And then I'm, like, high functioning.

[Ari]

And.

[Angela]

And she's like. She's like, you do. She said I have a high capacity for stress and that I can handle a lot, but it's not good for me. And I literally go, okay, what do we do?

[Ari]

Do you know?

[Angela]

I don't want to do that.

[Ari]

I was thinking about when we first became friends, and I tell you that I'm in therapy, and you would look at me and you'd be like, well, good for you. That's really good. It's not my thing. I just don't like it.

[Angela]

I don't believe it. I would. Yeah.

[Ari]

And now, like, it's crazy.

[Angela]

I was so. I like. But even now, I struggle a little bit in therapy because. And she told me, the lady yesterday, she looks at me and goes, well, so your issue is not that you don't know. She goes, you know exactly what's wrong with you.

[Ari]

Oh, do you always say, I just don't know?

[Angela]

No, no. She was like, you. She was like, you know exactly what's wrong with you. We just need to figure out now how do we fix it? Because, you know, she was like, you.

[Ari]

Know, I never know in therapy. They. I want. They want to rip their hair out.

[Angela]

Really?

[Ari]

I go, I just. Like, I don't know, you know? And she's like, no, I don't know.

[Angela]

No, I don't know, actually. Can you tell me? That's what we're here for.

[Ari]

And then I'll always be like, can I just ask you one more thing? And my therapist would go, what do you think we're here for? Would you stop asking me if you can ask me one more thing? I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right.

[Angela]

I stopped in the middle of talking, and I go. I'm like, I just. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm trauma dumping on you. I swear, my life. She goes, what do you think you're paying me for? I was like, that's right. You better listen up.

[Ari]

You know what I would always do?

[Angela]

Get in her arms. Lay down on the floor.

[Ari]

Play with her.

[Angela]

I don't know.

[Ari]

Get in her arms. Yeah, I would.

[Angela]

Angela.

[Ari]

Yeah. I don't want to ride.

[Angela]

I'm sorry.

[Ari]

No. I would make it about her. I'd be like, what's going on with you?

[Angela]

Yeah. No, tell them.

[Ari]

Like, it's okay. What's going on?

[Angela]

Same. We. I. You know, I flipped it at one point.

[Ari]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Yesterday, she started telling me about her. She goes, that's not what we're here for. The first time I ever got on the phone with a mentor because John knows me so well, and he knows a little Miss Independent. Doesn't know how to ask for help. Used to. Now I know how. But he calls me before I talk to the mentor and goes, hey, by the way, when you get on the phone, don't ask her any questions. Don't try to see how she's doing. Don't Try and see if you can help her. She's good.

[Ari]

People pleasing.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

Is that what people pleasing is? No, I think we just. I just care. We care.

[Angela]

Yeah, we care.

[Ari]

I don't know how to get poured into.

[Angela]

Yeah, you need to learn how to be loved. Talk about that. Where'd that come from? Angela, tell us about. You know. You know, we're gonna laugh.

[Ari]

Anyways.

[Angela]

I know you guys are full grown adults.

[Ari]

Full grown.

[Angela]

But you still are kids here for solid foods.

[Ari]

You really do be looking like an auntie, though.

[Angela]

What the heck does that mean?

[Ari]

No, I'm just saying you would be a good auntie.

[Angela]

Jesse, make sure we turn that down on the after sight and scream in their ears. Excuse me. I look like an auntie. I look like someone's big fat On. Wait, you didn't say fat. I'm sorry. Why?

[Ari]

You're looking like somebody's auntie.

[Angela]

Why? In this. In this. In this jacket. Right?

[Ari]

No, I actually. I'm gonna ask you to borrow it.

[Angela]

You can't. It's very expensive.

[Ari]

Sell it. You think Jesus would be wearing that jacket?

[Angela]

Jesus is coming back in the clouds. I know.

[Ari]

Woe to you. That's what we'll be saying.

[Angela]

What was me? Not woe to you. We're not gonna say woe to you, to Jesus.

[Ari]

Somebody. Somebody told me that we're gonna be like, whoa, to me.

[Angela]

No, woe is me.

[Ari]

No, no, no. Somebody said, like, his presence is gonna. It's gonna, like, strike us. But I just pictured, like, hanging onto his leg and being like, dad, I know.

[Angela]

I can't wait.

[Ari]

I said, do you shake us off? Do you get upset when I talk to you like this?

[Angela]

And what'd he say?

[Ari]

I don't know.

[Angela]

I think.

[Ari]

I think it's okay.

[Angela]

You know, I can't even talk in baby voice if I try. I feel like all my friends talk in baby voice. And I legitimately.

[Ari]

That's my favorite.

[Angela]

Hello.

[Ari]

Everyone says I could be a cartoon character. It's one of my.

[Angela]

No, I literally. I gave myself the FBI full body ick.

[Ari]

Try it.

[Angela]

I can't. Hello.

[Ari]

Hey, everybody. That weird. You sound like a pedophile. I know.

[Angela]

That was pervy. You sound like a perv. Okay.

[Ari]

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[Angela]

We haven't said that in so long.

[Ari]

It's one of my favorite lines.

[Angela]

I love that we.

[Ari]

How was that intro? Was it good? Guys?

[Angela]

It was actually phenomenal. Preaching this from this one scripture out of Proverbs 13, verse 12, it's hope deferred makes the heart sick. But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. A longing fulfilled is a tree of life. So when you have a longing in your heart and it's fulfilled through prayer, through a promise coming to pass, a tree of life is produced like life comes from it. And then the other part of that verse is that hope deferred makes the heart sick. So hope that never actually comes into fruition. Your prayer doesn't get answered. You're in the waiting a lot longer than you thought you'd be. Something did not turn out the way that you thought it would, makes your heart sick. And I think so many of us have experienced this where man disappointment can ruin you. Like truly grief and disappointment and delay can absolutely crush your heart, crush your soul. And what I see happen a lot is bitterness, resentment, turning from God, blaming God. And I think that yeah, what we're going to talk about today is just like the mystery of the kingdom of God, the mystery of God and Jesus and prayer. And why does God answer some prayers but not others? Why do we have to wait way longer than we want to? Why do some People get healed and other people don't. And how do you make it so that your heart doesn't get sick? Because disappointment leads to sickness, bitterness and resentment.

[Ari]

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Something that our heart longs for, Something that we've put our faith on, Something that our heart aches for. Something that we are so expectant and that we're so excited about. And then the opposite happens. I definitely had some hope deferred. Out of the wilderness 31 devotions to walk with God through your hardest seasons One of the greatest things I think I've ever gotten to do with you. It's been so amazing to seeing the outpouring of how much. How much people relate to us just through our stories and our vulnerability. And I just can't believe how much we poured out of this thing.

[Angela]

I know.

[Ari]

And how much people are just like, wait, I've gone through this too. Like, I. And they just. So many of you guys feel seen and it's. You have no idea what that does to Angela and I's heart. So we just. Thank you for all the messages and the stories. It's. It's been. It's so sweet. I just can't believe it. I still can't believe we wrote this thing. It's crazy.

[Angela]

But.

[Ari]

Out of the wilderness 31 devotions to walk through your hardest seasons One of my first things that I wrote, which was the hardest story I think for me to write because I was in the middle of my healing, was Love left. But Jesus stayed. And I'll just read a little part.

[Angela]

So many people tag us in this one.

[Ari]

Love left and Jesus stayed. Yeah, I think we've all felt such heartbreak. And heartbreak is. Man, does it take you out. It really does. I mean, so. I mean, it's inevitable to. To go through heartbreak in life, but when you go through it, you feel like you're the only person in the world. Like, does anyone understand? Because I literally feel like I'm dying. I'm just going to read a little part from this devotional. It was after I. Which I talked about in the waiting season. But when everything got stripped from me and my relationship ended, I wrote I was in 2022. It felt like a nightmare I was waiting to wake up from. Anxious, hopeless, brokenhearted, and sleep deprived. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was alive but not living. I was merely just trying to survive. The emotional pain was so severe, it felt physical, like a sickness with claws so deep, it felt unbearable. Here I was 30, eager to start my life with the person I loved so much and I trusted so much. And then suddenly all of my dreams of being a wife and a mother, we're gone. If that ain't hope deferred, I don't know it is. But yeah, that was my hope deferred. And it's. It's crazy because when you have so much faith in something, when you have so much hope on something, your heart really does get so sick to the point where you cannot receive anything, you cannot think straight. The emotional sickness manifests so much that it really does become so physical. I also wrote in this book about how I was just trying to fight through so much. And I was with friends one night and I was trying so hard to just be okay. And sometimes you're in so much emotional pain, you don't even realize how it's manifesting in your body because you're just in survival mode and you're trying to just get through. And I'll never forget, this was one of the last times where I was like, I need help. Like, I'm not gonna make it if I don't get better. So I think this was God's wake up call for me. But I was out with my friends, and I'm sitting there and I. I'm around all my friends and everybody's laughing and everybody's talking, and all of a sudden I. I can't hear anything. And my. I couldn't even speak. And in my mind I was saying, it's all in your head, right? Like, why can't you hear? I can't even get anything out of my mouth. And I hear my friend saying, ariel. And I was like. It almost felt like I was in like a fever dream or something. Like I couldn't speak, I couldn't hear. Everything went white. I stood up and I completely collapsed. I was in so much pain. My friends, each one of them carry me over their shoulders. They put me in their car, they rushed me to the hospital. I'm sitting like this. I'll never forget it. I'm like begging to get admitted into a room. I was in so much pain. So they're doing hours of testing, hours of scanning, and then after like eight or nine hours, they come back and they're like, everything looks good. You had a nervous breakdown. And so my emotional pain manifested into the physical. And I was so sick that my body completely broke down. So having a sick heart is no joke. I just feel for so many people with sick hearts right now. In my journey with My hope deferred is that I look back on everything. I look back on the hope of wanting to be a mom, the hope of wanting to get married, the hope of wanting my dreams to come true, the hope of all these things that I wanted. And I look at my life now and I realized my hopes were not God's hopes at that time. You know what I mean? Like, and I think about Jesus. He goes from looking at the Father, saying, if it is possible, let this cup pass. For me being in so much pain, not wanting to go to the cross, to then saying, no, no, no, nevertheless, not my will, but your will. And that is something that I always carry with me. Because if I've learned anything this past two and a half years is nevertheless not my will be done, but your will be done. Because our lives are connected to so much more than ourselves.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

And my life was connected to all of you guys. My life was connected to so many other things that it wasn't my time yet. I had all these hopes and dreams and I thought I was being set apart. And he was like, I have something so much better for you. You need to stand still. And so, so many of us have all these expectations and all these hopes and you think you're being punished, but. But your life is connected to so much more than you. And so God is being like when he says, my ways are so much higher than your ways and my thoughts are so much higher than your thoughts. You have to believe that. So if you don't have something yet, it's because it's not your time yet. And then I think with hope too, it's like in our ignorance, we thought we didn't have all the facts. Yeah, I think when you put your faith on something, it's expensive and there's nothing wrong with that. There was nothing wrong that I put my faith on something that just shows how much I loved, but I didn't have all the facts. So in my ignorance, I didn't have all the facts.

[Angela]

Yeah, totally.

[Ari]

There was something that I expected in my journey that I didn't have all the facts.

[Angela]

Exactly.

[Ari]

And that's why when you are on your journey with Jesus, when you're in the will of God, you stop trying to go by your own ignorance and your own strength. And you say, whatever you take away, have it. Because I know you know better than I do. And that's the most beautiful thing. You don't sit and live in survival mode anymore. You don't sit in stress and worry all day because you know the beauty with Jesus, you don't have to live in anguish and survival mode and stress, because life with Jesus is safety. And I say that so much, but I'll say it again. It's safe. It's the safest place to be. I was. I woke up this morning. It's so funny. I've been asking God to speak to me in my dreams. I had a dream last night that I was, like, hunched over and I was looking down, and I was looking at everyone around me, and they were all hunched down and looking down. And it was like. It was almost. When I woke up, I was like, what did that dream mean? And he gave me this vision of, like, back when I was just trying to go, go, go and make my dreams come true and do this and do that, and I had no one else but myself. I was going by my own strength, and I was looking at everyone else around me. And it was a vision of everyone just trying to get by, get through, because they don't have Jesus. And I was grieving this morning so much because life without Jesus, it was truly hell. Of course my hope was deferred. Of course my heart was so sick because I was constantly trying to make things come true, do things by my own will, and so give your life to Jesus. Yeah. And then I started meditating on this scripture. One day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else. I would rather have one day as a gatekeeper in the house of the Lord, then live the good life with the wicked. And so I meditated on that for about an hour today, and I was just like, yeah, that's what life with you is like. All of my dreams, all of my hopes, all of the things I was so stressed out about. You're so much better. You are so much bigger. Life with you is so safe, Lord. Like, I was literally looking up and I was like, life with you is so safe. It's so good. It's safety. And people are robbing themselves when they're trying to make their dreams come true and trying to make things happen. And they're living in survival mode and they're keeping their head down and they're trying to make this money and they're trying to make this relationship work. Focus on Jesus, and then everything else will be added to you because life with him, one, even one moment with him is better than anything else.

[Angela]

Thank you, Jesus. So good. I love that scripture. So much better is one day in your course than a thousand elsewhere.

[Ari]

Put so much emphasis on dreams and goals and work and relationships and marriage. And while all those desires are good to have, focus on your relationship with Jesus, intimacy with him.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

And then that's where safety comes. And then all those other things, you're like, have it all. And whatever you want from me, Lord, it's okay. Like, I grieve. I, I, I want a relationship, I want marriage, I want all those things. But at the end of the day, I'm safe, I'm good.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

Because I have him. And we all need to get to that place.

[Angela]

Exactly. And it's about like, what if we think about hope deferred makes the heart sick. I think a piece of it is like, right, we're never meant to put our hope in anything other than Jesus. We're actually not meant to put our hope in a person. We're not meant to put our hope in a career. We're not meant to put our hope in even a purpose, even in God's will. Like, we're actually supposed to only put our hope in the One who is hope. Jesus is hope manifested. He is the hope of the world. Like, we're supposed to put our hope in the gospel. We're supposed to put complete our hope 100% in Jesus so that no matter what happens, it actually doesn't matter.

[Ari]

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[Angela]

Love this topic so much because there's a tension in the kingdom of God. And this is what I wrote about in one of my devotionals on page 77, day 13 of our devotional. I wrote a devotional and it's called we who Wrestle with God. And I read this scripture from Genesis 32, verse 24 to 28, and it talks about Jacob. If a lot of you guys know Jacob, he is the son of Isaac, all the way back in Genesis. And Jacob, I love this story so much and I see so much of myself in Jacob because basically the Lord comes to Jacob in the night and they spend hours, they spend all night wrestling one another. And it's just like metaphorical and symbolic of our wrestle with God. Like, and, and Jacob literally said to God, I will not let go until you bless me. And so it's just such a beautiful depiction of wrestling with God and even doubting at times and even being a little angry and not understanding but still being like, but I'm not going to let you go until you bless me. So like, I still want you above the things that are hurting me, the things that I'm wrestling with, the hope that's been deferred, like, like I'm wrestling with you because I'm not happy about it, but I still love you above that thing. And then the scripture ends with it saying that he was limping because of his hip because God literally went and took his hip socket out and left him with a limp for the of his life. And so this is all significant because, you know, obviously we all have like our specific wounds. Like Ari has this relationship that so many people can relate to because that's like almost all of our main points of pain is that we live in a world where people can just leave, they can break up with you, they can cheat on you, they can abandon you. Like, it's just. Love is a risk. Love is really scary. It's really vulnerable because crazy things happen. And you know, on another hand, like the wound of my life is obviously something that I don't talk about a lot because so much of my stuff personally is outside of myself. It's with other people and obviously to protect the privacy of everybody. I like never talk about anything specifically. But yeah, the wound of my life, GGB plus knows, but the wound of my life is just people I love, family members I love, who really need healing, who really need saving, who need like radical life altering, Jesus rescuing, salvation. And that's really scary. And anybody who's watching, who has somebody in your life that, like, you know, you might be a parent who thinks, what am I going to do when I die? What is my child going to do because they can't take care of themselves. Or if you're a sibling who's like, my sibling is very unwell or in jail or in a hospital, and I love them so much, or they're simply not saved. I don't know if there's really any pain than the one that lives, like, outside of you. Like, it's one thing when the pain is within yourself and it's to do with your own life, that's really hard. And then there's just such a sense of hopelessness when it's outside of yourself, when it's somebody that you love. And so I know any parents out there who are praying for your prodigal child. You're praying for your sick child, siblings, daughters, praying for your parents, praying for your spouse. Like, just know that you have somebody that's with you in it. Ari as well, who, like, we know what it's like to stand in the gap for someone. It's the hardest, probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. And I'm just gonna tell you right now, I don't have, like, beautiful band aids to put on top of it. Like, yes, we have Romans 8:28. God works all things together for good. Have Genesis 50:20, that whatever the enemy meant for evil, God will use for good. And we live in a tension where bad things happen and we all have to suffer. But the beautiful thing about suffering with Jesus is that it actually leads to hope, because suffering without Jesus just sends you to the grave immediately. And let me just read a little bit out of this devotional. I said, I live my life in tension, the tension between joy and suffering. I experience euphoric joy on a daily basis, and yet my life has been equally marked by deep suffering. I have an incredible and undeniable gift of faith. I have also wrestled with God through many nights. Only he and I know the extent and the depth to which we've wrestled. So how am I able to have a heart full of faith even as I emotionally flood the Lord with questions as to why He. He hasn't answered the one prayer I need answered. We've all had moments where we call out to God with a deafening cry, expecting him to answer. And yet silence is what we receive. At other times, we see his hand move powerfully in response to our prayers. This contrast can be perplexing and painful and leaves us wondering, why does God Answer some prayers, but not others. In those moments, we often find ourselves wrestling with God like Jacob did, seeking an answer, a breakthrough, or even just understanding.

[Ari]

Beautiful.

[Angela]

And then I basically tell this story about how I was standing in the gap for a family member that I love so deeply and who is as close as it gets. And I was actually fasting for this person. And I was fasting for breakthrough. I was fasting for a change, and I had, like, a heart full of faith. And right. Like, I look at my own life and I was supernaturally delivered from alcohol, radically healed from anxiety and panic attacks. Do I still obviously fall back, struggle? Yes. But, like, I do believe I was completely delivered from, like, them being lord over me. And so I'm. I've experienced so much miraculous as healing and just powerful moves of God. And I basically write about in the devotional that, like, one of the main points of tension for me is like, being in ministry, seeing so many people get healed. I've seen physical healings, emotional healings, mental healings. I've. We've seen how many people get saved. You, we have no idea. We'll never even know. And like I said in the Philip episode, like, when you are a minister of the gospel and you see such powerful moves of God, but then you can't. You don't see those same things, those same moves in your own home. Like, you can't. You don't see the power of God in your own family. And like, you would do anything. Like, please stop answering every other prayer. Like, this is the tension I live in. Like, I've literally said, like, please stop answering my prayers. Like, don't answer them. Answer this one. Don't answer anymore. And so I then talk about. So, yeah, basically I'm fasting for this person. I get a phone call and think in the middle of my fast, things are a thousand times worse than they were before I fasted. So I was all confused, heartbroken, devastated, angry with God. Like, what is going on? Like, what is going on? When is it going to change? When is it there going to be a shift? When is there going to be healing? Like, I know you can just walk into their room. I know you can literally just open their eyes and everything be fixed. So why don't you? Yeah. And then I remember that same night or the next morning, one of my really close friends who I had been walking through her faith with her, told me that, like, before she went to bed, she asked God, if you're real, I want you to wake me up at 5 o' clock in the morning and then I'll believe you're real. Something like that. And she calls me the next day and says that God woke her up at 5 o' clock in the morning. And it was one of the most like, gut wrenching things I think I've ever been through because I was so confused. Like, you answer this like I'm, like I'm not upset that you. But like, I, I, I'm perplexed. I don't understand. Why do you answer some prayers but you don't answer others? Like, I am contending I'm dying. Me and my mom have been on our knees for over 10 years praying for the same thing. When is it gonna change? And this is the tension that we live in. And I'll just read this one last part because this is where I kind of sum it up. I wrote, I've come to a beautiful point of acceptance that there may be some redemption I will not see on the side of eternity. It may only be when our earthly bodies have transferred and transformed into our heavenly bodies, where there is no more mourning or sickness or pain, that I will receive my wish to see my loved ones healed. I love the fact that after Jacob wrestled with God, he walked with a limp. I too find myself naturally walking with a limp. One foot on earth and one foot in heaven. Faith and a lack of faith, trust and mistrust, joy and suffering, all realities of journeying with God. The kingdom is so full of tension that reveals so much beauty through the human existence. And so I basically say all this to say, I just wrote some notes down and some thoughts of, like, there's the. You guys have probably heard this before, but throughout the Christian walk and throughout life in general, we have a cup of joy and a cup of suffering. And to drink one means you have to drink the other one. Jesus drank both. I actually think that the cup is both joy and suffering in one cup. I think it's the same cup. I think it is the human existence that we're going to walk through deep suffering. And I think a lot of Christians maybe think that because Jesus suffered for us, we won't suffer. But it's just not the truth. Because the truth of scripture is actually that if we join in his suffering, if we share in his suffering, then we share in his glory. So worldly suffering leads to death and disappointment and bitterness and a lack of faith and just turning away from God. Whereas suffering with Jesus, suffering in the hope of Jesus, we get to share in his glory. You get to experience things you never would have had you not suffered with him.

[Ari]

And.

[Angela]

And I wrote in the devotional, like, again, I'm not here to, like, I just don't want to give you guys, like, some Band Aid cliches that I know don't help. Right. I just want to let you guys know that I just think that there comes a level of acceptance in our walks with Jesus where we realize coming from someone who, like, I hated having a bad day. I hate negative emot. I hate, like, I will disassociate before I feel something negative because I hate it so much. But it's just not right. Like, we are meant to walk in the fullness of every emotion that we feel, including grief. And I think what's really important for all of us is that we come to a place of acceptance. Like, we have to accept that we live in a fallen world and sin runs rampant in our world. Evil is all around us, and we will be disappointed by people. We will get hurt. There are instances, yes, where God is like, I took this away for your good because I have something better. And that's a true reality so much of the time. And I think what's been helpful for me is also realizing that, like, people have free will and sometimes they do things that aren't good. And sometimes. And luckily Jesus can bless that and he can make good from that. But I think there's something so beautiful, beautiful about accepting, like, man, people are going to disappoint us and we're going to disappoint people, and we're all going to hurt each other, and we're all going to face major disappointment, major delay. And it sucks so bad. But our hope really is Jesus. Like, the plan has always been Jesus. Before the foundations of the earth were even laid, the plan was Jesus, God. All we knew that we were going to suffer. He knew, and that's why he had a plan from the very beginning. And John said something so cute the other night. He was like, we were just talking about God and he painted such a beautiful picture. He was like, can you even imagine before all of this was created, before we are ever on earth, before the stars were even in the sky. Imagine, like, we've always been the point. Humans have always been the point. We really are the apple of God's eye. And imagine the Trinity, Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. We're all, like, sitting around having a conversation, and God was talking about us, and he was like, I'm bringing them into this world and I'm going to give them choice because that's true love, right? We fell, man, fell because we made the choice to go against God. He didn't want us to live in some sort of utopia where we, like, were robots. Like, that's not love. There's choice in love. And so imagine God is like, I'm gonna bring them on earth and I'm gonna give them everything, but they're gonna go against us, and then they're really gonna need us because they're gonna be hurting, they're gonna suffer. But I have a plan. We're gonna save them. And then imagine the Father looks at Jesus and goes, we're gonna have to sacrifice you. And imagine Jesus is like, I'llingly go, he's so sweet. He's so cute. And so it's just this, like, this is the tension that we live in. This is the tension that we live in. I. And this is what I want. I don't have all the answers. I. I really don't have all the answers. If somebody that you know or love is sick and mentally ill or in jail or completely so far away from God and you are contending and standing in the gap for their salvation and their healing, and you don't see any movement, you don't see any change, you live in tension. You live in the tension. And I like to describe it. I heard a pastor talk about it like this. There's immediate hope, and then there's the final hope. And when we talk about hope, our immediate hope is Jesus. It's always Jesus. But our immediate hope is that, like, we have Jesus who died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins, sends us the Holy Spirit by his stripes, we are healed so we can receive supernatural deliverance, healing, freedom, all this stuff. Like, this is our immediate hope that on earth we get a little slice of heaven because the Holy Spirit lives within us and miracles happen and amazing things happen. And then we have our final hope, which is the fact that one day in heaven, in eternity with Jesus, there is no more mourning, there's no more sickness, there's no more death. And our tension while we're on Earth is that we live between these two things. We live with complete faith that right now, it's dichotomy. This is tension. You have to be believing for two things at once. And that's how you cause your heart to not get sick from disappointment. Because I have complete hope that my family member will be saved, healed, delivered, and my entire family is going to be like. It's just going to be the most beautiful prophetic picture of What Jesus does on Earth. I live with that full faith 24 hours a day, even when I don't see movement. And I live with my final hope of being in heaven where I will never have to hurt again. I'll never see my mom hurt again. That is how you combat that disappointment. You realize that there's tension and. And then life is hard and we suffer. But if we suffer with Jesus, we share in his glory. If you allow Jesus to come in and comfort your heart in your disappointment, in your delay, it's all an invitation to deeper dependence. It really is. I know we say that and it sounds funny, but, like, Jesus is so interest. So much more interested in the state of your heart and your dependence on him than he is in making anything happen in your life. Yeah. People don't want to hear that because they want Jesus to be this, like, amazing, whatever that does everything, but he's really interested in this and persistent in praying.

[Ari]

One thing about us is we don't stop praying for our family members and for the people we love and for all you guys that come and, and, and share your stories. And so persistent prayer, it's not desperation, it's devotion. And it moves the heart of God when you pray fervently for the people you love. And maybe it's not exactly the way you want it to look, but I know in my family I have seen little bits of miracles. And boy, I know that's from prayer.

[Angela]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari]

Completely praying every single day. And so, yeah, maybe it doesn't look like the way you want it exactly, but don't ever stop praying for the people you love.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

Yeah.

[Angela]

What do you do when a prayer doesn't get answered?

[Ari]

I don't know. You just. I don't have that answer. I just know that if I don't have something, it's because it wasn't in the will of God.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

And just like you said about eternity, that this is just a little blip.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

This life comes and goes and it goes like this, but we have eternity with Jesus. Yeah. That's so beautiful. So funny how we both have, like, the same story.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Ari]

I just don't want to see you guys be so stuck for so many years. I don't want you guys to look back at your life. And so many years went by because you stayed so sick. It's so hard for the word to get to the heart when the heart is so sick, because everything is fogged when you're sick. And so I don't know who this is for right now, but. But some of you guys have been like, I was, like, wringing your hands in anguish, and you're sitting there and you're wondering why this had to happen, and your mind is being tormented, and you keep asking yourself the same repetitive questions over and over on why this happened and what you could have done differently. And you're going to your friends and you keep asking them, and you have no rest in your heart and your soul. And. And I want to let you know that God let your life fall apart so you can finally stop clinging to the thing that was killing you. So cry out. Let your tears flow. Give your sick heart and your broken pieces to the one that is whole, to the one who will never leave you. Grieve in the arms of the people that love you. Because that's when healing follows. Oftentimes God will allow you to get to the end of yourself, and that's out of his love to show you who you are. He'll allow you to get to the end of your strength, to show you what real strength is. And that's Him. Your broken heart isn't the death of you. It is the beginning. Your life had to fall apart. Your heart had to break. Because honestly, that wasn't life at all. Your life was sin and survival and the version of you that was shrinking yourself, the version of you that was settling, the version of you that was acting like everything was okay, that was not who God intended you to be. He's not punishing you. He's freeing you. And on the other side of your heartbreak, on the other side of your sick heart is redemption and freedom and joy and peace and wholeness and a tree of life. So let go. I want you guys to write this in your notes. This isn't my burden to carry anymore. Give it to him.

[Angela]

Him.

[Ari]

Because he is so much better than everything that you're sitting there being sick over. Let it go.

[Angela]

Yeah. So good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. Any disappointment that we face is truly, truly, truly supposed to lead us towards Jesus. And that is the hardest thing to do. Because when you're disappointed, when you're hurt, when you're stressed out, when you're anxious, like, the last thing you want to do is go and spend time with Jesus a lot of the time. But truly, an unanswered prayer. The thing about unanswered prayers, though, is that if God answered every single one of our prayers, if everything went exactly how we wanted, we would live in what I talked about. Earlier. A utopia where everything is suffering is.

[Ari]

The greatest gift of the world. I mean, not the world, but it's a gift. Suffering is also a gift.

[Angela]

Yeah, yeah, for sure it is. And it's just like, I'm just so grateful that God doesn't actually answer all of my prayers, even the ones that I really want him to. I have to accept that there is a wisdom of God that transcends my human understanding. And like, as much as it hurts, as much as it doesn't make sense, what really is helpful for me is that I realize, like, not everything has to make sense for me. I have no idea what God is doing. It looks like delay, but who knows what's actually taking place? Who knows what's actually happening? And any sort of disappointment, delay, lack of, like, an answered prayer that has turned into bitterness or resentment, that's a result of it not being taken to the foot of the cross. Like, disappointment actually doesn't have to turn into bitterness, but it does so often because we don't take it back to Jesus. I'm disappointed all the time. And I take it back to him. And I humbly say, I am so upset about this. I'm so hurt about this, and I don't understand it, and I'm submitting it back to you. It's just a transference. That's what happens. That's what, like, life with Jesus is. I have this hurt, I have this disappointment. I have this pain. I give it to you. You trade me and give me life. You trade me and give me hope. That's what this is all about. And what you guys are going to do do is you're going to go to the secret place and you're going to meet Jesus and you're going to bring him every single one of your disappointments. And I, if I was you, I would just write them down. What are every single one of your disappointments? Every way that you feel like God has failed you, every unanswered prayer, every way that you don't understand what he's doing, and then literally just give it to him and say, I'm giving this to you. Replace it with yourself. Replace it with hope. Replace it with love. Replace it with understanding. If you have that to give me. And it's about tension.

[Ari]

And don't hold back your grief. Don't let it sit. Bleed it out, cry it out. Healing is not an overnight thing. It takes time. And you could be like, but it's been a year. It's been two years. Even this morning, sitting out Where I would look out and I'm looking at the birds this morning and I. And I hear them. And I remember two and a half years ago, I would hear the birds and the sun would come through the windows on a summer day. And all a sudden of I could see was darkness because I was so sick. And I sit here this morning and I look out my window and it's bright and it's beautiful and my heart is healed. It takes time. Healing takes time. I've had so many days of crying out to my friends. I've had people hold me. I've had. It takes time. So don't give up on your healing. Don't throw the towel in just because you're like, I've been crying out. I've been. It's been so long, and I'm still so broken and I'm still so hurt. That's okay. Healing takes time. And grief sometimes is a forever thing. And you know what? It's something that I've accepted. I hoped that I would have so many more years with Riley that he wouldn't die of cancer under six months. I'd hoped that my stepdad would have lived and that I would still be with him right now and cancer wouldn't have taken him out, but it did. And I feel grief so often. It hits me so randomly. More often than not, I'm in a pain, in pain a lot. You know, grief is a forever thing. But I've learned to grieve with Jesus and I've learned to accept it. And I've learned that pain isn't always the worst thing. Grieving isn't always the worst thing. And through my grief, I've been able to help the lives of so many others. He doesn't let your pain or your grief go to waste. Waste. Don't waste the grief. Don't waste the pain. Because through your grief, you can really look in the eyes of so many other people and be like me too. You're not alone.

[Angela]

And if you feel like your grief or your pain or your delay or your disappointment or your hope deferred has caused you to be bitter towards God or resent God or have like, a skewed perception of who he is, Jesus doesn't deserve our resentment. I'll tell you that right now. Now, no matter what's happened in my life, no matter what's happened in your life, Jesus does not deserve our resentment. And it's a beautiful time to repent, which just means I turn away from the thoughts that I had about you. I turn away from the resentment that I was carrying towards God and I look at Jesus straight in his face and I say, you love me, you care for me. It was never your intention for me to live in such a crazy, screwed up, evil world where bad things happen and the prayers don't get answered the way I want them to and allow Jesus to come into your life. And so I think that's what we have today. We love you guys. What a beautiful conversation around. Just remember, Jesus is the hope of the world. He's the hope of the world. We put our hope in Jesus because everything can be taken away from us.

[Ari]

And he's Elroy, the God that sees you, the God that hasn't abandoned you, the God who is not going to let you sit there and die. In sickness. In sickness. In sickness. He loves you and he sees you. Yes, Elroy, I love you, Elroy. You see us.

[Angela]

Sweet Jesus, we love you guys so much. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for being here. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom Shalom. True Shalom Shalom in your life. We bless you with shalom.

[Ari]

Pray for your Sikh with perfect peace.

[Angela]

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