← Girls Gone Bible
Girls Gone Bible
Working Through Brokenness | Girls Gone Bible
00:59:03
Hiiii GGB! In this episode, we journeyed through what it’s like to work through brokenness and it took us all over the place. The secret place, father wounds, dealing with the past / shame, how to deal with conflict in a way that leads to...
Loading summary
Transcript166 lines
- [00:00]
Ari
Foreign you guys, have you ever experienced symptoms like the following Low energy levels or brain fog? Yep, this is something I've definitely struggled with. Glows ingredients support a multitude of different issues. Metabolism, energy levels, immune function, collagen production, inflammatory responses this new year is all about fresh starts and what better way to kick it off than addressing your hormone health. Hormone fluctuations are a common experience for many women and it's a topic I am increasingly focused on. These hormonal shifts can influence our health in numerous ways, affecting everything from our menstrual cycles and skin to our energy levels and metabolism. That's why I'm thrilled to introduce to you Glo by Beam, a product I've personally been using and absolutely loving lately. Glo by Beam is a hormone balancing superpower for women. Tailor made to help balance women's hormones, it contains 18 comprehensive active ingredients. Combined they make a daily super powder that supports fluctuations in metabolism, immune function, collagen production and more. Vitamins, minerals and natural antioxidants specially blended to synergize with each other and your body. No more guesswork in the vitamin aisle. Added electrolytes for a hydration boost and since it comes in the form of a tasty low sugar drink mix, it makes hydrating your body simple and delicious. You deserve to GLOW this new year and with the daily dose of restorative ingredients you will. Glow's benefits include supporting common hormone fluctuations as well as fluctuations in metabolism, immune function, collagen production and more. You guys start the year off right when you get your daily dose of restorative ingredients that support inner wellness and outer glow. GLOW supports a healthy inflammatory response. Get much needed support in this area from vitamin C and bromelain. GLOW supports thyroid function, vitamin A and selenium. Bring this benefit to the table. Improved sleep patterns, magnesium and Ashwagandha are to thank for this major benefit. We all know that poor sleep has all sorts of nasty side effects. Your New Year's resolutions now include supporting your glow. And now for a limited time, you get up to 35% off when you go to shop beam.com ggb and use code ggb at checkout. That's shop b a m.com ggb and use code GGB for up to 35% off. This episode is brought to you by Glorify, the number one Christian daily devotional app. Do you guys want to grow in your relationship with God but you don't know how? Or maybe you find yourself opening your bible with no idea on where to start? I get it. I've Been there. Luckily, that's where the Glorify app comes. Glorify is the number one Christian daily devotional app. With Glorify, you can start your morning by reading the Bible passage of the day, diving into Glorify's daily devotional and wrapping up with an immersive experience called Daily Walk with God. And if you need to take a few minutes to yourself in the middle of a busy day, try one of Glorify's guided meditations or listen to their curated worship playlist for some quiet reflection to end the day. Enjoy Glorify sleep meditations to help you wind down and put your mind and heart at ease. Whether you're a committed Christian or simply curious about faith, the Glorify app has something for you. Join over 20 million people who have downloaded the Glorify app and deepen their relationship with God. Visit glorified-app.com ggb right now to download the Glorify app for free. That's glorified-app.com GGB to download the Glorify app for free. Glorified-app.com ggb what's up, GB?
- [04:01]
Angela
Oh, it feels like it's GGB plus because we're over here.
- [04:06]
Ari
I like it over here.
- [04:07]
Angela
I like it over here.
- [04:09]
Ari
I like it over here.
- [04:10]
Angela
Hi, I'm Ange.
- [04:11]
Ari
And I'm Ari.
- [04:12]
Angela
And this is Girls Gone Bible. We are a faith based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, everything to do with your everyday life, whatever problems may arise. And we like to put theological context around it because we love Jesus here. We love the Bible. You guys, I am so, so down bad. What's up, little chicken head?
- [04:39]
Ari
What's up? So tell everyone what's wrong.
- [04:44]
Angela
Yeah, so there was some sort of devilish flu going around and it hit me hard and I'm not doing so well. But we overcome and we'll be okay. I'm like, I'm not one truly. I mean, you might think I want to over spiritualize things, but I try not to. But this is the first thing in a long time where I'm like, I genuinely feel so attacked, like attacked. Attacked. I've never been sick like this in my life. The I, I, the fever that I've had consistently for, you know, days. And I just, I do, I get, I get attacked through getting sick a lot because it just, I am like such a 100 go all the way all the time. I'm like type A, don't ever stop. And I really feel like, I feel like it's my Heart is in full surrender. I'm just like. I feel like God is speaking so clearly, and he's like, I'm not asking you to move as fast as you are.
- [05:49]
Ari
I know.
- [05:50]
Angela
It's like you have to relax.
- [05:51]
Ari
You really don't stop.
- [05:53]
Angela
I know, but I love it like that. I like living like that.
- [05:58]
Ari
I do, too. But I don't know.
- [06:01]
Angela
It's too much.
- [06:02]
Ari
It's too much. I. I like being on the go, too, but even I ain't going like you, honey.
- [06:08]
Angela
I know. My body is. It's done. I have to take care of myself. I'm gonna. I'm gonna burn out. I'm gonna. If I don't relax. And, I mean, we're gonna be on tour for the next year, so we better figure out how to take care of ourselves.
- [06:21]
Ari
We better.
- [06:22]
Angela
How are you all?
- [06:26]
Ari
After the past couple shows, like, I was. I think I said to you guys, I was dealing with such a lack of joy for, like, a very long time. And I feel like I've been so persistent of being like Jesus. I just. I'm praying for joy. I really want nothing more than joy. And he really gave me back my joy. I. We got off the. The last show was Nashville, and we both looked at each other and we felt so filled in our hearts, and it was just a happiness that I had been praying about for a while. So I'm just feeling really good. But life is just like. Life is like this. It's. You know, and that's why you just can't. You can't get too down. You just have to know that it's gonna be like this, and you just have to ride it.
- [07:16]
Angela
Yeah.
- [07:16]
Ari
Ride it with Jesus 100%.
- [07:18]
Angela
So I. This past weekend of Tor was probably our greatest breakthrough yet. I mean, you guys, Ari and I had the most special weekend, probably of our lives. Like, we just tour is the greatest thing that we've ever done. And I'm actually going to talk about TOR a little bit today just because it's connected to our topic. But it's the greatest thing we've ever done, and it's obviously the most challenging thing we've ever done. I mean, two girls who have barely ever been to church go up and have revival nights, and people see Tor. And, like, every single person who comes to a GGB show, like, we can't even call them shows. That's not what they are. They're meetings. They're like, nights for people to encounter Jesus. And everyone goes, this is not what I expected. Like, we. We Give everything. We give everything. We preach the word of God. Like, we. We just, like, really, really, really, really, really create a space for Jesus to come. And we've never done anything like that before, and it is so insane on our hearts and on our spirits. And I just think it brings up so many insecurities. Like, I know for me and for you, too. You're up there and you're just, like, battling. Like, it's so beautiful, and we're so present. And then afterwards, you. You just battle so many insecurities, and you bat. Like, I am dealing with things now that I didn't know were in me until we started to. Insecurities, fears, feelings of unworthiness. Like, I. There were things that tore. Like, God is just. He's doing just as much in us as he is through us. Like, there's so much that Tor is bringing up, and I just feel like this weekend was such a major breakthrough for both of where we were just happy and we were confident and we didn't overthink, and we didn't feel like we needed to be anything. We're like, this is us. This is what we have. Take it or leave it. Like, is God pleased? Okay, then. Great.
- [09:26]
Ari
Like, I just had been battling in my mind before the Nashville show, and. And I was. And I did. Wasn't really telling Angela, but I was just, like, really in my head. I was, like, having these battling thoughts. I'm like, am I going to be okay on there? Is that everything going to be okay? And all of a sudden, Angela comes up to me. She looks me in my eyes, she goes, hey, by the way, you're gonna have a barrier around your mind when you get on stage, and you're not gonna have any thoughts. The devil won't even be able to come close to you. And I look at her and I go, okay.
- [09:58]
Angela
She said, I receive it in faith. You really do.
- [10:02]
Ari
But that's what it is, right? It's like when you keep. When you just, like, have that little bit of faith of, like, I know I can't feel you, and I know these thoughts, but I have faith that you will show up and you will be with me. There he is. It's like. It's like when Peter was in the storm.
- [10:17]
Angela
Yeah.
- [10:18]
Ari
You just have to keep your eyes on him. Don't look other ways. He will show up.
- [10:22]
Angela
Amen. That's so good. My favorite. I think one of my major moments of breakthrough this past weekend was, like, just the significance of the secret place, which I already, like, I know the significance of the secret place. But I think sometimes, like, you know, we've heard pastors and people who are older be like, we've heard people that are older say, I still seek God today, like I did when I was 20, and I hope that I do even more when I'm 80. And we've also met older people who have said things like, I read the whole thing. I don't need to read it again. You know what I mean? And, like, I never neglect a secret place. But there is a temptation when you have history with God, to feel like you can rely on your history, and you can. And certain instances, like when you don't feel God or you feel like you're in the wilderness, or you feel like you can't see him, you can look back on your history and be like, okay, but this is what I know about him. But you can't rely on, like, yesterday's secret place for today.
- [11:25]
Ari
Explain that.
- [11:27]
Angela
So, like, the secret place. Like, for example, you slept at my house last night, and we were both, like, having quiet time this morning. And I went around the corner and I was sitting, and I, like, gave you your space. And we love praying together and everything. But the secret place is like, the secret place where it's just you and Jesus. And it's a time where you meet Jesus and nothing supernatural or crazy has to happen, but it's a time that's dedicated to being alone with God. And the. Both days, because I was sick both days I didn't leave my hotel room, I didn't go out. We didn't go get our hair done. We didn't do anything. So I spent 34 hours with Jesus, and it was uninterrupted, undisturbed time with Jesus. And I spent, like, 34 hours, and I'm just communing with him. I'm sitting in silence. I'm reading a little bit. I'm marching around worshiping. I'm sitting again. I'm replaying things in my head. I'm preaching in my head. But, like, I'm just continually communing with him. He would take me on little journeys here and there. And then when I went on stage both times, I knew that I am not calling on Jesus when I get to the stage, but everything that is coming out of me is pouring out from my secret place in the day. And, like, I know that, but sometimes, like, spending three, four hours with Jesus, it just sounds excessive. It sounds religious. And for me, I'm just like, that's how I thrive.
- [13:04]
Ari
Yeah.
- [13:04]
Angela
Like, hours of sitting there and you might not even know happening, but he is literally filling you head to toe. You don't need to pray the whole time, but it's this designated time where you just give him everything. You sit in silence. You do nothing. You just hang out. You hang out.
- [13:21]
Ari
Yeah.
- [13:22]
Angela
And so I have never felt stronger, more confident, more powerful, more protected in my own mind than, you know, times where I'm like, oh, I know he's with me.
- [13:32]
Ari
Yeah. Well, you think about after, like, Jesus would do everything he did. He'd go and help and serve and pour and pour into the swan. And then what did he do right after? He always went into the secret place.
- [13:46]
Angela
Totally. Yeah.
- [13:47]
Ari
And, like, this is for, like, everyone. Like, mothers. This is for people who are exhausted. Like, if Jesus had to do that, how much more do we need to get poured into? It's like, that is how we get filled, by being in the secret place. And it doesn't have to be this extravagant thing. I know. Even when we were in our hotel room, I was like, okay, where are you? Where are you? But I'm like. I realize after that night, because, you know, when you, like, close your eyes and he kind of takes you through things, I realized, like, laying there tired, like, barely hanging on from the couple nights before after pouring out, that me just laying there and just talking to him was enough. That was him pouring into me. And so, yeah, I think a lot of us just feel like I don't feel this crazy thing. Like, where is he? I don't. I'm not. And that's just not what it is. And he's, again, like, he's not this person who's gonna send you these crazy encounters. It's just sitting there in peace with him and. And listening to worship music. It could be as simple as that.
- [14:55]
Angela
I. Bryce said something really, really significant that hit me. He said he was. He realized he was treating Jesus as this dopamine hit. And I've done that before where I know what it's like to encounter God. I know what it's like to be touched by God. I know what it's like to feel like Jesus walked in the room and you become, like, addicted to that. And you realize, like, it's. You're. You're trying to, like, evoke something that gives you this, like, feeling of power instead of just, like, wanting to spend time with Jesus.
- [15:26]
Ari
Yeah.
- [15:26]
Angela
And what I realized more than anything is, like, being in the presence of God doesn't mean that something crazy has to happen, but it's continuously Inviting him in and saying things like, fill me with your love, fill me with your joy, Wash me in your peace, wash me in your loving kindness, Fill me with your spirit. And just like continually inviting him in. And like, he does a supernatural work. But the secret place is what you have to establish. It has to be this time of like, by phone, by people. You don't let your phone anywhere near you. You don't let anybody have access to you in this moment. And like, and you just don't leave. You have to linger and you have to stay. So anyways, my whole point in bringing that up was that the secret places, it's what I'm most passionate about because it's where we find everything that we.
- [16:14]
Ari
Need and try it. If you think, if you're someone that's sitting there being like, well, I already read it and I already have them with me, well, why don't you try it? Why don't you try changing up your routine and spending that whatever, hours with him in the morning and then try.
- [16:29]
Angela
It with two hours.
- [16:31]
Ari
Yeah, start with an hour to whatever. Whatever you feel. But you know, it's not about hours. It's just about spending that time because it makes a massive difference.
- [16:40]
Angela
Totally.
- [16:41]
Ari
And I've done it. I've done it when I woke up and I didn't spend that time. And it's my, my day is chaotic. My mind is everywhere. It's like we. To think, to be so ignorant, to think we can go through the day without spending time with him is like, yeah, we're robbing ourselves.
- [16:59]
Angela
Totally. And it's not like, okay, last thing we'll say on this. And maybe God just wanted us to talk about this. Like, it's not about a checklist. Like it's not about read this and we're good. Like, it's about wanting to know Jesus more and it's about wanting to spend time. Like when you scripture says, like you search the scriptures for me. Like you, when you read the Bible, it's like you're looking for Jesus, that you're looking to know him better. It's not just like, oh, I'm going to read this because it makes me feel better and I'll have a good day. Which is true. And like, if that's all you have to give, that's all you have to give. But it's like, I read this because I want to know you. This is us spending time together. This is me hearing from you. So just be wary of making things a checklist. And like, oh, did this now we're good. It's like you just. He wants more than that. He loves you so much. He wants everything, and that's how he speaks to us.
- [17:51]
Ari
Yeah, I just thought about the time when I was feeling so much shame about sin, and I just Was like, I just feel awful, and I just. Would you. Would you comfort me in your love? And I opened the Bible, and the first thing, I looked down at the Bible, and it says, if. If I kept a record of your sins, who could stand? And I just start, like, these are the things that he does through his word. This is how he speaks to us. So if you feel like I don't know where you are, it's. It's in his word. Like, that's how he speaks to us every single day. So it's just such a gift.
- [18:33]
Angela
Thank you, Jesus. You know what? We had a whole episode planned.
- [18:37]
Ari
Yeah, we did. We had a whole episode planned. But sometimes God directs it in a different way.
- [18:44]
Angela
How do you feel like you're overcoming these days? Let's just get into your heart.
- [18:51]
Ari
You know, Angela's been. You know, Angela's will say, are you feeling seen? She's been on a very.
- [18:59]
Angela
I went to two things of therapy, so now I can't stop talking.
- [19:04]
Ari
Shut up. We've had two. Revelation. We've had a revelation that I'm vulnerable, but I'm also extremely avoidant.
- [19:14]
Angela
We've realized Ari is way more avoidant than we had any idea, and I'm way less avoidant than. But that's also how it is sometimes where if one person is avoidant, the other one, like, there's always one.
- [19:26]
Ari
And my dad raised me, and so when I have to go, I don't know. It's so weird.
- [19:31]
Angela
Well, my mom raised me, and my mom is like. My mom is tough as nails. Like, she's incredibly emotional, and she's. She's, like, the sweetest woman in the world, but she's the toughest person I've ever met in my life. Like, it's. I. I don't know how she does it, but Albanian women are like that. Like, they're extremely, extremely tough. And I used to be like that. I was so tough my whole, like, you know, I was so tough. I was so this. I was, like, kind and sweet and affectionate, but this, like, hard exterior that anytime I felt unsafe, like, I would just shel. And, like, by everybody. By. And just God is like, nope, not anymore. And I just feel like I've never been so vulnerable and exposed and, like, hard on Myself, beautiful thing. I am so.
- [20:20]
Ari
I'm. Yeah, my dad is so sensitive, but he, he will always be like, oh, it's fine, you're a good kid. Let's get over it. It's fine. It's like, oh, well, that's how Albanian.
- [20:36]
Angela
Ari and I have such similar.
- [20:40]
Ari
It's like actually, it's, it's insane. I was thinking about this in the car.
- [20:44]
Angela
You don't have a foreign family, but we're both east coast family. Like Albanians on the east coast. You're from Boston. Like, it's very, very similar.
- [20:56]
Ari
You guys. My family's ski trip was supposed to be so exciting, but the stress of carrying everyone's skis, the snowboards and winter gear through the airport was so overwhelming. I was constantly worried about something getting lost or damaged. Now we use ship skis to streamline our journey. They handle the equipment so we just focused on family time and fun on the slopes. You guys know how ski airport stress and costly airline fees with complimentary insurance, real time tracking, dedicated support and on time delivery. Just schedule your shipment, attach your label and ship skis handles the rest. Delivering your gear directly to your destination. You guys. Shipskis offers white glove shipping for ski and snowboard gear travel worldwide without luggage. Shipskis delivers to 180 countries for a hassle free gear free journey. Ship Skis is trusted by thousands of skiers and travelers. Rated 4.8 out of 5 on Trustpilot and featured in Forbes Travel and Leisure. Free Skier and Inc. Right now, Shipskis is offering our listeners 20 off your first shipment when you go to Shipskis.com and use the code GGB. Go to Shipskis.com and Use the code GGB to get 20 off your first shipment and save yourself the hassle free the ski season. That's S-H-I-P-S-K-I-S.com make sure you use the code GGB so they know we sent you. Winter is in full swing. Sometimes it can be hard to get up and go in the a.m. or get outside for a morning walk because of the cold. AG1 ensures I'm still hitting my health goals every day with just a single daily health drink. Valentine's Day isn't just about showing love to others. It's about self love too. Starting your day with AG1 is an act of self care. Not to mention AG1 makes a thoughtful gift for someone looking to prioritize their health. You guys. It's so easy to start my day with one scoop and the benefits I've experienced have been absolutely insane. It has really developed consistency and helped me form healthy habits. It's never too late to create a new healthy habit for 2025, so try ag for yourself. It's something I've actually been able to stay consistent with, and that's why I'm excited to be a partner with AG1. And AG1 is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift card. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3.5 free travel packs in your first box. So make sure to check out drinkag1.com ggb to get this offer. That's drinkag1.com ggb to start your new year on a healthier note. Okay. How's your heart?
- [23:44]
Angela
Well, how.
- [23:45]
Ari
What did you ask?
- [23:46]
Angela
How's my heart? I asked, how's your heart?
- [23:48]
Ari
Yeah, how's your heart?
- [23:50]
Angela
Good. I. I made an appointment. I don't know if I said this on here with. With an eating disorder specialist. I made. Yeah, I made an appointment with an eating disorder specialist, which is really, like, kind of exciting, which is so interesting. I'm actually really excited. I. I was talking to her, and I was just telling her a little bit about myself and my story, and she. She figures that everything is connected to, like, one or two traumatic events that have happened.
- [24:24]
Ari
Really?
- [24:25]
Angela
Yeah. She thinks that, like, all of it is wrapped up in, like, one or two moments from childhood. And she thinks if we can get to the root of that, we can literally just like, unravel everything.
- [24:35]
Ari
Really?
- [24:36]
Angela
Yeah. Isn't that so crazy?
- [24:38]
Ari
What does the process look like for that?
- [24:40]
Angela
I don't know. We haven't started, but we've just gotten a couple conversations in. But I will say it has opened me up emotionally that every five seconds I ask Ari, hey, you want to check in?
- [24:51]
Ari
That's what she said. Yeah.
- [24:52]
Angela
I'm like, ari hasn't had her heart tended to like this her entire life. She is so uncomfortable. Yes.
- [24:58]
Ari
Can you tell them that's what it is? It's not that I'm avoidant. I've never had this before.
- [25:04]
Angela
I'm like.
- [25:06]
Ari
I'm like, why am I. Is something wrong? I'm like, I'm good.
- [25:09]
Angela
It's. So do you want to check in?
- [25:11]
Ari
Let's do a hard check in.
- [25:13]
Angela
How's your heart?
- [25:14]
Ari
So how's your heart other than that?
- [25:19]
Angela
Well, a lot's happening in my heart. A lot. A lot, a lot. I think. Yeah. I'm just the most vulnerable that I've ever been. I am probably coming up against, like, Past stuff a lot that's coming up a lot. And maybe we'll do, like, a whole episode on that. And it's things that I'm still processing through, so probably not fully ready to talk about it yet. I'm like, I have a thing where you're really good about coming on and, like, in the moment, being like, this is everything I'm feeling. And I just have. I'm, like, so different in my. The way that I approach things, I, like, in my mind, it's like. And I just. I wish I could be more like you in that way. I really do. Because you're. You're just like, here it is. And it's okay if I don't have it figured out. My brain is like, I have to have it figured out, otherwise there's no meaning to it and nothing good can come of it. And, yeah, I think. I think I've, like, been so radically victim mentality my whole life, which is a good thing. Victim mentality is the worst thing you can do for yourself. If you yield to the victim voice that speaks in your head, you are giving into lies like you really are into. Because we're not victims. But I think for a long time, I've. I've gaslit myself into being like, you can't be a victim. You can't be a victim. You can't be a victim. And I feel like God is inviting me into a really sweet season of just being like, you're not a victim. You're not a victim if you choose to, you know, lean into things that have gone wrong or have hurt. So, yeah, I think it's unbelievable watching.
- [27:09]
Ari
You, because I always felt like I was too vulnerable when I first met you because all I wanted to do was talk. And now this girl's helping me. It's, like, so funny how in relationships and friendships, roles can reverse.
- [27:22]
Angela
Yeah, I know.
- [27:23]
Ari
It's so crazy.
- [27:25]
Angela
I think. Can you just text her and tell.
- [27:27]
Ari
Her that we're sorry? Angie's mom.
- [27:28]
Angela
It's my mom. Call, answer, maybe.
- [27:36]
Ari
Hi, Mom. We're filming the episode. Everyone can hear you, but I love you. We're good. Okay.
- [27:42]
Angela
Oh, I love you, too. Thank you. Thank you for answering.
- [27:45]
Ari
Okay.
- [27:46]
Angela
I love you, Ma. Bye, Ma. But, yeah, it's, like, so weird. It's. It's just a weird. It's a beautiful time. Does anybody else feel that way? It's a beautiful time. I'm happier than ever. I really am. And I'm also just, like. I don't know. Like, I don't Know, it's the best time of my entire life. And, Yeah, I just. There's, like, so many things on my heart, and I'm sick, too, so get ready for the floodgates.
- [28:23]
Ari
But it's just like, mostly you're dealing with shame right now.
- [28:27]
Angela
Like, yeah, I'm dealing with shame. I'm dealing just, like, with past stuff. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I think I'm dealing with stuff of, like. I guess it's weird that part of me is like, thank you. Part of me is, like, so weird that I've never. You realize that so much of, like, why you do the things you do is connected to just, like, your whole life and your childhood. And I think what weighs on me a lot is, like, just, like, a lack of probably a father's voice. And. Yeah, I've gone my whole life being able to, like, just gaslight myself into being like, nothing bad has ever happened to you. It's all your fault. Like, I remember even the way I used to tell my testimony, I would be like, it was me. I was such a rebellious kid. Like, I was a bad kid. And I'm just like. Like, why would I talk about myself like that? You know? Like, just.
- [30:09]
Ari
You know what's crazy? When you would always say that, I would look at you and be like, I know you weren't like. I was like, beater. I was like a ball. You say you were like Paul.
- [30:25]
Angela
I would say I was like Peter. And like, yeah, sure, I was rebellious, but it's just like. It's. I guess sometimes I'm just My inability to even allow myself permission to. Yeah. Feel pain. And it comes to a point, I think, where you can't, like, run from it anymore. And God is just taking. I'm doing, like, rapid, rapid healing so quickly. And part of me is like, I don't know. I always think, like, he's getting me ready to have kids. Like, there's a lot I have to. I want to have kids, obviously, really badly. And there's just a lot that needs to be addressed and healed and. But, yeah, just, like, that lack of a father's voice, which I've never talked about. And it just, like, changes everything. It affects everything. And, yeah, I'm just grateful that Jesus is, like, helping me discover, like, these things aren't my fault, you know, Like, I didn't choose to go the way that I did or, you know, like, just do the best you can, you know? Anyways, though, this is me not having answers to anything except, like, I said before, he heals. Where he cuts. He cuts you first. I. And then I think sometimes, like, I think especially being around so many, like, Christian families and stuff and Christian people, and I love, like, I. It's so beautiful, and it's so inspirational, but, like, I wasn't kidding when I said, like, we grieve and I love where I come from. I love. My family is the great. Like, the best. The best. The best. But then, like, when you don't have. Sometimes when you realize, like, you're just fighting a different battle. Like, you're fighting an uphill battle, and. Yeah. So I say all this to say that, like, if you're somebody who blames yourself for everything, like, we just have to be released from that because none of us, like, choose to go the wrong path or, you know, be a way that we shouldn't be just out of nothing. Like, it's all out of pain. It's all out of brokenness and. Yeah. Anyways, how's your heart?
- [33:25]
Ari
I know. I know. It's like, you go, we've. It's, like, so weird going around these. Just being in the Christian world and being around all these families, and it's like you can't help but compare. Or. What is it.
- [33:42]
Angela
Yeah.
- [33:42]
Ari
You can't help but, like, I mean.
- [33:44]
Angela
It'S so confrontational of what you don't.
- [33:47]
Ari
Then you just. Yeah. And you just had so many moments of, like, feeling less than. Of, like, being like, I wish I could be like, that.
- [33:55]
Angela
Totally 100. Yeah.
- [33:59]
Ari
Yeah. That's been one of the biggest battles, I think, for us both. Like, we almost feel like we don't belong.
- [34:08]
Angela
Yeah. I'm like, I know. Yeah. And I. Yeah. I think what was really. I told you this the other day, and maybe I'll take this part out. But I was like, it was after our Nashville show, and we had so many friends and so many people and pastors, you know, and so many. I had a few people, pastors that came out to the. To the show, and I just, like, value their opinion. Like, it's God, you know, like, that's blasphemous. So not really. But I just value their opinion so much. And. And John has noticed. He's like, you. He's like, you have this paradigm of, like, the man of God complex. Like, you care so much what men of God. Like, greats in the faith, like, pastors. What. You know, because I'm always like, if Michael Kano validates girls gone by. But, like, I'm good. Like, we've. We've made it. And John's always like, you don't need Michael Colianos to validate girls gone Bible to know that what you do is significant and important. And I'm so sorry. I'm like. And then when we were at the show the other day, one of our friends, Will Hart, who is like, just, I respect him so, so much. And so having him come, the fact that he would even come meant the world to me. And then he was just like, enc. Encouraging me afterwards. And John told me on the plane home with tears in his eyes, he was like. He was like, I'm watching you get feedback and encouragement from Will Hart and I see how much it means to you. And, like, I see you're looking for a father's voice. Like, I see you looking for a dad's voice. And he's like. And that's why you have this complex of, like, needing. And it's just like. It's just so crazy.
- [36:04]
Ari
And you have it with Jesus. I know he loves you so much.
- [36:10]
Angela
I do.
- [36:12]
Ari
If you only understood the love he has for you.
- [36:15]
Angela
I do. Yeah, but you do.
- [36:23]
Ari
I'm so proud of you.
- [36:25]
Angela
I love you.
- [36:27]
Ari
It's amazing, you guys. You don't understand. Just. I don't know, it's like seeing my daughter grow, you know, my daughter, but like a sister, just. I don't know, it's just, it's. It's miraculous. The. The growth I've seen in you. It's a year. It's. Sometimes I don't know who I'm looking at. Just even this moment, you know, you were never able to open up like this. It was always so a struggle for you. And it's just. I could just spend this whole episode just listening to you talk because.
- [37:07]
Angela
I.
- [37:08]
Ari
Don'T know, I'm just really so pleased to be your best friend.
- [37:12]
Angela
I'm so happy to be your best friend.
- [37:14]
Ari
I really am. Just so. I'm so, so blessed to be your best friend.
- [37:21]
Angela
You've changed my life.
- [37:22]
Ari
You've changed mine. You're helping me now. Isn't that funny? So. It's unbelievable.
- [37:33]
Angela
Can we just.
- [37:37]
Ari
You guys. Your nighttime bedroom temperature has a huge impact on your sleep quality. If you wake up too hot or too cold, I highly recommend you check out Miracle Maze. Miracle made sheets are inspired by NASA and use silver infused fabrics that are temperature regulating so that you can sleep at the perfect temperature all night long. These sheets are infused with silver that Prevent up to 99.7% of bacterial growth, leaving them to stay cleaner and fresh three times longer than other sheets. No more gross odor you guys. Using silver infused fabrics inspired by NASA, Miracle Made sheets are thermoregulating and designed to keep you at the perfect temperature all night no matter the weather so you get better sleep every night. Stop sleeping on bacteria you guys. Bacteria can clog your pores causing breakouts and acne. Sleep clean with Miracle. Miracle sheets are luxuriously comfortable without a high price tag of other luxury brands and feel as nice if not nicer than sheets used by some five star hotels. Upgrade your sleep this year. Go to try Miracle.com GGB to try Miracle made sheets today and whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one, if you order today you can save over 40% and if you use our promo code GGB at checkout, you'll get a free 3 piece towel set and save an extra 20% off. Miracle is so confident in their product it's backed with a 30 day money back guarantee so if you aren't fully 100% satisfied, you'll get a full refund. Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made. Go to try Miracle.com GGB and use code GGB to claim your free three piece towel set and save over 40% off. Again, that's try Miracle.com GGB to treat yourself. Thank you Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Is your cat having digestive issues throwing up their food? Yeah, we've all been there. You should check out our next sponsor Smalls. That's why we've got to try Smalls. Small Cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. Our best friend Carolina fed her two cat Smalls and she is testifying that she has never gone back. Her cats prefer Smalls way more their previous cat food. She legitimately did a taste test, put two bowls side by side and they immediately went to Smalls. Smalls was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys home cooking cat food in small batches by their friends. A few short years later, they've served millions of meals to cats across the us. Carolina said her old cat food was stinky and smelly. She feels so much better knowing I'm feeding my cat real food, not burnt kibble. She can finally open a packet of cat food and not get nauseous. You can actually recognize the ingredients in a packet of Smalls food. The team At Smalls is so confident your cat will love their product that you can try it risk free. That means they will refund you if your cat won't eat their food. So give your cat the gift of great cat food. This holiday season, head to smalls.com cat and use promo code GGB at checkout for 50 off your first order plus free shipping. That is the best offer you'll find, but you have to use my code GGB for 50 off your first order one last time. That's promo code GGB for 50 off your first order plus free shipping.
- [41:15]
Angela
Okay, so obviously, Ari and I are best friends in the whole world. We're sisters, we're business partners, we're ministry partners. We do everything together. Do we get into it a little bit once in a while. Don't forget that we're from the east coast too. Like. Like, we also didn't grow up Christian. So it is a constant battle between the. The old, the BCS and the saved us. And so there's nothing funnier than we were. We were in a little tiff recently. And, like, the beautiful thing about Ari and I is, you know, we. We might argue once. It's never about anything. It's. By the way, it's never about anything serious. The beautiful thing about us is there's never been one fundamental disproportion or issue. Like, it's never been like, something fundamentally was wrong and we are misaligned or like, we've never not agreed on anything ministry wise, even down to, like, the small.
- [42:16]
Ari
It's like sister stuff. Like, you know, you guys won't talk for two weeks because she took your pants out of the closet. No.
- [42:22]
Angela
Well, yeah. Yeah, that's probably why.
- [42:25]
Ari
And then we'll have to talk it out. Well, you took the p. My dad calls, he goes, what are you two doing, you idiot?
- [42:33]
Angela
Well, and so now I've become this overly emotional, like, whatever. And so. And Ari is just, like, fully avoided half the time. And so we're, like, arguing something out, and then it gets heated for a second. We start whatever. Ari starts getting all her stuff together, and I'm like, all right, fine, Go. All right, you know what?
- [42:53]
Ari
Sit down.
- [42:54]
Angela
Sit down. I take her stuff, and I'm like, you're sitting down? Until we figure this out. We're sitting on opposite sides of the couch. We're not having it. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we're holding hands, telling each other we would die without. I mean, it is.
- [43:11]
Ari
But why can't we film it I know. I know, because I know so many of you guys must go through this. This.
- [43:19]
Angela
Yeah.
- [43:19]
Ari
And then the easy way out is to say, you know what? I have to set boundaries. And that.
- [43:24]
Angela
I know. Thank you for saying that.
- [43:26]
Ari
Yeah. And that is what I believe is it's. It's so far from the truth, but that's what, like, they say to do. Oh, set boundaries. Oh, take. Take time away. No, like, work through it. Don't give up on each other. Understand that. I can't even tell you how many phases of my life I've been through, how I haven't been myself, how I haven't have been nasty and. And avoidant and just said things that weren't of me.
- [43:55]
Angela
Same.
- [43:56]
Ari
Yeah. And it's like. And like, same with my mom. Same with my dad. And you see families and the kids don't talk to the moms because they, you know, they disrespected them. Like, we go through so much, and, you know, the only way to have everlasting relationships, friendships, anything, is understanding that we're human beings, that we fall short, that we're not perfect. And. Yeah. It's like, you don't give up on each other. I mean, obviously, there's circumstances where it's beyond bad, but abuse, cheating, these things. But it's like, it was. That was such a beautiful moment that we had.
- [44:45]
Angela
Oh, I love that. You know, and like Ari was saying, healthy boundaries are good. Like, any therapist would recommend healthy boundaries, but boundaries that cause disconnection, I think that's where we can get a little modeled. Like, boundaries that cause a relationship to be completely surface level. I don't. That's not. I don't know. I don't want that type of relationship in my life, you know? But you and I just like. Like, we just keep going and you keep talking it through, and you have to be, like, disgustingly honest.
- [45:16]
Ari
Disgustingly honest and disgustingly kind.
- [45:19]
Angela
Yeah. And forgiving.
- [45:20]
Ari
And I know that sometimes you're like, no, they don't deserve it, but you don't understand the reward. Like, what does scripture say? Turn the other cheek when someone slaps it? Like, that is there for a reason. Because when you truly. I had. I just had an incident with somebody who. 2012. Arielle would have. Wouldn't taken that talk. But I just. I constantly have the thoughts now of, wow. For them to say that means that they are really hurting. They are really not in a good place. Because I think when I speak like this, it's because I feel so sad inside. Something isn't right, I'm hurting, I'm broken. It's all a protection projection. Anytime we act nasty or we come from a place of anger, it's a projection of how we feel. And so instead of saying, wow, that's how they feel about me. They're treating me bad thing, man, they must. Something is wrong. So then it softens your heart and you back off instead of reacting. And then, you know, and then it gives them a chance to think. When you don't come back to them, they're like, wait a minute. They have nothing to keep fighting with you about. So then they're able to take a step back and think and process and then say, oh, man, what I just did was. Wasn't right. And then you let them come to you. And that happened to me the other day. I took the high road. I would just suggest. I would suggest you guys always take the high road. Even if it's hard, and even if you have that anger inside of you, you just take a step back, you take a deep breath. Because it's so rewarding when you don't fight back. Back. It's the most rewarding thing. And that's how Jesus was just. Just like, listening. Just sitting there listening, being like, I'm so sorry you feel that way. Like, things like this soften the heart of people. And they're like, wow, I feel heard. And even if it's something that you don't agree with, really just like, that's what you and I. I feel like we do. We're like, I'm sorry you feel like that. And really, listen, don't try to just defend. Defend yourself, like, because people have a reason why they feel a certain way. And sometimes maybe we are doing something that we don't even realize we're doing. There's been times when Angela has come to me and told me things that I didn't even realize I was doing. And typically, I will have pride and be like, no, I don't do that. No, I'm. I'm not like that. But I'm like, wait a minute. Let me just hear her out. And what can I do to change it? And how can we work through this, this. And that's. And that's how you have lasting relationships. Because guys, friendships are truly. They are everything. Yeah, they've. They've kept us. They kept me and you standing. They're everything. And a way to have a lasting friendship is you don't give up on each other.
- [48:19]
Angela
You don't give up. And you just. You say this all the time. But you just realize that everybody's broken, everybody's lost, everybody's struggling. And you know, again, if somebody's hurting you or is really bad or it's just like, really, really bad for you to be that. Like, that is not what we're not telling you to stay in those. But it really is about. It's just about commitment. Like, you have to commit to things. You have to commit to people. Like, you and I are committed to each other. So we're committed to hearing each other out. We're committing to growth. John and I's relationship has taught me a lot about that too, where I just have the most grace in my heart. Like, it's a supernatural work of Jesus, clearly. Like, he's put so much grace in my heart, so much humility in my heart to be able to be in the relationship that I am. Because relationships, the closer they get, the more exposing they become. And they expose your weak spots, they expose your brokenness, they expose. Expose your flaws. And then you have to have the humility to be willing, because otherwise that relationship won't ever last or it'll just stay surface. I don't, like, I don't want to have surface. It's hard to go deep with people. Like, it really. It hurts to go deeper with people because it begins to expose so much. But it's just so worth it. It's so worth it.
- [49:46]
Ari
I just know for me, for instance, you and I, when I feel heard, when you aren't, like, trying to defend and combat and like all this stuff, and even if you feel like you're right, when you sit there and you listen and you're like, okay, like, that is what completely softens the whole situation. And when you're like, I hear you and I'm sorry you feel that way, and what can I do to make like I'm telling you these things? Like, saying these little things is going to alter the whole conversation in the situation. And when people feel heard, it diffuses the whole situation. But if you just are in constant defense mode and you have a hardened heart and you have constant ego and pride, then your heart posture is not in the right place. And that's when you really need to sit in a secret place, place. And you need to start reading James. I remember, I read. I remember. It was. I had read James, and it was right before I had an argument. And I was in such peace because that scripture.
- [50:52]
Angela
Let's read a little bit of James. What does it say?
- [50:54]
Ari
Let's see what James says.
- [50:55]
Angela
I Love where this is going. Thank you for telling me that. I think sometimes, I think sometimes if you come to me and tell me something and I don't automatically say sorry, it's because my logical brain. Brain starts to analyze the situation and give you reasons as to why you shouldn't feel that way. It's kind of like how guys are actually, wow, they're so annoying. I don't want to be like that. That's how they act. I try to, like, put logic as to, like, no, this is why you shouldn't feel that way. And all it comes off as is defense and invalidation of feelings.
- [51:33]
Ari
And like, when you. Like when. Even when you were upset the other night and you. You still were like, wait a minute. No, no, no. Sit down. Do you know how much that meant to me? I'm telling you, I will never forget that. I really will never forget when you did that the other night, because I can't imagine.
- [51:53]
Angela
I said you were gonna get better. And then it ended with us. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I have to tell. And then it ended with us going. You're like. You know, do you remember this? You go, ange, like, we're gonna go through things and whatever. And, like, whatever. We're gonna go through things. And I go, yeah, but I have really severe abandonment issues. And then.
- [52:13]
Ari
No, that was actually abusive.
- [52:15]
Angela
And then you start crying and you go, because you're your dad.
- [52:21]
Ari
Listen, when she starts crying, I don't care if she punches me in the face. It's so weird. It's like, you're like. You remind me just of, like, my little sister. I, I. Because my little sister is like my daughter. I know I share that with you guys, but my. My little sister. Sister, she can do no wrong. Like, I. I've given my. I've put her before myself her whole life because she's just everything to me. And to meet someone else that I feel that way with. Like, I look at Angela like that. Like, she's like my little sister. Like, I. The minute I see a tear, I'm like, okay, I gotta protect her. Like, you're just like my world. Like, it's. It's insane.
- [53:03]
Angela
Love you.
- [53:06]
Ari
Yeah. Let's read. Let's just read a little bit of James.
- [53:08]
Angela
James is. James is the book of rebuke, basically. I'm just kidding. Not really, but James, the book of James is probably one of the most convicting books of the entire Bible.
- [53:18]
Ari
In James 1, verse 19, hearing and doing the word, Know this. Let every person be quick to Hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word which is able to save your souls. Be doers of the Word and not hearers, only deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and is not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and once forgets what he looks like. But the one who looks in the perfect law, the law of liberty and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. If anyone thinks he is a religious and does not brittle his tongue, but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, before God the Father. Is this to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. While we were going to talk about this today about servanthood. Servanthood. But I'm really excited to talk about this next week. But growing up on the east coast is. You're just, like, raised a different way. You're just like, I don't know. So.
- [54:52]
Angela
Hello.
- [54:53]
Ari
It's just like, you gotta grow up a little tough. Like, you don't really talk about feelings. You're just, like, in fight or flight a lot. In survival mode. Like, that's how we grew up. And.
- [55:04]
Angela
Yeah.
- [55:05]
Ari
I think having the Bible to As, like, a road map to learn how to be and how to act and how to be patient and how to be slow to anger instead of being in defense mode, it's like, saved our lives. It really has. It's like, okay, is this what I do? Let me go here. Like, I don't have to. It's parenting. The Bible has been a parenting guide.
- [55:32]
Angela
It's my dad.
- [55:33]
Ari
Yeah, it's you.
- [55:34]
Angela
Yeah.
- [55:35]
Ari
And so, you know, just. That's why they're like, well, what do you got? What do I need the Bible for? Because it's. It's our road map to life, and it's changed our life, and it's made us better people, and it's made us kind and. And help us communicate and be better people and help us serve well and. Yeah.
- [55:55]
Angela
And the best. I feel like the strength throughout this whole episode was, like, working through brokenness. Yeah, that's our. That's what we're doing. This is. Yeah, you guys are. You guys watched us actively fall in love with Jesus. You guys have watched us go on a sanctification and purification. We've begun to walk in purity with you guys. We've gone on a serious modesty journey with you guys. We've cleaned up our mouths with you guys. Like, we've laid down sin, every sin. We, you know, are trying to live holy and righteous. Righteous and blameless. And. And now we are. You guys are watching us. I love that we're in seasons together. Like, you guys are going through the season of. We are going through an emotional healing journey with Jesus where he has, you know, weeded out all of the sin in our lives and now he's working on our hearts. And now there's like big, big heart work that he has to do.
- [56:54]
Ari
And he's teaching us too, that because we didn't come from Christian families and so I think our minds were. That we have to be these perfect Christians. There's been a little bit of religious OCD that we have to be so perfect and, and, you know, and all this stuff. And so we're. I don't know. I'm just going to speak for myself. I've. One of my things that I've been learning through my journey is God's love and God's grace. That's been difficult from coming from such darkness and then walking into the light and feeling like I have to be perfect all the time. And we all fall short. We all do. And so just like, like, for me, like, understanding God's grace, like, he really has so much grace. And so, yeah, I've been learning that a lot lately because that's been tough to. It's exhausting to try to keep up and try to be this perfect person because none of us are. And I think a lot of us go through this. Right. That's honestly why I think what drives a lot of people out of Christianity because they don't really understand God's grace and God's love. And I truly, I see it all the time. That's why people are like, I don't want to come to faith because I. How am I going to live up to this standard? And what I'm realizing is it's. It's not like that. It's just not like that. And so I think this is. This is a journey we're on right now.
- [58:30]
Angela
I love that so much. We love you guys so much. Thank you for coming to this. I wonder if every episode is going to be emotional for a little while, but we love you. Thank you for dealing with my horrific voice and being sick. I just love you guys so much. So much, so much.
- [58:49]
Ari
We love you. We love being on this journey with you.
- [58:51]
Angela
We love you guys. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be great gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace.