A MasterClass in Sex Appeal with Shan Boodram and Jared Brady

Summary

Podcast Summary: Girls Gotta Eat

Episode: A MasterClass in Sex Appeal with Shan Boodram and Jared Brady

Release Date: March 3, 2025
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg
Guests: Shan Boodram (sex educator, author, MasterClass instructor), Jared Brady (cinematographer, musician, and Shan’s partner)

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Episode Overview

This episode is a deep, candid, and often hilarious dive into sex appeal, seduction, and relationship dynamics, with special guests Shan Boodram and her partner Jared Brady. Shan shares insights from her new MasterClass “The Art of Sex Appeal,” covering how sexiness is learnable, real-world flirting tactics, the subtleties of desire, and managing passion through the seasons of a long-term relationship. The group also unpacks funny themes about lies told in dating, the realities of open relationships, and the challenges of keeping intimacy alive—sprinkled with signature GGE humor and lots of memorable one-liners.

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Main Segments & Key Themes

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1. Life Updates and Catching Up (00:00–13:25)

• Hosts discuss recent trips, plans for South by Southwest, and Raina’s upcoming "RainaPalooza" birthday.

  • Ashley talks about the anxiety of leaving her fiancé and dog for a trip.
  • “I feel like I can trust a man with a dog, not kids.” — Raina (01:27)
  • Discussions about hosting, event planning pressure, and the logistics of friend group invitations.

• The hilarity of trusting men with simple instructions.

  • Raina’s story about leaving Rob at her home and over-instructing him on how to lock up.
  • “He sent me a video of himself locking the front door...then forgot the gate.” — Raina (03:21)

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2. The Funniest Lies Men Tell in Dating (13:25–25:50)

• Inspired by an Instagram prompt, the hosts and listeners share wild, cringey, and ridiculous lies men have told.

  • Overstating sexual prowess:

    • “She said she’s gonna be the best fuck of my whole life. And he was like, it was so bad.” — (14:38)
    • “Anyone who talks that big game is going to be mid.” — Ashley (15:24)

  • Alcohol disguised as pre-workout, faked birthdays, fake stories about dead ex-fiancés, or terminal illnesses.

  • “He told me he used to take the hot baking sheet out of the oven without an oven mitt. Let me see your hands. I’ll prove this right now.” — Ashley (18:49)

  • The hosts share their own most memorable dating lies and the satisfaction of “catching a lie,” including stories about Instagram stories gone awry and dramatic excuses to get out of dates.

• Memorable Quote:

  • “I’d live to catch someone in a lie. You can’t date me. I’m an FBI agent.” — Ashley (21:44)

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3. Legendary Inside Joke—“All My Money Is in Equities” (22:04–25:44)

• The hosts share a running, years-long joke about a man's bizarre excuse:
  • “It was $400 to change [my flight] to Thursday, and all my money is tied up in equities.” (23:50)
  • This “uncrackable” quote has become a best-friend meme, symbolizing dubious dating excuses.

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4. Introducing the Guests & Setting the Theme (28:53–31:36)

• Shan and Jared’s Relationship Origin Story:
  • From “booty call” to partners with two children.
  • “You know, just kind of slid in fboy style and then became a changed man.” — Jared (30:34)
  • The importance of loving your partner the way you wish to love yourself.

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5. Open Conversations on Desire, Openness & Flirting (31:46–46:33)

• Discussing sexual fantasies, cultural icons (Gayle King & Oprah), and being flirtatious in public.

• The comfort with openness and non-monogamy—in theory and sometimes practice—amid family and work demands.

  • “We’re open to being open.” — Shan (56:25)
  • They enjoy the “freedom to explore,” but haven’t dove fully into the lifestyle due to time and logistics (especially after having kids).

• Flirting as a Muscle:

  • “Flirt with the TSA guy. You’re never going to see it...makes everyone’s experience better.” — Jared (45:01)
  • Encourage practicing low-stakes flirting to build confidence and presence.

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6. MasterClass in Sex Appeal: Science, Practice, and Stripper Tips (38:09–61:32)

Sex Appeal as a Learnable Skill (38:09–39:14)

• Shan emphasizes sexiness isn’t innate—flirting and seduction can be taught and improved with practice.

Eye Contact, “Sexy Eye Triangle,” and Approachable Body Language (39:14–44:19)

• Specific tactics like “the sexy eye triangle”:
  • “Look somebody in the eye, drop your chin down, look at their body, then flick it back up.” — Shan (43:45)
  • Ashley: “You did it. I got turned on.” (42:46)
• Tips on making yourself open and engaging in social spaces.

Off-Kilter Touches & Physical Connection (35:03–36:54)

• Jared explains how “off-kilter”—unexpected or instinctive—touch keeps sex and flirting alive and fresh.

Practical Pickup & Stripper Protocols (50:45–55:59)

• Drawing on strippers’ real-life tactics:
  • Look for signals—are people shifting, primping, or giving inviting body language?
  • “Approach people who want to be approached.” — Shan (50:59)
• Use consent-based touch (“Your pants are cool, can I touch them?”).

Conversation Starters and “NBT: Never Be Typical” (60:38–62:34)

• Strippers’ advice: keep dialogue “dangerous, weird, rich”—talk about fantasies, sex, decadence, rather than routine or facts only.

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7. Sexual Icons, Identity, and The Three Rivers Activity (76:09–81:16)

• The guests and hosts share their “sexual icons” (Sabrina Carpenter, Rihanna, Brad Pitt, Halle Berry).
• Shan’s “three rivers” activity:
  • Identify three ways you already embody sex appeal, often inspired by your icon.
  • “Similarity attraction theory says that we’re attracted to people who are just like us...a lot like your sexual icon.” — Shan (78:21)

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8. Keeping Sex and Connection Alive for Couples (67:13–72:40)

• Structure and Routine vs. Spontaneity:

  • With kids and work, sex can become more scheduled, but that’s not necessarily negative.

• Dealing with Desire Fluctuations:

  • “Saying no to sex for a period of time...means the sex coming up is about to be really, really fire.” — Shan (70:31)
  • Normalize sexual “seasons” and don’t panic when things cool temporarily.

• Turn-On Triggers & Chore Play:

  • Different things get different people in the mood—direct language, sensuality, chores done, anticipation, playfulness.
  • “For people who are mentally overwhelmed...just took off 10 things off my list, I might have the mental space to consider fucking your ass.” — Shan (74:08)

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9. Memorable Moments & Rapid Fire Final Tips (82:14–87:36)

• Shan’s Top Sex Appeal Hack (83:32):

  • “When I see a guy that I’m attracted to, I just look him in the eyes and I picture having sex with him in my head.” — Anna, story relayed by Shan (83:38)
  • The most powerful form of “mind fucking”—quiet, confident, and magnetic.

• Jared’s Unexpected Sexy Signal:

  • “Clothing is a language...it just opens up a conversation.” (85:38)
  • Use community-specific “codes” to attract compatible interests.

• Ashley & Raina’s Observations:

  • Bold style (like bright nails or red lipstick) send subconscious confidence and invite conversation.
  • “If a man compliments me on my nails…I love it. I love when a guy’s like, ‘I love your manicure.’ I’m like, let’s fuck.” — Raina (87:27)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I better be able to leave my man with my kid…” — Ashley (02:00)
• “Own a sex toy company…it immediately makes people think you’re gonna be so freaky.” — Raina (14:52)
• “Under-promise, over-deliver.” — Ashley (15:24)
• “We’re open to being open.” — Shan (56:25)
• “Flirt with people all the time…when it matters, it’s gonna be like riding a bike.” — Jared (44:46)
• “Sexy eye triangle is…look someone in the eye, look at their body, flick back up.” — Shan (43:45)
• “NBT stands for never be typical…keep the conversation weird and sexy.” — Shan (60:44)
• “Similarity attraction theory says…you’re a lot like your sexual icon.” — Shan (78:21)
• “Saying no to sex for a period of time…means the sex coming up is about to be really fire.” — Shan (70:31)
• “Chore play…take something off my plate so I can actually, like, focus and drop into this.” — Shan (75:09)
• “If a man compliments me on my nails…I’m like, let’s fuck.” — Raina (87:27)

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Practical, Easily Applied Sex Appeal Tips

• Practice flirting in low-stakes settings (waiters, TSA, grocery store clerks) so it’s easier with high-stakes prospects.
• Use the “sexy eye triangle”—eye contact, quick look down, then back up—for palpable intrigue.
• Lead with consent and playfulness in touch (“Can I feel your jacket?”).
• Conversation: Be vivid, unconventional, and NBT: talk about fantasies, food, and adventures, not just your job or the weather.
• Steal the stripper tip: When you want to be sexy, “picture having sex with the person in your head”—your subconscious will make your body language confident and magnetic.
• Remember: Sexiness isn’t just visual; it’s presence, confidence, and curiosity.

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How to Connect With the Guests

• Shan Boodram:
  • MasterClass: The Art of Sex Appeal
  • Instagram: @shanboody
  • Podcast: Lovers by Shan (upcoming!)
• Jared Brady:
  • Producer and co-creator on Lovers by Shan

Listen to the full episode and others:
Girls Gotta Eat website
Instagram: @girlsgottaeatpodcast

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Final Takeaway

Sex appeal is for everyone—it’s learnable, it’s about presence, openness, and playful confidence. With humor and warmth, this episode encourages listeners to try, experiment, learn from the pros (even the strippers!), and find their unique formula for connection and desire.

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Highly recommended for: Anyone curious about sexiness, dating confidence, navigating long-term passion, or just wanting a fun, frank convo about flirting and sexuality.

Transcript

[Raina Greenberg]

Can we talk about your sexy eye triangle?

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Jared Brady]

Love the sexy eye.

[Shan Boodram]

I know.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You did it. I got turned on. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Welcome back. Happy March.

[Raina Greenberg]

It is March.

[Ashley Hess]

February flew by.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it did. It took me. I was like, what did I do in February? What did you even do? I didn't do anything. No, what did you do last week?

[Ashley Hess]

Every week. Give me your five things you did last week.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm excited. I went to. I went to Miami. I just got back from Miami. We're going to Austin.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Got plans on plans.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, right. That'll be this weekend.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

We will be going to south by Southwest and doing some fun stuff. So this will be the first time that I'm, like, leaving my fiance since we've moved in. And, like, he'll be with Azul.

[Raina Greenberg]

How does it feel?

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I'm sure he'll be fine, but I'm telling. I mean, I think this is, you know, I know I never compare kids with pets because it's not the same. Thank God. But, like, leaving the dad for the first time with the kid, like, they fed them, they've walked them. But the full weekend where they're fully responsible, it's different.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel like I can trust a man with a dog, not kids.

[Ashley Hess]

I totally trust him, but it is. It's the first time that I'm going to be like, you're in the home with Azul. Like, what are you guys doing? Like, you know, you have it under control. It's like, not the same.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I would trust a man for a week with a dog. Like, totally fine. No problem. I would not leave my man alone with my child. More than a night.

[Ashley Hess]

What?

[Raina Greenberg]

That's a lot. Long time. More than a night.

[Ashley Hess]

Dads are parents, are they.

[Raina Greenberg]

They're like. They're like a third. I better be able to leave. If I'm a third of the squad.

[Ashley Hess]

I better be able to leave my man with my kid. I'll never have.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel like I just. I have a hard time trusting men in the house. I. I guess men have taken care of kids for a long time. It's just. And dogs. I just trust them more with dogs. And I feel like I'm glad, bae. I probably won't be a parent. Cause I just know I'll have a helicopter, a helicopter about everything. And it's hard for me to trust men to do the right thing in my home. And Rob was staying with me last week, and I left to go to Miami before he left the house. And I had to get up and leave the house, like, 6:30 in the morning. I wasn't gonna try to be like, please get up with me and leave. So I allowed him to stay there and lock the house up. And I was like, please, if there's dishes, just put them in the dishwasher and lock the house. And he was like, raina, I'm not an idiot. And I was like, just, there's two doors. Please lock them both. And there's a gate. Please lock the gate. I wrote all these instructions out. He sent me a video of himself locking the front door. Like, I'm such an idiot. I'm so annoying. He's like, here we go, Raina. I lock the door. He shows me, like, pulling on the handle. He's in front of it. It was very funny. Like, don't helicopter me. And I was like, you know what? I was too hard on him.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, I thought the punchline was gonna be that the door wasn't locked.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, no. I'll tell you. So I was sitting there on the plane, and I was like, I don't tr. I texted Tessa and I was like, I think Rob's gonna be gone 30 minutes. Go check the house.

[Ashley Hess]

What?

[Raina Greenberg]

He forgot to lock the gate.

[Ashley Hess]

He had made a whole video of the door and then forgot the gate.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Cause men can handle one thing at a time. A two door situation. Forget it. Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I felt bad, like, having Tessa go over there also.

[Ashley Hess]

Tessa is really close to me.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's like, not that big of a. But I was like, at your leisure. Stop over once he's gone. Nope.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God. That tracks.

[Raina Greenberg]

So, I mean, imagine doing that, but with your baby. Yeah, they did. You give them a list of things and they do half of them, but, like, one of them is like, feed them.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it's just like.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know.

[Ashley Hess]

It's gotta be bare minimum. Just keep him alive.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

No, he's gonna do great. He's, like, more responsible than me.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel like, yeah, he'll be great.

[Ashley Hess]

He's my caretaker. He's my babysitter.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right. I think it's gonna go great. And I'm excited for South By.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my gosh. Well, I haven't been to Austin in.

[Raina Greenberg]

When was the last time you were our show?

[Ashley Hess]

2023.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, it has been a while.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And it was so hot. It was September. We were, like, sick from the heat.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've been checking the weather. I feel like you can't like Texas weather. I never know what it's doing in the winter, so I'm hoping for 70s. I have cute fits. I just can't wait.

[Ashley Hess]

I can't wait.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, let's thank our partners and then we'll get right into it. Thanks to Article. Get 50 off your first purchase of 100 or [e-mail] GGE and BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first [e-mail] GGE.

[Ashley Hess]

And thank you to Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted [e-mail] GGE and Nutrafol. Get $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you subscribe at nutrafool.com with code GIGI10 and ADDIE. Learn more at addie.com so I drove.

[Raina Greenberg]

Back from South Beach. I went to the Miami Wine and Food Festival. It was, like, really a lot of fun. Jeremy got me a press pass so I could, like, go to all these things. And it just was like, the best weekend.

[Shan Boodram]

But I.

[Raina Greenberg]

This thing happened on the plane that I was excited to tell you.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I was.

[Ashley Hess]

Plane crashed?

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I survived. Look at me. I was flying back on Sunday night, and the pilot was, like, talking about the route we were gonna take, and he was like, we're gonna fly over this and then this and this. Which I've never heard a pilot let you know unless you're going over the Grand Canyon. And they're like, well, now I think.

[Ashley Hess]

They'Re trying to reassure you more. Oh, with everything going on.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, as we were. He goes, we're gonna go here and here, and then we're gonna fly over the Gulf of Mexico. And he said it real hard and then just paused.

[Ashley Hess]

No. Did anyone clap?

[Raina Greenberg]

I, out loud, audibly laughed, but people were looking at me. I was like, I can't believe Ashley's on this flight with me. Do I have no community on this plane? I wanted somebody to laugh with me so badly. Cause he paused and then finished his sentence. It was so funny.

[Shan Boodram]

No.

[Ashley Hess]

He paused for dramatic effect. It was like a drum roll.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it's the Gulf of Mexico. That's what it is.

[Raina Greenberg]

But the rest of the weekend was great. I stayed up until 1:32 in the morning. Three nights in a ro. That has never happened.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it's. It's such a fun thing. I want to do it again next year. I was wondering if it was going to be as fun as you remember it being, because things just, like, aren't as good as they used to be.

[Raina Greenberg]

Totally.

[Ashley Hess]

Maybe it's we're aging out, but some festivals are actually not like they used to be. I'm not naming any names, but, you know, in their heyday, when we kind of first started the podcast, like, certain things were so fun, and they've just kind of fallen off or stuff.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just seems really cool and fun.

[Ashley Hess]

When the first started to get all.

[Raina Greenberg]

These opportunities and you're like, I don't know. I don't do this.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. But some actually have, so I'm glad to hear that was still the same. So fun. The fun events and cool people and, like, fancy parties, and. I love to hear it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. And, like, I just at these things. Like, south by is similar. Like, I put a lot of pressure on myself to, like, have all these plans and parties, and then I'm just like. I don't know, Just give myself permission to chill.

[Ashley Hess]

I love to do a bunch of stuff.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know you do.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm like, what are we doing Friday night? What are we doing Saturday day? Saturday, early evening? Saturday night, Sunday, Sunday dinner.

[Raina Greenberg]

You like a lot of plans?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But, yeah, it was great. I got a little worried. I feel like the mom of the group. Cause I am older than everybody else.

[Jared Brady]

That goes.

[Raina Greenberg]

But everybody. A lot of people. Jeremy stayed out and went to, like, 11 in bodega every night. I saw myself home. I. I mean, you know, I've always been the kind of. I just. I don't need to be awake at those hours when everyone's just fucked up, nodding out. I'm fighting through the drunkness. I'm good.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. No.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know if you talked about this before, but I'm planning Reinapalooza for my birthday party in June. And it's gonna be three nights. I just want it to be, like, nice and early. Like, Friday night's just gonna be dinner.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm gonna plan, like, a big dinner out. And then Saturday is festival day. So Saturday is the palooza.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

So it's gonna be, like Coachella meets the Hamptons. And we are gonna, like, party. But I'm gonna start that party at, like, 5, and I'm gonna have people see their way out by 10:30, and they can go have their own night somewhere else.

[Ashley Hess]

No, because it's gonna be, like, summer house. Like, it's gonna be. There's gonna be an after party. I'm gonna set up a DJ table. Okay. I'm gonna have a mic. I will bring my karaoke machine.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I really. For what I want to do for the party, And I was thinking like, do you think that DJ Kyle Cook would.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh my.

[Raina Greenberg]

The party, maybe.

[Ashley Hess]

What else is he doing? They haven't started their summer yet.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I think it's.

[Ashley Hess]

They start on July 4th. I feel like they always do.

[Raina Greenberg]

So he's probably not booked in. Busy.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And he's going to want to be in the Hamptons.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. And if anybody else wants to sponsor the party too. I'm so dead Face Jules.

[Ashley Hess]

Lover boy.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I'm very excited. But yeah, I like to plan like a nice early. Like maybe, maybe Sunday we should do like a beach picnic. One of those. Like set it up on the beach. Everyone's back at the house by 6:30.

[Ashley Hess]

Are we doing a boat?

[Raina Greenberg]

So I was thinking Sunday boat in the morning. Then we do a beach picnic where they like set stuff up that feels.

[Ashley Hess]

Like two aquatic activities which you don't usually see back to back.

[Raina Greenberg]

When it's rain a palooza you do.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really enjoy. I like water activities.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Take a boat to the picnic.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I kind of like that.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Okay, got it.

[Raina Greenberg]

So we were like out on the water for a couple hours, then we docked and there was like a beach picnic. And it's been really. I've been like edging. I'm like, when do I send to save the dates? Because like it's February. So right now, today it's February. So it's weird to be like plan this thing in the middle of June. But like it's not. People plan their summer vacations and I don't want them to plan something else.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I'm starting to get stressed about save the dates for my wedding. And that's November.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, definitely.

[Ashley Hess]

Like I'm. I'm feeling panic. Like we gotta get this, get this shit going. I tested me bachelorette parties.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, that. You definitely have to.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Because a lot of our friends are east coast based. They'll come up to the Hamptons for the weekend. This is different.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Well, I'm glad I made the cut.

[Raina Greenberg]

For what?

[Ashley Hess]

The house. Two tiers.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can you imagine for Raina Palooza? Can you imagine? I was like, I'm so sorry, Ashley.

[Ashley Hess]

You didn't like to cover the house.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm dead. It's six bedrooms and I actually have been like over promising a little bit. Like I'm just like, come stay at the house. I don't know who all these bedrooms are going to go to. Oh my God. But you and I have at least figured out which buckets of people we're going to actively tell to just get their own. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And who gets dibs on the house, on the bedrooms? Like first pick, second pick, I'll tell everybody that. But I'm gonna call this Rainal palooza.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you think everybody's gonna get it? No.

[Ashley Hess]

Raina Palooza sounds really good because it is like lollapalooza.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's what I basically like.

[Ashley Hess]

Ashley Palooza sounds forced and stupid.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, like the A really works. But I still like Reynal and I'm.

[Raina Greenberg]

Making a big deal out of it. It's gonna be my 40th birthday. I'm just gonna like, everybody else plans these big fucking things for their weddings. And so like, I mean, you planned a huge thing for your 40s, like, why not make it a blowout sense? Save the dates. And my sister in law, my brother live in London. And I said to her, like, do you think you can make it? She's like, we have a wedding the weekend before and the weekend after. And I was like, assume this is a wedding.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you were coming.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I'm really excited.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Register. You register.

[Raina Greenberg]

I sent a link to write a.

[Ashley Hess]

Bunch of festival outfits. We have to buy. You like revolve like chains.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. I'm going to do themed outfits. Obviously there's going to be like registers.

[Ashley Hess]

We have to buy all our clothes.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was wondering like, what I'm allowed to ask people to pay for. Like. So I made a festival flyer and it says day one, day two, day three. And I'm wondering if I'm like, if you want to come to the Friday dinner. Like just venmo me$50.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, here's a QR code. This is so funny. Like, here's someone's like, I just want a Friday pass. I was like, can I just buy Saturday?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Not the three day wristband.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Do you want to see that? Wait, I love this. I'm gonna send wristbands.

[Ashley Hess]

Wristbands will be fun. Yeah, Put them on the registry.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. I don't know if people can see. I don't want people to see this. So here's the Coachella poster.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

And this is the Rand of Palooza doing DJ3. I like the idea of wristbands.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. A workout class. You're not doing that well.

[Raina Greenberg]

I already let Bobby and Izzy know that they have to teach a workout class on the lawn on Saturday morning.

[Ashley Hess]

On the lawn? On the great lawn.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just want them to like, kind of just like bicker and tell jokes and like we'll kind of work out like maybe like a relay race.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, that's what you think. Bobby taught a workout class on the morning of Rob's wedding. I was sore for a week. He did not take it easy on us. He has this video of me. We did these, like, wheelbarrow things. He has this video of me. I was fighting for my life. Like, they are not gonna just dick around. Like, it's gonna be so intense and it's gonna be like a boot camp.

[Raina Greenberg]

What if we did, like a cute little relay race?

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I've commissioned them to do it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I wanted an activity.

[Ashley Hess]

I will not be doing that. Take that off my wristband.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. What if I send people sign up?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't have access to the workout class.

[Raina Greenberg]

What if I made like a landing page and there's sign up links for, like, which things you want to do? Yeah. On like, the knob for each one. And my registry is on there for what I want.

[Ashley Hess]

I love this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

I can't wait.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm really excited. I'm really excited.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, it's funny because I, like, had to give your birthday as a blackout date when our agent, my agent was doing my tour. So, like, there's multiple texts and he's like, I know this weekend because. Because of Reyna. Cause of Reina. It's just like, very funny. He's like, and then which weekend before Raina? Like, everything was just like, around this date. It was like, it's a hot date mid year.

[Raina Greenberg]

He should come too. Yeah, he should come too. He should book us some entertainment.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll do a show. That's how we'll pay for the weekend.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love that idea. Girls gotta eat show. Well, if anybody wants to, like, sponsor it and they give me free stuff, just let me know, you know.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. So we did this episode last week about what do you hide from your partner? And, you know, mainly geared towards the girlies and like, what you may hide from your male partner, for example. But we asked on Instagram, what is the funniest thing a guy has ever lied to you about? You know, this is kind of the other side of it. The silly things that guys lie about.

[Raina Greenberg]

This feels like newer, not like a partner. This feels like newer. So, okay, I wrote. I wrote a couple of my favorites down, but I actually wanted to, like, discuss this one with you a little bit so that he would rock my world sexually.

[Ashley Hess]

I think it's so funny that she was like, the biggest lie you've ever heard.

[Raina Greenberg]

I always say that, like the first time or even the first two to three times you've sex with somebody, it can be kind of weird and awkward. I think that, like, everybody has a different bar for, like, good sexes, quote unquote. Like, I dated that guy that was like, I feel like I finally met my sexual match in you. I was like, I literally hate having sex with you. But I was talking to this guy this weekend and he said to me, I've been, like, seeing this girl and she, like, kind of, like, talked to Big Game and, like, kind of lied to me. And I was like, what did she do? And he said, she said she's gonna be like, the best fuck of my whole life. And he was like, it was so bad. And I was like, I don't think she lied to you. I think that she, like, thinks she's, like, fun, inspired. I don't think they're lying. I think people think that they're, like.

[Ashley Hess]

Better at it than they are. Okay. I would never say that to somebody. I wouldn't think that's a wild way to set expectations. Like, you wanna under promise and over deliver.

[Raina Greenberg]

I worry about telling people, like, when I'm on dates with them that I.

[Ashley Hess]

Own a sex toy company.

[Raina Greenberg]

It immediately makes people think you're gonna be, like, so freaky. And cr. Yeah, of course I can be like that. But you're not going to get that out of me. Like, except for that guy that teabagged my face.

[Ashley Hess]

But you could interpret it the other way. You could be like, oh, she doesn't even fuck. She just masturbates all the time, you know? But yes, people just think we're, like, so freaky.

[Raina Greenberg]

Totally. And I can hear somebody on it being like, I'm gonna. You're not even ready for what I'm gonna do to your body. And I don't know. I just. I would never talk a game like that because I want people to really. I. I want people to really under anticipate how good I'm gonna be at something. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Under promise, over deliver. I mean, I think that anyone who talks that Big Game is going to be mid. It's weird. I think people that are, like, really good in bed don't really say that. I mean, I'm sure there's some that do. They just know it and they're confident about it and they don't have to tell you, like, I'm about to rock your world, girl.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, oh, ew. And also, I kid you not, actually.

[Ashley Hess]

I changed my mind.

[Raina Greenberg]

It can feel a little performative. I think people that are like, I'm about to do the Craziest shit. It's like, well, you don't even know what I like.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, in the crazy shit, quote unquote. I mean, I think, you know, so many of us, especially in our 20s or college or whatever, had like crazy drunk sex and whatever. But also I didn't have a lot of. A lot of like moves like I do now.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't got moves now.

[Ashley Hess]

Whatever your special things are, whatever your special sauce is, like, whatever your, whatever your signature moves are, like, you aren't always pulling those out the first night with a new person.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I mean, I think that I give like, I love to give head. I like oral sex. I'm definitely not telling somebody. It's about to be the best dick sucking experience of your life. And I'm also like probably not doing that. The first couple times we wake up. You're not getting the goods.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so let's do a couple more lies.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

He had a black blender bottle saying it was pre workout. It was Bacardi Zombie. First of all, what is Bacardi Zombie?

[Raina Greenberg]

What is Bacardi Zombie?

[Ashley Hess]

Because as a former Bacardi enthusiast, but just like lying about the alcohol in general is like, well, that's really bad. Oh my God. Wait, let me look. It's like, it looks like hypnotic. What? It's like a blue drink. Bacardi Zombie premium run cocktail with citrus, passion fruit and triple sec flavors. Okay. It's like a malt. Looks like a malt liquor.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's absolutely insane. And also like, did you not think somebody was gonna smell it on your breath?

[Ashley Hess]

Also, is he taking it to the gym?

[Raina Greenberg]

That is crazy. That's my pre workout.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Lied to me and said he had furniture. I mean, when you first walk into a man's apartment, there is that moment where you're like, what is about to be in here?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, it is like a frightening moment.

[Ashley Hess]

Right? Like no furniture, stuffed animals. Okay. So these two similar vein needed to break up because he was taking an overseas job opportunity. But he never left. And this could have been the same guy. We should introduce these girls. He was being deployed to Baghdad in 2023. So it sounds like he's still around.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you remember during COVID when I was sleep with my neighbor?

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I told him that I had to go back to Pittsburgh to be with my parents. And then I just like. Cause I didn't want to be around him anymore. And this was during the height of the pandemic quarantine. And I just like ran him into him in the Elevator a couple days later. And he was like, I thought you were going home to your parents. And I was like, they died.

[Ashley Hess]

They died. Okay, this one lie or not having roommates, but it really was his parents. Did he lie?

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a lie by omission if you don't actually ask the follow up question of who are the roommates? Okay. He lied that he had an ex fiance that died.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my gosh.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just wanted, like a sympathy vote. You wanted you to, like, sympathy fuck him?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

He told me he had a terminal disease.

[Ashley Hess]

That is bad karma.

[Raina Greenberg]

People that lie about Steph to get your sympathy. And it's like, I don't. I don't actually like, really even know where that's coming from. Cause it's not like I did it so I could fuck her. It's like, we'll fuck you for less. And now you're married to this lie, right? The ex wife or the ex wife that died or the terminal illness.

[Ashley Hess]

He told me he used to take the hot baking sheet out of the oven without an oven mitt. Let me see your hands. I'll prove this right now. He has, like, soft lady fingers.

[Raina Greenberg]

Men are so stupid.

[Ashley Hess]

No, but what if he has these calloused hands? You're like, he probably did.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I can see that actually being true. Like, it's just something that, like, women wouldn't do. Like, men have games where they hit each other in the nuts just to see who can deal with it longer.

[Shan Boodram]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I can see a man that's like, he's an oven mitt. You.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes. Okay. He told me it was his birthday, which he faked because he wanted me to just celebrate him.

[Ashley Hess]

What? Or getting gifts?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yep.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God. Wait, that he got veneers? It was long distance. Did he think I never find out? What do you. That he got veneers? What's the. Just.

[Raina Greenberg]

What's the point of the lie? What do you. What?

[Ashley Hess]

Why would you lie about it? Wouldn't you lie and say you don't have veneers? You want people to think those are your natural teeth.

[Raina Greenberg]

But like, okay, I'm wondering if he said, like, I have veneers, not like I'm getting them.

[Ashley Hess]

Can you think of a time a guy lied? I mean, all the times. Like, one that sticks out. I had a guy. Oh, my God. This was a guy that I had an off and on hookup thing in college. And then we both lived in Atlanta after college and we saw each other a couple times and I was, okay, now we can date. You know, and so one night we were hanging out, and he was like, I want to, like, take you out and, like, you know, try to do this or whatever. I couldn't even function all day at work. I've never been so excited in my life. And then, like, a couple hours before, he said his friend died and never rescheduled.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, maybe he did, but doubt it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, two lies. Okay, that jogged my memory of a lie. So this was the guy that we met in New York. You and I met him at the same time at an event. He asked me out.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

We had a date planned for Saturday. And then what did he tell me? He forgot this friend's wife died and he has to go to the funeral this afternoon.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. Memory unlocked.

[Raina Greenberg]

Remember that guy?

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then this one guy kept. He didn't live in New York. He kept bugging me to come to New York for the weekend. He, like, really wanted to come, whatever. And I had said, okay. And then he said, I actually can't. I have Covid, and I'm really sick. And I was like, all right. And I went to look at his Instagram story from my profile, and he had no stories up. And I looked at his story from Girls Gotta Eat, and he was snowboarding with his friends.

[Ashley Hess]

No. He thought he could get away with it. Like, we don't have multiple accounts.

[Raina Greenberg]

He forgot to just block the stories from Girls Gotta Eat. And when I confronted him about it, he gaslit me and acted like he had. I don't even know how to do that right now. I don't even know how to block the. Oh, my God. Cause I was like, how are you feeling? And he was like, I don't really feel good. And I was like, you could go out and, like, you know, just, like, go skiing or something. Like, people, you know, you could be outside. And he was like, great. I have Covid. I was like, no.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

So anyways, that was, like, a fun little lie. And then just little things, I guess. I haven't really dated a lot of people that would lie to me. That would not be really.

[Ashley Hess]

I'd live to catch someone in a lie. You can't date me. I'm an FBI agent.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, you can't lie to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I don't know. I just. I don't want to date somebody. I need to catch them in lies. But I've caught, like, plenty of people in lies.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, I want to wrap it up with my favorite thing, that we actually still aren't sure. If it's a lie. But it has haunted me for reason some so many years.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, no, like, this is like one of our favorite things as best friends. Like, we're gonna let you guys in on it.

[Raina Greenberg]

We talked about this for five years. Talked about this.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So this text got sent in 2022.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So it was in April, right?

[Ashley Hess]

It was April, March. So I met this guy in early 2022.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is the anniversary of the. We don't know it's a lie.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, yes. It's coming up on the three year anniversary. So we met in January 2022. We talked off and on, probably again in like March. That's when he wrote, full transparency, I miss you. So he sent me this, like Sunday evening text, like, full transparency, I miss you. And I said, how convenient. I'm coming to where he lives next week.

[Raina Greenberg]

What had happened was we had a show in Portland and we were going to do a layover there.

[Ashley Hess]

So then I touched base and there was a whole thing of if he was going to be in town or not because he had to go to a bachelor party. And he had told me, like, the bachelor party was starting on like, Wednesday. And I was like, that's a long bachelor party. Could be a lie.

[Raina Greenberg]

Could be a lie. But we're not sure.

[Ashley Hess]

We weren't going to get into town till, like Thursday. Like, I want. I wanted to see him. Like, we were, like, excited about it. You and I were going to go together. You were going to hang out with this friend, whatever. So I wrote to him. I was like, the next day or two days later, and I was like, hey, Sunday feels. That's what I called him. Are you still starting your bachelor party on Wednesday or will you be in town? I'm nailing down my plans because if he wasn't going to be in town, I wasn't going to go with you. I was just going to go straight to Portland. And he said, I love the new nickname. And then he said, but unfortunately, I still have to start this bachelor party on Wednesday night. It was $400 to change it to Thursday, and all of my money is tied up in equities.

[Raina Greenberg]

This has haunted us for years. Ashley was like, if that was a joke, it's like, high level, high level joke. I texted my brother who works in finance, and I'm like. I was like, am I misunderstanding what equities are? Like? Would somebody not be able to have access to $400 because all their money was tied up in equities?

[Ashley Hess]

No, again, I was like, did he just deeply insult me so like, or is he trying to flex? Like he, he was younger than me, he knew I made more money. Like, he was kind of like between jobs. Like, I don't know if this was like a flex, like him trying to speak my language, whatever. I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right. Did he think that she, like, I, she'll be turned on by equities.

[Ashley Hess]

But it's so crazy because you could have just been like, I wish I could, but the flight change fee is like a lot. Like, you didn't have to bring equities into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know. Like, how did you even think of equities in this scenario?

[Ashley Hess]

And I don't know if I ever responded. I think I just was like, oh my God. I mean, I think we just made fun of it for three years and like, I don't even know.

[Raina Greenberg]

We don't know.

[Ashley Hess]

I've spoken to him since, like, I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I still talk to the friend all the time.

[Ashley Hess]

He's a good guy.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. I wonder if he was like, actually 400 was a lot for him. He was between jobs and so he was making like a self deprecating joke again.

[Ashley Hess]

That's what I'm saying. If it was a joke, it was really funny.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know, but like it's really high level.

[Ashley Hess]

He's saying like, I'm broke.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I.

[Ashley Hess]

Can'T afford this and he threw the egg. It's very funny. Listen, guy, if you're listening, let us know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm circle back.

[Ashley Hess]

Hey, was this a joke for your wedding?

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm going to get you, I'm going to get you the gift of asking him if that was true or not.

[Ashley Hess]

Now it feels so like, let's just ask him. You ask him.

[Raina Greenberg]

I will ask him. Yeah, I'm dying to know.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, we have a great episode for you guys. We're just gonna thank some partners and then jump in onto it.

[Ashley Hess]

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[Raina Greenberg]

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[Ashley Hess]

Okay, let's get into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, guys. We are so excited to welcome back a guest to the show today. She is a certified sex educator and the intern famous sexologist. She is the host of the podcast Lovers, the best selling author the book the Game of Desire. Her newest project is out now. It is a class on masterclass called the art of sex appeal where she teaches you to master the art of flirting, strengthen emotional connection, reignite physical passion and boost intimacy. And for the first time, she is back on the show with her partner. He is a cinematographer, producer, musician, low key sex expert. He also produces the content for their shared company. Please welcome to the show Shambru Jam. And for the first time, Jarred Brady.

[Shan Boodram]

Yay.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was good.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

Tell it.

[Jared Brady]

You've been doing this seven years.

[Ashley Hess]

Seven years she's been doing this.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've never been on as I'm doing it, I'm like, don't fuck up, don't fuck up. Everyone's counting on you.

[Shan Boodram]

Were you good at reading aloud in class as a kid?

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you for bringing this up. I could not. I was terrified of reading. I hated it. And for the pockets for years I like couldn't. It was always this funny thing. Rain is bad at reading. Every time I had to read anything, I was like, Ashley can do it. Like emails from people on stage. And the whole time in my head I'm like, I'm gonna fuck it up. But I read a lot now and I think it's improved my dictation.

[Shan Boodram]

That's so empowering that you know what you should do. It was very impressive.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, thanks guys. Well, Shan, you've been on the show twice. This is your third time. We're so excited to have you back and congratulations to both of you on the class with masterclass.

[Shan Boodram]

Thank you so much.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll talk a little bit about your relationship because we did probably hear about it. Jared was your booty Call. Essentially, yes. Now you have two children, and can you just tell us how it's going?

[Raina Greenberg]

How you went from booty call to parents?

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, I mean that. You know, it's a classic love story.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, it's the best.

[Jared Brady]

You know, just kind of slid in fboy style and then became a changed man.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, I just love your relationship and the way you guys speak about each other. You posted something that I sent to my fiance that I forget what it was. What was it?

[Shan Boodram]

Was it I love you the way that I wish to love myself?

[Ashley Hess]

Myself? Oh, my gosh. I mean, it brought me to tears, and I just really love seeing you guys navigate your relationship and be open about it. And obviously, you're both on Masterclass together, but it's just really special to see.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, thank you. Your relationship is so special. Congratulations.

[Ashley Hess]

Thanks.

[Shan Boodram]

I saw you guys talking about it on Gayle King, too. That's the thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Gayle was horny.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Gail was like, ashley, you're in love, and, Raina, you're single. And I was like, I'm on national television. Get caught up.

[Shan Boodram]

Maybe she was flirting. Maybe she's like, and you're single.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, it was cute. It was very cute.

[Shan Boodram]

I have never explored women before, but I've always been attracted to older women.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

And I actually think that I have a shot with an older woman.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Whom? Gail. No, maybe Gail. Vasima.

[Jared Brady]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

I'm doing this jewelry line called Comma with her. It's like a sex jewelry line. We talk about it in the class on Masterclass. But, yeah, like, I think the older women are so sexy. There's just something, like, special. So that's why I'm just giving you and Gayle a moment, because I think it's really.

[Ashley Hess]

That's hilarious. You're shipping Raina and Gale, but do you not think Gail's with Oprah?

[Shan Boodram]

No, I don't know. I don't think that. Jerry, what's your thoughts?

[Jared Brady]

It's weird because, like, Gail. Gayle reminds me of my grandma, and so, like, like, my dad's mom, you know, I just have a really endearing, like, vibe with her.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

So thinking of her in this way is, like, throwing me off.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can't see me and Gail fucking or Oprah and Gail.

[Ashley Hess]

No.

[Jared Brady]

If you do, more power to you, it's probably fun.

[Shan Boodram]

I wonder what Oprah's like sexually.

[Raina Greenberg]

Don't we all?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And she is one of the.

[Shan Boodram]

She has production style.

[Ashley Hess]

Production style.

[Shan Boodram]

The Oprah.

[Ashley Hess]

The Oprah.

[Shan Boodram]

Which, when you're around her, you feel like you're living in a dream come true. Not just because with Oprah, but she, like, speaks to your highest potential.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Shan Boodram]

She talks to you like, you're so smart, so enlightened, so important. So I think that that's a real gift. But we were talking about sexual fantasies the other day, and I was explaining one of my fantasies to Jared. He was like, what? I'm like, sometimes my fantasies aren't about things that I want to do or things that I'm interested in or people I'm attracted to. It's just like, scenarios that I'm intrigued by. So I think Oprah having sex will probably make it into the bank. Just because I'm intrigued by, like, what that could mean.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. I'm thinking about it.

[Shan Boodram]

Maybe Reyna and Gayle will make it there as well.

[Raina Greenberg]

Are you gonna masturbate to me and Gayle?

[Shan Boodram]

I think so.

[Raina Greenberg]

Are you guys gonna talk? It sounds like that Jared isn't. Jared's like, she's like my grandma. I can't think about her fucking.

[Ashley Hess]

No, he's like, please stop bringing up Rain and Gail and Shan. We're fucking. Please stop talking about them. Shan's in the bedroom. Like, what would Rain and Gail be doing right now?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes, talk to me like I'm Gail.

[Shan Boodram]

That, like, that's very fascinating. It's a very fascinating dynamic. Very sexy.

[Raina Greenberg]

So talk to us about the research and the idea. I mean, who better to create a masterclass on sex appeal, but talk to us about the idea and the creation of it.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, I was actually first on this show years ago when my book came out, the Game of Desire, which was five years ago now, which feels like a very bizarre thing to say. And so, in essence, the masterclass is. It's like a collection of everything I've talked about for the past 20 years in two hours. It genuinely is everything I know about sex and seduction in two hours. So the first episode is just all about the spots, the positions, the ways of thinking about yourself, the new kinks you can invite into your world the no's that you should be considering. And then episode two is all about sex appeal and seduction. So Jared helped to co write episode one with me, which was really fun because we just took all of these sex courses from, like, these various sex experts. There was this sex expert, you know, Kenneth Powers.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, but I'll make a note of it.

[Shan Boodram]

He's fascinating. So he's. I think he was like, GQ sex expert for a while, but then Jared came back with all these new techniques. So it was like, joy, you gotta try it out.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know what you're talking about. Let's find out the research for this. Sounds fun.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah. For me, thing about sex is like always, it's a long life. So we're exploring. So maybe somebody has a technique that I've never tried before. I'm like, oh, maybe. Let me see how that works out. It makes sense. And then I get to try it on Shan and then she gets to tell me if it was good. Should we put it in the masterclass or not?

[Shan Boodram]

We didn't put this one in the masterclass, but I was just talking about it being one of my favorites, the throwing the leg over the back. Can you explain it?

[Jared Brady]

Oh, yeah. Like if you're fingering a girl or a woman.

[Ashley Hess]

Jared wrote the fingering portion of the master class, by the way. You guys are surprised? As a fingering expert?

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, apparently. But it's the angles that make it good. And so if you're like sideways and she's, you know, laying straight, if you put her leg over your back, it just opens her up in a way that allows your. Your hand to get into a space and really get to the spots, specifically the a spot.

[Ashley Hess]

So, okay, I like this. I think people don't really talk much about various fingering techniques.

[Shan Boodram]

They should.

[Ashley Hess]

But I'll notice when my partner kind of comes in from behind. It's hotter. It feels better, deeper.

[Shan Boodram]

What do you mean from behind?

[Raina Greenberg]

Like. Like you're in a cuddle position.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, yeah. It's not on. It's from the back like this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like fingering from behind. Like up through.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes. Like a doggy finger.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know, Jared.

[Raina Greenberg]

Probably Jared gets it.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, I got it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Is that weird?

[Ashley Hess]

Are we being weird?

[Shan Boodram]

No, that's not weird at all. All of it is good. I think we talked about this in the class too, is the power of off kilter touch. That's something that Jared does really, really well. And that essentially means you can't get bored of sex. If you're being authentic and intuitive to the moment and sometimes authentically, you're in a certain position where it's not natural to put your hand in the usual way. So you have to come from behind. So when you're responding to what's around you or how you feel or what the vibe is that day, the sex is always going to be different. And so off kilter touch essentially means touching your partner in a way that you're like, oh, that's different. It may not be like usual, but it just wakes your body up and makes you think, like, oh, like that. That was interesting.

[Jared Brady]

Well, it grounds you. It's like, it reminds you that this is real life, you know, because it's a different touch. I know for me what I get out of it if I'm just going through the motions and like, oh, she likes to be grabbed this way, or she likes to be held this way. And this is comfortable. If I do that consistent enough, I kind of can drift mentally. But if I grab her in a way that's just, like, completely instinctual, that's different. That might be, like, weird. It kind of puts us in the moment of, like, whoa, that was different. And then now we're connected.

[Ashley Hess]

Now you have to focus.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

When we first started having sex, he wasn't into cuddling, but we were fuck buddies. We talked about this last time I was on your guys podcast, how I had a cuddle buddy.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, right.

[Shan Boodram]

Because Jared was not a cuddler. So I was like, that's fine with me. And I didn't really want to create that kind of pair bond with him.

[Jared Brady]

First of all, when we started dating, her house was so hot. So it was less about me not liking the kokoto.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel you on that temperature issue.

[Jared Brady]

Yes. Let's get some airflow going on.

[Shan Boodram]

I wasn't in my air conditioning phase. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

So, no. When we used to fuck those skinny guys in Denver, they didn't have AC in the house. And I was like, don't touch me. Like, we were so hot. That was summertime.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, that was bad. That was bad, period. It was, like, so bad. It was really so hot.

[Ashley Hess]

So many fluids.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. So what Ashley and I really gravitated towards, and you start the. The second episode of the masterclass with this is talking about the art of seduction and sex appeal as being something that you learn that essentially, like, I think so many people are like, well, I don't feel sexy. I don't know that I have sex appeal. I can fuck when I'm in this sexy mood. But, like, day to day, I don't feel that I have those things. And I think that you just totally take all the pressure out by being like, yeah, we teach this. This is a learned skill.

[Shan Boodram]

I think it is. What do you think?

[Ashley Hess]

Absolutely. I think it's. That is helpful for people to hear that you don't have to be born this way. You know, like, the people that are really good at this and communicating and connecting learned it and practiced it. So, yeah, we wanted to talk with you guys, you don't go through every single step. But if you're listening, you guys should watch the masterclass. But you really have, like, tangible to do list. Eye contact, how long to hold it, this sexy eye triangle. You know, you really. People want that. They're like, don't just tell me I need to make eye contact. Tell me how to do it and how long to do it and where to shift my eyes. Like, we really like the specificity of how to connect with somebody from across.

[Raina Greenberg]

The room, because the dream is meet people in the wild. But I think people are like, okay, I'm in the wild now. What the fuck? So can you talk about some tips and tricks? Like, you've made it to the bar. You're out.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. I think first and foremost, it is just making yourself approachable. We're not good actors. Leonardo DiCaprio is a good actor, but most of us are not good actors. So if internally you're thinking, I'm not comfortable. I don't want to be here. I feel awkward as much as you're like, but I'm not showing it. Yes, you are. So it really is about first starting off with yourself. And embodiment is the notion that the mind and the body work together and that there's actually no master, and then there's no control panel that they work intuitively, in sync. And so sometimes if mentally, you're like, I don't feel comfortable moving. Your body can actually make that shift. And oftentimes when we want a different result, we have to change more than our mind. So if you're out and you want to invite touch, you want to invite dialogue, you want to invite connection, first think about, okay, how my body is like, am I, you know, pelvis to pelvis with whoever it is that I want to connect with? Are my shoulders down? Is my purse up to indicate that I'm trying to leave right now? Or is my purse down? Am I smiling? Am I relaxed? Am I making eye contact? So going through a mental checklist that your body is communicating exactly what you want, that also, too, communicates to your brain. Oh, this is like the mode that we're in right now. And there's something magnetic about somebody who is just having a good time. So it's just really important to make sure that first and foremost and that we can all control that. I think the second thing is just all the tips I gave from the stripper that to me, she was such a. An illuminator. There's probably more strippers. I Can learn from them. Jared probably has a couple tips that he learned from strippers before, probably. But I think, yeah, like, learning from the pros who, like, know how to approach people and who do it a lot. What do they do? What's work best? What are their best practices? So definitely a lot of this is derived from pickup artists. A lot of it is derived from strippers, and then just from everyday people who found their flow. Do you guys have a thing that you do when you're out, a line that you say?

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm a big fan of eye contact, and I'll make frequent eye contact, and I make a concerted effort to, like, smile during the eye contact. Maybe the second or third time, because I don't want people to think. They just happen to be in my eyesight, you know, I want them to know, like, approach me, or she's just.

[Jared Brady]

Like, staring and then, like, thinking of.

[Ashley Hess]

Something, licking her lips. I mean, I think the crossing the physical barrier is so important. If I meet somebody or I'm on it, date with them, a first date, like, I am clocking whether they have touched me, whether I've touched them. I think it is the most. And some people are just touchy. Some people are just. Just naturally like that. But I think it's so important to touch someone to show you like that. Like, I don't mean, you know, grope them, but playful on the arm, on the knee, you know? And that feels scary to some people.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right?

[Ashley Hess]

Like, don't you think you could be, like, flirting? Be like, oh, my God, I touched a stranger, you know? But that's. That's what I think, how I express that I'm interested in somebody.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, I like the tip. That stripper Gabe said to lead with consent. Because it can be like, oh, something's in your shirt. Can I get it for you? Right, like, oh, like, your pants are really cool. Can I touch them?

[Raina Greenberg]

Can I touch your pants?

[Shan Boodram]

Right. I mean, he does have very. His pants are fuzzy, so why would you not?

[Raina Greenberg]

He's inviting. He's inviting.

[Ashley Hess]

Why would you not?

[Shan Boodram]

It's giving grandma's couch. I want to touch that.

[Ashley Hess]

This is so funny. That's his erogenous zone. His shin. He's like, could you touch my shin?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Please.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, it's up there too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, can we talk about your sexy eye triangle?

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Jared Brady]

Love the sexy eye triangle.

[Shan Boodram]

I know.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You did it. I got turned on. I was like, oh, okay. This is. We've seen this move, like, in the.

[Shan Boodram]

Movies, even, but it gets different reviews. I think Some people are like, it's giving serial killer. It's giving double chin. So I think what's really important with the masterclass in general is to note that it's two hours of tips. We have taken in so much information, as you guys have, from your plethora of books, all the work that you do as sex educators as well. So you know that there's a take it and leave it component to everything. Some things you're like, that's gonna work. Some things aren't. So this is not like everybody's foolproof tip. But in essence, I think it works because different levels of eye contact communicate different things. Right. So looking somebody directly in the eye is showing attentiveness and respect. We can actually provide that to a lot of people, though, to teachers, to grandmas, et cetera, to puppies. Looking down at somebody shows, like, dominance. It shows strength and power. Looking up at somebody shows admiration, submissiveness. So how do we combine all of those to make it very clear to someone that we don't mean respect? We maybe mean submissive, but not all the way. And we don't mean dominance. We kind of want a mix of all three. So sexy eye triangle is just that, where you look somebody in the eye and then you drop your chin down, look at their body, and then flick it back up.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sham sexy.

[Ashley Hess]

We talked about this before. Where people are in their head insecure about doing something that is gonna make them look silly, or there's probably a narrative of, like, that person's gonna go back to their friend group and be like, can you believe? But no one's ever gonna be like, ugh, this girl looked at me, you know, from across the room. Can you believe her?

[Raina Greenberg]

What a creep.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, So I think it's like the most innocuous but meaningful thing is looking at somebody is eye contact.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah. I mean, I think most people. And I actually got a lot of shit for this because I was like, just practice on the waiter. Practice at the grocery store.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

Do it in low stakes environments where you don't really care, like, where it leads to, when it matters. It's gonna be like riding a bike.

[Ashley Hess]

You're practicing.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, just practice. Flirt with people all the time. Flirtate, you know, whenever you're, you know, going through regular life, when it's not like the stakes are super high. Like, I'm really want this person. And I think that's, you know, some people are like, but you're leading someone on.

[Ashley Hess]

Flirt with the TSA guy.

[Shan Boodram]

Exactly.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, like, you're never gonna see it.

[Shan Boodram]

Makes everyone's experience better.

[Ashley Hess]

I actually love that tip. I love it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm surprised you got chick because I think this is, like, any muscle that you flex, you have to, like, practice it.

[Jared Brady]

But if a girl. I mean, probably because I'm a guy and I said it. So they're like, oh, they got so many guys who led them on and took them on. A wild group.

[Ashley Hess]

I think you're saying, like, look, someone up and down at the airport. Who cares?

[Jared Brady]

Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

Flirt with everybody. We sat there, when we flirt with us. Security guard at the airport.

[Ashley Hess]

I was looking up our podcast on his computer. I'm like, is that a federal computer? Are you allowed to do that? It's crazy.

[Raina Greenberg]

10 minutes.

[Ashley Hess]

I was upset he didn't DM one of us. Chris. Chris from Tampa.

[Raina Greenberg]

Miss you, Chris. Yeah, I like it. Practice the skill, because I think that, like, it really comes natural to me. I had, like, a body that looked really sexual at a young age. I was always really sexual my whole life. It comes natural to me to, like, lead with sex a little bit, but I don't know that that's so normal and natural for people, especially when you're also not feeling yourself that day. You're on your period, you don't like how you look, you gain some weight or, you know, you don't like your outfit. And so I don't know that it's so natural for people to, like, make sexy eye contact with somebody you like at a bar. Just do it with the grocery store guy.

[Ashley Hess]

I think tsa, that's my move. My mom is such a natural flirt. And, like, the way she speaks to waiters, like, I feel like we'd be at dinner. My dad is like, oh, there she goes again. Like, my dad's, like, right in front of me, you know, like, she's just naturally flirty. I like watching her talk to people.

[Raina Greenberg]

Me too.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, when I was a kid, I was a little embarrassed.

[Raina Greenberg]

Now it's. What a thrill.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

I hope our kids say that about us one day.

[Ashley Hess]

100% maybe.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, that.

[Raina Greenberg]

That.

[Shan Boodram]

That's goals. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so just gonna take a quick break, and I am telling you guys about Rocket Money. You guys know how it works. You're gonna sign up for something, forget about it. After the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month. And the subscriptions are there, but you're not even using them. So I think we can all relate to this. In fact, 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. And Rocket Money is going to be the solution to this. With Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving more money. So Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And I really love it. I really love how easy it is to use. They have a great dashboard. It gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts. You can create a budget, you can see how much you're saving, and Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. So again, we really love it. We recommend it. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com GG today, that's RocketMoney.com GGE RocketMoney.com GGE and this show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Raina Greenberg]

So think about your favorite leaders, mentors, idols, and they don't have all the answers, but they do know when to ask for help or seek support from their community. And in a society that glorifies hyper independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. I mean, everything in my life has been easier, better, more clear because I have a support system. And obviously therapy can be a real source of support for any area in your life. And it's time to shift the focus from, like, doing it all, knowing it all, and being able to handle everything and asking for help. Therapy is a great way to learn positive coping skills, figure out what your next moves are, what are your goals for the future? What do I do with my career or my love life? There's so many things that can just help you in order to empower you to be the best version of yourself. And BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com GGE today to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com GGE okay, Raina, let me.

[Ashley Hess]

Ask you a question. How would you feel if you lost your libido?

[Raina Greenberg]

My sex drive? Is that like a serious question? I'd never recover.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of premenopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that that there's a treatment called ADDI that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain premenopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if ADDI is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love that women have this option.

[Ashley Hess]

Same. You can go learn [e-mail] that is a D D Y I.com Addi or.

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[Ashley Hess]

Addy that is a D D Y I okay, so I want to go.

[Raina Greenberg]

Back to something you said before because Ashley and I love this like conversation tips from strippers and so like you've made the eye contact, the person's walked over like now like, what do you do? I think people are like, what the fuck do I say now? So like, why the strippers and what did you learn?

[Shan Boodram]

I actually loved what the tip that she gave Is that you want to approach people who want to be approached. And sometimes you don't know that until you actually go over. So it's like looking for multiple different cues. So the first cue is to invade their bubble. Do you get the eye contact? Okay, great. But perhaps they're just thinking about their laundry list and they're zoned out. And then you're just in their eyeline, so you're not sure. Yeah. So then you're like, okay, I caught a stray. Let me just, like, make sure. So I'm gonna do a gesture. I might wave at the person or, like, look over and then look back. Or, like, make a funny face at somebody else or be like, oh, cute juice, or something. And if they're responsive. Okay, maybe I'll go over. She said, when you approach somebody, when you're at a restaurant and your food's coming, what do you do? You know, shift stuff around. You make readies on the table. Yeah, your food is coming, like you're excited. So she's like, if I'm approaching somebody and I don't notice them shift or primp or something, I just walk away. So. And that also may be that person's cue to be like, oh, what happened? And that could create a stronger bond. But if she walks over and they start shifting things around, okay, I've got.

[Ashley Hess]

Just kind of puffing up like a.

[Shan Boodram]

Guy, just, you know, squaring up to you something like, give me something here. And then she goes over again, and it's another check, a temperature check. And this is Jared's famous line when he goes out and talks to people. What's your thing? Are you from town?

[Jared Brady]

I don't. It always changes. Like, I'll try to figure out a way to relate to that person. So I'm gonna gauge for information, you know, where you from? You know, is this your first time here?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

What drink is that? You know, and then try to relate to them in some way so that they feel connected in a way.

[Shan Boodram]

And then if they brush you off and they're cold, it's not a rejection. It's like, oh, this is just a redirection to go somewhere else. Right.

[Ashley Hess]

I love the framing of. You're not. You haven't been rejected. You've been redirected to someone that is gonna be responsible.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, you're rejected if you're like, I like you. Do you like me?

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

That's not a redirection. That's a no. But you don't give them that chance. You don't give Them the chance to shut you down.

[Jared Brady]

But also, too, it's like, at that level, I don't know if any normal person is just gonna be super flat out mean yet. I think it's gonna take.

[Ashley Hess]

That'd be weird.

[Jared Brady]

It's gonna take a little bit of conversation to come out.

[Shan Boodram]

People are cold. I think you could tell.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

If somebody, like, you know, I'm at the cvs and then someone's just like, oh, you look really beautiful. And I'm like, thank you, and I just walk by. That's obviously. It's just that that initial line is just a seed. They didn't put any of their cards on the table, but they made that first contact. And then you get the receptiveness or you don't also, like.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think there's plausible deniability that you're just trying to, like, make a friend. We were at a sports bar the other day.

[Shan Boodram]

Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

There was this guy who's so beautiful. We were all just like, that's the hottest guy here. And he has a lot of tattoos and so do I. And so I was like. I just asked him what one of his tattoos was.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, you did great.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you so much.

[Ashley Hess]

We were watching her in action. Everyone was just, like, rooting for me.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then we started talking about, like, what his dumb tattoo was about and it's connected to some dumb movie. And then we started talking, but, like, then you're in a conversation with somebody, but also, like, if the conversation naturally kind of dies, then. I don't know. I was at a sports bar, making a friend.

[Ashley Hess]

Who cares?

[Shan Boodram]

Well, how did it end?

[Raina Greenberg]

It just kind of died. He started talking to me about Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter, and I was like, I'm gonna go back to my group.

[Shan Boodram]

So you. At that point, you rejected.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think if he had come over, I would have kept talking to him. It just. It felt like it was. There was like, a natural end to the conversation.

[Ashley Hess]

Conversation, which is, like, people are friendly, you know, so that's. I feel like that's where it gets a little dicey of, like. Because you never know someone has a partner, you know, they could be. Not your sexual orientation. Like, I don't know. I'm thinking of. Remember that time that guy in Philly, he was really talking to me at length and really took a lot of my time up. And it was very flirty.

[Jared Brady]

She was trying to search for a nice way to.

[Ashley Hess]

I talked to him at a close range. Flirty. And then drops. My girlfriend, such a fan. I was like, I cannot Believe you did this to me, Jared.

[Shan Boodram]

I feel like you have. You say you have the opposite problem when you go out, because he'll be talking to people.

[Jared Brady]

I try to throw it in there.

[Shan Boodram]

Early, but it makes it weird. And then he's like, oh, wait, too.

[Ashley Hess]

Early is weird, too, because you're like, I don't. I wasn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's presumption.

[Jared Brady]

I wasn't hitting that. Well, I can feel the vibe, you know? So a lot of times I just, like, pulled my hand up so that they can see an array, but it just makes it weird. Cause I'm always like, but we're cool. Like, we could still, like, hang and flirt and do stuff. But yeah, they don't like that.

[Shan Boodram]

She's really chill. She's so chill. I swear.

[Raina Greenberg]

You should meet her. She's great. She can watch.

[Jared Brady]

I always say, too. I'm like, okay, wouldn't if she's not. Wouldn't I just lie and just take the ring off?

[Raina Greenberg]

Right, Right.

[Shan Boodram]

And that's the thing. Like, Jared has a lot of single friends, so he'd be going out and just wanting to be in the vibes, having a good time. So you want to just talk to people. You want to be a human being, you know, who's out at a space in a bar, and you want to connect with other people. And then if you say that you're in a relationship, it almost seems as if you're telling the other person, shut it down. But you're not. You're just trying not to be mentioned on a podcast where the person is.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, for 20 minutes, just. So.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah. Just be aware. And then, like, it just gets weird after that. Then they're just like, oh, are you.

[Ashley Hess]

Guys open at all?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

And theory. We talked about this the other day. We have two kids. There's. Life is crazy. It's so busy. We can barely. We have time. Barely have time to sleep.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

So, like, the idea of, like, being involved with another person right now just sounds exhausting.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But to explain to other people who are like, wait, are they open or not? Like, you guys are not 100% monogamous.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, no, we're open.

[Shan Boodram]

Okay. I think we're open to being open.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Which. You know what? For a long time, I felt that was, like, a disappointment to people because they're like, either you fuck someone or you haven't. And I'm like, there's gotta be other people out there who are in the same boat as us, wherein the idea is there. I love the fact that I Have that kind of freedom. I have flirt buddies. Jared has had flirty experiences. We've had definitely non monogamous experiences before within our relationship. But I don't think the traditional way that people think about openness, that we've just gone there yet. And it's also hard. Like, what? I gotta find somebody else who's I'm attracted to, who's attracted to me, who understands the importance and the role of my husband, who also gets it and, like, wants whatever it is that I have available to offer. Like, there's a lot of different, like, layers to this that make it difficult, I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I'm tired. I'm tired. At the end of the day, all the stuff you do and you have kids, you have each other, what are you gonna get a dating app and, like, meet a stranger? I don't know.

[Shan Boodram]

I gotta say, though, a lot of people who have been like, I was inspired by yours and Jared's journey and, like, now we have a unicorn. I'm like, what are we doing wrong? Everybody else is, like, advancing so quickly, working.

[Raina Greenberg]

Was it different before you guys had kids? I mean, you have a lot of responsibilities.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, I think it was different before we had kids. We had a lot more time and the ability to connect with somebody was a lot easier back then. Right now I just can't see where they would fit.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. But even just the flirting, I don't know. I mean, maybe there's some couples who don't even know that they're operating in an open way where they both are going out and flirting. Because I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think people want to feel sexual and desired and that they can still flirt and get that rush, but they don't want to take it any further than that. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm sure people are out there. Like my mom.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've always been like that. I mean, I don't. It's weird because I don't want to see my partner do that necessarily. But, like, I know that I have boundaries and I know I can take it out up to a certain line and then I can stop. And. Yeah, just because you find a partner doesn't mean that you're just no longer. You're blind to everybody else on earth.

[Shan Boodram]

But you could be. I think that's why, like, there's, like, levels of everything is on a spectrum. Right. I'm very grateful to have a partner who sits on the same space of the spectrum as me and that we're navigating it slowly, but also with a lot of curiosity and excitement. I just know for me from the beginning, when I. I talk about sex for a living, and my previous partner would come to talks that I did. And a big part of it is making other people feel sexy. It's flirting. It's connecting. So I brought an ex partner to a show, and then afterwards, he was pissed. He just, like, wouldn't talk to me. He's like, I felt so disrespected. You didn't let people know that you had a boyfriend. You didn't make that clear. I'm like, well, that's gonna kill the fantasy and the vibe. I brought Jared to a show I did for Playboy, and I brought this guy on stage and I tied him up. I gave him a lap dance. Jared was like, that was hot, Right? Exactly. That's important to find a partner who looks at that part of you and is attracted to you. Like, I really feel like you are attracted to all of me.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Even the parts of me that, like, spill over into the rest of the world and vice versa.

[Jared Brady]

And also, do you know when we first started dating, like, the number one question was like, how do you do it? Like, are you okay? And I'm like to you about her work. Yeah. Like, yeah, what?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jared Brady]

I don't understand what the issue is, but I think it always stems down to, like, a lot of men. There's, like, a pressure to society to be, like, she is claimed territorial, you know? And so I think there's like, a pressure and insecurity there that a lot of men feel that I just never battled with. And also in, like, past relationships, because I wasn't so jealous. It used to cause issues like, why are you not jealous? Like, do you not care?

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it's tremendously sexy for somebody to watch their partner do something that's maybe a little outside the norm and be so proud of it. And we talk about this. Ashley and I like that person still. They chose you. They can have. Shan's on stage talking about sex, stripping for people. She chose you at the end of the day, and there's power in that. And you should feel confidence in that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

But if you don't, it's also okay. Totally, totally. That's the thing. That's the compatibility factor of it. I think monogamy is so beautiful. I think when I talk to people who are like, I only have eyes for one person when I'm with someone, I don't even see anyone else. That sounds amazing to me. I Don't relate. But that sounds incredible to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Could we talk about nbt?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Which is not a sex move.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes, I guess it could be going back to our stripper protocol applicable in.

[Ashley Hess]

All areas of life.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. So this again is a stripper tip, which is. NBT stands for never be typical. So always keeping the conversation interesting by talking about the finer, richer, more dangerous things of life. So financial splurges, vacations, decadent foods, fantasies, sex. And then keeping the conversation both weird and sexy and so weaving the things together. Right. Like I bring up the thing of like, if aliens were here, what kind of sex think they would have? What would be their favorite position? So yeah, strippers just know how to keep you excited. It keeps you on the edge of your seat and the edge of life. When we think about the topics we probably discuss on vacation, it probably is in that realm too of like the non typical dialogues more about like the decadent side of life. So then why not weave that into your everyday interactions?

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

And if it's not natural to you, I mean, you've talked about this in your class. There's such a rise in people just talking about using AI to write these type of things for you. If it's not totally natural to you, I don't know, have AI read a couple non. If aliens had sex, what position would that be? Cause that wouldn't naturally come to me, but I would love that conversation, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And again, this is with your partner in your marriage or whatever this. Or flirting with someone at a bar. I like this very like, don't be basic kind of thing. Yeah, yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

They actually say that there's like five levels of communication that go from facts, routines, opinions, feelings, and then diversity of thought. Which means like letting somebody into your inner world where like things collide, they don't always make sense. You're questioning things. And so in most long term relationships, people actually stay between levels one and three. They're just communicating about routine and facts and opinions, but they don't talk about feelings, they don't talk about their inner world because you just get into that rut. So almost especially in long term relationships, should you go by the NBT rule?

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it can be very natural for people with children to only talk about the children or even me and Ashley. Like, we have to remember to like joke around about stuff. You know, it's so much about like the tour and work and two episodes a week and the guests and what's it gonna be about? And like we have to remember that we're like friends.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And that we don't just run businesses.

[Shan Boodram]

I love the shrug with it. We're friends.

[Ashley Hess]

Most days. But you guys work together too.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're business partners and parents together. Do you have to like, remember, like, also, we're like, we're still fuck buddies.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, yeah, we do. We do. And I mean, I don't know. Do you find it difficult to separate the two?

[Shan Boodram]

Sometimes I don't, but I think that you're pretty good at it. When we go on a date night, I feel Jared like, forgets that I'm his wife in a positive way.

[Raina Greenberg]

In a hot way.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. Cause I see, like, I see you. What you'd be like on a date with people.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

You just talk about really random topics.

[Jared Brady]

You just go.

[Shan Boodram]

So I love that about. I think that you're naturally pretty good at that. And if we're not, you have to just be manual about it.

[Ashley Hess]

Like you said, practice or think about it.

[Shan Boodram]

Practice.

[Ashley Hess]

Prep.

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Write it down. Here's the question I'm gonna ask tonight on my date night with my husband.

[Shan Boodram]

And this is the gift too of the work that we do is that like, I'm always inundated with new ideas, with like, fresh concepts. So I feel like that's something that you allow me to take the lead on.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, definitely. I mean, we have the same interests. You know, what connected us in the beginning was like talking about philosophy or talking about the world or, you know, we go to restaurants, be like, what is it? What do you think everyone here is doing right now for work? Or, you know, just having conversations that I find it's easier now because we know each other so well. So, you know, just having those discussions are huge, especially at dinner.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. But then there's a large percentage of our day is just levels one through three.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And that's cool too. Cause I like to get shit done.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Like, your kids have to be taken care of, right?

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, we barely talk at work, actually.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, we barely talk at work.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And then when the kids are around, it's mostly like, does she have underwear? Did you get socks?

[Ashley Hess]

Right. Did she brush her teeth?

[Shan Boodram]

Is she fed? How much TV time? Did you say yes to this? Cause I'm about to say no. Like, that's the dialogue.

[Raina Greenberg]

So is there like a significant amount of mental gymnastics that that allows you to look at your partner through a different lens of not just the parent? Is it second nature now?

[Shan Boodram]

I think one of the gifts that parenting has. I'm curious about your guys lives right now. Our Life is very structured, so kids provide a lot of structure and a lot of routine. So I know what I'm doing every day from 7am to 9am I know what I'm doing from 9 to 5. I know what I'm doing From 5 to 8. And I know after 8pm is a time that I get to be a human being. And I know this. So my brain already just naturally goes into these flows because this is my life every single day.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Do you feel like your life has structure?

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, very much now, more than seven years ago. I mean, my partner just moved in, so now that feels even more structured where, like, we go to bed at this time, we wake up, we cook dinner, but we don't have to. We could also be like, let's go crazy and go out, you know, like, it doesn't. It can be spontaneous. We're like, we don't have kids, you know. No offense, but no.

[Jared Brady]

That sounded nice. That sounded like a fantasy.

[Ashley Hess]

It's certainly gotten more structured. I don't know. We operate when we're like, touring or whatever. Like, our life is so, like exciting and crazy and chaotic. And then when we're not, it's just a little more relaxed and structured, I guess.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think Ashley and I are very prepared and we know we have to get done and that allows us actually to let go of some of the structure. So every morning, the first thing I do, I pour a cup of coffee, I make a list. I have two lists. On the left hand side, it's work. On the right hand side, it's personal life. And just looking at that and saying to myself, this is the goals for the day. This is what's important. That's the structure I provide myself. And then I can deviate from that. That helps me to feel in control. And then I can kind of flow with my day.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, in the relationship side of it, like, he and I were long distance for a really long time. So, like, things had to be planned out. Like, he surprised me once, once flew here, you know, that was really special. But, like, otherwise we had to kind of like sit down and open our laptops and like book travel and flights to make sure it like, worked out with his schedule, my schedule, our tour schedule. So, like, we entered in the relationship in a little with a little less ability to be so spontaneous because of the distance. So I don't know, I. I like both. I think you can ebb and flow in your life. Like, you don't have to be crazy structured, Type A all the Time and then, you know, spontaneous. Type B. I don't know. I think you can, like, flow between the two.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, I. I mean, we value structure so much right now that it's, like, so huge. I don't think we could operate and have a healthy dynamic between our relationship and have a healthy work lifestyle without the structure.

[Shan Boodram]

And kids who are alive.

[Jared Brady]

And kids who are alive.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right. Kids that are alive.

[Ashley Hess]

And what about your sex life? Like, do you find that to be structured or is that still spontaneity or how.

[Jared Brady]

A mix of both. You know, there's times where, you know, even just, like, a quick thing, like, yeah, are we making love tonight? You know, even, like, a quick thing that. And it's just even early. It's like, oh, I'm looking forward to it now. I can think about it. And then it is kind of scheduled. Or, you know, I always say we go on, like, spurts. So, like, there'll be a time. Like, if that, well, gets broken every day for a few weeks, it's gonna be every day. But then there's times where we're just tired. You can't do it, you know?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, I would say it's more structured. I would say, like, to go back to that point. I think that we had a harder time before kids going from work mode into lovers mode. Because there's, like, no clear ending for where one thing had to end. It's like, now there's, like, these really clear separations of late. We've been launching a few things. So when the kids go to bed, we go to work. And even, like, last night, we were supposed to work late, and I was like, yo, let's just go to bed. Like, because if we get into this flow, then there's no time for that. So I think they just create this, like, natural forced structure in our lives. But we used to have day sex. We don't have that anymore. So that's the thing of the past. Now it's got to be maybe today. No, we gotta go back and talk to that lady. We're in a time limit at all times. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can I ask you guys, like, what the self talk is, like, because I'm sure you've mastered this. Like, so you'll have times where you just fucking every day, every night. It's amazing. And then you go through these. These drier spells. Like, what is the self talk that helps you to overcome the. Like, is this our new normal forever?

[Jared Brady]

I don't. It never comes into my head. I mean, do you feel that when. That when we're in the dry spirit. Like, is this gonna be how it is forever?

[Shan Boodram]

Not now, but, like, we're just at the benefit. We're coming up on, like, 10 years of fucking. You know what I mean? So we've been married for six. I think that we're just at a different place now. We were talking to the other day. So I define great sex as giving freedom to explore new things, try new kinks, explore different sexualities, explore yourself. Freedom from any limiting beliefs that tell you that you don't have access to your body. You can't do something because you're too young, you're too old, you're too white, you're too black, you're too fat, you're too thin. So freedom from just to be like, no. There's no script that tells me how I can explore and delight in my own humanity. And then lastly is freedom not to, which essentially means, like, not having sex is an act of good sex. Saying no is an act of preserving your yeses for when it really matters and you can really be in it. So you need all of those components to have a great sex life. So I think through the years, we've just touched on different phases of working on each one. You know, we had to dismantle so many of our belief systems when we were becoming parents, so there was so many things I had to get freedom from. I remember after I had my second kid, like, my body went back to the way that it looked. My clothes fit, but they didn't suit me. And I was like, what am I now? Who am I? And I had to really realize were a lot of the ways I was thinking about myself and my sexual self. Things that were told to me or things that I believed now and then, where was the marriage between the two? So I think going through those phases naturally and then coming out on the other side of it and still loving each other and still loving the sex that we've had has just given us the confidence to feel like, yeah, if we go through a dry spell, we know that it's for a good reason. Like, again, saying no to sex for a period of time because you don't want to means the sex coming up is about to be really, really fire.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I think you talked about that on our last episode, just the seasons. I think you were maybe one of the first guests that kind of used that language that I really liked. And I think kids, obviously play a huge part in that. But even if you don't have children, like, life goes in seasons. So I do think people, like, the question you asked is just like, people start to panic if it's been a while. They're like, this is it. It's over. The passion's gone. And to that point, you speak about that as well. Like, when the passion goes or the honeymoon phase is over, but that lends itself to freedom. Can you explain kind of what that means?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, There's a delicate balance there. And I went through this during pregnancy, too, of like, going with the flow versus fighting the current. And you're gonna have to intuitively know when it's time to do either one. There's gonna be times in your life where you have to fall into the season and be like, you know what? It's just a dry spell right now. It's the way that we're in. Just let the current just take me where it's meant to. And there's other times where you have to be like, this doesn't feel right. I'm gonna fight against the current. And it's gonna feel like a struggle, but we're gonna create a new momentum. We're gonna create a new normal together. So I feel like we've gone through both periods where we've just accepted the vibe is just not there. Let's just let it sit. And times where, as Jared will say, like, what do you always say?

[Jared Brady]

I say, I'm not gonna let life make me its bitch, so I'm gonna fight back. Yeah, I'm gonna fight back.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. And that's when you're just like, nah, I'm not sleeping. But guess what?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

He came five times last night.

[Raina Greenberg]

Damn. He didn't.

[Shan Boodram]

He didn't. We literally. Last night, I literally looked at Jared. Cause he's feeling a little sick right now. And then I was like, our classic question, like, do you wanna have sex tonight? And then he was like, I will, but I'm tired.

[Ashley Hess]

I will.

[Jared Brady]

Well, because I never have a bad time.

[Raina Greenberg]

How could you with her?

[Jared Brady]

Yeah. I was just, you know, I might not be like, oh, I gotta get myself ready to do this. But then, like, when I'm in the act, I'm like, yo, this is great. I'm glad I made the decision. So, like, there's never a time that I choose to have sex. I'm like, I wish I didn't do that.

[Raina Greenberg]

So the whole the masterclass is about sex appeal. So, like, if you're just like, I'm not feeling it right now. The general people are just like, I don't feel sexy. I don't feel in the mood. Do you have, like, good tips or tricks?

[Jared Brady]

Well, Shan's really good at this conversation because there's a lot of times there's like fire escapes that she can go through to, like, figure it out. Like, maybe it's the way that we have been approaching each other on our intimate side. Or maybe it's like you call it chore play. Or like, maybe there's just something about me that's not turning my partner on all the way. So let me, like, kind of diagnose and figure out what it is. Sometimes not as obvious. And they might not even know. It's probably subconscious. It's not as obvious as, like, oh, you haven't washed the dishes. But it's like, you know, there's an approach that you're doing that's just they're not finding attractive.

[Raina Greenberg]

What's chore play?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, so this is turn on triggers. Good segue. This is my guy, you guys. This my guy. Turn on triggers, in essence is when you first get into a relationship, you don't have to think about starting the fire. You just look at the person and you're like, yeah, that's it. And especially long distance relationship, I'm sure it was on site, right? And now that you live together, it actually would be pretty inconvenient if it was on site because I had a fear about this.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, how do you go from long distance to move being together all the time?

[Shan Boodram]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't want to cut you off.

[Shan Boodram]

But yeah, but yeah, you have to actually embrace the fact that the passion isn't always there. You have to embrace the fact you now have to create the fire. It's not just natural. So turn on triggers is a way of starting the spark, and then the other person has to pick that up and say, okay, do I want to carry the flame now? And so people have different turn on triggers. Some people's is direct. Mine is direct. I need really direct compliments about how I am turning you on.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

I don't want to just hear that you're horny. I want to be like, yo, that dress is fucking hugging your curves and I want to hump you.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Like, it's got to be something that's like, you are making me like that. Jared's turn on trigger, he's more of a sensualist. For him, things have to be clean. The smell has to be right. He has to feel like he feels sexy, like in his body. He likes temperature. Temperature, yes. So he's a sensualist. And so I have to keep that in mind. Like, sometimes for me, if I'm getting horny, I might just want to say something. But then if I know that the setting around or if he's tired, it's just not going to be his vibe or his energy. Chore play is, in essence, for people who are like, I'm mentally overwhelmed right now, so it's really hard for me to drop into my body when I feel like I have 50 things I have to do as soon as we finish this. So if you just took off 10 things off my list, I might have the mental space to consider fucking your ass. I think that tour play really resonates for people, especially parents or people who live together. When you're like, yeah, I'd find you horny if you wash the dishes like you said that you would.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Create an environment for me that I.

[Ashley Hess]

Feel like I want to get stuff off my plate.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

Take something off my plate so I can actually, like, focus and, like, drop into this. And then you have the cat and mouse or the pursuer. I'm actually very big on this too. This is something I really miss from the beginning of our relationship, relationships, period. I love what I call erotic ambiguity, which, in essence is that delicious space where we know that we have sexual chemistry. We know we both want to have sex, but we don't know if sex is going to happen. And you get to play and be like, I don't really know. I'm feeling kind of tired, or I don't know if I should do it.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not sure.

[Shan Boodram]

And then I want to be chased and pursued. And so when you're in a relationship, it almost becomes a assumed, Right? Like, okay, if we both have the time, if we're both willing, we're gonna have sex. And even during foreplay, I love erotic ambiguity. I still want you to feel like you may not get to put the tip in. And I want you to want to, like, try to convince me during it. So that might be someone's turn on. So for them, playing hard to get is not actually a no. It's an invitation for you to try harder to get the yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, I love it. So can we talk a little bit about, like, now that we're gonna say sexy vibe, like, picking who your sexual icon is or the type of seductress you want to be and, like, getting drawing inspiration from that.

[Shan Boodram]

Okay, let me ask everybody here the question. Who is your sexual icon?

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so I thought about this. Obviously, I wanted to be prepared. Reina, I know you're so Easy. Yours is so easy. It's Sabrina Carpenter. What do you mean?

[Raina Greenberg]

I guess I don't think of her as my sexual icon.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, she is, right? It's, like, so obvious.

[Raina Greenberg]

I guess I, like, threw back to, like, Marilyn Monroe. I like this, like, coquette.

[Ashley Hess]

Sabrina Carpenter on stage with the blowjob outfits.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's very overt. I am a little more overt. I'm not really, like, coquettish, but, like.

[Ashley Hess]

You just are her. I thought you wanted to be her. This is crazy to me that there's any just.

[Raina Greenberg]

I guess I think about a sexual icon as somebody I've thought about for a long time.

[Shan Boodram]

You're obsessed with her.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's all you've ever wanted, so she's.

[Shan Boodram]

Your true Gayle King.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll let you guys talk and I'll come up with a better one.

[Shan Boodram]

You can't come up with a better one. It's Sabrina Carpenter. We've all decided that you're done here.

[Ashley Hess]

I want to. I wanted to say Beyonce because. What. But I don't think it's that. But the reason why is because I love that she is, like, a bad bitch, but she still is. Like, I have a soft girl side and I want to please my man. And I don't have to always be like, they have that nice flow. But she's not as the personality type. You call it like a no fucks given. She's not. She's more reserved. You don't really feel like you know her so much. Like, she kind of keeps it in the box and that's just not my personality at all. So then I just kind of went with Rihanna. I just. I am a person that's like, I'm in charge. I have a dominant personality, but I still wanna, like, be submissive with my partner and, like, please him. And you can do both. And so I like when women show that, like. But Rihanna's also just like, I don't give a fuck. And she'll say whatever. Where Beyonce is just like. She's robotic almost.

[Shan Boodram]

She gives all the fucks. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

She deeply fucks with all the fucks.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

So.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, so who are y' all sex icons?

[Jared Brady]

Um, 90s, early 2000s. Brad Pitt.

[Ashley Hess]

I did not.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so the sex icon that you're just like, see that person emulate it. That's your.

[Shan Boodram]

No, you know what's. Actually, you guys have all done a great job here. Because what the purpose of this really is, is most people are gonna identify someone that they think is like, this person has Everything that I. I want, that I don't have. But similarity attraction theory says that we're attracted to people who are just like us. So you are actually a lot like your sexual icon. You just probably haven't made those pathways, but you have made the pathways. Just like Sabrina Carpenter, you be on stage giving head to a microphone.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, that's me.

[Shan Boodram]

You've got the blonde hair, you have the money.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, you know, so that's not. The theory is pick the sexual icon.

[Shan Boodram]

The purpose of this activity. So this is the three rivers activity we did. It's to identify the ways that you already are dripping inside sex appeal. So not everything is something that you have to get right. Our self help culture tells us that we always get something more or aspire to something new. A lot of the times we already have so much existing for us. So when we think about sex appeal, we see this giant ocean that we have to fill up. And so the three rivers are like, what three ways are you already dripping in sex appeal? What three ways is your river already running over? And so when you think about your sexual icon, that's the way that you already have it. Yes, there's probably ways you can aspire, but most people, when you start really thinking about it, you're like, oh, yeah, shit. Like, I am a lot like Dorothy Dandridge. Like, I can actually see how I'm drawn to her. Not just because she has everything that I want, but because she has a lot of things that I already have.

[Raina Greenberg]

Is that yours?

[Ashley Hess]

Yours?

[Shan Boodram]

I said Dorothy Dandridge. I don't even know where that came from. That's a good thing to pull out.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know that it is yours really truly.

[Shan Boodram]

It's Halle Berry. Really and truly it is Halle Berry. Halle Berry played Dorothy Dandruff. So when I'm reflecting on Dorothy Dandridge, I'm actually thinking of Halle playing that role.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. What about her? Are you excited? I think she's. I mean, who wouldn't want to be like Halle Berry? Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

I just think she is, like, innocent and powerful. And I'm saying that because I'm like, I'm not really innocent, but there's like an innocence and a powerfulness and just like a deep knowingness to Halle. And I feel like she's never unsure, even if she is, but. And now she talks about sex too, which is like, so phenomenal.

[Ashley Hess]

Finally we got.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, can I talk about the Brad Pitt thing and then we can.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Why? I'm just curious.

[Jared Brady]

I just feel like he gets it. Especially that era of Him, I feel like in interviews and the way he acted, you know, in the movies and I don't know, I feel like he just. He calls it.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the archetype. I like the conversation about, like the art of seduction and the type of seductresses that there are and what you gravitate towards. Because, like some people would automatically gravitate towards a Sports Illustrated model or a Playmate. That's not really where my head goes. Or an old timey actress. Like, it's funny that, like, it's musicians for us. Like current musicians.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I mean, I was like, who am I pulling from? I don't know. I thought about it. Obviously the Beyonce's the first person that just comes to mind. But I'm like, actors and actresses, I don't know, it's tough to know who they really are. I think we know who musicians are a little bit better than actors. I've always kind of felt like that, like, I mean, they could still be playing a role.

[Raina Greenberg]

But a playmate didn't come to mind for you or like comedy.

[Ashley Hess]

It's Nikki. Nikki.

[Jared Brady]

But I just think, like, for me, what it was about him was this. He was like, mysterious. You know, I read like an article where he used to like, build a fire before he goes to sleep. Just like, interesting stuff about him that just made me go, that's kind of how I want to be.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, he was like the OG Sexiest man alive. You know, like back when that was like our a. A real.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, my God.

[Jared Brady]

Real award.

[Ashley Hess]

Esteemed award. Now they can't even get anyone to. To do it.

[Shan Boodram]

But is that how that guy got this award this year?

[Raina Greenberg]

That's what they say.

[Ashley Hess]

People don't want it as much. Like, of course they would have had Glenn Pal or, you know, Miles Teller.

[Shan Boodram]

Is that what, like, the subheading was of the article? Of course we would have had Glen.

[Raina Greenberg]

Powell, but that was the subheading because.

[Ashley Hess]

Everyone'S mad in the comments. Like, why is it Glenn Powell? People like, I don't see no one wants this anymore. It's not like what it used to be.

[Raina Greenberg]

We have a couple minutes left. So I thought maybe if you guys want to close out with your best tip for bringing sex appeal to the table. If there's one thing you can do today to just ignite your sex appeal inside, I'll give a tip.

[Shan Boodram]

That was actually my first lesson ever on sex appeal. We had a girl in our group of friends who was my friend's cousin, so she was the tag along. Friend, and her name was Anna. She always wore brown. Plainest personality, most boringest voice. Definitely like the dud of the group, but it was my friend's cousin, so she was always around. Whenever we would go out, everybody would flock to Anna. And we would be so confused because we had, you know, our airbrushed T shirts, our airbrushed air forces. We had, like, lime green pics in our hair. We were big, we were boisterous, we were loud. We were doing all the things. The sexy eye triangle. We were flirting. We're like, why does everybody flock to Anna? Went to a celebrity basketball game once, and we were in the bleachers having a ball, doing all the right things. And then, lo and behold, the game ends. The biggest celebrity, both in size and also in, like, meteoric status, comes up to the bleachers towards our group, and we're all like, it's happening. We're going to the penthouse. And he walks right up to Anna. We were like, da fuck. So after he left, she got the number. We were like, anna, what is going on?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Shan Boodram]

And she's like, oh. When I see a guy that I'm attracted to, I just look him in the eyes and I picture having sex.

[Ashley Hess]

With him in my head.

[Raina Greenberg]

Boring as Anna.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

She just pictured sucking their dick and she manifested. Yeah. I actually do this whenever I get my photo taken. Like, if I'm doing headshots or taking pictures, I always look into the camera and picture myself having sex with the camera person.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love this tag.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. I think if you are. If you do that, it's written all over your face. It's. You're exuding it. Like, you're literally putting yourself telepathically. Yeah. Fucking somebody. It's the new eye fucking. It's the mind. Mind fucking.

[Shan Boodram]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

And it also sounds like she's not the girl in the group that's the loudest. The dress the craziest. Like, it just. It's a quiet confidence almost.

[Shan Boodram]

But I think if I'm just, like, looking, if you really start to imagine it, your lips are gonna flush, your breathing is going to become shallow, your pupils are going to dilate, your shoulders are going to drop, your voice is going to drop, you're going to start to primp yourself. You're going to start to do all the cues. We're all designed to be able to interpret sexual cues. Like, we're all here because our ancestors were able to successfully do that. So if you're doing that and you can really put yourself in there, like, that's a very good talent to have because she must have an amazing imagination.

[Ashley Hess]

Imagination. It's so funny, though, because if you start doing it and then you're like. And then you're just looking at someone like, ew. I actually don't want to. Like, if you're imagining having sex with someone and then you turn to, like.

[Raina Greenberg]

The grocery store, I actually think they wouldn't be good.

[Ashley Hess]

Then you're just looking at someone like.

[Shan Boodram]

But you can't just, like, have the thought cross your mind, because I. You know, men think about sex all day long, so it can't be like, oh, I want to fuck her.

[Ashley Hess]

No, like, you have to imagine, actually.

[Shan Boodram]

Go there, take their clothes off, see their body for the first time, touch them for the first time, get close and smell them, make out with them. Like, grab their bulge. You have to do all of that in your mind.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, Anna, just stop listening to your.

[Raina Greenberg]

Friends out in public.

[Jared Brady]

All right, Jerry, I can follow up with that.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the tip.

[Shan Boodram]

No, you have to do it.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the tip.

[Shan Boodram]

You've got good ones.

[Jared Brady]

I don't know what I'm gonna follow.

[Raina Greenberg]

Up with that or if you. Okay, so, like, what's something that is unexpectedly, really sexy when you meet somebody out that, like, people don't even know they're being sexy?

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Jared Brady]

I think for me, you know, the thing that I've noticed that will catch my eye is clothing. I think it's a language, you know, if you're trying to attract someone that's in the same, you know, I guess, interest area. You might wear a piece of clothing that is, like, really exclusive or really this, and I kind of notice it, and then it just opens up a conversation or, you know, us to connect. And I know that your interest areas are the same as mine, but it's not as good as, like, picturing having sex.

[Shan Boodram]

That's actually a pro tip, though. It really is. When I did my book, we did makeovers, and one of the girls had this amazing curly hair. And I was like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you this, like, cascading throw over haircut. It's gonna be really sensual, give you highlights. And she was like, no, I want a. Dye it green, and I want a mullet. And I was like, okay, Maya, let's talk about this. Like, the purpose is to draw people in, but within her given community, that look hit. So understanding the language of seduction within your given culture because seductive intuitiveness is a secret, like, the mystery component of it. And the secrets are better when someone gets to intuitively know it, like, oh, I'm in on the secret with you. So before we even exchange words, we have this moment. So I think it is so important to know, who do you want to attract? And, like, what can you wear or do that communicates like, you already know.

[Ashley Hess]

Me well and everything sends a message. I used to say when I was doing a red lip for a minute, and, like, I never got so much attention. I think it's just, like, a bold statement, you know? And this is back in Atlanta. I don't really fuck with a red lip much anymore, but I don't know what it was. There's one weekend I went out, I was like, whatever it's saying, because I think it's. I think it's confident and bold to do, like.

[Shan Boodram]

I love your red nails.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, the nails get a lot of attention.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I used to do neon green nails, and there was not a man alive that did not comment on them. Every single man. And red nails as well.

[Ashley Hess]

That's like a TikTok thing, too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

All these things are, like, subtle messages. Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

That invite conversation. I mean, if a man compliments me on my nails, that might be a line that every man on earth knows. I don't care. I love it. I love when a guy's like, I love your manicure. I'm like, let's fuck.

[Ashley Hess]

They're like, no. He's like, it reminds me of my mom.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you want these fingers in your butt?

[Ashley Hess]

That's what it is. There's a whole thing of red nail theory and, like, why men are attracted to it. And a lot of it comes from, like, their moms.

[Jared Brady]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is amazing. And Ashley and I encourage everybody to watch your class on masterclass. And also, I listened to your book on Audible, and I like listening to you narrate it. And I just realized that's a good book to listen to. It's a good book to listen to. I really enjoyed it. It's just an added level of.

[Shan Boodram]

We've played with your vibrators.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, we're gonna send you home a vibrator.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah. We have a new someone home, but.

[Ashley Hess]

We have a new cock ring we love.

[Shan Boodram]

Oh, congratulations.

[Ashley Hess]

Bond band. Yeah, it's really fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, tell everybody else where they can find everything. Your Instagram, your website, your podcast, everything.

[Shan Boodram]

I'm gonna plug the class on Masterclass. It is the greatest work that I've done in my life, and I'm so Grateful that my partner got to be a part of it. It was such a dream come true to have you on set.

[Jared Brady]

Yeah, no, it was fun. It was a good time. And then, you know, where can they just. No follow, no nothing. No Instagram.

[Shan Boodram]

Well, I think you get one wish with people. I think you could confuse them.

[Raina Greenberg]

Are you the person that taught us that? The one wish?

[Ashley Hess]

Maybe.

[Raina Greenberg]

I always think about it. I think you get one wish. Maybe it was Shan.

[Shan Boodram]

Yeah, I do that for sure. Because then it's just like, I'm not gonna go to 70 different clicks, right? I just say masterclass dot com.

[Jared Brady]

Shan, actually, the person that would is gonna find you off of Masterclass.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, let's. Jara gets one wish. So you can plug her whatever.

[Jared Brady]

Oh, yeah, there we go.

[Raina Greenberg]

Or your own chan gets a wish.

[Jared Brady]

No. Something I'm really excited about is Shan's podcast that we've been working on and that is gonna be coming out. It's called Lovers by Shan.

[Shan Boodram]

Jared Crave directed it. It's stunning. It's actually really, really special. I hope that we're gonna change the game. Hope next time I'm on the show in a few years. You're just copying our style. We think it's that good.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, did you post? Was your first guest gonna be Rihanna?

[Shan Boodram]

No, that was like a wish.

[Jared Brady]

That was her one wish.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was my one wish.

[Ashley Hess]

You posted about it of what you.

[Shan Boodram]

Our first guest is Mario.

[Ashley Hess]

So same. Oh, you know, love it.

[Shan Boodram]

As people often say, favorite dog.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Okay. And our website is Girls Gotta Eat dot com. Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram and Tik Tok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is Rain Greenberg. This is Too Many Wishes. And you can subscribe on YouTube and we'll see you guys on Thursday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a good week, guys. Bye, Sa.