Getting Engaged, Getting Off, and Getting Into Fights feat. Matthew Broussard

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat: "Getting Engaged, Getting Off, and Getting Into Fights" feat. Matthew Broussard

Release Date: March 17, 2025
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg
Guest: Matthew Broussard
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

This episode of Girls Gotta Eat centers on dating, engagement, sex, and relationship dynamics, with a comedic twist. Special guest comedian Matthew Broussard joins hosts Ashley and Raina for an engaging discussion covering wedding proposals (including his own surprise engagement story), sex and sexual compatibility, the evolution of fights in long-term relationships, and advice-driven audience Q&As. The candid, often hilarious conversation also touches on embracing therapy and self-reflection in dating, breaking sexual taboos, and how couples grow (and quarrel) over time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. St. Patrick's Day Nostalgia & Life Changes (00:28–04:00)

• Hosts reminisce about wild St. Patrick's Day celebrations in their youth—parades, drinking binges, and “aging out” of that sort of partying.
• “It's just funny when you look back, you're like, God, it used to be the biggest deal.” – Ashley (02:36)

2. Travel Mishaps & Festival Life (03:35–07:56)

• Stories from their trip to Austin for South by Southwest (SXSW): travel woes, recognizing the changing pace of life, and running into many podcasting friends.
• Commentary on airplane seating struggles and the recurring sight of extremely tall men on their flights.

3. Wedding Planning Updates (07:56–12:54)

• Ashley shares personal wedding planning news: set date (Nov 1), plans for a Halloween party, and upcoming wedding dress shopping with her mom.
• Emotional reflections on what these milestone moments will mean for her and her family.
• Raina jokes about needing a step stool for wedding photos—a nod to her own petite size and their humor about “memorable moments.”
• “How do you feel the things without, like, crying all your makeup off?” – Ashley (11:35)

4. Feeling Like an Adult (13:19–15:50)

• Both hosts discuss the surreal feeling of making big ‘grown-up’ decisions—weddings, house renovations—without anyone’s approval or parental financial help.
• The weirdness of finally footing the bills for major life events: “I found—what a weird decision to not make my parents pay for this.” – Raina (14:41)

5. Philosophy on Dating with Intention (21:29–34:06)

• Raina describes her new goal to date with genuine intention, aiming to find a real partner.
• Both hosts share the importance of therapy, self-examination, and coaching as part of the dating journey.
• Raina’s therapist’s advice: make room for vulnerability, let people feel needed, and manifest the relationship you want instead of “protecting yourself with Plan B thinking.”
• “Stop protecting your future self. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Yeah, of course you’ll be fine… Why not just think, like, failure’s not an option.” – Ashley (31:50)
• Discussion of confidence and non-exclusivity when dating, and the value in not lowering standards or preemptively settling.

6. Setting the Tone for the Interview (34:07–39:00)

• Introduction for guest Matthew Broussard, highlighting his comedy accolades and recent special, Hyperbolic.

7. Matthew Broussard’s Engagement Story (39:00–44:20)

• Matthew’s fiancée Laura proposed to him—a reversal of typical gender norms.
• The proposal involved a beach in Thailand, a tripod, and Laura buying herself a ring.
• The couple’s dynamic features Laura’s “alpha” personality and competitive drive, rooted in her background as a professional athlete.
• Both Matthew and Laura “proposed” to each other, leading to a double-ring situation.
• Memorable quote:
  • “She put the tripod down…and then just big googly eyes and stares at me and I go, hurry the fuck up. It’s a 10-second timer.” – Matthew (42:19)

8. Gender Norms & Relationship Dynamics (44:20–46:11)

• Matthew reflects on their reversed emotional roles and open communication—he’s the chatty, emotional one, while Laura is more reserved.
• Emphasizes the value in men embodying traditionally feminine traits like vulnerability.
• “I don’t want to sound like Justin Baldoni or something, but I think there are feminine traits that men should aim to possess.” – Matthew (45:26)

9. Sex and Sexual Compatibility: Orgasms and Vibrators (46:12–66:50)

• Open discussion on sexual fulfillment—Matthew can’t make Laura orgasm through penetration or oral sex, and this is normalized through humor and honesty.
• The trio discuss vibrators entering bedrooms, de-stigmatizing sex toys, and differences in women’s bodies and sexual needs.
• Raina and Ashley detail their own sexual learning curves, masturbation (“acoustic” vs vibrator), and generational differences in sexual openness.
• Notable moment: Matthew’s fiancée’s mother sends him an Amazon vibrator link after his special airs, revealing the family’s openness (68:44).
• “The clitoris is the only organ designed specifically for pleasure.” – Matthew (54:35)

10. Sex Q&A: Faking Orgasms, Blowjobs, and Variations in Preferences (58:58–66:53)

• The group compares experiences of men and women faking orgasms—men less so, but it happens, often due to alcohol or condoms.
• Insights into how “doggy style” and dirty talk are often used as “wrap this up!” signals.
• Raina: “The prescription for that is doggy and come talk. Doggy will make a man come fastest.” (61:21)
• Discussion around edging, orgasm difficulty, and fragility—particularly for women.

11. Audience Advice: Blowjobs, Social Media, and Relationship Boundaries (79:39–93:29)

• Q1: How often should a woman give a full blowjob to completion? The consensus: it’s an appreciated but rare “tips appreciated, never expected” event, not a requirement, especially in long-term relationships.
  • “Tips appreciated but never expected.” – Matthew (80:41)
  • “I think blowjobs are for girls in college who don’t want to have sex with a guy yet or when you’re on your period.” – Matthew (82:50)
• Q2: Social media boundaries—A listener’s boyfriend of 5 years refuses to allow his face to be posted until they’re engaged. The team suggests having an honest conversation to determine if this is about privacy, career, or red flag secrecy.

12. Fighting in Relationships: Who Starts Fights & How Couples Resolve Them (69:56–79:22)

• Matthew’s joke and deeper thought: Most men never think they start fights; women often say “you made me start the fight.”
• Discussion about the real root of fights and the challenge of not addressing things immediately:
  • “Can fights evaporate and just resolve by cooling down?” – Matthew (72:44)
• Matthew reflects that fighting gets easier with time, as couples learn to recognize and resolve conflicts.
• The importance of not competing with your partner, even when both are in the same field (in their case, standup comedy).

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• “Stop protecting your future self. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Yeah, of course you’ll be fine. We will all survive it. Why not just think, like, failure’s not an option?” – Ashley (31:50)
• “Tips appreciated but never expected.” [on blowjobs] – Matthew (80:41)
• “Blowjobs are for girls in college who don’t want to have sex with a guy yet or when you’re on your period.” – Matthew (82:50)
• “The clitoris is the only organ designed specifically for pleasure.” – Matthew (54:35)
• “You have different controllers. One of you is a Nintendo Switch, the other one’s a PS3. Women will never experience...how different their bodies are from each other in terms of sexual needs.” – Matthew (66:12)
• “We switched. So the joke was dated. We did switch to a new [vibrator]...We are on a better one now, but very open to explore and bring.” – Matthew (69:26)
• “If you want to wrap this up, you first get into doggy style, you bust out your dirtiest dirty talk, and then you just fake an orgasm. That’s the final line of defense.” – Raina (60:50)
• “I got one text from her mom that just had an Amazon link to a very nice product.” [about vibrator talk in his special] – Matthew (68:39)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:28–04:00 – St. Patrick’s Day memories
• 07:56–12:54 – Wedding planning: Date, dress shopping, emotions
• 21:29–34:06 – Raina’s new approach to dating with intention, therapy
• 39:00–44:20 – Matthew’s fiancée proposes to him: The story
• 46:12–66:50 – Sex and sex toys: Orgasms, vibrators, shame, learning curves
• 69:56–79:22 – Who really starts fights? Resolving conflict in long relationships
• 79:39–84:47 – Audience Q&A: Blowjob frequency and reciprocation in relationships
• 88:19–93:29 – Audience Q&A: Social media boundaries and privacy

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Final Thoughts

This candid, humorous episode blends personal storytelling—like Matthew’s non-traditional engagement and the hosts’ own relationship journey—with real-talk advice about sex, vulnerability, and the evolution of modern partnership norms. Listeners will find both laughs and insights, whether single, in a relationship, or navigating wedding planning. The authenticity, comedic wisdom, and shared vulnerability between the hosts and their guest make for a must-listen episode.

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Transcript

[Ashley Hess]

We have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months. Since you got engaged.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes, it is true.

[Ashley Hess]

This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Hi guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Welcome back to another episode of Girls gotta eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, I didn't even know that's what that was. And you think I would because I used to get. We talk about this every year. That's the drunkest day of my life growing up. I would like lose my car.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh my God. I'll one up you. I used to report mine stolen. No, I was, I definitely was not driving on St. Patrick's Day, that's for sure. Even with all my past history, that was a day we got blackout.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was the day that my parents would pick me up from the parade and pick me up.

[Ashley Hess]

You would go to like a parade?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we would go to a parade and my parents every year would have to pick me up like a small child. I'd be in college, they'd have to pick me up.

[Ashley Hess]

I think I've talked about this before, but we had these parties in Atlanta. They were at Park Tavern. Like there would be a couple different ones, but this was like the start of the social season in Atlanta. Like this was literally like, we're all coming out, we're debutanting, blacked out. And one was called Lucky Fest and then I forget the other one. And then I worked for this company that threw these parties and I renamed our festival one year and I called it Leprechaun. That was one of my claims to fame. And they kept the name forever. They might still do it. Yes. Leprechaun. The memories are just so.

[Raina Greenberg]

You have memories from it? I barely do.

[Ashley Hess]

Just the excitement, you know, like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Bagels in the morning. Did you guys do that? You didn't live in such a Jewish area like I did. I guess we always did green bagel.

[Ashley Hess]

You would like get up, do your pre aiming and then just go get drunk in the streets. Like in a parade?

[Raina Greenberg]

You're asking me?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So we would get up early, we'd make breakfast at like 8am my friend Anthony's. And then like 20 people would come over and we would get like shit faced, hammered till you couldn't even like exist anymore. And then we would take a bus downtown, like all these like blacked out kids. And then we would go to the parade and there was like so many people at the parade. And then my parents, I would be so drunk with like we would go to Primani Brothers and eat and they would have to come downtown and pick me up.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, so funny. You're like, mom and dad, come pick me up.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like, 20 years old, just, like, fall down drunk.

[Ashley Hess]

Dad, I'm drunk. Come pick me up. I mean, it's just funny, those holidays. Like, Cinco de Mayo, too. Like, I would, like, take off work for it. I'd be like, obviously, I'm taking off today. Like, obviously. This is cultural for me. I need to get drunk.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, me too. Ran A Greenberg.

[Ashley Hess]

And I still will love to have a marg on Cinco de Mayo, but I haven't celebrated St Patrick's Day in so many years. And this really is one of those things you just age out of. It's like the way that we go back to Dewey Beach. Like, things are just different now, and it's okay. And that's life. And you're supposed to grow up and we're not going to be getting blackout drunk on. On St. Patrick's Day at late 30s, 40s, you know? But it's just funny when you look back, you're like, God, it used to be the biggest deal.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was the best day. We talked about it for weeks. We planned outfits for weeks. We had, like, custom merch.

[Ashley Hess]

It would get so lit.

[Raina Greenberg]

I miss it. Listen, it's important to just look back and say, I lived. I wasn't supposed to be that funny. All right, well, let's thank some partners. Thanks to Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted [e-mail] CGE and Skims shop Skims best intimates [e-mail] and in stores.

[Ashley Hess]

And thank you to Nutrafol. Get $10 off your first month subscription and free [e-mail] with code GGE10. And thank you to Helix. Get 20% off at helixsleep.com GGE and Addy.

[Raina Greenberg]

Learn more at addi.com so we're back from Austin, Texas. It's the first trip we've taken together since December.

[Ashley Hess]

It's my first flight of the year.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's.

[Ashley Hess]

I have not flown until this trip since when I came back from Delaware to LA Post Christmas on, like, December 27th.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you and I, I mean, the way that we've built our lives is like, I don't know that we were ever in town for more than, like, 10 days, like, going into a flight, like, yeah, I'm having. I told you. There's like a bit of an identity crisis where I'm like, my life is not like land. Try to nest a little bit in your house. Time to go back on the road again. So it's a really different pace of life for me.

[Ashley Hess]

This was really the longest it's been since I've been on a plane. Because obviously with touring, but even when we weren't touring last year, the first half of the year, and since mid 2023, I've been in a long distance relationship. So, like, I was never three weeks without getting on a plane. So this was like a little over two months that I didn't fly. I was like, oh, my God. Like, how do I pack? Like, how do I get to the airport? Like, it was just. It'd been so long.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was really confused at the airport. I was like, I don't know how to do this anymore.

[Ashley Hess]

And we survived it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Our time together, our flight, the flights.

[Ashley Hess]

We survived it. I will say I flew there in seat 26A, next to one of the biggest men I've. I've seen on a plane. Huge dude. Like, my brother. Size, like, had to be 6, 5, 6, 6, 300 pounds. Whatever. I was just squished against. I'm giving him his space. I want to preface this by saying I feel for big dudes on planes. Big people. These seats are so small. I mean, my poor brother, like, he really doesn't like to travel because it's so uncomfortable for him. Like, I really feel for any. I mean, I'm. My, my legs are touching the seat.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know my brother and I cannot relate to you less.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So, like, I feel I see like a big person on a plane. I'm like, oh, God, they're gonna be so uncomfortable.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

So I always just try. I'm like, he can have the armrest, you know, I'm like huddled up against the window. When he got off the plane, I didn't even realize all he had with him. I was walking behind him on the jetway. He had a sweat towel and two phones. I'll post it on YouTube. The whole time, I didn't realize when he got up, I'm like, oh. He didn't grab anything. I'm walking behind him. As we're exiting the plane, he had like a towel. Probably because big guys get hot. Two phones, towel and two phones.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do you think he was doing? What was that guy doing?

[Ashley Hess]

And then the way back, I flew in a middle seat. And I'm in the middle seat. I'm like, it's okay. It's been a minute since I've been in the middle seat. I'm doing it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know how people End up.

[Ashley Hess]

There in the back in a middle seat, whatever. And the guy comes in, he sits by the aisle. I'm like, okay, he's fine, he's fine. Then. Then a guy even bigger than guy number one comes in. This guy to be 6, 8, 3, 50, huge dude, still wearing his lanyard. I'm sorry, that's a dork move to still be wearing your lanyard. For the festival, you woke up, you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Put it on to go to the airport.

[Ashley Hess]

But, like, a cute guy, like, whatever. And I'm like, he's gonna be uncomfortable. So I'm saying I'm like, it's okay. Neither of these guys smell bad. You know, no one's coughing except for me. And I was like, it's fine, it's fine. I'm gonna. I'm gonna survive it. And then as soon as we took off, that guy put his window shade up. I'm like, God damn it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You can't be Lord of the window shade.

[Ashley Hess]

Not my finest flights.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was. I mean, it was really hard to get these flights. So we were going to south by, and so was everybody else in la, and there's a finite amount of direct flights from LA to Austin, and there wasn't one person that was on that plane that wasn't going. We ran into so many, like, fun people in podcasting. We saw Emily Morris, who's been on show a lot, and that was just, like, really fun. We saw the Lady Gang girls.

[Ashley Hess]

It really was fun. Like, we're in line. We see Emily Morse and then this girl named Mal who has a podcast. Her and her partner, it's called Made It Out. We love them. We met her at the Biden event last. Last year. And then we get on the plane and Jack and Kelty from Lady Gang are, like, sitting there. Like, it was just a funny flight.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was nice. Nice to be a part of it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

And we had a really good weekend. It was fun.

[Ashley Hess]

We did have a good weekend. We did a lot of things. We, like, ran around and went to some panels and some events and parties and saw a lot of people.

[Raina Greenberg]

Saw some former guests hugged on Esther Perel, saw Scott Galloway. I don't know how to talk. I really had a time.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it was fun. Ate tacos. So we love Austin. We saw a lot of listeners just, like, on the streets, like, at the hotel. And it was, like, fun to run into you guys. We haven't been to Austin for a while. Maybe we'll come back. But yeah, yeah, no, no notes.

[Raina Greenberg]

We have a fun week ahead with Your mom?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So I just. I want to give a couple wedding planning updates. I have my date set. It is going to be November 1st. Like I wanted. I just feel really happy. I feel like I put that out in the world. I said in the podcast I really wanted to get married on 111 and have a Halloween party the night before. And we're really doing it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm really excited for the outfits.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I know. We're going to do some cultural stuff. So excited for all the fashion. And then speaking of that, my mom is flying in as we record that she will have just been here to go wedding dress shopping this weekend.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can't believe. Can you believe you're going wedding?

[Ashley Hess]

No. No, I can't. I can't talk about it too much. I feel like I'm going such a mess.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it's like. It's this really just wonderful, special thing. And I think you're doing it right, including all these people. And it's just. It's gonna be this, like, really wonderful, once in a lifetime moment.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So my mom comes in. We have, like, a whole fun weekend plan and stuff with her, and you'll be around, and I'm gonna take her to do some fun stuff she wants to do. She wants to go to this bookstore, and we're gonna go to this, like, great restaurant downtown before that and everything. But, yeah, I have, like, one appointment Friday, one appointment Saturday, and I think that's fine. I'm going to find. I'll probably find one Friday. Like, I'm probably, you know, me. I'm like, it's the first one. I swear to God, just watch it be the first one. It's just weirdly how my life is always like, oh, it's the first one. That's the one. And you're always like, don't you want. I'm like, no, I don't want to. With Tessa, one person. I was like, we're hiring her. You're like, do you want interview other people? I'm like, no, I don't. I don't want to. We found her.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I did. I did vote to interview other people. Not because you are great. I just. I don't like to accept a first offer.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm trying to think of other. This happens to me a lot where I'm just like, it's the. Oh, the venue. The venue where I'm getting married is the first one that came through on a proposal. And I was like, that's the one.

[Raina Greenberg]

Our agent at wme, a partner at wme first email we ever got from an agent. We were like, that's our one. That's our guy.

[Ashley Hess]

And it's just.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's been our only guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So I'm just big on, like, it's.

[Raina Greenberg]

Why.

[Ashley Hess]

Why look further? You know, why. Why confuse yourself? But, so, yes, we're going. I have a. You're going to hopefully come to both appointments. One on Friday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hopefully. What else am I doing?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know. I just don't actually.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm so busy.

[Ashley Hess]

I have a brunch and then a couple other friends. Well. But I just think it's going to be really emotional. And I just keep kind of thinking about these moments and, like, what a wedding dress means, you know, like, it's varying degrees of importance, but it does feel special to me. And to pick it out. And then I think about the moment, like, when my dad and my brother will walk in, like, when I'm all ready. And, like, I just. How do you, like, keep it together? Like, I don't know. I. This is, like, a real concern. Like, my eyes are just gonna be all red. I'm gonna be, like, crying. My mascara. Like, something about that moment, like, you've been with the girls all day, and then just something about your dad walks in and Matt and just, you know, maybe, like, Jay will be with him, and I'm just gonna, like, lose my fucking mind.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I don't know what you're. I don't want to lose their mind. I don't know what you're supposed to do. I have no idea.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I. I watch, like, Love is Blind even, or any show with those type of scenes, and I think about how that's gonna be. Be my reality in a few months, and I'm just like, I'm gonna be a disaster.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, you need eye drops. You need a makeup artist just on call.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just ready to, like, clean you up. Because you know Matt's gonna get emotional. I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, when Matt sheds a tear, it's over for everybody.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can't even look at Matt. This all. How am I supposed to marry you, Ashley?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

You don't understand. Like, I think about this speech and, like, how the fuck am I gonna do it? I'm gonna have to run it so many times so that I'm numb to it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But, like, I would, like, want to be in the moment and really feel it.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, but. Well, that's the thing. Like, I can shut it down. Like, I'm not saying I'm like, Some cold, hard bitch. I can. I can turn it off. Like, I can be like, I can't keep it together. Well. Right. I've never gotten married before, but in general. But I don't want to. I want to feel the things. But how do you feel the things without, like, crying or your makeup off?

[Raina Greenberg]

Honestly, I think you should. And I think we'll get some great photos and we'll meme them. No, if anybody has tips, I'd like to hear them.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Because I'm gonna lose my shit at the altar.

[Ashley Hess]

So we were at this thing at south by Southwest, and Kara Swisher, who is an incredible, like, journalist and now podcaster, she hosts a podcast with Scott Galloway. She was, like, hosting this little thing, and she's so small, and she came out and set up a little step stool, and I was like, that's me, Raina, at my wedding.

[Raina Greenberg]

Totally. You thought that?

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. She's like, put your stool out.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's my size.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not kidding.

[Raina Greenberg]

I need a stool.

[Ashley Hess]

You are gonna stand on a stool.

[Raina Greenberg]

I will look ridiculous in the photos if I'm not. And I want, like, okay, let's get me a stool. But let's put, like, some draping on.

[Ashley Hess]

Top of the stool so it doesn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

Look like a stool. Like, I want, like, some white draping on top of it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, we'll talk about today, and I'm.

[Raina Greenberg]

We were talking about, like, what my outfits were gonna be like. I'm gonna marry you in one outfit and, like, go to the party in another outfit. Like, I have so much to think about you guys for this wedding.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, so I'm going over there right after this. I'm going over to the venue, meeting with my wedding planner, who. Her name's Jacqueline. I'm obsessed with her. The wedding plan and company is her company. I mentioned them before. You guys can check them out. But this is going to feel real. I'm going to feel like a real bride today.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, going to the venue, like, with the planner, just me and her making decisions.

[Raina Greenberg]

Every time you tell me a decision you made that you didn't include me, and I'm like, you did that without me. You're telling me about, like, you and other Ashley, like, working on some photography stuff, and I was like, was I not cc'd on these emails? It's so weird for me that you, like, have conversations with Ashley without me and, like, with venues without me, and I'm just like, oh, these are conversations happening, like, behind my back.

[Ashley Hess]

It's funny that there are some, like, work things where I'm like, you know, Ashley's gonna have to help with the drum line and all that. We're gonna have to do. The strippers reached out. They were like, Leon messaged me. He was like, you said, you know, you were joking about having strippers. We're ready.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can we do, like, a dancing down the aisles with the strippers? I think that's an amazing idea.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Like, I'm down. Like, let's just fucking blow it out, you know?

[Raina Greenberg]

I can't wait. So just start CCing me on the event.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, perfect.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I'm. I felt the same way when I was, like, renovating my house, where I was, like, making all these decisions. I was on emails with, like, Ashley was, like, working on this partnership for me, and our business manager is dealing with payments, and, like, I'm making all these decisions without you. And it felt like, a little weird.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, who.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who let me do this?

[Ashley Hess]

I know this does feel weird. Like, you know, we always joke about this. Like, you just sometimes you still feel like a kid. Like, I still feel like, what business do I have planning a wedding? Like, you know, like, buying a house? Like, you're just like, oh, I'm a real adult who let me do this. Like, I have to put down a deposit.

[Raina Greenberg]

I picked paint colors.

[Ashley Hess]

I have to pay for this.

[Raina Greenberg]

I picked an. I picked an island for my kitchen.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, did you ever feel like you're like, wait, I have to buy this?

[Raina Greenberg]

That's how I. Yeah. The check I wrote for my renovation.

[Ashley Hess]

They just sent me a payment link. I'm like, what?

[Raina Greenberg]

I found.

[Ashley Hess]

What a weird decision to not make.

[Raina Greenberg]

My parents pay for this.

[Ashley Hess]

I sent it to my dad. I'm like, can you cover this one?

[Raina Greenberg]

Every time I wrote a check for this stupid renovation, I was just like, why do I not have a husband or a dad that's paying for this? I'm just out here. They were like, final payments due, blah, blah. I was like, by who? Oh, I have to pay for this.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, I have to pay for this house? Like, my parents, they don't. They're not going to cover this.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's just. I'm like, who let me in here and let me make these decisions? And now I have to pay for the decisions I shouldn't have been allowed to make.

[Ashley Hess]

It's so fun. And like, my mom, she wants to pay for my dress, but I don't know, I'm. It depends on how much it is. Like, there is going to be a Point where it's going to be like, all right, like, I don't know her top level budget.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's just going to, like, wink at you and be like, I need get this.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I'm going to have, like. I'm going to hold her to it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Have you guys discussed the budget?

[Ashley Hess]

No. Let's just see how it goes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I'm really. I'm very, very excited. This is like the first really, really tangible, like, week of, like, wedding stuff.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, I'll come to the tastings and we'll talk.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not doing.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, you're not going to taste the food.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, I'm sure it's fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

Let me take care of this for you. What do you mean?

[Ashley Hess]

I know where we're getting married. They do great food. You have to use their food. I was like, I'm sure they got it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can't believe this. I don't even know what I'm hearing.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know. Like, what am I gonna say? This is bad now.

[Raina Greenberg]

Isn't there an option of, like, eight things and you try them?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Pick which of those things you want.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, but it's just like, this isn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like a boat cruise for my birthday where you just pick stuff off of a list at your wedding. You gotta go try it. What are you talking about?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Like, I'm just like, I'm sure it's fine. What?

[Raina Greenberg]

Can't get over this.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, you don't want to go get yourself, like, a free meal and hang out?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't think wedding food is ever that great. You know, I have to go with them where I'm getting married. They do the food, they do a great job, and that's what they're going to do.

[Raina Greenberg]

The food. You just can pick stuff off a.

[Ashley Hess]

List and that sounds good.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're so different.

[Ashley Hess]

That sounds fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

Tess and I will go and I.

[Ashley Hess]

Just want to do stations.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. What's going to be on the stations?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, just whatever. Actually, I should just let my fiance. This can be his thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Him and I will go to the taste.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. You guys will know.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's how we bond together.

[Ashley Hess]

They're a fair start.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll do. I have to, like, sit down with each of you to plan what I'm going to say to marry you guys. And I have to ask you each, like, a series of questions, and so maybe I'll ask him his series of questions over the wedding tasting.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, perfect.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's how you ensure that we don't start our affair.

[Ashley Hess]

We only guys go to a tasting together. I feel like the planners would be like, so what actually is happening here?

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a little weird.

[Ashley Hess]

No, it's fine. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out together. Tess and I, it's The last thing I care about is the food.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just. I can't relate. But I know to your point, there's one vendor, they do this every week. You trust them? Like, this is why I would not necessarily encourage people to get, like, a not turnkey venue. Like, you want people to do this all the time, every week. They're a machine.

[Ashley Hess]

And it's not that I don't care about the guest experience. We're paying a shit ton of money for the food and the drinks. Like, it's not that. It's not like, oh, we ordered a couple pizzas.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right?

[Ashley Hess]

But it's just like, I'm sure it's gonna be fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, it's a wedding venue, so, you know, they're gonna do a great job.

[Ashley Hess]

And I think the chef is really excited. Like, he's like, excited to do some, like, Indian stuff for Friday. Yeah, we'll work it out.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll go on. I'll let you know how the Indian food.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, tell what's going on with you. However much you want to share, that's your call. Also, it's so crazy you're wearing a red hat. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's maroon. Wait, can I tell you? Our friend Lex Nico, who we like, quote, sometimes drove past my house and she immediately sent me a voice note. She goes, I had to literally double back because I thought you were wearing a red hat. And I was like, it's maroon. And I actually thought it was, like, a little too dark for what I was on my way to do. And I changed hats last time, but now I'm on camera. You can see it's maroon.

[Ashley Hess]

It really is crazy. Like, you can't just, like, wear a red hat.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, that's crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, yeah, I guess you can.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's maroon.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to tell you guys about Nutrafol. I couldn't live without it. Truly, my hair journey has been tumultuous, to say the least. I had a situation in 2023 that was hormonal, where I just noticed so much thinning, shedding, hair issues. My hair looked completely different. And I turned to neutrophil, and I still obviously take it to this day, take my four capsules. Every single day. They really are the go to. I mean, I know so many other women who have turned to Nutrafol as well. They have a proactive approach to target the root causes of what could be going on with your hair. And I have just seen improved hair growth, decreased shedding, visible thickness, all while taking Nutrafol. I just think there's so much of our, you know, how we feel about ourselves as women and our confidence can be really rooted in the way we feel like our hair looks and feels. And so it's so important to, if you really are struggling with something, to find a solution. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. You can see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. Nutrafol clinically test final formulations to ensure their efficacy. In a clinical study, 86% of women reported improved hair growth after taking Nutrafol Women hair growth supplement for six months. That's what I take. I take the Nutrafol women, but they have different formulas as well. They have formula for older women. If you're going through menopause, they have men's formulas as well. So you guys can check it out and you can start your hair growth journey with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Neutropol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GIGI10, find out why over 4, 500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Nutrafol for healthier hair. Nutraful.com spelled N U T R A F O L promo code GGE10. That's Nutrafold.com, promo code GGE10.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, and we've all been there. You sign up for a subscription, you forget about it, the trial period ends and then you are charged. And this takes me so long to realize this is actually happening. And it happens for most people month after month, subscriptions are there, you're not using them. And I have learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. So thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I love the interface of this app. It's all in one place and you really can track so much and see what you're spending, see how you can budget and lower your bills. Rocket Money will even help negotiate lowering bills for you so they automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. And you can create a personalized budget and customize the categories. I mean, it really is just a one stop shop. And Rocket Money has over 5 million users that have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium features, you can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your finance goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com GGE today. That's RocketMoney.com GGE RocketMoney.com GGE okay, so.

[Ashley Hess]

What'S up with you?

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm on one.

[Ashley Hess]

You really are on one.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've really been on one. And I've been threatening for years to start dating in a more meaningful, like, serious way. And am I doing it?

[Ashley Hess]

You really are. I mean, you said you feel like me in 2023. Where I said in 2023, like, this is here. I'm gonna find a partner. And I started dating my now fiance in May and I was on one for those 4ish 4 and a half months. Like every way I could find someone to date, I was doing, I was doing the apps, I hired a matchmaker. And then I started to get into like slut mode and I was like, we're going on the road and I'm turbo slut.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, and I got off the pill.

[Ashley Hess]

And I just felt so, you know, like happy and horny and, you know, and then I met, I met my man and I, I just had this feeling you were gonna feel like that. Like I told you, I was like, if you really feel like you do wanna find somebody before this milestone birthday you have coming up, which is how I felt. I was like, you might start to feel a little panicked. I was like, you gotta get a little panicked.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley said, you gotta get scared. You gotta get a little scared.

[Ashley Hess]

You gotta feel a real fire under you and like, let that lead you. Let that light the way.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's just when you are in the zone, I mean, it just a body emotion stays in motion and like when you're just in it, you're really in it. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of time to like kickstart your mojo or feel like you want to be bothered. I mean, you and I have been on tour for seven Years, it's hard for me to say like what came first, the chicken or the egg. But like, I haven't had time to date, so I haven't dated. But like, do I use touring as an excuse to not have to be vulnerable people? You know, who's to say, like, have I used our schedule as a way to not have a partner and not feel bad about it? You know, and I've had all these long distance relationships for all these years or people that are too young for me or don't make sense to me and it's because I really haven't had the time and the energy, like dating is a lot. It's a full time job going on dating apps, talking to people, getting to the date, doing a matchmaker or a therapist or a dating coach, whatever you want to do. Like, that's, that's a lot of time and energy and I haven't really had that. And so this is the first time in so many years I've even had that time for myself. And I'm like doing all of it. Like, I'm having a great time on dating apps. I'm meeting guys in person. I have a matchmaker who's fantastic and also a therapist who I'm just. What I'm really getting out of it is just really looking at myself and what I'm doing on dates and how I'm approaching other people and how I can be better and different and looking at the relationships around me that I really respect and hold on a pedestal and thinking, you know, how can I? That behavior. And it's just once you get going, there's just a vibe about you.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, yeah, and it's like it radiates from you. It's also just an inner confidence too, you know, like, that's the whole thing. Like it's sometimes you just have to get started. Not that you just started dating, you know, at this point in your life, but something totally did get like triggered. And I can just tell you just seem really happy. You just seem really confident. And like that comes across and you said you've been like using that trick from Shan to like look at somebody like you're thinking about fucking him.

[Raina Greenberg]

So Shan Pajama was on our show a couple weeks ago and she said that like when you want to kind of like get someone's attention, get in the zone, you actually just start thinking about fucking them. I feel it in my face. I feel my lips flush. I feel my pupils dilate. Like I can feel it in my body. And I think that, you know, people always say like a pair and a spare, you should date a bunch of people at once. And that is really hard to do, I will say. Cause you forget things that somebody said or you're juggling between text messages between people. And you know, I'm certainly not making any promises to anybody that I'm exclusive with them, nor am I asking them what their dating life is like.

[Ashley Hess]

So they're trying to lock you down. People are trying to be exclusive with you.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that that's the energy I'm giving off and it's allowing it all to feel a little bit lighter. Like if a date gets canceled, that's okay cause you another one. And also like it's nice to do this in tandem with. I mean whether you're doing it with a therapist or a dating coach or whatever. And just talking to somebody and downloading like how I'm behaving and how I'm experienc things like I. I'm really liking this therapist essentially that I'm working with, who's a matchmaker and just I've been talking to her a lot about like making another person feel needed. And she said, you know, something that comes up a lot with her, she said high net worth clients that are females, that are really busy and high functioning and a little older, is that like you struggle to make a partner feel needed. Because number one, you probably don't actually quote unquote, need anybody, especially somebody. I don't need your sperm, I don't have kids, I don't need your money. I don't necessarily need your advice on anything. I think I'm really smart, I'm surrounded by great people. But people wanna feel like you need them. People don't wanna feel disposable. Men really need to feel like you need them. And it's for me, finding a balance of I don't wanna be inauthentic and pretend that I need something that I don't. But I wanna make somebody feel like their advice is really valuable to me, that I'm really excited to hear their insights on how to do things and how I could do it better. And even if I think I'm really good at something, just like giving somebody else of like you did a great job, rather than approaching it of like, well, normally I would do this myself, but like I allowed you to do this, you know, and I've found that really helpful. And I talked a lot about you and my other best friend Melanie. And just like how you guys show up in your relationships with your partners and make them feel needed. And I'm finding it a really useful exercise to do them in tandem. Hot take. Go to therapy while you're dating. But, like, I don't want to, like, talk about dating hypothetically. I want to be like, these are the things that happened, and these are how I'm acting and behaving.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I love that. I mean, I don't know if you felt like, any sort of hesitancy to, like, turn the mirror back on yourself. Like, okay, what. What could it be that I could be, like, doing. Doing wrong. But I think when you really do want to find somebody, that's, like, an important thing. I mean, when I worked with a matchmaker, too, I was like, I just want to be completely honest with her. I want her to, like, hold me accountable, you know? And I was on the verge of talking to a therapist, too, to be like, what could I be missing? I'm open to feedback, you know, Like, I'd like to know, is there something, like, I'm putting out there that I could be doing differently? And we had a friend that had a therapist in New York that she really credits with making it work with her now husband. They have two children. And part of it was too, like, making him feel needed. I always think about that. We went on this trip and she kind of explained what had been going on with her and her therapist. And I always took note of that. But it's just important to be like, I gotta be missing something. Like, I don't know. I'm not saying everybody has, like, some issue they don't know about, but, like, what's the harm?

[Raina Greenberg]

I think there's, like, certainly a lid for every pot. And I think that, like, we've talked about this before. Like, people that are in relationships, they haven't done all the work. And I'm so broken. And people are single are so broken. Like. But yes, I have been single for quite some time, and there are things I could just work on in general with another person. And I think that there is a hesitancy to be vulnerable. And I've again, used tauring to use that as an excuse to not have to be like that. And the other piece of advice that I was telling you that she gave me that I thought was really helpful is, you know, you and I have always told people, build a life you're proud of and you'll be fine without a partner. And I do believe those things. I think that you should be solid on your own. But she was asking me what's important to me to partner. I said, you know, at the end of the day, I just want somebody to, like, walk in the door, and I want to be so excited to hear about what they did today, and I want to know their thoughts on what they did, and I want to be excited to tell them what I did. And I just want to be, like, amped up to cook dinner with you and hear your thoughts on the world. And I've been talking about people that are curious. I said, that's really important to me. And she said, I hear you saying this. And she said, what would it be like to think that you could have this? And I was like, well, I'll be fine either way. And that's good. That's important to think those things. And she said, well, what if you do this exercise at night where you just close your eyes and you imagine standing outside of your house looking in the window and saying to yourself, I can have these things. Not, it's fine if I don't. Saying it is out there, and this is what I require, and I really want this, and I can have this. Don't sell yourself. The, like, it's fine if I don't get this. And she's like, of course you'll be fine if you don't get this. And we always preach that to our listeners. But, like, it has helped me to reframe dating in the last couple weeks also, of, like, it's not no big deal to me if I don't hear from somebody or if it doesn't work out. Like, I really want to be intentional about this and have intentional conversations. And I've pushed myself to really talk about things that are vulnerable with somebody and not keep it so light and silly and just interview them and not offer information about myself. I just. It's helped me a lot to just reframe this whole thing, Becoming a whole different person, you guys. I really love that.

[Ashley Hess]

And we talked about this, you know, privately. I told you how I felt in 2023 when I felt like it was really my main goal to find a partner. And that's what I wanted to dedicate my time and energy to when I felt ready and I made the space for it. And I really feel like I manifested it. And of course, I would have been fine. Like, of course I would have been like, if I didn't find him and I turned 40 single. I ended the year single. I'd. If I was still single today, I'd be fine, you know, But I wasn't really willing to be like, but it'll be fine if I don't. I wasn't thinking like that. I was like, oh, I will. This really has to happen or it's gonna feel bad. Like, honestly, like, yes, I'll survive it. Like everything else we survive in our lives. But I will be really upset. This is what I want. I want it now. I want to do my best to try to get it, and I'll be really bummed if I don't. So I don't really want to think about that. I don't really want to think about the alternative. I want to think about, like, no, no, no, let's cross that bridge when we get to it. I want to make this happen.

[Raina Greenberg]

And it's a good way to approach things if you really want. And I mean, that's what we would do with any job is failure is not an option. You know, we didn't start this podcast with, like, maybe it'll take off, maybe it won't. We were like, it will. And I will take every step possible to make sure it will. And it isn't like, if it doesn't, no big deal. I mean, yeah, I would have survived you, and I would have found another way to make money and another business. But, like, I don't want to be like, it's fine if it doesn't.

[Ashley Hess]

And it's like a very funny way to put it.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's how I felt. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, if no one asked me, well, Ashley, what if you don't find somebody, you know, in the next six months? Like, I wasn't like, failure is not an option. But, like, that's kind of how I felt. I would have been like, I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want to talk to you about that right now. I'll live.

[Ashley Hess]

I'll be pissed.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll be living, pissed.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I just. I love that, that note that, like, stop protecting your future self. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Yeah, of course you'll be fine. We will all survive it. Why not just think, like, baylor's not an option.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the thing that broke me. We talked for an hour and I really got super emotional because I've never let myself even think. It's just not an option to not do this. And of course it's an option. And of course I'll be fine. But it's the same thing with manifesting when people are like, you put this out into the world to make it a little less woo woo. Just say to yourself, I will have this and I will take every step to go get it. And it's allowed me to just kind of keep pushing and keep my confidence up. And I've met some really great, cool, smart, hot people. And I'm gonna continue to do that and not make any promises to anybody about anything. And, you know, at some point a winner will emerge. And I've even, like, even on Field, which is an app to meet people to have sex with, my profile says I am looking for a life partner.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

And that is how I want people to approach me, too. And we've looked at other people's dating apps a lot and said, like, what you're putting out here is not that. And so I wanted to be like, very clear, like, I will fuck you, but also I would like a life partner.

[Ashley Hess]

And I told you that in advance. Yeah. And I think it's just like, you guys know, our message is never that you should want somebody or that you need somebody or that you should feel this way. This is just the way that I felt. You feel now to an extent that, like, I'm ready and I want it. And before that, I didn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

Not that. Not as badly as I.

[Ashley Hess]

Not before. Before I really decided. I was like, this is fine. I don't, I don't. I'm not claiming to really want to be in a relationship. I'm not really putting that much effort. We're doing other stuff and that's fine. And I'll make that decision when I feel like it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. I mean, I've just. I feel like when I'm looking at these guys or meeting guys, like somebody who doesn't live in la, that's a turn off to me. A certain age is a turn off to me. Like, I mean, I know you're in a long distance relationship and I'll make one work if I have to, but, like, I want to be. It's helping me to be more intentional about who I say yes to, you know, so it's good.

[Ashley Hess]

She's killing it, you guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really am out here.

[Ashley Hess]

She is out here.

[Raina Greenberg]

Stay tuned.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, we have a really fun interview for you guys today with Matthew Broussard, so we will get into that. But before that, I'm just going to tell you about Helix. Oh, my gosh. We. We're just traveling, you guys, in no shade to the hotel, but obviously they did not have Helix mattresses. So I was just tossing and turning and was like, I cannot wait to be back at home in my Helix bed. You guys know these are the Mattresses that we have in our homes, in our guest rooms, our families have them. I just can't imagine my life without it. So we just love this brand. I mean, this is something I get messages about. I don't know if you get messages of like, do you really love it? It's like, yeah, I wouldn't sit up here and lie. We don't do that. Certainly wouldn't lie about the mattress I'm sleeping on.

[Raina Greenberg]

I have so many house guests rave about my mattress pads, my pillows, and the mattress itself.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So you guys can go to their site and you'll take this little quiz and they will match you to your perfect mattress. Everybody I've known that's taken the quiz and then has asked me questions like, do you think this is the right match? I also interview them and I tell them that yes, that's the right match. And then that's the one that they order and that's the one that they love. So I have a king midnight locks. I'm obsessed with it. I have a moonlight locks in my guest room. My best friend and her husband have the dusk luxe that they love. They want a little bit firmer mattress. So you're going to answer questions regarding if you sleep on your front, your back, your side, if you roll around, if you sleep hot. And again, all those things are going to help you address those issues. They have their standard mattresses, they have the luxe mattresses. I do have the midnight luxe. They have the elite mattresses that are even better. And this is just going to improve your sleep and really help you be so comfortable. And honestly, get excited to get into bed at night, which is something I've never felt until really I got a Helix. So you can go to helixsleep.com GGE for 20 off site wide. That's helixsleep.com GGE For 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com GGE and you guys know that.

[Raina Greenberg]

We'Ve been raving about skims bras and underwear since we got them. I have so much fit. Actually, this guy, I opened up my underwear drawer the other day and he was like, you have so much underwear. And I was like, it's skims.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So the underwear I have on now actually is their Fits Everybody thong. And then the bra that I have on is the Fits Everybody T shirt bra. And I pretty much only wear that. I have it in onyx. I have it in a like a nude. And the cocoa color that they do and it's underwire. I like to sleep in a bra I always have and sometimes it's not super comfortable, but this one I do sleep in. It's the only bra that I'm not like excited to take off at the end of the day. It's really comfy and I use their pajamas. It's just, it's all soft and comfy. They have tons of sizes and tons of colors so you guys can check them all out. But the underwire bras really have made a comeback in the world and on my body. So guys, you can check it out. Shop Skims Best Intimates, including the Fits everybody [e-mail] and Skims stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select Podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay Raina, let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you lost your libido?

[Raina Greenberg]

My sex drive? Is that like a serious question? I never recover.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of premenopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that there's a treatment called ADDI that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain pre menopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if Addie is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love the women have this option.

[Ashley Hess]

Same you can go learn more@addie addie.com that is a D-Y-I.com Addy or Flavanserin.

[Addy Medication Voice]

Is for premenopausal women with Acquired Generalized Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder HSDD who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past who have low sexual desire. No matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner, the low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or medicine, or other drug use. ADDI is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks. Close in time to your ADI dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking ADDI at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions over the counter or herbal medications or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take ADDI even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide including boxed [e-mail] PI or call 844-PINK PILL, ADDY.

[Ashley Hess]

That is a D D Y I.com and let's get into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, guys. We are very excited to welcome a brand new guest today. He's a New York City comedian. You have seen him literally everywhere. The Tonight Show, MTV, Comedy Central, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, the League, the Mindy Project. His unbelievably funny special Hyperbolic is out. Now. Please welcome to the show Matthew Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

Hey, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much for watching the special as well. I really appreciate that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thanks for being here.

[Ashley Hess]

We loved it. Yeah, we both watched it last night just, you know, procrastinated until the night before.

[Matthew Broussard]

But still, 48 minutes of attention is a crazy thing I will tell you to ask from someone. So thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

It flew by.

[Matthew Broussard]

I appreciate that.

[Ashley Hess]

So good. Like, we just want to hype you and we already did this in private, but for our audience that it's just so tight, so polished, so funny. Just flows perfectly.

[Raina Greenberg]

You really run the gamut. You talk about being Jewish a lot. You talk about your mom, you talk about your fiance and how you can't make her come. We are going to get.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's like the. I just said another podcast, like let's talk about you can't make your fiance come. I'm like, that's the takeaway. All right. It's a great.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll get to it because I have like so many thoughts, but I have, we have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months, since you got engaged, which it came up on my feed and you collabed it with Laura, your fiance.

[Matthew Broussard]

It is true.

[Ashley Hess]

She proposed.

[Matthew Broussard]

She proposed.

[Ashley Hess]

No, she did it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes. That was a real thing. Everyone took it as a bit.

[Raina Greenberg]

My friend this morning was like, that's a bit. And I was like, that's not a bit.

[Matthew Broussard]

How great did her ass look in that picture, by the way?

[Raina Greenberg]

She looked amazing.

[Ashley Hess]

This is so funny. So there's a picture of her proposing you on the beach and we can put up on the screen, but I think she posted a comment or something because I follow her too and she's wonderful. It was like, laura, you have an absolute dump truck. And then she wrote, why do you think I posted this photo? I was like, her ass looks so good.

[Matthew Broussard]

Pixar mom ass. Yeah, she's a great ass.

[Raina Greenberg]

You guys both look great. But she's down on one knee. And everybody thought it was a joke.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Also, I'm sorry, but, like, I do take pride, and if you just looked at me and didn't know anything about me, you'd be like, I bet that guy has an attractive wife who has no ass. And I'm like, no, no, no. I actually have. Yeah, I think she has a. Yeah. Where do you want the story to start?

[Ashley Hess]

At the beginning.

[Matthew Broussard]

I do talk about it on the road, so if you want to come see me live, I actually have a lot more about it. But it started with. The truth is she had actually said years ago there was something she wanted to do. She had made it known early that she wanted to propose to me. And at one point, she kind of hinted that she had bought a ring already. But we've been together eight years for her, so I know that sounds obvious, but we've been together eight years. And then the tone kind of changed into, so when's gonna happen? Making some jokes about it. Talking about a little bit on stage. We just went to Italy. He didn't propose.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

And so she's also a comedian. She's also a comedian, yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

We'll get back to it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I felt it was now time for me to maybe start planning to do it. Like, she had maybe changed her mind. And then Thailand happened, and I just. I didn't see it coming. We were heading out for. For dinner, and I was. I threw on some, like, shorts and a T shirt. She was like, wear a nicer shirt.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm like, ugh, is she about to propose? Get your nails done, Matthew.

[Matthew Broussard]

And I go, okay, can I wear shorts? She was like, wear jeans. I'm like, you're suffocating me. Why can't I make any decisions? You're too controlling. She was like, just shut up and do it. And we went out for dinner, and then she brought a tripod. She's like, let's take a nice picture. And she puts the tripod down, and I'm, you know, 10 meters away, kind of a long walk, and she. She just stands there with the tripod, and he goes, take the picture. She goes, let's wait for the beach to clear out so we can get a nice picture.

[Ashley Hess]

Did you have an idea?

[Matthew Broussard]

No idea.

[Ashley Hess]

Every woman knows at this point no.

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, it's not difficult to be.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, that's what I'm saying.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Like if you were a woman, you would have been like, oh, I've been knowing.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yep.

[Ashley Hess]

Since the shorts conversation.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes. I had no idea.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

We waited like 10 minutes for the beach to clear out and then she, you know, hits the, what I think is the timer button for a picture. And she walks up to me and then just big googly eyes and stares at me and I go, hurry the fuck up. It's a 10 second timer. I don't want to have to do this all over again. And then she proposed. It was a very magical moment.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then she. Okay, so she drops one knee.

[Matthew Broussard]

Uh huh. It was a video, it turned out okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

And she has the box and she bought a ring. Like, did she buy herself?

[Matthew Broussard]

She bought herself a ring?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, she did.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so that was my question. Her ring was in the box.

[Ashley Hess]

Uh huh.

[Matthew Broussard]

For herself. She bought herself a ring. It's still.

[Ashley Hess]

Can we call Laura? We should have had you two together.

[Matthew Broussard]

Have her on the pod. Yeah, we will hear her side of it. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Why did.

[Raina Greenberg]

Because she's richer than you. But you talk about it a lot.

[Matthew Broussard]

This year she made good money. I don't talk about this part much. I did end up proposing back to her just as like.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally. You're a les.

[Raina Greenberg]

Gay couple.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Is that what lesbians do?

[Ashley Hess]

I think sometimes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you bought yourself a ring.

[Matthew Broussard]

And I bought her another ring. That is, I would say tastefully between like a band and a ring in that it could, it has a diamond, so it could pass as like a, A formal ring you propose with, but it's also one you could kind of casually wear and doesn't snag on things.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

In between.

[Ashley Hess]

So we got to circle back to her saying, I always wanted to propose to someone just as a child. She was like, one day I want to like. Do you know where that comes from? I mean, she's obviously super confident, like alpha woman, would you say? I mean, she's an athlete. She was almost the Olympics.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, why, where does this come from?

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, she's a surprising person. She was a professional athlete. She's a very driven type a person. She has some masculine qualities in terms of things we typically ascribe towards men. Very, very bullheaded, very self confident in a lot of ways. And likes to do things herself. Likes to take charge of things. I think the athlete background might be part of it. She also thought it was just fun and different to do it that way. And Subversive to patriarchal norms.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, okay. So she's kind of a dominant personality. You say she has, like, masculine traits, but you're not giving, like, feminine traits. Like, you seem like a confident masculine guy. Like, I'm just.

[Raina Greenberg]

You don't see yourself like that.

[Matthew Broussard]

I don't see myself that way.

[Raina Greenberg]

How do you see yourself?

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm emotional. I'm emotional. I'm vulnerable. I'm not, like, afraid to express emotions. I communicate in our relationship, and I'm sure in every relationship, some of the feminine masculine dynamics are reversed. I know the whole notion of women talk, talk, talk, and men are very quiet. We're very much the opposite. I'm just chatty, chatty, chatty, chatty. And I have to, like, work to get her to express her feelings on things. That might just be Jew versus German there.

[Raina Greenberg]

That is very Jewish.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, I don't think that expressing emotions means not masculine. I guess. I just. You come across like, you're just like, confident and secure and, you know, that's more of what I.

[Matthew Broussard]

What I mean, that's nice to hear.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No beta energy. It's because he's tall.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it's because you're tall and good looking. That's what it is. Yeah. You know, I mean, you do comedy. That's, you know, takes a lot of confidence too. So I just, you know, I'll take it. I like the dynamic you guys seem to have going on.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's good having loose definitions of what masculinity means.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. And I'd like to think that there are. I don't want to sound like Justin Baldoni or something, but I'm like, I think there are feminine traits that men should aim to possess.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Matthew Broussard]

That are good for everyone. And sometimes I think the greatest strength is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and knowing your weaknesses and knowing you're not the toughest person. I think that is a more complete form of myself.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thanks for saying all that. I love hearing somebody say that. And watching your special is really interesting because you talk about your fiance making more money than you and it's just. It's like, fun to listen to. It's not in a way where I'm like, watching this guy where I'm like, he was just looking for a sugar mama. This guy who's just, like, found some, like, alpha lady. He's so beta. I just. It feels equal playing field. The way you talk about it.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know how to describe it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I didn't look at some guy and Think like, poor him. I thought the way he speaks about it is that he's proud of her, he's impressed by her. He's not emasculated by this behavior either.

[Ashley Hess]

In your better comedy, you say, yes, it's the one. I laughed. So, I mean, and then I started coughing. But like, when you said, like, when you saw her do comedy, I forget the line.

[Matthew Broussard]

I got to finally see her do comedy. And not only is she really good, she's also not as good as me.

[Ashley Hess]

It's perfect.

[Matthew Broussard]

Don't quit our day job is the joke. Yeah. Which I try to a lot. I like to. I think comedy's better from the perspective of what are my shortcomings. You have to give yourself a win every now and then or it gets a little boring just to break up the rhythm. And that was kind of one of the few wins I gave myself in that. In that arc.

[Raina Greenberg]

But what was that like?

[Matthew Broussard]

What's that? Her starting.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you guys have been together eight years. She was not in the comedy world. You were when she met you.

[Matthew Broussard]

Right? She was a pro athlete when we met and was not making more money. She was making kind of a small amount of money at that point. So her making more money is kind of a recent rise. She was a pro athlete living in Texas, training for her last Olympic trials.

[Ashley Hess]

Swimmer.

[Matthew Broussard]

Swimmer, yes. And was at that point doing improv. Actually did improv classes in Austin, but never really gotten to stand up because of the schedule does not work with, you know, 5:45am Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

You gotta pick one.

[Matthew Broussard]

So we moved. She quit swimming, moved to New York, got a big boy job, and then took her a little while to finally get started. In 2019, she started doing it.

[Raina Greenberg]

But you're a disgraced financial analyst.

[Matthew Broussard]

I used to work in finance.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Which is very on the nose, I'm sure. In Houston, I had a job as a low level job just doing spreadsheets for private wealth management and got fired.

[Raina Greenberg]

I pulled this from a comedy website, but okay. So she decided she wants to get into comedy. Was that a weird conversation for you guys?

[Matthew Broussard]

She had always expressed it since we started dating. I at least want to try it once. That was like, from. From our first date. And I wanted her to do it like, she's my favorite person. Comedy's my favorite thing. I thought it'd be a great union. And it has been really good. She's not crazy, so it works out well. It is hard. When anyone starts something that is as taxing as stand up comedy. There's just so much Rejection and so many highs and lows. So sometimes we both have, you know, have to go through things and we both suffer when one of us is suffering. So that's the downside. But, like, she's very funny. She really understands how much work it takes and is very disciplined about it and is very passionate about it. And now we go on the road together and we do a show together for the first, like, year of it. I thought I would have to, like, kind of, like, hide details so that they didn't know it was her. And now I just go straight out after her totally and say, here's my side of things, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

I love that dynamic. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

This is.

[Raina Greenberg]

You guys are a fun comedy couple.

[Matthew Broussard]

So. Yeah, it's a fun show. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you can't make her come, and.

[Matthew Broussard]

I can't make her come.

[Ashley Hess]

Wow. So when you said that in your special, I was like, where's the rest of the sentence? Like, I didn't know if it was gonna be like, I can't make her come during missionary when she's been drinking. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

People take that line to mean specific. I mean, flat out, whatever you want to imagine. No. So, yeah. And this is okay not to be defensive. I try not to be defensive. But, like, this is the case for a lot of women, where it takes.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're gonna back you up.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, Ashley and I own a sexual wellness brand. It's called Vibes Only. You guys should shop it. But, yeah. There's all kinds of emotional and physical reasons why women can't reach orgasm through penetrative sex. And they need external stimulation on their clitoris. They have pelvic floor issues after having babies. They have issues with just the strengthening of the muscles. And plenty of women cannot reach orgasm during sex. And yours specifically oral. Can you make her come during oral? Oh, no.

[Matthew Broussard]

Listen, I am not one who is. Who backs down from a challenge. I'm not the kind of guy who's like, yeah, I'm not gonna try any harder than that.

[Raina Greenberg]

You tried.

[Matthew Broussard]

I've tried.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's not my first rodeo. I've tried, and I don't. The thing is with man, the tough part from a man's perspective is like, maybe I've never done it. I don't know. I don't know. Because you can't ever expect the truth of it. It from everyone, but you can't see.

[Ashley Hess]

It, you know, a little bit different.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. No pudding. For which the proof is in.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I wish she was here to talk to her about this, but, like, there's plenty of people that, like, orgasm doesn't have to be the goal. Like, I can have an enjoyable sexual experience and not have an orgasm. Like, if I've been drinking, if I had one and a half drinks, it's like, really hard for me to, like, climax.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And so. But I still will, like, enjoy the sexual experience. I'm not like, don't touch me. I'm not gonna come.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. And she is coming. The way you talk about it is very funny. I heard. We've both heard metaphors through the years of bringing a vibrator into the bedroom. From a man standpoint, like, this is your sous chef. Whatever you want to say. And I think. Did you say, like, using a calculator on a test?

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

That's very funny. That's like the ti83 of. Did you guys start that early on with the sex toys?

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes. My idea. Within, like, a. Like, a month, I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

Amazing.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

I had done it with a previous partner. It was post breakup sex. Ever had post breakup sex?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Where you're like, let's just do whatever. Let's get weird. We pulled out of a Sonicare. That was the genesis of that idea.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

When you just have nothing left to lose, you just hate this person. You're not getting back together. They can do whatever they want to your body. Cause it doesn't matter.

[Matthew Broussard]

A befoulement, if you will. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, really? A Sonicare? A Sonicare, like the handle end, right? Not the. Not the brush, the toothbrush.

[Raina Greenberg]

No.

[Matthew Broussard]

This was a long time ago. Before you forget about the openness of vibrators that we have now and the destigmatization that has occurred with sex toys in the past 15 years.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, we're still working on it. Not all men feel super comfortable, especially with something that's very phallic looking coming into the bedroom. I think people can feel threatened, like, why am I not enough? But that's just not really the case. And plenty of women have just trouble reaching orgasm, need external stimulation.

[Matthew Broussard]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, that's pretty normal.

[Ashley Hess]

That was probably the very first, like, halfway decent joke I ever wrote was about a Sonicare in 2013. I was just telling you I started Stand up in Atlanta. You're from there. And something about masturbating with the Sonicare. And, like, the punchline was like, that's not what a Sonicare is for. And I was like, I am killing it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm Chappelle massager. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you think that was, like, the original Vibrator for, like, so many people.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think so, probably. Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Toothbrushes.

[Matthew Broussard]

Because there's no reason it needs to be that thickness and that, like, lawnmower level. Yeah, right.

[Raina Greenberg]

I discovered masturbation really young, like, at an age where, like, there weren't.

[Ashley Hess]

No. It's a funny question.

[Raina Greenberg]

Chat rooms.

[Matthew Broussard]

Interesting.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just probably, like, AOL chat rooms back in the day and, like, two fingers.

[Matthew Broussard]

Kind of thing, or.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do you, what do you mean?

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, how. He's asking how you master.

[Raina Greenberg]

How did I masturbate? Just with my fingers. Like, I wasn't, like, I wasn't, like, rubbing up against couches. I never discovered that, unfortunately. I feel like a lot of people discovered, like, rubbing up against, like, couches.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, in the hot tubs, the gyms.

[Matthew Broussard]

I know. Hot tub was for some people, and then some women really can only masturbate with a vibrator. The hands is not going to take all the way. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I only started acoustic, like, a couple years back, and I was, like, so impressed with myself.

[Matthew Broussard]

You, you downgraded. You went.

[Ashley Hess]

I never de.

[Matthew Broussard]

Technology.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Matthew Broussard]

You went Amish.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, exactly.

[Matthew Broussard]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

I never, never masturbated as a, as a kid. Like, you know, some kids do, like, Raina did.

[Matthew Broussard]

Jew, Catholic, Catholic or Jewish.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I'm just, I grew up Christian. Yeah. Do you think that's part of it?

[Matthew Broussard]

Jews have less shame around sex. I, I, I think I didn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

No shame around sex.

[Ashley Hess]

I didn't have any shame. We know. My parents, Cindy and Lee. I didn't get into it. I don't know. I didn't really know about it. So I started my masturbation journey with a vibrator, like, post college. I mean, I just had a bunch of, like, drunk sex in college. I don't know. Like, it seems like masturbation was no shame or stigma, but it was. I don't know. Nobody was really talking about it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I can understand what you're saying. There's still, like, an internal shame even when there's not external forces. For us, sexuality is a weird thing that can just feel, Take time to, like.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I never talked about it. I didn't know that people did that. And, like, it sounds so silly. I always joke about it like, that we've been, like, misled by the term fingering because I thought that everybody wanted, like, like, fingers inside of them, but that I had discovered this, like, crazy trick where I, like, touched this button and I had an orgasm. And, like, I didn't, I don't think even in college I talked about this into my 20s, I didn't talk to anybody about this. And I was like, I discovered this thing, and there was, like, a lot of weird shame around it for me. Cause I was like, this is not the proper use for this body part or something. Because there was no information about that for me.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's the only use for that body part. Clitoris is the only organ design specifically for pleasure.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I told you that a couple days ago.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. And then. But, like, I don't know. I'd be curious. Like, I'm 41. I just would be curious. My age group, like, women were not talking about this, at least. Like, when I went to college, like, in the late 90s, early 2000s. Like, who was talking about this besides Sex and the City, truly?

[Matthew Broussard]

Like, I was gonna say Sex and the City. I remember that episode. We've been rewatching it lately. I rewatch it every couple years. Yeah, but just, like, how taboo the vibrator episode was. Yeah, yeah. And how even, like, Samantha was, like, in hushed tones, talking about the one you need to buy. And, like, that's like. Like, that's so vanilla now.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, right? Like, and then I really got into it, and I was hosting these pure romance parties, which is like a pyramid scheme kind of vibes, you know? Like, and I would host them and have these vibrators. And I was just like, oh, this is fine. But where we're at today, where you can just post your vibrator on Instagram, you love to see it. Like, this was something that was, like, locked away in your drawer, really. Until I feel like, the last seven years, I don't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I didn't talk about it even in. I remember I was post college. It was my early 20s, when a girl said to me, like, oh, I don't, like, finger myself. I, like, rub my clit. And I was like, you do that? You know about that.

[Ashley Hess]

Should we rub them together? That's how you became a lesbian.

[Matthew Broussard]

Like, it's a secret karate technique.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I was learning about this biology. Like, everybody starts off as a woman for, like, I think, four weeks, and the Y chromosome comes in, and then a clit will turn into a penis. But, like, clits are essentially little penises. So you're just, like, rubbing your clits up against each other kind of, and the friction creates an orgasm.

[Matthew Broussard]

Have you seen the full mapping of the clitoris, which is, like, relatively new?

[Raina Greenberg]

Crazy spider. Yeah, it's a wishbone.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. It looks like the monsters in Starship Trooper. Like, that weird. Like. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

But it is really special. It is the only organ in anyone's body, male or female, that's just for pleasure.

[Ashley Hess]

So are you guys. Have you explored a lot of sex toys or you keep it pretty simple.

[Matthew Broussard]

I've tried to buy some stuff she likes what she. You should reach out to her and tell her what she should try.

[Ashley Hess]

Almost some stuff. Cause we do, like, we have some that we really like that are designed for couples where the guy can wear it on his finger, essentially. So you're just always, like, locked and loaded, you know, or. I don't know. If you guys were, like, you'd grab a big, like, wand out of the bedside drawer. I was just curious what you guys were into. But you don't have to share if it's too okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes. I also feel like it's a similar thing to the dynamic in our relationship of, like, if I try to pick a restaurant or plan something for us to do on vacation, she's like, oh, that's so nice you did that. Here's what we're actually doing. That is a dynamic that also goes into the bedroom a little bit.

[Raina Greenberg]

So she's like, my body, my choice.

[Ashley Hess]

My vibrant choice, our life, all my choices.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, what did the conversation look like, in all seriousness? Like, did she say to you, like, I have not had an orgasm with you ever? Like, did you start that early, that conversation?

[Matthew Broussard]

No, it was a month, so we weren't talking too much. It's a weird thing to talk about. Like, in the first month, did you come?

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

So I think it was just pretty early on. I was like, hey, what do you use? Let's do that. And then I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

But she said, I'm not having orgasms.

[Matthew Broussard]

She never said that before. I just suggested that. And then that came into play. And I don't remember the exact conversation where I was like, so without. It became explained to me that without that, it wasn't happening.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. And I was that a big deal to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Pretty common.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it really is. No, I like to talk about it and normalize it even more.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. One of my best friends, she said to me, it's been like a. She can't have an orgasm during sex unless she's using a toy with, like, direct stimulation. And she was like, it's been a problem in all of my relationships. And she's like, I've tried everything, like pelvic floor strengthening and all the mental stuff that you can do to just de stress and be in the moment. She's like, it's just that. That's how my body works. I think it's pretty normal.

[Matthew Broussard]

You said something earlier, but you don't need to come for it to be good sex.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Nine years into a relationship, you kind of do.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

You know what I mean? We're like, yeah, yeah. Let's both get what we want out of this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll like to have a good time sometimes.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Because sometimes you've had like drunks. Yeah. You're just like, that was a fun night. No one came.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

But yeah, we all want to come.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Yeah, I think. I think so every time. Yeah. I just think women are kind of just naturally. We're trained to be a little bit more deferent. No, no. What do you want? What do you. It's more about your needs. And I think that can come up in the bedroom as well. And I think with time and comfort, you can be more expressive. Women tend to learn how to be more expressive of what they need, whereas men tend to not check in on the other person as much.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did she fake orgasms or she didn't even bother.

[Ashley Hess]

She doesn't seem like the type.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, I don't think she.

[Ashley Hess]

I can't see it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I don't think she did.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do men fake orgasms?

[Ashley Hess]

Oh my God, I would die. You can't.

[Matthew Broussard]

Evidence.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Like you're hunching over the toilet like, babe, did you fake it?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, but like I've had. I had a boyfriend who just like didn't come a lot. It would just be like a little drop and like.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I. He. I mean, or maybe he just never came, I don't know. But nothing was coming out at me.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm sure guys fake orgasms.

[Matthew Broussard]

I had the problem in college of I didn't realize how much drinking because I couldn't finish when I drank. Even like two or three drinks starts to make it, especially with a new partner. Especially add condoms in there.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

There's so much in college where I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn't finish and then now I understand. It was just. It was just mostly drinking related and that. That's a humiliating experience. And I never thought to act like in terms of like uncomfortable things. To act out falsely. That would be really hard. I guess women do it so naturally.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's so funny.

[Matthew Broussard]

Like, what do you do?

[Ashley Hess]

I'm dying. Like, I want to crawl and to myself when I think about men faking orgasms. But I know it happens.

[Matthew Broussard]

I've wanted to. There's been nights I'm like, got anything to so I'll just be like, I'm good. It's okay. It doesn't matter. I'm all good, you know.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

I got one girl who thought I was gay because of that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. Like, it's just not gonna happen.

[Matthew Broussard]

She, like, told people, oh, no, he couldn't finish with me.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's funny. That's, like, unthinkable for a man to do that. But, like, every woman has faced so.

[Matthew Broussard]

Many orgasms, and every woman, like, has the idea independently. Like, it's not like you all hear from each other to do. I feel like women just instinctively like, ooh, how do I make them feel good? I'll just fake it.

[Ashley Hess]

That's so true. No one told me to.

[Matthew Broussard]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

I was just like, how do I get this to end? You know? I mean, early, obviously. Early days. Like, early 20s college.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Like, no one was ever like, hey, girl, guess what you should do? Like, you're right. We're born with it. We just know. Our moms don't tell us. Can you imagine? That's the birds and the bees talk.

[Raina Greenberg]

If you want to wrap this up, you first get into doggy style. You start busting out your dirtiest dirty talk, and then you just fake an orgasm. That's the final line of defense.

[Matthew Broussard]

So roll your eyes back.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not getting into doggy if I'm not having fun. No, I'm just like, I'm immediately getting.

[Raina Greenberg]

Into doggy if I'm not having fun. Let's wrap this up.

[Ashley Hess]

No, but it starts to hurt my, like, stomach.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, usually I can lay down and just, like, deal with it, but I'm just saying, like, I will bust out all the stops to make it finish. And the. The prescription for that is doggy and come talk doggies. Fastest doggy will make a man come fastest.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, that's for me too.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, that's fair. I see what you're saying, like, I.

[Raina Greenberg]

Want to wrap this shit up.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Oh, I was listening to a previous episode of yours, and you were talking about when women say I want you to come is, like, a bit of a wrap it up.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sign the wrap it up box.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Yeah. Our term is don't be a hero. That's our little code for it. No need to be a hero. We're not going for a record.

[Raina Greenberg]

I had this guy recently say to me, he's like, I'm really into, like, edging. And I was like, oh, I'm not into you edging. I'm all set on that. I need you to. Can you just finish this, please?

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, the fun for men is getting close and then stopping and restarting. Because if you do that a couple times, that's edging. But it's what men naturally do. When men masturbate with porn, they're, like, close. Now let's go back off and find a different picture or a different video. I think, like, that's how. And when you finally get there, it's that much better. Where. I've never heard of woman doing that. A woman's like, oh, we're near. Let's go straight for it.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, that's risky. You'll miss it. Like, the moment can pass you by. I feel like our orgasms are so fragile. Like, they're. They may or may not happen. Like, even with my fiance, we have great sex, and there's still times where I'm like, I just. It's just not gonna happen. Doing this this way right now.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Matthew Broussard]

Or I fucked up something at the last moment, and it's just like. Like.

[Ashley Hess]

But there's. I don't know. Like, I. I know. I'm sure all women can relate to this. Of that feeling of, like, it's. It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. We lost it. And we just suffice, like, hang it up.

[Raina Greenberg]

It is exactly like a space.

[Ashley Hess]

So that's like playing with fire for a woman to try to, like, do that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, you smoke weed? I. I can do. I can edge like that when I smoke weed. And I can, like, watch a porn. I can go back, I watch a different porn, and I'll kind of, like, up and down for a while, but I have to be, like, very high, and that's solo.

[Matthew Broussard]

Could you do that with a partner?

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't think so.

[Ashley Hess]

I think. I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

With a partner, I'm like, ashley, I'm worried that you're not gonna be able to make me come.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, you gotta grab it when it's available.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, I know that I'm gonna be able to make me come. So I don't worry that, like, I lost the sneeze with me. But, like, with a partner, I'm like, you're there. We're getting to the finish line.

[Matthew Broussard]

What about if. Do either of you use toys during sex? During penetrative sex?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

As a fancy thing or as a regular thing?

[Ashley Hess]

We use the cock rings. So we sell these two rings. The newer one I really am obsessed with, and it vibrates on my clitoris or, you know, the female partner's clitoris. And then it helps the guy stay stronger, longer. Helps. But I mean, I always felt my partner and I both feel like the cockerings for me, you know? So we use that.

[Matthew Broussard]

We have the vagina. That's our.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's your fleshlight. Yes. That is so.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, we use it, but we've used them all.

[Raina Greenberg]

I prefer sex toys performatively. I wanted somebody to watch me with it. I'm very blessed. I can have like vaginal orgasms during sex, so. I know.

[Matthew Broussard]

Really?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

But we both really think, yeah, it's like 20%. It's like a small number.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's clitoral stimulation that leads to the orgasm. Penetrative sex.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's just the mons pubis colliding.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Wow.

[Raina Greenberg]

I get it from that. But I prefer to do a. Put on a. Put on a show with a vibrator. Cool to have a vibrator.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I just need a lot of foreplay. Like, I just need more and more. I mean, you just get like foreplay more lubricated, more horny.

[Matthew Broussard]

I mean, I'm 36 and I love going to the gym, but like I used to go to the gym and work out for an hour and then I needed like a 10 minute warmup and now I need like 20 minutes of stretching. And now when I go to the gym, it's like 40 minutes of activation and then actually 20 minutes. Yeah, see, of push ups. I think it's a similar. Maybe a similar thing with foreplay.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've gotten the feedback that I. I don't do enough foreplay. I really just want to like get right into it.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, like, some women are like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm afraid I'm ready to go.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I'll see a scene in a movie where they just go right into it. I'm like, oh my God, my pussy hurts. Just even looking at that, like, it feels like ram dry. Like there was this like tell me lies scene. I was like, I could never. Random was like, I thought that was so hot. I was like, I would have needed 20 minutes of like boob touching, finger stuff, like anything.

[Matthew Broussard]

Some women are. Some women are faster than I'm comfortable with. Some women are just like, now, right now. Come on, drop what you're doing. I'm like, I'm like, if you feel it going in. I'm like, that has to hurt for you. That's like kneading dry dough. Like just going in. You're like, everything's getting caught.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, you lick your fingers, you get like a little bit wet. Yeah. You Spit on your hand and shove it up.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my. No. I want to be, like, soaking wet.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, not me. Somebody tries to go down on me, and I'm like, you don't have to do that. I'm ready to go. Yeah, I'm just gonna stare at you and pretend to enjoy this. We could just have sex such.

[Matthew Broussard]

I know it's been remarked on, but just the differences from woman to woman, and then that's what's so annoying with women, is then as a man, when I say something like, oh, I can't make her come, and women are like, oh, you must be bad at it. I'm like, you don't know if your body is like hers. You don't know that yours works. Like, you have different controllers. One of you is a Nintendo Switch, the other one's a PS3. You don't know the difference between. Women will never experience. I guess lesbians will. But, like, women just don't understand how different. Different their bodies are from each other in terms of, like, sexual needs.

[Raina Greenberg]

Absolutely. I mean, men are all dynamic, but you put enough pressure and stimulation on a dick and you go fast enough, you will pretty much come.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, that's why we're like, give grace to guys, because they've. They're just going off what the woman before liked.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know. I would never. If a guy was doing some crazy stuff to my body that I really didn't like, I'd be like, his ex liked it. That's where he got it from. He didn't just come up with this, you know? Or maybe he saw it in a porn, I guess. But I just think, like, you have to tell guys what you want. I do think we understand that every woman is so different because even when we talk to our friends, we'll be like, what you're into that?

[Matthew Broussard]

We are all ears. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

A lot of variation of butt stuff. People liking around the rim, inside of it. I don't want anything. I don't want. No. That's just a no fly zone for me. But guys always want to stick a finger in there. And you're right. They learned it from the last girl.

[Matthew Broussard]

Which is so weird because women don't have prostates.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do find it interesting, but you do have nerve endings. And also the Clitoris has, like, 8,000 nerve endings. And some of them do sort of like, reach into almost, like, your taint area.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, There's a spot back in there.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I like a little pressure on the B hole.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. But I don't want penetration. Yeah. And my fiance doesn't. He's not really a butt stuff guy. I'll like touches just to joke around.

[Matthew Broussard]

I let people know women really go for it. My fiance goes for it. Never in sexual positions. Never in sexual situations.

[Ashley Hess]

Just.

[Matthew Broussard]

Just while we're spooning in bed. Just.

[Ashley Hess]

I love it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Just like I'm getting slimed at the Nickelodeon.

[Ashley Hess]

No, like in the shower. I'm just like credit card swipe salmon.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's her whole thing. She just likes how squirmy I get.

[Ashley Hess]

Guys have such cute butts.

[Raina Greenberg]

Some do.

[Ashley Hess]

Some do, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But like really hairy ones.

[Ashley Hess]

But like, I don't know. These guys. Sometimes these guys don't even know what they're working with. You know, they just have like a nice little like high and tight.

[Matthew Broussard]

Have you heard Matteo Lane's joke about like when you see a straight guy with a great ass. What a fucking waste.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Matthew Broussard]

The special that. The joke about the vibrator. One of the, one of the biggest concerns was her parents had never heard that joke and her parents might not have that kind of taste and humor about their daughter. And we were supposed to kind of let them know beforehand but we've kind of forgot. And then the special came out on YouTube and I was like, this is gonna be really weird the next time I see them. I did not hear a word. I got one text from her mom that just had an Amazon link to a very nice product.

[Ashley Hess]

To a vibrator? No, her mom. You are kidding.

[Matthew Broussard]

It was a very open minded and new age response and I was like, that's pretty funny.

[Ashley Hess]

That's iconic. And also. Is it the one she uses?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. How does she know?

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm not going to speculate about that.

[Ashley Hess]

Is that her recommendation me and your.

[Raina Greenberg]

Father in law use? Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

That's where my mind was.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did you buy it and did you tell her you liked it?

[Ashley Hess]

Send her back a link to ours.

[Matthew Broussard]

I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the one we already have.

[Ashley Hess]

She, her and her daughter have the same taste.

[Matthew Broussard]

Like father, like son. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's crazy. Do you think her mom introduced her to it?

[Matthew Broussard]

I don't think they talk like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

I think you guys just both found the one. You said it, you said it on the special which you know we're going to send you home with some better ones. But you guys just chose like a top seller already. Amazon.

[Matthew Broussard]

We switched. So the joke was dated. We did switch to a new. The joke is about the kind of. One of the first Ones we used. We are on a better one now, but very open to explore and bring.

[Ashley Hess]

That is a heartwarming story.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. That's really special. Like, I also am just really laughing thinking about that conversation had. You have had to. Had it. You're like, listen. So something's gonna come up.

[Matthew Broussard]

Listen, at minute 28, throw your laptop in a river.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can't believe you already had it. That is an insane story.

[Ashley Hess]

So in the special, you talk about who starts fights more, the women or the man in a heterosexual relationship. The audience didn't really give you much. I don't know if you. I feel like no one wanted to speak up.

[Matthew Broussard]

No, they didn't chime back. I usually get.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, what do you usually get?

[Matthew Broussard]

I usually get women think men start the fight, and men think women start the fight. And every now and then, you'll have a woman who thinks women start the fight, but you will never see a man who thinks men start.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so here's my theory. I feel like it's always men's behavior that starts the cause of the fight, and then women start the fight.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's the whole. You made me start the fight.

[Raina Greenberg]

You made me start fighting is what women say.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's my experience, is that nothing has ever really ever been my fault. No. Men don't start fights with me, like, about my behavior. But I'll start fights with you about your behavior.

[Matthew Broussard]

I don't ever think I start the fight. One time, I remember I actually was kind of starting a fight was the day she proposed to me. I remember I was like, no, Laura, you don't get to do that. She goes, hey, hey, hey. We're not fighting today. I go, what? She goes, we're not gonna fight. I was like, you can do that.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's like, it's called gaslighting, bitch.

[Matthew Broussard]

And we didn't fight that day. And then two hours later, she proposed to me.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm curious if any other couples had that same story where there's like a. There was a fight brewing on engagement day, and someone was like, whoa, whoa, let's not.

[Matthew Broussard]

But it's crazy knowing that she does have the off switch this whole time when she was like, no, I'm too upset now to let it go. I'm like, it turns out you can. If there's a ring burning a hole in your pocket, you can just turn the volume down on whatever you're feeling.

[Ashley Hess]

That is really funny. Unfortunately, I know that you can.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, you can. I have very bad add, and I think one of the Best parts about having ADD is you don't hold on to emotions that way. Like, I have to so many. We have fights. Our therapist has told us to go take a break and she'll come back more lit up sometimes doing it. Whereas I. Once I walk away from the fight and open up the New York Times crossword, I have to, like. I have to remind myself of my previous emotional state. I'm like Dory from. From Finding Nemo. I'm like, oh, yeah, that was weird. Like, I can really just detach from emotions pretty quickly. Unless it's like a major stressor that I'm like, like really attached to. The fights, the. It just goes away. I think men maybe have that a little bit. I feel like the women I know kind of can't let go once they feel wronged.

[Raina Greenberg]

I relate to. Once I have the conversation, it will marinate with me a little bit for a little, I mean, a day. But then I generally feel like I get the words out of my body and I don't need to hold onto it for a long time. But if we're mid fight and I walk away, I don't know. Everybody's different. Every fight and argument's been different. I'm different with friends versus my parents versus. Versus a romantic partner. What do you think you're like?

[Ashley Hess]

It's hard. Hard to say. I don't know. I don't have like a lot of conflicts with my fiance, but I. All I did with my ex was fight. So I'm just like, who am I? You know, it's just kind of.

[Matthew Broussard]

Can I reframe the question a different way? Can fights evaporate and just kind of resolve by cooling down? Or does something actually need to be fully addressed and hit head on before the conflict goes away?

[Ashley Hess]

I think it depends on what it is. Something that I'm a completely different person than I used to be is not having to address something. The second it bothers me with anybody, with a. A friend, a family member, a partner, like taking a breather, thinking about it, deciding if it's worth saying something, deciding if it's a pattern, deciding if I can let it go, or also the approach and the tone of bringing it up in the first place. I mean, I really have come so far. That's one of the things I'm the most proud of. I mean, I used to not be able to hold back with anybody. The second something's bothering me, it's coming out. And obviously then it's sometimes with anger, the wrong tone. And so I Don't know if that answers the question, but I think different question.

[Matthew Broussard]

But it's a very interesting one because that's not our issue. We have, we have more. We don't address it quickly enough and then it becomes more of a problem.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's a very interesting.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, I'll dress stuff. I don't let it simmer. But like I'm talking like when you have that, like I feel like that anger in my gut. You know, you're like, you cannot react right now. This won't go well for anybody. So I think just calming down and like getting your head clear before, like going to anybody with, with a grievance.

[Raina Greenberg]

More pervasive issues are tougher for me. If it's a one off situation, I'm fine to be like, I didn't like how you talked to me this one moment. I didn't like the decision you made in this one moment. The conversations are harder for me when it's a more pervasive issue. It's the, you always do this. I have this idea of you. This is adding to this idea that I've already created in my head that like I'm just making this up. But like, if I decided that you don't respect my opinion, and this is the third example of that, it's really hard for me to let it go. And I stew in it and I marinate on it and I'm like, how do you tell somebody? I don't like how you are not. I don't like how you did this thing, this one one off thing. But like, I don't like the way you are. Those are really tough conversations.

[Matthew Broussard]

That is tough. It's funny you say we have to ban the words always and never in our conflict.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's good, that's helpful.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's the line. I talked about it in the Riddler joke. But a very interesting dynamic for fights for me is typically realizing whatever she's saying. It's about trace that back three events and then that's the real thing of like, oh, is it about this certain guest at the wedding that we're fighting about? Or is it because three weeks ago I wasn't there for you for a major life event. You know, trace it back to what it really was. And that's a lot of my side of the fight is figuring out looking and be like, well, this is a very disproportionate reaction to this one infraction. I mean, when I realize it's a big. The pattern behind it, that becomes a Little more helpful.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, I have a question. Cause Ashley and I, neither of us have been with somebody for almost a decade like you. Has fighting gotten easier, harder?

[Matthew Broussard]

A lot better. Much, much, much better. Yeah, we had actually like a pretty rocky first two years. We had like obviously a great first, like six months. And then a year into our relationship, she was basically ejected out of swimming. You know, not just retired, but failed to achieve her singular goal in this 20 year career. And she was in Austin. I moved to la. We moved to New York City together and we're staying, living with three other people in a, in a tiny little bedroom. And she had a brand new job that was very, very stressful and didn't pay enough. So. So all those stresses, it was a lot. It was a really. We would fight like every other day, like pretty dramatic kind of stuff that like, kind of took the, you know, the wind out of our sails. But we really loved each other.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

And now we just, we can spot a fight. And there's a funny thing of when you get better as a couple and when you fight less, you. When you fight in the first place, you typically blame the fight on the other person and what they're doing wrong. But when you are doing better as a couple, you blame the other person on being better. Where she was like, oh, we're fighting less. You've gotten a lot better. It's like, no, you've gotten a lot better.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, I see what I mean. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

So I think she's improved and she thinks I've improved.

[Ashley Hess]

All those things you mentioned is a lot especially. And you talk about this in the special of like her dreams kind of ending, you know, and so we talk about this a lot of how do you not absorb your partner's mood? You know, like. And of course your partner should be there to support you and you should be able to talk to them and lean on them. But when they're really going through something that just has nothing to do with you and like, how does it not affect like the relationship as a whole? And you know, it's tough.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's tough. It's really that. There's the parenting quote. You're only as happy as your least happy child. I think that's in a relationship where like, we've had times where one of us is up and one of us is down and we have to kind of share in both in a way where, okay, I'm gonna let you have your moment of celebration. I'm gonna try to not bring my thing into it. But you know, Maybe in a day or two, we can kind of hopefully shift the focus back on me. We're both comedians, so we can both tend to hog a lot of attention, and we need to be more conscientious of sharing. But she's very good about sharing the victories. She really is. Always. She's celebrated everything I've done. She's been there for every taping I've had. So she. She's never taken away from my moments, even when it wasn't her moment. And I'm trying to do a better job of reciprocating that.

[Ashley Hess]

That's so huge. I mean, you just kind of have to. Not you, like in a couple, you have to be on the same team. And we didn't really talk about that, but you guys clearly don't seem like you're a competitive couple. But I'm sure there are comedian couples, or not even. You could be, whatever, athletes, comedians. You both work in the same financial industry where you're, like, competitive with your partner. I think that would be a tough dynamic.

[Matthew Broussard]

It could be, yeah. She is extremely rational about the fact that we started nine years apart, so she is very aware of the fact that you shouldn't. Nine years in comedy is a long time, and a lot can happen in nine years. And she's very aware to not compare herself now to my current self now or even to some other versions. It's very hard in comedy. It's very hard in the world we live in now to not constantly be trying to measure up your benchmarks against people in your life, whether it's your job or your family or your beach body. But she, luckily, coming out of the swimming world, had kind of learned that the hardest way possible, where your only value as a human being is five digits on a clock. And I would say she's more mature than most people about not letting that competition be your whole value.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's hard. It's hard to. When you do the same thing as your partner, to not see your whole life through the lens of what your partner is succeeding at and doing better than you have. I mean, you did it for a decade before her. She couldn't possibly have been on your level, you know, so it sounds like she understands that.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, she understands how long it takes.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Okay, so we got a little off track, but we love the conversation. But now we want to run some scenarios by you. We ask our audience. We basically want to settle a fight for them, so we ask them to write in something that's happened in their relationship. We have them Title it Am I Wrong? And so we're going to see what you think.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we'll cut you to. You want to start with this one?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know if this is a fight, but it's very funny.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I'd like a man to weigh in on this.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Question. How often are we giving guys a full blow job to completion? My boyfriend of five years brought it up to me the other day about how I never just give him a blowjob. But honestly, it's because I never want it to end there since he'll have already finished. It's not like I never give him head at all. I just start with it and then we usually move on to other things from there. I told him I would do it if he returned the favor after, and he said every once in a while it would be nice to just get a blowjob and give nothing in return. I polled my friends and they said not giving full blowjobs to their long term boyfriends either. Also, disclaimer. I'm genuinely never on my period because I have an iud, so there's really no time that I would be out of commission. Let me know if I'm crazy for this. Are we really out here giving free blowjobs?

[Matthew Broussard]

What's the sign? If you're, if you're ordering food at like a counter service, not like waiter. It just says tips appreciated but never expected.

[Ashley Hess]

I love that. That's how we should be viewing blowjobs. Yes.

[Matthew Broussard]

If it's done for me. Wow, that's so nice. But you shouldn't ever have to give me a full blow job to completion. The period thing is also a big factor in that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Big factor.

[Matthew Broussard]

Because that would be the one reason I would maybe be like, yeah, you.

[Ashley Hess]

Know, I love that she brought her IUD into it.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's truly a fact. That's the thing. Yeah, it's true. Shark Week, you know, that's an old meme.

[Raina Greenberg]

Also, I like what she said about like, once I do this, the experience is over for both of us. I mean, it doesn't have to be. By the way, he could go down on you after that. Like, just because he's not having penetrated.

[Matthew Broussard]

Sex, he's a fucking hero.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's pretty noble behavior.

[Ashley Hess]

But like, he's gonna need a minute.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Post nut clarity just in your face.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you're like, your turn. I mean, I'm a big fan of the, like, start the sexual experience with the blowjobs and then segue into sex. I'm not dying to finish it either. I never finish a blowjob. That would be crazy.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's nice. And that's also very appreciated. If that disappeared from a relationship, I could see how the man would feel a little. Yeah. Not taken care of. And I'm talking like twice a year at most. It's just like, well, that's nice of you. You didn't have to do that kind of thing.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I think she should do this very rarely, but Valentine's Day or a really.

[Matthew Broussard]

Good gift or something.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I think it's something that her partner wants. And I don't fault him the same way I don't fault a woman who wants to have an orgasm from her partner going down on her, you know? So I don't know what the tone was. I hope it wasn't like, why don't you blow me to completion? Which I'm like, maybe it's a red flag in the relationship. But like, now that she knows this doesn't have to be an all the time thing. But yeah, I think this could be like a twice a year thing.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Unless he says nothing in return. Like everything's in return.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Everything's in exchange for something else. Like earn it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right. Did I come home and you did the dishes and the fridge was stocked. You cooked dinner. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

But to her question, how often are we giving guys full blow jobs to completion?

[Raina Greenberg]

Never. Almost never.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I think we got kind of tricked on that, like when we were younger, like thinking you were supposed to do that. Do you spit or swallow? You know, it was always just like, oh my God, I have to like do this and decide if I'm gonna spit or swallow. Like, we were kind of sold that narrative. And I don't think a lot of women are doing that that much. I think it is more of a foreplay thing.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think blowjobs are for girls in college who don't want to have sex.

[Raina Greenberg]

With a guy yet or when you're on your period. I have in the past, like, yeah, I've had like a great night out. I want to have fun. I'm not going to have sex necessarily, I guess with a brand new partner.

[Ashley Hess]

On my period, I like to suck a little dick. Foreplay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm sucking dick for foreplay always. I'm not completing it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Interestingly, at Jewish summer camp, a lot of the other counselors were like Israelis, they were working for the summer. And we learned that amongst the Israelis, they found the women said, oh, a blowjob, that's a very intimate Thing you do with a long term partner, not someone you just met. Sex was less intimate.

[Ashley Hess]

I agree.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we agree.

[Ashley Hess]

I always said that blowjobs. Are her boyfriends gonna stick your dick in my mouth? Like, whatever's happening down here, way less intimate.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, if we're kind of.

[Matthew Broussard]

But some. In some cultures in some parts of America.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's the other way, though.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, I just hear about like that we hear both girls being like, I don't know. Sex. So I just sucked his dick and I'm like, what?

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is like your. This year.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is your. Like, for me, that's the top of, like, I'm sucking your dick. Like, I'll have sex with you way before I'll suck your.

[Matthew Broussard]

I didn't. I didn't want to rent, so I just bought a home.

[Ashley Hess]

So true. It is. It's. The perception is interesting.

[Matthew Broussard]

I also want to know how long they've been together, because if that's in the first year.

[Raina Greenberg]

Five years.

[Ashley Hess]

Five years.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, yeah. That's that. That's when blowjob moves into very much novelty status after five years.

[Raina Greenberg]

Not everybody likes giving blowjobs. Also, like, I mean, if she doesn't.

[Matthew Broussard]

Enjoy it seems terrible.

[Raina Greenberg]

I enjoy it. I think it's fun. But, like, physically, a lot of work. Listen, it's.

[Ashley Hess]

It's not for everybody. It is for Raina.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's fun for me. I would rather that than have somebody go down on me. It's just. It's not perfect.

[Ashley Hess]

That's a crazy statement.

[Matthew Broussard]

You don't like people going down on you.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't prefer it. Like, I don't care about it at all. And if somebody's good at it, that's fine. But, like, I don't need it on the menu ever. It's weird if you don't want to do it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. So huge red flag.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Matthew Broussard]

Huh.

[Ashley Hess]

Guys that don't eat pussy. Do you not?

[Matthew Broussard]

I do. I think it's fun, but not everyone. It's very fun, but not every woman wants it.

[Ashley Hess]

That's okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Sometimes it's happening because the man wants it and the woman's like, sure, fine. So there's that dynamic of guys who are too into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's me.

[Ashley Hess]

Nikki does a bit about that where she like the guys that want to do it too much. You're like, not you. The guys are like, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it all night. And you're like, you're not the one I want to be doing it.

[Raina Greenberg]

They're too eager.

[Matthew Broussard]

So funny.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm fine. As soon as he performatively does it for like four minutes, and I'm like, we could just stop this. We could just get to the main course.

[Matthew Broussard]

I learned too much about sex from hip hop and thought it was, like the most important thing ever. From, like, Missy Elliott songs and, like, Lil Kim lyrics. I thought it was, like a thing every man had to be versed in. And it was on the menu every night.

[Ashley Hess]

Eating pussy.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

What about American Pie? Was that part of your, like.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yep. Exactly.

[Ashley Hess]

Upbringing. Yeah, exactly.

[Matthew Broussard]

Horrible sex education we got from. From men who. Who had never talked to women. Wrote whole screenplays and dialogues. Also just a personal beef. I believe Missy Elliott has her sexuality. I don't know. I don't know what her status is, but it's. It's something that has been questioned. And I'm a little resentful that she may be lesbian. And wrote a song called One Minute man that put performance anxiety in the brains of so many young men about their sexual stamina, only to learn that that is not nearly the factor that you think it would be. Premature ejaculation is not like. It happens.

[Raina Greenberg]

It does. And also, I don't need penetrative sex. I've never checked a clock. We talk about this, but, like, I don't know, eight minutes of straight penetration, that's enough for me.

[Ashley Hess]

But these are all the lies we were sold. Like finishing a blowjob. Spit or swallow.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like he me for hours.

[Ashley Hess]

Or like a giant dick, hard, physically, can't fit. Yeah, yeah. He me for hours. I'm sorry. Are you okay?

[Matthew Broussard]

Bad sexy for hours. 20 minutes is bad sex. It means someone's having trouble doing something.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Somebody was down on you for hours.

[Ashley Hess]

What?

[Raina Greenberg]

That sounds.

[Matthew Broussard]

You'd be raw. First time I did it, it was Ford. I did it for 45 minutes because I didn't know when to stop.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

And she didn't know when to stop me.

[Ashley Hess]

This sounds like she hasn't recovered since.

[Raina Greenberg]

Poor girl.

[Ashley Hess]

Poor, poor pussy.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's still wiping it up.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, let's give you the buckets. Do you want to do social media posting or mom stuff?

[Matthew Broussard]

Social media.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, girl.

[Matthew Broussard]

Wait, whose mom?

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not reading that.

[Matthew Broussard]

Is it like my mom letter? Kind of.

[Ashley Hess]

Laura's mom wrote in.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

She sent her vibrator pics and she sent an email submission.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years as of January. For background. He is a military veteran. Not the obnoxious kind and the only child. He's been private his entire life. Only 300 Instagram followers and hasn't posted since 2018. But me, I thrive off of social media. I run a lifestyle blog, travel. Most of my friends are long distance because my job. So they keep up with me through social media. I have been able to post him once and you can only see the back of his head. He says he doesn't want his face out there yet he already gave blood, fingerprints and everything else to the freaking government. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm hiding my relationship. The kicker is that he says I can post him when we get engaged. How does that make sense? So please settle this for me, my anxiety and honestly him, because it's moving toward being a deal breaker, as shallow as that sounds. Is he trying to hide our relationship? Is he really just being private? Should this become a non negotiable. And by the way, five years together, but he hasn't posted since 2018. Both of those things are important to me.

[Matthew Broussard]

Rocking a hard place there. I think social media is very important. Partners need to feel like they're being valued to a broad audience, whether it's to your like friend group or on, on social media. If that's the. If that's what they want from you, I think that's a reasonable ask. But if he has some trauma to resolve around being publicly posted in any way, that's also tough.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean this is new in terms of he doesn't want to be posted. I thought it was gonna be like when we get these emails, it's more like he won't post me. And we always ask like, does he post at all? You know, like, you can't expect someone to like whole behavior if they've been a person who again, like hasn't posted in seven years. So like does it align with their, their current behavior? But I don't know. I. She's. She should get to the bottom of it. I mean, we have a friend who, her boyfriend has a job that he doesn't want to be out there. Like he is a super professional career path and he just. She doesn't post him and that's what he. I don't know if it has anything to do with that. Like the engagement thing is interesting.

[Raina Greenberg]

So there is a time at which he's saying you will be allowed, but not until that time. To me that would be actually more bothersome that you've set this goalpost somewhere and I don't get to post you until that. Yeah, I guess. I mean, she's saying he feels like he gave everything to the government. His fingerprints, his blood. So, like, he doesn't want his face out there. It's just.

[Ashley Hess]

I actually think that's an irrelevant argument. She was like, you'll give all your info to the government, but not. That doesn't. That's a weird little. It's an argument. No offense to her. Got it. But she says she runs a blog. Most of her, like, I think he doesn't want to be a part of the Internet stuff.

[Matthew Broussard]

Which is reasonable.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Which is a reasonable thing. Of like, every day I pick up my phone, I'm like, I would love to just throw this into the ocean and not feel more detached from this horrid, shallow world. What I would like to see from him is so she wants to post him. That's what she wants. So she can share.

[Raina Greenberg]

She wants to. And she's saying, like, is this, like, is he trying to hide our relationship and is this a non negotiable? And Ashley and I always acknowledge, like, social media is people's lens into your life. It's reasonable that you feel a certain way about this.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's your Christmas card. I think it's very important. And you want a partner who is showing you off to the world in some way. What I don't see from him is what is his compromise. No. But here's what I'll do instead. That would at least show some, like, willingness to. To play and that it's not necessarily him, you know, stiff arming, some publicity of them as a couple. But, like, is there. Is he, Is he asking for what else can we do instead? What are other ways you can. We can share our relationship with the world, even if it's just to our friend group.

[Ashley Hess]

But I'm like, if everything else in their relationship is great, then I would let this go. I mean, I would have a conversation with him coming from like, like a really kind, gentle place and like, hey, I really love you and I'm proud of you and I want to show you off. And you know, I do this blog and Instagram and. But is there. Can we just kind of chat about, like, what your reservations are? Like, have they actually sat down and had the conversation? Or has it always been kind of like a heated argument? I would try that because you should understand what your partner's got going on in the first place. And then if everything else is great and he treats you really well, like, I might just like, let it go and be like, okay, well, once we get engaged, we're gonna have these engagement photos and he's gonna feel fine about it. Then our wedding photos, whatever. I don't know. Like, I wouldn't throw the relationship away over this is what I'm. If everything else is good, I guess.

[Raina Greenberg]

I wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Like, you're Instagram storying and you guys are together, I mean, five years, you probably live together maybe, but you're certainly in each other's lives. Holidays, birthdays, things like that. Is he running away from the frame as you pan the room? Like, is he. Like, don't get me in here. She said the only thing she's allowed to post is the back of his head. Like, is he making conscious effort to not even be in an Instagram story?

[Ashley Hess]

And then is there other stuff going on? Like, to your point, I'm with you. Like, you should be able to post your partner on social media. So is he secretive about other stuff? Are there other, like, red flags? Like, I think I need a whole relationship assessment.

[Matthew Broussard]

I mean, half of social media is, oh, that person's attractive. Are they single? And then looking through their pictures, like, that's a big use of it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

I would say this guy maybe needs to go to therapy and let's keep him away from, like. Like, RFK and some. He just seems prone to conspiracy stuff. I'm like, oh, could be anti Vax. Like, that whole, like, I don't trust the whole system. Keep me out of it. Like that. That can be a little spiral of its own if you let those people stay in isolation.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, there are people that just don't want to be involved in social media. Like, my brother has not. When he was in college, his football coaches were like, we don't want you guys to have, like, certain types of Instagram accounts. It looks bad. And so he just stopped posting and never has again. But his. His wife has always posted him. He's never run away from a photo. Like, they go to concerts, they do fun stuff together, they go to weddings together, and she's always been allowed to post him. I'm just saying, like, I understand people being like, I don't really want a huge footprint on the Internet of myself. But, like, what's. I guess I need to hear from him. What's the harm of, like, you guys are at a wedding together. You both look beautiful. What's the harm of, like, that photo being posted?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

If he's trying to cheat, he's set up an easy way for himself to do it. It is the, is the, you know, there's that.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I think all of us, you know, we just, we validate that this sucks. I don't know that it's a non negotiable. You have to decide what non negotiables are for you.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, thanks for talking through the emails with us and everything and coming along.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you. You're really so great. We want to have your fiance.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, we should have Laura.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yes, you should.

[Ashley Hess]

Laura, come on in. We come bring her in now and.

[Raina Greenberg]

People can see you. I mean, you're at the Comedy Cellar and you're. Where can people like see you find you find your special everything?

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh yeah, my Special is on YouTube. Hyperbolic. You can find me on all the social media platforms at Monday punday. But just in general, if you're looking at my clips online, that's just a trailer for my Santa. Please give the long form stuff a try on YouTube and I think you'll, you know, I think our attention spins are all getting shorter. You listen to this whole episode so, you know, listen to, you know, something a little more than just one minute at a time would be really cool. I would really appreciate that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley and I love it. It's fantastic. We can't recommend it enough.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, you guys watch the special, follow him, watch the clips, do all the things and you can find us at girls gotta eat.com. girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Ash Hess.com Raina Greenberg on social media vibesonly.com, get all the vibrators about to send you home with a plethora. Subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a good week, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Bye.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sa.