Podcast Summary: Girls Gotta Eat – "How to Manage, Invest, and Make More Money with Tori Dunlap"
Date: April 14, 2025
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Guest: Tori Dunlap (Founder, Her First $100K; Host, Financial Feminist Podcast; Author, Financial Feminist)
Podcast Theme: Finance, financial empowerment for women, money psychology, practical strategies for saving, investing, earning more, and overcoming money shame.
Episode Overview
In a lively, candid, and informative episode, Ashley and Rayna welcome finance powerhouse Tori Dunlap to unpack the taboo, challenges, and actionable strategies around women and money. From personal money memories to the psychology of financial behaviors, the episode provides both practical tools and deeper insight into the ways societal narratives shape women’s relationships with money. Packed with actionable steps—from budgeting and building emergency funds, to debt payoff hacks, salary negotiation tactics, and approachable investing—the episode emphasizes financial education as an essential tool of empowerment and protest for women in a changing world.
Important Timestamps & Segments
- [24:43] – Guest Tori Dunlap is welcomed; introduction to her background
- [26:11–29:03] – Tori’s origin story & motivation for financial feminism
- [30:44] – Money psychology: Unpacking our first money memories
- [36:42] – The gendered shame and narratives around spending
- [41:14] – The Ostrich Effect: Burying our heads in the sand about money
- [42:02] – Actionable Step 1: Automating savings
- [48:36] – Budgeting for real life: The "3-Bucket Budget"
- [54:23] – Setting financial priorities: Emergency funds and debt payoff
- [56:54] – Debt Repayment Hack: Principal-only payments & negotiating rates
- [66:15] – Salary negotiation: Scripts and strategy for women
- [75:17] – Credit card perks & responsible use
- [78:54] – Cutting overconsumption: Spend on what matters
- [85:40] – Investing 101: Why and how women should start
- [94:43] – Navigating fear, uncertainty, and stock market dips
- [104:04] – Audience responses: What people spend money on that improves their life
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Money Is Taboo—And That’s the Problem
- Tori highlights that, even today, women are more likely to talk about sex than money, keeping money education opaque and shame-filled.
- “We’re actually more likely to talk about sex than we are about money. Money is the most taboo topic." – Tori [25:26]
- Financial education is presented as a radical act: "A financial education is your best form of protest." – Tori [28:33]
2. Money Psychology Starts in Childhood
- Most personal finance behaviors are driven by psychology, not math.
- "Everybody thinks that personal finance is about math... It’s about psychology." – Tori [30:59]
- By age seven, most money habits are set, shaped by observations and narratives from parents. The hosts and Tori share candid stories of their own early money memories, showing how deep these scripts run.
3. Women Face Unique Financial Narratives and Shame
- Society frames women as irresponsible spenders—on “frivolous” things—while encouraging men to grow wealth.
- "Men are taught... expand, make more money, invest.... The advice for women is scrimp, save, become the most miserable version of you." – Tori [37:10]
- Women are conditioned to feel shame and justify their purchases. Tori encourages extracting shame from spending ("Yeah, I bought this. So what?").
4. The Ostrich Effect – Ignoring the Numbers
- Most women who come to Tori admit, “I don’t know what’s going on because I’m too scared to look.” [40:24]
- The solution: You need a "gas gauge" for your money—a simple budgeting system and automated systems to build savings.
5. Actionable Step 1: Automate Your Savings
- Even $20/month, direct-deposited from checking to savings, builds the "pay yourself first" muscle and reduces guilt/fear.
- "Set up an automatic transfer to your savings at least once a month." – Tori [42:02]
6. Budgeting – Three Buckets for Sanity and Freedom
- Tori's “Three Bucket Budget”:
- Expenses: Non-negotiables (rent, groceries)
- Goals: Automated savings and debt repayment
- Fun: Spend guilt-free on things that matter to you (restaurants, travel, whatever fits your values)
- "Do the hard thing first—set aside savings—and then the rest can be spent on what you love." [53:11]
7. Financial Priorities – Emergency Fund First
- Regardless of debt, everyone needs an emergency fund (“F-off money”) to escape jobs/relationships.
- At least three months of living expenses, in a high-yield savings account. [54:25]
8. Smart Debt Repayment Hacks
- Always request "principal-only" payments on debt to slash interest compounding.
- Negotiate lower rates; never be afraid to call the company and state you’re financially struggling for better terms. [60:19]
9. Credit Cards: Danger and Power
- Use credit cards for perks, points, and building credit—like a debit card. "Knives: they can cook you dinner or cut you."
- Perks (lounge access, insurance on lost/stolen items, travel rewards) can be invaluable—often pay for the annual fee if maximized. [75:55]
10. Investing 101: Simpler Than They Let On
- The industry profits from making investing seem complicated ("It’s job security for Wall Street bros").
- Investing is two steps: (1) Deposit into an account (401K/IRA), then (2) invest in index funds (like VTI, S&P 500).
- “Only a quarter of pro stock pickers beat individual investors. You can do this yourself.” – Tori [86:27]
- Index funds: “How I became a millionaire.” [92:22]
- Start with tax-advantaged accounts, automate, diversify, and leave it alone (the “ostrich effect” works here—don’t panic-sell).
11. Salary Negotiation: Play the (Gendered) Game
- Most women under-ask for pay. The “gratitude sandwich” script:
- Express appreciation and excitement.
- “Based on market data...” ask for a range above what you want.
- End with, “I’d love to land on a number we can agree on together.”
- “Employers are expecting you to negotiate. It’s a skill—not negotiating is a red flag.” – Tori [72:30]
12. Spend on What Makes You Happy—and Question Everything Else
- Be relentless identifying your “value categories” (what truly brings you joy; for Tori: plants, travel, food out).
- Apply the “taco dollars” thought experiment: Would you rather have this thing or what you really value? [81:24]
13. Financial Self-Care Is Real Self-Care
- Self-care isn't just indulgence; it's the hard, boring stuff that makes life better in the long run—like looking at your finances, building habits, tackling debt. [84:24]
14. Market Volatility & Uncertainty
- Stock market crashes and global instability are frightening but not new; long-term investing is about weathering the storm.
- “You have not lost money unless you choose to sell.” – Tori [97:00]
- “Everything I teach is exactly what you should do in a storm as when it’s sunny.” – Tori [96:26]
15. Empowerment Is the Goal—For You, and All Women
- “A financial education is your best protest.” – Tori [28:33]
Notable Quotes
- “When I had money, I had choices... Every option opened up to me—and that’s what I want for every woman.” – Tori [27:56]
- “Money is a learned skill. We don’t come out of the womb playing the tuba, but somehow we think we’re just supposed to know how to do this.” – Tori [35:47]
- “I don’t need you to stop spending money. I need you to stop spending money on shit you don’t care about.” – Tori [78:54]
- "Employers are expecting you to negotiate. If you don't, it's kind of a red flag." – Tori [72:30]
- “You have not lost money unless you choose to sell.” – Tori [97:00]
- “Financial education is your best form of protest.” – Tori [28:33]
- "The panic [in the market] is what he wants. Control what you can control, work to change everything else." – Tori [100:14]
Resources Mentioned
- Tori’s book: Financial Feminist
- Her First $100K: herfirst100k.com & all socials
- Financial Feminist Podcast
- Stock Market School (Tori’s investing app): stockmarketschool.com, described at [93:10]
- Credit Card & Personal Loan recommendations: See herfirst100k.com/tools
Audience Q&A (Fun Ending)
- Asked listeners: “What have you spent money on that improved your life?”
Popular answers: Aura ring, therapy, fitness, robot vacuum, cleaning help, travel/experiences. [104:04] - Tori: “How do you make that be you? Ask million-dollar questions, not $3 questions.” [106:05]
Episode Tone
Casual, witty, and honest, with lots of laughter (“professional yappers”), pop culture references, and relatability—balanced by direct, actionable advice and clear explanations.
For Those Who Haven’t Listened
If you want an episode that removes shame and confusion from money, tells you exactly how to start, affirms your right to want (and spend on) what matters, and drives home that your financial future is both a personal and political act—this is it. Tori empowers women to take the first step, no matter where they are, and makes it clear: you don’t have to be perfect to start taking control of your money.
Connect With Tori
- Podcast & book: Financial Feminist
- Company: herfirst100k.com, @herfirst100k
Connect With the Hosts
- girls gotta eat.com
- IG/TikTok: @girlsgottaeatpodcast
End of Summary