Podcast Summary: Girls Gotta Eat – "I Love Men (and That's the Problem)" with Liz Plank

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat (Dear Media)
Episode Air Date: March 2, 2026
Guest: Liz Plank – journalist, author, host of the Boy Problems podcast
Main Theme: A candid and comedic exploration of modern dating, relationships, and gender roles, with a special focus on how patriarchy impacts both women and men.

Episode Overview

In this lively and engaging episode, co-hosts Ashley Hesseltine and Raina Greenberg welcome Liz Plank, award-winning journalist and author of For the Love of Men, to discuss why loving men (and dating them) can be so challenging in a world structured by patriarchy. They blend comedic takes with deep dives into personal and societal dynamics of gender, relationships, sexual politics, and the evolution of intimacy. Along the way, they answer listener questions about friendship dilemmas, dating dynamics, masculinity, feminism, and the quest for fulfillment—inside and outside of romance.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Friendship Dilemma: Sober vs. Drunk Confessions

[07:22-19:10]

• Email Summary: Listener is torn about whether to confront a friend who says contradictory things about her boyfriend when drunk vs. sober—expressing both doubts and outward affection.
• Hosts' Advice:
  • Ashley: You can have a one-time, lovingly framed conversation—avoid being accusatory, don’t repeatedly press the issue.

    "You're not the relationship police...I would have that conversation once, and I wouldn't press it again." (07:22)

  • Raina: Drunk confessions about sex and attraction are revealing, others (like missing "hoe phase") are less telling. A supportive ear, not judgment, is key. It’s about giving permission for honesty, not pressure for action.
• Are Drunk Thoughts Sober Feelings? (14:36 onwards):
  • Hosts agree: not always. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and amplifies emotions, but doesn’t always reveal deep truths.

    "Alcohol lowers inhibition and amplifies emotion... My drunk thoughts are my sober feelings I haven't edited." – Ashley (15:04) "I have never loved this phrase...think of all the things you've done (drunk) you would never do sober." – Raina (15:46)

2. The Complexities of Modern Masculinity & Feminism

[30:39–47:01]

• Liz on the Purpose of Her Book:
  • Wrote For the Love of Men to address how patriarchy harms both genders and why feminism benefits men, too.

    "I was blown away by how little I had learned about how men benefit from feminism... the most feminist countries are the happiest." – Liz (37:00)

  • Men are the "first victims" of patriarchy; societal expectations harm their health, emotions, and fulfillment.

    "Feminist scholars have been saying this forever... men are the first victims of patriarchy. They get victimized and then they victimize us." – Liz (40:40)

• Patriarchy Hurts Everyone:
  • Men aren't naturally invested in oppressive systems—they’re often indoctrinated and rarely questioned about masculinity.

    "I was really perplexed by the lack of men who were interested in gender equality... I'm the first person to ask them about their relationship to masculinity." – Liz (39:29)

  • Raina: The happiest men are emotionally healthy and respect women.

3. How Politics Shapes Relationships and Gender Discourse

[47:02–56:53]

• Growth of division and tension in recent years, particularly surrounding politics and relationships.
• Many listeners struggle with partners whose political choices clash with their values, feeling personally betrayed.
• Liz's optimistic take: This may be "patriarchy's last tantrum," with real opportunities for change after the crisis.
• Coping with Societal Overload:
  • Practice kindness, small acts of service, and community engagement to counteract "doom scrolling" and powerlessness.

    "Be of service, be of service... do something nice for your neighbor, it does help." – Liz (54:06) "Power is something you give to people... you really do matter." – Liz (55:44)

4. Dating Men: Professions, Types, and Why We’re Drawn to the Wrong Ones

[59:53–69:49]

• Dating by Profession:
  • Actors/athletes often want "princess treatment" and orbit around themselves, which ultimately isn’t attractive in a partner who’s a peer.

    "Male actors are divas because they get treated like divas... everything's according to their mood, their schedule." – Liz (61:15)

  • Many women (and men) fall for “stars” because of confidence and the thrill of being chosen.
• Choosing the Wrong Type:
  • Liz: "My type is bad. I don't like my type... charming, attention-giving, but ultimately self-obsessed and manipulative." (63:02)
  • Raina/Ashley: The fantasy of the tall, alpha, rich, present, sensitive man isn’t realistic—traits come bundled, and trade-offs are unavoidable.

    "You got to kind of pick and choose because these traits don't actually fit in one human." – Raina (64:27)

• Women Have Higher Standards – And Should:
  • Evolutionarily and practically, women have more to lose.

    "Women are supposed to be choosy... it’s important." – Liz (66:56)

5. Mourning the Life You Thought You’d Have: Singlehood, Kids, Tradwife Myths

[70:57–77:17]

• Liz and the hosts discuss grieving futures—like marriage or children—that didn’t materialize, but being proud of the lives they did create.

  "I think it's important to acknowledge that... there are two choices on the internet: trad wife or child-free—most of us exist in the middle." – Liz (73:47)

• Liz’s solution: Focus on nurturing self-love and making your life as joyful as possible, no matter which path you’re on.

  "I get to sort of give [my inner child] this amazing life and, and reparent her and get so much out of what she also gives me." – Liz (75:32)

6. Boy Problems: Rapid-Fire Dating Dilemmas

[80:13–89:10]

• Elite Oral, Boring Man?
  • Liz: Manifest a boring, loyal, kind man! But everyone needs to decide how much “boring” they can handle.
  • Ashley/Raina: If you need copious alcohol to get through dates, it’s a deal-breaker.
• Needing Alone Time from a WFH Spouse:
  • Solution: Schedule rotations, communicate kindly, and normalize the need for personal space.
• Partner Insecurity—Dating a “Hot” Man:
  • It’s not about their looks, but how they handle attention that matters.
  • "If he's hot, it's fine. If he's hot and charming, we got a problem." – Liz (85:07)
• Changing Your Last Name:
  • Liz: "It's none of his business. It's your name." (86:46)
  • If he’s insistent, he needs therapy, not you. Suggest he change his name for perspective.
• Late Night Visits with No Hookup:
  • 10pm is booty call territory. If he’s not matching energy, ask directly.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• On Dating Men:

  "The fact that I still willfully go on dates with men—the fact that we date our number-one predator." – Liz & Ashley (00:00–00:12, repeated at 45:10)

• On Women’s Survival Instincts:

  "Women are supposed to pick the best guys and not the violent, aggressive ones. The only reason we've survived as a species is because women were choosy." – Liz (66:56)

• On The Powerlessness of the Moment:

  "They want you to think you don't (have power), and you do. Power is something you give to people. It is not a currency that people have." – Liz (55:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Listener Dilemma & Drunk vs. Sober Truths: 07:22–19:10
• Feminism and Masculinity, Liz's Book: 30:39–47:01
• Politics & Relationship Fallout: 47:02–56:53
• Professions & Why We Date "Stars": 59:53–69:49
• Mourning Lives Not Lived & Modern Singleness: 70:57–77:17
• Rapid-Fire “Boy Problems” Dating Advice: 80:13–89:10

Episode Takeaways

• Modern dating is complicated by clashing personal, cultural, and political expectations.
• Seeking an ideal partner is about managing tradeoffs—no one, regardless of gender, embodies all the "best" traits.
• Patriarchy harms women and men; being choosy, demanding equality, and practicing care for self and others is radical and necessary.
• Mourning expectations is natural, but the best life is built from conscious choices, not pressure to conform.
• Power to change the world—and your own situation—comes from small acts, choices, and standing up for what matters.

Follow the Speakers:

• Liz Plank: @feministabulous on Instagram, Liz Plank on YouTube/TikTok, Boy Problems Podcast, Substack, and upcoming film Not So Special.
• Girls Gotta Eat: @girlsgottaeatpodcast on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube, website, live show May 7th (Netflix Is A Joke festival, LA).

This episode is for anyone navigating love, loss, desire, identity, and power—in a world that doesn’t make it easy.