Girls Gotta Eat – Episode Summary

Episode: “I Love My Husband (Who Hates Me)”

Release Date: March 30, 2026
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ashley and Rayna dive into the viral Cut article, "I Love My Husband (Who Hates Me)" by Bindu Bansanath, to explore a peculiar yet unnervingly common relationship dynamic: women who defend their partners' bad behavior—even as those partners belittle and disrespect them publicly. They unpack why this dynamic persists, how it manifests in pop culture and real life, and the psychological and societal forces that keep people trapped in these cycles.

Between genuinely thoughtful insights and the show’s signature humor, the co-hosts also field listener emails, swap stories about spicy food, relationships, and self-worth, and underline why everyone deserves to feel seen, supported, and respected in their relationship.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Friendship Updates, Food Tangents, and Life Lately

• Food & Cooking Chats (00:30–01:44)

  • Ashley shares her latest obsession with poached calamari, shrimp, and crab salads, using the Kitchen Sink app.
  • Rayna discusses Shashank’s (her husband) egg drop sandwich and bagel creations, the fun of cooking together, and the tiny kitchen gadgets that bring joy to their household.
  • Memorable Moment: Ashley is self-aware about her culinary purity:

    “I really like poached calamari...dropped in salted lemon water, taken out raw dog. You drop it in for 60 seconds, it’s cooked." (00:45)

  • Tangents about regretful manicures, food trends, and Whole Foods bagels ignite playful banter.

• Pop culture hot takes and navigating social media (06:15–16:10)

  • The pressures and pitfalls of public commenting—how a comment can spiral beyond your control, and the emotional aftermath of going viral.
  • The hazards of leaving popular comments, the mob mentality in replies, and the importance of not “feeding the trolls.”

2. Double Standards & Social Media Projections

• Photo Carousel Drama (06:22–13:17)
  • Ashley discusses the social media backlash after she posted a carousel of friends—minus Rayna—leading fans to suspect a podcast breakup.
  • “Over my dead body are we breaking up.” – Ashley (07:44)
  • The gendered double standard: Rayna can vacation with her husband, but Ashley hanging with friends without Rayna causes uproar.
  • Both hosts reflect on parasocial relationships and how fans internalize or misinterpret female friendships online.

3. The Allure of Spice and Pain

• Spicy Food and Psychology (21:00–28:22)
  • Rayna ponders why people love spicy food despite physical discomfort, concluding it’s “benign masochism”—people enjoying the endorphin high.
  • “I just think people want to feel something.” – Rayna (22:44)
  • Parallels are drawn between thrill-seeking (roller coasters, horror movies) and the rush from capsaicin.
  • “Maybe I have a pain kink.” – Ashley (27:21)

4. Main Topic Deep Dive: “I Love My Husband (Who Hates Me)”

Article Overview & Reactions (32:13–38:45)

• The Cut’s article investigates cases where women defend men who are objectively unkind or disrespectful to them—often in public.
• Rayna shares:

  “Nothing inspires rage like a woman who defends her partner’s bad behavior.” (32:30)

• Pop culture examples cited include Bravo’s Summerhouse (Kyle and Amanda), Vanderpump Rules, Southern Charm, and celebrity couples like Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard.
• The pattern: public humiliation of partners, followed by private defense, and appeals to “you don’t know him like I do.”

Why Do Women Stay & Defend Bad Behavior? (38:45–44:11)

• Possible reasons:
  • A sense of sunk-cost fallacy (“We’ve been together so long”).
  • Trauma, insecurity, self-worth, and replicating patterns learned in childhood.
  • Societal conditioning in patriarchal systems.
• Insightful Quote:

  “Nobody’s horrible 100% of the time…no one case is ever the same.” – Rayna (40:08)

• The double-edged sword of venting:
  • When women share negative stories about their partners with friends, then defend the very behavior when friends react.
  • “You almost feel like you’re judging me for having chosen this person.” – Ashley (42:04)

Social Dynamics & the Role of Friends (42:25–50:23)

• Sharing negative experiences can help women eventually seek change, but it can also backfire, causing them to become defensive or isolated.

• Projection & Secondhand Embarrassment:

  “Their experiences hit close to home. The treatment they seem to normalize for themselves reminds us of what we might once have normalized for ourselves.” (42:27)

• Triangulation: The “us against the world” mentality further isolates the person in an unhealthy relationship.

Listener Emails: Real-Life Dilemmas

1. The “Sensitive” Partner (61:58)

• Summary:
  A listener describes her partner's incessant public digs (“You know her, she always exaggerates”) and feels diminished and on edge. He insists she’s too sensitive.
• Response:
  Both hosts underline that persistent public humiliation isn’t a personality quirk or “just jokes”—it’s valid to want basic respect.
  • “Why is your comfortability important and mine isn’t?” – Ashley (62:36)

2. The “Not a Words of Affirmation Guy” (67:03)

• Summary:
  Another listener feels unseen; her partner never compliments her or shows verbal appreciation, even though he does acts of service (coffee, chores).
• Response:
  Words of affirmation matter; it’s not “being needy” to want to feel desired.
  • “I just want to lay in bed with somebody and have them tell me how obsessed they are with me and ask me a million questions about every single thing I do.” – Ashley (72:50)
• Balancing love languages matters, but “why do you get to be comfortable and I don’t?” (73:07)

Overarching Messages

• You are not difficult for setting boundaries or needing affirmation.
• If your partner refuses to meet you halfway—or shames you for your needs—reconsider staying.
• Therapy (especially couples therapy) is a suggested recourse when communication fails.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On double standards:

  “People accept that you can do stuff with your husband without me, but I can’t do stuff with our friends without you. That’s a double standard and I don’t appreciate it.” – Ashley (13:02)

• On benign masochism:

  “Spicy food is primarily enjoyed for the rush of pleasure caused by endorphins and dopamine releasing in response to the perceived pain of heat.” – Rayna (22:44)

• On defending disrespect:

  “It is uncomfortable to be around. And you say to yourself, how could you tolerate this? But…time spent with somebody is important to people, and it’s hard to extricate yourself.” – Ashley (40:08)

• On keeping score:

  “There’s a difference…between writing down every single thing somebody does… and just making a couple notes about how something made you feel. If you want to call it keeping score, I don’t know what to tell you. But I’m entitled to take some notes.” – Ashley (47:03)

• On self-worth:

  “Being in a relationship with a man that is breaking you down, it’s ruining who you are…You can get it back.” – Rayna (44:11)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic / Highlight | |-----------|-------------------| | 00:30 | Catching up: food, cooking, daily life | | 06:15 | Pop culture, manicures, high-stakes Instagram commenting | | 13:17 | Reflections on online reactions and friendship dynamics | | 21:00 | Why do we like spicy food? Psychology of pain and thrill-seeking | | 32:13 | Introduction to “I Love My Husband (Who Hates Me)” article | | 38:45 | Why women defend partners’ bad behavior | | 42:25 | Social and psychological explanations; friend reactions | | 49:19 | Triangulation and toxic “us vs. the world” dynamics | | 61:58 | Listener email: public digs, “you’re too sensitive” | | 67:03 | Listener email: “not a words of affirmation guy” | | 72:50 | “I just want to lay in bed with somebody and have them tell me how obsessed they are with me…” – Ashley | | 78:28 | Final thoughts: break up with your boyfriend if standards aren’t met |

Takeaways

• Respect in relationships is non-negotiable; it’s not just a “quirk” if your partner consistently embarrasses, belittles, or refuses to affirm you.
• Venting to friends is natural—but don’t shoot the messenger when they validate your pain.
• You deserve to feel desired, appreciated, and secure in both public and private.
• If the pattern persists, don’t be afraid to leave, seek therapy, or accept help from friends (or “strangers on the Internet”).
• Humor is a coping mechanism, but not a solution for pain inflicted by a partner.

For More

• Girls Gotta Eat Live Show: May 7th, LA, Palace Theater (tickets here)
• Instagram: @girlsgottaeatpodcast, @ashhess, @raina.greenberg
• Full video: Available on Spotify & YouTube

Closing encouragement:
If you feel unseen, disrespected, or constantly on edge in your relationship, it doesn’t have to be your “normal.” Set your standards, seek support, and—if you need permission—break up with your boyfriend.