Mom Shaming, Crying Videos, and Not Giving a F*ck with Jackie Schimmel

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat: “Mom Shaming, Crying Videos, and Not Giving a F*ck” with Jackie Schimmel

Date: April 6, 2026
Podcast Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg
Guest: Jackie Schimmel (host of The Bitch Bible)
Episode Theme:
A brilliantly unfiltered exploration of mom identity, public vulnerability, personal boundaries, wellness trends, and unapologetically living your truth—with abundant comedic candor and zero tolerance for performative bullshit.

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious, sharp-witted episode, Ashley and Raina welcome Jackie Schimmel—host of “The Bitch Bible” and a true OG of podcasting—for an honest conversation dissecting mom culture, the perils of online oversharing (especially crying videos!), mom shaming, embracing alternative wellness routines, and how to not give a f*ck about the opinions of strangers (especially on social media). Together, they break down the pressures, hypocrisies, and microtrends plaguing women today, all while highlighting the immense value of likability, resilience, and knowing exactly who you are.

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Table of Contents

1. Early Banter: Vocab Games & Catchphrases
2. Listener Question: Attraction & "Obligation Sex" in Relationships
3. Introducing Jackie: Podcasting, Identity, and "Mama" Discomfort
4. Jackie on Motherhood: Rejecting ‘Mom Above All’ and Raising Kids Old-School
5. Mom Shaming, Parenting Advice, and Setting Boundaries with Strangers
6. Crying Videos and Public Vulnerability Online
7. Jackie’s Radical Wellness: Bioresonance, Red Light, and More
8. Relationship Dynamics: Longevity, Independence, & Being Yourself
9. The Bitch Sesh: Social Annoyances & 2026’s Worst Trends
10. Notable Quotes

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1. Early Banter: Vocab Games & Catchphrases

00:24—03:47

• Ashley & Raina riff on their tendency to “test drive” new vocabulary on the podcast, joking about Raina’s signature words like “oscillate,” “pervasive,” and “recalibrate”.
• Debate over the difference between “oscillate” and “vacillate” (turns out, they’re often used interchangeably!).
• "I like what you're doing with these new vocabulary words. I like that you pick one, say it repeatedly…and then it will be in your vernacular.” — Ashley Hesseltine [02:59]

2. Listener Question: Attraction & Obligation Sex in Relationships

07:00—13:40

• A listener email prompts candid discussion: She’s six years deep in a relationship, not attracted to her partner, finds sex a chore, and cites chronic bad breath as a sex-life ruiner.
• Raina and Ashley don’t hold back:
  • “Girl, get out of this relationship.” — Ashley [08:16]
  • “You can’t force attraction or hope it grows forever… six years? That’s crazy.” — Raina [08:46]
• They note trying short-term fixes (send him to the dentist!) but ultimately urge honesty about personal happiness and desire.
• “I would ask myself, if nothing changed, would I be okay with this forever? I don’t think the answer is yes.” — Raina [11:56]

3. Introducing Jackie: Podcasting, Identity, and “Mama” Discomfort

17:22—21:13

• Jackie recounts launching The Bitch Bible as a “no connections, no agent, just vibes” creator.
• "I'm a podcaster. That's the only thing I have.” — Jackie [18:28]
• She’s lowkey embarrassed by being a “long-legged” podcaster (14 years!), but the hosts see it as a badge of honor and staying power.
• Jackie’s least favorite possible identity is “mama”:
  • “The day that you see ‘mama’ in my bio, please call the cops and lock me up. 100%.” [20:08]
  • She rebels against parental performativity: “That is not one of my pronouns.”

4. Jackie on Motherhood: Rejecting ‘Mom Above All’ and Raising Kids Old-School

21:15—33:13

• Jackie never dreamed of being a mom—but adores her (very cute, “thank God!”) child and raises him intentionally, not as her entire identity.
• She rails against “mom memorabilia merch” and feels no need to define herself through motherhood alone.
• Jackie’s take: “I have so many other gifts.” [21:07]
• Not all kids have good energy: “Some kids have dark energy and we’re not talking about it enough. 100%.” [22:13]
• She’s intentionally old-school in parenting—she childproofs a bit but prioritizes her own needs and home space. “He’s coming into our situation…not living in Chuck E. Cheese land."

5. Mom Shaming, Parenting Advice, and Setting Boundaries

33:13—43:41

• Jackie and the hosts lambast the barrage of unsolicited parenting advice online and IRL.
• Jackie ignores trends like “gentle parenting,” trusts her instincts, and tells people so.
  • She refuses to “validate every feeling” her child has or follow the latest influencer-approved child-rearing microtrend.
• “If you have shitty instincts in life, then maybe…look for outside influence. But I have relatively good instincts, so I’m gonna go with me on this one.” — Jackie [33:46]
• Not giving a f*ck isn’t about bravado; it’s about trust in yourself and not inviting irrelevant opinions.
  • "I trust myself more than I trust strangers. So I just don’t value discourse from strangers that I disagree with.” [34:23]
  • Ashley notes: "People don’t f*ck with me about not having kids, because they know I’m confident in my decision.” [35:10]
• Jackie calls out advice-givers: “At bare minimum, people know that I’m not presenting a version of myself.”

6. Crying Videos & Public Vulnerability Online

43:41—51:07

• Jackie despises the trend of influencers filming themselves crying or having “raw moments” for social media content.
  • “Do you know how much effort it takes to set this up? …I lose steam by then. I’m not crying anymore.” — Jackie [44:45]
  • “To re-traumatize yourself to get back? No, no, no. We’re back. It is so diabolically crazy.” [44:48]
• The group distinguishes between real emotional vulnerability (with friends/family) and content creation that feels forced or staged.
  • “I just can’t imagine it being my followers.” — Ashley [49:51]
  • Jackie calls for self-awareness and self-regulation: “It’s a pandemic.” [47:39]
  • They roast the proliferation of videos where someone finds “empowerment”…from their penthouse terrace, in a bikini.
• “No one is having a spiritual awakening, seeing you look out into the ocean at St. Barts…with some beautiful, like, audio overdub.” — Jackie [51:24]

7. Jackie’s Radical Wellness: Bioresonance, Red Light, and More

51:40—58:41

• Jackie describes her LA-inspired wellness exploration: bioresonance, medical-grade red light panels, PEMF mats, magnesium mist, etc.
  • “I was trying to de-puff for a skincare campaign…but I’m not gonna stop eating and drinking. Can we shake this out of me with some electromagnetic shock therapy?”
• She admits she doesn’t fully understand if it works, but she feels good and it makes her happy. At-home spa setups are her jam.
• The group shares skincare/aging secrets (California weather is the enemy of dewy skin!).

8. Relationship Dynamics: Longevity, Independence, & Being Yourself

63:32—68:34

• Jackie met her husband at 21, and they’ve been together with no breaks—married “a decade+” before having a child.
• She’s candid about her pre-husband “hoes in different area codes” era, and about how marriage can free up mental energy for more important things.
• “You can be totally yourself and you’re not dealing with the discourse of being ghosted or saying the wrong thing…” — Jackie [65:32]
• Jackie juggles her husband’s kindness “with breaking him down” to be funnier, and maintains that being unapologetically herself is her “f*cking power.”

9. The Bitch Sesh: Social Annoyances & 2026’s Worst Trends

74:23—87:47

Each host vents about a trend or social behavior that drives them insane:

• Jackie: Social media’s obsession with 90s nostalgia slideshows using the wrong Goo Goo Dolls song (“the wrong song and the wrong verse"), plus the shock of seeing Jennifer Lopez’s “dust ruffle” filled, dated home décor.
• Raina: Fashion microtrends have gone wild—most recently, the “side tuck under the bra” styling trick: “That looks like a mistake. It looks like it got caught.” Also rails against impossible-to-find full-coverage swimsuits.
• Ashley: People who play videos on their phone at full volume in public spaces: “You are the worst person alive. You are so entitled. You have no friends, clearly that’s why you’re doing this.” Encourages staff to intervene ("do you have headphones?"), lauds airlines for setting boundaries.
• They collectively bemoan society’s lack of self-awareness and respect—especially parents letting kids use iPads at full volume in restaurants.
  • “We need structure and order in society!” — Jackie [85:58]
  • Ashley: “If everyone did what you’re doing, would it be a problem? Then you shouldn’t be doing it.”

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10. Notable Memorable Quotes

• Jackie Schimmel on Mom Identity:
  • “The day that you see ‘mama’ in my bio, please call the cops and lock me up. 100%.” [20:08]
  • “Nobody likes when I say that, but that’s not one of my pronouns.” [20:23]
• On Crying Videos:
  • “It is so diabolically crazy. That’s the. It’s the craziest thing in the world.” — Jackie [44:48]
  • “No one is having a spiritual awakening, seeing you look out into the ocean at St. Barts…with some beautiful, like, audio overdub.” — Jackie [51:24]
• On Not Giving a F*ck:
  • “I trust myself more than I trust strangers. So I just don’t value discourse from strangers that I disagree with.” — Jackie [34:23]
  • “At bare minimum, people know that I’m not presenting a version of myself. So even if it’s bad and I say fucked up shit…I have for 14 years… and I’m not gloating, it just is what it is.” [36:46]
• On Self-Awareness:
  • “Kids in school need to learn social skills because…it’s, you know what? We’re not talking about enough: People being weird.” — Jackie [45:01]

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Timestamps: Key Segments

• [08:16] - Relationship advice: “Girl, get out.”
• [20:08] - Jackie’s anti-mama identifier rant
• [33:46] - “If you have shitty instincts, maybe try outside influence. But I have good instincts, so I’m going with me.”
• [44:45] - Crying videos: “Lose steam by then. I’m not crying anymore.”
• [51:24] - Critique of “feel bad for me in a bikini” videos
• [74:23] - Bitch Sesh begins: Goo Goo Dolls “nostalgia” is banned
• [85:01] - Public device audio: “United Airlines: you have to have headphones or you can be removed from flights.”

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Tone & Takeaways

This episode is fiercely funny and refreshingly honest. Jackie Schimmel’s “do not care” superpower is on display as she deflates influencer tropes, calls for self-regulation, and shares her alternative path as a mother and a woman who never made “mom” her whole identity. The conversation rips through relatable (and ridiculous) trends, advocates for authentic living, and is a must-listen for anyone craving levity, wisecracks, and permission to live unbothered.

Jackie Schimmel:
Podcast: The Bitch Bible
Instagram: @jackieschimmel

Girls Gotta Eat:
Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat
Instagram: @girlsgottaeatpodcast

(Full video available on YouTube and Spotify)

Transcript

[Jackie Schimmel]

The day that you see mama in my bio, please call the cops and lock me up 100%.

[Ashley Hess]

This podcast is a dear media production.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi, guys.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Hi, guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

So welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Welcome back, guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Tell you something.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

You said that oscillate was my word.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

On the episode. I wasn't here a couple weeks ago.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, yeah. You pick a word every episode.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do. Oscillate is. It happens a lot. I say oscillate a lot.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I saw this meme and I never. I never said it to you, but said like, it's so funny when you know your friend's trying out a new word. No, pervasive was one week.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I've been.

[Ashley Hess]

I've been doing. I know when you are introducing it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

I know when you're test driving it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do be doing that sometimes. I will learn a new word.

[Ashley Hess]

This is how it should be. This is how we build our vocabularies.

[Raina Greenberg]

But okay, so I would like to just come out and say a listener message me. I am using oscillating correctly. So oscillate and vacillate are two different words. Oscillate means an object. So an object would be like a fan. Yes. Fan oscillates a physical fan. Vacillate means between, like, emotions. So you're like jumping between emotions.

[Ashley Hess]

Are you sure?

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, vacillate, Are you sure? But people.

[Ashley Hess]

It has to be interchangeable.

[Raina Greenberg]

They're synonyms. Yes, well, then they're synonyms, but people use them interchangeably. But what I mean is vacillate.

[Ashley Hess]

It says oscillate between means to repeatedly move or waver back and forth between two different points.

[Raina Greenberg]

States opinions or emotions, but doesn't say an object. Did you read oscillate versus vacillate?

[Ashley Hess]

I just said oscillate meaning.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

Oscillate versus here's the Cambridge dictionary. If you oscillate between feelings or opinions, you can do that as well. My emotions oscillate between desperation and hope.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, when I looked up oscillate versus

[Ashley Hess]

vacillate, I don't know why you're just defending this girl.

[Raina Greenberg]

I appreciate you, but I googled it

[Ashley Hess]

and I'm googling it. We have the same.

[Raina Greenberg]

You were second access. Thank you for being my voice.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't appreciate her correcting you. I. It's fine to use. I know it is.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

What did I say the other day? Oh, I. Sometimes I'll say something and then I can tell you're like, I'm gonna. I like that. I'm gonna. I'm gonna introduce that one. What did I say? It's like a car word. I said not de escalate.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Car word.

[Ashley Hess]

I said, you need to something this relationship. You need to supercharge.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, like, the opposite of supercharge. Not recarbing. Recalibrate.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, recalibrate.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, recalibrate. I've been using recalibrate. You didn't teach me recalibrate.

[Ashley Hess]

I didn't teach Raina. You know, I know you know these words. I'm just saying I'm trying to build it in. It was recalibrate.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, I do. I do recalibrate all the time.

[Ashley Hess]

You do?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I've been doing recalibrate.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I said it in a voice note. You said it back three times in the next voice note.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, you know, I like to repeat myself.

[Ashley Hess]

You.

[Raina Greenberg]

They say you. You just see an ad three times before you buy the product. So I say it three times before I commit.

[Ashley Hess]

I like what you're doing with these new vocabulary words. I like that you pick one, and then you say it repeatedly in an episode, and then it will be in your vernacular.

[Raina Greenberg]

I didn't know I was doing this, but it is apparently.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I like it. That it would be a drinking game. Like, I like when people are like, drink every time Raina says whatever.

[Raina Greenberg]

I definitely have a lot of little catchphrases like that. I try to sound so serious.

[Ashley Hess]

I always think about, how can I improve my vocabulary? And this is one way to do it. And when I did Brittany's podcast, they do, like, a word of the week, but the words are.

[Raina Greenberg]

They don't make.

[Ashley Hess]

I can't even pronounce the word. Words like these are. I like these words.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They just.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't need to use big words that no one knows what they mean. You sound crazy. If that's how you want to live and you're Ivy League educated and you want to say things people don't understand, that's your business. But even when I'm reading a book and I'm like, I don't know that word, I have to look that word up. That's not a word that people use.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's a lot of words I sort of know within context, but, like, I don't. If you asked me to explain it to you, I like, I understand it in a sentence kind of. Yeah, but okay, you know, it means that thing. Anyways, let's thank our partners, and we'll get right into the episode. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Thank you to Better Help. Therapy can help get 10% [e-mail] GGE and article. Get a beautiful new couch or [e-mail]

[Ashley Hess]

and thank you to FP Movement. Go to fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. And thank you to Nutrafol. Get 10 off your first order and free [e-mail] with code GGE10. So I am in New York this week. You'll be there for a couple of days, but I am making my first trip of the year, hopefully.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, April, you haven't been there.

[Ashley Hess]

I know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've mostly been there.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. So as this airs, I will have just seen my nephews and my family in Delaware, and then I'm gonna spend this week in New York. And then we have. You're not gonna be able to make it, but I have a friend's 40th this weekend in New York, so just, you know, getting on some friends and family quality time.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, my nephew and my brother will be in from London, so I'm gonna go to Pittsburgh. Look at us. And then this week, Wednesday, I will be guys in Salt Lake City, and I will be in Zany's Nashville on Thursday night. Both of these shows. I'm really looking forward to that.

[Ashley Hess]

So fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

We just, like, love performing there. I can't wait to be back at these venues. And I have tickets left for both, so that's raina greenberg.com. i will see you guys there. It'll be so, so much fun. I love these cities.

[Ashley Hess]

You're welcome. Salt Lake City.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I made you add this to the tour. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley just. I mean, we have performed at Wise Guys.

[Ashley Hess]

We both love it.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I was doing. I was like, I committed to 20 cities, and I was like, I can't do more than 20. And then I added 10 more. And obviously, you just spoke so highly of your show there and you did

[Ashley Hess]

what Brittany was so fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I'm just really excited to be at both. And I am going to invite all the Mormon wives, tbd, if they come.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, you never know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm just going to DM all of them and be like, you seem like you need some joy in your life. I've seen your husbands.

[Ashley Hess]

How far away is where they live?

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, I don't do them in Provo or something.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, Provo. Yeah. And then there's this other place they went. I sent it to you, and I was like, I want to go Here they went on this one episode and they were riding these ATVs around. Look like Dubai or something. It looked crazy in the desert somewhere. Yeah, they went to the. They took that trip to the desert and I was like, wherever this is, I want to go.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want to go to Swiggy.

[Ashley Hess]

What's that?

[Raina Greenberg]

It's where they do their Mormon sodas and they mix all the different kinds of sodas.

[Ashley Hess]

Just drink alcohol. You're allowed to drink alcohol.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, right.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can get. I can get drunk.

[Ashley Hess]

That's being like, I want to try soaking. Just. I don't need to try the Mormon loopholes.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want to be in the culture. Maybe like, Jesse will meet me there or something.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God. One of my favorite moments when I performed in Salt Lake City last time and I posted this clip on my Instagram was I said, like, we role play Mormons and we soak and then Raina comes in and kicks the bed. Kick out of that. Okay, well, we have Jackie Shimmel today. So fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

She is so fun. And she has been a podcaster for 14 years.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. She's really a trailblazer and she just made the best time we went on her show. So if you guys listen today and you want more. We were on her show probably about a month ago at this point, the Bible and so you can get your fix. But we just had such a fun conversation with her. So we're just going to keep this intro kind of short and answer an email that came through. So this came through right after our episode with Dr. Nicole McNichols a couple weeks ago about sex and intimacy and having more pleasure and intimacy and a better sex life, whether you're in a relationship or having casual sex. And you guys really love the episode and it was just like so full of great information and insights. But this came through the day the episode dropped and we've been sitting on it. The subject line was attraction and she wrote, I'm a longtime listener, first time email submission. I love the episode that aired today. I just have a question because it wasn't really addressed for a long term relationship. So six years. How long should you keep trying to have better sex with your partner if you aren't attracted to them? I was hoping the attraction would grow over time since that's what people say attraction can grow over time. But honestly, it's not. Sex is a chore. We have it once a week on Saturday or Sunday. I thought the lack of attraction might have been because of some health problems I was having, but those resolved about two years ago. One issue may be that we just don't have intimacy. We don't cuddle or make out. I guess I shouldn't say we don't cuddle because we do sometimes in bed. He's big spoon and behind me. Which is nice. But I guess I just don't want to cuddle front ways on the couch because. Because he's always had an issue with his breath. I've talked to him about it over the years and it's somewhat gotten better. But on the rare occasion that I get the feeling to get close to his mouth, bam. Bad breath. And then I'm just irritated. I mean, I guess I've answered my own question by typing this out. Lol. But I'd like to hear your take. Love you ladies.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel for her. I do.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, okay, so I want to be gentle. I girl, get out of this relationship.

[Raina Greenberg]

What are you doing?

[Ashley Hess]

I think, I think attraction growing over time. Like that's six weeks, six years. Like right. I feel for her. I think she was like trying to be positive. This guy's probably really nice and it's hard to find a good guy. But when we say attraction grows six years is not what. Like, that's crazy. When I read it, I had to go back and make sure they weren't married.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like you can't force attraction or hope it grows forever. Like you go on 1, 2, 3 dates with somebody and you're like, maybe I'll feel attracted. You hear all these guys I wore down. Yeah, but like were 6 year. I'm curious if they ever had a really good sex life.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, and it sounds like maybe for the first four years she was dealing with some health issues. She said so who knows what that had to do. Maybe that affected her libido and I don't know what she had going on. I'm glad that they've been resolved about two years ago. But you don't have to be with this guy. Like I had to reread it and be like, oh, they're not married like you. You don't have to be with this person. Like I don't think it's going to grow from here.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't think you can negotiate being attracted to somebody into existence. I think there's seasons of everybody's life. I think a lot of people are like, we used to have all this sex and we don't anymore. I had a kid and I don't want you to touch me anymore. Like I had a situation. I don't want you to touch me anymore. But I've never heard of these things changing. And I don't want to be hopeless. And there's definitely things you can do in the short term. I mean, the breath, that's not negotiable. This is not like a. Here's a quick fix, but send this man to the dentist and say, I do not want to sleep with you because of this. You don't have to be that sensitive about it.

[Ashley Hess]

He has to fix still having sex once a week, which is the norm for couples in healthy relationships.

[Raina Greenberg]

But it's this routine. Sensitivity, of course.

[Ashley Hess]

No, you don't want that.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, you said something to Dr. Nicole. You said, you know, every time we have sex, we're like, why don't we do this more often? This is awesome. I don't think that's her feeling. Yeah. Oh, like, didn't you.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't remember.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do think you said that. Exactly that. Well, a lot of people say that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

A lot of couples say, like, we have sex once or twice a week, and then we're like, why don't we do this?

[Ashley Hess]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was in a relationship for a long time. I was married to this person where sex was such a chore. I would do it once a week. I would go into the bathroom and look myself in the mirror and be like, we did it. We did a fam. And I was actually wildly attracted to him. Physically, very much so. But I mean, it was psychological. I didn't wanna sleep with him, but it didn't change. I mean, also when we broke up, I don't know that I would have seen those things changing. And you guys also don't have intimacy outside of this. I mean, most therapists will say, like, can you create intimacy outside? Are you holding hands? Are you cuddling on the couch? Are you making out?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Flirting?

[Raina Greenberg]

And it doesn't sound like they're even really doing that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I usually really like to be open minded and, you know, I don't know what's going on in everyone's relationship, and I don't know what's going on. I don't know why she feels like she needs to stay with this guy, But I've never heard of this. Six years in and you're like, when am I gonna feel attracted to him? I would say that you're not. I would say to. To get out of this. And if you wanna keep trying, like, you gotta talk to him about his breath. I don't know if it's like he just eats a lot of garlic or he has halitosis. There's two things. Does he not floss? I mean, if he's not flossing, there's your culprit. So make sure he. And if it's really feels like it's deep, it's coming from within, he needs to go figure that out. The dentist. But, I mean, I think it just. What. What makes you feel like you need to be with this guy? You know, it sounds like maybe there were some issues at the beginning and you were like, it's me. It's. This is why I'm not attracted to him. Whatever's going on with her health, but those have been resolved and you can do better. You can find someone that sex doesn't feel like a chore. And maybe he's just really kind and really nice, and I love that for her. But you can be with somebody you were attracted to.

[Raina Greenberg]

I guess I'm curious how important sex is to her. I don't think that she would have written this email if it wasn't important to her. I think even with the absence of sex, you want to have intimacy with your partner. And I don't know how important that is, but I do think it's important to her. And I would ask myself, if nothing changed, would I be okay with this forever? Yeah. I don't think the answer is yes. I think this girl wants to have sex with her partner and be attracted to him.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm like, how old are you? Where do you live? What is going on here? Like, maybe it's like a small town and all her friends are in relationships and she'd rather be with somebody than not, but six years. I mean, is there a world in which you want children? Which obviously I, I don't, so that's fine too. But I, I just, I. I have so many more questions. But I don't think you should keep waiting around and having this obligation sex life and having this guy breathe on you much longer. I don't. I think there's. Just get out there.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, this was a different situation if this was somebody saying, I want to have sex with my partner. We used to have sex. The intimacy seems to have dwindled. I think you and I would have all kinds of advice about scheduling sex and planning fun things and being flirty and being intimate, touching each other. But this does not sound like somebody you're attracted to. That's a different thing. Like, not. We had intimacy at one point, and I wanna, in the short term, like, address this. We can address his breath. We can rebuild intimacy we once had. But you're not attracted to this person. And we all deserve to be attracted to the person that we're with.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Maybe she should just throw a hail Mary and just fucking do some crazy sex stuff and see if he bites. And that's the thing.

[Jackie Schimmel]

She's not.

[Raina Greenberg]

She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to, like, with this.

[Ashley Hess]

You're right. You're right.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is like the trump card for all the things I'm like, if she was actually attracted to him.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

You and I would be like, do everything right time. Put on a show, masturbate in front of him.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like doing that.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, you're not alone. Okay, well, good luck out there and let us know what happens. And we're rooting for you, sis. So we're just going to talk about our partners and then we will get into it with Jackie.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, I'm telling you guys about FP movement. It is free people's activewear brand. It is designed for all the ways you move, whether you're running, running, hiking, flowing, training, grabbing a matcha, or maybe just, you know, recording your podcast, going to the grocery store if you're me. I have been shopping this brand for so long. I love their sets. The crossover set you and I both have in so many colors. The set I'm wearing today, also, it just, it makes me look really put together. It is designed for working out. So if you want to like do tennis or yoga or hiking, I mean, they have sweat wicking fabric. And also if you just want to wear a lounge set, they have great stuff. They have have coats, they have bags. There is so much to choose from and I just, I love the quality. I've actually had this set for years that I'm wearing and it holds up really well. It's fun for a gift for somebody else. Post workout look, really, however you're living your life. Running around, picking up the kids.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Anytime we wear stuff. Again, Rainer mentioned the crossover set. The hot shot crossover set. They have these amazing bags. I just got this tote I love for them. I love their little skirts. Like there's a shorts underneath. I just got some bike shorts. I'm obsessed with tanks. I got this sports bra that's for like low impact activity and then a medium impact activity for my berries class. And I'm just obsessed. And I have those pants, but I have like a long sleeve shirt that goes with them. And we just love FP movement. So much love the brand. I've shopped the stores. There's a great store at Century City Mall. I got this jacket from there I'm obsessed with. So we just really love it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Visit fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, and I am telling you guys about Nutrafol. This is the hair growth supplement I have used for so many years. And I feel like it has made me made such a difference with hair thinning, shedding, hair issues. I mean when it comes to shedding, I do not notice any, hardly any hair on the shower wall. I mean I really feel like I'm keeping all my hair, it's gotten thicker. I just rely on Nutrafol so much. I take the women's formula and I take four capsules daily. And this is the proactive approach to target the root causes of what could be going on with your hair issues. So you're gonna see improved hair growth, decreased shedding, visible thickness while you're taking Nutrafol. This is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested. And again, there's multiple formulas. So the women's formula, the women's vegan, women's balance, postpartum. This is something we have heard so many of our friends turn to after having their children because you can experience a lot of changes in your body and issues with your hair. I've never heard of anyone using any other hair growth supplement that's worked.

[Raina Greenberg]

My sister in law immediately gone on it after having my nephew and she was like, what should I get on? I was like, oh, Nutrafol, Absolutely, yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And so I thought about just doing a whole series on social about my hair journey because I really feel, I mean not today, Karen's all slicked back but like I can tell it's changed so, so much. And I feel like I have five main things that have contributed to it and Nutrafol is like obviously the number one. This like the thing if you really like I need something, this is where to start. So you can let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in three to six months with Nutrafol for a limited time, Neutropol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit nutriful.com and enter promo code GGE10. That's nutrfol.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code GGE10. Okay, let's get into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, guys. We are very excited to welcome our guest today. I wrote her intro, but I also pulled some from a website that I found without the help of family connections, formal training, agents, managers, or publicists. She has propelled her podcast, the Bitch Bible, from an experimental hobby to a top comedy podcast. She is the true queen of saying what everyone else is thinking, but they will not say out loud. Please welcome to the show Jackie Schimmel.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Did you write that or did you hijack that? From.

[Ashley Hess]

Where did that even come from? That's not even the structure. We typically. Without the help of family. She's no Nepo. Baby, babies here.

[Raina Greenberg]

What even.

[Ashley Hess]

What we're.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Wow, someone's clocked in today. A journalist. Jesus Christ.

[Ashley Hess]

What did I tell you? I told you to give up chat.

[Raina Greenberg]

GPT from the improv's website.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's crazy.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is a bio. That's somebody who works for you. It sounds a little into the old prop. No formal training.

[Ashley Hess]

I feel.

[Raina Greenberg]

I felt like you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I probably. I probably added that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was like, she definitely wrote this without the help of family connections, informal training. It's hilarious.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That sounds like me. Yeah, that sounds like me.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, that's.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you are a writer, so.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Well, it depends who you ask.

[Raina Greenberg]

You wrote that bio.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I wrote that bio. That's right.

[Ashley Hess]

What do you lead with? Podcaster.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's the only thing I have.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I mean, you've had a podcast for 14 years. You are. I mean, you invented podcasting.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know about that. It's a little embarrassing, honestly. Like, the 14 years of it all, like, it in some groups is cool, but in reality, it's not cool. It's so long to be podcast casting. It's like, evolve. But this is all I have.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, stay relevant. That's amazing. To be able to do something. 14 years.

[Ashley Hess]

I. My biggest respect is for long careers, like longevity. I think so many people can go viral. It's like a flash in the pan.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like the long leggers.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the thing. Like musical artists, Howard Stern, people like that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Sustainability, we're not trying to get. We're just trying to, like, keep it moving over what even you were.

[Ashley Hess]

Were like 20. Like, what were you even doing? Like, what were you thinking? Was it only Apple even? Like, were. There was no Spotify podcast back then.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, there was no Spotify. There was no categories. There were no shows.

[Ashley Hess]

It was you and Cereal. There was no that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Was it you. I'm saying you invented podcasting.

[Ashley Hess]

You know what?

[Jackie Schimmel]

You're so right. Add that to the fucking bio.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes. She is the original podcaster. I also want to say, when I was writing, I think that we really prop people up for being, like, multi hyphenate and doing all those things. And that's great if you can do that. But when I was writing, like, my bio for my website, I was like, oh, I'm just a podcaster. I don't have a million things to put on here. I didn't host this thing, write this thing. But then I was like, this is pretty awesome to have done something for 10 years and stayed relevant. You should be proud of it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, thank you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. I have no hyphens, no real hyphens that have come to fruition.

[Ashley Hess]

We tour. You've toured?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I tour. I don't enjoy myself, but I've done it.

[Ashley Hess]

You're a mom.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, right. Sure.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the number.

[Raina Greenberg]

Mama. Wife.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Mama. The day. Can I say something so on it? The day that you see mama in my bio, please call the cops and lock me up. 100. I do not identify as a mother. Nobody likes when I say that, but I really mean that. Like, that is not one of my pronouns.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, let's talk about it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know. First of all, I feel like it's a lot of pressure to put on your child when you're like, mama. First, like, okay. Like, don't be so dorky about it.

[Ashley Hess]

First of all. Like, it's mama.

[Raina Greenberg]

Last, to be honest, don't even tell people.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, keep it on the low.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know what I mean?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, I'm not wearing a necklace that says I am wearing a necklace that says his name all the time.

[Ashley Hess]

100.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I would do that all the time. I have a very cute Cuban link choker that says Clyde. That's, like, very hard. But no, I'm not wearing, like, any mama memorabilia merch, because that's dorky.

[Ashley Hess]

But that's who you are. It becomes people's whole identity, which is fine for them.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Which is fine for them. But I'm like, I have so many other gifts.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. Podcaster.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Podcaster.

[Ashley Hess]

That's it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did you always know that you'd be a mom that didn't identify as a mom?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes. So you are.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're married. You met your house. We were talking to you about this before about, like, just talking to your husband initially about if you wanted kids.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, I wasn't like, someone I Mean, it's not lovely to say, but I. I was not someone who, like, grew up being like, I can't wait to be a mom.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, that's.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's not really how I felt, if I'm being totally honest. Same, like, obsessed with my son. Like, can't physically, like, want to eat his head. Obsessed with him. He's so fucking cute. Thank God. But if he wasn't so fucking cute,

[Ashley Hess]

maybe I wouldn't feel that way.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You know, they're not all gifts.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. God only gives. You know, I really am. My nephews are both so cute.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, thank God.

[Ashley Hess]

Objectively.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right. And you have to.

[Ashley Hess]

It's not up for debate. They actually are. They're super advanced, all the things like. And I'm just. I'm such a snob now.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, totally about it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, you look at a kid that's like, foaming at the mouth, eating glue, and you're like, no, I'm okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Like a bad kid. You're like, that's about to get out. Get out of here.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And some kids have dark energy and we're not talking about it enough 100%.

[Raina Greenberg]

Or you're like, I feel uncomfortable around this kid.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, I've met children that I hate, like 4 year olds immediately. That guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's always. I think it's always a boy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, no, I've met some.

[Ashley Hess]

Have you met little girls that I'm like, oh, I kind of like that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, but not in, like, a cunty, spicy. Oh, not like a black cat.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, earn my love kind of.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, like, like, you're like, you're gonna leave the room and they're gonna choke out your cat.

[Ashley Hess]

Can I tell you what happened to me?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, they're gonna hit you. And the mom comes back and they're

[Jackie Schimmel]

crying, no joke, like a sick bitch of a kid. I know one.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll talk about it. Can I tell you what happened to me? So, Jay and Aaron's joint birthday. At the end of the night, there was only one couple left in. Their kid was there, and he. He was a little standoffish. Like, I hadn't connected. I wasn't the kid. I wasn't trying to connect with him. But so he runs up to me and gives me this, like, big hug. And kind of towards the end of the hug, he kind of smeared his face along my, like, sweater and he had wiped his nose on me. And that's on purpose. It was clearly, he had no other reason to come up and hug me. I was a stranger at that point, he ran up. I was like, this is so adorable. And across my Alice sweater, Ashley Snot. I had to change.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley. How close physically was the child too, when you realized this, when you looked down at your arm, realized it was

[Ashley Hess]

covered, he ran off.

[Raina Greenberg]

He wasn't there anymore. No. Thank God.

[Ashley Hess]

Because I would want to push it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Wow. Dark energy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Dark energy. I mean, that's like low key funny, but also dark.

[Raina Greenberg]

Gross.

[Ashley Hess]

Gross.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So disrespectful too. That would not fly in my house, FYI.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right?

[Ashley Hess]

So, okay, so were you podcasting or married first?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Podcasting.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. And what's the brief story of how you met your husband? And like three adjectives to describe him?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, okay.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know him.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. The brief story is we met at a bar. My best. Best friend, my childhood best friend, went to college with him, introduced us. We went on a date three days later. Been together ever since.

[Ashley Hess]

Really?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No breaks, no breakups, no hiatuses. Just off to the fucking races. My husband in three adjectives. This is a very good question. He is. This is annoying to lead with, but it's true and it bothers me. I don't mean this as a compliment. Okay. Kind like deeply. Deeply.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Will he talk shit with you on stuff?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I have broken him over the years as I have everybody else in my life. I break them one by one.

[Raina Greenberg]

Is he like. So he's never like, jackie, just lighten up. Like, I can't deal with that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, but he's inherently like a very compassionate, empathetic person. Cannot relate. Like, he sees the world completely differently than me.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You know what I mean?

[Ashley Hess]

I love this for you guys.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's not funny. I'm the funny one.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He has an amazing sense of humor. So when I say terrible things, he laughs.

[Ashley Hess]

That's all we needed to hear.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want somebody that's just gonna tell me to, like, be nice or.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's not nice necessarily. He's just like, nice and kind are different. Very different. I wouldn't say he's nice, but he's. He's inherently like a kind person.

[Ashley Hess]

That's great. I would say about my husband as well, he's not nice. No one's like, he's so nice. He's kind of a dick.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, totally.

[Ashley Hess]

He's so good hearted.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, he's exactly. Okay, So I would say that talented and humble.

[Ashley Hess]

Those are great ones.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. Like too humble. But I mean, these all, like, low key, insultingly. Like, I don't want him to ever hear this and Be like, wow, that's so nice. Like, humble to a fault. Like, like, wasn't hugged enough as a child. It's like, is this good enough? I don't. And I'm like, every. Like, it's almost passive aggressive. Like, cuz everyone knows, like, you're. This is great. Like, stop.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so he's kind. Do you feel like you've made him a worse person or he's made you a better person?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I think I've made him a worse person. I'm pretty consistent. I don't really change. I've been the same exact way my entire life. Like, we're not changing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did your parents tell you growing up, like, you're so great?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Too much.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, Were you like an A student?

[Raina Greenberg]

No.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh my God, no.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I didn't actually graduate high school. I'm like, not a high school graduate.

[Ashley Hess]

Shut up. Do you have your ged or you just stopped going?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, no, I don't have my ged. And I like, promised my dad I was gonna get it last year at Father's Day. Cause I finally told him that I didn't graduate. So.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, but you went to college?

[Raina Greenberg]

You went to community college.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I went to like kind of a community college.

[Raina Greenberg]

I learned that on your.

[Jackie Schimmel]

On your bike for like a few days. And then I stopped going to that too. So what happened was it was a very different time. Like, nothing was digital. Like there was. You know what I mean? It was so different. And I was in student council. It wasn't like I was like, doing anything. I wasn't a degenerate. I wasn't in the back alley, like, smoking crack. I was like painting posters. Like, you know, I was a, you know, normal kid. Totally. But I just really didn't enjoy academia, you know? Like, I didn't like school. I didn't love going to classes. I really didn't like homework. I didn't like assignments. I still don't really like assignments. And I was just not great in school. So senior year, I stopped going to a couple classes, got dropped, failed. Didn't have enough credits to technically walk at graduation. But I had such rapport with administration. I was like, listen, Mr. Meisel, you know me.

[Ashley Hess]

You share.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, let's just.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally. I share.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Horowitz day.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wow.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I was like, I've got. Got 85 people coming. My entire fucking family is coming to this.

[Raina Greenberg]

I've seen this room. I saw all these tickets.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I've been in student council this whole time, holding down the fort. I have the most beautiful penmanship. You know this about me, Mr. Meiselle. I've taken notes at the P. You know, like, we had a thing. I said, I'm gonna enroll in summer school. You don't have to give me a diploma. Just let me walk. So I walked. I carried that empty diploma, got the picture, moved the tassel. Never went to summer school.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wait, this is what I did.

[Ashley Hess]

This is my brain as a graduate from college. Okay?

[Raina Greenberg]

So I had to do one more class. That's all I needed to graduate. And they let me walk, and I just failed the class. I did go to the class a little bit, but I failed it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's good.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. So I don't have a college degree.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Whatever.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you didn't grow up with a family? Like, when I grew up, like, it was like, college was a non negotiable. It was something that everybody did. You were going to college, of course. Like, your parents weren't necessarily like that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Not necessarily. I mean, yes, yes, but not really, because I didn't have to go. I think that they weren't worried about me in the sense that I wasn't a degenerate. Like, I wasn't, like, doing drugs. I wasn't doing any. I just. Just wasn't doing homework. You know what I mean? So they weren't really worried. They were kind of hands off deck with me, if I'm being totally honest. They kind of just let me run.

[Raina Greenberg]

Let her cook.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Let her cook. They're like, she's fine.

[Ashley Hess]

She can't be managed. Yeah, yeah, my parents felt like that, too. I mean, I just think you have these conversations and it, like, all washes over you. Like, you don't need to do this stuff. Like, I mean, I was like a straight A student. Did my homework, my assignment, whatever. I just was good at school. Just I don't know where. But you look back, you're like, I didn't have to go that hard.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, you know, I'm glad I didn't. I look back and I think, look at you now.

[Ashley Hess]

You didn't have to graduate. You didn't have to graduate. I'm not. This isn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, also, though, I could put that I graduated on a resume. The Internet wasn't what it was.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, but how embarrassing for me that I can't even check off high school graduate.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, but you drove in here with a Range Rover. I mean, you're doing great.

[Jackie Schimmel]

As Raina said, good for you.

[Ashley Hess]

First thing she said to me, oh,

[Jackie Schimmel]

my God, I love the color of this. This car.

[Ashley Hess]

Good for you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Park over Here.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I was like, okay, what a greeting.

[Ashley Hess]

It's just.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'll take it.

[Ashley Hess]

You guys should finish school, like, if you're listening.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But it's just. But honestly, you really don't have to. You don't have to.

[Ashley Hess]

You don't have to. You know what?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Nobody talks about the importance of likability, okay? It's more important than any skill set you can acquire.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I'm glad you said that. And I pivoted jobs. I was working in restaurants, and I went to work for a tech startup, and I was doing sales. And I was talking to my dad, who was a lifelong salesman, an entrepreneur, and I was like, I don't know how to do this job. And he was like, the number one thing you can do. You make people like you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I was like, well, I hate myself.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, colleges, I will should be having mixers, anything to develop people's social skills and likability. Because most importantly, I learned that in every job I ever got, every job was because someone liked me and I got to the next job and the connections that I made, I was qualified enough, whatever. But I had this point in my career in my 20s, where I was like, none of what I'm doing. I learned in college, like, four years, graduated summa cum laude. Like, none of this is useful.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It feels like you're rubbing it in that you have all these accolades. You notice she keeps dropping them.

[Raina Greenberg]

She ended up in the same place that we did.

[Ashley Hess]

Here's the reason why I say it, Jackie.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We get it, okay? You went to college.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, we all ended up the same place.

[Ashley Hess]

Here's why I like to say it. Because they didn't say it at graduation because I was too hungover to bring them my card that had my achievements on it. And, like, I held up the line.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Why don't you put it in this fucking gallery shop?

[Ashley Hess]

Put it behind my head.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right, exactly.

[Ashley Hess]

The point is just I realized, like, if you should be learning anything in college, it is how to talk to adults and how to period, connect and make people like you. It's like the only thing. I mean, there's skills you need to learn and stuff, but just. You really do understand that that's who gets ahead. Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Because if people like you, they want to help you, they want to be around you. If you're an annoying little rat of a bitch, you're not going to get as far because no one wants to fuck with you.

[Raina Greenberg]

We don't use rat as an insult enough. And I was for a little while. And I've stopped. And it's so mean.

[Ashley Hess]

I love it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Rat and worm. I feel like a rat for a woman and a worm for a dude are, like, really, really condescending. Also, like a gerbil. Little fuck of a guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Worm for a guy is great.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Am I allowed to cuss? I really hope so. You're going to have to scrap this episode.

[Ashley Hess]

Can you imagine if we were like, no?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Some people say no, and I'm like, okay, we're going to need to.

[Ashley Hess]

For what reason?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I feel like you're not allowed. And I love these girls. I don't think you're allowed to cuss on Lady Gang.

[Raina Greenberg]

We've been on their show.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't think you're allowed to cuss. I think they bleep it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Interesting.

[Ashley Hess]

You may bleep it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They're respectable ladies. I'm not sure they are respectable ladies. Can't really.

[Raina Greenberg]

We swear.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so your husband was like, I do want kids.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

And you're like, I get. I'll try.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

And you guys have a child.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We have a baby.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's real cute. I love him. I'm glad we kept him.

[Ashley Hess]

And it's going well.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's going well.

[Ashley Hess]

And you mother how you want to do it?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean, like I said earlier, I'm not someone who, like, identifies as, like, I'm a mama. I'm the best mama, mama bear, mama, mama, mama, whatever. I try not to take it that seriously, which people don't like, but I really feel strongly about it also. I'm trying to prepare him for the world. Like, he's coming into our situation. You know what I mean? So we're not living in Chuck E. Cheese land. We've got rogue uncovered outlets. We have sharp corners and fresh florals. Okay. And he's gonna have to learn, and he has learned. And because of that, I can bring him places. I'm not quarantined to the home.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's not wiping his. His, you know, boogers on people's Alice and Olivia sweaters. And it makes my life easier. You know what I mean? We're just kicking it old school.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I'm curious about the peanut gallery on this. And I think that, like, I mean, Ashly and I can't speak to this mom guilt and people giving you so much advice, but, like, do you have friends around you that you communicated like, I'm just gonna live and let live, and people had feedback or are people like, I'm trying to be more like that. What's it been like?

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's interesting because you're getting fed, like, a lot of materials online. Like, the second you have a bab, everyone's telling you what you should do. And, you know, there's a lot of, like, emphasis on getting down on their level and, like, validating every feeling and gentle parenting. And we don't say no. And I never have listened to anyone about anything, and I'm not gonna start now. Like, if you have shitty instincts in life, then maybe we go back to the drawing board and we look for outside influence. But I have relatively good instincts, so I'm gonna go with me on this one. It's my life, my child, and I kind of, like, just practice what I preach on that. And he's pretty good, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you feel like if you're the kind of person that isn't, like, super open to feedback, people just stop doing it?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I mean, I want to talk to you about this in everything that you do. Yes. Like, you don't give a.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I really. And I. And I hate saying it out loud because it feels like a trope or like a performative or, like, performative. Like, I don't give a fuck, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know, like, people who say that publicly too often.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sorry, nobody. You do embody it, though.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Those girls that are like, I don't care. Like, high vibration. Like, those girls, they're crying themselves to sleep. People.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, I just say what I think, and it's like, nobody likes you because of it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, totally. And I think that there's, like. I'd like to think that I have a little bit more nuance. Nuance in the head before I say things, but I would say I really genuinely don't care. Like, and it's not because I'm, like, like, cool and, like, bohemian. I. I trust myself more than I trust strangers. So I just don't value, like, discourse from strangers that I disagree with.

[Ashley Hess]

And you're confident in your decisions, right? I mean, do you feel like that all the time? I do think people start to pick up on that. I mean, we were kind of talking about some of the stuff you talk about in your podcast. It might be controversial on another show, and you've just been doing this so long, and people know what they're getting with you, so. But you're confident in it. I think people see weakness and they see vulnerability and. And they see people.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And they get.

[Ashley Hess]

Take the bait. Yeah, they see. I think when you really, like, live in your power. Again, another stupid trope. But it's just, like, I always say when I talk about not wanting kids, like, people don't fuck with me. Cause they know I'm confident in my decision. I feel like when people. These are the worst people online, by the way. And even in real life, they see that opening to dig in because they know there's a vulnerability there, that you're not confident and you just live your life. I think people know, like, Jackie Schimmel doesn't care what you think. So it's not worth your time telling

[Jackie Schimmel]

her it's not important to me. Like, I'm clicked into the real world here. You know what I mean? Like, I am very, very, very aware of, like, what's real and what's not real. So, like, I operate in a very normal capacity with normal people and normal friends and a normal husband and normal. Like, none of this. It doesn't make me feel great and it doesn't make me feel bad. Like, I don't care about any of it. I think, I think it's ridiculous. Respectfully, I think it's ridiculous. Like, the fact that we all talk on a mic for like a living and get paid is crazy, right? Like, we're so lucky. So I feel appreciative. But also I'm just being myself. Like, I'm not presenting aversion. And I think because of that, maybe I don't get as much heat or like, consequences because at bare minimum, people know that I'm not presenting a version of myself. So even if it's like, bad and I say fucked up shit, which I do all the time, and I have for 14 years, and I'm not gloating about it, it's just, it is what it is.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think there's a difference between saying, like, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks versus I have nice people in my life, good people I trust.

[Ashley Hess]

They give me feedback.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's what I need. That's all I need.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Open to it. Don't listen all the time, but open to it. And I feel like the life. Life shapes you. You know, if you're being an asshole, you're gonna experience that in some way, shape or form. There's gonna be an aftershock. So you pivot accordingly.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you also just feel like

[Jackie Schimmel]

they're coming for me?

[Ashley Hess]

That was crazy. We are at war. I just literally. Last night we went to bed and I was like, I just am really scared of, like, the world. And my husband was like, we'll just go in the basement. Like, we literally got our plan together for like, whatever Happens when you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

My husband, he thinks about this a lot. We've got a lot of emergency. Emergency, like packs and food, and he got me, like, helicopter insurance for Hanukkah a couple years ago. He got me airlift insurance. I said, what the is airlift?

[Ashley Hess]

I heard of that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So if any medical catastrophe happens in a foreign country or anything, you can get airlifted. I was like, this feels like a waste of money. I'd prefer a purse, but thanks so much.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you feel like part of you is like, this is who I am, and you. You just don't like me? Like, sometimes I feel like when people, if they really want to criticize me or us or the show, it's like, I'm not for everybody. You don't like it here?

[Jackie Schimmel]

You know, how boring would it be if everyone's like, you're great.

[Ashley Hess]

This is so funny.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm like, okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Sometimes I'm just. If people criticize stuff we say it's like. But then you just don't. I don't know how to. I don't. I think I'm articulating it well. Like, I've thought about this, even with my standup, where I'm like, you don't like it, and that's okay. It's subjective. Like, totally. I'm not taking your notes, but sometimes when people write comments about me or us or the show, I'm like, but it's not for you. How do you not realize that not everything's for you?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know people are really stupid and we're all dumb bitches at the end of the day, but people really get emboldened to give their two cents, and God bless them, they really do. But, you know, after. I mean, we've all been doing this a very long time. You know, we're still here, we're still talking, we're still cashing those checks. So let's just keep it fucking moving then. You know what I mean? Like, sorry.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, just gonna take a quick break. I'm telling you guys about article, right? I just went to the site. I'm just like, you shouldn't even be on the site. Because I want literally everything. I mean, we have been talking about article for six, seven years. And so I feel like I've seen it evolve, and there's still so many of these incredible classics, but just seeing what they have now, I mean, I'm looking at some of their best sellers. This Sven tufted leather sofa and all these beautiful colors. These, like, neutrals, tans, browns. I mean, I love their green. I Love all of their greens velvet furniture. This couch I'm looking at, there's these chairs. I mean they just have all the best colors. I mean I feel we've talked about this before. Kind of the all white, all neutral look is out. You can still shop that and you can still live that way. But people really want these pops of color. I'm looking at this bozzy queen bed frame and this kind of rust orange. I love that color in the home. That is like such a great way to incorporate color into your home and

[Raina Greenberg]

just warm it up.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, just to really warm it up and have that bold. And the outdoor furniture is second to none. This is really most of my outdoor furniture is all article. The prices are great. I mean again, we've been knowing about this brand for so many years and the prices are still the best for the quality of what you're going to get. Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long lasting home at an unbeatable price. All of the styles that you could want. Mid century modern coastal scandi inspired pieces. And when you get on the site, they're going to show you how things pair together. You can shop by room and it is the quality without the compromise. So they focus solely on high quality, meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time. Every item is chosen for its craftsmanship, design and lasting value. I mean there's sites out there that everything and everything, it's a mishmash. It's overwhelming to shop. Like when you're on article site, you're like, everything does feel intentional. There is fast, affordable shipping and assembly. The shipping's great, the packaging is great, Support is great. 30 day satisfaction guarantee and shipping across US and Canada, just to clarify, so, so check it out, you guys. I mean anything you need for your home, from big items to your sofa or your bed to your side tables to your ottomans, really, they have it all. And even pillows, lamps, all the things. But if you are in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table or bed, and much more, head over to article.com okay?

[Raina Greenberg]

And this episode is sponsored by Better Help. So let's talk about financial stress. In a study at the beginning of 2026, 88% of Americans reported feeling some sort of way about financial stress and money worries. I mean, my God, they're so debilitating. It affects every part of your life and it breeds anxiety and sleep disruption and even depression. And it is the leading source of conflict for couples. Of course, obviously we talk about money a lot on this show between couples so this month we want to normalize the emotional weight of financial stress and remind people that struggling with money doesn't mean they failed. Sometimes it is just about accepting the right kind of help. I mean, I could not agree more. And, and I'd love to recommend therapy to address those issues and BetterHelp really can help you there. BetterHelp's therapists work with a strict code of conduct and they are fully licensed in the US they do all the initial matching for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. So you'll take a short questionnaire talking about what you want to address in your life and they'll help match you with a therapist. And then if you aren't happy, you can switch to a different therapist at any time. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. And, and I obviously believe in therapy to address all of these issues and just normalize things you're dealing with and help you to find really healthy, good coping mechanisms so that you can get through the day. So when life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] GGE that's better. H E L P help.com GGE I think that, like, child advice is well intentioned, but it reminds me there was a lot of like, discourse around the holidays about like being estranged from a family member. And there's all these articles, articles, and people were commenting on, I mean, thousands and thousands of comments about like, I don't think you should be estranged from a family member. You can always work through it and all this stuff. And all these people in the peanut gallery like, giving their input. And I am estranged from a family member. And I felt very triggered mad by these comments of like, how dare you make a judgment call about me? You don't even know me. Yeah, and children raising children is very similar to me. Like, how dare you make a judgment call about how I raise my child. You don't know my child. You know my situation also, like, let's

[Jackie Schimmel]

just see how they turn out, you

[Raina Greenberg]

know, I mean, like, and then you

[Jackie Schimmel]

can time on the clock. Like, let's see, you know what I mean? Let's see how it goes.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's how I always say. I'm like, give it, give it a couple of years.

[Raina Greenberg]

People also raise kids before Tik Tok, you know, like, they were able to do this without the feedback.

[Ashley Hess]

But do you ever think, like, this is how we were raised, everything turned out fine. That's like the Most cliche way to think, but, like, kind of.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean, I think it's a mix between the two. There's too much outside information and too many opinions. And all of our brains are such mush at this point. We're all, like, looking for validation and guidance from fucking strangers. I feel like we gotta just dial it back. Like, every kid is different, every family is different, Every lifestyle is different. Like, you pivot accordingly.

[Raina Greenberg]

I wanna ask you a question that's a total pivot.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, let's go.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Feedback from strangers.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

How do you feel about crying? Videos? Instagram.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Like, somebody. Let me paint the picture. Someone's having a bad day. Not an objectively bad day. I mean, just like a girly pop. Kind of just like everything's wrong. But, like, I also have to go to Pilates later. I gotta get myself together to, like. Like, you know, and they're on the beach and they're. Somebody's crying and they grab the camera.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Now, this is very specific.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, it's actually about multiple people that I'm thinking about.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, I could name 17 different puppies right now. I'll keep it to myself.

[Raina Greenberg]

Someone's crying. Grab the camera.

[Jackie Schimmel]

The answer is no. Now, I want to keep watching these for all of attorney because I just. That's a great point. I can't even believe doing the Lord's work. I can't even believe, like, in so many instances that we see on the Internet, like, the fact that some. Someone will be going through something and their first instinct is to hold it in, set up the tripod, hit hands free. Do you know how much effort it takes to prop up the phone, unlock it, put in your passcode, get the camera ready, turn the lighting on, hit the.

[Raina Greenberg]

I lose steam by then. I'm not crying. I'm over it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm not crying anymore.

[Ashley Hess]

To re. Traumatize yourself, to get back. Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, no, no. We're back. It is so diabolically crazy. That's the. It's the craziest thing in the world. Like, what? And it's like, if one more person feels supported and seen. No, girl, look inward. Lock it up. Literally.

[Ashley Hess]

Really?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Don't feel so comfortable. Don't feel so comfortable. Like, this is what's wrong. This is why we need to rejush. This is. Kids in school need to learn social skills because it's. You know what? We're not talking about enough people being weird.

[Ashley Hess]

Weird. It's the most bizarre behavior. Like, I've done things before where about the state of the World that my voice cracks. I can't help myself. Like, sure, I is not about me. It's like, I gotta get this message out. And I am. You can tell I've been crying or my voice might crack. Whatever. I think that's a human emotion. But when you. Someone, something bad has happened and you know, they went to get the tripod. I mean, we heard about this couple. Like, you guys can take your guesses, they're no longer together. And like, the inside scoop of their relationship of, like, they would have these moments and he would say, we need to run them back and film them. Them. Intimate moments. Who? What?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I would never. I would dissolve my family and never speak to my husband again and villainize him against our child. Parental alienation.

[Ashley Hess]

Soul custody.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Soul custody. If my husband ever was like, wait, we should, like, film. I would never speak to him again. There would be no.

[Ashley Hess]

You don't know him anymore.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Get out of my house.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who is this person?

[Ashley Hess]

Get out of my hand.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Don't look at me. By the way, if I had a friend that was like, wait, wait, wait, let's do that again. I would never speak to them again.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, sometimes I like to watch

[Jackie Schimmel]

never fucking speak to them again.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's a couple that I'm thinking of, and it's. Listen, I'm all for people saying, like, things aren't as glamorous as they look. And I have bad days. Sure, sure. You know, I look great on the Internet, in this magazine all the time.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't love those Instagram versus realities either. That. That feels a little staged and a little forced. Relatability. It all feels so handy. Relatability. I don't like that either. It's like, sure, my life looks great, but I struggle. Like, it. It's all packaged. It's marketing. I don't like it.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a stale take to me, I think that we've done for many years. Social media is not real. The things in relationships.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Why don't you just be yourself all the time? Why don't we just do that?

[Ashley Hess]

I've always felt like, aren't we all kind of supposed to know that Instagram's a highlight reel? You know, like, yes, you should know that we all have problems and we all cry and we all spiral. I just.

[Raina Greenberg]

I have these moments where I'm really low. Of course I'm crying. I'm voicing with my friends. You know, I'm on tour, I'm by myself in these hotel rooms, and I'm like, man, this is a bummer. I'm lonely. Then I process it and I think about it through perspective and I'm like, I'm so lucky to be on this tour. I'm so lucky to still totally. I'm so lucky. Friends want to come with me. Ashley wants to come with me. I'm not going to grab a kid called self awareness.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Which is something that. That is lacking severely.

[Ashley Hess]

And self regulation.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Self regulation. Self awareness. It's a. It's a pandemic.

[Ashley Hess]

Josh Johnson. We were watching that clip over Christmas. He's my mom's favorite.

[Raina Greenberg]

Which one? I love him so much.

[Ashley Hess]

He did this thing. He was like, the first time I saw someone crying on Instagram, I thought, oh, my gosh, this was posted accidentally. Right? Like, she's in her car, she's crying. She didn't mean to post this. It was someone he knew. He was like, I'm going to message her. And Teddy, this got out.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And like, he does a whole bit like, do you. We all remember the first time we saw someone cry in their car on social media? And you're like, I feel like I shouldn't be watching this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, it's too intimate.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's weird.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Lock it up. Don't be so comfortable. I don't. Especially when it's something really, really stupid.

[Raina Greenberg]

But it usually like. It's usually like a white woman and she's like, I have to go to acupuncture. But I just to want. Wanted to like, get on here and talk about this for a second. Well, like, okay, you can afford acupuncture this afternoon. I think you're fine.

[Ashley Hess]

There's such a spectrum, though, because there's that and there's the. Something really bad has happened and you grabbed the camera.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's what I also like, yeah, it's all uncomfy and like, we gotta take a beat. Yeah, we gotta take a beat.

[Raina Greenberg]

And sometimes I'm just like, I don't want to on people for finding the outlet that makes them be able to get. But I'm glad you're here to do it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I kind of do, though. And it's okay. It's par for the course. Like, we need these conversations. We need to blink twice. We all gotta like, touch grass, zoom out and be like, what are we doing? I think about this with myself all the time. The shit I'm putting on the Internet, it's annoying. A lot of the times it's annoying. And I know that it's annoying. And it has a hidden agenda. Sometimes I know what I'm doing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know if there's a hidden agenda. Like, I know what I'm doing when I do it, and I know when other people are doing it, and I. We just need to have a little more transparency.

[Ashley Hess]

I just find it fascinating because sometimes I really do want to cry to someone.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. Like, I feel like, could we phone a friend?

[Ashley Hess]

That's what I'm saying. To, like, my mom. Like, there's very few people I really can, like, call to.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. Sob.

[Ashley Hess]

It's my mom. I mean, Raina's. Every once in a while, but it's like, a lot of.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's the way you just said that as an afterthought.

[Ashley Hess]

You.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want to cry.

[Ashley Hess]

Of course. I don't want to do that to you. Like. Like, I'm talking when you wanna, like, fucking rail, you know? And I just feel like with my darkest times, it's a mess.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a mess. Right?

[Ashley Hess]

So it's like, I do get the urge of, like, I wanna get this out with someone on the other line. I just. I can't imagine it being my followers.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, your community, as the girls say,

[Ashley Hess]

like, this is gonna crush. I just.

[Raina Greenberg]

I also can't imagine getting out of that zone and being like, I'm still gonna post this. Right. Right. Like, this is the drafts.

[Ashley Hess]

Put it in the drafts for an hour.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. And then see how you feel.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Circle back.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's also not necessarily a message I want to send to our audience that, like, I want you to sympathize with me. I want you to come here to, like, learn something and have perspective, and I want to come to you when something bad has happened, and I want to have thought it through and figured out the lesson in it. And, like, this is what I would have done differently. I don't know that it's necessarily the message I want to send to people. And, yeah, I want to make people laugh. I mean, that's what stand up and comedy is all about. It's like taking these really painful moments, processing them, and framing them differently, you know?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I like the message of, like, life is hard, and I struggle, too. And it's not all perfect. Like, we saw someone do this recently, and I was like, I don't hate her message, but I don't understand the tripod and the State of the Union

[Jackie Schimmel]

and the B roll shots. Like, nobody needs to see you on your penthouse terrace, like, looking off into the Hudson River.

[Raina Greenberg]

You edited this. When I'm like, there are jump cuts. You edited this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And we don't need to see you in the bikinis. You've given us two. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you. Okay. There's this one girl in particular. It's very triggering for me. She's always posting these, like, feel bad for me with her butthole out, her tits out.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I'm just like, I probably know the person.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, it's crazy. You're not moving the meter here. I'm not having a spiritual awakening. Awakening. Seeing you look out into the ocean at St. Barts, like, with some beautiful, like, audio overdub.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, if you're at a beach, if you have a bikini on, sit down,

[Jackie Schimmel]

have a cocktail, shut the fuck up. Thank you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. So speaking of spiritual awakening, you have been on a radical wellness journey, by the way.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Always.

[Ashley Hess]

Always. We went on your podcast a few weeks ago at this point, and you were only starting to. To do this stuff with this guy Ryan. Is Ryan still in the mix?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes. And I had to apologize for one of you bitches calling him a craigslist killer on my podcast,

[Raina Greenberg]

by the way. I listened.

[Ashley Hess]

Has to be you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It was probably me, to be honest. I'm just blaming you. So I was like, it doesn't sound like me. I'm like, sorry for calling you a craigslist killer, but, like, can I have an appointment on Tuesday? It's bioresonance. He also was like, please stop mispronouncing it. This isn't like, witchcraft.

[Raina Greenberg]

Would you call it biorenaissance?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes. And it is, like, electromagnetic frequency work and, like, red lights and, like, negative ions. I go into this chamber a couple times a week, and I'm like, A

[Raina Greenberg]

couple times a week now. Oh, yeah, he got you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, I'm in.

[Ashley Hess]

And are you going? Where are you going?

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, let's back up. What are you trying to address? Just, like.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, everything and nothing at the same time, you know? Like, I feel pretty good.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Honestly, it started because I was trying to, like, de puff for a skincare campaign, and I was like, I'm not gonna stop eating. I'm not gonna stop drinking. Like, can we shake this out of me, like, with some electromagnetic shock therapy, basically. And I have no idea what any of the things really do, but I do kind of feel good.

[Ashley Hess]

You feel great, but that's fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sometimes, like, I mean, I go get a massage a lot, and they're like, what would you like to address? And I'm like, I just want to feel good.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally. I just want to.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you want to do something nice for yourself? Your wife, your mom, you need some time.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm breathing in magnesium mist and negative ions and minerals. I go into this little chamber. It's 20 minutes. I listen to my stories. I listen to my own podcast on the Bluetooth speakers. So I'm getting new listeners in the process. People in the waiting room have to listen.

[Ashley Hess]

And amazing.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And it's very weird, but it's great.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Because you've posted and you're like, in the red light. You're like, in the. In the red light district.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I have one in my house that's in home, too. Yeah, I got a medical grade red light panel.

[Ashley Hess]

Now, can you just explain that? Is it like a tanning bed?

[Jackie Schimmel]

It looks okay. So my husband came home. He was in England for a while, and he came home and I had really upgraded our system.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So our bedroom. I was like, I have to have something to look forward to. He's gone. I need to, like, spa out, you know? So I ordered these medical grade red light panels and I put them in the bedroom. Normally I keep them in the gym, but then I. And I vacated them into the bedroom.

[Ashley Hess]

Where do they go?

[Jackie Schimmel]

All around the bed. Okay. They stand. They're freestanding.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, got it. Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Light panels.

[Raina Greenberg]

How tall are they?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Tall, like 5ft.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like a canopy bed with red lights around it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Basically just like panels everywhere.

[Raina Greenberg]

And they shine at you while you sleep.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But you have to wear these, like, hideous, like, Lake Tahoe Oakley sunglasses. Like these wraparound red light glasses. Then I also have the mask, which I've had forever.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I red light. That's what I'm saying. I red light every day. But I want it on my whole body.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Are you naked?

[Jackie Schimmel]

My tits are disgusting, so I gotta keep them. I need some bungee cords. So I'll wear, like a sports bra. And then I also have the grounding PEMF activated charcoal mat that I lie on. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And then I also have a wand. So I'll hold the wand up to my chest, and then I just bask in the red light. My husband came home. He walked into the bedroom and he screamed. He was like, imagine me laying there with those glasses, like, in red light. I had the fireplace on. It was 100 degrees out. I had cranked it to like 50 degrees in my bedroom. Fireplace is on, candles are lit. And I am just sitting in silence, basking in red light. He's like, this is the Exorcist. Like, this is. This is not what I thought. I was coming home too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did you have clothes on at all when he walked in the room or you're just.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I always am in a very sensible pajama set. Like, I'm doing a full.

[Raina Greenberg]

How's the rest?

[Jackie Schimmel]

American Girl doll. Well, I'm laying on a mattress mat.

[Raina Greenberg]

Because you're laying on it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm laying on a mat and I'll put, like, a sports bra on.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. So top is off.

[Ashley Hess]

My husband walked in to me the other day lotioning my whole body with my red light mask on. Like, and mine has a cord that hangs up. Like, it was just a sight to see. Like, she was butt naked. In your fit, you have a mask on. Like, this is scary. Yeah. Like, what are women?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know. I also have, like, that weird chin strap thing I was trying for a while and skims. It was not skims, but it was one of those.

[Ashley Hess]

Got you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Remember that? Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Your husband also, Shashank, posted this photo of you steaming your face the other day. And I was like, can you tell

[Ashley Hess]

her to fucking text me back? Posted a whole video. And he put it to the curb. Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I was like, I need to talk to her. I sent her a five minute voice note an hour ago. He was like, she's busy.

[Ashley Hess]

And I was, like, steaming her.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, she's not.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Which I love, by the way. That's a great tip.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, so I just realized that I look better in humid climates. Like, it doesn't matter. When we went to Hawaii, we were just in Singapore. I'm not kidding. I look five to 10 years younger. The second I wake up, I wake up, I look better. I don't have the bags under my eyes. My skin is plumper. Yeah. My hair is frizzier, but I'll take it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Ashley Hess]

Because even my arms look better. Like, everywhere. I'm aging is better in this moist climate. Like, if we move back east, I'm just going to welcome the humidity because California has aged me.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, we found the best surgeon here, and so that has helped us. But, like, in terms of skin, Harold. So. Because the dry climate and the sun exposure. So I was like, how can I try to recreate this at home? So I did get a Dr. Dennis Gross, like, steamer.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, yeah. With the orange. I know. Yeah, I've got it. Got a couple of them. I love it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's lovely. So.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, we'll talk later about the red light panels. But I am thinking this. I'm like, I want it more than just my face.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

All right. Totally get the panel. You'll love it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Lay on it. Well, I said to Dr. Barrett, we were there the other day, the under part of my eyes are just getting, like, a little crepey. I've been really blessed with great skin. It's like, one of the best things about my whole body. My skin's great, but it is getting a little crepey. And he said, red light's the thing that'll fix it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Try it. It really works. I feel like you look shiny and tight and like it's doing something.

[Raina Greenberg]

You look shiny and tight.

[Ashley Hess]

You really do. Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'll take. I mean, I'd fucking hope so after all those panels I bought.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I hope so.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so bio, Renaissance bio.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm gonna fuck this up. Bioresonance.

[Ashley Hess]

And is this a thing, or is this Brian's brand?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, it's a thing.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a total. Brian's gonna love this.

[Ashley Hess]

Is it Ryan or Brian?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I think it's Brian.

[Raina Greenberg]

You said Ryan earlier.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Did I?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, you heard Ryan.

[Raina Greenberg]

I probably did hear Ryan.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know. It's Ryan, to clarify. And it's a real thing. I've done this before with someone else, but it was, like, via Zoom. And he was, like, in Oklahoma. And it was very, very weird, very sketchy. But this feels very legit to me. And when you walk in, you're not seeing a bunch of dumb bitches that look like me. You're seeing older people. You're seeing dogs.

[Raina Greenberg]

Dogs go to this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Dogs.

[Raina Greenberg]

Dogs are getting. No one outside of California knows what

[Ashley Hess]

any of us are talking about.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

What do you mean, dogs?

[Jackie Schimmel]

They're doing. They're healing the dogs.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I ask no questions.

[Raina Greenberg]

So la.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I ask no questions. I'm just.

[Ashley Hess]

Are you bringing your dog?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I should.

[Ashley Hess]

You should.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I know Leo needs to saunter over to Brian. We got to get him on that.

[Raina Greenberg]

You said Ryan. Okay, I'm not just.

[Ashley Hess]

Did I say Brian?

[Raina Greenberg]

Am I crazy?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes, I'm saying Brian, right? Oh, I don't know. We'll roll the tape.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll text you, let you know. Ashley's like. That's what you're hearing? It is.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Let me know.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a soft beat.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a soft. It's a silent beat.

[Raina Greenberg]

Soft be hard.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's how you pronounce it. It's a silent B.

[Ashley Hess]

That's a silent B.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a soft B and a hard

[Ashley Hess]

R. I have a burning question. Did Bible the name start from, like, being A or bitching? Or both.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Both.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And, like, I don't love the name.

[Ashley Hess]

That's how it is, though. 14. How. How are you supposed to like the name of a podcast you came up with 14 years ago? Like, we're girl girls. Girls.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm 42 years old. Girl. Where are the girls?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Girly girls.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. I know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You just, like, you don't have the foresight. I didn't think it was gonna become anything, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

I like it, though. I mean, what else would it be?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't know. I mean, that's the thing. Nothing else makes sense now. It was like the baby was, like,

[Raina Greenberg]

such a baddie word to say. It was like, I can't believe she said this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God.

[Ashley Hess]

Back in the day, 14 years ago. It was the 50s. It was.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Well, I remember.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm that bitch. You had, like, those name plates that would, like, go on your desk.

[Ashley Hess]

A necklace that just said.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I remember saying cunt, like, early. Early on. And that was a huge topic of

[Ashley Hess]

conversation on your podcast.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, yeah. People got upset.

[Ashley Hess]

That's. Is that bad?

[Jackie Schimmel]

14 years ago. It was not. Of the times. No one was saying the word cunt.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel like women can say it. Oh, my God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It was a whole thing. What did people.

[Ashley Hess]

What's the critique?

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's just that it was like, of all the words, like, that's the one you can't touch. Like that every. That's what everybody said to me. They're like, you can say whatever, but don't say that. That's disgusting. That's icky. Like, that was very much so. It was not normalized. It was, like, very disgusting. Yeah, that.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know what?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I feel like I did.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I feel like I was saying it publicly.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's not that shocking to me when a woman says it. I was on a date with a guy who called his ex a. And I.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Red flag.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I felt it in my body. I never went out with him again. That's a crazy thing to say.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

To feel empowered to say that to another woman.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't like it, but is it in the uk it's just so casual.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

In Australia. In Australia, cunt just means, like, what's up?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, that's why I started saying it because my husband and I lived in London, like, part time, and everyone would say it, like, almost as a term of endearment, like, oh. Like, it was very used, like, so casually. I'm like, oh, I love that. So international. So I started saying it. People were like, no, it definitely. And I just kept Saying it.

[Ashley Hess]

Look at us now. Now it's such a thing. Cunty. Cunty Bob.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, Cunty.

[Ashley Hess]

Look, looks. I'm serving. Right. Serving cunt.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know. I love that.

[Ashley Hess]

All those people who criticized you. I love it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Thank you. I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Jackie, do you have any anxiety or anything?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Not really.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wow.

[Ashley Hess]

Sometimes people like you told you seem really well adjusted and stable.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Jackie, do you cry about anything?

[Ashley Hess]

Have you ever cried?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean, I just want to be honest. Like, I could.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm with you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I want to be honest. Honest. I mean, I have, like, normal anxieties. Like, if I'm running late for a flight, like, that kind of stress.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, Ashley doesn't feel anxiety about running late. That's just her baseline.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I used to, like, a lot, like, a long time ago, I used to have crazy kind of, like, panic attacks. I had, like.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, really?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I did for a while. It was like, a very short blip of time.

[Ashley Hess]

You don't have to lie now.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, like, when you're pregnant or something. So your hormones were crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. Like, I.

[Ashley Hess]

But.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But all in all, like, I'm not an. I do not run anxious. I'm not a word at all.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you ever journal. Have you ever journaled? Have you ever written a journal entry?

[Jackie Schimmel]

What the fuck? Do you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have you ever written in your notes app about something that bothered you?

[Ashley Hess]

No. No.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You know what I do, though? I like to prepare arguments that haven't happened. That's kind of just like a fun little thing that I do. So I'll premeditate an altercation with someone that could possibly happen.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just in case.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Just in case. And I'm ready to rumble.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love that because how many times do you get into, like, a little tip with somebody and you're like, I could have dropped the hottest insult of 2026, and I just didn't.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I'm ready.

[Raina Greenberg]

And now we're too far down the road.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I know.

[Ashley Hess]

But when you don't get to use it, that sucks.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I have notes for everybody in my life, like, my husband and all my family members, so that if anybody tries to hit a sideways, you're not even going to know what you're coming for. Like, I've got. But you're. I have a timeline. I have, like, incidents that I've let slide that I'm holding on to. Like, I could be pretty diabolical, but it's more for fun for me. Like, I just want to be ready.

[Ashley Hess]

100, you know? Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, we're ready to go. How.

[Raina Greenberg]

How Old were you when you met your husband?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I was 21.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you were really young. You skipped that whole. I mean, all of the 20s and 30s of the. I mean, so much of our anxiety in the world and how we feel about ourselves come from men and dating 1000%.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I think that if I was like in the game a little bit longer, it would probably be different.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it really, I think, forms how you feel about yourself.

[Jackie Schimmel]

21, and it's like up to say. But that's so. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You guys had a decade plus of marriage. Childless.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, we were together a long time. Or not marriage, but together. Yeah, we were together, I don't know, like 13, 14 years before having a baby.

[Raina Greenberg]

Look, can you imagine, like, what. Who you would be if, like, you just never had to be open to the opinions of men and what they

[Ashley Hess]

think of you, people dating you?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I feel like I wouldn't be so good at that because I'd be like you. Like, I would be very difficult probably to date.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just. I can't imagine who I would be.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, she's trying to think of something nice. Just like, she's like, yeah, I see that for you. No, it's so true.

[Ashley Hess]

I would be found the right match for you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I was, let me tell you, before my husband, I was.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oof.

[Jackie Schimmel]

God, I was so good at it in certain ways. Like, I had lots of boyfriends all the time, and I was just juggling them.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was the extra slutty back then.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Zero remorse.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I had hoes in different area codes. I was like. It was.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then he trapped you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He trapped me.

[Ashley Hess]

But I mean, a secure relationship, you don't have to worry about any of the stuff that we hate to admit takes up so much of our brain space and energy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean, I totally.

[Ashley Hess]

I felt like that when I got together with my now husband. I'm like, I feel free.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, in terms of, like, I was wanting to find somebody. So I was thinking about it a lot. I was thinking about it when we would go out for girls nights or to the grocery store or whatever. Like, not in a desperate way. Like, I was glam to go to the grocery store. What if I meet him? Like, it's a fucking Hallmark movie. But I just think that just all fades away if you find that person. And it is. It can be freeing in more ways than one and that it frees up even a lot of your energy and.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. And you can be totally yourself and you're not dealing with the discourse of like, being Ghosted or saying the wrong thing and then, you know, whatever that looks like is really difficult. I can imagine that would be. It is.

[Raina Greenberg]

And, like, the amount of conversations you have to have with yourself when you didn't even like somebody and they ghosted you, they treated you badly, what, they didn't text you back, and you're like, well, now I'm thinking to my, am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? I mean, you just don't have to deal with that. What a gift.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know I was not be. I would be very problematic on the streets. If I was. I'd be doing some weird. Especially if I had a microphone. I'd be like, his name was Daniel. He lives at. I would be giving out addresses.

[Ashley Hess]

Everybody.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, yeah. I'd be terrible.

[Raina Greenberg]

I kind of wish your husband would

[Ashley Hess]

just let you do that a little bit.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know. I kind of missed an opportunity there.

[Ashley Hess]

Does he check you on anything, or does he let you cook all the time?

[Jackie Schimmel]

He lets me cook most of the time. But, like, once in a while, he'll be like, that's an enough. And I'm like, okay. Because, like, sometimes I just like that. Sometimes I just want to hustle. And he's really not into it. But, like, sometimes I get bored. You know, on a Friday where you've had, like, a long day of no social interaction. Okay, pick a fight. And you just want to pick a fight. Like, I. I do this sometimes because I'm just looking for. For some entertainment. Yeah. And I'm.

[Raina Greenberg]

He's like, I've seen this. Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And he's bored. Totally. And he's not good at it, and I'm great at it. So sometimes I just want to, like, work the muscle a little bit. So I'll try to angle it a couple different ways. I'll try to bring up something about when he was late, like, three and a half weeks ago, and then he was late again, and then we already resolved it, and he kind of, like, diffuses. Diffuses. He's like, I understand. Like, he's. He's very quick to diffuse a situation, which is so annoying when you want

[Raina Greenberg]

to have a fight and someone's just like, I. You are right.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Raina Greenberg]

And I am wrong.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Or he'll just, like, start laughing. He's like, you're a crazy person. Good night. And then I'm like, okay, I'm done now.

[Ashley Hess]

I got it out of my system. Let me check my notes. I'm curious.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm like, yeah, you better walk away. He's like, I'm gonna go watch the Laker game. Have fun. I'm like, yeah, I will have fun. And then I'm just screaming into a

[Ashley Hess]

hall, keep our son alive.

[Raina Greenberg]

Bye.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He just taps out in like, a very, like, regulated way, you know? And I'm like, okay, well, that didn't work.

[Ashley Hess]

So that's a really long time to be married without a child. So it sounds like it was always the plan, but was it a great adjustment? And did you guys ever waffle over, like, man, we're having a good time, or did it really feel like the right time?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, No, I definitely did. I'm like, I have designed my whole life to be, like, and flexible. I can go anywhere. Like, I would say three, four years ago, I had hit the stride with the podcast. We bought our home. Like, we were in such a r. But we're in such a great zone. Like, I had truly full independence. And we're not supposed to talk about this because we're women, but especially, like, financially. Like, I could go do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do, buy whatever I want, fly however I want. Like, that was always.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is what it was all for.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That was the goal. And so once I got that, where I was like, whoa, I can just like, like, go to Paris next week and, like, buy purses and, like, eat at all the restaurants I like, and then do whatever the fuck I want, you know? Like, that was so cool. And I'm like, are we really gonna fuck this up? Like. And the truth is, you know what I said to a good friend of mine, ours, actually? I said, you know, people who don't have big lives don't have big solutions, which sounds really, really.

[Ashley Hess]

I saw that you post this where

[Jackie Schimmel]

you self employment important. I was very drunk at the time. It blew both of our minds.

[Ashley Hess]

After I said.

[Jackie Schimmel]

After I said it, we were both like, whoa, that is so real.

[Ashley Hess]

Posted.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So true. And then we couldn't remember what it was. I was like, wait, what did I say again? And then we workshopped it for, like, 13 minutes. We couldn't remember this profound thing. And then once we finally came back to it, I was like, text that to me. I gotta remember that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And then I read it back the next morning. Like, that's, like, actually very stupid.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I don't think it is. Is.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, say it to me again.

[Jackie Schimmel]

What was it?

[Ashley Hess]

You don't even remember? It says, so soft B.

[Raina Greenberg]

People who don't have big obstacles. So Ryan taught me this.

[Ashley Hess]

Obstacles. Soft.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Silent, B.

[Ashley Hess]

Soft. Not the itch. Eyeball. It's, you know, oh my God, I'm

[Jackie Schimmel]

a solution oriented person, okay? And. And I think that you can either look at it like, oh, I'm never gonna do this again. That's what women love to do it.

[Ashley Hess]

Love to do it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Well, just wait. It's only. You're never gonna do that again. Just wait. The just waiters. This is why I won't march for those fucking bitches. Okay? Just wait. Just wait. It's so doomsday. It's so unhelpful. It's so toxic. It's so weird.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like mom saying, like, you think you're gonna go out to dinner and enjoy

[Jackie Schimmel]

your lives, like you're never gonna do that again.

[Ashley Hess]

Just all of it, all of it. About everything.

[Jackie Schimmel]

The language.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, it's this crazy doomsday caution. Your life's gonna change so drastically. Yeah. And you're so naive.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's like you don't know. I'm like, well, okay, I have a two and a half year old and yes, things are different, but I also travel. We also go out to dinner. We also, like have exposed outlets. You know what I mean? There is a way to design. You're the architect of your own life. You can figure it out. If you don't want to. If you want to have an excuse, you want to be upset about things and you want to harbor in that, you can do that or you can do something else. And I've done something else. So, you know, yeah, things are different, but they're better for me. Like, we make it work. We just make it work. My husband doesn't not travel for work anymore. I don't not travel. Like, we figure it out. I also married someone that's that like, wants to be a part of the equation and is helpful. So, yeah, it works.

[Ashley Hess]

We were talking. I find it fascinating.

[Raina Greenberg]

Men that, like, want kids versus men that want to be dads, like, it's different. My dad really wanted to be a dad. Like, he took us to like, the zoo and the library and baseball games. He just, like, loved being a fucking dad.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

When I hear people say, like, I just want kids, I'm like, do you?

[Ashley Hess]

You're so right. I never even really thought of that. The language matters. I mean, you can say things and you're like, what I really mean is this. I'm not saying that you say a thing and you're locked into that mindset, but those are two different things. Like, very different the way you say them. What do you mean? I gotta have kids, I gotta carry on My family name or whatever the fuck, or. I want to be a dad. Like, I want to be a dad means I want to be a dad.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I want to participate and raise a human and, like, be in the trenches.

[Raina Greenberg]

I would love to have kids. I don't want to be a mom.

[Ashley Hess]

I could be a dad.

[Raina Greenberg]

When I think about it. I love, love family. I love children. I'm obsessed with my brother's son. Like, I love people around me all the time. I love the joyous moments with a child for an hour. I don't want to be a mom. I don't want to do the things you have to be a great mom to do.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I wish people were more open and honest about that without being scared of being, like, judged. I think that's really. I find it to be odd. I feel like less people should have kids.

[Ashley Hess]

I feel like if you don't really want it, you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You shouldn't fucking do it.

[Ashley Hess]

I think you should want it more than anything before you do it, because the drastic change it takes on your life. I can't imagine being on the. And I'm sure this happens, but I can't imagine being on the fence and just be like, well, we'll try it. I hope it works out for you. But I can't imagine a bigger life change. So.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I hate, hate, hate when. When women with children say to people who don't want kids, like, the pity thing of, like, oh, well, you'll never. You have to. And even, like, lived. No, they're having a great time, okay? You're miserable. They're. They're having the time of their lives. Let's not rewrite history here.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you know what? People don't, like, come for us like that because I. We are so confident in our decisions.

[Raina Greenberg]

And also, I don't.

[Ashley Hess]

If they do. I don't even clock it. I'm like, it's such a projection.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, by the way, that's exactly what.

[Ashley Hess]

It doesn't even bother if you say that to me. Oh, you'll change your mind. You'll regret it. I will not. I am so steadfast in my choice to not have children as you are in yours to have them, which is great. Great, too.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Exactly. And you're not going being like, oh, God, you'll never. You know what I mean? It's just like, such a.

[Raina Greenberg]

Once you have kids, you'll change your mind.

[Ashley Hess]

Right? Guess what?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm here to tell the tale.

[Ashley Hess]

I didn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

I changed my mind.

[Ashley Hess]

My life was awesome.

[Raina Greenberg]

We've gotten emails of people saying I had kids, and I realized I didn't want to do this.

[Ashley Hess]

I regret.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. I have a friend that's like, why did I do this? I'm like, I told you you shouldn't have done it.

[Ashley Hess]

I told you, like, bitch, now you gotta stick with it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I heard somebody say she's an influencer. She said, I would rather regret not having kids than regret grabbing kids. And I think about that when I, like, balance it. Cause, like, I would rather be like, okay, this decision only affected me versus this decision affected me and my offspring.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. Yeah. You know, okay, let's wrap this up with a bitch sesh.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, let's do it. Should I start?

[Ashley Hess]

Do you have something ready to go that's been pissing you off?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean, I feel like I've kind of beat this to filth, but all social media trends that include the Goo Goo Dolls, I would like to end. Oh, the 90s, all of this. Like, mom, what were you like in the 90s? And then it's like this slideshow of. You've seen it, everyone's seen it.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do we talk about?

[Ashley Hess]

So I'm a. I live for the 90s. Oh, you have a similar. Like that. You posted a playlist. Right. I feel like we're really alive. I have nostalgia as a disease. Like, it's all I think about. Whatever.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Same.

[Ashley Hess]

The song isn't the right vibe, by the way. And, like, Usher posts it and he plays the song.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Whatever.

[Ashley Hess]

It's weird.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Also, it is the wrong song.

[Ashley Hess]

But where is everyone getting all this footage? Like, I don't. I. Right. Wait, do I call my mom?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, I'm.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I have photos from the 90s. But, like, people have this ready to go. Why do you have all your 90s pics? I wish I had them.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They were all at my mom's house

[Raina Greenberg]

in an album, I would have to. To, like, call her.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So much work. And also it. It's the wrong song and it's the wrong verse, and I'd give up forever. Like, it's not even, like, the chorus.

[Raina Greenberg]

Also, the song should change. Like, mom, what do you like?

[Ashley Hess]

What?

[Raina Greenberg]

We like the 90s. It should. The music should change.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a bit of a downer.

[Ashley Hess]

The first one I saw this was unhinged and it was MTV spring break. And to that song. And it was all the best clips that we remember. It was like Jerry Springer and the Grind and like all these. These, like, slutty people at the Panama City beach. And it was like the best thing we've ever experienced.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Why would it be like the Cranberries? Like, like dreams? Like, why wouldn't it be like dreams or like new radicals? Like, you get what you get. Like, why wouldn't it be something a little more just upbeat? Upbeat.

[Ashley Hess]

It's giving. Someone died.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's giving eulogy.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm so mad about the song choice.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's like, are we trying to be Sad about the 90s?

[Ashley Hess]

Like, the fact that Usher did it, dad. What we, like, in the 90s. And then Usher shows all these photos of him as an icon to the Goo Goo Dolls. Sad song was like, my brain is breaking crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Wait, I want to bring up another thing that I could talk about for 500 years. Have you seen Jennifer Lopez's interiors of her home?

[Raina Greenberg]

No. Where are they on Instagram?

[Jackie Schimmel]

You have to go to.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, what happened? What are they, like, her new home? Like, not with Ben Affleck, obviously.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, every home that she's ever had. First of all, do you know who Rachel Ashwell is? The diffusion line for Target. Shabby chic. Do you know what a dust ruffle is?

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. Just your eyes.

[Ashley Hess]

It's giving dust ruffle. There's not dust ruffles.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's not giving dust ruffles.

[Raina Greenberg]

She has dust ruffles.

[Jackie Schimmel]

There are dust fucking ruffles.

[Raina Greenberg]

I swear to God. Gundam. I didn't know we made these anymore. I didn't know they were available.

[Jackie Schimmel]

She's got a sofa. There's so much upholstery. There's so many dust ruffles. There is so much mass produced Wayfair artwork. She's got a phone from 1998 with the cord. She's got Z Gallery lamps. You'll never recover. We can't trust her, J. Lou. We can't.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, you see something like that, you're like, we are not.

[Raina Greenberg]

Jenny from the block has dust ruffles.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, look at her Georgian home interior. You will die. It is undersized. She's got a love seat with, like, a floral motif and a fucking dust ruffle with all the of. Of these pillow.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's trolling us.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's the craziest thing you've ever seen in your life. It just doesn't make any sense. It just doesn't make sense. You look at Gwyneth Paltrow's home in Montecito. That makes sense.

[Ashley Hess]

Kendall Jenner, that mountain house.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Kendall Jenner's mountain house. Things make sense. This makes no fucking sense. No fucking sense.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. I cannot wait to get into this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

It's very.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a niche take, but it's something I think about a lot.

[Ashley Hess]

This is. I love this take. I mean, we went off about the pompous grass when we came out. I know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I didn't want to bring it up again because we just. I feel like we heard SHIELD I'm in my power.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's why no one's saying anything to me about it. I'm not going to take it down.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right. Did you take any of it down?

[Raina Greenberg]

One of the stocks broke, and I taped.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You had a foliage, and it broke. That was a sign from the universe.

[Raina Greenberg]

I have decided for my next apartment when I move, if. If we'll talk about it. But.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

For my next apartment, my next home, no pompous grass. I'm actually done with the whole aesthetic. I'm done with the whole aesthetic. I'm done with the whole, like, whitewashed beachy. I mean, I live in Venice. It makes sense. Like, I'm. I am done with that esthetic. Like, a friend of ours had their home, like, redone, and she wanted this, like, vibey, like, one hotel look. And I said to her, it's over.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Do you have something to bitch about?

[Raina Greenberg]

I do actually have something to bitch about. Okay. The larger issue is micro trends in fashion, and I feel like we can't keep up with them. And it's. Every 30 seconds, there is a new thing. And, like, I saw this comedian talking about, like, Gen Z and jeans. Like, you guys didn't pick a jean. That's not my jokes. Right? She said, you guys didn't pick a jean. You picked all the jeans. We picked. We picked skinny jeans. And it was the wrong thing to pick. But the specific micro trend I really hate is how we were all made fun of to the point that we couldn't do front tucks anymore, which, like, fine, I will adhere to it. But now they're doing side tucks.

[Ashley Hess]

What are you saying?

[Raina Greenberg]

That's insane. Insane. One other bra around the side. Side tuck? Yep.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Wait, a side tuck under the bra?

[Raina Greenberg]

Under the bra.

[Ashley Hess]

No.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Side is.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes, they are.

[Ashley Hess]

Let's see the receipt.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't have the midsection for that right now, so I'm irritated, but also stupid. So they're doing an asymmetrical tuck.

[Raina Greenberg]

Asymmetrical tuck.

[Ashley Hess]

But we can't have a side.

[Raina Greenberg]

Side tuck.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, no. I hate everything that you're showing me right now.

[Ashley Hess]

That looks like she's joking.

[Raina Greenberg]

Are we sure?

[Ashley Hess]

Have you seen more?

[Raina Greenberg]

No. This is a thing. Sidetalks are a thing.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, It's Miranda.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Bless her.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, we're both trying to date Chase. I mean, it's so aggressive. The one sided people are like, like, yes, I saw a stylist the other day. She was like, oh, a great way to freshen up your wardrobe.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Just tuck one side of your shirt into your bra like you were getting dressed in a dumpster.

[Ashley Hess]

It looks like a mistake. It looks like it got caught.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Ashley Hess]

Anything that looks like a mistake, like, I can't.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's like, look what I did. It's crazy. Like, you look like you just ate up on that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's so stupid. And a thong bikini for me. Like, you know those diapery like bunchy bikinis that look like, like the, like the thongs you wear when you're like getting waxed. You have to be so confident with your butthole to pull off a thong bikini.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm okay with it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

What do you mean?

[Ashley Hess]

I like it as a swimsuit?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, as a. Oh.

[Ashley Hess]

As a swimsuit.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You have to really know what's going on.

[Raina Greenberg]

I made peace with it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You made peace with you can't hardly

[Ashley Hess]

find full coverage though.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can't find anything.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's why I'm cool with a cheeky number. But like a full, like a string.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who's doing that outside of Miami?

[Ashley Hess]

That's great.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, like em Rada. Like she wants, you know, she's a writer, seriously. And she doesn't want to be objectified. But she is going to show us her asshole every other week.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'll look at her asshole.

[Ashley Hess]

I would get kicked off the beach. Like, you don't want to see what's going on? They're like, I have so many problems with my butt. Like, I just can't, like I. I want full coverage. You can't find it?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I need, I need something in between. But I can't have a string in my ass.

[Ashley Hess]

That's insane.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I have made peace with the fact that there's just no coverage. I go to the beach alone a lot. I'm like walking around my whole butts out. I'm just like, I've had to make peace with it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Good for you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

Strong.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do you want to.

[Ashley Hess]

So this is really nothing new for me, but I have seen it become more prevalent. People with their devices playing full video in public. But so I have. I can feel the rage filling my body. I have always said people on speakerphone in public get the. What are you doing? Like, this is my hinge prompt. But Twice in the last week. Week. Like in a coffee shop and at a restaurant at Zinc and at the new Intelligentsia on the patio in Santa Monica. Both middle aged white men obviously, obviously ordered their coffee. Whatever they're doing, they propped up their phone to watch something without any headphones. You are the worst person alive. You are so terrible. You are so entitled. You were, you have no friends. Clearly that's why you're doing this. Like you want to go to a coffee shop or a restaurant and bring headphones, headphones and watch something go all the way off. But what are you doing? This should not be allowed. And United Airlines recently they updated their rules. You have to have headphones for all personal device audio or you can actually

[Raina Greenberg]

be the standard rules.

[Ashley Hess]

You can be removed from flights. Like I've heard Americans say you have to wear headphones. You can't just like play your devices at full volume. But people are showing up to establishments, men with men, men, white men with their devices to play. I can't believe it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I sat next to someone at a sushi bar like last week who was doing the same thing. Full volume.

[Raina Greenberg]

I understand this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I could not control myself. I, you know, I like, I love a one sided monologue. So I was sitting like one seat over from him and I'm like, oh, okay. So we're all, we're all watching this movie. Okay, spoiler alert. And I, I just like had to keep talking about it.

[Ashley Hess]

I'll confront somebody.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I mean like could you put fucking headphones on?

[Ashley Hess]

I'll could go up to somebody. I will not just let them. Mel Robbins said you have to let them. I'm not letting and I will do that or I will tell a server cuz they're disturbing the patrons of this restaurant. But both occasions we were getting ready to leave and I was like, well, it's time to go. But this is an insane behavior. Like you are a terrible person to, to think you can do this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It goes back to the lack of self awareness. Like how are you existing in the universe thinking that this is okay?

[Ashley Hess]

Or respect. Well, how are you in a room

[Raina Greenberg]

full of a hundred plus people and you think what I want is more important than what every single person wants? This is not debatable.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, you're hijacking a vibe.

[Ashley Hess]

Your kids too. So we went to brunch and the sitting behind us, the kid with the iPad at full volume.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I unacceptable.

[Ashley Hess]

If you need your kid to have a device in a restaurant, they either need to wear headphones, they need to watch without sound. That's just what it is. You can absolutely bring your device or you can't go out to the restaurant. I glared at the mom until they turn the volume down.

[Raina Greenberg]

Good.

[Ashley Hess]

It's just so rude.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It is so fucking rude.

[Ashley Hess]

I'd rather you smoke or be.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally. No shoes. Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I'd much rather you be on the phone having a conversation that I can listen to.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

At least that I will at least sign up for. Like are we having a fight? Are we arguing about something? I mean, if you're talking about something.

[Ashley Hess]

No. A middle aged white man is never giving you any tea. Like he's on a business call. On speak. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I also don't like people that talk on the phone on the plane, period. Like when you are on the ground, like when you're on the tarmac and people are on the phone having a conversation. Like I had, I've had recently like several people like having business meeting phone calls on the plane.

[Ashley Hess]

Plane.

[Raina Greenberg]

You are two inches away from me.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Are you conducting business? Are you a businessman?

[Ashley Hess]

Get the.

[Raina Greenberg]

If it's an emergency. Like as I was boarding a plane, Taylor, Frankie Paul's season of the Bachelor got canceled and I, I was leaving a voice note and I was like, I have to finish talking about this now.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a national tragedy. I walked through national emergency.

[Raina Greenberg]

But once I sat, I got off the phone.

[Ashley Hess]

I hate it. But I can live with it because it's short lived. Like I know it's about to stop, but remember that one time you don't

[Raina Greenberg]

know if it's a short lived.

[Ashley Hess]

Remember that we. But they have to before you take off is my point.

[Raina Greenberg]

But what if we're on the Runway for 30 minutes?

[Ashley Hess]

That's fair. That would. Yeah, that's usually though it does feel like it's gonna be quick. But that one time with the manager of that one group and he talked at the phone, I heard so much about his custody battle and like all this, oh, he was feeling that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Give us tea.

[Ashley Hess]

He was spilling so much tea. And then he was saying he managed a band and we were able to place his tattoos to figure out what band he managed.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, that was great.

[Ashley Hess]

And then we like. I would love that. So yes, give us the tea if you're going to do it. But these restaurants need to make these rules and like I just want to empower all servers to just gently say, do you have headphones?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, we have a policy that if you have a device in the restaurant, the earth also has a policy

[Raina Greenberg]

that you can't act like this.

[Ashley Hess]

I know you want to be. That's a patron. You don't want to start an altercation. So it's just like, that's what they do on flights. Like, they come up and they say, you need headphones.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We need structure and order and society.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes, There's.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We do.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who are you yelling about? There was rules for society. It made me laugh. It's about the plane. So everything. Everything, yeah. Music on the beach.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, just right. People, like, how do you talk in your vibe?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, you don't get to just decide what everyone is.

[Ashley Hess]

You get to DJ the beach.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No. What are you, Diplo.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm talking.

[Raina Greenberg]

Close enough to me on this.

[Ashley Hess]

My rule is if you were doing something that if everyone did it, it would be a problem, you shouldn't be doing it. That's what it's like to be in the world. You don't have to abide by those rules. You can live in the woods and not be around people. But in society, if you're doing a thing that if we all did it, if we all pulled out our phones right now and started watching sports on full volume in this restaurant, what the fuck would happen, you know?

[Jackie Schimmel]

And you don't want to fight fire with fire. That's a very dangerous kind of system to come.

[Ashley Hess]

Never thought of that. Right?

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's funny, but that is funny. Imagine you. You're like, watch me porn. Watch me. I'm gonna hit you with a higher volume and something more uncomfortable. We're going to combat it at Zinc. Let's go.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. Okay. Well, Jackie, this has been delight.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Thank you so much for having me, Jackie.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just love to listen to you talk shit about stuff. Your Instagram's so fun. Your podcast is so fun.

[Ashley Hess]

Thank you.

[Raina Greenberg]

You really just pop off about everything, like, tell people where they can find you everywhere.

[Jackie Schimmel]

My podcast is called the Bitch Bible. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts. And then I'm on Instagram at Jackie Schimmel. That's it.

[Ashley Hess]

That was. This was such a hard b.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Hard Bible.

[Raina Greenberg]

Soft star on that one.

[Ashley Hess]

And girls gotta eat.com for us. You guys can get tickets to our show here in LA on May 7th at Girls Gotta Eat dot com. Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is raina dot greenberg. Raina greenberg dot com. For her tour tickets, you can watch full video on YouTube or Spotify. So subscribe there and we will see you Thursday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a good week, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Bye. Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on

[Jackie Schimmel]

Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm

[Ashley Hess]

you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors, and learn about our associate degree in Nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington. Edu Events.

[Jackie Schimmel]

For information on program outcomes, visit carrington. Edu Sci.