Performative Males and Black Cat Boyfriends with Alec Flynn

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat – "Performative Males and Black Cat Boyfriends" with Alec Flynn

Episode Date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Guest: Alec Flynn (Comedian, Host of Big Al's Grill ASMR)

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Episode Overview

This lively, comedic episode explores the rising phenomenon of "performative males"—men who outwardly adopt feminist, sensitive, or ‘woke’ aesthetics and attitudes. The hosts, Ashley and Rayna, along with guest comedian Alec Flynn, debate authenticity vs. performance in modern masculinity, green flags in relationships, dating app behaviors, and shifting male friendships. The conversation also touches on the “golden retriever” vs. “black cat boyfriend” archetypes, providing both laughs and genuine insight into 2025’s messy dating landscape.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Are "Performative Males"? (42:48–46:22)

• Definition: Men who outwardly adopt progressive, sensitive behaviors or aesthetics (tote bags, tattoos, quoting feminist literature), but may do so for attention or as a surface-level performance rather than true belief.
• Alec’s Take:

  “God forbid a man create an inner life for himself. Literally. God forbid a man develop confidence and a sense of style, and the women are like, ‘trying too hard.’ … Every guy I know wears a golf polo and hits me sometimes. God forbid.”
  — Alec Flynn, [42:48]

• Authenticity vs. Performance: Alec and the hosts agree that while performance isn't inherently bad, manipulation or insincerity is. “If the ‘future is female’ shirt is just gonna get me pussy, you’re the worst,” says Ashley ([45:51]).

2. Green Flags in Relationships (10:37–30:59)

• The trio conducted a crowdsourced survey on "obscure" green flags, and discussed their personal relationship preferences:

  • Treats animals well (extremely important)
  • Shares home responsibilities (e.g., making coffee, walking the dog)
  • Has a sister; cooks; isn’t obsessed with porn; is moderate with alcohol ([19:42], [20:53])
  • Remembers small details—“So hot” if he remembers her sandwich order ([25:57])
  • Splitting food (“you have to split it with me” – Rayna)
  • Shows up for small acts of service without needing credit
  • Reads books; is curious and dynamic, not “one note”
  • Is relaxed if partner is running late (Ashley: “Not feeling rushed around them just hits different” [26:09])
  • Talks about exes without negativity: “Anybody that tells you all their exes are crazy or a narcissist or whatever, just run away” – Rayna ([27:01])

• Memorable Moment:

  “If you treat animals poorly… jail.” — Ashley, [14:30]

3. The Shift in Male Friendships & Socializing (69:54–75:58)

• Exploring why men “disappear” into relationships and lose friendships over time, and how societal messages are conflicting: men are shamed for too much ‘guys’ time,’ yet expected to have strong male bonds.

• Alec points to Gen Z men increasingly socializing online versus in-person, often through gaming, and less through drinking and bar culture.

• There’s a plea for partners and society to support men maintaining robust friendships outside their romantic and family lives.

• Insightful Quote:

  “This is the podcast that supports men the most.” — Alec, tongue-in-cheek, [76:06]

4. The Realities & Pressures of Modern Dating (53:38–62:49; 76:54–82:55)

• Listeners, especially men, share frustrations about dating, expressing self-doubt, perceived ‘nice guy’ syndrome, and the difficulties of standing out without posturing or game-playing.

• These challenges are exacerbated by the scrutiny and performativity of social media: “Nothing I do will be right. So, we’re here, but we’re afraid of you.” — Rayna, [76:54]

• Alec relates personal tales of dating in LA, tech usage, and how vulnerability and curiosity are key for both men and women to thrive in dating.

• Advice for “Nice Guys” & Those Struggling:

  “Read more. You can always be more interesting... Pick up a new hobby or skill… Women find that shit so hot.” — Ashley, [57:48]
  “Just be confident… The best way to build up that confidence? Go to the local bar, get a couple sloppy makeouts. Just grease the wheels.” — Alec, [56:44], [57:12]

5. The “Golden Retriever” vs. “Black Cat” Boyfriend Archetypes (83:37–89:02)

• Golden Retriever Boyfriend: Outgoing, openly affectionate, reliable, energetically supportive (e.g., Travis Kelce); contrasted with
• Black Cat Boyfriend: Moody, reserved, emotionally complex, elusive (e.g., Felix from “Too Much,” Carmi from “The Bear”).
• Hosts express a real preference for the former—opting out of the moody, avoidant “black cat” dynamic.
  • “I have no interest in black cat boyfriend. … Nothing is less interesting to me than that.” – Rayna ([88:24])
• Alec self-identifies as more of a “golden retriever,” applying those secure vibes in his relationships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “God forbid a man develop confidence and a sense of style, and the women are like, ‘trying too hard.’” — Alec ([42:48])
• “If the choice is between a man cosplaying feminism with a tote bag and a man clinging to outdated ideas of what real men should be, I know which one I’ll take my chances with.” — Ashley, paraphrasing a HuffPost article ([52:13])
• “It should just be standard that if your partner gets up before you, they should make you a coffee.” — Rayna ([19:18])
• “I always feel like if you give me a sandwich and there’s peppers or onions on it and they’re like, just take it off—We’re getting a divorce.” — Rayna ([25:57])
• “Confidence. From what I’m gathering from [the listener email], you’re doing the right things, but maybe they can…like, an audience can smell fear.” — Alec ([56:44])
• “Pick up a hobby, alright? Talk to women and just be normal.” — Alec ([79:23])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [10:37] – Crowdsourced relationship green flags
• [19:18] – Acts of service in relationships (“should be standard…”)
• [42:48] – Alec’s performative male monologue
• [46:41] – Therapy speak and authenticity challenges in men
• [53:38] – Listener email from a struggling “nice guy”; advice for lonely men
• [69:54] – Male friendships and why men disappear in relationships
• [76:54] – Are men “scared” to participate in dating due to online scrutiny?
• [83:37] – Golden retriever vs. black cat boyfriend breakdown

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Tone & Takeaways

• The episode is self-aware, sharply funny, and manages to balance playful teasing, cultural critique, and genuine dating advice.
• All three agree that being dynamic—curious, authentic, and continually growing—is attractive in men and women alike.
• There’s empathy for the pressures of modern dating, but a call to action: “You got to do the things,” says Ashley.
• The ideal partner? Real, reliable, self-aware… and not above making the coffee or walking the dog.

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Recommended Listening

• If you liked this episode, try previous episodes with Ingrid Clayton (on trauma responses) or Scott Galloway (on advice for men in 2025) for more on relationships and cultural shifts.

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For tickets to live shows, follow Ashley and Rayna on Instagram, or catch Alec on tour as “Big Al Flynn” for more comedy about dating and modern masculinity.

Transcript

[Alec Flynn]

We gotta talk about the performative male. I have a tote. Listen, I got a tote. I got, like, tattoos. I may or may not read some Joan Didion here and there, but I gotta say this right now.

[Ashley Hess]

This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Big day. Tickets are on sale for the holiday show Girls Gotta eat holiday spectacular.

[Raina Greenberg]

Two nights only. Two night stand, L.A. new York. That is it. We haven't been on tour this year, but we would never leave you hanging for the holiday show. So they are on sale today, 10:00am local time at Girls Gotta Eat dot com, L.A. we will see you on December 6th, Saturday night in New York. We will see you December 13th, Saturday night. Our biggest shows ever are the holiday shows.

[Ashley Hess]

We.

[Raina Greenberg]

We love them. They're wild and crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

You're gonna be feral.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like the vibes.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the vibe.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm. Oh, them or me? I've been feral lately.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I just feel like. I mean, I think we both will be, but, like, we haven't done this in so long. Yes. So I don't even know what's gonna happen. We gotta talk after this about some things.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, it's happening in my life.

[Ashley Hess]

No, the show that's the bookied.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who's running this.

[Ashley Hess]

Things like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

All right.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, the logistics of the show. You meant about, like, my dating life.

[Ashley Hess]

We can talk about that too. Guys, Raina says logistics.

[Raina Greenberg]

Logistics.

[Ashley Hess]

Don't play around now.

[Raina Greenberg]

How do I say it?

[Ashley Hess]

You always say lodge. I love to say logistics.

[Raina Greenberg]

Logistic. You say costumes.

[Ashley Hess]

But let us know in the comments if you're a. Logistics. Logistics. Logistics.

[Raina Greenberg]

How do I. So the logistics.

[Ashley Hess]

Now you're saying it, right. Because you've been caught.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I say stuff. I say Vegas.

[Ashley Hess]

Weird.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I don't hear it. Like, I hear what you're saying about logistics, but.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. You've never said it correctly in your life. And now that you've been put on blast.

[Raina Greenberg]

Vegas. I don't hear. I don't hear that at all.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you say legs? Legs. Legs. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do you say? Legs.

[Ashley Hess]

No, legs. Like the people who say Vegas. And legs. That's the same.

[Raina Greenberg]

How do you say Vegas?

[Ashley Hess]

Vegas.

[Raina Greenberg]

People say like Vegas. I don't say like that.

[Ashley Hess]

Vegas.

[Raina Greenberg]

Vegas.

[Ashley Hess]

Like veg.

[Raina Greenberg]

Las Vegas.

[Ashley Hess]

Like vegetable veg. Veg. Yeah. I say like it's an a.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ve. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

All right. Anyway, guys, get those tickets. Girls. Got you. Dot Com. We cannot wait to see you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes. And bring your friends, most importantly. But bring your partners, your mom, your grandma. We've lost people bring their families that travel for it. It's very funny. And we always do an outfit theme and we'll announce that soon so you guys can get your looks ready.

[Ashley Hess]

I will say Minneapolis last year. That grandma. First of all, I got like very emotional. Cause I miss my grandma. But we brought that grandma on stage. Like Minneapolis last year was one of my favorite shows of the whole tour. It was the grandma. And then Alex got engaged. Right? And it was just a perfect show. No notes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Was that the year that the manager of the venue, we found him on Bumble. You know that guy, that hot guy who ran the venue. Yeah, Clint.

[Ashley Hess]

No, we talked about it.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, we brought it up. And then the store's like, I know him.

[Ashley Hess]

Remember? We shared the story. Anyway, I have a Minneapolis update, but let's talk about our. Our partners.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, we'll thank our partners and then we'll get into it. Thank you to Quince. Get free shipping and 365 a day returns on your next order at quince.com GGE and Article get 50 off your first purchase of 100 or more at article.com uge and built get points by paying rent at join belt.com GG and.

[Ashley Hess]

Thank you to function. Our first 1000 listeners. Get a 100 credit towards your membership at functionhealth.com GGE or you can use code GGE100 and Nutraful get 10 off your first order and free shipping at nutriful.com with code GG10 and Hungry Root get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/GGE with code GGE okay, so just a quick personal announcement. I just decided to add another show to my tour cuz I'm just not busy enough, you know. Like I am not.

[Raina Greenberg]

Never seen you like this.

[Ashley Hess]

Stress. I've never felt like this. I will say I told you I've like dug a hole I can't seem to dig myself out of.

[Raina Greenberg]

It sounded cute. Planning your wedding and your tour and your special all at the same.

[Ashley Hess]

I thought it was like such a baddie. And it started fine but now there were in the thick of it like in the final stretch. It feels really overwhelming and insurmountable. And you have helped me so much. I'm just like so grateful for you. And especially with vibes and things like that. Like I can't actually do all the things that I need to do with the tour and the special and the wedding and the two companies and My personal life and all the things. And so it has been a lot. But yeah, I was like, you know what? Why not add another date? So I am coming to Minneapolis. I posted this on my story. So if you follow me, you saw it and there may or may not be tickets left by the time this runs, but I'm coming there on a Tuesday, October 7, and doing Acme Comedy Club, which is one of the most renowned clubs in the country. And we never did it. We went right to the Fillmore when we started performing there. So we've never been there. And I'm so thrilled to be there and I can't wait to see you guys and I hope you come out on Tuesday. So if there are tickets still available, they will be@ash hest.com and then right after that, I head to New York to film my Special on the 11th. Still probably some tickets left for that. And then I have a few tickets left for Philly, which is September 24th this week as this episode airs. Yes. So I will be in Philly Wednesday and Thursday this week. There are still some tickets available for Wednesday. Thursday is sold out. It's gonna be really fun. Corey and the girls are coming and I'm really excited. So I know, I wish you were gonna be there, but Philly, I'll see you guys this week. Go Birds. And then Boston, gonna end the tour at the Wilbur. And that's it.

[Raina Greenberg]

To be so fun. I'm so excited.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. As as we I'm about to set out this weekend, I will have just gotten back from San Francisco and then it's just like the final stretch. Like, I can't believe it. I mean. And I don't want to complain about being overwhelmed. I will look back on this year and feel really proud of everything that I was able to juggle. And after it's all said and done, and then I'm like, what is life even going to look like?

[Raina Greenberg]

November 2nd is going to be crazy. It really is.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. And I just. Then it's. It's just gonna be manageable. Like this feels.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're gonna run vibes and I'm gonna do nothing that's gonna sit back. I'm a little worried, actually.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm a little worried about what happens when I get my time back.

[Raina Greenberg]

I actually am enjoying running vibes without you. You're crushing it. It's been really fun. We hired a new marketing company and we just. I really enjoy the content that I've been working on with them and I'm proud of it.

[Ashley Hess]

And it looks beautiful.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I think I was gonna say a testament to you, but like, you and I are very collaborative on everything and it's very hard for either one of us to be like, live and let live. And I think that really, for the first time since I've been in business with you, I mean, our, our eight year anniversary is coming up. Like, this is the first time you've ever really sat back and been like, hands up. I'm just gonna throw my hands up to God.

[Ashley Hess]

You do it like, Jesus, take the wheel, Raina. Take the wheel. And we have a great team. And I just, I really do appreciate you, like beyond words. And you said you were like mid voice note the other day and you said like the sweetest thing. You were just like, isn't it great how we get along and do this in this way? And you know, there's been times in the history of our career where I am like doing so much, it feels, you know, we added the snack. Like a lot of that fell on me. And Raina is always like, whatever you need, I got it. And there's been times when I, like, it does feel like I have more on my plate. And you recognize that and this is a time when you're like, I'm gonna have more on my plate. Significantly, you've really helped manage both of our workload. I think we divide and conquer really well. But yeah, I've been like, I can't work on Vibes. And so we have a great team. It's not Raina single handedly running this company. It's a, you know, multimillion dollar company and it's successful and we have a lot of different, like, moving parts. But the social looks incredible. Everything looks incredible. It's all you. So you have taken some photos. You've gotten back into your photography era. So check it out, you guys. We dropped these new products. I mean, don't give me any credit. If you like it. It's been all Raina. Like, really? So the last like month or two, my fiance didn't really know that I was like, I haven't been working on Vibes. He was like, what? And I was like, rain has been doing all this. And he got like, I don't know, I don't say he got emotional, but he was like, wow, that's like really special what you guys have.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, thank you. I mean, it's just, it's fine. And I think that if you're in business with somebody long enough, you should hopefully be in business. Somebody that you Trust to just take the reins. And I think you like to be involved in everything and touch everything. I don't make major decisions without you, but I do like how everything looks and I feel excited about it. We have some new products coming out and you have essentially let me move back to New York, so I don't really live in LA that much anymore.

[Ashley Hess]

You're just always gone, which I appreciate. Last week, I think you were like, I'm heading to the airport. I was like, ma'. Am.

[Raina Greenberg]

So it was Thursday morning and I, like, woke up and I'd been home for like, eight days. And I was talking. I was having my coffee and I was talking to Brittany and I was like, I don't really want to be here this weekend. She goes, so go to the airport. And I was like, you know, that is a good idea. I will go to the airport.

[Ashley Hess]

I was so happy for you, but I was, like, so jealous. I was like, you're going to be going to, like, some fashion week parties and doing all this stuff and seeing all of our friends and November 2nd.

[Raina Greenberg]

Get your life back.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, then I'm gonna go on my, like, little mini moon.

[Raina Greenberg]

Three days. I'll see you in November 5th.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. So we have a really fun episode today. I mean, you really gotta hand it to us on our range.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can just give us a compliment.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I mean. And I think people say this as well, and it's just like, you'll have someone like Ingrid Clayton, who we had recently, and that was much more serious episode. It was about a trauma response. And now we have Alec Flynn, he's a male comedian, and we just cut up and talk about all this Stu. I don't know, it's just. It's interesting. And we know we can't please everybody all the time, but hopefully you guys appreciate the range. But these two weeks back to back, it makes me laugh.

[Raina Greenberg]

Last week was trauma, and this week it's just men with tote bags.

[Ashley Hess]

So I am so excited for you guys to hear his take on the performative male. It's really picking up steam. Trevor Wallace did a. Did a TikTok or reel about the performative male.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's. I mean, I told you when I was doing research for this episode, I mean, I. It was an overabundance of articles. It's. Every single person has, like, everybody's jumping on this.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Including us.

[Ashley Hess]

So we had crowdsourced with you guys on Instagram a while back. Green flags and like, what? A little more obscure green flags. Not just like, he Loves his family, you know, which is also a great green flag. That's the top.

[Raina Greenberg]

So, yeah, we crowdsourced some green flags and people took it seriously. We thought maybe that they would fuck around, but people took it really serious. And I think people are excited to have their partners, which I think is cute. A lot of family stuff.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

He calls his mom once a week, which I don't need it once a week.

[Ashley Hess]

I like once a day.

[Raina Greenberg]

Don't like once a week is a good amount.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

Twice a week. Sure.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. It's every. Every day is not for me.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wait, I have a question for you. Do you call your parents or do they call you?

[Ashley Hess]

I can't imagine a world in which my dad ever calls me. But I woke my mom and I. It's reciprocal. We're playing phone tag right now. I'm trying to get a hold of her, you know, she's so busy. She's playing nurse right now. That's what she's doing to your dad. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you want to give an update on your dad?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So I talked about my dad getting his hip replacement. It's still all good. I mean, he is in pain, of course, from a big surgery, but it's not the same pain he was in. It's. He felt like immediate relief. Like this is soreness and the way that it should be. And he's obviously managing that, but it's like not the shooting pain down his leg that he was living with for who knows how long. So everything's great. He's like ready to dance at the wedding.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Even though the doctor was like, do not fast dance.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're be dancing.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So I'm so excited for the hard launch of his hip at the wedding. My mom and I go back and forth. I probably like 50, 50. And then I'll call my dad for stuff like this, like to check in on him. Like, my dad and I don't talk like you and your dad talk.

[Raina Greenberg]

But so I asked you because yesterday my dad goes, I was going to call. I called him, he said, I was going to call you today. And I was like, why? And he goes, I was thinking about you. And I was like, this is a one way phone call relationship.

[Ashley Hess]

You only call him.

[Raina Greenberg]

I only call. And I have like, I talk to him twice a week. We talk for a long time. I come during my walks. We'll talk for like 40 minutes. He, my dad just like wants a whole business meeting roundup on like every one of our advertisers. How vibes is Doing everything. I don't think he's ever called me.

[Ashley Hess]

Really. I did not know this.

[Raina Greenberg]

If I see his name pop up on my phone, I'm worried.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

That somebody died.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally. I did not know that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I call him exclusively. My sister in law.

[Ashley Hess]

Chasing him. Yeah, it's hard to get.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like unavailable men.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, no, it's all coming out. My mom used to call me more and I think she just started to kind of maybe get a little frustrated that I was unavailable a lot. We were just busy. And so I think she leaves it up to me. And I think sometimes she'll hit me with the text, like, hey, can you talk? I think just over the years when I was in my 20s, I probably talked to my mom every day, probably multiple times a day. I mean, I feel like I was that meme of like, mom, I have to make a dentist appointment. What do I do? Like, we talked every day. And I really appreciate how she's let me grow and I think she misses me sometimes. And you just. As your kids grow up and become more independent, they don't need you as much. And we've had conversations about it over the years and I think she is certainly happy with our relationship and I want to make time for her and prioritize talking to her and things like that, but it's certainly less for me. It was every day in my 20s and it's like less in your 30s and even less now. And now I have my own family. Just kidding. But no, I just, I'm trying to. I've been trying to get a hold of her.

[Raina Greenberg]

I FaceTime my nephew this morning, he's like standing up and like, it's just so cute. He's mimicking sounds. I don't know if you remember this, but he, like, he's not saying words.

[Ashley Hess]

But like, he's getting there.

[Raina Greenberg]

My brother says like, Raina. And he'll say like, he'll like sound out like, nana.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, he's trying.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's cute.

[Ashley Hess]

Love him so much.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, we can move on. But yeah, a lot of people brought up what were even doing green flags and I mean, obviously stuff about how people treat their family was really, really paramount. And how they treat their friends. Aun. Animals. How they treat animals.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

Over and over and over and over again, animals was. Animals was probably over above family.

[Ashley Hess]

It's very telling. You should treat animals better than your family. You know, like, you could have family trauma. There's a backstory with your family. You know what I mean? Like, if someone's like, they don't really get along with their parents, or he doesn't really get along with his siblings or whatever. Like, there's a story there. I mean, it could be a red flag. But you're. You just don't know. Animals have done nothing to you. So if you treat them poorly, I mean, that's just jail.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's so weird to me when a man. Like, when a man just says, I just don't like animals. I've met two ever, and one of them is just the most terrible. And one of them is pretty great. But it doesn't surprise me. Like, a guy that I, like, hooked up with and he was like, I'm just not. He didn't say, like, I'm not a big animal person. That's fine with me. If somebody's like, I like other people's pets. I don't need one in my home. But, like, somebody, a man, just flat out, I just don't like animals. That's insane to me.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. It's funny. My fiance asked me the other day, what. What if I didn't love Azul like this? And I was like, I can't picture it. Like, I haven't experienced that with a partner. I mean, with my ex was obsessed with Dewey. They had their own relationship, you know? And the way that he is with Azul, I mean, he couldn't love him anymore.

[Raina Greenberg]

I.

[Ashley Hess]

It would be tough if. Because there's a world in which they like them and they'll take care of them and step in, but they don't, like, adore them and think of them as their own and dote on them. And it's just sometimes I feel like he, like, loves him more than me. Like, if we're cooking dinner, he's like, did you set aside a shrimp for Azul? I'm like, I forgot to set aside the shrimp. Like, he makes me feel bad sometimes. Like, he's like, did you get Azul into his outfit? Like, he has bought him so many bandanas. He really feels like a better parent sometimes. I'm like, just relax. I've had him for so many years before you even came along. I'm a good mom.

[Raina Greenberg]

He survived before you.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, but I. It would be tough if they were, like, indifferent.

[Raina Greenberg]

A lot of people, like, they clean up my dogs, like, poop for me, you know what came up? And I thought, like, was really cute, was he always wants to go on a walk with me when I walk the dog. And a friend of ours who recently split from their partner Said to me, like, I walk the dog every night and he never wants to come with me. And I was like, I really, like, I don't know, it made me, like, feel kind of emotional. That, like, that is, like, I think about, like, building intimacy with your partner and, like, like foreplay a little bit and, like, how nice is it at the end of the day, somebody comes home, is like, I would love to walk the dog with you. It sounds simple, but, like, this is an errand I have to do for us. I'd like you to come with me. It will turn me on.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I have so much to say. We. In the summer, when it was still light out after dinner, we were doing walks. I mean, it was just so lovely to be in the park with the dog after dinner. Like, I. It would be so weird for me to do that alone. And dividing up responsibilities with the pet is huge too. Like, for me, like, this is my dog. He was here before you came along. But the way that we operate now and the way that I would hope any woman would operate with her partner would be like, it's our dog now and we share responsibilities. I'm still covering the big medical costs, which I feel like is fair.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

But, like, the walking and stuff, like, it's 50, 50 or it ebbs and flows. Depends on our schedules and things like that. And obviously he's watched him this whole time when I've been on tour and he's not with me. Like, I. I remember one couple I knew and we were at their apartment and we were gonna head out for the night. And I remember him saying as we walked out, like, don't forget to walk the dog when you get home. And my jaw dropped.

[Raina Greenberg]

What?

[Ashley Hess]

And I was like, you're staying in. Like, we're going out.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're like, are his legs broken? Both of them?

[Ashley Hess]

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was like, that is crazy. Like, wouldn't you want to make her life a little easier? Like, we. It was. We were like, with some out of town friends. Like, it wasn't like a. Every night we're going out and getting wasted. And he's annoyed about that. It was just like a kind of a special night for the girls. And he was like, yeah, don't forget when you go down.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, what the am I hearing?

[Raina Greenberg]

I just. I do think that people just act better as they get older and a little less selfish and, like, they're just a little more, like, I would hope, like, malleable.

[Ashley Hess]

And you act Better.

[Raina Greenberg]

And the consequences of not acting nice are larger because you could really lose somebody who you see as a long term partner. And I think when we're younger, we're just kind of assholes. But an adult behaving like that is so weird to make. What are you doing?

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, a guy that is going to wake up and walk your dog when you may not want to because you're hungover, it's raining, various reasons. He does that for you. Huge green flag. Waving a bright green flag. It's so nice. I've even thinking of guys I've dated in the past. Like, I think of one guy I dated briefly and I remember one morning and we woke up and we'd been out the night before, drinking, and it was raining and he was like, I'll take Dewey out. I was like, and I'm gonna blow you when you get back.

[Raina Greenberg]

A lot of acts of service came up and I think that, like, it should just be standard that like, if your partner gets up in the morning before you, they should make you a coffee. Like it should be standard that if you have like a busy day, they make the bed. Like, I do think these are green flags and it's great, but like, like having somebody like share the workload at home with you and doing like little acts of service should be the standard, not just totally, you know.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, should we do hours and then read our listeners? Yeah. Okay. So number one, has a sister.

[Raina Greenberg]

We both just forever always think that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, so it came up too. So has a sister and nothing too much of a hot take. I mean, cooks. I don't want a guy that doesn't cook. It's not. A lot of people don't care. I have just grown up with men who cook. My dad, my brother. Like, it's not that I need you to cook for me. I also cook a lot. I've cooked overnight this week. I just want you to want to do it. I like it.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's just food. Something I really share with my partner. And it. I can't imagine being with somebody. So to me, like, people that don't cook don't tend to care about food that much. Right. Like, if you're just like, I like the same thing every night. It's like, I'm not. That doesn't sound fun to me. I want somebody like in the kitchen with me. And yeah, cooking is important to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I love to cook together. I mean, there's some people that are super foodies that don't cook. I mean, they go out Every night. I can't imagine it. My body would. I wouldn't survive it. But that's. You know, people do that too. Okay. And grills falls in.

[Raina Greenberg]

You got to learn.

[Ashley Hess]

You got to be able to work a grill. Get out of here.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the only thing you can do. I'm fine with it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. If you could just light the grill, just put a steak on it. Okay. Not that into porn.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, okay.

[Ashley Hess]

I just don't want to.

[Raina Greenberg]

You can't be into porn. It can't be like a personality.

[Ashley Hess]

Not that into porn.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like my brother said to me the other day about friend as. He was like, big porn guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My brother and his wife were both like, yeah, he's a big porn guy.

[Ashley Hess]

I was like, beer drinker. And yes, you can be a full blown sloppy drunk on beer alone, but I. My fiance sticks to pretty much beer and I like it. We don't get that drunk.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love it. He drives me around all the time.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Like, I kind of like it. I don't know. I've. We've just gotten into a relationship where we just. We drink moderately and I don't want to see him all drunk, and I probably vice versa. So you a guy that's like real whiskey drunk or he's just got wine teeth all the time. We were at a wedding with a couple that has since broken up, a celeb couple, if you will. And we were observing them for the wedding, and he was so wasted. He cleaned up his act after that, but we observed him at this wedding and he was walking around with, I don't know, a big gulp of red wine, trying to find the bathroom. He was in the kitchen. He was stumbling around yelling at his girlfriend. Just purple mouth. Like, I don't want it. Like, you guys know that guy? You guys know that guy that will.

[Raina Greenberg]

You actually do know.

[Ashley Hess]

You do know that will drink.

[Raina Greenberg]

Whatever.

[Ashley Hess]

He's just down. He just wants to get fucked up.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, that's also like an age thing to me. Like, I.

[Ashley Hess]

At.

[Raina Greenberg]

At this age, people who get like, really drunk. I see you like that one time. If I see you like that one time, it's a big red flag for me. Two times. I. We have a problem.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. And this is completely age. In my 20s, I was drunk. He was drunk even into my 30s. Like, we were wasted all the time.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I'm not judging people that want to do that for. And obviously people have real problems that they need to get help for. Don't get help. I Don't know. That's your life. But it's not for me. Yeah, I'm not going to date those people.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, my final one. I feel like this is my hottest take. Listens to women musical artists like your brother and likes them.

[Raina Greenberg]

Your brother, he loves a ballad from a strong female artist.

[Ashley Hess]

My brother loves Rihanna.

[Raina Greenberg]

Stay came on by Rihanna. And your brother was like humming the tune. And he was like, I love a strong female artist.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, we were.

[Raina Greenberg]

Big ballad from a strong.

[Ashley Hess]

We were in that back booth at Big Fish Grill. You had ordered a Coke. Heavy. I think.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think about it.

[Ashley Hess]

He ordered a Captain and Coke that day. That's what the coke I'm remembering. He ordered a Captain and Coke. I was like, I fucking love Rihanna.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, if you're new, Ashley's brother is like a 6 foot 7, 6 foot 8 football player. He said, I love a ballad from a strong female artist. I just. I love your brother so much.

[Ashley Hess]

I just think there's a lot of guys out there that wouldn't really admit to liking if you're my fiance. Lana Del Rey loves Lana Del Rey. He's in his Lana Del Rey era. I come home, he's playing Summertime Sadness like he loves Lana Del Rey. Like, I remember when he's. He's not like a huge Beyonce fan, but he has a ton of respect for her. And I remember the time he said Lemonade was a no Skips album. I was like, take your pants off.

[Raina Greenberg]

I remember when he said there was no Skip.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. Because I was in the group chat, we were going to Beyonce, and I was like, he just said this. You guys are gonna die. I remember where we were. We were in Seaport and Boston. And just to really be like in his top five or ten artists are some women. And you might not see this. I mean, I don't think guys that lean a little more misogynist or could admit to liking women's music.

[Raina Greenberg]

My ex, who's the most masculine person I've ever met, he loves Taylor Swift, went to the Eras tour.

[Ashley Hess]

Hot.

[Raina Greenberg]

Cannot get enough of it.

[Ashley Hess]

So hot.

[Raina Greenberg]

Mentioned Sabrina Carpenter to meet the.

[Ashley Hess]

So hot.

[Raina Greenberg]

You look at him and you're like, he looks like he lives in prison.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. So I don't know. I just like it. I mean, I'm trying to think of the alternative of a guy, like, what he would even be listening to or honestly, a guy that's not. Not that into music is a huge red flag. And I would never. Some people are in music.

[Raina Greenberg]

As I've gotten older, I just I love live music so much. It wasn't like a thing for me in my 20s, but I think that's because also I just didn't mean money.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, what was I going to.

[Ashley Hess]

Right? Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't like music. I don't like some people. I don't like pets. It's not for me.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I.

[Ashley Hess]

That guy that like I dated that had all the stuffed animals, he was not that into music, but what he chose to play in his car was like, house. I'm like, if you're not that into it, can I take control of the ox? This is a nightmare.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like people that remember small details, especially names of people that you've brought up. And just. I know that not everybody has a good memory. Like, I don't always have the best memory, but like when you have told a story about like a person and there's small details and they like recall it like a month later. I'm just like, you really like clocked this and like it was important to you. Yeah, very small details totally matter to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, what else?

[Raina Greenberg]

Just coming home to gifts for no reason. I just, I thought of you even, like, I just, I thought the snack was nice for you or like uber eating you lunch to your office or something. Just like really small, inexpensive. Just I thought of you for no reason type of things. Remember is my food order. So I want you to remember, like, how do I take my coffee? What do I like on a sandwich? Like if you give me a sandwich and there's like peppers or onions on it and they're like, just take it off.

[Ashley Hess]

I.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're getting a divorce. I want you to know what I like on my pizza, what my Chinese food order is. Just remember all that stuff.

[Ashley Hess]

So, so hot.

[Raina Greenberg]

Always wants to split food. You have to split it with me.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Can you imagine? I love all your food related ones.

[Raina Greenberg]

Everything is food related. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, this one really hits different. I feel this so deeply not feeling rushed around them. I.

[Raina Greenberg]

You would like that. I was like, rushed. Can't relate because I'm on time, I'm ready. I'm never right.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. And I. I mean I've always working on it and getting better. But I noticed this really early on with my fiance that like I was gonna make us a little late for like a dinner reservation he made. And he never once he would call the restaurant. We're running behind. Like he never. This wasn't all the time, but those few moments where I felt this tense, like he's gonna have at least an annoyed Energy around him. He didn't. He was always, like, so chill.

[Raina Greenberg]

You need that. Yeah, I have an annoyed energy about it. Somebody who's more than 10 minutes late. I have a pissed off energy.

[Ashley Hess]

No, that is. It's. Yeah, I don't. I don't like that. I mean, especially, like, I try my best, like, to keep someone waiting at a restaurant for 10 minutes is. Is brutal. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, you. You definitely need somebody like that doesn't speak poorly about their exes. I just always think that's like a good green flag. But anybody that tells you all their exes are crazy or a narcissist or whatever, just run away.

[Ashley Hess]

Run.

[Raina Greenberg]

Doesn't make a big thing about helping people. They just do it and they move on. They don't need to, like, tell you that this whole thing or, like, let everyone know. I like that.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. Like, they don't. They're not performatively doing good deeds so they can brag about them.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Like, if you see a man yelling at his girlfriend in the parking lot, put him in a headlock, put him asleep. Just go on with your day. Anybody about it?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, like, helping old ladies. Like, stuff like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Reading came up. So much reading.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, number one guy hobby. This is really cute, but, like, if you were to watch it happen, you'd be like, a little weird. Takes off my jewelry for me when I fall asleep with it on. Like, if I woke up and he.

[Raina Greenberg]

Was in my ears trying to get my lobster claw off of my window.

[Ashley Hess]

He'S like, trying to get my necklace off and be like, what the fuck? Actually, that is cute for you guys, but I don't want to be awoken to him, like, on my neck, taking my jewelry off.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, I understand the sentiment of it, but I do think, like, also, how passed out am I that you are fiddling with a clasp and it doesn't wake me up.

[Ashley Hess]

Also, like, I know he's gonna fumble, you know, and then I get the ick.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can you imagine a man taking a necklace?

[Ashley Hess]

The audacity of him to touch my jewelry on my body and then also fuck it up. It's also, what if he. What if your fingers had swollen? He's trying to pull your rings off. You're like, now this. I'm embarrassed.

[Raina Greenberg]

I have to explain now my salt intake.

[Ashley Hess]

I' woken up and I'm embarrassed.

[Raina Greenberg]

You could take my shoes off, but.

[Ashley Hess]

Just leave my jewelry alone with your shoes off. At 40 years old. Can you imagine? You know, he always takes my jeans off when I black out and pass Out. Which also I think is cute for my 25 year old self.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it's cute in your 20s. Like, how up am I in my 40s?

[Ashley Hess]

If the jewelry girl can send some footage from the bedroom, I want to see this happening. Is he hunched over her? Like, I'm just picturing him. Like, just.

[Raina Greenberg]

So is it just like a big watch? Yeah, a big. A big watch is easy to take. A necklace and earrings, is weird bracelets.

[Ashley Hess]

He's like, unscrewing your Cartier bracelet. He's like, I'm just gonna get this off.

[Raina Greenberg]

He gets out the screwdriver.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. He takes the pliers on my permanent jewelry. He's like, I just figured you'd want this off. Like, am I being robbed? You wake up, you're being robbed. You're like, am I Kim Kardashian in Paris? All right, the watch. I can see a big fat watch. Just, you know, you don't want it to be all up in your sleep. That's cute. But the other stuff is, you know what? To each their own.

[Raina Greenberg]

He doesn't want to look at you with that watch thing. All right, we can go through just like a couple knows how to fix stuff. Vacuums, has more than five things in the fridge, low post count on Instagram and doesn't follow a bunch of Instagram models.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, all this stuff, I mean, as it was coming up, I mean, again, I think I chose an incredible partner. I'm marrying him. But these things really spoke to me because they came up as we started to date and we were long distance and so I was clocking them in subconsciously or consciously. Like the vacuuming thing, like him cleaning up his apartment and knowing these things and he was cooking. And when I put first went to his apartment, like, seeing that he had what someone said, more than five items in the fridge, like, all this stuff. I think we're all always clocking it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you feel like I'm not in my 20s anymore or my 30s, obviously? Are men getting better? Because the information that women have now given them on TikTok, like, I feel like in our 20s, like, I don't know if men knew that they had to have more than five things in their fridge or if like they. All these little things to me now, like, it used to be like a hot take that they should do all these things, like walk on the outside when you're walking down the street. Like, I wonder if people are getting better.

[Ashley Hess]

I think people are getting better and worse. I think the disparity is growing in every which way?

[Raina Greenberg]

But at least they have the information. So if they're not doing it, it is a real rejection of what somebody actually knows they should be doing.

[Ashley Hess]

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, exactly. Like you should be knowing this stuff. Yeah. But again, like, we cannot bring up age enough. Like a guy in his 20s. Like, I don't expect him to have a full fridge. I didn't. I don't want to ask stuff of a partner or potential partner that I'm not doing myself. You know, I want to be the partner I'm looking for. So again, when we talk about the drinking or the cooking and stuff like that, like, again, this just doesn't. Didn't really apply in my 20s. It was just kind of like, I don't know, does he treat me okay? Does he like to get up?

[Raina Greenberg]

Is he six one?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do we have the same drinking habits?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So. Okay. Well, we really like that you guys submitted these and shared with us. Yeah. Thank you, as always.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, there's a great episode ahead for you guys. I'm so excited. But we'll just thank a few of our partners and then we'll get right into it.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm telling you guys about function. So we went hard on function on the snack on Thursday. You guys can listen back. We just are such fans of this and everything that they do. And we have chosen to use this. We've set up our appointments. We're excited to go and see all of the information about our health and all the data, and we really do believe in it. So this is a platform you guys are going to use. And inside function, you get access to test over 100 plus biomarkers from your hormones to heart health, inflammation and stress, allergy, sensitivities, sexual health, cancer detection, all these things. And for an additional fee, you can also access MRI and CT scans. It's all gonna be tracked in one secure place. So you're going to go to a Quest diagnostics and do the blood work and they will take it from there. We also talked about how they will tell you your biological age. So based on different factors, like stress, of course, for one. And really like how your. How your body, how old it actually is. And I always joke, that's your age now. And put that on your dating profiles and share it with the world. And we've talked about this before, especially as you get older, you're kind of like, is something wrong with me? Or is that just being alive? Is that just aging is. And you know, I think we all have a tendency to procrastinate on certain things. And I mean, when I was younger, I was just like, yeah, I'm not. This will have to fix itself. You know. And I think as I've gotten older, I really wanna know what's going on in my body. I wanna feel my best. I mean, there's certain foods I eat and I'm like, I don't feel great after that. You know, I obviously have some sort of sensitivity and I think we all just wanna be the healthiest we can be. And tracking these biomarkers gives you a personal map for protecting your health system by system, decade after decade. Of course, they work with doctors and they're just gonna help you on your journey, how you can really live your best, healthiest life. So you guys can learn more and join. Using our link function is a near 360 view to see what's happening in your body. And our first 1000 listeners that sign up get a 100 credit toward their membership. You can visit functionhealth.com GGE or use gift code GGE100@. Sign up to own your health.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, and fall is upon us. Time to update the wardrobe. Quince is is the best place to do it. They literally have everything. They have shoes, they have bags, they have accessories, all the clothing that you need for the fall. The prices literally couldn't be better. It looks and feels luxury at a price that you can't even believe this stuff costs. I get shoes there. I have these water repellent suede clogged mules which I'm obsessed with. They're great for the fall. They have Mongolian cashmere sweaters that are button downs V necks. They've cardigans, all kinds of things like that that I love. They're just good staple. I bought a couple bags from there recently. I actually bought this bag. It's the revive nylon crescent shoulder bag. Comes in three colors. It's under $30. I've been using it every day to like run errands. So pricing is great. And Quinta only partners with top tier ethical factories to cut out the middleman so they can deliver you luxury quality pieces at truly half the price. But it's stylish. Like that's what it's really important to me. And there's so much variety, classic. So find your classy fall [e-mail] Go to quince.com GG for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com GGE to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com GGE okay.

[Ashley Hess]

And Nutrafol. As you guys know, I've been on a hair journey. I am in the midst of a hair renaissance and I feel like I'm finally getting there because I have figured out through neutrophil and other things like keeping my hair moisturized and not breaking, but when it really, I feel like I'm so close to getting to where it used to be and then it's over for you. So I really lean on Nutrafol. I take my four capsules of my women's formula every single day. And this has just helped with hair thinning, shedding. I've seen improved hair growth and visible thickness. And just I think you notice when you're taking a shower and you, you are washing your hair, like how much hair is on the shower wall. And that's when I noticed it the most. And so neutrophil, I feel like I have not, not seen it hardly at all anymore. I've just noticed such a difference. But this has really been something that has been part of my daily routine for quite a while now. And it is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. And you can trust it is the first and only hair growth supplement to be NSF certified for sport testing against 290 plus athletic band substances, toxicology reviews, ingredient testing, label verification and annual manufacturing facility audits to ensure FDA requirements are met. And they are really going to target the root cause of what you have going on because everyone has different reasons why they, their hair may be changing. There are different formulas. The women's, the Women's Vegan, the Women's Balance and the postpartum. And I've just noticed it in my nails too. I cannot believe how strong my nails are. I can't believe it. I can't believe these are my nails. I, they look, look fake, they don't break, they grow like crazy. So it's, you know, obviously a hair supplement but I have seen that in my nails as well. And you can check the ingredients when you're getting an array of vitamins. And so I just love taking it and I'm never gonna stop. So you guys can check it out. You can see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutriful is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GGE10. Find out why Nutrafol is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code GG10. That's nutrafol.com promo code GGE10. And let's get into it.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, guys, we are really excited to welcome our guest today. He is an LA based comedian. He is so funny. He is, I would say, the most beautiful eyes we've had on this podcast.

[Alec Flynn]

Get out of here.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, no, no. It's not your turn yet. But, ladies, he is not single. I'm so sorry.

[Ashley Hess]

Thought he was when I booked it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know we've been talking about this.

[Ashley Hess]

And I apologize to our audience.

[Raina Greenberg]

Honestly. You guys are about to get so horny. But keep your pussies in your pants, ladies. He is also the host, Big Al's Grill asmr. Please welcome the show, Alec Flynn.

[Alec Flynn]

Yes. Wow, what a. That's a sweet intro. Thank you so much.

[Ashley Hess]

Not for your girlfriend. So much.

[Alec Flynn]

Hey, you heard her. Keep him in the pants.

[Ashley Hess]

No, we're fans of her.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we love her.

[Alec Flynn]

She's the best.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Shout out. Paige.

[Ashley Hess]

We didn't know. We were. And then we were like, who is she? And then I was like, wait, I love her. TikTok.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I thought you were gonna get, like, so much ass from this podcast.

[Ashley Hess]

Which. Which now we know that's not why you wanted to come on.

[Alec Flynn]

I wanted to come on because I love hanging out to promote your tour.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, okay.

[Alec Flynn]

And I want to promote the tour.

[Raina Greenberg]

Talk about your leg tattoos.

[Alec Flynn]

I just wanted to talk about the leg tattoos. This is Lewis and Clark. I don't know which one's which, but.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I'm glad this came up because I am recently, like, very sexually attracted to leg tattoos. Like, the more the, like, full leg sleeves. I'm very.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, recently, I've met somebody who has two full leg sleeve tattoos and I just. I'm really into it.

[Ashley Hess]

My fiance has a lot of leg tattoos. I love them. I don't know if the sleeves are for me and I don't know if two full calves.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm into it.

[Alec Flynn]

Calves is when you start getting into dangerous territory because you have to break the ice with a single calf tattoo.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, wow.

[Alec Flynn]

And the calf tattoo on its own can look real bad.

[Ashley Hess]

So I hooked up with this guy once, and I didn't see his calf tattoos till he was leaving my apartment.

[Raina Greenberg]

The back or the side?

[Ashley Hess]

Both backs.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And he. But let me tell you what they were. They were two Baltimore mascots.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

So he had an oriole and a raven. And a raven, Yes. I was like, wait, I just blacked out. Yes, he had the oriole and the raven.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Would you rather the knees or the back of the cabs?

[Alec Flynn]

Ooh, knees.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm into knees.

[Alec Flynn]

I got a knee spot right here.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Ashley Hess]

And you did. You did a circle, like, for the kneecap.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, I was like, you gotta just go for it at this point.

[Ashley Hess]

A little on the nose, but.

[Alec Flynn]

I got this little Mexican fella hanging out right here. Viva raza. You know me.

[Ashley Hess]

Did you get it in Mexico?

[Alec Flynn]

No, I got it in LA during the protests.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, you did?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, I was just like. Well, I used to teach in Denver, so, like, all my students were like, first gen, like, Mexican American. What did you teach? English.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's so cute.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, Freshman English, let me tell you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Were you a teacher before you were a comedian?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I became. I was a teacher for like a year.

[Ashley Hess]

Ladies, again, just keep it in your pants.

[Alec Flynn]

Everyone relax.

[Ashley Hess]

He's liberal, too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wait till you find out what he pitched us as topics today.

[Alec Flynn]

I want you to know that I can feel the. The liquids coming on the screen. Everyone relax.

[Ashley Hess]

Stop jerking off, ladies.

[Alec Flynn]

Stop jerking off.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So you're a liberal guy and you're.

[Alec Flynn]

I don't even want liberal. I'd say, like, I'm borderline ready to blow up a pipeline at this point.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, okay. So far left.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. But you're borderline anarchist.

[Ashley Hess]

But you're open. You're open about it. And, you know, a lot of comedians aren't, A lot of men aren't. And you're not over the top. I think you're. In terms of the. What you post, I don't find it to be super inflammatory. You're just like, this shit is crazy. What the fuck is going on? And you're, like, on the right side of history.

[Alec Flynn]

I just think it's like, as a lot. As a white guy and growing up as a white guy, it is very easy to just kind of rest on our laurels and just say, like, hey, not my problem.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Alec Flynn]

Not my issue. But, you know, I grew up, like, middle class. Like, a lot of my friends grew up middle class Boston. And it's. You know, when you see soldiers going into cities, when you see ice going into neighborhoods, it's just. You gotta, Like, I'm a big reader. I like reading history. It's like, this is how it starts.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

I just think that we are in a moment right now where if we are not careful and we do not say anything, our future will be mortgaged away from us.

[Ashley Hess]

It's like you have a voice and you use it. We all do, you know, and so we just respect that about you.

[Alec Flynn]

I appreciate that. Thanks, Ashley. But I. I mean, I'm also not an activist. I want to just. I'm a comedian first and foremost. But I think, you know, part of the thing is something that's. If it's on your mind and it's something you think about all the time, which. Which I don't know how it's not. People aren't thinking about this administration, thinking about the direction this country's going in all the time. I have to talk about it on stage, and I want to do it in a way that's fun. Like, I do a joke now where I talk about how Dr. Phil goes on the ice raids. You guys have seen these videos?

[Ashley Hess]

Adam Ray or Dr. Phil?

[Alec Flynn]

No, the real Dr. Phil.

[Ashley Hess]

Somebody else signed up to be.

[Alec Flynn]

It's Adam Rae.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wait, what other actor signed up to be an ice agent?

[Alec Flynn]

It's the former guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Superman. Superman. Dean cain.

[Alec Flynn]

But, yeah, Dr. Phil's on the ice range. I've been watching the videos where Dr. Phil pops. I said, we're going to detain you now. Is that okay? And he goes. This guy just goes, you're Dr. Phil. He goes, how do you know that? He goes, I grew up in Temecula, dude.

[Ashley Hess]

I have eyes.

[Alec Flynn]

I grew up here. I don't know what you mean.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so this feels like a good way. We wanted to talk about performative male behavior today, and you pitched us some.

[Alec Flynn]

You tricked me.

[Raina Greenberg]

You picked up some great armor.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm like, where's your tote bag?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, I do it. It's in my car. We gotta talk about the performative male. I have a tote. Listen, I got a tote. I got, like, tattoos. I may or may not read a me. Read some Joan Didion here and there, but I gotta say this right now. God forbid a man create an inner life for himself. Literally. God forbid a man develop confidence and a sense of style. And the women are, like, trying too hard. Every guy I know wears a golf polo and hits me sometimes. God forbid. Literally, God forbid.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so I want to respond to that. I have something to say about it.

[Ashley Hess]

Fredo's rebuttal?

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I think that the whole thing about performative.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you want to talk a little bit?

[Raina Greenberg]

Behavior, like. I want to talk about what like, what it is. This has got. This has, like, exploded. There's so many articles about this right now, and it's all about men that have, like, tote bags and labubus and wear shirts that say, like, the future is.

[Ashley Hess]

We leave labubus out of this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Labus are in.

[Alec Flynn]

Ah, Labubus do not want you to catch a stray right now.

[Ashley Hess]

No.

[Raina Greenberg]

Labubus are in. And men that read, like, feminist books in public and drink matcha. And I think the overwhelming question for people is, women have been saying for so long, we want men to get in touch with their feelings and actually understand what we're going through. And is this genuine or is this toxic masculinity dressed up in a different costume? And Ashley and I both, we don't want to shit on this because we really want men to listen to what women have been saying and actually have it, not be performative.

[Alec Flynn]

Right. I think it goes both ways. What I. What I find is the common thread is, like, the toxic masculinity thing. That is the bottom layer of just men of some men in general. Like, you're just going to find out whether, like, it's a guy that, you know, likes to golf or it's a guy that's, you know, writing a thesis on, like, why the labia is underlooked in the grand scheme of the mons pubis. Whatever he's doing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Actually, clitorises are clitori.

[Alec Flynn]

Please let me finish.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hey, shut up. He was like, I was spe again. We'll get back to you on your podcast. Okay. Did I say you could start?

[Alec Flynn]

I'm gonna take my hand on the grill.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the smr we're looking for.

[Alec Flynn]

I think it's. I think that's just like, women are. Maybe they get more excited about, like, a guy that it seems as though he's in touch with his feelings, when in reality, like, they might just then, like, end up cheating or, like, you know, fucking them over. But, like, a guy who also golfs and, like, like, does fantasy football. Again, I'm just using broad stereotypes.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

I think it's just when women get hurt, it's easy to look back and be like, this boy who doesn't have a bed frame and, like, you know, listens to claro. Like, yeah, of course he hurt me. It's like, because they all do. They're performing. It's like. I don't know. I just. I look at most guys who are, you know, maybe they got a tote bag here and there. Okay. Maybe they want to go to a snail mail concert. Shout out, snail mail. They are kind of just branching out on their own in general. Like, I just let them branch out, let them discover a little bit about themselves.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, 100%. And I think if it truly is a disguise and you truly are like this, the future is female shirt is gonna get me pussy. You're the worst. You know, like, I'd rather have a guy who's open about who he is than that. But I don't love the criticism. I think it's just like, do this. No, don't do this too much. Oh, you've ever corrected. Back it up. That's not good enough. I think it's just we do know one guy in particular, and he's really the archetype of this, where it's like the tote bags and the protests and all the things which. Therapy speak.

[Alec Flynn]

Oh, but he's like.

[Ashley Hess]

He really has, like, hurt so many women. Woman after woman, cheating, lying, all this. And so. But it's weird. Cause I do know that he still believes in women's rights and minorities rights and all those things. But it's like. Like this. There's this other side of, like, you're not the person you claim to be.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I think he also does, like. And it's the same archetype. The women say, like, men never. They're using therapy speak on us now. There's a lot of TikTok advice that they've, like, taken and, like, weaponized against us. But I do. I don't want to, like, shit on men that are not at all genuinely trying. And, you know, we have said to men, like, be different, be better, have interests, have hobbies, like, be allies to us. And so I don't want to shit on the ones that, like, actually are making the attempt to do that.

[Alec Flynn]

What I think we got to look out for, ladies, is when you take out. Sorry, I'm looking at the camera. Take out your pen and paper. So it's just if they're. If they're hitting every single check mark of this guy. Like, I would say for me, I'm like, I got thigh tattoos. Okay. I wear a tote bag. Sure, Maybe I got a lady's watch on.

[Raina Greenberg]

But why you do I have that watch?

[Alec Flynn]

Because I don't have a very big wrist.

[Ashley Hess]

Wrist.

[Alec Flynn]

I thought it was ribbon wrist.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, I'm wearing a men's watch.

[Raina Greenberg]

Men's watch.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm going to switch watches. Just.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, you want to see what it feels like.

[Ashley Hess]

We like to do real gender norms on this show, and it's making me uncomfortable. I'm just kidding.

[Raina Greenberg]

Wait, is this from Revolve? I have this watch.

[Alec Flynn]

No, it's from. I got it in Janesville, Wisconsin. It was $3.

[Raina Greenberg]

Want to wear mine?

[Alec Flynn]

Sure. Watch, watch, switch. Here we go.

[Ashley Hess]

He's too loose.

[Alec Flynn]

This is heavy. How do you get anything done right now?

[Ashley Hess]

You're like, it's too fit. Oh, that's cute.

[Raina Greenberg]

It is cute. I have this watch.

[Ashley Hess]

Huh? That's not gonna fit him.

[Raina Greenberg]

Try.

[Alec Flynn]

I mean, it's tight. I mean, I'm just in the middle of this and it's like, why does.

[Ashley Hess]

It look so drug dealer on him?

[Alec Flynn]

It does, doesn't it?

[Raina Greenberg]

Why this?

[Alec Flynn]

This looks like a big. Like, I got a dui. My dad got me a golf cart as a gift for finishing the class.

[Ashley Hess]

You should go next door. There's these, like, Teemu Wolf of Wall street guys that walk around in headsets talking about, like, buy now. Like, it's crazy.

[Alec Flynn]

Doing forex.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Okay, so I think if you cross off every single thing of, like, the performative guy checklist, then you should be suspicious.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Alec Flynn]

Because I think it's like. I mean, I fucking. I think Matcha is psyop, personally.

[Ashley Hess]

What's this?

[Alec Flynn]

I think it's a psychological operation by the CIA.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did you make that up? Psyop? People say this.

[Alec Flynn]

People say that all the time.

[Ashley Hess]

Is that it's bad.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I Matches.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, but scientific operations like birds are fake.

[Alec Flynn]

Psychological operations like birds. Yeah, they're trying to. They're trying to trick us.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, got it.

[Raina Greenberg]

And, like, what is Matcha? Like, what is the purpose of it exactly?

[Alec Flynn]

I think it's. I think you know what the purpose is. I think what they're trying to do is.

[Raina Greenberg]

Conspiracy theorist on the show.

[Alec Flynn]

Ashley, this isn't a conspiracy theory.

[Ashley Hess]

He's like, 9. 11 was an inside job.

[Raina Greenberg]

Pandas are.

[Alec Flynn]

But, like, I also like sports gambling. I also. I think sports sun bears are people, but I think sports gambling is a conspiracy theory.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

I'll tell you why. I think it's a psychological operation by the government to eliminate the gender wage gap. That's what I think is going on.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't even understand sports gambling.

[Alec Flynn]

I think they're trying to, like, literally, they're trying to level the playing field of what? Of, like, they're going to be like, all right, men get this amount of income. Like, you know how, like, women only make 80 cents on the. On the dollar?

[Ashley Hess]

So you're saying if the. If men are losing money gambling.

[Alec Flynn]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

That's Leveling the playing field.

[Alec Flynn]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

I just feel like sports are rigged.

[Alec Flynn]

Sports are. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sports are rigged.

[Alec Flynn]

Let's talk some.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, it's.

[Ashley Hess]

This ruins people's, like, day sports.

[Raina Greenberg]

Talking about getting rigged.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, it's all out of Vegas. It's all.

[Alec Flynn]

I watched a documentary yesterday about how in Russia they have, like, these sports farms, essentially, where people get paid by the day just to play, like, 30 games of soccer like, throughout the day so that people can just gamble on it on, like, sports gambling apps so you don't have to care about it at all. Do you know how that is?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I mean, I love sports and I don't want to believe they are, but I just went to the Super bowl in 2023, and that holding call at the end with the Eagles and the Chiefs, like, I was like, this is rigged and you will not tell me otherwise.

[Alec Flynn]

He's a big Eagles girl. Yeah, Eagles.

[Ashley Hess]

Go birds.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you believe in pandas? Do you think pandas are real? People think pandas.

[Ashley Hess]

Sun bears are not real.

[Alec Flynn]

Only do I think pandas are real.

[Raina Greenberg]

You think pandas are real.

[Alec Flynn]

You know what I love you guys ever heard of panda diplomacy?

[Raina Greenberg]

No.

[Alec Flynn]

Pandas. So the Chinese are the only country that have pandas in the natural habitat.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

That's the only country where, like, they have. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, okay.

[Alec Flynn]

So usually panda diplomacy was used by the Chinese government throughout the 70s and into the early into now pretty much for, like, kind of like a little. Little frosting on top of the cake whenever they're doing an economic. So if they're going to China to say, like, be like, hey, we're going to give you this money to build a railroad. But also, here's our zoologist. Let's work out a panda.

[Raina Greenberg]

Pandas are the frosting.

[Alec Flynn]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's how we get pandas.

[Alec Flynn]

The thing. I'm dead serious. And because of our relationship with China has been deteriorating. China's been asking for our. The panda's back.

[Raina Greenberg]

How many pandas are we having in the United States, though? How many?

[Alec Flynn]

Three.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Is this going to make a real difference, giving you three back?

[Alec Flynn]

Pandas drive, like, a majority of traffic.

[Raina Greenberg]

I believe this.

[Alec Flynn]

But like, yeah, China is asking for all these pandas back.

[Ashley Hess]

That's crazy because of, like, our bad.

[Raina Greenberg]

Relationship, but also, we don't deserve them.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

We don't deserve them.

[Ashley Hess]

Did you see that whole sun bear scandal?

[Alec Flynn]

Yes, I did.

[Ashley Hess]

That's insane.

[Alec Flynn]

That's really funny.

[Ashley Hess]

They really look like people. It's hard. It's hard to believe that they're not people. And, like, was it. Is it China? Also? The country where this. They had to come out and be like, these are real bears. You guys, stop. Okay? Where.

[Alec Flynn]

Stop.

[Ashley Hess]

So the performative male. I mean, I like this. I like this one quote. This is from a HuffPost.

[Alec Flynn]

Do you know any performative male that's got China Panda facts like this.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll say this about you. You wouldn't say it about yourself, but you're basically saying, like, I'm a dynamic person. I like sports and I like tattoos, but I also, you know, support women's rights and I have a tote bag in the car. Like, I think it's just, like, be a little sus when it feels like someone went down a checklist and they are, like, literally playing a character. But I love this quote in the HuffPost article, and it says, if the choice is between a man cosplaying feminism with a tote bag and a man clinging to outdated ideas of what real men should be, I know which one I'll take my chances with, which I think that's true.

[Alec Flynn]

You summed up what I was saying perfectly. Just be dynamic in general. And I don't know, something I talk about on my show all the time is just, like, continue to learn. Like, I think reading is, like, a big thing. Like, I love reading. I got in trouble a lot as a kid, so all I could do was just read in my room pretty much. So I just. It's like a thing that I literally just keep going. But, like, be curious and try new hobbies and interests. I think guys especially, I guess some people that are like, former athletes growing up, when you are done with that sort of like, you know, team Rah Rah, I'm in high school, I'm in college doing this. Then it just becomes like, okay, now what is my weekend routine? What is the thing I do every night? Is it just drinking or, like, a sports league? Like, we need other hobbies. You need to be fulfilled and always be curious about the outside world. So be dynamic, like Ashley said.

[Ashley Hess]

And I also.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't think there's anything totally wrong with men saying, like, I like women, I want to date women. And going on TikTok and be like, what are women into? And then being like, okay, let me try to understand this a little bit. If, like, performative is a bad word associated with this, like, if it's a lie, but if the goal is just.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I wanna see what they're up.

[Raina Greenberg]

To so that we have something in common to talk about, then like, what's so wrong with that?

[Ashley Hess]

And you may look back, like, we all look back and be like, oh, I was so cringe, and I was, like, trying something, and it maybe wasn't authentic to me in the moment. Then I figured it out, and I met in the middle. Like, I overcorrected a little bit. We all do things when we're trying to figure out who we are. But I wanted to read you this email because it comes in perfect. This was from a guy. We don't get a lot of emails from guys. But I thought this was really nice and genuine. And this guy's 28, and he says, hi, my name is. I'm not gonna read his name, but I'm 28 years old. I've never been in a relationship. I know what you're thinking. Big red flag. Dating for me is the hardest thing ever, especially in Santa Barbara, California. I've probably been on only eight dates in my life. Some have been decent. I've only made it through a second date with two different people. These dates aren't hookups. They're just meet and greets. I can't help but think the whole time as I'm meeting women, I'm crashing and burning the entire time time. It's gotten to the point where I've kind of stopped trying to meet women because I fear that they all think I'm uninteresting. I want to meet that special someone for me. Do you have any words of advice? I'm starting to think that I'm destined to be alone. I'm certainly not a skeevy guy. Unlike all the guys talked about in your podcast. I put a lot of people's emotions before my own. I'm highly sensitive. I would think it would make me more desirable. But these women still seem like they're attracted to asshole douchebags. My friends tell me not to be an asshole. I can't even bring myself to do that. It's not in my nature. I've been given the label nice guy quite a lot. What can I do to make dating better for me and for women? I find myself asking all the questions all the time because I'm afraid to talk too much about myself.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, what are your thoughts?

[Alec Flynn]

Damn, that is shout out to whoever sent the email. I know it's gonna get better. Don't worry about it. You're not gonna be alone forever. You find somebody. First of all, first and foremost, remember that. Second of all, probably just take a break from like. I mean, it doesn't seem like he's like actively going out and seeking dates. Damn, eight dates. Santa Barbara's also gotta be.

[Raina Greenberg]

Santa Barbara's gotta be kinda Santa Barbara's.

[Alec Flynn]

Gotta be like a lot of women going out being like, I want someone that looks like my dad and thinks like him too.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, I looked him up and he is more of a blue collared guy. Maybe he's running into women who want guys with more money. I mean he seems like he has a respectable job and like, I don't know, like, I don't know this guy either.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really, I feel for this guy because it seems like he does want to like, like ask the questions. And you know, one of my things I picked up on from this is like, I think as we get older we just like nicer guys. Ashley and I both have just gravitated towards better, more solid people as we've gotten older. I would maybe suggest dating a little older. So like, I think that maybe you're dating women that are still in the bucket of like thrill me, excite me, reject me, be avoidant, you know, confuse me. And like as I've gotten older I, I just don't, I'm not like such a bad bitch.

[Ashley Hess]

I just, I get bored with that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't have patience for it. I don't think it's interesting or sexy in any way.

[Alec Flynn]

I have two recommendations. Number one, maybe just confidence. I think from what I'm gathering from the email, it's like you are doing the right things, but maybe they can. It's like almost with like stand up. Like an audience can smell fear.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, yes. And desperation. Which I think sometimes women, I'm like, I think you're giving off a, a desperate energy and we have all been there. That's not like an insult but like since I think men sense the desperation the way that women sense the lack of confidence.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, confidence. So like just be confident. And you know what, the best way to build up that confidence, go to like the local bar, dive bars in San like Santa Barbara get fucked up. Just have a couple sloppy makeouts. I think just really like have a night where like you're at two, three makeout kills and just kind of like get, just get the wheels greased a little bit if that makes sense. You don't have to like, I'm not saying one night stands but like, hey, single mother of three.

[Ashley Hess]

How did this happen?

[Alec Flynn]

Tammy get over. Hey, she wants a 7 and 7. I think that that'll get you, that's, that'll build up the confidence.

[Ashley Hess]

Grease the wheels yeah, but the thing that I latched on the most in this email was him feeling like people think he's boring. And to your point, there's ways to not be boring and read more. Like, we like tanks talks about this. A lot of, like, we can all be more interesting. Read an article every day. Like, pick up something, learn new information, pick up a new hobby or skill. If you're not like an athlete, then do something else. Like, I just think if you think people think you're boring, I really feel for those people. That's tough. It's tough to think that you might be a person who's like, everyone thinks I'm boring and I suck and I'm uninteresting. It's like, you can always be more interesting. You can always have more things to talk about and things to discuss. And, like, women find that shit so hot. I read this morning Panty Dropper, the.

[Alec Flynn]

Hobby thing is a big one. I think anybody that can find like a, like, just a passion just to talk about ad nauseam. Yeah, I think is huge. I just remember I was in Texas, this, like, guy, like, he was like, oh, dude, I'm fan of. Fan of your stand up. I'm like, oh, no way. I'm like eating breakfast tacos. This guy, he just starts talking about, like, how he surfs in Houston, Texas, next to the oil bar barges. And I go, oh, yeah, it's crazy seeing palm trees down here. He starts talking to me about all the different kinds of palm trees in the United States. I go, what an interesting guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, all that guy did was, like, read a bunch of trees. He just knew about trees and he.

[Raina Greenberg]

Got a blow job.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes, exactly. He hugged Tammy, mother of three.

[Raina Greenberg]

I felt for this guy when he says, I don't like talking about myself. And when you don't talk about yourself, it's hard to build a connection with other people. People don't walk away feeling like they have a deeper knowledge of you, that they understand you better. So having some interest in hobbies will lead to you wanting to talk about yourself more, will lead to a better connection with people, will lead to you fucking that Mom. And I really always feel like being like an expert in the area you live in, Santa Barbara. I mean, there's so much good food, there's so much good wine, there's so much good shopping. The areas around there, there's so much cool stuff to do, whether you like outdoor sports or, I don't know, pick a hobby, you can do it there, become an expert in your area. And so when you take a girl out, like say, have you ever been to XYZ thing? Yeah, I love this thing.

[Ashley Hess]

This is low lift stuff. Like, literally the Internet is your friend and I think we just solved this.

[Alec Flynn]

I'm telling you once again, put up the, the makeout kills at the low. That is like putting up shots at the gym. It's literally low. No risk, like high reward. The reward is just, just get some mojo.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay?

[Alec Flynn]

Once you get that mojo, that confidence, a little bit of Johnny Bravo. Hey, how are you? I think it's gonna, it's momentum. Momentum, yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, we're just gonna take a quick break and then we'll get right back into it with Alec. I'm telling you guys about article. I mean, you guys know I'm obsessed with home design, interior design. I absolutely love what Article offers in terms of style. So when you go on their site, you'll see a huge range of different styles. I tend to lean more coastal because I live at the beach, but they have mid century modern coastal, Scandinavian inspired P6. And then if you go on their site, if you feel like you don't really know how to like design a room or things like that, there's tons of photos of obviously how they would design a space or how their customers have as well. Their Instagram is great too, but I love them for outdoor furniture in the summer and now that it's the fall and we're indoors more and you're having people over for dinner parties and football and things like that, I feel like the living room is the next space to like really focus on. And their couches are fantastic. Which can be the most expensive thing, honestly that you buy in your house is your couch. And I'm leaning a little less white these days. In terms of furniture. I love this timber 90 inch leather sofa in the charm tan color, but it comes in four different colors. And I just love the pricing on this and the quality and their delivery is truly second to none. It's such a nice experience. You watch them deliver it to you. It's fast and affordable. The assembly and shipping is just second to none. We love their customer support. And with Article's 30 day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence knowing that if you don't completely love what you've.

[Ashley Hess]

Got, you can send it back.

[Raina Greenberg]

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[Ashley Hess]

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[Raina Greenberg]

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[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so you don't do dating apps and you think there is only one way to meet people and that's Instagram.

[Alec Flynn]

Making out on at the bar. I'm telling you right now, just like you just got to get a little bit emotion.

[Ashley Hess]

So why don't you like dating apps and you haven't done them, Is it just not feel natural to you?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, it doesn't feel natural. And I also don't like the idea of like if you're messaging three different people on a dating app, it feels rude to me then to say, oh, I've really got a connection with this one person. The other two, hey, see ya now you have no idea. Maybe they had the same connection with me. Maybe that's the nice guy thing. But I just, I feel like my attention is better spent dating somebody and being interested in one person at a time.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I agree with you. I think lesson to each their own. I think that you are able to be out in the world on a stage, you're a handsome guy. Like not everybody has access to all of these people all the time. You have a social media following, people can slide in your date. You know what I mean? Like for some people that is their only option. And I actually think it's kind of nice Dating a few people at once. And when I say, like, I think people get a little wrapped up in, like, what does that mean? And dating a few people once to me is like three dates or less. I don't really see myself going on five seats with a person. Once I'm on the fourth or fifth date, I don't really have a huge emotional capacity to be doing that with another person.

[Ashley Hess]

And then the other person on the other end is like, oh, I'm dating someone. And you're like, oh, I'm dating three other people.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So dating around, to me is like several people that you've gone on like, two, three dates with. And I think it keeps it easy for you to be like, okay, this is the thing I like about this person. And if one person kind of ghosts out a little bit, hurt, hurts a little less. And I like that aspect of it.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, because we've had these conversations where someone disappears or ghosts, which is just, like, the grossest behavior, and we just have no patience for it. And if someone ghosts you, it's a blessing because you don't want to be with a person who would do that anyway. But we've said before, like, maybe their connection with someone else was just kind of further along, and it's not fair if you fully thought you were dating.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Five, five, six dates in, that's a lot. And they're eight to 10 dates with somebody else, and they just pick them and leave you hanging. It's just. It feels so unfair.

[Raina Greenberg]

Eight to ten. I mean, I feel like by date I'm a little withholding. Two months, That's a lot.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel like I'm a little withholding the first couple dates. I'm not gonna share certain things about, like, my family or certainly, like, our business, my deep, dark thoughts. But, like, five dates in, I'm sharing at least some more intimate details of myself. And, I mean, I'm obviously sleeping with you.

[Alec Flynn]

I don't wanna.

[Raina Greenberg]

We've been past one date. Obviously, we're fucking.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know. Five dates, six dates with somebody. I don't. It's too much to juggle another person.

[Ashley Hess]

When did you make it official with your girlfriend? Like, did you guys casually date a little bit? Or was it pretty early? You were locked in.

[Alec Flynn]

I was pretty early. Locked in.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

It was nobody else.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Alec Flynn]

So I was just. I was just focused on that. We made it, like, official boyfriend, girlfriend, like. Like three months in.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Is that soon?

[Raina Greenberg]

That's long.

[Ashley Hess]

It's long.

[Alec Flynn]

I Mean, let's. I, I actually have, I have no. Also, I have like, no. I have no concept of time either.

[Ashley Hess]

It does feel crazy.

[Raina Greenberg]

After two dates, I'm like, I think.

[Alec Flynn]

That'S like, like, I think it was like July. So, like, I think two months. I don't know. I honestly, I can't figure it out.

[Ashley Hess]

That sounds about right.

[Raina Greenberg]

For most, three months is. Let's.

[Ashley Hess]

It's.

[Raina Greenberg]

You go at your own pace, you know, but that's.

[Ashley Hess]

I think that's, I think that's normal.

[Alec Flynn]

Do you?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. We kiss once and I'm like, are you my boyfriend?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. But I didn't, I didn't mind. I was ready to, I was ready to get after it. After the third. Third. I was like, I don't care.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, we love that you're in a happy, healthy relationship.

[Raina Greenberg]

Let's talk about the other men.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And we'll segue into where have all the men gone?

[Alec Flynn]

Where have they gone?

[Ashley Hess]

You have a lot of friends and a busy life.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. Shout out, my boys. Shout out Greeny, Curly, Turner treats, Lawn Oles.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is the first time someone shouted out a list of people. That was so gross.

[Alec Flynn]

Come on. The boys, they all listen.

[Ashley Hess]

No, they don't. You have one friend that listens. Do you want to actually shout out?

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so we've never had somebody shout out a list of people. Whole baseball team.

[Ashley Hess]

So.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, it's a starting lineup.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the starting lineup for the. Your hockey team.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

So has your life changed with the boys and with the activities since a like, partner came into it? Like, do you. Have you found it hard to balance or has it just been pretty natural?

[Alec Flynn]

No.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

I think it's been pretty natural. You know, I'm lucky because here in la, my childhood neighbor lives down the street from me here in la and his cousin who I went to high school with lives in the same building as him.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

So we all just close proximity. It's close proximity. So I mean, we go to his place, we go call it the clubhouse, we kind of hang out there. But for the most part I'm also just like working. You know, we're either at the store or like just doing spots. And what's, what's nice with, you know, my girlfriend is that she is also doing like stand up and like comedy related things. So we have a similar schedule. It all works out. I'm not like taking away time out of anything, I don't really think.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Because we find that sometimes guys disappear when they get into a relationship and they Never really get those friendships back. I mean, it's just. We talk about men just losing their friends as they get married and they get into serious relationships.

[Raina Greenberg]

There was a great podcast on the New York Times Daily a couple weeks ago based on an article in the New York Times. And the name's just giving me.

[Ashley Hess]

It doesn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

It doesn't matter. But a couple weeks ago, on a Sunday, they do A Modern Love. And it was this guy who wrote an article about how after he kind of found his serious romantic partner, got married, that, like, the male relationships in his life kind of dissipated and how it's kind of cyclical. Like, men, you find a female partner, and you're like, I get all these things from her. This is my buddy, my entertainment, my sex life. I can be vulnerable to this person. Why do I need other things? And he talks about how society doesn't also, like, really encourage that. We say, men should have friends. But I like the way he spoke about it, and I won't be able to say it as eloquently, but, like, when husbands are going out, you're like, what are you doing? A husband at a bar with your friends. Or this trope of, like, a man who's on the golf course all day long. But when you really think about. About how men spend social time together, it is sitting next to each other watching sports, or it is on a golf course. And we kind of shit on those things as a society. But it is nice to find men that actually want to do things with their friends. Oh, my gosh.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

But you know what I'm talking about the trope of, like, he's just at the golf course all day. It's like, but he's with his friends. He should socialize.

[Ashley Hess]

I mentioned this, like, how my brother went out with me for drinks, and we stayed out, you know, later in the night, and one of his friends was like, steph let you do that? It's like, what? Like, I could have been one of his male friends, too. Like, regardless, like, this trope of, like.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, she let you out the house.

[Ashley Hess]

It's just like, what are we doing here? You know? And it's one thing when you have babies at home, and it's not like an absent father. But I just think there is that trope that, like, guys aren't supposed to go out with the boys anymore or something.

[Raina Greenberg]

It is these conflicting messages of, like, men don't have any friends or community. But, like, we do as a society, tend to kind of mock it or make fun of it or be like over my dead body is my man gonna do that? And I think you should trust your partner. Your sister in law trusts your brother. Your brother could go out to a bar all night long. I don't think that she feels abandoned by her partner or like she's being lied to or given the run around but there are conflicting messages.

[Alec Flynn]

Well you know, I'll give you an example. We've been doing the sports documentary about me and my friends. We create a hockey team and we go out and we play a semi pro hockey team out in the mountain west. We did an interview with our buddy Sal. He has a newborn baby, he's got a dog, he's got a wife and we're doing the interviews at his house. He's got his baby in his lap and you know his wife's like loving it, having a good time. But then like we interviewed his wife a little bit and she goes yeah, he loves this. Like I need him to do this. Yeah, I need him to get out and do this. And like this by the way isn't like, like hey, he's going to play like 18 holes down the street. It's like he's taking work off from Thursday to Sunday to go play a pretty like you know, a high intensity hockey, like get two games of hockey. Which is like not normal for a 31 year old man to do. Yeah, I want more guys to just spend time like that. But I also noticed the trend that it's going that way and I think it's a couple reasons because I also live with a guy who's 23 years old old. So I'm elder Gen Z. This is real Gen Z. Yeah, they don't drink anymore. So like that is a real thing. Like I noticed a lot of they might drink in college or they might have drank like before or like not.

[Ashley Hess]

Like we did not like millennials, like.

[Raina Greenberg]

We were trying to die.

[Alec Flynn]

I like to get on the piss. A guy like me, I'm getting after it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, it's a Boston guy.

[Alec Flynn]

Two 300bl smoothies, easy. No problem. Control, alt, delete. It's game over. Over. I show up to a bar, I put 300 in the touch tunes, I'm gonna delete. I'm just gonna play Zombie by the Cranberries for three hours. Yes, but, but regardless, like they're just online. Like he doesn't, instead of like going out to a bar, he'll just say like no, my friends from back home are on Xbox. I'm just gonna go, I'm just gonna play Xbox. I'm not gonna go out. And then what happens when, like, those Xbox friends then get girlfriend? So then you're just losing friends that you haven't even made time for, really, in the first real world.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. And it's. I just feel like the. The places to go in the real world are getting smaller and smaller. And then on top of that, golf, I think, is the bigger barrier to entry for young people in general. So, like, maybe a lot of guys aren't getting into golf. I don't think. At least some people I know.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I do want to back up and say that, like, the reason why these things have been frowned upon. Guys going out and. And partying all night and hitting the strip club or going and golfing all day and getting blackout drunk and they can't come home and change their kid's diaper? It's. Cause those men do exist. And so I think that it's like.

[Alec Flynn]

And they're called fun as hell.

[Ashley Hess]

That is shitty behavior.

[Raina Greenberg]

But women can do this. Cause like, you trust us to go do it.

[Ashley Hess]

It's the trust thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

I can go out with my girlfriends all night, party, get drunk, go home. Nothing crazy or bad happens. And I don't cheat on anybody.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the thing. It's like, it's just about trust. And it's about if you're an adult that's responsible and trustworthy and behaving. But it's like, I always think of a couple I know and her husband will golf all day Saturday. Every single Saturday. Every. Everyone. I mean, no Saturdays off. I mean, unless they have, like, they travel or something. She's like, I get to go to brunch with my girlfriends and day drink all day and then bounce around and do whatever I want. Like, this is my dream. Like, everyone should date a golf guy. He just leaves you alone to go do. I think it sounds amazing girly stuff on a Saturday.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, I guess the problem is.

[Alec Flynn]

Who wants to hang out with somebody that much? I think about that sometimes where I'm just like, if you're with your partner all week, like, you need like a good half day.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, a break is nice.

[Ashley Hess]

That being said, I love my Saturdays with my fiance, though. I wouldn't want him to leave me every Saturday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, if you have kids, it's different. And if you feel like you don't have a social life outside of that together, like you didn't also spend all day Sunday together. Like, I do understand that they've been.

[Ashley Hess]

Together 20 years too, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's, that's different too.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just, I do think we should like support men, like going out to the world, finding friends.

[Alec Flynn]

This is the podcast that supports men the most.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh no, no, we don't want, absolutely.

[Alec Flynn]

Don'T pass on this episode.

[Ashley Hess]

No, this is our male apologist episode.

[Alec Flynn]

Finally.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, yeah, I mean we want. This article really is the one you send and it's, the title is Men, where have you gone? And this was in the New York Times and, and it just says men have retreated from intimacy, hiding behind firewalls, filters and curated Personas, dabbling and scrolling. We miss you. And this woman went out with her male friend and just kind of noticed, like no men were out. Like it was groups of women and like very few men, even men, like on dates. And she just kind of spoke about it. And it kind of goes back to what you were saying, especially younger generations, they want it, they're indoors on devices and sometimes that's how they're communicating with their friends. And, and there was a rebuttal, basically.

[Raina Greenberg]

Basically men said, you know, well, we're scared a little bit. And there's all of this stuff online now. Every time I go on a date with somebody, there's TikTok about it, about what did I wear and how much did I pay and how did I behave. They're absolutely right and did I ask enough questions. And then there's, you know, there's all these online forums like are we dating the same guy? And I'm afraid to appear on one of these. And then there's the ick. And everything I do is gonna be like Richard Shride. And again, I don't feel bad for any of you, but I understand feeling like I can't ever get it right. Nothing I do will be right. So we're here, but we're afraid of you.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you see this?

[Alec Flynn]

Absolutely. And you know what, Reina? Those same fears were echoed by my 23 year old roommate. I read this in the, in the actual newspaper and whenever I read something I find thought provoking, I make my 23 year old roommate also read it.

[Ashley Hess]

You're really like raising him.

[Alec Flynn]

I am, I'm, I'm a single father raising this boy. When I told you I screamed at him the other day because he ate a, he was about to eat a bowl of ground beef straight up. I was like, you can't eat that. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, that's dog food. You're eating dog food. Right now. And he goes, like, yeah, dude. Because I'm a dog. And I go, oh, God.

[Ashley Hess]

That's pretty funny.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, no more barking.

[Alec Flynn]

That's fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

I validate that it is harder for all genders to date today. I don't remember being faced with any of these problems in my 20s.

[Alec Flynn]

This is a byproduct of living in 2025.

[Ashley Hess]

It is.

[Alec Flynn]

If you want to be out there most be the most true and authentic version of yourself while dating. You're gonna have to, like, risk being absolutely cooked in the comments by upwards of a million people online. That's just what's gonna end up happening. All right. This is what it is.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, you're saying we have to adapt.

[Alec Flynn]

You have to adapt. I was dating a girl here in la and she would make tech talks about, like, me taking her out and then some. One of them ended up on Fox News.

[Ashley Hess]

Not Fox. Fox.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, on Fox. I mean, I came off as a great guy, but.

[Ashley Hess]

But, yeah, I mean, this. It's Tough Rain, and I really want to toe the line.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, we.

[Ashley Hess]

I think back to our Drew Afuelo episode and just. She's really the far end of the spectrum of, like, you're guilty until proven innocent, and she's not wrong. And like, men that these bad behaviors don't apply to aren't offended by this.

[Alec Flynn]

Right?

[Ashley Hess]

Like, these. Are we dating the same guy? And ickless and stuff like that. I think of people like you probably, like my fiance. Like our brothers who are like, I don't know. This doesn't scare me off because I'm not gonna fall into those buckets. So it's just like, be better. There's a reason why these exist. And women are more empowered than ever, as they should be. But if you wanna know what's going on, we're here to tell you.

[Alec Flynn]

I'd also agree that I wanna say this. Cause I think, like, all these articles coming out where it's like, what's wrong with men? Men are broken. Men are lonely. This is starting to become, like, a pathology apology at this point where, like, I think it's gonna. I think there's some truth to it at least. I feel like if we just keep churning out these articles where, like, eventually every guy's just gonna start thinking, I am lonely and broken. It's like, you weren't originally, but now you have to think, like, am I lonely and broken? Am I up? Like, yeah. Am I not seeing my friends enough? Am I not doing this, like, to any guys that do listen, especially to the guy that wrote the email, it's fine. We're gonna be okay. The country, probably not, but, like, you'll be all right. Okay. Just again, pick up a hobby, all right? Talk to women and just be normal.

[Raina Greenberg]

But that's the thing.

[Ashley Hess]

You're gonna be all right if you do those things. And I think it goes back to, like, our episode with Scott Galloway. It's like, when I coach men, I am like, get off your fucking phone and get out in the world and work out and make some money and talk to women and be interesting. And it's just like, you got to do the things, though, or you were not gonna be okay. So it's just like, let's not read the articles and be like, well, am I lonely? It's just like, I don't know, like, are you? You know, But I respect your point.

[Alec Flynn]

You are right, though, Ash. I mean, like, it is like a very. I think I thought about this, like, in college. Just like, the way, like, everything is very coddled, I think, just in general, where everything feels very easy, especially from our phones. So I think guys also get this all, like, sense of, like, entitlement in general. We're like, why. Why don't I have a good job coming out? Like, why isn't this going on? And that's not women. That's not, like, anything to do with you. It's just society. This is like, endgame, late stage capitalism. Why, like, all of our lives are shit, but then, like, that contributes to, like, the male loneliness epidemic. Like, I. I was gonna say when we were talking about guys that need to go out and reconnect and, like, stay in touch with their friends, Think about the guy that probably has, like, a baby and a dog and a wife, where he's just. He's like, yo, I have to work all the time, and by the time I get to the weekends, I don't want to fucking get shit faced. I want to rest because I got to dial it back in on Monday so I can, like, keep this mortgage going.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, I talked to my brother, and he is the sole provider for his wife and two small children. And he's stressed at work and he wants to still be there for his family. And my dad's going through some health stuff. Like, he's got a lot on his shoulders. And I'm like, you have to talk to people. You have to talk to me. If it's therapy, you can't just hold this all in. And so I think, obviously we've come a long way with that too. And obviously he leans on his wife and he's got a great support system. But I empathize. I certainly am not a woman that's like, you're a man, figure it out. You know, I know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I wanna validate that dating is harder today. It's like, it just is a lot harder than when I was in my 20s. There's so much information out there about what men and women, every gender should do and how you should behave and show up. And I don't remember ever thinking about this stuff in my 20s. I just went on a date and I hoped I enjoyed it. And I didn't think, what percentage of the time did I spend asking questions? And I never really thought about it. And I think a lot of this is good. I think it's good to talk about toxic behavior and narcissism and gaslighting and pathology in general. But, like, things have changed and we can't just complain about it. We do have to adapt a little bit.

[Alec Flynn]

And we, and we will. That's the thing. Let's, let's, let's, let's be positive here. We're going to adapt. We're going to be okay.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, this comment on the article says people used to keep diaries, which they would lock and hide away. Inviting strangers on the Internet to comment on your personal relationships, your photos, your hopes, your criticisms of friends and family, plus all your petty little girls grievances strikes me as being a pretty solid definition of insanity. And it's like, I can't be hypocritical. We do a podcast where we share these things and people can publicly comment. Well, I'm open to the comments. I think there's like this thing of everyone being like, I don't want to end up on the Internet.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't envy being that age. I'm glad I'm not. So good luck if you're 23.

[Alec Flynn]

I know I try and shout out my boy Peter.

[Ashley Hess]

Shout the.

[Alec Flynn]

Shout out to my boy. I'm raising my. I'm raising my boy.

[Ashley Hess]

I wanted to end with the golden retriever boyfriend versus black cat boyfriend. Are you familiar with these two types?

[Alec Flynn]

I know the gold, the. I used to do a joke about it, but.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, what's. Do you identify with a golden retriever or.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, do you know the whole concept of, like, black cat golden retriever?

[Alec Flynn]

I know the golden retriever is like a guy who's like, hey, yeah, all right.

[Ashley Hess]

People say Travis Kelce is like the archetype of the golden retriever.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's the opposite of withholding, you know? And I actually don't read it as, like, too eager, but it is like the very securely attached open with their emotions shows up. Whereas, like, black cat boyfriend, black cat girlfriend. It's exactly what you think it is.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. Donnie darling.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. You can't catch them. You know, a little more of. A little more elusive. You're not sure.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah. You get into the apartment, there's like. Yeah, he's around. I don't know where he is.

[Ashley Hess]

He's under the bed.

[Alec Flynn]

He's under the bed.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you watch Summer? I turn pretty.

[Alec Flynn]

No.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. You're like, I'm still a man. But they compare. The two brothers in this show is. One is the golden retriever, one's a black cat, and the black cat is. I don't know. He's like, more brooding and he's. Yes. More withholding. I guess you could kind of say he's avoidant. So I don't love that. And that's why I just love that word brooding, though.

[Alec Flynn]

I just. Whenever I think of that word, I just think of some guy going.

[Ashley Hess]

Just.

[Alec Flynn]

Like, out loud, moaning.

[Ashley Hess]

It's dramatic. So we just thought it was interesting. I. I think you want a black cat in the streets and a golden retriever in the sheets.

[Alec Flynn]

Whoa.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, someone that's more of that, like, withholding vibe with other people. But they are different with you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Mushy at home.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Oh, okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But, like, yeah, that's not black cat. Black cat boyfriend is different than, like, black cat with other people. You don't want black cat at home.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, you don't like.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

But that black hat with other people. Well, you want other people to be.

[Alec Flynn]

Like, what's his deal?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, what's his deal? But at home, all over you, lovey. Just on.

[Ashley Hess]

That's what I'm saying. But I'm.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, you don't want black cat boyfriend. Yeah, but I don't.

[Alec Flynn]

I don't think there's a split. I don't think you can be both.

[Ashley Hess]

I think fiance is.

[Alec Flynn]

I think you think he's blackout in the streets.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I know people like that for sure.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Yeah, he's. He's warmed up, but I think he had this kind of. I mean, I thought he was such an asshole when I first met him.

[Alec Flynn]

Taking him out of his shot. Yeah, that's probably a difference, though. So, like, eventually he will go full.

[Ashley Hess]

Retriever, but he just is not the way he is with.

[Alec Flynn]

He's just in the middle Pokemon evolution right now.

[Ashley Hess]

He just doesn't give. He doesn't give it all away with new people in public. He's just kind of looks serious looks, but he's, like, very serious.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, something. We joke sometimes, like, other people's boyfriend's behavior, and I'm like, sometimes I will meet someone's boyfriend or husband, and they'll really, like, lock in with me and, like, a lot of eye contact, a lot of questions, and I'm like, there's just a difference. And I feel it when somebody's being nice versus being like, it's a little too much. And I'm like, why is your boyfriend showing me this much attention? Like, Ashley's fiance and I are buds. I love him. We're good friends. He feels like family to me. He doesn't, like, lock in and get, like, mushy with me, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like a boundary.

[Alec Flynn]

I mean, like, there's. I know. Yeah. I guess I've never even. My girlfriend's friends, Like, I'm like, I'm friends with them.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. You seem like ex. I mean, I'm just friends with.

[Alec Flynn]

I'm just. I. Yeah, I can't, like, turn exactly it off. I guess I'm just being myself. I'm having fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I would joke that my fiance hates everyone and loves me. That's my biggest turnout. But that's just, like, a Boston trait, you know? And I'm kidding, because he has, like, amazing friends and family that he cares about so much. But I love. I like his whole, like, you'd think he was a dick. And he is the sweetest, kindest guy.

[Raina Greenberg]

But he's not black cat boyfriend. He is to you. Not that at all. And I have no interest in black cat boyfriend. And I hate the trope. It is the number one thing I hate in pop culture, media, movies, books, where we, like, write these characters of these, like, brooding guys and these girls that just, like, wait around and get shit on, and they just hope for it. And then. And then he realizes. He wakes up up and realizes you're the one. And, like, I hate this dress so much. I have no interest in blackjack, okay?

[Ashley Hess]

So I just aied it. So black cat boyfriend.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just.

[Ashley Hess]

It's. I didn't use chat GPT. I don't want to use the official name because, you know, I don't use it. Okay. So the black cat boyfriend is moody, reserved, and emotionally complex, contrasting with the more outgoing golden retriever boyfriend. Popular examples of black cat boyfriend archetypes include Conrad from the summer I turned pretty, the number one Felix From Too much, which we started that show but didn't finish it. And Carmi from the Bear, that's a great example. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't listen.

[Alec Flynn]

That guy seems like a lot, though.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I don't want to say you don't know where you stand moodiness.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want to work for it that hard at this age. Like, I actually like a guy who is intentional and I'm not guessing how they feel. And they may or may not show up and you get the. These bursts of them being into you, and then they just take it away. Nothing is less interesting to me than that. I'm not like, you can't treat me like that. I'm just like, I'm bored with this. I don't need it. I don't like it. You think you're like, gonna more, right?

[Alec Flynn]

I mean, it's.

[Ashley Hess]

We're adults. Stop this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

I usually date older as well. So, like, that's my. I am like. I always feel like when it comes to just relationship, like, I am what I am. And it's like I'm probably the golden retirement retriever boyfriend most of the time.

[Ashley Hess]

I can see that about you in the. In the best way. I mean, what, Everybody's a good thing. Yeah, it's a good thing. Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

I mean, maybe more. Even more of like an Australian shepherd. I can be okay. Like, I'm not big. I'm not gonna.

[Ashley Hess]

I know.

[Raina Greenberg]

Look at your watch.

[Alec Flynn]

I'm a little guy.

[Raina Greenberg]

Did you borrow that from your girlfriend?

[Ashley Hess]

Be honest. Wait, how would I'm doing this? No, his feet don't touch the ground. But do you feel like those relationships did, like, help you grow up?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, of course.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

You try to learn everything. I mean, like, the biggest note difference I've learned in this relationship that I'm in right now.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, I'm sad.

[Alec Flynn]

Is that I went into it being very intentional where like. And I told her, like, straight up, second date. I think I was just like, you know, I really like you. And what I have noticed in the past is like, every relationship that I've been in before, I've seen the. The actual. Or the exit, like six months, whatever it be like ahead of time. So I kind of always had that in the back of my mind because it was always something to do with like, either my work or just like, you know, I wanted to keep dating around or whatever. But I always go with this one. I'm gonna focus on giving 100% effort and zero expectations. And that's. That's all I Did. And I've never been happier.

[Ashley Hess]

How did she respond to that? That?

[Alec Flynn]

She was like, do you want to order now?

[Ashley Hess]

She was like, let me wipe my vagina.

[Alec Flynn]

She was, I'm a little wet.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm going to suck your dick at this restaurant.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, no, that's really great to hear. Who doesn't want to hear that out?

[Alec Flynn]

And I'm just like. And whenever you want to start, that's your perform.

[Ashley Hess]

He's like, I got this straight out of the performative mail handbook. It's in my tote.

[Alec Flynn]

Do I get a board wrote it through down?

[Ashley Hess]

I am dying, thinking about later that night. And you're like, so, where is my blow job? And she's like, what do you mean you're? Like, that stuff I said.

[Raina Greenberg]

The speech stuff I said.

[Alec Flynn]

I.

[Raina Greenberg]

You didn't remember?

[Alec Flynn]

Well, I. I was trying to do a joke the other day about, like, the guys who are, like, absent, they don't show up anymore. And I wanted to be like, guys, it's so easy now. All we have to do is show up. All you got to do is show up. You could just show up, talk about, like, the Russian revolution or whatever you want for, like, an hour, treat her to dinner. And. And then she's like, well, you're gonna ask me about me? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I guess I thought I was the only guy that didn't cancel this week.

[Ashley Hess]

The bar is in hell.

[Alec Flynn]

Keep it up, all right? I won't even let you blow me after.

[Raina Greenberg]

I hate that.

[Ashley Hess]

You guys know?

[Alec Flynn]

Oh, I. They don't know. I know.

[Ashley Hess]

The guys have caught on. I know that the bar is so low.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

No, that's really great. And I'm sure that went over well.

[Alec Flynn]

No, it didn't. Oh, the first part. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Alec Flynn]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

And I think that's a way to know for men, women, whoever, that you're like, I'm not thinking about the owl.

[Alec Flynn]

You can't. That was always the downfall, okay, of every relationship I was in, because I was always thinking in the back of my head, yeah, but this. This ain't it. Maybe I didn't subconsciously know. Was it? And I definitely, like, I would have moments in these relationships where I'd be like, this is awesome. Like, I'm really into this. But, like, I. I'd always be like, yeah, but what happens four months from now when I got to do this with comedy or I have to do this or I have to make this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Big move or we move in together? Like, when they ask me for the next steps.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Ashley Hess]

We talked about this early days with Jared Freed of the way that men are like, okay, but once I call her my girlfriend, then what's next? It's a trip. And then it's, we have to move in together and then we have to get married and then we have to.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a baby like you. And it's like, I don't want to have a baby with you.

[Ashley Hess]

I can't. Yes. And the reason is, like, I don't have a baby with you. Like you future trip so far down the road you feel like the train has left the station.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I think it's as we get older, you do it to ask those questions like three, four dates in. Do I want to have a baby?

[Ashley Hess]

If you.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I think some people are like, how could you answer that question? Four dates in. And it's like, I. I just know, you know, I just know that I. I won't want to do that with you. So let's kind of like, let's dead it now.

[Ashley Hess]

And we are going to announce your girlfriend's pregnancy today on the show.

[Alec Flynn]

Absolutely. We knew we're expecting artificial insemination. It's unbelievable. We're doing it with, of all people, Aul Ashley's dog.

[Raina Greenberg]

The first dog baby.

[Alec Flynn]

First dog baby. Listen, we figure, you know, with technology nowadays, we'll have at least five shots.

[Ashley Hess]

How much did you pay for that? I haven't got my check yet.

[Alec Flynn]

Sorry.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, congrats to you guys and going to be great. This was fun. Alec. This was great. Is your full name Alec?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've been telling people it's short. Short for Cornish.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. I don't get it.

[Alec Flynn]

I mean, either, it's stupid.

[Ashley Hess]

No, just.

[Raina Greenberg]

I thought your name was Alex for a long time and I follow you on Instagram for years.

[Ashley Hess]

It's tough not to say Alex. I mean, how often you get called Alex? Every day.

[Alec Flynn]

Well, you're using the Alec plural. It's Alex.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Alec Flynn]

So it's like, what am I going to say about that?

[Ashley Hess]

I just.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think I thought it was that. Well, when I met you, I don't remember. Years ago I met you.

[Ashley Hess]

You.

[Raina Greenberg]

I thought it was Alex. Dude, let's end this podcast.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's almost 4 o'.

[Ashley Hess]

Clock. So you're touring?

[Alec Flynn]

I'm touring all over, guys. Some of the cities included would be Portland, Seattle, Foggy, London Town, Manchester, Edinburgh International, Dublin and New York City as well, as. Well as Charlotte, North Carolina and Wilmington, North Carolina.

[Raina Greenberg]

What's. Where can they get tickets. What's the website?

[Alec Flynn]

Just go on my Instagram. It's Big Al Flynn. I mean, I got a lot of fun stuff on there. Usually it's just, you know, know videos of my thigh tattoos from a real.

[Ashley Hess]

Close angle with the hissing of a grill.

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah, me. Yeah, me putting a lot of meats on grills. Talking to the crows outside. Yeah, okay. Screaming about slate stage capitalism.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, well, you guys go to his Instagram and buy tickets to shows.

[Alec Flynn]

Shout Out Johnny.

[Raina Greenberg]

See him in the uk.

[Ashley Hess]

When is that? In October?

[Alec Flynn]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Okay.

[Alec Flynn]

I'm really excited for that.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, well, that.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. And you guys can get tickets to our show at girls gotta eat.com sell out. We are Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram and Tick tock. I'm Ash hess. Rain is raina.greenberg. subscribe on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Go see Alex tour Alex. I did it on purpose. And we will see you Thursday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a good week, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

That.

[Raina Greenberg]

Brian at.

[Ashley Hess]

Brian at the Brian at.