Should Guys in Relationships Be On Instagram?

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Should Guys in Relationships Be On Instagram?
Air Date: June 29, 2026
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Special Guest/Featured Speaker: Ali Colbert (segment)
Podcast Description: A comedic discussion of dating, sex, and relationships with candid takes from Ashley and Rayna.

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Episode Overview

This episode tackles the provocative question: Should men in relationships be on Instagram? With humor and honesty, Ashley and Rayna examine Instagram’s impact on modern dating, the lines of online behavior in relationships, and the nuanced boundaries around following, liking, and interacting with others on social media. With input from their audience and a viral “Subway Takes” clip from comedian Ali Colbert, the hosts debate what’s “normal,” what’s embarrassing, and what’s a genuine red flag.

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Major Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Studio Changes and Travel Updates

[00:27–12:19]

• The hosts reflect on their nostalgia around recording their last full episode together in their LA Venice studio.
• They reminisce about previous studio spaces, describe moving logistics, and express excitement for upcoming travels in France and Italy.
• Share travel planning hacks and a deep-dive into maximizing credit card points for luxurious flight bookings.

Ashley [14:16]: “When I saw they transferred immediately, I was like, what a rush...I was so proud of myself. Like, you see and hear all these people talking about doing this, and I've just never done it.”

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2. Ali Colbert’s Viral Take on Men and Instagram

[37:12–38:12]

• Subway Takes segment featuring comedian Ali Colbert is played.
• Ali jokes that straight/married men shouldn’t be on Instagram unless it’s for work; if they are, their accounts should be private, barely active, and never engage with women.
  • Ali Colbert [37:14]:
    “Instagram is a dating app. If you are a man on Instagram, you should have a private profile. You should have less than 200 followers. You should have posted twice in your life eight years ago… Liking someone else's photo is cheating…Go explore the family you started.”
• The hosts riff, agreeing Ali’s set is exaggerated but stems from real truths about Instagram as a “secondary dating app.”
  • Ashley [38:24]: “We do use Instagram as a dating app—that’s not controversial.”

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3. Context Matters: Nuance in Relationship Boundaries

[38:36–49:46]

• Ashley and Rayna stress that social media boundaries depend on personality, relationship history, and mutual trust.
• Some behaviors (following, liking, commenting) can feel shady in one relationship and harmless in another.
• They discuss celebrity crushes and exceptions (like supporting activist men, public figures, or openly hyping friends with everyone's knowledge).
  • Rayna [39:19]: “Different rules apply to different people.”
  • Ashley [45:11]: “Commenting, all this stuff is not disrespectful. It's just loser shit. And I don't fuck losers.”
• Anecdote about partners whose online “shadiness” was eventually linked to actual infidelity or betrayal.
  • Ashley [46:42]: “Every single time my ex was being shady...I found it. And I was right.”
• The difference between “just looking” vs. active engagement—volume and secrecy are telling.

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4. Audience Polls: What Do 20,000 Listeners Think?

[60:28–66:05]

• The hosts share results from listener polls with nearly 20,000 responses:
  • Only 10% agree that “men in relationships don’t need Instagram outside work.”
  • 55% think men should clean up their “hot model/influencer” follows when getting serious; 45% don’t care.
  • 65% say following is fine, but engaging (likes/comments) isn’t.
  • 70% would only unfollow someone if their partner’s request was reasonable.
  • Most draw their “hard line” at DMing or commenting.
• Overwhelming sentiment: “Don’t embarrass me.”
  • Rayna [67:40]: “Over and over...do not embarrass me with how you act. You can have a long leash, just don’t embarrass me.”

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5. Setting and Communicating Boundaries

[66:05–72:03]

• Discussion on whether it’s “controlling/insecure” to set boundaries; the hosts argue it’s healthy to ask for respect and transparency.
• Being “the cool girl” (who suppresses concerns) isn’t necessary—trust and clear boundaries matter.
  • Ashley [70:41]: “It’s ridiculous to act like social media doesn't matter. We're so far past that.”
• Ask trusted friends for reality checks when unsure if concerns are valid.

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6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ashley (re: male follows): [62:33] “When you glance at someone's follower list...it's so much ass and titties. It's embarrassing to me.”
• Rayna (re: men’s intent): [41:49] “If I want to get somebody's attention, I like their Instagram stories, I respond...because I'm horny. That's the point of this, it's, ‘hey, look at me.’”
• Ashley (to partner Shashank): [44:16] “Shashank can flame emoji exactly two people. It’s you [Rayna] and Gina, who is married to his best friend...and that’s it.”
• Rayna (on double standard): [45:16] “It’s not just embarrassing for me. Like, you men should be embarrassed. What are you literally doing?”

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7. Listener Emails: Real-Life Dilemmas

[74:16–79:08]

• Bikini Photo Double Standard:
  • Listener’s boyfriend made her take down a bikini pic, yet liked mutual friends’ bikini shots. Host reaction: red flag for insecurity and control.
    • Ashley [74:32]: “You can show your body on social media, for whatever reason. If you’re in a relationship, posting something really thirst-trappy is different, but you work hard on your body, show it off. If everything’s great otherwise, people can change. But these are red flags all over it.”
• Publicly Flirty Brother:
  • Listener’s married brother leaves public, flirty comments with “OnlyFans-looking girls."
  • The wife is unbothered; the hosts advise: “It’s not your business if she’s okay with it, but for your own family reputation, you can say something kindly.”

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Noteworthy Themes

• Intentions and Transparency are Crucial: If it would look weird to your partner, don’t do it. Be aware of appearances and motives.
• Exceptions Exist: Nuance for public figures, activist friends, or mutual friends with no romantic subtext.
• Mutual Standards: Don’t do what you wouldn’t want your partner to do.
• Social Media Embarrassment: More than actual betrayal, many women don’t want to be publicly humiliated by their partner’s obvious thirst.

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Timestamps for Important Sections

• [37:12] – Ali Colbert’s “Subway Takes” segment & “men shouldn't be on Instagram” riff
• [39:19] – Nuance: Every relationship’s boundary is unique
• [45:11] – “It’s just loser shit. And I don’t fuck losers.” (Listener quote)
• [46:42] – Ashley: “Every time my ex was being shady...I was right.”
• [60:28] – Audience poll results begin
• [66:06] – How guys “find ways in” (liking, reacting, DM strategy explained)
• [67:40] – Overarching listener rule: “Don’t embarrass me”
• [74:16] – Email: Bikini photo double standard
• [79:12] – Email: Listener’s brother & public flirty comments

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Final Takeaways

• Social Media is Inevitable: Most women accept their partners will be on Instagram, but want respect, transparency, and no public embarrassment.
• Active Engagement Crosses the Line: Following is often tolerable; engaging (liking, commenting, DMing) with “thirst traps” is usually a no-go.
• Boundaries Vary, But Communication is Key: Each relationship needs clear, agreed-upon standards—not “one size fits all.”
• If in Doubt: Don’t Embarrass Your Partner.
  • Ashley [67:46]: “If you’re a dude...and your girl is scrolling and sees you...flame emoji on bikini pics—not celebrities, but accessible women—do you think she’s going to like it? You know the answer.”

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Episode Tone and Style

Casual, comedic, honest, and supportive toward listeners. The hosts lean into “big sister” advice, championing self-respect, and the freedom to set boundaries without apology.

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For further topics or past episodes, check:
girls gotta eat dot com / @girlsgottaeatpodcast (IG/TikTok)
Ashley – @ashhess / Rayna – @raina.greenberg

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This summary omits sponsor reads and non-content banter for clarity and utility.

Transcript

[Ashley Hess]

Your stance on this statement. Men in committed relationships don't need Instagram outside of work. This podcast is a dear media production.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Hi, guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Welcome back.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, I don't feel things about a lot of things until I'm in the moment immediately. This is the last recording that we're gonna do in this studio, and this is not the last one you'll see in the studio.

[Ashley Hess]

Actually, Stassi fucked it up. No, I really wish this was the last one. You know, I'm, like, so big on that kind of sentimental things. It's big. This. We're gonna talk about a bunch of studio stuff today, but you will see one more interview with Stassi because we had to hold it till when her show comes out. So that will be the final time you'll see it. We just want to be transparent. We don't want to lie to you guys, but this is the last time you and I are going to be alone and doing an intro and a full episode in the studio.

[Raina Greenberg]

But, like, we've moved studios a lot over the years, which we, you know, it's not like our only studio we've ever. I feel less sentiment.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, okay, great. Well, we will rank them.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And, you know, just maybe watch it on YouTube and see two baseball girlies repping their teams.

[Raina Greenberg]

A couple of baseball girlies. All right, well, we'll take our partners and we'll just get into it. Thank you to Article. Get it $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Article.com GGE and Rocket Money. Reach your financial goals faster at RocketMoney.com GGE and this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find support and therapy. Get 10% off at BetterHelp.com GG and

[Ashley Hess]

thank you to FP Movement. Go to FPMovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. And thank you to Resort. Pass. The day is yours. Get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more at resortpass.com GGE and this just reminded me that I meant to wear my brand new FP movement tank, but it wouldn't match the hat because it's lime green.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm wearing full FP movement.

[Ashley Hess]

We'll tag team the read later.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm just. I'm squatting in my house at this moment, so I have, like four pieces of clothing. This is it.

[Ashley Hess]

Not at this moment that you guys hear this. I literally fully moved in.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, actually, I'll Be moved in and we will be in the south of France.

[Ashley Hess]

Bonjour. Catch me all over France. Bonjour. So we. Yes, this is our vacation. And I have been to Nice once in high school.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's crazy. With your parents?

[Ashley Hess]

No, we took it for my French class. So I took five years of French one in college. But we only had French and Spanish in my school. And most people took Spanish. There was only one French teacher. I loved her. We, our family knew her. And I was like, I want to have her all four years and go to France. Because I knew that the French kids went to France for them mostly. And the Spanish kids never really took trips. And like that was my reason for not taking the more practical language was to go.

[Raina Greenberg]

You and I, very funny. Like random things in common. Because like my school only had Spanish and French. No one really took French. I took French all four years. I took one year in college. It I just like the teacher. I was just like, I think this is better. I want to do this. We just have like weird stuff in common.

[Ashley Hess]

But you guys didn't go. It wasn't like a trip.

[Raina Greenberg]

Taylor Alice High School. No, I mean they were like, take a trip to the Wendy's down the street.

[Ashley Hess]

Reina, don't get it twisted. We didn't have some kind of fancy high school. We. I think your high school was nicer than mine. It just was. Mrs. Conlon. Shout out. Madame Conlon. She just wanted to go. And her husband would go. He was the gym teacher. So they would go and chaper on the trip. And it was my best guy friend Caleb, who obviously you met the wedding. You sat with him at the wedding. And like 10 of us maybe. And we paid for it. Like it was only the people that the school didn't pay. It was like an opportunity. And it was incredible because we went to Paris and Nice and Monaco for the day and then Florence, Venice, Rome. It was an incredible trip for a

[Raina Greenberg]

senior high school co ed trip to Europe with a bunch of horny teenagers. And the drinking age is non existent. That's crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

With the coolest teachers in the town.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's insane.

[Ashley Hess]

And we'd stayed at one place, I remember one Sofitel that that was nice. And then the rest were more hostile vibes. Like they weren't nice, but they were nice enough. And yeah, I did make out with one kid that was on another trip from another school. We kind of were with some other kids at one point.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, corny kids will find each other in Europe.

[Ashley Hess]

And that was the first time I was in Italy and then I went once more just a few years later with my family. So I've been Italy in so long and I have these memories and you're always telling me like, sis, it will not be like that. Like, I was there when, like, you could just walk up to the Trevi Fountain. There was no social media, obviously. Like, it felt so easy to get around and do everything and no one's doing anything for so social media. And so those are my memories of Italy. And I feel like that's almost why I'm hesitant to go back.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, it's wonderful. It's just. It's always gonna be overrun in like July and August. It's not like a hot take anymore. Like the tick tock ification of everything has made everything miserable. And everything's just to take photos and the lines are so long. But like, you're still in Italy, you know?

[Ashley Hess]

I know, I know, I know. It's just kind of like I have these memories of Rome that are really specific and like really vivid. And you're like, it's not gonna be like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's not gonna be like that. But I would still go. And I love it. And I love it too. And I love a major city. And every year when people ask us like solo travel tips, I say, go to the major cities and that's what you'll enjoy. Like being alone. And if you want to be alone, like Rome, of course.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so what is your experience with the south of France prior to this? Prior to where we are right now?

[Raina Greenberg]

I went to Nice and Monaco and can con. I went alone.

[Ashley Hess]

That's sad.

[Raina Greenberg]

Nice. Alone. Well, I mean, you guys, if you've been a long time listener. When my fiance left me, I was like, oh, I've never been anywhere. I was like 28 and I was just like, I'm gonna go everywhere. And I planned like maybe three back to back trips. They were all like two weeks long. And I just hit like every city in Europe alone. I've been everywhere alone. In my like late 20s, I stayed in hostels and like there was early days of Airbnb. Is they're a little sketchy and kind of scary. And I was just like, this is what I could afford.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Really early days. I was like, this is sketchy, but I can't afford anything else.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

So that's my.

[Ashley Hess]

But it was also like such a dream. Like early days of Airbnb. You're like, what is this?

[Raina Greenberg]

But I like going back to places now as an adult. With, I mean, the Internet as it is today. You were saying yesterday, how did people plan trips without TikTok and AI? Like the scrappiness with which I had to like cross reference 15 websites and then I'd go and like, you didn't have WI fi. WI fi didn't exist. So like you could have a cell phone plan was like $100 for international data every day. Or you just had to like hope for the best.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I have really taken the reins on this trip and I am so dialed in and I have all these methods and I have like multiple devices and I do with TikTok, like I will search so, so much and then I'm googling stuff and then I have my maps to map everything out and then see where there are like the train stations we need or the airports. And I've just had a lot of fun.

[Raina Greenberg]

You have been flooding my. I mean, thank God I don't have the capacity for it right now. No, it's. It doesn't annoy me.

[Ashley Hess]

I love it.

[Raina Greenberg]

And like, you know, I said, I will DJ a whole trip. I planned our whole trip to Jackson Hole. I love being in charge. I plan to Reinapalooza. I will plan a whole trip if I. But like, I don't really have the time right now because I'm moving. And like, I, I trust you and I trust Megan. You like nice fancy things and so do I. And like the stuff you plan, I like. So I just, I say it all the time. If you don't plan it, you don't get to complain. So if you sit back, you gotta just, you gotta do what other people planned. And I trust you. And Megan, thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, it's been fun. Like I just, when I lock in, I'm like, the hotel's booked, the Airbnb is booked, the restaurants are booked. Like, we can change if you guys don't like it. But like, I made some decisions, that's fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't wanna do it. Really. I really don't have the capacity right now. I don't wanna do it. Somebody else that I trust is doing it and I will be happy with the out.

[Ashley Hess]

No, I think you're gonna be really happy.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I'll be really happy. And also, like, I think people get in their heads. Like, if I go on this group trip, do I have to do every single thing? No, you don't have to. If there's like one dinner I, for some weird ass reason, don't want to go to, I could sit it out. I'M an adult, but I think I'm gonna like everything.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And so follow along. We will have been there for a few days now, and I'm flying directly. Well, directly I'm gonna be in New York, but then flying to Nice. So we're gonna start there and then go to Saint Tropez, do a day in Cannes, and then go back to Nice, sort of this town called ez, this medieval castle town, and then fly back out of Nice. And we really want to try to go to the resort where they filmed White Lotus Season 4. It looks insane.

[Raina Greenberg]

Everything looks insane.

[Ashley Hess]

It's. I thought maybe we could spend a night there, but it's totally booked. The restaurants are booked. Like, we're gonna try our hardest to get up there. And then another thing that I'm so excited to do, the winery, the Whispering Angel Winery Reina. I feel like I'm, like, starstruck by it. That's fuels our life. Whispered Angel. That's the Mecca.

[Raina Greenberg]

It fuels my hangovers.

[Ashley Hess]

The winery with Whispering Angel. Like, I'm like, shaking, thinking about. Because I love a wine tasting.

[Ali Colbert]

You don't really.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't really like wine tasting. To me, I've like. You've done three. You've done all of them. I've done Napa and Italy and France. I've done them all. But, like, you're so excited. This is the most, like, white girl named Ashley thing that you could do in France.

[Ashley Hess]

No, but it's still like an amazing winery. It's not like some. It's just. It's a beautiful winery. Regardless. Regardless.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't care. Also, this is new. You guys are finding out, as I'm finding out what we're doing on this trip.

[Ashley Hess]

So I will never do a brewery tour. I hate a distillery situation like a tour. I hate those two things. And I also drink beer and liquor. But I love a wine tasting experience no matter what.

[Raina Greenberg]

You and I went to Guinness in Ireland. We've done the top, top, top of brewery tours. I'm good. We've done it.

[Ashley Hess]

Cannot listen to people talk about beer or liquor. Like, they put some sort of distillery liquor thing, like a cocktail making class on our Singapore itinerary. I was like, nope.

[Raina Greenberg]

But you like to listen to people talk about making wine or you just find it more relaxing?

[Ashley Hess]

I like to sit and drink while people talk. I am sort of paying attention.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. Because breweries are indoors and winers are outdoors.

[Ashley Hess]

And also, you're all. I feel like a brewery tour. You're always on foot. I'm like, this is like boring field trip from middle school.

[Raina Greenberg]

No matter where what winery you're at, you will like it.

[Ashley Hess]

It's just a vibe.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

Brewery. I know I can go to a brewery and hang out and like I can just look at the fucking machines and the hops on my own. I don't need to hear about it. If someone starts talking about hops, I want to.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's so boring.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm out.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you remember two years ago when my pregnant sister in law insisted that me and my brother and her go to a winery tour? We were in Italy.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

And she was like, I planned a whole day. We're going to go to this winery. I was like, aren't you so pregnant? It's like, I don't care. We're gonna go.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, I love it so much.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, do you love it pregnant? That's how married to the game she is.

[Ashley Hess]

Of course not.

[Raina Greenberg]

I would hate it.

[Ashley Hess]

Pregnant.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think she sipped on some stuff.

[Ali Colbert]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

And honest might have been. You're fine.

[Ashley Hess]

But I'm really excited about it and I did just wanted to share one travel hack and also let you guys know that next Monday we'll be off, which we always are, around the 4th, the Monday around the 4th. And then that we will be back the following Monday the 13th. And we will recap this trip and we're gonna do a travel episode. So traveling with partners. You guys have a lot of questions left over from when I did the episode with Shashank that I really wanted to talk about with Raina and give advice, like more in the dating area. He wasn't like really wanting to give advice on those types of things. Like lots of stuff that you guys asked. And also traveling with friends and we'll recap our trip and all that stuff. But I just wanted to share like one hack that'll call back to when we do this episode. But about using the points and getting these flights. Like, I've always feel like this is a real blind spot for me. And when we've had Brian Kelly on and we've Tori Dunlap on, I'm like hanging on every word and it's still been really hard for me to like digest how to do this and all. Tori Dunlap post her first 100k is her handle is like I'm in lay flat business for 40 bucks because I used points and she's always like, you know, message or leave a comment. I'll tell you what card to get. And I digest all this information but I've never quite done this where you transfer the points to a different airline because her and Brian Kelly are always talking about Air France. KLM is one of the best programs to transfer your points from like your Chase or your Amex. So I transferred my points from my Chase reserve to Flying Blue, which I'm walking you through. How to do it too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Actually, when we finish this up, I will pack the studio up if you do this on my computer.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, I'll. I'll try. But it's interesting how it works. So you need to first go on and see how many miles points the flight you want is, which could change. You hope it doesn't. But basically, Air France all day. There's like a few that have deals. Like one might be 600,000, 900,000, and then there's one that's like 200,000. So the one that I wanted was 181,000. That's great for a lay flat. That's like a $9000 flight for basically like 1500, 1800 in points, basically, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, that's what I want. And I'm messaging with Tori just like, am I doing this right? I don't want to bother her. I was like, you don't answer me. I know you're busy. And she was like, no, I'm happy to help. And I'm like, I'm transferring from ch Chase to Air France. She's like, yeah, so find your flight and then go transfer. So then I go into Chase Transfer to Flying Blue, their program. You find your travel. You find your travel partners and you transfer. This is irreversible. So you're transferring points and it could take a minute. It can take up to seven days. Mine was immediate.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

Literally, I refreshed. And they were there. In my Flying Blue account, it can take 24 to 48 hours or up to seven days. I can't imagine that happening.

[Raina Greenberg]

But the flight prices will change.

[Ashley Hess]

The flight could change. Mine was immediate. They were there in my Flying Blue. So then I booked that flight. But what if the amount of miles changes? And I'm telling her this and I'm trying to comprehend it, she goes, yeah, that's the fun of it. Like, sarcastically, like, it's a gamble. But this is how I'm getting a flight that would be 8 to $10,000 for a business class flight to France for 180,000 miles, which is still a ton, but I've accumulated a ton. And then I'm flying back on a premium economy And I did the same thing and booked my premium economy for 100,000 points, which is still pretty good. That's only about a thousand bucks in points. If you really kind of think about, like, a dollar amount.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is a blind spot for me.

[Ashley Hess]

It is for me too. And then I realized, like, oh, okay, you're taking a little bit of a risk here, which may turn people off. Like, if you transfer those points and for whatever reason, it took a while, and then you don't have enough, and you're like, what the fuck? So do you transfer more than you need, but then it's irreversible, so then you just have them sitting in there. When I saw they transferred immediately, I was like, what a rush. I booked it. I was like, I'm so proud of myself. Like, you see and hear all these people talking about doing this, and I've just never done it. I use points all the time. But, like, transferring what, these. They talk about it. There are some of these airlines where you really get the best bang for your buck, and that's how you fly business to Europe. Wow.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, we're gonna do this as soon as we.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so we're gonna try to transfer from Raina's Amex. Follow us for more tips. Our shirt to fly in blue, and then get you the same flight, provided it's still the same amount of miles.

[Raina Greenberg]

Listen, just stay tuned.

[Ashley Hess]

People are gonna be like, I don't know. I saw Raina's story a couple days ago. She was in economy.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I'm also flying. I'm flying from New York. I guess you are too. So I was like, it doesn't matter to me as much, but it.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, so I'm gonna go to New York a few days before, and it's a seven hour flight to Paris. That's not that bad. And then two more ish hours, hour and a half to Nice. But the one flying back is longer for me to go to lax, but it's. I'm in premium economy and I don't really need to sleep on that time of day. Like, to me, it's the matter of if I really need to sleep is. That's where it's like, I really want to do whatever it takes to have a lay flat. All right, well, anyway, these are how to do it. You guys follow again. The points guy, of course, And Tori Dunlap, her first 100K. And I think they do this really well. But it's like, even as much as they explain it, you're still sometimes like, I don't get it. And, like, you're not alone. Okay, good. Okay, I did it. You're going to do it.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, you did it. And you're going to do it again. I'm going to do this. It sounds hard. I have to tell you something funny. Like, it will. We can transition into the studio, but I had this very funny conversation with Brittany yesterday, who's like, our very good friend, and she was talking about podcasting, and we're like, voice coming back and forth. And she. She goes, you are so lucky. I just, like, wish I had Nashley. And I was like, yeah, I know. It's great. I have a partner in life to do business with.

[Ashley Hess]

It's great.

[Raina Greenberg]

And she goes, no, I just mean, like, you just get to, like, do nothing. You just walk into the studio, you just show up and it's done. And I was like, what? And she goes, yeah, you just show up to the podcast. You don't do anything. And I was like, I'm sorry, who told you this?

[Ali Colbert]

Not me.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I go, why did you just say that sentence? And she goes, you said that? You just show up. And I said, no. I said, I show up for the live shows. Okay, I've never said that. I just show up to the studio. And Ashley's never told you that. And she goes, all this time, I literally thought you just walked in the door, sat down. Ashley had booked a guest, written the outlines, planned the episodes, gotten it all set up. She's like, I've been so jealous of you. I was like, what do you think I do all day?

[Ashley Hess]

No, like, Reina just doesn't have a job.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're like, we split the money.

[Ashley Hess]

But Ashley, just my stay at home business partner.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was like, we record like two days a week. What do you think I do the rest of my time?

[Ashley Hess]

We have, like a secret setup. I do all the work, and Raina, like, does my laundry and cleans my house.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just. I think it's so funny. To me, this has been like a very good friend of ours for many years. She. That's her view of me and you, by the way, that you also allow that to happen, that you're like, you know, I'll just do all of it.

[Ali Colbert]

But I.

[Ashley Hess]

That's cause I'm like a control freak. She probably thinks that. But yeah, I mean, no, you do just show up to the live shows.

[Raina Greenberg]

But we also have help. Like, we've always had, like a tour manager and manager. No, we always have.

[Ashley Hess]

Not for years. We did it right.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was Just me and you out there. The live shows. I really. I don't even know who she books. I don't know what it costs. I really. Ashley is. I let her cook. I don't, I don't need to ask questions.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know what it costs either. No. I have a general idea, but

[Ali Colbert]

no.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I haven't asked what the live show's cost in seven years. I'm on the. I just, whatever. That's not my business.

[Ashley Hess]

The studio. I have always done like the tech the. And I still do like setting up the sound and the cameras for the most part, adjusting them and stuff. But you have managed really the studio setup. Like if we need people to come in here and help with the lights and like you may. It's really down the middle. Like you do more work on the front end of all these studios that we've moved around, which we'll talk about today. And then I'm usually kind of like do the finishing touches but you come in here and kind of get set up before I'm even here. And then I do my stuff.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm the front end guy. You're the back end guy? Well, yeah, I do all the pre production on the episode.

[Ashley Hess]

You do plan the episodes. And then I get in there and get her done.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just, it's so funny. Like I don't know what people think we. That I do all day and like a couple days on tour, like the last couple stops I had like.

[Ashley Hess]

You just love to move.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just love. I like to do manual labor. I like admin and moving.

[Ashley Hess]

I am always moving and returning stuff.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do.

[Ashley Hess]

Guys, I'm out here carrying this company in my back and Rain is just returning packages and they're not even mine.

[Raina Greenberg]

This morning she was like, I'm planning this like trip. Here's like all these links to these hotels and these dinners. And I was like, I'm at Staples buying boxes to go pack up the studio. I think people do just think that sometimes we just show. I think a lot of people, the podcast do just show up. I think they just walk in the door and show up and they walk out the door and that's all they do. And that's great for a lot of people. This is our full time job.

[Ashley Hess]

I will say, you know, we've gone back and forth throughout the years of having our own space and doing it all ourselves and then we've had different people. We had Vella, we had Tessa. And then Anna, when we're in New York, will come in and Help set up. As opposed to going in a studio, Whether we're at Dear Media or Melrose, we've been at wtf. We've been. We've used them all. And having it just be all set up, ready to go. They send the files afterwards. Like, we really do just have to sit down and talk. And we've had, you know, issues here and there where we've really had to intervene. But for the most part, we don't just set it all up. And it's nice. There's pros and cons to both. The way that I'm feeling right now is never say never. I don't know that we're gonna do this again.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's good and bad. Cause, like, I was working with the RStudio in New York, and I was like, can I move this date to this date? Social media. Yeah. And they were like, no, people have booked this. And, yeah, I was like, can I have this date? And they're like, you can have this date, but it has to be early in the morning. Like, yeah, like, we can walk in this door anytime we want.

[Ashley Hess]

There's flexibility.

[Raina Greenberg]

So it's really been, like, tough deciding, like, which is which, because, like, Melrose who, like, once the times are gone, they're just gone.

[Ashley Hess]

I guess that's. That's Raina's job is stuff like that. So that is a pain in the ass because you're trying to get a guest and the studio, and luckily, there's so many options, especially in New York, and we love Melrose. And then WTF has new studios. Like, we. We can find a place, but that's annoying too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, then I don't have a lot of flexibility with the guests. Like, I never know what to do first. Book the guest first. I totally book the studio first. Cause, like, then we have to move the studio. You guys get it. Scheduling. But, like, yeah, we don't have as much flexibility. And we've had the studios have been in your house, in my house, in apartments we've rented, in this office space at other people's studios. I mean, there's pros and cons to all of it. If you guys are thinking of starting your own podcast.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And when we had our studio in Raina's garage and it flooded, my God, I was like, I don't want to do this again. I don't want to rebuild. And you were like, we should rebuild, and I'm so glad you did. That was when we really took it seriously. And we had someone design the lighting and the look, and it looks so much more professional. It leveled us up. We started dressing nicer, like the studio set the bar. And I'm really glad you did that. And then this studio is our first, like, office space. I mean, we're in this kind of office park. It's cooler than that. And we pay rent on this as a commercial space. And it just felt like really legitimate. But, you know, another thing too is like, I don't know, you and I will come in here and we'll just procrastinate and we'll talk and we'll talk shit. And it's like we don't waste time. But I was thinking about it like, I'd rather just like go to dinner with you than like come in here and talk shit for two hours. And then the work day is so far behind. So that's a nice part of going to a place where we are on a time schedule. It like reins us in.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I. That when somebody asked me, like, do I like recording at somebody else's studio? The first thing I say is like, we have to show up on time. Yeah. And we have to just get into it and then that's it. And like here, you and I, there's days we get here at 11 and we leave at 5, and we've recorded two episodes, but it didn't need to take six hours.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So I don't know if you guys. I'm sure you really like this look. And we do too. And it's really special and different. Not everybody does it. And we're not knocking whatever other podcasts want to do. We really saw a few shows early on that built their own studio and really like bet on themselves and spent money to do it and rent space. And that is what inspired us to do that. But not a lot were doing it. And we were like, you know what? Let's do that. And that was the motivation for the first one we had. And it'll be a nice break to not have to do it. And then we'll think about it. But I kind of wanted to walk through them. Reina. All the studios. And this will be fun for you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can you list all of them for you OGs? Did you write them out?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And a few memories from both.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so I wonder if you forgot any.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I've forgotten some that were just like one offs and stuff, but. Okay, let's go through it. So we started in my old apartment in the East Village. I lived in a building that really was inhabitable There was caution tape on every other door on my floor. I was the only person lived on my floor. I probably shouldn't have legally been allowed to live there. I did withhold my rent for a while. I was able to. It was like this slumlord who was being sued. They went bankrupt. It was a disaster.

[Raina Greenberg]

And.

[Ashley Hess]

But I was like, this is a true one bedroom. And I'm that bitch. And I look back and thought that apartment was really something. And I like, looking back now, I'm like, it was so shitty.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was like the wild west of podcasting. I mean, the amount of people that we just, like, invited into your home that are like, TV stars, New York Times bestsellers, bestselling comedians, people that have Netflix specials, Hulu specials. Like, the people that came and just sat on the floor.

[Ashley Hess]

Just sat on the floor with Dewey, my dog at the time. And we started at Rain and I, like, at this high table that I bought off, I don't know, some Facebook marketplace shit. Like, nothing in there was new. Everything was like Ikea or thrifted or whatever. Like, nothing was nice. And we would hunch over this one mic across from each other at the table. But then we would have guests. We would sit on my IKEA couch. Love that couch. And I was just making notes of Chris DiStefano was there. Hannah Burner. That was the first time we recorded with her. Ari Shafir, Mark Manson. Like, do you have any others that were like, this person's in my house.

[Raina Greenberg]

Dan Soder, who, like, was really big on time at the time on Billions, and he has all these specials.

[Ashley Hess]

But at the time, these people also,

[Raina Greenberg]

Mateo Lane, what they are now, but

[Ashley Hess]

he still, like, looked up to a lot of them.

[Raina Greenberg]

And, like, Eden Grinchpin, who's the host, Top Chef in Canada, like, she came.

[Ashley Hess]

But I just remember these moments. Like, we'd seen Chrissy D on the Internet, but, like, I hadn't seen him in person. And, like, he walked into my shitty apartment.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was like, holy shit, he's so hot, so horny. Remember Hannah coming in?

[Ashley Hess]

She was all sweaty. It was in June, and she was like, what the fuck?

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, it was.

[Ashley Hess]

We became friends with her. She came to your birthday, like, the week later. It was just. I just remember these moments and just people sitting on the floor with my dog. Like, I. I could cry thinking about it. And then in the mix in that time was Mouth Media. So if you guys remember coming to you from Mouth Media, that was this studio in Chelsea that is probably no longer. I don't Know what they were trying to do over there, but they let us. They were great for the time being.

[Raina Greenberg]

They let us do whatever. We had a lot of people in there, too. We had that guy who broke his dick, who then I decided to be in love with for a year.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my go. God. Yes. I think of Katie Strino, our first female guest. Andrew Collin.

[Raina Greenberg]

Andrew Collin. With Lev.

[Ali Colbert]

Lev.

[Raina Greenberg]

Noah Niemann, Jared Freed. And we lost the audio. And I was like, I am not gonna. I don't know if I'll ever recover. Shep Rose showed up so drunk with his publicist, like, you wanna tell me what to do, Jared?

[Ashley Hess]

We did lose the audio for real. But I also remember he shook a cup of iced coffee into the mic the whole time anyway, and so it was kind of like a blessing. And we brought him back in. And then we, like, KN more or whatever, but no one even took his shirt off, remember? In, like, front of a bunch of people, like, working in the office.

[Raina Greenberg]

But yeah, we had Crispy, who was our first Crispy shorts, who was from Jerry. Fuck Jerry Media. And if you guys remember, they made one of the Fyre Festival documentaries. So we had him, Jeremy Jacob, which was, like, one of my best friends.

[Ashley Hess]

Jeremy, those are a lot. I mean, you guys, we really. If you remember, the Shepisode, Shep came on. Shep Rose came on. And that was such a big get for us at the time. And they had, like, a reunion that day. He'd been drinking all day. They shouldn't have let him come record a podcast.

[Raina Greenberg]

He's a boat. His publicist texted me, can you go get some beers for Shep? I was like, it's 3pm on a Tuesday.

[Ashley Hess]

We've been waiting for hours for him to get off at Grand Banks or whatever. They were wasted.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then we had that random, like, CBS studio where we had Nikki Glaser and Heather McMahon and Emma Willman.

[Ashley Hess]

I thought of Nikki and Heather. I mean, I just can't believe it. Like, yes, it was this random studio. I forget how we got connected with them. But to have Nikki, like, in person, I was like, I can't believe this. She was someone I looked up so much in comedy. And. And Heather hadn't hardly done anything. I mean, she was big on social media, but she didn't have her podcast or she wasn't touring. I don't even think she was.

[Raina Greenberg]

Heather McMahon was, like, earlier days. And you just knew her from Atlanta and liked her content. And, I mean, I just look at, like, what? I don't know. It's Just, it's really an honor to have met these people seven, eight years ago and to have watched their careers and become good friends with them and, like, watch them ascend to such, like, a high level. Like, it's really. It's an honor to have been, like, part of that journey. And I remember these early days with these people, and, like, their podcasts would explode, their books, their specials would go crazy. People would start coming to their shows like comedians, and they would call us to thank us and say, like, your audience has just, like, stormed my shows. And it's just to be a part of those people's journeys and watch them, like, on the red carpet, hosting the Emmys. Like, it's just. It's like an amazing treat for us.

[Ashley Hess]

It really is. That's so special.

[Ali Colbert]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, you're reminded of that all the time. Like, I was messaging with Katie Storino last night about something, and. And I'm just like, we just had her on. And we were so starstruck by some of these people. Like, I remember we only had guys on at first because we were like, we'll just give, like, a male perspective. And we're two women.

[Raina Greenberg]

Two girls.

[Ali Colbert]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And then you were like, okay, I love this woman. She had been married to the fat Jewish, and she was semi recently divorced, but also during her whole thing with her whole brand, and you were like, I'd love to have her on. And we just, like, got her on, and then she was like, so cool. We're like, I think she's, like, our friend now. Like, these moments were just. Just. I. I could cry. Like, we made a lot of friends this way. Like, we're still very close with Mateo, and he was another one who. We were just like, he's so funny. We gotta have him on. And I mean, Hannah, like, all of this is.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

And then we were in my second apartment, and that was, like, my nicer upgraded apartment. We recorded there up until Covid. That was like, fall of 2019, the weekend I moved in. We had Derek Path, who was on

[Raina Greenberg]

the Bachelor, and then he just, like, disappeared into the wilderness.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And I made some notes. I wrote, probably Andrew Schultz was the most famous person to be in that apartment.

[Raina Greenberg]

Apartment, yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And then Matthew Hussey. Oh, my God, Usama was one. I really remember in that apartment. And again, just, like, Dewey would be there, and. And then it was Covid. And then we came back, and that is when we decided to have our own first studio. And that was an apartment in my building. And we had a great Covid deal and I was on the second floor. We were like, let's rent an apartment on the fourth floor. And we did. And that was the titty wallpaper. And that was really like our first studio. That felt like an office space too. We launched Vibes Only in there, of course, and obviously Esther Perel was the main guest, I think about coming there. And Andrew Huberman and like, our friends like Jenny and Emily Fedner and Deepdee. And I don't know, it's just, like, really special.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know I could, like, we used to, like, take all those photos in there. We had all those Polaroids of everybody. It really was so special. I feel sad if we, like, miss anybody to shout them out. I mean, there's so many.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I'm just like, what pops into my head when I remember those moments. And then, you know, we moved to LA and we were in Rain's garage, and then we mentioned we had to rebuild and we leveled up. And then we're here.

[Raina Greenberg]

Just. It's a nice walk down the Rain. Thank you guys for always, like, being here on the ride. And, you know, we always want to be looked at as people that, like, uplift other artists and promote their projects. And to watch them ascend and to. To still be friends with them is really just so nice for us.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, it's funny though, because we. All of those studios, no one, like, knew what those looked like. Like, we didn't have video. So, like, I think people have seen my second apartment, my nice apartment. Like, we would cut clips and we. I think we started video there. No, we.

[Raina Greenberg]

So Jeremy texted me a photo of this the other day because, remember, Jeremy came over and helped us set it up for the first time. And it was kind of recently, like, the anniversary of that five years ago or something.

[Ashley Hess]

We started full YouTube in 2022.

[Raina Greenberg]

Full YouTube. But we were doing.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, we recorded full episodes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Episodes.

[Ashley Hess]

And just like, for clip clips. I don't know what we were thinking, but it's just like I am thinking of, like, if we had full video back then in my first apartment, like, on that IKEA couch, just crushing. It was a nice shape to podcast. L shape.

[Raina Greenberg]

I loved that couch. That was so comfy.

[Ashley Hess]

But it was not that. It was kind of, like, firm.

[Raina Greenberg]

I love that guy. In la, we got chairs and I like that. And in this studio, we had Mel Robbins. I mean, most importantly, we had Harry Jowsey. And that was the horniest. One of the horniest days of my life. What happened here?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't take it away. That's it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hair Jowsie is the only thing that happened.

[Ashley Hess]

Huge guests in la.

[Raina Greenberg]

Huger than Harry, though. Trying to think.

[Ashley Hess]

And we had Heather in LA back.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was. Yeah, that was my house. I think Matthew Hussey also came to my house. Jay Shetty. We did. At his place.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

Who else was I like, really nervous about that came to my house. Oh, Tyler Cameron was in my house. Actually. I was so nervous. I was just like sitting in my living room with him. Like, I don't know what to do.

[Ashley Hess]

So many people.

[Raina Greenberg]

Harry Jowsey and Tyler Cameron is the horniest I've been on this show.

[Ashley Hess]

Same. Oh, Laura Wasser. But that was on Zoom.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the horniest you've been.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know if I can handle Laura Wasser in person. My girl crush.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's a famous lawyer. Divorce.

[Ashley Hess]

Divorce attorney. But we did her on Zoom. Maybe one day we'll have her.

[Raina Greenberg]

Maybe we'll do her in person one day.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Well, that was. That was a nice little walk down memory lane. So. Yeah, thank you guys, of course. For being here and just stay tuned. And we are always interested in what you guys like. We've said it before. We said it last week. We cannot please everybody. People will want to watch podcasters at a table or in chairs or. I saw some comments that people really did like that Dear Media Studio for Toon Day's episode and.

[Raina Greenberg]

But that.

[Ashley Hess]

That color looks a lot different. It was a more muted. We really like vibrant. Obviously the pink and the green and the saturation of it all. And so feel free to comment what you guys like.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. And if you're in L. A we've been using. It's called blank space and they have a bunch of locations. They're in Santa Monica and Venice and a couple of them. And they're just offices. You can outfit. So. Yeah, you guys are interested. Reach out to them too. They've been really great to us.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Inexpensive blank spaces. Like all one word. Yeah. And like short term commercial business. Like there was the TEMU waffle Wall street next door. There's a hairdresser. Hairdresser in here and there's a jujitsu studio down there.

[Raina Greenberg]

They have like private event spaces. I mean this is. They don't bother us. It's nice.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And then again Venice and. But I've driven by that one in Santa Monica. It looks really nice too. So it's a great option. We've been really happy. So thanks to them.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. All right, well, we'll thank our partners and we'll just get into our like main topic today. So I just moved. So what better time than to talk about furniture? Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long lasting home at an unbeatable price. I mean, I just love their site. Ashley and I like our homes. It's so important to us to make them look comfortable and chic. My house in Venice is obviously very coastal, so that's how I had outfitted it. But in New York, I wanted more colors, a little more edge. So at article, they have mid century modern, they have coastal, they have scandi inspired pieces. When you go on the site, if you're like, I have no idea how to outfit a whole room, they'll show you. Their Instagram is great as well. They really take great care in like curating these collections. Everything's high quality, the packaging is great, the weight and feel of everything. And since it's summertime, you know, everybody's redoing their outdoor spaces, it's hard to find like really nice high end furniture. So I love what they have. I like this Elise E L I S E lounge chair and ottoman bundle. And everything that they do comes in like different fabrics, different finishes. So there's a lot to choose from. And in terms of like price points, look, feel, all of that, they have fast, affordable shipping and assembly. Great support. It's really important to Ashley and I. So support seven days a week and a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. So if you don't like what you guys get, which I sure will not happen, but you can shop with confidence and know that you can return it in 30 days if you need to. Article is offering our listeners 50 off your first purchase of 100 or more. To claim, visit article.com GGE and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.comGGE for 50 off your first purchase of 100 or more. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

An FP movement. We love it so much. You're wearing this set today, Full set. I love those pants. I have them in red, but I want that top to match because I only have the long sleeve version. But I love that set.

[Raina Greenberg]

And what I like that they do with so many of their sets is like there's so many colors to choose from. They're like, no, not just black. There'll be three shades of black and gray.

[Ashley Hess]

I know, I love it. So I'll tell you guys what I was gonna wear today and that is the go to Cami in Honeydew. It's like this really bright color so you can just picture it. But I love it. It is so comfortable. It feels like a second. I also recently got the Varsity blues short. I've talked about their bike shorts. I love them so much. I think it's called the never better bike shorts. The best bike short I've ever worn. The icon tee. I got this too. Just like a big oversized T shirt. You could wear it over a pair of bike shorts or even like to sleep in it. But this stuff is just great to wear out. Of course it's great for your workouts, but it's not just for the gym. We travel in these sets. The hot shot crossover set we love. If you want to go to brunch, the farmer's market, take a walk. You're just going to look cute doing it. This is free people activewear brand. If you guys didn't know that by now. And again, I was mentioning shorts one time that we talked about them before. Like shorts are not always so easy to find. Like the way they sit on your waist and the way they look. And they have great, great shorts. The water resistant coastline hike shorts. The top rated carpe diem shorts that has a built in brief sweat resistant design and the most flattering ultra high rise waistband. Everything's really flattering. We love it. These buttery soft feel on the bike shorts. And we're just such fans. So you guys can shop the full line of activewear and workout [e-mail] GGE Again, visit fpmovement.com GGE to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so we're gonna get our topic for today. This was inspired by a friend of ours who also has been on the show twice, Ali Colbert. She was on Subway Takes, which is just a great Instagram series.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, we'll play it for you guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so what's your take?

[Ali Colbert]

I do not think straight men, especially married men, should be on Instagram.

[Raina Greenberg]

100% agreed.

[Ashley Hess]

Unless they are working.

[Ali Colbert]

Unless they're working. Instagram is a dating app. If you are a man on Instagram, you should have a private profile. You should have less than 200 followers. You should have posted twice in your life eight years ago. You should not be able to comment. You should not be able to dm. No, no fire emoji to someone's story. Liking someone else's photo is cheating. Yep. You do not need an Explore page. You're not a astronaut. Go explore the family you started. If you're in a relationship and your explore Page is not fishing poles and hiking boots. It's over. It's done. What is an Explore page for? You have two children under the age of 12.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm with you.

[Ali Colbert]

You're a grown man sending fire emojis. How do you live with yourself and to people that you know?

[Ashley Hess]

I don't know.

[Ali Colbert]

It's cheating.

[Ashley Hess]

It's not LinkedIn.

[Ali Colbert]

No, it's. You want to them. It's really inappropriate. I also don't think men should be tall.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, Ali, relax on that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was just running a set. Yeah, no, I know.

[Ashley Hess]

I love that. It's very funny. Like, I was thinking, what is the elite social media for men to have? It's LinkedIn and LinkedIn only, but if

[Raina Greenberg]

it can't be that, I agree. Private profile, couple hundred followers. Well, that's what Shashank was when you met him.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Private. Not a lot of photos.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally.

[Raina Greenberg]

Now he's a celebrity.

[Ashley Hess]

Stop. Don't even.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really thought about this. I think what Ali said is really funny. But there's so much nuance to it, and we are going to get into it. We polled you guys, we had, like, 20,000 responses from the polls. You guys are always so great and open about, like, where's the line in your relationships and what do you think is okay? And there's so much nuance. And I wrote down this line. The same behavior means different things in different relationships. So, like, I've had partners that I've been like, sure, like, and follow away. I don't care. They post me. They are on my Instagram story. They repost every time they're on my Instagram stories. I don't care if they follow a few people or if you're like, it. It doesn't mean. The same thing is as a partner who is actively hiding you, not posting you, not reposting your stories that they're in. Like, is there a record of me being alive on your social media? Like, are you secretive or not? Like, it's a whole ecosystem in a relationship. Like, Shashank, I mean, I think he could follow whoever he wanted and, like, people stuff and comment. You would just be like, that's cute.

[Ashley Hess]

I. I talked to him about this and I was like, what's your history with this? Have you ever had a partner that you did something they didn't like or whatever? And he was like, no. Like, he follows his celeb crush. It's. She's an actress named Meline Pech. I'm not threatened. But he was like, I would never Comment. Cuz I wouldn't want you to scroll and see it. I don't need to comment. I said, well, you like her stuff. And he said, if she's fully clothed. And I'm like, okay. Like he does. He had answers, like locked and loaded. He was like, I would never want you to see me comment on any woman's Instagram. Like, like fire emojis or anything. He wouldn't even think to do it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, you have to ask yourself, what's the point of this? There's only one reason why you could be passively attracted to anybody that you like. Go for it. You can't be actively participating. Yeah, it's bizarre to me.

[Ashley Hess]

And I want to go back a little bit to Ali's take, which is extreme and it's meant to be funny and we think it's hilarious. But there is truth in it because we do use Instagram as a dating app that's not controversial. And as you should if you're single. Shashank DM me before anything, you know, like, just to be clear. So I think her take is really obviously people in long term relationships and dads, like, yeah, you got children and you're messaging and commenting on stuff. Like, I think it's just funny. Like she did describe a lot of women's perfect man. Like they posted twice. Like their Explore page is fishing. They don't know what's going on. But we know guys who are super active on Instagram for work. Also, there's exceptions to every role. We're going to say stuff today that might be an ick or something we wouldn't want. And we know guys that do that and we. They're great, trustworthy, amazing friends of ours.

[Raina Greenberg]

Different rules apply to different people.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly. But like for work, for networking, for a good cause. What about all those guys who are crushing watermelons? Like all those liberals, activist commentators are doing the Lord's work. These outspoken liberal men on this app. Like, I think that like, we have exceptions to all these rules in our lives and so do you guys. But these trends that we're talking about with these guys and their behavior is pervasive and women want to discuss it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm just like, Instagram is a shopping app for me, for men. And if I want to get somebody's attention.

[Ashley Hess]

Think of it like that I. You do.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm single. Like, I. If I want to get somebody's attention, I like their Instagram stories, I respond to their Instagram stories. I leave comments because I'm horny. That's the point of this, it's, hey, look at me. Yeah, look over here. The last person I slept with, it started because I followed him and then I started posting thirsty stuff for him to look at. And then he slid in and that. Then we slept together.

[Ashley Hess]

It's a dating app, like she said.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, that's not funny.

[Ashley Hess]

That's it. It's funny, but it's truthful. Like, how many people have we had on this podcast? I think Alec Flynn and his now girlfriend. I love them so much. I mean, I mean, I don't know. The last person I asked how they got together, it was Instagram. Like, it really is like that. And yeah, you do a great job of it.

[Ali Colbert]

Thank you.

[Ashley Hess]

You have a great method.

[Raina Greenberg]

But that's like, if you are commenting and like, things like that. And of course there's exceptions. You and I have two really good friends, Bobby and Rob. Bobby was formally married, but, like, those are like the first people to, like, write, like, you look hot on my stuff. And they love their wives and are attracted to their wives and not stepping out of the marriage.

[Ashley Hess]

They know their wives are seeing this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

That was really something I wanted to focus in on. There are probably three to five guys in my life, I don't know, maybe only two that have the purest of intentions and they know I'm not going to read it. Weird. Like, there's a few things. I'll just use Bobby and Rob again because they'll flame emoji us all day. Like, they know we don't think anything of it. They know their wives or partners will see it. And they know our partners or past partners. Like, I'm thinking of this one guy who used to really be in your DMs a lot. And he was married and we knew his wife, too, but it was a little flirty for private dms. And I think he just liked you. I think he wanted to be your friend, but I would not want it from my husband.

[Raina Greenberg]

Also, the volume of messages, like, was a lot. Like, it wasn't. Like, he saw something that was so specific to him and he was like, that's my favorite xyz. I know that chef at that restaurant. Like, it was.

[Ashley Hess]

It was. But even then it was a lot. What are we doing here? You were single, you know, like, and

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm not really friends with his now wife. So, like, we asked our audience. We'll get into this later. But, like, we asked our audience, you know, where's your hard line? And a couple women I saw said, if I know her, then it's fine if I'm friends with her. Like Rob's wife, Bobby's ex wife, we're friends with them. So these are not girls that can't just like text me and be like, what's up?

[Ashley Hess]

And it's so much about personality. And you know it when you see it. You know when the intention is shady. Like Bob and Robbie. Bob and Robbie. It's so hard.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't call Bob.

[Ashley Hess]

Rob and Bob, both Bobs, both Roberts are like that in real life. They'll tell you in front of their partners, you look hot. Like, Shashank doesn't do that. Shashank can flame emoji. Exactly two people. It's you and it's Gina, who was married to his best guy friend and who really was the one who helped set us up. And that's it. And they are like family, you being one of the.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm making face because he doesn't, he

[Ashley Hess]

doesn't do it if he wanted to. Like, I really think he wants to hype you always. He really thinks of you as a sister. It's non threatening. But if I just saw he was out here on a bunch of other people, I'd be like, what are we doing here?

[Raina Greenberg]

It's like, it's embarrassing.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, it's not just embarrassing for me. Like, you men should be embarrassed. What are you literally doing? It's so. It is so embarrassing. I want to read this one line that this one girl wrote. She said, commenting, all this stuff is not disrespectful. It's just loser shit. And I don't fuck losers.

[Ashley Hess]

I love that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Like, it's just losery that you're like, what are you doing?

[Ashley Hess]

Right. Like, let's just take Shashank, for example. Shashank, flame emojis, heart emojis. I don't like it. Flame emojis are fine. He flame emojis, your picture. Everyone sees it. They know what's up. They know that's like your brother, you know, like, But Shashank flame emojis, a bunch of other people. They're like, that's Ashley's husband. And it's fucking weird. You know what I mean?

[Raina Greenberg]

Yep.

[Ashley Hess]

And he knows that. And he. I just think again. And there are these list of special cases. And when it's outside of that, it's. It's sus. And it's probably embarrassing to your partner. And I thought about this every single time my ex was being shady. And I don't know if he Cheated on me. He probably did, but I don't know. But we were off and on all the time, and there was a lot of gray area. We were on a break, this and that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I.

[Ashley Hess]

In the whole two years we were off and on, I never hooked up with anybody else. But I know that he did and it's whatever. But every time he did something, I found it. And I was right. Even the girl he dated after me, I'd clocked her months prior. I found every single girl. And by the way, when we were going through our two toxic years, you could see people's likes on Instagram, which was a crazy time. So there was that. But, like, I would notice a new girl in his likes or comments and I go to her store. I was right every single time. Like, this is so real. Like, guys, when they're commenting, they are like, not on famous people, non famous people. They're like, buzz, buzz, here I am. I might be single one day.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yep.

[Ashley Hess]

Why else are you doing it?

[Raina Greenberg]

That is the only reason you're doing it. You just need validation. And listen, I understand that, like, people need validation and there's tons of relationships that people go home and feel like their partner does not see them and does not sleep with them, doesn't compliment them. It isn't appreciative of them. And I'm not talking about those people. And you should go to therapy or break up if that's the case. But, like, I don't know, I. I think it's just putting like a band aid over a bullet hole. If you're going to try to get this external validation. And then what, by the way, then you just drag up a conversation with somebody and then what are we doing?

[Ashley Hess]

Right. Part of it's just like, here I am, just in case. And we have a friend who she has since broken up with her boyfriend. And she noticed this at the very beginning. And I didn't really know that. She kind of told me later in the relationship of some of the reasons she didn't trust him because she was trying to reflect on why she didn't trust him. And she was like, noticed this very early on. And we always say, I think this is actually a Rob Boland quote. But the problem at the beginning is the problem at the end. And it's so true sometimes it's. It's almost always true. And so early on, she noticed he was following a lot of, like, hot models, bikini girls, a lot of who he knew, a lot that he knew that he actually knew. Not just, like, thoughty like, spank bank material and really engaging. And then he cleaned up his following a little bit, but he was still engaging with some. And. And one of the girls she caught him texting with, and there was a betrayal involved. And it's just like, she had clocked that before. You do know it. Like, us women, we know it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know it. And it's like, so interesting. Cause before she caught him, maybe like three weeks prior, she was saying to me, like, I went through his following again. He's just following all of these bikini models still. He refollowed a bunch of them. And she was like, I'm really uncomfortable about it. It's a real blind spot for me sometimes. Cause I was like, I don't want to invalidate you, but, like. Like, he's never really given you a reason to not trust him. And you don't really. You've never caught him lying or he's never said he was gonna be somewhere and he was somewhere else. You have his location. And she was like, I just can't shake this feeling. And on top of that, he doesn't post me. And, like, that's the smoking gun to me.

[Ali Colbert]

Smoking.

[Raina Greenberg]

God, I knew you were gonna say that. Like, it's just. I keep thinking about this being like a whole ecosystem of a relationship. It's like, that wouldn't be that big of a deal if his Instagram was also flooded with your photos. And. And yes, anybody can cheat on you and also post a million photos of you. But it just. It was a couple things that added up that it was just like, okay, well, he doesn't express to other people that he's in a serious relationship. It's not clear.

[Ashley Hess]

You're so right. It's everything together that really is the full picture. It's not always just one thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, I mean, you can call cheating whatever you want. And, you know, like, I think that you're allowed to have standards and boundaries. I don't think we all have to just be like, the cool girl that's just like, trying to be like, I can't police an adult all the time. Like, you're allowed to have standards, and your standard can be like, I don't like that you're engaging with all these people. Like, this person we're talking about, he was liking and commenting on all these girls photos too. And, like, it's just too close for comfort. And you're allowed to say, like, that's not. That's not fine for me. And you're dming back and forth with these girls. And now it's moved to text messages. And maybe it's not on its head, cheating. You didn't penetrate this person. But it is not behavior that is becoming of somebody that I want to be with.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm curious what you think about this. I've heard so many friends say, like, I don't want to come off as insecure and controlling. And I have to, like, say back to them, like, what you're asking is not insecure and controlling. These are like, normal boundaries to have with somebody. And I think a lot of women get caught up in this. Like, I don't want him to throw that back on me that I'm controlling him.

[Ali Colbert]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, the guys that are in my life that I think are great partners, including my own, but family, friends just know better, unfortunately. Like, I'm not saying this is always a, like, red flag break up with him. But I do think about Rob and I think about when he started dating, is now wife, maybe even partners. Before that, he cleaned up his follows because he doesn't want to be scrolling in someone's ass. You know, like, he was like, I followed some of these models and, and ass and titties when I was single, and I don't anymore. You know, Like, I think about that, that the guys we know would be the same way. Like, they have a respect for their partners. And there is a line there. It is too much to start dating someone and be like, you have to never engage with a woman again. I mean, you can think whatever you want, have whatever boundaries you want, but there is. Is this person untrustworthy and has he given you a reason to doubt him? Or are you really deeply insecure and you're acting out of previous trauma and you're projecting and you can't handle him engaging with anyone, even if they're his friends? And that might be something you have to reflect on yourself and work through yourself, because your partner should be able to have female friends interact with them on Instagram, like, their stuff, hype them

[Raina Greenberg]

up, all the things, but like an avalanche of. Of like bikini models. I'm just like, there, there is an alternative to you following these people, which is to just watch porn or look them up. Like, I've just. I've never dealt with it. I've never had to ask somebody to do that. But, like, if I had to, I would just be like, why won't you? Yeah, what's the big deal? Unfollow them.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And I, I remember with my ex, like, going through his follows one time And I just felt kind of sick. Like, I was like, why? This is just a lot of ass for what? And again, following is different than engaging. Like, I think there's some guys out there that maybe they just want to look at stuff like that sometimes, and they've never once engaged. And I wanted to ask you about girls doing this.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't think we have. I mean, other than Bradley Thor.

[Ashley Hess]

But it's like, again, this goes back to the Crush episode we did. We did recently. And not always, but most of the time women do this kind of stuff. Have these little crushes. My fire emoji, somebody on Instagram. And it is like, really actually harmless.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I was thinking women's behavior is mostly harmless. Usually men. They can't be trusted. Yeah, I can be trusted.

[Ashley Hess]

And I think so many guys are hot, but I don't necessarily need to follow them. Also, a lot of the guys I think are hot if they're of the moment. They are on, like, Chicks in the Office or Bustle or Elite Daily. And so I'm liking all that all day. But I thought about this, and this is the loophole. So, you know, like, one of my hall passes is Jon Favreau from Pot Save America.

[Raina Greenberg]

Does that surprise you guys as much as it surprises me?

[Ashley Hess]

People love that I see comments about it. So I can like his stuff all day. Same with Shashank. Shashank loves Caitlin Collins.

[Raina Greenberg]

So if we are, we literally share a mutual excitement.

[Ashley Hess]

Shashank wants to flame them emoji everything Caitlin Collins posted on, like, Yaz King. Gas her up. Like, journalists and activists are the loophole.

[Raina Greenberg]

Kaylin Collins. We could go up dinner with her, like, right now.

[Ashley Hess]

Come on the podcast. You book the guests. Are we booking her or not?

[Raina Greenberg]

Are you afraid to keep her around?

[Ali Colbert]

Shock.

[Raina Greenberg]

No.

[Ali Colbert]

She.

[Ashley Hess]

He doesn't get to meet her. We'll book her in New York.

[Raina Greenberg]

I would love to book her. Well, she's on Wash Rabbit's Live all the time. I love Collins.

[Ashley Hess]

Love.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's the CNN anchor Collins.

[Ashley Hess]

And so if I saw. Truly, if I saw him, heart eyes, every post of hers, I'd be like, yep, that's it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Because we co sign it. Yeah, I just. I love Caitlin Collins, but it does. This behavior does remind me of the Crush episode we did a few weeks ago that you guys, like, loved. And the episode was so huge. And when you get into a relationship, same with flirting with, like, friends, like, your behavior just has to change. That's just like, that's the trade off. Like, one of my best guy Friends got into a relationship, unfortunately, it's so annoying. And he used to comment on everything about how hot I looked, and that stopped when he got a girlfriend, and I hate that. And that's annoying to me, but I get it.

[Ashley Hess]

Right. I was just gonna say, like, though. Like, I want to like, everything I see of Belmont Comelli, like, just everything shirtless, everything he's doing, he's dancing. He was that Kid Laroi video.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, I'm so glad you brought this up, because, listen, I. You guys, this will be weeks ago at this point, but I have been wanting to ask you. I'm so mad I didn't draw a snack this week, if it turned you on or if you got the ick.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay? So again, this was weeks ago. At this point, we're recording in advance. Belmont Comelli was in this big crowd dancing with Kid Laroi, and I. It was 100% hot to me.

[Raina Greenberg]

100%. 0% ick.

[Ashley Hess]

No, like, he has swagger. He. It wasn't cringe or ick. He was having a good time. He. He's so sexy. How do you get the ick from that?

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, if you watch, like, two seconds prior, he, like, he's trying to put his cell phone away in one of his, like, cargo pants. We've all been here.

[Ashley Hess]

We've all put himself up in our

[Raina Greenberg]

car so that he could bust out, that this dancer could bust out. And, like, watching him trying to get the phone in the pocket so that he could then dance, like, that was a little ick. But I'm. It is a little ick. But I was so horny watching it. I mean, he's. When he. Okay. The dance move. Yes. When he lifts his shirt up, I was like, we've gone a little far. No, but I'm so horny watching it. I don't care.

[Ashley Hess]

He does have swag. Does have enough moves to pull off what he was doing. And he's doing it confidently.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

That's the thing. When you feel someone is not owning it, that's the ick. And I didn't get that from him at all. So, yeah, like, I was liking stuff. And. But if he posted on his private account and it was him with his shirt off and stuff, I don't know. I wouldn't be flame emoji in it. I don't know. I don't. But also, like, if I did it be so harmless, and it would be of my character.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that's the kind of thing that your husband would see and laugh at.

[Ashley Hess]

100. Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's the other thing. It's like, if your partner saw this, what would they think about it?

[Ashley Hess]

And he is a famous celebrity now, like again, like some random person, like, why are you doing this? You're laying the groundwork and we see you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we see you. We see your intentions.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, should we just talk about our remaining partners and then get into our polls? Yes.

[Raina Greenberg]

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[Ashley Hess]

okay, I'm telling you guys about Resort Pass. I am so excited. So this is something you need to unlock for summer. If you don't know about it, we're so excited to tell you about it. So this is the way that you are going to be lounging at a beautiful hotel pool this summer on some rooftop somewhere. You can just do it by the day so you can access luxury hotel pools, spas and Cabanas booked under 5 minutes starting at 25. Resort Pass partners with 2500 plus luxury hotels and resorts across the US, Caribbean and Mexico. Over 100,000 5 plus 5 star reviews. Resort Pass is gonna really make that special rest day celebration self care. Or again, just like partying at a rooftop pool, easier than ever. Same day bookings available. So you're just gonna go to resortpass.com GGE of course and check out what's going to be available to you in the area that you are. Again, there are same day bookings available, but you might have a little bit better luck if you're booking like farther out. But whatever. It's for a girls trip. A solo recharge day. This is so great. We've had friends use this for birthdays. I mean you're like, I want to be at like a rooftop pool, but I'm not going to check in and stay the night. Especially in your own city. So it's really just the way to do it. You guys can check it out at like I mentioned, resortpass.com GGE to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more. That's R E S O-R-T P-A-S-S.com GGE for $20 off Resort Pass, the day is yours.

[Raina Greenberg]

And this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So BetterHelp is gonna help you thrive, not just survive the summer. I mean, I think the summer can be hard for people. I think that there's a lot of FOMO going on of people like taking vacations and like what people have to do with their free time and spend their money on. And I also think it can be a hard time, like maybe if you really want kids and you see other people like playing with their kids and going to summer camp and all that. So therapy can really help you just unpack these feelings and understand them better and learn good coping mechanisms and setting boundaries and like maybe just something as simple as like, you know, it's hard for me knowing that all things these, these people are taking all these trips. I have so much fun. Maybe it's just like muting a bunch of accounts and things like that. But you can go to therapy can help. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists. It is the world's largest online therapy platform. They've served over 6 million people globally. They have quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US and they have a therapist match commitment. So they'll do all the initial matching for you. And if you're not satisfied with your therapist, they will switch you to A different therapist at any time and help you with more tailored recommendations to what you'd like. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support and therapy. Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] GGE that's betterhelp.com GGE okay, so we surveyed you guys.

[Ashley Hess]

About 20000 people responded. Our surveys are real data.

[Raina Greenberg]

People should pass for them.

[Ashley Hess]

20, 000 of you eyes. I mean, this is better than anyone else could do. Kinsey Institute. Come try it. Come at us. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Google me.

[Ashley Hess]

What is it from?

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a kid. I just. Just some kid.

[Ashley Hess]

We said it the other day. When did we say that?

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it was with Stassi.

[Ashley Hess]

Four Christmases.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh my God. That never would have occurred to me. One of the. One of his nephews?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it's one of Vince Vaughn's nephews. That's crazy. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so we asked you guys a series of questions. We're just going to go through your answers. We kicked it off with your stance on this statement. Men in committed relationships don't need instagram outside of work. 10% said agree, it's a dating app. And 90% disagreed. What do you think about that?

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it's a hobbyist app. I mean there's. How many men are on there for sports, cars, travel, food. Like most of my guy friends, that's what they're following. Looks like comedy. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

But people don't like to. Save it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. So I agree.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it's. I mean, yes, a lot of people are on there to. Sure. But like, I don't know, most people are also on there to follow their favorite sports teams and comedians and like

[Ashley Hess]

sports about it all.

[Raina Greenberg]

A lot of sports. And like food. Like, how else does one find food?

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly. How are they going to take you on dates, especially in LA if they're not following? Camber 100. Okay, so that was just like a. We knew you guys would probably say that. Again, it's an extreme take, but it's fun to. To break down. Should guys who follow models, hot influencers, etc, clean up their following when they enter a serious relationship? And 55% said yes and 45% said no, I don't care. So more than half are like, yeah, you should clean it up. And it depends on how egregious it is, I guess.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's like this one guy that I dated and like I. I've looked at his following and it's like all bikini models and it seems I'm just like, this is beneath you and weird. Like, do you need to follow all these people? And if we were in a relationship. Yeah. I'd ask for this to stop. It's embarrassing to me that my friends go to your follower list and see

[Ashley Hess]

this and see that. Because when you just glance at someone's follower list, you know, it's so much ass. It's so much ass and titties.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's embarrassing to me. I mean, I don't want my friends to see that on your. It's not even so much about me. As much.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's embarrassing to me.

[Ashley Hess]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. It's following bikini models while in a relationship. Disrespectful twin. 28 said yes always. 7% said no. Following, like, away. And the majority, 65. Following is fine. Engaging isn't. That's probably where I.

[Ashley Hess]

Because we also want to support these women.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, like, models are people too.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, yeah. I mean, we. We want these women to get their bags. Maybe not.

[Raina Greenberg]

Not from our men.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. For not from our husbands. Not from our man. But, you know, we just. We don't want to take away from them also.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, within reason. It's fine if you follow, like, a few of these people. You can't be engaging with them. Stop it. If your partner asked you to unfollow certain accounts, would you. 25% said yes, 5% said no. Really hard line there. And the majority. 70%, said. Depends on the request.

[Ali Colbert]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, I'm a woman. It's also different. Again, I just. I'm trustworthy.

[Ashley Hess]

There is nobody. What would Shashank ask me to unfollow?

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it would be people that you've slept with and dated, like, for that. That's what. In that direction. From men to women. I feel like they'd ask you to unfollow an ex, which I guess I wouldn't mind. I mean, it depends on the request. For me, like, I follow pretty much everybody that I've ever dated or slept with, and a lot of them are muted, but I don't need to, like, X them out of my life completely.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I think it's a reasonable request. I guess if somebody was like, this bothers me so much. This, like, a specific ex, I. I don't think I need them in your orbit, but I guess I would just need to unpack. Like, why? Because, you know, I could just look them up if I felt like it. I know.

[Ashley Hess]

I mean, I follow guys I've dated or slept with just. Cause I didn't need to unfollow them like whatever we had. I'm thinking of a few in particular. One I actually dated and one that we knew each other before, slept together once and stayed friends after. I follow them. I like their stuff. I don't really engage or comment. We're not ever in the dms. They like my marriage stuff. Like they like my wedding post. Like it's so harmless. I don't know. Shashank knows who these people are or does he care? But I do follow people that I have a history with. And to me, I was never going to unfollow them cuz why would I? That looks like I'm bothered by them. So if Shashank was like, hey, can you unfollow Jason? I be like, why though?

[Raina Greenberg]

But again, you guys have like the ecosystem of trust where I feel like he would never ask you that. You would never have to do something like that. Like there's no reason for him to feel like there's a problem that you're following an ex if he saw text messages, right?

[Ashley Hess]

And like if Those guys, the two I'm thinking of in particular, like were in my DMs or they were doing too much, I'd be like, you gotta stop. I'm disrespected on behalf of my husband too. What are we doing? What do you think? What do you think you're doing here? There is no chance for you anymore if that's what you're after.

[Raina Greenberg]

So yeah, I guess it depends on the request. I'd really need to like, understand like why you really need me to unfollow this person.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Raina Greenberg]

Are you embarrassed the world sees me following this person? Yeah, I'm embarrassed. I slept with them too.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. And lastly, where do you draw the line with your partner and someone on social media who's again, not a close friend or family? Following 10 is the line for 10 people liking, that's 23%. Is the line commenting 33% and DMing is 35. So let me find out.

[Raina Greenberg]

You DM'd one of these people.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, but hear me out. What about you kind of swipe up with a reaction and then you're in the dms. Like I bet that's what a lot of guys do that are without D.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I think in the DMS means like you have sent a message.

[Ashley Hess]

I know that, but I'm saying this is their gateway. Like they just swiped up with a hard eye and now the DMS are unlocked, you know what I'm saying?

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm gonna lock them other ways.

[Ashley Hess]

And I don't like it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You don't need to be doing it.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm just saying that could be a shady way. We're like, I just reacted. What? But it's like she could so easily DM you back now. It's the. The line of communication's been open.

[Raina Greenberg]

Even like, liking. I'm just like, sometimes I'll be like, scrolling random and I'll see like one of my friends partners liked it. And I'm like, for what?

[Ashley Hess]

Liked your stuff?

[Raina Greenberg]

No, I mean, I'll see that they like other stuff. And I'm like, what? Why are you liking this?

[Ali Colbert]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

And again, it's just like some of it's the volume. It's. You go to some girl's page and your man has liked everything she's posted.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's weird.

[Ashley Hess]

And even worse, he hasn't liked everything you've ever posted. No, it feels intentional.

[Raina Greenberg]

You better be hyping me every second of every day. And then that creates a different environment for me.

[Ashley Hess]

Right? Okay. So then we asked you guys, do you have any hard and fast rules when it comes to this? And I loved the responses that we got for this.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was so vast. Like, I. We could not get to the bottom of this slide. Like, people really had a lot of feelings and it really oscillated from like, I don't care to like, everything's a hard line.

[Ashley Hess]

The overwhelming theme was don't embarrass me.

[Raina Greenberg]

That I mean, over and over and over again, do not embarrass me with how you act. You have a. You can have a long leash to do whatever you want.

[Ashley Hess]

Want.

[Raina Greenberg]

Don't embarrass me.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, if you're a dude, talk directly to a dude. You're a dude. You have a long term girlfriend. She's scrolling and she sees you. Flame emoji. And all these girls, bikini pics, whatever. Not famous celebrities. Not Nicole Kidman, you know, not Giselle. More accessible people of a certain level. You think she's gonna like it? You know the answer. You know the answer. And if you don't, you're not a worthy partner.

[Raina Greenberg]

Or you just don't care. Or you're also crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly, exactly. And don't gaslight.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're gonna gaslight her.

[Ashley Hess]

And like, what are you. You're so jealous. You're so insecure. Break up with that man.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then a lot which came up. If we're dating, you'd be posting me and actively engaging with me. And then that'll Just change the way that I feel about you. Like, a lot of people just feel like if you're liking stuff, it makes it look like you're open to engaging with that person. That's the thing too.

[Ashley Hess]

What are you. What message are you to trying. Trying to send?

[Raina Greenberg]

Also, do you want me doing this? Don't do stuff you don't want me

[Ashley Hess]

doing again, Like Raina said. Well, just to reiterate, let's say it again. Following bikini models is not disrespectful. It's just loser shit. And I don't fuck losers. Just harness that energy, ladies. You can look, follow, you cannot touch, which is like comment dm.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like that my friends saw this. Would they want me to be with you? I mean, like, I just see Shashank just like liking and commenting on every stuff. And I'm like, that's so cute. Look how sweet he is. If you know the person, it's fine to interact. You know, who cares if you don't know them? Why are you engaging other than to start engaging with them? Right?

[Ashley Hess]

No selfies. What does that mean? You can't like a selfie. You can't post one. You shouldn't be posting. Juan.

[Raina Greenberg]

Men that post selfies, there's exceptions to every rule, but there's very few exceptions to that rule.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, men take them, though. Shashank takes selfies all the time. Like, to show me his outfits.

[Raina Greenberg]

Not to post on Instagram stories.

[Ashley Hess]

He's like, I was just filming. He's never done it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You guys.

[Ashley Hess]

There's not.

[Raina Greenberg]

I would like, based on who he is. That would make me laugh if Shashank posted a selfie.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, here's what a man should never do. A selfie that's like front facing, like this way.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ashley Hess]

Your selfie of their, like, drip maybe, but like, they took.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, like, I take one like, on my, like, nice nature walk. That's so embarrassing.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, like a duck face. Martha Stewart selfie. Thirst trap. No, I love this one. No rules. He deleted everything except Facebook Marketplace. I love a quiet man. And then my husband just deleted his Instagram and our relationship instantly got better. And my ex boyfriend followed every slut on Instagram. Didn't bother. He's too ugly. Current bf, no Instagram. Better life. So there seems to be a correlation.

[Raina Greenberg]

Huh?

[Ashley Hess]

No porn accounts.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, I think I say this on the show a lot. You're allowed to draw whatever boundary you want. Your partner doesn't have to accept that. But like, this environment that you're in where you're going back and forth and you're like, I don't like this. And then you're being gaslit. It's like you have to come to some type of agreement or you can't be with that person because it's ridiculous to act like social media doesn't matter. We're so far past that.

[Ashley Hess]

And this is when you can check yourself with your friends. So find your most secure friends. Maybe you're older friends, maybe friends that are kind of like us, and ask them if you're being ridiculous, because sometimes you don't know, and especially if you are in a relationship that has some toxicity or already has some gaslighting and this person has made you jealous and insecure, or that's not the case. But again, you have that previous trauma, and you feel a little warped, and you feel like you can't necessarily trust your gut and you don't know what's normal. Ask someone that you really look up to and respect that maybe is in a secure relationship, or they don't have to be. They can be single, but just be like, am I being crazy? Is this normal to want this? Is this out of pocket? Can I ask this of him? Like, you don't have to be on this journey yourself in terms of determining if this is a boundary that is socially acceptable. Like Raina said, you could have whatever boundary you want, but I think this is always worth checking with your friends.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm laughing because our friend checked with me, and I told her she was overreacting, and look what happened. Ha ha ha ha.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I do just. I really liked him, and he hadn't done anything that was, like, that crazy. But she was right. And I also, like, you have to remember, your friends know their partners better than you do. So, I mean, I just. I'm also not gonna invalidate my friends. If you feel like something's going on, then I believe you that you think that. That something probably is going on.

[Ashley Hess]

When she told me this, I. I had to be like, that sucks. And I gave her the example of Rob, who I'm like, most trustworthy guy, husband we know and used to follow a lot of these types of accounts and has since dialed back. And it was when he was younger and stuff like that. But I also had the experience with my ex that I. He was all. He was shady, and so it's just, like, I really validated her, and it was like a who's to say? Type situation, because there are two types of guys. There's all kinds of types of guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, that only lasted like two more weeks. So I was wrong.

[Ashley Hess]

If you have to have rules for your man on social media, he does not respect you. I mean, that. Again, a little bit of extreme statement, but that's what I was saying earlier. Like, the guys that really respect you know how to act.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. I haven't had to have conversations like this with people that in my, in my gut I've. I trusted. The people I've had the most serious long term relationships with are people whose phones I would never have thought to look at. I wouldn't have looked at their social media. But I have been the girl that is hacking into your social media, reading everything, crying, accusing you of stuff. And every time I was right with those people and I know the other ones didn't cheat on me. I mean, I guess there's a possibility, but like, they didn't seem like those kind of people and I never did it. And I can be two people in different relationships 100%.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, let's go through some of these emails that really caught our eye. Again, thank you guys always for, for sharing. These are vastly different topics. I'm excited to get into them both.

[Raina Greenberg]

Can I tell you something funny about our emails? It just always makes me laugh is no one doesn't matter what we ask you guys for. Every single email starts with I love you guys and you changed my life. Like, you guys could not be more wonderful. Like, you're writing emails about ridiculous shit and sometimes stuff that happened 20 years ago. And every email starts with I love you both so much. You changed my life. You guys are so funny. The send offs are always funny. Somebody just wrote, thankfully I moved back to Boston. Shout out to sparkle Eyes. Like, you guys are just so funny. I just, I love your emails. They're so special.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. I, I really do love you guys. It'd be funny to start an email. Like, you guys are okay, but anyway, I really want to send this in.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's not, it's just never like, listen up. It's like you change every single thing I thought about my life and what I wanted in my boundaries and I left a terrible relationship and I married an amazing man. And I'm like, oh my God.

[Ashley Hess]

Really? Like, it makes me so emotional. Okay, so this one, she says, back when my boyfriend and I first started dating, he got mad at me for posting a bikini photo to the gram. Not a thirst trap by any means. We were on a hike coming back from the water and I was still just in a Bikini because I hate that she's even having to. I know this.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

And I was still just in my bikini because I was wet and I didn't want to put clothes on cool nature photo. I had to remove it, otherwise I'd send girl send it to us. Don't think I have it anymore. It was four years ago. Oh my God. It was a whole fight. Meanwhile, not even a full day later. I'm scrolling and see a few posts for mutual friends that are bikini photos. Duh. It's summer and he has liked every single one. I brought it up to him saying that I don't think it's fair that he's liking these bikini photos but telling me I can't post one. His reasoning was that since we were together, I shouldn't show my body to others like that. I mean, I don't need to read anymore. Like this is some weird like Christian conservatism.

[Raina Greenberg]

This is the most toxic masculinity. Like my woman won't be naked on the Internet. Get out. Out of here.

[Ashley Hess]

I said that's fine. But then I don't think you should be able to like other girls bikini pics. Especially after ignoring my post rather than gassing me up in the comments. That's crazy. He didn't even like hers.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, it's crazy. Also she's not like thirst trapping on like a rooftop in a pool. She's like I'm on a hike. Also I'll do whatever I want with my body. But this is the least sexualized. It could be a hike.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, celebrities would be different, but these are girls that we both know. It's embarrassing how my boyfriend like all these bikini photos. Yeah, yeah. Ignore mine completely. Yeah. What are your thoughts on this? This is four years ago, early in our relationship. However. Wait, is she still with him? Oh my God. This is her. I just assumed this was her ex. Sis, we gotta talk. Did I go too hard?

[Raina Greenberg]

No, we take. We get emails but there's another one I didn't put in here and she was like so 13 years ago with my now husband. It's like blah. And it's like the only feels because she's still married. I'm like, oh no.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well you know what? I was authentic to me and I keep all this in. I was authentic to me. Okay, what are, what are your thoughts on this?

[Raina Greenberg]

This was for your thoughts is that you were authentic to you.

[Ashley Hess]

However, I know he would still not like me posting a photo of my bikini without him in it. He's a Bit on the insecure side. Dad cheated on his mom. I've tried to get him into therapy. Okay, so it sounds like things maybe have gotten a little bit better. And what happened. I'm not walking back. What I said said what happened years ago could have come from. From a different place. If he's still pulling this shit. This isn't just him not wanting her to post the bikini pic. This is him liking the other stuff. It's the combination of the two things, like we said, it paints the full picture.

[Raina Greenberg]

Liking hers because he's like, I'm mad. I'm mad that you did this. Like, it's so. It's just. It's. It's. It's a. It's controlling in a way that's unfair. It clearly comes from a different place. Like, I understand there's always, like, our friend that this happened to that we keep referencing. She said to me, like, I understand his need for attention, and I understand how he grew up and his insecurities. I understand his need for outside validation. And I was like, that doesn't mean it has to be your problem. We can work through these with people and have empathy for what they've gone through, but it shouldn't end up, like, affecting you so deeply.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I mean, listen, if everything is. Else is great in this relationship and you don't really feel like he's controlling in other ways, like, what you've described to us is there's red flags all over it. But if things have improved over four years, like, people can change. I believe that. So again, this isn't me walking back my original authentic thoughts. But we don't know everything else in the ins and outs in the relationship, but you can show your body on social media, like, for whatever reason you want. I mean, if you're in a relationship, I really don't think you should post something that feels really like a thirst trap. But if you're really just like, I work hard on my body and I want to show it off. Like, Shashank would not like me full butthole on the gram.

[Raina Greenberg]

So it is. There's different vibes. Like, I feel like I'm envisioning this hiking bikini photo and not the same as me. Like, I'm at the beach taking a selfie to, like, get my abs and my tits, and I'm like, you know, like the sweaty skin. Like, there's different vibes.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, you know, you'll do what you're going to do, girl.

[Raina Greenberg]

Usually we don't get these emails when you guys are still together. So this really.

[Ashley Hess]

Thank you for sharing. Of course. And we, we just hope he's like changed. I mean, it's like we saw a real redemption of Zach on Mormon Wives.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was literally thinking of Zach. Of course. If anybody's listening to this and didn't think of Zach.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. I mean, and again, this is a reality show. It's been edited and well, that was

[Raina Greenberg]

a real villain arc because he was so young. Also, he was raised in the Mormon Church. He was like 23 on the first season of that show. And I think he just got exposed to better ideas.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. The thing I don't like the most about this is that he was liking other people. People's stuff too, because like, I can understand of him if there's somebody with this cheating trauma with his parents and if there is some sort of conservative upbringing. You see your partner in a bikini and you're like, that's a sin or some. But he's liking other ones. That gives like I'm allowed to do. That's giving like Manosphere, a hundred percent one way monogamy type stuff. I'm allowed to do this, but you can't.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. Do you want me to read the next one or do you want to go for it?

[Raina Greenberg]

You know I don't like to read.

[Ali Colbert]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

She.

[Ashley Hess]

This one's a little different tone. So I'm writing because I've become concerned about the public social media activity of my married brother. Over a period of time, I noticed he has been leaving comments on Instagram photos of women, the only fans looking kind that go beyond casual compliments rather than simply liking posts or leaving Fireheart emojis. He has publicly written statements such as calling someone the most beautiful girl in the world and claiming that he has sent her a gift. Seeing these comments surprise me because they appear to be openly flirtatious and are visible to anyone, anyone who views the post. My concern is not based on a single isolated interaction, but on the nature of the comments themselves and the potential implication for his marriage and personal well being. I know my brother tends to avoid conversations about stressful or emotionally difficult topics, so I've been hesitant to raise the issue directly. At the same time, I worry that this kind of public behavior could have unintended consequences, whether in his relationship or if he is interacting with accounts that are not genuine. I brought this to the attention of my sister in law, but she seems to be on the side of boys will be boys and it's his money, so he can decide how he spends it. Should I be concerned if she's not okay. I didn't. I glanced at it and thought I had my take, but I didn't know she'd already talked to his wife.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want to talk to the wife. I'm surprised. I've never heard a woman be like, it's his money. Let him send gifts to these women if he would like to. I mean, if that's your brother's relationship and the wife's fine with it, then that is none of your business. You're totally in your right to be. Like, this is embarrassing our family. Yeah, I see this, and it's embarrassing and it's gross. Also, I'm curious how she's finding these comments. Like, how is she finding the comments?

[Ashley Hess]

Because it's not the days of old where you could see this stuff in a feed, which still, I can't stress enough was so insane those days.

[Raina Greenberg]

That was crazy.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, 2015.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm curious how she's finding this out. But, like, yes, okay. If the wife did not know about it, I think you're totally within your right to say to your brother, and it should be pretty easy, like, hey, man, I noticed this, and it's weird, and it's better that I say this to you than your wife.

[Ashley Hess]

Again. It's one of those things if you never know what's going on in someone's marriage. But I know what's going on in my brother's marriage. I know that they're in a monogamous relationship. I can't even picture this scenario. But if I saw it happening, I would assume something was going on with them and maybe, like, parenthood had gotten to them. And I would be like, matt, what's going on here? Is this, like, some outlet and you need validation? Like, you can talk to me. I'm your sister. I love you. I wouldn't want to see this as your wife. Is Steph aware of this? Has she seen this? Is this an agreement you guys have going on? Because if not, this is coming off as disrespectful. Like, I would absolutely confront him in a kind way, but, like, I don't really see the point if the wife knows, but it sounds like maybe she can't stand up to him. I don't know what they got going

[Raina Greenberg]

on, but still, like, none of your business. You talk to the wife, and that's it. She's like, it's his money, and he'll spend it on. On only fans, models if he wants to.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, yeah, because I glanced at this email and Then you said like that's none of my business. I was like, that's absolutely my business. I'm going to say something to my brother. But now I see that like it's interesting. She went to the sister in law.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's just your standards for your own relationship are not other people's standards for their relationship. And you can't force them on other people. And like I would like to, I would like to say to women like have standards for how you're treated, you know, but not everybody does. I think that like we've seen everybody on the cast of Summer House screaming, Amanda Petula have standards for 10 years. She's not to going gonna.

[Ashley Hess]

She's not going to. I mean it's also. This is a little bit of a difference between friends and family. Like in my family you can say this. If my brother, my brother can, he can talk out of turn to me, he can say some to me that I would say that's none of your business. And he still would say it. Like there was a fight we had years ago where I was going to do something and he really came at me and he was right, but I hate didn't want to hear it in the moment. And he really was like, please don't do this thing I was thinking of doing. And. And I got so mad at him. It was such a fight. My mom had to get involved. And like he was right because he was like, I think you're about to make a mistake. And so close siblings, close family members. I think you're allowed to be like, I'm seeing this thing and I gotta say something. We're family and it is better you

[Raina Greenberg]

than somebody else than our partner, right? All right, well we solved it.

[Ashley Hess]

You're welcome. Okay guys. Well, again, last full episode in the LA Venice studio. Thanks for being along on the ride. Girls Gotta eat dot com. Girls Gotta eat Podcast, Instagram and Tick Tock. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and Tick Tock. Follow along our trip this week. Follow along with Raina raina.greenberg on Instagram reinagreenberg.com for her tour tickets for the fall. It's coming up and subscribe on YouTube. Watch on Spotify full video or YouTube and we will not see you Thursday. Look at me. We are taking off the 2nd and the 2nd 6th for the 4th of July holiday. So we will see you guys on my birthday July 9th for a snack next week.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a great week and weekend guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Bye.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ra.