Should You Date Down or Will it Ruin Your Love Life?

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat – Should You Date Down or Will it Ruin Your Love Life?

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg
Release Date: October 27, 2025
Producer: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

In this lively, comedic, and candid episode, Ashley and Raina dig into the controversial dating trend of "shreking"—dating less conventionally attractive partners (a.k.a. “dating down”) with the hope they’ll treat you better. They offer their signature blend of humor and honesty as they debate whether shreking is a life hack or a disaster, share their poll results (and wild listener opinions), tell personal stories about dating, and reflect on Vegas bachelorette adventures. The episode also includes a thought-provoking listener dilemma: Should bad cooking be a deal breaker? Throughout, the hosts discuss settling, superficial standards, and figuring out what really matters in love.

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Highlights & Structure

1. (00:00–14:54) Banter, Vegas Recap & Life Updates

• Vegas Recovery: The episode opens with post-Vegas “flu,” car recall drama, and tales of hosting a packed wedding week with multiple themed outfit requirements.
• Vegas Bachelor(ette) Festivities: The duo shares stories from trips to the Cosmopolitan, Chandelier Bar champagne escapades, Chippendales (including Raina’s raucous on-stage moment), and the Chain Smokers at XS nightclub.
  • Quote (10:34, Raina): "I like a packed out itinerary. ...I want a lot of instructions."
• Personal Anecdotes: The hosts riff on buying kids’ gifts, registries, and the perils of group travel organizing.
• Shopping Fiascos: Matching Vegas outfits nearly gone wrong: “I looked like a sausage case.” (32:21, Raina)

2. (14:55–38:31) Bachelorette Party Escapades & Listener Encounters

• Chippendales Details: Raina hilariously recounts being selected to be part of the male revue’s show.
  • Quote (17:40, Raina): "There is a legit man taking a shower on the stage."
  • Quote (19:37, Raina): "He hit my ass so hard. You see it reverberate like six times."
• Host Dynamics: Differences in comfort zones: "I just don’t want to be like, thrusted into and thrown around, and you do.” (19:41, Ashley)
• Fan Interactions: From airport blunders to fan hellos and “white knuckling” through hangovers.
  • Quote (25:39, Ashley): "Is this your phone? Through the entire security line."

3. (38:32–40:40) Episode Topic Introduction: Should You “Shrek” or Date Down?

• Shreking Defined: “Shreking” = dating down in looks, drawn from the Shrek/Princess Fiona trope.
  • “The mindset... is that they’ll treat you better because you’re out of their league.” (51:02, Ashley)
• Self-Reflection: Both hosts acknowledge their humble dating beginnings.
  • Quote (52:13, Ashley): "As two people that were Shrek... I’m allowed to talk about this."

4. (40:41–50:13) Listener Dilemma: Would You Break Up With a Bad Cook? (39:31-50:13)

Email Summary

A listener’s long-term boyfriend is a “terrible cook,” doesn’t like going out, and treats food as merely functional. She loves food/cooking and wonders if this is grounds for a breakup.

Discussion Points

• Bad Cook = Dealbreaker? Both agree: It’s potentially a dealbreaker, especially when food is central to your lifestyle.
  • Quote (41:50, Ashley): "[This] email felt so egregious... this is one strike too many."
  • “Food is so much more important to me than I ever realized. ...It’s a huge part of my relationship.” (43:17, Ashley)
• Core Values vs. Skills: If this issue reflects a deeper incompatibility (values, lifestyle, love language) rather than just skills, it might be fundamental.
• Comparisons: The hosts compare it to passions like fitness or the outdoors—aspects you can’t force.
• Listener Advice: If everything else is great, maybe you can compromise by doing food adventures with friends instead.
• Sexual Correlation Joke: “He definitely does not eat pussy. He’s like, you know I hate to eat.” (49:49, Ashley)

5. (50:14–61:33) Deep Dive: The Myth of “Shreking” & Poll Results

Shreking, Dating Down, and Attraction

• Origin: Trend comes from TikTok/NY Post, named after “Shrek”—dating someone less conventionally attractive hoping they’ll treat you better.
  • “In this plot line, you’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment.” (Amy Chan quoted, 55:10)
• Critical Analysis: The belief that being less attractive makes someone treat you better is not supported by reality or listener experience.
  • “There’s no correlation between what somebody looks like and how they’re gonna treat you.” (56:30, Raina)
• Personal Stories: Both share stories of dating way out of their league and learning hard lessons.
• Shreking in the South: Commentary on regional dating mismatches, humorously noting, "Try to find a chin on a man in the south." (54:18, Raina)

Audience Polls & Insights (63:47+)

• Can broke boys fuck better? 55% True, 45% False
• Less attractive guys treat you better? 53% True, 47% False
• Listener Comments: Many say their worst treatment came from less attractive or less wealthy partners; “Ugly men get too confident,” “Ugliest man I dated was the only one who cheated,” etc.

Standout Quotes

• “Ugly guys can be perks too.” (66:32, B)
• “There is the uggo ego epidemic, where twos think they deserve tens because their mom said so.” (64:40, A)
• "I want a guy I think is hot and no one else does. And that’s a lie." (68:05, Ashley)

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6. (61:34–80:52) Broader Reflections: Settling, Standards, and What Actually Matters

• Superficial vs. Core Values: The hosts urge listeners to distinguish between standards that relate to personality (non-negotiable) and those that are conditional, like height or money.
  • “You shouldn’t compromise on the personality traits... but then people bring in looks, height, money, job, age...” (73:23, Ashley)
  • “Values vs. Conditions: Money isn’t who someone is at their core.” (74:16, Ashley)
• Why Are We Attracted to Certain Traits? Ask yourself: What trait do you keep prioritizing that never brings you happiness?
• The Myth of Marrying Up: Wealth, looks, and status don’t guarantee happiness or decency; many women invest in a rich, high-status man and are still neglected emotionally.
  • “The only common thread is that you can’t let go of this one thing [money/status] that keeps making you unhappy.” (75:49, Raina)
• Agency & Making Your Own Money: Discuss the importance of financial independence for women, referencing Keke Palmer and Tori Dunlap.

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7. (80:53–end) Closing Thoughts and Outro

• Spirit of the Episode: "Good people will treat you well. ...Looks are the least important thing." (60:55, Raina)
• Jokes & Reassurance: Lighthearted encouragement to “take a chance on a guy with fucked up teeth. You can always fix teeth.” (81:13, Ashley)
• Tour/Promo Reminders: Ticket info, YouTube, and social.

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Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• 11:27, Ashley: “You’re one man registry.”
• 19:17, Ashley: "They had me sit up there and just kind of danced around me, and it was perfect. ...I just don’t want to be, like, thrusted into and thrown around, and you do."
• 43:17, Ashley: "Food is so much more important to me than I ever realized. ...it's a huge part of my relationship."
• 49:49, Ashley: “He definitely does not eat pussy. He’s like, you know I hate to eat.”
• 61:12, Raina: “The least important thing is how somebody looks. I don’t want to date somebody who how they look is their whole personality, in either direction.”
• 68:05, Ashley: "I want a guy I think is hot and no one else does. And that’s a lie."
• 73:23, Ashley: “You shouldn’t compromise on the personality traits... but then people bring in looks, height, money, job, age...”
• 75:49, Raina: "The only common thread is that you can’t let go of this one thing [money/status] that keeps making you unhappy."
• 81:13, Ashley: “Take a chance on a guy with fucked up teeth like I did with Azul. You can always fix teeth.”

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Takeaways

• **“Shreking”—dating down for better treatment—is not a magic fix and often backfires; attraction can grow but mistreatment isn’t dictated by looks or status.
• **Don’t compromise on core values or what fulfills you emotionally and intellectually; be realistic about which traits contribute to lasting happiness.
• **Having fun and being true to yourself is the real key—superficial qualities are fleeting, but compatibility and effort matter most.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Vegas & Bachelorette Stories: 00:27–14:54, 14:55–38:31
• Chippendales Show Recap: 14:43–19:56
• Listener Email: Bad Cook Dilemma: 39:31–50:13
• Shreking Overview & Polls: 51:01–64:07
• Uggo Ego, Money, and Dating Down: 63:47–72:04
• Settling, Standards, and What Matters: 73:06–80:52

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Girls Gotta Eat remains sharply self-aware, a little raunchy, and always rooted in the realities of modern dating—with both hosts reminding listeners to laugh, question assumptions, and eat well (and date well, however you define it).

Transcript

[A]

I want to start this by saying this conversation is going to feel really shallow, but we can't deny that two.

[B]

People that used to be ugly.

[A]

That's two people that were Shrek. This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Hi, guys.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[B]

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[A]

Last episode of our special month. It is flown by October.

[B]

Yes, it's my special month. I'm sad that it's gonna be over, what, a month. We have the Vegas flu today.

[A]

We really do. We are coming off of Vegas. We will talk about it. What time is it? 2:45pm I voiced out of you this morning. I was like, I'm gonna be honest. The earliest I'm recording is two. And you were like, how about 1:30? I was like, yeah, for sure. I'll pick you up at 1:30. Pick you up at 1:55.

[B]

I had to wake up and take my car to Jeep this morning because I've been like, putting this off. Somebody knocked my mirror off. Was it a year ago? And I finally was like. And I got to the dealership and this guy goes. He goes, I gotta be honest. You have five open recalls on your car.

[A]

And you were like, what does that mean?

[B]

I told you in sparkle eyes it was four because I was embarrassed. But it's five. What does that even mean? It means that they've been emailing you for probably a year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That there's maybe something wrong with your car and I don't know, are people. Every time you get an open recall, you're supposed to go to the dealer. The shame in his face and voice. Like, I'm supposed to come here.

[A]

That's a lot. I mean, Jaguar, I haven't had one.

[B]

I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's not supposed to have. Jeeps are like great cars. I'm just supposed to go to the.

[A]

Jeep dealership more, apparently. Make Jeep great again. That is a lot. I don't. I have. I don't know. We do need my fiance in here to tell us the stats. As an automotive expert, I had to.

[B]

Ask him the morning what it was.

[A]

What's. But no but like, what's normal? Like, I haven't had one.

[B]

How do you know? Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[B]

Listen, you have a lot of emails in your inbox.

[A]

No, I'm. I'm positive.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I would put my life on it.

[B]

I swear I've never seen one of these emails. But he was like, we email you every time.

[A]

So I got. You're like, is there an app or Something I should have.

[B]

He's like, you don't have to pay for this.

[A]

It's free. I have had one recall in my life as of late, and it was this kitchen play kitchen I got for my nephew. Probably. I think I got it for him when he was like one and now he's three and they still play with it. And now my younger nephew Aaron plays with it. And it's like this kitchen set, it's written so nice. It was like crazy. The price for how high end it is, sure enough, too good to be true. Recall on it. But it was like, not anything that's gonna like kill the kid. And it just was like this one little thing, you know, like, you know what used to happen? Like, dressers were like falling off the walls and stuff like that. Like, it wasn't a thing that was gonna tip over and crush them. Whatever. It's mounted to the wall. I think there was little pieces. It was like a pot or something.

[B]

Like put in their mouth.

[A]

Something was off with them and they sent like new pieces.

[B]

Okay. Can I tell you.

[A]

But it wasn't an issue.

[B]

I have no concept what kids toys cost. Like, you could tell me that that thing cost a hundred dollars or a thousand dollars and I would be like, that sounds right to me.

[A]

Totally. Yeah. It was like sub 200 and could be a thousand. Like, I couldn't believe it when I bought it. It was just like, it's. It's so nice. The little carrots and the eggs and the chalkboard. Like, it's the nicest play kitchen I've ever seen. I think it was literally like 170 bucks.

[B]

Okay, well, I have to pick your brain because I have to get my nephew.

[A]

You got to get this kitchen.

[B]

Let me ask you what you think about this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My nephew is turning one next month and my sister in law sent out like a gift registry. And I was like, are people doing this? And I made fun of her, obviously.

[A]

And she was, is there a party associated?

[B]

They're having like a first birthday party for him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they live in London, so they don't live anywhere near family. So like, we're not with him day to day. And I of course made fun of her. And she was like, well, people have just been asking me a lot, what do you guys need and what do I get him? She's like, I didn't wake up and decide to do a registry.

[A]

Like, we're good also. We have money.

[B]

We have money.

[A]

Well, the thing, I guess the reason she's doing it is probably to not get a bunch of shit they don't need. Because everybody wants to buy cute little clothes and things like that. So Matt and Steph have always been really vocal about, please don't bring this or don't bring anything or we need diapers or whatever. So I do understand you're coming around to it. What's the regist. What's on it?

[B]

I haven't opened it.

[A]

Is there toys on it? Toys on it feels a little grainy.

[B]

We're gonna open it live. Literally. I didn't even open it. I just immediately made fun of her. I immediately just responded and made fun of it. It's called thingstogetme.com.

[A]

That'S the name. Okay.

[B]

It's pretty straightforward. Okay. It is some toys. It's this high chair. It's a sweater high chair, Toast puff, muff. I don't know what that is. Okay.

[A]

That sounds like something you'd have on your vagina.

[B]

Yeah, it does. It sounds sexual. It's a lot of toys. But I do see what you're saying. My family also does send him. I've been meaning to tell you this. My mom sent him a labubu.

[A]

Oh, a real one or a Lefoufu?

[B]

I'm not sure. We're a Lefoufu family. I think she didn't understand, like, the irony of it. Like, it's scary for a baby. Look at that face.

[A]

No, they love them. My nephews love it. So my brother recently was like, hey, quick question. Do you hate us because of the gifts I keep buying for those boys? So, you know, like, the ball pit.

[B]

So the ball pit is an act of violence. Two boys. Two little boys. And you're like, I know.

[A]

So I got.

[B]

Messiest thing in the world was the.

[A]

Ball pit last Christmas. Yeah. I think the ball pit was. Yeah. Because two Christmas ago, Aaron was in the womb or fresh coming out. But I. Last Christmas, I got the ball pit. It was such a hit. It still is. It's, like, really stood the test of time. And then for Jay's third birthday, which was just a couple weeks ago, October, another special thing of October, I got him these, like, three King RC stunt car remote. Like, you can tell those cars are flipping and going crazy, and they're probably noisy. So there's, like, remote control cars that, like, do all these stunts, run into walls. Yeah. And the day I sent was raining, so the boys were inside all day. My brother was like, you got to stop. Can you just get him some shirts? I'm like. And I was like, literally their whole wardrobe is also for me, like, so many. You know, my favorite thing is, like, I've gotten them so many shirts on tour, so they're like. They're hot dog one from Cleveland, the hot dog Cleveland shirt. Now it's passed down to Aaron.

[B]

Jay and I both have that shirt.

[A]

And that there's DC shirts. Like, so anyway, no, it's just like, I think Matt and stuff are like, come on.

[B]

But I'm like, so you're coming around to the registry.

[A]

No, I'm not. It's their favorite toys or these toys for me. They never would have put a ball pit on a registry.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They did.

[B]

You were the parents. You would not. You would specifically be like, get. Only get stuff on this list.

[A]

Top of the regist Street. No ball pits.

[B]

I'm gonna send him a ball pit.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Let's thank our partners.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Thank you to Squarespace. Get a free [e-mail] GGE and use code GGE for 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain. And Winx Health. Get 50 off winks at Walgreens [e-mail].

[A]

GG and thank you to Neutrophil. Get $10 off your first order and free shipping at nutriful.com with code GGE10. And thank you to Saxophone 5th Avenue. Ever heard of it? Head to Saks 5th Avenue or Saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style. Okay, we are going to talk about Vegas really quick because I don't want to forget people wanted an egg carton update from me about, did I get the egg carton? If you know, you know, to my fiance's bachelor party. I didn't get it shipped. We were too busy. I couldn't get to FedEx, and I just didn't trust any of those guys to even handle it. I didn't want it to get to them after they'd left for the destination. So I did put it in his backpack, shoved down, and he did find it when he got there. And I put a note in it in the carton that said, hope you have an excellent bachelor party.

[B]

Eggplants are hot. Yeah, eggplants are hot right now.

[A]

So anyway, that's just the update. Just wanted to throw that in there.

[B]

Can I tell you what's been happening that's making me laugh so hard? So you. You have a lot of events for the week. We have so many friends flying in, so there's, like, welcome drinks Thursday, Indian party Friday Halloween party wedding.

[A]

Ashley, I. Oh, no. Are you fielding so many texts?

[B]

I am a one stop shop for fashion for the week. And everybody's like, very excited. Cause it's so different than like, get a dress for rehearsal dinner, get a dress for a wedding. Like, everybody's just like really into this like, Indian outfit, Halloween outfit. But it is making me laugh so hard. I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like five texts a day about it. And, and so I have now I have all my outfits. I have five outfits starred in my phone favorited. And so I'm just, I'm ready. I'm ready to shoot off the text for every person. I'm just like, Indian outfit. I have my Halloween costume is where I'm doing my makeup, is where I'm doing my hair. It's what I'm wearing to officiate. So I'm doing the gown. Like everybody, I'm locked and loaded.

[A]

Well, thank you so much. I thought it was really funny because we were in a group chat with a friend, the three of us, and she started asking questions and Raina goes, can you text me separately about this? And I was like, no, it's okay. I have the time. But you were just like, you need to protect Ashley's piece. She's got a lot going on. But I, I will say it is the one thing I am having like a little guilt about is the amount of outfits I've. I'm making people do. But I'm also like, for the Indian event, if you just want to wear the color scheme, that's fine. You. I'm telling people, like, just, you don't have to do the whole thing if you can't find a sorry or Lenga. But it is. I, I'm asking a lot. It's. But it's. That's what we're doing. If you can dress for it or not, you don't have to wear a Halloween costume, but you're going to regret.

[B]

It if you don't.

[A]

Like. No one's complaining unless they're complaining to you privately.

[B]

Not one person.

[A]

It is a lot. And I am aware. And I'm just, I think it's at least it's fun stuff and it'll be worth it. And like some people. Julio Galleri, I guess this is his first Indian wedding. Not that we're having an Indian what you guys will say, but we are having the Indian ceremony event. And he is just, he's asked so many questions. He's like, I'm going to be dripped out he told me, he was like, my curta arrived and I talked to your fiance about how to swag it up. He. People are just, they're excited telling you. Not, not one.

[B]

I mean, I don't think anybody would dare talk shit to me about it. I can't imagine if, even if somebody had a feeling about it that they would talk shit to me about it. But I, I don't know. When I travel for something, we'll talk about Vegas. Like, I, I want to have like plans on plans on plans. I like a packed out itinerary. And so like, yeah, I guess you're asking a lot. But like, I like that. Like this is the activity and the look. This is the next activity and the look. Like, I don't know. I just, I want, like, I want instructions. I want a lot of instructions.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. And again, do it, do it or don't.

[B]

I've been telling people yellow and orange if you need to. Yeah, get on Amazon.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, thanks for doing that.

[B]

You're welcome. It's been a lot. It's been so many people. But also now I know like, what different people are wearing. So like I sent one thing, one person. I was like, well, Alyssa's. Melissa bought this, so don't buy this, you know? Yeah, so I've been like, people have been sending me like the same like revolve stuff. And so I'm like, so and so already bought this.

[A]

You're one man registry.

[B]

I am registering.

[A]

That is so funny. Well, Vegas was incredible. The best 20 hours, right? We like, we probably got landed. We're at the bar with the free Dom bought by a random.

[B]

We sent our two prettiest friends to the bar ahead of time and they sat there and got two bottles of Daan bought for them.

[A]

Like most. Also friendliest. Most approachable. Most approachable, yeah.

[B]

Taylor is my favorite personality hire. She'll be friends with everybody in the bar by the time you get there.

[A]

Megan's like that too. Absolutely. Yeah. So they got there and they know each other, coincidentally. We all met in Vegas at that bar. I met at that bar, at that bar. Which was crazy. So we're on the plane. Rain and I are on the plane, sitting together for once and they're like, hey, this dude just bought us a bottle of Dom. Which if you're curious, it's a. We looked it up. It's about 250, 260 in the store. It's $2,000 if you're gonna buy a bottle of it at the bar. They're like, we're chatting with him. He's fine, you know, whatever. And then like, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes later, we're like, we're about to land. And they're like, he bought another one for you girls. And we're like, we'll see you soon. So we, like, hoof it to the bar. We never went to the pool.

[B]

We never even met this guy.

[A]

We never met him. And that they were saying the bartender thought he was bluffing when he, like the first and then the second. They had to go somewhere else to even get it. They don't just keep them under the bar at 2pmat 2pm yeah. So they were like, this guy's good for it. So we stayed at the Cosmo, the Cosmopolitan Las Vegas. And this is where Rain and I had our show last year. We kicked off the tour in 2024. It is truly our second home in Vegas. It is incredible. I feel so at home there and treated so well. And the rooms are gorgeous. Not a bad room in the place. I mean, they upgraded me to a suite, but all the rooms have these incredible views and everything is there. So when we. I think we probably mentioned this last year when we were there, we never left the premises. So when we got to the Cosmo last year, we went to the pool. We obviously. We went to dinner in Beauty in Essex. We had our show. I had lunch at Egg Slut or whatever.

[B]

Like, everything is different at Marquis that night.

[A]

And our show was in there and Marquis that night. Yeah. So I literally, when I reflected on last year, I was like, we never once left. We did a couple other things this time and we'll talk about it, but we just wanted to hype them. It's incredible hotel and we love it.

[B]

If you want like a great view from your balcony, I feel like everybody wants these great balcony pics in Vegas. Like, it's the fountain. It's New York. New York. It's the Statue. What? The Statue of Liberty. The. The Eiffel Tower. Like, you see everything.

[A]

Sphere. You can see the sphere from it on certain floors. And we just like adore the hotel and we hope to perform there again if we go back to Vegas and so shout out to them. And it was really nice to be in a suite because we had got our hair done together and it felt like we could all be together. Even in a regular sized room, they're huge. You can all, like, be together.

[B]

I stayed with Sparkle Eyes sister. Our room was enormous. Enormous. I barely knew she was there.

[A]

So we did that. We get there, we have some Dom at the Chandelier Bar, Gorgeous bar in the Cosmo. Then we all got our hair done together and then we went to dinner at Katch. This podcast seems to be sponsored by Catch lately. They never let you down.

[B]

I like Catch up more.

[A]

And then we went to the Chippendales. And we had the Chippendales at our Vegas show last year. So we saw a little bit of it. We saw their cowboy performance. Yeah.

[B]

They tied me up and like rolled me down the stage.

[A]

Raina was a part of it and we loved working with them and so we were so excited to see the show. It's at the Planet Hollywood. They have their own dedicated theater and. And they are incredible. They're the Goats. Like, they kind of started the whole thing. I mean, if you watch the TV show. I was obsessed with the like docu series show. Well, it was like a dramatization of the whatever. They're just like the trailblazers in this space and they're. The guys are so hot.

[B]

I know. And it just, it really is like, I like a lot of these like male strip show kind of things, but there's a little more like shtick with other ones that I don't need.

[A]

Like a storyline.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I don't know, they just like got right down to big construction workers. They did motorbike people. And then Ashley was like, you gotta wear my veil.

[A]

So they knew we were coming. Yeah. And we were coordinating with this woman named Ally. She'd already greeted us and everything. And they knew, like, they knew it was a bachelorette party. So I was like, I know that they want me to be a part of this show and it's just not for me.

[B]

Like, if it's ever been for you, you never like this stuff.

[A]

If Reina was like, hey, it's my bachelorette and like peloton wants me to co instruct. You'd be like, ashley's gonna do that. That's where Ashley's friend. You put on the veil.

[B]

I would stand next to the bike and make jokes and I got my.

[A]

Moment in the sun. But for the being on stage and really getting humped and just thrown around, I was like, raina was born to do it. So I see Ally coming towards us and I go, oh my God. She's. She sees me in the veil and I rip the veil up. I put Reyna's head. She kind of side eyed me for a second and she was like, almost like, I thought you were the bride. And I was like.

[B]

She asked me. She goes, she's the bride, right? I was like, just.

[A]

It's. Don't.

[B]

Don't make a thing of it. And she's holding a towel. That's all she's holding. When she comes over to me is a big towel. And she goes, okay, come with me. And I go, I just got a blowout. Am I gonna get wet? And she goes, no, no, it's gonna be fine. Oh, right. Yeah.

[A]

You see the towel? You're like, what's gonna happen?

[B]

And she's like, that's where you're supposed to be. She's like, I'm gonna take care of you. It's fine. Yeah, it's for the floor, actually. You have to mop it up when you get done. And I go to the back. I see the bartender. I'm like, can I get a shot? And he's like, yeah, can you pay me? I was like, I'll pay you after her. And he gives me a tequila shot.

[A]

This is like, bts, I didn't know about.

[B]

He was like, I can't just give you alcohol.

[A]

I'll pay you later. I'm gon.

[B]

Where am I going?

[A]

Part of this show.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Did you not see the towel?

[B]

You see my outfit? Yeah. And then one of the guys took me to the back and explained to me. He's like, so basically, he's gonna be showering when you get up there, and you're gonna dry him off, and then you're gonna get him dressed. So they walk me through this whole thing, and he's like, are you gonna be uncomfortable? And I was like, I can't stress you enough how much I get stripped on. And that sounds like a problem that you are in strip clubs, that one. I was like, no, I'm a performer. I'm always on stage getting stripped on. He. I'm so good at this. And he's like, okay, so we got you. So they lead me up on stage. There is a legit man taking a shower on the stage.

[A]

It's so sexy. Like, again, they're just the goats. They do it so well. So, yeah, this, like, hot meathead of a dude is, like, showering on stage, like, being so sexual Naked. Yeah.

[B]

With a sock cock.

[A]

Yeah. They don't show dick. Obviously, they come close.

[B]

They make you touch it, but they.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

So he gets out of the shower, and I had to, like, shimmy around the stage. I had to dry him off, and then I had to put his underwear on. And then I put his Shirt on and his pants on. And he, like, gave me all these dances. I mean, I was up on the stage for, like, seven minutes.

[A]

Yeah, you were really, like, a part of the show. And he was so, like, your type. Like, he reminded me of the very first stripper dancer I got for you as a Christmas gift in 2021. Like, how it all started. Like, he had that vibe about him.

[B]

So after it, I actually. So I was, like, licking him and Stu.

[A]

You guys don't even know. When I looked up, Rayna's tongue was on his bicep.

[B]

He told me to kiss his biceps.

[A]

No, you really. You kind of ad libs.

[B]

I filmed a little video with him after. I was like. To be honest, was actually the best you've ever had. And he was like, you're amazing. I feel. Maybe we'll put it on the YouTube.

[A]

Yeah, we'll put some on you guys. There's gonna be assets, obviously, for this whole thing.

[B]

It just was really fun. Thank you for letting me have the veil. Honestly, I feel like I lived my dream. That is really the kind of that. That's what I want to do. I want to be in the spotlight, on stage, getting stripped on.

[A]

So they brought me up. Yeah.

[B]

Throughout the show, they bring up a people. So you were part of, like, three other women.

[A]

Yeah. It wasn't just you and me. Yeah, there was a lot of, like, plenty of other women that were doing stuff there. It really is a lot of crowd participation. They brought me up during their Halloween performance. They did Thriller. They had a Michael Jackson. They had a werewolf. It was a great performance. And they just had me sitting in a chair and just, like, lightly touched me. So we have videos of both of these. The. The same guy who Raina showered with, he is lightly massaging my shoulders. He goes, oh, you got a knot right there. Lightly massaging my shoulders. Raina's got her hands in his pants. Like, there's two different kind of girls.

[B]

He has me bent over a chair. He hit my ass so hard. You see it reverberate, like, six times.

[A]

On the ass to me. He's just, oh, you got a little tension back in your shoulders. Yeah. And they had me sit up there and just kind of danced around me, and it was perfect. It's all I needed. I just don't want to be, like, thrusted into and thrown around, and you do.

[B]

I love it. It was really great. And they were just so wonderful. It was fun. So if you guys happen to be in Vegas, definitely. We recommend Chippendales. It Was really fun.

[A]

Yeah. And it really just got me so excited for our holiday shows because those type of shows, the energy is so electric and you really feel it the second they start in that room. You know, you kind of walk in, you're like, what are we getting into? You know, and it's a nice vibe, but you're like, what is about to happen in the second second it kicks off, you're screaming. You like, don't even expect to be. And when we do our shows, we have incredible audiences and you guys are like screaming and cheering and you keep that energy the whole time. And of course our audience sits and listens when we tell stories. It's not non stop screaming. But I'm always like, man, our audience has so much like energy for this and it's so hot. And we don't get to participate in that. We're on stage, we're the talent. And so we don't go to many shows where we're acting like that. And so to be in the audience, like I. You lost your voice. You know, like we were just like hollering and going crazy, dancing in the aisles like the whole time. And there are similarities. Obviously we have male dancers at our shows and we will have them at the holiday shows. And so you guys can expect that. But like, it's not the same thing, but there's a lot of similarities. And it just felt nice to be like, oh, like we provide this type of environment too that is so electric and people are going crazy and to be on the other side of it. It just got me so excited for our shows.

[B]

Oh, well, I'm excited too. Well, you guys, it's just two nights only. It's LA Saturday night, December 6th, and New York Saturday night, December 13th. You can get those [e-mail] and we'll see you there. And we're so, so, so excited.

[A]

And it just is like such girlhood. Like the other women in that show, we were all in the lobby afterwards and talking to people and you feel really bonded. And that's what we see at our shows. And people make friends and ask a lot. Should they come alone? And you absolutely should come alone. No one comes alone and doesn't make friends. And people just always have that type of really girlhood bonding experience.

[B]

And so bring your mom, Bring your daughter.

[A]

Yeah, grandmother. Remember that grandmother, Minneapolis. I'll never stop talking about her. Brought me to tears. And then that was only the beginning of the night. So we, after that we went To Excess, which is a nightclub at the Encore at the Wynn for the chain smokers. And it was just incredible. I mean, they didn't start till 1:30 in the morning. We had this table behind the stage. Our friend Megan hooked it up. It was incredible. They lead us back there. We were talking about the hospitality in Vegas, the way you're treated and obviously when you're like spending money or whatever. But like I just love it. I don't feel like anyone is that accommodating and hospitable in other cities that are touristy type cities. Like Vegas is the top, top. And I just feel like everyone is so wonderful. And so they lead us back to our table. It's right behind the stage. And they had the big signs like letters that said Ashley. I like lost my mind. I couldn't believe it. I was just like, I'm not worthy. And so Shout out to Excess. And the chain smokers, that's where they always are. You saw them there before too.

[B]

So I'm in. Yeah. In April. They're always there. I don't know if they've been. It's called residency or not, but they're just like mostly there. It's just, there's so much fun to see live. It's so wild. And we stayed out till like 3:30.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No drugs? No, no drugs.

[A]

A lot of tequila. I. That was the most I've drank in a long time.

[B]

Yeah, it's the most I've drank in a long time.

[A]

And we had the best server, like, like table server who was making us these little mini shots like with grapefruit. We were just like slamming them back.

[B]

And I mean our shoes off the minute we walked in there. Thank God.

[A]

Shoes off.

[B]

I've never had blisters like this in my life.

[A]

My feet were killing me.

[B]

No, thank God that I'm not wearing open toed shoes for your wedding because I don't know that I'll be okay by next year week.

[A]

Oh, were you up?

[B]

I am up.

[A]

We were supposed to have transportation from dinner to the Chippendales. And we hopped in this limo they told us we could and then we got confused. We had to get all the limo and so we're like, let's just walk. We got to go, we got to get there. And Raina was like, are you guys kidding?

[B]

I just, I. Were you okay? I was like so physically my feet really hurt.

[A]

I'm not, I hate heels. You know I'm not good on heels.

[B]

I was wearing seven inch high heels. I thought I was going to throw up the back of my feet or sliced open. I got blisters on both sides. I got a big bruise on my ankle. Thank God. I got nothing. Open toed. Everything for your wedding is long. So I have actually, I think mostly closed toed shoes. And I don't think anybody's gonna see my feet that weekend.

[A]

I can't decide. Well, Vegas always wins when it comes to Raina. And Raina in the Vegas airport on a Sunday is such a treat. So I remember one time we went. You were eating pizza at 10am there's this pizza.

[B]

I don't think you were even supposed to see that.

[A]

Like, I ran up on you. I was like, oh, pizza, okay. And this was one of my favorite raynal moments. So we're going through security. We had just seen like, a girl's gotta eat fan who was like, oh, my God, Ashley. We saw a lot of fans in the airport. So Raina gets pulled for a security check. She puts her bag on the belt. She had a little trouble put. I was like, put your bag on the belt. Like, she had it on her shoulder. Walking up to go through security, I was like, put on the belt. So she puts it on the belt and then just stumbles up to go through. They pull her. They're like, you got to go through the big tube, whatever. You've been picked for a random screening. So I walk through normally, and they held her for quite a while. So I'm waiting for her. And I'm like, I guess I gotta grab her bags. So I grab her bag and hold it for her. And then everyone crowding around to get their bags. Someone goes, whose phone is that? Someone had put their phone loose on the belt. Just raw dog on the belt. Someone's phone popped out. It's rolling down. And people are like, what phone is that? And I'm like, oh, my God. So I'm like, I think that's Reina's phone. No way. She would never. I pick it up and I see her still waiting to go through the.

[B]

Yells at me from across. Is this your phone? Across the entire security line. Is this your phone? Through the security tube and yeah, through.

[A]

The X ray machine.

[B]

God damn it.

[A]

She's like, it is. And I'm like, you just threw your phone in the belt. Who has ever done that?

[B]

Stop embarrassing me. I'm at the airport every week. I don't understand how he even did this. I was just so defeated. You were like, put your bag down. I was like, okay, I can help.

[A]

So then we're getting close to our Gate. And Raina's like, I really want some Vegas merch. And so you pop into this little store. I got a water and some snacks, and I check out, you're nowhere to be found. I had to go to the bathroom. So I'm like, she'll figure it out. So I go to the bathroom, and I meet this girl's gotta eat listener in the bathroom, and her name's Mackenzie. And I was like, raina's out there. And I just knew she would tell you I was in the bathroom. So I, like, finally come out of the bathroom, and you're there, and you're standing there.

[B]

Mackenzie runs up to me. She's like, hi. Oh, my God.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

And I was like, I couldn't. No sound coming out of my body. Yesterday you had to talk to a lot of people for me. And I was like, hi. And she's like. She's like, I'm such a fan of the podcast.

[A]

And I wanted to tell her that.

[B]

Ashley's around here somewhere, but I couldn't get the words out. And she goes, ashley's in the bathroom.

[A]

And so literally, as soon as Mackenzie walked out of the bathroom, I was like, she'll tell Rayna I was in the bathroom. I just knew she was.

[B]

I didn't know where you were. Mackenzie told me.

[A]

Yeah, I was just like, mackenzie's got this.

[B]

I was having a rough day yesterday. Then we landed. We met fans that had just gotten engaged. They're telling us their entire engagement story. I couldn't smile hard enough or talk less. I felt so bad. Both of them were just yap, yap, yapping about their engagement story and if she knew or not, and her manicure. And I wanted to be, like, so happy for these people. And I could not talk.

[A]

I had to carry the whole thing. Like, I had to carry every fan encounter yesterday.

[B]

You're like, wow. Actually so nice, Reina.

[A]

It just stands there and smiles.

[B]

I was white knuckle in that last experience. I was smiling so hard. I was like, this is going on forever and I can't talk. Do you know how hard it is listening people talk and not be able to talk?

[A]

I know, so congrats to them. But it was just a wonderful trip. And my future sister in law, my fiance's sister, came, and so that was so amazing. And you guys have met once, maybe. We did like a brunch one time. So I loved having her there and getting to experience that with her. There was this one time where we were chipping nails and this guy, like, he'd turn around, you could, like, see his full butt. And I, like, said out loud. I was like, that looks like my fiance's butt. And Raina goes, oh, my God. She was like, ashley said too much to drink.

[B]

You said it right to her. Like, you didn't even say it to me. You said it to his sister.

[A]

Little high and tight butt. I said it. And she goes, oh, my God. And Raina was like, I'm sorry, she's had too much.

[B]

Even me. I mean, nothing makes me go like, what the. But I. I was like, did I just black out or did she laugh?

[A]

She's so cool. But the way Reina just was, like, laughed out loud. It was like, you've had too much to drink. Keep it in the box. Don't tell your fiance's sister what his butt looks.

[B]

Honestly, it's worse than if she had to watch those guys trip on you and touch their dicks and stuff.

[A]

Someone picked her up. I was, like, loving it. She was down for whatever.

[B]

She's so spicy in that pink out.

[A]

She has, like, a look about her. Yeah, she's like, a very, like, sexy look about her. So someone just scooped her right up. Love to see it.

[B]

I had fun with her, but I.

[A]

Just love Vegas so much. Can't stress.

[B]

20 hours in Vegas. Yeah, I want to, like, land at 4pm I want to get out there at 11.

[A]

And we've become so accustomed to flying from LA, and, like, I always think it's like, 20 minutes, but it is, like, 40. And once we were in there for, like, 20 minutes, I'm like, are we ready to land yet? Like, I always want to think it's, like, just down the street, but it is kind of. It's like, 40 minutes. Still a legitimate flight.

[B]

Yeah, it is. It's a little bit. It's a little bit of a flight, but I loved it. I was so excited we did it. So bachelorette parties are over?

[A]

Yeah. Three makes Vegas.

[B]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do this weekend. You haven't planned my weekend yet.

[A]

If you guys are listening, we'll just pass. So you probably would have seen what Raina did, but where are we going? I'm laying low.

[B]

What am I? Ashley, you have planned, like, so many of my weekends for so many months. Britney did ask me last night, do I want to go to New York this weekend? And I was like, I can't do it, dude. No, I can't do it.

[A]

Well, you're going right after the wedding. I'm also.

[B]

I'M dedicating this weekend to finalizing your ceremony. So I want to like, run it and run it and run it. Really perfect. So I have declined to go to New York.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. This is just completely like lay low weekend. And I've said this before. I. I was never on like a weight loss mission or anything. Like, I just am happy with my body and this is what it is. And. But like, when I got my dress, when I had to take it to alterations to get it hemmed, they in so many words were like, you can't gain a pound, sis. And I was like, all right. So I'm just gonna be like, eating clean.

[B]

I mean, I'm a little worried about the hours we cut for the ithy and ceremony on Friday. Cause there's no give in mine. There's no elastic around that waist or around the bust at all. And we got measured a month ago.

[A]

Yeah, like, I haven't gained weight. But what's on my mind is just Saturday is the end of the festivities. So I've been out doing stuff Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. And I do be getting bloated. I know. I'm not. I'm a little worried. This isn't like a. I'm too fat for my dress or anything. I'm just like, I'm. There's a little bit of a concern because it won't button.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

We'll figure it out.

[B]

It's gonna be great.

[A]

Yeah, it's gonna be great. So anyway, this weekend I will be laying low and not eating. No, I'll eat a lot of protein. Low carb.

[B]

No, listen, I do actually want to talk about the outfit situation. Speaking of outfits in Vegas. So we. We went. We had to go to the mall when we were in Vegas. Cause Megan wasn't sure what to wear and she wanted like a sparkly dress. We walked into the store and this guy starts talking to us and he's such a great salesman. And he picked out this outfit for her that was like. I don't know how to describe it.

[A]

It was just like a corset top with a matching ruched miniskirt, Faux leather, the tightest skirt. Oh, it was. I mean, the whole. It was a skin tight outfit.

[B]

Could not breathe in. It's skin tight. And he's like, I actually have this in all these colors. He's like, I got this white. And so he's like, this is perfect on you. So you try it on. You, Megan, are both very tall. And thin. And.

[A]

Well, he was like. He was like, you're not even gonna believe this. We have one in white, and it's a mistake. We weren't even supposed to get this in white. He was like, look at her. She's bridal. You have to wear this. You have to wear this. And I'm like, oh, my God. I guess I have to wear this. So I'm like, I'll try on the white.

[B]

And he's like, you're never gonna believe this. I have five colors we can all do. And for some reason, Megan, like, misunderstood what the price of this whole outfit was. She thought it was, like, 50 bucks. And she's so generous. And she's like, I'll get them for everyone. My treat for the weekend. I give to Ashley. We'll all wear the same outfit. And I was like, I knew it wasn't gonna look good on me. I just. I know the cuts that look good on my body. And I am really proud of my body. I think I look great. I'm so confident. I think I look great. But I knew that that thing was not gonna look good on my body. It is a leather ruched skin tight. It hit me right at the back of my thighs. It, like, buckled all the cellulite on the back of my thighs. I could barely.

[A]

You looked great in it.

[B]

And my knees were all wrinkly right under the hem. And I got my period the day before. I was so bloated. That little foop at the top, like, it's just. I think I look great. There's some cuts I would never wear. I just wouldn't pick them out. You need, like, longer, thinner legs for that type of outfit. And so I put it on, and I was like, I looked like a sausage case.

[A]

No, first of all, no, you didn't.

[B]

But I did.

[A]

But the length of. I will. It was not a mini skirt on you. It was more of a midi vibe. It was more of a pencil skirt vibe on you.

[B]

Yeah. So I was bloated. So I had, like, my FUPA at the top. It was not good. And I really was trying to play ball. Cause it's your weekend. And you were like, wouldn't it be cute if we all wore these? And I was in the dressing room pouting so hard. I was just like. I saw the rest of my night ahead of me. Just, like, being so mad and so uncomfortable. But I'm like, it's her weekend, and I want to play ball if everybody wants to wear these outfits. Like, I am going to do it. Even though I'm so physically uncomfortable in this. And then we saw the outfits for, like, $500, and I was like, oh, thank God. Yeah, thank God.

[A]

They were, like, 60 bucks. And we were like, wouldn't this be so cute? And, of course, I'm not going to force anyone to wear anything they're uncomfortable in. But, like, it was just, like, a fun. Would have been, like, such a funny moment, such a fun photo op. And then we saw the price, and then we are like, the sales guy had like, he's incredible, and he had done such a good job, and he was so fun to be around. And so we're huddled up in the dressing room, like, what are we going to tell him? And he was out there, like, everything okay, ladies? Basically, like, I'm about to make that commission on $2,000. They were $400 outfits, five of them, so it was $2,000. Clearly working on commission, the way he was hustling us. And so we're like, we can't.

[B]

We can't buy these.

[A]

This is not a joke anymore.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The way my day brightened up when I realized how much money those cost. I know, because you two looked great. And I really would have done it, but there's just certain cuts that I don't care about so.

[A]

Well, I actually would have still worn it and obviously not expected anyone else. Like, maybe Megan and I just would have matched. And in the dressing room, I was like. I was like, it feels a little cheap. Like, the vibe is. It feels not quality. Like, So I was like, but, you know, if it's 50 bucks total for the outfit, fine. This is fine.

[B]

Go to dinner.

[A]

And then when they were like, the top alone is 250, I was like, this thing say, what?

[B]

Audacity.

[A]

So anyway, Megan still bought hers, and she looked phenomenal. And I'm glad we gave that guy some business, because he was great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that was our shopping excursion. And then right after that, Raina spots this sparkly dress in the store for 60 bucks, and you bought it, and you never looked better.

[B]

I loved it.

[A]

I love that dress. Yeah, it was really fun.

[B]

I looked like one of the performers for Chippendales.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These sparkly shoes and sparkly bag. I just loved it. I love Vegas.

[A]

All right, that's the Vegas tea. Let's just take a quick break and thank our partners.

[B]

Okay. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and exceed online. Whether you're just starting out or Managing your own growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create beautiful websites, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. So Ashley and I have used Squarespace for the Girls Cuddy website since day one. We bought the domain from them. We built the website on Squarespace. I've used it for my personal website for years. You use it for your personal website, and I just love it. It is so easy to use. It's so user friendly. It makes your business look so beautiful and professional. And I think a lot of people are a little nervous in terms of building a website because they're just like, how will I figure this out? And there's tons of templates you guys can choose from, and really you can just plug and play your own copy or photos. And there's a lot of AI design intelligence that's going to help you do that and make your strongest creative potential for the website. They also have Squarespace payments, so it's a super easy way to manage your payments in one place. With them, you can connect all your social accounts. So obviously when you go to our website, you'll be able to link out. You see, like every Instagram post that we do on there, you can sell content. They have SEO tools for you as well. So when you go to the Girls Got Eat site, everything is managed through there. So our merch, all of our past episodes, we have all of our partners in there, catalogs of every single thing that we've ever done really is there. And it's so easy. It's just one space. So you guys can head to squarespace.com GGE for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use GGE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

[A]

Yes, we love it. Like Raina said, it's like the only thing I've ever used, we've ever used. Can't recommend it enough. Don't even. Nothing else even matters. Okay. And this episode is also brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue. All right, maybe this will be the last week I'll share a wedding dress. Then I'll move on to something else when we talk about sax. But every week I like to pull up and talk about, you know, something that I hope someone wears to my wedding. And I just wanted to mention, like, Saks is so easy to shop. I'm literally looking at women's wedding guest attire, dresses like category. I'm going to a wedding. Here's why I should wear It Raina, there's that Alice and Olivia floral dress you're looking at. Raina loves this Alice and Olivia floral maxi dress. You have everything from Reformation to alc to Lila Rose, Veronica beard.

[B]

And they also just have stuff for every day. If you want athleisure, go to the airport. If you want gifts, obviously the holidays are coming up. They just have so much stuff that obviously you just don't see on like every single website too. So you're not doubling up on stuff that everybody's gifting or buying themselves.

[A]

Yeah, you could get everything for all the people on your holiday list. I mean, not just clothes, of course. They have everything for men, for kids, for home. First birthdays. Amazing. Yeah. First birthdays. If you have a first birthday party that they registered for, maybe a little somewhere little designer sneakers for a one year old. We just love it so much. And like Raina said, you do find stuff that you just haven't seen elsewhere. You can find stuff for date nights, work vacations, or just lounging at home, working out, going to work. We're just such fans of it. And you guys can also do in store styling and you can check out how they've styled stuff and work with a online stylist as well. So if you don't know where to start, how to style something, or look for different ways that you want to dress your fall fashion, that's a great place to go. So we really love it. So if you guys are like us and you're in your fashion era or you have a big event going up and you want something to wear, check out Saks. Shopping should be fun and easy. You guys can head to Saks Fifth Avenue or Saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style every day. Okay, so we have such a fun topic today.

[B]

What are we talking about? Like, how do you categorize it?

[A]

Dating uggos?

[B]

Dating brocos? No, it's just dating what you like. Wouldn't normally go after, I think, changing your standards.

[A]

Ugos versus Broke boys. Working title. No. So we are going to talk about the dating trend of shreking, which basically means going after less conventionally attractive guys in the hopes that they will treat you better. And we're going to get into it and discuss it on a few different levels and provide some nuance and talk about some polls we put on our Instagram today. But before that, we want to read this email which sort of ties in, but I just found it really interesting and I think this email is so relevant to girls Gotta eat for one and then we'll kind of get into more of the shit. So. Yeah, okay. So the subject line is, would you break up with a bad cook? So she writes, I have a question that's been on my mind for over a year. Would you break up with a guy who's a bad cook? It's so much deeper than that.

[B]

It's so. I'm surprised she titled it that. Yeah, because at first I was like, bitch.

[A]

What? I know, I know. Okay. Exactly, exactly. Okay. She writes, I love food. It's so important to me. It's not my career, but my parents taught me from a young age that although we didn't have much money, good food was a requirement. I'm in my 30s and have an office job now, but I've worked as a cook, server and culinary instructor for years. Good food is a part of a good life. It's like you kind of where it's like not what you're doing now, but you've like worked in the industry.

[B]

She is me.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So she said. That's not the case for my boyfriend. He loves me and is committed to making this work, but is a terrible cook. We've dated for over two years and lived together, but he doesn't seem to get it. He hates going out to eat. He doesn't seem to understand why we would pay for food when we have it at home. When he cooks at home, he commits to the worst cooking sins. He will put moldy, sour smelling veggies in a skillet, crack a few eggs directly into the unheated pan, shell pieces too, and call it dinner. I don't need meals to be perfect or Michelin star. But he doesn't even know how to do baseline things. I could teach him, but I'm in my mid-30s and just tired. And while I love cooking, I can't do it every night. I would just like to be able to rely on my man to cook me dinner without having to worry. I wouldn't mind if he got takeout, but he doesn't even do that. To him, food is fuel and nothing else. To me, it's sacred. Any advice or jokes? Welcome.

[B]

I mean, to me, I guess anything would be a deal breaker. If you feel like it is. If food is your whole life, if going out to eat, if traveling to go on food adventures, like if that's your whole life, which it is for a lot of people it would be tough. But does he check the box for everything? Does he treat you well? Does he make you feel Special. Does he excite you? Is the sex good? Is he honest and trustful? All these things. I mean, I am this girl. Food has been my whole life. Every holiday or family event revolves around food. My mom cooked dinner every night. I couldn't wait to see what she made. I went to culinary school. I worked in restaurants my whole life. Food's very, very important to me. And it would be tough for me day to day to be with somebody that's just like, food is fuel. Like, that's a specific type of person. And I don't wanna feel judged because this is how I spend my money. This is how I spend my time. I went on a date with three dates with that guy last year, and he told me he ate chipotle every day.

[A]

Chipotle boys.

[B]

Chipotle boys. And he told me he ate chipotle seven days a week for lunch. And I was like, what do you do for dinner? And he's like, macros are really important to me. Certain type of lifestyle. He didn't really care about going out to eat. It was just like, I cook the same boiled chicken and rice every day. It's a huge deficit for me in a relationship.

[A]

Yeah. This email felt so egregious to me. I, like, questioned if it was real. I'm not saying she's lying, of course, but I was like, this is one strike too many with the not caring about food and restaurants, but also saying we can cook at home, but also not being a good cook and also not wanting to do takeout. Like, it. I guess it is his personality. He's like, anti good food or he just literally doesn't care. It's like, truly, like she said, it's just fuel. He's only eat to live type of person. But it is honestly such a deal breaker for me. I couldn't do it. Like, you can have one of those red flags, but not both, you know? Like, I read this to my fiance and we talked about it, and I was thinking of some different guys. I know, I think of. I mean, my fiance, for one, loves to cook and try new things, and he's an incredible cook, but he also really likes to go out to eat. He's also just kind of down for whatever. I think more about, like, my brother and Rob. I remember when I first started hanging out with Rob, one of, like, my best guy friend. Raina's good friend now too. He was like, I don't know. I just, like, don't like to go out to restaurants that much. I like, love to cook he was a phenomenal cook. And I was like, really? I just love going out to eat, you know? And he was like, I don't know. I got this big house and I cook all the and time. So this is someone that's like, doesn't want to do the restaurants and is kind of like, we have food at home, but the food at home is bomb, too. And also now Rob, I feel like, goes out a lot more and my brother too, also.

[B]

Cooking together is a really special, important thing that you can share with somebody. And I could forego going out to restaurants with somebody if that's what we shared together at home.

[A]

But then I'm thinking about it. Like, I do think people that love food just love food. They like to cook at home and they like to go out to eat. Like, it's just exciting to them. But I couldn't deal with both. There's no way in hell. And I think food is so much more important to me than I ever realized. I get. I don't know, it's just a huge part of my relationship. And it, like, will be forever. We tell each other what we have for lunch, then we cook dinner together, we go out to eat, we get excited, we have a list of restaurants we want to try. He sees something on TikTok and wants to make it like we are a food couple. And I guess there are. I was thinking of comparable passions like fitness, I guess. Like, I think there are certainly people that the fitness is so important to them. They really couldn't be with someone who didn't value it. And I get that 100 outdoorsy stuff, camping, hiking, whatever that type of thing is. Food feels a little different because you gotta eat. It's like, it's this part of life that we all share. And it's okay if you're not interested in it, but if you are really interested in it, I don't see how she could be with this guy. But if everything else is great and you can get past it, then fine. But she's not wrong for asking this question.

[B]

I mean, food is probably my number one hobby. Like, in terms of going out to eat. Like, on my phone, I have a list of restaurants in New York I want to go to, and restaurants in LA I want to go to. I have a list of food travel destinations I want to go to. Like, this is the number one thing I spend my money on. Like, it is my, to your point, my outdoor activity kind of thing or my exercise kind of thing. Food is the thing for me. So a person that just was like, we don't need this. It's silly. Also would probably shame me for how I spent my money and my time and would think that it was kind of superfluous, and I don't. It's a bummer. And I've always said I could be with somebody who didn't understand food but was still excited about food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I have a deep knowledge of the restaurant industry and chefs. I was rattling off all kinds of crazy stuff on the way over here, and I don't need you to be like that. But if you're, like, down, like, go to Queens with me and have Indonesian food. Like, I want you to want to do that shit, and you're excited that I can take you on that journey.

[A]

She says, I wouldn't mind if he got takeout, but he doesn't even do that here. There's a whole nother layer of it, too, that she sounds like she's got her shit together, and she just wants him to take care of her sometimes and take care of dinner sometimes. And that's. We get into, like, love language territory and what someone's doing to provide for you and the relationship.

[B]

It is really so interesting. You really are at such an impasse with somebody when they're. When you're like, what's important to me is that at the end of the day, you work with me to figure out how we're gonna eat. And they're like, I don't care about eating. Like, the fact that this guy's like.

[A]

We have food at home. It's like, is the food in the room with us? Is it the old veggies with the eggshells?

[B]

Is it edible?

[A]

Is it edible?

[B]

That's so funny. We have food at home.

[A]

Yeah. Is it edible?

[B]

Like, you're asking them to compromise with you on something that they fundamentally do not care about. Like, that's tough. And, like, you know what thing I never had seen on TV before was Love is Blonde UK Season 2. That couple goes grocery shopping together. And she was like, I like snacks in the house. Like, cheese and cookies. And he was like, I would never, ever have stuff like that in the house. I've never seen a couple have that type of conversation on, like, a dating reality show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you're just fundamentally misaligned with what you put in your body three times a day.

[A]

That was so interesting. We never really broke that down. And she had had some eating disorder issues, so she was triggered by him saying, like, oh, you want cake? Which I do understand also, as Someone who fucking loves cake. But they were just mismatched in that way. And I think they worked through it eventually and they obviously didn't work out, but, like, they had like a real moment in the grocery store on, like, we are not the same. And listen, if this guy is a great partner in all these other ways and she wants to stay with him, she needs to remove the food from the relationship and do all the food stuff with her friends, with whoever else matters in her life, because he's never going to get there, I don't think, and just make it stop mattering and forge ahead. But she is certainly not wrong for. For asking us if this is a deal breaker. Like, I. I was just thinking about how important it is. And again, I'm not. I don't have Raina's track record with food, but, like, I'm gonna group chat with my fiance, my brother, and my sister in law about just about food, about what we cook every night. Like, it's all food picks. Matt sent this bolognese last night. It's a, you know, it's just really like, it's a such a huge part of my life that goes without saying.

[B]

I. I'm trying to, like, wrap my head around a person who does not care about food. They don't want to order food, they don't want to cook food, they don't want to go out to eat. Like, I can't. It is like me dating somebody that likes, wants to go on like, long bike rides every day and I can't ride a bike.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we know a couple guys that will not date women that don't ride bikes. I'm out. And that's okay.

[B]

Even people that I know that do not care about food. So, like, okay, so our former videographer, he's videoing your wedding this weekend. Big outdoor person. He is like, the most. Like, Raina, I eat Taco Bell seven days a week. Like, he's the most that kind of person I've ever met. But, like, we took him to this amazing sushi restaurant for his birthday last year, and he said it was like one of the. Even his mom texted me about how special that was to him, and he was like, that was one of the best meals of my life. Like, he can appreciate it. He appreciates it. I was in Chicago last week and I was like, you would have laughed at me. I went to this fast food restaurant, went to Nando's, and I was like, I could have the world at my fingertips. And he was like, I'm judging you for this. Even that person who does not care is like, I'm excited by it.

[A]

She's not gonna change him, this guy. But is he being stubborn and not willing to try? You know what I mean? Like, there's just things when you start to be in a relationship with someone that they're passionate about that you don't really care about, that you at least express some interest and try a little bit because it's meaningful to them.

[B]

You know what? I just, like. I don't know what I would do. I was, like, sort of interested in somebody for 30 seconds who really likes golf and tennis and skiing. And I was like, what the trifecta? What would we do?

[A]

Trifecta? Stuff I can do.

[B]

He doesn't go camping, but, like. And he likes fancy stuff. But, like, what would I do?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know how to do any of those things.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Like, you're going to. You need to be with a food person. It's. When I think about growing old with someone, I'm like, that's what's going to keep things interesting in 50 years is, what are we going to whip up for dinner?

[B]

Like, you can't ride a bike anymore.

[A]

You can't ski or golf or play tennis. Not that I ever could.

[B]

Food to me is like. It's comparable to, like, a zest for life. So, like, can this guy fuck?

[A]

I know. I really want to know. Hey, sis, can you let us know? Vegan fuck. Dying to know. He definitely does not eat pussy. He's like, you know, I hate to eat.

[B]

He's like, well, he does, like, say.

[A]

He likes, like, stuff that tastes weird. That's his only thing he likes to eat. If he's passionate about eating pussy, we can work with it. That's his favorite meal today.

[B]

But, you know, she's. She wants to. Is it a deal breaker? I don't know. Is this how you want to spend all of your time and all of your money then? Maybe.

[A]

Yeah, it absolutely could be. So keep us posted. I'd feel like it's often on this podcast is break up with him? Not always. I do think we want to.

[B]

I feel like we have nuanced advice.

[A]

Exactly. We need more information.

[B]

So how much money does he make?

[A]

What does he look like?

[B]

Yeah, how tall is he?

[A]

So which brings us to shreking. Is he an ogo? Okay, so shreking, the term came out more in the summer, August. And, you know, it's been. It's been covered, but we just Wanted to talk about it. And it really is like dating down. I like this New York Post article. They said Shreking is dating down and settling for ugly partners. But it may just ruin your love life, experts warn. So basically it comes from Shrek, which Princess Fiona dates down and ends up with this ogre. And the mindset, the reason behind it is that they'll treat you better because.

[B]

You'Re out of their league.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that they'll. They'll just. They'll try harder, they'll show up more and they'll be better to you because they are aware that you're out of their league. However, do you. Let me ask you a question. Do you think that ugly men look in the mirror and think that they're ugly? Because. Okay, like, this is assuming that they know that they're ugly. And nothing is more common than a man who just thinks that they're the best when they are so mediocre.

[A]

Like, true.

[B]

I don't know that men look in the mirror and think that, like, they are so ugly.

[A]

Well, it just depends. I think there are a lot of delusional men out there. Yeah. And then, yeah, I do feel like. I think there's a lot of people, men and women who are like, I know I'm not attractive just based on the way I'm treated or I don't know, which is like a sad thing.

[B]

But, yeah, they know that I'm pretty privileged.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that there's, like, men that are like, I'm short, but I'm tall, standing on my money. And there's like, I might be ugly, but, like, who cares? Because I have, like, friends and access and money and a career and all this other stuff.

[A]

Yeah. And I want to start this by saying this conversation is going to feel really shallow, but we can't deny as.

[B]

Two people that used to be ugly.

[A]

As two people that were Shrek, as a woman that was just the last girl in the bar at 3am and would fuck guys way out of her league and actually thought she was gonna get a callback. I'm allowed to talk about this.

[B]

As a girl who had bad teeth, no eyebrows. I was always bloated. As a girl who really listen, I was a strong five, but I was out kicking my coverage every night. The things I took home.

[A]

I gotta tell you, this one time I hooked up with this guy and I brought him back to my place. Again, it was just like a drag back. It like, last call and we go home and like, he was so cool. We had, like, A funny. We hooked up. Whatever. We had a funny rapport. I remember the next morning we woke up, it was like Super Bowl Sunday. I remember joking around with him in the morning. He was so nice to me, but he was so much more attractive than me. I was like, I'm in love with him, obviously. Clearly. You know, Diet Dewey, he was like, so cute to do. We. Whatever. I remember going to work when I worked at this PR agency then following Monday. And I knew he went to the same college as a girlfriend of mine. And so I asked her about him. I said his full name. She goes, really? Really? Turns out he was like, from this rich family. Like, when I tell you he was a fucking 12.

[B]

That tone is so insulting. Fucking miss me with that tone. It's crazy. No, but I think she said a thousand words with that. Really?

[A]

She was not wrong. Whatever. I figured it out. I'm not, you know, I look better now. Not seem like the hottest woman in the world, but I knew, you know, But I was like, but I am funny and cool and maybe, maybe not.

[B]

Maybe you'll date me for my personality.

[A]

So we just want to explain why we're authorized to speak on this. But. And also, can I just say that, like, as someone who spent 15 years in the south, like, the south invented shreking. Like, the whole south is beautiful. Women with the most mid, poorly dressed.

[B]

Try to find a chin on a man in the south, okay? Their faces just go straight into their neck.

[A]

And like, I'm not saying the women are like gold diggers. I mean, some of them are, but you just see it a lot. You see so many mismatched couples in the south like it. And a lot of it is like, regional hair and clothing and just the. What is considered a good look. Like, I got to Clemson and I was like, what the fuck? I was like, what is the what? Who? I cannot believe the way these guys look. Like, I am so dried up from, like, this look. And I'm like, you're telling me that guy's a hot commodity? And I was like, I'm going straight athletes for the rest of the four years. Like, I was like, these white fraternity guys are so not for me in the way that they looked. And they would be with, like, the most beautiful women at, on. On the campus. And this is like kind of an astounding.

[B]

Khakis belt, button down shirt, same haircut.

[A]

Yeah, the, like the floppy hair and the outfits and the flip flops and just the overall vibes and like, has never lifted a weight. I mean, Some of them, you know, the pikes were lifting weights, but the.

[B]

Not in Indiana. Including Indiana, I think I slept with half of Sigma Nu. If you went to Sigma Nu between the years of 2004 to 2008, the chances are I slept with you.

[A]

So we want to get into it, but I just have to read a couple of these quotes of the dangers of Shreking, which I thought was very funny. So Amy Chan, who we have had on the podcast multiple times, we rereleased her incredible Breakup Boot Camp episode, what, a month, month or two ago. At this point, she writes, in this plot line, you're dating an ogre without the princess treatment. Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time. And that in itself isn't a bad thing, she explained. But when it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they're dating down and looks, they'll automatically be treated better. And then another quote from the article said, this new phrase highlights a major problem in modern dating, the implication that daters can know how someone will treat them based on looks alone. And in reality, those, those two are not linked. And that's what we heard from our audience. And like, you can't assume this, not even close.

[B]

So we really, we polled our audience about, about this and almost like 100% across the board. There's just, there's no correlation between the way somebody looks and how they're gonna treat you. And a lot of people actually said that, like, people have a chip on their shoulder from kind of growing up and probably not being treated as well as people around them. A nice person's gonna treat you well no matter what they look like. So there's no correlation between what somebody looks like and I don't know. I mean, I'm sure nobody would outright tell a person I'm dating you because you're less good looking than me and I want you to prioritize me, but I don't know if that's the vibe. I could also see somebody being like, I know what you're here for.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if you tend to be attracted to men who are convinced not conventionally attractive, you are fishing out of a different pond. So your odds would be better. What I'm I would never encourage people to seek out partners they aren't attracted to. I think we all want to be attracted to our partners. But I'm saying, like, we talk about this with the height thing. Like there's a small pool of men that are considered the most desirable and a Disproportionate amount of women are going after them and that causes them to know that they can behave badly sometimes, not all of them. And so there's that. So it's just like, I understand the sentiment of like, let me just not go for the hottest guy.

[B]

I understand on a more serious note, where this comes from. I think people are just exhausted. I think women are just like, you know, I know my worth. I have worked hard, I have a great career and a great life and I deserve the best. And they've gone out after the best. And to your point, they're shopping in the same pool as everybody else. It's, you know, looking for a man in finance, six, five, trust fund, blue eyes. Like you're shopping for 1% of the population. So I understand people being like, okay, if I could forego one of my standards, the way somebody looks is something that you could compromise on. And having somebody who is shorter, not conventionally good looking, is a thing that you can. I do think people should compromise. I don't think that you get every single thing that you want all the time. Even if you are the best of the best of the best. I mean, you just have to accept being alone forever if that's what you want. The 1% of people, you know, you'll be shopping for a long time.

[A]

Well, if you're in the 1% yourself. Yeah.

[B]

I understand being like, I know my worth and that's what I want. But I don't know if that's, if this is the only goal is like, find an ugly person. Cause they'll treat me better. Those don't correlate.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I also think there's something to be said for I have always gone after this very specific look. For example, I've always gone after this, this very WASPy white guy. And maybe I'll try something different. Why, why not try someone who's had a different life experience, someone who is, has a different racial background. Like, I think you should date all different types of people to see what you like. And I don't mean this is like, find out which race you like the most clearly, but just someone who is different than that prototype stereotype you've been dating. There's certainly no harm in that. I also just.

[B]

Attractiveness can grow on me a little bit. Totally. I do want to be initially attracted to somebody, but the best sex of my life is not the best looking person in the room. He's a decently looking guy, but like, the sex was so amazing and I loved him so much, and so it was better. And I found him more attractive because of that. Like, he grew on me. I didn't walk up to the best looking guy in the room and pick him. I picked somebody that fulfilled a lot of different criteria, but probably was not the best looking guy I've ever seen.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's our overall take. Like, if you want to date the hottest man alive, that's your choice, but do it at your own risk. But when it comes to, like, less attractive dudes, the advice is not to seek them out because you think they'll treat you better overall. Just, like, don't discount someone because of their looks. Like, find someone you, like, you're excited about who treats you well and see where it goes. And like you said, like, a lot of cases, like, attraction can grow. And also, looks are subjective. Like, someone's ugly could be your ugly hot. Which is the thing which they never say about women, by the way. Guys get to be ugly hot.

[B]

No. While we're here, we get butter face. That's what we get.

[A]

But look at Benny Blanco, a guy who, he jokes about being ugly himself. And he's with Selena fucking Gomez.

[B]

Yeah. And she couldn't be happier.

[A]

Yeah. And he is America's sweetheart. He's the husband. Goals. Like, he feels like the case for Shreking in the positive.

[B]

I think just in general, the least important thing is how somebody looks. I don't want to date somebody who how they look is their whole personality in either direction, that they have a chip on their shoulder for how they look or that they're like, I'm so hot and everybody knows it. Like, I just think, like we said before, like, good people will treat you well.

[A]

Well, let's read some of our responses. So we, like, kind of were joking about putting up these questions on our Instagram and I was like, these are the conversations women are having privately with their friends. Of course we're going to talk about this stuff. And so we put these up and Raina can read them.

[B]

A lot of them, by the way, a lot of people said, like, they get a big head about it.

[A]

Well, so the thing about the chip on their shoulder, before we get into this, I do want to say that, I mean, a lot of people are bullied in school. Growing up, I got made fun of for the way I looked. Like my. By guys, you know, not by really necessarily by their girls. Really. Like, I felt like guys did not. Boys did not like me, you know, and it didn't manifest into hating men. You Know, I think, I think that anyone who's been taunted or mistreated by the opposite sex may have a chip on their shoulder. I just think you do see this more with men. I mean, you see some men who could never get girls growing up, and then maybe they do because they start making money or they do change their appearance, whatever it is, and they do end up being a fuckboy or disrespectful or just cheaters because they now can get girls and they don't want to miss any opportunities where guys who never had a problem, they're not desperate for female attention and validation, so they're not going to mistreat a partner because of it. I've seen it with guys who for whatever reason never got girls and then they started to. And they can be the worst.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you. This is not a hot take, but the way that you look growing up has so much to do with the way you interact with the world, and it has so much to do with the way the world interacts with you. And it's the opposite end of the spectrum of pretty privilege where you see people that grew up so good looking and like every door was just opened for them all the time. It's sort of the opposite. People that like, walked into a room and always knew that they were less attractive than their friends, the people around them, the girls didn't pick them. You know, like, I understand having a chip on your shoulder and then when you start to get the attention, you don't know what to do with it. You act poorly.

[A]

Yeah, and that's certainly not the case. Like, I wouldn't want to be with a guy that was the, the prom king. Like, I'd like people that have faced a little adversity. Like, I wasn't that girl growing up, you know, so you hope that you're stable enough to realize, like, yeah, I got teased when I was a kid and now I'm a normal person in the world and I don't need to take out my middle school trauma on these women, but it happens. Yeah. Okay, well, just really quick, let's go through the polls. So Raina just opened these slides. No context. Guys with less money are better in bed. So can broke boys fuck better?

[B]

I really thought about Ranger. False.

[A]

As it stands, 55% said true. And this is thousands of people, by the way, 45% said false. And then the next slide was less attractive. Guys will treat you better. 53% said true, 47 false. And these, I mean, have not been up that Long, but they'll probably stay in the same range.

[B]

It's been about 50% the whole time, and we're at about 5,000 responses.

[A]

And then we asked thoughts on the previous polls.

[B]

The person I was treated the worst by was also the person I was least attracted to. It's a lot of that.

[A]

Well, and then a lot of it. Like, when you do take it, take a chance on an uggo, they get too confident.

[B]

That's what they're saying. They get a little cocky about it. You think ugly guys will treat you better, but they dog you just the same. Less attractive men are insecure.

[A]

There's the uggo ego epidemic, where twos think they deserve tens because their mom said so.

[B]

The ugliest man I ever dated was the only one that ever cheated on me.

[A]

Less attractive men are insecure, and they'll take it out on you, but I worry less about them cheating. But here's the thing. Like, they're not getting as many opportunities, but if they do, they take it.

[B]

So this is sort of really interesting. I read about this in Cheryl Sandberg's book about the way that women interview and the way that men interview. And women, if they're not, like, totally qualified for a position, they're just like, but I work hard and I learn fast, and I'm up for the chat. Like, women will sell you. They'll tell you why they're not ready for the position, but they'll sell you on, like, that they could. Men will never tell you that they're not ready. They're just like, I can do it. Yes. I will crush this. So, like, ugly guys get an opportunity, and they're just like, I deserve it. I must deserve it. I'm. I'm not in this league, but I must deserve her.

[A]

Yeah. But also, there is something to be said for confidence. We like confident guys. We don't like egomaniacs, but we want confident guys. No confident woman likes the guy that's like, I'm so ugly. Please take a chance on me. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think there is a spectrum, but it's just, like, the confidence is not a bad thing. It's. If you are really batting out of your league, why not? Yeah, why? Like, in life, in anything. Yeah. Like, reach for the stars.

[B]

Reach for a tower.

[A]

What is it? Reach for the. Reach for the moon. You might land among stars. Shoot for the moon.

[B]

Shoot for the moon. Okay, so there's a lot of comments in here about me. Did Raina meet a three and it's just justifying her love. I actually have only dated men better looking than me. This is the opposite of what I do.

[A]

Someone writes, oh, it's so hard. So I think overall, yes. But it's also like, there are hot good guys. 100%.

[B]

But let's.

[A]

You need to look back on the life they've lived.

[B]

My ugliest boyfriend was the worst person. Ugly guys could be. Perks too.

[A]

Someone wrote, could not disagree more. I'm so sorry. Ugly men are what give women trauma. It's a tough day for all. Go. They're with a baddie, they start acting a fool. Raina is on one today.

[B]

Is Raina drunk?

[A]

Okay, so let's go into the money thing.

[B]

Let's talk about Brokos.

[A]

Someone wrote futon dick is a thing.

[B]

It took me a second because I was like, what do you mean? Guys that live on futons?

[A]

Yeah, live. Autumn. The guys I've dated in the past with less money had big dicks. There's like a stereotype of broke guys that you like. They need a place to stay. Yeah. We're not talking about like people without unhoused. But if you are. If you are looking for someone that is unhoused and hot, it is. LA is the spot.

[B]

You can't ever tell though. Everybody in Venice looks unhoused.

[A]

Okay. Oh, this is interesting. Dumb guys are animals in bed. We didn't even talk about dumb guys.

[B]

Dumb guys will fuck you. Let's add that. Like they have no mother. Dumber. No, wait. We should.

[A]

Let's bring dumb guys into this episode. Dumb, broke or ugly? Let's talk about it.

[B]

I meant to ask people if you could. If you had to compromise on one thing, what would you? Stupid, broke or ugly?

[A]

Well, I don't need your money.

[B]

I would take broke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then rather than the other day.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Life is long. I need somebody who's smart. Not.

[A]

I just don't know that I want to be. I've always said I. I want a guy that I think is hot and no one else does. And that's a lie. It's not true. And I want a guy that people think is good looking. And I want people to tell me that. And I do not want people talking behind my back. Ashley's man is so ugly when I don't.

[B]

They can call him broke, but they don't. Ashley's man is so broke.

[A]

Call him dumb, call him broke, but don't call him ugly. No, he's none of the three, but I don't Want the surprise? You know, there's nothing worse than someone meeting no. Someone meeting your man and being like, he's hot. There's nothing worse than that. Surprise energy. People do that.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

We talked about this before. Like, when you're dating someone that someone thinks is out of your league, they're like, he is really hot. Like, they're surprised. Like, I think my fiance and I, hopefully, I think we look like well matched.

[B]

Broke. I don't care. You could be broke.

[A]

Someone wrote broke equals no confidence in bed. Ugly equals extremely nice in and out of bed. I think that's wrong.

[B]

Yeah, we think that that's wrong.

[A]

Someone said this feels deeply personal. Maybe Raina had an experience with a poor ugly dude recently.

[B]

I had a experience with a rich Hawkeye recently, and he's a monster.

[A]

You heard it here first. Someone wrote this as rage bait. Kind of. Someone wrote chaotic. I had to double check what page I was on.

[B]

I'd really just be throwing stuff up there.

[A]

I fucked ugly, hot, rich, poor. At the end of the day, it's all about how they were raised. I think that's fair. I mean, that's the thing. It's who someone is. This is a funny, shallow episode, and you knew that coming in.

[B]

This feels like your guys's fault.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

I gotta say one of these says this story is hilarious because there's no context in a very plain background. Like a thought asked in the group chat, like literally that's how you posted this.

[B]

And there's like an episode promo up too. And then I was like, like, hey, would you guys. A broke guy?

[A]

Is Raina drunk? So like really the. Our audience is like someone just wrote Unhinged. So we did want to talk about this in a little bit more serious context too. This is something that we have discussed in. When it comes to should you quote unquote, settle? I don't know, don't we all settle down? But isn't that the word, but we.

[B]

All settle at some point. I mean that email of that girl saying, I have this partner, he's great in other ways, but he doesn't like. I mean, she clearly liked other stuff about him. We to pick a partner in life, at some point you have to settle. Not anybody is going to be 100% of every single thing that you ever wanted. I don't want somebody to expect that from me either.

[A]

Yeah, but we always say you should feel 100% about them and that that's a person for you if you choose to get married or commit to them in some way. But just in general, I mean, what is a non negotiable for you and what is negotiable? And we wanted to discuss someone's personality traits versus the more superficial traits. And I don't say superficial in like a negative way. I see superficial and like a just surface stuff. Looks, money, job, age. Our superficial traits or. Yeah, age. And I think that you shouldn't compromise on the personality traits of someone that you really want in a partner. Whether it's like humor, intelligence, kindness, compassion, what they value, equality, family. But then people bring into the mix, obviously looks, height, money, job. And you wrote this thing down in the outline, the difference between values and conditions. And you can say, I want somebody financially stable or ambitious and hard working. That's a value versus I want this amount in their bank account. Or I want this type of salary, which is a condition. It's conditional. Like the same. Money is not guaranteed. Looks fade, we all age, you could lose your job. You know, that really isn't who someone is at their core as a person. All those things do play into who you are, what you do for a living, how your confidence about your job, how you feel about your looks. Obviously they make you who you are, but they are more of conditions than who who someone is at their core.

[B]

So many of these quote unquote superficial things, I think like will, will these things matter to you after you've been with somebody for five years? Is how tall somebody is? Is that really gonna make you happy day to day? I mean, it might. And everybody's welcome to have standards. Men have had standards forever and men, you know, want a Certain level of attractiveness, age, weight, all these things. Women are allowed to have standards too. And you're allowed to have a standard for whatever you want. If you're like, I will only date rich guys, you can go after that. And I don't believe in telling single people. Well, if you want to find somebody, lower your standards.

[A]

That's not it.

[B]

No, everybody's allowed to have standards. But. But I've seen people say, like, I only want these rich guys. And then they go after them time and time again and they're unhappy. And I'm like, the only common thread is that you can't let go of this one thing that's making you unhappy. And what if we just compromised a little bit? And I like this thing about like, can you just find somebody who's financially stable that you don't have to worry they're gonna do crazy stuff with money, like, they're gonna be okay your whole life.

[A]

Yeah. And make your own money, you know, Like, I understand the way that people feel about money runs so deep. And especially if you were someone who grew up without financial security. And you're like, that is all that matters. If I'm gonna have a family with somebody. Well, if it's the number one thing that matters, you know, is there a world in which you're the person that makes the money so you never have to worry about, like, why rely on a man? I mean, I think that is the best way to be. Like, I am with somebody who is totally financially stable, but that is the baseline for me. Like, I was not on the hunt for some super wealthy guy. I make money. You know, I'd love the Kiki Palmer interview where she's like, what I don't need is your money. You know, I just want someone who, like, supports me and loves me and is there for me and all these things that money can't buy. And so I just think that's important to think about. Like, I think it is hard to find a guy who is tall, attractive, funny, charming, likable. People like him rich and treats you like a queen. You're his top priority. And he's faithful. Like, I know one or two, I guess, that fall into that category. But I still wouldn't date them. They're not for me. Like, you gotta sometimes think about the things that go together. I think a lot of women want this super successful, rich, high power CEO finance guy and then also want him to be present, thoughtful, adoring them. Like they don't.

[B]

Available for every available trip. Every single Group hang. Like, that's not really always the same person.

[A]

I don't know one. I really don't. When I really think about it, when I think of the few guys I know, they are good partners, but that are. That are rich and super successful, they're good partners, but they're not around as much. They aren't the guy I want when a family member passes. They aren't the guy that's like, just gonna, like, hold me after a long day and comfort me. I don't see those things go together. Certainly there's unicorns out there, but this is just about being realistic in the traits that one person can have and what you really value.

[B]

No notes.

[A]

I was like Dorothy and Adam. No. So in short, good luck out there.

[B]

We did a great episode about, like, making your list a couple years ago. It was in January of 2024.

[A]

Okay, was it?

[B]

Or February 2024. About making a list of everything you want in a person and deciding like, what are the non negotiables? And so many of the things, you know, my list was split, of course. I had some superficial things, but so many of the things I think on most women's lists are like, does he. Does he listen to me? Does he remember things I say? Does he prioritize me? Does he think of ways to make me feel special? A net income? I mean, it's nice to have. But I think that so many women today are out earning their partners. I mean, I think that it's not that as important as it used to be, women used to have to date men that had a certain social status and financial income because your life depended on it.

[A]

Yes. And also, is it a lifestyle you want? I mean, we had a friend who I just.

[B]

She.

[A]

I feel like she wouldn't talk to a guy that didn't have a vacation home and she wanted that type of lifestyle and it didn't work out for her. I will say that you wrote this in our outline. What trait do I keep prioritizing that never actually brings me happiness? And that could be true.

[B]

It's usually money for a lot of people.

[A]

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

[B]

Like, listen, money makes things easier. I want to have an easy life. And money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys you a lot of ease and access and a lot of decisions that you can easily just make and not think about. Like, money does lead to an easier life. Sure. I understand wanting it. I think that it makes having children easier. It makes getting older easier and when you're sick and it makes everything easier. But it's the one thing that I say. I just don't really care that much.

[A]

But why do you think you're gonna be entitled to their money, you know, if you really are always searching out a rich guy? Like, this is why I just want women to make their own money. Our episode with Tori Dunlap is like. Like, you make the money and then you don't have to worry about this shit. And if you find a rich guy, then you got double the income and now you're really, like, living large. But of course, it's fun to date rich dudes and go on trips. But if you really are like, I need to marry that guy because I really need the money. And then financial stability. If you're compromising on other things, there's no guarantees you're going to get married. He might lock you in with a prenup. I mean, what, are you gonna get pregnant really soon so you're guaranteed for the money? I mean, where does it start and where does it end? And what is your mindset around it? And are you sacrificing other things that make a solid partner and that would make you happier? So, I don't know. That's stuff you gotta ask yourself.

[B]

So don't date ugly guys because they won't treat you better. Broke guys, maybe.

[A]

No broke ones, no new friends.

[B]

That's still my song of the fall. I just. I can't stop singing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's all I have to say.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right, guys.

[A]

Well, thanks for being here, if you're still here. We appreciate you guys weighing in and giving us your thoughts on these things.

[B]

Honestly, we were pretty proud of our audience that everyone took this seriously and didn't drag us for these questions.

[A]

Listen, take a chance on a guy with fucked up teeth like I did with Azul. You can always fix teeth.

[B]

Yeah. Fix teeth.

[A]

Yeah. Fashion clothes, you can always fix that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, well, girls gotta eat dot com, get tickets to our live shows. We have one in LA and one in New York. They are going to be so, so much fun and just so electric. We cannot wait to see you guys there. Girls gotta eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina is Raina Greenberg. Subscribe on YouTube. Check out all of our episodes on YouTube. Always full episodes. And we will see you guys Thursday.

[B]

Have a great week, guys.