Podcast Summary: Girls Gotta Eat – "Spending the Holidays with Partners and Families … Or Not?"

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine (A), Rayna Greenberg (B)
Date: December 15, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the complicated and often hilarious realities of spending the holidays with partners and families—or choosing not to. Ashley and Rayna dissect social norms, family dynamics, relationship boundaries, generational shifts, and internet culture surrounding holiday gatherings. With their signature mix of warmth, candor, and humor, the co-hosts blend listener stories, personal anecdotes, and audience poll results with laugh-out-loud commentary and deeper cultural observations.

Major Discussion Points & Insights

Pre-Topic Banter & Announcements (00:00–13:57)

• Nail regrets and friendship longevity: The hosts joke about nail color regrets and their longstanding relationships with nail techs (02:11–03:53).
• Big announcement — RAYNA’S SOLO TOUR: Rayna reveals details about her first solo tour titled "Honestly, It’s Yous," discussing show themes (dating, sex, relationship anecdotes) and her excitement (05:47–13:16).
  • Notable quote:
    • Rayna: “If I slept with you this year, this is about you. Just so you know.” (06:34)
    • “The takeaway is not self-reflection. The takeaway is a mirror up to your behavior.” (13:28, Rayna & Ashley)

Shower Habits – Relationship & Cultural Observations (18:02–26:35)

• Showering with partners:
  • Rayna discloses she’s never showered with a partner unless it was sexual or spontaneous (18:28–19:29).
  • Ashley prefers a mix, values independence but enjoys sometimes showering together for fun and intimacy (19:53–20:51).
  • Listener/Internet perspectives on showering: Some see it as intimate, others as non-essential or even odd.
  • Body image and logistics (size of shower, comfort with nudity) play a role in people’s preferences.
• Shower mechanics: Facing the water vs. facing the wall—a surprisingly divisive, comedic internet debate (23:38–24:59).
  • Notable moment:
    • Ashley: “Listen, if you face the water, you need to be proud. I do. Sometimes. It’s not just for the movies.” (25:03)

Societal Judgment & Nuance Around Holiday Choices (31:21–41:53)

• Internet judgment and projection:
  • Ashley rants about TikTok and the moral outrage some express over others’ holiday choices (31:32–33:22).
  • Generational, regional, and cultural differences influence people's feelings.
  • Rayna emphasizes each person’s situation is shaped by history—“years, if not decades, of experience.” (33:22)
• Advice culture & estrangement:
  • They call out public figures (like Mel Robbins and Oprah) for dispensing overly simplistic advice about “never being estranged from family,” noting it lacks nuance and can be harmful to those who have made hard boundaries for their own well-being (35:33–41:15).
    • Notable quote:
      • Rayna: “Life is too short to be made miserable by people that terrorize you, that make you feel emotionally unsafe…” (37:35)
    • Rayna shares her own experience with estrangement and validates the difficulty and bravery involved.

Flexibility, Family Priorities, and Partner Dynamics (44:52–54:58)

• Holiday negotiations: Both hosts discuss their own traditions and how they prioritize family, yet encourage flexibility.
  • Ashley: “If Shashank has that type of tradition with his family … I would 100% respect that … We will, but that’s just how I want to live and be let live.” (51:32)
• Practical concessions: Accepting some hassle for the greater good of seeing family but acknowledging everyone’s breaking point.
• Teamwork in partnerships: Frame it as “you and your partner against the logistics/problem,” not against one another (54:58).

Key Listener Polls & Results (61:30–62:55)

1. When should a partner spend holidays with your family?

   • 44%: Once in a committed relationship under 1 year
   • 22%: After a year
   • 18%: After 2+ years
   • 16%: Not until married

2. Should long-term/married couples spend all major holidays together?

   • 70%: Yes, should be top priority
   • 30%: No, you can be apart sometimes

3. How do you coordinate holidays?

   • Most alternate years or holidays (i.e., Christmas with one family, Thanksgiving with the other, then switch).
   • Others do “first come first served,” or avoid family altogether and establish their own traditions. Very few combine both families.

4. If not spending the holidays with family, why/what do you do instead?

   • Many cite work (nurses, hospitality, flight attendants), distance, costs, chosen-family gatherings, or prioritizing personal peace/travel.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On judgment about “the right way” to do holidays:
  • Ashley (33:11): “The thing I have been screaming from the mountaintops forever is just like, people’s choices are not an attack on the way you live your life.”
• On estrangement
  • Rayna (38:13): “People that have decided to not be around their family … that decision was probably the hardest decision they’ve ever made in their life.”
• On couple teamwork:
  • Ashley (54:58): “It should always be you and your partner against the problem. The problem being, like, we gotta do all this shit, and it’s stressful.”
• On listener stories
  • Numerous listener emails/stories are shared about nightmare or hilarious holiday experiences, including a mother-in-law framing only photos without the bride (75:12), a grandparent’s nudes being accidentally displayed at Christmas (77:19), and a prank family hiding under a restaurant table (78:26).

Community & Internet Culture

• Internet support:
  • Ashley highlights how social media (notably TikTok) can be a positive space, e.g., people inviting those celebrating alone over for Thanksgiving (43:28).
• Changing norms:
  • Both observe how it’s becoming more normal and less shameful to set boundaries, be estranged, or establish one’s own traditions.

Hilarious Listener Holiday Stories (74:39–83:26)

1. Mother-in-law frames only wedding photos without the bride (75:12)
2. Grandpa projects naked photos of grandma on TV during Christmas (77:19)
3. Entire family hides under the table at a fancy restaurant as a prank (78:26)
4. Ex-mother-in-law gets the listener an “extra small” pajama set despite her being 200 lbs heavier than she is now, then makes everyone watch her open all her (money) gifts, and rants against LGBTQ people (80:14)

• Commentary: The hosts oscillate between shock, empathy, and humor in responding to these stories, reaffirming the importance of either laughing through the dysfunction or shielding oneself from toxic dynamics.

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• No one-size-fits-all: There’s no universal right way to spend the holidays as a couple. Flexibility, empathy, open communication, and respect for differing family experiences are paramount.
• Nuance is key: Judging others’ choices about family—especially on the internet—misses crucial context.
• Protecting your peace is valid: Whether that means rotating holidays, combining families, going solo, or being with friends.
• If faced with toxic partners’ families: Align with your partner, and when possible, try to see the humor.

Timestamps for Essential Segments

• [05:47] Rayna's Solo Tour Announcement
• [18:02] Showering With Partners Debate
• [31:21] Social Judgement Around Holiday Choices
• [35:33] Problematic Overgeneralizations ("Never Be Estranged" Topic)
• [38:11] Personal Story on Family Estrangement
• [61:30] Listener Poll Results Discussion
• [74:39] Nightmare/Hilarious Holiday Stories

Tone:
Conversational, candid, self-deprecating, supportive, and peppered with irreverent humor.

Ideal Listeners:
Anyone navigating relationship, family, and societal pressures around the holidays, and fans of unfiltered, funny, and empathetic takes on modern relationship culture.

Hosts’ Socials and Closing:

• Rayna Greenberg’s tour tickets: rainagreenberg.com
• IG/Podcast: @girlsgottaeatpodcast, @ashhess, @raina.greenberg

Memorable outro:
Rayna: “Whatever you choose to do, we support any decision that you guys make this holiday season.” (84:21)
Ashley: “Prioritize your family if they prioritize you; don’t start none, won’t be none...” (84:28)