Spending the Holidays with Partners and Families … Or Not?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Girls Gotta Eat – "Spending the Holidays with Partners and Families … Or Not?"

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine (A), Rayna Greenberg (B)
Date: December 15, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the complicated and often hilarious realities of spending the holidays with partners and families—or choosing not to. Ashley and Rayna dissect social norms, family dynamics, relationship boundaries, generational shifts, and internet culture surrounding holiday gatherings. With their signature mix of warmth, candor, and humor, the co-hosts blend listener stories, personal anecdotes, and audience poll results with laugh-out-loud commentary and deeper cultural observations.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

Pre-Topic Banter & Announcements (00:00–13:57)

• Nail regrets and friendship longevity: The hosts joke about nail color regrets and their longstanding relationships with nail techs (02:11–03:53).
• Big announcement — RAYNA’S SOLO TOUR: Rayna reveals details about her first solo tour titled "Honestly, It’s Yous," discussing show themes (dating, sex, relationship anecdotes) and her excitement (05:47–13:16).
  • Notable quote:
    • Rayna: “If I slept with you this year, this is about you. Just so you know.” (06:34)
    • “The takeaway is not self-reflection. The takeaway is a mirror up to your behavior.” (13:28, Rayna & Ashley)

Shower Habits – Relationship & Cultural Observations (18:02–26:35)

• Showering with partners:
  • Rayna discloses she’s never showered with a partner unless it was sexual or spontaneous (18:28–19:29).
  • Ashley prefers a mix, values independence but enjoys sometimes showering together for fun and intimacy (19:53–20:51).
  • Listener/Internet perspectives on showering: Some see it as intimate, others as non-essential or even odd.
  • Body image and logistics (size of shower, comfort with nudity) play a role in people’s preferences.
• Shower mechanics: Facing the water vs. facing the wall—a surprisingly divisive, comedic internet debate (23:38–24:59).
  • Notable moment:
    • Ashley: “Listen, if you face the water, you need to be proud. I do. Sometimes. It’s not just for the movies.” (25:03)

Societal Judgment & Nuance Around Holiday Choices (31:21–41:53)

• Internet judgment and projection:
  • Ashley rants about TikTok and the moral outrage some express over others’ holiday choices (31:32–33:22).
  • Generational, regional, and cultural differences influence people's feelings.
  • Rayna emphasizes each person’s situation is shaped by history—“years, if not decades, of experience.” (33:22)
• Advice culture & estrangement:
  • They call out public figures (like Mel Robbins and Oprah) for dispensing overly simplistic advice about “never being estranged from family,” noting it lacks nuance and can be harmful to those who have made hard boundaries for their own well-being (35:33–41:15).
    • Notable quote:
      • Rayna: “Life is too short to be made miserable by people that terrorize you, that make you feel emotionally unsafe…” (37:35)
    • Rayna shares her own experience with estrangement and validates the difficulty and bravery involved.

Flexibility, Family Priorities, and Partner Dynamics (44:52–54:58)

• Holiday negotiations: Both hosts discuss their own traditions and how they prioritize family, yet encourage flexibility.
  • Ashley: “If Shashank has that type of tradition with his family … I would 100% respect that … We will, but that’s just how I want to live and be let live.” (51:32)
• Practical concessions: Accepting some hassle for the greater good of seeing family but acknowledging everyone’s breaking point.
• Teamwork in partnerships: Frame it as “you and your partner against the logistics/problem,” not against one another (54:58).

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Key Listener Polls & Results (61:30–62:55)

1. When should a partner spend holidays with your family?

   • 44%: Once in a committed relationship under 1 year
   • 22%: After a year
   • 18%: After 2+ years
   • 16%: Not until married

2. Should long-term/married couples spend all major holidays together?

   • 70%: Yes, should be top priority
   • 30%: No, you can be apart sometimes

3. How do you coordinate holidays?

   • Most alternate years or holidays (i.e., Christmas with one family, Thanksgiving with the other, then switch).
   • Others do “first come first served,” or avoid family altogether and establish their own traditions. Very few combine both families.

4. If not spending the holidays with family, why/what do you do instead?

   • Many cite work (nurses, hospitality, flight attendants), distance, costs, chosen-family gatherings, or prioritizing personal peace/travel.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On judgment about “the right way” to do holidays:
  • Ashley (33:11): “The thing I have been screaming from the mountaintops forever is just like, people’s choices are not an attack on the way you live your life.”
• On estrangement
  • Rayna (38:13): “People that have decided to not be around their family … that decision was probably the hardest decision they’ve ever made in their life.”
• On couple teamwork:
  • Ashley (54:58): “It should always be you and your partner against the problem. The problem being, like, we gotta do all this shit, and it’s stressful.”
• On listener stories
  • Numerous listener emails/stories are shared about nightmare or hilarious holiday experiences, including a mother-in-law framing only photos without the bride (75:12), a grandparent’s nudes being accidentally displayed at Christmas (77:19), and a prank family hiding under a restaurant table (78:26).

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Community & Internet Culture

• Internet support:
  • Ashley highlights how social media (notably TikTok) can be a positive space, e.g., people inviting those celebrating alone over for Thanksgiving (43:28).
• Changing norms:
  • Both observe how it’s becoming more normal and less shameful to set boundaries, be estranged, or establish one’s own traditions.

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Hilarious Listener Holiday Stories (74:39–83:26)

1. Mother-in-law frames only wedding photos without the bride (75:12)
2. Grandpa projects naked photos of grandma on TV during Christmas (77:19)
3. Entire family hides under the table at a fancy restaurant as a prank (78:26)
4. Ex-mother-in-law gets the listener an “extra small” pajama set despite her being 200 lbs heavier than she is now, then makes everyone watch her open all her (money) gifts, and rants against LGBTQ people (80:14)

• Commentary: The hosts oscillate between shock, empathy, and humor in responding to these stories, reaffirming the importance of either laughing through the dysfunction or shielding oneself from toxic dynamics.

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Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• No one-size-fits-all: There’s no universal right way to spend the holidays as a couple. Flexibility, empathy, open communication, and respect for differing family experiences are paramount.
• Nuance is key: Judging others’ choices about family—especially on the internet—misses crucial context.
• Protecting your peace is valid: Whether that means rotating holidays, combining families, going solo, or being with friends.
• If faced with toxic partners’ families: Align with your partner, and when possible, try to see the humor.

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Timestamps for Essential Segments

• [05:47] Rayna's Solo Tour Announcement
• [18:02] Showering With Partners Debate
• [31:21] Social Judgement Around Holiday Choices
• [35:33] Problematic Overgeneralizations ("Never Be Estranged" Topic)
• [38:11] Personal Story on Family Estrangement
• [61:30] Listener Poll Results Discussion
• [74:39] Nightmare/Hilarious Holiday Stories

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Tone:
Conversational, candid, self-deprecating, supportive, and peppered with irreverent humor.

Ideal Listeners:
Anyone navigating relationship, family, and societal pressures around the holidays, and fans of unfiltered, funny, and empathetic takes on modern relationship culture.

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Hosts’ Socials and Closing:

• Rayna Greenberg’s tour tickets: rainagreenberg.com
• IG/Podcast: @girlsgottaeatpodcast, @ashhess, @raina.greenberg

Memorable outro:
Rayna: “Whatever you choose to do, we support any decision that you guys make this holiday season.” (84:21)
Ashley: “Prioritize your family if they prioritize you; don’t start none, won’t be none...” (84:28)

Transcript

[A]

Today we are talking about spending the holidays with partners and family.

[B]

Or not.

[A]

Or not. This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Hi guys.

[A]

Hi guys.

[B]

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[A]

Are recording on a Friday afternoon.

[B]

4Pm on a Friday. Like, do we even own our own business? Like, who made. Who made us come here?

[A]

We made this decision together, but then I was like, let's get drinks after, hang out socially, like you always want to do.

[B]

You never asked me to hang out. We're probably doing it.

[A]

So I will say I. I am excited to hang out with you, but I have just been wanting to go to the place that's. There's a great place right next door to our studio. We don't utilize it enough. It is stunning. The drinks are great, the food's great. Cuz everywhere in LA the food is great. And so I'm excited to just bop over there. We don't go there enough. That should be our spot.

[B]

We used to hang out after we recorded. We couldn't get enough of each other in the beginning of our relationship. We'd go out to dinner first. Three months we go out to dinner first. Years and years. We hung out a lot. We went out to dinner every night after we recorded at Ozatar.

[A]

I love to see people act like, you don't start up startup. Everybody wants this life. I love to see people start doing a podcast when it's. I mean, this genuinely. I don't want it to sound condescending when people start a podcast. Like, we have friends that are doing one right now and they're like, drinking and it's just so loose. Like, I love that energy. And then one day it becomes your business and you're like, I guess we shouldn't drink on the job. But also you can.

[B]

You could do anything. I think it just, it sounded cute and funny to be like, be drunk when we recorded. Narrator Raina was not cute and funny when she was drinking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, no one can ever tell when I drank.

[A]

Everyone's like, is she speaking words? Is that even English?

[B]

One drink, my lisp comes flying out of my face.

[A]

I like to talk about. We'll get into it, but just, I want to up top. So I just got my.

[B]

You guys are uncomfortable.

[A]

I just got my nails done. Here's the thing. I have not strayed from a reddish color that matches my ring in since I got engaged. And because it's a lot going on and I wanted to complement or match. And so I've always done ruby red hues. One Time. I did a light pink, which was complimentary. I wanted to do this for the holiday show, which is over now, so thank you guys for coming. Yeah, we should say that up top. We'll talk about it next week. But we. I'm sure it was amazing. And I've done this before. This is gold chrome with Raina don't with black base. So you can do chrome powder on a white or a black base. I did this before. I did it for the Beyonce concert.

[B]

I've done silver with a black base, and it looked great.

[A]

And I think this is my fault. This is my fault. My nail girl is incredible. Like, they look amazing. If this is what I wanted, but I don't anymore. Did you.

[B]

Okay, let me ask you. I feel like it's, like, the most common meme from, like, 2018 of, like, we're all scared of our nail people. Like, we all realized it as, like, a community.

[A]

I, like, feel you forgetting. Are you forgetting that if we.

[B]

You.

[A]

You said this an hour ago. I was like, I'm having nail regret. And you were like, we should talk about in the podcast. I'm like, we already did, and it went viral. Are you not.

[B]

Everybody ripped us off.

[A]

We did a whole clip on, like, I started with saying, we're not talking about nail regret enough.

[B]

Oh, I meant being afraid of your nail tech.

[A]

Oh, I'm not. We. Raina, we've been together longer than Shashank and I. Julieta and I. Yeah, she comes to my house. We've been together, me and Jess, too, since March 2023.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, she was like, how's Ashley's wedding? How's the fishing?

[A]

Jess. Love, Jess. Shout out to Julieta and Jess.

[B]

Pinky's Now Salon and Santa Monica.

[A]

It's the best. This is on me. And I've already messaged her and been. I might want to get it redone. I don't want to look at this for a month. I feel bad for a month.

[B]

I can feel it.

[A]

Well, it's. This does look pretty dope. It just doesn't match my rings, and it's a little too, like, green. I want it more. It's just not the gold I wanted. It does look sick.

[B]

People like it. So I've done silver chrome, and I've done green chrome. Actually green, not gold green. And people like it, but it's just spots.

[A]

Fired. It's just. It's not. She did a great job. She crushed it. It's just not what I. I didn't know myself in that moment.

[B]

I Didn't know you.

[A]

And you know that feeling. You're like, I made a mistake.

[B]

I also don't like anything, like, too loud or busy because I get sick of it in two days. And I'm just like, why did I do. That's the thing. I want polka dot nails so, so badly, but I know I will hate her in two days.

[A]

Yeah. Like, let's look at the calendar here. These are going to be how I enter 2026.

[B]

A whole month.

[A]

Yeah, I do a month. A month.

[B]

I do like two and a half weeks.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I go a month wild.

[A]

I can't enter. This is. Can't be the energy I go into 2026 with.

[B]

No, but if you're seeing something, you should say something.

[A]

Yes. If you see something, say something. One nail. Think about. Take a break. Take a breather.

[B]

Hold your phone with it. Type with it.

[A]

Look at your rings with it. And how do you feel? Yeah, they love if you just speak up after one nail.

[B]

Tell people if you're uncomfortable.

[A]

Okay. Use your voice.

[B]

Use your body.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Speak your truth.

[B]

All right, we're gonna thank our parties. Then we have a big announcement. Okay? So thank you to aura frames. Get $35 off the best selling Carver mat frame at auraframes.com with code GGE and Article. Head to article.com for a beautiful new sofa, dining table or bed, and skims. Shop our favorite [e-mail] and thank you to Rocket Money.

[A]

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster@rocket money.com GGE and thank you to StoryWorth. Get $10 off or more at storyworth.com GGE I'm so excited.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Are you nervous? How do you feel?

[B]

I feel so excited. I feel the most excited nothing but I've ever felt in my life. For when we sold out the Chicago theater and the Beacon and just, I mean, all my professional accomplishments with you, Those are the most exciting times in my life. So. So I am really proud and excited to announce I've been working on this really hard. This is gonna be a huge professional accomplishment of mine. And I have felt so inspired by you, of course, for so long. And I am announcing. Just say it. My first solo tour. I am going to 20 cities. It's called Honestly, it's yous. It is an hour of dating and sex. And obviously it's a love letter to all the people that I've dated in the last year and all the problems I had with them and why they're the problem and not Me.

[A]

It's therapeutic, if you will.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Any therapist coming? They're like, oh, no, this is how you cope.

[B]

My follow up tour is gonna be called. And I was right. If I slept with you this year, this is about you. Just so you know, I like that name. If I slept with you this year, this is about you.

[A]

I slept with you.

[B]

You probably think this is about you, and you are correct.

[A]

Is this fucking play about us? Every guy in the audience, wait, is this about us?

[B]

I thought about a couple people sitting there in that audience being like, this is about me.

[A]

I don't even watch Euphoria. And I think about that meme all the time.

[B]

All the time. All the fucking time. So it's called Honestly, it's yous. It is 20 tour stops. It starts January 29th. I'm announcing it today. Presale starts December 17th. The code for presale is honestly and full. Full send sale starts on December 19, 10am local time. The the website to shop is raynagreenberg.com.

[A]

Remember, guys, she got Squarespace. Shout out to Squarespace.

[B]

I'm just, I'm really excited about how it looks so far. Our tour poster designer is amazing. Brian and Chloe, who did our website, did my website. It just looks great. And I've been just working on these stories and I like go to sleep telling myself these jokes every single night. And I'm just, I'm so excited to see you guys on the road. And I have incredible openers. One of our best friends, Brittany Schmidt, is gonna come with me. And I'm kicking off the tour in Tampa and then Miami February 1st. And Ashley will be with me to give me away to the world that first show. My dad is also coming. You and my dad?

[A]

I can't even believe it. We need to be up there together, arm in arm. Bill and I giving you away.

[B]

How far?

[A]

On stage, Raina was fighting for this Florida tour star. It wasn't originally supposed to be in Florida, and then it was just like, it has to be in Tampa.

[B]

You know, Tampa means a lot to me. I really like it. If anybody has a connection to Dave Bautista, I think he should be there. I would really like Dave Bautista to be there.

[A]

Okay. And I don't see why not.

[B]

All of our friends are going to the Miami one and we're going to. Yeah, we're going to a bachelorette party that weekend in between. So I just. I cannot wait. The material is so fun and funny. I can't wait to see you guys and just travel the country. And I Mean, what a blessing. And I'm ending the tour in New York City.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

May 14th at Gramercy Theater, where we had our very first holiday show. And I feel emotional about it. And I just. I think about that show and just, like, thanking everybody. And I'm just so excited.

[A]

I know. I'm just so excited too. I'm so proud of you and I know a lot of the material and I think it's so hilarious and really inspiring too. And you guys are going to love it. And I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait to come to some of these and not work.

[B]

I'm so excited for that.

[A]

Like, I get to be like Raina, just on stage, slurring, announcing her.

[B]

You can run out there if you want. I don't care. I think it'll be fun. It'll be great. You know, we had this really nice moment in the car the other day where I told you this line and you were like, you know what you should say, and you completed the line and I was like, I wrote that line. And I was just like, man, that's like the same brain. Like, it made me laugh so hard and I just. I can't fucking wait. I can't wait to do it. It's gonna be so much fun. And that's it. I can't wait to see you guys on the road. And this is great for holiday tickets. I set those prices pretty low. So if you need last minute holiday gifts for people, get those tickets and bring your friends, bring your partner, your dad, your mom, whoever.

[A]

Guys, when you get Raina's tickets and post on stories, tag me to.

[B]

Feel the rats. I wish I would.

[A]

I'm going to be living vicariously. No, it's going to start to get weird. It's like, that's not Ashley's tour, but she's at every stop.

[B]

When you launched your tour and then you were posting the Instagram stories, I was like, oh, man, I want to post these.

[A]

Yeah, so tag me too. You guys, I'm gonna Outpost Raina. Like, we're getting so many tags today for the tour.

[B]

Why does Ashley have so many story reposts?

[A]

Oh, my God, it is gonna be mid tour and you're gonna be like, you don't have to come anymore. Like, it's fine.

[B]

I'm like, no, people wanna see me.

[A]

They.

[B]

People keep asking for me. I think I'll be like, show me the DMs. I think people love to see you on this tour.

[A]

No, I. It's just the Florida thing again. We, like, we have a friend's wave, Alyssa's bachelorette that weekend, and it just like made sense. And we're both gonna be together and it's just gonna be so fun and, you know, started somewhere warm because right after that, you're going straight Addison to Wisconsin hypothermia tour.

[B]

But all the cities that we know and love. And if you don't see your shit, let me know. But it's Philly, it's DC, it's Boston, it's San Diego. San Francisco, obviously, LA. New York, Houston, Madison, Denver. Houston, Austin, Dallas. Where else am I going? Minneapolis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Say other stuff.

[A]

I think, I mean, Chicago, obviously. I think.

[B]

Oh, Portland and Seattle. Yeah, that might be it. Phoenix.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think I had them all. You're not going to just read it off the.

[A]

I think that felt like 20.

[B]

That felt like 20 to me. And if you don't see your city.

[A]

There, you know, let me know, maybe.

[B]

I'll do a second leg. Who's just that you can always add.

[A]

I was adding to the last. I was like, philly, I'll be there next week.

[B]

You were like, I just added this Minneapolis show.

[A]

And that was weird. That was so weak. What's at it?

[B]

I may practice this in New York. So I. I am performing in New York this week. If you guys want to come see me at the stand, I'll be there. And that's it. Just, you know, I love you guys so much. To have this audience is such a blessing and to be inspired by you is such a blessing. And to have seen what you accomplished this year, I mean, you've 43 sold out shows. It's unbelievable. And I can't wait. And this audience is just the greatest blessing in the world. I can't wait to go into2026 with you guys and share this with you. And I just. I love you guys so much. I can't wait to see you. So rainagreenberg.com, get those tickets. If they sell out, we'll think about adding more shows.

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

But try to sell it out, obviously.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Well, love you. Can't wait. Love you. I can't wait for you.

[B]

You're gonna come on the whole tour. You don't have to come on stage. You could just hang out.

[A]

We'll see. I'll see how I feel.

[B]

Me, you and Brittany could hang out. I got that other opener. He's hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That shouldn't be a selling point for you, but he's nice to look at. Great openers. You guys will love them.

[A]

Yeah, it's gonna be great. When Raina hard launched her opener to me, I was just like, oh, my gosh.

[B]

So crazy.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I told you no one thought this was a good idea. He's too hot.

[A]

But that's your whole brand. Like, hey, Raina, not a good idea. And then you do it anyway. And then you're like, that's their fault.

[B]

Honestly.

[A]

Honestly, it's you. Yeah.

[B]

So, you know, I was going to call this is funny. So Melanie and I were like workshopping ideas, and she's like, I think you should call it. Honestly, it's me. And I was like, that's funny. And I was telling Andrew Collin, and he was like, that doesn't feel authentic to you? And I was like, you're right. Me blaming other people for my problems feel that is much more authentic to me.

[A]

Yeah, it really is so true. Like, not that I don't. I like, honestly, it's me too. But that is not the takeaway. The takeaway is not self reflection.

[B]

The takeaway is a mirror up to your behavior.

[A]

Even though everyone told me not to do it, I did it anyway.

[B]

Probably the longest part of the hour is specifically something that no one thought was. I can't even stress. Nobody would even talk to me.

[A]

No one endorsed it.

[B]

So much worse. No one would even talk to me about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No one would entertain it where I was like, he's being so cute. Funny. No one would ever. No one even. I know, we respond to me just.

[A]

Trying to block it out.

[B]

And look, I have a 15 minute set about it now.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, Randy Reberg dot com. Everybody tag me too. And you said you had something to tell me.

[B]

Okay. So you. You guys might be looking me up on Instagram and there is a feature, the search feature now, so if you type in my name, it gives you like an AI summary of the person. So this is a new thing that's been happening on Instagram.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you search. I don't know.

[B]

Have you done this before? Have you done this recently?

[A]

I haven't done it for myself, but.

[B]

Remember you said the people that you're following are appearing at the top.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you let it keep cooking. Yeah. It'll give you an AI summary. It'll give you. And a bunch of our listeners have sent me this. Okay. Rena Greenberg, a media entrepreneur and podcast host, passed away on January 7, 2025. The Internet thinks I'm dead. No. What do you mean she's best known for co hosting the popular podcast Girl who's Gotta Eat alongside Ashley. Hustle Time. The podcast focuses on candidates, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Before her passing.

[A]

No, Reina, how did you die?

[B]

It doesn't say January 7th. January 7th like during the LA fires.

[A]

Oh, my God. They think you died in the fire. That was the first day of the fire. Did you post something that, like, the Internet AI found it as she died?

[B]

I don't think so. Oh, my God, I'm dead.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it says, before her passing, Raina had built a successful career in media, leaving behind her experience in culinary in the colony world, working in New York City restaurants, blah blah. Okay. Her work has earned her a substantial net worth estimated to be around $5 million in 2025. How do you guys know this? Thanks to her podcast and book deals.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Raina's legacy lives on through her podcast and the impact she's made on her audience. If you're looking for more information on her work, you can check out Girls Gotta Eat at her podcast. Interview with Trading Secrets podcast.

[A]

Jason. Jason Tardick.

[B]

Jason wrote this. That's where my legacy lives on. Jason.

[A]

Jason. Jason wrote this rip.

[B]

So. And there's some insane photos below it. And then I pulled yours.

[A]

Am I alive?

[B]

You are alive.

[A]

Okay. They're like, Ashley died on November 1, 2025. Ashley, her legacy died.

[B]

Ashley died on January because she killed herself after she. After random.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Ashley has still. Italian, best known as Ash Hess, has been touring with her comedy show Sex Before Marriage. Her latest tour included the Ice House in Pasadena. That's the only thing. It's Pasadena. Sold out City Winery twice. They're like the Ice House.

[A]

I did the Wilbur. I shot two sold out shows for.

[B]

My special, but sure, the Ice House.

[A]

Literally the smallest room.

[B]

She's also co host the popular podcast Girls Gotta Eat. And she's been making waves in the comedy world with her honest storytelling. No one said that about me. Ashley Hasseltine has also released music as well, with recent tracks like Make Me New and Like a Child, available on SoundCloud.

[A]

So there is a singer named Ashley Heseltine. Oh, there is Ashley Hess. I think she was even on American Idol, so it must be that.

[B]

Okay. And then afterwards, they pull a sample of photos.

[A]

No. Is it that one? Getty Image. Don't.

[B]

So it says this. And then you scroll up.

[A]

What the. No, stop. Don't.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

My God.

[B]

What the fuck is that? You can zoom in photo.

[A]

This is so disturbing. I'll put it on the screen for you guys.

[B]

I don't know. Two photos down is like a photo from 2015 of you on stage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's like, one photo of me and you and photos of you and Francis. I'm like, how did he even get on here?

[A]

This is something.

[B]

The one right below is from 2015. Yeah.

[A]

But at least it's a comedy photo. All right, we'll head to YouTube if you guys want to see what we're talking about. This is so funny.

[B]

So I wanted to tell you I'm dead. Our listeners have been telling me that I. That I'm dead.

[A]

Okay, I have a couple questions for you, and we'll get into the topic today and a reason why I wanted to do it. And I just. I. I consumed a lot of TikTok over Thanksgiving and my.

[B]

What else was there to do?

[A]

Yeah, I just was like, it's scrolling too late. But I still. I got some, like, ideas, and this came to me, and in a TikTok, this girl was just like. It's just coming to my attention that not everybody showers with their partner. And I was in the comments and they were split. People saying, like, of course I shower with my partner. Not every time, but we shower together and it's intimate. And other people saying, like, I would never.

[B]

I have lived with three men in my life. I have never showered with my partner. Never. Never. I can't. Unless it was sex related. Unless we were drunk and I was like, let's get in the shower.

[A]

Okay. So it could be like a foreplay situation.

[B]

Yes. Unless if it's cleanliness purposes, like my daily shower, I'm gonna shave. It's inconceivable to me. I'm gonna give you some reasons why, though. First of all, I've lived in New York City my whole life, and most of the showers were not big enough for two people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I don't think I ever had a shower in New York.

[A]

Okay. This is. Could. This is a New York thing.

[B]

Because my shower now has two gigantic. You could fit eight people in my shower.

[A]

Car wash.

[B]

Yes. You could literally fit a car. You put my car in the shower and there's two giant shower heads.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There'll be no reason to. Not New York City bathrooms are too small to have two people in them. And also, I just. Until more recently in my life, I had a lot of body image issues. And, like, even though I was, like, 115 pounds under 10 pounds when I was engaged, I. I don't think I, like, liked my body enough That I.

[A]

Could like, de escalate, be in there.

[B]

Be naked and like, washing my hair and like, I looked great. Yeah. But I think it was like, inconceivable to me. But today in my big shower. And like, I love my body and I'm proud of it. It is what it is. And I just, I think that that would be fun. Mm. Okay. Now I need to hear your thoughts because I know that you guys shower together, but, like, you're like, I'm ready to take my shower for the day. Do you want to get in with me?

[A]

We really mix it up. We do shower together plenty. We also shower. He showers every morning before work and not every night. I mean, you know how I feel about it, but it's just whatever that's. He's going to live how he's going to live. That's what a lot of people do.

[B]

I want to talk about that also. Okay.

[A]

We've talked about this before, though. We talked about this years ago. Just like you have like the day in your butthole and you get into bed, but whatever.

[B]

I think it's crazy to not shower at night, but I don't a lot of the times, like when you. When I really. I never thought about it until we talked about about it.

[A]

It's also one of those things where it's like, nothing bad has happened yet, you know, like, let me live. Like, I understand some people would never wake up and not jump right into the shower, and that's fine. And some people would never go to bed without being showered. I mean, I don't feel that rigid in my life about anything. I shower after I work out or whenever. I don't wake up and get right into the shower. I do shower at 10 o' clock at night sometimes. Like, I. But it's, you know, if I work out, that's when I shower. And if it's mid morning or afternoon or evening, that's my shower for the day.

[B]

Also, it was different when, like, you and I, or like when I lived in New York City and I would go from like Brooklyn to Manhattan, I take the subway and I was just like out in midtown all day.

[A]

Like, totally.

[B]

Some days I wake up and the only time I leave the house is to like, take a walk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not rolling around in dirt.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And it's like, how do I feel? You know, if I did wake up and take a shower and then at night I felt like I had the whole day in my butthole and I don't want to get into Bed. I would shower again. It's just whatever. Like, I don't know. I just kind of like to live life with a little flexibility. But we do shower together sometimes. When we first started dating, we were always in the shower together. We were long distance. We were at my place or his place or in a hotel. And we would hook up in the shower, not, you know, do different stuff in the shower. I'm not crazy about shower sex, but we would do it here and there. And now it's just sometimes, like, I would be sad if he never wanted to shower together, but I would lose my mind if you wanted to shower every time together. Like, I need my alone time. I need my alone everything. Shower twice a week.

[B]

Like, are people. This is religion. Are people shaving in the shower with their partner? You're going to watch me, like, open my labia lips and, like, shave it.

[A]

I would never shave my pussy. Shave my shower. I think once in a blue moon, I've shaved my legs in the shower with him. But no, that's my solo showers. Yeah. But yeah, he and I, I don't know, we have, like, a fun, flirty relationship. Like, a lot of times, if we get home from a trip, you want to shower. You've been traveling all day. We're traveling east to West Coast. We want to jump right in the shower before we take. And we take off our airport clothes, and we'll get in there together and we'll joke around and. But, like, sometimes we're both fighting for the water, and we like a little bit of a different temp.

[B]

I like the idea of shine with your partner. I think, like, even if it's not for sex purposes, that's just, like. It's silly. Yeah, you're just wet. You're naked.

[A]

It's fine. So I asked, you know, who I asked, which. We usually don't talk about this stuff, but I just had to know. I asked my brother.

[B]

No, Reina.

[A]

Because they're so big.

[B]

Oh. Because they're both big.

[A]

My brother tall. You know, my brother's six, seven. Stephanie's six, two. Their shower's fine, but it's not a huge. Like yours. And he was like, yeah, but, you know, we're not doing it just a shower together. I'm like, okay, that's enough, Matt. Glad to hear you guys are still getting it in. Our brothers do this sometimes. They take it too far.

[B]

Arlen will just. He'll just tell me stuff, and I'm just like, whoa. I mean, I'm good for you guys. Exactly. 15 years. It's insane.

[A]

Two kids. I'm glad you guys are getting it in the shower. Okay, one more question about showering. I saw this sauce on TikTok. Do you face the wall or the water again?

[B]

I have a very fancy shower.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You mean, do I face like the bat? Well, either way, there's a wall.

[A]

Are you.

[B]

Are you. Is your.

[A]

Let's just talk about a regular shower. Let's talk about a regular shower. Maybe it's a square. Square size. And is the water coming down in your back and you're facing the wall.

[B]

Or are you facing the shower waterboarding yourself? Is that even a question? Do people do that? This is insane.

[A]

I've.

[B]

I didn't even know you could do that.

[A]

So the comments were like, I thought that was just in the movies. Like, people were like, I thought that you only face the shower water in the movie.

[B]

Yeah. So I like that shot in the movies where that. Where people's hair go from dry to wet. And I like watching it happen.

[A]

I face the water sometimes.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I, like, let it run over my body. I don't know. And then I have to. If I wash my face, I have to face the water to wash, to rinse off.

[B]

If I wash my face, I'll face the water. But. Okay, here's your.

[A]

I think I spin around a lot.

[B]

Okay. You know, see how my hair is like this? It's always like this. It's always brushed forward. Yeah. So I fade. It's hitting me in the back of my head, so it goes behind me, but also drips off my hair down my boobs and down my front.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, everyone's got their own thing. But I thought this was a funny question. Is this a question where you ask a rich person, like, apparently you. And you're like, do you face the wall or the water? And they're like, neither or they're like, both. Like, it reminds me of when you ask like, a huge celebrity window or aisle, and they're like, I don't fly like that.

[B]

I mean, you said that. And I was like, I don't understand the question. I don't fly like that. My shower, two sides of it are just totally glass.

[A]

So I just.

[B]

I face the glass. Yeah.

[A]

You have a fancy shower.

[B]

Yeah. I face the mirror. I face the glass so I can walk, watch myself in the mirror.

[A]

You face the door?

[B]

The glass door?

[A]

Yeah, I have a glass door.

[B]

It's not a wall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do I face the glass? I can watch myself in the mirror?

[A]

Yeah. Like, I don't want to. I don't know. Like, I think I move around in there. But let us know if you guys face the water or face the wall. But listen, if you face the water, you need to be proud. I do. Sometimes. It's not just for the movies. You can face the water. I think it's. It's a vibe.

[B]

I think I'm also too short to face the water. Like, I'm not in an angle where, like, the water isn't hitting me directly in the face.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. This could be a height thing.

[B]

I don't. I can't. I didn't even know you could do that. Honestly, like, I only turn around to wash my face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

And then, I mean, I don't wash my hair most days, so my hair is in, like, a ponytail. And so if I'm. The water's on my back, it's kind of getting my hair a little bit more wet than it does if I'm facing the water.

[B]

Waterboarding yourself?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. Yeah, I only do two hair showers a week if I can avoid it. One.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't wash my legs.

[A]

All right, well, thanks for indulging my shower question.

[B]

I'll talk about shower stuff all day, every day. I love shower questions.

[A]

Okay. Do you.

[B]

What do you shave first?

[A]

What?

[B]

Do you wash first? We had a great episode about that.

[A]

I've seen a discourse regarding white people not washing their legs.

[B]

White people, specifically.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, I think it's one of those. When I see it, if I see, like, comedians or podcasters or if the Shade Room posted, it's just like, white people are crazy. They're not washing their legs. They're. They're saying that they're. They're saying that their legs are getting washed, but they're not actually taking the time to wash.

[B]

Listen, I do see what they're saying, because, like, if you take your hand and just wipe it down your leg, I mean, all that stuff is running down your leg. But if I shave, I assume that's me washing my legs.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, well, we are going to get into the topic. Let's just take a quick break and talk about our partners.

[B]

All right, you guys have heard us talk about or frames on the show before. It is my favorite gift, especially for a family member, that you don't live near or really anybody in your life. These are these digital friends frames. So what you're doing is you upload photos or videos to it, and you can, like, preload photos also. The frames Themselves are really beautiful. They have several different colors, but they look really nice. And you can upload photos from anywhere. There's an app. My whole family's on these. So my brother lives in London, my parents live in Pittsburgh. I live here obviously. And so these frames have been like such a game changer in terms of just like staying connected and sharing photos. And if you're like a last minute shopper like me and you like have this feeling, feeling that like you know, the shelves are a little empty. And I love to give people photos for the holidays.

[A]

These are so fun. They're in my parents house, they're in my brother's house. We're gonna give one of these to my in laws, Shashank's parents. We're gonna load a bunch of photos from the wedding on it. Yeah. So it just, it's such a perfect gift. And there's different sizes too. Like actually Matt, I think they have a smaller one downstairs and there was a big one in their bedroom. And you put videos on it. Like it's so fun to just sit and watch it. I know.

[B]

And they look really chic and I like I would keep it in my house also. Like you can really personalize it and like preload everything. So once they just open it, it's there. And then we all share the app in my family so we're all like loading stuff onto it. You can leave comments in the app which I thought was really my dad, just like leaving little comments all the time. It's very cute. And the box it comes in is really like beautiful. So it's like there's a gift box included. The packaging looks really premium and high end. And so this is a perfect gift for anybody in your life. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting or frames.com and get $35 off or of best selling Carver mat frame named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code GGE at checkout. That's a U R Aura frames.com promo code GGE. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now and get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[A]

Okay. And I feel like money is a hot topic especially around this time of year. Yeah. With people spending on gifts and maybe trying to save and set goals for the new year. Rocket Money can help you set limits, track every purchase so no one gets left out of your budget and you stay within your budget. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that Helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. So we've talked a lot about finding and canceling those unwanted subscriptions that you're just literally lighting money on fire of subscriptions you aren't using. But it's so much more than that, and we really love that. It shows you all your expenses in one place, including those subscriptions you forgot about. The dashboard is super easy. It lays out your total financial picture, including your bill due dates and your paydays in a way that's super easy to digest. It can help you set a goal and save for that. It can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside. And it will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. It scans your bills, finds opportunities to save, and then goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to customer service. You don't have to. That's probably my favorite feature. And you can get alerts if your bills increase, if there's unusual activity in your accounts. It just gives you peace of mind, like, what is going on with your money? So Rocket Money has saved users over $2.5 billion, including over 800 million in canceled subscriptions alone. There are 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. So you can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocket money.com/gg today that's rocket money.com/gge rocketmoney.com gge and earlier we were.

[B]

Talking about just like being around the house all day long. The thing that I am in all day long is the skims soft lounge sleep set. I have it in three colors. I love skims pajamas just in general so much. And I love their whole like line. There's so many colors and patterns and they've really nailed it. In terms of the fabric, it's so soft. The soft lounge sleep set, I have it in three colors. I have black, red, and green. I really started wearing pajamas to sleep because of this, because they're just so comfy and soft and they just look so nice. It's nice to wake up. You're on my house and I just feel like, so chic and they're so. I don't know, they're just comfortable.

[A]

Such a good gift.

[B]

They're the best gift.

[A]

I size up a little.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah. I always feel like I want. I cannot handle a pajama or lounge pant that is tight on my waist in any way.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I, I, I do, I recommend. But you don't have to. But I do.

[B]

Depends on how you want to wear it.

[A]

You do you?

[B]

I think I wear this small or an extra small. I'm not sure. But I'm also really short. But there's tons of gifts for everybody in your life. Kids, men, women. You can shop our favorite [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu. The follows and if you're looking for the perfect gift for everyone on your list, the skims holiday shop is now [e-mail] okay, so today we are talking.

[A]

About spending the holidays with partners and family.

[B]

Or not.

[A]

Or not. Or not.

[B]

You're like me not.

[A]

And I saw a lot of content on my TikTok scrolling over Thanksgiving about this. And I saw a video of this girl crying because she was spending her first Thanksgiving with her partner's family and she missed her family. And I saw another one where there was this couple and they were so cute and they were like, they did their little hug and kiss moment and they were like, we're splitting up for Thanksgiving because neither of us wants to miss our families and that's what works for us. And the comments just always blow my mind, you know? Like, I feel like I want to, like, start this topic with like a mild rant because I just can't get over the type of person who was like, offended by the way someone lives their life that has no impact on them. They think the way they live their life is the right way and the other way is the wrong way and they comment about it publicly. I know, like, this phenomenon is so wild to me because there is a difference between right and wrong. You know, just a few things off the top. Racism, abuse, violence. These things are wrong. I can tell you're wrong. I'm, I'm right and you're wrong. You're on the wrong side of history. You're wrong. But like, when we're talking about things like families and relationships and things that aren't causing any harm, it's just like choices people are making in their own life and strangers on the Internet are like, you are wrong. I find it mind blowing. And I know people are projecting. People are projecting their life experience, their regrets, and sometimes it comes from a good place. It's not always meant to insult you, especially older people or it's well intentioned, but the judgment, I think this is the biggest thing I wanted to lead with, is just like, there's so much judgment around this. And I think that the topic, at first glance, it doesn't seem controversial, but I think it really triggers people. We're talking about family, we're talking about relationships, which can be messy. And so I just wanted to, you know, open with that.

[B]

I mean, I think however anybody chooses to spend time with her family or not, comes from years, if not decades of experience with somebody and how you want to spend your time and your money and what you value and different generations feel different ways about it. And whether you're single or whether you're coupled, whether you have children. Like, there's so much judgment about how everybody chooses to spend time with family around the holidays or spend time with family at all. I mean, you're so right. People comment publicly about it, like, thank you for saying this, I could never. And people should. It's like, well, good for you and you'll regret it.

[A]

And how dare you not prioritize on one hand your partner or on the other hand your family. And it never ceases to blow my mind because I don't know, we're in 2025. You can not have a partner and be completely happy and fulfilled. You can live separately from your spouse. You can be long distance married, you can spend every holiday with them or not. And it's just crazy that strangers come because they feel offended. And it's like, the thing I have been screaming from the mountaintops forever is just like, people's choices are not an attack on the way you live your life.

[B]

Yes. And advice giving is so interesting to me because advice should be nuanced and it should be one size fits one. Everybody has different goals and life experiences and things that they want and they live by that set of values. And these like, people that give advice that are like, you should do this. I'm like, but based on what? Based on your life experience. Racism, abuse, you know, mistreating people. Yeah, that's all bad. But like, we'll talk about it a little bit later. But there's been a lot of talk online about specifically Mel Robbins and Oprah having these posts and conversations about how you should not be estranged from family and you should go out of your way to make sure that that never happens and how important it is and family over everything and getting along with family over everything. And there's been a lot of both agreeing and disagreeing with them online. And so many People jumping in the comments being like, absolutely, you can never be estranged from family. And other people being like, my family abused me. Have you met my family? Yeah, I'm traumatized by these people. This advice sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's not nuanced. And I do think it's very generational. I think that people like a generation older than us would say, like, always be with family, always be with your partner. This over everything. But that's just not the way of the world today.

[A]

But there's also a way to give advice in a. This is my experience and what I have found, because I think that we give advice. I think that we talk to a younger listener. I think people look up to us. I wish, you know, I had podcasts like ours when I was growing up and I was in my 20s even. And so it's not that. It's. It's just like people's. It's the judgment and the projection and the tone, I guess. Because I think it's fine to be like, I was in your shoes once, and here was my experience. Who doesn't want that type of feedback? But I guess what I. What the thing for me is, like, the. This I'm right and you're wrong because of a way you're choosing to live your life. And it just is baffling.

[B]

I just. The last person I'm going to take advice from is somebody I feel is attacking me.

[A]

Right. Like, you're not. I think that, too. It's so crazy. Like, some of the people that will DM us, I'm just like, do you know, you're being so counterproductive. Like, you're. Whatever your cause or whatever you're trying to get me on your side about, you are pushing me completely away from it. If this is the type of person.

[B]

That'S on that side, if you're smarter than me, congrats. I hope you have a great life. I don't know what to tell you.

[A]

Yeah. And that's the thing.

[B]

Like this.

[A]

It's what you were saying. I love that because it's, like, really relevant right now with the Mel Robbins thing. And we've had her on the podcast. It was our top performing episode of the year on Spotify. We just found that out. And she has helped a lot of people. It's just, I think that there needs to be some space for the nuance and space for we are all different and we have a completely different human experience.

[B]

So Mel Robbins wrote an op ed it's called Life is Too Short to Fight with your family. And to your point, yes. We've had her on the show. I think she has great advice. And if her advice helps you, that's fine.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

I don't have to also agree with every single thing that somebody. But the gist of it was basically that, that you should find a way to figure it out. Accept your family for who they are and get over it, essentially, and let their decisions be what they were and let them be who they are. The life is too short to fight with the people in your life. And that's not really my life experience. To that, I would say life is too short to be made miserable by people that terrorize you, that make you feel emotionally unsafe, that make you feel attacked all the time. I think life is really long and we should spend it with people that make us feel good and happy and accepted.

[A]

And, you know, and I don't, you.

[B]

Know, I think that people that have decided to not be around their family, that decision was probably the hardest decision they've ever made in their life. And they didn't come to it easily. And it took them years, if not decades to come to that. And how horrible to attack somebody on top of that for making a decision that was probably the hardest decision that they've ever made.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just to have some peace in their life. And I don't think those decisions are easy to come by. And it's embarrassing and it's against societal norms sometimes. But I'm glad that we're talking about this more because it's becoming more the norm to say, like, I don't need to spend my money and my time and my energy on people that make me feel unsafe, even if that is my parent.

[A]

Yeah. And the sentiment broadly is positive. It's like, this is your family, you know, like, you should try everything. I am fine with that, by the way. And I think again, I, like, I think of me in my late teens, early 20s, mid-20s even, just, you know, the immaturity and the rash decision making sometimes and just being more reactive, jumping to conclusions, all the things, you know. And sometimes you need a voice of someone who is older, more life experience, a professional to be like, hey, maybe have you considered this? And I think that's fine. We all can use, like, the help to walk us through our lives. But yeah, the. Just these broad statements. It's just like, it's not taking into account, like, but what about this? Or what about this? And the friends that I have that are estranged or just not seeing their families for holidays because of various Reasons and sometimes political and values and just the. The judgment and the way that they interact with their family members. I mean, I could cry. They have tried so hard. Like, they have been doing this for years. They have gone home for holidays and been traumatized. You're so right in that. It's like, no one. Yes. I'm sure some people make these rash, snap decisions, but it's so difficult to come to these conclusions. This kills people inside, you know?

[B]

So, like, I didn't know if I was gonna talk about this today, but I am estranged from a family member, so I'm assuming you're talking about me.

[A]

You're estranged. My other friends are not estranged, but they are not doing holidays. That's why I'm saying, like, the spectrum. So when I. Yeah, I was leading with you, and I'm thinking about other friends that are just, like, I talk to my mom, but I'm not seeing her on Christmas. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

And, you know, I didn't come to that decision lightly. I. Everybody, every time somebody would say, like, well, have you tried this? Yeah, I've tried that. I tried that for 30 years. I tried it. I tried it every day for 30 years. And life is long in the sense that, like, you can make a decision now that feels emotionally safe for you, and you could have conversations and change your mind. You know, I think unless somebody really abused you in a horrible way, which was not my life experience, you know, life is long, and you can come back together. But, like, people come to these decisions, decisions, after so much pain and agony and trying literally everything in their power, every type of emotional negotiation that they can do. And I think that, like, if you do come to the decision finally, that, like, my inner peace means more to me than this. I've tried everything in the world, and we just can't get there. Then, like, that's the hardest decision you will ever make. And it's brave, and you're allowed to feel like you're proud of it.

[A]

Yeah. And that's where there is this lack of empathy and compassion and understanding with some people on the Internet. There's also, like, a lot of beautiful, like, inspiring content and support.

[B]

My experience has been that people have really supported me and been wonderful.

[A]

Yes. But it's just for someone to, I don't know, post a TikTok and you, if they want to. I mean, you know, it's personal. It's not for everybody to put. To say something about being estranged from a parent. And it's taken years and been so much pain and agony. And this is the decision they're making. And for people in the comments to come in with no background or information and make judgments is so crazy to me.

[B]

And listen, if your life experience leads you to think that that's the craziest thing in the world, then that's okay. That's how you should live your life. But people to judge a stranger, like, you have no idea how hard they tried to get through to somebody and find peace or find some resolution or just be able to get along. Cause also, when you are estranged from a family member, it explodes throughout your entire family. It affects the other parent, affects your siblings, affects their spouses and grandkids and whoever else. Like, no one comes to this decision, like, super lightly. And what I am really excited about and proud about is that, like, you see so much of this being discussed today, and I think it is generational that we didn't think that that was okay. And they're saying more and more people are estranged from a family member.

[A]

Yeah, I saw that.

[B]

Yes. Random polls, like Gallup polls that said like, 28% of people are estranged from an immediate family member. And reasons to think, like, this has probably been more common than we think. It's just become less taboo to talk about it.

[A]

Yeah. And again, I come back to, like, people on the Internet, but, like, Internet content matters. It helps people feel seen. And I'm not alone. And it resonates with them when we talk about some of these tougher topics. And so that's why, like, it's not nothing. And so it's like, that's why I just wish people could put something out there that may be helpful to someone else. And the people that don't live their life that way wouldn't jump down their throat. And I, I, you know, I saw this. This is kind of irrelevant, but, you know, I just, I want to, like, send some love to the Internet. I saw this woman and she was posting, she was like, eating Thanksgiving dinner and she said, I am live far away from my family and I don't have any friends, but Thanksgiving is my favorite meal. And so every year I cook it. And she had this, like, amazing plate of food, and she's just sitting there eating. And the comments, I were just, I live in Orlando. Come over next year. We got you just the whole comment section. Thousands pictures. You believe pictures on TikTok. Just like, please join us next year. I'm the same boat. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't. Let's be friends. Let's be each other's family. Like, there is so much good out there.

[B]

There is. And there's so much more community in this life experience than there used to be. I mean, I think so many people are just more willing to say, like, I chose to be estranged family member and I chose to protect my peace from these people. And like, that's okay. There's no shame in it. And I like that we're normalizing. Like, you don't have to be terrorized by anybody. I don't care who it is. Like, if you feel like these boundaries have been crossed, I don't care who it is. Your sibling, your parent, you don't have to be in those environments. And we're finally saying like, that's okay. And people are talking about it. And I'm glad that that is becoming more normal because I think in the older generations, it has always been like, it was too short. It's your fucking family. Get over it. But like, people that have chosen to be estranged from a family member not go home for the holidays, like their past, just get over it.

[A]

Yeah. And of course there's a situation of someone who overreacted and now they've dug their heels in and they are stubborn. They shook it over it. That's not you. That's not any of my friends. Everybody I've known that is any level of estranged with their family has tried and tried and tried and has been very painful. But I know there's people out there that probably could tell us their story and I'd be like, you gotta get over that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Fuck. That's why you're still not talking to your mom. Come on. So there's that. And you know, this is not actually the road we thought we were gonna go down today, but we did do it. And I do, I do think it's a good place to start and say that as we get into this conversation about spending holidays with your partner, their family, your family. I am coming at it from a place that I really wanna be with my family. My family is the most important thing to me. I obviously did not get married until 42. I understand. My husband is my family now. Like, I get it. But I'm coming at it in a. My parents are aging and I have nephews and holidays with my family are really important. And I have never in my 41 Christmases, not woken up at my parents house and spent Christmas morning with them. I've done some Thanksgivings, other places, but like, that means the world to me. And it means the world to me because, not to get too dark, but how many more do we have left? And these things matter. And I have never been someone that my partner was gonna be my whole life. And he is my priority. And we prioritize each other. We are husband and wife. But family is also my priority. And that is where I'm coming from. And I understand some people don't have that, and they would rather be with someone else's family or whatever they got going on. And so that's where I come back to, like, when I speak about my opinions and the way that I live my life, I'm coming at it from that life experience.

[B]

I think it's good to say that, like, I have a different lens than other people. It would be inconceivable to you to not go home to be with your family. Yeah. But, like, it would be inconceivable to me to not spend Christmas with your family. I think I. This is gonna be my ninth Christmas with your family. And I have thought about this for so long. Like, if I had a partner that insisted that I go be with their family, oh, my God. Explaining to them that I needed to be with your family instead. But, yeah, I mean, I think anybody's allowed to come at this from their own, like, lens and life experience. And, like, yeah, I'm a little more loose with that. Cause I live across the country, but my brother lives in London. It's understandable if I don't wanna go there. And Pittsburgh. I went to Pittsburgh to see my dad after I went to London. Like, I'm fine to be flexible and go to other people's families. I've done. I've done this and that. I'm also Jewish, so Christmas doesn't mean anything to me. Like, I am lucky that, like, I can demand Thanksgiving with my family and I can give somebody Christmas. You know, I don't really have to negotiate like that.

[A]

Yeah. And I mean, I really do think flexibility is important. And I think clearly, I think in just in general, overall, young people are more flexible than older people, parents, older parents, grandparents. And so I like to be flexible. We've moved things around in what we've traditionally done with Matt and the kids. And we're open, but we're together. And I want to also see Shashank's family. You know, what we have done this year was I went there the day after Thanksgiving. We had a Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. And so I went to Boston for Thanksgiving and spent time with his family. And he's going to Come to Delaware for Christmas before Christmas and he'll be with us like for days, you know, leading up to it and doing holiday stuff with us. And he may or may not be there on the 24th. We haven't really like totally decided yet. So that's kind of how we've. We've done it like year one, I mean. Cause we'll get into it and we'll get into the polls that we did in the way that people feel. I mean, 20, 23. I knew I was going to marry him by Christmas time. He was my person and I knew that. But we've been together for six, seven months. We did our own thing. I think we were at the beach the weekend before Christmas. I don't think we did anything for Thanksgiving. Like, I was like, we don't need to do this yet.

[B]

But also you also come from it from a point of view of like, you like his family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Validated by them. You enjoy them. You're not, you're politically aligned with them. Like all these reasons that a lot of people don't want to go to their partner's family either. Like, the mom is fucking rude to me. We don't align religious wise, politically. I don't want to sit with these MAGA people and just be attacked. Like, I think this, like, you know, obviously politics comes up a lot. And it's not that, like you can't sit at dinner with somebody that has different political beliefs than you, but like people that question your values for an entire weekend. I don't know that. I, I don't. You and I, we live across the country from our families. It's a lot of travel, it's a lot of money. I mean, so many people were like this. I can't afford to do all this and be made miserable.

[A]

Yeah, I love that you said that. So, I mean, the tea. The like spoiler alert of the episode is you don't need to be with your partner every major holiday if that doesn't work for you too. And it says it means nothing about your relationship. I am talking about people without kids. I think kids get in the mix and kids kind of dominate everything. You got to do shit for the kids, you got to be together for the kids.

[B]

Sister in law knows. She holds all the cars.

[A]

Exactly. Christmas, like, so I, I think we're just leaving kids out of this because we can't speak on it. And so this is more couples without kids. But you can split up. It's not like a red flag for the relationship. If you want to be with his. You want to do some together, do not together. You know what, if one person's family has a big summer vacation, you do that you spend. There's other times to see them. But if you really are set on, I want to be with my partner every holiday, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas. And we will figure out the family, that's okay too. But either way is fine. It doesn't say anything about the strength of the relationship. And I don't think you should be crying or sad missing your family so you can be with your partner's family. It doesn't sit right with me.

[B]

I agree. And I think as we listen, time off is hard to come by and money is hard to come by. And like, I don't know, I know that we should do things for other people and make concessions for the people that we love. And if somebody says like, this is the most important thing in the world to me, then I fine, you should make concessions. But like, if I only have a week or two off a year and I have limited funds to spend it a way that I don't want to spend it, it feels like so awful to me. This has now cost me money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is my hard earned time. I'm going to be made miserable. Why? To do you a favor. Listen, I know that's what love is and companionship. But like, I don't know, I think holidays are supposed to be spent happy as much as possible. Yeah.

[A]

And we'll get into it. And there's plenty of couples that have opted out of family altogether and that's okay too, you know, like, I just, I am not in the majority. We will reveal the poll results, but it can be a little bit of an unpopular opinion to not have your long term romantic partner or spouse be above everyone. And they're on this pedestal and their priority level is so much higher than the family you've been with your whole life or your, your best friends. And again, I can't stress enough. It's. If that's how you live your life, that's okay, you know, but to me, it's my family. It's so many people are so important. And so if we can work it out so everyone's happy. And like I said, I really don't want to be without my family on a Christmas morning ever. And if Shashank has that type of tradition with his family and he's like, I never don't want to be with my family on a Christmas eve, I would 100% respect that. And if we can work it out when we can then to. For us to both be at both. We will, but that's just how I want to live and be let live.

[B]

That's what works for you guys. Yeah, that's the compromise that works for you. You also like live together. You're together every day so it's like okay to spend those times apart.

[A]

That's the thing too. Like we're together all the time. Like, and we live across the country from our family now. Like, I don't know, like, it just depends on how much weight you place on these things. Like Christmas for my mom and my family is so important. So if he and I don't feel like it's like it's, it's like more important to them, I guess that's my whole thing, you know, I think that everybody's got their thing. I. I think that it's like, well, we always go to this place every summer as a family and this is the biggest thing our family does and we would really like you to be there. It's like you should try to make it work then you should with your partner.

[B]

I feel really lucky that like our families. So my sister in law's family is from Pittsburgh also and so. Yeah, but her family is super far from my mom and dad and my cousin Casey, whose house we go to for Thanksgiving a lot, lives far from them. And so everybody's pretty understanding. But like Arlo and I will be in the car for Thanksgiving sometimes for three hours a night to spend an hour and a half at each place and we never settle. And like people are pretty understanding whatever we want to do.

[A]

And we've chill.

[B]

I mean now that he has a kid it's different. But like we just bop around trying to make everybody happy. My sister in law will just be at her parents house just chilling. Like my family's just understanding that like they'll get a little bit of us some of the time. But like not everybody's like that. And some people's family would be really insulted if their child's significant other didn't come home for the holidays.

[A]

Yeah. And again, if you are like we have like a four Christmases type situation and Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day is hell, but that's what makes our families happy and we suck it up, that's also okay. Like sometimes we do things that aren't perfect or that we don't really want to for the sake of others. That's okay too. Like we'll talk about this on a future episode of like the Whole, like, have we gone too far with, like, protecting our peace and our boundaries? You know, Sometimes you have to. I was just talking to my brother, like, how we're gonna work out this year with the boys and all this stuff, and just nothing's easy with two little boys. They still nap and they go to bed early. Like, nothing is the way it used to be before they came along. Obviously, life is better with them in it, but it's like we're trying to figure out, like, some things are a little more stressful for him. It's a lot more stressful for him and Steph. And, like, that's just the nature of it. And everyone needs to pitch in. And sometimes things are not, like, perfect and smooth, but they're worth it. And that's for you to decide.

[B]

Yeah, I like that you said that. And, yeah, I think about those nights that Arlo and I have been in the car going to my cousin.

[A]

It's annoying.

[B]

And my mom's and Adriana's family, and it's like, we're just in the car. We can't drink. Like, we're just in the car. These long drive. We do, like, a four Christmases thing, but, like, that's what we want to do in order to, like, have a little bit of time with everybody. It's really important for us. We're not home that often, so, like, that's what we do. Is it the most fun night of my life? No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I get to be with everybody, and that's nice.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And so I think if you're also navigating a situation like that with your partner, it should always be you and your partner against the problem. The problem being, like, we gotta do all this shit, and it's stressful. Like, your family's not a problem. Well, they might be, but instead of you guys against each other and just, like, I think that's the main thing. And I think that's. Comes up when we talk about difficult family members, too. And it's just like, it's. You know, I'm not a big us against the world couple, you know, but if you are dealing with issues with family members or logistics, like, make sure you do feel like you and your partner on a team about it at least.

[B]

Man, that is so rough to, like, feel like your partner doesn't, like, back you up.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Most of my friends like, that are a great, solid, like, couple are, like, they're aligned.

[A]

13.

[B]

Yes, they're aligned. The other person's crazy, not them.

[A]

Yeah. And you can make it a joke. I mean, I was just with a friend and her mother in law is staying with her and her husband for a while. And she's old school, she's super passive aggressive. She's superstitious. There's just a lot of comments and like it's constant. And I was like, I would have to turn this into a game. I would have to be like, I know what she's gonna say next and I wanna be right about it. And I'm like, are you and your husband aligned? He's like, yes. He knows she's crazy too. And I'm like, that's all you need. I can deal with a lot from my partner's family if he is in agreement with me. And I luckily don't have any of that. But I think I could, I think I could let things from a crazy mother in law or sister in law roll off my back if he had my back. And we could make fun of it together and they could become almost like a character in that way. Yes.

[B]

We have friends that are married and she kind of gets into it with his sister.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like she knows that he's aligned with her and the mom is aligned with her. So she's like, I could deal with this for a couple days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because everyone's on my side about this and it, it does almost become funny.

[A]

Yes. Make it, try to make it funny.

[B]

You're just like, this person really is just gonna like poke at me.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if you could just try to make it funny. Make it a bit.

[B]

Once you both realize together that the other person is terrible. It is kind of funny once you.

[A]

Realize their mom is terrible. Okay, let's just talk about our remaining partners and we'll stop blue ball and you guys on these polls. I am telling you about Story Worth Speaking of family, the most perfect gift to give to a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle. Those are like the top slots. I feel like, you know, the older family members, you can get this for anybody. Rain and I have done it for our parents. Parents. And that is why we recommend Story Worth Memoirs for your loved ones this holiday season. It might sound like a little intimidating or how do I do this? But it's so, so easy and they're going to love it. It is a gift they won't see coming. It really is. Truly is such a special gift, one of a kind. So you are going to purchase your Story Worth and then each week they will email your loved one a memory provoking question that you get to choose you don't have to. You can just go with the default questions, but you can go in there and also tailor them to what you want to know about your family member. Something like, what were you like growing up? What'd you do for your whatever milestone birthday? Were your favorite toys as a child? What was your first job? What are you most proud of? Travel, Things like that. And they will respond to that email with a story. Super, super easy. If our dads can do it, anyone can do it. And they can either write a story or they can record it over the phone for Storyworth to transcribe. They just, they cannot make it easy enough for these family members. It's perfect even for your least tech savvy relative. And then they're going to compile the stories and the photos into this beautiful keepsake hardcover book. Photos are printed in vibrant color. It is such a treasure for your loved ones and you, you'll be able to share it, revisit it, print as many copies as you want. You want a copy? Your siblings, your cousins. And this year they added a bunch of new features to make storytelling even easier. With personalized questions and magic editor. Their magic layout and new book designs make finished books and especially photos look even more beautiful. And they have rolled out Spanish language support. They printed over a million books and preserved 35 million family stories since their founding 13 years ago. They have over 48,000 five star reviews on Trustpilot. And it really is the perfect gift for the people you love most. So you can give your loved ones a unique keepsake you'll all cherish for years. Storyworth memoirs right now save $10 or more during their holiday sale when you go to storyworth.com GGE that's storyworth.com GGE to save $10 or more on your order. Great gift for somebody you want to impress. Like you could do this for your in laws because they'd be like oh.

[B]

My God, she's so thoughtful.

[A]

She's so thoughtful. She wants to know more about us.

[B]

Great idea.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

You say memoir is funny. You say memoirs.

[A]

Memoir. What do you do? Memoir. Memoir. I don't.

[B]

I feel weird.

[A]

I feel like I'm taking myself too seriously. If I say memoir.

[B]

You don't have to do this. There's an in between between memoir and memoir.

[A]

Memoir. How do you say February? Memoir.

[B]

February. How do you, how do you.

[A]

I try to say it quick cuz it's spelled February.

[B]

No, no, you don't pronounce the R.

[A]

But I almost have a U in there. February February.

[B]

Yeah, I see you.

[A]

Okay. All right. February.

[B]

February, February.

[A]

Okay. Anyway, story with memoir.

[B]

Stop. All right guys, it's cozy season. It's time to redecorate your house. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And article is gonna help you do that. Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long lasting home at an unbeatable price. They really have everything, tons of different styles. My house is a little more coastal, a little boho, but they have mid century modern, they have scandi inspired pieces. Tons of stuff for every single room. And they'll help you design it. You can look at their Instagram and their website and see how everybody has styled the rooms. And if interior design isn't really your thing, you'll see how other people have styled it. And there's so much to choose from. The quality is so beautiful. There is so, so much that I love. So let's just do. Okay, let's do our living rooms right now. I'm trying to. My whole house is white and I'm trying to get away from that. So I'm looking at this timber leather sofa. I'm really into like leather right now. There's another leather sofa if you like leather. Sven sofa. They have a lot of like ivory boucle type of accent chairs. The Gabriola 23 inch Ottoman is in boucle. There's just a lot to choose from. You can do your bedrooms also. But just like if you want to make the house a little more cozy with something really high end, meticulous packaging. You'll see the weight and feel of the products is really, really great. It comes mostly assembled and the shipping is fast and affordable. It's really quick. The whole end to end support experience in general is fantastic. And they are available seven days a week and they operate 30 day satisfaction guarantee. So if you're not happy with what you have gotten, you can easily return it. If you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table or bed, head over to article.com okay, so we.

[A]

Did a couple polls on our Instagram. 20,000 people responded.

[B]

Do you know how funny it is to me? I see so many like stats and studies, surveys and studies and surveys and I'm always like, based on how many people this is a big claim to make X amount of people do this thing. And it's always a thousand people.

[A]

Yeah. Which a lot of those are considered legitimate. If it's. I don't know, I don't know what it, how many people it needs to be to be considered large is 20,000. Yeah. 20,000. Okay. So we asked, when in a relationship, do you think your partner should spend holidays with your family and vice versa? 44% said, Once we're in a committed relationship, under a year.

[B]

So you know, we didn't isolate for. But like, do you live in the same city as your partner? Yeah, that's different to me.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It's like, let's say we've been together six months. That's how I thought about it because that was also my experience. So six months, seven months. We've been together since May. We were very committed, very much in love, very much saw a future together. And I didn't feel like that was the year for us to be making changes. But again, I'm in the minority on this and you're so right.

[B]

Cities, yeah. Distance weren't that.

[A]

I mean, our families are still like close enough, you know, Boston and Delaware. But 44% said once we're in a committed relationship after one year, 22%, two plus years, 18%. And then my people, 16% not until we're married.

[B]

And maybe not even then, maybe, maybe even less than that once we have kids, you know, like, I think once you have kids, you do call the shots.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you do. If you are the first people in a family to have kids, congratulations. Okay. And then we ask, do you think long term couples, married couples? To me this is like you've been together years, everyone knows you're together. Like traditionally you'd be married, but maybe you're deciding to get married. Whatever reason, whatever you got going on. But years long, married or married couples should spend all the major holidays together. Do you think long term couples, married couples, should spend all the major holidays together? 70% said yes, that should be your top priority. 30% said no. You can be apart with your own family sometimes. And you know, I'm coming at this from a, my family is so important to me. And you know, we've talked about his family coming to the farm or being all together at some point too, which we would host, like whatever it is. But I think a lot of this is people not wanting to be with their in laws. And you linked this study that said one in four people dread going to their in laws for the holidays. Like that's the thing I feel for the most. Like you feeling like you need to be with your partner's family and you don't like them.

[B]

Yeah, it's a nightmare.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I feel like I again, I can't stop thinking about like how little time people have off and how little money people have. And I am now going to spend both of those things with people that aren't nice to me. Don't make me feel comfortable. Don't include me. They're going to make me do a turkey trot.

[A]

I don't want to do play pranks on you.

[B]

And I guess it depends like, who. So like my longest relationship was almost four years. We were with his family all the time and my family lived out of town. So like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I, I don't think it ever came up. We lived together almost the entire four years we were together and it never came up one time that I was going to spend holidays with this family. Like, I saw his family all the time. They lived near us. Of course I was leaving town to go be with my family and I wasn't going to make him leave town.

[A]

Yeah, There are so many different situations. I feel for people who they're across the country from their families or their families are across the country, like, there's no way they can do both. Like we are lucky enough to try to do both with a one hour flight. You know, you still gotta get to the airport. But like we can make it work where we couldn't if one family was in the west coast and one was on the east coast. So I feel for people in any of that situation too. So we asked then, long term or married couples, how do you coordinate the holidays with your family?

[B]

We got hundreds of answers. Yeah, it all sort of boiled down to pretty much the same stuff. We, we alternate who gets Thanksgiving, who gets Christmas. We alternate both of those things every other year. So like we, we oscillate. Like this family gets us Thanksgiving this year and they get us Christmas next year. I mean that was pretty much everybody except for if you have children, people come to you. Some people do the four Christmases thing, some people just do not. We're not coming to anybody.

[A]

We're not seeing our family. We do our own thing without our families and we do our own thing with our own families just completely split up. And that's okay. I like this one. Reina. First come, first serve. Who. Whoever makes the plan first gets us. That's diabolical. That feels like the, the parents are going to be fighting that. They're like, it's July. They're like, hey, we just want to check in, right?

[B]

Like, what, what is the statute of limitations on being able to ask me? Like, is it this Christmas, January 1st? Can you ask me for next Christmas at this Christmas Christmas? Like, is it just like Backstage seat rules. Like whoever, whoever calls shotgun first. You know what I did not see at all, I made a note of this. What I didn't see it all is combining families.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I almost saw no percentage. So like that's the home I grew up in. Like my parents split up when I was like 4. But like my mom always made sure to have her family and my dad's entire family over. Uncles, aunts, kids, everybody. But everybody lived in Pittsburgh.

[A]

Yeah, I was trying to remember. I, I, there were definitely Christmases and probably Thanksgiving. I don't know. I can't, I can't really remember when I was a kid but where both sets of grandparents were there. Because my mom's mom and then she remarried. I never knew my mom's dad would come from Pittsburgh area. And then my dad's parents lived close by. So I definitely remember they were all there. Everybody would come to us because the kids.

[B]

Huh. And also somebody has to be like willing to host all of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like my mom made it her job honestly my entire life to make sure everybody was included, even my dad's family and make sure like people were there. But I did not, I almost did not see this at all. That people were like, we just get our whole family together.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I mean that's what we're talking about for next year because we have the space on the farm and we'll figure out where you're going to be. You might be in the bonus room. We do it extra which is nicer. And so we've talked about having like Shashank's whole family. Like we have that, that space and it'd be so fun. And now that we know how well our parents get along and such a funny thing that we would do that. That's not us hosting, that's not them coming to our house. That's his parents coming to my parents house. I, I just think it would be lovely.

[B]

I think it'd be so much fun.

[A]

So fun.

[B]

Sister comes. I mean I just like everybody. Yeah, I think that'd be a lot of fun. You don't see this a lot. Yeah, I think that that's asking a lot of people to be mobile, but you don't see it a lot.

[A]

But I like that they can stay not at a hotel is why I, why I like the idea like it's not come to Delaware and get say at the Holiday Inn, you know. So I really want to do it. Then we asked for anyone single or coupled. If you're not spending the holidays with Your family, why? And what are you doing instead?

[B]

We saw so many people just say, like, I either I can't swing it, I can't. I don't have the time. So many of our audience, and we just love you guys so much. Our flight attendants, people in the hospitality industry, servers, nurses, tons of people in the medical industry that just, they work so they can't do it. So many of them are just like, working and making money. So many people just said, I'm making my own traditions and I'm choosing my own piece, essentially. Lot of trips. A lot of people just like, take trips, go somewhere warm. We saw jazz bars, Vegas pop up, holiday bars. Like, so many things. Instead of that being with their chosen family, their friends, so many people just like, do stuff with friends. I again, like, we were talking about it earlier. I love that, like, this is more normalized and people are saying to their friends, like, can you adopt me for these holidays? The holidays are such a beautiful time to adopt somebody who, like, doesn't have somebody to go home to. And I've been going to friends houses for Christmas since I was like, 12.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's. People have always included me and invited me. It's always been so nice. But I like that actually I'm. What am I doing for the holiday? I'm actually enjoying the holiday. Being at home with my husband and my friends.

[A]

Yes. And there's that too. And that's why I just, like, I always come back to whatever works for you and how you feel about your family. I know a couple, and they are not crazy about both of their families, and they have made their own Christmas tradition and they still see their families throughout the year. They're not estranged, but they have chosen to prioritize that holiday, just the, the two of them. And they, they've traveled and they really enjoy that. And then it's like, I don't know, then we'll maybe go see our family in the spring or something like that. It's just like, totally fine.

[B]

I think that's probably a lot of people's experience. I don't think you should be, like, estranged from a family member. I think, you know, that's, that's a big leap from just like, we just don't really need to go there. And when we posted this, one of my girlfriends who was in Portland texted me and she was like, my husband and I, like, we speak to our family. It's just not, not a ton. And I want to enjoy my time and I want to just like, be at home with him. And we tell them if they want to come here, they can for like a day or two. But, like, that's all we're offering. And I think that's totally fine.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, this article you linked, I mean, there's just so many different stats here. 39% of Americans feel relationships complicate holidays. It does. And 10% have cried about having to spend the holidays with their in laws. I'm sure it's like, more than that. One in three say holiday plans cause tensions with their families. There's all these types of things, and it's really just up to you. And I think it's important to consider other people's feelings. I think it's important, important to consider your aging parents if you have relationships with them and nephews and nieces and all of that. But if it's too much, that's okay, too.

[B]

Yeah, listen, I want to run myself ragged. Like, 12 hours to London to see my brother and the baby. And then I'd fly back through Pittsburgh. I could have gone to Paris instead. And like, I. I'm glad I did all those things. It was an inconvenience. It cost a ton of money, but I'm glad I did it. Yeah, I got to see my nephew and spend time with him and I got to be with my dad. And yeah, it's my parent. My dad's almost 80. Like, I don't know how many more years I have left with him. Like, I don't regret the aggravation.

[A]

Yeah, there's. It's annoying. Like, Shashank and I have just. There's been these conversations where they're just annoying. Like figuring out when he's. When he can get off work and come and then I. How we meet up at the wherever and come to. It's just cars and flights and what night is this and that. It's. It is annoying. But it's like, so is being an adult. It's just one of those things where it's like, yeah, but we, we're not going to regret it. We always want to be with our families and this means a lot. And it's just that sometimes it's like, you got to do it. But we're going to talk about this with, like, friendships in a few weeks. We're going to do an episode on this. And it's like, there is certainly a breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point, but sometimes you just do shit that's not perfect and you don't really want to do, and it's annoying.

[B]

Like, it meant my dad, it meant so much to him that I did that. And I said to you, I was like, I want to go to Paris this weekend. And you're like, I think your dad will really like it if you come. And like, he just was so touched. I only went for like two days, but like, just to be with him. And I missed Thanksgiving and we just, we made dinner ourselves. I got to be with Uncle John and Aunt Sherry and my cousin Casey. Yeah, it was a hassle. It cost me a fortune, but I'm so glad that I did it. And that's different than an article that's like, just get over it. Go home and be with your family. You don't have to get over anything if you don't want to go home, be with your family.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. Like, you look back on it and you're like, it was annoying and inconvenient, but I had, I made good memories and what I would not be willing to do is be inconvenienced and annoyed to be around a bunch of MAGAs.

[B]

Right. This is at least type two fun for me. I think about it, I enjoyed it.

[A]

And there's to many different types of families, super fun, high energy families, way more boring families. But if like our values don't align and you make me uncomfortable and I feel attacked in any way, no, I'm not going. So that's when you should protect your peace.

[B]

You don't have to spend your time with people that make you feel like that. Yeah, exactly. And I. That's not to say that these conversations are easy. Those conversations are uncomfortable and then your siblings start jumping in and attacking you. Like I read this very long. I just have been like looking into people being estranged from their families, not going home. And I heard this very long article that I can't remember where it was from. So this isn't that helpful. But this girl sort of talked about this uncoupling from her very religious, very MAGA family. And it took many, many years and the siblings on the group chat were shaming her and everyone's jumping in with an opinion and it is hard to untangle yourself from that because it does feel like the path of least resistance to just do what everybody wants. But like, so I'm not saying these conversations are easy. They are hard.

[A]

Yeah. And again I go back to like, maybe the Thanksgiving table is not the thing you want to with your MAGA family, but you feel better in a different type setting. You know, like if it's just like we have had a blow up at the Thanksgiving table for the past however many 10 years. Like I will see you guys in the summer for some, I don't know.

[B]

You know, expectations are so high and so it just, it leads you to like the, the tension is so high. So if, if maybe like the alternative is like, we'll come home in a couple months when there isn't this expectation of this specific dinner and these, these specific drinks and gifts and. Yeah, you know.

[A]

Okay, let's do some stories from you guys. So we asked for hilarious, embarrassing and or nightmare stories from the holidays.

[B]

Okay, so this first one is wedding photos. I. This is so good. This is Ashley coded. Yeah, I was just at my mother in law's for Thanksgiving. She never has food when we go. And even though we make an eight hour drive across several states to see her for an hour or two. Diabolical, I know, but the things we do for love. Side note, he does have plenty of family and friends in the area. Blah, blah. Okay, so she says they drive and they do see other people. Okay. As if that's not bad enough, this year I noticed that she had not one, not two, but six photos printed and framed of our wedding. And I am not in a single photo.

[A]

The bride.

[B]

How, Ashley, is there a single photo from your wedding you're not in? Yeah, like that's crazy.

[A]

There are family. Yes, there are plenty. But like, you'd be. You'd have to seek them out.

[B]

There might be six from the whole weekend. That's crazy to me. Do you know how hard it is to find any photo she says that I'm not in? And she managed to find six of them. My husband said we know she's crazy. Don't read too much into it.

[A]

He's a keeper.

[B]

He's gaslighting her. Don't read too much. I hate that.

[A]

Oh, you don't like it?

[B]

Don't read too much.

[A]

I don't. But we all know she's crazy. It's not personal is what he's saying.

[B]

Okay, okay, so you're saying she was hangry because the mother. The mother doesn't have any food there. She's blind with rage. We live far enough away that I only see her once a year. I mean, that's hysterical.

[A]

It's so intentional.

[B]

I mean, yes, I understand you get beautiful professional photos with your family and the bride doesn't have to be in all of them if you want, like you and your kid or you and they're siblings, but six?

[A]

Yes. Okay. The language don't read too much into it. It's. I know what he means. I know what he means. She is crazy. She did do that on purpose. Please don't let it get to you.

[B]

I see what you mean.

[A]

I hope he meant that because, yes, that did it on purpose. Yes, she did. This wasn't an accident. The wedding is about two people. It's about the pride of the groom to. To do a six photos. One of one of those people.

[B]

One of them. The bride should be in one.

[A]

One? Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Okay, the next one. Naked grandmother. The first Christmas after my husband and I were married, my whole side of the family, including my brother's new girlfriend, were all at my grandparents for Christmas dinner. My grandfather wanted to show everyone pictures from his and my grandmother's latest trip. Their avid track travelers. He plugged his laptop into the TV and selected a folder named Egypt. This was not where their latest trip was. To everyone's shock and horror, a slideshow of my naked grandmother started playing on the tv. Many of us screamed and my brother may have cried.

[B]

You know, there's a full bush too.

[A]

The best part. A full gray bush. The best part. They were recent pictures. They could have been taken the day before on the couch. We were sitting on the same Christmas tree in the background. Ten years later, that couch. Wait, my God. So these were recent?

[B]

I thought they were the couch they were sitting on with a Christmas tree in the background.

[A]

He just took these yesterday, titled it Egypt.

[B]

He's like, no one's going to look.

[A]

No one's going to know.

[B]

You know, you should have titled it we're naked in this grandma puss. I love to see it. Okay. I love that these old people are so getting it in, taking nudes of each other. He was just like, get on the couch. I'm going to take some photos. He was taking her nudes.

[A]

I mean, it is like high level kinky for grandparents. Like, I want to know what else they're into.

[B]

But like, she didn't take nudes of herself and send them to him. He was the photographer.

[A]

I love this. This couple goals, this cup, this family.

[B]

Sounds fun.

[A]

Yeah. Ten years later, we still talk about that Christmas.

[B]

Okay. I went to a first fancy holiday dinner. White tablecloth, everything in the city where my boyfriend at the time's family. So that was her boyfriend at the time. She wrote that.

[A]

Weird. Yeah.

[B]

When I went to the bathroom, I came back and it looked like they were all gone and had ditched me. So they're at a restaurant. Just so you Guys, understand this white table. Like, fancy restaurant, fancy white tablecloth. So she comes back, no one's at the table, but it turns out they were actually hiding under the table, all five of them.

[A]

Parents.

[B]

Have you ever gotten the ick from an entire family all at once?

[A]

Well, we just talked about prank families, but this is a prank.

[B]

That's okay. It's okay. It would give me the ick about everybody.

[A]

And what were you guys doing under the table? Like, you're so close, like five grown adults under. Under a table? I'm like, nose to nose with my brother.

[B]

No. Well, my family's little, but you couldn't fit under a table. You're so tall.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

Yeah, I. I need to see that table. You're right. I need to know the diameter of that table they're under The. It's just like. Again, this is like low level prank. And it's a funny thing to. For whoever was like. You guys see this tablecloth? You bet we could all get under here. I don't know. It's funny to me. I really don't hate it. It's like an ideal prank.

[B]

It is pretty funny. She comes back to the table, and no one's.

[A]

No one's there. And they're like, gotcha.

[B]

The dad. The old dad's just on the ground.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Okay. Do you think your family would do it?

[A]

No.

[B]

You and I don't have silly family.

[A]

Yeah, it's corny.

[B]

It's corny, but I'll take a corny.

[A]

Family over, like any mean, passive aggressive family all day. Like, this is like a dad joke family, you know?

[B]

Yes, it does feel, honestly, kind of wholesome.

[A]

I know. I don't hate it.

[B]

Like, you know what? I feel like Ryan's family would.

[A]

Yeah, like, it's a corny, cute family. Okay, all right.

[B]

I take back the part about the ick. It is just like wholesome.

[A]

Okay. The last one, Christmas with the in laws. She writes, these are ex in laws. And Christmas wasn't even the worst of it from my ex mother in law. But I remember the first Christmas I spent with them. There were no children, just adults. The gifts were all set up around the living room by person. Everyone opened their gifts at the same time except his mom. The first. Huh. Moment that day was she got me size extra small pajamas. Ladies. At the time, I was nearly 200 pounds heavier than I am now.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

So it's not like that was ballparking and came close.

[B]

So congrats on losing 200 pounds? Holy. Yeah, right?

[A]

So if she lost 200 pounds, yes, like incredible. But she was at least 300 pounds extra small. My skims pajamas are medium. Needless to say, every Christmas after that I gifted her a salad spinner. Lol. She had a cupboard full by the time we divorced.

[B]

Okay, this is the crazy part of the email.

[A]

So when everyone was finished opening, she got out of her seat, sat cross legged in the middle of the floor, and made everyone gather around in a circle to watch her open her gifts. Naturally, I laughed thinking this was a joke. It wasn't. We formed a circle as she opened about five gifts for herself. She knew exactly what was in every single gift. She'd never let her husband buy her gifts. She was this bougie, everything's for show weird woman and would have a breakdown if he got her something she didn't want. So anyway, these gifts that were mostly just money were wrapped in these horrible flimsy clothing gift boxes with a bunch of tissue paper. So as she danced cross legged on the floor, she would grab each individual piece of tissue paper, daintily, hold it in the air, and do this dramatic toss of the tissue paper with a giggle. I kept looking at my husband, not husband, yet at this point for any indication that they were with me. It took nearly an hour for her to open these gifts, each tissue paper toss just as dramatic and weird as the last. Then it came time for dinner. And never mind that she can't cook a meal to save her life, but they spent the entire Christmas dinner bashing the LGBTQ community. What? Yes, I definitely softened that. The words they were using are not kind. My ex's younger cousin had just come out to the family about a month prior and apparently this was the worst thing that's happened to that family. To be honest, they were my favorite person I'd met in that family, including my ex husband, but jokes on them because their son is now out in transition.

[B]

Why do I have like chills my body? I've read this email before.

[A]

Oh my God. If you ladies ever need more in law stories, I have a bag full of them. Like the time she left out her lingerie and naked photos for us to find. What is wrong with this woman?

[B]

Slow clap for this girl getting away from this family.

[A]

Yes. Holy. So this is her ex. They were. Okay. Ex in laws. She was married to him. Okay, got it. Yes.

[B]

I guess they split up and since then he's transitioned and you know, hopefully he's following his truth.

[A]

Wait, her ex husband's transitioning?

[B]

She Said jokes on them. Their son is now out and transitioning.

[A]

But her ex husband or another maybe another son. I think she would say that that's another layer. That's a whole nother story.

[B]

Only had so much time. We just want a holiday stories.

[A]

I think it's another story about the.

[B]

Cousin that she liked.

[A]

No, she's talking about their son but maybe there's another son. So like her ex brother in law. I think she'd say her ex husband. Don't you think? I don't know. I'm dying to know this.

[B]

So much information.

[A]

We'll update you guys next week.

[B]

So much happened. I find it so. Listen, I know it's not the most egregious part of this email but like making people form a circle around you while you open gifts. I honestly, I hated baby showers and I find it really fudgeing weird when people do it at like and go engagement parties and showers are fine if that's how you want to live your life. Like do it Christmas. You don't get. You don't get the. The present circle but you're not the star.

[A]

Like you at a shower, there's one person that's the star. That's when it's acceptable. What is this mom doing? And I'm so confused. It was just money wrapped in tissue paper and she was like. She made people another check another gift card to Sacks. Just kidding. Not Sacks. Not sacks. Sax today I need to catch a stray. Neiman.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

I know.

[B]

All right, well good for you girl. Get away from these people.

[A]

Well, thank you guys so much for sharing with us. As always, we hope you guys have.

[B]

A great holiday season and peace and joy. Whatever you choose to do. We support any decision that you guys make this holiday season.

[A]

Yes. And you know, prioritize your family. If they prioritize you, don't start. No, won't be.

[B]

No.

[A]

That's my not life mantra. Yeah. But happy holidays.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We hope you enjoy.

[B]

We love you guys and thank you.

[A]

For coming to the holiday show in New York. I'm sure it was a blast. We will have a snack this Thursday and then next week we're going to recap the year. So we'll have a Monday and a Thursday episode and that'll be our last.

[B]

Episode of the year.

[A]

Yeah. And then. Yeah, our last snack of the year will be next Thursday and then of course rain is tour.

[B]

So I'll see you guys on tour. Rainy greenberg.com those tickets go on sale Wednesday. Presale code is honestly full blown sale Friday, but get them on Wednesday. Tag me and Ashley in this in the Instagram stories.

[A]

Yeah. So raina greenberg.com everybody. Let's leave it at that. You can follow me if you want. Ashes, raina.greenberg girls gotta eat dot com. There's nothing really going on there right now, though. But check it out. Yeah.

[B]

You know, or buy vibrators. We have vibrator company. Yeah, girls.

[A]

Podcasts on Instagram and tick tock and vibesonly.com but you know, Raina greenbrock.com above all, tag me in your stage stories and we will see you guys Thursday.

[B]

Happy holidays. Have a good week, guys. Bye.