The Best (and Absolute Worst) Ways to Break Up

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat: "The Best (and Absolute Worst) Ways to Break Up"

Date: April 20, 2026
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat (Dear Media)

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Overview of the Episode

This episode gives the Girls Gotta Eat treatment to breakups: the good, the bad, and the hilariously horrible. Ashley and Rayna dive into the best, worst, and most outlandish breakup methods and locations, fueled by listener stories, their own experiences, and current pop culture (including the hot new breakup memoir “Strangers” by Belle Burden). From the logistics of when, where, and how to split, to deeper issues about closure, empathy, and communication, the hosts break it all down with their signature blend of candor and wit.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

Cabo Stories, Health Updates & Moving Woes

(00:00–29:15)

• The episode opens with Ashley and Rayna discussing their time in Cabo for a wedding, planning e-bike excursions (with a tangent about camels in Cabo), and general travel banter.
• They update listeners about tour dates—Rayna had to cancel shows due to being sick for the first time ever in their 8 years of touring:
  • Rayna: "I've never been as sick, and it's just a fucking cold. I don't have the flu. I don't have Covid." (06:12)
• Extended discussion about the indignities and unique trauma of adult colds and how hard it can be to cancel plans as a performer.
• Ashley contemplates moving (with Shashank) back to NYC and the agonies of renting vs. buying in New York, especially downsizing from a house to a cramped NYC apartment:
  • Ashley: "Buying in New York is just—it's a different animal altogether..." (11:40)
  • Observations about parenting in small spaces: “The kids kitchen is in their kitchen. ... I'm not strong enough to be a parent.” (15:46)
• Praise for supportive friends when you’re sick, and the emotional labor women do checking in on each other.

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Book Chat: “Strangers” by Belle Burden

(29:15–40:39)

• The hosts discuss the viral memoir “Strangers,” about a woman blindsided by her husband's abrupt departure after 21 years:
  • Summary of the book: "Within a week of the shutdown, she finds out that he's having an affair and he leaves her... and she never really gets an explanation.” (30:11)
• Ashley highlights this quote: “Wouldn’t your own story look different if you knew how it was going to end?” (32:18)
  • They reflect on how breakups often lead people to comb through the past for "missed" signs.
• The book sparks discussion about relationship closure, generational attitudes toward infidelity, and the value of telling your story despite audience criticism:
  • Rayna: "No matter what you put out into the world, some people will love it and some people will have a problem with it. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't share your truth." (36:19)
• They relate the book’s impact to their own decision to share openly about breakups, noting, “Sharing these really painful moments will change other people's lives…” (35:22)

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Best & Worst Ways to Break Up

(40:39–88:19)

What Makes a “Good” Breakup (or at least, not traumatic)?

• Consensus: There’s no perfectly painless way, but there is a wrong way. Ghosting, blindsiding, and cold detachment are the ultimate sins.
  • “There's nothing worse than leaving someone with no explanation, no closure, no nothing.” (41:44)
• Listeners echo: Respect, honesty, and dignity are musts, even for casual flings.
• The trauma of callous breakups can linger for years, as shown in stories of abrupt and unexplained endings by long-term partners.

Mode of Breakup: Text, Call, or In-Person?

• For casual dates: 48% of listeners say text is fine; for committed relationships: 98% say it must be in person. (46:07–48:19)
• Some nuance: Rayna admits to a breakup over Zoom due to long-distance.
  • "I felt really bad. ... I'm gonna close my computer now." (48:22)
• Travel-induced breakup logistics are a special kind of cruel:
  • Ashley: "If I traveled to get dumped ... you better pay me." (49:46 & callback to opener)
  • Rayna recounts Venmoing a guy to offset his canceled flight after she ended things pre-visit. (51:08)

Where Should a Breakup Happen?

• Poll results: 52% prefer their (the person instigating) home, 28% the other person’s home, 20% a public place. (52:21)
• Rayna prefers to do it at the other person's place for a cleaner emotional exit: “I want to be able to get up and leave on my own terms.” (52:40)
• Ashley stresses proximity and practicality: “Did I get in a car to come get dumped?”

Public Breakups: Parks, Restaurants & Disasters

• Horror stories about chain restaurants and stores: Panera, Target, Dairy Queen, Petco, Costco, etc. (59:31)
• Restaurant breakups are panned:
  • “Are you doing it at the beginning or the end of dinner? ... That’s so crazy. I’m leaving.” (56:49)
  • They agree this is manipulative, as it suppresses real emotional reactions.
• Parks and walks are less traumatic; walk-and-talk can soften the blow.
• Traveling to break up (especially being stuck on a cruise or vacation) is described as uniquely nightmarish.
  • Ashley: “On a cruise ship... we broke up day two. The rest of the cruise was horrible.” (61:05)

Timing: When is the “Best” (or Least Bad) Time to Break Up?

• Listeners and hosts weigh in on ideal days/seasons (Friday afternoon, spring) vs. worst times (Monday morning, before major holidays, when someone’s sick or grieving).
  • Rayna: “When I’ve rung the bell, I can’t, like, unring the bell. ... I don’t think I can last 48 hours before doing it.” (72:17)
  • General agreement: Sooner, with minimal dragging out, is better—except some debate over breaking up before or after holidays.
  • “Do you want a warning shot?” They debate the value of foreshadowing vs. the pain of being blindsided.

How Much Information is Enough?

• A vital question, especially in longer relationships: Do you owe a partners specifics or just a “this isn’t working”?
  • Rayna: “I need some type of information; your brain is on this loop—it can’t close.” (84:38)
• Solution: Be kind but clear, don’t insult, don’t be vague, and don’t try to “Bachelor” your way into a proposal-turned-breakup.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ending things over travel:
  “If I traveled to get dumped, if I went to a different borough, if I went to West Hollywood from the west side during rush hour—90 minutes to get dumped—you better pay me.” —Ashley (00:00, 49:46)

• On parenting in NYC apartments:
  “The kids kitchen is in their kitchen. ... I’m not strong enough to be a parent.” —Rayna (15:46)

• On abrupt, unexplained breakups:
  “It is so sick and unfair that you could just ease their pain a little bit and you just are refusing to.” —Rayna (42:48)

• On the cruelty of breaking up in certain settings:
  “If we're getting ice cream and you couldn't wait until we got out of the Dairy Queen, the Costco, the Petco... That's a breakup because you are angry.” —Rayna (59:54)

• On breakup outcomes:
  “Pain is pain, heartbreak is heartbreak. Of course, money makes it easier, but ... rich people have problems.” —Ashley (38:37)

• On empathy and closure:
  “There's nothing worse than leaving someone with no explanation, no closure, no nothing. ... If someone really breaks off your relationship in such a thoughtless, careless way, you really... that was not your person.” —Ashley (41:44)

• On timing:
  “If you break up with someone Monday morning, you're a monster. ... Diabolical.” —Ashley (70:43)

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Key Takeaways

• Respect, clarity, and care are essential: Whether it’s a two-date fling or a decade-long relationship, ending things with thought and dignity matters. Avoid ghosting, abruptness, and manipulation.

• No place is perfect, but some are worse than others: Avoid restaurants (awkward), chain stores (cheapens the moment), or being trapped together (cruise, car). At home or in a neutral place is best.

• Timing is nuanced: End things as soon as you’re sure, but try to respect big life events and avoid holidays when possible. Warning shots are tricky; some prefer them, but blindsided endings can skip agonizing negotiations.

• Information is healing: Give your partner something to help them make sense of the ending—even just “I'm not in love with you and don't see a future.”

• Communal experience: Everyone has a breakup horror story (or 10). Humor, community, and commiseration make even the worst breakups a little more bearable.

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Listener Interactions & Most Outrageous Breakup Venues

• Listener breakups at:
  Panera, Target, Tim Hortons, Disneyland, Dunkin, Starbucks, Olive Garden, Petco, Dairy Queen, Costco, New Year’s parties, after sex, vacations, confined road trips.
  • Memorable submission: “Dumped at a New Year’s party drunk and no taxis available. That is some bullshit.” (60:00)
  • After sex breakups: “If somebody has sex with you and breaks up with them, kick them in the balls.” —Rayna (60:46)

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Segment Timestamps

• Cabo & e-bike stories: 00:00–03:49
• Health/tour updates: 04:10–08:55
• NYC moving woes, apartment talk: 10:37–15:40
• Book chat: “Strangers” by Belle Burden: 29:15–40:39
• Breakup approaches (best/worst): 40:39–88:19
• Listener stories & poll results: 46:07–59:22
• Breakup logistics and philosophies: 70:07–87:23

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Tone & Style

The episode blends sharp humor, honesty, and camaraderie, making for an engaging discussion of all things breakups. Listener stories are woven in, and the hosts move smoothly from commiseration to actionable advice while never losing their irreverent, supportive tone.

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For Further Listening

• “Amy Chan on Breakups” (re-released Aug 31, 2025; originally 2019/2020)
• “Raina So You Got Blindsided” (Sept 2018)

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GirlsGottaEat.com | @girlsgottaeatpodcast | @ashhess | @rainagreenberg

Full videos available on YouTube & Spotify. Tour and Vibes Only details at their respective websites.

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Summary compiled by AI podcast summarizer.

Transcript

[A]

If I traveled to get dumped, if I went to a different borough, if I went to West Hollywood from the west side during rush hour. 90 minutes to get dumped. You better pay me. This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode. Episode of Girls Gotta eat.

[A]

Welcome back. We are in Cabo as this airs.

[B]

Yes. For a wedding of our friend.

[A]

Yes. Muy caliente.

[B]

We're on a boat.

[A]

Yes. On 4:20. We will be on a boat. I'm just so glad to be back in Cabo. What happens in Cabo, stays in Cabo.

[B]

That's where you got a boyfriend.

[A]

That's where I got a boyfriend. That's where I turned 40.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you. If you know, you know it has a special place to heart. But yeah, we're here for our friend's wedding as this airs. Raina, I gotta tell you. So I wanted to book some stuff. We're there for five days. Shashank and I are. We're doing like a trip like Saturday through Wednesday. And I was like, I want to do some stuff. We have a few things with the wedding. But like, I want to do something on like Sunday.

[B]

Do each other.

[A]

So I booked an excursion and I don't think you're going to be in town yet, but I figured I would invite you live on air. We are going to do a three hour ebike tour around the beaches and stuff. It looks pretty cool.

[B]

Bike on the beach.

[A]

You do. I think you have these like fat tire bikes. So here's what I.

[B]

On the sand. I don't know. I didn't even know you could do that.

[A]

So there was a few different options. And what I wanted to do, which they didn't have any availability, was it's a two part excursion. E bike and camels.

[B]

I would with some camels and it

[A]

said it's humane, certified. Like I always. Animal stuff. I'm always like, I want to make sure. But camels can be ridden.

[B]

I've ridden a camel.

[A]

Yeah. Same as a little kid, but not in recent years. So maybe the camels will open up and we'll do it. But. Okay, well, maybe you'd want to do

[B]

the camels in Mexico in Cabo.

[A]

Camels in Cabo. It's a thing.

[B]

It's a thing.

[A]

It's a thing.

[B]

Camels are indigenous to Mexico.

[A]

They're not indigenous. They. They're there. I should look into this to see if they're real. I think I'm real. Actual camels, not.

[B]

I get them there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I land like, midday on Sunday. I'm probably not going to go on a camel ride.

[A]

Ok. Okay, guys. Well, you are hearing it here first. She's denying my invitation.

[B]

Biking 100. I thought you were gonna tell me through our hike, which I would consider on a vacation.

[A]

I mean, we love to e bike, and I have to tell you, I love to exercise and I love to break a sweat and be active on trips. It says, like, you won't even break a sweat. Like, they kind of are like, don't worry, you won't have to do the work. Like, it's an ebike. It's an E bike.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

That you don't really have to pedal in California. Not all E bikes are created equal. But like, Shashank's E bike that he has here in la, he doesn't have to pedal. Like, it's not so city bike. In New York, you do have to pedal. Yeah. It just goes. Yeah.

[B]

As somebody who's never successfully ridden a bike, I don't know anything about it,

[A]

but I think they're gonna make us wear, like, knee pads and shit.

[B]

Like, to wear knee pads. I'm not gonna make you do that in Mexico.

[A]

I mean, helmets, of course, but I saw people were wearing, like, elbow and knee pads. Nerves stop. I'm not rollerblading.

[B]

I think Mexico is cooler than that. I don't think they're gonna be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

I know. I really don't want to wear knee pads and elbow.

[B]

FDA recommends that you wear.

[A]

I'm like, can I save these for later? I have to suck a dick later.

[B]

Can I?

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Bring your elbow pads to give your blow job later.

[A]

Anyway. So that's where we are.

[B]

Follow along. Okay, well, we're gonna thank our partners and then jump right in. Thanks to Skims. Get our favorite bras and [e-mail] GGE and Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for [e-mail] GGE with code.

[A]

GGE and thank you to Lola Blankets. Get 40% off select [e-mail] with code. Girls gotta eat. And thank you to hers. Get the. That actually reflects your needs. Start a free [e-mail]. why did you just dab the way

[B]

that you just went?

[A]

I just had to clear.

[B]

You know, you get like a.

[A]

Like, it feels like it's like an air bubble in your throat.

[B]

Don't. I know how it feels in my throat. I have not been sick like, this. Have you ever known me to be this sick? I can't remember another time, like the entire time of our friendship. So it's a cold. Like, I don't know what else to call this.

[A]

Don't get me started on this. Colds need to be rebranded because there is such a spectrum. There is sniffles, of course, and then there is deathbed daggers in your throat. I don't buy it. I don't buy it that you just had a cold.

[B]

I started to feel sick last Monday, Tuesday we recorded and I started to get a sore throat. I woke up, I never went to sleep, really. Tuesday night, like three in the morning, I was staring at the ceiling. I had like tears in my eyes because I had to get up and fly to Salt Lake in the morning. And I was like, I don't think I like have it in me. I am like really unwell. I haven't slept. I don't think I have a five hour flight in me, let alone like getting on stage. I messaged our agent. Luckily he was on the West Coast. So midnight, he rode back. He was like, it's okay. We can move a show if you like, really need to. I had to like cancel my opener. Him and I booked on Salt Lake. We booked Salt Lake and Nashville. Like, I messaged you and I was like, I don't know what to do. Cause I've never. You and I have never canceled a show. We've been on tour for eight years. We have never canceled. I've never been too sick to get on tour first.

[A]

Being sick a few times we've had to like postpone a show. Like, I just wanna be clear. Cause people will be in the comments. You cancel them and we hate to do it. It's like the worst thing when stuff comes up that's out of our control, like unforeseen circumstances. But as far as something personal, like day of week of being sick, it's never happened. I mean, and we've been sick. I mean, I actually, last year I had to cancel some bar shows here in LA cause I had the flu and they rescheduled them. But like, we've been really lucky and we've been healthy.

[B]

The fact that like, it like breaks my heart that people would like buy plane tickets, book hotels, fly somewhere. So I was trying to get ahead of it. I just couldn't. I was so sick I could not get out of bed. So I canceled. I moved the shows. So just so you guys know, Salt Lake and Nashville have been moved. Nashville will be July 29th. And Salt Lake will be July 30th, so my only shows this summer at all.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I didn't know you moved them then.

[B]

Well, Andrew just was like, let's just get people a new date right away. Okay? I mean, we're really lucky. We have a great agent who just was like, this stuff happens. I'll contact the clubs. And they were really, really nice about everything. I just, like, said to you, like, I don't know what to do. I just. I've never been as sick, and it's just a fucking cold. I don't have the flu. I don't have Covid. I. I got every. I got tested for everything.

[A]

It's fine. I don't believe it. I don't. You were like, on your deathbed, you could not speak. Your throat was like. To the, like, debilitating pain. They check you for bronchitis? Is that still.

[B]

They checked me for strep. But the weirdest. I wasn't coughing. Really?

[A]

Yeah. I knew I wasn't strep. I'm telling you, it's something different. I just can't with this. That's a common cold. Shut up.

[B]

And then you Google everything. It's just like. There's just no cure for it. Yes, there is. Big col cold is profiting off of this. Yeah, I just.

[A]

I went.

[B]

I got an Sudafed, I got an IV. I got a $300 IV. And because it just said, like, this will fix everything. No change. What's. I was like, I'll. I'll go to these shows how. Or high water. That's what I spent on iv. No. No change at all. I'm trying to, like, take all these medicines.

[A]

I googled.

[B]

Should I go to a hospital? Is it normal to produce this much snot? Like, I have been a human snot factory. Like, have you ever used that. Produce that much mucus where you're like, I don't think this is natural.

[A]

Yeah. There was a point where I would get these colds, and I haven't had one in years, where I would plug my nose with, like, tissue to walk around the city. Because I was like, I would be going through packs and packs and travel packs of tissues. And some of this was when we still had to wear masks. I was like, I'm a disaster under here. I have tampons up my nose under this mask. Like, I could not plug my nose. Just like a fact. But that throat feeling. I remember having that in Atlanta this one time. And again, I did all the tests. Nothing. This Is pre Covid. It wasn't the flu, it wasn't strep. And I was crying in the parking lot of an urgent care. I barely could get myself there. I remember a doctor I knew at the time, they wouldn't give me anything other than like 800 milligram ibuprofen. And I. I could not function. I had a doctor call me in some hydrocodone just for pain relief.

[B]

I know that's a cold.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

The pain was so bad.

[A]

I was. The pain.

[B]

I know. I was so frustrated, like, I cannot make this pain go away. I couldn't even go to the airport cuz I was like, I can't be on a plane.

[A]

I know.

[B]

This was so bad. I have to tell you though, I went seven days. Today is the first day I put on makeup. I have not had alcohol, coffee or makeup.

[A]

Coffee.

[B]

I've had no coffee since last Tuesday. No alcohol, no makeup. My body has like returned to the earth. I've been eating like a fucking. I don't know, like a football player. Oh, you've been eating nonstop. I can't stop.

[A]

I did not know where this was going. So are you feeling healthy or not? I don't know where we're going.

[B]

I don't feel healthy. I don't feel like.

[A]

So what I did was I didn't drink, didn't have coffee, didn't put makeup on, but I made up for it in calories.

[B]

All I did was eat. All. I have no joy in my life. It's just like all I can do is eat. I ordered vasilica every night in New York. Just because it's just carbs. Yes. Pasta, latkes, matzo ball soup. The other day I went, got food and I drove. I circled back around and went to levain and got two cookies.

[A]

I feel like this is a little bit of a hot take because people talk about when you get the flu. Let's just say you have the flu because obviously you had some strain of something. Like how much weight did you lose? What? No, the food is what's bringing me joy. I think about when Shashank and I had the flu last year. And yeah, there were some days where I just couldn't move and I didn't eat a lot. But once we returned to a state of we could eat. We weren't cooking. We didn't have the energy to cook. We were ordering like the always pastas and treat yourself. Yeah, treat yourself like we had a hit. We had dopamine hit in this house

[B]

just like Eat whatever you want as

[A]

much as you look. Right?

[B]

Really? I feel. I feel great. I mean, I feel like I look great, but I feel I do not feel great.

[A]

Do not know what you're saying.

[B]

I'm still a little foggy. And we had this whole conversation and you were like, are you okay? Well, I'm sorry that I canceled on you guys. You guys know that me and Ashley would literally never.

[A]

And after what I did to bring you to Salt Lake, you cancel. Feel personal. Ashley made me go here.

[B]

I wanted to go there.

[A]

I know, bad guys were kidding, right? She doesn't like when I say this,

[B]

but I mean, what a time to be insult. Like, I feel like Chase is so hot right now. Like, is Chase even gonna matter in July?

[A]

No, like Chase is like so upset you canceled the show.

[B]

I like have all these jokes about the stool on stage and Taylor, Frankie, Paul.

[A]

Oh no.

[B]

I've been really enjoying them. I can't do it in Salt Lake. I gotta wait till July.

[A]

Something else will transpire.

[B]

I really hope you guys are still causing drama there in July.

[A]

Well, yes. We were in New York all last week and I had mentioned that I was looking at some homes to buy. Did I or was I being cagey? I don't know. It's not a secret. I'm just, you know, I don't know what I'm doing.

[B]

But she doesn't want to commit out loud that she's going to move.

[A]

We are not committed. No one knows, even me.

[B]

It's more, more than I know shock. We could tell him later, but I need to know later.

[A]

Hey, babe, we're moving.

[B]

We'll tell him where he's living in a matter of days.

[A]

But. So I've said this before. I cannot imagine moving again into a temporary home. Like we have a large ish house here in L. A. It is packed to the walls, the garage, the basement. Like, we have so much stuff. This is two grown ups and all of their things. This is not a hot take, but I was like, we cannot do that move. There is nothing more intense than a fully across the country move of all your things. And downsizing from a house to an apartment. I mean, it sends a chill down my spine to think about and the cost alone of the move.

[B]

I'm selling everything.

[A]

Five, ten grand. I mean, it's just so crazy. So. Yeah, and you can do that too. But we have. I have nice things. Like I want to bring our stuff also.

[B]

There's two of you.

[A]

Yeah. So I was like, I want to buy in New York, and I went around and saw what was out there. And that is. It's a humbling experience. No matter what. I have a healthy budget. I was looking at decent places. But it still doesn't matter. It's still like, how could I live like this? Like, it doesn't matter what you're 2, 3 million, 5 million. Like, you're still like, it's small for that price tag, and you have to really reconcile that. So buying in New York is just. It's a different animal altogether. It's not like, well, buy it and you can sell it. Yeah, of course you can always buy and sell, but you're really supposed to live somewhere for five years to have it be even worth your investment. We hear that time and time again. The taxes, the property tax, all the things. It's so different than any other city. This is not hot take. It's the most expensive city to live in the world. So I went around and I saw places I liked, and I still, like, couldn't come to terms with, like, pulling the trigger on something, on my forever home price and not having lived there. And I had this thing in my head of, like, I've lived there, I know what to expect, but I'm not living in the same neighborhood. And I have not lived there with Shashank. He's never lived there. And so I do feel like I've come to this conclusion. I had a long breakfast coffee with Kelly, and she was like, should you just, like, rent? And I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. This is the thing I don't want to do. And now I come to the conclusion that we probably just do need to rent. Just because that living nightmare of a move that I'm talking about will still be better than regretting buying something.

[B]

Let me tell you, the regret in my body. I can't just get up and go. It sucks.

[A]

Yeah. It's a commitment.

[B]

And I love my house, and I'm proud of it. And I renovated it. It's the most beautiful thing. It's the thing I'm most proud of. Every day I walk around and I'm like, I can't believe I get to live here. But, like, I don't want to live there anymore.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I made a mistake.

[A]

I know. And I do be changing my mind. We talk about this all the time. And so I do think if we move back, we will rent. And then after a year or whatever, we will know of, do we even really want to be in this neighborhood or in the City or what we. We want to do. We've never lived there together. And what we really do need in terms of space and what works best for Azul. So that's just where I'm at. Just wanted to keep you guys updated. But, man, it's just. It's crazy. People don't own in New York. We don't have any friends. I mean, I don't know anybody. All our friends are married. They're in their 30s, 40s. Some of them have kids or having kids. Everybody rents is, again, the coldest take. But it's just. You even ask people like, would you buy? And they're like, no.

[B]

It's just, I don't know the amount of money you have to put down to live in New York. I don't know, to buy something. It's not worth it to me. I'd rather buy a house outside of New York and rent in New York.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but it just feels like if that is where we're gonna live, that's where I should buy the thing.

[B]

People are always like, you know, rent versus buy. And it's like you're just lighting your money on fire. You're not lighting it on fire. You got to live in that place

[A]

for a month, but you get to pay to live. And someone else takes care of stuff, like being in these homes. And there's this great realtor named Jason, and you know him, and we have a lot of mutual friends. He's in, like, more Uranus friend. But even him asking the selling agent, like, are there any assessments on the place? Like, what immediately unexpected cost could you get hit with? It's just. It's interesting. And we saw six places total, two in Manhattan, which I actually don't really think is for me. I think I do want to be in Williamsburg. And four in Williamsburg. And it's very funny, the houses that you see that people are currently living in that have kids, because there's just kid shit everywhere. And it's hard to picture our adult life with in New York in a tight space. People that have children in New York and, like, they're just the stuff. Like, I'm like, there's not enough space for me and my husband, and there's kids, stuff like this one. Like, Rena, there's this beautiful counter, like the Count, the gorgeous, like, kitchen island counter, whatever. And I'm thinking, like, you might not even need a dining table in here because the counter is so wide, and it would be so great to eat at. And, like, they have no stools because under the counter, like, placed under it, is the kids kitchen, like the play kitchen. Like, you know, I bought Jay and Aaron a kitchen, but it's in their playroom. The kitchen's under there. In their kitchen. They get their kitchen's in their kitchen. The kids kitchen.

[B]

They don't get to use the countertop.

[A]

No.

[B]

Because the kids stuff is under it.

[A]

The kids kitchen is in their kitchen.

[B]

Are you hearing me, you guys? I'm not strong enough to be a parent. I'm not, like, I have to forfeit my kitchen island. And then, like, parents are so strong

[A]

right next to that basketball hoop. And like, my nephews have all this stuff too, but my brother lives in this big house. Like, it's just crazy because I. I really am such a supporter of like a bunch of toys and stuff, you know, like, some people are like, they want to be more minimalist and they don't want their kids to take over their house. You know, I think there's a consumerism aspect of it too. But your kids should have books and play things and basketball hoops and play kitchens and all the things. But when you have them all in your like 1100, 1200 square foot apartment, it's wild to see. And I don't see it a lot. And this is the cleaned up version because people are touring the home, like, what does this look like, midday?

[B]

I'm not strong enough to be a parent. New York City, I could never do it. How could people do it?

[A]

Mad respect. But that play kitchen, under the kitchen, in the kitchen.

[B]

I mean, you just gotta, you gotta like, get in where you fit in. Like, you, where else are you gonna put it? But like, I couldn't have kids. I was hit with this also earlier this week because I. Our friend Jeremy's mom texted me and was like, I heard you were sick. It was so sweet. And she told me, she was like, I used to travel a lot, you know, but of course, when I had kids, I couldn't get this sick. I didn't have a choice. And I was like, oh, right, I could be this sick with kids to take care of. I was only responsible for me. I was in a living hell. But I could respond to you when I felt like it and our friends when I felt like it. Like, what if I had to get up and feed somebody?

[A]

Well, you know, and I feel obviously for any parent who was dealing with any sort of like illness, like chronic illness or anything, that's not healthy day to day. I mean, not everybody is a plus healthy. But when my mom was sick as a child. I remember these moments. I remember my mom. I was so young, and I remember her walking in the door and she had, like, a bladder infection or something, and she was, like, keeled over and, like, crying, and she just had to go straight up to her bedroom. And then I remember another time when she had mono and she just had to, like, be sleeping in the guest room for, like, days on end. For me, it felt like weeks because you're a kid and time, you know, but it was probably not. Probably a week or so. And, like, I remember them so vividly because your parent can't take care of you. Like, I remember my mom being sick as, like, core memories.

[B]

It really, like, hits me, like, just how strong moms are.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I don't know how you get. All I had to do was think about me and how I was getting it through the day. But, like, that's not an option when you're a parent.

[A]

Pregnant women are having nausea every day and going to work.

[B]

It's crazy to me.

[A]

I have a stomachache.

[B]

How?

[A]

You can't record if I have a stomachache.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

That's not happening. We better push it.

[B]

I mean, if it's raining out, we have to talk about it for an hour before we can even go anywhere.

[A]

Fucking wind. I can't. Well, it's very funny. Like, who checks on you?

[B]

You were very sick and everybody checked on me.

[A]

And I had to, like, that these dumb things happen in New York. So my Uber did hit. I didn't get an accident, but my Uber hit this G wagon, and it was like, just a bump. And I get on my Instagram, talk about. I. I'm not doing it in a sympathetic way. I'm, like, laughing about it. I don't know whether to get out of the car or not. They're yelling at each other or whatever. And then people are like, are you okay? Are you okay? I appreciate it, but, like, I thought I was being, like, funny about it. I. I'm in the car fine. Like, I don't. My neck doesn't hurt. Like, and then I had joked about, like, slamming my finger in this bathroom door. And then I got in that. This was a little more serious. I got in the airplane and they gave me an ice pack.

[B]

Didn't make it too serious. Yeah, did I. I felt like it was serious.

[A]

I thought maybe my finger was broken. And I just. The main reason why I wanted to make this post on Instagram was to jokingly, like, thank the staff, thank the delta Flight attendants who I said acted like first responders on the scene. Like they act like this happens every day. They I asked for a cup of ice and they were like, no, we need to put ice in a bag. Let's double bag it. And then do you need a band aid? This? They were ready and it's fine. It's just like bruised. But I thought it might have been broken. Cause the pain was like shooting through my body. But it's just funny. And I'm like, I don't even know if I want to post this stuff because I don't need to be checked in on my mother in law. Do you need to go to the ER after the Uber crash?

[B]

Thank you for bringing this off. I feel like I don't care when other people get sick. I just, I don't really sick. I care. But like you check in with me every morning. You take being sick very seriously. I do. Like every morning. What's the status update? Emily every morning. Melanie every morning. Megan, I'm worried about you.

[A]

How are you?

[B]

I mean all of our friends checking if somebody had a cold, they would never hear from me ever. I'm so different than this. You're the only person I would check on. But like my life is so tied to you.

[A]

Like it's just so serious though. You had to cancel work.

[B]

It's just I realize how much more I say all the time. I'm not that thoughtful. Other people, how thoughtful other people are. Like if somebody said to me I have a cold, I'd be like, talk to me when you don't have a cold. Like everybody around me was continuously checking in.

[A]

Raina, it's so like, it makes me like I'm again so thankful for the people that care about me in my life. Literally. Like we are really grateful for everybody that is going to check in on anything. But it's very funny. People. Like your finger. How's your finger?

[B]

Okay. Your finger I took really seriously. But if you, if somebody told me they had a cold or even the flu, I wouldn't really take it that seriously.

[A]

The flu is so serious. Oh my God. It was weird. Like both almost did not survive it. I just hope you know, I hope you don't get it. I get it.

[B]

Every eight years I think I got the flu shot.

[A]

I really feel it every time I see a comedian having to cancel tour dates for being sick. It sucks. Like a. Your livelihood. But people have bought tickets and it's just, it's, it's short notice. You know, like the few times We've had to cancel shows. We really want to give people a long Runway, and we hate to, like, upset or inconvenience anybody, especially people who've, like, made plans. But it's like, like, it sucks when it's like, it's the day of. You're like, this is not happening tonight.

[B]

I even saw, like, could I have Matt do, like, 45 and I'll do 30?

[A]

Like, like, still go. I thought you meant, like, could you send him in your place?

[B]

You make me go.

[A]

That would be fine.

[B]

People would actually have a good time.

[A]

Some people wouldn't like it. They like you more than me. Whatever.

[B]

But it would be okay. Like, I think would be so excited I'm here.

[A]

So, like, I was the one that wanted to come here anyway. No. What a funny surprise.

[B]

I really thought, like, could I have him do this? But I was like, I don't think that's the experience. People didn't pay for that experience.

[A]

Yeah, that's fair. Okay, so just one more thing we wanted to mention. We're having a big sale for Vibes only if you guys are new here. We have a sexual wellness company. We sell the best, most high quality elite vibrators and accoutrement for the bedroom, like lube. And this amazing intimate moisturizing oil and blow gel. Suck and blow gel, one of our top sellers in different flavors. That's for, of course, oral sex for anybody. And we are having a really big sale. I mean, 4:20. Great time to get high and masturbate.

[B]

I mean, the best orgasms I have ever had in my entire life is when I am stoned and masturbated. I never have a better orgasm.

[A]

Whether you smoke or not, treat yourself. So some of these really incredible items are up to 40% off. So these vibrators include the Poppy, which is this handheld ergonomic, has a finger loop to hold it. We're obsessed with it. Like one of our faves, the Scarlet. I'll let Rana take the Scarlet. The Lucy Love kit, and the Lucy 2. These are bullet vibrators with three different silicone sleeves. So you really get four vibrators in one. The Farah, which is a finger vibe, which is great for partner play. And the Debbie. And then we are going to have 30% off the peppermint blow gel, the play pillow, the sex pillow. That'll totally change the game. Game. And our cleanup towels. And then still we have nipple clamps as a gift with purchase for all orders over $150. Okay, so. And you, if raina wants to jump in on the Scarlet and Debbie, the one you love. The suckers.

[B]

Yeah. My favorite are my vibrators are the air pulse vibrators. So the Scarlet is small, it's handheld, it's great for travel. And then the Debbie is a little bit larger of an aeropulse suction viber. The hole is just bigger. I mean if you got a big clip, send you into orbit.

[A]

Yeah, they're both so good.

[B]

All these are great also for solo or partner play. The packaging is so beautiful. If you want to gift it to somebody, just give it to yourself. Honestly, just the best orgasms. They're classy. Have a classy orgasm on 420.

[A]

Yes. So some stuff will stay on sale but in terms of everything we mentioned, just get it while it's hot. 24 hour sale.

[B]

Yeah. If you guys forgot any of this, it is on the website. If you want to sign up for our email list you can sign up for vibesolly.com and you'll get those emails with the discounts. But just go to our website vibesonly.com buy yourself the gift of orgasms. The most beautiful, high end sexy vibrators that you guys could ever put in or on your body.

[A]

So this will be today only. This will end at midnight Pacific time of 4:20. And some of this stuff will stay on sale. But if you want to get all those things we just mentioned, shop today on 4 20. If you are listening. And the one I brought to New York, I was obviously bring a vibrator. I brought the Lucy Love kit. The heart. So there's these three amazing sleeves and one is for nipple play and one's like a lipstick shape and then the heart is the biggest one and it's this red heart. You just slide it on the bullet and it just has that textured pad. It just feels like so good on your body. I just love it. Our toys are the best.

[B]

I actually have been traveling with the Farah. It's this finger vibe you slip on your finger. It's the laziest orgasm you could ever have. You literally just slide it on your index finger and just, just press it against yourself. Sometimes I stick it inside myself a little bit.

[A]

You can do that. Just make sure you don't lose, don't lose it in there.

[B]

If you have a partner that likes to watch you masturbate, it's a fun thing to put on a show with. It won't emasculate some dumb man that's like that's bigger than me. It's not. Well, I hope it's not, but if

[A]

it is, you need it even more. So get the Ashley Max if it is. Okay, so vibesonly.com and you guys shop the 420 sale. Okay, let's just take a quick break and then we will get into the topic. I am telling you guys about Lola blankets. Oh, my God. Right? I feel like we have not talked about them in a while because they've probably been sold out. They are like such a hot commodity. Like, I was getting these for people for Christmas and I think I was like buying whatever I could to gift to people.

[B]

They're so soft and they look so chic.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. These are the best blankets. This is a like status symbol. They're affordable. But I do feel like, you know, you go to someone's house, they have this blanket.

[B]

They're really soft. They look great like that draped over the end of your bed or draped over a couch. They just look so nice and they're so soft and they come in a ton of different colors.

[A]

Yeah. So any occasions you guys have coming up, I mean, Mother's Day, it's just the perfect gift for anybody. I've gotten these for so many people. I did get my mom one for Christmas. I got one for Lindsay and Buck, my cousin and her husband for Christmas. And everybody's obsessed. Like, if they don't know about it and you gift it to them, they're like, what is this? How can this just be so soft and comfy? So Mother's Day, again, it is about celebrating mom. It's the best gift for her. Cozy, luxurious, thoughtful. We absolutely love it. So Lola is known for its life changing softness. The world's number one blanket, crafted with ultra soft faux fur and a signature therapeutic four way stretch. So it is machine washable, double hemmed, built to last for years. And they look incredible. I mean, we have the antique ivory color and we have like a darker color couch. So it looks really nice. I mean, we love the beiges. There's patterns. They have camos ones now, animal print. Whatever you guys are into, you can really make a statement. And they're just so great for gifting your home aesthetic. 20,000 five star reviews. Everybody's just obsessed again. There's a reason why it's called the world's number one blanket. So the size is too. I have a large, the XL is massive. I recommend it. Don't get it twisted. But I think I have a large. We do. And then I got my mom like a medium.

[B]

I got that xl.

[A]

You got the xl?

[B]

I just, I like to have blankets around my living room. I just like to keep it.

[A]

That's a flex. They also make a weighted blanket if you want that. And there's matching pillows, which are incredible. You can do bundling too. So for a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off select Lola Blankets products with Code Girls Gotta Eat at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code Girls Gotta Eat. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you this Mother's Day rat mom in the everyday luxury of Lola Blankets.

[B]

So as somebody who really travels a lot to people who travel a lot, I think it can be really hard to like eat healthy. And especially when I land back in la, like my first thought is like, like, what am I gonna eat? How am I gonna stock my fridge for the week? Like, it's really important to me to just like immediately figure out, like, how am I gonna feed myself something that's really good for me, like high protein and healthy and like, it's gonna fuel me for the week. And I find myself spending too much time just driving to like three different grocery stores when I land. So I'm gonna tell you guys about hungryroot and why I love it. They plan your meals for the week, they fill your cart, and they deliver everything you need right to your door to eat healthy every single day. So literally, I could like place this order while I'm out of town. It'll be there when I get there. And they take into account all of your health goals, your dietary preferences and your budget. Also to curate a custom delivery each week. So you take like a little quiz. They take into account literally everything. Are you cooking for kids? Are you dieting in a certain way? Do you have dietary restrictions? I love that. They can also help you with budgeting. And then they put together a grocery list for you and they learn sort of your tastes and dietary needs and they'll tailor all the deliveries according to what you need. Hungryroot offers over 50,000 chef crafted recipes and a lot of them are ready in 15 minutes. So they're gonna build out the cart. So you have everything you need to make these meals. And Ashley and I have used it to make tacos and burgers and pastas, breakfast items, even snacks, just ton stuff you have in your house. And they make sure that everything is organic produce, non GMO options, no hormones or antibiotics. It's really just great. And you should go Peruse what they have. You'll really find a lot of things that you'll like. Lots to choose from, tons of variety, and you're gonna love Hungryroot as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for Life. Go to hungryroot.com GGE and use code GGE that's hungryroot.com GGE code GGE to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

[A]

Okay, so we are talking about breakups today, which we will get into all the intel and info we crowdsource from our audience and our own feelings and stuff. But we want to talk about this book that we are reading along with the rest of the world, which is Strangers by Belle Burden.

[B]

You told me you were reading this, and you were like, everybody's reading this, and I'd never heard of it. And it's like one of those things that somebody mentions it and you're like, oh, this is. I immediately saw it on, like, four different of our friends Instagram stories. This book is truly everywhere.

[A]

So shout out to our audience. I saw comments on Spotify after we did the episode. I love my husband who hates me. And they were like, you have to read this book. And they were like, tinx was talking about it. Like, people were just like, oprah, but you know, this is hot right now, and you have to read it. And I literally was like, I will buy it today. Like, you guys just know. I mean, for you guys to comment that under this episode, like, you gotta read this book. I was like, I absolutely will read this book.

[B]

And we are gonna give some spoilers. I will summarize what the book is, but further down, spoilers. But in summary, it's a memoir of a woman who's in New York City, married to this man for 21, 22 years. They have three kids. The pandemic hits, and basically within a week of the shutdown, she finds out that he's having an affair and he leaves her. And that's sort of. That she doesn't really get an explanation from him other than, I'm just not happy, and this is sort of the end of things. And this is her trying to pick up the pieces, essentially, and she takes you through the whole journey. It's really personal and moving and sad and heartbreaking, and you are just sort of waiting for, like, this really important conversation that she's gonna have with you.

[A]

I haven't finished it.

[B]

I'm not Gonna give away anything.

[A]

Okay. But I, like, I don't even want, like, a mild spoiler.

[B]

I'm not gonna give you a mild spoiler.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Because my mom almost did this. I was like, stop talking.

[B]

I love spoilers. But it's just. It's the journey to that. And she's a lawyer. She does pro bono work for immigration law, which is really wonderful, but not. Was not a writer. And she wrote this. This book post divorce and post her husband leaving her. And it is just a true story, and it's really interesting. This just gut wrenching story about somebody who truly just walks in the door one day and leaves you.

[A]

Yeah. And that's the very beginning. So that's not. That's what the book's about. It says that on the jacket that he has this affair, but it's. He, like, apologizes for the bear, and then she's like, okay, we're gonna get through this. And it's like day one of the pandemic quarantine. And then he just leaves her and he turns into a different person. He becomes really cold. He doesn't want to come, you know, and she's like, what in the. And she opens the book and she's like, this is my story as true as I know it. And she's changed names of him, but not her and her family. She's kind of a famous family. We'll talk about this. And there's parts in the book where you can tell she's trying to be like, was this a sign? Should I have clocked this more?

[B]

What we all do is we mine the past for all these clues that we missed. And, you know, should I have figured this out? I mean, and what he does to her is so sick. I mean, not only do they have children together, they've been together for 20 plus years. To leave somebody with no explanation, with no real conversation, no real information about why you're leaving. I mean, other than I had an affair, I'm not happy I'm leaving. No other conversation is so sick. It's so unbelievably horrible and unfair.

[A]

Yeah. And people eventually tell her that, like, this is not normal. And, you know, I'm only halfway through the book, and it's not because I. I literally cannot put it down, just the amount of time that I've had to read it. But she tells the breakup, and then she goes back and shares their whole relationship. So you're just like, how do we get here? And then we come back to present day, and that's Kind of where I am. But I love this quote, and I clocked it when I read it. And then I saw this on her Instagram, and it says, wouldn't your own story look different if you knew how it was going to end if they never broke up, she wouldn't be looking back at these things that he did that were signs. But now she has to reflect on them and be like, could I have figured this out? One, I probably. I posted this on my Instagram story that I thought was the sign is that he didn't want to have dancing at their wedding. It says he. He insisted we didn't have dancing. And I conceded and I regretted it. No dance. What are you talking about? Like, they made sure to set the wedding up so there was no dance scene, like a dinner party. And there's little things, too. But again, you're like, you're not thinking about it in the moment. Cause there's other. The rest of the story is he's a great partner and father, and he was the breadwinner, but she had all the family money and the trust. And, I mean, there's this whole prenup theme of the book. And I'm not quite at the part where I, like, see what goes down. I'm in the edge of my fucking seat. Cause you're reading this book about her buying homes with her trust funds. But he had changed the prenup, so everything that was in their individual names is not split up. But if you've read. If you know, you know, I'm, like, screaming reading this book. Like, oh, my fucking God.

[B]

I just think we all do this to ourselves after a breakup. We just beat ourselves up.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like, were there signs? Were there clues? Why didn't I see them? Why didn't I do more State of the Unions about my relationship? And I think that, like, nobody's expected to be an archaeologist of their relationship at all times and a Sherlock Holmes of what's going on. And it's not fair to hold yourself to the standard of, like, every day I have to check in and be like, are you happy? Are you sure you're happy? But are you sure you're not? You know, of course. But we all do this to ourselves. And I think it was also a little generational. She talks a lot about people kind of, like, making a lot of excuses for him and saying it's okay that he did what he did and kind of letting it go. You should let it go. And it feels very generational. I think she's 55 at the time of writing the book.

[A]

But she talks about the women in her life and the infidelity that her grandmother famously may have experienced. Her grandmother was this fashion icon, Babe Paley.

[B]

If you guys watched the show about Truman Capote on FX that came out last year, she is depicted in it.

[A]

They were friends, but then he sort of, like, betrayed her when he said that her husband had cheated on her. Her husband was an actor. And then her mom, like, she's just like, was I always destined to be cheated on, essentially? And he had a situation where his dad, like, just up and left the family. And, you know, you're kind of like, oh, some of this stuff. It could have been. The writing was on the wall. But to your point, also, marriage is ebb and flow. Maybe you are going through a rocky patch, but he's still showing up for me, and he's showing up for the kids, and we have a good thing going. And so it's fascinating to read. She's an incredible writer, and I love that she did this. And. And I obviously can't put it down and you finish it in full. And I feel bad that I'm not letting you speak on your full thoughts.

[B]

Oh, no, it's fine. You are. And I think that the feedback on the book has been really interesting, and it was really meaningful to me because people have been sort of split down the middle of, like, some people are very sympathetic to her and have obviously written to her after she wrote her book and told her story and said, you changed my life. And thank you for creating community around this. And this happened to me, and it really made me feel emotional about what people say to us about our show and that sharing these really painful moments will change other people's lives and will normalize what they're going through and normalize their pain. And a lot of other people pushed back on her and had a lot of really negative feedback about, look at all the money you have. This stuff happens.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, you sound bitter. A good mom wouldn't write this stuff about somebody's father. I mean, there's been a lot of positive, probably overwhelmingly positive feedback, but a lot of negative feedback also. And it just reminded me that, like, no matter what you put out into the world, some people will love it and some people will have a problem with it. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't share your truth. I think it's really brave.

[A]

I see what you're saying. Yes. And as I'm reading the book, I actually had that thought. Some people will not Find her to be a sympathetic character because she's rich and she is this generationally wealthy family fame mixed in there, too. And so you're reading this and you're reading about the apartments and the houses and the education and the family members and all the wealth, and you're like, I can't relate or sympathize. And I'm not saying that's how I felt. I'm fascinated by it. I'm looking up everybody that I can look. I was like, I gotta see pictures of her grandmother. You know, chapter one. Like, I'm so into, like, the true story of it all and who these characters are. But I see your point, which is like, that's just a projection. These are still human beings, and you're read it or don't. But I do see why people would say that.

[B]

People are like, marriage is end.

[A]

What do you want?

[B]

You have all this money, and, like, this is a gross thing to do to somebody's father. And I just. I found it really fascinating that people truly just see your experiences only from the lens of which they come through and the trauma that they've experienced. And yes, I understand that somebody that has no money, whose husband left them, reads this and is like, how dare you? But she says over and over and over again, I'm not asking for sympathy.

[A]

This is just my story.

[B]

It's just my story. But it just reminds me to just always be honest to my own truth, too, and just speak what I think and feel. It's not gonna be for everybody. And that's okay. Yes. There's gonna be plenty of people that don't fuck with you.

[A]

Yeah. And I don't know, maybe this is. You tell me. But it feels as though, as this is something her children would have wanted her to do. She seems like a great mom. It seems like if she sat the daughters down and asked, I'm gonna do this. How do you feel about it? They would be like, let it rip.

[B]

Every child's different. Every child's temperament is different. And every person's relationship to privacy is different. So. So some people would look at their parent and say, like, this is brave and strong, and I love that you didn't silently go away.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Other people would say, like, what did you need to do this for?

[A]

Well, does humility come up? You can tell.

[B]

Yeah. She talks about it again.

[A]

Thank you for protecting me. I love not knowing what's gonna happen. Obviously, we know they got divorced.

[B]

I was laying there crying, listening to her talk about people messaging her, saying, like, this Changed my life. Thank you for putting words to my own pain. And it really just reminded me, like, that you and I sharing our stories, like, does touch people. And every time you guys email us and say, like, I see myself in your stories, like, that's what makes me want to do this podcast forever.

[A]

I totally agree. We love you guys and thanks for the book rec. But also, I don't know, isn't it kind of. I don't know. There's some people that will never be happy because don't you want to read about rich people that you think have no problems and they have fucking problems? You know, like, pain is pain, heartbreak is heartbreak. And of course, money makes everything a lot easier. It makes managing all those things easier. But it's like, you think it's the same people that are like, oh, rich people problems. That also want to know rich people have problems.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So some people just like to have

[B]

a problem with everything. A hot take or so. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you don't agree with this, don't fuck with it. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, I don't think there's anyone that wouldn't enjoy this book. I mean, I told my mom about it, and my mom was like, oh, I'm done. You know, she what blew through in a day? Like, everyone is obsessed with this book. I don't want it to be, oh, I already know I'm going to be sad when it's over. Like, it's all I think about.

[B]

It's the first book I finished this year.

[A]

We were joking because some people have messaged me, like, oh, Ashley, you're the reader now. Like, I was illiterate before, like, but

[B]

you were the original reader also. I discovered reading like three years ago.

[A]

Yeah. So, all right, well, that just kind of leads us into the conversation. I mean, very different things. Like, today's a lighter conversation about breakups. And we've done so many breakup episodes. I mean, we will have Amy Chan next week talking about dating, not about breakups. But Amy's breakup episode is goaded and that we re released it on August 31st, 2025, if you guys. Or you can scroll back to the original if you want, which was 2019 or 2020, but we re released that recently. We did an episode, Raina so youo got blindsided in September 2018. I thought it was fresher than that. Cause we'll talk about being blindsided today. But we have a lot of content out there. This is a little Lighter about the best place and way to break up. And I don't. I forget how I got this idea. I think I saw something where I was like, what a diabolical place to take someone to break up. And I was like, I want to talk about this.

[B]

We polled you guys about how you'd want to get broken up with when. Where. I mean, the responses are so funny. And nobody doesn't have a traumatic breakup story. Or 10.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One of the things I asked is, like, just high level. Like, is there a right way to break up with somebody? Our audience responded pretty much overwhelmingly with, like, there's not a great way, but there's a wrong way. Like, every single person was like, yeah, you can do it with respect and dignity and honesty, or you could do it all these other ways. Like, I am so baffled by people. I mean, I mean, that book is the top level of, like, you've been with somebody for 20 years. You need to honor this commitment. You need to honor what went on between the two of you. But, like, if you and I have been together for five months, you should honor the fact that we've gotten to know each other. We've been inside of each other. I guess. Yeah, we shared things. We had intimate moments. I showed you a part of me other people don't get to see. And I'd like some respect in the ending of this. It's fine to end a relationship sometimes. You're not my person. We're not going to be together forever. That's fine. Fun to feel like that.

[A]

Yeah. Breakups are so telling about people choose to do them. And if they've considered you, if someone breaks up with you that you've had a significant relationship with, completely thoughtlessly, you have dodged a bullet. And if they ghost you and don't break up with you at all, those are the worst people. So at least the people we're talking about today aren't the worst. There's nothing worse. There's nothing worse than leaving someone with no explanation, no closure, no nothing. And so when these things happen, I mean, it's so much easier said than done, especially in the moment of saying you're better off. You dodged a bullet. But if someone really breaks off your relationship in such a thoughtless, careless way, you really. That was not your person.

[B]

I just. I can't imagine a scenario where somebody is begging and pleading with me to just give them an explanation and just. Just not doing it. Like, I understand that a lot of people were not given the tools to do it, and they don't understand, have the conversation. You just have to have it. It is so sick and unfair that somebody, you could just ease their pain a little bit and you just are refusing to.

[A]

A complete refusal. And I know that some people have been in situations of trying to break up with somebody and they won't let them, and they hound them, they badger them and they stalk them and this and that, but whatever, whatever. That's not everybody, certainly. And you can't put your trauma with someone onto the next person. But people who truly do nothing, like at the end of the day, like, even if it is a text after a year, better than nothing, but still, bare minimum, we. I don't, I don't appreciate it.

[B]

So the trauma that people experience, I mean, one of my girlfriends, truly, her boyfriend of seven years came home from a work trip and was like, I'm not in love with you and I'm leaving you and left. And like, I think they talked like a little bit, but she never really got that type of conversation that was like, I've been feeling X kind of way for X amount of time. And she was saying to me last night, and it's been three years since they broke up, four years. She said, I never got a text message to reopen this conversation. And I feel like other people get this and I'll just. When I'll just never get this. Like, it feels like this open wound I'm never gonna get to close. Like, people truly don't recover from this.

[A]

I know. I was talking about a close friend of mine who was broken up with about a year ago, a little over a year ago. And they had been together for years. They were gonna buy a house together. They were talking about having children and how they were going to do it with some like, fertility struggles and really had gone through therapy. They'd done all the things. I mean, they were long term committed, couple planning and getting married, talked about it. And he left her while she was with her family on a trip with a note, moved his stuff out while she was out of town. I could cry. And then again when she tried to speak to me, it was like a different person just completely cut off, shut off. And I was talking with a mutual friend of ours about it and was like, I'm so fucking mad at him because he could have broken up with her in a humane way, you know, like, she would have been heartbroken, it would have been awful, no matter. But to do it in that way is so much more painful and so much more traumatizing. Like, this has defined her life. And a year later, she's still working through it and she's dated. And it's not that she's still stuck there, but that. I don't know, the disrespect, the dismissiveness of this person you've been with for years that you love, that you thought you were gonna spend the rest of your life with. Like, just do it with some sort of care.

[B]

And if this has happened to you, I don't even know you. There's nothing you could have done to provoke that type of behavior. It's so unkind and unfair. And yes, you will carry the wounds from a breakup for a long time. But not understanding a breakup, those wounds will last so much longer. Having all of your agency robbed from

[A]

you and some people I don't know how to do was going to be too painful. I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, it's fucking hard. Nobody knows how to do it. Ask anyone asking. Ask AI. Ask a chatbot how to break up. Ask your sibling or your friend or any woman literally on the street. And this. They'll give you a better option than what you did. I'm sorry. It's so cowardly.

[B]

It's crazy to me. They just saved themselves the discomfort of having to do this because they couldn't look you in the face and watch your face crumble into crying. That's what you're afraid of? You'd rather create psychological issues for somebody for years to come.

[A]

Yeah. That you shared a life with.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

Insane. So we kicked it off with how to do it casually, and we asked you guys if you've been dating someone casually for a month or two. The ideal way to end things is. And 48% said over text is fine, 27% said they prefer a phone call over the text. And 25% said in person always. So 25% of people think no matter what, I want to talk in person. I disagree. Again, that's just my personal opinion. I do like that majority of people said a text is okay for a casual situation. I think a lot of these people don't want an in person or a phone call if it's been casual. They want a thoughtful text a couple months.

[B]

Like, you know, I do think that you can be. We divided between casual and committed so that those could be anything. Five months in, you could feel pretty committed to somebody they've met. Your friends, your family, done holidays together. Like, like that's a different thing. But like one to even three months. I, I don't mind A really well thought out, like, I'm not great in phone conversations. I'm a great person on how to handle this kind of thing. So I wrote you a text. I don't mind that.

[A]

I mean, I was thinking more casual. You've been on a few dates. Like, if we're committed in any way, I want more. At least a phone call. But I don't know that we need to sit down and do a big to do. But I just think, like, ca. It's casual. We're still feeling each other out. There is no exclusivity or commitment. Totally. Then text is fine.

[B]

And I also, like, in those situations, you know, we always beat ourselves up. We feel embarrassed. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. But you do feel like that. And so sometimes I don't really want to be in front of somebody.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You don't really know me that well. This person's making a judgment call on me that they. I thought it was going well. They didn't think it was going well. Sometimes I just want to be able to, like, digest the message and take a beat. Like, this is not somebody I committed to being in a relationship with. So I do just want to, like, take a minute.

[A]

Yeah. And this is so nuanced and so person specific, all of this. Obviously, you guys know that, like, most topics, like, everyone is so different with how they're. They react to stuff where they want to be. So just keep that in mind. Obviously, this is just like, you know, our audience. And then, you know, next we said, if you're ending a committed relationship, 98% of you guys said it has to be in person, and 2% said, I'll take a phone call. And that might be someone who's really shy or really reactive.

[B]

I had to do a breakup over zoom.

[A]

You would do one over zoom?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

We were long distance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, he was.

[A]

I forgot it was over Zoom and the Zoom link.

[B]

I felt really bad. And then you sort of just don't know, like, when to get off the zoom. You're just like, I'm gonna close my computer now. Like, I didn't know what to do. I mean. I mean, a FaceTime is fine. Three months FaceTime.

[A]

And also, where are you located? Me? Long distance. Long distance breakup stuff. But our friend, one of our good friends, she was dating this guy, she lives in New York City, and he was, like, more in the suburbs, like, pretty far. He was coming in, like, an hour to go on dates with her, and he was like, I need to kind of know where you stand. She wants to move really slow for various reasons. I think he was finally, like, it's been a long time. Like, I need to know what's going on.

[B]

I really like you.

[A]

Yeah. Like, can we at least spend the night together?

[B]

Or whatever.

[A]

And so she was going to tell him they had a date planned, and she was going to tell him, I've made my decision to not move forward, basically. And I was like, but did you give him a heads up? Because if I came an hour, if I took multiple trains, so. And she did. I forget what she said. She's a therapist. She did amazing. But she said something along the lines of not. It's not going to be good. But something along the lines, have a talk. Oh, I think she offered. I'm happy to do this over the phone so you don't come all the way down here if maybe, like, it's not news you want to hear or something. He was like, no, I still want to do the dinner.

[B]

He's like, I still have to eat.

[A]

I. If I traveled to get dumped, Raina, stop. If I went to a different borough in New York, if I went to West Hollywood from the west side during rush hour, 90 minutes to get dumped.

[B]

I'm trying to remember if this has ever happened.

[A]

You better pay. You better pay me.

[B]

Okay. I broke somebody. I went down to D.C. to visit him. I went back to New York and broke up with him over the phone. I did not do it in D.C.

[A]

at the end of a trip is like, that really does happen.

[B]

We got a lot of those.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, and then, remember that guy was dating from Denver, he was going to come to New York, and he sent me this whole long email about, like, he was like, before I board the plane, I want to know, like, where you see these things going. And I don't know if this has, like, legs for a long time. And I was like. Like, I can't tell you that.

[A]

I was dating his friend and he was going to come to New York, too, and I ended things, but what did I do? Followed him.

[B]

So he canceled. Well, my guy canceled on me. Well, he basically was like, I. I. Before I come there, I want to. Like, I do think he was kind of trying to end things with me. I. But he was like, before I come there, I want to say, like, is this going anywhere before I keep traveling back and forth? And I was like, I can't tell you this is going anywhere.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Oh, just come here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we canceled. Whatever. And then his friend was still Going to come visit you.

[A]

Yeah. And I was like, no, this was like a double date. This was a double date relationship. Like this.

[B]

Did you give him money for the.

[A]

Oh, my God, stop. Yes. Why did you remind me? I did. Bad mo him. I felt bad. He said, do you think he made money on that? Do you think he actually could have got that?

[B]

Was that before like $169 and you thought it was funny, so you, like sent him 60.

[A]

Okay. This was before COVID wasn't it? Yes.

[B]

It's summer of 2019.

[A]

Yeah. So this was before airlines would just give you that refund. It was a real. That's the best thing that came out of COVID was the airline flexibility, cancellation policies changing forever. Yeah. I sent him some money and he was like, so mad at his friend. He was like, it's his fault, isn't? I was like, kinda. I mean, this wasn't good.

[B]

We were together.

[A]

Yeah. But he was so understanding. But yeah, I picked up the phone.

[B]

I remember I was so nervous. I know they worked at that summer camp together.

[A]

Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, you owe somebody in an in person, unless you really know that that's not. If there's something going on where there's a better option for their, like, mental health or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so which. If you're dating somebody and for a significant amount of time, you should know that. And then we asked where to do it.

[B]

I'm really surprised by the results of this. So we asked, do you want it to be at their home, your home, or a public place? And overwhelmingly, 52% people said your home, meaning, like my home, 28 their home and 20% a public place. My preference is at their place for two reasons.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't want that. I really don't want the memory of it in my house. I just, I don't want to, like, look at my couch and be like, that's where I was, like, breaking down and crying. Like, I'll go do that on my own time at my own house. And I want to be able to get a place, leave when I want. Okay. I don't want to feel like I. It's not my decision when this ends. I don't want to have to ask you to get the fuck out. Like, I want to be on my own terms. I get up, I leave.

[A]

Yeah. Again, I just hope it doesn't take a long time to get there and it wasn't a fucking hassle for me.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I have some feelings on that. I mean, I do understand your home for I didn't have to lift a finger. You came over here and you left. And I think most people know to go, but I mean, I saw people said that like someone said your home is sacred. I hated my bedroom after. And I think that's a totally normal personal preference. I mean, obviously, if you feel that way too. I just think that we all go through the good, the bad and the ugly in our home. Like, I think it's hard to avoid trauma in your home. You know, like after Dewey died, like, I'm in the home, I was in the home. You know, you remember where this and that happened. Like, I don't think I'd ever look at my couch and be like, that's where I got dumped on the couch. Like, but that some people do and they feel differently. Like, like what I will say if I lived somewhere with somebody, that would be tough. You had that situation happen. You felt like, you said you felt like you were in a coffin of your relationship. That's different. If you didn't live together, I don't think I would look at my home differently. But that's just me. Again, this is all personal preference.

[B]

But also have I spent $40 in a round trip Uber to go over

[A]

there to get broken. I know. I mean, how close do you live? Like, yeah, did I get in the car to come get dumped? I mean, again, this is maybe a proximity thing and it's just personal preference, but 20% public.

[B]

So if you in this fantasy scenario, you get broken up with anywhere 20% public place. So if you're, if you're cherry picking where you can get broken up with.

[A]

So here's the thing. I will say everybody again, it's their own lens of their relationship. This is probably not what people are referring to, but a woman breaking up with a man who may be reactive or angry or you to don't have know how he's going to react. I mean, this again, people could be viewing it through that lens. Public place, sure. Breaking up with somebody, you don't know how they're going to act. But I want to know.

[B]

Let's remove that.

[A]

Let's remove that. What are you talking a park bench?

[B]

I have had several breakups on a park bench in Washington Square Park.

[A]

Yeah, I have broken busy park.

[B]

Just a lot lot to look at, a lot going on. I one time I had dinner like right up the street and then we walked into Washington Square park and I was like, I can't be with this guy for one more minute. I cannot. And then he insisted on Walking me home. And I was like, I don't. I don't explain this. I don't ever want to be anywhere near you ever again. Like, I. What don't you understand about this? I made you pay for my dinner. I broke up with you in this park. I disrespected you so badly. Like, get away from me. And I was like, I don't need you to walk me home. We got to fight about it. He was like, I'm just trying to be respectful. And I was like, I don't want you to respect me. I don't want you to ever talk to me ever again. Right. That's the point of this.

[A]

I remember we were only casually dating, but we did end our relationship. He was walking me home from. From the stand, and he was a comedian. And this is. Right.

[B]

His clips came up for me this morning.

[A]

This is right before COVID And I remember walking with him and him just doing the whole, like, I don't know, I just really want to, like, focus on my career. And I said, nothing's going to be better for your career than dating me. I said, nothing's going to elevate your career like dating me. And he was like, that's hilarious. Can I use that?

[B]

That aged well, honestly. But.

[A]

But then we did try. I remember the whole weekend he spent, like, thinking about it, and he was like, I actually was wrong.

[B]

I would like to prioritize my career.

[A]

He's like, can you do a sketch with me? He's like, I actually do. I actually do want to take you up on that whole career thing.

[B]

No.

[A]

And then it was Covid and we tried to do, like, one zoom date. We actually. No, we went on an in person date when we got back to the city.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember? Okay, so walking. I like that.

[B]

He. Yeah, I saw him this morning. He looked hot.

[A]

I think he could have got.

[B]

He had, like, a funny joke or two also.

[A]

I'm proud of that one. Okay, so I like a walk. You don't really have to look at each other. Like, walking and breaking up is not bad.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I wouldn't be like, do you want to go on a walk to break up? The worst thing is a restaurant breakup. Raina, a restaurant breakup is insane because are you doing it at the beginning or the end of the dinner?

[B]

Like, who paid for the dinner? Did I sit here through this whole meal? And you were auditioning to see if, like, you would break up with me. Do you know what I mean? Like, everything I said and did at this dinner, you were Like, I could break up with her. At the end of this, do we

[A]

sit down and we have ordered our meal, and then you break up with me and we have to eat the meal together? That's so crazy. I'm leaving. Like, if you guys have this situation, please let us know. And then the end of the dinner when the check comes. Diabolical. We've sat here this whole time.

[B]

This whole time. And also, I didn't do anything at this dinner to make you change your mind. You didn't have a lovely time laughing at my jokes.

[A]

Right? It's Elle Woods. Elle woods and Warner is my image that I see immediately of breakup in the restaurant. I just need to be with someone more serious.

[B]

Like crying in the restaurant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just. That is also really unfair because you've put me in a physical place where, like, I can't have a reaction that honors what's going on here, which is you're breaking up with me.

[A]

That feels manipulative.

[B]

Yeah, it does. Like, I can't yell and scream or cry or just like. Like, ask a bunch of questions and look mad in public. Somebody's gonna film me.

[A]

I mean, I think that's why people do it. I think. So they can tamp down your reaction again. The only time I really do feel like it is acceptable for, in my personal opinion, is if someone's really going to react in a crazy way. I mean, and I. I can see this from a man, too. Like, if you really think you're going to go to her house and she's going to start throwing stuff. I get it. Go to the park. Okay. I asked AI AI overview on best places to break up. So a quiet public park. So maybe not Washington Square, But a quiet public park offers privacy space in a neutral setting away from shared living spaces. A calm cafe or coffee shop. Better than a meal. I just still don't want to be in a. I want to be in a restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Near their home. Near their home allows them to be in a familiar place to deal with emotions while giving you an easy exit. Park bench near your home. Meet me on the corner.

[B]

Park bench is fine. Park is tough because it's like, who leaves first? If I leave, are you gonna try to walk out of this park with me? I'm scarred by him trying to walk me home. I'm just like, can you get away from me?

[A]

Okay. Lastly, I feel like this was a rogue choice from Gemini, but botanical garden

[B]

people get married.

[A]

If you bought tickets to break up with me. I only think of botanical gardens. As, like, ticketed are they? I guess they could be free.

[B]

No, they're not free. The piano gardens in New York are expensive.

[A]

Take me up to Queens or wherever

[B]

the I'm for that. That's crazy.

[A]

Break up with me. So we asked you guys, worst place you've been. Broken up with or broke up with someone.

[B]

I couldn't get to the bottom of the slide. There were so many of them. The way that people have disrespected you.

[A]

The very top one from Christina.

[B]

We love her.

[A]

She's been a fan of the show forever. Panera.

[B]

So I started with Panera and a lot of chains got a lot of attention. So we have Panera, Target, Tim Hortons, Disneyland, Dunkin, Starbucks, Olive Garden, Petco, Dairy Queen, Costco, and that's just to name a few.

[A]

I'm so dead. Like, I want all those companies to weigh in, in the chat.

[B]

All those to me are, somebody has exploded.

[A]

You might be entitled to compensation if you've been dumped in the Dairy Queen,

[B]

but, like, if we're getting ice cream and you couldn't wait until we got out of the Costco, the Dairy Queen, the Petco, like, Starbucks, Dunkin. Like, you're fucking mad. This is a breakup because you are angry. You are mad. Like, it is crazy to break up with somebody. These places, it really is.

[A]

Like, that is so funny. I mean, there's some, like, dumped in a New Year's party drunk and no taxis available. That is some bullshit. I don't have a way to get home. Home. Oh, my God. Like, at a time when Uber is surging? No, no. Any sort of surge pricing? No.

[B]

Honestly, in a scenario where I'm around a lot of people is so bad. A bunch of people said right after sex, which is, you are fucking garbage.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

A lot of people in there right after sex. If somebody has sex with you and breaks up with them, kick them in the balls.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

A lot of. A lot of stuff on vacation. Okay, so like on a romantic vacation in Europe, up where we had to fly back together. You couldn't keep it together.

[A]

So I'd love to jump in now with mine, which was on a cruise ship. On a cruise. We went on together. We broke up day two.

[B]

So bad.

[A]

We broke up day two. The rest of the cruise was horrible. We still just share that tiny bed and that tiny bedroom and then drive back.

[B]

Were you guys speaking?

[A]

It was so tense. It was so awful. I kind of had to do a little bit of work. I was on this cruise like, that. I got Us. A free trip for the. I was writing about it.

[B]

A free trip that you.

[A]

Yeah, to write about it for this magazine. So I had to go do some, like, random interviews and stuff. It was horrible. And, like, we were being cordial to each other, but, like, we. We were always off and on. We were long distance, but we were on the cruise together. And then day two, we were not together. Stranded at sea.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Horrifying.

[B]

Those are the smallest rooms on demand. A trip that you provided.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Somebody halfway through a 10 mile hike, and we had to drive three hours back together.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I can't.

[B]

I'm stuck in a car with you.

[A]

No, the car. Like, I think of the one time, it was, like, the worst day that Shashank and I in our relationship. We just. We were in this fight. This was 2024, like, and we went to Maine for the day, and we just, like, kept kind of circling the drain of this fight, and we couldn't seem to get to a place. And we finally did. But driving back from Maine to Boston, like, silent in the car, I mean, it was just, like, the most painful experience.

[B]

And it's so bad. And you're like, I will. I drove back. Back from Newport, Rhode Island. Like that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we just didn't talk for four hours. And we were, like, politely trying to, like, pick a podcast we could both listen to so we didn't have to speak to each other that trip.

[A]

I remember the night before you went on the trip being at d' Andrea in the West Village. Yeah. We were out with, like, Meryl and Jackie. You were like, this is, like, the final thing. Like, this is gonna make or break the relationship. And I was like, break. Like, I could just.

[B]

I'm gonna. I came on this trap where I pay for the. And then I pay for Gurney's in Newport, which was the most expensive place you could stay. Planned this whole trip. I was like, could you help me navigate? No. Could you help me pick a podcast? No. He's like, you seem tense.

[A]

You think, yeah, you're dumped. Okay. The. This all caps the middle of a comedy show. This is so funny because I'm thinking, like, the comedian made a bit that made you be like, you know what? That's how I feel like.

[B]

Do you ever feel like sometimes when you talk to couples, they're about to have. Have a fight in the car on the way home?

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

I feel like this happens to me kind of a lot when, like, one person will say something and the other person's Head whips around. Like, what? That's your interpretation of this.

[A]

Like, you can feel you're not aligned as a couple. You shouldn't have come here, and you definitely shouldn't have sat up front.

[B]

Like, there was one couple, I said, like, something about dating in la, and she's like, it's fucking trash. Every man here is horrible. And I was like, aren't you on a date? And he looked at her like, are you. Are you fucking kidding me right now?

[A]

You know, a note from the pros. If you are not rock solid in a relationship, don't sit up front at a comedy show. And if they try to sit you up front, I would say, like, hey, we're a little rocky right now. And we like to sit in the back. Like, I could see Adele at the stand being like, I get it. You don't need to be crowd worked and broken up with live by the comedian on stage. Like, don't do it.

[B]

I identify, like, three couples right at the front, and I talk to them the whole set. Yeah, you guys will. Either you will walk out of here married or broken up by the end of this.

[A]

100%. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

At a friend's wedding.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I just. I do think that, like, you know, weddings obviously bring up a lot of feelings. You can't break up with me at a wedding. That's so mean. Oh, my God.

[A]

Remember my wedding? There was a couple that do.

[B]

I remember your wedding every. Well, first of all, my birthday party. Everybody broke up at my birthday party.

[A]

No, this shit does happen. And their wedding. There was. I can't call them a couple because I don't really think they were together at the wedding. I think that they were technically already broken up. And she still came, which was just a mistake. She shouldn't. She shouldn't have come. He should have come solo, and it's fine. Like, we would have understood. And to see them both the Sunday after, both in the courtyard of the W, sitting separately. Like, both waiting for the flight, that they probably were both on the same flight back. Like, she was sitting there with her stuff. He was, like, saying goodbye to us like, it was crazy to watch. And then I heard about another couple. I don't know if they broke up. They broke up, I think, as soon as they got back. But I don't think they broke up at the wedding. But she realized that the wedding. Like, this is not the person I want to be for a lot of reasons. And same with your birthday.

[B]

I mean, three couples. One of them was married, one Lived together. One of them was a dumpster fire, so they shouldn't have never been together. But I do think those kind of moments definitely, like, shine a light to the relationship. Holidays, weddings, trip. But like, oh, my God, have some self control. I do understand it, though. I understand being like, I can't spend

[A]

one more minute, and then alcohol gets involved and you say the thing.

[B]

Well, I'm sober. I've been sober. For somebody who's been sober for seven days.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of stuff on vacations. A lot of stuff. A lot of parking lot breakups. At the airport, on delay in Switzerland with his whole family.

[A]

Okay. In the car. I see. I don't know. And there's just so many different. I mean, we have such a large age range. You know, people were talking about dorms and stuff, like dorm lobbies and so, I mean, there's just so many maybe stages of life when we talk about this kind of stuff. But I do feel like. Have I ever broken up in a car? It feels like I have. It feels like an okay place.

[B]

I had a parking lot fight the other day. It just feels like a nice place

[A]

to have a fight. Yeah, I'm okay with a parking lot. Can I pick you up? Can we take a.

[B]

Take a drive?

[A]

I don't know. It doesn't. I'm not mad about it. It's neutral.

[B]

Are we in their car? I don't want somebody to pick me up in a car to break up. Grow up.

[A]

Okay. But you don't it to be in the house.

[B]

Like, I had a parking lot fight with somebody the other day, and it was nice. It was cathartic. We were walking through the parking lot, yelling at each other, and then we got in the car and we made up. But.

[A]

Okay. Raina, you don't want to have it in your house. Where do you want it?

[B]

Thank you for asking. I want. I want to do it at their place.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I want to be there and they bring it in.

[A]

I live in Los Feliz.

[B]

Just FaceTime me.

[A]

Okay. FaceTime.

[B]

No, you're right. If they live somewhere else and they're going to break up with me. I see. They should drive to May.

[A]

Yeah. And then get the car and do a laugh in the block. Yeah.

[B]

Do it in the parking lot outside of my house.

[A]

Okay. So we are just going to take a quick break, and then we're going to do the question that is my personal favorite.

[B]

You want to do it? You're like, what does that mean? I was like, it's Open to interpretation.

[A]

I am telling you guys about hers. Okay, so we were talking about health. So more important than ever, as Raina knows and of course, I mean there's such a spectrum of health concerns. But how many times have you brought up up the same health concern only to feel rushed through an appointment when there is no time for nuance, it can be hard to truly feel heard. And that's where hers comes in. Because traditional healthcare often feels like it's built for efficiency, not real life. So if you've ever wanted a health plan that actually fits your schedule, your symptoms and your priorities, you're not asking for too much. Hers is rethinking the outdated healthcare system to finally give women what they deserve. Care that's convenient, supportive, built around their real needs and backed by experts in women's health. It is not one size fits all, but ongoing support that fits your life. You are just going to start with a free online medical intake form that goes beyond the basics so you can explain what you're experiencing and if something feels off but you aren't sure what. Hers also offers access to in depth lab testing to give you real clarity. Then if eligible, a licensed medical provider will determine right for you treatment plan options that go beyond just medicine with diet and lifestyle guidance. HERS offers comprehensive care entirely online for the health concerns women don't want to navigate alone. Reach out 247 with any questions or help additional adjusting your plan. It's care that helps you move forward instead of staying stuck so feeling like yourself again doesn't feel so far away. It's time you get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free [e-mail] that's F-O-R-H-E-R S.com

[B]

for hers.com all right, I'm telling you guys about skims. You know, it's like truly the only bras in underwear that I wear. It's the bra that I'm wearing right now. I love the amount of sizes they have. I like the versatility, I like the quality. I gift it to people. So I one of the things I love and I wear constantly is the skims everyday cotton. So it comes in underwear and bras. But if you can't find a great bra with cotton fabric that you love, this is really it for you. I sleep with it every night and my sister in law gave birth and she was looking for some postpartum bras. I recommended these as well. And it's just like something comfortable to wear all day long. It's the only bra I don't feel like I have to rip off my body. It really is just a dream bra. And I wear it under every outfit. It's comfortable. I obviously seamless. I'm wearing like a cocoa brown one right now. I have it in tan, I have it in black. And there's tons of cute underwear to match also.

[A]

So I just love cotton. Just like, that's what I want on my vagina, quite honestly. I want, like, that's the fabric. I don't want. I don't want like poly, 100% polyester on my pussy. So I was just. I wore these, I just traveled in them recently. So comfy.

[B]

Oh, a nice travel panty.

[A]

It's comfy.

[B]

I love the fabrics. They do. And they just released the everyday cotton ultimate bra, so it has the same roundness and iconic lift. It like, feels even better in the everyday cotton. So especially under a T shirt, I don't think it can get better. So, I mean, wear it on planes, wear it to sleep in, wear it to travel. I pretty much always have a skims bra on wherever I go. You can shop everyday cotton and all of my favorite bras and [e-mail] and after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select select our show in the drop down menu that follows. She saw some scams.

[A]

Okay, so we put on our Instagram story the best time to break up with someone. And I had sent Raina my ideas for the prompts. And then I saw this when she went rogue. And I said, what does this mean? And she was like, whatever people think it means. And it's so funny because the answers are like, when you know it's not right. And then Friday afternoon, like the way people interpret it. I love our audience that some people took it in, like, like, what stage of the relationship? When should you do this? And other people were like, day and

[B]

time, time of day. A lot of people pick seasons. A lot of people said spring. Spring came up over. Because it's about to be summer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so, you know, you, like, you can go have like a sexy, slutty summer. Okay. A lot of people pick days of the week. Obviously, Friday came up a lot.

[A]

Okay, Friday, Friday afternoon. Friday evening came up.

[B]

That's when you fire people.

[A]

Yeah. This was literally like the same, Same concept, but.

[B]

But break up with me during the work week. Well, and in the, in the morning.

[A]

If you break up with someone Monday morning, you're a monster.

[B]

Diabolical. What are we doing? You don't care about me at all.

[A]

Yeah. What did I do on a random Wednesday? Just spring. I love that Friday after work. I mean, I do like that as a person getting broken up with. So you can be with your girls for the weekend.

[B]

Yeah, give me the weekend. Give me the summer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Okay. How do you feel about around the holidays?

[A]

Well, I feel like that came up a lot, like, before the holidays. And we've always said that. Cause the holidays of when you might spend together, family, friends.

[B]

So, like, right before the holidays. Fine.

[A]

But I mean, we always talk about how guys wait until the last minute, they just procrastinate and procrastinate. And that's where the blindsided comes from, because you have not been warned. And so before the holidays, Halloween or Thanksgiving Eve.

[B]

Halloween is not a holiday.

[A]

That's a holiday. I meant that's prior to the holidays. October 31st, like, that's.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

We have three weeks till Thanksgiving.

[B]

I was, I think around, like, let's circle around Halloween right after. Ruin early November. Don't ruin my Halloween. But I would like to reserve the right to not ruin all of my holidays with you and create even more memories with you.

[A]

Someone wrote early fall August or spring, March through April.

[B]

That's the whole year.

[A]

But then I love the people that are. Like, when you realize it's not right, you know, like, it's very funny the way people interpreted this, because if that girl realizes, early fall, spring girl, if she realizes she doesn't want to be with somebody in the winter, is she gonna see it through till it's appropriate?

[B]

A lot of people would. I think a lot of people in colder cities and states are like, I'll just do this for the winter. What else am I doing? I just feel like when I have decided that I'm gonna break up with you, like, I feel things very, like, deeply and extremely. It's not the best quality in the world. Honestly, it makes me delightful. But like, when I've decided, like when I've rung the bell, I can't, like, unring the bell. Like, your touch will give me the creeps. Your presence will make me insane. Like, I will. I will have decided I'm gonna break up with you. And then everything you do, I will use that as more evidence for you to break up. Like, I don't think I can last 48 hours before doing it.

[A]

Yeah, and it just depends. I mean, breakups are obviously a huge spectrum. I mean, there's a lot of breakups In a healthy, long term relationship that are not a surprise.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And they could feel mutual even if one person ripped the band aid off first, you know, so it's just. It's hard to have this discussion because they're so different. I mean, there's truly breakups that one person thought it was going great and you just get dumped. And then there's breakups that have been a long time coming and it's mature and no one's screaming and crying. And so, you know, like my zoom breakup.

[B]

We had had multiple conversations leading up to this. Like, we. I don't know why this analogy keeps coming up for me, but, like, we had hit a deer with our car. We had to shoot the deer in the head. I shot the deer in the head. But, like, is that a crazy analogy?

[A]

Do I remember this? Oh, that didn't happen.

[B]

No, we didn't actually.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

One time relationship is the animal.

[A]

Okay, sorry. Remember those people hit a deer and that guy shot it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

First date.

[B]

There was an email we got into the podcast, okay. In like 2018, and this girl was on a first date, and they hit a deer and this guy took his gun out and shot the deer in the head.

[A]

I'm sorry. I just had, like, a stroke. I was like. Like, that was Raina.

[B]

No, Like, I was such a person.

[A]

Okay, back to your analogy.

[B]

We just. We knew that this relationship was over. It's just neither one of us could, like, pull the trigger. So I pulled the trigger. But, like, I. Except for my, really, my fiance walking in the door and leaving me the day after our engagement party. All the other, like, endings to a relationship I've had have been like, we knew that this was not going well. Yeah. I don't think I've had somebody walk in and dump me like that. Except for the biggest one.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I think about the first breakup with my ex, which we would then go on to just break up and get back together a million times. And it was so unhealthy and it was so toxic. But I did not think we were gonna break up. And we had just gotten a Christmas tree stand. We hadn't gotten the tree yet. So we were preparing for Christmas and I was just like, we went to Target. We got the Christmas tree stand. I mean, this is obviously so many years ago. And then we broke up. And, like, I was like, I still have to get the tree. And I was like, crying at Home Depot. Like, I just can't. Like, I remember thinking we were never gonna break up, even though the writing is so on the wall. We are so toxic. We are terrible. We're. We're like the worst couple at the party. We're ruin everyone's time. And I still just didn't think we were gonna break up. So. I can relate to that situation, too, where you're like, I thought we were committed and in it. And it is right before the holidays, and I just didn't see this coming, and it was awful.

[B]

I thought we were committed to this toxicity and we were gonna both be in it.

[A]

And then I remember him. I was like, please don't do this. You know? And he was like, okay, I just need some time to think. And I was like, well, we're gonna be fine. Like, we're. We've gotten through harder times. And I remember he called me or. And I was in the car, was driving to go meet Jenny maybe, and someone else at Suprica, this restaurant in Atlanta. And he told me, like, it was over. And I went to the bathroom, like, melted down. It was awful. But, like, it was just like a. There were so many different pieces of the finality of it. And then obviously, we lived together at the time, Dewey, and that was. It was a disaster. But it's so painful, even when it's obvious. If you're like me and you're like, we're not gonna break up over this, though, this terrible relationship's not gonna end well.

[B]

That's such an interesting dynamic, which I've never been in. I've been in every other terrible dynamic, but you guys break up and you fight so much that, like, it doesn't mean anything.

[A]

I know. I mean, but that was the first one. Like, after that, then it stopped meaning stuff. And then I stopped being like, I can't tell people we broke up again. But that was the first one. And, I mean, I remember going home for the holidays, like, going home for Christmas, and it was so awful. This is when I went to take that walk in the woods, and I was, like, peeing and crying. Because I was like, I got to the picnic spot, I was like, I had a pee, but I'm, like, sobbing. I was like, this is a low moment. 30 degrees out, ass in the air, pussy out, crying, peeing on some dead leaves.

[B]

Here's the worst feeling in the world.

[A]

Yeah, it was horrifying, But I just have to. We ask people then the worst, worst time to break up. And again, this is just more proof of. Of how everyone is so different. Because someone said before the holidays of wartime.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I think some people Are like, I would rather not have to go home and tell everybody about this. I'd rather you just get through the holidays with me. You break up with me on January 2nd.

[A]

I really want you guys in the comments to break up before the holidays or wait till after. I think this is two, like probably really strong opinions on both of these things.

[B]

I mean, when I broke with my fiance, it was like right before Thanksgiving, I had to just go home and tell everybody I was in hell. I do understand being like, I just want to. I like if I could cherry pick a date, it would not be during that time. Because you got to tell everybody. Everybody's so happy.

[A]

But you're this person who needs to do it. Once you, if you're speaking from how you are, you couldn't see through the holiday. You couldn't.

[B]

Like there's no way I could just

[A]

power through the holidays.

[B]

And I guess, I mean, there's so much context. Like if I've been with somebody for three months, six months, three years, five years, we have kids, we live together, like, yeah, I could power through it. If we had a long time committed relationship, we lived together, we had children, there's like a million things to think about. Yeah, I could power through six weeks of holidays.

[A]

Yeah. And this is. Are you in your 20s or in your 40s? I mean, this is so different. Like I was a completely different person 10 years ago, 20 years ago in terms of the way these things are handled because yeah, you definitely certainly see couples who are separated and they're. Their kids don't know yet. You know, like you can put on a happy face for various reasons.

[B]

Yeah. I think I'm thinking like infancy stages. Six months in, we're on a vacation or something and I'm like, I can't let you touch me.

[A]

And a lot of these worst time to break up are like when you're sick, when you just lost your job, when someone in the family just died. I mean that's just like, mean. But that is tough. Okay, so. So you wanna break up with somebody, you're ready, can't stand them, you have to break up with them, you gotta do it. And their grandfather dies.

[B]

It's so tough when people's life events get into the way of your happiness.

[A]

Oh my God, stop. But what do you do?

[B]

I mean, it depends how much kindness you wanna have for somebody. I mean, I hate the thought that you would kick somebody while they're down.

[A]

Of course. Why? But are you going to go to the funeral and console them? I think, think so, yeah, I have no judgment either way.

[B]

I just. I don't know. I guess it depends. Also, why do you want to break up? Like, am I breaking up because, like, we are so toxic and you treat me so badly and, like, you've cheated on me, then, like, sorry, I don't need to respect you. But, like, if it's just, like, I feel kind of unhappy here, then I think that, like, I could see it through because I respect you.

[A]

Yeah. The relationship matters. Was a grandpa an asshole? Who'd he vote for?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Did your grandpa vote for Trump? Three times. You're. I'm dumping you. Good riddance.

[B]

I'm gonna go to this funeral. Oh, I might go to celebrate.

[A]

Stop. No rp. But it would be tough. It would be tough. And then when? Cause then, like, what's the appropriate amount of time?

[B]

I think a week post funeral. Like, I feel like my Zoom breakup. He wasn't ruining my life. It was just, like, time to rip the band aid off. It was just like, I can't keep having conversations with you knowing that, like, this is the imminent end. But, like, I wasn't in hell. He wasn't being terrible to me. So if something bad happened to his life, I would have stuck around if I had to.

[A]

Yeah. Like someone said after their mom dies, it's like, I can't even imagine. Like, I truly can't. Like, for both parties, if this relationship is not working and something that tragic happens, how you navigate it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, you could be leaning on this person and they are wanting to break up with you. Oh, my God. What a. I know. It's so sad. Okay, so the last thing we wanted to discuss is if you want a warning shot of a breakup. And again, I think there are a lot of relationships. We know this is over. We just need to rip the band aid off. But I don't know. This feels like a lose lose to me. Like, if someone hints that the breakup is coming, you spend the day or the week waiting around until it happens, spiraling. But if they act like everything is fine, day of week of leading up to it, and then they come over and dump you, then you're blindsided. Like, what. What would you prefer?

[B]

I don't know. It's like, all of the answers are bad.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, you're gonna be in pain. But, like, I think that what I could move on from quicker, what I could heal from quicker is, like, having somebody, like, had a couple of discussions with me ahead of time, and we really cannot come to a conclusion that we can Both be happy and move forward together. Like, I wanna know that this is kind of maybe not my forever person. And this is the final conversation and they, they've ended it with some respect and some kindness for me. And that will not create psychological issues for me forever. However, what I will say about like the true blind side. My ex fiance, middle of the night, I'm leaving you. I didn't have to go through the negotiation phase with him of like, should we stay together? Let's keep talking. We never spoke again. I mean, until many years later. But like, there was no texting, bargaining. Maybe we should go to therapy. Maybe we should talk. Let's.

[A]

Like, there was.

[B]

I immediately was in the. Like, let's try to deal with the fallout from this phase. I got to skip the negotiation phase.

[A]

Guys are listening to this, like, oh, so that's how to do it. Got noted.

[B]

I would not wish, I would not wish that pain on anybody. But like, I guess the silver lining is like, I knew where. I knew what position I was in. Like, that it's time to try to figure out how to like, pick the pieces back.

[A]

Yeah. I remember one guy, we were dating, I would say exclusive, but not boyfriend, girlfriend. Calling back to Nico's episode. Like, we were dating other people. We were dating and we just weren't a match. Like, when I look back, I'm like, I don't know what it was that made me. I don't know what, what place in my life I was. I just wanted somebody and he didn't give me a lot, so I wanted more and. But he just like always knew he wasn't a good match. And it was like it was time to call it. And I remember however it played out, like we were gonna have a phone call that night. But like all day I just spiraled and I wouldn't do that today. I was just a different person. Like, I would be able to like, calm my nervous system and be like, what's meant to be will be and you know, the self talk and all of that. But it's just, it's so hard. Like, do you want a warning shot or not? I mean, everybody is. Would be totally different with this too. And again, if it's a breakup is a negative thing that hurts. So it's like it's a lose lose because it's not a good situation. No matter what. There's no perfect situation. But that is tough. I was remember being like, I can't work, like I can't function. Like, all day I'm spiraling, like Because I wasn't sure if that phone call that night was going to be like, I really want to work it out. You're hoping it will be, even though. Even if you know that's not your match. I mean, I was like, 26, 27 years old. Like, of course I'm hoping that he's going to be like, no, I love you, and let's work it out. And he broke up with me. But I was like, this is a.

[B]

This is a tough day. Okay, let me ask you another question. How much information do you want if this is gonna end regardless, the person has made up their mind, the relationship is over, or you've made up your mind, how much do we share with the other person?

[A]

I know.

[B]

And this, to me, by the way, is loaded again by, like, how long have we really been together? Like, have we shared years and years together? Yeah, you're gonna need to give me some information, but. Okay, I'll let you answer it.

[A]

I don't know. I'd have to maybe think about that before I. I like, fully answer. I think guys have been pretty honest with me, like, this, just for various reasons. It's not working. I feel this certain type of way with you. Like, I got it. I got what they were saying. Even though I was, like, hurt and maybe, like, insulted from time to time. But looking back, I like, I think they were trying to do right by me and, like, give me something. So I guess, like, something that's substantial but not mean and insulting, and I can never unhear it.

[B]

That's a good lane. Cause I think some people are like, it's not me, it's you. It's like, well, it's a little bit of me. So can I have, like, a little bit of texture? Like, it's the not knowing. It's the. Not like your brain is just on this loop. It can't close the loop. Like, it's the not knowing anything that I think is so torturous to people that they're like, I just. I need some type of information. Yeah, okay. If it's not you, it's me. But why. Why don't you see the. This is like, I told somebody, like, I don't know. They were growing in the same direction. Yeah, I don't know that I needed to pepper in a bunch of other information. I think he got it.

[A]

I mean, it's tough because, again, like, 20s versus 30s versus 40s. I've gotten to a place. I think we've. We've spoken about this before of you're Just not the one. Like, you're.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

I'm not in love with you, and I don't think I'm going to fall in love with you. I don't think I want to commit to you. Like, these things sound really harsh. Like, I think sometimes one person is really trying to be gentle and you have to tell yourself that's what they're saying to you. Like, you have to tell yourself, like, I'm not the one. Just like, so and so wasn't the one for me the last person I broke up with. Like, you have to translate it into, like, I am great and someone else will find me great. But, like, this was not my person. And unfortunately they figured that out before I did. And this is maybe just my ego being bruised.

[B]

Someone who does your ego. I said that exact speech to somebody. I said, like, I just. I think the romantic part of our relationship has run its course. And I don't think you're in love with me, and I'm not in love with you, and I don't think we're gonna be so, like, let's just call it. And like, we actually are selling each other's lives. I don't know. He just won't leave me alone. But like, 12 years later, but like, saying to him, like, I don't think you're in love with me first. Like, at least just putting the ball on his court, being like, like, you don't like me either.

[A]

I mean, they could push back on that. But. Yeah, I think it's. I think it's a tactic for sure.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, that was like a really nice easy out. He didn't ask for a bunch of questions, and I didn't have to give him a bunch of answers.

[A]

I think you can learn from some of these reality shows. Like, what you don't want to do is you've seen this on the Bachelor where someone is getting broken up with and they lead with like, you think they're about to propose. Like, I really feel like it can come across being bamboozled. But. But I like a. Like, start with a compliment. I've really, like, loved getting to know you. I've had such a good time. This and that. Like, say it in a tone where, you know, there's a but coming. Just like. But I don't see this long term. I really wanted to give this a shot. And you're such a great person, but I don't think this is a long term match. Like, someone might ask for more information,

[B]

but, like, sure, but what you just said was like 8 seconds. It's like a perfect like 8 to 10 seconds. And like, that will free somebody from having to go to therapy. Therapy for years, right? You just say that to somebody. Yeah, it's just. It's people ghosting me and disrespecting me and not being honest with me. Like, long term, that's the thing that's hurted them up. Hurted? Yeah, hurt.

[A]

And again, years long. You're not gonna get to do that at 30 seconds, I don't think. I think you owe someone more. So, you know, good luck out there, you guys, and thanks for sharing with us as always.

[B]

God, you guys are so funny and smart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just amazing. And I can't believe all the places places you guys have broken up. It's insane.

[A]

Okay, well, girls Gotta Eat dot com. Girls Gotta eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. My special Here Comes the Bride will be out on April 30 on YouTube and May 1 on Prime Video. So stay tuned for everything there. I'm gonna be posting on my Instagram Ash Hess. Like I mentioned, Raina is raina greenberg.com for our tour tickets, makeup dates in Salt Lake and Nashville on sale now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And again, you can always watch full video on YouTube and Spotify. Shop vibes only. And we just want to let you guys know there is not going to be a snack this Thursday.

[B]

Have a good week, guys. Bye.

[A]

You can't reason with the sun. Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Columbia's Omnishade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh ra rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless. But so is our gear. Level up your [e-mail] to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome, Columbia engineered for whatever.