What Men Are Thinking When They’re Dating feat. Niko Emanuilidis

Summary

Girls Gotta Eat: “What Men Are Thinking When They’re Dating” (feat. Niko Emanuelides)

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat
Release Date: April 13, 2026
Guest: Niko Emanuelides (The Daddy Academy)
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg

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Overview

This episode delivers a comedic and practical deep dive into the male perspective on dating, sex, and relationships with Niko Emanuelides, the creator of The Daddy Academy. Together with Ashley and Raina, Niko tackles questions about modern dating behaviors, why men make certain choices, how self-worth impacts relationship dynamics, and the real meaning behind “low effort” dates and exclusivity. Interwoven with personal stories and audience Q&A, the conversation breaks down the subtle cues that reveal true interest, intention, and compatibility — always with the witty, direct tone that defines Girls Gotta Eat.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Niko’s Approach and Intent for The Daddy Academy

[23:59]

• Niko initially wanted to help men gain confidence and develop healthy relationship skills, inspired by his own journey and family values (parents together for 30+ years).
• Switched to content for women after a viral video addressing women’s questions.
• Quote: "Everything happens for a reason. So I'm like, okay, I'm meant to be this guy in this space right now." (Niko – 25:41)

Hosts’ Praise:

• Ashley and Raina compliment Niko’s genuine approach, noting he doesn’t come across as performative like many “dating coaches.”
• Quote: "There's not a lot of men that are making this type of content really approachable." (Raina – 24:23)

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2. Patterns, Self-Worth, and the Dating "Mirror"

[30:02]

• Niko stresses that dating is a mirror of your own beliefs and past patterns.
• To change dating outcomes, become self-aware and break unhealthy cycles.
• Taking breaks from dating can help, but staying “at peace” for too long may mean avoiding personal growth through relationships.
• Quote: "You need to be triggered in order to learn and grow about yourself." (Niko – 31:13)

Host Perspective:

• Raina validates feeling happy single but acknowledges missing companionship.
• Ashley and Niko agree: Growth happens in relationship, not isolation.

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3. Low-Effort Dating: Coffee Dates, Walks, and "Vibe Checks"

[34:48]

• Niko’s take: If a man proposes a coffee date, it’s often because he’s not sure about you or doesn’t want to invest.
• A romantic, effortful invite signals real interest.
• Some nuance for non-drinkers or scheduling issues, but day dates often feel platonic rather than romantic.
• Quote: "Coffee day is I need to feel this out because I'm unsure if I want to invest more—more time, energy, money." (Niko – 34:48)
• Women can suggest vibe-check dates, but men should set a romantic tone.

Hosts Reflect:

• Ashley admits she’s never been asked on a coffee date, despite thinking it was "fine" advice.
• If a guy can’t make time/effort, it’s a warning sign.

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4. Confirmation and Communication Before Dates

[43:23]

• "If a man does not confirm the date with you the day of: no go." (Ashley – 43:23)
• Niko: Men who don’t confirm are low interest or insecure. Following up before a date is the bare minimum men should do.
• Inconsistent or last-minute plans = lack of respect.

Quote:

• "Men don’t understand by showing that consistency early on, you’re making yourself more attractive…which is the bare minimum stuff." (Niko – 44:03)

Attraction Insight:

• The likelier someone is to tolerate bad behavior is directly tied to how attractive they find their date.
• Niko wants to help "nice guys" be more desirable (i.e., balancing goodness and appeal).

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5. How Often Should You See Each Other? The “Phases” of Dating

[52:54]

• Niko introduces his four-phase “dates-to-relationship” framework:

  • Phase 1 (Dates 1–3):

    • One date per week is ideal—see consistency, not intensity. Learn about family, friends, purpose, relationship history, and future plans/goals.
    • Quote: "You get to know somebody when you see their behavior stretched out over time." (Niko – 54:04)
    • Beware men making only last-minute plans or never progressing beyond once a week.

  • Phase 2 (Dates 4–6):

    • Typically where intimacy happens. The progression should feel closer after sex, not more distant.

  • Phase 3 (Dates 7–9):

    • Relationship should start to feel boyfriend/girlfriend “official.” Revisit key conversation topics for consistency.

  • Phase 4 (Dates 10–12):

    • Meeting friends. Compatibility gut checks. After 12 dates/three months, confusion signals it’s not right.

On Introducing Friends – [68:09]:

• Sooner is better than later: “Throw them to the wolves early. See how they interact in different atmospheres.” (Niko – 68:09)

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6. What’s the Difference Between “Exclusive” and “Boyfriend/Girlfriend”?

[74:58+]

• Exclusive = “We’re off the apps, not seeing anyone else, focused on each other.”
• Boyfriend/girlfriend = a deeper social and emotional commitment (families, public declaration).
• Quote: "Some people do the exclusive and then boyfriend/girlfriend. Exclusive kind of comes in phase two, three...around there. Boyfriend/girlfriend, between three and four months." (Niko – 74:28)
• Important: Don’t let “exclusivity without labels” drag on for months.

Host Reaction:

• Both want clarity and a clear progression.
• "If somebody wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you." (Raina – 72:11)

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7. Men “Vet Backwards”

[63:18, 64:11]

• For many men, initial driving force is lust; the emotional criteria come after intimacy develops.
• “After sex is when [men] really start vetting based on: Do I want this as a relationship?”
• Quote: "Men vet backwards…They go sexually interested, really emotionally, like the emotion of the lust…then they start vetting based on, Wow, do I want that?" (Niko – 63:18)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You say what women want to say…without coming across as bitter.” (Ashley – 26:43)
• “If a guy’s been single for five or six years, that’s very, very intentional.” (Niko – 60:18)
• “If you’re confused at all, it’s done.” (Niko – 69:44)
• “If anybody wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would.” (Raina – 72:11)
• “Don’t waste your time. No reason to not talk about kids, marriage early on. It’s dumb not to.” (Niko – 62:30)
• “Early on, you’re not a person, you’re just a hole. Then you become a person.” (Raina – 64:12, comedic but pointed about male sexuality!)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro and comedic tangents: [00:26 – 22:55]
• Niko’s background, approach, and viral success: [23:16 – 25:59]
• Behavioral patterns and personal growth: [30:02 – 32:08]
• Low-effort dating and why coffee dates signal low interest: [34:48 – 39:47]
• Date confirmation and etiquette—bare minimums: [43:23 – 45:46]
• How attraction shapes what bad behavior women accept: [45:06 – 46:25]
• Niko’s “dating phases” system: [52:54 – 63:18]
• When and why men “vet backwards” after sex: [63:18, 64:11]
• Exclusive vs. boyfriend/girlfriend—a modern conundrum: [74:58 – 79:44]
• Meeting friends/family as a relationship milestone: [68:09 – 69:33]
• Audience Q&A and actionable red flags: [52:35 – 61:30]

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, direct, and irreverent — doesn’t shy away from calling out bad behavior or double standards.
• Comedic interludes (Ashley and Raina’s personal restaurant stories, witty asides).
• Practical advice mixed with honesty — Niko is clear, non-judgmental, but doesn’t sugarcoat male motivations.
• Affirming and validating without being “bitter” or “man-hating.”

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Key Takeaways

• Men’s early dating decisions are often driven by physical excitement; true compatibility checks happen after intimacy.
• If it feels low effort, it is—men who are excited show it in their planning and follow-up.
• Healthy dating means learning your own patterns and boundaries.
• “Exclusive” is just a step; don’t let it drift endlessly without clarity.
• Vulnerability and consistency are vital—be wary of anyone who leaves you confused or unsure after three months.
• If someone wants a relationship with you, you’ll know.

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Where to Find Niko Emanuelides

• Instagram: @NikoEman
• TikTok & YouTube: The Daddy Academy
• Podcast: The Daddy Academy (Spotify launch upcoming)

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For everyone navigating the wild world of modern dating, this episode offers comic relief, hard truths, and actionable wisdom from both male and female perspectives!

Transcript

[Nico Emanuelides]

At this point, I would say men vet backwards. The emotion of the lust. Right. And the excitement is what's driving a man really early. And then.

[Ashley Hess]

This podcast is a Dear Media production.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hi, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Hi, guys.

[Raina Greenberg]

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

[Ashley Hess]

Welcome back.

[Raina Greenberg]

We are finally in New York together. I finally got her here with me. What was that? December was the last time we were here together.

[Ashley Hess]

The way you talk about New York is like, we both didn't live here for so many years.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was on my way over. I was building the case. I was like, I will tell her I lived here twice as long as her. And I was like, no one's gonna care about that. I'm not gonna argue with that.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not trying to fight you on that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really was like, how much do you ever have those moments? You're like, how much longer is somebody gonna let me get away with this?

[Ashley Hess]

Every day in my marriage. Every day.

[Raina Greenberg]

And every day in mine.

[Ashley Hess]

No, this is great. So glad to be here. Well, we will have just. We won't be here any longer as we record. I'm gonna be here the whole week. I'm really excited. You'll see.

[Raina Greenberg]

You'll see what it's like to live in New York.

[Ashley Hess]

Just.

[Raina Greenberg]

What are you doing this week? I don't actually know. You said you have plans every day. You actually have not given me the rundown. I only know about tonight.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, here's the itinerary. So, as we're recording on a Monday, just one week from when this episode drops. So we're recording today and tomorrow. We have guests and the snack and everything. I'm doing Page Six radio this week, which will be really fun. You love them. They are so fun. We are both doing this, like, man on the street thing that's gonna be really fun. And I am gonna peruse some homes to buy here. Just looking.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. You want to get a feel for.

[Ashley Hess]

I want to get a feel.

[Raina Greenberg]

So you're not going to buy something right now?

[Ashley Hess]

You know, Raina, I'm going to be honest with you. It's.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's about time.

[Ashley Hess]

It's sunny.

[Raina Greenberg]

We were at D. Me, you and your husband the other night, and I was like, shoot me straight. Are we moving to New York or not?

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not gatekeeping to you guys or to Raina. We truly don't know what the. What the plan is. Rayna will discuss her own plan soon, but I can't. Yeah. Don't want to rent again. Okay. Whatever happens, like, we love LA and we're happy in our house in la. We will stay there. We can stay there as long as we want. Honestly, we have that flexibility. But I want to buy next and if it's here, I want to see what's going on and I want to look around in my budget. This great realtor. Yeah, it's this hot bald guy that you had in your Instagram story at a wedding. And people were like, what's happening?

[Raina Greenberg]

My longtime friend.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, yeah, it's a friend. So I'm doing that this week and then doing some different things. I'm going to do some press for my special. I announced that last week. That is going to be on April 30th on YouTube and on May 1st on Prime Video. So here comes the bride. I cannot wait for you guys to see it. So some things for the special, too. And then we have a really good friend turning 40 and having a birthday party over the weekend. Okay, so you're stacked. Stacked dinners every night.

[Raina Greenberg]

You're gonna see that.

[Ashley Hess]

You like plans every night?

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't know about the plans every night.

[Ashley Hess]

Some shows, this stand. I have that one party.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right.

[Ashley Hess]

I think I have a dinner Friday night. I have the birthday party Saturday night. What are you gonna dinner with on Friday? Kelly and Louisa. I didn't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

You didn't tell me about this.

[Ashley Hess]

You did.

[Raina Greenberg]

You said I had plans every night. I was like, I don't know about you.

[Ashley Hess]

Do you wanna know more? I'm gonna go to Barry's with Anna Roisman. Probably this week at some point. Probably. See, Bobby, you're looking at me glaring. I didn't know.

[Raina Greenberg]

I didn't know about all this. Usually I get the schedule.

[Ashley Hess]

All right, let's thank our partners.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right, we'll thank our partners and we'll jump right into it. Thank you to Rocket Money. Reach your financial goals [e-mail] GGE and the Testaments. Watch the investments now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers terms apply.

[Ashley Hess]

And thank you to FP Movement. Go to fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. And thank you to Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order at LiquidIV.com with code GGE and ZBiotics get 15% off at ZBiotics.com GGE with code GGE. Okay, so we were both, as we recorded over the weekend, Easter Passover weekend with our families. I was in Delaware, you were in Pittsburgh. And we got to be with our nephews. And we were saying there was so much. Happy Easter. Happy Passover. More than any other year.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay? So when you said that to me, I was like, this is crazy. So I'm not religious. I'm agnostic. If I could pick a religion to be Judaism, I like the traditions, but I don't celebrate any holidays continuously. All day, people kept saying happy Passover to me. And I mean. I mean, it's not even the. I mean, there's two primary Jewish holidays. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur. It's not one of them. So also for people to be like, happy Passover. Like, I was like, oh, it's Passover. Like, no one's ever wished me Happy Passover in my entire life. And I went to a Jewish school. Like, I was so shocked by it. I said to another friend, I was like, it's like my fifth or sixth Happy Passover. And then I kept hearing happy Easter. I mean, everybody.

[Ashley Hess]

The.

[Raina Greenberg]

The car attendant at the airport, the guy who checked me in, the. The pilot. I. I don't. I was like, sure. And then you said, what is with everybody saying Happy Easter continuously?

[Ashley Hess]

So. And then I became part of the problem. I don't even think it's a problem, but I leaned into it, too.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I'm saying happy Easter to everybody. Me too.

[Ashley Hess]

And when I told people I was going home for this weekend, people were like, oh, for Easter? But, you know, I'm not religious, but I, of course, say, merry Christmas. We celebrate Christmas. We do Easter with the boys. I haven't celebrated Easter until my nephews came along for years. We did when we were kids, whatever. So people are like, oh, you want it for Easter? I'm like, no, that's not a thing I would, like, go. Going for if you do, great for you. But then once I got there, and then it felt like so many people were in Dewey Rehoboth, like, for the holiday weekend, and it was also spring break, and so it was everywhere. Raina. And then I just loved it. I just leaned it, Happy Easter to everybody. I was saying Happy Easter to everybody, and then I just was like, I think people just want to feel joy, and it feels nice to do happy holidays. Like, do you Remember was it 2024 when Halloween was so on steroids? It was a dark time in the country two years ago.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes. It was 2024. I was like, 2024.

[Ashley Hess]

Place New York City's D. It was, like, bleak. We were like, is Donald Trump gonna win the presidency? I mean, there was a lot of hope, too, obviously, for Kamala but it was just like, we were on edge. And I think it reflected in Halloween decorations. And I think people lean into holidays when times are hard. And so I think I go harder on. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays.

[Raina Greenberg]

Happy Easter.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, let's just feel some joy. Let's just be. Say the word happy and maybe we will become.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that this is a good take. Cause, like, especially at the airport, like, I could cry talking. I've been at the airport a lot lately. I could cry looking at and talking to TSA workers. And I was at. At the Austin airport the other day, and this woman chased me down. She was a TSA worker and she was like, I love your podcast.

[Ashley Hess]

And I was like.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was like, I love TSA workers. Thank you for being here. How has it been for you? And she was like, it's been so unbelievably terrible. And I could, like, cry thinking about it. But, like, I have been, like, overly, like, happy Easter and, like, just nicer to people because it feels so nice to just be nice to each other.

[Ashley Hess]

I love to do any sort of greeting or sign off. What's anything. Have a good night. You know, I just love to. To do it, whatever it may be. So it just feels like we're just saying it, right? I can't. I haven't told anybody. This is a exclusive reveal. I was in the Philly airport. I just landed, and I saw this person working, and he was like, posted up. Doing what? Security, Whatever. And I smiled at him and it was an ICE agent. Huh?

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley, no. Ashley, no.

[Ashley Hess]

I was like, what should. What do I do now? Do I. Do I glare at him?

[Raina Greenberg]

Do I go back?

[Ashley Hess]

Do I give him the finger? Do I go back? I didn't mean it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You go back and you're like, I would like to take that back. You know that positive interaction we just had.

[Ashley Hess]

Smile, Nice smile. Like, keep up the good work is what my face said.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. To your defense, do they just look like they're officers? Like, you'd have to read the bags.

[Ashley Hess]

This was the first time I saw them so. And jump scare. Like, I haven't seen ICE agents yet in the airports. This is the first time I've flown since they've been in the airports.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

So I hadn't seen them, so I wasn't used to it. And it did take me a minute to realize that it says whatever Homeland Security like on there. Like, I didn't realize they were.

[Raina Greenberg]

It takes a second. And I've been like. I've been training myself to say, does that Say tsa. Does that say clear? Like, I want to make extra care blue. Right? Like, I. I don't know. Who knows?

[Ashley Hess]

Threw me off. I'd three hours of sleep. I'd been on a long flight. Like, I couldn't. I just like walked to baggage. Just fucked up from it with that regret.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's worse than when the Uber driver says, have a nice flight. And you say, you too.

[Ashley Hess]

No, just you guys. To give a. Appreciate the work. Keep up the good work. Have a nice afternoon. Smile.

[Raina Greenberg]

I feel for you.

[Ashley Hess]

An ICE agent.

[Raina Greenberg]

You thought it was the security at the airport. Just keeping the airport safe. And it takes a second. Cause it doesn't say ICE in big block letters.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

And the TSA does. They look like law enforcement also. And you have to read the badge to make sure you know what they. It's not your fault.

[Ashley Hess]

Thank you.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I actually have been like, really enjoying these videos of people screaming at them in the airports. Yelling like fuck you and giving them the fingers. And they can't really do that much, I don't think.

[Ashley Hess]

I. I haven't. That's both. I'm a little scared to do that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I would not encourage it. It's crazy to act like that at an airport. I didn't know you were like, I

[Ashley Hess]

just, I was so tired because I think if I was in another state, maybe I would have yelled back. Like, I didn't mean that. I don't know. Like, just go back. Just.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's not your fault.

[Ashley Hess]

Hey, did you notice that I smiled at you? He probably been like, yeah, thank you. No, I take it back.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you're, you know, we didn't film it for you. Yeah, but like, it's not your fault because you just thought it was like, people keeping us safe.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you didn't know better.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay. So I kind of want to tell you a funny restaurant story. I just love just day to day, mundane, funny stuff that ends up to be funny when you kind of run it back. So we go to this restaurant. I was with two of my childhood friends, Corey and Laura, and in Wilmington, Delaware, is like a new spot. They opened up. Whatever. So we go in and the energy is. We're new and we're trying to get people in this restaurant. We're the only people there. 11:30, when they opened, like, we're. They opened the doors. 11:30, early lunch. So the hostess is like, so excited. I think she just saw like girly pops and she's like, oh, my God. So she like sits us down at the table and she's like, girls, you have got to come back for our happy hour. And she gives us all the happy hour rundown. I'm thinking, I'm never coming back here. No offense. Just logistically, I'm not coming back up to this restaurant in Wilmington, just where it is, whatever. But we're like, we can't wait. We'll be back. You know, whatever. And she's like, deandre, I'll be right with you. So I was like, okay. So DeAndre comes over. That's our server. Just white guy, looks like he should be named Chad. But alas, he was named DeAndre. So he's wonderful. And he sets the menu down the table, and he's like, give. Giving us the whole rundown of farm to table. These are the farms. He's naming farms.

[Raina Greenberg]

Naming farms.

[Ashley Hess]

Literally, like. And I'm like, oh, it's like a

[Raina Greenberg]

spoof for, like, Portlandia.

[Ashley Hess]

Literally, like, he was like, we're a farm to table. Hot, you know, brand new restaurant concept, Farm to table in Wilmington, Delaware. And he's just saying, like, hyping how everything's so fresh and all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, great. So when he comes back around, I noticed that one of the menu pages had, like a coffee list. And the bottom half was like, espresso drinks, latte, cappuccino. The top half said our coffees. And it said regular, Colombian, Costa Rican, French vanilla. And I'm like, what are these? Are these coffee drinks or they have, like, beans? Like, they have like a whole coffee program here. So, like, you would like that, right? So I'm like, deandre, what's the deal with the coffees? I'm like, I see French vanilla. Is that like a latte? And then the Costa Rica, like, all these different types of coffees. You guys are like, is that the beans? He goes, they're K cups. He goes, that's Keurig. I said, I just don't think you should have shared that with me. And now I'm questioning the farms also.

[Raina Greenberg]

The one thing does not equal the other. That is crazy. You don't see those two things together. He knew the name of the farms, but they're doing K cups. They're doing single use plastic for the coffee.

[Ashley Hess]

What I. But the way they have our coffees and there's like 10.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, the tell was that they said Colombian and French vanilla. Those French vanilla ones of flavor was a location.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes. So I was like, okay. And I'm thinking, I don't think DeAndre should have shared that. And So I end up getting a latte. And then I did later. We stayed there for hours, just catching up. And I was like, I could use their coffee. So I ordered the French vanilla. And it was so clearly a K cup, no shade. I love a cake.

[Raina Greenberg]

You can tell.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. You can tell the taste, right? So then we pay the bill. He comes back over. He was like, is anyone's birthday here? And, like, I was like, oh, they're going to do something special. And Corey was in the bathroom. I'm like, it's her birthday. Her birthday's in May. It's fine. It's close enough. Whatever.

[Raina Greenberg]

He was just guessing, like, hopefully someone's

[Ashley Hess]

birthday is to do something. I could tell he wanted to do something. I tell him I really liked our table. We were like, being really. He was like, is anyone's birthday over here? I was like, yeah, it's her birthday. She's in the bathroom. It's her birthday. Her birthday's next month. He was like, okay, I got you. I was like, you guys do a whole thing. He was like, oh, yeah. And I'm like, okay. So I'm like, we're getting a dessert.

[Raina Greenberg]

He wanted to do this birthday thing.

[Ashley Hess]

We're getting a dessert. What are you thinking? We're getting.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think the whole restaurant's gonna sing to you, and obviously you're gonna get a dessert.

[Ashley Hess]

So DeAndre comes back over with a manager, and there's an envelope in hand. And he's like. The manager comes over. He was like, don't worry. We're not going to sing or anything, but we just want to say thank you for spending your birthday here at the name of the restaurant. And they hand Corey an envelope. I said, where's the dessert?

[Raina Greenberg]

A gift card.

[Ashley Hess]

I said all that for.

[Raina Greenberg]

I said all that to meet the manager. You could have just complained. You could have just asked to move tables and complain.

[Ashley Hess]

I said, open that right now. It better be something free. If it's a card. If it's a card.

[Raina Greenberg]

Better be a gift card. I could put towards this check.

[Ashley Hess]

It was a free appetizer for next time. They did the whole.

[Raina Greenberg]

They made the whole manager come out. He surveyed the table for a birthday. That's how bad they wanted you guys to come back. Ashley. That's a thing that they do. They probably made that coupon right there 100%.

[Ashley Hess]

And then they got the start to finish. Desperation from every level.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I'm not going back if you want me that badly.

[Ashley Hess]

The play if we had a great experience. But I was like, to actually sell me online to you about a birthday, and there's no dessert involved.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know I've lied to you, and I would like my prize now.

[Ashley Hess]

Deandre, you could just stuck the coupon in the bill. Totally. You could have just been like, ladies, it's been a pleasure. Come back, have an appetizer on me. Why do we need to do the birthday thing and bring the manager out also?

[Raina Greenberg]

He's like, it's your birthday now, but what I'm gonna do is give you a future gift. Why don't I get the free appetizer now on my birthday now?

[Ashley Hess]

But, like, are they telling them, like, hey, guys, get those appetizer coupons out when it's people's birthdays. Like, the fact that he came over, he looked so pleased with himself, and the manager buys.

[Raina Greenberg]

It was a corporate directive. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Just give it to us and say, it's been a pleasure having you for three hours. Here's a coupon.

[Raina Greenberg]

100%. Why did we need to make everybody lie about their birthday?

[Ashley Hess]

And then I was like, do we think a dessert is coming out? Like, why we did that for no ice cream or cake?

[Raina Greenberg]

And you don't even like lying.

[Ashley Hess]

So anyway, I just, like. That was, like, a funny restaurant experience.

[Raina Greenberg]

I had a weird restaurant situation also. Then I'll just tell you we really have to go, But I'll tell you. Okay. So I was in Austin. I spent one night alone, and I didn't know what to do. Matt, my, who opens my tour, lives there, and he's like, you got to go to this place, Sushi by scratch. It's this amazing, like, omakase experience. It's 10 seats a night, and it's, like, so special and different. I was like, great. So I signed up for it. I've never been to a really private sushi omakase like that. And I probably wouldn't have gone had I known, because it's a really, like, intimate experience.

[Ashley Hess]

It's 10 people are in there.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, it's 10 people in there. And it ended up only being nine people. So it's like me and three other couples and this, like, father and son, and they explain every single bite to you. And there's, like, a bartender, two sous chefs, and the MA guy. And it was really special, very expensive experience. It's just. It's tight.

[Ashley Hess]

It's.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's uncomfortable, it's quiet. People don't really know what to do. It's just. It's. It's quiet. I mean, you're in this room there's no windows. It's really fancy. It was unbelievably delicious. And the opportunity to go there, do go. But it was me. And, like, a few couples, I'm seeing this. No one is speaking to each other. Every.

[Ashley Hess]

There's, like, music.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't recall there.

[Ashley Hess]

If you don't recall, then I want rap music at sushi places. But that's just me. So not music that's loud or memorable?

[Raina Greenberg]

No, not at all. And she sees couples. Somebody's like, clearly on a first date, I'm sitting next to this married couple. They are not speaking to each other. I'm like. I'm just like, I guess we'll just all have this meal in silence. I mean, the staff is fighting for their life, trying to, like, entertain people and talk to them. And this, like, bartender from the other side of the sushi counter is like, so they know your names. They know everybody's name by. So they know, like, what you like and what your allergies are. And this guy was like, so, Reina, are you from Austin? I was like, no, I'm just visiting. And he was like, what brings you here? And I was like, I must become the most popular person in this room. He's like, what are you visiting for? I was like, I had a show. And he was like, you went to a show? And I was like, I was the show.

[Ashley Hess]

I was the show.

[Raina Greenberg]

Every person just perks up. And he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm a comedian. The whole vibe in the room. I saved the night. Cause I was a little drunk. That's why. And I was sick of sitting there in silence.

[Ashley Hess]

You're like, I'm about to show off. I just show off and show out.

[Raina Greenberg]

I couldn't sit there in silence any longer.

[Ashley Hess]

So then what?

[Raina Greenberg]

I was. Everybody wanted to talk to me. I saved everyone's marriage. I saved the whole evening. By the end of this married couple that was sitting next to me, not speaking to each other, he was yelling, pour a shot in my mouth, Daddy. At the sushi chefs, no one was

[Ashley Hess]

speaking until I cried.

[Raina Greenberg]

In this.

[Ashley Hess]

It turned into spring break, everybody was 1999.

[Raina Greenberg]

Everyone was taking shots, pouring more shit.

[Ashley Hess]

They were signing titties. Why is this fun?

[Raina Greenberg]

You were taking photos of me.

[Ashley Hess]

This couple was taking photos. They're eating sushi off your tits.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. Then I became the table.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, exactly.

[Raina Greenberg]

I really was angling for one of the couples to pay for my dinner because I. There was this hot rancher man sitting next to me, and he owned a ranch. And like, that was the guy yelling, put it in my mouth, Daddy. I was. He seemed like the most masculine guy there. I was like, he got loose.

[Ashley Hess]

This is like a sketch or a sitcom.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know the pin drop.

[Ashley Hess]

Quiet. And then you're like, watch me turn this place the fuck up.

[Raina Greenberg]

I saved everyone's marriage. I saved the evening. It's just. I was like, so great. Yeah, I know. I really was angling for somebody to buy my dinner, not get fans. But I did offer people free tickets to my show.

[Ashley Hess]

And everybody, everything. This is what we said. You're going to be out barking, trying to get those tickets. I bark free comedy show.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's Gorilla market at Grassroots.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, well, those are our restaurant antics. Girls gotta eat. As always. This is a food podcast. Food. A food and dining podcast. But we're just gonna talk about our partners and then we will get into with Nico today. So excited to have you back. And if you know, you know that when we had him the first time, we had an issue with the video that got lost.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I immediately went into surgery the next morning.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, my God.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

This was not our fault at all. And so we haven't had, like a full video with him. And so we're really excited to have him today. But I'm going to tell you guys about FP movement. Oh, my gosh. This is the brand that Rain and I wear all the time. This is free People's activewear brand. I was just posting a bunch of Instagram stories about it right before I went out of town. And we both have the Hotshot crossover set, which we are obsessed with. We get asked about it all the time. We both it in the dark espresso color. I have it in black. So many different colors. There's like yellow and reds and pinks and great colors for spring. So you have to get that hot shot crossover set. They have amazing shorts and sports bras. The don't let go sports bra is like one of the best sports bras I've ever owned and just like, super cute. I love their layering tops that you can just throw on before after workout. The bags, we both have these really, like. I don't know how to describe them. They're like really comfy, compact quilted bags. Love it. And then I have this puffer jacket. It's called the Pippa. Right. I'm obsessed with traveling with it. It folds up really quick, so small, and then it looks like a puffer. That. That's one thing I have on my trip. So we just love it so much. You have your performance meets personality. These great colors, unique silhouettes, and again, stuff to work out, but also post workout. Also just lounge. I mean, we have so many items from FP Movement that we wear to record in and we are just such big fans of. So you guys can check them out. Emphasize both function and fashion. Visit fpmovement.com to shop their full activewear and workout gear.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, I wanna tell you guys about a new show that you can watch. Now a new dawn rises in Gilead. From the executive producers of the Handmaid's Tale comes the Testaments, a new Hulu original series based on a novel by Margaret Atwood. Golden Globe nominee Chase Infinity plays a dutiful teen, Agnes, who guides newcomer Daisy through the halls of Aunt Lydia's elite preparatory school for future wives. Where obedience is instilled brutally. With no connection to the outside world, the daughters of Gilead commanders start to challenge authority, seek, independ and explore their identity. This is just the beginning of their reckoning. The series explores friendship, empowerment and resilience and what coming of age means for young women in a society that affords them no rights. Agnes and Daisy's bond becomes the catalyst that will upend their past, present and future. Raised to obey, but destined to defy. There's nothing more powerful than a teenage girl. And you can watch the Testaments now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, and Liquid iv. This show is sponsored by Liquid iv. Another thing I can't live without through these in my bag, of course, as I'm on a trip this week. So Liquid IV is going to hydrate you faster than water alone. It has three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients all in a single stick. So it is just a packet that you're gonna just cut or rip open, put it in a glass of. I like ice cold water, but just water. 16 ounces of water and just drink it. And the flavors, incredible. There are sugar free flavors if you want that. Mandarin orange, rainbow, sherbet, mango, pineapple. And then there are regular flavors, which is what I usually choose. And I like the lemon, lime, the guava and the grapefruit. Those are my faves. So the three times electrolytes like we mentioned, eight essential vitamins and it will retain hydration for up to four hours. So it's just so important to stay hydrated. I mean when you're not, you feel it in your body, you see it in your face. You feel it. If you're working out or whatever you're doing, working out in the bedroom, whatever you're doing, you're like, I'm dehydrated. Helps your whole body stay hydrated. You know what I'm saying? Talking about.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I love it when I travel also because it comes in these little packets and I really just like. You start to feel kind of run down when you're traveling. Also, summer travels coming up and it's just good to keep you, like, really

[Ashley Hess]

going so you guys can check it out. It is backed by a scientific advisory board with world renowned researchers to conduct clinical research and trials. You really can trust it. And again, just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates faster than water alone. Powered by Liv Hydro Science, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. You can soak up unforgettable memories with on the go hydration from Liquid IV tear poor live more. Go to LiquidIV.com and get 20 off your first purchase with code GGE at checkout. That's 20 off your first purchase with code gge@liquid IV.com.

[Raina Greenberg]

all right, guys. We are very excited to welcome back a guest to our show. He is a dating guru and the voice behind the wildly popular account the Daddy Academy, where he breaks down questionable dating behavior and modern relationships. He's a current contestant on the Unwell Winter Games and the host of the Daddy Academy podcast. Please welcome back to the show, Nico Amandiolis.

[Ashley Hess]

Wait, you just said it, Right? You just said it. Why'd you do that?

[Nico Emanuelides]

You just choked.

[Ashley Hess]

You had it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You nailed it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You nailed it.

[Ashley Hess]

The first time I got scared, literally when she got scared, I don't know,

[Nico Emanuelides]

she's had a stroke.

[Raina Greenberg]

She literally panicked. Two seconds ago, I confirmed I have the phonetic privacy spell now.

[Ashley Hess]

I was like, she's gonna do it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That was our.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sorry. I fucked up the disc, you guys. I fucked up the landing.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's all right. It's all right. I forgive you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, we're so glad to have you back because you were on the show two years ago via Zoom.

[Ashley Hess]

Right?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Zoom.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. And the place we recorded, they never hit record on your angle.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. So not only was I not there in person, they fucked the. Zoom got fucked.

[Ashley Hess]

I will say we have just really watched your career blasting you.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Really have.

[Ashley Hess]

We just. I think I found you on TikTok and you were blowing up on TikTok.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

And I was like, reina, we got to have this guy on. And now to just even seen it, just, like, the set and, like, you're doing tv. You have your podcast. Like, I just love to see it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, I appreciate you guys a lot. I think you kind of. You gave me that. Yeah, no, you put me on the map, like, as far as, like, the first real podcast that I went on was, like, you guys. And I really appreciate you guys giving me that platform. It was really. And then I did your holiday special show, the live show. Oh, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's not a lot of men that are making this type of content really approachable. And, like, sometimes I see men giving advice to other men, and I'm like, you're so full of. I know you're a bad person on the inside. This is so performative.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's such a weird space. And I think, like, there's a lot of guys are doing what I'm doing, but you could just tell it's coming from a place of, like, oh, I know that this content works for women, and I'm just, like, driving it home to get grifters.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right?

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So the thing about me is, like. And I probably told this on the last time I was on the show, like, I started making this content because I wanted to help men. I wanted to help young men like myself who, you know, I had confidence when I was younger, but I wasn't, like, Mr. Suave with the ladies. But I kind of gained that through time and kind of learned and just with the morals of how I grew up with my family. My parents still together after 30 years. So, like, I had, like, a really good foundation, the man that I wanted to be. So I wanted to help kind of young men like myself. I say it's like, I have the powers. You could choose how you want to use it, but, like, I'm going to recommend you kind of use it this way. Right. So that's why I wanted to teach men. So I was posting and maybe for, like, six months, got a few thousand followers, and my sister was like, why don't you make videos for women? Like, you've helped me and my friends for years. I'm like, that's a good idea. And I made one video, and it went viral. So then I just kept answering women's questions, and then it kind of turned into that. And then the way I kind of look at it is, like, everything happens for a reason. So I'm like, okay, I'm meant to be this guy in this space right now.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that you speak to men, but you also just Speak to women about, like, this behavior sucks. It's not acceptable. You don't have to be so mad about it, but do move on from this person, for sure.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's just. It's like one of those common sense kind of things. But it's hard when you're wrapped up in someone or situation to, like, be able to step away from it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think there's so many behaviors that, like, are so bad from both sexes, but you get to know somebody a little bit and you start making excuses for them. And it's easy to just sort of,

[Ashley Hess]

like, look the other way.

[Raina Greenberg]

And you're like, well, people are people. And like, where's the line when I have.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You need to know what your standards and your boundaries are. And it's all through reference experience. Right? Like, if you're one person who's been with somebody, let's say you're in like a toxic six year relationship and then they're coming out and they're trying to date again. Their only reference experience is this one horrible thing. So they either repeat that pattern or you kind of got to break them out of it. So everyone's dating through the lens of the reference experiences that they know.

[Ashley Hess]

Totally. And having sex. Yeah, we always say, like, people, you think this person likes this because the last person liked it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right, Right. That's actually really. That's a really good point. It's a really good point.

[Ashley Hess]

You say what women, I feel like, want to say, and I'll say whatever, but I think there's this thing that women want to be like, men stop fucking acting like this. But you don't want to come across, like, bitter or like you've been wrong. So you say the. That I think women are like, yes, Fucking yes. I guess you should pay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. And I. And it's a good segue into the, like, the low effort date thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

Oh, I thought you're gonna segue into Amanda and West, which is my whole personality. But I actually, you know, that was so interesting because, like, thank you so much for bringing Amanda and West up.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Thank you so much for bringing that up.

[Raina Greenberg]

You.

[Ashley Hess]

Thank you yourself. Thank you, Raina.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Thank you.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you, Raina, for changing the subject. Well, okay. One thing about Amanda west that I was thinking when you were talking was that you see this girl who was in a terrible relationship for 10 years, and the next guy she jumps to is pretty awful to women.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, well, I mean, that's actually a really good point. I always say to people, your biggest heartbreak isn't going to be that long. Relationship you end, it's going to be the first situationship you get into right after that long relationship that is going to be your biggest heartbreak. So if they break up, she's going to be thinking about west for years and not even give a fuck about her ex husband.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, I sent her episode a couple days ago.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's a hot take. But it's true.

[Raina Greenberg]

When a real relationship ends, you feel like I had agency in this ending. Somebody just fucks with you and fucks with you and you probably knew better. It is really hard to forgive yourself.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, that's what a lot of people. It's like, it's the forgiving yourself for like being stupid.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. And I mean, I have like, let people treat me a certain way where I'm like, I knew better. All my friends, my friends knew better. I walked into this knowing better. I literally hurt my own feelings.

[Ashley Hess]

My friend didn't just know better. They told you better.

[Nico Emanuelides]

They told you.

[Ashley Hess]

Don't do this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Ra.

[Ashley Hess]

Please don't do this. I did it. She's the opponent of like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. I did it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, but like, but that's the thing. Sometimes, like when I'm giving women advice, like, I just saw something today. Like I was gonna make a video about it. It was a. It was a TikTok and the girl. It's a. It was a video of a guy like sitting on her bed. It says blocked on all social media, but he's eating chicken Alfredo next to me in bed at 8am that's insane. I'm like, what are you doing with him in your bed? You're blocked on everything.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's admitting it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, she's admitting it. Like, oh, like he's blocked. We're blocked on everything. But he's in my bed.

[Ashley Hess]

Glamorizing toxicity.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. It's like, it's not.

[Raina Greenberg]

Hehehe.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's bottom bad. Even like, you know, we're talking about on the Unwell Winter Games, our society is pushing toxicity. I mean like, that is what's popular. That's what gets clicks. That's what gets attention. So like being like, it's. It's not funny. I don't find it funny. It's kind of like it's. Yeah, sure, maybe it's a little entertaining sometimes, but it's not like, what, what, what are we, what example are we setting for people if that's what we're pushing, you know, but it is what gets clicks.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's what gets you scenes on reality tv. There's a real reward system for people

[Nico Emanuelides]

that act really badly on that say about us.

[Ashley Hess]

Did you say Alfredo in bed?

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's what it said, yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

What that's your real problem is the

[Nico Emanuelides]

fetuccini in the morning. That a choice of food.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm not eating in bed.

[Raina Greenberg]

Thank you for bringing that up.

[Ashley Hess]

Fetuccini Alfredo in bed. Also, these people are toxic for that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, yeah. That alone also.

[Raina Greenberg]

You had to cook that. Like you can't take fetuccini Alfredo out of the fridge and eat it cold. It's probably got at 8am no, but

[Nico Emanuelides]

you would have to. You'd have to put in the microwave or you can't eat.

[Ashley Hess]

French people are. They deserve jobs.

[Raina Greenberg]

Honestly, they should be together.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Authorities.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm sure, like dating patterns change over the years. What are you seeing a lot right now? Like bad behavior.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, or debatable behavior.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. You know what? Like, I think the thing that people come to me the most, like they always say that there's two sides of dating. There's like the tactical side, like the X's and O's of like how you should navigate, like the texting and the dates and observing interest. Then the other side of it is like, how are your feelings of like self worth, your limiting belief beliefs, your past patterns? Like, how is that affecting, like what's manifesting into your reality? Because dating is kind of like a mirror in a lot of ways. I think a lot of people, it's getting to the bottom of like, what is that pattern that you keep attracting into your life? And until you're like very aware of what that is. Because we all have a pattern and a lot of times we attract like the toxic version of the mirror reflection. Until you kind of like learn from it, keep rejecting that as it keeps coming. Because hippie, dippy woo. While the universe, God, whatever, keeps sending you these tests and until you keep rejecting them, then you're at the place and at the frequency where the right person is going to come. So a lot of it is like being aware of that because a lot of people are just kind of like throwing themselves back into dating or avoiding it altogether. So I think there's two. Like, I hear people will say, like, oh, I don't want to date again. I don't want a man to disrupt my peace. I have my peace.

[Raina Greenberg]

See a lot of that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, right. But to me, that that's to a degree. Okay. You take a few months to kind of get your mojo going again. But if you're like years and I'm not dating. You learn the most about yourself through relationship, not through being alone. Being alone, Everything's great. If I'm just like going to the gym, going out with my friends every once in a while, ordering take out, hanging out with my dog, watching sex in the city, like, life's great. There's nothing wrong with that. You need to be triggered in order to learn and grow about yourself. So when a lot of people kind of get into that mindset, I'm like, you got have to get out on dates. You actually have to trigger yourself. That's how you're going to grow and learn. And whether that person's meant for you or not, it doesn't really matter. Everyone's a learning experience, a growing experience until you're at the frequency and the point where you meet the right person. So like a lot of what I talk about ends up being a lot of that. And then the X's and O's are just a way to kind of give you the confidence to guide through that process. So it's kind of funny how it kind of all ties together.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, if you're at peace, actually, that's a good time. That's a good time to date, to your point.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But are you at peace or are you burying the trauma?

[Ashley Hess]

I guess my point is if you actually are and you're like, I feel good, I feel stable, I feel mentally well, I feel emotionally well, that is a good time to date.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It is a good time to date.

[Ashley Hess]

It's a better time to date than when you're feeling depressed or anxious or sad or cat like, all those things.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. Right.

[Ashley Hess]

I understand when people are like. And Reina does this, she's like, my life is great and I don't want a man disrupting it. But how long.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But how long of a period? Right.

[Ashley Hess]

What place would you like to be? And not you specific. What place would you like to be in to let a man disrupt it? Like when things are going worse than

[Raina Greenberg]

like, I don't know.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Interesting, right? It is. But it's, you know, if you're out of a relationship. Yeah. You need a certain amount of time to like, heal to the point where, like, I'm not thinking about that past relationship anymore. But once you're not thinking about that past relationship anymore and you say that you want relationship, then you have to start putting yourself out there.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

If you're not, then you're avoiding it because you don't want to be hurt, which nobody wants to be hurt.

[Ashley Hess]

And I do get it. I had this point in my life where I was like, I. I said on the podcast years ago, I was like, everything is going so well. I don't want an outside force to come in and disrupt it and crack the glass bubble. But, like, you could live like that forever.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You can live like that forever.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

And some people do.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think you have to choose. Everything's hard, right? Everything's hard. I think when you're single, people really miss companionship and partnership.

[Ashley Hess]

Love is the thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's the best thing. It's the best feeling in the world. But I think dating, Dating is so hard today and there's so much bad behavior, and I dated so much last year and I had a lot of not horrible experience, but just a lot of, like, I don't need to deal with this type of experiences. And I am somebody who's like, I'm really proud of my life professionally. I spent all of last year, like, being able to, like, go on tour with Ashley and watch her success and watch her wedding. And I had a great year last year. I'm having a great year this year. My life is really good. But, you know, you do start to, like, have a couple dates and people are shitty and there's so much bad behavior. And I understand. I want to validate people really saying, like, I cannot. I don't want to disrupt what I've built here. And I understand that I'm not, I'm

[Nico Emanuelides]

not neglected, that men are horrible. No, I say it every day.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm not saying men are. I mean, listen.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, like, no, not all men are. Yes, both genders have equal amounts of horrible traits and people.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I understand people saying, like, I have been kicked in the teeth by eight people in a row and I just need a break.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. And you take a little break. You take a few months. Right. Not a few years. Yeah, that's like, that's my advice. It's like, you're only hurting yourself at the end of the day if you're doing that. You know, if you want a relationship,

[Ashley Hess]

you want to find somebody.

[Nico Emanuelides]

If you want to find somebody.

[Ashley Hess]

So some content that you post about that I really like is this low effort dating, unintentional. Does it mean low interest, coffee dates, walks versus, you know, sure.

[Nico Emanuelides]

This is my personal opinion. So if you want a man like me, you should listen to this advice. No, I don't think I'm so great. But, yeah, maybe I am. Maybe I'm a little great. So, like, I would never ask a woman who I'm like, wow, like, she's gorgeous. She seems really cool. Like, I could see some potential here. I would never risk asking her on a coffee date as a first date, because you want a man that wants to impress you off the bat, right? So if I'm going coffee, that means that I'm unsure if I even find you, like, attractive, in my opinion, because it's kind of like I need to feel this out. Coffee day is I need to feel this out because I'm unsure if I want to invest more. More time, energy, money. Right? So especially a lot of guys nowadays, like, don't want to invest the money. Right. Especially in a city like New York City, they don't want to spend money for. Because you're going out in New York City 150, $200, like, easy drinks. Well, it depends. It depends. Well, like, are you going to a Houlahan's pub? Are you going to. Or you going. Are you going to, like, Tigre or somewhere? Like, somewhere cool? Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

It communicates to me that you're just

[Ashley Hess]

not that into me.

[Raina Greenberg]

And that's okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's exactly what I just said.

[Raina Greenberg]

Some people don't drink, and some people are just trying to, like, find another activity that's fine.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That I can understand. If the guy doesn't really drink, you don't really Dr. Like, I can get that. I can get behind that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just. I don't know. It communicates to me.

[Ashley Hess]

You're just not that into me. I agree.

[Raina Greenberg]

You know, you're just like, ah, I'll spend $3 on this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I 100% agree.

[Ashley Hess]

So I feel like I have so much to say because for. For years, I feel like we have been on record saying that a coffee date for a first date is a vibe check and it's fine. And a walk is fine. You guys, let me finish because I feel like. I feel like we've been saying that. Yeah, yeah. But no one's ever asked me out on a coffee date. And I've never actually, actually had it happen. And if it did, I'd probably be like, oh, I'm not worth drinks. Like, to your point, right. They don't have to be like, let's go sit down. I don't want to do a dinner for a first time.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, I agree with that.

[Ashley Hess]

But I've never had it happen. And I might be a little like, huh, that's interesting. And that's all the time you have. Like, you're trying to work your schedules out. You're like, we got to meet On Saturday, you want to get a coffee, that's fine, but I'm with you, and I want to check myself on. Like, I've been saying this is fine, but I've actually never experienced it. And every guy that's asked me out and plenty of them didn't go well, has been like, a place that was most of the dates, thoughtful place that they wanted to get a drink. I don't want to go on a day date.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, it's not romantic.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's an afternoon date. It's like you've scheduled me in between meetings.

[Ashley Hess]

I don't just.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's not romantic.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm like. I hold space to think. Like, I'm just a person you met on an app and I'm a stranger, and why should you spend a bunch of money on me and a bunch of time? But, like, I don't want. I just don't want it. Like, there's, like, the advice and then there's the reality of it, which is, like, no one has ever asked me on a coffee date. And I think I would. Would be like, this fucking guy.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

And then a lot of women in the comments because I was like, I got to get in these comments. And people are pretty kind to you, you know, and I think they, like, want to just add their experience or their nuance. But I saw women being like, yeah, but I want to do a vibe check. And to your point, yeah, women want to do a vibe check.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

You kind of want the guy whether he's right about you or not. You kind of want the guy that's like, I think you're hot and you seem cool from the one time we met or from the app, whatever. Like, the women can be like, I guy want to do a vibe check. You should want a guy that's excited about you from the jump.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Exactly.

[Ashley Hess]

Because women don't grow on men. Yes, men grow on women.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Correct. That's exactly my point. If you as a woman want a vibe check coffee date, I'm okay with that.

[Ashley Hess]

100.

[Nico Emanuelides]

If you want to do that because it makes you feel more comfortable with somebody during the day before you go out at night with a guy for safety reasons. Like, I'm totally on board with that. But I'm telling you what it means. If a guy asks you on a coffee date, he's either cheap because here the other reality. And, like, this is the more manipulative way of looking at. At it. A lot of men generally say to themselves, like, I should be able to sleep with her by three Dates. If they're after more of a casual thing, I'm going to give it three dates. I should be able to get there. Right? So a coffee date, $5. All right. That's already one. Oh, right. Then on a second date. On a second date, they might go, hey, let's go dinner, right? Oh, I liked her. Now I'll pepper with the dinner and then drinks. And then drinks. And then maybe you hook up on the second date. Because he made it like this big marathon.

[Raina Greenberg]

He said the bar sold on the first date.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. And then he rolls out the red carpet on a Saturday night. And maybe you'll be likely to sleep with him if you find him attractive. But he barely spent any money, so. Yeah, that's why I don't like the coffee dates. And you kind of got to make an assumption for yourself based off somebody like, you know, make an assessment. But that's part of the reason why

[Ashley Hess]

I don't want it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want to put on makeup and put on an outfit and go out.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You romantic. You want a date to be romantic.

[Ashley Hess]

We also talk about, like, making dating, like, easier and more fun. I just think if. If a woman wants to do a coffee date or a walk, that's on her terms.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Sure.

[Ashley Hess]

Guys should ask you out for a drink or whatever.

[Nico Emanuelides]

The.

[Ashley Hess]

Like. We have a friend that dating hard and she's been through a lot and she's been through a long relationship, some health stuff, and she really takes things really slow. And she prefers these dates that are. She does these walks and guys are asking her out for drinks, and I think she's saying, let's take a walk. And they're like, you're hot. That's what I'm saying. It's on your terms. Like, you can pivot them and if they're interested, they'll take the fudgeing walk on the walk.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I'll go on the walk. But.

[Raina Greenberg]

But.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, it depends on your vibe, too. You might unintentionally create a platonic tone to the dynamic. Where you want a romantic tone to the dynamic.

[Ashley Hess]

Daytime.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Daytime.

[Raina Greenberg]

Daytime. Platonic.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Daytime is platonic.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want the sun to have set if we are on the air.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. Like so, like, that's where. Are you setting yourself up for success that way? Like, probably not. But I understand if you want to do a vibe check. Like, I get it.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm with Ashley. If a woman wants to do that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Fine. Yeah, that's fine.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

We were just going to take a quick break and then we will get back into it. I'm Telling you about zebiotics. Okay. Last night at dinner, we go to this, like, hot spot, New York City. Zotics was on the menu as, like, a mocktail, like, no alcohol. And the people at the table next to us throwing back their zebiotics.

[Raina Greenberg]

I know.

[Ashley Hess]

I was like, oh, this is.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a thing.

[Ashley Hess]

Just chic.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think people just want to feel good.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. So we love seeing that. And this is a great way to plan ahead so you can truly live your best life, especially when you're enjoying a few alcoholic drinks. So you can stay balanced with Zoom Biotics Pre alcohol before you start. So Zebiotics Pre Alcohol Probiotic Drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's a buildup of this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for rough days after drinking. Pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. Just remember to make pre alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly, and you'll feel your best tomorrow. So we love this. I mean, I try to do it when I can, but if anything, I don't. I don't go that hard. But like, on a special occasion, like a New Year's Eve or something like that, I always make sure I have. And it's just this little vial and you again, just, like, throw it back. They're so easy to travel with. And you really will notice a difference the next day, whatever you're doing. Especially if, like, a workout the next day you have plans, stuff to commit to, podcast recording, so you guys can check it out. Because, let's be real, usually a Friday night out means a Saturday morning spent canceling my workout class if you're like me. But since I started incorporating pre alcohol, my glass of wine doesn't disrupt my morning flow. Remember to head to zbiotics.com GGE and use the code GGE at checkout for 15 off.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. And if you guys are looking for, like, one way to just get your finances in order, just one small, quick thing you can incorporate into your life. It is Rocket Money. So Rocket Money does all kinds of things. One of the things it can do is track subscriptions, and they'll help you cancel unwanted ones within the app. I love this app. I love the user interface. It's so easy to use. They're going to help you track Your spending. There's categorization across accounts, there's customizable categories, and you can really watch your spending patterns. You can set budgets in the app and goals and get personal insights. And especially with summer coming up, I think we're all just like, I to go crazy and take a vacation.

[Ashley Hess]

And if you don't know what you

[Raina Greenberg]

can afford for the vacation or you want more outfits, you want more swag like, but you're not sure what your finances look like, this is a quick, easy thing that you can do to immediately get a full, clear picture of your spending. And Rocket Money has saved users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. And when I signed into the app, I was like, oh, I cannot believe all the stuff that I'm paying for that I had just signed up for 30 days and then I forgot. You know, you really can reach your financial goals faster with this. So I can't recommend it enough with optimization. Automated with. With automated. Track your spending, create automated savings.

[Ashley Hess]

I should drink that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sea biotics abandoned the world.

[Ashley Hess]

Keep this in. I was like, she'll try a fourth time. Nope.

[Raina Greenberg]

I'm in New York for three days, ruining my life.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Anyways, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find, cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join@Rocket Money.com GGE that's Rocket Money.com GGE

[Ashley Hess]

RocketMoney.com okay, so if a man does not confirm the date with you the day of no go.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So this. This would be.

[Raina Greenberg]

When is this happening? Women are saying to you, like, we made plans two, three days ago, and he just expects me to show up.

[Nico Emanuelides]

All right, so the mentality with a lot of guys and like, this is sort of like the insecure mentality of why do I need to be the one to show the interest and follow up? Like, if she's just as interested, why can't she confirm with me?

[Ashley Hess]

And I don't know how to teach it to you. And you're not my guy.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You are.

[Ashley Hess]

These guys call them out by name, but that's.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, I wish I had their name.

[Ashley Hess]

Why do I need to be the one?

[Raina Greenberg]

You have to. You just have to. Why is everything going to be on me? The rest of the relationship? Everything's going to be on me too.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right, Right. Exactly. But that's why I just don't. I don't get where the mindset comes from. Because actually, these guys do themselves a disservice by. All you have to do is plan the date few days ahead of time. Three, four days ahead of time. That'd be perfect, right? Four days ahead of time, confirm like the day before. Like what I would recommend doing is like the day before you mentioned something over text like nodding to the date happening tomorrow. So then like you know, oh, we're definitely still on for tomorrow.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But then the next day, let's say maybe like the day of the date by like noon or so. Like oh, I can't wait for those margaritas later tonight. Yeah, like something like a little fun. Nodded to it. But men don't understand by showing that consistency early on you're actually like making yourself more attractive leading up to the days like oh, wow, he confirmed with me, which is the bare minimum stuff. But a lot of people don't do it because what used to work and it still does work to some degree. The nonchalant man for a fuckboy. It works, it works well.

[Raina Greenberg]

It breeds anxiety. You're spending all day being like, I don't know if I'm gonna see him later. And then you check in and then he alleviates the, that stress.

[Ashley Hess]

Of course I'm gonna see you later.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But it all comes down to attraction and how attractive you find the person is usually how much you're willing to actually put up with. So like these really good looking guys or desirable guys, they will kind of play this and be able to get away with more. Because you would have put up with if you thought a guy was like, let's just say like a five, right? And he didn't answer you the day of, you'd be telling all your friends, this guy.

[Ashley Hess]

Audacity.

[Nico Emanuelides]

The audacity. But like if this guy's like a movie star or whatever, you might wait it out and like, oh, he's gonna, oh, he's gonna text me, he's gonna. So it's all about how attractive you find somebody equals how much you're being gonna be willing to put up with. This is the reality. But, but the problem is there are a lot of like what you would call like a nice guy who are doing the right things, but these women don't find them attractive. So like they're not even interested. So we have this like imbalance. Imbalance. That's, that's the problem. So like what I wanna do, I told you with my show, like my podcast, but we're doing like a, a separate show show where I'm going to have like men on and like fix them right Yes. I can't fix a fuck boy who wants to be a fuckboy because I can't convince you to be, be good. I could help nice guys learn how to be more attractive. Yes, that's like to make more eligible bachelors for women out there. But like that's where the big split is. It all comes down to attraction.

[Ashley Hess]

Can you give us a few of the tips or what you say to like coach these nice guys?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, like I do coaching calls with like men too. Not as many as women, but like I do. And a lot of it is just. It's so funny because like I'll, I'll explain it, but it's almost the same game, but it's with the, with, with good intention. Right. So I was like talking to this. I don't want to totally give away the story, but he was talking.

[Raina Greenberg]

He's not giving away.

[Nico Emanuelides]

He's not listening actually. He's not listening to this. So there's this guy who he has basically like a work crush and they're, they're talking and whatever and kind of wanted my help kind of navigating. Cause they went out on a coffee walk date. That was the first thing, which I'm like, I don't like that. And they didn't kiss me. And then he asked her on another date and she flaked on it like, oh, I'm just getting back from a trip. I gotta.

[Ashley Hess]

Oh, getting back from a trip.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. So I'm like off the bat bad. She's friend zoning you.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So I'm like, what you have to do now at work is don't be so available for her. You kinda gotta like let her come to you. Sit back, don't text her, text her, text her, text her. Like so it's a lot of that. It's the game, but it's with good intention. Right, right. So where a lot of guys do the game for, for bad intention. So it's kind of just a matter of like the person. Like I was saying earlier, like, I can give you the powers, I can use them for good or for evil. That's on you. I'm just the Yoda master. I'm just a Jedi master. Like I can't choose how you're going to do. I'm going to tell you what I think you should do. But the game is kind of the same. It's just the person, like the morals of the person, how the person wants to be, how the person, person. Is he actually looking for a relationship, which this guy is. So it's like, okay, he is looking for a relationship, so I can kind of help him maneuver how he's texting when he should ask her out again, this and that. To kind of like get the result that he wants, which would be the best result for her too, because she's looking for that. But if he's being too platonic and friendly, she's not even gonna find him attractive, which is the problem.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, she's already pulled back. So the answer is not for him to push harder.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Exactly.

[Ashley Hess]

Because I think sometimes people can hear this and they're like, this feels contradictory. It's like, you got to just hear us out.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Human nature.

[Ashley Hess]

It's not that you're saying be an asshole. No, it's saying, be a little less. Because you have pushed her away. And she's got to wonder, why did he pull back? That is human nature.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Human nature. It's human nature.

[Ashley Hess]

Too needy, too clingy, we're turned off. It's not working. If it was working, she would have gone on that second date. So you really only have one play here. We say this sometimes to women. We're like, you have one play left and it is to do nothing and it is to ignore. And again, like, call it a game if you want, but it's all you have left at this point. I actually don't think this is a match. I don't think you guys are going to work out. But if you think you might, you have one thing you can left to do.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think you can play the game a little better. I don't think you have to play games, but you can play the game. We all kind of want something that's a little hard to attain.

[Ashley Hess]

That's normal in.

[Raina Greenberg]

In the world always. And so if you just pull back

[Nico Emanuelides]

a little bit, it's knowing that the other person has options. Right. But how do you convey that is kind of like the thing. So with women, by doing nothing and not over investing with your communication earlier on, you're not giving the signal to the guy that, like, I need this.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, right.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So like, if you do that, a guy will be like, I got this one already, basically. But I'm saying don't show interest, but just show appropriate interest. So like, but with women, like you said, the default is actually to do less.

[Raina Greenberg]

Exactly. Like when somebody doesn't confirm a date with you in the morning, you're not going on that you have not having manners. I mean.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, you know, that's beyond not intentional.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's not intentional and it's rude.

[Raina Greenberg]

Ashley. And if she didn't confirm with me, I'd be like, do we plan to. I know she'll show up. We've been friends for a decade, but, like, everybody else needs to check in with.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But you have that experience with her. You've known her for so long. Give somebody the benefit of the doubt if you've known them longer.

[Ashley Hess]

Sure.

[Raina Greenberg]

But even she wouldn't do that to me. And it would be acceptable if she did a new person. If you don't check in with me in the morning, confirm, I'm busy.

[Ashley Hess]

But you know you're supposed to. Everybody, everybody knows if you're not doing it, it means you care so little. Or you're doing on purpose, which is worse.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Either way, it's on purpose.

[Raina Greenberg]

One of the people, we asked our audience, like, what they want to hear from you. And some girls said, like, guys that don't check in with you to make sure you got home okay at night.

[Nico Emanuelides]

My move there would generally be, well, like, if I could take an Uber with you, drop you off, and then go, oh.

[Raina Greenberg]

Huh.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I think that's kind of like a nice, happy medium well in New York City. Because, like, a lot of people maybe don't live near, but, like, people walk

[Raina Greenberg]

home at night by themselves.

[Ashley Hess]

I.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, then I would. Then I would walk her home.

[Raina Greenberg]

I do want a man to.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I would have to walk you home.

[Raina Greenberg]

Home, yes.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like I was telling you about my. My girlfriend when we first met, she was staying at her friend's place in Brooklyn, and I live in Midtown. I took the Uber with her to Brooklyn and then took the Uber. So I went, like, completely, completely out of the way. We were having such a fun time. We wanted to keep talking.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly. You don't have to do that. That's not a deal breaker for me.

[Raina Greenberg]

If you send the text, you got to check it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. What I would say was, above and beyond.

[Ashley Hess]

I love it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But that's super high, high interest. So, like, something like that is very high interest. Right. Low interest would be not even confirming. But what, like, I would normally do, let's say, like, we're in a place where you were. You're driving home, I'm driving home. As a guy, you could do two things. You'd be like, text me when you get home. Right. So I'm telling you, text me when you get home.

[Ashley Hess]

Interested in this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. So, like, you check back in. I said, great. Oh, I had such a wonderful time tonight. We gotta do it again soon. Oh, yes. I'd love that too. Perfect little end to the night. I think that's like the perfect end. The night. You just like us both leaving and then I'm texting you. Did you get home okay? Yeah. You could do that too.

[Ashley Hess]

I like that. Don't create work for me. If you. It's like, text me when you get home. I'm never gonna do it. I just want you to check out. Okay, I had a great time. Either way is fine. But text me when you get home feels a low effort. You gotta text me. Then you could, then, then he could be like, but I told you to text me to get home. You didn't text me. So you must.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want instructions.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, I got that.

[Raina Greenberg]

I don't want a project when I got home. You check, it can feel performative.

[Ashley Hess]

Text me when you get home. Can be performative.

[Raina Greenberg]

We know that at this point, men know that we want them to do it. We want you to pick up the tab on the first date. We want you to check in that

[Ashley Hess]

we got home okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

We want you to check in in the morning, that we're going to see you this evening. This is the lowest effort in.

[Nico Emanuelides]

This is like. This is what I would call bare minimum.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that we're all had to have our own boundaries of like what we want, what's not okay. And people are human and they wake up, they have a meeting and then you know, their family members sick and whatever things happen, things happen. But like, I think at the bare minimum, men basically know the very small basic things.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Of course they do.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. They have the Internet too.

[Raina Greenberg]

So I have a question. Okay, so after the first date, let's talk about low effort dating. Cause we've got a couple people that said, like I only see him once a week. I don't. He doesn't text me a lot or he makes plans to see me, but it doesn't make a plan plan, like let's see each other on Tuesday. But does like all of this type of behavior.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So I'm actually coming out with like a, like a digital course where I talk about, I call it like the phases of dating. Like there's four phases from first date to a relationship. In a close proximity relationship, like long distance, it's a little bit different.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's still kind of.

[Raina Greenberg]

What do you call the phases?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Phase one is like dates 1 through 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Really? It's like within 12 dates and. Or like 12 weeks. Like, because sometimes it starts to ramp up a little bit. First date to relationship. At the Most you should take about three months, could be a little bit sooner, could be a little bit later, but, like, roughly. That's kind of of like the guide. Right. So dates one through three should be one day per week.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like, that I'm fine with. I think where we're talking about, like, casual. A lot of guys will go, like, Thursday night date. Like, you had a great date. We're doing Saturday. Right. And that's a quick turnaround. Building a lot of emotional intensity. Really quick. Could lead to you end up sleeping with somebody because you have a good connection. He wants immediately want to see you again because you got to get to know somebody over an extended period of time. Time dates. Just like I saw her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It's like, I've only known you for four days. I don't care how much we talked about. You get to know somebody when you see their behavior stretched out over time.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So one day per week for the first three dates. So I could say three weeks around a month. Now, four dates in a month or close to that, at least. I've seen a sample size of, like, how does he go about texting me during a week? How does he plan dates? Did he plan ahead of time or. Because if you go Thursday and then Friday or Thursday and Saturday, he's scheduling last minute. You don't know if. Is he, like, a planner? Can he actually plan it out?

[Ashley Hess]

Does he show up learning about this person in these early stages?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. You could. So there's a lot that you could learn there. And I say, like, the topics of conversation that you got to hit on within the first three dates are like family. Got to just learn about how he grew up, you know, just his relationship with his family still. We can't choose our family. We can't choose that situation. So we're not going to, like, overly judge that, but it's a good basis to kind of know what we're dealing with. Right. Friends, what's your social circle like? Right. Like, if you ask me, like, oh, who you're best friends? Oh, I'm best friend Azriel. He's been with his wife for 10 years, Dakota. Dakota, my friend Alex and Erica Shout Out. They're big fans of you guys. Yeah, they're. They loved when I went on your show the first time. Erica, they're married. They have a baby. My other friend, Dan, he's engaged to one of my best girlfriends from college. Like, so from that, if I tell you that, what can you infer about

[Ashley Hess]

me and your space in life?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. Like, I'm. I'm friends with all men who are in families. Right. So it's like, okay, so he's probably looking for something serious too, right?

[Raina Greenberg]

He wants to fit in.

[Nico Emanuelides]

He wants. Yeah. Well, it's just like, I'm not with bachelor party boys.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. So, like, getting to know, like, who are his friends and what are their relationship statuses, you can kind of. It's not a direct correlation, but you can kind of infer what his social life might be like.

[Ashley Hess]

I love this so much. Like, I'm thinking of women who are listening to the men. Like your life that you described. Even my husband, I met him. Like every married friend, they're getting wetter and wetter. Just like, all his friends are married. Like, he's ready.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

My best friend, they're just about to have their second baby. You're like, oh, you know, you're just realizing that he's in that place.

[Nico Emanuelides]

He's in that place in life because, like, you are who you surround yourself with. Right. So if, like, this guy is around men who are married or in serious relationships, odds are he leans that way, too.

[Ashley Hess]

Of course, there's exceptions to every rule with all of this stuff because there's that first guy that gets married that he just, like, wants to be like. I think my brother was really early to be like, I want a wife and kids, but while his friends were still single. But I feel like people make that known on dates, too. Like, they're like, my best friend Chris, you know, he's running around. I'm. You know, I think they let. You know.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right? You could let. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

If they are the outlier.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes, yes. So friends.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Passion and purpose in life. What does he do for work? And not every guy's job is going to be their passion, but you just kind of want to get a gate age for how happy and fulfilled is he in his professional life? Because if a man's not really happy there.

[Raina Greenberg]

Totally. Can he make you hard for him?

[Nico Emanuelides]

It'd be hard for him because.

[Raina Greenberg]

Absolutely.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Eventually, once you. As months and months go on and people really start to show you who they truly are, if he's not fulfilled with his life and his career and stuff, you're going to start getting that depression coming out.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

At some point we all have anxieties and stresses and whatnot. But, like, it's kind of important just to feel out where he is. Passion and purpose and life. Right. Also, it's like, you know, what does he do for work? Right. And I. A Question I like to say people should ask is like, if you could be doing anything in the world right now, like, dream job, like, what would you do? Right? So if you ask somebody who's in marketing, like, hey, like your dream position, right? And he goes like, oh, I want to be like a WWE wrestler. It's like, well, that there's no correlation between the two.

[Ashley Hess]

He's an accountant.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, yeah, right. Where if, like you've said me, like, oh, what do you want to do? It's like, oh, like, maybe I want to be the host of a Netflix dating show. Oh, I see. We're on the path. We're on the path. So you want to see a guy is on his path.

[Ashley Hess]

Our friend went out on a stay with this guy and she's a therapist, so she was questioning him and she had just told him about her career pivot and how she went back to school to become a therapist. And she starts talking to him and she says, it feels like you're not as passionate about what you used to do and you're pivot and stuff. She starts asking these questions. He excuses himself, he goes to the bathroom, he comes back, he is teary eyed. She has like cracked him open. He says, I just have to leave. Like she never, never hears room again. Like, he realized on that day that he was like.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But that's like, but that's like an exam. That's like a lot of people don't dive into the hard questions. These aren't hard questions.

[Raina Greenberg]

She's therapist.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, like she, yeah, she got it out.

[Ashley Hess]

But I feel like she realized he's not ready for a relationship. He's right.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right.

[Ashley Hess]

He doesn't even know what he's doing in his life.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. Very important.

[Raina Greenberg]

I want to know how you spend your day and how you spend your energy. And there's different people. There's people that work to live. There's people that live to work. I live to work. But like, I don't know that I would work out really well with another person that lived to work.

[Nico Emanuelides]

For sure. You got to know compatibility wise, who the type of person that you fit well with.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's plenty of people that go to work, they catch a paycheck, they don't take that shit home at the end of the day. And I probably would work out somebody on the road.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You are more of like an outgoing, creative person. So you're kind of flying around and you want somebody who's a little bit more like grounded. Grounded by the, by the books and does his thing.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a good balance. I want somebody that can just support me, my dreams.

[Ashley Hess]

You and I have a crazy life like you. It.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. You don't need a guy with a crazy life.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. It's like, then when do you even see.

[Raina Greenberg]

We would never.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Too much. Yes.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so are we through the first quarter yet?

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, no, no. We got.

[Ashley Hess]

I love this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

This is great. Yeah. Two more topics.

[Ashley Hess]

Two more topics.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Past relationship and how did it end? You got to ask that question. You may maybe don't ask on a first date, I can understand, but by third date, that's not a hard question.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

If you ask me, like, oh, when's last relationship? How did it end? If I want you to know, know what I'm looking for, or just kind of like, what happened as far as my relationship trajectory that's led me to this point as a man? Like, I'm gonna tell you. And you want a guy that's, like, taking some level of ownership too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Absolutely.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You don't want a guy that's being like, oh, she was just a crazy bitch.

[Ashley Hess]

No.

[Raina Greenberg]

You have to clock that immediately.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes, yes. Let's say that's true. He could say that, but then also say, like, you know, but I have a lot of empathy. But this is what I learned from it. This is what kind of came up for me.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's context.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I went to therapy after I. Whatever I kind of. I got from it. So you want a guy that can contextually describe it without bashing the person that he was with.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, how he speaks about her.

[Nico Emanuelides]

How he speaks about her is, like, huge.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think about it all the time. The minute somebody says to you, she was crazy, zip, that's the end of it. No accountability.

[Nico Emanuelides]

There needs to be accountability.

[Raina Greenberg]

Something's going on.

[Nico Emanuelides]

There's always. We play a part in everything. Like, yeah, maybe one person is a lot more of a part, but, like, you still don't want to talk badly about somebody in that way.

[Raina Greenberg]

I just want to know, have you been in a committed relationship at all?

[Nico Emanuelides]

At all?

[Ashley Hess]

Relationship history?

[Nico Emanuelides]

I know. Well, a lot of women will say me to me, like. Because I'll say that, like, if a guy's been single for five years, six years, I'm like, that's very, very intentional. But then a lot of women will go like, well, I've been single for five years, but I'm like, but with women, it's different because you're. You're the gatekeeper. Right. So you're trying to find the normal guy. Guys are the ones that let's say he's a desirable guy. It's not hard for a desirable guy to find a relationship. So if he's not in one, he's purposely not 100%.

[Ashley Hess]

Like we always say, men of a certain age in New York City that have been single this whole time are feral.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes, they're just feral. And they're. I say defective is the word.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, defective. I used to say an infected.

[Raina Greenberg]

Infected, Infected. That's the real pandemic.

[Ashley Hess]

The real pandemic. Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was talking to this guy and I could just kind of sense like he really had not like pulled into a parking spot with somebody. And I was like in a relationship. And he was like, what? And I was like, have you been in a relationship? And he was like, yeah, I have for a couple years. And I kind of dug into it. And he said that they weren't faithful to each other. And so he's never been in a real committed relationship. And open relationships are different. And people that are not ethically non monogamous. This was not that.

[Ashley Hess]

But if you want that, then great.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's great. That's what I'm saying. It was not that. And I was like. So I was right.

[Ashley Hess]

He was like, how dare you? Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was right.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, last topic. Last topic is first quarter.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Just.

[Ashley Hess]

I'm staying on this first phase. I know. I'm doing every.

[Raina Greenberg]

We're doing all 12 quarters.

[Nico Emanuelides]

This is great. Well, they got it. You got to pay for the course.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, all right. Okay.

[Ashley Hess]

You're to going to leave us hanging?

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, no, no. We'll talk about it.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, broadly.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes, broadly. This is important.

[Raina Greenberg]

No, you're going to edge us right to that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I'm going to Ed you.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

We're all going to.

[Raina Greenberg]

Right at the lake. He's like, pay for the course

[Nico Emanuelides]

coming out soon.

[Ashley Hess]

He's like 1, 800.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, the last one. Well, I talk. I say this on my channels all the time. The last one is just a three to five year plan. Like, what do you. What. What's your goal? Three to five years?

[Raina Greenberg]

Totally.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But like you want him to say in that conversation, marriage with a kid. Right? Or married, whatever.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So like if he just talks about his business, I want my business to be here, this and that, this, that. Being never mentions being married or children or whatever. Then it's like, well, that's not at the top of his list, obviously.

[Ashley Hess]

And this is also, as women who don't want children, then you get that answer too. I talk about that on the first day. But I just. Marriage and kids talk about it early on.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Don't waste your time. No reason to not talk about it. It's actually dumb to not talk about about 100%.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think that's a first date question. Where do you see yourself in three years? I mean, that's an easy opening to like, do I want to be married or kids?

[Ashley Hess]

I.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's nobody I don't bring this up with on a first date because I don't really want kids. I don't know if I can have kids anymore at this point, but I don't really want them. And so if that is your non negotiable, then it's just you can't negotiate on this. Like I'm not a fit for you.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, right.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay, so then when we get into the second quarter.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Phase two.

[Raina Greenberg]

Phase two, payment.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Phase two, pay me. No, no, no. I talk.

[Ashley Hess]

Like I said, you can find the

[Raina Greenberg]

rest the of episode on patreon.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, dates 4, 5, 6. I guess the big thing in that phase is that's usually where intimacy happens. Right? That's usually when somebody. You're sleeping together and there's like the pullback or how does a man kind of like navigate through that? Right. I always say, like dating should be an upward positive trajectory.

[Ashley Hess]

Y.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. So there should never be a pullback. It should always feel like we're getting closer, we're getting closer, we're getting closer. Dates 4 times 4, 5, 6. Though, like now you might start seeing other like a little bit more frequently. Like maybe it's like every five days or you might do like a Thursday, Saturday here and there. But it's navigating the, the intimacy piece in this phase because like at this point I would say men vet backwards. Right? So they go sexually interested, really emotionally, like the emotion of the lust. Right. And the excitement is what's driving a man really early. And then in the last two phases is they start vetting based on like, oh, wow, we've been on six dates, seven dates. We've slept together a few times. If I keep doing this, that's a relationship. Do I want that? Where'd she grow up? Where'd she want to live? What does she do? What's her social life like? But that's when he'll start thinking about those things.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, sure.

[Raina Greenberg]

Early on you're not a person. You're just a hole. And then you become a person.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You said it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

And then you become a person. But like that's how. So they vet backwards. Like that Every man does it. Like, they might not even realize it doing it, but they. We do it.

[Ashley Hess]

So that's so interesting.

[Nico Emanuelides]

And it's after. After sex is when it kind of. So that's why I'm like, draw that out. Obviously, sex is beneficial for both people. Right. So it's not. A lot of people be like, I'm waiting till six months to have sex. I'm like, that's just not realistic for most people. Some people sure want to do it. Sure.

[Ashley Hess]

I think there's no rush.

[Raina Greenberg]

I mean, we've sort of gone back and forth about, like, when to have sex. If you feel like having sex on

[Ashley Hess]

a first date, have sex on the first date.

[Raina Greenberg]

For me, personally, at this point in my life, if I kind of like somebody as a person, I don't need to sleep with them immediately because I will develop feelings. Like, I do want to feel it out. I'm not.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You want to feel it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Casual sexes, I've learned, is not for.

[Ashley Hess]

For me, recent revelation. And this is all like, I just want to get ahead of the comments. Me and my man did this, and we know, like, I'm thinking of Alyssa, our friend who's getting married. First date, they spent the weekend together, and they're getting married.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But that is an outlier.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It's not the. The rule.

[Ashley Hess]

Exactly. So if you're in this type of cadence, this is how it should work and how you should navigate it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. But that's why I say one day per week for the. The first month. Right. So if we're talking about, oh, I slept with them on the fifth date, we're talking somewhere around a month and a half of knowing somebody.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Which is like a decent enough sample size. Right. I think that's totally appropriate for adults. Right.

[Ashley Hess]

And if it's sped up a little, that's fine, too. I see a world in which you go on one to two dates with somebody, you really do vibe, and then you're like, come meet up with my friends. We always would talk about that with Jared. Like, you're watching football. Come meet up. Meet the. Meet the gang. You know, like, you both are in that place in life. You supercharge it, but it doesn't take away what you're supposed to learn about them.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Absolutely. Things can. And that's why this is just like a guide. Like, things can move faster, but it's kind of just important to notice your pattern. Remember the patterns I talked about. Like, is my pattern. I rush with people, and then it's a dumpster fire in A month. If that's my pattern, maybe we do something a little bit different. So you kind of got to know yourself or your pattern of person. Hey, this person is that like really charismatic, kind of outgoing guy, charming guy, that every time I meet a guy like this, it ends up being bad. Maybe I should go a little bit slower here. Slow burn, Feel it out. Yeah, right. Or try to find a different type of guy. Right. So the framework of what I'm talking about, like, kind of like the system, but making it work for you and the patterns that you've kind of noticed in your dating life.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. So then, like I said, so by six dates, you probably slept together. It should go up or positive trajectory. Like I said, there should be no pullback after sex.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, it shouldn't be this up and down, totally up.

[Nico Emanuelides]

After sleeping with somebody, that's when you should get even, even closer.

[Ashley Hess]

Yep.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like, that should be like, wow, we're getting really close. And date 7, 8 and 9. That's usually when you're gonna like, kind of call back to the topics that maybe you talked about early on of like, compatibility, like what you want for your future. Because now if it's building and he's looking at this as a potential serious relationship, he's either gonna avoid those conversations and keep it really fun, casual. Like a lot of people will be like, oh, it just feels very fun. Like we're not really getting deep. But vulnerability is a two way street. Like you got to be vulnerable or be willing to be vulnerable to get it out of somebody else too. So obviously you lead with some vulnerability and see if it's reciprocated.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah.

[Raina Greenberg]

Also I think 7, 8, 9, those dates you're starting to see, okay. The things somebody said about who they.

[Ashley Hess]

They think they are examples of it.

[Raina Greenberg]

Is that who that person really is?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do they show up? Are they consistent? Are they intentional?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right, right. And now, like, this is where like, okay, we're at two months now or so this guy should feel like your boyfriend. It should start to feel like, this is my boyfriend.

[Ashley Hess]

Yep.

[Nico Emanuelides]

By seven, eight, nine dates, that's what it should feel like. You slept together, let's say three or four times. Like, yeah, in a good world, like, that's where it's headed. And then. Well, you should probably. I've changed my opinion on this. I think the earlier you can throw somebody to the wolves as far as, hey, my friend.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, I want to talk about this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. My friend and her boyfriend are around the corner. Do you want to, like, grab a drink?

[Ashley Hess]

With them.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like throw them to somebody early.

[Raina Greenberg]

Agree.

[Nico Emanuelides]

And get that gut check because you want to see somebody in different atmospheres.

[Raina Greenberg]

What did you used to. I was curious what you thought about introducing.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I would wait. I would wait longer.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Which I wish I didn't.

[Raina Greenberg]

I think it's nice to see how somebody interact. You don't have to bring them to a party with all your. Ashley's 40th birthday. Her husband came with all this. I was like, this is the most brave. It's the bravest man I've ever met in my life.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But him wanting to do that is a green flag.

[Ashley Hess]

Our story doesn't really. Because of long distance.

[Raina Greenberg]

It is different.

[Ashley Hess]

In love with me for years before, you know, whatever. We slept together on the first night. There's a bunch of things that don't fit.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I wouldn't hold anybody to that standard. That was the bravest thing I've ever seen. But I do think it's like, yeah, my friends around the corner, like, do you want to just meet up with them?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes, of course. And it should be.

[Raina Greenberg]

I was on a date and Ashley and Shashank showed up. And it was like a big bar with like. I mean, it was really busy, whatever. Him and I were at this table and like, he didn't seem that into it. And Ashley and Shashank went and stood at the bar and had dinner. And I. I was like, he's not even at any point gonna be like, your business partner and best friend are two feet from here.

[Ashley Hess]

We thought it would be funny, and it wasn't funny. But he's probably a nice agent.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah, we think he might be a nice agent. He would not tell me what he did for work. He very p about it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

What did he do for his job? Bash?

[Raina Greenberg]

The purpose of telling you. I sat with this guy for two hours and I could not give you a two sentence boilerplate on what he does. He works for the government and law enforcement in some sense.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Oh, yeah. He's in the FBI or an ICE agent.

[Ashley Hess]

I thought I. Those are extreme.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ashley Hess]

Like it's literally one or the other. Because he can actually tell you he's funny. Fourth quarter.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah. I mean, like, that's where. If you're confused at all, it's done.

[Ashley Hess]

Yes.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like by two to three months, if you're confused, you're done 100%.

[Ashley Hess]

And I read a stat. And we've always kind of said this too, but studies show people break up after three months because there's. For multiple reasons. A. For this, you're like, they're not. There's no commitment. And, baby, people are showing you who they really are. That people can truly trick you for two months plus three months.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's about it.

[Ashley Hess]

And then you really see who. Who they are.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right. And to the point of, let's say both people are, like, committed and become into a relationship, you're going to still learn things about them past. Okay, now we're official.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sure.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, now, like, I'm gonna start learning about your insecurities and your demons. Right. You're gonna start learning about. About mine. Right. And anyone could present really well. Like, we all got, like, we all got traumas. We all got things we're insecure about. We all got the. So, like, how are you at handling when somebody's actually being vulnerable with you? And that. Because there's vulnerability of, like, oh, let me tell you about my ex. Right. Or let me tell you about my mom and my dad.

[Ashley Hess]

A past situation, past situations.

[Nico Emanuelides]

But then there's like, these are my demons, so to speak. Like, this is. These are my insecurities. Like, I got them. Like, we all have them. So. So it's like, are you the type of person, when somebody opens up to you, you dive in harder to that, or it makes you like, oh, this is too much. Because being in a relationship is like being willing to accept those things and go deeper into it. That's why I want you to try to be more vulnerable earlier on to kind of just get a gut check as to, like, someone's receptiveness to hearing more serious stuff.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, if you're going to be with

[Raina Greenberg]

somebody long term, they're going to see those things.

[Nico Emanuelides]

They're going to see it.

[Raina Greenberg]

You want to say to yourself, like, when the worst thing in the world has happens to me, and it will. When I lose my parents, I lose a pet, who do I want standing next to me?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I don't think it's the person that made you unsure that made you confused about their intentionality.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right? Right.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah. Like, trauma dumping is one thing. You know, we're out with a man who has cried in the bathroom about his job or he needs a therapist. But I think we talk about this. We talked about Logan Yuri. Vulnerability connects you to people. So if it's pushing someone away when you get vulnerable or they are getting vulnerable and you get the ick, this is not my match.

[Raina Greenberg]

I like that you say a 12 after, like, the 12 weeks. You should sort of know, because we get a lot of messages from people that say, like, we've just been in this, like, nebulous thing for four months and we want. We can't put a title on it. He won't put a title on it. Like, what do I do here? I mean, it always goes back to like, if, if they like you, you'll know.

[Nico Emanuelides]

And if you like.

[Raina Greenberg]

But I believe that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Oh yeah, it's true.

[Raina Greenberg]

If we, if anybody, not just he, if any. If somebody wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you. So at 2012 weeks, if you're like, I don't know. That sure is.

[Ashley Hess]

Can I tell you a story about my brother and his wife, who's just the most wonderful, perfect couple. I didn't know this till this past weekend I was with them. So my brother used to bartender on the summer, and when I tell you, like 15 hour days, like, he just doubles and he just didn't have time. And so he meets this girl, Memorial Day weekend, opening of the summer, his future wife. And he liked her. He just met her at the bar, she was a patron and they start hanging out. And he told her, he was like, I gotta tell you, you. I just like, just kind of like a warning of I'm really busy in the summer and I might not have a lot of time. She said, she was like, he was on me all the time.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Like, it was so funny for.

[Ashley Hess]

He was actually genuinely being like, I like her and I want to prepare her for what a summer looks like for me. And he liked her so much that she was like, he was there all the time. He was like, on me all the time. I never, he wasn't never texting me, making plans. Like, I think he just didn't sleep. But it was the funniest case of he truly was like, I will not be able to give this woman the time and attention. And he did.

[Raina Greenberg]

He was like, I can't. And then he also at the same time was like, watch me.

[Ashley Hess]

Like, Stephanie was like, yeah, that's. I get it. You know, and then she was like, I can't get rid of this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, it's like a challenge. Like guys like little challenges, right? So, like, it was almost a challenge that he posed to himself where it's like to the point of, oh, this woman's beautiful. She seems really cool. Like, I'm going to make it work. I have to make it work. I'm not going to. I don't want to lose her.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it was the most, like, if you want to, wanted to, he, he, he would. And I don't know, do people think that's bad advice? He wanted to, like, people kind of debate that advice. That's my favorite advice.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I think it's true. Like, let's just say, like, 90% of the time.

[Raina Greenberg]

Sure.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Maybe there's like a 10% where it's like, truly a guy can't make something work, or, yes, there's a family situation and this and that, but like. But, like, most of the time, like, there's a lot of truth to it.

[Raina Greenberg]

If somebody wanted to lock it down,

[Nico Emanuelides]

yes, they would lock it down.

[Raina Greenberg]

There's obviously, like, context and nuance to all of this, but, like, if somebody has been with you for three to four months and you're not sure if

[Ashley Hess]

you're together, that's intentional in that case, 100%. Like, I give passes for trauma, deaths in the family, crazy work stuff. Like, there's been times in our life where I'm like, I couldn't even imagine. Like, even if I'm the right person came along, I might let them slip away. But you've been in it for weeks.

[Raina Greenberg]

Yeah. If you want to lock this down,

[Ashley Hess]

you would have locked it down.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's like the most simple. Like, phase four, dates. 9, 10, 11, 12, and beyond. Like, by three, four months. The longest, like, something can be four months. Like, I get it. But exclusive should come at least a month and a half before if you're going to be exclusive. Like, some people do the exclusive. And then we're boyfriend, girlfriend. Like, exclusive kind of comes in phase two, three, like, dates, like, six, seven, like, around there. They slept together six, seven, eight. Like, that's usually when exclusive happens. A month and a half to two months. And then boyfriend, girlfriend, between three and four months. That's usually how I look at it.

[Ashley Hess]

I always think they just go together.

[Nico Emanuelides]

They could. Some people view it as. It is the same thing.

[Ashley Hess]

Interesting. If we're exclusive, you're my boyfriend. Are you? Yes.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. I don't.

[Ashley Hess]

Okay.

[Raina Greenberg]

But it is delineation between, like, okay, we're exclusive. We're not going to see other people, but I'm not going to post you on Instagram and my whole family.

[Nico Emanuelides]

You're not meeting my mom and dad yet. We're not doing that stuff. But dating apps are done, and we're just focusing on the connection between the two of us.

[Raina Greenberg]

So one's a declaration to you, one's declaration to the world.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Ashley's like, yeah, kind of like. I would say that's kind of like.

[Raina Greenberg]

Do you think that's kind of bullshit?

[Nico Emanuelides]

I don't I don't think it's bull. I don't disagree with people thinking that it's. But it is a very modern dating term.

[Ashley Hess]

We're exclusive. But you're not my girlfriend. Why?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, okay, I would say this. I would say this. So we're like a month and a half, right? We slept together.

[Ashley Hess]

You know, I'm asking to.

[Nico Emanuelides]

No, no, no, I got it. We slept. Let's say we slept together one or two times. Right? We're a month and a half in. Okay, Right. By that point, only a month and a half. Like, I really don't know you that well for sure. Right. And you don't know me.

[Ashley Hess]

Y.

[Nico Emanuelides]

So it's kind of like a declaration. This is how I view it as we obviously are romantically involved now. Like, we're seeing each other. We're talking every single day. No one else is coming into this picture. Let's continue to observe our dynamic over the next month or two.

[Raina Greenberg]

If somebody asks me, I am seeing somebody.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I am seeing somebody. You have to say, you're not single anymore.

[Ashley Hess]

But here's the weird part between exclusive and boyfriend. Girlfriend. Cause then I'm like, when are we doing this?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, a guy should.

[Ashley Hess]

When are we circling back?

[Nico Emanuelides]

I don't know. See if that's the problem, I don't

[Raina Greenberg]

know who to side with, you guys, because I see the. I see both sides. If it's happening to me, I don't like it. I want to be your girlfriend, but

[Nico Emanuelides]

it's not even happening. No, I got it. Ready? A guy should then say to himself, like, okay, like, I'm talking about by three months, or should kind of, like, plan for. Okay, things are continuing to go well. I'll set up, like, a fun date night, and then, like, I'll do the romantic gesture of asking you to be my girlfriend. That's. But besides asking someone to marry you, that that's, like, the first cute moment minus, like, a Valentine's Day that you guys might have. So, like, you want a guy that wants to make it, like, a romantic thing. Exclusive to me. Feels more like we're not seeing anybody else. Dating apps are done. So we're just focusing. We're off the apps. That's another way it could be said. We're off the apps.

[Raina Greenberg]

If somebody asks me out, I'm not saying yes.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. If somebody asks me, I'm not going out. And if somebody asks me, yeah, I'm seeing somebody. Like, that's how it's nuanced, and I hate it. But, like, that's modern dating.

[Ashley Hess]

That's who you're saying it is.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's modern day.

[Raina Greenberg]

That's what it is.

[Ashley Hess]

Things have changed.

[Raina Greenberg]

Things have changed. Women saying like, if I'm not your girlfriend, that I'm single.

[Ashley Hess]

Like.

[Raina Greenberg]

And I think that. I think it's fair to live by that.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Then he can go out on dates too.

[Raina Greenberg]

Definitely. It has.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Would you rather that or by a month and a half? You sleep together, you lock that down and you just see it through in a vacuum now.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, so you know what I think the, the key is? Don't let this like we're exclusive thing go on forever.

[Nico Emanuelides]

It can't. No, no, no.

[Raina Greenberg]

After a few weeks, I need.

[Nico Emanuelides]

The longest it should be is like

[Raina Greenberg]

a month, a few weeks that we need to revisit this.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yes. Exclusive to months. And then now you're still dating and you're five, six months in and you haven't had a boyfriend, girlfriend talk. No, it needs to be exclusive about a month, month and a half later. Relationship.

[Ashley Hess]

I just think it's funny cuz like

[Nico Emanuelides]

I'm very systematic with my.

[Ashley Hess]

It's really funny. I'm picturing a scenario which a guy is like, so I want to be exclusive. And you're like, oh my God, do you want to. You're my boyfriend. And he's like, no, no, no. That's.

[Raina Greenberg]

How did you think that we will

[Ashley Hess]

touch base in a month? Because I bought this course and Daddy

[Raina Greenberg]

Academy, I can't afford the second part of it. So I don't actually know what causes

[Ashley Hess]

Daddy Academy would say that in a month we will revisit.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, well, I think so.

[Ashley Hess]

I'll take you on a walk.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That's very funny.

[Raina Greenberg]

I could see me be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What made you think?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Well, like, listen, if you want to accept at a month and a half, five, six dates in that he says, hey, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. You want to do it? Fine. I just think the way today's society and people's. We dive into things really emotionally and intensely very quickly. Quickly. Doing the exclusive route. If a guy does it. I don't think that's a bad thing because it can give you a little bit more time to regulate your nervous system to this new person being so invested into your life.

[Ashley Hess]

I do see it and I do think when you talk about these labels which you can use or not, you do you. But when we talk about boyfriend, girlfriend, that does imply families. And you know, now do we do holidays?

[Nico Emanuelides]

Especially if we're like, yeah, we're in our 30s. If a lot of people watching are in their late 20s, 30s, 40, like, yeah, there's an Am I taking you?

[Ashley Hess]

My best friend's wedding? Stuff like that.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay. We're two months in. I'm sleeping with you on a regular basis. I do want to know you're not sleeping with other people, but do I. Do I know if I want to take you to my best friend's wedding? There is like, a little.

[Ashley Hess]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Raina Greenberg]

And then you got to declare it to everybody, and then you got to back out of it.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Right, right.

[Raina Greenberg]

It's a lot of paperwork. You know, it's a lot of admin.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Lot of admin.

[Ashley Hess]

Well, Nigo, this has been wonderful. You're just the best. And I just want to compliment you. I mean, you just know your body

[Raina Greenberg]

and take your dick out.

[Ashley Hess]

No, no, I just. You know your shit, and you are just. You speak about it really well, and it's just. It's great to watch you thrive. And we just love that there's someone out there like you for these men and women.

[Nico Emanuelides]

I appreciate you guys. I love to love talking. This is fun. We got to finally do it in person.

[Ashley Hess]

I know. They're like, oh, the camera wasn't running.

[Nico Emanuelides]

That'll be my luck. That's my lunch.

[Raina Greenberg]

Well, tell people where they can find everything that you do.

[Nico Emanuelides]

Yeah, yeah. So my Instagram is ikoeman N I K O E M A N. That's my personal Instagram, YouTube, the Daddy Academy. That's my podcast. Gonna be on Spotify too, very soon as well. Tick tock. The Daddy Academy. And like I said, this course that I'm coming out with, you'll find that on my Instagram TikTok. You'll find it everywhere. They'll be coming out sometime the next month or so.

[Raina Greenberg]

Okay, Nico Emanuelides, everybody.

[Nico Emanuelides]

There it is.

[Raina Greenberg]

All right.

[Ashley Hess]

And girls gotta eat.com for us. Tickets to our show in LA with the Chippendales on May 7th. You can get those@girls gotta eat.com. girls Study Podcast on Instagram and Tik Tok. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and Tik Tok. Raina is raina.greenberg and raina greenberg.com for her tour tickets. We have full video on YouTube and Spotify. So subscribe. Leave a comment Leave a review Share this episode with a friend Join the Daddy Academy and we will see you Thursday.

[Raina Greenberg]

Have a good week, guys.

[Nico Emanuelides]

See you, guys.

[Ashley Hess]

Spring just slid into your DMs.

[Raina Greenberg]

Grab that boho.

[Ashley Hess]

Look for that rooftop dinner. Those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic.