48. Giving you pole dancing, driving high, and stalking your ex

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight – Episode 48: "Giving You Pole Dancing, Driving High, and Stalking Your Ex"

Release Date: April 16, 2024

In Episode 48 of "Give It To Me Straight," hosts Alex and Jon delve into a variety of personal and relationship challenges submitted by their listeners. Balancing humor with heartfelt advice, the husband-and-wife duo tackle topics ranging from rekindling long-term relationships to navigating toxic workplace dynamics. This detailed summary captures the essence of their candid conversations, insightful advice, and amusing banter throughout the episode.

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1. Personal Updates and Banter

The episode kicks off with Alex and Jon engaging in their trademark playful banter, setting a relaxed and relatable tone for the listeners.

• Apple Blossom Festival: The hosts reminisce about the Apple Blossom Festival in Winchester, Virginia, highlighting memorable moments like the fireman's parade and notable guests such as Dan Aykroyd.

  Jon: "So Apple Blossom school. Did he like, perform?" [02:05]

• Oppenheimer Movie Discussion: Transitioning to pop culture, Alex shares her experience watching the film Oppenheimer, expressing difficulty in following the complex dialogue and multiple actors.

  Alex: "I just got confused. I just want to give my friend a good morning kiss." [05:40]

• Physical Discomfort: Jon opens up about his back pain from gym workouts, leading to a humorous exchange about stretching and muscle fatigue.

  Jon: "I have my back brace on and it's still killing me." [02:25]

2. Listener Questions and Advice

The core of the episode revolves around Alex and Jon responding to listener-submitted questions, offering practical advice infused with their unfiltered perspectives.

a. Reigniting Spark in a Long-term Marriage

A listener in a 19-year marriage feels they have grown apart and seeks ways to rekindle the relationship.

Alex: "We've only been together for 19 years. How do you not know that person?" [10:53]

Jon: "You both have to be putting effort into your relationship. It's a team effort." [10:27]

Advice: Communication and mutual effort are essential. The couple should engage in quality time together, discuss their feelings openly, and work collaboratively to reignite their connection.

b. Balancing Graduate School and Parenting

A 21-year-old new mother admitted to a social work graduate program struggles to balance education with raising her son.

Jon: "If you're not taking care of yourself and doing what's best for you first, how are you supposed to pour into other people?" [12:25]

Alex: "Stay strong. Keep doing it. It will all be worth it." [13:00]

Advice: Prioritize self-care and establish a clear hierarchy of responsibilities. Setting boundaries and maintaining focus on long-term goals can help navigate this challenging phase.

c. Dealing with a Sibling Driving High

A listener is concerned about her sister driving under the influence of substances and is conflicted about whether to involve law enforcement.

Alex: "Let her get a DUI. Let her get a fucking DUI. I would call the cops on her." [00:00]

Jon: "The right thing to do would be that. You're not gonna put other people at risk." [16:44]

Advice: Safety is paramount. While respecting personal boundaries is important, the potential harm to others necessitates taking appropriate action, which may include contacting authorities or involving other family members.

d. Living Separately in a Relationship

A listener expresses her desire to maintain separate living spaces despite being in a long-term relationship, facing pressure from her boyfriend to cohabit.

Jon: "Couples can be together, not live together. Think about how many people are married and they sleep in separate bedrooms." [18:26]

Alex: "If you don't see that true, don't string this person along." [20:25]

Advice: It's vital to assess compatibility regarding living arrangements. Open dialogue about personal needs and exploring compromises, such as separate bedrooms or partial cohabitation, can help in finding a balanced solution.

e. Business and Marriage Conflict Over Relocating

A listener owns local businesses and is torn between relocating for his wife’s preference and the fear of business failure in a new area.

Jon: "Explain exactly what's going on. Lay it out for her." [22:10]

Alex: "We made it work, but it fucking sucked. It didn't make our lives easier." [22:53]

Advice: Conduct a thorough analysis of the pros and cons, including financial implications and business logistics. Transparent communication and exploring middle-ground solutions, such as remote operations or gradual relocation, can aid in reaching a mutually beneficial decision.

f. Seeking Support in Pole Dancing as a Married Woman

A listener feels unsupported by her husband in her passion for pole dancing, which boosts her confidence and physical health.

Jon: "I think he’s just uncomfortable about it, doesn’t want to admit it." [28:35]

Alex: "You have to continue doing what you’re doing. If he comes around, he comes around." [28:42]

Advice: Continue pursuing personal passions independently while encouraging open conversations about mutual support. Understanding each other's perspectives can foster empathy and appreciation within the relationship.

g. Cosmetic Treatments vs. Partner's Control

A listener plans to get under-eye fillers despite her boyfriend's strong opposition, fearing his control over her body choices.

Alex: "Why is something that I’m doing to my body such an impact to you? It’s a deeper thing." [31:41]

Jon: "Don’t do it. You should tell him because I would be pissed if you did something and didn’t talk to me about it." [31:41]

Advice: Uphold autonomy over personal decisions while addressing underlying control issues in the relationship. Transparent communication and setting personal boundaries are crucial for maintaining a healthy partnership.

h. Navigating a Toxic Boss During Pregnancy

A pregnant listener faces inappropriate behavior from her boss, who oversteps personal boundaries, leading her to consider quitting her job.

Jon: "If you want to quit, quit. She sounds like an asshole, so why do you even care?" [37:00]

Alex: "No, it’s business. You’re not besties." [38:36]

Advice: Prioritize personal well-being by setting firm boundaries. If the toxic environment persists despite addressing it, leaving the job may be the best option for mental and emotional health.

i. Excessive Stalking of an Ex's Social Media

A listener discovers her boyfriend frequently views his ex-girlfriend’s photos online, leading her to question his commitment.

Jon: "I think this is a very immature response on his end." [44:03]

Alex: "He’s living in the past. That’s not healthy." [50:39]

Advice: Confront the issue directly with evidence and express your concerns clearly. Assess the relationship's health based on his explanations and willingness to change behaviors to ensure mutual respect and trust.

3. Secrets Section

In a lighter segment, Alex and Jon share personal "secrets," providing a glimpse into their vulnerabilities and humorous confessions.

• Alex's Secret: She has contemplated getting into a physical fight to release pent-up energy.

  Alex: "I've been itching to get into a physical fight with someone." [53:07]

  Jon: "You should get into a physical altercation at least once in your life." [53:12]

• Jon's Secret: He expresses frustration over back pain and a desire to escape physically uncomfortable situations.

  Jon: "I'm over my back hurting and..."

  Alex: "I'm holding onto this chair for dear life." [58:22]

4. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Alex and Jon emphasize the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and mutual support in relationships. Their candid discussions and practical advice aim to empower listeners to navigate personal and interpersonal challenges with honesty and resilience.

Alex: "Love you guys. This podcast is such a blast and you guys are so funny together." [58:50]
Jon: "Tip your server or don’t go out to eat." [58:48]

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Notable Quotes:

• Alex on Marriage Effort:

  "It's a team effort. You both have to be putting energy into each other." [10:27]

• Jon on Personal Priorities:

  "If you're not taking care of yourself and doing what's best for you first, how are you supposed to pour into other people?" [12:25]

• Alex on Handling Toxicity:

  "Any job that I've ever had, I'm like, I just leave. It's business." [38:36]

• Jon on Addressing Obsessive Behaviors:

  "It’s a very immature response on his end." [44:03]

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Final Thoughts:

Episode 48 of "Give It To Me Straight" offers a compelling blend of humor, empathy, and straightforward advice. Alex and Jon's unfiltered discussions provide valuable insights for listeners facing similar challenges in their personal lives. Whether it's addressing relationship dynamics, personal growth, or setting firm boundaries, this episode serves as a beacon for those seeking honest and practical guidance.

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For more episodes and to interact with the hosts, follow "Give It To Me Straight" on all major social platforms or visit their website at [e-mail]. Submit your anonymous questions through the show notes link in their bio.

Transcript

[A]

Let her get a dui. Let her get a fucking dui. I would call the cops on her. I'd be like, my sister's a fucking idiot.

[B]

Let her more annoyed with like her significant other who's like, no, like, why.

[A]

Would you call call the cops on them both? I mean, I'm a narc when it comes to safety. I'm like, no, no.

[B]

And welcome back to Give it to me straight.

[A]

My name's John and I hate my husband's John. And I. That's you. That was my impersonation.

[B]

We're off to such a good start.

[A]

Just like, oh, look. We kind of look like springy watermelon.

[B]

You know, colors. This is actually from in Winchester, Virginia. Kobe. Whatever. Oh, he brought his toy.

[A]

He wants to get all the attention now before it's not true him anymore.

[B]

So in Winchester, Virginia, they have this festival called Apple Blossom Festival.

[A]

I know that you never brought me to.

[B]

But you never really wanted to go.

[A]

But I, I, that is not true. Don't put words my mouth. You were like, it's kind of tacky.

[B]

Anyway, so I lived for this event. It was awesome. They had like the fireman's parade. This like. And they always had like one special guest every every year. I think they had Lindsay Lohan. What the hell's his name? From Ghostbuster. Dan Aykroyd. You don't know who Dan Aykroyd is?

[A]

Show me a picture. I'm not good with names.

[B]

He's from Ghostbusters. He's from Blues Brothers. I mean, well, Bill Murray was in Ghostbusters.

[A]

Can you show me a picture of what's his name?

[B]

You literally have a massive laptop in front of you.

[A]

Slow.

[B]

Oh, so now I could use my phone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting. Okay. Did I say Dan Aykroyd?

[A]

Are you gonna turn it towards me? Oh, yeah. Never. He's one of those people who I think his wife never know their names. You know how many people I literally. I bet you a lot of people don't. I know his face though.

[B]

He is an older actor. But like, my dad loved him. He's really big. He did some movies with like Eddie Murphy. I can't remember the movie. Anyways, doesn't matter. So Apple Blossom school.

[A]

Did he like, perform?

[B]

Yeah, well, he was on one of the floats.

[A]

That's what this whole thing was about. Just apple blossom because of our colors.

[B]

Because so Winchester. The apple blossoms like the flowers bloom. It's really pretty. Okay. Did I ever bring you to Winchester?

[A]

I think maybe once we drove through.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Anyways what else do you want to talk about?

[B]

My back. I have my back brace on and it's still killing me. Yeah, I'm having a great time. Got an ice pack on right now.

[A]

That's what happens when you get old.

[B]

I just can't believe I did it. Stretching, like, that's so embarrassing.

[A]

But do you think that you fatigued your muscles by doing legs and that's how. Probably. Probably.

[B]

I just got there. I just got to the gym. I walked into the gym. I go, I'm not going to do cardio. Because I do cardio every day. I'm like, I'm just going to go and just go right into it. I go up. I do one set of squats, just a 45 on each side, which we talked about in one of the other podcasts. Did a squat. I'm like, you know what? Maybe I should stretch just to. Oh, And I did that. Like, when you sit, put your legs.

[A]

Yeah, I thought that you pulled it after.

[B]

No, I pulled it during stretching, so.

[A]

Oh, that's such a shame.

[B]

I know you care so much.

[A]

I mean. No, it is.

[B]

I know you're pregnant.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Like, you're going through your own stuff.

[A]

You act like I don't help you, and I'm the worst. I am assisting you. I help you. I'm getting you what you need. I'm putting. I'm helping you put your socks on.

[B]

No, you.

[A]

This morning.

[B]

Are you lying? No, you didn't help me put my socks on.

[A]

The only thing you did was I did help you take your pants off.

[B]

Help me take my pants off.

[A]

Put my socks on.

[B]

Roll the tape, dude. There's so many times that you are so mad for fact about things and you're making me feel stupid.

[A]

Like, putting your socks on. Take your pants off. Like, I just got confused. I just want to give my friend a good morning kiss.

[B]

But you're so weird. A little pack.

[A]

You're fine.

[B]

You go.

[A]

This little pack every morning.

[B]

That's so cute.

[A]

So we started watching Oppenheimer, and it's really long.

[B]

It's good, though. It is good, though, because I didn't realize everything that was going on with it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A lot to follow. I could barely follow the questions you read, so I'm having a hard time.

[A]

But even with subtitles, if you let your brain Wander for 3 seconds about something happening in the background, lost, I'm like, what? There's just so much information, so much dialogue, which, whatever, you could still follow along. But teaching. You ever do that where you Just watch a movie, and then 10 minutes later you're like, I don't. I didn't hear anything.

[B]

Well, I try to focus. You're on your phone.

[A]

I was not my phone watching Oppenheimer.

[B]

I think I was just really embracing that because I love history. Like, this is crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Out of all the talented actors in the movie, who I was most excited to see, and I don't even know his name. He's an actor from Lily Hammer. Lily Hammer is a show on Netflix that had.

[A]

In that movie.

[B]

Yeah, there's a ton of actors. But anyways, he's from the show Lillehammer. He's got the guy who plays for the Bruce Springsteen band. He's in Sopranos.

[A]

I feel like we're so late to watching Oppenheimer. Someone told us it was not good.

[B]

I'm just, like, saying stuff. And Alex is just brushing over what I'm saying, so she. What?

[A]

I don't know who this guy is either, who's from Lillehammer. I was listening, but I'm like, I'm not engaged in this because I don't know who that is. Who is it? Show me a picture.

[B]

Show you a picture.

[A]

What's his name?

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna actually find his name. You keep talking, though, while I find it.

[A]

So there were these horses in Oppenheimer, and I said to John, we should go horseback riding. Look up the picture.

[B]

I am. I am. And why I came right up.

[A]

Guess what, you guys. Guess what he said. No. Are you shocked?

[B]

The last time I rode a horse, we're in that little line, you know, you go, like, on a trail. And a bee went under the horse and started stinging him in the dick. And he bucked me off him. I was like, 12.

[A]

Have you ever been on a horse since?

[B]

No.

[A]

You'll be fine. That's just a freak accident.

[B]

No, it's really cool about horses, though, is. Oh, my God. I forgot what kind of therapy it's called. That's terrible. OTs do it.

[A]

Oh, right.

[B]

It's for people with CP. So help them. Helps them, like, walk in the movement of walking their gait with the horse's hips. That's super. That's super cool, man. I cannot talk today. Anyways, the actor's name is Tron.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

T R O N D fasa fausa r vag I don't recognize him. You don't remember him?

[A]

I watched Lily Hammer. I don't.

[B]

I really. I really like him. Yeah, he's. You know, everyone looks He's a Norwegian actor. I feel like there's a lot of Norwegian actors, like, come on a lot more shows. Okay. Anyways, I was very excited about that.

[A]

I mean, there's a ton of. A ton of people in that movie. I feel like people are just popping up left and right and it's like, what are they from. What are they? Lilly Hammer. I wouldn't have placed that guy.

[B]

Anyways, what else. What else is going on?

[A]

Anything new I do want to talk about? You know, over the past few weeks, we've been seeing some discourse about. And again, it's not everyone, but, like, there has been some comments about the potential change in our content that people are anticipating. And I just want to give a little disclaimer or PSA for any content creators or for, I guess, people who consume content from content creators is we are generally inspired by the things that are going on in our lives currently. Like, John, he does something. I'm like, oh, my God, in that moment, let's make a video. But if we were engaged, planning a wedding, you know, going through our fitness journey, getting a divorce, going through a breakup, like, dealing with loss, these are all things that could inspire content in our own way. And so I just want to say, like, just because we're in a different season of life and it might not relate to you now, I feel like I follow people who. I can't necessarily relate to every element of their life, but people are so multifaceted. Like, we're still going to create content in our way. So I don't know. I just wanted to say, like, you know what, if you want to join on for the ride and keep, keep coming with us, we're happy to have you. If not, it's been fun.

[B]

I don't know. I didn't think we had to give a disclaimer. Like, I don't really care. You're going to. You're going to follow us or you're not going to follow us, like, whatever. Yeah, I guess it's journey. But I mean, we're not going to riddle our content with kid content.

[A]

You just have to, like, continue to live your life, though. And I think people were like, oh, no, now I have to unfollow them. I'm like, okay, way to assume.

[B]

You're assuming. And there's. Yeah, them, not you. Like, why do you automatically, like, assume something's going to be a certain way because of other accounts that are similar to us?

[A]

Well, I guess a lot of people see family accounts and I guess, you know, when you see a couple starting a family, you just assume that they're going to become a family account. You guys aren't even going to know that we're going to have a kid. I'm just kidding. We'll still talk about he or she, but. Yeah, I mean, again, I think people are still individuals outside of starting their family. It's just something that they're experiencing in life a certain season. So I just wanted to say that it's been. It's been on my mind.

[B]

You know, there's your PSA that, like.

[A]

We still have work outside of. I don't know. That's just it.

[B]

What does PSA actually stand for?

[A]

Public Service Announcement.

[B]

Thank you. I was like, just announcement. You know what?

[A]

If you had to. If you should have asked.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I should have fucking asked you. What, you thought it was personal.

[B]

I don't know. Something. Announcement.

[A]

Yeah, good.

[B]

Service announcement.

[A]

Personal service announcement. Anyway, shall we jump into questions?

[B]

Yeah, I have nothing else to talk about. Yeah, let's do it. Let's jump into questions.

[A]

I've been married for 19 years, and I feel like we have grown apart. What can I do to bring back some spark into this marriage? How would I know he's not in love with me anymore?

[B]

This is a. You get this question all the time.

[A]

Add some sparks. Sit on his face.

[B]

Sit on his face.

[A]

Help him take his pants.

[B]

What do you guys have in communication? What do you guys have in common that you could do? Get out of your house and do something together. Go on a vacation. I don't know. Go on a date. Don't do stuff where you're not talking, like, movie. I wouldn't recommend that because you're. You're just sitting there, you know, anything with quality time.

[A]

But my question here is, how would I know he's not in love with me anymore? Do you.

[B]

You would know.

[A]

You would know.

[B]

Just be distant. They'd be distant.

[A]

All right. But you both have to be putting effort into your relationship. It's. It's a group. It's a team effort. You both have to be putting energy into each other. That's it. I don't know. I mean, yeah, Just, like, looking at.

[B]

You, it's like, what?

[A]

I just. Like questions like this. Like, what do you mean? Like. I mean, but 19 years is a long time. We've only been together for.

[B]

You've been together for 19 years. How do you not know? How do you not know that person?

[A]

I think, again, it takes energy. It's work. When people are like, oh, my gosh. Marriage is hard. It's not when you're both actively being consistent about caring for one another, touching.

[B]

Base with one another. You know, it's like if you let.

[A]

Things slide, of course things are going to feel off and weird. So I think.

[B]

I never surprised, like, you. I'm never surprised by your mood or, like, if you're upset. Like, I'm not surprised because, like, we talk so much, nothing's going to come out as like a shock to me.

[A]

Right. You know, and also, nothing goes unspoken. And if there's anything happening or an attitude or whatever, we talk about everything. But we're also. We could talk with our bodies. You know what I mean?

[B]

You have to talk with your bodies.

[A]

Good morning. Next question. I recently got admitted into the graduate program for social work. I'm 21 years old and just had my first baby early this year. Part of me wants to stay at home and raise my son, but the other part of me wants to finish my education. And as this is something I have always wanted to do, ultimately I decided to finish school because I know I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't. How did you find the balance between school and other responsibilities? Any tips to navigate the graduate program?

[B]

You had to. What is your priority? Like, what is priority? I think making that list of, like, the hierarchy, list of things that you want to accomplish. Because I always like you, I'm the prize. I always had that goal.

[A]

You know, it's really difficult because you're in such a busy season right now. Obviously your son is probably priority, but how do you look at him and like, if he is priority, the bigger goal is how can you provide better for him? Yeah. And I think truly in any situation in life, not just if you have kids, but relationship people who rely on you. If you're not taking care of yourself and doing what's best for you first, how are you supposed to pour into other people? You need to be fulfilled, make sure that you're good in order to fully be capable enough to care for the people who you love.

[B]

Airplane oxygen mask.

[A]

Oh, is that your analogy? It's a good one, but yeah, gotta.

[B]

Give yourself oxygen first.

[A]

And I think this might be a really tough season of life for you because you're gonna have to say no to a lot of things. But to John's point, if you keep your eye on the prize, you know that it's just for a short amount of time and it will all be worth it. Good for you.

[B]

Yeah. No, stay. Stay strong. Keep doing it. Because, you know, it's hard, something difficult. So it's your body, you know, your mind. Everything's probably telling you, like, I don't worry about it, but go against the.

[A]

Grain, you know, you're. And I just feel like going and doing this now is going to be so much easier than going back. I mean, but your mom.

[B]

Thank yourself.

[A]

Went back to school when. How old you were? How old? And she got her doctor.

[B]

To be honest, I think my mom's been in school. My mom was in school for, like, the whole time I was in the house. It feels like, yeah, she's always taking, like, continuing education courses or doing something. But it did like her.

[A]

She was able to create a better life for your family. Yeah.

[B]

Got a doctor, nurse practitioner, all that.

[A]

Boss, babe. Dr. Lynn. We love it. So you got this next question. My sister drives high all the time. She says everyone that gets high also drives high, and it's no big deal. I was at her house and she got high, and then she tried to drive to work. I offered to drive her there and pick her up when she was done, but she refused. What should I do? I can't control her. And if I call the cops on her, she could get a dui. I'm scared of her hurting herself and others, and I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. She's also dating a guy that drives high all the time and thinks I'm crazy for being upset with my sister for doing it. What do I do? Does she deserve a DIY since she's being so stupid?

[B]

She's just. She's just trying to validate her actions, like, oh, it's cool, you know, other people do it.

[A]

Is driving high not on the same playing field as driving drunk?

[B]

I think so. I mean, you're under the influence.

[A]

Are you not going to get reaction just as criminally charged for driving under the influence as if you were drunk? Like, what the fudge is wrong with people? Are you that selfish that you're like, you know what? I'm good, but, like, let me put other people at risk. I think my biggest fear, or anyone's biggest fear should be hurting other fucking innocent people. Let her get a dui. Let her get a fucking dui. I would call the cops on her. I'd be like, my sister's a fucking idiot. Let her alone.

[B]

Annoyed with, like, her significant other who's like, no, like, why would you care?

[A]

Call the cops on them both. I mean, I'm a narc when it comes to safety. I'm like, no, no, there's. There's no excuse. Get these people off the fucking road. Let them learn their lesson.

[B]

I'm just like people who walk their dog without a leash. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I think this is a little bit.

[B]

Their dog can attack someone and hurt someone, you know?

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

And, you know, there's a lot of those people are fucking stupid lines that.

[A]

We can draw to make parallels. But this, I think, is a little bit that's a parallel moving vehicle. A moving vehicle to innocent people on the street. Think about if I'm walking a stroller down the road and some high bit.

[B]

And a dog is unleashed that charges you because they have a terrible owner.

[A]

That's not my fear. My fear would be I would take that dog and bring it home. And then now he's our dog. Sorry, your dog was off leash. Now he's my dog.

[B]

You don't have a dog anymore.

[A]

Now we have a whole big family.

[B]

Saying, call the cops, or, I don't.

[A]

Have patience for people who have no regard for the health and safety of other people.

[B]

I get it's a tough decision, though, you know, it is your family. I mean, the right thing to do would be that. Because you're not gonna put other people at risk.

[A]

She was drunk, so if she's drunk, is that a different situation? Are you just gonna wait for something bad to happen? Tell your mom I love tattling.

[B]

Tell your mom. That should be first.

[A]

I've talked about this before with other sibling relationships. I think someone was like, my dad, sister's doing this or my brother's doing that. I'm like, tattle. Tell your parents. Like, I don't care how old you are. Tell your mom. And if your mom's not around, tell the next person.

[B]

Tell your neighbor. Tell a friend.

[A]

No, tell someone who, like, your sibling would get mad about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm telling my mom and my dad. Both of them. Honestly, no. It would be worse if I told my grandma. She'd be fucking pissed. She would lose her mind.

[B]

I believe it. I'm sure your grandmother has seen worse.

[A]

You're not being crazy. Your sister's being fucking stupid. She deserves to deal with the law. Next question. My boyfriend, who I have been dating for a few years, keeps talking about wanting to live together. I have my place and he has his. I've previously been married, and now that I have lived on my own for a few years, I find that I love living alone and having my personal space. Space. My friends think it's because he's not the right one for me. And when I find the right one, I will want to live with him. I think it's because I personally love having my own bed, not sharing my bathroom, and just the feeling of it being my space. He thinks it's odd that I don't want to live with him and says it's the next step every couple takes. Is it weird that I want to live on my own? Can couples be together but not live together? They've been dating for a few years. Again, there's the context.

[B]

Uh, yeah, I think couples can be together, not live together. Think about how many people are married and they sleep in separate bedrooms.

[A]

I mean, if this works for you, again.

[B]

But then again, it works for her, it doesn't work for him.

[A]

And that's where. So if you really might not be compatible, because if that's like, what you want in a relationship. Because I feel like too. I mean, you said that you've been married before. You just have your own boundaries now. Like, you have your own set of things that make you happy. And if your relationship is fine, fine. I mean, do you want to marry this person? Because then it might be more difficult if you're not living together. But if you just want to stay.

[B]

Partners, yeah, you're gonna have to compromise. If, you know, if that's something he wants and you truly love that person, you're gonna have to. What's middle ground there?

[A]

Or just maybe move closer. Or again, have your separate bedroom, bathroom situation. If you do move in, the takeaway is like, no.

[B]

Like, it's not weird. Like, I get it. I think, like, you established boundaries and you were married before. I think. Were you hurt in the past? Is there something that, like, caused you to feel the way you do now? I mean, I would look into that too.

[A]

I don't think it's weird either if, like, you're dating. But marriage, I could see it just being more of a nuisance about, like, having to drive, pack a bag, go see this other person. Like, staying over late, waking up, leaving. You know, it's more annoying. But to your point, like, what has your experience been? Is there any compromise there where, again, you could just have your own.

[B]

Well, you're gonna have to compromise own room because. Yeah, based on what you're saying is you don't want to do it, but he definitely wants to do it. That's the next step. So it's kind of like, if you are going to decide to move further with this relationship, like, you're gonna have to have some sort of concession with that.

[A]

Right. And also you said you've been dating for a few years. Is this someone you want to marry? Is this someone you want to be with?

[B]

True too.

[A]

Because if you don't see that true.

[B]

Don'T fucking string this poor person along. That they've done nothing wrong to you and they want like commitment out of.

[A]

You, like the next step. Yeah.

[B]

Given the commitment or don't.

[A]

If you do have different wants in a relationship and that's what is the next step for him. And you're not there yet. Like you're just not compatible and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. But I do think that couples can be together and not live together. I don't know that I would be married to someone who didn't want to live with me though.

[B]

I mean, I wouldn't. No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But again, to each his own.

[A]

To each his own. Whatever works for you. If anyone is married and doesn't live together, let us know.

[B]

Yeah, I wonder if that works, how that works.

[A]

Yeah, I'm very interested. Next question. My wife and I have been married for two years and together for five. I'm 24 and she is 22. I'm looking for some relationship slash business advice. I own two companies locally. My business took off two years ago and I'm now making almost six figures. I've been extremely blessed and fortunate. However, my wife wants to move to another state, which would mean that I have to move my businesses and re. Establish clientele, finances, etc. My wife has been in our current town since she was born and hates the area. Whereas myself, I don't want to leave out of fear that my business will inevitably fail in a new area. It's the fear of the unknown. It's the. Etc. To be completely blunt, I'm terrified. I guess I just have to figure this out on my own. But I thought that maybe I could gain some outside insight from someone. Is there any healthy compromise in my situation? How do I approach my wife with the. With new ideas of not moving so far away? She also has zero idea on where she wants to go.

[B]

What does she do for work? Is she working?

[A]

John, I just read the question. I. There was none of that information. In the meantime.

[B]

It just seems like she just wants to move because she hates the area. But if he's the one supporting them with this job, like what's her fucking plan?

[A]

Or not having an idea where you.

[B]

Want to go, I would tell her exactly what's going on. Like our Company is here. Tell her exactly what you'd have to do to establish a company in a different state. And you don't know if it's going to work or not. Fear of unknown, though. Like, grow. Change is good. Growing, all that. But.

[A]

But his business is local. It's not like he could do it remote. And I will say, as business owners who were local to an area we were in Deluland, and we were like, we could move and our business will just move with us. It didn't. And it created a really hard year for us of traveling back and forth because all of our clientele was in the Northeast and we were living in the south. And we did it to ourselves. We thought we could establish ourselves in the south, but we made it work.

[B]

We did. We did what we had to do.

[A]

We made it work, but it fucking sucked. And it was a. It was a bitch and it wasn't hard. It didn't make our lives easier or better. And we got to the point where we were like, what are we going to do here? Like, we need to make a decision. We either need to move back or we need to cut ties completely and reestablish some new type of business down in this area. So as people who have done that, when your business is tied to somewhere local, it's real. It's not that fucking easy. It does take time to establish a new client clientele, to establish yourself in a new area. So I think just explaining that to your wife that, hey, you've worked really hard to get it to this place. Like, you can't just up and leave at this point.

[B]

You're always saying you're, like, finally making some money. Is that kind of what he's saying? Like, are you even in, like, a financial position to leave at this point to do something like that? I would just look at all the variables. Before you decide on something which she needs to really understand, you have to lay it out for her.

[A]

Or again, you guys have to compromise on a business decision that could work. Even if, like, you take a little bit of a loss when you move. And you. And you both understand that you might have to scale back on your budget to be able to spend the time to build your business.

[B]

Or just move out of that town. Okay? Move somewhere you can commute 40 minutes. Like, everyone does that. You know people on Long island who commute into the city, it's at least.

[A]

A hour and a half longer.

[B]

I mean, get out of that town. That could be compromised. Just move out of that town. You don't have to move out of the state.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, again, this is just a lot of compromise, but setting expectations with your wife about what this is going to mean for your business and how if you do move, it's just going to take time to reestablish yourself.

[B]

I would break down a budget too. Like, this is how much money we are netting, this is how much goes to tax, blah, blah. This is what our expenses are like. Do you have a job lined up for the next day to accommodate to this?

[A]

It's a good point. It's so much easier to make a educated decision when you see the facts.

[B]

Is it kind of annoying though? Like, I don't really know how she brought it up, but it's just like I don't like to stay. I want to go be like. And this guy's like, dude.

[A]

I mean, I get it because that's also us. We've done that. But we learned the hard way.

[B]

We also did the business together. What I'm saying is.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

She. If she's not part of this at all, does she have any idea of like what you did to get to where you are together? And she's just like, whatever, like, I can move states. Like she thinking about you or the business at all.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's annoying you.

[A]

You just have to draw it out and see what is feasible, what's doable and figure out a long term plan. Because who knows, maybe like again, when you expand your business, you could expand into a new state, wait until that one is more established and then move. There's options, but it's not gonna be overnight, but communication.

[B]

Good luck. Communication.

[A]

Next question. My husband and I are in our mid-30s and we've been married for over 10 years with two beautiful children. Our marriage is still going strong apart from one thing that I'm not too sure if I'm being a bit ridiculous about. I pole dance for fitness, not stripping. And I've been doing so since before we were married. Since having our second child four years ago, I've taken it on a lot more and have made it to the highest level. I am proud of what I have achieved since having our second child. I am the fittest, strongest and healthiest I've ever been in my life. It's giving me a lot of more confidence in my body and I am actually starting to compete in competitions. The problem is that my husband doesn't seem the slightest interested in any of it. I post trick combos on my Instagram or dance routines and he doesn't look, when I ask him to come watch me perform, he straight out says no. If I have managed to master a hard trick I've been working on and I want to show him a video get, he complains that I constantly need to show him when I rarely show him anything I do. I've asked him many times if he has an issue or is ashamed of it, and he always says no and says it's a brag that I do it, but I have never heard him brag. I see all the other women in my class, husbands, partners, constantly supporting them and complimenting them. I just want some support or even a second glance from my husband. Am I being ridiculous and asking too much?

[B]

No, you're not.

[A]

No. Oh, my God.

[B]

I mean, are you, like, doing this training in a strip club, or are you doing it, like, in a classroom?

[A]

She said no, that it's. Pole dancers are athletes.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I am so impressed by them. I took a pole dancing class for my friend's bachelorette party, and I was like, I need to do this. I need.

[B]

What's more. What's harder? That or the ones where they're, like, in the. In the window blinds. What are. What are those. What do you call them around windows? Like the curtains. You know, like the curtains, and they're, like, rolling down the curtains area.

[A]

Oh, an aerialist.

[B]

A what, Ariella?

[A]

An aerial. An aerialist.

[B]

Which one's harder?

[A]

I couldn't tell you which one is harder. They both require a lot of upper body strength, stamina. I mean, what you're doing is a workout. And I think. I don't know. I don't know if your husband is just insecure about, like, the confidence that this gives you because it is seen as a sexy sport. How would you feel if I was.

[B]

I'll be amped.

[A]

Oh, my God. I just feel like I would be in such great shape, like, my core, my arms.

[B]

I think it's. It's sad because you think he would support you, especially if, like, you've expressed him, like, hey, this is making me more confident in my body and making me feel, like, better about myself. Like, that's awesome. Whatever you need to do, because it's a sport.

[A]

But what are some ways that you think that maybe she can include him to feel more comfortable?

[B]

He's probably uncomfortable about it, doesn't want to admit part of it. Yeah, I think he's just trying to, like, avoid it, you know?

[A]

I think at the end of the day, you're doing you, and you can't worry about how he feels about something that you're doing that's good for your body, good for your mental health, and something that you're proud of.

[B]

I wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't stop doing what you're doing. Keep doing it. But I also, like. Listen, if he's not into it, he's not into it. I wouldn't force him into. I mean, you guys don't have to support each other in every single thing you do.

[A]

I mean, I disagree. I think it would be nice. It's fucking. It would be annoying if your partner wasn't necessarily cheering you on for something that you're doing. And you're.

[B]

You're saying, is this enough of an argument, like, no. Something. To make this into something?

[A]

What I'm saying is it doesn't sound like he's on you for doing it. So he's just in a weird place for whatever reason. Maybe he just hasn't found something that he's as passionate about and he's a little bit jelly. And so I just think, continue doing what you're doing, and if he comes around, he comes around. But I don't think that he. You should let his attitude around it dim your excitement around it.

[B]

No, I'm on the same page with that. But I. What I'm saying is I don't think she needs to make it into something with him. Like, start forcing him to go to stuff or, like, getting in his ass about it. Like, whatever. As long as he's not, like, talking down to you about what you're doing or telling you not to do it. Like, honestly, whatever.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I. I think you're justified in feeling some type of way. But to your point, I don't think this. This is something to push or argue about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He's just being a little moody, B. Because he probably isn't as strong as you.

[B]

I mean, what you could do. I think he's uncomfortable about it. I'm not agreeing with him, but based off of that, it's just like, he's just avoidance.

[A]

Next question. For the longest time, I've had genetic dark circles under my eyes. They've always appeared dark, no matter how much sleep I get, water I drink or what my diet looks like, et cetera. My boyfriend is against any type of cosmetic treatment, Botox or filler, because he thinks once people start it, it's hard for them to stop and they go overboard. I have an appointment next week to get filler under my eyes to prevent the hollowness and dark appearance. This by no Means is going to make me catapult into getting extra procedures done. I've only ever gotten Botox once and told him after it happened. And this resulted in a fight because we tell each other everything. And he thought I was being secretive and not filling him in. But the only reason I didn't tell him is because I knew how he would react. My question is, do I bring this topic up to him? I will look how I always look with makeup, but this time my circles won't be there. Once I make up to free, and I don't think he'll honestly notice. I know you guys always say honesty is the best policy, but I don't want to have to explain myself. This will just make me so happy. Give it to me.

[B]

You're gonna get in a worse fight not telling him because he'll. If he finds out either way, like, be honest with him and just have the fight. Don't do it. And then because again, you listen. I think it's. I get annoyed when people are like, it's your body. Do whatever the you want to do. But you are in a relationship. You guys are a team. I think it's something you do speak to them about.

[A]

I don't think go off and do it. But not for that reason. I think it's because he will notice in the first few days, you're going to be swollen. I had under eye fillers before. You're swollen and so just for a few days, you're going to be a little bit bruised. But I think he's. I don't know. I hate when people in relationships try to control what other people do with their bodies. That's going to make them happy. Like, I'm sorry, is my decision to get Botox or filler impacting your life? It's not. And so to me, it's a deeper thing. It's like, why don't. Why don't you. I'm not stopping you from living your life. Working out, getting tattoos, straightening, whitening your teeth, cutting your hair. Like, why is something that I'm doing to my body such an impact to you? And I feel like that's what the conversation is. Because it's a little controlling. I think when guys are like.

[B]

I think it's funny. The only thing is, like, he is giving you about it. Has he ever had anything done? It bothers me when people have something to say when they haven't experienced it themselves. Like, has he had Botox before? How does he know how bad it is? Or, you know, you're just, like, assuming.

[A]

And no, he probably won't notice once the swelling goes down. I'm telling you. But, like, I don't think that you should not say anything.

[B]

I think, yeah, we're on the same page as that. Like, I don't think you'd go ahead and do it without telling him. You should tell him because I would be pissed at you if you did something and didn't talk to me about it. You're gonna do what you want, but, like, I want to know.

[A]

I just feel like you did with a new tattoo. I'd be like, what exactly? But, like, I do think that you have to frame it in a way that you're like, I appreciate. No, I don't appreciate your opinions, but, like, I appreciate you and I respect you. So I want to inform you that I'm doing this. It's an informed decision on my behalf because it's what I want to do. But I do want to give you the courtesy of letting you know that this is important to me, and I'm doing it regardless. Love you. Bye. You know, also, like, you're dating. Is he paying for it? Are you paying for it? Who? Like, I just. I don't understand where.

[B]

On the other. On the other side agreeing with him, what would their defense be? Like, what would they say to this? Like, he should have a choice in what she's doing to her body or, like, any partner, you know, like, what it would be the defense? What would be the argument from the other side? Because I'm trying to see, like, if I Taking his side, like, how do I.

[A]

Well, I think his argument say in.

[B]

A way that I don't sound like an. Controlling.

[A]

His argument is that it's a slippery slope and she's gonna get addicted to that. Is.

[B]

That's what I don't. Like, his argument is stupid because, like, how does he know that? How does he know that? Have you experienced that?

[A]

Yeah, you're just assuming.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I would have worded it in a different way if I was him, because that would make me want to do it so much more.

[A]

Because he doesn't want you to do it. You're like, I'm going, yeah, there's just.

[B]

Like, a way to talk to each other that can, you know, reduce the risk of an argument. I don't know. People. People are people.

[A]

People are people. But I think, yeah, have a conversation, but I don't think you need to open it up for discussion. But make your decision. Inform him. Let him know. And I would question I would question my relationship depending on his response. Truly I would, because I'd be like, it's a deeper issue than that, in my opinion. Okay, next question. I currently work in an office job where there are only two people in the department I work in, myself and my boss, a 63 year old woman that's been at the company for 20 plus years. I normally like to keep a healthy boundary between work and personal life, so I tend to be minimal when sharing personal details. I'm also currently seven months pregnant. I've been at this job for a little over a year and have grown to learn that keeping some space between this individual helps keep the business side more productive and professional. However, my boss is the kind of person that likes to pry for personal information and integrate herself into people's personal lives even when it's totally inappropriate for the timing and the situation. She wants to be included for every single doctor's appointment and milestone that I've had during this pregnancy and has even gone as far as touching and talking to my stomach randomly without asking. I tried to just deal with it at first and I know she's excited. However, it got to the point where I was extremely uncomfortable and she was asking about very personal, private details about my pregnancy. One day I decided to speak up and let her know what she was doing was making me uncomfortable and I tried to set a boundary. Ever since then she has acted weird and treated me like I asked her to fuck off. Even saying in a meeting once, I know you asked me not to care, but I do, so that's just something you have to deal with. I honestly feel like I'm in a toxic relationship with her and have just been considering quitting my job to stay at home with the baby rather than doing maternity leave just to get some distance from her financially. My husband and I can make do with me quitting the job, so that's not my concern. How do I navigate letting her know that I want to quit without her trying to make me feel guilty or pressure me into staying at the company?

[B]

Is there HR at this company?

[A]

Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like it's a little. A little department.

[B]

I mean, if you want to quit, quit. I don't know what the. Yeah, what's the issue? Just fucking tell you're going to quit.

[A]

I mean, it's like if you want to quit, well, there's your solution. Just fucking quit. Like, but if.

[B]

Are you asking us to like navigate maybe staying there and trying to set boundaries?

[A]

Her assessment side, if she wasn't Part of the equation being weird, Would you still be working at that company? That's what you need to ask yourself. Because if she's the reason why you want to quit, that's. That's a problem. And it sounds like that's what you're saying, because if she wasn't in the equation, if you would stay, then I would work on trying to stay at the job and create some distance, but. Or maybe, like, work remotely. I don't know what it is that you do specifically, but if you just want to quit.

[B]

Yeah, just quit. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what you're. If. If you're asking us what to do. If you want to stay, I mean, you have to set that boundary. There should be some sort of hr, I would think, or somebody. Maybe there could be, like, a middleman outsource that you can.

[A]

If you're quitting and leaving, like, who cares? Who cares if she's trying to make you feel guilty or pressuring you, you're done. But, yeah, I think if you were trying to stay, our response would be different here. But it sounds like you've already kind of made the decision to quit. I don't think you have to worry about letting her guilt trip you or pressure you into saying, I'd be like, are we insensitive?

[B]

That thought would never have crossed my mind. If I'm. If I'm quitting, I'm like, I'm out.

[A]

Same. Any job that I've ever had, I'm like, I just leave. So, like, I'm what?

[B]

None of them are personal.

[A]

Like, no, it's business.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's how I feel, even in this situation. Like you setting a boundary. It's business. Like, you're not besties.

[B]

She's not you already talking about setting boundaries. Like, you keep your personal life pretty, like, separate from. So it's not like you have this built in, like, friendship rapport with them.

[A]

And her trying to make these snooze remarks to you, like, well, you asked me not to care, but I do, so you have to deal with it.

[B]

She sounds like an asshole, so why do you even care?

[A]

Yeah. No, Janice, I don't have to deal with it because we're at work. You're not my friend. You're not my family member. No. But either way, it sounds like you're quitting, so, I mean, good luck with you and your baby. Next question. Last year, I was hospitalized for several days straight, vomiting and experiencing severe abdominal pain. I was admitted, and the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. The issue here is that my boyfriend of eight years had a trip planned with his family two days after I was admitted to the hospital. Despite not having a diagnosis or a confirmed discharge date yet, my boyfriend decided to go on the trip anyway with his family. There wasn't a conversation about whether he could stay. It was just his unilateral decision. My sister was with me every day in the hospital, but it was a bit burdensome for her as she had to take care of me for a whole week alone. I'm about to move in with my boyfriend, and I feel like I should talk about how I felt at that time since I haven't mentioned anything yet. Money is not a problem in his case or his family, and we both have emergency savings that could have used to cover the expenses for the trip and for him to stay with me during the situation. He could have also changed the flight and catched up with his family a few days later while the doctors found out what was wrong with me or his parents could reimburse him for the portion he contributed for the trip. I feel like there were many options and the only one wasn't just to leave. And that's it. I was scared because no one could tell me what I had, and I felt abandoned by the person I love the most. What do you think? Should I talk to him about this or am I just being an asshole? I should mention he was checking up with me several times a day while he was on the trip, but it was just not the same. Feels like his family will always come first and me in second.

[B]

I would say it's kind of like a maturity thing like that. It didn't even cross his mind to, like, I don't know. Would you. How long have you been dating?

[A]

Eight years.

[B]

Then.

[A]

Yeah, she's moving in with him.

[B]

Yeah. You probably should have stayed.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think he dropped the ball here. I. And again, it's not something where I'm sure you were like, I want you to say you wanted him.

[B]

He's in the hospital. They don't know what's going on because.

[A]

I can't imagine what's he gonna do.

[B]

When if, say, you get pregnant and he's got a triple.

[A]

Like, even if we were dating, like, I. I just feel like neither of us. That's in our blood to just bail on the person dealing with something like that.

[B]

Eight years.

[A]

Yeah. Like, you're basically married at this point.

[B]

If you're in that, like, beginning stage, whatever.

[A]

Even I would Even let. A year. I don't know. Maybe not a few months, though. If you're dating, it's like, yeah, bye. I'm going on my trip with my family. But I will.

[B]

But I totally understand. You're feeling like, what if this happens again?

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah, like, you have something else planned or you have something other, like, something else going on. Are you gonna do the same thing again?

[A]

He's like, sorry, babe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unlimited margs at the pool.

[B]

Yeah. I'd bring it up. Him calling you. That's relevant. So he's calling you from a beachside.

[A]

How? I want to know how else your relationship is exactly. Like, he's in paradise and you're fucking.

[B]

You're gonna have a coconut. You good, babe.

[A]

And you're in the. You have IVs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I would be really disappointed, and I think you have every right to feel that way. But how. Why haven't you talked to him about this? I would have. I'm also not a quiet person that the second you got on the plane, I'd be like, you fudge up. You fucked up. I would be. I would be pissed.

[B]

Yeah, definitely talk to him. I would express your concerns. I mean, if you're about to move in with them, you have the right to talk to him about, like, how you're feeling.

[A]

And that's my question in general, is how is your relationship outside of this one situation? Does he generally drop the ball on you for certain things? This is a big thing to drop the ball on. Because, again, to your point, there were other options.

[B]

How was she in the hospital? Is she, like, you know, it's fine. You should go.

[A]

Right.

[B]

True. That's actually part of the story. I'm. I'm good. Like, oh, we'll figure it out. That's different. Because if you told me, I'd be like, maybe I would at least consider it.

[A]

Totally. Because I think.

[B]

But if you're like, I'm scared. If you said, you're scared, oh, my God, I would cancel the trip.

[A]

But it's true. Were you giving him the responses of, don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

[B]

Because I hate that. Like, be clear. Why don't this, like, psycho bullshit.

[A]

It's so true. Like, I feel like psychology or whatever it's called, I've had something going on or whatever, and you have something planned. You're like, are you good? And I'm like, yeah. You're like, no. Are you. Can I go or should I stay?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Just fucking tell me you have to. You have to, have to be clear about what you want. But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

[B]

It's a test.

[A]

And assume that you didn't say those things. You know, I'm just going to assume that you didn't say because if you.

[B]

Did, then this is a different conversation we're going to have.

[A]

I think either way you have to have a conversation with it. But, you know, it just, it depends on how it went before he left.

[B]

Based off what you, what you've told us, I think it's an immature response on his end.

[A]

Correct. Cuz even if you are saying, no, I'm fine, don't worry about me. Like, it's on him to be like, you're clearly not. I'm staying behind and I will be here for you. You're. You're like, I will be out.

[B]

I don't know, I just like, I would base it off of your.

[A]

Okay, John, I'm painting the picture. I'm eight and a half months pregnant. Okay, then no, come on, you're setting me up for. And I'm like, you're like, oh my God, I have this once in a lifetime experience to go, you're in the hospital to go see Sublime. You get to go be them. And yeah, no, I'm not in the hospital, but I'm like, you know, potentially weeks away. And I'm like, no, you go, you.

[B]

Go, this is too easy. You're not giving me a realistic scenario.

[A]

Okay, Now I'm like, yeah, okay, but what if I'm in the hospital? No, I wouldn't go, what if I just have a.

[B]

Again, we're married, I'm locked in.

[A]

You know, that's true. But eight years. We've been together for eight years. Or have we been together for nine years?

[B]

Six, seven.

[A]

No, John, we've been together for longer. We've been married for.

[B]

Almost married for five. Dating for two before. Right.

[A]

Three. We met in 2016. That's when we started fucking. So when are we counting somebody, by the way?

[B]

Somebody. Somebody commented on like our last YouTube episode and was like, so do you think you guys are going to like, cuss less when you have a baby or.

[A]

We did, we did actually talk about that. Like when the child is here.

[B]

Child with the child. I mean, I'm going to definitely try to reel it in.

[A]

Correct. Because. But also on the pod safe space. Like, our kid's not going to be chilling in the middle while we're doing this shit. You know, this is.

[B]

I always think of My mom's friend who just drops F on. Oh yeah, hardcore Italian just drops the F bomb every other sentence, right?

[A]

Like this podcast is rated explicit for a reason. You know, we also just naturally curse. But yeah, around our kid. Did Debbie ever.

[B]

Oh yeah, no, no.

[A]

I was gonna say, did she ever like filter herself when you guys were kids or.

[B]

No, I don't remember.

[A]

I don't think my parents. My dad cursed when we were kids, but my mom, my mom still doesn't. She's like, shoot, Alexandra. Like her listening to this podcast, she's like, you have such a potty mouth. I'm like, yeah, mom. Cause I suck.

[B]

Dirk.

[A]

Next question. Okay. A few months ago, I discovered on my boyfriend's computer that he had been looking at his ex girlfriend's photos on both Facebook and Instagram. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but the opportunity presented itself. He dated this girl over seven years ago. She has come up quite a few times in conversation because even though she is in a relationship herself, they have texted here and there over the years. He would say that she was his first love, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He'll always care about her, et cetera. But he doesn't speak to her regularly and is fully committed to our relationship. Well, I recently checked again and he has looked through her photos on Facebook and Instagram multiple times. I'm talking like a few times a week for months. Sometimes a few times in the same day, or old photos from when they were dating, her sister's profile, and even her sorority sister's pages. I can see it all in his browsing history with dates, times, et cetera. Sometimes even looking at them at 6am when he first wakes up. I tried bringing this up to my friends and obviously everyone's first response is that it's really creepy. But also that I shouldn't have been looking through his stuff. I know I'm also in the wrong, but I should bring this up, right? If it was just a few times, I would have let it go and chalked it up to normal curiosity. But it was so excessive. I'm now questioning everything. We've been together for three years and he seems happy, but my thinking is that if you are thinking about your ex this much, you're probably not happy in our relationship.

[B]

Oh yeah, fuck his privacy. Fuck anyone's privacy. Someone's like, you shouldn't snoop through him. Like you're not in a serious long term relationship.

[A]

Shut up. If you go looking for something because you have a gut feeling you're probably going to find it. If I went through your browsing history. When was the last time you creeped on your ex?

[B]

Well, when I heard that news.

[A]

Oh, so like. So a few months ago then. I feel like ex snooping is reserved.

[B]

I also make it a point not to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't want to go down that rabbit hole or anything, but I.

[A]

Think it's natural to be curious about what. Again, you had spent years with this person. It's curious to just be like, what are they up to? But like I would say like one to two times a year.

[B]

I mean, do I want to know that I'm doing better than them?

[A]

Yeah, more just to be like, I made the right choice by leaving you behind.

[B]

Listen, this guy is. I mean the. He's doing at 6am He's.

[A]

It's excessive.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

And he's living in the past, looking at old photos.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Her sister and sorority.

[B]

Honestly, if I was your friend, I'd be like, I'm. Good job that you snooped. Your friend's telling you like about his privacy. Like, shut the. Shut the fuck up. Shut up.

[A]

I mean, there's a reason. It's not like you just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Snooped unprovoked. You had a feeling you're not just.

[B]

Out of nowhere like every day just like cracking open his phone and like, what's he doing today?

[A]

How would you bring this up though? Like if you are. If you found this on. On your partner's. Like, how would you. How would your excuse. No, no, no. I know you said head on, but what would your excuse be for finding that? Like I. I was looking for it.

[B]

What made her start looking?

[A]

A few months ago, I discovered on my boyfriend's computer that he had been looking at his ex girlfriend's photos on. So I guess like she had seen.

[B]

It on history in the past, stumbled upon the history.

[A]

I mean, you could just. But you're saying head on. I feel like I To.

[B]

I would not sugarcoat.

[A]

No, not. But I would say that. Oh my God. I was trying to look up, you know, something that I had previously looked up before and this all popped up. What? Why are you. Why.

[B]

Who cares? I feel like you have to explain yourself is irrelevant. Like whatever you were doing doesn't matter. It justified the means because you found boyfriend or what? Boyfriend? I don't. Whatever he is.

[A]

Boyfriend. Yeah.

[B]

Is looking at his ex's photos with the photos of him and her together. That's weird.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Like, there's a reason for that. You're not just checking in. You're looking at her.

[A]

And the sister's account photos even still exist.

[B]

Yeah, I would. I would be concerned. I would question, why are you doing it?

[A]

And you've been together three years. I would have a problem living in the past.

[B]

So. Yeah. Yeah. His friends and that guy.

[A]

Fuck his friends. Fuck your friends. She's the. Her friends were the one who told.

[B]

Oh, her friends. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. But again, how do you, like, do you just say to your ex, hey.

[B]

Just so you know, I paint the picture. I purposely looked at your history. Because I did. Because you did. You don't. There's no, like, excuse. You looked at it. I looked at your history and I noticed that you're looking at all of your ex's photos multiple times at 6am for some reason. Be elaborate. Elaborate. Get everything down.

[A]

Screenshot it.

[B]

Screenshot it. And be like, those receipts. I am super not comfortable with this. You better have a really, really good explanation or I'm out. I'd be out.

[A]

I don't know. Yeah, I don't like that. I. Again, it's just him living in the past or what?

[B]

Some things are triggering. That's very triggering to me. I'd be like, you. Something's going on.

[A]

Right. Especially when she also already has a boyfriend. Because I'm like, if he hasn't done anything that's like, physical or like, whatever, but it's like her. She's already moved on. Why is your boyfriend, when they dated seven years ago, still hung up on her? That's not healthy. That is not healthy. And again, again, you brought up that point about, like, chalking it up to just like, natural curiosity. That's not natural curiosity. That's obsessive. That's obsessive. So, yeah, I think you have to bring it up. Address. Address this and keep us posted.

[B]

Yeah, hit it head on.

[A]

Keep us posted. Shall we jump into secrets?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

I want to.

[B]

Secrets.

[A]

Give a psa, John. What does that mean?

[B]

Personal something. Announcement, public service announcement.

[A]

That in our secret section. That's not the advice section. That's for you to just like trauma dump, you know, let us know the.

[B]

Most we're giving advice. Just tell us.

[A]

Yeah, just tell us some shit. But I think a lot of people are like, oh, here's a secret. What's my. Like, can you give me some advice? I'm like, it's just put that in the advice. If you want advice, this is just for.

[B]

Just tell me a funny story.

[A]

Yeah. So there's two. They're short, but, you know, we like to keep things short over here. First secret. I've been itching to get into a physical fight with someone. No one in particular, but I've been having these thoughts of just wailing on someone to get out my energy. Have you?

[B]

I think it's. I think you've been. I think everyone needs to. You. You definitely need to get into a.

[A]

Physical fight, go to box, but you.

[B]

Should get in a physical altercation at least once in your life. Really know who you are, you know?

[A]

I know who I am.

[B]

Also to check yourself.

[A]

I've never. I've never gotten into a fight, but I have prepared. But it's always to protect my friends because I'm always the tall bitch in the group. So when, like, short little bitches, and this was in college, not as an adult, and I don't condone violence, but, like, when little bitches would try to square up to my other short friends, I'm like, I'm going to fly, knock you out. I know I would never. And I never did, but I did take my earrings out once, and I was like, step the down.

[B]

I believe it. I've seen you angry.

[A]

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna get kicked off the dance team if this happens. Think with your brain, Alex. Don't do this. And I didn't. So I've never fought someone. Actually, the only person I fought has been you.

[B]

You have punched me before.

[A]

Not for real.

[B]

For real.

[A]

We just, like, fun wrestle, though.

[B]

You did it like this. You had your thumb out.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

You did. I saw it.

[A]

If I did, it's because I had these claws at the time, and I was like, they're going to break off if I punch you. For real.

[B]

I will say, getting beat up, though, is very humbling.

[A]

What?

[B]

I just think, you know, it's like, okay, I've. I've been checked.

[A]

Hmm. Have you gotten your ass beat before?

[B]

Not like, really bad, but I've definitely lost.

[A]

My God, that would hurt.

[B]

I used to set up, like, boxing matches in college in my backyard. Like, we'd have, like, different people come and we'd box and stuff. And, oh, yeah, I've got.

[A]

So it was like fight club.

[B]

I mean, not really with gloves.

[A]

I do think, though, I understand the energy of just, like, you know, wanting out. But wailing on someone sounds so violent.

[B]

Maybe go see, like, somebody about that.

[A]

Or, like, take a box.

[B]

Why are we giving advice next? Next secret.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

It's like, don't give advice. But it is an interesting topic.

[A]

It is.

[B]

And can you write this as a question to us so we could talk about it?

[A]

No, because then I won't pull it because it's not a secret. I would be like, this person's asking for advice. I don't want to.

[B]

No, I wanted to put it in the advice column.

[A]

I know, but. Oh. All right, well, next secret that we're probably going to give our two cents on. Okay. I'm recently divorced from a man that was abusive and chose to watch porn and masturbate instead of pleasuring me. That being said, I cheated on him for the last two years of our seven years of marriage. I never told him, and anyone I have told said that he deserves it. Yeah, I mean, anyone who's abusive deserves anything that comes.

[B]

I feel like she just kind of like. Or he or she just breezed past that were, like, abusive and then, like, went straight into the porn thing. Like, abusive.

[A]

How abusive? Done. And then also chose to watch porn and masturbate, like.

[B]

All right, all right.

[A]

Well, yeah, we won't give our advice, right?

[B]

No, no advice.

[A]

Great secret.

[B]

But we'll give our overs because we didn't do it last time. So I have two overs.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm over my back hurting and I'm.

[A]

Over.

[B]

Like, just, like, moving. And we talked about that before. Moving, unpacking.

[A]

I'm pretty sure every episode we've addressed moving and organizing and unpacking and packing.

[B]

Just, like, logistics. Yeah, yeah, that kind of stuff. I'm over that. Over all that.

[A]

I'm overly excited to eat whatever the I want when this is over. When this is over. Because I just feel.

[B]

You're eating everything you normally. Besides sushi.

[A]

No, but there's. I feel like a lot of random listeria breakouts. Is that what it is?

[B]

You're talking about, like, cold cuts?

[A]

Not in. Just cold cuts, though. They're like, in Greek yogurt, in dairy, things that, like, are normally fine. Like, not just soft cheeses that are unpasteurized. I'm just like, is everything a risk? Is everything a risk? I'm like, oh, my gosh, I can't get my body temperature up to a certain heat.

[B]

Like, like, you said you used to eat pizza off a pen station floor your stomach. You're a tank.

[A]

I know, but will our child be a tank? Like, I don't know. I don't want to risk that a.

[B]

Child'S gonna be a unit.

[A]

Yeah, but what happens if I eat a cold slice off of penn Station floor. And it has listeria. That's. That's not okay.

[B]

And it'll build their immune system.

[A]

No, it will not end that way is the issue. So I just, I'm over, like the anxiety of consistently, and I'm sure it won't get better once child is here, but of consistently thinking about all of the things that can go wrong. And I'm sure that's a normal.

[B]

I take it back. I'm over Alex, like looking at the most horrible stuff that could happen with pregnancies and all that, like, that's the worst thing you can do.

[A]

It just comes up like on my for you page. It's just like I'm scrolling and I'm stressing yourself out. This is how this might happen or this might. And I'm like, oh my gosh. It. It makes me realize that to have a healthy baby is truly such a blessing. So that's all that you could really ask for is just like a happy, healthy baby and how lucky you are to have one because there are so many things that can go wrong. But anyway, so that's that. Let's eat lunch.

[B]

I'm literally like holding onto this chair for dear life. This 90 degree chair. I cannot wait to get out of it. Gosh, I'm going to read a review. 5 stars. Couple of the year. Love you guys. This podcast is such a blast and you guys are so funny together. Thank you for respecting the service industry and calling out cheap tippers. Yes, Handsmen. That's his. That's the person's name.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tip your server.

[B]

Tip them.

[A]

Or don't go out to eat or.

[B]

Make your own food.

[A]

I will die on this hill. Anyway, that's it.

[B]

Well, thank you guys so much for listening. Like, subscribe Email comment If you want.

[A]

To follow us, you can find us on all the socials at Give it to Me Straight podcast. You can email us at hello, give it tome straight podcast dot com. And if you want to submit a anonymous question, you could do that in our show notes link in bio. You'll find it at our website somewhere. We will see you next week.

[B]

Ciao, ciao. Bye. What?

[A]

I love you.