49. Giving you friendship kisses, cheating, and cancelled weddings

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight - Episode 49: "Giving you friendship kisses, cheating, and cancelled weddings"

Episode Information:

• Title: Give It To Me Straight
• Host/Authors: Alex and John (Dear Media)
• Description: Follow along as this husband and wife duo give you unfiltered advice from two different perspectives. No topic goes unspoken, from sex, money, relationships, the good the bad, and the ugly. Alex and Jon will give it to you straight.
• Episode: 49. Giving you friendship kisses, cheating, and cancelled weddings
• Release Date: April 23, 2024

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1. Personal Updates and Current Challenges

Moving and Renovations: At the beginning of the episode, Alex and John discuss their ongoing struggles with moving and renovating their homes. The couple shares that they've relocated multiple times due to renovation issues, leading them to feel like they're merely "surviving" rather than "thriving" (00:46 - 01:16).

• Alex: "No, we're not thriving. We just got in our house, though, so that's good." (01:16)

Pregnancy Complications: The duo opens up about the emotional and mental toll of an unexpected pregnancy. John reveals that recent pregnancy complications have been mentally draining, describing the experience as "mentally killing me outside of just the normal qualms of pregnancy" (01:23 - 02:19).

• John: "When you just get news that's not perfect, that puts you and baby at risk. It's just very alarming. It's scary." (02:19)
• Alex: "It is real, though. It's real. And I don't want to, like, move forward in this episode, have a mental breakdown..." (03:14 - 03:47)

2. Travel Adventures and Mishaps

Finland Trip: Alex and John recount their adventurous trip to Finland with their service dog, Kobe. They highlight both the beauty and challenges of traveling in extreme cold, including witnessing the Northern Lights, navigating escalators with Kobe, and engaging in ice go-karting.

• Alex: "My favorite thing was we did like ice go karting. So I was just Tokyo drifting around the track." (08:37)
• John: "He will. Granted, we did give him a little bit of a drug to sleep, but he still." (07:55)

Flight Delays and Car Accident: The couple shares a series of unfortunate events that followed their Finland trip, including missed flights due to snow delays, a totaled car during transport, and chaotic airport experiences in Helsinki and Copenhagen. These incidents compounded their stress, especially amidst the pregnancy challenges.

• John: "The driver to take pictures, I know was yelling at the cops to tell them because they're impounding everything, even Australia. He was yelling at the cots..." (17:19)
• Alex: "Get gap insurance on your car because apparently gap insurance will cover your vehicle basically." (18:18)

Airport Chaos: Upon finally returning home, Alex and John describe the frustration of dealing with customs and closed lines, leading to last-minute gate scrambling and arguments on the plane.

• John: "We fly home. Oh, but not even that. So it gets worse." (19:33)
• Alex: "I sprinted so hard, like, in a state of emergency. My body stopped. I sprinted so hard, like, in a state of emergency." (24:00)

3. Relationship Strains and Communication Issues

Throughout their narration of mishaps, Alex and John emphasize the strain these events have placed on their relationship. They discuss feelings of helplessness, the difficulty of supporting each other emotionally during crises, and the importance of processing emotions together.

• Alex: "I feel horrible cuz as your husband, like, I don't physically know what you're going through. I don't emotionally know what you're going through." (05:46)
• John: "It's just I couldn't talk about it again, like, in our skits. It's very easy on our, like, social channels to kind of, like, avoid personal things..." (03:25)

4. Listener Questions and Unfiltered Advice

The second half of the episode transitions into a Q&A segment where Alex and John tackle various listener-submitted questions addressing relationship dilemmas, trust issues, and personal boundaries. Their responses are candid, often infused with humor and blunt honesty.

Question 1: Confronting Potential Cheating A listener is confused after her boyfriend received a sexually suggestive photo from his best guy friend. Alex and John weigh in on whether she should confront him or investigate further.

• John: "If you go through my camera roll with my girlfriends... I'd feel very uncomfortable." (31:18)
• Alex: "Those dudes are hooking up for sure." (31:25)

Question 2: Remarrying After Loss A listener's father remarried shortly after his mother's passing, sparking concerns about the appropriateness of such swift decisions. The hosts discuss societal perceptions and individual readiness.

• John: "I guarantee you it's men. Men are much more likely to remarry relatively quickly..." (35:30)
• Alex: "I can't do it again. You're exhausting." (36:18)

Question 3: Cheating in a New Marriage A newly married listener discovers her husband had been on dating apps and hooked up with a sex worker before their marriage. Alex and John advise on trust and the implications of infidelity.

• Alex: "This person, he's terrible. He's a terrible person. God forbid he's with a sex worker. You better go get tested." (43:45)
• John: "Once cheater, always a cheater. What do you guys think?" (42:13)

Question 4: Cancelled Weddings Due to Friendship Drama A listener faces backlash from her fiancé’s cousin concerning the invitation of a close friend to their wedding. The hosts suggest seeking more information and prioritizing the couple’s relationship.

• John: "You can't just not invite one of your best friends because someone was like, I hate that person." (47:00)
• Alex: "What is the truth behind it? Because if he did something, that guy." (47:17)

Question 5: Managing Close Friendships Post-Marriage A listener feels threatened by her husband’s close friendship with a female gamer, leading to jealousy and trust issues. Alex and John emphasize communication and setting boundaries.

• John: "If I didn't have your passcode to your phone, I'd be like, that's a red flag." (66:23)
• Alex: "They need to be involved with you." (65:03)

Question 6: Selling Concert Tickets Amidst Friendship Fallout A listener sold concert tickets after her friends became distant and unresponsive. The hosts discuss the importance of communication and handling broken friendships maturely.

• John: "This is petty. Did they deserve it? Maybe. But I wouldn't necessarily call you the asshole." (62:13)
• Alex: "If they are, yeah." (62:08)

5. Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, Alex and John deliver several memorable lines that encapsulate their straightforward approach:

• Alex: "I just feel bad for people who have such low self-esteem and confidence in themselves..." (43:00)
• John: "Once cheater, always a cheater. What do you guys think?" (42:13)
• Alex: "Get rid of him. Get rid of him." (37:45)
• John: "You're pregnant. She's coming." (24:21)
• Alex: "Stop drinking the punch and leave. And leave." (62:13)
• John: "You can't trust people. You always double check your work." (22:31)

6. Conclusion

In Episode 49, Alex and John navigate a myriad of personal challenges, from marital strains and unexpected pregnancy complications to a series of chaotic travel experiences. Their unfiltered discussions provide listeners with authentic insights into managing life's unpredictabilities. The Q&A segment further reinforces their commitment to giving honest advice, regardless of the complexity of the situation. The episode wraps up with a heartfelt listener review, celebrating the couple's candidness and humor amidst their trials.

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Key Takeaways:

• Open and honest communication is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships.
• Personal crises can put significant strain on partnerships, necessitating mutual support and understanding.
• Navigating unsolicited advice and external opinions requires setting clear boundaries and prioritizing personal well-being.
• Trust and transparency are fundamental in addressing jealousy and insecurities within a marriage.

Notable Resources:

• Listener Questions: The episode features real-life relationship dilemmas submitted by listeners, providing practical scenarios for discussion.
• Expert Advice: Alex and John offer grounded, real-world solutions, emphasizing self-respect and the importance of communication.

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For Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In: Episode 49 of "Give It To Me Straight" offers a raw and unfiltered look into the hosts' personal lives, blending their struggles with honest advice on intricate relationship issues. Whether you're seeking guidance or simply enjoy candid conversations about life's ups and downs, this episode delivers insightful content with a touch of humor.

Transcript

[Alex]

People try to justify things. I mean, like, I rather be broke and poor.

[John]

He only admitted to this because he got caught. It's not like he came to you and was like, by the way, I have to tell you that I slept with a sex worker last year and I've been on these dating apps. You caught him. Of course he's going to say, I haven't done it since and I won't do it again. What?

[Alex]

And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight. I'm Alex and I am John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious. Hoes.

[John]

Hoes.

[Alex]

It is echoey in here a little bit.

[John]

I mean, if you guys can't tell, we're in another completely different room. It looks so different, actually.

[Alex]

No, it doesn't.

[John]

I. That's my joke, John. Our trees are changed, though. You put them on opposite sides.

[Alex]

Different sides.

[John]

That's okay.

[Alex]

I like how we've gone to three different places and just did the same. We just haven't had time again.

[John]

Well, the first place, we were renovating, and then we went to a rental, which we weren't renovating, and then we went back and we were like, we're selling. So now we could do something fun here eventually. But I think at this point, we're just surviving. We're not really thriving.

[Alex]

No, we're not thriving. We just got in our house, though, so that's good. And if I'm.

[John]

If we're not on it today, guys, we've been through it. Between moving, this pregnancy just, you know, mentally killing me outside of just the normal qualms of pregnancy, it's just like, holy shit.

[Alex]

It's got. Yeah. Just a lot going on, I think. I don't even know where to begin. Also, of, like, what has been going on the past.

[John]

I feel like we have so many updates because, again, we had waited a few weeks until we were here to record this episode. Now we're back. So there's just so much but, like. Like, I'm just mentally. The last weekend alone has just been so mentally draining. And I think we'll talk about it, like, when we're ready. Oh, my God. I don't want to cry.

[Alex]

Oh, no.

[John]

It's just like, I got it.

[Alex]

She's got it.

[John]

When, like, you get pregnant, like, you don't assume that things are not gonna, like, go well. And so when you just get, like, news that's not perfect, that, like, puts you and baby at risk. It's just very alarming. It's scary. And so, again, like, we'll talk about it when we're ready. Because I clearly can't talk about it now. But, you know, I'm physically okay. Baby's physically okay for now, but mentally, I am very not okay. So with that said, we're gonna give you ice in this episode. But yeah, I just think that, like, you have this expectation of, like, what this journey is going to look like, and then when it goes kind of off track, it just kind of blows up your whole world and this whole expectation of what you had envisioned.

[Alex]

I'm actually just as shocked as everyone else probably listening right now because I actually didn't know this is something we were going to talk about. But, I mean, honestly, it is. It's real, though. It's real. And I don't want to, like, move.

[John]

Forward in this episode, have a mental breakdown and, like, not talk about it again, like, in our skits. It's very easy on our, like, social channels to kind of, like, avoid personal things that are going on in our life. But like, our podcast, it's us sitting down, talking and yeah, again, like, we're okay. It's just I don't know anyone who's not everyone's.

[Alex]

Yes. When it just comes to, like, pregnancy wise, not everyone's pregnancy is going to be normal. So we have a couple more challenges than other people, but we'll get through it. We're strong. It's just like when you get hit with news and we just recently got hit with it. It's like we need time to process it, but we don't ever have time. So we're processing currently.

[John]

We got it before closing on our house and when I.

[Alex]

No, we got it the day of.

[John]

The day of closing on this house. And when I tell you that we were sitting down, going through paperwork, just like holding it together, and the lawyers and there's like eight people. Everyone's so excited, like, oh, my God, you guys, congrats. Like, you're so calm. And I'm like, I'm in survival mode right now. Like, there's nothing that I could do except keep it.

[Alex]

We literally went straight from our OB appointment to the closing, and we were late. And it's just like, you know, you get news like that and you just have to put a face on. Also, fun fact, as soon as I pulled into the lawyer's office, I was trying to take a left and I was, you know, taking the left. There's oncoming traffic. But down the road a little bit and this guy is in, like, going to take a right. But he's in the middle of the lane. I'm trying to go in, so he didn't give enough space for me. So I'm blasting my horn at him, screaming, I'm losing my mind. And the guy's like, okay, okay, sorry. But I'm like freaking out. Like, I'm just like, not in a good headspace. And we get to closing and he's one of the lawyers. So for the next two hours, we're sitting there pretending like we both don't know that we know it's us.

[John]

Right?

[Alex]

So.

[John]

Yeah, but I think at the end of the day, you know, everyone goes through their challenges. We'll get through it. Like I said, like, we're okay, things are fine, we'll talk about it eventually. But yeah, it's just we've been in like a crazy headspace for the past, I mean, especially few days. And like, I could talk about my own experiences eventually, but I know it impacts you differently because you see, see what I go through.

[Alex]

I feel horrible cuz as your husband, like, I don't physically know what you're going through. I don't emotionally know what you're going through. I'm emotionally taxed though too, because, like, all I want to do is comfort you and, and be there for you and take your pain away and like, I can't. So feeling helpless is awful and I'm just like doing the best I can, but man, it's just like, what a learning experience. I just feel like you and I have gone through so much together and it's just, we'll come out stronger, you.

[John]

Know, Makes you appreciate too, just so much like when people like, my biggest fears going into pregnancy were like, pooping on the table, tearing, you know, my body changing and having body dysmorphia. And it's like all of those things just seem so. Not mindless but like, minuscule compared to other challenges that people go through. And like, again, there's even greater challenges that people face. But yeah, it's just, it's not fun.

[Alex]

But I think it also sucks for you too, because it's. You don't really have an outlet, you know, as far as, like, who to speak to. You don't know.

[John]

I'm just glad I have a therapist at least, you know.

[Alex]

But your therapist isn't experienced in that realm. I mean, yeah, she could probably give you, like, coping skills, but maybe anything.

[John]

Is better than nothing.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Anyway, so we want to keep it light again. Will keep you guys in the loop as much as we can. And what we feel comfortable with. But in case, you know, we're. We do give terrible advice today, which we generally do. That's why also.

[Alex]

But what's going on is not why we had the batch. We've been crazy busy. Like we were in Finland. You know, let's.

[John]

I do have some notes because there's so much happened. So before we moved, you know, we had filmed our episodes at our old house. Now we're in our new house. But some things that happened was we spoke about flying with Kobe and we did that. Guys, Kobe was an angel. An angel. After flying with him, I'm like, we could go anywhere with him now. He. The flight attendants were taking pictures with.

[Alex]

Him petting Kobe because he was just so sweet.

[John]

He will. Granted, we did give him a little bit of a drug to sleep, but he still. Regardless. The funniest thing, though, was watching him navigate escalators because he had never been on one and he had to. I mean, he's a. He's a service dog, but he had to act like he'd been doing it for years. And he's new to this position. So we're like, Kobe, this is an escalator. Lock it up.

[Alex]

You guys know I'm not going to pick him up.

[John]

No, we can't. But you know that scene in ELF.

[Alex]

Where one leg extends one leg extension?

[John]

That was Kobe with his two paws on the top and his two paws on the bottom. He was so spread out, but then he got the hang of it.

[Alex]

Yeah, he was. I was so nervous about the whole flight, but he. He was good, but it's just like getting a 45 minute Uber with Kobe in the car to the airport. And then like, he really was great though. I know.

[John]

He did so well.

[Alex]

This is it though. But was that you're living and dying in New York and that was your.

[John]

First time flying first class?

[Alex]

My first, yeah. Also nothing but the best for Kobe. And we flew first class because, well.

[John]

We needed the leg space for him.

[Alex]

We didn't like jam him under the seat or. I don't know. How does that work? Would you just buy regular?

[John]

I guess we would just get a whole row. You just need enough room for them to lay and I didn't want him to be too squished in, you know, a regular row. So we. We bouged out for Kobe. It was worth.

[Alex]

Worth it though. I mean, one and done.

[John]

Oh my gosh. He's so cute.

[Alex]

Okay, so we flew him to New York.

[John]

We flew to New York and then we had 24 hours or 48 ish hours. We had Easter kids that made me question everything. I was like the right choice. Yelling. And I hope that it's one of those things where it's like, you just like your kids so much more than other kids. Because I was like, I can't handle this one kid who's not related to us.

[Alex]

So rude.

[John]

She's like a nine year old girl. I was like, am I about to fight you? Like, she was just making comments to my sister, comments to me, the other little kids.

[Alex]

And I'm like, it's all about parenting. It's all about the parenting.

[John]

Oh, my God. I was like, I've never wanted to actually bully a nine year old before. I'm this close. I didn't.

[Alex]

You were being the better person.

[John]

I was like, is this for real?

[Alex]

So just break it down. Yes. We moved from California. All of our stuff, we got shipped. We got our. Our car shipped. Which I can't wait to talk about that.

[John]

Okay, well, no, no, no, let's wait.

[Alex]

No, no, no. I'm not. I'm not saying it yet. Well, you're fast forwarding to, like, moving because I'm not saying we didn't get to that. You got to break it down. Break it down. What I'm saying is, yeah, we flew from California. Just so you know, we didn't close on our New York house yet. We didn't close on our California house yet. So nothing is sold. We move. We get to New York, we're there for 24 hours, we do Easter, and then we fly to Finland after 24 hours, which was a whole nother journey.

[John]

So cold. But we went there with Keels. Oh, my gosh. They went above and beyond.

[Alex]

Amazing trip.

[John]

One of the best trips I've ever been on. I will say Finland, beautiful. So cold. I'm like, I could have gone upstate New York. Like, it was gorgeous. The one unique thing though, about Finland, the northern lights.

[Alex]

Okay? I love Finland. Love the people. Northern lights are overrated.

[John]

Yes, they're very welcome. Also, northern lights are over.

[Alex]

They are. Because you know what? It's bullshit. For people who like me, when you see the photos and it's bright green. It's not bright green.

[John]

You know why, though? It's because in photos at that late at night, you have to do long exposure, so you're getting in more light. It's kind of like on your iPhone. The newer ones, not the old ones. If you are taking a photo and the lights, like, you could see the stars and you're like, is it really this bright? It's at least 50% brighter in photos than it is in person. It's still beautiful.

[Alex]

The fact that our guide said this was like one of the top 10 nights of the year for seeing northern. The northern lights was like, okay. I thought it was a cloud that had some, like, lights reflecting off of it.

[John]

It was still cool. Like, you could definitely see it. But it wasn't as bright as photos.

[Alex]

Also, it was negative three degrees out. I almost didn't make it.

[John]

Oh, my gosh.

[Alex]

Oh, my gosh.

[John]

I don't know how people. It was April and it's that cold there. Could not survive. I give credit to anyone and. And it's rated one of the happiest places on Earth. Like, or people are the happiest places there. Do you think that's a lie?

[Alex]

I don't. I don't know. I mean, again, we weren't in. So we flew into Helsinki, which is their main airport.

[John]

Right?

[Alex]

And then we flew from Helsinki to. I don't know, remember?

[John]

But it was grove and I don't want to.

[Alex]

Whatever. But it was Lapland, Finland, so it was the Arctic. We were in the subarctic or arctic or whatever. So it was just so surreal being out there. We stayed in a treehouse.

[John]

Guys, if you love Christmas, go to Finland. They are obsessed with Christmas there. But it's specifically. Is it in Ro. I don't want to mispronounce it. It starts with the R. Rojavic. No, Ro. Velly. Hold on, let me look up.

[Alex]

Sure. While she's looking that up. So literally, they're obsessed with like the North Pole. And I for some reason thought, okay.

[John]

I'm gonna butcher this. Roven. I am me. Rovini. Roven. Amy close. Whatever. Lapland, Finland. They're obsessed with Christmas.

[Alex]

Obsessed. There's Santa's workshop. There's Santa's mail room, post office, diner.

[John]

Three elves bar, like literal reindeer, actual reindeer.

[Alex]

That was cool.

[John]

They're so beautiful and cute. But Christmas themed. Everywhere. Everywhere has their Christmas decor still up. I'm telling you, if you're a Christmas person, you have to go to this place.

[Alex]

I'm just all about these brand trips. I hope they just start sending us everywhere because it was awesome. The Kills trip we even went to. My favorite thing was we did like ice go karting. So I was just Tokyo drifting around the track.

[John]

They were like, you should like this, Alex.

[Alex]

The Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift movie. They're just drifting. I was. I loved it. It was awesome.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So great time Finland was awesome.

[John]

But I did do ice carting, even though it was not. What?

[Alex]

Who cares? You're a badass. Yeah. They're trying to make you not do it.

[John]

No, my thing was like, I know I'm not that far along enough that it's like, it's just go karting.

[Alex]

No one hit me, but I hit like four people. And we were going fast.

[John]

Well, you are just a bad driver.

[Alex]

That's why Alex also, they're freaking out about Alex going go karting. And she's like, I'm fine, whatever. And then. But we're in two different heats. So I'm going. I turn around. Alex is on the back of the. One of the instructor. They have their four wheelers. She's on the back holding one hand onto the four wheeler and the other holding her camera. And he's drifting and she's filming me while I'm driving. I'm like, you are crazy.

[John]

He was like, you want to get on? And I was like, yes. Like, that's how I'm going to get cool shots. Moving shots of you. That was definitely more dangerous than doing the actual thing, but it was worth it.

[Alex]

Got some good shots. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it.

[John]

Do it for the shot. But I mean, overall, amazing. Gorgeous. Beautiful place. Thank you, Keel, so much for taking us. It was.

[Alex]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[John]

Such an experience. My favorite was meeting the team, though. Like, I'm like, the people who work for Keels, the people who work for the agencies love them. I'm like. And they're all New York.

[Alex]

Yeah, great.

[John]

Best people there.

[Alex]

So we'll hang. So then we go to fly home from Finland. We are at the second biggest airport in Finland, which really is not that big. There's. We're going on the flight back to Helsinki.

[John]

It's like an hour. An hour flight.

[Alex]

Hour flight. Our flight gets delayed because of snow in Helsinki. We're there for like a couple hours.

[John]

It was like a two hour delay, but we missed our next flight in Helsinki.

[Alex]

So we got to see. So we ended up getting to Helsinki.

[John]

We got to Helsinki, but we missed our flight by 20 minutes. There was at least 30 people who missed that flight. But because it's a jumbo jet, they're like, we're not waiting. They left. All hell broke loose. It was 36 additional hours of travel. It was just chaos. I. I felt so bad.

[Alex]

So we had to stay overnight. We had to get a hotel in Helsinki. It's snowing. I have my old navy jogger pants on and A sweatshirt. All my luggage, all of our luggage is lost. Is gone. Is in one of the planes.

[John]

Thank God for air tags because that's how we were able to track everything. Otherwise it'd be like we're never seeing our stuff again.

[Alex]

So we're in the airport and Alex talks to her mom and our car was supposed to arrive.

[John]

I was like, mom, we're not gonna be there until tomorrow. There's a delay. She's like, oh no. And I'm like, but our car should have been delivered this morning, right? She goes, yeah, I was about that. I was going to wait until you guys got back. It's totaled. And I was like, what do you mean our car is totaled? She goes, yeah, well, you know, your brother was driving down the street just like a mile from the house and he called and he goes, what color is Alex's car? And I was like, black. And he was like, it's on the side of the road. Flipped over, totaled. He saw the California plates, called my mom just like instinctively was like, I think that might be Alex's car. The driver of the trailer towing our vehicles went too quick around a corner one mile from my parents house where it was supposed to be dropped off, flipped the trailer. All the cars went over, including ours.

[Alex]

So the cops are there. I'm hearing from Alex's dad because he swung by there. The driver to take pictures, I know was yelling at the cops to tell them because they're impounding everything, even Australia. He was yelling at the cots, saying, let me get these cars to their destination. The car's totaled and he wants to flip it, put it back on his trailer and then drop the car off. So currently we're still with no vehicle. Still wait on that, but I will. I just want to give anyone advice out there. Get gap insurance on your car because apparently gap insurance will cover your vehicle basically. If your car's total, what? The gist I'm getting is they're only going to give you what your vehicle's market value on the vehicle. So you spend 70 grand on a car.

[John]

Is this new information? I'm like, I didn't know this.

[Alex]

I didn't know this either. The market value on the car. If it's like 30 or 40 grand, that's what they'll give you. So we're pretty on that end. But yeah. So we're still waiting on that. So no car.

[John]

Well, we have our nice little rental that smells like cigarettes. It was definitely a smoking car.

[Alex]

All these no smoking stickers in the Car. It was just chain smoked in the vehicle.

[John]

So we're stressed about the car. We hear this news, we finally check into our hotel in Helsinki before we fly back to New York. And John's like, he's using this phone charger. And I'm like that's my phone charger. And also guys, we only have the clothes on our back. We are not like good packers where we brought extra underwear, wear extra socks just in case we get delayed. So I like washed my stuff in the sink. We're both butt naked, yelling at each other and I'm like that's my fucking charger. And you're like no it's not. I'm like, I swear to God John, that's my fucking phone charger.

[Alex]

Forgot all about this. You know when you're just like so tired, everything's funny. We are like cracking up. Naked, beating each other, fighting in the hotel room.

[John]

I'm like give me my charger. And you ended up finding yours. And you just wouldn't admit that you, you were wrong.

[Alex]

It was the weirdest hotel room. It was a small room, like a small room, but there was somehow. There was four beds in it. Like four single beds. What the fuck are we in?

[John]

So bizarre. Whatever. It worked. We got out of there, we flew home. Oh, but not even that.

[Alex]

So it gets worse.

[John]

We get to the airport and they had rescheduled all of our flights for the next day, the day prior. So we get to the airport at like 5am to catch our 7am flight to go to Iceland which would then go to New York because there was no directs to New York until later that day. Whatever. So we get to the Iceland check in cuz now they're boarding the flight and we go up to the check in and they go to scan our tickets and the lady, it's like. And the lady goes, you guys aren't on this flight. And I'm like what? The actual. They rebooked us on this flight last night. Our flight was canceled, yada yada. So she puts it in the system. She goes, no, you're actually going to Copenhagen. And I'm like when is that flight? She's like in an. In 30 minutes. It should be boarding in like 15 minutes. She's like, it added three more hours to our travel time. I was like great. So we, we're waiting, we go to Copenhagen, we fly there. It's like I don't even know how.

[Alex]

Long that just so you know, I would like to visit Copenhagen just based off the airport area. I was Like, I want to come visit.

[John]

So then we land in Copenhagen, and now we have like a four to five hour layover until we fly to jfk. So we're chilling. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to get some work done. We go to this lounge and we're working. And two hours before our flight, we're like, let's go. Maybe 10 minutes before that, I was like, john, go check the board to see where our gate is. So he's like, got it. We're gate C35. I'm like, okay. So we're heading to the gate with our shit. You know, we have two hours to go. There's this line to like, check your, like, another passport line. We're like, oh, my gosh. It takes us 30 minutes. We get to the gate at C35. Whatever it was, no one's there.

[Alex]

It says JFK New York.

[John]

It says Newark or.

[Alex]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It was. No, don't, don't try to.

[John]

Flight that was boarding was Newark. It did say jfk, but it was like, for two hours after our time. And I was like, what? What is this? And John's like, this. This was the gate that the lady told me. She said, there's only one flight out of Copenhagen to New York a day, and this is it. I was like, john, this isn't our flight number. This isn't any of it. So I look up what our flight number is. It's in a gate across the airport, boarding now.

[Alex]

First off, I don't have fucking Internet. And if you got an update on your phone, then you should have said something.

[John]

Get an update.

[Alex]

Also, when I spoke to the lady, it literally is like, you had a job, John. President, travel advisor. She was basically the head of, like, helping you find your gates and stuff. I go. Because I went to her, I'm like, we're here for four hours. Is there any earlier flights we can go on to New York? She goes, this is the only flight to New York. The only flight for today. Okay. I look at the board. JFK says, our time in military time.

[John]

You learn to, like, not trust people. You always double check work. Double check your.

[Alex]

That's her specialty. How do you up your own specialty? That's your one job.

[John]

You up. And I went into cardiac arrest because of it.

[Alex]

Oh, I got bad.

[John]

So we're now so far that I'm like, we should still have time. But, like, because again, it took us so much longer to get. Get to the first gate. It took about like 45 minutes. So now I'm like, oh, my God. We only have however long to get to this next gate, get back through. It wasn't even security. It was just like a checkpoint, I guess.

[Alex]

Think about being at, like, Terminal 1 at LAX and you have to go to the Quantus one at the very other end. That's what it was.

[John]

I'm also pregnant. And so, yeah, I've been continuing my workouts, but I'm not sprinting. I haven't been doing sports sprint workouts. I'm holding the backpack full of all the gear. You grab, like, the extra bag, and you're like, I'm gonna sprint as fast I can to stop the gate. Stop the gate. Like, or make sure that they know.

[Alex]

I'm the hero and I'm the hero in this story.

[John]

You're the one who caused this issue.

[Alex]

I'm not taking blame for that. Anyways, that's. That's another part. I. We're still salty about that. Anyways, so we.

[John]

Because I found the correct gate. Which you could have done the hour before.

[Alex]

Anyways, I sprint. I don't remember the last time I sprinted. This was like a revelation to me. I sprinted and I went as hard as I could until my body physically shut down. Stopped me. I've never sprinted like that before. I sprinted so hard, like, in a state of emergency. My body stopped. My body stopped. I could not. I couldn't sprint anymore.

[John]

And I was like, your legs. But when I see people running through the airport, I'm like, idiot. Like, how are you not prepared? And I'm like, we were them. We were those people.

[Alex]

So somehow. And they're like, last call, blah, blah. And I get to the gate, I'm covered in sweat. And then, like, it's like, my wife's go. I go, My wife's pregnant. My wife's pregnant. She's coming.

[John]

I was so far behind.

[Alex]

She's, like, swaddling along.

[John]

I'm running. But then at some point, when I saw that there was, like, a whole other hallway, I was like, fuck it, leave without me. I honestly can't. I'm going to go into cardiac arrest.

[Alex]

Like, it was wild. I couldn't believe it. We get on the flight, we're not talking. We're not talking. Luckily, thank God we had two separate.

[John]

Seats because again, they had booked us last minute, so we were separated. So I just get in my seat and I'm like, on the verge of tears because we almost missed this. I'm in the same clothes for the past 48 hours. I can't drink. They're like, champagne. I'm like, you like, I'm just pissed and then I'm just sitting down profusely sweating. And you get up like an hour into the flight and you like, try to make eye contact with Pete going to the bathroom.

[Alex]

And I'm just like, no, that's not what happened. You were, you were literally, you were like, are you gonna apologize? I'm like, apologize for what? So we start fighting on the airplane. But I still am not apologizing because I don't think I'm wrong. I go, all right, I'll meet you partially away and say, it's not a good trait. It's not a good trait. It's not a good trait that you think you're wrong. I'm not wrong. And I, I met her partially, partially the way by saying I should have done more of a due diligence and looked more double checked. But I'm not taking full blame.

[John]

Were off, like everything about that gate number.

[Alex]

But I am the hero because I got us on the plane anyway. So we're still salty about that.

[John]

I'll never forgive you. Also, I forgot to mention that from the flight from OR to Copenhagen. I'm like, we're already just at our wit's end. I like, lean over to grab my AirPods. The guy in front of me as we're ascending, so he shouldn't have put his seat back. He slams his seat back, cracks me in the forehead. And he's like, oh, he obviously hit a roadblock, which was my fucking face.

[Alex]

He's like, oh, God.

[John]

It was just one thing after another with the car getting that news, all the delays and then so whatever, we have our flight, we land.

[Alex]

If you guys are wondering, we're not going to get through all the questions.

[John]

No, we're not. We're going to like, try to.

[Alex]

Guys, we, we haven't been on here in like literally for a month to.

[John]

Talk about next week.

[Alex]

So I'm sure something will come up.

[John]

I'm sure. But so we land, we get into customs in New York and we're the first people. We're like, cool. We're off the plane, we get to go home. Let's do this. We walk up to the line and it's closed off. So there's two women who are just like dilly dallying, laughing with each other, and they're like, where'd your flight? It takes them at least one minute to acknowledge us. Which one minute is a long time when like a whole Flight is unloading, and I'm like, where. Where do we go? Where do we go? They're like, what flight did you just come off of? And I was like, copenhagen. And they're like, okay, don't do. Don't do. She's like, walking up and down, and I'm like, so. So where should we go? She's ignoring us, and then she decides to open up the gate. Or the. What is it called? Like, the Velcro thing. The line.

[Alex]

The line placement thing, the wine. But she starts talking to the girl behind us, and she's go chitchatting.

[John]

You could come through here. Opens up the line for them. And thankfully, the girl behind us was so fucking sweet. She goes, no, they were ahead of me.

[Alex]

She's like, oh, yeah. I'm like, I'm about to drop kick.

[John]

I know. I'm like, I just. I. I don't have the patience for this. This is my 13th reason. It wasn't my 13th reason. Because there. There was like, 14th, 15th, 16th reasons. But, yeah, so that was our travel.

[Alex]

Journey, by the way, when we went through customs in Finland. And the guy was like, what are you guys here for business or pleasure? We said, business.

[John]

I said, work trip. And then I was like, oh, my God, you don't do that. Like, it's not like we're here for an extended amount of time. You're supposed to say pleasure for fun.

[Alex]

Which we were.

[John]

Yeah, it wasn't like we were working. But he's like, for what? And I was like, oh, skin care. And he's like, explain, because it's not. English isn't their first language. And I was like, like, lotions. You put them on your skin. And he goes, and what do you do with it? And I'm like, we make videos and put them on the Internet. He was probably.

[Alex]

I just brought him. Being like this ago. Yeah, like, elaborate.

[John]

What elaborates?

[Alex]

So I thought we were having a joking moment, and they were not joking.

[John]

Dead serious. He was like, what are you doing here in my country?

[Alex]

Also, I had a hard time taking them serious because they were like, 19 years old. I'm like, relax.

[John]

Yeah. But anyway, we made it back, and then, you know, we're finally here in our house. It took a few weeks, a few delays, but we made it. And you know what? We rediscovered our love for diners. That's the one thing that I forgot about New York. I was like, oh, my God.

[Alex]

We paid, like, $28 for less. You get your dinner. It's like $22 with tip. It was like 65 bucks. But, like, whatever I got. Say I got like chicken parm. I get the chicken parm first. I get a first. I get a first. You sit down, you get bread, and they're like, you want this chicken appetizer?

[John]

I'm like, sure. Is it gonna kill me? Like, is it. Is it expensive? Fired?

[Alex]

Like, you know, it almost was like a crock pot chicken.

[John]

Yeah. It fell off the bone. It was so good.

[Alex]

Yeah. So we got that with the bread, which they didn't charge us for. Then we got salad.

[John]

Then you got soup.

[Alex]

You got soup.

[John]

Then you got your main entree, which is 18 servings.

[Alex]

If you were in LA, that would be for four people. Our meal. Sorry. And then you get a slice of cake or. Or cheesecake or whatever you want. Which was like the best cake I think I've ever had.

[John]

Coffee or tea? Whatever you want.

[Alex]

That meal would have been at least 300, maybe not 250. La.

[John]

Yeah, probably.

[Alex]

Like, you're getting four course meal.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, my God. So good.

[Alex]

It's amazing.

[John]

Like, I could go for that today.

[Alex]

All right, we gotta, like.

[John]

Should we jump into.

[Alex]

Let's just jump in.

[John]

So, guys. Yeah. We're back in this house eventually. If you are, you're watching us here. We'll do something here.

[Alex]

Or maybe we won't because you guys have been. Who. Who've been listening to us for three years now. Like, have we ever gotten our shit together? I feel like we're just constantly just. Just trying to survive.

[John]

Like I said, we're surviving. We're not thriving. I'm just like. We're holding it together.

[Alex]

Holding it together.

[John]

Well, let's jump into questions, shall we? And I also want to say, because next week we will do a gender reveal. We were going to do it this week, but I really want cake and any excuse to have cake. So I'm going to make it myself, and then we'll cut into it and you can all enjoy. And then a fun reveal with us. Don't look so excited, John.

[Alex]

Let's do it.

[John]

Okay, question number one. My boyfriend's best guy friend sent him a picture of himself. To my boyfriend, it looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. He had his towel cover his lower waist, but he was clearly hard, and you could see the outline through the towel. I'm not sure if I should confront my boyfriend and ask him what that was all about or if I should read the message between them. I'm definitely feeling confused.

[Alex]

My boyfriend's friend or my Friend.

[John]

My boyfriend's best guy friend. So it'd be like if goo sent you a rock hard pick.

[Alex]

Well, I'm pretty sure that guy is a homosexual.

[John]

The friend or the boyfriend or both of them. I mean, I was going to say I would feel very uncomfortable.

[Alex]

Is that the appropriate way of saying it? I don't even know what is the correct terminology. Am I okay for saying that I.

[John]

Would feel very uncomfortable if you received a photo like that? Because it would make me question things. But then I'm like, is that hypocritical? Because if you go through my camera roll with my girlfriends, I mean, if we get a boudoir shoot, we're sharing it. If we have new boobs, we're sharing it. Like we're.

[Alex]

Well, how do you show where it's like if you have a rock hard dick going on, that means that's true. Something's going like, as a woman, would it be like hard nipples? No.

[John]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

[Alex]

A hard clitoris.

[John]

Clitoris, exactly. Yeah, I guess that's true too. Like, hey, here's my workout. My. My pump.

[Alex]

Those. Those dudes are hooking up for sure.

[John]

Have you.

[Alex]

And you know what? That's fine if they one wasn't in a relationship.

[John]

So that guy, your boyfriend just has to be honest. If you are already suspicious of it, I would do some digging because I don't think.

[Alex]

What is there to dig? The guy sending him a photo with a rock hard.

[John]

Talk to your boyfriend about it or go through his phone.

[Alex]

I'm pretty sure there's no digging. I mean there's the only. You could be like.

[John]

But it might have been taken out of context.

[Alex]

You should take the photo and go to your boyfriend like you like what you see.

[John]

But it might have been taken out of context. What if the boyfriend.

[Alex]

No.

[John]

Best friend was sending a picture from something else.

[Alex]

Unless he said.

[John]

And it wasn't.

[Alex]

Oops, didn't mean to send it to you.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Which I would still question that.

[John]

Exactly. Maybe. Maybe that's the case. You don't know.

[Alex]

There's not much digging you have to do, lady.

[John]

I don't know. You need some context. I say you do have to do some digging because there's. You could drive yourself crazy by assuming there might be some answers.

[Alex]

Those dudes are for sure.

[John]

Okay, next question. How long should someone wait to remarry after their spouse passed away? My dad had been married to my mom for almost 30 years and. And sadly she passed away from cancer. My dad waited less than two months to Start dating again. Someone way younger than him. He's 56 and she's 36. He wants to start a life with this lady, and they're already having a baby. They've been dating for five months time.

[Alex]

Subjective. That's subjective. You could. I could say whatever. I want to give you advice, but, like, to each his own.

[John]

I. I think it's. You can say with anything normal for men, especially our parents, age to generally replace their spouses if they pass away.

[Alex]

Because they don't like saying men.

[John]

Well, yeah, because I think women who do that usually stay alone. All my grandmothers prove it. After they have either either gotten divorces or their spouses have passed away. They've never remarried. Whereas grandpas. My grandpa was on wife number two.

[Alex]

Tell me the reasoning. Say what? Why are they remarrying?

[John]

I'm not talking about you.

[Alex]

No, no, no. Say men. Why men? Why? Is it because they need.

[John]

Need help to take care of themselves?

[Alex]

Really? Because I think women who are gold diggers, they need help.

[John]

There's. There's two. I'm just extremes here, but I'm.

[Alex]

You're giving an extreme. You're saying guys can't take care of themselves, so they're gonna have to get with.

[John]

I'm not saying everyone, but I'm saying generally a large population of the older.

[Alex]

Generation, generally women who've never worked, need someone to support them. I could. I could say the same thing.

[John]

Their rich husband dies, like they're getting the money from.

[Alex]

Not necessarily. Not. There's a prenup.

[John]

If they die, they're getting that inheritance. Like a prenup.

[Alex]

Not necessarily. She. You could. You could go to court and.

[John]

Okay, either way, I'm saying that, like.

[Alex]

No, I don't like how you profiled that.

[John]

Okay. I. You've. You're taking this as a personal offense. I'm talking.

[Alex]

I'm not saying it's a personal offense. You just automatically assume that, like, guys.

[John]

I'm gonna look it up and then I will come back now next episode and say, like, put in your phone as a reminder, women versus men. When their spouses die, who is most likely to get remarried? I guarantee you it's men.

[Alex]

I guarantee I'll look this up right now. Do it.

[John]

Men. Men are much more likely to remarry relatively quickly, often within 18 months after the death of their partner, while women are much slower to remarry a partner, if they do so at all.

[Alex]

Was that from my journal?

[John]

Sage something.

[Alex]

Is that from Women are the Best dot com? That's not A, you know, dude, it's the first thing that came up.org is that dot org.

[John]

It's a dot org. It's a peer reviewed article. Abstract, conclusion, study references like come at me. It's literally, it's just known like, you can't just because you wouldn't remarry. Which I. You know what, you say that you wouldn't, but I really feel like you might.

[Alex]

I can't do it again. You're exhausting. There's just no way.

[John]

It's funny because thinking now that like we have a kid along the way, like about the death of you, I'm like, oh my God, I'd be alone. I'm like, I guess I'd have a kid to raise still. Because I was like, oh, I would adopt like at least three more dogs. Just live in the house alone.

[Alex]

But you know, the only reason I'm giving you, like, I'm just too lazy to look up my own research, John.

[John]

Look it up.

[Alex]

You want article, look it up.

[John]

You were just too lazy to look at the fucking terminal that our flight was out of too. And that caused problems.

[Alex]

So next question.

[John]

Here we are. My boyfriend of three years recently told me that he doesn't consider kissing other girls on the lips while playing drinking games cheating. This is a topic we never discussed before because I did not even think that someone at 28 years old would still be playing these things when going out.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

He says that now that he knows how it makes me feel, he will try to avoid the situation.

[Alex]

What a idiot.

[John]

Am I the asshole for feeling bad about this? Am I being too jealous with my actions?

[Alex]

No, you're not.

[John]

Is your boyfriend in high school fucking idiot? Maybe he was stunted.

[Alex]

No, no, no. This is him being like, oh, like better to ask for forgiveness and permission.

[John]

That this was a boundary for us. But. So now I'll try and spin the bottle. I can't make any promises. Yeah, or like, what games?

[Alex]

It's definitely spin the bottle. All right, Monica, you and me, seven.

[John]

Minutes in heaven, people.

[Alex]

What? What a idiot. Get rid of him. Get rid of him.

[John]

We'll keep these answers short and sweet. Get rid of him.

[Alex]

No, because seriously, I can imagine what else he's saying that too, like, oh.

[John]

I didn't know I wasn't supposed to stick my penis in her. Yeah, I didn't know that would make you mad.

[Alex]

You mean I'm not supposed to leave my dishes on the table after I use them?

[John]

Or like, I'm always cleanse.

[Alex]

What a fucking idiot are you for Real honestly, you should fucking throw punch him and then get rid of him.

[John]

I wouldn't be able to take this person seriously. Especially after three years of dating. You're almost three years. They've been together for three years.

[Alex]

How old are they?

[John]

He's 28.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. Run. Run away. Don't walk.

[John]

Next question. My fiance has just told me he doesn't want to get married anymore. A week after my family paid the first. First deposit for the venue. He says we are still engaged and he still wants to get married eventually, but thinks we have some things to deal with before that happens.

[Alex]

That ship has settled.

[John]

I don't know if I'm just being dramatic about it, but I was devastated and don't really know if I can move forward with him. Part of me thinks, okay, after everything this was my last straw and I'm done. Then the other half of me says maybe we can move past it. Obviously I love the guy, but are we just taking the piss now? What would you do?

[Alex]

I think he's doing you a favor.

[John]

I agree. I would look at my relationship as a whole and be like, if he. If he previously wanted to commit to me and no longer feels that he can move forward because we have things to work past.

[Alex]

Why do you never bring it up in the. To begin with.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

In the beginning.

[John]

What. What changed? And. And maybe you have to reflect. Don't look at. I think your ego can get in the way a lot of times here when the other person is the one to like, be like, I don't want this. You know, you could be like, why? And you kind of want what you can't have mentality. It's definitely hit to your ego. But this is a time take your ego out of it and be like, do. Am I really happy in this relationship? Are things really working for me? That's the best way, I think, to move forward in this and make a decision.

[Alex]

I just. Like, now he's. Now he's involving and affecting other people than just you.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Too. Which is annoying.

[John]

Also deposit. We made a deposit and then one week later pulled it. And then they were. They gave it back to us. Because if it's only like one week later. So get. Try to get it back now. If you wait longer. But you should be able to get it back.

[Alex]

It's not like they didn't keep that money.

[John]

Well, yeah. It was her family. Why would.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Her family better keep that money.

[Alex]

Yeah. I just think. I mean, you might be dodging a bullet here. So.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Figure out Definitely. Why? I wonder what his reasoning. What is that's going on?

[John]

What are the issues? Are they.

[Alex]

Because you might be able to just read right through if it's bullshit. If he's like, well, you know, we've been, you know, arguing lately, but like, have you been, you know, just making up.

[John]

The deposit is generally given a year or so in advance. Like, I'm sure you have at least a few more months until your wedding. What can you not work out? Like, you either see your life with someone or you don't. It shouldn't be confusing, you know, or.

[Alex]

You don't when you know, you know, like this whole cold feet thing.

[John]

You shouldn't feel cold feet. Like, choose marrying you was one of the easiest seamless.

[Alex]

Unless you were pressuring. Were you pressuring this. This marriage, like, to push for this wedding? Because, you know, I guess I could see someone's viewpoint if they're like so comfortable where they're at. I know it's like out the pot, but if, like, if you're pushing someone to do something, maybe they don't have the courage to say anything until the last minute. I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

[John]

I just think you have to look inward and be like, am I really happy in this relationship overall, minus this one thing that, like, he's now put a wrench into things. Like, of course it's shitty for someone to be like, I don't want to marry you, but to your point, he could be doing you a favor.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

In the long run. Next question. I recently got married to my boyfriend of seven years and relocated to where his job was to start a new life together. While living together, I found out by snooping through his phone that he's been on a dating app for a few months prior to our marriage. Approaching girls, calling and texting them, et cetera. He claims he stopped after we got married. But to add salt to the wound, I also found out that he hooked up with a sex worker around a year before we got married, while we were still actively dating. He says he hasn't done anything since we got married and it's only been a few months since we were married, so we should give it a shot at the very least. He hasn't done anything of this sort before, but I honestly don't know what to do. I really enjoy his company, but I'm not sure if that's enough. I've always been very loyal, so I can't stomach the fact alone.

[Alex]

I can't believe you're Asking this question.

[John]

However, having just been so much on a wedding and uprooting my whole life, moving here, it seems so inconvenient to move. But then I'm also convinced. Once cheater, always a cheater. What do you guys think? You can't be inconvenienced to move. How about being inconvenienced to get a divorce in four years, five years, one life.

[Alex]

I mean, people try to justify things. I mean like, I rather be broke, poor.

[John]

He only admitted to this because he got caught. It's not like he came to you and was like, by the way, I have to tell you that I slept with a sex worker last year and I've been on these dating apps. You caught him. Of course he's gonna say, I haven't done it since and I won't do it again. What? Why are you doing it in the first place?

[Alex]

I just feel bad for people who have like such low self esteem and like confidence in themselves to like. And they're scared of change or moving on. Like, man, just when you, when you wrote this question, just like reading, read it to yourself. Like all these things you're trying to like find a reason to just try to stay with this person. Like it's over. This person, he's terrible. He's a terrible person. God forbid he's with a sex worker. You better go get tested. You know, I don't know, like he could be. The fact that he literally can be physically causing you harm and he wasn't fourth and he didn't care about it. He still did something like that. That's crazy. That's just one part. Emotionally, mentally, like he's with you.

[John]

Yeah, he doesn't respect you, but you have to respect yourself enough at this point to walk away regardless of how inconvenient moving is.

[Alex]

I do, I feel so bad for like the good guys out there. Cuz there are a lot of good guys, but they just don't have confidence. But there's so many guys that like want to be in a relationship and just like be happy with someone. And then there's these, that land these women and ruin their lives. And it's just also women. There's shitty, horrible, shitty women out there. It's just like crazy that.

[John]

But again, I think once you, once someone shows you who they are, believe them. Like I do think that there's instances and where you could be forgiven. But it's, it's like, what is the case here? Did he come to you and admit. No, he got caught and it's it sounds like a pattern of things. Like, he's been on these dating apps. He hooked up with people before you. It's just like. Or while you were together. It doesn't equate to a good person who you want to be married to. And also, it's not like you guys have kids. Yeah, you were dating for seven years, but, like, get out of it now. No love lost. Bye.

[Alex]

Stop drinking the punch and leave. And leave. Get out.

[John]

Question. My fiance and I have a really close friend that we spend time with weekly playing outdoor games cards, and have become very close for years. We will call him Joe. Well, late at night, on Christmas, my fiance's cousin told us that if Joe comes to our wedding and she and her entire family will not be coming. She said 15 years ago, when she and Joe were in high school, they were drinking and something happened. She did not elaborate other than saying he is a creep and a piece of shit. She threatened that there would be massive drama if Joe was at our wedding. Joe is married with a kid and has never done anything for us to believe firsthand that he is a creep. We have not heard any other stories. I want to be sympathetic to my fiance's cousin's feelings, but does this mean we cannot invite one of our best friends to our own wedding? This cousin has really put us in a shitty position and I don't know what to do. Do we just let it play out? Neither option feels right in the old gut. I'm so confused.

[Alex]

Please help say something. Be like, what's his name? Joe. Joe, did you. His cousin. Did you do something to her cousin? Because if somebody hates someone that much and I had this person around me or my family or anything, like, I want to know what it is. What's the truth behind it, what happened? Because if he did something, that guy.

[John]

But you also want to address this with the cousin. Like, if the cousin isn't telling you what happened and just, I would be honest with her and be like, hey, I understand that something happened with you guys, but you have to give me a little bit of context to understand. You don't have to tell me everything, but he's one of our really good friends. Friends. And I don't feel comfortable not inviting him because of some vague story.

[Alex]

She can't tell you to do something without giving you context. Be like, like, if this is such a problem, then tell me what it is.

[John]

Right? I think she, like, I'm not just.

[Alex]

Gonna go off of this hunch from you.

[John]

Or like, yeah, you know, this Vague story. I just think again and it's her experience with him that she might not feel comfortable. But also telling her you also her.

[Alex]

Being like, and if he comes, then me and the rest of the family. Does the rest of the family know something?

[John]

So you're the only one out of the never known. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.

[Alex]

Why? It's her fiance's family, right?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Does your fiance. If the whole family knows. Okay, okay. Now I'm wondering if the whole family knows, then why doesn't the fiance is the only one who doesn't know? And how. How did they become friends? Have they been. Been friends since they all were in high school?

[John]

Lots of questions.

[Alex]

Now I'm wondering. I need a little more.

[John]

But that's what I'm saying. You can't just. I wouldn't just not invite one of my best friends because someone was like, I hate that person. I can't respect them. Something happened to me.

[Alex]

Just put a hold on it for now. Get more information.

[John]

I'd be like, what happened? You don't have to go into detail. I don't need to know your exact trauma, but I need some context. Like, is this someone I should even be friends with?

[Alex]

Does it rhyme with grape? If it rhymes with grape, there's a conversation.

[John]

Does it rhyme with schmexual salt, anything? You just need to know those things.

[Alex]

I feel you could have came up.

[John]

With a better come up with something, John.

[Alex]

Textual.

[John]

Actually it's not too bad be false.

[Alex]

And we're laughing about something terrible.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

Yeah. Next question.

[John]

None of that is funny. Get. Go to the police.

[Alex]

Why go to the police. Or it's two. It's 15 years statute of limitations. What?

[John]

I just. Also, if that happened like this, this cousin probably knows that you're friends. Why would this have. I'd be like, if I was a cousin and I had this experience with someone who my close cousin was friends with, I'd be like, don't be friends with that person. But years before they begin, I would.

[Alex]

Start asking my husband fiance, like, do you know something you're not telling me about Joe?

[John]

I don't understand.

[Alex]

Why does he not know about Joe?

[John]

Right?

[Alex]

There's a lot of questions. We could just. We could just like lawyer. Like there's not a court case this.

[John]

Whole thing Detective John.

[Alex]

I'd be like, what do you think, cousin? What other family members know? Why doesn't your. Your cousin, the one I'm marrying know also? Why are you threatening. Why are you threatening me? First off, that's What I don't like. And if I, if you invite him, then I'm not going. Not only am I not going to, I'm not. I'm. I'm gonna make sure the rest of the family doesn't go, but I'm not.

[John]

Gonna tell you why.

[Alex]

15 years ago.

[John]

We have questions and you need answers. And I. You can't make decisions.

[Alex]

This either went one of two ways. He did something horrible to her or he turned her down.

[John]

Yeah, I don't, I don't know. We don't know.

[Alex]

People are fudgeing, petty. It's one or the other something horrible or something.

[John]

And you know what we don't want to do here? Assume. Next question.

[Alex]

Kind of. Because that's what we do.

[John]

Well, we're not assuming like either way is what I'm saying. Okay, next question. Should I attend my sister's wedding? Less than one month postpartum. I'm due June 18th with my first child. We found out that I was pregnant back in October. I immediately told my sister, knowing that she was playing planning a June wedding. Even though she wasn't engaged yet, she was still planning the wedding. Although she was happy for me, she was also upset because I couldn't wait one more month to get pregnant. I struggled with fertility issues, so we were thrilled to get pregnant and didn't even think about the timeline. She reluctantly moved her wedding to July. The whole wedding has been rushed. They haven't even known each other for over a year and she's pissed about having to move the wedding back and acted like she did me a big favor by doing this. I get that it's her big day, but I told her to make it whenever she wants, but to understand that there's a chance I won't be able to make it. Her wedding is across the country and driving 24 plus hours with a newborn just isn't feasible. I also don't really want to expose this new human to all the germs on an airplane. My husband is willing to stay home with the baby, but I'm not sure he understands what he's getting himself into. Plus, with breastfeeding, one month isn't enough time to store enough food for two to three days. Also, am I really going to want to leave my newborn that early? Her wedding venue is a good two hour drive from the nearest airport, so it would be at least a two to three day trip. My entire family thinks that I'm the asshole if I miss this wedding. What are your thoughts?

[Alex]

I'm just like adults are Just big kids, which is not even such fudgeing.

[John]

I feel like babies have more grace than some adults. It's like, are you for fucking real? You cannot travel with a newborn until they're what, three to four months? Like they're.

[Alex]

You can't even fly. No, last what, two, three months, babes.

[John]

Like, you're still healing at one month.

[Alex]

After your hoo ha's bleeding, from what I read. Or your butthole. There's a lot of bleeding.

[John]

Keep telling me what else is going to be bleeding, John.

[Alex]

I'm just saying, I read about it. They got the diaper, the, the. You wear a brief, it depends or whatever with the cold pack to cool down your hoo ha. Right. Am I wrong?

[John]

I mean, if you have a vaginal delivery, she might have a C section, you're still in diapers, you can't walk.

[Alex]

For two days or something.

[John]

Either way, you're not going to be feeling at least I don't know yet. But I don't imagine that you're going to be feeling up to traveling that far. Four weeks postpartum. I think you're good. If your family gives you fucking shit, let them. You know, isn't that they're. Mel Robbins, she's like a self help, like, you know, business guru.

[Alex]

She's blonde hair with glasses. I like her.

[John]

But she'll like come up with these like one liners.

[Alex]

She makes it simple. She simple breaks things.

[John]

Very simple. But she, she has like this one saying that she says where it's like, let them. If people are going to give you shit about not doing something that is a boundary or that you physically can't do, let them give you shit. That's on them. It's not on you. Live your life. Like, who cares? Like you're. You're still sisters with your sister. You could still support her in every way that you can. It's just the timing for this doesn't line up. And yeah, it's unfortunate. I'm sure you would love to be there. But like, you're welcoming a new child into your life. There's what you're. When you're weighing the.

[Alex]

You have to do what's important for you.

[John]

Yeah. And right now it's going to be your health, your baby's health and getting your family together.

[Alex]

They'll get over it. It's a fort. Your family's going to give you shit for it, but you have to do what's good for you and your family.

[John]

Yeah. Congratulations.

[Alex]

Yeah. That's what they should be saying.

[John]

Yeah. Congratulations and best of luck with everything. I hope you have a healthy baby. Next question. My wife and I have been together as a couple for almost nine years. We have a pretty great healthy marriage. Except one thing that bothers me sometimes. She and her friends are extremely close. Like, I think closer than any other female friendship I've seen before.

[Alex]

I doubt it.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

Highly fucking doubt.

[John]

I noticed about a year ago that whenever we. Or she goes out with her friends and they get drunk, she kisses her friends. Sometimes it's little pecks on the lips for pictures, which is fine by me, but sometimes they kiss for no reason. Sometimes they just straight make out passionately. And I'm just sitting there watching, like, does anybody know that I'm here? I don't get bothered if they kiss sometimes, but the passionate making out, especially right in front of me, seems disrespectful. I haven't said anything about it because I don't want to trigger a fight, but sometimes it just seems a little excessive and weird. Am I the asshole?

[Alex]

I take that.

[John]

Yeah, just wait.

[Alex]

I take. Take it back. If I saw you make it out with some chick, do I technically get to fight her?

[John]

That's very college behavior. And that's. I don't want to be like, ageist here, but how old are you? You know, like, if I'm married, I'm not making out with my friends. Like, I'm close with my friends too. Like, yeah, we've shared kisses, but making out when you're married is just.

[Alex]

They're like spitting food back in each other's mouth.

[John]

No, you don't have to, like, make it weird. John, put your tongue back your mouth. I just think it is crossing the line for me, personally. I don't know. I think this is something that you obviously have to address with your wife and just say, hey, this makes me.

[Alex]

Doesn't matter who you are. You shouldn't be making out with other people uncomfortable unless you both are okay with it. I just feel like we always have to give that disclaimer if someone's like, well, what if I'm in a poly Molly relationship? Or a Molly. Whatever they are. There's like bi poly, right?

[John]

Like, unless it's okay if you have that.

[Alex]

If you both are agreeing to terms, right?

[John]

If that. If those are the boundaries in your marriage that you're okay with to hang out with other people, fabulous. But if. If it's not something that you're okay with. Yes, you have to have a conversation with your wife about it.

[Alex]

If something just Bottom line, if one person's doing something the other person in the relationship doesn't agree with, there needs to be a conversation. You. Communication. Communication.

[John]

Communication is priority.

[Alex]

It's key. You guys got to be on the same page.

[John]

Maybe this is kind of like what the guy in the first question was doing. Maybe he's just making out with his friends and he's like, I thought that's okay.

[Alex]

They didn't communicate either. Apparently.

[John]

He's like, that's. Oh, I didn't know that that was a problem. Maybe. And again, maybe your wife doesn't know or think that it's a problem. So in.

[Alex]

Come on. People have to be some sort of self awareness. Like, there's no.

[John]

It's not like she's kissing other dudes, though. Like, these are her friends.

[Alex]

I just think people are trying to, like, they're just crossing the line just a little bit. Little bit, Little bit. Be like, how much can I get away with? Like, that's like acceptable to me.

[John]

Like, friendship kisses in the forms of pecs are like endearing or whatever. Like, fan, like, I don't know, very cute and can be just like friendly. But making out with your friends, out in public in front of your husband, to me is attention seeking. I'm like, unless you have a sexual attraction towards. I just don't. Yeah, I don't know that I would ever disrespect you in that way. And again, that's just me personally.

[Alex]

Either way, you're making out with someone. What if she was making out with a dude? How would you feel? It's the same thing whether it's a female or a male. Like, it's up.

[John]

I think it's just a conversation that you have to say that you are uncomfortable with.

[Alex]

How are you not agreeing that it's not up? I'm just saying if you're not.

[John]

Okay, well, I don't think that it's the same, like, I think, how is it not the same me making like.

[Alex]

Oh, if you were. If you were two lesbians and you're.

[John]

Well, is she bi?

[Alex]

You don't know, Right?

[John]

So that's what I'm saying. It just depends on her preferences. She's married to a man, so she was making out with another dude. I do think that's different than her kissing one of her friends that she's been friends with for years.

[Alex]

It's not just a kiss, it's a make out.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

It's not like an endearment kiss.

[John]

All I'm saying is, like, it's still, it's a little bit different.

[Alex]

I don't see, I don't.

[John]

Making out with some stranger say, she.

[Alex]

Has a dude best friend. Okay, she's a dude best friend, she has a girl best friend and she's making out with both of them the same way.

[John]

Yeah. I mean, if you're looking at it like very black and white, like shirts, you need to. But I'm like, I do think it's a little different. I. I'm not saying it's right. Either way, I'm not agreeing and being like, yeah, she should be.

[Alex]

If I was the guy in this situation. Be like that. That right there will show you that it's not okay because you would lose your mind if it was a dude.

[John]

Either way, if it's not okay with you, you'd have to just.

[Alex]

I guess we're agreeing, but I'm just.

[John]

Saying we're just arguing me with me for the sake of it. Okay, next question. Am I the asshole for selling concert tickets that my friends gave me money to buy for them after they ignored me for six months? For context, we were a group of friends where I was always the single one. When I met my boyfriend, now husband, they all started being mean and unstable supportive and I felt isolated because I was no longer available to them as the always their single friend. In my attempt to show that I was still useful to this friendship. When they were unable to get concert tickets because of system issues, I offered to get it for them and they paid me money for it. Six months go by and I do not hear from them at all whilst they're all having parties with other mutual friends and blatantly excluding me. Two months before the concert, they unfriended me on Facebook. So I sold their tickets. The week of the concert, they contacted me to meet to collect their concert tickets. I replied that I had sold them and asked for banking details and refunded their money. Of course, they called me all sorts of names because they were counting on me for those tickets to a sold out concert. But I feel like I was counting on them to not be asshole friends. Am I the asshole? It's been three years and I still think about it.

[Alex]

Oh, wow, so you are actually going to reimburse in the money.

[John]

She said it wasn't until they reached out to collect their concert tickets that she was like, I sold.

[Alex]

No, no. They wanted to go to the concert like a week before they were planning.

[John]

On going to the concert.

[Alex]

Them, no. And also I would have doubled down and be like, I don't have the tickets anymore, and I would have kept the money like you. But what's really going on? Did you.

[John]

That's my question. Here is like, the one thing that stood out to me is you say, in my attempt to show that I was still useful to the friendship, you got concert tickets. Like, if I'm trying to maintain a friendship with a group or with an individual, my attempt at being useful is not going to be by, like, an act of service. It's going to be like creating a connection, like quality time. Like, how there's so much more that makes an individual useful to a friendship than just, like, I can get you these concert tickets. Like, I just think that that is a cheap way to be. Like, I did something. And I'm not, not saying that you didn't do other things or that they weren't reciprocating, but I just don't think that this was a solid attempt from your end or their end to keep this relationship going. And so for you to get annoyed about how it was going down the road, were you surprised? Like, what? I. I just think that there should have been other conversations, other things done. Like, I wouldn't have even given them. I wouldn't have even gone out of my way to give them the concert tickets if that was the bare minimum of what you were going to do.

[Alex]

I just think there's more going on. Exactly. I'm like, I'm wondering what made that friendship slip, even though that's not really the question you're asking. Because let's just go off. Doesn't matter. Let's just go off with the question is. And the.

[John]

Basically, you're not friended you on Facebook. That would be fucking annoying. But I would tell them. Then I'd be like, hey, clearly, like, here's your tickets. Take it or leave it. I don't know that I would just sell them and not tell them because.

[Alex]

They paid you when you bought the tickets. How long between when you bought the tickets?

[John]

Six months. It says go by.

[Alex]

They had plenty of time to reach out for the refund or like.

[John]

Or for.

[Alex]

For the. Or for the.

[John]

Or for the tickets in general. And that's true.

[Alex]

No, I wouldn't just. I don't know how your friendship ended or. Or what kind of friend you were to them. But just based on what you're saying, no, I wouldn't give a. If it's just they're the terrible ones.

[John]

Correct.

[Alex]

If they are.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

But I wouldn't necessarily call you the. Was this petty? Sure.

[Alex]

No, I Don't think it's petty either. Because she also was like, I will give you. Give me your bank info and I'll send you the money. Like, six months went by.

[John]

No, no. But, like, I think the adult mature response would be, went before you sold them was to be like, hey, we're not going to this together. Like, I'm going to sell your tickets. Do you want them or do you want me to refund you the money? Because I'm going to sell them.

[Alex]

Fine. Sure.

[John]

I think you. That's the adult way. That's what I'm saying. Like, this was petty. Did they deserve it? Maybe. But, like, you know, I think asshole could be a strong word. It's also been three years. Who cares? Like, at this point, but because she.

[Alex]

Probably wishes she, like in that. If I was looking at that situation, that's something that happened to me. I think. I wish I did something worse.

[John]

This is just, like, the difference between the both of us. I'm like, I'm not here to ruffle any feathers. This friendship has died. You unfriended me. I'd be like, hey, I have these tickets. I'm gonna refund them. I'm gonna sell them. Do you want your money back or no?

[Alex]

Too much. Too much mental head space.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. I just think again, like, there needs to be more communication between relationships other than just like, a little, you know, I'm buying a concert ticket, and then we don't talk for six months. Like, those weren't your friends.

[Alex]

Okay, next question.

[John]

Next question.

[Alex]

I'm sorry, I'm fading. I'm fading.

[John]

All right, last one, John. You can get through it. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have two kids together. He has a female friend that calls Him.

[Alex]

No.

[John]

Him.

[Alex]

No.

[John]

And they call and they play Call of Duty together all the time. They used to work together, and after work, they would game. About a year ago, we got into two big arguments. It bothers me that she is always calling and texting him. They don't work together anymore, but they still play the game and are constantly texting and calling. He's aware that I don't like that. It boils my blood. He says that they're just friends and that I'm being insecure. I've made him aware that I feel like he's giving her more attention than me. He has even put a lock on his phone. He does have other female friends, and I'm cool with them because I've seen them, talk with them, and even hung out with Them. But with her, none of that. Am I being insecure?

[Alex]

What do you mean? He put a lock on his phone.

[John]

Like a passcode.

[Alex]

Like, you didn't have one before?

[John]

No. Maybe. Maybe she knew it and he changed it.

[Alex]

You're married. Get that passcode either. I don't like any of these secrets in marriages and people who defend that. I'm like, shut up.

[John]

Also knowing how much, like, fun you have with your Call of Duty bros that you play with if. And again, I don't want to be like, oh, you can't game with other girls. But it's outside of the game that, like, the calling and the texting and this other relationship that you're not a part of. And we had spoken about this in, like, a few episodes ago about, like, female friendships, male friendships.

[Alex]

They need to be involved with you.

[John]

Yeah. It's just when you're not included. How are you supposed to trust when he's keeping you out of this. This friendship that he claims that they're just friends. Well, then why can't I be involved? Like, what? Why? Why can't I have.

[Alex]

I'll just talk on the call. The Call of Duty aspect of this is, like, I talk to those guys more than I talk to two of them I never even met.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

But. And I've been playing with these guys for, like, three, four years now. I talk to them more than I talk to, like, my other friends.

[John]

You, like, built those relationships like, you're closer with them now. Like, a few of the friends, first people that we saw when we came back here was, like, your Call of Duty.

[Alex]

I know, but you, like, learn about people because you're talking and playing. You're doing for hours, guys, don't I? Well, I don't talk like that with people ever. You know, but just so it just happens naturally when you're doing that. But, like, even outside now, we have a text group and we text and all that stuff. So it's like, I get it. You get involved.

[John]

It's like a friend group. Yeah, completely. So I don't think you're being insecure. I think it's a boundary that your husband is crossing, especially him changing his passcode or locking his phone again. What do you have to hide? Because I'm not. I don't have the urge to go through someone's phone unless there's a reason. Like, I've never felt like I'd had to snoop through your phone. I have access to all of your info if I wanted it, and I have it. But, like, I'm like, I don't.

[Alex]

I'm just going to take this moment to say, john, Chris, Drew, Matt, Tom, you all suck. I'm the best COD player. Okay.

[John]

You think they listen?

[Alex]

I'm gonna take a short clip of this and send it to them. Fuck those guys.

[John]

Okay. But yeah, if I didn't have your. Your passcode to your phone, I'd be like, that's a red flag. What are you. What are you hiding from me? Yeah, I don't think you're being insecure. I think your husband is being a little shady bitch.

[Alex]

I mean, he could correct this, though. He can. You know, as far as get this girl involved with you, I don't know, something like. It doesn't have to be, you know, just talk to him about it.

[John]

Like, John doesn't want me playing Call of Duty. Not because he's afraid I'm gonna, like, meet a guy he's.

[Alex]

I would love for you to play.

[John]

He's afraid because I'm gonna beat his ass.

[Alex]

I'm not afraid of that.

[John]

100.

[Alex]

It's torture watching you play. It's.

[John]

Are you torture?

[Alex]

You're, like, looking up at the ceiling.

[John]

That is shooting the ground.

[Alex]

You killed one person because you more than. I actually ran over them with the car. Okay.

[John]

You act like I don't know how to navigate that.

[Alex]

I was saying, just a big Halo.

[John]

Player back in the day. You have to ask. It's the same controls, my sister.

[Alex]

Nothing has changed.

[John]

Call of Duty is more joystick. And like, you can't teabag in Call of Duty.

[Alex]

Yes, you can.

[John]

Can you?

[Alex]

Yeah, you can squat.

[John]

Is it the same?

[Alex]

Yeah, it's the.

[John]

The joystick.

[Alex]

No, your joystick is like a melee move.

[John]

Exactly.

[Alex]

You know that. No, because you do that in Halo.

[John]

No, in. In.

[Alex]

It doesn't matter.

[John]

You. You do it with the joystick.

[Alex]

Doesn't matter. Your nerds coming out?

[John]

I haven't.

[Alex]

Was that it?

[John]

Was that the last in years? Yeah, that's it. But I do have secrets if you want. Should I read one?

[Alex]

I read one secret.

[John]

Okay, There's. We'll have some for the next week then. I can't believe I'm even typing this, because I have never told anyone. Warning. Tmi. Back when I was in college, I hooked up with a guy that I had known for about a year. While highly intoxicating, I ended up staying over. And when I woke up, there was blood everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Pause for dramatic effect.

[Alex]

Vagina.

[John]

Like you were supposed to pause for dramatic effects and you just Filled that dead space with vagina. Apparently I started my period while fooling around and it got on everything, including his hands, which caused it to be on the pillow, the headboard, etc, I ended up bolting. When he woke up the next morning, he texted me about it and I completely denied everything and said I have no idea what he's talking about. And said maybe he got a bloody nose in the night or something. Needless to say, we never talked again. And after that, I just hoped he believed it was his own issues.

[Alex]

That's kind of. If I was the guy, I'd be like, did I kill someone?

[John]

Yeah. What happened?

[Alex]

Did something happen? It could at least happen.

[John]

I mean, I've been in that situation before, but not specifically. Like I was in a relationship and I'm like, oh, no, right. I wasn't as wet as I thought I was. But yeah, it's not fun, especially, I mean, I don't know what I would have done in that situation. That guy's probably like, yeah, like, did I kill her?

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[John]

That's a good secret.

[Alex]

Oh, goodness. Review time.

[John]

Okay, we also have to continue our band aids. Our band aids.

[Alex]

I know our laptop's injured.

[John]

She actually is injured. She's really slow.

[Alex]

I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna read one. So busy listening. Forgot to leave a review. I'm assuming petite to beat. 5 stars. The review says it all. I've been binging on those episodes ever since I discovered their podcast and love their sense of humor on social media and especially on the podcast. Alex does such a good job trying to explore beyond her perspective. And John does a good job of anchoring in their married perspective though. Yeah, he doesn't always listen, seemingly. Lol. Amazing podcast. And congrats on the big life change. Love you guys both so much.

[John]

Thank you. That was a great review.

[Alex]

I gotta do a little more than that, but you know, that's fine, John.

[John]

Like, you always get more credit. That was very nice. Thank you so much, guys.

[Alex]

Thank you for tuning in. Like, subscribe email comment.

[John]

If you have any questions, you could email us at. Hello, give it me tome straight podcast dot com. You can find us on the socials at. Give it to me Straight podcast pretty much everywhere. And if you want to submit an anonymous question, you could do so at the link in our bio or the show notes. We will see you next week.

[Alex]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye.