50. Giving you paternity tests, creepy bosses, and gender reveals

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight - Episode 50: Giving you paternity tests, creepy bosses, and gender reveals

Release Date: May 1, 2024
Hosts: Alex and John from Dear Media

Episode Description:
In Episode 50 of "Give It To Me Straight," Alex and John delve into a variety of unfiltered and candid topics ranging from workplace boundaries and tipping etiquette to personal relationship dynamics and exciting family news. With their trademark honesty, they provide insightful advice and share personal anecdotes that resonate with listeners navigating similar life challenges.

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1. Personal Updates and Lighthearted Banter

The episode kicks off with Alex and John engaging in their usual friendly banter, discussing minor household woes and personal health updates. Alex mentions a tweak to her knee from moving furniture, highlighting her resilience despite undergoing three knee surgeries in the past.

Notable Quote:

• Alex [00:50]: "My back's better, but I tweaked my knee moving furniture with your brother yesterday..."
• John [01:15]: "How many surgeries have you had on that knee? Three. Yay."

This segment sets a relaxed tone, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and openness about their personal lives.

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2. Listener Question: Handling a Creepy Boss

Question Overview:
A listener shares an uncomfortable experience where her boss invited her to his hotel room for a drink. After rejecting his advances, their professional relationship became strained. She seeks advice on whether to stay in her job or move on.

Hosts’ Discussion: Alex and John dissect the situation, emphasizing the inappropriateness of the boss's invitation. They stress the importance of setting boundaries and considering reporting the behavior to HR to maintain a professional environment.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [19:04]: "I'm not going to assume... She said hotel room."
• John [22:22]: "If something happens, go to HR."

Advice Given:

• Maintain professional boundaries.
• Document any inappropriate behavior.
• Consider involving HR to address the issue formally.
• Evaluate whether the workplace environment is conducive to your well-being.

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3. Listener Question: Tipping in Service Industries

Question Overview:
A listener debates whether to tip employees at fast-casual or fast-food restaurants, contrasting it with tipping practices at sit-down establishments.

Hosts’ Discussion: Alex and John discuss the ethics and practicality of tipping across different service settings. They acknowledge that while tipping at fast-paced venues isn’t mandatory, showing appreciation can positively impact service workers who often rely on tips due to low base wages.

Notable Quotes:

• John [24:47]: "At a sit-down restaurant, your server is doing more work than just grabbing a cookie..."
• Alex [25:36]: "I think you should tip either way. I just don't agree on percentages."

Advice Given:

• Tip generously in sit-down restaurants where servers provide more personalized service.
• At fast-casual or fast-food establishments, tipping isn't obligatory but offering a small tip can still support workers.
• Recognize the hard work of service employees regardless of the setting.

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4. Listener Question: Friends with Benefits Boundaries

Question Overview:
A recently divorced woman became friends with benefits with an old friend. After bringing him donuts at his workplace, he felt violated, leading her to question the boundaries of their arrangement.

Hosts’ Discussion: Alex and John explore the complexities of maintaining boundaries in casual relationships, especially when actions may inadvertently cross agreed limits. They emphasize the importance of clear communication and respecting each other's comfort zones.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [28:27]: "After his words, even though you thought this was a small gesture, you stepped outside the boundary..."
• John [29:12]: "Do you owe him an apology?"

Advice Given:

• Reevaluate and clearly define boundaries to prevent misunderstandings.
• Apologize if an action unintentionally oversteps agreed limits.
• Have open conversations to ensure both parties are comfortable and on the same page.

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5. Listener Question: Being Choosable in the Dating Scene

Question Overview:
A 25-year-old man studying computer science feels unattractive and is uncertain whether to prioritize gym membership or dental care to enhance his appeal in the dating market.

Hosts’ Discussion: Alex and John debate the merits of physical self-improvement versus building inner confidence. While acknowledging the importance of health and appearance, they conclude that self-confidence plays a pivotal role in attractiveness.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [31:30]: "Gym is like longevity, your health."
• John [32:36]: "Confidence... how you present yourself is so much more attractive."

Advice Given:

• Focus on activities that build both physical health and self-confidence.
• Prioritize what aligns best with your personal goals and financial situation.
• Remember that inner confidence and how you perceive yourself significantly impact your attractiveness to others.

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6. Listener Question: Parenting in a Blended Family

Question Overview:
A listener expresses concern that her boyfriend isn't making enough effort to connect with her 11-year-old son, despite their familial dynamics and past attempts.

Hosts’ Discussion: The hosts highlight the importance of mutual effort in blended families. They discuss strategies for fostering relationships between partners and children, emphasizing patience and genuine attempts to connect.

Notable Quotes:

• John [52:11]: "The way someone treats the people you love is a telling factor about who they truly are."
• Alex [52:23]: "He needs to put more effort in."

Advice Given:

• Encourage open dialogue about expectations and desires for family relationships.
• Find common interests or activities that can facilitate bonding.
• Understand that building relationships takes time and consistent effort from all parties involved.

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7. Listener Question: Privacy Concerns with Security Cameras at Home

Question Overview:
A listener discovers a security camera pointed at the living area of her home installed by her husband without her knowledge. She feels uncomfortable and uncertain about whether to confront him.

Hosts’ Discussion: Alex and John address the breach of trust such an action represents. They emphasize the necessity of open communication in relationships and the unacceptability of surveilling a partner without consent.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [48:55]: "You need to talk to your husband about this."
• John [50:36]: "You need to have that communication."

Advice Given:

• Directly confront the partner about the discovery to understand their motives.
• Reestablish boundaries and expectations regarding privacy.
• Seek counseling if trust issues persist or escalate.

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8. Personal Announcement: Gender Reveal

Towards the end of the episode, Alex and John share the exciting news that they are expecting a baby boy, defying their initial belief influenced by a family member's prediction.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [56:09]: "It's a boy."
• John [59:02]: "We were really shocked to find out that it was a boy because we thought it was a girl."

Hosts’ Discussion: They recount the humorous and unexpected journey from believing they were having girls based on their grandmother's input to discovering they are welcoming a boy. This revelation adds a heartfelt and joyous note to the episode, celebrating the upcoming addition to their family.

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Conclusion

In Episode 50, Alex and John continue their tradition of delivering straightforward advice on diverse topics while interweaving personal stories that highlight their genuine relationship and evolving family dynamics. From navigating professional boundaries and ethical tipping to the joys and surprises of impending parenthood, the hosts offer a blend of practical guidance and relatable experiences that engage and support their audience.

Final Notable Quotes:

• Alex [60:13]: "We're pumped. It's a boy."
• John [60:45]: "Best of luck."

Stay tuned for the next episode as Alex and John continue to share their unfiltered perspectives on life's myriad challenges and triumphs.

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Connect with "Give It To Me Straight":

• Email: [e-mail]
• Socials: Follow @GiveItToMeStraightPodcast on your favorite platforms.
• Subscribe & Share: If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the podcast and share it with your friends!

Transcript

[Alex]

Why would you go to someone's hotel room that's not your friend?

[John]

Hotel room different. But it like if it wasn't the room exactly. And it was like the bar. Maybe it was to talk business.

[Alex]

We're not going to assume we're going to go off of that. She said hotel room.

[John]

She rejected him, though. And welcome back to Give It Me Straight.

[Alex]

I'm Alex and I am John.

[John]

And this is your gracious. Gracious.

[Alex]

Not sure why you didn't help me there, but that's okay.

[John]

We need to add some furniture in here or some like sound absorbing things at some point. At some point. One of the many things to do. How's your week, John?

[Alex]

So great. So great.

[John]

You're always hurting yourself.

[Alex]

My back's better, but I like tweaked my knee moving furniture with your brother yesterday. And like yesterday I felt I go, oh, okay, take it easy. And then today I'm like, I can't walk on my leg. So I'm hoping all that ibuprofen different.

[John]

From when you had surgeries all those times. How many surgeries have you had on that knee?

[Alex]

Three. Yeah, three. Three knee surgeries.

[John]

Nice.

[Alex]

Yay.

[John]

So you'll probably need a replacement at some point.

[Alex]

Of course. Yeah. My dad's had one. Your dad had one?

[John]

Wait, your dad had any replacement?

[Alex]

My dad had partial. Your dad had a full.

[John]

So gross.

[Alex]

My dad's legs weigh about 100 pounds each. They had to put probably heavy. Heavy duty titanium.

[John]

Right. Like your dad's partial is probably a normal person's fall.

[Alex]

It's like. Like an elephant. Like an elephant.

[John]

Oh, my gosh.

[Alex]

Total replacement.

[John]

I do want to just say thank you everyone to this, all the nice comments and the support from last week's episode. Obviously this is a challenging time, but we'll get through it. And to know that again, all the outreach and love, we just really appreciate it.

[Alex]

We're all, you know, we're all the same. We all go through and life is hard. Sometimes you can make lemons. Sometimes you get hit in the face with lemons, you know.

[John]

Sure. Great analogy.

[Alex]

What does Rocky say? It doesn't matter how many times you fall and matters that you get back up again.

[John]

Wow, John, you're going to write a book of inspirational quotes.

[Alex]

John Isms that don't make sense.

[John]

Don't cry over spilled beans or whatever. That one time.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, what did I say? I said you miss 100% of the shots. You don't shoot some.

[John]

I don't know. I can't keep up. With all of the wrong phrases. Pinterest quotes that you come up with.

[Alex]

So we're shooting this podcast in the morning.

[John]

Yes. Wait. Also, happy birthday to me. Your birthday's coming up.

[Alex]

That's right. Your birthday isn't today.

[John]

Well, it's Tuesday, so My birthday was Saturday. Happy birthday to me. I'm happy birthday to you.

[Alex]

You're an old hen. Old, beautiful hen.

[John]

Gonna be 40.

[Alex]

No, I'm not.

[John]

John's birthday is like. She loves two weeks after mine.

[Alex]

She loves saying, I'm turning 40.

[John]

You're turning how old? 30.

[Alex]

37.

[John]

That's actually my favorite number.

[Alex]

37.

[John]

That was my number on, like, soccer jerseys growing up.

[Alex]

Why was that your favorite number?

[John]

I think because I asked my dad. I was like, what? What's your favorite number? And he was like, seven. And then I was like, I have three siblings. I really don't know why I came up with that.

[Alex]

That is like a unique number.

[John]

Mine was seven because mine was 37. And then my sister because we were on the same team at some point. Hers was 73, so we would always just. I don't know why.

[Alex]

So cute.

[John]

Yeah. 37 was my number, so maybe good year ahead.

[Alex]

Wishful thinking.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What else?

[John]

What else is new?

[Alex]

Let's see. I almost got in a fight with. Would you think it was a teenager?

[John]

He had to be at least 21.

[Alex]

Something like that.

[John]

He was driving, so he was above the age of 16. 17.

[Alex]

Guy with a red Honda, almost. Alex is so funny. She just contradicts herself so much, and it's very conf. She wonders why I'm always confused. We're in the car, setting the scene. We are going to. We have to film something for a brand. We're driving to the destination. I'm getting on the entrance ramp to the highway.

[John]

I'm taking a nap, by the way.

[Alex]

Alex is asleep.

[John]

I'm asleep.

[Alex]

All of a sudden, I go. I'm like, what the. This guy's on my ass. The guy cuts in to the entrance ramp, and he's literally like a foot from the back of the car. And Alex wakes up from this. I wake up and I'm like, no, no, no, no. She goes, break, check him. Dead serious. Goes, brake, check. I'm like, okay. So I break check him.

[John]

Why do you listen to me? Like, I obviously came out because it's better to listen.

[Alex]

I'm not in a good place. I did hear you bitching at me for not doing something.

[John]

I was like, he's literally. I felt him, Alex. That my butthole.

[Alex]

Looks and she goes, break, check him. I'm like, okay. So I break check him. And I double down by being going, fudge. You like this angry driving just because we haven't been in the best headspace.

[John]

Road rage is not okay. This is.

[Alex]

So then Alex counters with, oh, man. Well, you probably shouldn't have done that. Like, you don't know if he's got a gun or whatever. I'm like, you're the one who told me to do it. And she's like, just be cool. Act time, whatever.

[John]

I'm like, be the bigger person, John.

[Alex]

So now we're on the. And he's losing his mind behind us. He's like screaming through the wind. She's like, you. You pull over, pull over. And I'm, you know, and antagonizing him. I'm like, I'm like, like, you jerking.

[John]

Off outside the window?

[Alex]

Yeah, basically. But, you know, I was going the speed limit. I was calm, cool, calm, collected. And Alex like, stop it, stop, stop it, guy. Which I'm waiting for. So I have my window down. Guy pulls up next to us and he's just giving it to me, right? I'm just deadpan staring at him. I'm not saying anything because Alex doesn't want me to say anything. And all of a sudden, from the corner of my eye, I see this hand go past me and it's Alex's middle finger. She's sticking her hand towards the window, being like, fuck you to this guy. And I think we were just like, didn't show him the emotion he wanted.

[John]

Well, we both, we didn't say anything. You just sat there and stared at him. I stared at him and then I just flashed him the finger.

[Alex]

And it wouldn't flash it to him. You held it there. You were just like fully committed, deadpan, like flicking him off.

[John]

Not my proudest moment.

[Alex]

And so he rolls up his windows and drove away.

[John]

We scared him.

[Alex]

I feel like we scared him. We. We were like, we have nothing.

[John]

Probably because we are. Our eyes were soulless at that point of the week that I was like, please try something.

[Alex]

What else can fudgeing happen? Like, let's go.

[John]

But that's the issue though, is like, you just. There's no reason to escalate.

[Alex]

Of course not.

[John]

Would not.

[Alex]

Which it would have. Alec, you did sign off on it. You initiated it.

[John]

Again, not my proudest moment. I don't think that's appropriate. I really am. I'm. I never get road rage, but I was woken up from my nap and I was not happy.

[Alex]

Just so funny to me.

[John]

And he's also a child. Like, get off my ass.

[Alex]

Like, you're technically adult. You're definitely in your early 20s.

[John]

Like, whatever. Just don't. Don't drive like that. And then you won't have to.

[Alex]

Ass.

[John]

Exactly. Like, just be kind on the road. He started it.

[Alex]

I never understood, like, what. What's your end game there? Like, did I actually pull over?

[John]

Go faster. Yeah.

[Alex]

And, like, punch someone.

[John]

But, like, people do get into physical altercations via road rage. It's not okay. There's something about it too, where it's like. Because there's a vehicle separating you that, like, you would never do that to someone if you were walking on the street.

[Alex]

Look at New York City. People are up your ass. I hate walking in the city.

[John]

But, like, because it's a person and you could see them, everyone's in a rush. You're not. You're not, like, flipping them off.

[Alex]

True. Because they don't have the security of their metal box around them. Yeah, I'm. I stand by my statement of I think everyone needs to get beat up once in their life.

[John]

John, I haven't been humbles.

[Alex]

You.

[John]

Do you still think I should get.

[Alex]

It just makes you not feel like you're invincible.

[John]

No. Answer my question. Do you still think that I need to?

[Alex]

Not right now. Not because you're pregnant, but.

[John]

I feel like life beats me up enough that I don't need to be physically beat up by another person.

[Alex]

I think physically, definitely different than mentally. For sure.

[John]

Do you think I'd win in a fight?

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't know.

[John]

I guess.

[Alex]

Depends on sheer muscle. Leg muscle?

[John]

Not anymore. I'm like, withering away over here.

[Alex]

All right, what else I had.

[John]

I actually do want to bring up something which might be tmi, but whatever. You've experienced this so much. When we were moving the other day, finally, like, we're getting settled, my ass started chafing so bad. It's a real thing. That's how I know, like, my ass is getting fatter, but it's also getting flatter. I'm just walking around, I'm like, oh, my God, what is happening? Just on fire. And so John, he's like, I've been down this road before. You gotta use this spray.

[Alex]

I don't know how bad it is for you. Cause, like, it's. It says it's Luchaderm and it's like a jock itch spray, but it's like, for, like, antifung, like, bacteria.

[John]

I'm probably not Allowed to use it. But at that point I was just.

[Alex]

Like, spraying it inside your butthole. So it's going, but it kills, like, bacteria, so it dries you out. It's. It's like a. It comes out like a powder, but it's like an alcohol powder or something. And it burns so bad.

[John]

Probably not safe for me to use. But at that point I was in so much.

[Alex]

But you were good to go after that.

[John]

I just. I'll never give you shit again about the pain that you're in when your ass chafes, because I've never experienced it before. And I was like, he's being a baby. He's being a baby. No fire. It is the worst. I'm like, I can't even be comfortable sitting down right now.

[Alex]

I would shove a whole ice pack in my asshole if I could.

[John]

I don't. I think that would help.

[Alex]

You ever see those, like, those like, ice pops that the nurses use to, like, so to. To cool your.

[John]

A cold dildo, you would just shove up your.

[Alex]

Your internal core temperature. Like if you have like, heat exhaustion, they just like jam it up.

[John]

That's what they do. I've never.

[Alex]

That's what I was told. Like in the army, like, they, like, if you have heated exhaustion, you pass out. It's like the quickest way to like, just put it.

[John]

Pop your butt. Yeah, someone. I got a fact check.

[Alex]

Fact check it.

[John]

I'm pretty sure I don't believe that.

[Alex]

Cuz I feel like I saw a video of like a pro soccer.

[John]

So like instead of putting you in an ice bath or something, they're like, we're going to shove this up your ass.

[Alex]

They did before. I. Not me. I'm saying in general. I think it's a thing.

[John]

They just keep dildos in the freezer.

[Alex]

Ice dildos. It's an ice pop. It's not a dildo. Well, I got. I mean, it's an ice dildo, a butt plug, whatever.

[John]

Well, we're gonna fact check this. Just like, I really don't feel like it. This computer's too slow.

[Alex]

Oh my God.

[John]

It's damaged. But another thing, though, that I thought was so funny is the other day, I'm in the shower and I noticed, I don't know, like, what bag you unpacked, but it must have had all the additional shampoos, body washes, everything. You took every single one and put them in the shower.

[Alex]

Where do you want me to put them?

[John]

Put them in the closet where there's like, extra, extra storage. You were like, oh, you know what? I'm just gonna put an entire display in the shower.

[Alex]

Then you choose which one you want. You want cucumber? You want lavender? Do you want two in one?

[John]

There's literally 18 of, like, the same thing.

[Alex]

We're the only two people that live here. Just that way, we have it forever.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

We never have to get any more for another year.

[John]

That's not how you do it. Just put it into a closet or a drawer. But now I'll have to do it because you're like, I don't know where they go, but I know they belong in the shower at some point.

[Alex]

Whatever. Whatever. I had some sort of note to talk about bidets for some reason.

[John]

You want to get one?

[Alex]

No, but I remember, I think I had this note from a while ago. Like, John or Abby were talking about the bidets. I'm like, absolutely not. I do not want one.

[John]

But because you've used only cold ones, I think if it was, like, a nice temperature, you would enjoy it.

[Alex]

I just like the thought of having. Getting enema every time.

[John]

I don't think it's that strong.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

I don't think we have.

[Alex]

We talked about this before. I feel like we have.

[John]

We have. But I think you're in a different category of bowel movements than most people because you don't need, like, the spray. Yours is already spraying out of your butthole.

[Alex]

Wants to clean you.

[John]

Right? But, like, I don't think that you have, like, hard or saucy poops. It wouldn't sound hard on this podcast.

[Alex]

Saucy, like, so fun fact, if you guys don't know this, I'm pretty sure this is accurate. If you have a lot of fat in your diet, that's when you're wiping, like, a permanent marker. So, like, I noticed that happens if I eat a lot of peanut butter.

[John]

Everyone, the visual. Think about it.

[Alex]

Like, if you have a lot of peanut butter, like, saturated fats, it's. You're just constantly wiping because it's like a paste. So that's when you'd want a bidet.

[John]

Right?

[Alex]

No phones, please.

[John]

I need to be aware for our.

[Alex]

First by the way, context. I don't know. We're talking about bidet. I had it in my phone because, like, this is a debate I have with, like, some of our friends because they were asking about getting you should why we don't get a bidet in our home. And I'm like, I just hate it. I hate it because I tried one one time, and I. I turned. I Turned it up. It was at zero. So I turned it to five. Nothing came out. I'm like, okay. So I turned it to 12 and this fire hose of water shot out of it and went straight up my anal cavity. And I mean about waking up. Hello, good morning. I screamed. And I just don't trust them after that. And I don't know, like, what if you buckshot pooped in the toilet and it goes all over, like, the water hose thing? I don't know.

[John]

Like, how sanitary is a bidet that you're different.

[Alex]

I'm different?

[John]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, because this is where I'll say.

[Alex]

Men are worse than women.

[John]

Think about it. Like, it would. It does make sense to use. Like, why would you just, like, wipe with, like, dry paper? Something that's that gross. My parents have, like, the addition that you add onto your toilet. Not like a separate bidet, but when you sit on their toilet. It's like it's heated.

[Alex]

Rose, the last thing I want is a heated toilet seat. You would feel like some dude was just sitting on it for 30 minutes. Not when you sweating on the toilet.

[John]

You know that it was heated.

[Alex]

I don't know. It's. It's.

[John]

You know, there's so many other more gross things that I'm sure you've done. Like, you've definitely take. Taken poops on public toilets where people have done way worse things.

[Alex]

You got to go. You got to go. But anyways, if you recommend a good bidet, don't tell me because I don't care.

[John]

You could tell me.

[Alex]

Should we.

[John]

Birthday present for you, John.

[Alex]

Let's dive in. I do have some. Cool. I have a very thoughtful birthday present, and I know it's thoughtful. If you guys can't hear the dogs whining outside, they probably can't hear. I got you a thoughtful birthday present. You never asked for this. But, like, I've, you know, seen some stuff, and I'm just concerned that you're gonna be like, but it was thoughtful. Just. Okay, be ready for it.

[John]

I'll think about that.

[Alex]

And that's why I substituted with bring you to dinner. Like a nice dinner.

[John]

Oh. Like, just in case.

[Alex]

Just in case, like, you hate it. And then it's like, oh, you know, at least we had a nice dinner.

[John]

I feel like, truly, this house is my birthday present, and it could be your birthday present too. So then I don't have to buy you anything. Just kidding. I'll get you something nice, John. A bidet.

[Alex]

Perfect. Perfect.

[John]

Also, stick around for the end of the episode. If you want to know the gender of our baby so that we can stop saying just baby.

[Alex]

And we could use everyone's like, oh.

[John]

This is what it is.

[Alex]

The amount of people are like, it's a girl because of this, or it's a boy because we say something a certain way. Or I think somebody commented that I said something like, she's gonna love it. And they're like, it's definitely a girl. You'll never know.

[John]

I feel like good about not dropping it. I really don't know though. I wouldn't. I have no idea. Anyway, should we jump into questions?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

And before we continue, we'd like to thank ZocDoc for sponsoring this episode. Imagine this. You're at a family gathering and there's one family member, you know the one, she's got a knack for asking awkward questions like when are you getting married? Or why haven't you moved out yet? You grin and bear it, but when it comes to your health, you shouldn't have to put up with judgmental vibes. That's where ZocDoc comes in. With tens and thousands of doctors to choose from, all with verified patient reviews, you could find someone who actually listens to you. No more settling for a doctor who's more interested in their crossword puzzles than your well being. Now, if you're all about treating yourself, why not treat yourself to the best when it comes to your health? ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. ZocDoc lets you find and book top tier doctors with ease. And when it comes to compromising, there's no room for that when it comes to your health. With Zocdoc, you can find doctors who prioritize your well being, all without compromising on quality or convenience. For us, it's actually great because we just moved so we have to find new doctors completely, all in our new area. So Zocdoc makes it easy to look them up, to find reviews, and to book appointments quickly and easily. So, ready to take charge of your health? Head over to ZocDoc.com GiveIt and download the app for free and find a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com giveitz.com give it. Yay. My boss got a hotel room one night while in town and invited me back for a drink. Since he had met my husband before, I didn't think anything of it and I went with him. He Made a move and I quickly rejected him. After this occurred. Our relationship has been really awkward and it's difficult to communicate and connect on a business level. Is it time to move on and get another job?

[Alex]

I'm sorry, I. The one key part of this, I missed it because the dog was whining. He hit on her.

[John]

Yes. He made a move on her.

[Alex]

But it was like at night after.

[John]

Like, yeah, one night. My boss got a hotel room one night while in town and invited me back for a drink.

[Alex]

Was it like invite for a drink at like the hotel bar or was he like in my hotel room? Like, are you naive?

[John]

We're not going to victim blame here.

[Alex]

Like, people like, okay, no, I'm going to be like, where's your self awareness level? Come on. That's a little, that's a little like sus on your part.

[John]

I. Because growing up as a woman and like being in a relationship would immediately, especially just like that diversion of power. I would be like, no, inappropriate. But again, like, I don't know what their relationship or like maybe their friendship was like previously to this evening.

[Alex]

Because if I actually don't consider this victim blaming at all. No, I think, of course he's in the wrong. Like, I'm already taking him out of the question. It's about her. You're smart enough to know, like, your, your boss or any person of the opposite sex that wants you to come to their hotel room. Why would you ever meet someone in a hotel room and he's not your friend? Like, meet in a public place. How do you think?

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

Husband. Like, hey, I'm gonna go meet my boss at his hotel room. Like, are you kidding me? No, you're stupid.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

Yeah, you're dumb.

[John]

For that room specifically. If it's the hotel bar, I don't think the hotel bar.

[Alex]

I hate that you just said like, don't victim blame. That's. That's because you're like, stupid.

[John]

Are you naive? Like, I don't. We don't know. There's not enough context here to know.

[Alex]

There'S enough context based off of just what she wrote.

[John]

But maybe she wouldn't have assumed, like, maybe depending on their relationship. Why would she just assume that her boss is gonna make a move, you know, like, yes, from an outsider looking in. You're like, wow, that's dumb. But like, we don't know the specifics of their dynamic prior, you know, like.

[Alex]

You know, I bet you she knew for a fact. If she told her, did she not even tell her husband that she was.

[John]

Doing John, I read the same question that you heard.

[Alex]

You. She. She's playing dumb. Oh my God. You know for a fact. She was like, I could do this and then be like, oh, I got it.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

Or be like, I'm. If I ask my husband, I know for a fact, I know for a fact that he wouldn't be okay with it. So I'm not gonna ask him. Better for ask for forgiveness than whatever.

[John]

I think you're just assuming here there's a lot that's being unsaid either way. Like, you went, he made a move. Things are awkward now. Do you move on and get another job? No, you make him feel awkward. You. You stay there and then if something happens, you go to HR.

[Alex]

Sure.

[John]

So you're more annoyed with her 100.

[Alex]

The. The boss is stupid like him.

[John]

But like, I'm just saying you can't make that assumption.

[Alex]

I don't even care about the boss at this point.

[John]

That you don't know though. Because again, if you like any previous.

[Alex]

Job that you had, anybody with common sense, why would you go to someone's hotel room that's not your friend?

[John]

Hotel room different. But it like if it wasn't the room exactly, and it was like the bar, maybe it was to talk business.

[Alex]

We're not going to assume we're going to go off of that. She said hotel room.

[John]

She rejected him though. Like, I mean, okay, fine, hotel room. Wrong. But if you're going to the hotel bar, you might just assume that it was talk to talk about business. Like, why would you assume. I don't know. I think it's just a lot to assume about this short little question. And that's not even like the question that she's asking. It's about moving on or getting.

[Alex]

I just want to put a disclaimer. I'm not. I would never victim blame anyone ever. Because it should never be put on someone who is a victim. That's. That's crazy. Just based off the question, though, it's annoying that your self awareness level is. Is. Is that low? That bothers me.

[John]

Okay, well maybe it's annoying that men just can't keep it in their pants.

[Alex]

But you shouldn't go to someone's hotel room.

[John]

Either way, I'm with you. That like, no, the hostel reverse genders reversed.

[Alex]

Even if the guy was going to his female boss's hotel room, I'd be like, are you stupid? It's just, I. I don't care what the gender is. Like you're.

[John]

That's just dumb to Go to the hotel room? Yes, yes. But I think to like just meet up at the hotel bar.

[Alex]

We don't know that. I, I'm the one who said in the beginning I was like, was it the hotel bar?

[John]

We don't know. I mean again she said hotel room, but.

[Alex]

Okay. Anyways, what was the question?

[John]

It was, is it time to move on and get another job? And I said, no, stay there, make him feel uncomfortable. And if anything happens, go to hr.

[Alex]

I would think no, I think you should, I mean, do whatever you feel comfortable with, but you should cover your own ass. I don't know if you write up a report, you have something date and signed, you have an email, you have a document ready if you bring it or if you bring it up to hr. Maybe you should. Yeah, you probably should. It's gonna bite you in the ass. I feel like if you don't, I.

[John]

Think, I don't know if it could stay between just you and HR without going to the higher, like without him knowing about it. Because you do want like a warning trail.

[Alex]

Yes.

[John]

Like if he can somehow down the line fire you or get rid of you because of this and he's like just looking for reasons, like there's a paper trail. But I mean if you genuinely don't like your job, move on. But I don't think someone else's poor behavior creating an uncomfortable environment for you should make you leave if you don't want to leave, you know.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Make it more uncomfortable for him.

[Alex]

Cool.

[John]

In our opinion, might not be the right one.

[Alex]

Was this the first question?

[John]

Number one, John. Okay, get ready. Next question. You always say to tip your service workers, which I completely agree with. Someone recently told me if you go out to a sit down restaurant, then you tip. But you shouldn't have to tip someone. At a fast casual restaurant or at a fast food restaurant. For someone who prepared your to go order, what are your thoughts?

[Alex]

No, I don't think that you should tip 20% when you're to go orders or you're picking up your food or you're ordering at a counter.

[John]

This has nothing to do with percentages. It has to do with like tipping in general. Do you tip someone at like a coffee shop?

[Alex]

Unfortunately, yeah. It aggravates me. But I do, I think, but I'm not giving them 20%.

[John]

I think it. If you're at a sit down restaurant, your server is doing more work than just reaching in and grabbing a cookie and putting in a bag and giving it to you. I don't think it's required to tip at like a to go or a fast paced restaurant. But like, I just have. I feel guilty, so I do.

[Alex]

Oh, I think you're in the wrong there. I think you tip.

[John]

No, that's what I'm saying. I think like I still do. I just don't tip what I would normally tip at a restaurant.

[Alex]

No, but your statement you just said was I don't think it's a requirement. Like, like you personally don't think it's.

[John]

Yeah, like if you're going to Chick Fil A, I don't think that you should have to be tipping everyone. Like also some of these bigger corporations and like, you know, I don't know, coffee shops are just like these other like fast paced, like to go restaurants. The tips don't always go to the servers either.

[Alex]

Yeah, now that's bullshit, right? I think you should tip either way. I just don't agree on percentages, like giving them something, I guess because, well, this was also before minimum wage went up to like $20 or whatever. I mean, when you're making $6, $7 an hour, like, yeah, you should be.

[John]

Well, as a server at a restaurant, you're making like three, three dollars.

[Alex]

If that you were. Anyways, I think what we're agreeing on is like, I think 20% sitting down, dealer's choice. When you're not sitting down for a meal, you're picking up to goers, whatever. Because I hate that. I'm like, come on, the coffee person you turned to, fill up my cup and brought it back to him. Like, I gave you 20%. I know there's probably way other work involved behind the scenes, like grinding the beans and all that, but it's still like, I'm still ordering, I'm still standing.

[John]

There always flipping around the menu. Just gotta ask you a few questions. And I'm like, here it is.

[Alex]

You know, they want you to start tipping AI. I'm hearing they want you to tip AI. Like when you start doing like fast food.

[John]

Oh my God. And then it's like, if you don't, they're gonna remember you and come after you. I, I just think tipping has gotten out of control in a lot of industries. We're just the type of people who I'm like, I will never not tip. Like, because I just think there's bigger fish to fry out there.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

Like, yeah, it's annoying. Pay your workers a livable wage.

[Alex]

I also maybe kind of feel bad for the workers because it might be uncomfortable for them that they have to like, Turn the screen around and be like, what do you want to tip me?

[John]

There's a few questions. No one makes eye contact. Yeah, it is. I mean, but I think no matter what, at a sit down restaurant, you know, tip generously and then at the other ones, give what you can if you feel like it. I don't think that it's mandatory though, in those situations. Okay, next question. I female got divorced six months ago and became friends with benefits with an old friend who just broke up with his girlfriend. We hooked up three times at my place and the atmosphere was great. We both agreed to keep things casual and wanted nothing more at this point point. Yesterday I stopped by his workplace and brought him a donut since I was in the neighborhood. To my surprise, he said that he felt violated by this action. I was a bit hurt because I thought this was sweet. Is he the asshole or am I just expecting too much from this friendship? Will I be an if I don't want to keep this friends with benefits thing.

[Alex]

After his words, even though you thought it was a small gesture, you still stepped outside the boundary of what you guys agreed upon.

[John]

I think it would be a different situation if you went to his house, if, like you had been there before. But it doesn't sound like you have. Workplace is a different story. He has coworkers. You're now impeding on his territory. Where does he have to answer questions? Are people being like, who's that? What's going on?

[Alex]

I think you subconsciously knew what you were doing too.

[John]

I just, I think that is an invasion of privacy at that point, especially uninvited. I would be pissed if someone who I was just casually hooking up with came to my workplace. I'd be like, what the are you doing here? I would be annoyed.

[Alex]

Yeah, Yeah. I think you're in the wrong there, trying to backpedal so you don't ruin it.

[John]

I mean, where do you think she goes from here?

[Alex]

I think you have to have another conversation and be like, let's maybe one. I think you owe him apology, to be honest. And then be like, let's reevaluate these boundaries that where we both are comfortable with continuing doing this.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Set those ahead of time. I. I don't think it's completely. Has to be completely over, but I understand why he would be annoyed because.

[Alex]

This is a new thing for both of you.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

You know, like, just be like, my bad. I don't think.

[John]

Yeah. And you could just explain what your intention was behind it if it wasn't. You Know to establish yourself as his boo thing in his workplace.

[Alex]

I think you need a. Take a moment to yourself and really figure out what you want from this.

[John]

I mean it could have truly just been a mindless, like thoughtless thing maybe.

[Alex]

No, because it. Because doing that an act of service is a love language. And I think she maybe subconsciously it was just like, like, I like this guy, I'm gonna do something for him, you know, that's more than.

[John]

No, but that's kind. I think that that's okay outside of the workplace. Workplace is a completely different environment for people to start introducing romantic relationships. Whether you're actually involved with them or you're just hooking up, like whatever that looks like. Workplace, I feel like is out of bounds until you're more serious or until you've had that conversation.

[Alex]

Yeah, I just, like we said, I think apologize and have another conversation. I don't think it's over. I just think really sitting down to figure out what you guys want.

[John]

Right? Next question. I'm a 25 year old man. I haven't been in any relationship because I haven't found the one yet. I study computer science and where I live there are so few women in this field. I have tried going to parties and dance clubs and got nothing. I know I am not Zac Efron. I'm not good looking at all. My teeth are a mess and I'm thin. I look like a teenager. My question is, I'm still studying and working and going to the gym is extremely expensive in terms of money and time. What can I do to be choosable? I know I have to do one of the options, the gym or my teeth. But what should I do first?

[Alex]

It depends on where you're at because I mean, I know gyms that are like $10 a month and I mean that might be a lot for you, I don't know. But your health is a priority. I, I think teeth is like a, like a more immediate fix. Gym is like longevity, like your health. Teeth is just your mouth. You know, you talking about like your health in general, your mental health, all that stuff, quality life. I think the gym's gonna help you more.

[John]

I'm gonna avoid all of the options that you said and say work on your confidence because I think that's the number one. It's like it doesn't matter at the end of the day. It's like how you present yourself. There's someone out there for everyone. But it really gave all my good advice on the last question, like you going On. I think it really matters how you look at yourself, how you perceive yourself. Because the gym, your teeth. Yeah. Those are things that on the surface, could make you a choosable or attractive person to someone, but that's not going to be why they end up being with you. It's because of what's on the inside.

[Alex]

You're right. You're so right.

[John]

And also, people can see confidence. You could look at any type of way, but if you speak or, like, you're funny or you're confident, it just. The way that you present yourself is so much more attractive, at least to women, than the way that you actually physically look like. There's plenty of guys who, on a surface level would be unattractive, but I'm like, I think that they have the best personality and they're so confident that I find them attractive. That's why I married you. I'm just kidding, John. I got the best.

[Alex]

You think you're so funny, knee slapper.

[John]

You tell me all the time that you invested low with me. Okay.

[Alex]

Real low.

[John]

I'm allowed to take my shots.

[Alex]

That was a great response. Thank you. Good job. I'm just so distracted right now by the dogs running around upstairs. I don't know what.

[John]

Yeah, guys, it's not just Kobe. We're watching my parents dog. Cause they're away and he has anxiety. Anxiety. Kobe's just always been an independent pup, so he doesn't really care whose environment he's in. He doesn't care when we pick him up. He just. He doesn't care.

[Alex]

He loves who he's with.

[John]

Yeah, exactly. But Luke, their dog, he's a German shepherd and he has separation anxiety. He cried for, like the first two days being away from my parents.

[Alex]

Like, Alex had no problem sleeping. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. I mean, whatever. You need your sleep. I get it. But Luke. Licking my face every two hours in the middle of night. Yeah.

[John]

He's so cute.

[Alex]

I loved him a lot more when he wasn't at our house. He also got sick, and so he has no training at all. I'm. No training. He jumps up on the couch, lays on the couch, whatever. But we put blankets down and I guess he got sick. So he dug the blanket off the couch and dug into the couch and.

[John]

Threw up in the corner of our white couch. We got it out, though. Resolve for the win.

[Alex]

Yeah. That couch has been through some stuff a lot.

[John]

I know. We'll have to up. That's what we get for getting white couches. But they still look good.

[Alex]

I. I'm pretty sure I was against the white couch, but white couches look so good.

[John]

They're so pretty.

[Alex]

They did.

[John]

They're. They're going to get destroyed with a child.

[Alex]

And a dog.

[John]

And a dog. Well, Kobe's good.

[Alex]

He doesn't go on dirty paws when he kicks the mulch, which I don't know why.

[John]

But Kobe doesn't just jump on the couch, though. Anyway, moving on. Next question. When my boyfriend and I started living together, we'd often discuss having kids together in the future. During one of those conversations, my boyfriend said that he was going to get a DNA paternity test after I gave birth, just to be sure that the kid was really his.

[Alex]

What?

[John]

I thought he was joking and tried to laugh it off. However, when I asked him later if he was serious, he said he was and that he'd really want to get that procedure done. He said that if I knew it was really his child, then I shouldn't have a problem with that. The conversation made me feel like he didn't trust me as a woman and that maybe we shouldn't even plan for any children at all. Am I crazy for getting upset? Alex, how would you feel if John said such a thing to you? John, could you understand the concern from the male perspective? Could it be a valid concern? Or is this just a trust issue?

[Alex]

Go ahead.

[John]

You want? I. If John was like, I'm absolutely getting a paternity test either way, divorce, I. I would not. The fact that I'm going through everything that I'm going through. They're not.

[Alex]

They're not pregnant yet.

[John]

No, they're not. But, like, the fact that you're even willing to have his child after he said that? No, no, no. Not after he said that. Just in general. And you're going to now question my loyalty to you? Like, of course there's situations where people are unfaithful and whatnot, but there's way more. Like, there's. There's other red flags in those relationships as to why one would get a paternity test.

[Alex]

Whether or not something happened to him in his past, he can't bring that baggage into a new relationship. That's not your problem, and that's not. That's not your fault, and he shouldn't put that on you.

[John]

Have you ever once thought, like, once I give birth to this kid, I want to get a paternity test to make sure it's mine all the time? No, for real.

[Alex]

No. That's never crossed my mind.

[John]

Also, babies Come out looking like the spitting image of their fucking dads. Like, oh, that. This. This pisses me off. Get rid of him.

[Alex]

It's like, so weird if.

[John]

If this is the hill that he wants to die on, I literally be.

[Alex]

Like, what happened to you in your past? Also, like, not smart on his part to be suggesting that before he even, like, impregnates you.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

Why would anyone be like, oh, okay, yeah, I think what you're saying is justified in a good idea. No trust. That's. Oof. No, it is a trust.

[John]

And to me, work on that deeper concern. Yeah, he doesn't have trust there. Because who's to say then, like, you could flip the script and be like, well, how do I know that you don't have other children out there then with other people? I don't know. There's just.

[Alex]

His counter would be like, go ahead. And then that makes him feel justified in him doing it for himself. Whatever. It's such a stupid.

[John]

To me. This isn't just like, oh, there's deeper issues here, and I don't like it. Throw him away. Next question. I, 26, female, got married last year. I live in a different state than my family, and my aunts and uncles from both sides of my family, my mom and siblings all made it to my wedding, but my dad did not show. He's always been physically present in my life, but we've had a rocky connection since my parents split. I was a very young single mom, and my father helped me a lot during those years, but our connection just hasn't ever been what I wanted it to be. Fast forward and I meet my husband, and when the conversation came up, I told him I really wouldn't care if he asked my dad from a hand in marriage. So he didn't. My father called me the night before the wedding to tell me he would not come simply because he felt he was disrespected and didn't appreciate not being included for the proposal. I was really hurt, but I also feel like it solidified my feelings about our relationship not being what it should be. I've moved on, but now I don't return his calls, and honestly, I don't plan to include him in my future. I think it was petty of him to let me walk myself down the aisle and not show up when his siblings made such an effort. Am I being petty by moving on? Is this forgivable?

[Alex]

Yeah, he's 100% petty, but you're fighting pettiness with pettiness now. So are you gonna. Is this the hill you want to die on?

[John]

And then not stealing my words, like just because I said is this.

[Alex]

Honestly, we're married so like we just steal each other's lines. You steal my line, you don't take this, you don't, you don't make anything. You miss 100 of the shots, you don't take.

[John]

Exactly. No, but that's correct.

[Alex]

That's how it should be said anyways. You're fighting pettiness with pettiness. So it depends on what you want. If you're. Do you think you're going to be fine not having a relationship with him in 20 years and then. Or is something going to change and then you're going to feel bad like you missed out on having him in your life, Right? Like yeah, what he did was bullshit.

[John]

I would be really annoyed.

[Alex]

Also him doing it the night before the wedding, like I don't get me wrong, like you're so justified. Exactly what a child thing to do.

[John]

Right. Also, it's not like we live in a day and age where parents have to make trades for their daughters and that's why they hand them off. Like it's a very modern day.

[Alex]

Where's the dowry?

[John]

It's a very modern day thing to walk yourself down the aisle or not. But like you wanted your dad involved but like in for him to walk you down the aisle to ask for permission. Like I don't think it's normal to not do that these days. So you can explain to him why you, why you didn't think it was important and you can apologize for the way that he feels, but there's nothing you could do about it now. I think you have every right to be annoyed. But to John's point, like it's fighting petty with petty at this point, not taking his calls. Maybe he wants to apologize. Maybe he has something else to say. You can only control what you can control and by that just live your life, have zero expectations from this man. But I don't think like you going out of your way to shut him out is necessarily the answer. If you guys, you know, didn't have that tumultuous of a relationship prior, it's very toxic.

[Alex]

And I've been there where it feels better to like feel like you're hurting someone and it's easier to. It's easier to for cut someone out than to rebuild. So it's really what you want.

[John]

Yeah. And again, I think you just have to take the relationship for what it is and know that he did this thing doesn't mean you necessarily have to forget about it or forgive him right away. But I do think that you can move forward and know, okay, like, this isn't in the bank. Like, I'm not just gonna forget that this happened. But we can move, move forward with where we're at now. I don't know. That's tough, though. So I get you choosing either way.

[Alex]

Right. So I don't know if we answer that. We're like, no, letting you know that you're justified in either way. It just depends on what you think you're really going to want.

[John]

Yeah. And to your point, sometimes, like, you put more energy into avoiding this person or harboring these negative emotions towards someone.

[Alex]

It's funny because you probably think that it takes less energy, but it is actually taking more energy and more mental space in your head than you actually think. Right. Okay, next question.

[John]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. His family is extremely Christian and mine is not. But we are both fine with it and exist happily with our different faiths together. We want to move in together, but his parents have a very intense do not move in before marriage thing. We know that we will lose any financial support. He's getting help with school right now and their respect in some regard. But we don't believe in that aspect of their religion and find it really unfair of them to put that weight on us when it's not what we want. Coming from a family of three divorces per parent, I desperately want to live with my boyfriend before marriage to see how our lives work together in close quarters. Do you have any advice on how to say this to the parents without breaking their hearts and their trust? It's a tricky one to navigate and I appreciate any advice you have. We're almost 30 and I feel like no one's parents should be dictating what we do with our life at this point. Point.

[Alex]

I'm sorry. They both come from parents who have been divorced three times.

[John]

No, she does. His family does not. So she said both of her parents have gone through, like, several divorces and on her side, so that's why she wants to live with him.

[Alex]

And her parents or his parents are the ones who are against them moving his parents.

[John]

My one thing here is you say we're almost 30 and I feel like no one's parents should be dictating what we do with our life. When you're financially. When you're. What's the word? When you're, like, connected to someone financially and they're funding something in your Life. Yeah, they do kind of can dictate what he does. Once you're completely financially independent from your parents, do whatever the fuck you want. But I think it's really difficult for someone to.

[Alex]

It's hard for you to have your own opinion on something when you're still asking from help from someone else.

[John]

You haven't cut the cord yet. Yeah, it's like if you want to be able to be an adult and make your own decisions, you have to be completely independent of these people and, you know, like, you don't want to rely on them for anything. And that's just me. Maybe other people have different opinions on. Well, your parents should be helping you with school.

[Alex]

Alex. We worked. We came from grave parents, but we worked so hard to get where we are. And I just think, like, it's all about your own choices. Like, you're almost 30 and you're still dependent on your parents to help you out financially. Like, maybe you guys should be focusing on how to get out of that. I guess that's what they're trying to do, right? Live together to help financially.

[John]

Well, he's in school right now and. No, it's just like they're. They've been dating for three years. They want to live together and move on with their relationship, but, like, they know that he's going to lose the financial support for school.

[Alex]

I'm not going to get into all this because that's a whole different thing. But you need to, like, you do.

[John]

What you got to do. If they're paying for his school and that's their rule, is you can't live with each other.

[Alex]

Bad.

[John]

Yeah. I mean, and that might be old school to say, but, like, then don't.

[Alex]

It's not old school. You. His parents don't have to help him and they. Out of the goodness of their heart, they're helping him financially when they could. They should be retired or whatever, doing whatever they want to do with their money because they worked hard for it. And the guy. You guys are almost in your 30s getting help. Like. Yeah, Yeah.

[John]

I think if you don't want to, like, lose any financial support or their trust, then, like, that. That shouldn't be what you have to rely on. I get you want to live with your boyfriend. You guys should be living together in your 30s. But if that's their. If that's their quote unquote rule or stipulation of this relationship because, like, they're Christian.

[Alex]

This is like my final thought on this. Like, I think we're on the same Page of like, figure out how to get out of your situation financially, like locked with them, because until then, like, you're basically under their heel. My what I'm annoyed about with this question. I think there's a lot of specifically millennials, our generation who like have the audacity to feel like, not owed something, but like you feel like you have a say in this when you're asking for help.

[John]

You're still asking when you're not independent of your parents yet.

[Alex]

Like, like you should be so grateful and thankful that you have parents that are willing to help you.

[John]

And it also sounds like it's not going to be forever. Like again, I don't know when he finishes school and maybe that's a conversation that could come up. Like when you no longer need financial help from them, then you can move in together, have a conversation. But I just think when you're.

[Alex]

It's like, people aren't used to hard times. Fucking sacrifice, sacrifice. Put your head, head to the books. Sacrifice and do what you have to do. Dude, we lived in your. We lived in Alex's grandmother's basement for two years. Thank God she let us do that because that put us in a financial situation where we were able to take care of ourselves the rest of the time.

[John]

Basement dwellers.

[Alex]

It's just like we didn't see a fucking soul.

[John]

Well, we didn't see. We didn't do a lot of things for years because we just knew we had a goal of like what we wanted to do. And so I think what can help you instead of us like shitting on you during this? And I think look at the long term goal. Like what is it that you guys are working towards? What is it that you ultimately want and what are the things that you could do to make that life happen? Like what are the steps that you need to take? But I think complaining about it and blaming it on his parents when they're financially supporting your boyfriend is not the answer.

[Alex]

Okay, next.

[John]

My husband has put security cameras in our front entryway, looking out to our front to see if anyone comes to our door. We live in New York City and have had break ins where we live, so it's a security measure and I totally get that. It is connected to his phone so he could look at it whenever he wants. Just the other day I found one of the cameras in the apartment pointed at the main living area. My husband never informed me that he was putting a camera inside and. And I immediately felt sketched out. Like he is watching me during the day while I Work from home. Even though I have nothing to hide, I don't like the thought of that. I unplugged it, took it down, and he has never said anything. I'm afraid to ask him about it because we have had some rough patches and I don't want to fight again. But I can't shake this feeling. If he is doing anything sketchy, watching me, et cetera, and hasn't noticed it's gone. Maybe it is another security measure, but why wouldn't he tell me? Should I ask him about it or do I let it slide? Am I crazy for feeling like this?

[Alex]

What are the. We've had a rough patch.

[John]

What is that? Because that adds, like, another level to it.

[Alex]

Like, I give you advice when you don't. What happened?

[John]

Is there a reason why he shouldn't trust you or doesn't trust you or. There were trust issues in the past. Like, to me, that's what this sounds like. And I'm not saying that that is justifiable for him secretly putting cameras in your house, but, like, the fact that you're afraid to address it with him to me says that there's a lot of unspoken and unresolved issues with your relationship already.

[Alex]

How do you go through your day, like, day to day with this person with, like, a feeling of like, you can't say something.

[John]

What.

[Alex]

What the fuck? Relationship?

[John]

The camera in our house. Like, I would number one, flash it first and then be like, what is this? What are you? What is this doing? What are you? Why is this here? And wait for your response. Regardless of what has happened with us in the past, you need to be in a place where you can have that communication.

[Alex]

Hey, I get protection. Like, when we. When we lived in North Carolina, I wanted to put a camera facing inside of our house. I want cameras everywhere.

[John]

No, remember, we had. We did have a camera in our house, right? The furbo. It was the dog treat thing. John heard it chirp on when, like, we didn't have the app open. And he goes, that's it. It's watching us. And you yeeted it into the trash. We probably talked about this year, like, season long.

[Alex]

You had it facing the couch. Like, it was right in front of.

[John]

The TV in our living room, facing, watching tv. Are you jerking off?

[Alex]

I don't like it's staring at us, that thing chirped on. I go, FBI's watching us. I took it and I threw it in the trash can there.

[John]

Everyone's watching us. But, yeah, if you don't want cameras in your Living room. I mean, I get that, but, like, to me, the issue is that you guys can't communicate about this.

[Alex]

This is not that. Yeah. The how you want to. What you want us to respond to in this question is not that. So far away from what needs to be happening here.

[John]

Yeah. I'm like, is it weird that the camera's there? I'm like, I don't know about that. Like, why can't you talk to your husband about this? That's my concern. Because, like, there's deeper issues here. You don't want to start a fight. You don't want to ask about a camera. What. What. What do you talk about? Are you just walking on eggshells with each other?

[Alex]

Yeah. So I'm. I. I refuse to answer this question. You should see what's going on with you two first.

[John]

If you are too nervous, like, if there's a reason why you're nervous to ask him, ask yourself why you're still nervous to ask him.

[Alex]

Why Are you nervy? Pervy.

[John]

Yeah. Because you should absolutely talk about the camera.

[Alex]

Yeah. It doesn't seem like it would be that big of an issue if something else wasn't going on.

[John]

Correct. So maybe deal with that first. My boyfriend and I have been living together for three months, but dating for three years. His son is 12 and mine is 11. They get along, and my son really looks up to his son. I get along great with his son because I make an effort. I bake his favorite cookies when he comes, and our personalities really match as well. My boyfriend is starting to talk about getting married, but I'm not ready. I feel like he's made no effort to connect with my son, and I feel bad. He's nice to my son, but that's about it. I don't want to force him to make an effort. It should come from within him like it did for me with his son. My son hasn't realized it yet, but at a certain point he will, and I can't just watch that happen. I have talked to my boyfriend about it, but he says that their personalities are just different. My son is an introvert, and the rest of us are extroverts. I haven't seen my boyfriend make much of an effort at all besides just asking how his day is and saying hello. I don't want their relationship to be built on my ultimatums. What would you do?

[Alex]

You can't force it to happen, but you have time. You know, as long as he's open to it. I just had the conversation, like, are you even, are you willing for three years?

[John]

Like, that's a plenty of time to establish a relationship with someone.

[Alex]

As the adult, he needs to figure out ways to like, get to her son, you know, like how to, how can he bond? Find like, what are the kids interests and then just fake having those interests so you can bond with him.

[John]

I think the way that someone who you're dating treats the people in your life who you love is a really telling factor about who they truly are.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Because you love your son and he's your world. And the fact that your boyfriend is not even making an effort to connect with him, to me is a red flag. Like, it'd be different if your boyfriend didn't want to connect with, you know, an adult. Like, if you had a dad who was bad or like a friend who he might not have liked, like, sure. But what is your son doing that, you know, he's an innocent kid and there's no reason why your boyfriend can't be an adult in this situation.

[Alex]

Just put more effort in. That's, that's what it is. If he wants to make this relationship work, he needs to put more effort in. I mean, that's the conversation you have with him. It's been three years, like you said.

[John]

I don't know that it would necessarily be an ultimatum other than the conversation of, like, about marriage. Like, I'm, I can't go out of, like, I cannot choose to marry you when you and my son, you have not put effort into building a relationship with my son. Like, he's, he's important to me and I want him to feel loved by you as well because we're a family at this point. But I would have a conversation about that because for me this would be, I don't know, this would be a deal breaker depending on how someone were to treat my kid.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Best of luck.

[Alex]

Best of luck.

[John]

All right, should we jump into a secret?

[Alex]

Let's do a secret. Yeah.

[John]

Okay. I hate my ex husband. I hate him. I hate him so much. He was a manipulative, narcissistic, physically, mentally and verbally abusive man. I hate you, David. Fuck you, David.

[Alex]

Fuck you, David.

[John]

Fuck you, David. And then I'll read one more. I think I've known I'm gay my whole life, but I've always suppressed it because I just wanted to be normal and have a husband and children. I don't want to stand out or be different. I'm getting to be nearly 30 now, and every year that goes by, I feel like I can't uproot my whole life. I'm getting too old. My family and friends would also give it way more attention because they have no idea. The biggest thing of all is that I've been with my male partner for nearly seven years and I know marriage and kids are around the corner. I love him a lot and I want this life with him. But I have this constant nagging feeling that I should have come out as gay when I was 18 and then my life was be easier.

[Alex]

You're going to regret it on your deathbed if you don't.

[John]

100%. I was going to say there's no better time than now. People will. People will love you for you.

[Alex]

Yeah, well, your family and friends who truly do love you.

[John]

Resenting your partner down the road because you didn't do what you should have done. Not that you asked for any advice. You were just telling us your secret. But we're here to give it to you straight. You know, or gay. I think you need to just be. Be yourself.

[Alex]

Be yourself. Review time Daily boost from KJ Mays 5 stars 12 out of 10 I literally wake up looking forward to turning this on and I recommend it to anyone who will listen to me. Lol Nice. Thank you for putting smiles on faces everywhere. Particular mine through some pretty tough days. Sending love from Charlotte.

[John]

Oh thank you.

[Alex]

Love Charlotte.

[John]

MC and I love yeah guys, share it with your friends because that's our favorite. But I we have to share our news, guys. I shockingly didn't bake a cake. We've been kind of busy but instead we'll just tell it to you. But wait, should we tell the story of like what we thought it was going to be first or should we wait till after?

[Alex]

I want to like, should we just say the gender and then talk about it on next episode? I think so. I think so. No details. Maybe next. Maybe next one.

[John]

So we'll say it and then we could talk about our story.

[Alex]

And a one and a two and a three. It's a boy.

[John]

Oh my goodness.

[Alex]

Some of you are right. Some of you were wrong.

[John]

Oh, I didn't even realize, like, maybe someone caught on by the fact that I wore blue today. But that was not by choice.

[Alex]

I know you didn't realize that because you also didn't realize you had paper on your.

[John]

Oh yeah.

[Alex]

On your course.

[John]

My strings. But yes, it is a boy. We were actually really shocked to find out that it was a boy because the entire time we thought it was a girl. Do you want to say why we thought it Was a girl.

[Alex]

Because my grandmother.

[John]

Tell the story nicely, John. Don't just, like, skate over it.

[Alex]

It's not a nice story. It's kind of, like creepy and sad. My. My grandmother meme. I love her. She, like, towards the end of life, she had, like, a uti, which in older adults, it like, kind of like fucks you up cognitively and, like, you know, you start seeing things. Not everyone, but it really affected her. And she was in bed and we went to visit her. Or were you with me?

[John]

We were not engaged yet, but we're even engaged yet.

[Alex]

But.

[John]

But I. I was with you dating you. I wasn't physically there, though.

[Alex]

So I go to. I go to visit her. I'm like, hey, how are you? Blah, blah. And she's like, how are the girls? And I'm like, what. What are you talking about? She's like, your. Your daughters. Like, your twin daughters. You say twin?

[John]

No, I think it was just your daughters.

[Alex]

Your daughters. And she was, like, so confident that I. That Alex and I. She even said Alex, like, that we had two girls. So this whole time we were like, oh, my God, we're going to have girls.

[John]

I was like, meeme was one foot into heaven. And so she knew that we were going to have two girls. So literally, since then, we always just assumed we were going to have girls. And then we get an email, like this January 2nd from a listener. I think her name was Amanda. Shout out to Amanda. And she writes in, after the holidays. We hadn't even, like, started back up our season yet. And she was like, hey, this is gonna be really random, but I was doing my morning prayers. You and John came across my brain. And she was like, I was praying over your business, your marriage, whatever. And she was like. And then I just had this feeling. The Holy Spirit told me that you were gonna get pregnant this year and have a girl. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Gave us full body chills.

[Alex]

Chills, chills.

[John]

Two weeks later, we found out we were pregnant. And I was like, this is insane. I mean. And again, now, this was another sign that I was like, we're having a girl. And then we found out we were having a boy. So everyone's just crazy.

[Alex]

Everyone was fucking wrong. But. But still.

[John]

Yeah, but still. So we had, like, a name planned out for a girl, everything. And then we were like, oh, my gosh, back to the drawing board. What are we going to do for a boy? But we're so excited. It'll be. It's very different, though, when in your brain you plan to have a girl? Like, I'm like, oh my God, a mini me. And then when it was a boy, I was like, what? A mini John?

[Alex]

I know. I don't know any like manly stuff. So I'm pretty.

[John]

We'll figure it out.

[Alex]

I'll have to train.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'll have to go to like a male. Male alpha, like wilderness course.

[John]

Or you could just leave him with our dads.

[Alex]

Yeah, they'll teach them.

[John]

But then also it's like, how did you turn out? And you were raised.

[Alex]

I'm not handy. So anyways, it's okay.

[John]

You're handy.

[Alex]

So we're pumped.

[John]

We're pumped.

[Alex]

But we can talk about it more next week too.

[John]

Oh, I really wish I baked a cake cuz I could.

[Alex]

I would love to know the cake we had. We ate it.

[John]

I know. Cuz we found out weeks ago.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

But anyways, that's. That's the update, guys. Little baby boy.

[Alex]

Let's do our overs real quick because we forgot to do them last time. I'm over getting injured and feeling old. I'm tired all the time. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm pregnant. I'm just kidding. I'm totally kidding. I'm just joking. Also, I know not to say we are pregnant anymore. I feel like I was getting flack from that. Yeah, like the, the dads are supposed.

[John]

To say we're just in general, like we're having a baby. We're expecting. It's like, what are you supposed to say? Like I have a kid on the way, but like my wife has a kid on the way. Like I get it, but yeah, like I'm the fucking pregnant one.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

This isn't exactly you. This is literally all about me and me only. I'm the queen.

[Alex]

Sure.

[John]

I'm overly excited to like cook in our new kitchen. I feel like I have. It's been taking us a few days to get settled. We've just been eating out or like putting. You've been putting together just like last minute things. But I feel like it takes me a little bit while to get like used to the kitchen where things are. So I'm excited to just like get in there and make some healthy hearty meals. Luke is losing his mind.

[Alex]

I know. Guys, we're going to get out of here because the dog is losing it. Like subscribe Email Comment if you want.

[John]

To message us, you can email us at hello. Give it tome straight podcast dot com. You can follow us on all the socials at Give it to me straight. Podcast and send an anonymous question to our show. Notes or link in bio some somewhere. One of those and that's it. We'll see you guys next week.

[Alex]

Ciao, ciao, bye.