51. Giving you bad makeup, boring nudes, and contacting ex’s

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight – Episode 51 Title: Giving You Bad Makeup, Boring Nudes, and Contacting Ex’s
Hosts: Alex and John
Release Date: May 7, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode 51 of Give It To Me Straight, hosts Alex and John dive into a variety of candid discussions ranging from pet behavior and relationship dynamics to personal anecdotes and listener questions. True to their promise, no topic is off-limits as they offer unfiltered advice and share insights from their unique perspectives as a husband and wife duo.

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Pet Parenting: The Mulch and Dog Drama

Alex and John kick off the episode by addressing an everyday pet challenge—dealing with their dog, Kobe, and the woes of using black mulch in their backyard.

• Staining Issues:
  John [02:10] shares frustration, "If you have pets, don't get black mulch. It's staining Kobe's paws."
  Alex [02:21] adds, "We had that fleshlight thing that you shove his paw... but he hated that."

• Dog Behavior:
  They discuss Kobe's dominant behavior at dog parks, attributing it to his attempt to assert himself.
  John [02:34] remarks, "It's a cocky, arrogant dog trait... he wants to spread his scent."
  Alex [02:47] notes, "He was pacing back and forth in the dark... kicking up mulch."

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Relationship Insights: Setting Boundaries and Communication

The conversation shifts to relationship boundaries, especially concerning interactions outside the relationship.

• Hotel Room Dilemma:
  John [04:03] expresses his discomfort with the idea of a partner visiting another's hotel room: "It's not appropriate for that person either way."
  Alex [05:01] emphasizes accountability, "Why are there shitty men doing these things?... the majority are shitty men."

• Mutual Respect:
  They agree on the importance of mutual respect and communication to prevent misunderstandings and maintain trust.
  Alex [06:08] states, "We need to start flipping the narrative and be like, why are there shitty men doing these things?"

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Personal Growth and Creativity

Alex and John explore their creative pursuits and how they balance their talents within their relationship.

• Creative Differences:
  Alex [08:05] talks about receiving an easel and paints to nurture her painting hobby, while John [08:53] expresses admiration for her talent: "Everyone has their strengths."

• Encouraging Each Other:
  Despite differing creative interests, they encourage each other to pursue their passions.
  Alex [09:23] encourages John, "You could do anything you set your mind to."
  John [09:04] aspires to improve at pickleball, "I want to be a pro at something though."

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Health and Wellness: Physical Check-Ups and Weight Management

The hosts discuss their recent experiences with medical check-ups and the topic of weight gain.

• Doctor Visits:
  John [12:16] shares a rigorous physical exam experience, while Alex [12:22] describes a less invasive one, highlighting different approaches to healthcare.

• Weight Concerns:
  They delve into weight gain issues, with John [14:22] humorously acknowledging his "dad bod" and Alex [15:06] providing supportive advice on incorporating exercise and healthy habits.

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Parenthood Stereotypes: The Boy Mom Narrative

Alex addresses social perceptions around being a "boy mom" versus a "girl mom," challenging stereotypes prevalent on social media.

• Challenging Stereotypes:
  Alex [17:09] reflects, "People were like, I got boy mom energy from you," and counters the negative stereotypes associated with boy moms.

• Future Expectations:
  They express excitement about future parenthood while dismissing societal judgments.
  Alex [18:19] states, "We're going to be great parents no matter what our child was going to be."

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Upcoming Celebrations: Disney Birthday Planning

Alex and John share their plans for celebrating John's birthday at Disney, incorporating humor and logistical planning.

• Family Involvement:
  Alex [19:00] reveals, "We're taking my brother and sister-in-law and my niece and nephew."

• Humorous Anticipation:
  John [19:29] jokes about painting his face again, adding a lighthearted touch to their preparations.

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Listener Questions and Advice

The hosts tackle several listener-submitted questions, offering their straightforward advice.

1. Struggling to Achieve Orgasm in Marriage

A listener shares her challenges with achieving orgasm with her fiancé.

• John’s Advice [24:19]: Emphasizes communication, "Have that conversation. He needs to take a proactive approach to getting you off."
• Alex’s Take [25:14]: Criticizes lack of effort from her fiancé, "He's doing nothing about it... I would have to say to my partner, hey, I would love this from you."

2. Boring Nudes from a Remote Partner

A listener seeks advice on receiving more engaging photos from her partner who works remotely.

• John’s Suggestion [27:52]: Advocates for clear communication, "Just fucking communicate to your partner."
• Alex’s Insight [29:01]: Recommends maintaining a balance, "Leave a little bit of mystery... take like, wear a towel."

3. Friend Cancels Plans Only to Be Seen Elsewhere

A listener questions whether to confront a friend who canceled plans under dubious circumstances.

• Alex’s Perspective [31:43]: Encourages not to assume the worst, "Let her come to you."
• John’s Opinion [32:06]: Advises avoiding pettiness, "This is not a big deal to me."

4. Contacting an Ex’s Partner After Seeing Them at a Bar

A listener seeks advice on whether to inform an ex’s partner about suspicious behavior.

• John’s Caution [34:07]: Notices the complexity, "Prepare for the backlash."
• Alex’s Approach [35:55]: Suggests being honest if you choose to speak up, "If you feel you should tell, then it's the right thing to tell."

5. Returning an Ex’s Family Heirloom Amid Husband’s Jealousy

A listener asks if she’s in the wrong for returning an ex’s family plaque, causing her husband to react negatively.

• Alex’s Recommendation [58:49]: Advocates for transparency, "Explain to your husband that that's all that it was."
• John’s Advice [59:03]: Highlights the importance of open communication, "Prepare for the backlash."

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Personal Anecdotes: Secrets Segment

In their signature "Secrets" segment, Alex and John share humorous and embarrassing personal stories.

Alex’s Bedwetting Incident

• Alex [67:04]: Confesses, "Two weeks ago I peed in the bed for the first time in my life... I was stressed from work."
• John’s Reaction [68:37]: Teases, "She didn't wake up," humorously highlighting their supportive dynamic.

John’s Cleaning Mishap

• John [68:30]: Recounts cleaning up after someone else’s bedwetting incident, emphasizing his helpful nature and Alex’s grace.

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Conclusion

Episode 51 of Give It To Me Straight offers a blend of practical advice, personal stories, and candid discussions on relationships, personal growth, and everyday challenges. Alex and John maintain their honest and humorous approach, ensuring listeners are both entertained and informed.

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Notable Quotes

• John [24:19]: "Have that conversation. He needs to take a proactive approach to getting you off."
• Alex [29:01]: "Leave a little bit of mystery... take like, wear a towel."
• Alex [35:55]: "If you feel you should tell, then it's the right thing to tell."
• John [53:25]: "Get out of your comfort zone. You won't regret it."

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Stay Connected: For more insights and unfiltered advice, subscribe to Give It To Me Straight on your favorite podcast platform. Follow Alex and John on social media and submit your questions for future episodes!

Transcript

[John]

How that conversation. He needs to take a proactive approach to getting you off, whether it's toys or extension pills on your.

[Alex]

What?

[John]

Like. Like what? Extension pills?

[Alex]

I mean, it sounds like you have experience. Do you know what an extension pill is?

[John]

If I had experience, I think I would know the name of it.

[Alex]

I don't know. Maybe you're just like.

[John]

You're right. You're right. Ask me later. And welcome back to Give it to me straigh.

[Alex]

I'm Alex.

[John]

And I am John. And where your gracious, gracious, gracious host.

[Alex]

One day we'll put that on a T shirt.

[John]

Alex and I need more energy, more passion. More energy, more passion.

[Alex]

Remember, more footwork.

[John]

More footwork, More footwork.

[Alex]

Can't do footwork, otherwise I'd kick Kobe. He's so cute. Speaking of his footwork, he likes to do footwork in our backyard and stain the carpets in our house.

[John]

Yeah, I don't love that. So we have. Is it black mulch? Is that what it is?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

If you have pets, don't get black mulch. And the reason I say that is because it's staining. It's staining Kobe's.

[Alex]

You know what people do, though? They probably have normal dogs who just pee where they should.

[John]

No, that's common. What he's doing is actually common because I'm seeing it all over Instagram. Basically, if you have a dog that, like, after they use the bathroom, they kick up the mulch or the grass or whatever, it's. It's a cocky, arrogant dog trait.

[Alex]

Apparently dominant.

[John]

And he's, like, spreading his scent everywhere. He wants to get it between his, like, glands and his paws.

[Alex]

He's just like. He's too old to be acting a fool at this point.

[John]

No. Alpha dog. You'll get smoked.

[Alex]

No, exactly. But this is why we can't bring him to dog parks. Because our vet. Because I was like, what's wrong with Kobe? Every time we bring him to a dog park, he gets assaulted. And he was like, it might be his stance.

[John]

I don't think it's his tail. I think it's how he's asserting himself. He throws his butt into people. I think that's like a playful people.

[Alex]

You mean dogs dogs?

[John]

He throws it into me too. He just, like, bumps into you.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[John]

But anyways, yeah, so that's annoying because then he runs in the house and then he just stains our rug. I'm not gonna clean the rug every single time. I don't know what to do.

[Alex]

So, I mean, we had that like fleshlight thing that you shove his paw. Oh yeah, but those get so dirty and then their paws are soaked. And he hated that.

[John]

I want like just like a wet stomp pad.

[Alex]

I don't know that that would work either. Like, what's a solution to cleaning your dog's paws? Someone had something.

[John]

That's easy. Cuz Especially for dogs who don't like their paws touch, which is Kobe.

[Alex]

I mean he's fine if you just wipe them down.

[John]

He hates it. Okay.

[Alex]

I mean he, he does it for me. You never do it. Yeah, I do.

[John]

I mean, I'm a little annoyed you didn't let him out last night before you went to bed.

[Alex]

John. He's the one who puts himself to bed. I'm not gonna.

[John]

Cool. So Alex doesn't put him out. So then it's 4:30 in the morning and he pacing back and forth, back and forth.

[Alex]

Wait a minute.

[John]

You got to go out? So then I had to put him on a leash to go out because I didn't want him kicking all the mulch up. And I'm in the dark trying to like clean his feet. So I'm just walking him outside.

[Alex]

Okay, cool. Did you see. I don't know if I sent it to you. Did you see this TikTok of this woman who was going to throw out her trash and she lives in Georgia in like the swampland, and she literally has to take a canoe from her house, put her trash on there, and then take a ATV to the dumpster. It's like this entire process. Process because she has to get out of where it's a flooded land and so she sticks her little chihuahua in her. They're called gator somethings. Where you like put on.

[John]

Yeah. Is she walking through the swamp?

[Alex]

Through the swamp with her dog?

[John]

Alligators.

[Alex]

Her dog was like, are you see your dog as bait? And she was like, no, my dog has to go out to pee. So then after I saw that, I was like, I will never complain again.

[John]

You get paid to live there. How does that work?

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who would willingly live there. But I was like, good for her. And she only took out like two bags of trash. I was like, I would wait until I had at least 20 bags of trash. That's before I left the house.

[John]

I need to. Oh, I want to bring up something because I need to defend myself because I feel like I was getting attacked in the comments. I'm not trying to victim blame John. I'm not trying to victim blame the woman for going to the guy's hotel room. Totally on the guy. No one should be put in that position. Either way, that guy's a. All I'm saying is there is some sort of line of common sense, whether it was a male or female. I guess if that's victim blaming, the common sense part where, like, I just don't think you should go to someone's hotel room.

[Alex]

Victim blaming is turning it around on, like, well, what were you wearing?

[John]

What were you doing? I'm more saying kind of like what.

[Alex]

You were saying, like, you should be smarter than that. And it's like I would say anything.

[John]

About a guy going to a women's. Like, it's common sense. Why would you go to someone's hotel room?

[Alex]

We need to start flipping the narrative and be like, why are there shitty men doing these things? And they're shitty women too, but, like, the majority are shitty men. Why are you? Why are you.

[John]

I don't think my. I don't think my point's getting across. I'm saying it's not appropriate. It's not appropriate for that person either way to go to someone's hotel room. When you're in a relationship.

[Alex]

Okay, we're like, going, so.

[John]

But I'm basing off that if you're in a relationship, like, you shouldn't be going to the hotel room. I just, like, don't think that's appropriate.

[Alex]

The hotel room. Again, I don't want, like, we got it, John.

[John]

You know, some chick was, like, ripping into me and I'm like, you know what? Hold on. Because do you know all the facts to. No. And I'm not trying to blame the person, but, you know, you know what I'm saying? Do you not agree with me? Like, it's just not appropriate either way to do it.

[Alex]

I, I get.

[John]

I'm not talking about the situation.

[Alex]

If it was to go to his hotel room, it was, that was. I think she was meeting him like, at the hotel bar. But whatever, different either way. It just like, you don't need to put the blame on her.

[John]

Well, everyone. That's like getting in my ass about it. I needed to.

[Alex]

Well, because it's the narrative about it. It's like, he is the person in power. That guy is not going to assume. It's like, he has to be the one held accountable, not her.

[John]

Yes, he 100% does. But you could still have some sort of, like, common sense not to do that.

[Alex]

That's like saying if someone was walking on the street in the dark. And then they got snatched or something happened to him. It's like your common sense. Why were you walking in the dark on the street?

[John]

No, I don't, I'm not. I don't compare the two.

[Alex]

I'm saying why were you running alone? Why were you doing this?

[John]

I'm saying an appropriate thing. Like if you're in a relationship, you should not be going to someone else's hotel room. If that's the narrative. Going out at night like it's a free country. You should be able to do whatever you want. That I'm would never come at someone for that. It's not the same thing.

[Alex]

But in this question, she, her boss knew that she had a husband and show she didn't assume that anything nefarious was going to happen.

[John]

I'm not. I don't care about the la la land part of like, you know, it's. It doesn't matter. Your moral compass. You should know that you shouldn't be going to the opposite sex hotel room either way. Like if you're. If it's you and me and you went to your boss's hotel room. I don't care if I like him.

[Alex]

Or my boss for 10 plus years.

[John]

I don't care. I would be. I'd be pissed at you. I'd be like, that's inappropriate. Why the would you do that? And I'd be mad at you for doing that. Besides that situation aside, like, I don't like that.

[Alex]

I. I know.

[John]

Would you appreciate if I went to my female boss's hotel room?

[Alex]

If it was the hotel room? No.

[John]

But again, I'd be like, point in case.

[Alex]

What are you going for? I don't like. This is supposed to be intros, John. I win, you relax. This is annoying that we're supposed to be talking about our week, what's been going on.

[John]

I feel good. I feel good that I just won.

[Alex]

I need to justify the shitty thing that I said.

[John]

It's not just shitty thing I said because I'm not going off of that. I'm gonna lose my mind. All right, I'll say something else.

[Alex]

I know that you're not victim blaming.

[John]

Let me say some funny stuff.

[Alex]

I celebrated my birthday. I ate so much cake. Happy birthday to me and you got me. Actually, your. Your present really was thoughtful. It really was. So I've.

[John]

I was thinking about the notebook, you know.

[Alex]

Thank you. And it's nice because it's like I can paint a view at our house.

[John]

So I got Alex an easel.

[Alex]

An easel. Some paints, some canvases. Because I've always enjoyed painting, but I never. I always just do it on the floor or like lean it up outside. I've never actually had like a good setup for it. It's just. And I don't do it often, but when I do do it, I'm like, this is so enjoyable. I love to paint. My sister's an artist. And so you reached out to her and you're like, what do I need to get? And so I'm excited to see.

[John]

I can't wait to lie naked on the couch and you paint me.

[Alex]

Oh my gosh. We should do that. That would be fun.

[John]

It's just upsetting to me how talented you are. Then I just have no, like, can I have just been sprinkled a little bit with some talent?

[Alex]

Everyone has their strengths.

[John]

Like, you can, you can paint a.

[Alex]

Creative person, but you are a very task oriented person. And that's not me. Like, if I didn't have you, I would get nothing done.

[John]

I want to be a pro at something though, you know, like pickleball.

[Alex]

Do it. You could do anything you set your mind to.

[John]

And I feel like, have you even tried jousting?

[Alex]

Have you even tried to paint or do anything creative? Like, I think that that is your self limiting belief because you're like, I'm not creative, but you just haven't tapped.

[John]

Sorry, I don't know why I'm calling you bae. I don't normally say that you haven't.

[Alex]

Tapped into your creativity enough. Like, like enough what do you just keep cutting me off? I'm trying to talk and you're like having this own conversation with yourself.

[John]

Go ahead.

[Alex]

You have this self limiting belief that you're not creative, but it's just because you haven't tapped into it.

[John]

Whatever. I don't. Doesn't. Doesn't matter. But you're saying I never painted. Which we did. We always did. Wine and design and I painted.

[Alex]

Okay, but I painted that fucking. At wine and design. Number one, we're halfway to blackout. Number two, those. Those paintings are not meant to go on your walls. Like, they're not. They're like of rainbows and flowers.

[John]

I would. I think I put my two.

[Alex]

You're right. Because when I did start dating you.

[John]

My dad's got the martini glass on the wall.

[Alex]

When I did start dating you, I did go over to your house and the only art was art that you and Goo had made at paint nights or whatever. Like, what the fuck is this?

[John]

He was so, like proud of those Two fucking New Orleans paintings. They were like this big. He goes, this is a famous painting.

[Alex]

Well, that was actually art. But the paint, the wine and design, I could only imagine because the. The paint that we did on, like, one of our date nights where you were like, sign your last name. And I was like, you're creepy trash.

[John]

That.

[Alex]

Yeah, but it was an ugly sunset. It was not anything that I would display in my home. I feel like you could.

[John]

Everyone's level of what's good is different. And I thought I did really good. I put a lot of heart and effort into it.

[Alex]

You know what we should do, though? One night pottery class is that. Which I am doing with my sister, but we should do where we paint each other.

[John]

Anytime I see a trend with a bunch of people, we don't have to film it.

[Alex]

I just think it'd be funny to do it. It'd be a funny date night to do. We don't have to film it.

[John]

Fine. I just love to.

[Alex]

Yeah, it would be interested to see. Also, another thing that we're doing recently is have you guys seen the show Fallout?

[John]

Very good.

[Alex]

So good. One of. I feel like one of the better shows that I've seen in a really long time.

[John]

I would love to be on that show. I'll be a ghoul or whatever. Shoot me. Whatever it has to be. I want. I want in. It's an awesome show. Actors are amazing.

[Alex]

Are you going to audition?

[John]

Sure.

[Alex]

Let me see. Give me your best.

[John]

Your what?

[Alex]

Your best audition for it right now. John.

[John]

A ghoul?

[Alex]

No, me.

[John]

And then he shoots me in the head.

[Alex]

That's not how ghouls behave.

[John]

Some of them that are, like, turning. They freak out.

[Alex]

Well, those are more like zombies.

[John]

I have funnier stuff to talk about, by the way.

[Alex]

Okay, then talk about.

[John]

Mine's better because. Okay, let me. Let me tell you. I forgot to tell you what the doctor said about me during. During my physical.

[Alex]

Our. Our shared pcp. Our shared primary care.

[John]

Shared doctor.

[Alex]

Oh, my gosh. Well, you had one experience with her, and I had a completely different experience with her.

[John]

She was so thorough.

[Alex]

Nice.

[John]

Really nice lady. Normally, your physical, it's not that much, like, not bad. She, like, strapped an EKG thing to test my heart rate and all this. And then, like, made me take my shirt off and she did, like, a skin scan on me. I'm like, wow, this is intense. But then she. I told her, because I remember, like I've told you guys in the past, I got a colonoscopy, blah, blah. And she's like, okay, good. Because if you didn't, she was going to stick her finger in my ass.

[Alex]

She said she would get a stool sample. She asked me. She was like, do you want me to take a stool sample today? And I was like, no, thank you. I've been poked and prodded enough the past few, few months and weeks. I'm good.

[John]

She wanted a stool sample from. Oh, was she gonna make you like, or. Or stick her finger?

[Alex]

I really. I don't know how she was gonna gather.

[John]

She was sticking her finger in me.

[Alex]

She was going to or she was going to.

[John]

I'm like, what up?

[Alex]

I think she would have delivered my baby if I asked her.

[John]

Oh, so super nice.

[Alex]

She didn't make you strip down naked Because I was butt well.

[John]

She was like, you could probably check your testicles better than I can your.

[Alex]

Shirt off right now.

[John]

I did that.

[Alex]

Of course she asked.

[John]

What was the. Oh, so, you know, she's checking my body and whatever. And then she's, she's like going around my neck and she asked me about my dad and like, his breathing and stuff. I was like, yeah, well, my dad's like on a cpap, you know, because for breathing at night. She goes, well, just, you know, she's trying to be nice about. She goes, well, if you gain weight, you're probably going to be susceptible to like, you know, breathing problems. And I'm like, why? She's well, your neck's kind of like short, shorter, and it's a little wider. I'm like, she's saying I had a fat neck.

[Alex]

I feel so justified because I've been saying that to you all along. I'm like, your neck is so thick. And you're like, my neck is normal.

[John]

I'm literally gain weight. You're not going to breathe.

[Alex]

The fact that now we have a board certified doctor who is telling you, yeah, you got a thick neck. I'm like, I'm justified. I knew it.

[John]

So basically she's saying, don't gain any weight. So there's that.

[Alex]

What are you going to do? Because your dad bod is coming on pretty strong.

[John]

I know. That's the other thing.

[Alex]

John looks at me the other day, he goes, we got to stop this. I need my partner in crime back. I was like, I can't. I'm.

[John]

I never used to eat sweets.

[Alex]

I'm not allowed to work out.

[John]

And so we're housing cake cookies, and I'm on board with it now. And I never used to eat that stuff.

[Alex]

It's also like, it Was just my birthday, you know, it's always going to be something, though. You know, you can also lift, though. Like, you could go to the gym. I have my yoga that I'm allowed to do and my short walks around the block. Like, I'm. I'm the one who's thriving. Thriving.

[John]

You're killing it. I'm proud of you. So, yeah, I. I did hear, though.

[Alex]

If you see me on Peloton doing a hit ride, it wasn't me.

[John]

Someone checked me on this fun fact. I did hear that, that dads, like, when during the whole pregnancy thing, they actually gain weight. Some sort of chemical thing to, like, prepare for the baby.

[Alex]

Do you think it's a chemical thing or do you think it's just because, like, I'm going for an extra snack and you're like, get me one, too?

[John]

I mean, I definitely think that. But maybe there is something. Or maybe it's just like a study that did, like.

[Alex]

You know what I do think it is, though? It's because pre pregnancy, we would have, like, a glass of wine or, like, you know, different meals at the end of the night. But it's like, now I'm replacing it with treats and, like, I am eating more. Like, I'm definitely more hungry. So you're eating additional snacks and meals with me, but you're also still, like.

[John]

Having once in a while. I mean, not as much.

[Alex]

A cocktail or two is still like.

[John]

500 calories, which is once in a while that, like, I'm still. Even before, like, when we were doing it. But I get. It's the sugar.

[Alex]

Yeah, you're replacing it. The additional treats that.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

You know, it's fine. We'll. We'll cut after. We'll go on, like, a really nice trim sesh after.

[John]

Right. I did. I wanted to bring up something else about a lot of comments I saw talking about you being high risk because you're 35.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. I know. People were like, alex, relax. It's okay. Everyone above the age of 35 is high risk. I'm like, okay, number one, who said you were 35? That's not the news that we received. However, most. I know a lot of women who have had pregnancies above the age of 35 and they never got the news that they were high risk. I know that you're considered a geriatric pregnancy, but I'm 30. I just turned 32.

[John]

I just wondered, is it like a pool of people just got together? Like, we think Alex is 35 and.

[Alex]

We'Re gonna Tell her that her news is invalid because she's just old. That's what it is. Like, I wish, I wish that's what I was crying about is that I'm 35 and having a baby.

[John]

But anyways, I just thought that was hilarious.

[Alex]

I also thought it was interesting that a lot of people were like, oh my gosh, I could see Alex as a boy mom because I never could see myself as I could.

[John]

100%.

[Alex]

No, I, I think it's because I grew up as a dancer that I always envisioned having.

[John]

You grew up as a tomboy? What are you talking about?

[Alex]

But I was always a competitive dancer.

[John]

Football player.

[Alex]

Oh my gosh, John, just because I could beat you up doesn't mean that I'm a tomboy.

[John]

You used to tell me all the time you were a tomboy and that like you were like, I didn't want to play with the girls, I wanted to play football with the boys.

[Alex]

No, I danced my whole life. I didn't like the monkey bars because I didn't have upper body strength. So I just wouldn't hang out on the monkey bars. But I again, I just always envisioned like having a little, little ballerina.

[John]

But you're not like a prissy girl. You're like, you get in there, you get in the dirt, you to the grind.

[Alex]

I just feel like boy moms though get such a bad rap, at least on social media because they, there's like toxic, I don't want to say toxic love, but like a toxic obsession that there's some boy moms have with their sons where they're like, no women will ever be good enough for my son.

[John]

Okay, well that's fucking weird.

[Alex]

I can't wait already to have a daughter in law. But I mean, I think either way we're going to be great parents to no matter what our child was going to be. But it's just funny because people were like, I got boy mom energy from you. And I'm like, really? I like girly things. Although my nails aren't done now.

[John]

I mean, it's literally boy or girl. Like half the people said you're a girl mom. You know, it's like, right, right, right trail. There's not many other options to choose from.

[Alex]

So for now, 50, 50, who knows, maybe in 18 years there will be more options.

[John]

You never know.

[Alex]

You never know. Any, any other updates you want to talk about? Like your birthday's coming up. What do you want? What do you really want?

[John]

Well, we're in Disney for my birthday, so we're excited.

[Alex]

Well, I'm excited for that because we're taking my brother and sister in law and my niece and nephew. I tortured John last year by bringing him because I wanted to go to Harry Potter for my birthday last year. So you came and I was like, okay, we're done. We did Disney. We'll never have to do it again. And then just so happens we have the opportunity to go again. So sorry, John. Happy birthday. We're going to Disney.

[John]

We're going to Disney. Can't wait to paint my face again.

[Alex]

However, I do think we should pack a lot of alcohol spray.

[John]

Oh yeah.

[Alex]

Because the chafing there. I'm sure. What didn't you chafe last year?

[John]

I'm going to tell you right now. I'm going to detour away from the group.

[Alex]

Why?

[John]

And I'm going to go to find a bar. Find a bar. I'm going to do the country thing.

[Alex]

That's really necessary. Everyone of you.

[John]

John, like I did my part in this.

[Alex]

I'm.

[John]

You're going to go, we're going to hang out but you're going to hang out with another pregnant wife and then your family and then I'm going to take your dad because we know what he wants to do. And we're going to go to the. And your brother. Oh wait, your, your mom's going. So you do like the girls thing and the guys can go and we'll split off a little bit though I don't know how much does your brother love.

[Alex]

You're just going to leave the kids with us? Like how about you guys take the kids to the bar around the world. We'll find you in Mexico. And we're just going to go to the spa.

[John]

We might have to. None of us go to the park.

[Alex]

I know Mexico in Epcot. Like the country of Mexico.

[John]

Oh, right.

[Alex]

Maybe I'll find you in Germany.

[John]

No, that'd be cool. So we do that. The only other thing I want to talk about and then we could jump into questions because I had a note about this. We. There was. There's a big convo about tips like tipping, the tipping culture and all that last episode. I feel like one other tipping culture thing I want to talk about and I want to know if I'm right or wrong is in New York, the gas pumps. I want to pump my own gas. And there's certain places where you can't. I know we've talked about it before but they go and the gas attendants pump your gas for you. And I'm like, is this. Do I have to tip every time? Like for the gas pump? I really like because I want to do it myself and it's annoying when I get out of the car and they like run over to pump it.

[Alex]

Jersey is a state where you actually can't pump your own gas. They would probably be the people to ask because I think there's only certain towns in New York where you can't do it or like they just jump ahead and they do it for you. But maybe people in from Jersey can weigh in. I don't know what other states you're not legally allowed to put allowed to.

[John]

It makes me uncomfortable going to.

[Alex]

Also, how do people really have cash on them? Because it's not like there's a tip option on the gas.

[John]

We know New York, New York is such a cash heavy state for anything tipping.

[Alex]

When I went, some restaurants are still only cash only. I'm like, how's this?

[John]

It's crazy. Well, the barber shop I go to, it was only tipping cash. I was like, shit.

[Alex]

Like, well, a lot of places are tipping cash because they don't want to claim it, but a lot of restaurants are just cash only here.

[John]

That's the one thing I loved about North Carolina. Like, at least Raleigh, it was so like modern with its like technology. You could split a bill 15 ways. Yeah. You know, and I never, I don't think I had cash on me for like the whole time we were there.

[Alex]

It's. I mean, I wonder how much cash we do need to keep cash on us for tips, but. But yeah, I don't know. When it comes.

[John]

Never cash on me ever.

[Alex]

When it comes to pumping your gas. I don't know. Someone weigh in? I have no idea.

[John]

Cool. Anyways, that was a lot good for us.

[Alex]

Let's jump into questions.

[John]

Let's do it.

[Alex]

Before we jump into questions, we want to thank Better Help for sponsoring this episode. As John once said, when life gives you lemons, sometimes those lemons hit you in the face and that's not fun. We all go through stressful times. Some seasons are harder than others. But when we keep them bottled up, it could really start to have a negative effect on us. Therapy is a judgment free zone to get things off of your chest and work through what's getting you down. It's no secret that I love therapy. It's given me a useful toolbox of skills to set boundaries, deal with difficult times in relationships and overall just be a better version of myself. Wouldn't you agree, John? I'm literally a better Version of myself.

[John]

She needs therapy.

[Alex]

No, I'm a great version of myself. Okay. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's completely online and it's designed to be convenient for you and your schedule. All that you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you're not vibing with your therapist, which is super important to do, you could switch at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with better help. Visit betterhelp.com straight today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H E L p.com straight let's dive in. To this day, I've never had an orgasm with my soon to be husband. Me and my fiance are high school sweethearts in our 30s and are set to get married in June. I came close to having one multiple times, but I never seemed to get there during sex. Am I missing out on the ultimate pleasure moment? I've had orgasms and know the feeling, but I don't know how to even begin bringing this up. I only ever had one more experience having sex with someone else when we were broken up for a while. But it was rather disappointing. Shall I act on this while I have the time? Also, he knows that I do not climax, but he does nothing about it.

[John]

Yeah, you're missing out. I can only speak towards a guy ejaculation. I thoroughly enjoy it.

[Alex]

Right, but like for a guy. Because for a female, it is different. Doing it on your own versus when it's body to body. Is it different for you?

[John]

Yeah, it feels different. Why are we so such children? Yeah, I mean, you should experience that if you die. You never had an orgasm.

[Alex]

You know, I guess you don't know what you don't know. But the one thing though that annoys me here is that your husband knows that you don't climax and he's doing nothing about it. Like the thoughtfulness is part of coming to an orgasm. It's him waiting until you're there, figuring out what positions you like. I don't like that. He's just like, oh, well, sounds like your problem. Handle it on your own.

[John]

Yeah, have that conversation. He needs to take a proactive approach to getting you off. Whether it's toys or extension pills on your.

[Alex]

What?

[John]

Like a. Like what? Extension pills? What is it like to like prolong Viagra? Prolong your climax? There's like. Isn't there something for that? I'm pretty sure there's something for that.

[Alex]

Again, Someone weigh in.

[John]

Somebody weigh in.

[Alex]

Do. I mean, it sounds like you have experience. Do you know what an extension pill is?

[John]

If I had experience, I think I would know the name of it.

[Alex]

I don't know. Maybe you're just like.

[John]

You're right, you're right. Ask me later. No, I'm pretty sure there's something like that. Well, I'm not talking about Viagra. That's different.

[Alex]

Just keeping your heart on. No, like, so that you can keep going. Like a porn star. No, like someone to continue to.

[John]

No, no, I. Not Viagra. That's just to keep an erection. Which is probably fine if that will do the job for you. But I think there's something to help. Dude, I might be making this up. I actually have no idea. Why do I think there's some sort of pill to keep you from. To help you prevent, like, ejaculating.

[Alex]

Get there or don't ejaculate. All right.

[John]

I'm pretty sure there's something.

[Alex]

I think it's more just like a mind thing. You just have to.

[John]

Oh, are you a dude?

[Alex]

Yeah. You just have to think about something. Like your grandma.

[John]

I'll nut even faster. Just kidding.

[Alex]

Wow, John, this is getting weird. Anyway, I think that you are missing out. I don't know that I would marry someone if they couldn't make me orgasm, honestly. And that's just my personal preference. But I do think you owe it to yourself to get there with your husband. Or at least, like, if you're still going to get married to him. You have times, like, try to figure it out. Figure out what you like and then have him work on that.

[John]

I feel like I gave really good advice.

[Alex]

I think you gave the worst advice. No, you literally just said that you would come even faster thinking about your grandma. So I'm going to move on to the next question. My partner works remotely for months at a time. During these periods, we're long distance. I've sent him a few sexy pictures that were all posed and I put a fair bit of effort into. He has also sent me some photos and videos, but it's more like dick pics and masturbating. It just doesn't do it for me. I love my partner and I find him so sexy. I'm worried about telling him and making him insecure, which isn't my intention at all. And if he's gonna send me something, I'd love some posed photos that show off his bod. What should I do, Tom?

[John]

What? What?

[Alex]

Kind of similar to the last question. It's like, yeah, you have to let them know what you want out of something. Like, if you're not gaining a positive experience or pleasure from what this other person is doing, you have to let them know.

[John]

I like, like, I know this podcast is all about giving advice. Literally, the only advice we ever give is like, just fucking communicate to your partner. Do you guys, people, like, write out these long ass questions, like, let me break down all this stuff. And it's like, did you tell them? Did you have the conversation?

[Alex]

We could answer every question with just communication. You left me hanging.

[John]

I don't feel like singing right now.

[Alex]

I just like. But yeah.

[John]

Are we, like, really good at giving information or is it just like really, really obvious?

[Alex]

I think some of them are really obvious. I don't think think we're anyone special. That's why we say it's mediocre.

[John]

Do we even have to break this question down? Just like.

[Alex]

Well, I think she just doesn't want him to feel bad about sending videos of him jerking off. You know? Like, I will say, this is it. No, but I will say I've never gotten a dick pic from you. Unfortunately.

[John]

Never again.

[Alex]

Never again. I never got one. You ruined it.

[John]

I did. I know.

[Alex]

Before we were even together. So I will say, though, with people who I was with in the past, this was the type of content that they would send me as well. If I would send like a hot pic, they'd be like, here's my hard dick. I'm like, I don't want to see that.

[John]

Who are you gonna talk to you about it? You and your group of guy friends? Like, I sent this solid, but I.

[Alex]

Don'T want to see you stroking your.

[John]

Dick and then even a photo like, you. You got it.

[Alex]

Just like, I. I think it's similar to, like, leave a little bit of mystery. Like, take like, you could be naked, wear a towel. I want to see, like that deep V line in.

[John]

See? Oh, so you're saying no pee pee.

[Alex]

No pee pee photos. No.

[John]

Interesting.

[Alex]

I like, I don't care to see the actual. Yeah, like, I like it when it's inside of me, but I don't need to look at it.

[John]

Got it. Got it.

[Alex]

And to each their own. That's just my preference. But how is your partner supposed to know if you don't say, hey, I would love this from you.

[John]

I think he should send a picture of his tarantula hole.

[Alex]

If I got that from you, I would literally think I was looking at War of the Worlds. I'd be like, someone bring Me a sword. Is this the intro to Jungle Cruise?

[John]

Hacking away.

[Alex]

Speaking of Jungle Cruise, we're going to have to, like, make reservations to get on all these rides. Like, what am I allowed to go on in Disney? I don't even know.

[John]

I'm going to find a pool over.

[Alex]

On any of the rides. Next question. I like how we also talk about, like, masturbating and fudgeing and then straight to, like, I can't wait to go on the teacups.

[John]

I think we're so desensitized to everything. Like, do we need to reel it in?

[Alex]

I don't know.

[John]

I don't care.

[Alex]

YouTube might demonetize us for our conversations.

[John]

But take the 50 cents. What?

[Alex]

Next question. My friend and I were supposed to go to a nice dinner at a restaurant that was hard to get a reservation for, but I managed to get one. She then told me a few days before she couldn't make it because she had to go home for a funeral, which I was totally fine with. But then I saw her post that she was at dinner and a musical with another friend. Do I confront her about it or just pretend nothing happened and try again to make dinner plans with her?

[John]

Did she actually go to a funeral? Did she actually go to the funeral?

[Alex]

But we. Okay, My advice is she canceled plans, so she's the one who could remake them in this situation. I'm like, who's to say that she didn't go to the funeral, didn't post there, and then she also went to a musical and dinner with her friend? Who cares?

[John]

I think it's null. Avoided. If she actually did the event that she said she was going to. Unless it was. Unless it's in the same town. Like, you had the funeral and then like, you had all this free time afterwards. That's just when you could have gone to the. Hold on. Say the funerals during the day, you have reservations at like, seven at night, she's free during that time. It's in the same town. But she went to hang out with somebody else.

[Alex]

She went home, so I'm assuming home is in a different town.

[John]

Oh, then, no, you can't. I wouldn't say anything. What, do you think she's going to drive all the way back?

[Alex]

Well, and not just that. No. I think she's more annoyed that, like, you know, she potentially maybe didn't go to this funeral. It was an excuse. But she went to dinner in a musical with a different friend. To me, I'm just like, I. Sometimes things happen, like plans. Something happens. I Have a doctor's appointment and I have to cancel plans. And then afterwards, because I canceled plans with that. Like, I just. I'm going to do something else. I'm not thinking, oh, my gosh, is so and so going to worry that I also live your life. You know, if this was not. She didn't intentionally cancel on you to be a bad friend. And if she did, you'll find that out eventually. But I just. You just gotta assume. You can't assume the worst of people.

[John]

I want. Yeah. I wouldn't dive deep into it and get petty with it.

[Alex]

I would wait for her, though, to try to make plans again, since she's the one to that. Canceled.

[John]

Maybe. Well, next time. You tired? Just like, hey, how was the funeral?

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah. And the musical and dinner.

[John]

No, no. Be like, how much is this person a liar?

[Alex]

I don't think she lied. I think she probably went to the. Well, you'll know and did multiple things.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You know, life happens. Just roll it. Let her come to you. Yeah, I think that's the rule, though. Like, if you're the one who cancels plans, you have to be the one to make them the next time. Would you agree?

[John]

I don't care. Honestly, I just. This is not a big deal to me.

[Alex]

Next question. I recently bumped into an acquaintance of mine at a bar with another woman who was not his wife. He had his hands on her and they definitely kissed at one point. He came over to me later and told me that he and his wife had split and they were living in different states. Now, two days later, he and his wife announced on Facebook that they were pregnant with their second child.

[John]

Shocked. So shocked.

[Alex]

Is it my place to tell his wife what I saw? Saw? And possibly ruin their seemingly happy marriage? Or do I mind my own business and let things naturally take its course?

[John]

Now, these are the kind of questions that are different than just saying something.

[Alex]

Right? I mean, communication here. How.

[John]

I think it always goes down to. Okay, let's brass tax here. We got to break this down. Pros.

[Alex]

What did you just say?

[John]

Brass tax.

[Alex]

What's that? Brass?

[John]

Like, let's get down to basics. You know, I've never heard that. Maybe that's what that. I'm pretty sure that's what it means.

[Alex]

Maybe. I don't know.

[John]

But, like, breaking down. So her friend is the woman, not the guy.

[Alex]

I think she's probably friends with the couple. It sounds like she wrote or whoever.

[John]

Whatever.

[Alex]

I bumped into an acquaintance of mine at a bar.

[John]

If it's just an acquaintance. No, I Wouldn't say shit, but, like, break down everything. What is your relationship? Who's your relationship with? Pros and cons of doing either one.

[Alex]

I almost don't know, though, because even if an acquaintance who wasn't close with.

[John]

Us, if it's just an acquaintance, I probably wouldn't say anything because it's not my place to insert myself. But if it's like a good friend of mine, like, I would have a hard time, like, keeping that in. Like, I think that would affect me.

[Alex]

I. What I'm saying, though, is that even if it was an acquaintance who ran into, let's say you at a bar, saw you with another woman, and then, like, found out that, like, you know, we are actually together, I would want to know. And so it's like, part of me is, like, on the outside or looking in, I'm like, oh, my God, stay out of it. Let it run its. Let it run its course. But if I'm the woman, if I'm the wife, I would want to know. I wouldn't care. And at least, like, if you're not that close, it's almost like you could just, like, let them know and then be like, whatever, this is what I saw. Like, I don't know what your relationship dynamic is, but I would want to know. Take it as you will, but you have to know that they might not respond to that. Great, but that's not. Also, your place. Doesn't matter. You just, like, saw what you saw. I don't know these situations.

[John]

I would love, like, you know, whatever We. However we answer this, there's someone in our comments who, like, religiously watches our videos because I've gotten this before. We'll answer something and they'll be like, episode 35. This is how they.

[Alex]

We're hypocrites. We change. It depends on the day.

[John]

We have so many questions like this, and it's just like. It's so difficult.

[Alex]

It is true. It really just depends on the day of how I'm feeling. But today I'm feeling like if I was the wife, I would want to know. And so. And I could do that information. I could do with that information whatever I want. How do I say that? I don't fucking know. Do with that information as I will. But I think. I don't. I don't. I don't know. But then if I saw it, would I say something like, would I actually have the balls to DM someone and be like, hey, BT Dubs, I saw your husband smooching on some chicken?

[John]

You Wrote BT dub in a text message about something drastic. Would be so pissed at you, btw. Lol. Just letting you know.

[Alex]

Btw, I could be wrong, but your husband, I definitely saw him at a bar make out with someone.

[John]

I would base it off of your relationship with these people. For me. That's. I'm like, do I really want to insert myself in this?

[Alex]

Think about if it was you.

[John]

Just prepare for the backlash.

[Alex]

Yeah, but what backlash can they give other than, like, shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about.

[John]

I'm like, this guy might try to kill me for wrecking his marriage.

[Alex]

My gosh.

[John]

And now I'm blaming myself as the victim. Blaming that I'm putting myself in this situation. You just have to look at that kind of stuff, be like, are you prepared for whatever backlash there is? Or blowback? I'm sorry for whatever your response is.

[Alex]

That is a Hallmark movie. Whistleblower tells the wife, the husband. I'm sure it's made already. Husband goes after the.

[John]

From Hallmark. I'm sure it has a happy ending.

[Alex]

No, Hallmark sometimes has. They get dark, like, true crime ish vibes in there. Yeah, cheesy. Cheesy true crime vibes.

[John]

But do you think Virgin river still has another season coming out?

[Alex]

I don't know. You didn't even watch the last season.

[John]

I need to get. Well. I'm waiting for, like, the.

[Alex]

The right weather, but it's similar, like, to that.

[John]

That's when it starts snow. We'll start watching Virgin river again maybe.

[Alex]

During the fall when I'm like, you know, recovering.

[John]

If you guys have seen Virgin river, the opening shots with the drone, I'll just keep. It's just like with the sun. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It just puts me in such a good mood. Virgin River.

[Alex]

You always say how you would want to live somewhere like that, but I know that you would want to punch yourself in the face after one week.

[John]

I mean, I definitely would be like, everyone beta. The beta male. That whole thing is, they'd be like, can someone help me?

[Alex]

Can someone fix my fireplace?

[John]

I shot my finger off trying to cut wood.

[Alex]

I just feel like everyone in those small towns is up each other's ass and in each other's business that you.

[John]

Would be like, convergent river. Yeah. Like, did you hear what Bill did yesterday?

[Alex]

It's like, no one has privacy. There's so much drama going on.

[John]

No one has privacy. But everyone has 10 acres of land. But somehow they all know each other's shit.

[Alex]

And Then the doctor is also the bartender and the mailman. Everyone has 18 jobs.

[John]

I found it so interesting that that guy played the exact same role. And what other show was it?

[Alex]

I don't remember.

[John]

He was in Animal House, if you guys remember that movie. He's been in a bunch of stuff, but he's Doc, Doc whatever in Virgin River. He plays the same exact character in a different show that I don't think lasted long, but it was very ironic.

[Alex]

Anyways, nice little segue into the next question. My fiance and I are getting married in six months, and I recently had my makeup trial. I'm someone who never wears makeup, but I want to wear it for my wedding. I want a neutral look and have my makeup noticeable in photos, but also not over the top. I came home from the trial excited about how I looked, and I asked my fiance if he liked it. He flat out said no and told me he didn't think I looked pretty. He said it was too much and he just wanted me to wear mascara. I'm unsure if I should change my look because I liked it. But also I want my future husband to think I look pretty on our wedding day. Do I say, fuck his opinion and do what I want or try to find a compromise?

[John]

Let me go first. Let me go first. Let me go first. Let me go first. Let me go first. Okay, first. First off, you do whatever you want to do. It's your wedding day. Whatever makes you feel confident, do it. That being said, I wouldn't have been as hurtful as the husband was, but I. I will say, as a husband in the past, it is a shock when you see the amount of makeup that they put on your face. It is. It's almost like. Like I. I dated somebody who's a news anchor, and the amount of makeup they put on her for the. For the screen was like an ungodly amount. And you know what? Whatever makes you confident, that's cool. And I feel bad for saying that, but, like, I didn't recognize you with the amount that you had.

[Alex]

I had gotten a trial done, and you were like, wow, that's a lot. And I said, I don't give a fuck. I look so good. And I knew that pictures, like pictures. I was like, I look like I'm wearing a filter, whereas when I do my everyday normal look, like, I don't look as flawless as when they actually airbrush you. But you're not doing it for. For your husband to look at you. You're doing it for your pictures to look beautiful in 20 years from now. And if you felt beautiful, because I know I did. When I got my makeup done and John said, that's too much. I said, I don't care.

[John]

I didn't say, that's too much. I go, wow.

[Alex]

Wow.

[John]

I go, do you? Because that's all I could do. I'm not gonna. I'll never say don't do something, but.

[Alex]

Looking back at photos and videos, 100% worth it, because I don't. Again, you just look truly flawless. And then when you want it to last all day like you want.

[John]

I mean, technically, Al, you had, like, this was different than, like, they didn't flush it into you.

[Alex]

I had a high neck line on. It looked. It was all flush. You're just making shit up because you're like, I need to justify the reason as to why I thought that you shouldn't have worn that makeup. It didn't actually look good.

[John]

I never said. Again, you keep. You keep putting words in my mouth. I never said, don't do it ever. You asked my opinion.

[Alex]

I didn't ask your opinion.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

No. 100%.

[John]

Maybe. I honestly. Maybe I just didn't see you. You came in and I saw you, and I was like, oh, okay. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you.

[Alex]

Shut the up.

[John]

It's not like I was warmed up to what was going on. I saw you and I had my trial. You knew what it was going to anything, like yourself.

[Alex]

Yes, I did. Like, I just looked like an enhanced version of myself. I think, do what you want. And also, like, you're. You're not going to look like that every day if you're confident. But that's the thing. You want to feel confident. If you feel like it's too much, then tell your makeup artist to tone it down a little bit and do something more natural to you. But if you felt confident, don't let your fiance tell you. They're always going to think it's going to be too much. Because then again, like, they'll. They're going to look at Instagram and see Kim Kardashian or other influencers and be like, wow, their makeup is beautiful and natural. It's caked on. It's caked on. So I'm telling you, do what you want and what you think is going to look good in photos. Who cares? You're going to look. You're like your natural self every other day.

[John]

Another thing about brides on wedding days and, like, let's talk about Hair. How many brides hate their hair when. When someone else does it? I just like thinking about that.

[Alex]

Well, I had like four hair trials until.

[John]

Didn't my sister hate hers? My sister hated her hair.

[Alex]

Did she?

[John]

Maybe the first time she. I know she hated one of the first wedding. Yeah. I. I just feel like a lot of people we've talked to like, never like their hair done by someone else and they.

[Alex]

Well, a lot of people don't like their makeup done by someone else or I think it just when you're so used to the way that you look, you're very like, this is me. And then when you do your makeup and hair to go out, you're like, this is, you know, my makeup look and my nice hair look. And so when it's done over the top, like whenever you get your makeup done by a professional or your hair done by a professional, it can be jarring because you're like, I've never seen myself like this before. But an outsider looking in, you're like, that person looks stunning. That person looks beautiful. You know?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'll do your makeup, John, if you really want to look beautiful. I think you were just jealous that I was flawless on my wedding day and you looked like you hadn't slept.

[John]

You were as tan as me on our wedding day.

[Alex]

I was. I did actually go tanning though too. I was like, spray tan me. I don't want to be a pasty ass bitch. Like right now. I'm too pale for this. Should we move on?

[John]

Sure.

[Alex]

Next question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years now and living together for almost two. We really love each other and I think both hope to move on to marriage and kids someday. I'm 28 and he's 30. We get along for the most part and have a lot of similar values, which is what drew me to him initially. But the problem is he plays video games every day. If it was up to him, he would be gaming nonstop morning to night. This is a huge red flag and a turnoff for me and has caused most of our major fights. I get upset that if I don't nag him to go out and do something, he has no problem saying, sitting inside all day gaming or watching sports. I didn't know this was the case before we moved in. I thought maybe he would just game here and there. I'm worried that it seems like he doesn't have any other interest or desires to live life outside of gaming and watching sports. I find it hard to imagine my life with Children married to a man that just wants to stay inside every day and game. Am I the asshole for getting upset about this way of being. We've talked about this issue and he promises that he will change. But even when we go out to dinner or on a quick walk, walk. It seems like he's just rushing to get through it to get back to gaming. This is such a turnoff and a problem for me. Help.

[John]

There's a difference between a hobby and an obsession. And that's. It seems like an obsession is what's going on. I don't know why that was so hard for me to get out.

[Alex]

An addiction. It sounds like an addiction. Yeah, addiction.

[John]

Yeah. I mean I wouldn't fault someone for if that's his hobby. Like it's like he doesn't have any other interest whatever. Like who cares if that's just as if that's what he likes to do. That's what he likes to do. But not taking time aside to spend time with you, rushing through, hanging out with you, that's a terrible feeling.

[Alex]

Rushing through quality time with you. Because again like everyone has their different interests in what they do during their me time. But to your point, this sounds like it's over. Excessive. And so. But what, but what is your advice here? You know, it sounds like she's had a conversation and he hasn't changed.

[John]

It's like I would, I would. One thing that I'm thinking of is talk about your schedules. What are your schedules? Like your how how like what's your work schedule at home schedule. And figure out a time where it's like this time is slotted specifically for us at least during the week, vacations, whatever, aside. But this way you can focus on any. He knows his time frame. Whether it's like does he hang, does he play with his boys? Be like I know that after 8:30 at night I'm all yours guys. I could play with you then for like an hour or two. And that way he knows the time so he's not rushing through the time that he's spending with you. So I think scheduling, I know as shitty as it sounds like he should want to spend time with me, like, but that's what he loves to do. Like I'm not going to knock him for that. But it's too much. It is too much.

[Alex]

Well when it's taking over your quality time together or just it's the only thing that he seems to be doing, like is he falling back on helping around the house, cooking dinner, all these other things because it sounds like you said this has caused most of your major fights. Is it like, you know, obviously it's something to be addressed, so you've, you've addressed it. I think you have to give him the opportunity to change his behavior for what would look like a.

[John]

Well, I think she already tried and he's not done anything. So there needs to be a proactive approach from both of them. I think you've already had the combo.

[Alex]

I mean, this would be a deal breaker for me if I was with someone who only spent their time playing video games or watching sports and like, did not have other. And again, maybe if they had their slotted time towards the end of the night to do these things, sure. But if this was all consuming to them, where this was all that they could think about, they weren't helping me do things they didn't want to, make plans on the weekends, get out of the house, do other things. Because that's important to me is to go out, do activities and other things together. This would be a deal breaker for me.

[John]

I know and I agree with that. But more needs to be done besides just say, just talking about it, like, next step is like, why don't you both try to implement something together that's.

[Alex]

Going to work for both of you into your life? Yeah.

[John]

Okay, cool.

[Alex]

Next question. My partner and I have lived in our home city for our entire relationship, so seven years. We both have work opportunities that could move us to a beautiful place where we have always wanted to live. But we have a huge group of friends here, our families, and most recently two nephews that we love to spend time with. However, having the chance to adventure off to somewhere new is exciting and we've always wanted to. When we tell friends and families about our possible plans, it is sometimes met with excitement, sometimes not. And sometimes they just go on and on about how expensive it would be to live where we are hoping to move. We understand they don't want us to go, but we wish that they could be happy for us. You guys have moved many times near and far from family. Did you experience this when you moved? How did you talk to your families about it and ultimately make the decision to go?

[John]

For me, it was different because my parents were like the first of their family to uproot and move to Virginia and then like they've moved all over the place. So my mom travels like every two days for work to a different country or whatever. So like it was different for me. They always are like moving is growing kind of. Yours was different.

[Alex]

Yeah, I Mean, a lot of people in my family have never left New York. And I think because I went away to college when I was 18 and hadn't been home since, it made it a little bit easier. But we did go home. We did move back to New York for like a two to three year time period. And then moving after that, I think was more difficult for them to hear that, like, we weren't going to be staying in New York forever. And then we ended up traveling for another like five or six years.

[John]

I think it was a little opposite though, because they're saying, like, oh, it's really expensive to leave and go move somewhere. Because for us we were living in New York. Like, we have to go somewhere because we can't afford to live here in New York. Yeah.

[Alex]

But then we went to California. People were like, why? I think California was probably the move where people were more confused or not necessarily necessarily like excited or on board. But what has helped us with every move, because even no matter what move we made, we had people in those places who loved us and didn't want us to go. So it was a difficult conversation whether it was leaving Raleigh, leaving New York, leaving Virginia, leaving la, all these places. People were bummed to hear that we're leaving and moving. But what made it easier for us was we decided what we wanted to do and then we were grounded in that decision so that all these outside opinions didn't fucking matter.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

So I think that that's what you have to do. You have to. And also, if you're thinking now in this part of your life, should we, should we not? When are you going to, like, now is the perfect time to do it. I'm not saying that you can't do it when you're in your 40s and 50s, but once you have kids, it's going to be a lot more difficult to uproot them and move them and change schools. You know, you want them to kind of have an established area. Of course there are situations where people do have to move around for work and stuff, but I don't know, I think that if you guys don't have kids, now is the time in your life to travel and try something new.

[John]

If you guys are already thinking about it, I'm. I'm sure you want to do it. So, like, I would lean on those feelings because the, the ability for you to progress in work. Because they said, like, they have good work opportunities.

[Alex]

Yeah. Like their work would be able to.

[John]

Bring them over the feeling of what if be like, wow, I Could have maybe made more money or got that promotion or did something by. By moving. Like, you don't want to be upset down the road if you don't do it, because you can always move back.

[Alex]

I was just going to say you could always move back. I always answer from my future self. I go, would I regret it if I didn't? Would I regret not making this decision? And if the answer is probably or yes, and I'm like, who cares? Let's do it. You know, if you could financially do it, do it. It'll be fun. If you hate it, move back.

[John]

Exactly. You can always move back. It's not a problem. My one word of advice would be, I mean, we've made a little bit of money on each one of our homes. Not much because we move so quick. I would recommend renting. I would just. Just go out there and feel it out first. Because it is such a. To buy something first do all this stuff, then have to sell it and whatever with your furniture.

[Alex]

And we've done that every time.

[John]

A nightmare. Just rent.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

What's a year rent a year? And if you like it, then commit some. I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't see the rates going down anytime soon anyways, so.

[Alex]

And that's true too. Like, renting is not as permanent of a move. So I think. And. And if you guys already have a home in your home city, like, maybe you could rent that out. Whatever works for you guys financially. But if you're thinking about it, I think do it. Why the not, you know, but you have to be on the same page about that. And then that why those. That way, those other outside opinions, they don't matter.

[John]

Get out of your comfort zone. I'm telling you right now. Get out of your own way. Get out of your comfort zone.

[Alex]

You won't regret it.

[John]

You won't regret it.

[Alex]

Next question. I dated my boyfriend for almost three years. Then we broke up for about a year and a half. No big reason for the breakup. Just needed some space and to work on our issues. After a year and a half, we are now back together. But during that time, I had gotten close to someone else. I didn't foresee us getting back together, so I tried to move on. Well, during that small attempt to move on, I got pregnant and then I had an abortion. Do I tell my boyfriend about this or do I start fresh as if he was someone new? We are not planning on having a family, so I don't think this will come up for any health or Medical reasons, but it is kind of a big deal. For reference, we are in our 30s and we have had very serious talks about the future. So this is where I wonder what's. What is worth sharing and what can be left in the past. Thanks, mom and Dad.

[John]

I mean, when we talked about numbers, the. Your body count, you know, and weren't we both, like, you know, it's your. I don't think that's a conversation that needs to be discussed. Me personally, like, I don't want to know. I don't. Like, does your partner deserve to know everything about your past? Like, is it. Is it going to affect him? I don't think it's going to affect him, dude. I don't know.

[Alex]

That's tough in this type of situation. I could completely understand where this isn't information that if you made the choice to not share, I could completely understand your reasonings as to why personally, if this was me, I would have to share. I just think that that's. I don't think sharing your past partners matters because it's not now a part of, like, your story. But if this was something that I experienced, I know that this would impact me just like physically, mentally, or just like moving forward. Like, it's not.

[John]

Would your future self regret not telling him?

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

During that time?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

That the window was open to say something.

[Alex]

Exactly. I just know that if this was us, I would tell you, but I.

[John]

But I'd be telling because I just feel like I have to get something off my chest. Like, I don't know where you stand if that's something that affects you. Like, I can't keep anything inside, so I always have to say how I'm feeling. I don't. Other people are different, but that's also.

[Alex]

Because we were unsure about our future when it came to, like, starting children. And that is a question that they do ask. When you are going to your checkups, your appointments, it's like, have you been pregnant before? Was it a miscarriage? Was it an abortion? You know, what was the reason? And so I just think that those conversations with your partner do come up naturally or, you know, if you are gonna start a family. If you don't think that you're gonna start a family or this conversation will really ever come up, you know, it's really up to you. This is such a personal thing that, like, we can't be the ones to tell you that this is information that you need to share or not, because it's. It's just not our experience, you know, But I just know myself, and I. I know that I would share.

[John]

I would, too. And that's just me.

[Alex]

I don't think that there's a right or a wrong.

[John]

No, I don't think you're wrong with whichever decision you decide.

[Alex]

So we didn't help you at all, probably, but best of luck.

[John]

I will say this. I think somehow, some way it's gonna come up. It's gonna come out in some sort of conversation. You're probably better off addressing it on your own terms than it coming out on someone else's terms.

[Alex]

I think in these situations, if it's something that you feel on your heart that you should tell, then it's probably the right thing to tell. And again, not that there's like a right or a wrong, but, like, what is going to give you. You a sense of mental peace in your brain? Because the fact that you're already having this question and debate of, like, do I tell him? Do I not? What's. You know, what do I do?

[John]

You don't want it to eat at you either. You know, that's not healthy for you, your mental health. So. Well, best of luck with that one.

[Alex]

I feel like that's another saying that we need to get on a shirt is best of luck.

[John]

Yeah, best of luck.

[Alex]

It's like, to each their own best of luck. Those are blankets.

[John]

Dump his ass.

[Alex]

Dump his ass. Next question. While in the middle of renovations, I found an old plaque for my ex's family's winning racehorse. I reached out to my ex's sister and asked if she would like me to leave it on the porch one day for her to come and get it. We had a short conversation. Typical hope all is well text and conversation. That was all of two messages each. Later that evening, my ex texted me, I don't have his number saved. And the message I received was thanking me for being so nice. Of course, I had no idea, so I asked who it was. When he replied, explaining his sister had reached out to tell him I had the plaque and she was picking it up from me, I made the decision to not reply to him. When my husband asked what the random number was, who messaged me, I proceeded to say nothing. But when he asked me again, I told him exactly what it said and that it all stemmed from my messaging my ex's sister. My husband is no longer speaking to me. He is extremely angry that I would reach out to anyone in my ex's family or even care to return any items of theirs. Am I the asshole for reaching out to them to return an item of value even though it's my ex's families? Or is my husband the asshole for making me feel like I'm in the wrong when I have never and will never respond to my ex?

[John]

The one part where you up was saying, it's no one. Like you.

[Alex]

You got to get ahead of those things.

[John]

No, you. Like, I would be pissed if I was the husband, because then I'd feel like something shady when you said, it's no one, and then you backpedaled and said, well, I texted my ex's sister. Like, that would make me feel very insecure or, like, uncomfortable.

[Alex]

Transparency is everything in a relationship, especially regarding certain things that your partner could take out of context or might make them insecure. Like, if this was me, I would throw it out. I'm not the type of person who would be like, I know.

[John]

I don't think you're in the wrong for that.

[Alex]

No, I don't think so either. But I'm just, like, the type of person where I'm just like, I don't care to return this shit. But if you do, I. I would have also probably said to my husband, hey, this is for my ex. I'm gonna reach out to the sister.

[John]

So much easier to just, like, get ahead of it. Call your shit out.

[Alex]

Yeah. As opposed to.

[John]

Though you do need a. Sorry, my voice. You do need to check yourself, too. Like, are you just reaching out to give this random fucking heirloom thing back, or are you trying to, like, open a line of communication?

[Alex]

Right. Because I think that's. That's where I said that I wouldn't return it. Because anytime that I've come across something that I know an ex's family would appreciate, I'm like, do I want to open this door? No. And what would. What would my purpose be for, really? Like, they obviously hadn't. Haven't needed it for years.

[John]

I'm more now thinking, as the husband of, like, this is. There's a two. Two piece to this that makes me very, very uncomfortable. You not lying, but, like, not divulging the information at first, and then also just, like, why. Why even bring this up?

[Alex]

But it is what it is. You messaged her you like. Your intentions, according to your question, were not bad. And so I think that you have to explain to your husband that that's all that it was. Let him look at your phone if you need him to.

[John]

Do you think? What's her response if he's like, why didn't you tell me who was on answer.

[Alex]

I be like. Because I just, I didn't think about it. It was. But couldn't be me.

[John]

Not a good enough answer. If I was not her.

[Alex]

So I can't get into her brain and be like, what would my response be? Because if this was me, I would, I would. It wouldn't be an. I just. I wouldn't have this thing. I wouldn't care.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

Why do you hold on to things from your ex's family?

[John]

Don't try to flip this on me. I'm. I'm looking at your, your energy right now. Your response.

[Alex]

I literally said I would throw it yeeted in the garbage. So I don't know what you're trying to pin me for.

[John]

Uh huh. Best of luck.

[Alex]

Best of luck. Next question. What would you do if you were in a long term relationship and found an ex on YouTube? Being an influencer. I've been dating my boyfriend for a few years and I recently found this really funny podcast that has me in stitches. One problem. I dated one of the people. My boyfriend thinks it's super weird that I want. That I want to watch this podcast and it makes him really uncomfortable. But it first started off as curiosity, trying to see what type of content he puts out with his partner, me. But now I can't seem to stop watching these videos as they are really, really funny. We all need some laughter in life and I even invited my boyfriend to join me in tuning in, but he's not interested in even trying to listen. Am I in the wrong here? Okay, if this is about us, your boyfriend needs to get on board. Like, we're really great. I could talk to you about the shit that John has probably put you through. And he puts me.

[John]

She's obviously thinking about me in a certain way. So she's like, okay, funny. If this is funny, I am a funny guy.

[Alex]

She's probably watching for me, John, because she's like, wow, I can't believe he snagged her. What? What type of juju did he swindle on her?

[John]

I go through my head, I'm like, what ex girlfriend would listen to this podcast that doesn't hate me?

[Alex]

Can't think of any.

[John]

I can't think of a single person.

[Alex]

So let's, let's go off of the basis that this isn't us.

[John]

I can't. It's me.

[Alex]

No, John, not everything's about you.

[John]

All right, so basically, whichever one of you lucky ladies out there is watching. What was the question? I wasn't even listening.

[Alex]

John's Dick just got so hard thinking that he still wanted.

[John]

I'm fully erected now.

[Alex]

I'm mad at you. So she's watching. Her ex is a content creator.

[John]

Oh, yeah. The guy doesn't like it.

[Alex]

Yeah. Her current boyfriend is like, what? I agree with that. It'd be like if you're. If you had an ex who was an influencer girl and you're like, alex, she's really funny with her husband.

[John]

I'd be like, oh, so she's like, telling him, like, talking about it.

[Alex]

I'd be like, dude, I don't give a.

[John]

Read the room.

[Alex]

So many other content creators out there that you could consume their content. Like, I. I don't know if you.

[John]

Are looking at their content. Like, read the room. Like, obviously it's making your guy uncomfortable. Like, don't talk about.

[Alex]

Also, I feel like, what were your intentions of looking at their con? I mean, you said curiosity. Because. True. If, like, my ex boyfriend had a podcast, I'd be like, oh, my God, how much is he talking about?

[John]

Don't talk to me about it, though. I'd be like, that's enough.

[Alex]

No, but I also listen to it.

[John]

On your own.

[Alex]

I also would know internally, I'd be like, I would feel inappropriate watching my ex continuously. Like, I just feel like it's.

[John]

It's.

[Alex]

It's almost like, stop. I don't want to say stalking them because, like, they're putting out their content, but I don't know, because it's like emotional cutting.

[John]

This is a. This is a good topic. Because I'm like, is looking if your ex is a content creator where it's their job to put out content. If it's like, engaging content, stuff like that. Like, what is your intentions compared to, like, an ex, that you're just, like, stalking their, like, personal page.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

If it's like a public page, like, I can probably get more on board with that.

[Alex]

Taylor Swift's exes look. Listen to her music.

[John]

Sure. They're probably like, did she come out with a part two talking shit about me?

[Alex]

Yeah. I mean, maybe it's kind of similar in that regard, but I don't. If your partner is uncomfortable with it, which rightfully so. Like, I know that I would feel very uncomfortable if you were engaging or, like, not engaging, just not engaging, but interested in your ex's content. Because I'd be like, why? Like, why do you still want them to be part of your life? Because podcasts are very intimate where you do become friends with this person. You keep up with their daily life. I'd be like, why do you care so much what's going on in her life? I guess if roles were reversed, you know, think about me, like, if I was.

[John]

I am. I'm almost thinking, like, I don't know if I would care that much really. As long as you weren't like obsessing over it. Like, if it's because you love podcasts, like, if you're just. When you're makeup on, listening to the podcast, like, I get like, you're invested in. It's like public content.

[Alex]

I think it would depend what the content was. If it was true crime or news or whatever.

[John]

Like thirst trapping or whatever. That's. Yeah, I feel like I'd be a.

[Alex]

Little more be like, what type of content is it? Like, obviously, like our content, you have to keep consuming it.

[John]

But I mean, that's true.

[Alex]

Yeah, but I don't, I don't know. I don't think you're necessarily in the wrong, but I can understand why your boyfriend or your partner would feel uncomfortable.

[John]

You want to give me the username on that, you know, reconnect on. Just everyone knows it is anonymous.

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't know. I. I could. I would feel uncomfortable, I think, if you were continuously watching and keeping tabs on your influencer X. I would, I think my.

[John]

I think it depends on. I would like to know more information about it.

[Alex]

You just, you're just hoping so bad that like your exes do watch, that you're like, I want to get annoyed.

[John]

Alex, stop it.

[Alex]

I wouldn't get it. Wouldn't bother me because I get it. I'm so strong.

[John]

Just like tweaked my neck.

[Alex]

Oh, I thought that you were just like doing some fancy move. Well, that's it. John, you want to go over some secrets?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Okay. Secret number one. My best friend just told me she's getting divorced and I couldn't be happier. I always hated her husband. Any of your friends ever get divorced that you were like, good?

[John]

Yeah, two of them.

[Alex]

Really?

[John]

Yeah. Well, one pending, so. One, yes, one pending.

[Alex]

I don't think my friends, all my friends got married later, so none of them are in the divorce phase. But I am crossing my fingers for breakups of boyfriends.

[John]

So your friends are all like, well, you have friends got married in their 20s, right?

[Alex]

Like late 20s, early 30s? Like, I don't, I don't think anyone, like, I'm. When did, like, what's the age of like the most divorces, though? You know, like, when do people most likely get divorced?

[John]

I'm not going to throw out a stat that I'm wrong. So.

[Alex]

Right. But I want to say probably, statistically, you know what? I don't know either. I was going to say the younger you get married, you probably get divorced. But who knows?

[John]

Who knows? What's the other secret?

[Alex]

The other secret is I've been with my boyfriend for three years now and two weeks ago I peed in the bed for the first time in my life. That was never something that happened to me in childhood. So I was absolutely shocked. I was stressed from work, so I was tossing and turning and I had a dream that I was peeing. So I just peed. I was so embarrassed. It was on one side of the bed. I wake up before him so I just moved the covers to give it some air and prayed that he didn't roll over into it. I came home after going to the gym that morning where we have a quick encounter before both going to work. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. So I was like, hey, I'm going to wash the sheets. I definitely felt sweaty last night. And he was like, okay, cool, I'll switch them at lunch. And then nothing. So I just never told him. I rushed into the room and that shit was still absolutely soaked. I cannot believe he didn't roll into it or notice. And this was the one day I was thankful he didn't make the bed and it. And saves me for it.

[John]

This. You're so nice. Because Alex wouldn't wake up.

[Alex]

Yeah. No. Well, I only peed the bed when I was hammered, but it happened. I haven't peed the bed since I was 26.

[John]

I pissed the bed and then, and then got mad at me. Got mad at me. I'm like trying to roll her to wake up and she's like. I'm like, oh, she pissed the bed. And she's like, no, I didn't like fully. I'm like, your whole side is soaked. And then I had. I like like my punishment. I cleaned all the sheets. It was like 2:30 in the morning.

[Alex]

Fell back asleep. Probably fell back asleep. There are people who just, I mean, doing it. Not drunk. I mean my biggest fear.

[John]

This isn't a question, but I just wanted to say that one part.

[Alex]

Yeah, no, I mean I've admitted that before that I've been a. I'm a drunk peer. I've peed on all the things.

[John]

But she's reformed.

[Alex]

Not John though. I've never peed on John.

[John]

She's reformed now. All right, we're going to dive into. Oh, wait, I got to do a review. Do we still do an overs? I'm over. I'm overstimulated. Did I say that before?

[Alex]

Why are you overstimulating.

[John]

Now? We're starting to wind down. Not really. Just a little bit. The past like two weeks, but the past, like four days have been nuts. And like, I feel like we're finally kind of catching up a little bit. But, like, even with the house trying to get all the vent, not vendors, like contractors together and all this stuff is just like, so fucking hectic.

[Alex]

Yeah. I mean, whenever you move into a house, you do have to. Someone has to handle the bills. It's not me. I just make sure that we get. Are you not paying attention? Do you want to look?

[John]

I am. I am paying attention.

[Alex]

I just want to make sure that, like, we have decor and it looks pretty and we're doing it. So. I'm overjoyed with the gallery wall that I made. Oh my gosh. It makes my eyeballs so happy.

[John]

That was a beautiful wall. I'm proud of you. Yeah, it looks really good.

[Alex]

I had a vision and I was like, I really want a gallery wall. And then I made one and I love it so much.

[John]

Just another talent that Alex has. I'm like, let's put this one frame in this random corner.

[Alex]

And you wouldn't put any frames up if it was just you.

[John]

I just don't care. I don't care.

[Alex]

I know, but that's what makes a house a home is.

[John]

I would like something here though.

[Alex]

Yeah, this. We haven't gotten to this room yet.

[John]

This room is going to be like.

[Alex]

Your parents are coming to visit us soon. Can your dad help us?

[John]

What do you want?

[Alex]

Like, we should do something.

[John]

Okay, we'll do something.

[Alex]

Paint it.

[John]

All right.

[Alex]

What color? What color should we paint it? We can't. Green is my favorite color. We can't paint it green cuz then it'll blend in with our plants.

[John]

Why you say we can't put it green?

[Alex]

What color do we paint it?

[John]

Guys? Review the best 5 stars. Rachel. I've loved you guys for a while. I found your podcast a few months ago and have absolutely loved it and started listening to all your old ones. On your latest podcast episode, Alex stated that they're getting comments from people who don't like the direction of content you're producing now that you're pregnant. Just know that there are people out there that love you even now that you are. Exclamation point. Don't listen to the jerks out there and just keep making us laugh. I can't wait to see your content once the little one arrives. Love you guys. You're the best.

[Alex]

Oh thank you. Don't listen to the jerks.

[John]

Haters going to hate.

[Alex]

I'm going to put that on a mug and another merch shirt one day. We have like all this fake merch that we talk about again.

[John]

I'm too lazy to do it. Guys. Like subscribe Email Comment we love you. Give me all the reviews baby.

[Alex]

If you want to reach us, you could email us at hello, Give it tome straight podcast dot com. You could submit your anonymous questions to the link in our show notes or in our bio and you could follow us at Give it to me straight podcast at all the site socials and we will see you next week.

[John]

Ciao ciao.

[Alex]

Bye.