52. Giving you naughty dreams, farting, and tattoos of exes

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight - Episode 52: "Giving You Naughty Dreams, Farting, and Tattoos of Exes"

Release Date: May 14, 2024
Hosts: Alex and John (Dear Media)

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Overview

In Episode 52 of Give It To Me Straight, hosts Alex and John delve into the complexities of their marriage, balancing personal ambitions, relationship strains, and the challenges of impending parenthood. The episode intertwines their candid discussions with listener questions, offering unfiltered insights into navigating modern relationships. Despite evident tensions, their chemistry brings both humor and relatability to the topics at hand.

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1. Relationship Dynamics and Personal Struggles

The episode opens with Alex and John addressing underlying tensions in their relationship. Their conversation highlights conflicts arising from differing work ethics, personal responsibilities, and the impending arrival of their child.

• Work-Life Balance:
  Alex expresses frustration over feeling overburdened by constant work demands.
  Alex (00:48): "I know that by hating me, it is because you hate yourself. So let's unpack that."
  John (01:07): "I'm just always doing something. But I guess you give my life purpose."

• Pregnancy Stress:
  The discussion shifts to Alex's pregnancy, revealing how it exacerbates existing tensions.
  Alex (03:34): "I'm working 24/7, literally building a human. I'm always tired."
  John (04:10): "We work together. We're like this."

• Communication Breakdown:
  The hosts struggle with effective communication, leading to misunderstandings and heightened stress.
  Alex (06:24): "This is what works with your spouses. If people ask us, they're like, how do you guys work together? This is the conversation we have on a weekly basis."
  John (22:47): "We haven't really been doing those anymore."

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2. Listener Questions and Candid Responses

Despite their personal conflicts, Alex and John address a variety of listener-submitted questions, often infusing their answers with personal anecdotes and humor.

• Keeping Photos of an Ex on Social Media:
  A listener questions the appropriateness of keeping exes' photos online.
  Alex (23:29): "I don't think this is something that is a deal breaker, especially because it's not singular photos of them."
  John (24:35): "All anyone that's in a newer relationship. I just want to give you some advice because I feel like we've only been married for five years, but we work together every single day."

• Caring for an Aging Parent While Wanting Independence:
  A listener grapples with moving out to pursue her life while fearing her mother’s loneliness.
  John (26:45): "I guarantee you if you ask most people, they'll tell you that you have to live your life."
  Alex (27:33): "You're dating, and you're still very fresh into this, but honesty, as we say, always is the best policy."

• Acknowledging Each Other’s Flatulence:
  The awkwardness of farting in relationships is humorously dissected.
  John (29:38): "Good for you to hold it in."
  Alex (30:44): "There's so many other hard things."

• Handling Residual Feelings for an Ex:
  Addressing dreams about an ex despite a committed marriage, Alex and John offer blunt advice.
  John (57:07): "Do you sound crazy? I don’t think so."
  Alex (57:36): "It just do better."

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3. Personal Stories and Humor

Beyond answering questions, Alex and John share personal anecdotes that reveal their dynamic and inject humor into the episode.

• John’s Embarrassing Gym Incident:
  John (16:37): "I slipped and I can't get up."
  Alex (18:09): "He saw your tarantula hole."

• Handling Insecurities and Flirting:
  Their playful banter about noticing attractive people underscores underlying insecurities.
  Alex (51:20): "You have to be confident and comfortable to be able to acknowledge the beauty and the attractiveness in someone else without feeling threatened in your relationship."
  John (53:49): "I don’t know. Good, I guess."

• Shared Embarrassing Moments:
  The hosts recount mutual embarrassments, enhancing relatability.
  Alex (65:05): "I peed in the passenger seat side."
  John (66:14): "I thought it was funny. So we're all peeing the urinals, and I thought it was funny."

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4. Communication and Conflict Resolution

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the importance of communication in maintaining healthy relationships, drawing from Alex and John's own experiences.

• Resolving Friendship Conflicts:
  Addressing a listener's fallout with a bridesmaid, Alex and John emphasize open dialogue.
  Alex (61:17): "If you can't even have the open floor to communicate with someone, that's not your fault."
  John (62:06): "I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to tell you. I am."

• Self-Reflection and Growth:
  The hosts reflect on their own communication flaws, advocating for continual personal growth.
  Alex (64:03): "One night I was downtown at a club and I ran into an old friend..."
  John (65:05): "But this isn't a question we don't need to talk about."

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5. Listener Reviews and Final Thoughts

Towards the end, a listener leaves a positive review, highlighting the authenticity and connection Alex and John foster with their audience.

• John (69:03): "You guys are dating. I think it'd be hard for you to, like, tell him to do stuff."
• Alex (70:05): "We have been rambling on, though. Let's just jump into Questions."
• Listener Review (69:39): "My husband and I have sent your videos back and forth to each other for years now, but I only just recently found that you had a podcast. Started listening and I haven't stopped since."

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Conclusion

Episode 52 of Give It To Me Straight offers an unfiltered glimpse into the challenges and humorous moments of Alex and John's marriage. Balancing personal conflicts with genuine advice, the hosts create a relatable and engaging narrative that resonates with listeners navigating their own relationship dilemmas. Through candid conversations and shared vulnerabilities, Alex and John exemplify the complexities of maintaining a partnership amidst life's multifaceted demands.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Alex (00:48): "I know that by hating me, it is because you hate yourself. So let's unpack that."
• John (03:34): "We're a team. And right now you're not being a team."
• Alex (06:24): "This is what works with your spouses. This is the conversation we have on a weekly basis."
• John (16:37): "He saw your tarantula hole."
• John (29:38): "Good for you to hold it in."
• Alex (57:36): "It just do better."
• John (69:03): "I think it'd be hard for you to, like, tell him to do stuff."
• Listener Review (69:39): "I love your guys. Connection and authenticity. I've always laughed and having fun when I'm listening."

Transcript

[Alex]

But if you were having dreams about your ex and you were like, alex, I have to tell you, I. That would hurt my feelings.

[John]

And then I got to deal with your bullshit all day, mad at me because I'm so dumb that I told you.

[Alex]

Yeah, of course.

[John]

And welcome back to Gets Me Straight.

[Alex]

I'm Alex.

[John]

And I'm John. And I hate myself.

[Alex]

Why? Your hand is so sweaty. It's warm.

[John]

It's not sweat.

[Alex]

What is it called?

[John]

Hard working hands.

[Alex]

Sweaty. Why do you hate yourself?

[John]

I meant to say I hate you.

[Alex]

What? Why do you hate me? And I know that by hating me, it is because you hate yourself. So let's. Let's unpack that.

[John]

John, it's just like you don't realize. You just, you. You just put yourself in. Like I'm. You know, I just. Like, I'm always doing something. You know, when I was single, I didn't have to do anything. And now that I'm married, I'm just always doing something. But I guess you give my life purpose.

[Alex]

Is it me or is it just being an adult? Because if you want to live this life, there's always things to be done.

[John]

You know what? I bet you there's guys out there that, like, they don't do shit and they love it. You know, Like, I feel like they're.

[Alex]

And then they end up divorced. You mean like, oh, they're not married.

[John]

They're single. The guys are just like. You know, they keep it simple. The kiss method. Keep it simple. Stupid.

[Alex]

We don't have to do this. Like, you could do your own thing and I can do my own thing.

[John]

What is your thing? Your thing is just like, divorce. What you want is just like, filled with work.

[Alex]

I love to work.

[John]

And then I'm a byproduct of that.

[Alex]

John, we literally just got off of a call where you have your own brand deal. Because of. Why? Who writes the script for it?

[John]

Well, I know you want all of the credit. I know, Josh.

[Alex]

I mean, like, you're kind of. It's like, I'm bringing you work and then you're annoyed with me.

[John]

We're both getting paid for it, so. I know, but it's a team.

[Alex]

We are a team. And right now you're not being a team. You're like, you make me do work. No, we're both doing work.

[John]

Oh, God, so frustrating.

[Alex]

Go play video games all day, then just like that guy from the last question. And then I could happily leave you. Like, is that what you want? Yes. No.

[John]

I don't know what I Want.

[Alex]

And that's the issue is like, I want.

[John]

I want balance. And this is your problem.

[Alex]

My problem.

[John]

Hear me out.

[Alex]

Because we just had your parents here for a week, and now we're about.

[John]

To go with your family.

[Alex]

Exactly. So my point is to Disney World. When you spend quality time with other people, that takes you away from work than other days. We're slam.

[John]

It's not even that. It's more like Alex dictates what we do that day when it goes. When it comes to work. So, like, if she's a day where.

[Alex]

She'S like, yeah, I'm pregnant.

[John]

Exactly. So then I'm like, are you sure we have all day? We could probably bump out one or two. No. So instead, Alex, she likes to wrote me in with us too, saying, like, we thrive under chaos. Like, I hate that. She loves it, but it's exhausting. So instead of like a day that we don't have much going on, you're like, nah, let's slam it all.

[Alex]

I'm working 24 7, literally building a human. I'm always tired. And so if. Yeah, if I'm like, I don't really know.

[John]

This is a before pregnancy.

[Alex]

I don't even really feel like.

[John]

Don't use pregnancy as an excuse because. Because you did this before pregnancy thrive you love. Just like when the pressure's on, you.

[Alex]

Know, that's when I do my best work is what I procrastinate.

[John]

And so therefore byproduct me of that because I'm a planner and I like to get some stuff done so we don't have to fill our whole day constantly with work communication. But it's only one way here. Work on it.

[Alex]

I'm working all the time.

[John]

Work on it. You don't have to, though. We don't have to work all the time.

[Alex]

You're just like, go do whatever you want. I'm not.

[John]

It doesn't work like that because we work together. We're like this.

[Alex]

I wish we were it at this point in life. I'm just like, I could do it all by myself.

[John]

Alex is update Pregnancy update. Alex is on a hate John train.

[Alex]

The whole thing. The whole time I've been on a train. What do you mean, update? You don't have to do this. I do.

[John]

I know, and I feel sorry for you.

[Alex]

No, you don't.

[John]

Wish I can take some of it away.

[Alex]

No, you don't. So I'm not your punching bag leaning about your life. Woe is me, John. Life is so hard. People are literally canceled on the Internet right now. Let me tell you, because you have no concept of reality. There's so many other hard things. You live a fine life. Get the fuck over.

[John]

Wait, you're referring to people getting canceled to there's harder things in life?

[Alex]

Yeah, to you saying, like, there's so many people getting canceled because they're out of touch right now, and you're one of them. I would cancel.

[John]

I'm not out of touch. I'm constantly working. No, no. Those people.

[Alex]

Hashtag, this is weak. Cancel. John, we really started this.

[John]

You want to cancel? Cancel me. I don't give a flying.

[Alex]

You think it's so hard, and you just want to play video games and.

[John]

And your only thing is saying video games. And I've. I maybe play an hour, tops, a week.

[Alex]

You're lucky.

[John]

Burning eyes in the back of my head. So I don't even do that. And then you don't even go there. But this is Alex all during pregnancy. Wait, wait, this. Alex all the pregnancy like this. She's smiling. If you're just listening, she's smiling. I look away, I look back, and she's like, just.

[Alex]

What was that?

[John]

Basically, you. It's a split second you could be happy with me, and then. And then you hate me.

[Alex]

You don't know what this is like. You don't know what my brain is doing and what my body is going through.

[John]

I want.

[Alex]

I would kill you right now if I could.

[John]

How would you do it?

[Alex]

Honestly, like, at this point, I would just. Whatever's the quickest. Whatever's the closest to me.

[John]

Here's the quickest way to just get me out of your space.

[Alex]

Literally. I just can't, guys. And this is what.

[John]

Can we cut this table in half?

[Alex]

This is what works with your spouses. If people ask us, they're like, how do you guys work together? This. This is the conversation we have on a weekly basis.

[John]

We're real. I'm not even going to go into all those other couples out there that I think are fake as, but it's okay. This is real.

[Alex]

Yeah. We don't always want to work together.

[John]

We don't ever. I don't ever want to. But we do.

[Alex]

But we do. No, it's. It's fun sometimes.

[John]

Also, like, I hate that, like, I'm just in this mindset and this is like our normal, which I don't like, is like, if you're doing something, I feel like I have to do something, which I hate. I can't sit down comfortably because I'll feel terrible.

[Alex]

I think A lot of people have that problem, though. It's not just unique to us where it's like, you always feel like you have to be productive, otherwise you have no value. And that's something to also unpack in therapy.

[John]

I don't think that. Not all. I just wish, like, we didn't both. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Well, if you're doing something, I don't feel lazy at all. If you're not doing anything, I'm like, hell yeah. I just feel like I, in that moment, I'm not contributing enough. Like, well, if she's doing something, then, like, I guess I need to be doing something.

[Alex]

Your dream day. What would it look like doing nothing. But, like, what is on the calendar for nothing?

[John]

A little cod.

[Alex]

Call of Duty.

[John]

I love, I love having a.

[Alex]

No, no, no. Like, you're gonna die in two days. Tomorrow's your last day.

[John]

But then I'm like, fuck, did I have to go see all my family and shit.

[Alex]

No, no, pretend like you already saw them. Everything. Like this day do. What are you doing? I'm not dying.

[John]

Because if I'm dying, then it's a whole different thing. If I'm just like.

[Alex]

But tomorrow's not promised. No, no, Just.

[John]

Just.

[Alex]

You are done.

[John]

If the question is, if you had a free day, what would you do for your free day?

[Alex]

I mean, I think you're dying, but.

[John]

It'S like, if I'm dying, then I'm.

[Alex]

Like, the hands of me.

[John]

I guess I need to go, like, see all of my loved ones.

[Alex]

No, you don't. You already saw that. So now what? So now what?

[John]

I'm just say, like, my ideal day is I love a late morning, drinking my coffee, scrolling, looking at what's going on in the news on my phone because I don't watch tv, you know, morning poop. I'll throw in a little exercise a little later on, get my body moving around nine, ten o' clock, little exercise, come back, play a little COD for a couple hours when I get bored with that. Is it still daytime? Yeah, it's around like one. I love a little. Little day drinking. Maybe go down into town, have a couple drinks with my friends, you know, get a little bite to eat. Then I come back, see what you see what you're doing?

[Alex]

No, I'm not around. This is just for you, John. This is your special day.

[John]

Maybe see what's on tv. Probably just go back to COD and then make myself something good to eat. You know, like a nice steak, nice little side, nothing too, too heavy, you know, and then Polish the night off with a nice whiskey, little Woodford Reserve, a little Elijah Craig and a cigar and watch the sunset. Is that too hard to ask?

[Alex]

You do that on Saturdays.

[John]

Like, whatever. I haven't done it forever.

[Alex]

Like, we, like, we work during the week. What do you mean?

[John]

And then you're just asking me my ideal day. And that's. And that's my idea. What's your ideal day? What's your ideal day?

[Alex]

What I do know.

[John]

Be real. Work.

[Alex]

Yeah, I love it.

[John]

Yeah, I fucking love it.

[Alex]

Writing scripts, doing my makeup, and getting in front of camera when I love.

[John]

Showering, putting makeup on for fucking.

[Alex]

No clothes fit me right now. That is my favorite thing. And that's the one thing that you also don't give me grace for. Like, I don't feel like myself currently. Like, nothing truly fits me. I'm in sweatpants all day until you're. You're like, alex, we got to shoot.

[John]

This, we got to shoot that.

[Alex]

I'm like, I don't.

[John]

Irrelevant. All this is irrelevant because you want.

[Alex]

To know what my.

[John]

You were like. You were like this before. I give you so much credit for the whole pregnancy thing. But what we're arguing about is before pregnancy. This wasn't new. None of this was new. The new stuff, whatever you need a little more time getting ready. All that stuff. I totally get it. Whatever you need.

[Alex]

I just.

[John]

I have actually really. Side note, I haven't really noticed anything new with. With you that much from your pregnancy. Like, you still are just as annoyed as you were before.

[Alex]

Cry more. Yeah, Yeah, I cry more. I'm more hungry. I think I get hang.

[John]

Really? I haven't noticed you eating more or anything.

[Alex]

I'm just tired. I'm definitely more tired. That's what it is. It just like hits me. But even before that, creativity when, like, you're a creative person and you're flying forced in your career to be creative 100% of the time. It's. It doesn't always work that, like, it's like, it hits you at like, sometimes it'll be literally when I'm laying in bed. Bed. Sometimes in the shower, sometimes in the morning. Like, it hits you at certain points. And so I work during those peaks of creativity where I'm like, now's the time. And then I could go for sometimes eight hours straight. Sometimes I'm editing so I could be.

[John]

Asleep and Alex punches me in the throat. Wake up. We got to shoot a video.

[Alex]

Listen, I don't know, John. I'm sorry that your life still learning is so miserable.

[John]

Okay, okay.

[Alex]

I know. It's so bad. Go.

[John]

How long we've been doing this? How long have we been doing this.

[Alex]

Content or just working together? Because we've been doing content for four years but we've been working together for six.

[John]

Okay, so we've been working together for six, almost married five. Wow, that's crazy.

[Alex]

And I will say too that content didn't like the schedule of content was the same as like, you know, when we were filming weddings, it was worse because it was literally a seven day a week job. I mean this is a seven day a week job in a different type of realm. Like we have more flexibility. Obviously.

[John]

We were sitting straight in front of.

[Alex]

The computer the whole time and we're standing for 14 hours at a wedding. That was tough. Any wedding vendors out there? I mean, we feel for you, anyone in a service industry, to be honest.

[John]

You could feel for anyone in a job, any industry, any job you've ever done because it's a job in the end of the day and it's still going to be like taking a lot of your mental energy to do anything. So shout out to everyone at.

[Alex]

Shout out to everyone who's working. Yeah, all you working people. We appreciate you and we see you. Life is tiring, but it's also expensive. So we have to keep, keep on going on.

[John]

You know, capitalism, baby.

[Alex]

Even when it's working with your husband who you just secretly bought his death.

[John]

Anyways, so updates of the week. Let's see.

[Alex]

Your parents came to visit.

[John]

I'd like to talk about that for a second.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

I need, I need to, I'm just like so thankful we have parents that are helpful, helpful and there for us and it means a lot. Like my parents came. My parents are such doers too because they, they came and you know, if Alex was working or I was doing something else. My mom, like, what did she do? Put furniture together? My dad switching out lights.

[Alex]

The thing is too, your mom has such good taste that I trust her completely that when she's like, she doesn't even have to ask me, she's like, just has a good eye for things. So her decorating or just doing things, I'm like, this just takes off so, such a load. I also like, we just, we're so lucky to come from good families. Like I just, we're very lucky that our parents are just great.

[John]

Your mom came and unpacked everything in the kitchen for us. Your dad helped me with building stuff. I don't know, like, I mean like helped with the island.

[Alex]

Yeah. We're very lucky.

[John]

Very, very lucky. And it means a lot.

[Alex]

Well, and that's, again, part of.

[John]

I'm also saying this so I can make our parents listen to this part of the podcast. Big See, we do love you.

[Alex]

We do love you guys. And I think that's, again, a lot of the reason why we moved back, because we know that having a baby is going to be another challenge in itself. And so hopefully, fingers crossed, we do have a village a little bit. When we do pop out a child.

[John]

Do you?

[Alex]

I. When I pop out a child.

[John]

That's right. When you. You do. You're doing all the work, for sure. I mean, that. Do you feel like. I hate this feeling when my, like, my parents come to visit? I don't know if you get this feeling. A couple days is. Is, like, enough to me. Right. And I love when they're here, and then I'm like, okay, like, time for me. I want to be on my own again. And then right when they leave, I feel so bad. I always am, like, did I spend enough time with them? Like, I hope they had a good time. And I'm like, you know, when am I gonna see him again? And I just like, I hate that feeling. Like, it's. It's never enough.

[Alex]

Well, I think as we get older, we do recognize that time is so valuable and it's limited.

[John]

That one guy said something on a podcast. I don't know who it was, and it like.

[Alex]

Was it like the countdown of the weekends with your parents left?

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

Yeah. He's like, if you're X years old.

[John]

Summers, like, you only have seven more summers with your parents, you better see that, you know, I'm like, oh, my God.

[Alex]

Well, things like. And it's about to get real morbid. Things like death truly put life into perspective when you're like, what matters? What really matters? Like, when you're spending your time places. Because time is the only resource that.

[John]

Is that what everyone has the same amount of.

[Alex]

Yeah. No, no, that's not. Yeah. Like in. Not infinite. Yeah. And so I think that again, as you get older, that's what you start to value and appreciate more. It's time with the people that you love. Because you just know. It's like, tomorrow's not promised, but like, if they're. If we're all lucky to live into our elder years, it's still. It goes so fast. It goes so fast. Life goes so fast. Some dude did say, we're already halfway through our pregnancy.

[John]

Like, I know it's Crazy.

[Alex]

More than halfway. Isn't that wild?

[John]

Some, some guy said if you could live five more years, like healthy, you can live like another hundred. Because they got all this science now coming out with like gene. Oh, like splitting stem cells, all stuff. So who knows?

[Alex]

Do you want to live that long?

[John]

If I'm like this my body now, not like as an 80 year old man.

[Alex]

Yeah, right.

[John]

But if I knew I was living that long, I would definitely get spine surgery now. Like fix my back, man. Because I don't want to do that because it's like the risk of like up my back more is pretty probable.

[Alex]

So we're like, where are we? What are you even talking about?

[John]

I don't know.

[Alex]

Great time with your parents. Oh my God. Wait, can we please tell the story about.

[John]

Yeah, well, wait, there's one more thing. That's the fine. That's the finale of this. The, the other thing was. Oh, this one wasn't really important. I went to the gym at 5:30 this morning because I had to do and I'm like grinding away on the StairMaster and I fell off the stairs.

[Alex]

No you didn't.

[John]

Not once. By the way, the first one wasn't too like.

[Alex]

Wait, I have a question. Did the StairMaster like malfunction like the steps? Okay, Cuz that happened to my cousin once. I was standing next to.

[John]

Where all the steps just fell.

[Alex]

Yeah, where all the steps just fell.

[John]

No, this was user error.

[Alex]

What? Were you not paying attention?

[John]

I missed like the step and then the second one, I slipped off it because I was sweating so bad.

[Alex]

John, I know. You're getting old.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

Also, happy birthday to John. This week is his birthday.

[John]

It's so sad. 37 baby.

[Alex]

Nice. That's again good number.

[John]

Speaking of getting older.

[Alex]

I can't believe you followed the StairMaster. Speaking of getting older.

[John]

Speaking of getting older. I know we talk about, you know.

[Alex]

We have to talk about it.

[John]

Who cares? Wait, wait, wait. Oh, you ruined it by second. So last day before my parents left, we took my parents out to a nice dinner, you know, saw we're watching the sunset. We're like, let's go on a walk. So we walk. It's me, Alex, Kobe, My parents were walking. The certain spot we like to go to is like a half, half a mile and a half away from our house. We're all the way there. And then I'm like, oh, I have to shit. And I'm like, oh my God.

[Alex]

So you might have seen it on my story I posted on Instagram and it was John and Kobe walking. And I was like, one of them just took a shit and one of them has to take a shit.

[John]

So. So Alex is like, we'll take Kobe and also take his bag of poop. I'm going to walk with your parents. Like, okay, so I have Kobe in one hand, my cigar in one hand, and Kobe's baggage.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, cuz you have your shoulders up. You're like, sprint walking. And I'm like, john, your parents are so far behind. Like, you go, they can.

[John]

They. They're independent. They know how to get home.

[Alex]

I know. I just didn't want my ass to chafe again.

[John]

So I have all this in my hands. By the way, I'm wearing literal. I'm wearing Crocs. I don't know why I wore Crocs. I don't think I love my Crocs. But, like, for a long walk, well, it.

[Alex]

It's not like a treacherous walk. It's not a.

[John]

If I was walking slow, wouldn't matter.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Anyways, now I'm like, sweating cold sweats. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, my God. I start walking around the bend. I could see our house. I could see our house. And I go. Immediately my body goes. You either rip your shorts off right now or you're. Or you're in your pants.

[Alex]

It's funny how our bodies react to, like, seeing our own toilet or our own house. It's funny because, like, you still had so much longer to go, but the reaction from your brain to your butt was, we're basically home, so you have permission to shit.

[John]

I'm just, like, contemplating my life right now. I'm like, do I need to wear Depends. So I go, oh, my God. I jump into this person's like, not their house, like, across the street a little bit. But I'm right in the open. Right in the open in, like, this little sand dune thing. And I chocolate blast out of my ass. Poor Kobe. I threw him into the bush with me. Lost my cigar.

[Alex]

He saw your tarantula hole.

[John]

I also. I pulled my shorts down, not off, so I pissed on my shorts. When you poop, you pee. When you poop, you. Yeah.

[Alex]

What?

[John]

When you poop, you pee.

[Alex]

No, you don't.

[John]

I did. So anyways.

[Alex]

Wait, is that every time for me?

[John]

I. I normally poop.

[Alex]

Pee when I poop, but at the same exact time.

[John]

Not at the same exact time, but in within, like a couple seconds of each other. Yeah, right.

[Alex]

Like, you do one and then the other.

[John]

So it's like, bam. Bam. Is Basically what happened. Okay, There are little straws of wheat that are coming up. There's nothing to wipe my ass with. You guys are 500 yards behind me. I'm like.

[Alex]

It's like tall grass.

[John]

I'm just beside myself. Like, I can't believe this is happening. Thank God no one was walking by. Shit in the weeds or whatever. Pull my shorts up. And now I'm just hauling ass. I'm running home.

[Alex]

Okay, wait. Let me give our perspective. So we knew that John had already gone before us. And the sun is setting, so it's dusk, and so it's kind of hard to see. There's not very many street lights on our block. But where we're at, again, there's that bend, and you could see this straightaway through the tall grass. And I. Me and your mom are walking, and we see. See you hauling ass, so. And I'm like, oh, he's almost there. And so we're like, go, John, go. And, like, Kobe's. You're almost choking him out, literally pulling him. And we think that you had.

[John]

He couldn't have been less of a teammate in this. In this whole experience, by the way. He wouldn't go in the bush with me. He wouldn't run home.

[Alex]

Would he want to go in the bush?

[John]

He wouldn't run home.

[Alex]

That's disgusting.

[John]

Anyways, so I'm running home, and I feel like I have all over me. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, all my shorts everywhere. Thank God no car was, like, coming from behind, you know, ran up, took a shower, you know, the whole thing. And, well, I didn't really poop on myself, Shockingly, it was just between my cheeks. So. Anyways, I might be put in a home soon. Sooner than I thought.

[Alex]

I. You would have thought that John had just gone through something so traumatic. We get back into the house, he's freshly showered, and we're like, did you make it? And he goes, no. And I'm like, what do you mean you didn't make it? Like, we saw you running. And he's like, that was after.

[John]

I'm never walking. Don't ask me to walk for another, like, month.

[Alex]

We live in such a nice, like, walkable neighborhood.

[John]

I don't. I don't know. Anyway, so that was my horrific moment for the week. Anything else?

[Alex]

We got some outdoor furniture, and we keep forgetting to cover it in the rain.

[John]

Don't give us anything nice.

[Alex]

This is why we can't have nice things.

[John]

We have been rambling on, though. Let's just jump into Questions.

[Alex]

Are you sure?

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

I do want to talk about something that annoys me with you, but I guess I can save that for the end. The over. Whatever.

[John]

We haven't really been doing those anymore.

[Alex]

No, it's not an ick, but it's like what I'm over with overs.

[John]

Yeah, we haven't even been doing really, the overs.

[Alex]

Yeah, we have. I know. Yeah, I think so.

[John]

All right, save it.

[Alex]

Every time, you're just like the weather. I don't know if that's what you say. I feel like every time you say something weather. We always reference the weather.

[John]

Okay, moving on to questions.

[Alex]

Here we go. My boyfriend of nine months has a picture of his ex on his Instagram. The picture is five years old and has his other guy friend in the photo too. I've bugged him constantly about deleting it because it bothers me. Is it normal to keep pictures of your ex on social media? I know, I don't. Side note, his argument is that there is a picture of me and my ex on Google Search and he won't remove his picture until mine is removed. The difference is that I've constantly been making efforts to remove my photo, whereas it's his choice to keep his picture on his social media.

[John]

This was five years ago. How? How? Like, close to the beginning of photos. Is it like. Is it a reshare? Like, you know, do you have to sift way fucking back to find it?

[Alex]

If it's a group photo with an X, whatever. Again, I feel like even if it's.

[John]

No, even if it's a photo with your ex, it's your past, it's your history, whatever. If it's so far back to who.

[Alex]

Gives a fuck, right? You've been together for nine months. This picture is five years old. Like, yeah, I could see if it's annoying if maybe they don't have a lot of photos and it still could look like they're together. You know, if someone had like a carousel or like their entire feed was.

[John]

Their ex and they never was back in the day. Like, okay, I had Facebook when it started in 2005. You know, I was. Because I actually had a college. So old. I am. But like. And then I didn't get rid of it Till like, what, two years ago, three years ago. I had photos from 2005 on there, like high school girlfriend, then like college girlfriend. And I never got rid of any of them.

[Alex]

Yeah, I think it's just personal preference too. I don't know. I don't think that this is Something that is a deal breaker, especially because it's not singular photos of them. It was five years ago. How often does he post?

[John]

I want to make a big deal out of it. No, no.

[Alex]

Would I be annoyed if you still had a picture of your ex?

[John]

I'm sure I do.

[Alex]

Yeah, you're right. Like, I wouldn't know. I think I had a picture of me and my ex up for a while still because I looked so good in it. I was like, I can't take this down. But eventually I did. I think it just. If the person wants to take them down, they'll do it.

[John]

If they want how long they've been.

[Alex]

Together for nine months.

[John]

Exactly. All anyone that's in a newer relationship. I just want to give you some advice because I feel like we've only been married for five years, but we work together every single day. Like, I feel like our marriage is amplified because we're together all the time.

[Alex]

Yeah. People heard the beginning of the podcast. They know.

[John]

Right? I just. I just think all these trivial things, like, you don't give a about them.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

There's so many other things that, like, you have to deal with. Our. Mostly our stuff is just like, we have too much stuff going on.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Worry about little things.

[Alex]

A lot of things in relationships. I'm like, are you bored?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You're just bored. Like, unless there's other red flags in your relationship.

[John]

So I could play cotton.

[Alex]

You would love that. None of them live here, otherwise I would. Next question. My dad died when I was 10 and ever since, my mom hasn't dated anyone. I'm currently 25 and my mom is 60. We live together as just the two of us. And I've been thinking about moving out for a long time. I feel bad because she will be all alone if I leave. I've thought about moving to a different country for a while, but I haven't because I don't want her to feel alone. How do I make the decision to move out even to a different part of town without feeling like I'm abandoning her? She's super sensitive and has cried a few times even when I leave for the weekend. I don't know how to live my life without worrying about how she's going to feel. She doesn't want to look for a boyfriend, so that's out of the equation. Unfortunately.

[John]

I guarantee you if you ask most people, they'll tell you that you have to live your life. You have to live your life and. And your mom's gonna have to learn to. To Deal with that.

[Alex]

I also don't think that this is an isolated thing with just you. I feel like so many people had this experience, especially as parents get older or sometimes older sibling feels responsible for the happiness or sticking around for the single parent, whether someone passed away or someone got divorced. But you're not your mom's partner. You're her kid. And so you do, to John's point, have to be able to branch out and live your life and. And know that your mom is going to be okay. And like, she has to be an adult in that situation and be okay with you living your life. She should want that for you.

[John]

Yeah, that seems a little selfish.

[Alex]

It is selfish. And for her to cry, too.

[John]

Your mom might have depression, anxiety, a lot of things going on. Maybe if boyfriend's out of the question or like, looking for new relationships, I think maybe speak to someone with. To help with coping mechanisms.

[Alex]

I was just going to suggest that, like, maybe having a conversation with your mom. Can you just look at how cute Kobe is? Oh, my gosh, he's so cute. Having a conversation with your mom about the steps that she could take to feel more confident on. On her own. Look at him. Okay, we have to take a picture. I'll share it on the episode.

[John]

I was about to say, yeah, I agree with you, but that was actually my idea. So you agree with me?

[Alex]

No, yeah, and I said that. I said, to your point, I agreed with you. We're on the same page, Sean.

[John]

But okay, so, yeah, you're gonna set your mom up. Try to set your mom up with, like, little stepping stones to help her, you know, tools for her to help coping. And then, I don't know, I think that's your best bet and you need to just go do what you want to do.

[Alex]

I think honesty, as we say, always is the best policy. And you just have to be honest with your mom that this is what you're feeling. Next question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half, and we never acknowledge each other's farts. It's only been a handful of times where one has pushed its way out. And it generally happens in bed, and it's usually me. I'll let out a toot and it actually wakes us both up. I know at this point in our relationship, we both want to laugh when it happens. When we have to fart, we hold it in until we leave each other's houses. What's the next step? It's still so awkward when it happens. And I know you guys Will just say, let it fly. But I think we're both scared. Especially me. I'm lactose intolerant, and the amount I have to fart and hold it in sometimes is debilitating. How do I bring this up so we could talk about it and not gross each other out? I think we've done. We've had these conversations on social media before, and people are like, I've never farted in front of my spouse before. How do you. How do you really trust someone if you've never farted in front of them? I.

[John]

Good for you to hold it in.

[Alex]

No. Are you.

[John]

You're ever farting is a good sign of having a good digestive system so far.

[Alex]

I just think in relationships, you're dating now. You've been together a year and a half. Like, I don't remember how long we were dating until we farted a couple weeks in front of each other. But you, when you're married, you guys.

[John]

Should know each other at that point. A year. Come on.

[Alex]

But you end up being your most vulnerable self with that person. Especially thinking about having a child. I'm like, I'm going to rely on you to get up all in there and really help me in the most vulnerable of spaces and get up in you. Yeah. Yeah.

[John]

Why?

[Alex]

I don't know. Wipe my butt if I need help. You know, shave me before. Wax me up before I go in there. I don't know. There's just a lot that you have to be comfortable with your partner. And like, again, if you're like, people who. People are out there pooping farting about in sickness and in health, and farts are healthy.

[John]

I'm not giving any energy to this. This question I needed. I. I like, come on, just do better.

[Alex]

Do you feel like this is just juvenile?

[John]

Yeah, it's just such a dumb question.

[Alex]

Because you just laid out to the entire world about your shart experience on the street.

[John]

Shit your shit your pants in front of your partner, then come talk to me. Shit talking about little toots, you, chocolate blast of the street, like I did the other day. And then we'll have a conversation.

[Alex]

You had a bridesmaid moment. And it was funny because your mom mentioned that.

[John]

You know why it wasn't a bridesmaid moment? Because everyone had dresses to cover everything. I was straight butthole out on the street. You're lucky my mom said what to you?

[Alex]

She said, imagine John has a bridesmaid moment where, like, we walk past him and he's shitting in the street. And, you know What? Your mom manifested that.

[John]

Super. Thanks, Mom. Appreciate it.

[Alex]

She knew that was the best part.

[John]

Was like, they didn't phase either one of them. No, my dad at one point goes, I've had a couple of those.

[Alex]

I mean.

[John]

And then my mom was just. My mom goes, oh, no, John.

[Alex]

She's like, john.

[John]

My mom probably would bring it back to like, you should have seen what I saw in the hospitals back in the day. Yeah, my mom used to tell me that. Oh, she likes to inform Alex, too. She's like, I worked all the way up to, like, my, what, 39 weeks or something? She's like. Like, giving chest compressions to patients in the er. I'm like, oh, no. She brought bodies down to the morgue in the hospital. That's what she did.

[Alex]

If I want anyone advocating for me in the hospital, it's your mom 100%. She'll yell at. She'll deliver this baby, and my mom.

[John]

Will end up running the hospital. So whatever.

[Alex]

So, yes, if you are so uncomfortable about your farts, I'm just. Best of luck to you because this is what your future holds. Yeah. Next question. My friend is having a destination wedding soon. My boyfriend and I have been together for four months now, so a fairly new relationship. And I invited him to be my date to the destination wedding. I paid for the hotel and flights for both me and my boyfriend. Is it strange that he has never once offered to pay anything?

[John]

Or.

[Alex]

Or is this normal? Since he is my plus one, he makes significantly more money than I do. Thoughts?

[John]

They're in a serious relationship dating. He didn't.

[Alex]

They've been together for four months, so it's a new relationship.

[John]

Fuck. I mean, that good for that guy. Shit. She's doing all this for him. I mean, I. I wouldn't. I would not be able to say.

[Alex]

Like, I think that we were together for maybe six to eight months before we went on our first trip. Granted, it wasn't a wedding, but. But you were like, we should go away. I'll cover the flights. Whatever. I was like, okay, cool. I'll cover the meals. You know, we.

[John]

I actually don't remember. Did I?

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, you were. You got like, the hotel. You got the hotel and the flights, and I think I just, like, purchased everything else because it was cheap. I wasn't making it.

[John]

I was trying to wine and dine you, for sure. I was like, I'm locking this. This chick up.

[Alex]

I don't think that he has to necessarily pay anything, but to offer is nice.

[John]

True. It is your event, like, Your function that you want him to go to.

[Alex]

I get that you're so fresh in this relationship, though, that I would keep an eye on other things moving forward, you know, like, how I could see why.

[John]

I guess that would be, you know, you're curious about why he didn't offer something. Because I'm thinking about our relationship, as weird as this sounds, but even the beginning, I'm like, we're. We're together. We're. We're getting married. Whatever I was saying, I'm like, you know, we're not getting a prenup where everything's together. So that's how I always looked at it.

[Alex]

Like, some people don't look at their finances.

[John]

Like, exactly. That's what's like.

[Alex]

And that's okay.

[John]

I see why she has that thought. Because I never even thought that when we were together. Because I'm like.

[Alex]

But not even. It's like a friend situation, too. Even if you, like, had a. We're inviting a friend.

[John]

It depends on your financial situation, too. I'd be like, hey, I'm going to this wedding. I'll cover a hotel. I probably wouldn't have covered. I would say, like, I'm gonna cover the hotel. If you want to come, this is how much the flight is.

[Alex]

Right. Like, did you say it's all expenses paid by me? If you want to come, you know, either way.

[John]

Yeah. It is strange she didn't offer.

[Alex]

Yeah. I think offering and giving the gesture goes a long way. But again, I think the same thing.

[John]

If it was opposite roles.

[Alex]

Yeah, I do. Because even, like, going out to dinner, it's still like, you know, I'm like. You're like, oh, I got it. I'm like, before we were, you know, seriously together. You're like, I got. I'm like, no, no, I'll get it. You're like, no, I'm like, okay, I offered. You know what I mean? It just goes a long way. You always have to offer.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So I would just keep an eye on things. You're still very fresh into this, but.

[John]

I mean, is he bringing you on trips and stuff? Like, I wonder, I wonder if you. Have you been on a trip together where he paid? Maybe he's like, tit for tat.

[Alex]

Yeah. Who knows?

[John]

Who knows?

[Alex]

Next question. My husband and I have a 10 year wedding anniversary coming up. The catch is we separated for two years, which included filing for divorce, separate homes, child custody agreements, and scheduling, etc. We did not end up divorcing and we are now back together. But as mentioned, we Took a solid two years off from being married. So my question is, would you still celebrate the 10 year wedding anniversary or do you think we revert to eight years since we took those two years off?

[John]

Don't confuse the guy. I'm gonna tell you right now, just stick to the 10.

[Alex]

I was gonna say stick to the.

[John]

10 because you still makes a funny story.

[Alex]

Also. Yeah. Like you were, you were still technically married. You just had some trials and tribulations during that time, you know, and marriages go through tough times. You didn't technically get divorced, so yeah, you were married for 10 years.

[John]

Yeah. Why? Complicated.

[Alex]

Who cares? Don't complicate it. Happy 10 year anniversary. What are you gonna do? Go on a trip?

[John]

It seemed like you were asking me. I'm like, I don't know.

[Alex]

You just got stressed.

[John]

I wonder what they are doing. Are we going to do? What are they doing?

[Alex]

We're like, we have our five year this year and what are we going to do?

[John]

Probably nothing. Probably nothing because we've. All we've been doing is spending money.

[Alex]

Well, no, not just that. I think I'll have had a baby within like those few weeks.

[John]

Yeah, that's that. That too.

[Alex]

You'll be learning how to be a.

[John]

Also, should we like happy Mother's Day, right?

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. Happy Mother's Day. Well, Mother's Day just passed, so happy Mother's Day to me.

[John]

To you.

[Alex]

How do you feel? I'm going, I'm segueing here. How do you feel about people saying, you know, happy Mother's Day and then like, to dog moms too?

[John]

I don't care.

[Alex]

There's a lot of hate towards dog moms on the Internet.

[John]

Like, how does this affect you? Shut up. I think, why do you care?

[Alex]

People just like to be bothered by everything. And obviously being a dog mom is different than being a human mom.

[John]

But I mean, did I give you stuff for being a dog mom? No, that's true.

[Alex]

Yesterday John surprised me.

[John]

You didn't give me anything for Father's Day for him.

[Alex]

Because Mother's Day is first. So I would wait, I'd be like, is he gonna.

[John]

What about the last five years?

[Alex]

Mother's Day first is first.

[John]

Oh, every year I'm like, just based.

[Alex]

It off, is Kobe getting me anything for Mother's Day? Okay. If not, no. But this was the first year you got me something. Obviously they're very different, but some people can't have kids. They consider their dogs as their kids. Or some people just whatever. Does it bother you? Do people like, are they harming you? Is it impacting you? Them calling themselves dog moms and Shut the up.

[John]

All these holidays are just money grabs. All these holidays, you always have to spend money. Mother's Day, Father's Day, you got me.

[Alex]

Flowers and ice cream. I know you still spent money, but.

[John]

Everything in the church, being Catholic, I was like communion and then confirmation, I'm.

[Alex]

Like, those cost money. You have to pay for your communion gifts.

[John]

You get gifts and stuff.

[Alex]

I'm pretty sure that's like once in your life. That's like graduating, right? It's not like a year. That's not a holiday. Baptism, that's not a holiday. That's not even considered like a birthday. That's like a one.

[John]

I'm just saying there's all these events, bar mitzvahs, sweet 16, Independence Day.

[Alex]

So you just don't want to celebrate Fourth of July?

[John]

I gotta give someone a gift.

[Alex]

Who?

[John]

I don't know. Probably my mom. I'm just saying, it's like, can we just like, celebrate the day and not have to, like, give each other stuff?

[Alex]

So John does need a nap, you guys. He does.

[John]

Next question.

[Alex]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years now, and things are getting really serious and we talk about marriage a lot. He's pretty dang great. But one thing that really bothers me, he has. I know, that's kind of what I. He's pretty dang great. But one thing. You know what? That's like verbiage that they would use in Fallout. We finished that show.

[John]

So good.

[Alex]

So good. Season two needs to come out now.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

Okay, let me continue.

[John]

Can we please, please be guest stars on there?

[Alex]

I thought you were gonna say. Can you please fucking finish the question?

[John]

Please finish. Well, I interrupt. No, you stopped.

[Alex]

Every time one of us is interrupting the other, like, I get it, guys, if I called John out for interrupting me. I know. Interrupted him. Jesus, Father.

[John]

Well, you do it a lot, you know.

[Alex]

Okay, yeah, let me start this over. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple years now, and things are getting serious and we talk about marriage a lot. He's pretty dang great. But one thing really bothers me. He has a half sleeve that is dedicated to his family. Cute. But incorporated in it is several pieces in honor of an ex fling that had passed away about 11 years ago. Obviously it's so sad and I feel for the situation. But the largest piece and the only cover colored piece is her favorite flower in a very bright color right in the middle of his bicep. He honestly gave me too much info about the whole situation. She was his friend's younger sister. They hooked up and he was going to bring her these flowers, and she passed away right before he could. But now I am left to look at this memorial piece that is very bright and eye catching. Every time he wears short sleeves, and obviously when we have sex, it is really hard to have this visual reminder of a past partner in my face while we do it. He also has her date of death spanning about half the length of his arm and her birthday incorporated with a piece for another family member. He insists that they were just friends, but it is really hard to believe it was just a fling with a reaction to get tattoos like that. He says she was there for him through hard times. And I understand that we all have past relationships or friendships, as he'd like to call it, but the visual reminder is tough for me. And I don't know if I believe that she was just a fling. Am I the asshole for suggesting he might consider covering it up?

[John]

No, I don't think you are. I. I remember we've had this question before in the past, something similar, and you were like, oh, you're going to fudgeing. Cover that up with my name or.

[Alex]

What do you mean? You have nothing referencing an.

[John]

No, no. Someone else's question. You're like, you better believe you're going to be tattooing something about me on your body.

[Alex]

No, because it was. It was a different type of situation.

[John]

Not really. This guy, he hooked up with her. Still the same.

[Alex]

No, no, no, no. The other question, I can't think of what it is exactly, but it was something. Something weird where he was very much like, I don't remember what it was. Let's talk about this one.

[John]

Okay. Well, it's not just a rose. It's her birth date. It's her Social Security number. It's everything on his arm.

[Alex]

Her star sign.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Her birth chart.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

There's a lot of info there.

[John]

To me, they're just dating.

[Alex]

They've been dating for her and this guy have been dating for a couple years now. They talk about marriage, whatever.

[John]

You're dating. I don't think you.

[Alex]

If they're seriously dating. To me, I wouldn't be as annoyed about the tattoo if he was honest about their relationship. That's what annoys me here, is I'm like, you would not do this for a fling.

[John]

Good news. If you died, he'd probably tattoo you on his other arm.

[Alex]

Right. Maybe you do a test, you fake your death and see how committed he is to you.

[John]

How do you think she does it?

[Alex]

How do you think she offs herself.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Fakes it.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, a car crash, maybe. Or she could just go missing. I don't know. I've never thought of, like, killing myself. I've only thought about killing you.

[John]

Okay, cool. Nothing like joking around about death. Guys, we're fucking kidding.

[Alex]

Joking.

[John]

Jesus. Yeah.

[Alex]

Again, I honestly think you should do that.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Next question.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

You guys are dating. I think it'd be hard for you to, like, tell him to do stuff. I like how I always use marriage as, like, a trump card. Be like, well, if he wants to get married, different story again.

[Alex]

I get memorial pieces. But to me, it's the story behind it. It's a little extra be. Yeah. For a quote unquote fling. If you had a tattoo for maybe.

[John]

He has no creativity. He's like, I want to tattoo. This is my best bet. And making.

[Alex]

He's like, I've known no one who has passed away, but I want something that's meaningful.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So I'm going to get it for my best friend's younger sister who sucked my penis once. That's inappropriate of me to say. I'm sorry, Rip, but I just. I don't think that he's being. I know. I'm sorry. I don't think that he's being honest. And. And that's my problem. That was inappropriate, to be honest.

[John]

I think this is getting worse. So let's just go. Let's go to the next question. We are.

[Alex]

Maybe I need a nap.

[John]

Oh, my God. Please, guys, we're so sorry.

[Alex]

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Don't cancel me.

[John]

Shame, shame.

[Alex]

I addressed it. I didn't have to have someone call me out. I know that was inappropriate.

[John]

You guys cancel Al.

[Alex]

No, cancel Johnny's.

[John]

Cancel both of us. We'll just live with our parents. Love this house we were in for one month.

[Alex]

If you would never have to work.

[John]

Again, I definitely would.

[Alex]

No, not if you lived with your parents.

[John]

I'd have to get out of that house. Please, God. Go to the next question.

[Alex]

Should we answer this?

[John]

Yes, we did. We did.

[Alex]

But should she ask him to cover it up?

[John]

No, not right now. You've been dating for whatever amount of time. Like when you guys are serious, fucking serious. Getting married or some shit. Like when there's a lifelong commitment. Because a tattoo is a lifelong commitment. Like, then he should do something about that tattoo or give you a memorial piece or whatever's going to make you feel better.

[Alex]

Not a memorial piece of your. I mean, he might have a memorial.

[John]

Piece if you do a living memorial piece yourself.

[Alex]

No, I. I would ask him before.

[John]

A tattoo of your face on his other biceps so when you're fudgeing, you can look at that side instead of the other side.

[Alex]

Like, yeah, just tape, like, me, a mirror over it so you could just look at yourself. I think you just have to ask him for the honest story, though, first. I'd be like, listen.

[John]

Why? What else is there to know? What? This doesn't matter.

[Alex]

It does matter. That.

[John]

The fact that he hooked up with this girl. No, that's all she.

[Alex]

You would think it's so weird if I had a tattoo of this guy.

[John]

Who I'm hooked up with. There's nothing war. There's nothing else that's going to change her mindset because, like, he hooked up with this chicken. Does it matter what else has happened? That's what she's thinking about more.

[Alex]

Okay. Knowing that you had a tattoo of someone who meant something to you in the past than you being like, yeah, I got this tattoo of, like, an X flame.

[John]

She brought him through hardships. I'm over this question. Did you have something else to say? What else do you have to say about it?

[Alex]

I just think it's not as simple as just being, like, cover it up. Kobe is just too cute today.

[John]

Chop your arm off.

[Alex]

You could do that, too. His arm.

[John]

We've not. Not a single piece of advice is usable that we've given. Don't use any of it.

[Alex]

No, no. I think that we haven't gave the.

[John]

Disclaimer in a long time. We gave. We give terrible advice. Not even mediocre. This is terrible advice. Don't do it.

[Alex]

Today's episode. It's terrible advice. I do think the test would be a good idea, though, to see his loyalty to you. If this was just an X fling, you're right. Like, maybe he'll tattoo you on his forehead.

[John]

And now what. What happens if he, like. Then he goes to a psych ward because he's so devastated by your death. You know, you don't want to do that.

[Alex]

Why not? I say shoot for the moon or see if he's your man.

[John]

Next question.

[Alex]

Guys, listen, if you wrote in for this episode. Apologies. Next question. We're moving on. Does John ever blatantly check out other women? I've never really felt insecure in past relationships, but in my current relationship, I feel like my. I'm looking at your eyeballs, Sean. I feel like my. Now I'm. Now I'm all jumbled. I feel like my fiance is checking out other women when I'm not around. On a few different occasions when he didn't think I was looking, he did a full turnaround on a woman walking by and it gave me the ick. I didn't say anything at first because I was experiencing some serious emotions. And when I said something later, he genuinely acted like he didn't remember. But I 100% saw him do it. Now that I've said something, I feel like he still does it, just not while I'm around. Now when he goes to the gym, I'm really insecure that he's checking out these women and then thinking about them. When he's having sex with him, me later, I know he fully loves me. Am I being ridiculous? Should I bring it up to him or will I sound crazy?

[John]

Do you sound crazy?

[Alex]

And John have open conversations about stuff like this.

[John]

You sound crazy. What do you want to strap his eyes closed?

[Alex]

I just.

[John]

You want him to walk around like this?

[Alex]

I'll tell this story just because again, I think that a lot.

[John]

See you later, hun.

[Alex]

Next question.

[John]

Tell the story. Go ahead.

[Alex]

No, no, I think like a lot of people always are. Like, my man is checking out. I'm also checking out hot girls. Like I feel like we can appreciate.

[John]

Well, hot guys too.

[Alex]

And that's my point. John and John and his mom. No, no, me and John's mom were on a walk.

[John]

Oh my God.

[Alex]

This.

[John]

Oh, you guys were with us.

[Alex]

You were with us.

[John]

Yeah, that's the worst part.

[Alex]

So we're in our new neighborhood and we have a private police department. And so far all of these officers, I don't know where they found him.

[John]

I bet you that. I guarantee you that guy's four, eight.

[Alex]

They're so hot.

[John]

So anyway, I'm trying to make myself feel better.

[Alex]

We're walking through the neighborhood and this guy, this random guy, he had found a lost dog. So he was asking us, he was like, do you know whose dog this is? We were like, no, we're new to the neighborhood. He's like, well, I just called the police, the local police, so they should be here to help. So we continue on our walk and then this cop stops us and he's like, number one. He was like, are you Alex? And John? And I was like, I'm Alex.

[John]

She didn't even say my name. Alex didn't even like, he was like, acknowledge that second part.

[Alex]

He's like, did you guys call about the dog. And we were like, no, but there's a guy over here. And he was like. He was talking, and me and your mom had no clue what he was saying. He was just so beautiful.

[John]

I made it very clear. I go up to her, go, hey, I'm John. Firm handshake, direct eye contact. Contact.

[Alex]

He was just so wildly attractive. But, John, you have to be secure in yourself to know that other people are gonna be attractive. So we spend the rest of the walk going back, and me and John's mom are just making jokes about how we're gonna start a fire, how I'm gonna push John down the stairs. John's mom is in it with me. And you're.

[John]

I'll set the scene. Let's say his name is Jason. My mom's like, we're on our walk. She's like, I think I'm gonna have to call Jason later. Jason.

[Alex]

She goes, nine, one, one, Jason, nine.

[John]

One, one, there's a fire. Help me, Jason.

[Alex]

I. I slipped and I can't get up. And so even in front of your.

[John]

Dad, I'd have to call about a disturbance.

[Alex]

You, me, and your mom are just making these jokes for two days.

[John]

For two days. It wasn't even once. You double. You doubled and tripled down on it.

[Alex]

But I think you have to be confident and comfortable to be able to acknowledge the beauty and the attractiveness in someone else without feeling threatened in your relationship. Because, again, like, if roles were reversed, I just. I mean, I probably wouldn't react that way because I'm pregnant, and I'd be like, don't say anything about anyone right now. But. But in those situations, we do, like, banter back and forth with each other, and it's.

[John]

We.

[Alex]

Just.

[John]

To be honest, I wonder if I would care early on. I don't know. I just, like, don't care.

[Alex]

Well, they're engaged. It says, I feel like my fiance.

[John]

Like, but I mean, like, in the. Very committed, you know, but like, in our very beginning of our relationship, like, would those comments make me feel a certain. I don't know, like, being confident in your relationship probably helps, I think. I don't know, but I love. Like, my parents were at the beach. A lot of parent talk. I remember my parents were, like, in Italy or somewhere, and they're sitting on the beach, and my mom was so pissed off because there's all these hot women around, and she looks at my dad. She's like, you got all the eye candy. I have no eye candy to look at. She was like, really? Mad.

[Alex]

She was annoyed that she. She had no buff, buff dudes to watch. But, yeah, I think ultimately you have to know that there's so much more that you bring to your relationship other than your looks. Because I. We've talked about that before where we're like, not only do looks fade, but you're dealing with a real person behind the attractiveness.

[John]

Being confident goes a long way, too. Like, if you. How she wrote this question and, like, if you were saying this to me, it would make me feel so, like, weirded out by. I'd be like, alex, come on, right? You're beautiful. Be. Be more confident.

[Alex]

That's being. You have to have confidence and trust in your relationship. Because I could feel. I could see being insecure if your partner has either.

[John]

There's a different way, though. Like how you and my mom were around, like, whatever, right? You weren't really like, oh, my God.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Like, I need to like, fuck that dude.

[Alex]

I mean, I would never say that ever, right? Never, John. But again, like, we're married. Like, you just trump everyone no matter what.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

Again, Jason Momoa. My hall pass could be standing there and I'd still be like, I'm sorry.

[John]

Is he still your hall pass?

[Alex]

I don't know. I haven't seen him recently. What's he looking like?

[John]

I don't know. Good, I guess.

[Alex]

Well, then, yeah, he's still. My office. Who's yours?

[John]

I don't know. It used to be Kate Beckinsale.

[Alex]

Why not anymore?

[John]

I haven't seen her in a minute.

[Alex]

She's still probably looking like a snack. Wasn't.

[John]

Name some other brunettes.

[Alex]

Gal Gadot.

[John]

Oh, yeah, she's a hottie. Yeah. Give me another one.

[Alex]

Kim Kardashian.

[John]

Actually, Gal Gadot is definitely over Kate Beckinsale for me now.

[Alex]

Really? Superwoman. She also has just four kids known. No Kim K. No. You liked Courtney back in the day, right?

[John]

No, I always like Courtney more than Kim. Not from a beauty standpoint, but just. I initially thought she was.

[Alex]

I can't think of any other brunettes right now. When people are like, what's your favorite. Who's your.

[John]

What's your favorite movie?

[Alex]

What's your favorite ice cream?

[John]

What's your favorite movie? Go. I know it is Grinch.

[Alex]

What? It's not the. I love the Grinch, but it's not a movie. People are gonna hate me for saying this, but a movie that I could watch. Holes.

[John]

Jesus.

[Alex]

You know what? You don't even deserve to hear what the movie I was gonna say.

[John]

Why did you say holes?

[Alex]

And you got pissed too? Pissed at me? As if you're annoyed that you think that my choice of movie is Holes. When have I ever watched Holes?

[John]

You love that movie.

[Alex]

But holes?

[John]

Shia LaBeouf? Is what's her name in it? Romano.

[Alex]

No.

[John]

Oh.

[Alex]

Oh. But you know who is in it? The. The little kid. He sat next to us at the premiere for Fallout. We didn't go to that. The premiere for Barbie? No.

[John]

True Detective?

[Alex]

Yes. Remember?

[John]

No.

[Alex]

He was sitting next to me, and you were like, he's from Holes.

[John]

Okay? The guy you're talking about. Who? I didn't say he's from Holes. I know what he's from because he went to our gym. He went to Equinox. He's from. He was an old school. He was also in the kid from Coach Carter. Yeah.

[Alex]

I don't remember those.

[John]

Anyways. Way off. What are we talking about?

[Alex]

I. We're talking about our favorite movies.

[John]

You're gonna ask me mine?

[Alex]

No. Because I didn't even get to answer mine. You just. I'm just gonna assume that yours is Holes. Next question. Wait, What? Why are we talking about movies? Oh, we were talking about our hall passes.

[John]

All right.

[Alex]

Okay. So do you think. Whatever. Yeah. Next question. You just be secure in your relationship. I'm sure you're beautiful and your fiance loves you. Next question. I'm happily married, but I've been having incredibly intense, hot, not safe for work sex dreams about my ex. For context, my husband and I have been together almost eight years, married for three, and have a kid together. This ex and I broke up nine years ago, so a year before I met my husband. And yet he still keeps making very graphic appearances in my dreams to this day. No shade to my hubby. The man is very good at what he does. But this ex was definitely the purveyor of the best sex I've ever had. And apparently, my subconscious just can't let it go. I wake up even feeling guilty every time, but I can't control what I dream about, right? Do I tell my husband? Or is that just creating drama where it doesn't need to be? Do you all think there's a way to stop this? Or do I just need to accept it and take the smutty dreams in stride? I. John, if Alex was having reoccurring sex dreams about another guy, would you.

[John]

Don't tell me.

[Alex]

Don't. Yeah, I wouldn't want to know either.

[John]

It's your subconscious. Don't feel bad.

[Alex]

Hopefully you get off in your dream.

[John]

Yeah. If you don't act on any of this stuff.

[Alex]

But of course that's very different. But if you were having dreams about your ex and you were like, Alex, I have to tell you, I. That would hurt my feelings.

[John]

And then I gotta deal with your all day. He's gonna be mad at me because I'm. I'm so dumb that I told you.

[Alex]

Yeah, of course. Just like, I mean, there's enough things.

[John]

To get mad at about. Like don't drop something in, like, do you want your day ruined? You know?

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

No, you're fine. Enjoy your dreams. Don't act on them, don't tell your husband you're good. Next question.

[Alex]

Am I the asshole? I'm a 31 year old female. I got married a few years ago and I'm still thinking about if I was in the wrong here. One of my four bridesmaids was my bestie from college. We had known each other for about five years, had both gone through breakups together, moved apart, made multiple trips to see each other in our new towns. We always had a great time together. So of course she was going to be in my wedding. She happily accepted and she even wanted to do a speech at the wedding. In her speech she mentioned my ex boyfriend. She was saying how good of a decision it was for me to dump this ex because I found a great man to marry. I totally agreed with her since my ex was a heaping pile of garbage. He was childish, whiny, lazy, sold hard drugs, and even tried hooking up with this bridesmaid a week after I broke up with him. So how did she ever think it was cool to bring it up on my wedding day? I was so shocked. I had broken up with this ex over four years ago and none of my husband's family or friends knew of him. The few people on my side of the wedding who did know my ex looked over at me and hold horror. All I could do was sit there and listen and get on with a reception dinner. I put it in the back of my head, but for the rest of the night and for the following week on our honeymoon. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I really appreciated this bridesmaid being a part of my wedding and making all that effort. But I didn't want this stupid blunder to always be in the back of my mind. So I sent her a message. I explained that I loved her and appreciated her and told her I just had to get this off of my chest. Questioning why she felt the need to put something like that into her speech and. And how it made me feel uncomfortable. I got no reply. So I messaged again the next day, apologizing for being brash and hoping she wasn't too upset. Again, no reply. A few months went by with no reply, so I messaged her to say Merry Christmas and how I loved and missed her. She replied with a simple, merry Christmas. It's been a few years since. And I hadn't replied to that message she sent since I thought she should have said more in her message until recently. I saw she got engaged and I sent her well wishes and how I think of her often and I wish that we hadn't drifted apart. No reply. So am I the asshole for telling her that I was uncomfortable about her speech?

[John]

Wow, the fact that this has been eating at you. How long has it been? I feel like I just heard a whole like years. It's been relationship journey. Yeah, yeah, I. No, you're not the. I think she's probably offended because I think she probably thought she wrote a good speech and was trying to make a point about like, now you're with somebody really amazing, blah, blah. Not the best way to go about it. I don't think she was malicious in it though. And then maybe how you wrote the message, she probably was caught off guard because she probably thought she had a good speech, offended, and then never let it go. You did your part. You reached out. You shouldn't feel guilty at all, but just move on because I don't think the ball's in her core. You've reached out enough. If she wants to reach out, she will.

[Alex]

Agreed. To me, the silent treatment in friendship speaks volumes about a person. If you don't know how to communicate in a relationship, in a friendship, or in a friendship, then I don't want to be friends with that person anyway. Like, you felt a certain way and. And she felt offended or she felt some type of way that she was like, you know what? I'm not going to respond if I had a bride, one of my best friends tell me that she felt uncomfortable with what I said during a toast. And if. Even if I didn't agree and I was like, that wasn't my intention.

[John]

It's her fucking day.

[Alex]

You explain that to them and you have an open and commute. You communicate about your problems, but you can't. If you can't even have the open floor to communicate with someone, that's not your fault. This is. This lack of friendship is 100% on her. And it almost sounds like maybe she was doing it to get out of this friendship. Like, where was their turmoil before? Was she in a weird place before? Because how good of friends were you?

[John]

The fact that, like, you guys just haven't talked at all. Like, that's kind of.

[Alex]

And that's what I mean. The fact that she was willing to let this relationship die over you expressing your emotion and how you felt about something, that's on her. I don't know that I would want to be friends with her. Anyway, you're not the strange. She's just. How is she immature?

[John]

Yeah. How's she gonna react? Like, what if her boss, you know.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Pissed her off or whatever? Like, you're not gonna. You're not gonna respond to your boss. Like, use some, like, conflict resolution skills and like, where. Where is that in your life? Like, she needs to work on that.

[Alex]

My strongest friendships are. Are with girls who I have been able to actively resolve conflict with year after year. Like, and. And there's never usually conflict. Especially, like, we've just been friends.

[John]

But when there is, you guys are able to resolve it.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's like, it's all about.

[John]

We say that's what a relationship is. You learn, like, you guys are growing as individuals as, like, friends, and your friendships will just get stronger from it.

[Alex]

But one of my biggest, favorite friendship breakups happened like a situation like this, where a situation happened. I communicated and then I got the silent treatment. And it would just. It made it so much worse because I was like, you're really willing to let this friendship die over something that we could communicate about after one night? Like, it just things like this. And maybe that's why I'm like, passionate about it, because I'm just like, they could be so avoided if you just have an open conversation. Like, why are you sure?

[John]

But her and I. And that's their problem. Because I guarantee you that friend is probably, like, probably isn't too embarrassed at this point to, like, talk to you.

[Alex]

It just things like that. If you really value your friendships, you don't let. When someone else feels uncomfortable, you don't let stuff like that ruin your relationship. You communicate, you know, so you're not the asshole I think your friend was just either in a weird place, doesn't know how to take critique, or didn't know maybe what to say back to you. And too much time went by. I really don't know.

[John]

But communication.

[Alex]

Do you have any mutual friends? That's what I would want to know. I'd be like, have you heard from her? Like, why she spoken to me she's.

[John]

Talking to any of you, right?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Cool. All right.

[Alex]

That's a secret. We have one. Let's go through one secret.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

All right. Secret number one. I have never told this story to anyone before. Not even the person who I was with knows all the details. One night I was downtown at a club and I ran into an old friend from high school. We were both fairly intoxicated and I hadn't seen him in a while. This friend caught me up on his life and told me he was excited because he had just bought a new truck. After talking for a bit, I told him I was about to head home. He offered to drive me to my car in his new truck. I should not have gotten in it because he was still intoxicated. He was swerving in all kinds of lanes. It was actually very scary. Because of this, he was pulled over. There were two cops. One was on my side of the truck and the other was on his. I had to pee really badly. I asked the cop on my side if I could get out of the car to relieve myself. He said no. I was struggling to hold it in. The police officer was guarding the side of the door I was in and refused to let me out. I had been drinking and had already broken the seal. At that point I had no choice and I peed in the passenger seat side.

[John]

I feel you.

[Alex]

Fortunately, my friend was let go because he showed that he had also worked in the emergency service industry by flashing his id. The cop gave him a pass. He dropped me off at my car and I had never heard from him again. I'm not sure if he ever figured out what I did, but I'm happy not to have heard about it. I guess no news is good news.

[John]

Facts. I'd be like, we're just going to chalk this friendship as a loss.

[Alex]

I wonder if he was maybe embarrassed that this happened also. I can't believe the cops let him go. That's besides the point.

[John]

But this isn't. This isn't a question we don't need to talk about. But I. I will say. Do you think that he knew that I had. Yes, definitely.

[Alex]

I don't think so. Because if you get home, you're not like checking the seat. I'm like going inside and going to bed.

[John]

You'll smell the pee eventually. So one time a long time ago, me and go hang out some guys at a bar. We're all shit faced and we go to the urinals and I thought it'd be funny to pee on the guy's Foot.

[Alex]

A random.

[John]

No, no, no. Like, we're all hanging out and I'm peeing.

[Alex]

Wait, a random person?

[John]

No, no. Like, one of. I don't even remember the guy's name. He was. We. Like, you know how you meet people at the bar and then, like, you guys become. What?

[Alex]

What's wrong with you? What.

[John]

Why did you think I was, like, 21? I don't know. Anyways, I thought it was funny. So we're all peeing the urinals, and Eileen and I kind of just pee on his foot as a joke. He. Pan. Pan. Serious pan. Serious pan. Looks at me. He was like, fuck you. And then I never saw him again. I don't remember his name. You know, like, you have, like, drinking people, like, your own local watering hole. Like, we used to all hang out all the time, like, for a good. For a good bit. Never saw him again.

[Alex]

Not. Not a good friend.

[John]

Words of the wise. Learn your. Learn about your friends first.

[Alex]

Well, if someone did that to you, John, what would your reaction be?

[John]

If it was my friend, I'd pee back. I think it was funny. But, like, I guess there's certain friends, you know?

[Alex]

Well, yeah, you have to be really close with someone to know. Like, is this. Is this gonna be enough to ruin friendship?

[John]

We're all dudes. Whatever.

[Alex]

I mean, See, and that's. That was his boundary. He said, I don't want you peeing on my shoe. You peed in your mom's suitcase, too. That was because you didn't do that on purpose.

[John]

No, I didn't. I didn't even know I did that. For another time. I.

[Alex]

Don't point your finger at me as if, like, I'm the drunk peer, but it sounds like you like to pee your pants and poop your pants.

[John]

Difference is, I was, like, 18 to 21. You're, like, in your 30s doing it.

[Alex]

Oh, I didn't. I haven't peed since I was 26.

[John]

All right, I'm gonna read a review.

[Alex]

We have to do our overs. Cause I have been holding this all episode. I'm over you and your incomplete sentences. You think a thought in your head, and then you tell me half of it and assume that I'm gonna jump on board and know what you're talking about. So you'll be like, so are we going? I'm like, going where? Or you'll be like, did you send it? I'm like, send what? Like, you just don't. And you expect me to know. You don't finish your sentences and you expect Me to know what you're talking about. Talking about.

[John]

I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to tell you. I am.

[Alex]

It's getting worse, though, because you're having full conversations.

[John]

I have family members that have Alzheimer's, I'm pretty sure. Or they had dementia. It's very similar. I don't know. I don't know. Might be me. Get that home ready. Put me in a home.

[Alex]

I'll just have to kill you first.

[John]

I think it's funny, though, because my dad did that at dinner. My mom was like. Rolled her eyes. I'm like, holy. I'm him.

[Alex]

Yeah. Like, what do you say?

[John]

Did you put the thing in the thing? And I'm like, what?

[Alex]

I mean, I get. Sometimes there are situations where I'm like, it's over there and the thing and then whatever. Like. And I'm trying to get you to figure it out, but these are different. They're like scenarios that you've already. I don't.

[John]

What. Did you ask him about it? I'm like, yes.

[Alex]

Who?

[John]

About what?

[Alex]

That's how I feel. Like, what are you talking about? Like, when are we. So when are we going there?

[John]

The thing?

[Alex]

Who?

[John]

I'm sorry. I know. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Read more.

[Alex]

I'm like, is this a puzzle that I'm trying? Is this. I don't know what I'm supposed to be figuring out. What are you over?

[John]

Got it. Got to finish my sentences. Need to make sure I feed you need to tell me I'm pretty. Do all. Everything you need me to do. Got it. Tell you you're pretty.

[Alex]

It's called being a husband. Okay.

[John]

I love you.

[Alex]

I love you too.

[John]

And look, that's how we finish. Went from hate to love. All right, review time. I'm not over anything because I'm overly in love with you.

[Alex]

Shut up.

[John]

10 out of 10. 5 stars. CC0222. My husband and I have sent your videos back and forth to each other for years now, but I only just recently found that you had a podcast. Started listening and I haven't stopped since. I did. I binged all of season two and three in a couple of weeks. I love your guys. Connection and authenticity. I've always laughed and having fun when I'm listening.

[Alex]

Love it.

[John]

Thank you. Thank you. Keep them coming, guys. Give me all the likes, Give me all the reviews. I keep looking at the wrong camera. Give me everything. I want to see them all. Comment on all of our videos and shit.

[Alex]

Oh, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. If you want to get in touch with us, you can reach us at hello at Give it tome straight podcast dot com. If you want to submit an anonymous question, you could do it it at the link in our bio or in our show notes. You can find us on all the socials at give us me straight podcast and we will see you next week.

[John]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye. They throw you off with that?

[Alex]

No.