54. Giving you kid’s parties, handy husbands, and awkward silences

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight Episode 54: Giving you kid’s parties, handy husbands, and awkward silences Release Date: May 28, 2024

Hosts: Alex & John
Description: Follow along as this husband and wife duo give you unfiltered advice from two different perspectives. No topic goes unspoken, from sex, money, relationships, the good the bad, and the ugly. Alex and Jon will give it to you straight.

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Introduction and Summer Greetings

The episode kicks off with Alex and John exchanging light-hearted banter about the onset of summer following Memorial Day. They discuss the differences between public and private beaches, parking hassles, and the general anticipation of warmer weather.

Notable Quote:

• Alex [00:32]: "Happy summer. Now it's officially Memorial Day."

Sickness and Parenting Expectations

Alex shares concerns about illness spreading within her family during activities like Disney trips, pondering whether her own robust health is due to her vitamin regimen. John recounts his experience of battling sickness through sweating and working out, highlighting the challenges parents face when a child is ill.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [02:00]: "I wonder if it's because we're just overdoing it on vitamins."
• John [02:42]: "I feel like, again, I'm on and off. I don't know. Yeah, it just needs to, like, it needs to pass."

Reality TV Aspirations and Filmmaking

The duo delves into the topic of reality television, particularly referencing "Vanderpump." They humorously debate whether they would thrive on such a show, ultimately concluding that their personalities and preferences wouldn't align with the often dramatic nature of reality TV.

Notable Quotes:

• John [04:42]: "If they pay me. Mike, the situation was talking about it on some podcast and he was saying how he was pulling in like 675 million for the season."
• Alex [05:19]: "You already don't like having people at our house to do things."

Listener Questions and Advice

1. Recording Arguments in Relationships

A listener expresses frustration over her boyfriend recording her during heated arguments, making her feel undervalued. Alex and John offer advice on setting boundaries and establishing healthy communication practices to prevent such behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [17:40]: "Setting argument boundaries and being like, if we get into a fight, there's no reason why we need to be recording each other."
• John [17:34]: "The outcome shouldn't be to win an argument. The outcome should be to resolve issues between one another."

2. Drifting Away from a Childhood Best Friend

A listener grapples with drifting apart from a long-time best friend who remains active in the friendship despite growing apart. The hosts suggest gradually reducing contact and setting personal boundaries without being overtly confrontational.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [22:18]: "Friendships drifting apart I think is just a natural cycle."
• John [22:40]: "You've changed somehow and they've changed. So... that's okay."

3. Dealing with a Partner's Ex-Girlfriend

A listener concerns about her husband’s ex-girlfriend who continues to reach out aggressively. Alex and John advise that while the husband should first set clear boundaries, if harassment persists, additional steps like blocking or legal action may be necessary.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [26:10]: "But if he's done that already and it hasn't worked, I would step in."
• John [26:54]: "Live out your dreams."

4. Attending Friends’ Children’s Birthday Parties

A listener struggles with attending her friend's child’s birthday parties due to her discomfort around kids and hectic work schedule. The hosts affirm that it's acceptable to decline such invitations politely and suggest alternative ways to celebrate the friendship.

Notable Quotes:

• John [42:14]: "I agree because I think you could be inviting you out of just courtesy and friendship."
• Alex [43:02]: "You are my best friend. I have a daughter. Of course, I'm going to invite you to my daughter's birthday party."

5. Delayed Wedding Photos from Photographer

A listener expresses frustration over delayed wedding photos despite paying in full. Alex and John recommend reviewing the contract, communicating persistently with the photographer, and considering actions like requesting raw files or seeking compensation if necessary.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [46:12]: "If they're already past that, you have every right because what is it? Nine months. That is a baby like that is a full baby. That's insane."
• John [47:09]: "You should get fully compensated."

6. Concerns About Partner’s Handiness

A listener feels anxious about marrying a partner who lacks handyman skills, fearing a future of double work and imbalance in the relationship. The hosts encourage evaluating the overall relationship strengths and considering outsourcing tasks or learning together to maintain harmony.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [51:33]: "We have to look at your relationship as a whole and understand that someone who might have those manly qualities might not check the boxes in other aspects of your relationship."
• John [53:04]: "I don't care. We never had a problem once."

Dark Humor: Intrusive Thoughts

In a candid moment, Alex and John share personal intrusive thoughts about harming their child, approaching the topic with dark humor and self-awareness. They discuss the nature of such thoughts without endorsing them, highlighting the complexities of parental anxiety.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex [54:41]: "Every time I cut my daughter's finger and toenails, I take the clippings and hold them in my hand, and the thought crosses my mind to plop them in my mouth and eat them."
• John [55:00]: "Someone, if I just did like, you walk by... what if I just stabbed you right now?"

Listener Reviews and Closing Remarks

The hosts read and respond to listener reviews, expressing gratitude and sharing personal anecdotes. They wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to subscribe, leave comments, and follow them on social media.

Notable Quotes:

• John [55:24]: "You guys rock. Five stars by sass. 569-78975. I was laughing so hard at the cooking class story."
• Alex [56:01]: "If you want to email us, you can reach us at [e-mail]."

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Conclusion:
In Episode 54 of "Give It To Me Straight," Alex and John tackle a broad range of topics, from the nuances of summer activities and parenting challenges to the intricacies of maintaining healthy relationships and friendships. Through engaging dialogue and honest advice, they provide listeners with relatable insights and practical solutions to everyday dilemmas. Their candid discussion on sensitive topics, coupled with humor and empathy, underscores the authenticity that defines their podcast.

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Follow Us:
For more advice and unfiltered discussions, subscribe to "Give It To Me Straight" on your favorite podcast platform and follow us on social media at @GiveItToMeStraightPodcast.

Transcript

[Alex]

I don't like other people's kids, so I don't want to be around strangers, heathens. Some. Some parents don't know how to lock up their kids. And whatever, it's fine. Like they get it at 4 years old.

[John]

Their kids meaning, like give a disclaimer here before anyone thinks you're about to be an abusive parent.

[Alex]

Whatever. I get it though. Like, I'm not a parent yet. But like, I can only imagine I'm going to eat my words in a few months last year. And welcome back to Give it to me straight.

[John]

Great.

[Alex]

I'm Alex.

[John]

And I'm John.

[Alex]

And where your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious, Happy summer. Now it's officially Memorial Day. It passed. It was yesterday, technically. When this episode comes out Monday, what everyone do? Yeah.

[John]

I was about to say, is it actually summertime?

[Alex]

I think like Memorial Day is generally the start of start of summer. Technically there's a date. Is it June? I don't know.

[John]

You know, I'll just go off on Memorial Day because that's when the public.

[Alex]

Pools open up and the beaches here.

[John]

Oh, sure.

[Alex]

You know how like there's no guards at any of the beaches yet. That's like the crazy thing, the difference between New York and California. All the beaches in California are public.

[John]

Here they're private.

[Alex]

Private. You gotta pay.

[John]

I think that's kind of.

[Alex]

I agree.

[John]

Like you owning the beach, like, well.

[Alex]

And then you have to pay for parking everywhere you go. Whatever, it's fine. I mean, it is what it is. I'm sure there's.

[John]

It's like 20 parking. Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous, but.

[Alex]

Or a guard who's like, do you live in this area? You're not allowed it.

[John]

I want to be like, do you? Which I probably. You probably don't.

[Alex]

Well, whatever. So happy Memorial Day. What did everyone do?

[John]

God, what did everyone do? Or you're just talking to me? I feel like dog. Let's see. Gotta love Disney. Got sick from Disney. What? Your brother's sick?

[Alex]

Yeah, so did my whole brother's family, except for Alyssa, my sister in law. And I'm wondering, because I didn't get sick either.

[John]

He said she was sick. I thought.

[Alex]

No, she. I mean, the kids got sick and Dan got sick. I think she got a little cold, but not as bad as the everyone else. But I wonder if it's because we're just overdoing it on vitamins overdosed on your prenatals and just all the other vitamins that we have to take. So. Yeah, I'M like, I've been fine. I feel great.

[John]

I want this, like, sickness the. Or get off the pot, you know, I was sick and I sweated it out. I, like, put sweatshirt on everything. I just dump sweat everywhere at night. And then I felt great the next day, and I worked out. Worst decision ever. Because now I feel like, again, I'm on and off. I don't know. Yeah, it just needs to, like, it needs to pass.

[Alex]

You just need one day of doing nothing. But you know when you're not gonna get that chance is when we have a baby here. Hashtag, no days off.

[John]

I kept thinking that. I'm like, oh, my God, what are we gonna do?

[Alex]

I know.

[John]

When the kid's sick, you just have to push through, drop them off at your mom's house.

[Alex]

That's why I think parents also drink less because they can't afford to be hungover.

[John]

I know you can't be inebriated. Inebriated. Inebriated. You be so fucked.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Liberty Bibbity.

[Alex]

Yeah. I mean, it's almost like you'd have to get a babysitt the night of and the morning. The next morning if you really want to enjoy yourself.

[John]

But I don't know if I would want to burn a babysitter on that.

[Alex]

What do you mean? What else would you burn? What else is a babysitter for vacation? Oh, well, that's like a different. A babysitter is not for vacation.

[John]

What's your thoughts on bringing a babysitter on a vacation?

[Alex]

100 would do it.

[John]

I don't know if we can.

[Alex]

If we could swing it, would.

[John]

I've heard horror stories of, like, bringing a young babysitter on a trip.

[Alex]

Well, obviously, you enter, you know them well enough, but you're not just bringing a stranger. I'd bring a grandparent on a trip. Well, yeah, again, but that's also. I feel. I would feel more bad making a grandparent watch our kid, like, while we go and have fun. Then someone who we're gonna.

[John]

Not if we pay them. We'll pay your. We'll pay the grandparents.

[Alex]

We'll cross that bridge when we get there. I just think again, you're not gonna bring a stranger on a trip with you. You vet them and you know them and you're. And you're technically not alone. It's like, okay, stay in the hotel room with kid while.

[John]

Right we go.

[Alex]

We don't stay past nine anyway.

[John]

Up my ass right now.

[Alex]

Kobe.

[John]

Yeah. He's so cute, boy.

[Alex]

He's not a good boy. He Just keeps destroy getting his feet in all the mud.

[John]

I know. What else? Watching some Vanderpump lately, I just.

[Alex]

I just wanted to catch up and.

[John]

Then I got sucked into it. Alex wanted to like put this table together. And 45 minutes into it, Alex is 75% of the table done. I was like, what happened? Cuz I was watching Vanderpump.

[Alex]

The thing about getting on the drama.

[John]

The thing about Vanderpump is like, I see all these people on there, I'm like, I can do that.

[Alex]

Would you want to do that though?

[John]

If they pay me. Mike, the situation was talking about it on some podcast and he was saying how he was pulling in like 675amillion for the season. Hell yeah. To stir the pot, start some drama. Fuck yeah. You want to do that?

[Alex]

No. No.

[John]

Really?

[Alex]

You don't get creative control over the edit that they're going to put out for you?

[John]

I don't have creative control of anything. We do.

[Alex]

You have to create drama.

[John]

Like, no problem.

[Alex]

No, it's just too invasive. You already don't like having people at our house to do things. Like, the thing that you would want is a camera crew up your ass. You'd be like, leave me alone. You would hate it.

[John]

What would be at our house? We'd be at like, you barely. Some beach house.

[Alex]

Like, this is enough for you. This is enough for you. You're saying like doing Summer House or something. There is. I've never watched that show Summer House.

[John]

The thing is, I don't want to share my bedroom with anyone else. Like, I need some, like a little space. And there better be enough bathrooms. That's the only thing I care about. Everything else cool, but like, I don't want people run.

[Alex]

What this show would look like right now. John would not be in it because you'd be in the bathroom the whole time.

[John]

Drama. I'm in the toilet.

[Alex]

John's like, catch me up. What's going on? I've been shitting.

[John]

I keep missing it.

[Alex]

Exactly. Like, it just. It's good in theory for you, but it just wouldn't work out. You get fired. Season one, they'd be like, we don't even know who John is.

[John]

I think, honestly, I think people would love to see all the bullshit drama we go through.

[Alex]

What is it? Kobe getting his paws in the mud.

[John]

Moving. Getting him on the plane, missing our flights, car getting totaled. Everything we do in our life, it's always something. I had black hair before I met you.

[Alex]

That is not true.

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

When I met you, you Were already going gray at 29.

[John]

What would our show be called?

[Alex]

It wouldn't. Give it to me straight. This is it.

[John]

Oh, that's a good idea. No, I don't want to revolt on the podcast because basically, it's great. You don't really have to do anything. You just live your life and they film drama. I guess to me, such minimum effort.

[Alex]

No, that. That sounds like my nightmare. I would way rather shoot a film, a feature film, than be on a reality show.

[John]

Okay, right, sure, sure. That's a big lift, though. You also, like, want creative control and all that. Like, I don't care. I don't have creative control in our own videos today.

[Alex]

Watching reality. I don't like being reality. Like, we don't even do vlogs. We. We do skits. So if this is like.

[John]

But vlogging, we have to shoot it. We have to.

[Alex]

Yeah, but then you still have the final say of the edit. Like, if you are interested in being a reality star, John, maybe you should try vlogging first, then.

[John]

Guess why they're not shooting it, though. Yeah, but they're just. They're just there.

[Alex]

It's like you're creating your own reality show, though.

[John]

You'll forget the cameras are there. I'll be eating. I'm like, oh, I fart. I'm like, oh, the cameras are.

[Alex]

So why don't you just hire someone to film you all day and then make your own reality show?

[John]

No, I want to be, like. I want to be, like, with a crew on mtv.

[Alex]

Who watches mtv?

[John]

Oh, not like the Challenger or any of the road rules, because that's too dangerous.

[Alex]

I feel like you're only wanting to do this so bad because I'm telling you, like, all the reasons why it's not a good idea. Like, you would hate it. Listen, I know you so well. You would hate it.

[John]

All they do in Vanderpump is drink, hang out, and stir up drama between each other. It's great.

[Alex]

Then go back to LA and join the cast of Vanderpump. John. Like, you could do that, try out, be a server.

[John]

The thing is, like, it's just no lift. It would be no lift.

[Alex]

You say that. I think it's a lot of work. You have to be available.

[John]

No, I have to get ready and go to topgolf. Oh, no. What was the other thing they did? Oh, no, I have to. They did something cool. Oh, Tom Sandova. They had played. They went and played fucking paintball. I was like, I would have loved to play paintball.

[Alex]

Reason why you want to do this is because they paid, played paintball. You can do that. Number one. We just had an episode about how you don't want to work. Like if someone's telling you to be somewhere at a certain time, you'd be like, I want to go on my own time. Like you would.

[John]

They picking me up? Are they picking me up?

[Alex]

No, you're driving there.

[John]

First off, I am the most dependable person ever. I'm even early for anything we have.

[Alex]

To do, John, you know what? Live out your dreams.

[John]

I'm not prepared.

[Alex]

Go do it.

[John]

Not prepare.

[Alex]

Anyone has reality show connects. John is your next Tom Sandoval.

[John]

But nothing like, oh God, he's gonna.

[Alex]

Start painting his nails.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

And you're gonna start a band, John. This is so exciting for you.

[John]

Oh, I can't start a band.

[Alex]

What would that be called?

[John]

The Boof Nasties.

[Alex]

I can't. Is this really your dream?

[John]

I just think I could do it.

[Alex]

You know, you could do a lot of things.

[John]

Yeah, but this one's an easy one to do.

[Alex]

You think? I think you think it's easy, but I'm sure it's a lot of you have to go through to all these like interview, post show interviews. You have to be available.

[John]

When we had our live show. When we had our live show. I hated doing the live show. I love the meeting, but it's not.

[Alex]

Your own schedule, like for a few weeks. Like again, I'm sure it's, it's a different type of job than what a normal person would work like in terms of flexibility. But knowing you, you still wouldn't like it because it's still work. Like the idea of it sounds fun for you now, but you would have no control over your schedule.

[John]

I watched Mike's situation. All he does is order food all day at restaurants. Like, this looks awesome.

[Alex]

I think it's like how people don't really know what we do. You know, they're like, all you do is shoot videos every day and post them on the Internet. It's like you don't know the behind the scenes.

[John]

I'm not saying it's not work. I'm just saying I think we have a better idea of what it is than most people.

[Alex]

And that's why it's better than this.

[John]

We got to set up all our own cameras. We got to like do a.

[Alex]

We don't have to computers, outsource it.

[John]

Mtv. All you do is show up.

[Alex]

That's what you think. Okay, John, I mean, but again, I'm not here to Stop you from getting it. I don't. I'm not going to get in the way of your.

[John]

I want to throw a disclaimer out there, though. I'm not saying I want to do anything like Road Rules or the Challenge or anything like that, because that stuff looks dangerous.

[Alex]

John.

[John]

Survivor, I wouldn't make it. And those. All that looks dangerous.

[Alex]

So you just want to be on a party show?

[John]

Probably, yeah.

[Alex]

Are you having, like, a midlife crisis?

[John]

Mike, the situation. He's not partying anymore.

[Alex]

You're about to be a dad.

[John]

All he's doing is eating. He's got three kids. Have the. Have those people have kids.

[Alex]

Then do it. Like, go and do it. I'm not gonna do it for you.

[John]

You would do it with me?

[Alex]

No, no. You would go do it by. I. Like, we have different interests, and that's okay. We talk about me time. That would be your me time. And I'd be, like, writing scripts.

[John]

I'd make sure they put you in there. I'll make sure they put you in the reality show. Just like, you better make sure you put me in your feature film.

[Alex]

When you win an Oscar, you have to audition, though. I'm not just gonna put you in such. Yeah. If you suck, I'm not putting you in my film. I was in the last one, and you did okay. We only got a film festival.

[John]

We got into two film festivals. We're waiting on one more, which we probably won't get into.

[Alex]

Honestly, John, I'm proud of us for getting into two.

[John]

Oh, yeah. Some people get into nuts and they do it forever.

[Alex]

Yeah, we're the tits where the tits.

[John]

The very humbling experience. But listen, I'm. One last time. Cringe. We find out if we get into the last film festival. I think it's July 12th or something. And then if we don't get into it, we could show everyone.

[Alex]

Yeah. Mark your calendars. We'll release our. Our first short film.

[John]

I am so proud of it, and I love it. Alex is, like, so sick of it.

[Alex]

My thing is because I'm the one who wrote it. I edited it. I looked at it. I'm just like. I've watched it 10,000 times. So I'm at the point where I'm like, I've seen it. I know what I would have done differently to make it better. I wrote the ending, and I'm just over it.

[John]

I wrote the ending.

[Alex]

No, you came up with the idea. I wrote it.

[John]

I came up with the idea for the ending.

[Alex]

Okay, perfect. John, I put your credits I put your credits in the fucking credits. I give you credit. She wouldn't be exactly, exactly. But I could have been like film.

[John]

Just set design. Producer, actor, cinematographer. He does it all, folks.

[Alex]

I'm so over you.

[John]

All right, let's go.

[Alex]

Let's jump into questions. Anyway, mark your calendars because. Yeah, Cringe will be coming out soon. We are going to film. My goal is to do one short film a year. So even though. What. I know you're already exhausted. It doesn't have to be 15 minutes. We can make it shorter.

[John]

I like 15 minutes. So.

[Alex]

I know. But a five minute short, good story. You know, I think this year, because I'm with child, I can do a five minute one and it'll be fine.

[John]

But you, technically, you only have to be in a little bit if you want to based off the idea you want. You can get other people.

[Alex]

You're like, I'm gonna be the star. Write Alex. No, write me and then I'll have you audition for the short film.

[John]

I don't get it. I'm a tree.

[Alex]

No, I want to do something simple again where it's just like, us. Yeah, it makes it easier. I mean, next year, my dream is like, I do have an idea to have like a full cast, but budget too. I'm like, I don't want to not pay people. Like, you have to pay people. And it's all self funded, so it's like, how do people get their films?

[John]

I don't know. I think it depends. Because if it's a passion project and people want to dip their toes in something, they'll just do it because we're. We'll show for free too, you know?

[Alex]

I know, but what I'm saying is the people in it, like, we have to set a budget, you know, like, we would have to so that we could pay the actors, the crew if we want to have a bigger production. Because what I'm saying is, how do people fund their films? And then how do the people who invest in it make money unless we sell it?

[John]

You know, some people just want to have their name on stuff. We know some people who got a bunch of, like, dentists to be the producers. And, like, they just want to, like, have their name on something. As a producer.

[Alex]

No, they also want to make money because, like, the idea is that your film gets sold.

[John]

Okay. Yeah.

[Alex]

We almost have to, like, write something out really good. Have HBO or Netflix be like, I want this.

[John]

That's cool. Because I look at it totally different. I love being part of the project. I never expect to make money off of them. But it's so cool project.

[Alex]

Yeah, for sure. But I think end goal is if like you want to do this as your job, right? If I want to make a feature Oscar winning film, I can't do it alone. I'm not gonna fund that myself.

[John]

I'm right here.

[Alex]

I'm a 30 million you have funded.

[John]

You shit yourself. It's both of us.

[Alex]

I'm. When I say myself, I'm talking about us as a unit.

[John]

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[Alex]

Let's jump into questions. You're really annoying me. Go join your reality show, John. And then you could. What? What is a reality show? Winner, awards, Emmys. Do they do reality shows? Win Emmys? Tv?

[John]

I don't know. No. It'd be cool being on something like the Office. I heard they're bringing that back.

[Alex]

That would be amazing.

[John]

They're bringing it back.

[Alex]

That's just like a dime a dozen. Like one of those shows coming out.

[John]

Amazing show. Dwight, he's my homie.

[Alex]

I saw this girl on TikTok the other day and this, all the comments were like, this is so Dwight coded. She's like, how to get into cold lake water. And she goes, take your arm. Acclimate like climate. Whatever it was. I don't remember. Acclimate what it was. And each arm. It was hilarious. I'm butchering it. Go find it. It's on TikTok. Anyway. Should we jump into questions now?

[John]

I guess. Yeah, sure.

[Alex]

All right, let's dive in. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. I'm frustrated because every time we get into a heated argument, he starts recording me. I've never inflicted any harm on him and I wouldn't even hurt a fly. The recording bothers me because it makes me feel less than. And he acts like he's above me. Any advice? John, any advice? You want to be on a reality show? So this is.

[John]

He records. He records her when they are next time they're fighting. It's a great idea.

[Alex]

So you could send it into MTV and that's your tape.

[John]

Look at this, look at this drama. I'm the star in this. No, I just think our managers roll the tape sometimes when they get in a fight, they tap into their cameras in their house and they're like exhibit A. Okay, but you were wrong.

[Alex]

I think for a camera that is existing in your house for security reasons, going back out is different than whipping out your phone every time you have an argument. That's so childish. And also I'd be Like, what are you trying to catch me doing?

[John]

Like, is he trying to prove a point? Is he, like, covering, like, you know, you can use this as, like, defensible evidence against you.

[Alex]

I don't know, like, to roll the tape.

[John]

Yeah, I.

[Alex]

That would piss me off. If you took your phone out every time we started arguing, I'd be like, are you. Is this a reality?

[John]

It's definitely not a healthy way to argue or debate, I would say, because the outcome shouldn't be to win an argument. The outcome should be to resolve issues between one another.

[Alex]

My advice would be to set boundaries around your arguments like before, because put.

[John]

The phones in a bag.

[Alex]

No, like, it's inevitable that you know that you're going to get into an argument. And so setting argument boundaries and being like, if we get into a fight, there's no reason why we need to be recording each other. Unless you actually feel like you're in danger. And then we have a bigger problem that we. We have to.

[John]

I feel danger with you.

[Alex]

Are you secretly recording me?

[John]

Yep. Right now.

[Alex]

Like, I know there's three cameras rolling. Your phone's upside down, I think. Yeah. And this is for you to just use for your. Your demo reel.

[John]

So I'm having hot flashes right now.

[Alex]

Okay, next question.

[John]

Feel my head.

[Alex]

No. Do you and John ever run out of things to do? Talk about. I know you've been together for a long time. Do you ever have awkward silence? Do you talk when you guys go out to eat? Sometimes. My boyfriend doesn't, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. We've only been dating for a little over a year, and I'm not sure if this is normal. When I don't talk to John, it's because I don't want to talk to John.

[John]

I relish the silence. No, but when we go out to eat and we're doing stuff purposefully with each other, I make a conscious effort to, like, engage and be focused with you.

[Alex]

Right. Like, bones down.

[John]

Half the time, we don't get to go do things. So when we do, just the two of us, it's not work. It's like, we need to utilize that time. Right.

[Alex]

That we've necessarily ever run out of things to talk about. We've always had things to talk about. But sometimes you just sit at dinner and you're tired, so it's not because we've run out of things, but, like, my brain needs a break, so we'll just stare at each other.

[John]

Because it's after a long day of us shooting Or. Or editing or whatever the fuck we're doing.

[Alex]

So I think it depends if it's at a place where you genuine, genuinely are looking for things to talk about because it's not active. I wouldn't necessarily say that that's a red flag. But maybe you guys don't have a lot in common anymore or have a lot going outside of your lives.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So start doing things.

[John]

Did you purposely wear a black shirt today? Because I was wearing a black.

[Alex]

I put this on before you did.

[John]

I had this.

[Alex]

Yes, I did. I put this on before you did. Did. And like, again, John, black is all that fits me right now.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

It was a joke because, like, black's a color.

[John]

What? What.

[Alex]

Did. Did we answer that? I think it's normal. But if you feel like it's happening often, I think you have to go to the root of, like, why you aren't speaking. Is it because of a lack of topics or are you both just tired?

[John]

I still think that's kind of concerning though, because we're together all the time. We still stuff to talk about, but the difference is we work together. A lot of stuff we talk about is work related, but is also our passion or what we like to do.

[Alex]

I feel like you have to be creating things to talk about with each other to keep things interesting. Because I saw something recently where it was like, you know, if you're not engaging with your partner and you just become kind of like roommates, where you're just like coasting on different lives. You're not asking each other about each other's day. Days. That's kind of when you're gonna drift apart, is when you're not involved in each other's lives. So there's. There's always things to talk about. Just you gotta think of them.

[John]

I know. I feel like we. We're always like, checking in on each other because. Well, we have to also.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Like, can you hurry the up? We have to shoot like.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. Stop coughing. I know you're faking it. You're not really that.

[John]

I'm. I'm trying.

[Alex]

I know you have a fever. I felt your head. What?

[John]

Thanks.

[Alex]

I did.

[John]

Oh, okay. You're being serious.

[Alex]

I know you have a fever.

[John]

Couldn't tell if you're fucking around me.

[Alex]

I'm out of here today. I'm proud of you. I'm here.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

See, I told you. Words of affirmation.

[John]

I'm here. Dead inside, but I'm here.

[Alex]

I can't tell by your eyes.

[John]

Are they open?

[Alex]

Next question. I'm drifting apart from my childhood best friend, but they are not drifting apart from me. We've been best friends for over 20 years, but have not lived in the same city or even state for the last 10. We see each other once a year and text and call fairly often. The thing is, I'm not interested in putting any more effort into this friendship as we have grown into very different people over the years. I find her annoying. I'm never the one to initiate contact in hopes that this friendship will just fade away. But she's not getting the hint. Should I break up this friendship and tell her I don't like her anymore? It feels very high school, but it's the truth. How do you end a friendship that just won't end?

[John]

What did you say? Silence speaks volumes or something like that?

[Alex]

Well, when a friend is not engaging with you. But that's after like an argument or like, you know, just difficult communication.

[John]

I mean, I don't think you could straight just be like, if she did nothing wrong, you're like, I just don't like you anymore for no reason. I wouldn't suggest that.

[Alex]

I just don't see. Unless there's some sort of fight, there's any situation in which it would be appropriate to say, hey you, you're annoying. I don't want to be your friend anymore.

[John]

I think the best thing is. And these are. This is hard because I've done that before where it's just silent. You're. You're busy. Or like they'll get the point eventually. I hope. Like you're avoiding them kind of.

[Alex]

It's. It's tough because is that immature to do? But friendship, friendships drifting.

[John]

I'd rather be immature than be mean.

[Alex]

Yeah, I guess. But friendships drifting apart I think is just a natural cycle of certain friendships. Like that just does happen and it's, I would say generally mutual. If you both know that like you're both kind of not putting the effort in. But I mean, I don't want to be like, be petty and don't answer her calls. But don't answer her calls if you don't want to. I don't know.

[John]

I've never gotta be a situation third option that's like not like a more mature. Yeah. Not being rude or I don't know. Because you don't want to say like listen, I'm just kind of like over you.

[Alex]

Right? Because it just, it does sound rude to be like, I.

[John]

You know what? I'm not going to give you other advice because I. This is exactly what I've done. Like I just don't answer the phone or I'm. I say like I can't. Like I'm short in a tax. Like I can. I'm going to my parents or whatever, you know, hopefully they read the room with that.

[Alex]

But just like you would in a relationship. But I think friendships are different because over 20 years of being friends with someone, you. It's almost just like a given that you have this whole past in this timeline that you should maintain your friendships. And that's not true. Again, you grow apart from people, but not everyone, I guess gets the hint. But you also don't have to be like open and receptive to her communicating with you. It just sounds petty though. Either way, I'm just like, oh my God, I sound like such a bitch saying that though. Like, don't answer her calls.

[John]

Do you think she also. Well, she also deserves the respect of 20 years. 20 years to just ghost someone. I don't know.

[Alex]

And maybe it's just like, what is it? Why do you. What is it about her that you find annoying? But it just happens though. Sometimes you just develop and you grow into different people and you no longer.

[John]

Somehow you're changing 20 years, you've changed somehow and they've changed. So.

[Alex]

And that's okay. But I don't know, I don't think that there's necessarily a right or wrong answer here of how to. And a friendship.

[John]

Well, I think the wrong way would be just to be like, I think you're annoying, so don't go that route. The only route we can really give you is just slow burn.

[Alex]

I want to leave a comment people like, because I don't, I don't know in the comments. Yeah, like how do you technically end a friendship where no one did anything wrong but you're not necessarily vibing with this person anymore. Let us know. Yeah, let us know what you guys do because obviously we don't have advice.

[John]

Best of luck.

[Alex]

Best of luck. Next question. My husband's ex girlfriend keeps trying to get back in contact with him. They dated many, many years ago and later became friends with benefits. No, they've always remained in contact until my husband met me. Recently she's been sending him friendly messages which he ignores and even invited him over to her house to go swimming in her pool. Should I reach out to this bitch and tell her to off? Yeah, we actually have a mutual friend. Someone who we know who similar situation. Someone she was dating, broke up with him. He continuously reached out knowing that she was engaged Getting married. And then the fiance did step in and say, yo, back the off. And he never reached out to her again. But I think sometimes it's necessary to do that. It it. When I, of course your husband can step in and say, hey, I'm married. Here's my boundaries top.

[John]

Well, he should. I mean, at least he did ignore her. But like he needs to be the one to make the first initial contact with her. Being like, you need to leave me.

[Alex]

But if he's done that already and it hasn't worked, I would step in. But if he hasn't, it's on him to create that first wall.

[John]

Why don't you just block the number? How's he getting a hold of. Why did he not block the number?

[Alex]

I don't know. With, with our mutual friend, it was coming in emails, was coming in letters. It was like a stalking situation. Not good. But yeah, tell her to back the off, but make your husband do it first.

[John]

Well, there's like, if it is a stalker situation, you could end up. So do that route. First of blocking off her contact information. If she's still sending letters, I'm pretty sure you can write a report on her.

[Alex]

She's not sending letters. She's just, I don't, I don't know actually how he's. She's contacting her husband. But either way, your husband can do it first and then you can step in. And before we continue, this episode is sponsored by zocdoc. Are you that one friend of the group who lives for those indulgent moments? No judgment here. We all do it. You know, you're guilty of treating yourself to that extra 10 minute foot massage during your pedicure. Refusing to brew your own coffee because they have a fancy cafe downstairs that just calls your name. Or opting for that sweet, sweet extra leg room on your flight because hey, vacation starts now. But if you're all about treating yourself to the top options in life, why settle when it comes to your health? Enter ZocDoc, your ultimate destination to find and book tens of thousands of top tier doctors, all backed by verified patient reviews. With zocdoc, you've got more options than you've ever imagined. And the best part, it's absolutely free. Just head to zocdoc.com giveit or or download the ZocDoc app today to search, compare and book appointments with highly rated in network doctors near you. No more waiting on hold with a receptionist. No more uncertainty. Just verified reviews from real patients and instant bookings with trusted professionals. Go Ahead and treat yourself to the best healthcare experience possible. Visit zocdoc.com give it and download the app for free today. That's z o c-o c.com give it zocdoc.com giveit Treat yourself the right way with Zocdoc. Woohoo. Next question. My other half and I have been together for over six years and enjoy our life together. Some of his family still misspell my name in group chats. He recently corrected this behavior in the group chat and some of the family members left the chat shortly after. Is he the asshole or was he right to call it out? Just to note, I appreciate him standing up for me, but it seems like his assertiveness had a cost and he offended others in the process.

[John]

Boo fucking who. Say spell your spell. Spell my wife's fucking name right. Smack. I was thinking of like, get my wife's name out your fucking mouth.

[Alex]

I can't relate with feeling offended that someone misspells my name wrong because it's been happening my whole life. My name is Alex, but my grandma A L I X. Some people still call me Alice.

[John]

Your grandpa Bill was calling me. What? What was he calling?

[Alex]

John and I were engaged. My grandpa, we're sitting down for lunch, we're drinking wine, and five different times he called John Scott. He's like, scott.

[John]

It's like the one thing your. Your cousin's husband has on me. He's like, but at least grandpa build you my name, fucker.

[Alex]

Then he passed away thinking you were Scott.

[John]

All right, Rip rip.

[Alex]

Grandpa, he was the best. But I just. You can't. Some people, I don't think it's a lack of love or appreciation for who you are. And maybe it is. Like, I think some people don't. Don't take the time and energy to pronounce someone's name properly or remember. But like, your dad has called Kobe the wrong names for seven years. And, you know, Kobe's not a human. But like, I get called wrong names from family members. No one knows how to spell my name. People don't know how to spell your name.

[John]

It just get over.

[Alex]

It happens. My dad calls Alyssa Melissa. Still. Like, there's just Kobe is Cody.

[John]

Your dad still calls your ex boyfriends.

[Alex]

Exactly.

[John]

On accident.

[Alex]

On accident. Like, Jesus, dad. But yeah, I just think I get that your husband just.

[John]

Well, how. How was the text right?

[Alex]

Was he like, hey, you disrespect my wife?

[John]

Yeah. Then he's an idiot. But if he was like, hey, just so you know, this is how you spell her name also. So much can be misinterpreted in a text. Yeah, because I'm pretty. Like, I do incomplete sentences, but I'm too lazy to write it out correctly. I'm just like. I would be like, hey, her name is Alex. That's what I would say. Spell it out.

[Alex]

I don't know that people leaving the group chat had to do with that. Unless he was rude about the message.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

Or, like, a little too forward. I don't think he was in the wrong, though, for calling it out. Like, do it once. But you also can't get offended by people misspelling your name. I don't know. I just think that there's a lot of other issues to be concerned about. Is everyone nice? Is everyone great?

[John]

Like, well, she.

[Alex]

They just.

[John]

I can see that being. Some people are like, well, it's a respect thing. Like, shut up.

[Alex]

Yes. To. To maybe pronounce it in person. But some people are terrible spellers. Again, like, none of my family members. I don't think I've gotten a birthday card in the last 30 years that I've been on this earth with my name spelled correctly. From a single family member who's not, like, my brother or sister.

[John]

How do you spell Alexandra?

[Alex]

I'm. I'm talking about from, like, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, everyone.

[John]

Do they call you?

[Alex]

Well, my family calls me Ally, so everyone spells it different. Everyone's like, L, Y. Oh, so you.

[John]

Can'T get offended because that's not even your name.

[Alex]

It's my point. No one knows. No one knows what to call me.

[John]

But you're actually wrong. It's not like they're spelling your actual name wrong. They're spelling your nickname wrong. But that's the same thing.

[Alex]

But there is a way to spell my nickname. Okay, yeah, it's like spelling Alex a L, I, X. Again, like, I'm a L, E, X. I mean, you're shaking your head.

[John]

It's not the same.

[Alex]

But it'd be like if someone.

[John]

I like how you're putting yourself.

[Alex]

Your name is Jonathan, but if someone spelled you your name J, O, H, N, you call them out and you're like, that's wrong.

[John]

No, I don't. Because, you know how many, like, utility bills or all that stuff's J, O, H, N, I don't correct them. I don't care.

[Alex]

Okay, but, like, that's your nickname, and people spell it wrong.

[John]

Next name is. It's not John.

[Alex]

Your full name is Jonathan. Fine, Whatever. So technically, your nickname is John.

[John]

I go by many different names. Nasty, boofy, daddy, J.B. zaddy, J. Bone.

[Alex]

I'm going to throw up.

[John]

Buff Daddy.

[Alex]

No. Anyway, I don't think he was wrong.

[John]

Alex calls me the Hammer.

[Alex]

I've never called you the Hammer. I'm gonna throw up. Shall we move on?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Next question. I got engaged a few months ago. However, I'm having doubts. Recently, we've been fighting about really trivial things that end up becoming big fights. We both admit that we aren't the best communicators and I know couples fight. However, my fiance gets so worked up and emotional during our fights and says it's over and to give the ring back. He immediately regrets it within minutes, then grovels and cries. It's like a soap opera, to be honest. And he's the star in it. Oh, John, it's like the start of your reality show. I forgave him the first time because we all mess up sometimes. But now he's done this three different times. Should I take this as a warning sign and end the engagement? Run for the hills or does this show. He needs to grow on regulating his emotions and give him the opportunity to grow. He has admitted that he is in the wrong and I told him I do not want a future of these threats and manipulation. But I have to admit I've been feeling anxious and more nervous about our approaching wedding date.

[John]

That is not going to change anytime soon. Of course he needs to be able to regulate and control his emotions. You're a grown ass man. But that is, I know a lot of people like that. Like trying to cut deep in the heat of the moment where anger takes over. You're trying to take the biggest cut you could possibly do. That's going to take so much time for him to work that I don't know.

[Alex]

I think. Yeah, no, because I do think in when we started having fights, like bigger fights, when you know, like just from maturing, living together, working together, whatever we did, similar to the first question that we talked about or one of the earlier questions, set boundaries and rules about how to fight. Like, we're not going to use the word divorce unless if you truly mean it and you say it in a fight, then it's going to be taken seriously. So don't say it unless you actually truly want a divorce. You know, so it's taking the D word off the table, not cursing each other out and saying fuck you. And it's. And it's learning. But I'm saying like it's setting those boundaries around. I've Never said that.

[John]

Okay, okay.

[Alex]

I don't remember saying that. But I think you set these boundaries around how to argue, because it's. It's gonna happen. You're gonna argue in relationships, but you can't be giving these threats every single time, because I think you. You have the right then to be like, how am I supposed to trust you? Like, is this what you really want?

[John]

Those type of people are the same ones that are like, oh, yeah, well, I'm glad your mother died. You know, like, people saying those up things. Just because it's not about winning and losing and just because you're hurt doesn't mean you have to hurt the other.

[Alex]

Person in the heat of the moment. You do need to regulate your emotions. It doesn't mean.

[John]

Think about this. You get married to him, you're more intertwined. You have kids. What if his kid infuriates him? He gets in a fight with the kid. What's he gonna say to the kid? You know, it's all about regulating your emotions. He doesn't know how to do that.

[Alex]

And those are things, too, that you can apologize for once. But when they continuously happen and it's a pattern, you're like, like, okay, boy, who cried wolf? Like, how many times are you gonna say to give the ring back? And I'm supposed to believe that you're just kidding? It's not fair to you.

[John]

Toxic, too. I. I'm not saying leave them, but I will let you know him, you better be prepared for a very long haul with this, because it is going to take a while if he does actually go through the proper channels to get help and. And do that, like, to speak to someone to help give him tools on how to regulate his emotions. But that's not going to happen anytime soon.

[Alex]

I mean, I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but I do think that you can say, hey, the next time this happens in a fight.

[John]

This is a perfect situation for an ultimatum. He's already done it to you multiple times. Those are huge accusations. Be like, give me the ring back. Let's get a divorce. That's crazy.

[Alex]

Yeah. And that's what I mean. Like, those are not things to be taken lightly, and he has to understand that. So I think having that conversation and.

[John]

Saying, like, oh, I'm sure he does after the. After the fight. And then she's like. And then he goes to apologize. I'm sure he's like, oh, my God, I love you so much. I never. I'm so sorry. Like, that manic behavior.

[Alex]

Well, it's emotionally manipulative. It's not.

[John]

I don't know if that's manic behavior. You know what I mean? Like, it's so, like, one side to the other, which seems like a manic trait to have.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's a different form of emotional. I mean, it's a different form of abuse. It's emotional abuse. It's not physical, but it's like he's retracting everything that he's saying because now he's afraid of losing you. It's like immediate regret. But, yeah, you need to set those boundaries, and then if he crosses them, stick to your guns there. But shall we say it? Best of luck.

[John]

Best of luck.

[Alex]

Next question.

[John]

Such a pussy move. I hate that.

[Alex]

Years ago, when I was on dating apps, I came across my cousin's husband's dating profile. It stated in his bio that he was married, but he was looking for some excitement. I immediately took a screenshot, but first froze up on the next step. I did not know if I should confront him or if I should go to her with this information. Ultimately, I ended up going to her because I'm closer with her. She immediately called him and he denied everything. And she believed him without question. He said a group of buddies across the state tried to jokingly set up a profile for him. The only thing I did not get in the screenshot was the evidence of his location, which was his township, not across the state. Years later, they're still married. But it sits in the back of my mind every time I see him at family events. I do think I scared him shitless by almost getting him caught so he would never do it again. But the phrase once a cheater, always a cheater likes to flutter across my mind. My cousin doesn't know how dating apps work. She's never used one. And I'm wondering if he took advantage of that. Did I go to the right person? If you found a family member's spouse on a dating app, who would you have gone to with this information? I think you went to the right person, but it's on her to either.

[John]

Your conscience should be cleared, cleaned, clear, clean. Because you do what you're supposed to do, and then she can do what she wants with that information.

[Alex]

There's nothing else that you could do here except wait, you know, and maybe they had some agreement behind closed doors, but that's not to your knowledge. You don't know. And so. But you presented her with the information. They could do with that as they will. There's nothing left for you. To do. I think you did the right thing.

[John]

Are they still in, like, speaking terms? I guess.

[Alex]

Yeah, I guess he's still around. Yeah, but he. He might still be acting a fool behind closed doors. But unless you have more evidence where it's not. It's not on you to do that digging. It's on her. And I'm sure that's not the first red flag in her life with him.

[John]

But they're so naive and they just want to hold on. Just hold on. Because you're scared of being alone because.

[Alex]

You'Re comfortable in relationships. So people would rather stay in situations that they know aren't right and just be in Deluland. And they're like, but it's fine. I'm gonna write off all these reds.

[John]

Not that. But it's not that simple. It's not that. You shut up.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

And then you're your own person.

[Alex]

And then you're divorced.

[John]

Seriously.

[Alex]

Be your own end of life.

[John]

Be your own person. It's your life. Take control of it.

[Alex]

I think people sometimes need to take their stories or their situations, flip it, and be like, if my friend was telling me this, what advice would I give this friend? Take yourself out of the equation. Because sometimes I'll. We'll do that with our friends and I'll repeat the story back to them. I'll be like, so this is what I'm dealing with. What would you do? You know? But people don't do that anyways.

[John]

Then, you know, fucking stay miserable.

[Alex]

But you did the right thing.

[John]

Yeah. And now you're fine.

[Alex]

Pop your popcorn. Because, I mean, I feel like it's just a matter of time or it's not.

[John]

Get your I told you so card out.

[Alex]

You did the right thing. Next question. I have a friend who I've been with for 10 years. I've always been honest about how I don't want kids and that I don't like hanging out with other people's kids. Even going as far as joking with my friends about how when they do have kids, not to invite me to their birthday parties before you think I'm a total asshole. My friends all seem to be on the same page. And this friend in particular seemed to relate to me the most about. About it. Fast forward a few years and she gets pregnant. I love her daughter, and for the first year of her life, I watched her every Friday while her mom went to work. But I still feel the same about kids birthday parties. This friend moved two hours away, and every year she invites me to her daughter's Birthday party, which always puts me in an awkward spot. I work weekends and don't get pto and I really don't want to take a day off and drive two hours away to go to a four year old's birthday party with a bunch of people I don't know and their kids. It'd be one thing if I had kids myself, but I don't, I don't know how to tell her I don't want to come. I usually make an excuse, but she always seems upset about it. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for not wanting to go or is she unreasonable to ask me to take the time off for a child's birthday party?

[John]

No, you're not unreasonable. I mean, I wouldn't look at her like she's a problem either. Just be like, honestly, it's just like not really for me.

[Alex]

I agree because I think you could be inviting you out of just courtesy and friendship. But I, I also like, I'm like, that's one thing I'm not looking forward to as a soon to be parent. Like I'm hoping to like our own kid. Like I don't like other people's kids. So I don't want to be around strangers, heathens.

[John]

Strangers, heathens.

[Alex]

Like some, some parents don't know how to lock up their kids and whatever. It's fine. Like they get it at four years.

[John]

Meaning like give a disclaimer here before anyone thinks you're about to be an abusive parent.

[Alex]

I get it though. Like I, I'm not a parent yet, but like I can only imagine I'm gonna eat my words in a few months slash years. But like I can imagine if you don't want kids at all, you are, you don't have to go to these things. Send a gift.

[John]

No, you're not obligated to do anything. Don't even send a gift. Just like d. Honestly, that's not really my thing.

[Alex]

Right, exactly. And just be like, have fun.

[John]

This gift giving culture. I'll say it again, I just hate it for the.

[Alex]

Would you get me for Memorial Day, John?

[John]

I know exactly. Can we stop giving gifts?

[Alex]

You don't have to get anyone anything.

[John]

For Memorial Day General. Why do we have to get. Buy your own fucking gift. You work hard enough, you can buy whatever you want yourself.

[Alex]

The one thing that I do feel passionate about is the friends who don't get married or have kids. It's like we. They need to be celebrated too. You are celebrating your kids.

[John]

You, you have 18.

[Alex]

18 gender reveals for child fucking four.

[John]

That's crazy.

[Alex]

And it's like, okay. And your one friend who's working on their career is still going like, we need, we need to celebrate those people more. Maybe we need to make a national holiday for them because it's like how.

[John]

They'Re not the high maintenance ones asking for a bunch of shit and they're.

[Alex]

Consistently showing up and sometimes they're not. They want to do their own thing. But like watching your daughter every Friday, that's a big task.

[John]

We're even talking about our own like baby shower. Like we even want. No, I don't, I don't.

[Alex]

I also just hate asking people for.

[John]

Things and like, well, we don't, we're not, we don't want anything from anyone. So we're just going to like do our own thing.

[Alex]

But I don't know, I just think, whatever. That's a different type of conversation. But you're justified in not wanting to go to these. I don't think your friend is being malicious though and asking you and expecting you to be there. I think it's like, you are my best friend. I have a daughter. Of course I'm going to invite you to my daughter's birthday party. But you have every right to say like, kids birthday parties aren't my best friend.

[John]

Should understand that. To be like, that's true. I know you so well. I know, I knew you'd say no.

[Alex]

You enjoy one on one time with her daughter, so maybe celebrate her later. But you're not the asshole and it's not, you know, and she's not unreasonable for inviting you, but. Next question. Y' all used to be in the wedding industry, so I couldn't ask for advice from better people for this. My spouse and I got married in late September. We got some sneak peek photos slash media fairly quickly after the wedding. But it's almost June and we still haven't gotten our wedding photos. When I reached out to the photographer for an estimated time for the remaining pictures, the response I got was that they've been struggling and experiencing some personal issues and health concerns, so that they were unsure when I would be able to get my pictures back as they didn't want to rush them. They continue to book events and shoots and provide deliverables. They look fine and seem okay on social media, but I know social media is only half of the picture of people's lives. But I can't help but feel like I'm getting shafted. I'm empathetic to people who are going through hard seasons, but I Paid in full for this product last year. And every time I see more work on social media, I get more frustrated waiting on my wedding photos. I want to say I paid for my product. That's what. Well past her contracted delivery date. Regardless of your personal issues, I need my pictures now. Am I the asshole?

[John]

I think my sister waited like a year for her wedding photos. If it's in the contract, give your photos for discount. Or they need it. They need to give you some sort of compensation.

[Alex]

If in the contract it said up to a year, you have a year. But if they. But if they're already past that, you have every right because what is it? September, October, November, December, January. Nine months. That is a baby like that is a full baby. That's insane. I mean, I get that.

[John]

What does the contract say? It doesn't say it. She didn't say that?

[Alex]

No, she didn't say. But it was past the contract.

[John]

Oh.

[Alex]

So, yeah, I think again, you can be empathetic, but to your point, you're seeing them take on more work, which means your backlog is getting even longer. I think you have every right to or at least just ask for the raws and be like, listen, I don't care if they're full.

[John]

Why are you tiptoeing around it? I want to be empathetic. And I'll be like, fudge you. You're still shooting, you're still doing other projects. My project should be a priority. How are you giving my photos if you don't, I'm going to give you a horrible review on Yelp. I'm going to go to your website. I'll, you know, whatever you want to do. Because that is unfair that they're doing that.

[Alex]

Yeah. I think there's just different ways of doing business and to each their own when it comes to how they deliver their product when they get around to it. For us, I always overestimated. Told the client it was going to be four to five months. Got it to them within two to three months and max, it would be four if it was a super busy season. But they didn't anticipate to get it past that timeline because backlog happens, life happens.

[John]

I don't care. We never had a problem once. And photographers to do that, like, know your business, outsource.

[Alex]

Like you can outsource to another editor.

[John]

So many things you can do, but.

[Alex]

I think you waiting. They're looking at you. What do they say? The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Like you're not annoying them for it. Because, like, you're being very kind and empathetic. Annoy them for it.

[John]

Go to small claims court. Fuck them.

[Alex]

I mean.

[John]

That'S so annoying. That irks me. Your professional, your professional company, like, do what you're obligated to do.

[Alex]

I think it probably annoys us more because we sacrificed our mental health, like, in order to reach those expectations for our clients.

[John]

Like, also these photographers, like, we know. So we worked with a girl who said she shot 150 weddings, right, as a photographer in one season. Whether she outsourced those photos or not, she was still able to do all those on time. I'm seeing, like, there's just no excuse. It's unprofessional.

[Alex]

Don't take on more than you can handle.

[John]

You should get. You should get fully compensated.

[Alex]

Yeah. Well, I hope you get them soon, but congratulations on your wedding. We also got married in September. Beautiful time of year. Next question.

[John]

Do you think you would be able to shoot a wedding, like, if, if we did a wedding again, do you think you would be able to do it, like, smoothly?

[Alex]

I. I don't have nightmares anymore about wedding mishaps, but I have had, like, them split sporadically because I used to think about, like, oh, my gosh, I didn't make up the groom. The ceremony is starting. All the cameras aren't set out. I don't think that I would be able to do it because it's been so long. I would be rusty. So if someone asked and they were like, I'll pay you a million dollars to film my wedding, I'd be like, I can't do it. Because I wouldn't, I wouldn't trust that I could do a good job. I'd be like, you have to.

[John]

It's like our stuff, so dated. I'm like, would it even work? When was the last time you, like, hooked up your lav mic?

[Alex]

I don't know. Maybe when we filmed our short film. But to do. Oh yeah, but to do a. A wedding, it's so live. It's so fast paced. Like, I would feel rusty. So I don't. I'm not confident. I would not. I would not say yes to a wedding right now. If someone was like, film a wedding for me, I'd.

[John]

When we shoot it, the last wedding was two years, three years ago.

[Alex]

I don't know. We still get inquiries though. People are like, film my wedding. I'm like, you don't want, you don't want us. You don't want us. There's so many other people who are in it. And Happy to do it. If we were to do it now.

[John]

And we've seen people like that, we knew that are still doing it and they've grown and they're like crushing. I'll give you recommendations for sure.

[Alex]

We have tons of recommendations. Except for some reason like we don't work with that many planners. I'm like, I need planners and I can never think of planners anyways.

[John]

No, whatever.

[Alex]

In short, no, I wouldn't shoot a wedding. Next question. My boyfriend and I have been dating since middle school and we are now 24. He talks about us getting engaged and married and I would love for him to be that person, but sometimes I just get in my head. For example, sometimes I feel as though I'm dating a boy rather than a man. Growing up, my dad was a fix it kind of guy, whether it be house related car or yard work, but my boyfriend can barely build a damn bookshelf. I feel as if sometimes I'm the man of the relationship in those aspects, but I don't exactly want to be. I was raised to be independent and do things myself, but sometimes I wish I could just let my feminine side out with him. I've expressed this to him and he gets a little upset because he thinks I'm talking down on him and his masculinity. Moral of the story. I get nervous about getting married to a man like this because I'm not sure if he could provide for me in ways that I would like. Being together forever is one thing, but in the back of my head, I just can't shake this feeling that someone else is out there to give me that princess treatment. I was not spoiled as a child growing up, but it would be nice to not have to feel as if I need to do everything myself. Any advice or thoughts on maybe another way to bring this up? I do love this man, but marriage is real and I don't want to, number one, end in divorce and number two, get burnt out because I do double work. Any advice would be appreciated.

[John]

If he can't, you know, if being handy is not his strong suit, is he doing something better in another way? Because I'm gonna tell you right now, Alex is more handy than me. I hate it. I can't do a bookshelf unless there's straight directions from like, ikea. Don't ask me.

[Alex]

But like, to me, I, before dating, you used to look for those qualities in someone because that was my dad. He could fix a car, he built our house. Like those to me are stereotypical man qualities. But if Your partner doesn't know how to do those things. They bring value in so many other parts of your life that I'm like, oh, either we learn to then do these things together, or we outsource. Like, we work hard enough to. My dad always said, like, there's two types of people. There's people who can do it themselves. They figure out to do. Or they write a check. Yeah. And it's like. Or you just. You do learn over time. Like, maybe doing it together. But I don't think that. And again, to each their own. If this is a deal breaker for you. But it doesn't have to be. If your partner is bringing value to your relationship in other ways. Because everyone has their strengths.

[John]

I'm not sure you and I are working as hard as we are so we don't have to do this stuff ourselves.

[Alex]

True. Because I'm like, we don't have time. But. But sometimes it's just people's hobbies. It's like what they genuinely enjoy is building furniture.

[John]

Done in my mouth.

[Alex]

But that's because it's not your. You want to be on reality tv. And some other people want to build a nice bookshelf. So. Ever. To each their own.

[John]

What would my hobby be? Paintball.

[Alex]

I just.

[John]

I can't even run.

[Alex]

You could. I just. I would be more concerned about your back.

[John]

It is funny, though. Yeah. So I wonder if he is contributing in other ways.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Because if he's not, then that's different. But you're not gonna. You're not gonna have it all. I mean, how many of us in our. My generation, or even younger know how to do anything?

[Alex]

Yeah. Well, that's why I feel like trades are gonna come back because. Yeah.

[John]

There's not enough.

[Alex]

I mean, you make great money in that.

[John]

My dad was a trade. Was. Your dad basically was a trade. My dad was an electrician.

[Alex]

But I just. I don't know. I think you have to look at your relationship as a whole and understand that someone who might have those manly qualities in quotes might not be. Might not check the boxes in other aspects of your relationship. You know, are you willing to lose the whole man because of this. This thing? And you might be. Because your whole relationship might not be that great.

[John]

Because you don't know that. Yeah. Like you said, checking box is like. They might be Mr. Fix it, but they have no personality.

[Alex]

Yeah. Like, you know, is the grass always greener? Sometimes it's greener where you water it, you know?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Depends. So that's. That's it. John that's all we got. That's all she wrote.

[John]

Those are all the questions. That was 10 questions.

[Alex]

We flew through them.

[John]

That was 10 questions?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Wow. Feeling terrible was gonna make this feel way longer.

[Alex]

Last week, we spent way too long on every single question. We didn't even do 10 questions last week because we spent 100 years on every question. Wow. Do you want me to read a secret?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Every time I cut my daughter's finger and toenails, I take the clippings and hold them in my hand, and the thought crosses my mind to plop them in my mouth and eat them. I've never done this, but why do I think this way? I'm so disgusted with myself, yet these thoughts continue to creep.

[John]

That's weird, because my intrinsic thought is like, I grabbed a knife. I was like, what if I just dropped it from here onto Kobe's back?

[Alex]

Oh, my God. I know. I thought that too, though. If I just like you walk by.

[John]

Someone, if I just did a quick shank.

[Alex]

But imagine like, you did act on your impulsive thoughts like that. Oh, my God.

[John]

The monetized. You said, what if I just stabbed you right now?

[Alex]

Yeah, because it's true.

[John]

Like, because you're like a place of power.

[Alex]

You're literally walking past a risk every day. That's crazy in the kitchen.

[John]

All right, I'm gonna read a review real quick. You guys rock. Five stars by sass. 569-78975. I was laughing so hard at the cooking class story. Flipping hilarious. Love hearing about your lives and Kobe. Thanks for sharing with us and being real. Heart emoji.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[John]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Alex]

John also loves sharing that story, even though it might have been traumatic.

[John]

Yeah. Anyways. Okay. Well, it's been real, guys. Like, subscribe email comment. We love you.

[Alex]

If you want to email us. Was that it? Did you have more things to say? I don't know. I forgot what your spiel is.

[John]

I love you. Some of you.

[Alex]

If you want to email us, you can reach us at. Hello, Give it to me straight. Podcast.com, you can write an anonymous question in our show notes or the link in our bio. You can follow us everywhere at. Give it to me to podcast on.

[John]

The socials, and we'll see you next week. Ciao. Ciao. Bye.