55. Giving you boys trips, famous neighbors, and online dating

Summary

Podcast Title: Give It To Me Straight
Host/Authors: Alex and John
Episode: 55. Giving you boys trips, famous neighbors, and online dating
Release Date: June 4, 2024

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Episode Overview

In Episode 55 of "Give It To Me Straight," hosts Alex and John delve into a myriad of relationship challenges and personal anecdotes, offering unfiltered advice from their unique perspectives. From navigating the complexities of pregnancy and family dynamics to addressing insecurities and boundaries in relationships, Alex and John engage listeners with candid conversations, sprinkled with humor and real-life insights.

Section 1: Navigating Pregnancy and Relationship Strain

Timestamp: 02:10 - 04:50

Alex opens up about the emotional and physical toll of her pregnancy, expressing feelings of isolation and increased stress. She shares her struggles with frequent doctor's appointments and the overwhelming changes pregnancy has brought into her life. John interjects with empathy, highlighting the unpredictability of the pregnancy journey.

Alex (02:39): "Physically, you would think I'm very well. Mentally, the most unwell I've been my entire life."

John (04:50): "But that's Life. Sometimes you go through seasons of life where they just take a toll."

The discussion underscores the importance of mutual support during significant life changes, emphasizing that both partners need to acknowledge and address the evolving dynamics.

Section 2: The Influence of Neighborhood and Family Support

Timestamp: 05:24 - 08:53

Reflecting on a recent barbecue, Alex and John contrast their current neighborhood with a more close-knit community they once knew. They lament the shift away from communal support where neighbors actively watch out for each other's children.

Alex (05:31): "There is nothing like being in a good neighborhood with good neighbors."

John (07:33): "If you have kids, you gotta be in a neighborhood like that."

This segment highlights the significance of a supportive environment, especially as they anticipate parenthood, and the challenges of fostering such connections in a different setting.

Section 3: Thoughts on the Movie "Dune 2"

Timestamp: 14:52 - 17:58

The hosts pivot to discussing their impressions of "Dune 2," expressing disappointment with certain plot elements and pacing. John criticizes the realism of the Sandworm scenes, while Alex finds difficulty in staying engaged with parts of the film.

John (15:19): "So, like, riding the worm just doesn't make sense."

Alex (16:36): "It's hard to believe they're on the worm like that."

Their critique touches on how modern audiences' shorter attention spans, influenced by social media, affect perceptions of traditionally paced, artistic films.

Section 4: Handling Relationship Boundaries and Communication

Timestamp: 19:00 - 28:38

One of the focal points is a listener's question about a boyfriend's discomfort with his girlfriend attending bar outings, which he views as opportunities for infidelity. Alex and John vehemently respond, condemning the boyfriend's controlling behavior and emphasizing the importance of mutual trust and respect in a relationship.

Alex (25:02): "Break up with your boyfriend."

John (36:05): "That's controlling. Controlling."

Further, they tackle another question regarding fashion disagreements in relationships, advocating for personal expression and open communication to find common ground.

John (28:14): "Maybe instead of just buying clothes, you guys go together and kind of feel them out."

Section 5: Family Obligations and Setting Boundaries

Timestamp: 30:16 - 43:37

Alex discusses the strains of babysitting her sister and brother-in-law's children, who frequently extend their outdoor visits beyond agreed times. The hosts agree on the necessity of setting firm boundaries and encouraging the use of professional babysitters to prevent familial resentment.

Alex (40:42): "You can say something. You found it. Just communicate."

John (40:58): "I would never, ever, ever watch that kid again."

They emphasize the importance of prioritizing personal time and well-being over obliging family demands that disrupt their schedules.

Section 6: Dealing with Infidelity and Trust Issues

Timestamp: 45:10 - 53:23

A listener shares concerns about her husband's attraction to another woman, compounded by his unsolicited booking of a first-class trip without consulting her during her advanced pregnancy. Alex and John are blunt in their advice, urging the listener to confront the issue head-on and consider ending the relationship if trust cannot be reestablished.

John (47:09): "Get rid of this idiot. Go get help for yourself."

Alex (52:19): "You're not the asshole for thinking he should have stayed home with you."

Their forthright responses underline the importance of self-respect and the need to address red flags decisively in maintaining healthy relationships.

Section 7: Overcoming Insecurities in Relationships

Timestamp: 55:48 - 58:50

Addressing a question about personal insecurities, John shares his perspective on supporting a partner's career advancements while managing his own feelings of jealousy. They discuss strategies for building self-confidence and fostering a supportive partnership where both individuals can thrive without undermining each other's self-esteem.

Alex (56:17): "Being each other's number one cheerleader is gonna be."

John (58:50): "Focus on what you're not confident about yourself and how you can work on that."

The conversation promotes mutual support and individual growth as pillars of a strong, healthy relationship.

Section 8: Personal Anecdotes and Closing Remarks

Timestamp: 64:20 - 67:24

In a candid moment, Alex reveals a personal secret about having a crush on her best friend's husband, sharing how it provided her with an outlet during a tumultuous period. John reacts humorously, highlighting the show's blend of serious advice and light-hearted banter.

Alex (65:17): "Don't cheat on your wives. The temporary satisfaction of getting banged will not be worth the absolute hell that follows."

John (66:01): "Happy Pride. It's Pride month, so that's perfect for Pride."

The episode wraps up with reflections on personal experiences, reinforcing the show's commitment to honest and unfiltered discussions on relationship dynamics.

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Key Takeaways

1. Effective Communication: Open and honest dialogue is crucial in addressing and resolving relationship issues, whether they're about boundaries, trust, or personal insecurities.

2. Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear limits with family and friends helps maintain personal well-being and prevents relational strains.

3. Mutual Support: Supporting each other's personal growth and career aspirations strengthens the foundation of a relationship, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

4. Addressing Red Flags: Recognizing and acting upon warning signs in a relationship is essential for maintaining self-respect and emotional health.

5. Balancing Personal and Shared Lives: Navigating the complexities of personal aspirations and shared responsibilities requires empathy, flexibility, and mutual agreement.

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Notable Quotes

• Alex (02:39): "Physically, you would think I'm very well. Mentally, the most unwell I've been my entire life."
• John (04:50): "But that's Life. Sometimes you go through seasons of life where they just take a toll."
• Alex (25:02): "Break up with your boyfriend."
• John (36:05): "That's controlling. Controlling."
• John (47:09): "Get rid of this idiot. Go get help for yourself."
• Alex (56:17): "Being each other's number one cheerleader is gonna be."
• Alex (65:17): "Don't cheat on your wives. The temporary satisfaction of getting banged will not be worth the absolute hell that follows."

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Conclusion

Episode 55 of "Give It To Me Straight" offers listeners a blend of heartfelt advice and candid conversations about the challenges faced in modern relationships. Alex and John provide straightforward guidance on navigating personal and relational hurdles, emphasizing the importance of communication, boundaries, and mutual support in building and maintaining healthy partnerships.

Transcript

[John]

I. Don't be unsympathetic. But, like, that was a stupid question. Yeah, like you're being stupid.

[Alex]

Grow up.

[John]

Grow the fuck up.

[Alex]

Grow up. Go enjoy your single time with your girls.

[John]

Poor girl doesn't even like going out. And then you're going to fucking guilt trip her.

[Alex]

Exactly. For enjoying some girl time. But you're like, this is a rule in our relationship. I could go out. Because it's just time again. I'm not dissecting this. This is stupid. Next question. Do you have anything left to say before I start this next one? Diagnose him.

[John]

He probably has a small penis.

[Alex]

Exactly. And welcome back to Give it to me Straight. I'm Alex.

[John]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious host.

[Alex]

Seems like you're ready to fight someone. I am ready to fight someone, Alex. I'm ready to fight you, Alex. That's what you're going to.

[John]

You're going to say, your lipstick looks really nice today.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[John]

That's all you're getting?

[Alex]

Yeah. I don't know that you've ever like, complimented a lip color.

[John]

I'm not a big lipstick person.

[Alex]

It's like. It's not lipstick. It was a matte gloss, I guess you would say, but thank you. I just noticed you have a very large suntan from your ring. Let me see.

[John]

Have my ring on.

[Alex]

I know, but it moved and I was like, whoa, that's very white underneath.

[John]

I don't know if that's a sun tan or a like from being wet. Wow, look at that.

[Alex]

Is it.

[John]

Is it like or from being wet? I don't know.

[Alex]

Wow. It doesn't feel moist.

[John]

I got a fucking bony ass finger.

[Alex]

John and I have the same size hands. If you're watching on YouTube.

[John]

Oh, same height.

[Alex]

It'll be great for one.

[John]

Almost the same weight now.

[Alex]

Literally the other day when I went on the scale, I was like, john, how much do you weigh? I was like, oh, my God, you're only 20 pounds heavier than me. I'm gonna catch up to you.

[John]

Were you. Did you weigh the same yesterday?

[Alex]

Actually lost weight, probably from stress.

[John]

Guys, we gotta beef those numbers up.

[Alex]

We've been going through it. I am, I like, just up my protein. I'm just trying to make it through this, this pregnancy. Physically, you would think I'm very well. Mentally, the most unwell I've been my entire life. I've never cried more in my entire life. I've never gone to more doctor's appointments in my entire life. I think that I've aged at least 15 years, and I'm gonna need a facelift by the time we have this child.

[John]

I thought Alex had a heart attack the other day.

[Alex]

I think I did have a heart attack.

[John]

My left arm is killing me. I'm like, what?

[Alex]

I think I did have a heart attack.

[John]

I think you had a panic attack.

[Alex]

And then I think I had a heart attack.

[John]

Okay, well, you can confuse the two. There's similar symptoms. I'm pretty sure.

[Alex]

I wouldn't be surprised if I went to the doctor and they were like, you had a heart attack?

[John]

Oh, my God.

[Alex]

I'm not kidding. This has just been horrible.

[John]

Like, yeah, it's not been fun. Whoever said the pregnancy process is fun? Fun? It's not.

[Alex]

I mean, I think it's fun for people who are sure that things are going right.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

And that's the thing. It's like, I don't want to. I've tried not to look at other people's pregnancies and be, like, jealous or resentful because they just look, like, magical and beautiful. Because obviously not everyone is going to talk about everything that they have going wrong in their lives. But it just does feel very isolating and. Or just, like, wrong when, again, you've envisioned this process and it's just not what you thought it was going to be. But someone. Someone either in YouTube or on Instagram, had posted a really good analogy. It was like, I'm gonna butcher this. It's something about, like, welcome to Holland. Like, your ticket to Holland. Like, you're planning this trip to Italy. Everyone's coming back from Italy. They're so excited. And, like, you also plan your trip, but then you end up not where you expected. It's not that it's going to be worse. It's just going to be different. I don't know, though. For me, this has not been different. It's been way worse. It's just like this experience.

[John]

You didn't end up in Holland. You ended up in, like, Germany or somewhere. And it's like, you got to make Germany the.

[Alex]

No, it's hot. You end up in Holland.

[John]

Oh, you are in Holland.

[Alex]

You were going to go to Italy. Whatever. It's just like comparing your experience to someone else. It just. When it's not what you planned, you might be disappointed. But it's not necessarily gonna be worse. It's gonna be different, and that's okay. But this experience for us has just really taken a toll, for sure.

[John]

Fun times.

[Alex]

Fun times.

[John]

You know?

[Alex]

But that's Life. Sometimes you go through seasons of life where they just take a toll. I think this is just testing us for parenthood.

[John]

Shockingly, I'm the one with the hass. Hass. Glass half full.

[Alex]

It's easy when, like, you're not.

[John]

But I'm more saying, like, this will kind of be, like, one of the hardest things we'll ever, ever, ever go through. So, you know, this is, like, just the first. It's all downhill from here, baby.

[Alex]

This is the first day I'm not crying in a really long time.

[John]

If you can't tell, it's okay. Anyway. Okay. Anything else exciting?

[Alex]

What'd you do this weekend? We went to our friend's barbecue.

[John]

I like how you asked me, and.

[Alex]

Then I say, I know. I'm just cutting you off. That's what I do. We went to our friend's barbecue, which was really nice. I realized that being in a good neighborhood with good neighbors, there's nothing like that. Like, they had all their kids in the backyard. The neighbors got together. They were all just chilling. Everyone's watching out for each other's kids. And I'm like, I grew up in a neighborhood like that, and we're currently not in a neighborhood like that.

[John]

If you have kids, you gotta be in a neighborhood like that. If you don't have kids, I don't want to know my neighbors.

[Alex]

Right. But we have one on the way, and we don't live in a neighborhood like that. We're gonna have to go to.

[John]

With my parents when he's young, who cares? Like, that's when he starts moving around. And then you gotta do something. In the beginning, I saw these videos about, like, really the kids. It's not interacting in the beginning.

[Alex]

It's like, parallel play. Yeah, parallel play. Because we were saying that that's what we like to do with each other. Or like, a few years ago, parallel play where it's like, I don't necessarily want to be hanging out with you. I want to be hanging out near you. Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, kids do that. Yeah.

[John]

So, yeah, we got a couple years before that, but that's my thing. Like, if we didn't have a kid, I wouldn't want to know my. I don't want to, like, be in each other's business and, like, have someone, like, just come knock. Like, don't just come knock on my door, you know, call me. Let's see where I'm at.

[Alex]

I guess it's just, like, different. I. I grew up in, like, a. I'm walking into your house, like, I know that, like, there's different boundaries now.

[John]

It's double. It's. It's a double standard because I did the same thing right? Now I know why my friend's mom hated me.

[Alex]

Because he would just be like, jimmy, home to play.

[John]

Yeah, my buddy Zach. Cause he had all the cool toys. I just rolled to his house.

[Alex]

That was how we communicated too. It's like, I wasn't gonna. I couldn't always use the phone. You had to walk over and knock on your neighbor's door. So you had to physically be close to people. But it was just nice going to their house. And I was like, what? What a nice environment this is for like all the kids. The parents, they're just chilling.

[John]

We're in a rude awakening. I. I mean, I was stressed out. I'm. There's 30 kids each. It was all young couples with their kids. I'm like, oh my God.

[Alex]

But to be fair, our friend brought up a good point. She was like, but then it's like a true village because everyone is looking out for, for each other's kids. And it was like that because like she was running inside to grab burgers. And then it's like, you know, someone.

[John]

Else, her kid was about to parkour off the trampoline. A parent had to help them.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Another kid's crying, some kids choking on something.

[Alex]

Everyone is helping, which is nice. But I do actually have a question unrelated. Growing up, did you call it the event where people got together and ate burgers and dogs? What did you call that? You called that a cookout here? We called a barbecue. But then like when I went to North Carolina, going to school there, everyone was like, oh, it's a cookout. It's a cookout. I'm like, what's that? A cookout? It's just like the event. It's the same event, but they're called different things.

[John]

What I do miss from North Carolina is the barbecue cookout. Oh, cook out there, milkshakes.

[Alex]

So we were right next to one too when we lived.

[John]

There was a rough area though. I watched a full blown fist fight in front of my car over a milkshake. I was like, oh my God.

[Alex]

But they're playing plates. It was the best. Like drunk hangover food too. But their milkshakes so good.

[John]

Anything about fast food in North Carolina though? I just like the sodium intake. Like Bojangles.

[Alex]

Oh my God, I love Bojangles.

[John]

It would you think you were high because your lips are just sucking inside of your face because of all the salt from the bow rounds.

[Alex]

Perfect for game day. I'm like, let's go to. Let's go to an NCCA game. We'll start pregaming with Bud Lights at.

[John]

Wait, I was on. On like a. Not like a commercial, but you know, like in between the, like, commercials for the game.

[Alex]

Commercial break.

[John]

Commercial break? Yeah, for Bojangles.

[Alex]

You were on a Bojangle.

[John]

It was Bojangles or Chick Fil A. Not like an actual commercial, but like.

[Alex]

But it was like. This is sponsored by.

[John]

The tailgate. Yeah.

[Alex]

Was it first date?

[John]

Yeah, it was before I met you.

[Alex]

Go wolf hack. Wait, really? What year?

[John]

I was like, with Clinton something. I don't remember.

[Alex]

Was I there?

[John]

I don't even know you, so you.

[Alex]

Can'T even think of the year.

[John]

You're probably in school.

[Alex]

That's what I mean.

[John]

Like, maybe I was out of school.

[Alex]

You don't remember what year?

[John]

No. Probably like 2000. I don't know. A year before I met you. Probably a year before I met you then.

[Alex]

No, because I was. I graduated 2014 and I quit the dance team.

[John]

I graduated 2014.

[Alex]

Well, from when my OT.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, but you're so technically we were.

[John]

At school at the same time.

[Alex]

Technically we're like the same age.

[John]

Yeah. Okay, cool.

[Alex]

I like that also, I'm like other things that have happened. John. John. For his birthday present, I got him a bike and he's deciding to be an unsafe Sally and ride it around in his Crocs without a helmet. So I would like everyone in the comments to bully John into wearing a helmet.

[John]

I'm not like going into town with or anything. I'm going.

[Alex]

I don't care. Don.

[John]

Little side streets through the neighborhood. Just.

[Alex]

Even if you weren't about to be a future father, you have me. Like, you can't leave me on this fucking planet alone. Don't end up with a head injury. Just. Why not? Be safe. Safety first.

[John]

I'll. You gave me the nerdiest looking helmet.

[Alex]

It's safe.

[John]

Like I deserve to be punched in.

[Alex]

The face and you wouldn't get hurt.

[John]

First off, Alex got me a small.

[Alex]

Then I exchanged for a large. Yeah, I didn't.

[John]

It's not fitting my belt.

[Alex]

I meant to order a large, but like, they sent a small. Small. I maybe didn't check the size.

[John]

Speaking about Alex ordering things, I'm just like you. You order. Just pay to have them put it together and stuff. I. I don't care if that's privilege to say whatever. I'll even take a loan out. I Don't want to fucking put anything together because I don't want it. I don't want any of it. You buy it, and then they wrap. Everything that comes is wrapped in nine gazillion things of plastic. And I can't get it, so I have to use the box cutter. Then I it up and I cut the chair or whatever because I can't get the plastic off. Don't do that to me. I'm so annoyed. I am annoyed. And they're gonna break down the boxes. And I have not stopped breaking down boxes. We've been here for almost two months.

[Alex]

This is what happens when you move.

[John]

When we. When we move.

[Alex]

It's not my fault that, like, the deliveries come and you're like, I'm going to do this right now. I'm.

[John]

You would never do it. There's. That's been in the garage since we.

[Alex]

Just talked about, like, putting together this piece of furniture. Yeah. I couldn't lift it up the stairs, so I needed your help.

[John]

I don't need. No, no, no, no, no. Don't play the. The pregnancy card.

[Alex]

Don't play the pregnancy card.

[John]

You could just sit there and. And just cut the plastic.

[Alex]

If I wasn't doing anything, I'd be like, yeah, let me help, John. But I was literally working.

[John]

It's torture. I'm just saying it is the worst.

[Alex]

Then call. What is that, like, company called TaskRabbit.

[John]

Just so everyone knows, Alex got outdoor furniture. Chair furniture. Eight chairs. Come. I've been trying to unwrap one chair for an hour. I'm not even on the other seven yet. Every bar on that chair is wrapped with some amount of plastic.

[Alex]

Maybe don't use, like, a box cutter. Use, like, a pencil.

[John]

A pencil?

[Alex]

Yeah. Like, you stab in a pencil's not gonna cut the chair.

[John]

You're not gonna cut through that plastic.

[Alex]

I guarantee you I could get it off pretty quick.

[John]

It's just like, ugh.

[Alex]

Again, John, this is what happens when you move. And then you are like, why. Why are these chairs $8,000? I'm like, well, the chairs that are $8,000, those ones I can go to.

[John]

Walmart and pick up a bunch of. This is what you got folding chairs.

[Alex]

What you pay for.

[John]

These ones were plastic folding chairs already together at Walmart. I could take them and I just put them up by the floor.

[Alex]

And then we go to someone else's house who has nicer chairs, and you're like, why didn't. Why would. Didn't you buy nicer chairs?

[John]

I would.

[Alex]

I Would not say that our chairs are. Alex, why'd you get those. Why'd you get those folding chairs? It's like, I'm damned if I do. I'm damned if I don't. I'm not spending the top dollar for chairs because I know it's again, like, they're going to come white glove service. But, like, it's one bajillion dollars, and it's ridiculous how expensive furniture is. So I'm like, who cares? You spend an extra hour unwrapping it, building it yourself.

[John]

One hour was one chair, so I need another seven hours.

[Alex]

I don't believe you. One chair.

[John]

The whole time you're on that call, I was out there with that one fucking chair.

[Alex]

Well, I'll help you. We'll go tackle this after the podcast.

[John]

I'm throwing them out. 2.

[Alex]

Just wear your helmet, okay?

[John]

You bought yourself a bike. Did you buy a helmet?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Did you really? You didn't buy yourself a helmet, so you bought a bike and you don't even have a helmet?

[Alex]

Because I don't have a bike yet. I need. I need the bike.

[John]

To the kettle calling the pot black, John.

[Alex]

Am I out there riding my bike yet? No. It's like getting a car. Like, why would I. Why would I buy one of those things that make your car smell good if I don't have a car yet? You know? Like, why am I going to buy a helmet? Like, I need to get the. I need to get the bike first, see what matches and what looks good. I also have to build the bike. We just buy a lot of things that need to be.

[John]

I'll build the bike. That's what's going to end up happening. I'll end up building the bike.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[John]

So annoying. So we watched Dune 2 the other day.

[Alex]

Oh. And I just maybe don't piss the people off.

[John]

I. I need to. I need to a little bit. I mean, I'm no critic, but I'm just saying everyone's, like, gave this movie mad reviews. I just feel like any movie that's won a ton of awards besides doing, like, very artistic movies, I haven't liked a single movie because you're slow. I'm like, oh, my God. So. Goddamn.

[Alex]

I just think, naturally, because of social media, every. Everyone's attention spans are just shorter now, so. So something that might not have felt draggy 10 years ago does feel really draggy right now.

[John]

Besides Dune being draggy, the thing that I was just couldn't wrap my head around, even though the whole thing's Like Sci Fi is riding the worm. Okay. I just want to say this whole. He had this whole massive trial. I'm not like a lot of spoilers, but I'm going to say this. There's a whole massive trial for him to like, be part of the Sand People or whatever, whoever their posse is.

[Alex]

I'm really trying to not make a joke about riding your worm right now. That's all I'm thinking about. Keep going, keep going.

[John]

So he's got like, his final test is to like, ride this worm. Sand worm. To be part of the Sand People. And it's like literally 10 minutes of him montage getting ready to ride the worm. Rides the worm. Yeah, he's part of the team. And then like later in the movie, and it was this whole to do for him just to get on there. Then later in the movie, you see the whole fucking clan, the whole village is on one worm. Even one lady in the basket, right? So somebody hooked the worm and somehow got her inside the basket.

[Alex]

The worm, just like the li. Double R now. Like, everyone just goes on so easily. It doesn't make sense.

[John]

Do they just live on the worm now? Maybe that's where they just like, have their. Their. Their camp set up.

[Alex]

Maybe the worm is kind of like how an avatar. You have to make the connection first and then it likes you.

[John]

You're not connecting with that thing.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[John]

Vicious.

[Alex]

I wasn't.

[John]

But that was the most annoying part of that movie. That bothered. That just irked the. Out of me. Not any. Everything else, like. Yeah.

[Alex]

Believable, huh? Like drinking the poison. All the. I don't even know. I couldn't even. I couldn't even tell you all the things. I was just like. So, so checked out.

[John]

Timothy Chalame. Did he knock up Kardashian?

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Look at me with pop culture. So they're having a baby.

[Alex]

Justin. I almost said Justin Timberlake, but yeah. Justin Bieber. He's pregnant with Haley too? Well, no.

[John]

20, 24. Year of the Dragon. Everyone's getting knocked up.

[Alex]

Everyone's having babies. Well, I hope that they have healthy pregnancies. Healthy babies.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

Godspeed.

[John]

Just bringing it, bringing us back down.

[Alex]

It's all that's on my mind.

[John]

Okay. I think that's it, huh?

[Alex]

Should we.

[John]

Should we pack it up?

[Alex]

Yeah, let's go home. I would really like to take a nap. I'm so mentally exhausted. And before we get into it, this episode is sponsored by Better Help. Can you believe how quickly this year has flown by? I can't It's. It feels like it's dragging forever. What's something you're proud of accomplishing in 2024 so far? Getting pregnant and having a baby.

[John]

Getting Alex pregnant.

[Alex]

And what's still on your to do list for the rest of the year? Give birth. When life moves this fast, it's so important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for what's ahead. That's where therapy can really make a difference. It helps you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next six months. If you've been thinking about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist. Plus, you could switch therapists anytime with no additional charge. You guys know that I love therapy. It's the only thing that really gets me through life. I love to talk about my problems to my therapist, my problems with pregnancy and my problems with John. Sometimes just my problems with anything, really. We love it. So take a step towards a better you with better help. Visit betterhelp.com straight today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com straight. Well, let's jump into questions. Okay, this one is not really a question, but I did want to kind of bring this up to see what you thought was appropriate. If we can, like, talk about this. Now. Someone said someone did write this in. Can you please tell us who your famous neighbor was in LA now that you moved? No, we can't. Oh, no, I don't think so. I mean, we're gonna go, like, go back.

[John]

Is he famous?

[Alex]

Yes.

[John]

I kind of have a bone. Whatever.

[Alex]

All we could say is he's in the music industry.

[John]

All right, we won't say his name.

[Alex]

Because you could find out where he lives, and I don't think that that's appropriate.

[John]

Also, you thought he was hot. Hot. So I won't say his name since I'm talking.

[Alex]

He's just.

[John]

He's in the same. Like, dude, your dad. Relax. Exactly. Okay, like, shut up. Shut up.

[Alex]

I just think some people in la, I mean, everywhere, are just on such a high horse.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

And you're like, you. Your. Your dad got lifted.

[John]

You do it yourself. No.

[Alex]

Right. Yeah. Whatever. It's not his fault that he's a.

[John]

Nephew with a silver spoon.

[Alex]

Yeah. But he just, like. I think that you can be kind and a good neighbor. Actually, I did have a question for you too. When you move to a new neighborhood, your neighbors are supposed to be the ones to introduce themselves, right? Like I saw a TikTok.

[John]

I know nobody does.

[Alex]

I know you don't. But like I would like to know who lives around us because I saw this TikTok of a girl that she was new to a neighborhood and she's baking sourdough bread for all of her neighbors cuz she's introducing herself and everyone in the comments is like, your neighbors are supposed to come to you. And I'm like, that's so true. When you're to a neighborhood like your neighbors, like you're the noob, they're supposed to come greet you. Only one person came and I didn't even meet them.

[John]

If any neighbors are listening, please don't come.

[Alex]

Please come. Don't I want new.

[John]

No, you don't. And remember that video we saw? It was a retired FBI agent. He goes, don't make friends with your neighbors because when shit goes down, say you say something happens between you two. Bad blood, they know your business.

[Alex]

I don't think you have to be you over best friends with your neighbor, hang out with them every day, but to just like know who they are.

[John]

It's a hard line though. I mean, it's a hard line. What am I looking for? The word? It's just like, it's risky. It's risky.

[Alex]

I don't know. I think that you should at least know who they are one town over.

[John]

I'm down right next to me, one town over.

[Alex]

But like you almost want your neighbor to look out for you. Like our other neighbor in la. They were great. It's like we got together with them once in a while. We always had each other's backs. It was like a.

[John]

Okay, that's fine, but you don't know what you're gonna get.

[Alex]

You don't, but like you can meet them and then cross the bridge when you get there anyway. So.

[John]

Yeah, we like Disturbia.

[Alex]

We didn't tell you.

[John]

Shiloh.

[Alex]

Oh my gosh, that was a good movie. I love that movie. This. We didn't answer who it was, but I don't know, maybe you could do some digging and find out. Anyway, next question. My current boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and he is still embarrassed when people ask how we met. We met on Facebook dating. And while I have no shame when people ask, he has said before that he prefers if we just say we met on Facebook, not Facebook dating. Should I Be worried that he feels some type of way about how we met.

[John]

There's a dating app on Facebook, I think.

[Alex]

I don't know if it's still.

[John]

What's the difference?

[Alex]

I think it's like, yeah, like a dating app.

[John]

You know how it works.

[Alex]

No, I don't, John.

[John]

I meant no. Like, have you ever.

[Alex]

Was it a thing? But when we were.

[John]

I never heard her. This is the first time I ever heard Facebook at a dating.

[Alex]

Yeah, I think.

[John]

I wonder how it works.

[Alex]

You should go on it.

[John]

I don't have my Facebook logged me out.

[Alex]

I was joking.

[John]

But can you fix that, by the way?

[Alex]

No, I don't know.

[John]

I fucking hate technology. I've been locked out on my Facebook for, like, three months. It's like, how do I fix that?

[Alex]

I don't know, grandpa. Like, maybe later if you run my back, I'll log in for you. I'll make you a new password. We'll get it all sorted. Don't you worry.

[John]

I don't want it.

[Alex]

Okay. Well, I. I don't know. John has been the type of person from the beginning when I was like, ooh, what's our story? We met on Tinder. Like, what are we going to say? And she's like, we met on Tinder. Why the fuck would we lie? But to me, him saying we met on Facebook versus Facebook dating, like, that's basically the same thing. Yeah. I'm like, that's basically being like, we met on Tinder versus Tinder. Plus, like, who cares? Facebook is Facebook. So.

[John]

But I wouldn't feel some sort of. Whatever. It's not like.

[Alex]

It's not. He's saying we met at the grocery store. If he wanted to come up with a whole new story, even if he did, who cares?

[John]

Why be concerned? It has nothing to do with anything.

[Alex]

If you concern.

[John]

Are you, like, scared he's, like, cheating on you?

[Alex]

It's more just like, why are you embarrassed about the way that we met then?

[John]

That's fine. I don't think that's a big deal.

[Alex]

He's. He is essentially saying. Saying where you met, if you guys met on Facebook.

[John]

True. I mean, he's not really saying anything.

[Alex]

He's not really.

[John]

But I'm saying even if he was like, let's make up some. Some sort of thing as he's, like, embarrassed about it, that's fine, too. I don't. I don't think it's that big.

[Alex]

So if I said we met playing beach volleyball, you would say, yeah, sure.

[John]

But just so you know, I'll forget and end up saying Tinder.

[Alex]

Okay, fair. Next question. My husband always makes comments on how I dress. He doesn't like my clothes, but I consider myself to be decently fashionable and I love what I wear. I try to wear things that I know he will like. But the problem is, is that I absolutely hate his clothes and it makes me a little unattracted to him. I have bought him things that I would like to see him in and he refused to wear them. How do I find a middle ground?

[John]

Well, you got to find something that he feel comfortable wearing. It's all about being comfortable in your own skin, in what you're wearing and feeling confident.

[Alex]

Yeah, who the fuck cares if you feel confident in what you're wearing? I'm like, I don't care. Like, do I think, like, you look. Do I think you look stupid? Sure. But if you feel comfortable and confident, look at me, I'm literally gorgeous in my sweats.

[John]

I was saying more so like finding him something that he feels confident, like, understand why he doesn't like.

[Alex]

I'm like, no, your opinion doesn't matter. Like if he's confident and if you're confident, who cares?

[John]

Well, you're saying he. Because she's doing the same thing to him. But.

[Alex]

But if. Yeah, that's what my point is. Like, you both just wear what you want to wear. If he comes to you and he's like, hey, I need fashion advice, you can put your two cents in. But I don't know, I feel like sometimes you've made comments about like, I wouldn't wear that. And I'm like, I don't care. I like it. I'm gonna wear it. You're like, okay, you always bring up that one tank top.

[John]

You're like, I hate that tank top in Raleigh. Yeah, it was like this spaghetti strap thing. You were like sweating all in it. Like, can you, like.

[Alex]

So was it the.

[John]

Can you lock it off sweat or.

[Alex]

Was it just like.

[John]

I don't know, you just look, look disheveled and I'm like, what is happening here?

[Alex]

It was like 100 degrees. So was it the tank top? Because you brought the tank top up for years. You're like, I hate that tank top.

[John]

I don't. I don't know, John. Orange. It was like some bright ass color.

[Alex]

Bright yellow. Yeah, I loved it. But. And I still wore it even though John said he didn't like it because I liked it.

[John]

You can do what you want. Yeah.

[Alex]

So I don't know. I think it sounds like you Both enjoy how you dress. Who cares?

[John]

Because she's unattracted to him.

[Alex]

I mean, I think, like, I don't know. Well, I think you guys can.

[John]

Both. You guys are both going to have to talk about it because obviously he doesn't like how you dress either. So you're going to have to figure it out.

[Alex]

Maybe you just aren't each other's type. Like, it's close, but some people, like, Some people have a very strong type when it comes to clothes. Like, if you were walking around, what.

[John]

Was he wearing beforehand?

[Alex]

Skinny jeans and a studded belt. Like, back in 2007, I did.

[John]

I had a. I had a dual stud belt. The cool guys had the three.

[Alex]

So did I. I had dual, and I would wear it backwards because I thought that that was fucking cool with my Converse and my skinny jeans. So if you were still wearing that, I'd be like, that's not my style. That's not. You're not my type. Because if that's, like, your style, what.

[John]

You like to dress, you're saying maybe she didn't mind a style in the beginning?

[Alex]

I'm just saying you sound like you guys aren't meant for each other because of the clothes. It's obviously not gonna work out. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, I mean, I think you just have to find some. Yeah. You have to find common ground. And you said, how do I find middle ground?

[John]

Maybe instead of just buying clothes for. Get a stylist or that. Get a stylist. Or maybe instead of just buying clothes, you guys go together and kind of feel the. Feel them out. Be like, what. What kind of clothes are you into? And see the clothes that he's into. And then, like, how can you, you know, kind of push your own style.

[Alex]

Into that and make it fun? Maybe do, like, a fashion show with each other.

[John]

Give him choices.

[Alex]

Yeah. Like, go on Pinterest. Figure out, like, what each other likes. Because we've done that before before. Like a trip where something that we're doing will go on Pinterest. And I'll be like, what do you think of this for you? What do you think of this for me?

[John]

You never done that for me.

[Alex]

No, for sure I have.

[John]

Like, do you ever buy me anything?

[Alex]

No, because you don't wear. You have to try them on. You can't just buy things online.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

Anything. Yeah.

[John]

That's so nice.

[Alex]

Well, I'm just, like, standard slim girl. Like, not right now. I have to try everything on now. But, like, everything is just standard and I'm also. If things don't fit me, I'm just like, I give it to someone or I donate it. I'm terrible at that. I'm not a good returner, but I'm.

[John]

Like a little spark plug. I don't know. I have this weird body. Nothing fits me.

[Alex]

Because you have a really slim waist, but then you're built more up top, but then your height. Like, I just can't. I would love to surprise you with things, but again, everything that I buy you, you end up returning. So I can't. And I'm like, let me just.

[John]

It's gonna be Kirkland sweatpants, not Kirkland has.

[Alex]

Great.

[John]

I do like that. Like a style that's coming more and more into play now is athleisure. Like sweatshirts, sweatpants are the same color. It's perfect.

[Alex]

Like a set.

[John]

Yeah. Anyways, next question.

[Alex]

I'm in a long distance relationship and I leave my boyfriend hidden notes in his room to find he loves them and knows that I do this in an attempt to find a new spot. I opened the trunk in his room and to my surprise, it was full of lingerie. Not in my size. I can only assume it's all the lingerie he bought for his ex wife and took during the divorce because she cheated on him. He probably didn't want her wearing lingerie he bought for another guy. But they are divorced now and he and I have been together for half a year. It hurt to see he kept it. How do I bring this up? Or should I even bring this up? Was I wrong for opening the trunk? Even if I had good intentions, what do I do?

[John]

Is she just assuming I know? Assuming.

[Alex]

That's why I opened up a box. Box or a trunk and found lingerie and someone who was divorced. I would not just assume it was his ex wife's.

[John]

What was your thought?

[Alex]

Another girl. Oh, you think he wears it?

[John]

I was thinking he was wearing it.

[Alex]

He might. You just have to ask him. Like, I don't understand. Why aren't you asking? Like the second I saw that, instead.

[John]

Of asking, you're just going, assuming it's his exes.

[Alex]

Communication.

[John]

Ask him.

[Alex]

Communication, obviously. Bring it up. You found it.

[John]

Wow.

[Alex]

John. Keep going. Go. Oh, keep going. I was like, he's got lungs. He's got lungs. I don't think you were wrong for opening it. You were trying to hide a fucking fun note.

[John]

Just the weirdest part of this is you just making this whole story up in your wives. Yeah.

[Alex]

And he felt he didn't want her to wear.

[John]

That guy could be butt flossing.

[Alex]

John, John. I don't need the visual.

[John]

He's like, oh, oh. And like my Tuesday wear.

[Alex]

To each their own. But how are you going to know? Like, of course you have to bring this up. What do you mean? I would be thinking about this all day long. My gosh. Do we answer this? Bring it up.

[John]

What was. Yeah. Fudgeing. Ask him. You're trying to do something nice like, hey, I was trying to put a fucking note in your. And your sex box. And what do I know? What do you know? What do I know? What do you know?

[Alex]

Like, what are these? What are these?

[John]

Why would that be the main thing he takes from the divorce? Oh, you know, you're fucking. You're leaving me. Well, guess what? I'm taking this trunk of fucking thongs.

[Alex]

And why would he keep it and not throw it away? Is his plan to give it to his next.

[John]

He's either wearing it or he's sniffing them.

[Alex]

Okay, one or the other. But you won't know unless you ask, did she smell?

[John]

Well, smell and see if they smell funky. Because if he didn't wash them.

[Alex]

I know, but it could be from his ex or from him now it smells whole thing. John. It doesn't mean.

[John]

Because he doesn't want to clean off.

[Alex]

Her scent or his scent. They could be his.

[John]

She would know what he smells like.

[Alex]

I don't think if I.

[John]

You all you women know how your men smell like. You say there's like a. I literally.

[Alex]

Don'T know how your ball. I mean, I do know how your ball smell. I don't know how your butthole smells.

[John]

I mean, his dick's got to go in the front of it. Smell the front.

[Alex]

I miss your. Your pee.

[John]

You actually like, you have sense. Thank you for that. I miss you for JJ Sense. Like a guy sent like, oh, did.

[Alex]

You just see a TikTok where this girl.

[John]

No, I've heard it.

[Alex]

I love when my man comes out from inside of like working or comes inside from working outside and he's all sweaty and he comes into the car and she sniffs his bit.

[John]

What the fuck are you watching?

[Alex]

It came up on my page. It was funny.

[John]

You're probably watching. I. I bet you watch that guy who's got his shirt off cutting the wood.

[Alex]

Cringe. No, no, because when you're doing it on purpose, like, this was a girl talking about her man. If a guy. That stuff has never tickled my fancy.

[John]

He'S like, let me. Let me put my suspenders on, no shirt.

[Alex]

I fucking. Your Canon.

[John]

It's impressive.

[Alex]

Camera. No, but, like, you're doing it. And whatever. Maybe if, like, you're. I don't know. Whatever. To each their own. I just like tipping me.

[John]

My mom loves it. Oh, my God. I've walked by my mom. I've walked by my mom.

[Alex]

Explore.

[John]

She's got her glasses on. She's on the couch.

[Alex]

No, no, no.

[John]

But she's just watching. Her phone just roided out.

[Alex]

Dudes also zoomed in. Like, you know how people have their phones, like, zoomed in, like, two times?

[John]

Big icons.

[Alex]

They get, like, big texts. Like, that's your mom's. But, yeah, all of it is just bros who are jacked.

[John]

The worst part is my mom will be like, why don't you look like that? And I'm like, you think that's natural?

[Alex]

Yeah. She's like, john, try harder.

[John]

Try hard. That guy's 300 pounds of solid muscle throwing up, like, 350.

[Alex]

And I don't help. I'm behind her. I'm like, yeah, John, why don't you look like that? No, your mom's hilarious. But anyway, where were we going? Bring it up. This is just. I don't think that. Sorry, There's a foot under my rib again. I don't think that you.

[John]

What? Oh, yeah. Alex keeps saying, our son's foot is wedged under her rib cage.

[Alex]

If you have had a baby inside you, you know what it feels like.

[John]

People are probably gonna. In the constant.

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[John]

That means.

[Alex]

That means he's got too much room in there or not enough room. I don't know. But yeah. Anyway, bring it up to him. This is. And then give us an update. I want to know whose it was. Have you ever found.

[John]

I'm always thinking of the other. What's going on? You know, there's always more than one.

[Alex]

You're always thinking outside the box, you know? Yeah. Detective John.

[John]

Detective John. There's always something else going on.

[Alex]

Love, Dr. John. He's not. He's not a doctor. He's not only Detective John. Jacked John.

[John]

Jacked John.

[Alex]

Next question. My boyfriend hates it when I go out to the bar with my friends. For context, I'm definitely a homebody. And I don't like to go out, but once in a while, my girlfriends will invite me out. And he has this rule in our relationship that I am not allowed to go out, but he is allowed to go out to bars, clubs, et cetera. I used to be fine with this rule. And it's not Even that I want to go out, but I find it very confusing. He says it's because the only reason girls go out to the bar is to hook up with guys. And guys go out to the bar to have fun with their boys. I explained how ridiculous this is, as I have never been unfaithful to him, but it remains a boundary in our relationship. Relationship. Is this normal? No. Break up with your boyfriend. Next question. My sister. Brother. That's it.

[John]

I mean, it's basically. Yeah, that's controlling. Controlling.

[Alex]

Insecure.

[John]

Anytime. Let's just. Let's just. So everyone knows. Let's just break it down to simple, simple tax. Brass. Tax. If somebody's telling you not to do something and they're doing it, that's controlling.

[Alex]

Well said. Next question. My sister.

[John]

Is that it?

[Alex]

Yeah. I mean, what else do we have to say? It's like, come on.

[John]

I know. Come on, lady. Come on.

[Alex]

Obviously this is not right. Like, why would you not have the same rights as your fucking boyfriend? He's trying to control you. Like, this is unhealthy. This is not normal. You know it's not normal. That's why you wrote in break up with your fucking stupid boyfriend. Who's insecure. Next question. My sister and brother in law have two kids, ages 2 and 4. I don't have time. I don't have time.

[John]

I don't have time for this.

[Alex]

I don't. We don't. We have other questions. My sister.

[John]

We have other questions with people who actually have real questions that aren't asking stupid questions.

[Alex]

Next question.

[John]

I don't want to be like unsympathetic.

[Alex]

That I've read the beginning of this sentence.

[John]

I don't want to be unsympathetic. But, like, that was a stupid question. Yeah, like you're being stupid.

[Alex]

Grow up.

[John]

Grow the fuck up.

[Alex]

Grow up. Go enjoy your single time with your girls.

[John]

Poor girl doesn't even like going out. And then you're gonna fucking guilt trip her.

[Alex]

Exactly. For enjoying some girl time. But you're like, this is a rule in our relationship. I could go out because it's just time of the way. Again, I'm not dissecting this. This is stupid. Next question. Do you have anything left to say before I start this next one?

[John]

He's probably.

[Alex]

Diagnose him.

[John]

He has a small penis.

[Alex]

Exactly. My sister and brother in law have two kids, ages 2 and 4. They often ask my wife and I, my parents or grandparents, to watch them while they go have couples time, going on dates, hanging with their friends, getting Drinks, etc. The issue with this is they are always gone way longer than they originally mentioned and we all have to alter our days or nights to accommodate that. I'm talking. They say, hey, we'll be home by 10pm and they end up coming home at 2am My wife and I do not have children yet and are still enjoying our us time. So we don't prefer to spend our evenings babysitting on the weekends either. To make matters worse, both kids are not potty trained and if I'm being honest, not very good listeners either. Hitting back, talking, fighting, et cetera. This has caused a family divide because we all feel the need to make up excuses not to watch them now because it has become too much of a trend. We have all suggested getting a babysitter and even sent links to specific people who are willing to babysit. They refuse to get a sitter. What would you do?

[John]

Who are the ones with the kids?

[Alex]

My sister and brother in law have two kids.

[John]

Your kids suck. Sorry. Make them better listeners.

[Alex]

They often ask. So yeah, it's this guy's sister.

[John]

No, I don't feel bad. You, you don't have to do. When you have a kid, it's no one else's responsibility but yours. Yeah, and it's like that computer sounds like it's about to explode.

[Alex]

1000.

[John]

Lift it up. Don't use your phone, use my phone.

[Alex]

You need a new phone anyway.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

It'll melt your phone. That's fine. It's not even working. That's good enough.

[John]

I just. If we were in the ocean, there's one life preserver. I guarantee you. You would feel that so quick.

[Alex]

I wouldn't. I would share.

[John]

And let me drown?

[Alex]

No, because you have so much muscle mass. Because you're so strong that I would let you take it. Because I'm a good swimmer. I was a lifeguard, Alex.

[John]

I was on a swim team.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

No, I mean obviously they're being inconsiderate of your time, which is my number one issue. Like, I don't care. Yes. Like you want to help out your family members. You said yes to that. That's great. But the fact is that they don't respect you guys enough to stick to their schedule. I understand you might hit traffic or like, but from 10pm to 2am that's also impacting now your following day. I'm like, okay, if you're gonna pick them up at 10pm, I could be in bed by 11. You know, wake up, have to do this. It's like if they're not home till 2am that's fucking up your schedule.

[John]

No, just like, no common sense. People just assume other people will do shit for them. Oh, my God, I would never, ever, ever, ever watch that kid again.

[Alex]

But have you brought this up to them? Have you said, hey, the reason why I don't want to watch your kid is because you never stick to your timeline and you're disrespectful of our schedules.

[John]

You got to say something.

[Alex]

That's what I mean. Like, don't.

[John]

Funny where it's like so much easier to stand up for yourself or like, speak up about something. Because, like last week we had a really hard question where it was like, the friend. One friend. Like, I don't want to be friends, but it's like. Because that person didn't really do anything.

[Alex]

Also, someone in the comment was like, you know this. They still didn't say what to say. Like, if you're still gonna communicate with your friend that you don't want to be friends with them anymore. No one gave good advice. No one said what to say.

[John]

Like, the one person said, I felt bad and I apologize years later. So it's like, right?

[Alex]

Like, there's no good way to. To communicate. I don't want to be your friend. You did nothing wrong.

[John]

It's tough to.

[Alex]

A friend, like in a relationship does.

[John]

Something wrong, it's perfect.

[Alex]

Doors open again. It's like, don't come at us for our advice when we're like, we didn't have great advice. But like, when you're like, that's a terrible, immature way. It's like, cool. Well, then what do you say? Just use your words and communicate. Tell me what you would say. I'm interested. What would you say? Anyways, that's. We're not talking about that question. But in this situation, something did happen. They're disrespecting you and your time. So you can say something. You can put this into words and verbalize. I want it sounds like it.

[John]

Because you're. Then it's kind of your fault for not saying anything at this point after the first go around, because you should establish exactly what's going to happen and what's going on. Like, I. I mean, I'll say like, you know, we have friends, family. They're like, hey, I'm coming over. I'm bringing the dog. I'm like, no dog. You can come over. Don't bring the dog. It's just very easy to just. Just state what you want, right? And I think it'd be so much easier. Like, I'm like, I'm not trying to be a dick about. I just don't want other people's dogs here because we get all the issues in the backyard. But, like, you know, that's the same thing. Like, I'm fine watching your kid, be back by 10 o' clock. I want to go to bed.

[Alex]

Or if you feel like you're good, they ask you again and you feel yourself wanting to make an excuse. I think I've learned this more from you than anyone because you're like, why make an excuse? Just tell them. The reason why you don't want to do this is because of the way that they behaved before. So I think getting ahead of the problem and just being like, I would totally watch your kids, you know, I still want a life. Like, it's. No is also a full sentence. Like, you don't have to give an excuse. Excuse. But I get that, like, it's your family, you want to help out. But I think explaining what the problem is might be beneficial. But if you, but if you just don't want to watch your kids overall, then you could just the fact that.

[John]

You all gave them resources too, and they're like, no, I don't want something. Like, are you, Are you read the room?

[Alex]

Well, it's probably.

[John]

No one wants to watch your kids.

[Alex]

Like, they probably want family members.

[John]

Too bad. This is what I want to be like, Well, I don't care what you want. Get a babysitter. Or I guess you don't get to party and fist pump till 2 p. AM in the morning.

[Alex]

You don't have to say that. That's on them. To come to the realization when they have no one to watch their kids, that they don't have another option.

[John]

People are so dumb. That's so annoying. That's so infuriating that people just aren't considerate of other people.

[Alex]

I just, I, in this situation, I would address, I would address it. But if you truly just don't want to watch their kids anymore because you said like, they're misbehaved, I mean, they're just, they're super young. Like, I think that that's a valid excuse as well. You guys want your me time.

[John]

I just don't want to. Just so you know.

[Alex]

But why is that a problem either? Why is that a problem?

[John]

Because everyone's scared of hurting someone's feelings and offending them. Yeah, everyone.

[Alex]

Like, but to me, your me time is still just important. Is just as, as important.

[John]

We're already all right Enough of this.

[Alex]

Bring it up to them. Next question. Writing to find out if I'm the asshole while pregnant. My husband's best friends booked a boys trip to Europe. They're both very well off and my husband told them that he can't spend the money to go since we have a baby on the way. One of them took it upon themselves to book my husband a first class ticket to go with them on the trip. These are my friends too, for context. And they didn't think to ask me or my husband while I'm 7 and a half months pregnant if booking the non refundable 5k ticket would be a good idea or not. I thought it was kind of effed that my husband just decided he had to go since his friend spent the money while I was so far along in my pregnancy. I understand. But also it's kind of on his friend for just pulling the trigger on such an inexpensive ticket. Do you think my husband should have been able to tell his friend no, or am I the asshole for thinking he should have stayed home with me?

[John]

He definitely should have said no, it's not your problem. Like why would you just buy the ticket? You're overstepping. You're overstepping by doing that.

[Alex]

I don't think that his friend meant it in a malicious way of being like, I mean there's no way that you're buying someone a first class ticket and meaning that in a malicious way. I just think it went over their head that you guys have your own lives. Maybe it wasn't even a financial thing. Who, like, who's to say. But that was his excuse. You have a baby on the way and you had other things that you were dealing with. So I don't think that you are the asshole for thinking your husband should have stayed home. Like again, you could at seven and a half months pregnant, you could still go into labor. I think at that point. I mean, you could go into labor at any time. But did you. So did your husband go?

[John]

Good question. Either. Either way, no, you're not in the wrong. Like, it doesn't matter.

[Alex]

I just sounds like he went. Really says. Or am I the asshole for thinking he should have stayed home with me?

[John]

I think, I think your husband probably shouldn't have gone.

[Alex]

No. I think at that point his friend bought the ticket. Your husband had an option to say no, sorry, like you bought the ticket. I didn't say that I could go or that I wanted to go. There's other things that we have going on. He should have the friend should have talked to you guys obviously before, but now that the ticket was purchased, if this happened to us and like, similar situation, it would just have to now be a conversation between you and me. And I'd be like, do you want to, like, if I felt comfortable with you going, I'd be like, just go, you know, have fun. I'm annoyed, but to be honest, I'm.

[John]

Kind of annoyed because I would have been like, I didn't ask you to do that. Right now you're putting this on me to. It's almost like I feel guilty if I don't go. You, like you said, went over your head, but he. That's. That's overstepping. That's overstepping on someone after they said. Already said no.

[Alex]

Like, it puts you both in a bad position because then you're the bad guy. If you're like, I don't want you to go too bad.

[John]

I'd be like, honestly, dude, I said no.

[Alex]

So, no, no, yeah, I'm talking.

[John]

You're gonna have to find someone else to. To go at this point.

[Alex]

Yeah. But if you're okay with your husband going, I think that's another. It's just a conversation, though, that you.

[John]

The other part of this that your husband just be. Did he make an excuse on why he couldn't go? Or just straight facts? Like, he should just been like, hey, man, my wife's seven and a half months pregnant. I probably shouldn't go.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

So, like, it's kind of on your husband too, for being like, oh, we don't have enough money. If that's not really the case. Just like making out of an excuse. Like, we're all fucking adults. No one should get offended if someone can't do something. First off, like, that's so fucking childish. And on the other hand, the person who's gonna say yes or no to something, just tell the truth, right? Who cares?

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Or just say, no, big nah. And leave it at that. What is the problem then?

[Alex]

It leaves no room for misinterpretation.

[John]

I don't feel like fucking traveling and going and doing this for whatever.

[Alex]

It's like, okay, so his friend bought the 5K first class ticket. Fabulous. How much is everything else going to be, like. And it's going to add up. I'm sure he's going to have a great experience if you chatted about what your finances look like if he did go on the trip, whatever. But it's more of just like to your point, the overstepping, the lack of boundaries there or Just not the ability to say no and kind of put your foot down in that situation. So I think you have every right to be annoyed. I mean, you're not, but you're not the asshole for thinking he should have stayed home with you. Like, you're very justified in that. You're seven and a half months pregnant.

[John]

Grown as kid, right?

[Alex]

You're not hopping on a plane to Europe, right?

[John]

What do you get to do exactly?

[Alex]

Like, fine, you get to go to Europe. Fudgeing. Book me a spa. Like.

[John]

Next.

[Alex]

Next question. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We're married, living together, currently renovating and have a baby of nine months together. We had challenges in the past, but recently my husband told me he is attracted to a woman that he met at his sports club. It is not the attractiveness that I mind, but more of him saying that I don't need to worry as he believes she would never make a move because she also has a boyfriend. I'm a bit worried about that as it implies that if they. Or if she would be single, he. Somebody would make a move.

[John]

So fucking stupid.

[Alex]

He also texted her a lot during my pregnancy. I found out before giving birth. I confronted him and then he realized it was not okay and explained he was freaking out about the baby changing our in his lives. We talked about both topics and he agreed to stop texting her as he does not want to damage our relationship. I want to believe him and trust him, but when I asked if he has feelings for her, he once said maybe a little. And then he regretted saying that. This freaks me out. Knowing that they both perform the same sport and see each other often. I feel very insecure and I'm afraid that he will grow feelings for her. What should I do? Sounds like he already has feelings for her.

[John]

I think you both are stupid. I just like, why? Why is this a conversation? Dude, keep your fucking thoughts to yourself. Shut up, don't act on it, move on. She's hot. Whatever. Why are you telling your wife? What was the point of that? Hey, just so you know, do you have a guilty conscience? Are you trying to make her jealous? Are you bored? Shut the fuck up.

[Alex]

It's not even. But like, at that point, like, they were texting now. Previously, you found out during your pregnancy. No. So now he's saying he's attracted to her. Like, what are you. Like, the red flags are smacking you in the face and you're just. What should I. You're. You're insecure that he'll grow feelings for her. Too late. Sounds like it's too late. He's.

[John]

You open that door by being like, ah, whatever. Like, nobody. Like, would she brush it off in the beginning? You're just.

[Alex]

You're no, like, no.

[John]

In the beginning, did she brush off? She's like, I don't mind that he thought she was attractive.

[Alex]

It sounds like he admitted he was attracted after. But it's like he texted her a lot during my pregnancy. I found out before giving birth, confronted him, then he realized it was not okay and explained he was freaking out about the baby coming and changing our lives. We both talked about it. He agreed to stop texting her. Why is he texting this girl about the fear of this big change between you and him if he's so afraid he has to talk to you? Doesn't he have guy friends that he's.

[John]

Talk to the one that you're in this situation with?

[Alex]

So again, like, that is the first red flag. And now he's saying that he finds her attractive, but don't worry, she has a boyfriend. And now, oh, my God, this guy's.

[John]

Such a fucking stupid person.

[Alex]

But also, why. Why are you choosing to believe that he doesn't have. That He's. He's not pursuing her? Not. Doesn't have these feelings. The texting should have been it. You're not going to the sports club anymore. I don't trust you, and now you're just okay with him being attracted to her? I just don't understand. I don't get it. None of this is good. What should I do? Break up with your boyfriend. He's your husband, but get help.

[John]

Get help for yourself too. I'm annoyed with her for some reason.

[Alex]

For ignoring the red flag.

[John]

Like, what are you doing? What do you. What was your thought process behind all this? Like, come on, people, like, grow a backbone. I don't care if you have one kid. If you have five kids. This guy's a idiot.

[Alex]

When people show you who they are, believe them.

[John]

Like, boom.

[Alex]

And then when they do it again, that believe them even more. But this sounds like it's not just like one situation. There's like three different instances here that he's telling you, she knows that I like this.

[John]

You know the answer. I don't know why you wrote in. You know what to do. You know he's in the wrong. You need an outsider to tell you this. So here you go. You get rid of this idiot. Go get help for yourself, to. For con for. I don't know, to help you build confidence to Help you build like problem solving skills. I don't know, you need, you need some sort of assistance in that realm too because it's just scary how much you let slide.

[Alex]

Slide here. We're sick of these questions today, guys. If you're gonna write in, you know the answer, break up just like the blanket statement for everything. Next question.

[John]

Honestly, I'm starting to think people are just writing in questions to with us.

[Alex]

I don't think they're real, that these are fake. People are just like, let me write some.

[John]

Maybe, maybe because I.

[Alex]

They'll read this.

[John]

There's no way people are. These are real situations. The amount of like not common sense that people have in our society, I'm. I'm frightened. Just like, yeah, just think. Just think again.

[Alex]

I think that people don't like to. They like to put blinders on because they're comfortable. They've been together for 12 years. Why does she want to think that her husband has feelings for someone else?

[John]

He fucking told her. He straight told her. Because I have feelings for this person.

[Alex]

She doesn't want to believe that she's in delule.

[John]

You're right. Him telling you straight to your face. Yep, you're right. He doesn't think it honestly.

[Alex]

Well, John, he regretted saying that.

[John]

Next question.

[Alex]

So this one is for John. I know that I'm not allowed to give my advice here. This is just for you. I know that insecurity can kill almost everything in a relationship. Not no matter what. It will be something that comes up and creates nothing but problems. I mean, he's right. As we've seen.

[John]

Is this a question or is this guy just telling me a statement or what's the question?

[Alex]

Let me get there. As a man who struggles with insecurity, I've had to learn the hard way. I don't wanna be insecure. In fact, I hate it. But my girlfriend wants to become a model. And while I just wanna support her in whatever she does and I know she will be great at it, I can't genuinely and honestly get myself to do it. Because the thought of other men seeing slash objectifying her makes me feel sick. My thoughts are always. I don't want other men to see her in this way. Modeling is not the only thing. She also loves to dance. And a huge part of me wants all of this to be only for my eyes. I love her to death and I don't want to stay in this insecure cycle or keep her from being her true self. I want to be a good and a secure man for her and do the change growth required for that to make it happen. I know she is 100% faithful to me and would never cheat on me. So that gives me the perfect base to be build on. But the possessive and jealous feeling stays. Have you had any struggles with this? Is there any way I could break out of this thinking and change my view on this?

[John]

Would you regret being that way? You know you're gonna lose her if you try to hold her back. I'm gonna tell you that right now.

[Alex]

Yeah, because John, like, like, I, he can't hold me back. Like, I'm so beautiful, I'm a model and he just like, he has to share me with the world. So like, he gets this more than anyone. Me dancing and being a model, like shaking my thing. Like he gets it, so he's the one to ask.

[John]

You're right. I'm a lucky guy.

[Alex]

I know my pits aren't sweating, but.

[John]

If you have no reason to not trust her, then I would just focus on that because that makes it so much simpler. You don't have to worry about anything else.

[Alex]

I mean, I think insecurity can go across the board, like between male and female. So I'm just going to get my 2 cents that it truly comes from within that you have to be so confident in yourself that you know, let's say, like, because she is out of your control, like, number one, you can't control what she does. But I mean, like, she has her own brain, her own free will. So let's just say for the sake of life, she does cheat on you, you, that's okay. Like, then you don't want her anyway. Like, if she's going to show that side of herself, like, good. Like, and I say that all the time. I'm like, if John leaves me for someone else, have her, then I don't want you. If it was that easy. And I think Shane Mitchell had actually brought this up on like the Call Her Daddy podcast where it's like, if it's that easy for you to like, be tempted by someone else and go to them, then good, I don't want you. Like, they did you a favor. Yeah. So, like, I think, but you have to know that you're great enough and be confident in yourself that she's not going to leave you because she loves you. And her going into this career is only going to, number one, like, help fulfill her dreams. Like, her confidence and like, make you look better. I just think it's going to come from within.

[John]

Like, I always loved when other Guys would, like, admire the chick I was with. I was like, oh, I'm doing something right, you know? So it was almost more like, I'm fine with it.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

I don't know if that's a confidence thing on my end or more like just like, I. I look good.

[Alex]

Like, look what I landed.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, look at.

[John]

Look what.

[Alex]

Look at how hot she is.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then you're just like, good for you, man.

[John]

But seriously, if you. If you try to just, like, dig your claws into her, you're going to lose her. You got to just. You got to let her fly.

[Alex]

Let her focus on you.

[John]

Do your thing and just. Just be chill. It's all just like, being chill.

[Alex]

I think just being each other's number one cheerleader is gonna be.

[John]

Support each other.

[Alex]

Yes. And no matter what they do, and, like, you should expect that she's murdering for you. Yeah. Why is that?

[John]

I mean, you're not gonna support a murderer.

[Alex]

I guess you're right. Unless everything you're doing, the good deed, like, Dexter, you're picking up the trash from the streets. But you got this, man.

[John]

You know, his question really was, like, how does he gain confidence?

[Alex]

Gain confidence and not be insecure?

[John]

It's kind of broad because, like, what are you not confident in? Is it what you look like? Is it. Is it physically? Is it, like, your. How you.

[Alex]

Well, like, how are you Confident conversations?

[John]

What?

[Alex]

Like, when I post, like, thotty pictures on the Internet, like, how are you? Like, oh, my God.

[John]

I guess I need to like it and give a comment. Wow, she's so hot.

[Alex]

Like, oh, my God. She ain't going nowhere. I mean, it's crazy, John. Like, I know that you deal with it.

[John]

Alex, this question isn't about you.

[Alex]

It is because you can relate. Like, you can relate to this guy.

[John]

You're right. You're right.

[Alex]

So your two cents is to wrap it up.

[John]

My two cents is support her and what she's doing that's going to make her love you more and just try to, I don't know, focus on you. Focus on what you're not confident about yourself and how you can work on that. I mean, work on yourself while she's working on herself because you want to. If she's bettering herself, which seems like she has a path and what she wants to do, you got to figure out your own path and grow in parallel, because that's another thing. You don't want to stay stagnant, because that's not attractive either.

[Alex]

Okay, next question. My husband and I have Been married for seven years and have a three year old son. When we got married, we wanted two kids, but my pregnancy was extremely difficult. I was sick for 20 weeks and the anxiety I had was awful and carried on into postpartum. My husband is a firefighter and he is gone three days a week. And I also work full time. I can't imagine adding another life to this beautiful chaos. And also just don't want to be a. And also just don't want to be pregnant ever again. I'm 35 and the risks are higher. I hate sending my son to daycare already and feel like two kids in daycare and then being home alone with them after work is just too much for me. And I know I am not a great mom when I am stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like another kid is beyond my capabilities as a mom and fire wife. But my husband says he's crushed because he always wanted multiple kids. Am I the asshole for changing my mind? I feel like my husband is not being realistic and doesn't understand that the things he wants more of right now, free time, travel, sex, etc. All go out the window with a second kid. But he is adamant that we could handle it. How many kids did you guys want? Has anything changed with Alex having a stressful pregnancy?

[John]

One. That's it? I always wanted one.

[Alex]

You always wanted one?

[John]

Well, no, sorry. I didn't always want to have kids, but like, when we decided to have a kid, I only wanted one.

[Alex]

And I think because we always were kind of like, we don't know if we want kids or not. Like, the number was never set. But I was like, if I do have kids, I want two. Because I was like, you can't just leave them alone. But after this. And I'm not gonna say never say never, but like, my experience has truly changed my perspective and I'll be happy if we can just have one.

[John]

True.

[Alex]

So I don't think you're the asshole. Your husband isn't the one who has to carry the baby. And it sounds like you're carrying a lot of the burden.

[John]

It's easy for him to stay home. Responsibilities. Is he not home? What's he doing?

[Alex]

I mean, well, he's a firefighter, so.

[John]

He'S three days a week. But the other.

[Alex]

Right. Is he involved when he's there? Is he willing to, Like, I had.

[John]

To do that math in my head the other four days.

[Alex]

Yeah, like, what is he?

[John]

How is he? Is he at home helping or what?

[Alex]

Right. Is he an active participant in helping around the house, doing all these things. Like, it's, it's. And I don't know, again, we don't even have one kid yet. But from what I've heard, it's funny because actually I've heard several things. Some people are like, the transition from one to two is insane. And then other people are like, oh, it's not bad, but it just depends. I feel like, yeah, to each their own. But I don't think you're the asshole for changing your mind. You have.

[John]

Have. You're the one who birthed the kid, right? You're the one who went through everything. Like, I think what you say, you have more experience in that realm than your husband does.

[Alex]

Yeah, I. You have very realist reason to have a kid.

[John]

Both have to be on the same page. If you're both not on the same page, then I don't think you should do it. Like, that doesn't make any sense. What? Right. Like, why would you have a second one if one partner does not agree?

[Alex]

Also, it's just like sometimes things change. Like, sometimes life isn't what you thought it was going to be and the end result is different from what you dreamed of years ago. You know, Like, I think we talk about that too when it's like moving different places. Like, oh, we thought that we would enjoy this. And then the season of our life passed and so now we enjoy this area to live in, you know, between the city versus the suburbs. Not comparing that to having kids, but you might have envisioned it differently when you were first together, dating about having multiple kids. And now that you're in it, you have a different perspective of what it's like. And so I think you just have to explain that to your husband. Yeah, like, I. You guys do have to come on board.

[John]

I think she's talked to him about it, but he's not like, he's still like, holding his ground on what he wants.

[Alex]

Well, so the question is, am I the asshole for changing my mind?

[John]

No, you're not.

[Alex]

Overall, you're not.

[John]

No, you're not. That's. No, that's it.

[Alex]

No, you're not. Because this is as hard. This is hard to say.

[John]

We don't need a follow up.

[Alex]

This is the hardest thing ever.

[John]

Cool.

[Alex]

Cool. Amazing. Wait. I have a secret. Are you ready? You seem like you're engaged.

[John]

I'm ready.

[Alex]

Go open your eyes. Secret. My husband of 16 years cheated on me almost two years ago. We have done some intensive therapy and we are doing great now. But a huge part of that is that Our best friends live across the street and have been the glue that have kept us together. Here's the secret. I have a massive crush on my BFF's husband. I would never act on it or stoop that low, and neither would he. But I have a great imagination, and fantasizing about him fucking me has gotten me through some intense periods of hate hating my husband. Also, it gives me a teeny bit of satisfaction knowing that it would kill my husband to know I find his best friend more attractive than him. And even worse, slash funnier, don't cheat on your wives. The temporary satisfaction of getting banged will not be worth the absolute hell that follows when your wife gets a phone call from the other woman.

[John]

Oof. Oof.

[Alex]

That's it. Because we don't give any notes on secrets. We just read them.

[John]

I'm noted out. I need my phone. I have a review. Yes, I saw a funny one. Gay 5 stars. That was the title by Destiny RS 11. As a lesbian, I rarely admire straight people, but I love you all.

[Alex]

That's honestly the best comment.

[John]

That's like my favorite.

[Alex]

Happy Pride. It's Pride month, so that's perfect for Pride.

[John]

Let's go.

[Alex]

Let's go. You know, being in la, I mean, I'm pregnant, so I probably wouldn't leave the house, but it would be fun because West Hollywood would be a blast right now.

[John]

I did a. I was in New Orleans with Goom. We just so happened there was like a gay pride festival going on or something and we're trash and we're watching the floats go by and we're cheering. Whatever. This person on a float, it was all pink glitter. All this stuff throws. I don't know what it was, but it was full of glitter. Like a glitter snowball hits me right in the face and like rolls my eyelid back and just jams glitter all up into my like eyelid. I start screaming. I'm like uncontrollably screaming. I'm in so much pain and goo had to hook, like grab my arm, go through the festival, get a ride back to the hotel so I can like just like stick my head in the the tub to get all the glitter out of my eyeballs out.

[Alex]

That sounds traumatic.

[John]

What an. I was like cheering.

[Alex]

I was like, be careful out there, guys. Don't get glitter bombs in the face.

[John]

Massive glitter bomb.

[Alex]

But speaking of like pink and glitter makes me want to watch Barbie anyways.

[John]

Cool guys like subscribe email comment do all those things. Please.

[Alex]

If you want to email us, you can reach us at hello. Give to me straight back guys dot com. You could even you can send us an anonymous message in our show notes or at the link in our bio and you can find us on all the socials at Give it to me. I mean give it to me straight podcast. We will see you next week.

[John]

Ciao ciao.

[Alex]

Bye bye.