56. Giving you goodbyes, oral hygiene, and harsh comebacks

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Give It To Me Straight" Episode 56 – Giving you goodbyes, oral hygiene, and harsh comebacks

Release Date: June 11, 2024
Hosts: Alex and John
Title: Giving you goodbyes, oral hygiene, and harsh comebacks

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1. Opening Discussion: Helmet Safety and Personal Responsibility

The episode kicks off with Alex confronting John about his reluctance to wear a helmet while biking, emphasizing the importance of safety over appearing "cool."

• Alex (00:00): "You're not cool for not wearing a helmet."
• John (00:03): Attempts to defend his stance, leading to a playful yet pointed exchange about personal responsibility and safety.

Key Points:

• Safety vs. Image: Alex stresses that avoiding a helmet undermines true coolness, highlighting the real risk of head injuries.
• Personal Boundaries: The conversation underscores the balance between concern for a partner's well-being and respecting personal choices.

2. Pop Culture and Non-Alcoholic Beverages

Transitioning from safety, Alex and John delve into their engagement with pop culture and explore the realm of non-alcoholic beverages.

• Alex (09:30): Discusses a TikTok trend inspired by an SNL skit about checking a partner's social media "Explore" page.
• John (10:07): Shares his surprise at the pop culture content he discovered, leading to a discussion about mutual interests and perceptions.

Key Points:

• Pop Culture Curiosity: Alex reveals her intent to peek into John's social media habits, finding unexpected mainstream celebrity mentions.

• Non-Alcoholic Options: The hosts review and recommend non-alcoholic beers and sparkling wines, emphasizing taste and quality over sweetness.

  • Alex (12:35): "I found two non-alcoholic drinks that are actually delicious—Athletic Brewing and Wolfer Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Rose from Wolfer State."

3. Listener Questions and Advice

a. Navigating Kinks Involving Ex-Partners

A listener inquires about her boyfriend's kink involving detailed discussions and fantasies about ex-boyfriends.

• John (18:08): "Yeah, it's fucking weird."
• Alex (19:00): Defines a "cuckold" and explores the implications of such kinks on relationship dynamics.

Advice:

• Communication is Key: Alex and John emphasize the importance of understanding and communicating boundaries. They suggest assessing whether both partners are comfortable and whether such kinks affect the relationship's foundation.

b. Addressing Poor Personal Hygiene in a Partner

Another listener seeks advice on encouraging her boyfriend to improve his hygiene habits, such as brushing his teeth and proper showering techniques.

• Alex (22:15): "One of my biggest icks is bad breath."
• John (22:18): Admits some of his own hygiene lapses, fostering a relatable discussion.

Advice:

• Positive Reinforcement: The hosts recommend integrating hygiene improvements into intimate moments, like making shower time sexy to naturally encourage better habits.
• Setting Boundaries: They suggest withholding affection until changes are made as a gentle nudge towards improvement.

c. Navigating OnlyFans Subscriptions in Relationships

A listener questions whether discovering a partner's OnlyFans subscription is a deal-breaker.

• Alex (27:36): "It's because you're specifically working out one person."
• John (28:10): Acknowledges the intimacy and potential discomfort it brings to the relationship.

Advice:

• Open Dialogue: Alex and John advise having honest conversations about comfort levels and boundaries regarding such subscriptions.
• Assessing Motives: They stress understanding whether the action stems from jealousy, insecurity, or other underlying issues.

d. Handling Engagement Rings from a Divorced Marriage

A listener is conflicted about accepting an engagement ring from her fiancé's divorced mother.

• Alex (32:04): "I would rather you give me nothing and propose with a ring pop."
• John (33:26): Suggests selling the inherited ring to afford a more personal ring, emphasizing financial practicality over sentimentality.

Advice:

• Personal Preference Over Tradition: The hosts encourage choosing rings that symbolize the couple's own commitment rather than family relics from past relationships.
• Financial Considerations: They highlight the importance of affordability and personal significance in selecting an engagement ring.

e. Supporting a Friend in a Troubled Relationship

A listener grapples with wanting to support a best friend whose long-term boyfriend exhibits untrustworthy behaviors.

• John (39:38): "Don't fucking be her friend. Whatever."
• Alex (40:33): Emphasizes that while it's painful to watch, intervening deeply may harm one's own mental well-being.

Advice:

• Set Boundaries: Alex and John recommend maintaining supportive roles without overextending oneself or getting entangled in the friend's relationship issues.
• Encourage Autonomy: They suggest empowering the friend to make her own decisions while providing a listening ear.

f. Husband's Request to Stay Overnight During a Work Trip

A listener is concerned about her husband wanting to spend the night at a hotel during a golf outing, leaving her to manage childcare alone.

• Alex (57:14): Points out potential motives like avoiding a long drive home.
• John (57:44): Urges responsibility, stating, "Dude, go home. You have responsibilities."

Advice:

• Prioritize Family Needs: The hosts advocate for spouses to consider the impact of their decisions on their partners and children, promoting empathy and shared responsibilities.
• Open Communication: They encourage discussing and aligning expectations regarding time spent apart and managing household duties.

4. Personal Announcement: High-Risk Pregnancy and Podcast Pause

In an emotional conclusion, Alex reveals that she and John are experiencing complications with a high-risk pregnancy, necessitating a temporary halt to the podcast.

• Alex (62:22): Shares the medical challenges, including a two-vessel umbilical cord and velamentous cord insertion, leading to frequent and intensive monitoring.
• John (67:36): Expresses his emotional strain and support for Alex during this difficult time.

Key Points:

• Health Challenges: The couple discusses the medical intricacies and risks associated with their pregnancy, highlighting the emotional and physical toll.
• Impact on the Podcast: Due to the demanding circumstances, Alex and John decide to take a break to focus on their family's well-being, promising to return when they are able.
• Message to Listeners: They convey gratitude for the support received and encourage others facing similar challenges, emphasizing resilience and hope.

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Conclusion:
Episode 56 of "Give It To Me Straight" blends candid discussions on personal safety, relationship dynamics, and pop culture with heartfelt listener questions and a poignant personal update. Alex and John maintain their signature unfiltered approach, providing practical advice while navigating their own challenging circumstances. This episode serves both as a resource for listeners seeking relationship guidance and a transparent glimpse into the hosts' personal lives.

Transcript

[Alex]

You're not cool for not wearing a.

[John]

Helmet saying, I'm cool.

[Alex]

No, like, you think that you're cool. You're like, oh, I'm going to look like a nerd wearing a helmet. No, like, you're not cool for not wearing one. You know what's not cool? A head injury.

[John]

I didn't say I won't. I'll wear the helmet.

[Alex]

You know what? Fudge it. I'm not your mom. I'm not your.

[John]

I'm going to wear the helmet you.

[Alex]

Want, John, I just want you to know, like, I'm signing you off to whatever facility so I don't have to insign this in and help. No, because this was your choice and welcome back to give it to me straight. Hey, I'm Alex.

[John]

And I am John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious hosts.

[Alex]

Yay.

[John]

What's up?

[Alex]

Happy Tuesday, John.

[John]

Happy Tuesday.

[Alex]

How was your weekend? What'd you do?

[John]

What did I do? What did we. What are we allowed to say?

[Alex]

I'll tell you what happened last week right after we filmed last week's episode. So everyone, thankfully, was on my side.

[John]

And they're like, john, oh, he's talking about the helmet.

[Alex]

Wear a helmet. Okay, but shall I continue? So, I don't know. It's just a day during the week. I'm finishing up some work. The sun is setting. It's like a really nice evening. And so John's like, I think I'm gonna go take the bike.

[John]

We didn't talk about that in the last episode.

[Alex]

No, because it happened after.

[John]

Why did we even talk about the bike then?

[Alex]

Because you were riding it around in our driveway in your crotch. And then this happened. So. So to get back to my story, John. So I'm finishing up an edit, and I was like, okay, while you're out on your bike ride, I'll start dinner. So I finish up on my edit, I'm starting dinner, and I text John, and I go, dinner will be ready in 10. And then I don't get a response.

[John]

First off, she didn't say, oh, did.

[Alex]

You want to keep cutting me off?

[John]

Well, not before. You didn't say it before I left. You just said, I'm going to make dinner at some point.

[Alex]

Let me finish. I'm telling the story correctly. But you just keep interrupting me.

[John]

There's something in the details. What's the.

[Alex]

Do you want to tell the story?

[John]

No, no. But, like, the details are important.

[Alex]

I've been giving all the details. I was working, and then I started making dinner. John's out on his bike this whole time. So I text him, and I'm like, dinner will be ready in 10. And then 10 minutes later, I don't get an answer from him. So we have each other's locations, and I check it if a situation like this. So I'm like, oh, it says he's home. And. And I'm like, so he probably just got back. He'll be up in a few minutes. Like, five minutes go by, and I'm like, I'm calling your name. I'm like, john. Like, where is he? And then I go downstairs, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, his bike isn't here. Why would his location say that he's here? So this. It's getting dark now. I'm like, okay, I'll wait, like, 10 more minutes. But now he's been gone for over an hour, and I'm starting to get nervous, and I'm like, don't be crazy. Let me wait a little bit longer. So I. I'm calling him because of, like, maybe his location just didn't update. And it's pinging that he's at home, but he's actually somewhere else, because I know that that's, like, happened before. And so I give it. Maybe I want to say I gave it 15 minutes, but there's no way. I think I gave it five more minutes because then I just started, like, having a panic attack. So I put the dinner, like, I push it off the stove because I know Kobe would probably eat it. I get in the car, and I start looking for you. And this entire time, I'm like, he's fucking dead. Because I went into the garage. I don't see your phone, but what do I see? Your helmet. Sitting in the garage. So his bike is gone. John is gone. I don't know where he is. He doesn't have a helmet on. And I'm going through every scenario. I'm like, he got hit by someone, and now he's loaded in the back of the truck. Someone's going to bury his body, because they don't. So I'm looking for your bike. I'm just looking for any indication and that you were. You were smashed dead on the side of the road. And so I'm. I'm probably maybe 15 minutes away from calling the police, the local, very attractive police, and being like, I don't know, is it too early to file a missing persons report? And so I'm like, pulling back down to our street, and I get A call from you. And you go, hey, where are you? And I go, where are you? And I lose it. And I immediately start crying. I kept it together, but I start crying as soon as I heard your voice. And I think you thought that I was joking. You were like, ha ha, are you crying? And I wanted to kill you even more. So I pull up the driveway. You're just there with your stupid bike, living life as if there's not a problem in the world.

[John]

You done?

[Alex]

Why didn't you bring your phone?

[John]

I wanted to unplug. I told you. I was like, I'm on my phone all the time. Let me just unplug. You were good with also. I knew that it would fall out of my pocket. I was like, what? I'll just go for a quick ride. Not a big deal. How long was I gone? 30 minutes?

[Alex]

Oh, no, it was at least an hour and 20. And I wouldn't have cared about the time. It was the fact that the sun was down at that point.

[John]

I'm like, listen, you're justified. I felt really well at first, you're right. I thought you were joking. And you pulled up and she's just borrowing. Her eyes on the car. Like, this is the last thing I need to do is give her more like trauma in her life talking about it.

[Alex]

I'm like getting teary eyed just thinking about, like, if something happened to you. That was. John goes, this is how I know that you left me. I'm like, oh, you have to go missing.

[John]

This is what I go. You're previous self, like seven years ago. If they saw how you were acting, it'd be like, get over him.

[Alex]

But oh my God.

[John]

Okay, so this is what happened.

[Alex]

No, what's happened is what happened.

[John]

Right? But now my part of it is, yeah, I left my phone, all that stuff. I go for this ride and I'm like, let me just check out the neighborhood. And there's so many side streets and private streets and all this. And I'm trying to, like, just get the lay of the land. Long story short, it gets dark, I get lost. I'm like. And I'm just riding around trying to find a street that I remember. And luckily, eventually I found it. Eventually I found it. But then I got home and I had like five missed calls from Alex. She just wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. I felt her. I did, I really did feel terrible.

[Alex]

I just like, I don't understand in what world you don't know the neighborhood. You're already bad with Directions. Like, why would you not bring your phone? I'm also pregnant, John.

[John]

I'm bad with directions.

[Alex]

But I'm also pregnant. If something. And I'm high risk. Like, if something were to happen and then I. I already feel bad.

[John]

I get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got lost.

[Alex]

Your brain. You're like, let me unplug. Like, no, you're not. When you have a pregnant wife at home, you're not allowed to fucking unplug.

[John]

I was leaving for like 10 minutes. So. So I thought. So I thought, can we just. I'm bad with directions. We went to lunch yesterday that.

[Alex]

I'm bad with directions. I say it out loud. You like to be like, I. I'm Mr. Christopher Columbus, but you don't know how to turn left. Like, okay, Zoolander.

[John]

Fine. Side note, Alex give me all this about getting a helmet. Alex bought herself her own bike and.

[Alex]

She built yet I didn't get a helmet. I will buy a helmet. I'm not riding around with no helmet.

[John]

But you got the bike first with no helmet.

[Alex]

Because I wanted to see the bike so I can batch a nice helmet to the bike.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

I still have to. You still have to put the bike together.

[John]

Just so many things to do to build. Alex just keeps buying shit that has nine gazillion. It's just annoying. Don't buy it.

[Alex]

Everything has an. Do you. I wonder how many Allen wrenches we have.

[John]

Thousands. And that's all we have in our. In our rubber made toolbox. It's amazing. We've survived. Survived with just that. We.

[Alex]

There's not much that you need. Like, we have the necessities like a hammer. We have a bajillion screwdrivers. One million.

[John]

Somebody stole my drill.

[Alex]

I know. Someone stole your ladder and your drill.

[John]

I made sure they bought me a ladder.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

But I couldn't prove the drill anyways.

[Alex]

They were like, these people don't have tools. This has to be ours.

[John]

Yeah. Seriously. Oh, this thing that's going around. This is random. This like whole millennial Gen Z ankle sock, long sock thing. Yeah, that's going around. Are you trying to like be like the Gen Zers?

[Alex]

Why are you asking me? I only have ankle socks.

[John]

Maybe it was Kat. Someone was like trying to. I think I'm gonna call Cat out. I'm pretty sure she was like, I don't want to look like I'm a millennial. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna look like a younger.

[Alex]

A look that can look cute with higher. What is it not above ankle socks. So like what, what do you call those? Regular socks. Not ankle socks. I don't know. But I just only have ankle socks, so. No, I'm. True. I'm a millennial.

[John]

Like, I'll never. I'll die on that hill of I'll wear ankle socks to like.

[Alex]

But I do like.

[John]

Or no socks.

[Alex]

Longer socks. But usually I just wear them at home and they're also.

[John]

It's not like they came up with that style. I remember growing up and it was long socks. Champion socks.

[Alex]

Yeah, like our parents long.

[John]

Yeah. I remember having long socks as a kid and then trying to roll them down. It's either you did the fold method in the front to make them in the ankle socks.

[Alex]

Styles are always changing. I literally can't keep up. Just do whatever the fuck you enjoy.

[John]

No one's original. Also, I'm seeing a lot of like high school kids wearing those. The dad shoes now.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, like trends always cycle back.

[John]

Bell bottoms.

[Alex]

Exactly. No, the other thing though is there was a. Was it a TikTok going around about like checking out your. Oh, it was the SNL skit about the explosion Explore page. It's like, you know, looking at your boyfriends or your girlfriends or whatever, your partner's Explore page. And I was like, let me, let me look at John's Explore page. So you pull it up this morning and I, I don't. I wasn't expecting hot girls, but I.

[John]

Don'T think, don't get me wrong, I'm, I'm. I look at hot girls, okay, sure.

[Alex]

But I, I don't think I was expecting.

[John]

It was. I looked at one fucking article and then culture articles.

[Alex]

It was like Jennifer Aniston and, you know, Brad Pitt and then JLo and her split or Snooki and Gianni and.

[John]

I'm like, I mean, are they split up? Is JLo and Ben Affleck, are they together? I want to know.

[Alex]

I was like, wow, John, you're a pop culture girly squirrely.

[John]

I didn't, I'm not constantly looking at pop culture. Okay.

[Alex]

It's because you want to be a reality TV star.

[John]

I'm, I'm going to be, I'm going to, I'm going to be the best.

[Alex]

Put it out there, put it in the universe.

[John]

I got it non scripted. I walk in, I do my own thing, I stir up drama. Boom, done.

[Alex]

Maybe they'll start a documentary on you. Like the Armie Hammer documentary. Like, I watched this.

[John]

That's not what I want.

[Alex]

That was crazy. If you guys haven't watched that and you like. I guess that wouldn't technically fall into the true crime, but maybe because it is true.

[John]

Did I watch it?

[Alex]

No, Kat and I were just watching it when you guys were dead drunk at the pool. I'm like, I'm so over you. So Kat and I just made a cheese plate and watch the Army Hammer documentary. Crazy.

[John]

God, just like one day of drinking, it just destroys your body. I just feel like trash. And then, then Alex ordered all this food. So like, I don't feel like making food because we have all this pasta and chicken and I don't want to waste it.

[Alex]

Like, I know you were drunk because in the house you go, order me as much protein as you can. You go out to the pool, they deliver the food, I bring it out and you go, why would you order food? And I go, you said order as much protein as you as you can. So I ordered a billion dishes that were just meat based. And then you had the audacity. You forgot.

[John]

I mean, I believe you because this just reminds me of telling that guy to go up to you at the bar and tell him tell you that I'm like a terrible person or whatever. And then I forgot. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Alex]

I just. That checks also, like, I'm the sober one and you're the drunk one and. And in that situation as well. So it's like, why are you. Don't even question me. But yeah, that's that. But if you guys are in New York and you go out east. Wolford. Oh my God, such a nice vineyard. So I will say if you're either pregnant or just not drinking in general.

[John]

You'Ve had many bottles.

[Alex]

I have been trying so many sparkling wines. Like non alcoholic sparkling wines. Like non alcoholic. Just things in general. And there's two that I found that are actually delicious. The beer Athletic Brewing.

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

So good. So good and refreshing. Like you just. It's a good refreshing.

[John]

Well, tastes like actual non alcoholic beer. That's the thing. You want it to taste like alcohol?

[Alex]

Well, the thing is not necessarily that.

[John]

But like I trick your mind.

[Alex]

I don't want it to be sweet. And I feel like anything non alcoholic is just so juice concentrate. Like, and I hate sweet things. So the next best one is Spring in a bottle, which is the non alcoholic rose Sparkling rose from Wolfer State. Oh my God, the best.

[John]

I was like, I've tried all of your non alcoholic drinks and those two are the only two I like Athletic Brewing and the Wolfer Non alcoholic.

[Alex]

Their own. Everyone has their own preferences. Some people do, like, sweet, juicier things, but I would prefer something more dry and hit the spot. Yeah, really good. While you guys were all getting litty titties, I was enjoying myself also.

[John]

They're the design, like everything they do with their bottles of wine. And it just looked. I loved it. It's like my favorite.

[Alex]

Good marketing.

[John]

Yeah. Well done. Well done, Wolfer.

[Alex]

I guess that's pretty much everything that happened this week. And in short, wear your helmet, John, and bring your phone with you.

[John]

You got it.

[Alex]

Things. Things can happen and you want to be prepared. I don't care if you're just down the street.

[John]

All right?

[Alex]

Look at me in the eyes and promise me.

[John]

Maybe. Oh, the phone. Yeah. Helmet. I don't know.

[Alex]

Why do you think you just look stupid? Who cares? You're married.

[John]

It's not why.

[Alex]

Then why?

[John]

I don't know. Because I just don't want to. I want to. I want to feel the air through my hair. I just want to piss. Everyone.

[Alex]

That's why they have a bunch of whole. The only person you're going to be pissing off is me. When you get a head injury, I will wear it.

[John]

If I'm going into town with the bike, I'm going to wear it. If I'm in our little neighborhood, we.

[Alex]

Live in a neighborhood of people who can hardly see. They're going to hit you and run over you and you'll be squished dead.

[John]

I better get that life insurance policy.

[Alex]

Then I will take one out on you. I'm not getting a life insurance policy.

[John]

I'll wear the helmet. Let's go.

[Alex]

Do you. Are we jumping into questions?

[John]

Do you have anything else to talk about?

[Alex]

Yeah, I just want you to tell me that you're going to wear a helmet. Everyone and everyone was telling you to wear a helmet.

[John]

I can't promise that. Sometimes I might forget, but, yeah, I'll wear it. When I remember. When you yell me to wear it, I'll wear it.

[Alex]

You're not cool for not wearing a helmet.

[John]

Saying, I'm cool? No.

[Alex]

Like you think that you're cool. You're like, oh, I'm going to look like a nerd wearing a helmet? No. Like you're not cool for not wearing one. You know what's not cool? A head injury.

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

I thought out of anyone you would understand this the most. Like you being in health care. I'm going to keep saying it.

[John]

I. I didn't say I won't. I'll wear the helmet.

[Alex]

You know, what it I'm not your mom. I'm not your mom.

[John]

I'm gonna wear the helmet.

[Alex]

Do what you want. John. I just want you to know like I'm signing you off to whatever facility so I don't have to insign in health. No cuz this was your choice.

[John]

This was your choice. Make sure it's a good facility where they wait.

[Alex]

I not even going to look into it. I'm gonna say John would probably put me in a discount facility.

[John]

Don't put me in like a medicare run facility. I'll be.

[Alex]

You won't have a choice. It's going to be whatever I want. Let's jump into.

[John]

This is so depressing.

[Alex]

Then wear your helmet.

[John]

I said yes.

[Alex]

You said no. You said I might forget.

[John]

Just remind me again.

[Alex]

I'm not your mom. I said I said my piece. If something happens to you, that's on you and I I now is there.

[John]

Anything in pop culture you want to talk talk about?

[Alex]

My guilt has been released. You know, actually I do want to know when Haley Beaver is do. What does she do? I don't know Alex. I don't care.

[John]

Oh, I actually forgot she was pregnant.

[Alex]

Yeah, I wonder.

[John]

What about the show traders that's coming out with Tom Scandal.

[Alex]

Don't care. And before we continue, this episode is sponsored by Blissey. If you haven't heard of them, Blissey's award winning 100 mulberry silk pillowcases are the real deal. They are made out of silk, which is incredible for your hair and skin. No more waking up with frizzy hair or dry skin. It keeps your hair's moisture locked in and helps your skincare work its magic overnight. Imagine waking up with smoother skin and shinier hair every day. And listen, there are a lot of fakes out there claiming satin is just as good. But satin is made from synthetic fibers like polyester silk. It's natural, luxurious fiber. Silk is breathable and much more gentle on your skin. Plus it's durable. Think of it as an investment in your beauty sleep. One thing you will absolutely love is that Blissy pillowcase are hypoallergenic and machine washable. If you have sensitive skin, then sleeping on this will be a game changer. No more itching or rashes, just pure comfort. No more flipping the pillow to the cool side and your hair. Let's just say bedhead is a thing of the past. It's like sleeping on a cloud. And you will never go back to regular pillowcases. Everybody who tries it loves Blissey. They have so many prints and colors. Perfect for gifting too. Over a million people are raving about them. And you could be next. Try Blissy risk free for 60 nights at blissi.com straightpod and get an additional 30% off. That's B L I S S-Y.com straightpod and use code straightpod for that extra discount. Trust me, your skin and your hair will thank you. All right, let's jump into questions. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven years, and his kinks are are all about me having sex with my ex boyfriends. He wants to know every detail, and it gets him off. Sometimes he even wants me to say their name too. It doesn't bother me, but is it weird? We leave the conversation in the bedroom, but sometimes I know he's in his head about it?

[John]

Yeah, it's fucking weird.

[Alex]

Yeah. If you asked me if this was a request from you, I would be.

[John]

Very concerned with the, like, having sex. And he's asking her about it while they're having sex?

[Alex]

I guess so. Or maybe before they're having sex. Like, talking about, well, what is that called? A cuck. When, like, you want to see your girl get by someone else, that's his kink then, right?

[John]

I don't know. Is that what a cuck is?

[Alex]

I think so. Is that too inappropriate to say on this podcast?

[John]

I don't know. To be honest. I've been called a cuck during, like, COD and I never knew what it meant.

[Alex]

Really?

[John]

No. I was like. Does that mean I'm, like, a shitty player?

[Alex]

No. Do you want me to look it up?

[John]

Yeah. I'm gonna be really offended if it's not what I thought it was.

[Alex]

A cuckold, or cuck for short, is a person who finds sexual pleasure in their partner having intercourse with people that are not him.

[John]

These.

[Alex]

Did you just think, like, you. You didn't think to this.

[John]

This COD group I'm in is brutal. This whole time, I was like, I get it. I'm, like, the shittiest player on the team. It's not what, that mess?

[Alex]

No. John. Oh, no.

[John]

All right, you guys.

[Alex]

You're like, yeah, I am.

[John]

I mean, yeah, I am. I get it. I'm, like, terrible at the game, but okay. Now I know.

[Alex]

I. I mean, to each their own, but, yeah, I. I think this is weird.

[John]

Those are people's kinks, though. Like, how many? There's so much porn out there about, like, guy watching his wife get hooked up, like, railed by some other dude. Like, that's. Those are all Kinks.

[Alex]

But what might work in one relationship might not work for other people. What did you sign with?

[John]

What do you always say?

[Alex]

Don't yuck someone's yum.

[John]

Don't yuck someone's yum.

[Alex]

So you can ask us if it's weird. If it doesn't bother you, who cares?

[John]

Well, it seems like it probably makes her uncomfortable.

[Alex]

Bother me. We leave the conversation in the bedroom. But sometimes, sometimes I know he's in his head about it. So it's like he's self inflicting harm afterwards.

[John]

He's like, I mean, as long as.

[Alex]

I didn't ask, I guess I didn't hear that.

[John]

If you're not affected by it. And then also like if, if this is just if he keeps it in the bedroom, right. It's like if it, if it leaves there, then it's going to affect your relationship. I think like if he's, if he's able to like separate the two.

[Alex]

I think if you don't think it's weird. If he doesn't think it's weird, well.

[John]

You'Re saying he's in his head about it. So like if this is him up mentally, like this is probably something that you guys need to have a conversation about, right? Unless it's literally just a kink, but there might be some underlining meaning to that.

[Alex]

I just think it's funny that your friends have been calling you that and you have no idea and you had no idea what it meant. But moving on, next question.

[John]

They're terrible people.

[Alex]

I'm in a two year relationship and we've been living together for over a year. I just found out my boyfriend doesn't brush his teeth daily and he just scratches himself when he's showering. He grew up in a very broken home and didn't have any parental support, so I can kind of understand his lack of hygiene. I brought this up to him and said gently that I was concerned about him. I tried to explain how this is impacting our relationship and intimacy. He said he was fine and he doesn't need to brush his teeth daily because he goes to the dentist three times a year. I said, well, they aren't kissing you. How do I get him to brush his teeth and be a clean person?

[John]

What do you mean? He's just scratching himself.

[Alex]

Probably like not using a washcloth or maybe not use, using soap. Like he's just like in the shower scratching his skin.

[John]

Got, got to go back to basics, watch him do and be like, this is how you bathe and Right.

[Alex]

I Think that there is a. And to your point, you said. You said gently that you were concerned, but there is a way to gently encourage him, prompt him to, right? Maybe make it about sexy time in the shower. And you're like, hey, scrub my back. And then when he goes to just use his nails, you're like, that's not how you properly.

[John]

Oh, that's smart. Having sex in the shower. But, like, make sure you're both fully clean first.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

You know, you're like, ooh, ooh, you want to touch my front. Let me clean your chest for you.

[Alex]

And this is how you do it.

[John]

That's smart.

[Alex]

Make it.

[John]

I think that's the.

[Alex]

Make it fun.

[John]

That's the best advice.

[Alex]

Brushing her teeth, though, that's huge. You.

[John]

You still do the same thing, but you want to make out. Hold on.

[Alex]

Yeah, maybe start saying that. Withholding kisses from him until he brushes his teeth. I guess it's like you're not used to it. But if I don't brush my teeth, like, after a few hours, like, you. You get that, like, fuzzy feel, feeling.

[John]

Gritty. Gritty feeling on your teeth.

[Alex]

I think one of my biggest icks is bad breath. That's why I always have gum or mints with me, because I never want to be that person.

[John]

Your. Your breath does smell sometimes, though.

[Alex]

So does yours, John. Like, when you wake up in the.

[John]

Morning, I'm intentional about not breathing on you or anyone. Like, I'm very self aware.

[Alex]

So you think that I'm purposely breathing on you?

[John]

Not purposely, but I think you're unaware sometimes when you're like.

[Alex]

Like when I'm asleep.

[John]

No. When do I.

[Alex]

When do I do that? When I'm awake. When do I do that?

[John]

Sometimes when, you know, we're making love, kind of. We're like, kind of breathing in my direction.

[Alex]

That is so not true, number one.

[John]

And I just kind of like, block it out because I know we're both.

[Alex]

Like, you're the one who gets out of breath.

[John]

Like, out of breath is different than bad breath.

[Alex]

Yeah, but like, you're playing.

[John]

That's why we turn away from each other. And I try not to, like, breathe in your ear either.

[Alex]

I like how you make it about. Like, you're like, oh, your breath sometimes. Like, have you ever smelled your stank breath? Like, that's just a part of living together. But if I knew that you weren't brushing your teeth, I'd be like, John, you know, a lot of it comes from brushing your tongue. You have to make sure you have a clean Tongue.

[John]

What sucks is you can't use mouthwash anymore. They're saying all these bad things about it.

[Alex]

I mean, you can.

[John]

It's just taking all the bacteria, the good bacteria out of your mouth, but you use mouthwash. I want. I know. I'm like, I know you're not supposed to, but I hate not using it. I also smoke cigars and stuff, so I really.

[Alex]

Having good hygiene is so important. Someone said one of my friends said a good comeback in. If, like, someone's coming at you, like, one thing to, like, stop them in their tracks is just saying, first of all, brush your teeth.

[John]

No, no. What's your dad said? First off, lose the attitude.

[Alex]

No, but, like, brushing your teeth is like, such an insult. Like an unexpected insult where you're like, you're gross.

[John]

What's your number one insult to someone to, like, when you're like, in an argument?

[Alex]

I'm just. I'm so nice to everyone that I.

[John]

Mine is always, no one likes you.

[Alex]

So good. John. My God, you all.

[John]

You know what? Nobody likes you.

[Alex]

I'm glad that you crack yourself up.

[John]

Whatever it is.

[Alex]

You should be nice to people.

[John]

Whatever. However the argument starts, like, oh, yeah, well, nobody likes you.

[Alex]

But who. Who are you saying that to? Your. Your COD group.

[John]

Yeah, probably.

[Alex]

Who are calling you cucks.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, so they call you a. And then you go, no one likes you.

[John]

I think so. Yeah.

[Alex]

I think you need to up your. Your argument.

[John]

I'm just so nice that I don't have enough comebacks.

[Alex]

That's a lie.

[John]

Okay, next question.

[Alex]

What's your opinion on finding out your partner Was subscribing to OnlyFans? We've been together for eight years, and I found out from an email notification, did some research, and found out he had been subscribing for a few years and following slash liking posts on Instagram. John, do you subscribe to an Only Fans account? Alex, how would you have handled this situation?

[John]

No, I am never going to put myself in a situation where I know I'm going to have a fight with Alex. Besides the bike.

[Alex]

I was gonna say you did.

[John]

This week I look at everything. Like, even, like, for example, my Explorer page. My Explorer page, I saw that SNL thing and I was even with you, and I'm like, let me not look at hot women. So my Explorer page, you went out.

[Alex]

Of your way to just, like, pop culture stuff so that you explore?

[John]

No, no, I just went out of my way to not click on any photos of anyone, because as soon as you click on one, but I. It's all over there.

[Alex]

I think doing something so that your partner doesn't get mad is not the filter or the focus that it. It should be because you don't want to do that. Like, if you were with someone, I.

[John]

Don'T want to pay either.

[Alex]

Instead of being like, so that's why. It's because you're just cheap. You're like, hey, you get it for free anywhere else. I don't like your response. You're like, I didn't like the hot girls picture, not because I didn't think she was hot, but because I don't want Alex to get mad at me.

[John]

No shit. I know where this is going. No, I just. I, Like, I don't care. I don't care enough. You're right. I don't want to pay for it. I also don't. It doesn't. Like, I'm not motivated by it. Why do I. Why. I'm not saying I don't watch porn. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you're right. Like, if you could do it for free. But, like, even that is, like, so sparingly when I do it. Like, that's just not something I'm into. So if you're offended by that, your significant other should be aware of your feelings. I'm also aware of, like, where you stand with things. Like, would Alice be mad at me if I did this? Sure, I'd be mad at you if you did that.

[Alex]

Well, okay. I mean, I'm just trying to get at, like, are you only doing it because. Not doing it because you think I would get mad if, like, we weren't together? Do you think that you would subscribe to an only fans account?

[John]

No, I've never paid for anything.

[Alex]

I think the issue with Only Fans is it's not just general, it's very personal. So you're following one specific person. And so, yeah, this would piss me off more than just a general, you know, looking at porn. But. But it's because you're specifically working out one person. Like, if you had one person more intimate, I guess, following because you were sexually attracted to them and that's what got you off. Like, that's what would annoy me.

[John]

Right? Yeah, it's definitely more intimate of an action.

[Alex]

But how would I handle this situation? I mean, you've been. He's been subscribing to this for a few years. Like, I think you can. That's a. That's a long time. But I would give you the opportunity to change your behavior. And then if nothing happened, take those next steps and do with it as you will because again, you can address it, see how he reacts and what he. What action he does after that. But I guess give him the opportunity to change.

[John]

If this is a hard note for you, then yeah, you need to have this conversation with him.

[Alex]

Do you think that this like let's say roles were reversed is a deal breaker? If I was subscribed to like a male's only fan, I don't know what's.

[John]

A deal breaker or not. We would have a conversation though, because I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like you because you're right, it's very intimate to one person and you're seeking that one person's videos and photos out. So it would make me uncomfortable in.

[Alex]

The same realm as that question a few weeks ago where that guy was caught jerking off to his co workers picture. And it's like, that's a real person. So are these people. It's like.

[John]

And well, that's a little more intimate even than only fans because he works with that person.

[Alex]

But it's like it's still different than just like the general. The general like people doing adult films, you know?

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

It's like you're continuously waiting for this one person.

[John]

But look how we're talking right now and like justifying what we think is okay because that's where. How our relationship.

[Alex]

Right. And it's relationships like none of it might be okay or you don't care. You might have an open relationship. It just what's.

[John]

Whatever you're willing to tolerate and, and be comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with it, then. Then have the conversation with them. Like we'll have the conversation if it's us. No, I wouldn't be okay. And I don't think you'd be okay with it either.

[Alex]

No, that would really, really hurt my feelings.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

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[John]

I appreciate any advice, so this would be my advice for that from your standpoint. Like, I understand not wanting to have a ring from a divorced marriage, whatever, all that. But if it's a financial thing for him also, like you getting married should not be about the ring. So to meet halfway or whatever, whatever style you want, whatever you want, should be what he can afford from selling that ring, sell that ring.

[Alex]

But I don't think there's any reason why she has to get those rings specifically.

[John]

I'm saying if it's a financial thing like you guys shouldn't, it shouldn't be about that. But like you, he should go pawn whatever he could do and see how much money he can make from that if his mom's okay with it and be like, this is what I have for a ring. What? Get what you want with what you can.

[Alex]

Right. I agree because I, I think that there is a sweet gesture of having a family heirloom. But to your point, I think it should come from a healthy relationship. I wouldn't want rings that were given from to someone else and in a failed marriage either. That's what I said about Yellowstone with Rip. His mom was in a very unhealthy relationship and he still gave Beth those rings. Didn't he like unbury his mom?

[John]

Not for nothing. He had no fucking money.

[Alex]

According. It's not a money thing. I would literally rather you give me nothing and like propose to me with a ring pop than have rings that were from an abusive relationship.

[John]

Well, and look at, look what you're doing right now. You're telling me that you're, you're explaining that to me like that's what you need to do it. I want her to be just very aware of maybe his situation that he's in though financially. Like do not look at this wedding just because you want to. Not saying you are, but like it's not about the ring.

[Alex]

No, it's not. But to your point, communicating why your reasons. Because it's that they're very valid reasons.

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

Number one, like you want a different style but to your point, making sure that it's in his financial wheelhouse because it's not about the rings, but it is about the rings when they're sentimental and they're coming from a failed marriage. And that's not the bad juju that you're looking for.

[John]

You can navigate this conversation in a healthy way to where it like there's not going to be a fight, you know, like just be aware and careful with that.

[Alex]

Correct. Next question. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We are seven years apart and I feel she's in a different part of her life and she is 23 and I am 30. Although our chemistry was very good, sex was amazing and our morals in life were very similar, I had to end it because she didn't have any aspirations in life. She works a few days out of the week, but nothing consistent and does enough to get by. Every time I would try to bring up the topic of her goals or our future, she always had the same response. If you don't love me for who I am, then I'm not the one for you. Am I the asshole for breaking it off? Because I think I deserve better and need a woman who has goals and aspirations. Aspirations. I don't think.

[John]

What was the problem?

[Alex]

She basically. They had a seven year age gap. She didn't have, she didn't want to really. She didn't have goals or like aspirations for the future. She was just kind of like, I'll do what I can to get by. I just think a lot of that probably is has to do with age. We were just talking about this yesterday, about age wise, when we were, when we graduated school, we were like, what the are we doing?

[John]

Right?

[Alex]

Like just trying to figure it out and like, you might have had an idea, but you don't know how to get there. I mean, but being 30 and 23, the seven year age gap might not be that different when she's maybe in her later 20s or you know, just depending on the personality. Because I know that that age gap can work where, what.

[John]

That is a huge difference though.

[Alex]

I mean, but just in life experience, like when you're in your 30s already and someone's in their young 20s, like you've hardly experienced the workforce, so how is she supposed. I don't think you're the asshole. You guys are just wrong place, wrong time. She's just not there yet. And she might not ever, you know, she might just want to be taken care of and not have, you know, work super hard and to each their own, you know, whatever floats your boat. But I just think it's most likely because she just doesn't have the workforce experience yet or know what she wants to do.

[John]

Oh my God. I'm just thinking of that time was such a hard learning curve. I mean, going from college, when you, if we can give anyone advice in college, like, sure, have a great time and like you're gonna learn a lot of life skills, but if there's any way you could try to figure out a path, and that's. I wish I did that because my undergrad I just pissed away, all I did was party, drink barely passed and I got out. You go from having all your friends. I'm just going down this whole path. You go from having all your friends, all these people the same age, to.

[Alex]

Nothing, to bills, having to figure out how to pay those.

[John]

Not a steady, it's like a fucking hard cut.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, because it's like college life is so free. Yeah, you have like your class one, two, maybe three times a day if it's a busy day. But then when you graduate, you're like, what the fuck do I do now?

[John]

Sink or swim.

[Alex]

Real life. Yeah, it is a tough transition. And I don't know, maybe she didn't go to school, but either way, that time in your life is still A huge transition of what do I do with my future? How do I even figure it out? And some people don't figure out what the fuck they want to do until they're in their 30s or their 40s. And it can shift over time but.

[John]

You got to get out of your comfort zone. Like, don't worry about. Even though I'm just try to have an idea of what you want to do. Like you don't have to go down this just straight work path, but try a bunch of different things and kind of figure that out early on so then you can get going with your life.

[Alex]

Yeah, but it just sounds like right now you guys are in different places in your life and that's okay. You're not the asshole. She's not the. You just are not aligned.

[John]

But you can't. Yeah. You can't like force her, push her into like a direction. She's got to figure that out on her own.

[Alex]

100 yeah. Next question. My childhood best friend of 25 years has been dating her boyfriend for 10 years and quite frankly he sucks. He cheated on her a handful of times that we know of in the first three years and it has been hard for me to like him since then. There have been many things that have come up since then that make us speculate whether he has cheated more recently or just got better at hiding it of lately I've noticed her social media is full of pictures of both of them, but he has no photos of her. And even when she shared a story celebrating his birthday captioned the love of my life, he didn't share the story but he shared everyone else's birthday post seems fishy to me. She also complains about him a lot but also has some good things to say but for the most part has become very private about their relationship. I think because she knows her friends don't really approve. My struggle is I want her to feel more comfortable opening up to me, but I can't pretend to like him. I even wish I could forgive him and I feel a bit silly that I haven't because if she can forgive him for what he's done, surely I should be able to. Am I the asshole for not forgiving him and for prompting this wall of secrecy between us? Because she knows my response will be something along the lines of you deserve better. If she opens up to me, oh.

[John]

My God, who care? Just like don't fucking be her friend. Whatever. Like this is so annoying. She's not gonna change. She knows he cheated on her. Like you don't get involved. It's just gonna fuck up your mental health and, like, just do your own thing. It's annoying. You're not going to fix it.

[Alex]

I think at some point you have to realize that in other people's relationships, it's out of your control. Like, you don't have to fudgeing. Forgive him. He's a shit person. Your friend is the one forgiving him. Good thing you're not dating him. But, I mean, yeah, it sucks that now this is the relationship between you and your friend. I have a very similar experience of someone in my life. And, like, you just have to separate those two and be like, thank God I'm not you. Thank God I'm not living your life, because I would gouge my eyeballs out, like, and she's choosing that for her. So it's not you. And you hate that for her because you know that she deserves better. But that's if she is. If that's the life that she wants to live and she's happy doing that. You could lead a horse to water. But, you know, you could tell her it's not going to happen for her until she has that realization. And it's sad because she's going to lose a lot of friends along the way because of her shitty boyfriend. But again, that's not on you.

[John]

Yeah, you need a point of separation, I think.

[Alex]

But don't lie and don't feel like you have to forgive him just because she's your friend and she forgave him. So, like, that doesn't matter. He's still a shit person. No, you just don't have to have him in your life. I don't know. I just think a lot of times people dance around these hard topics with their friends and it's like, just if.

[John]

She doesn't want to hear the hard truth and, like, don't hang out with you, you know?

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Like, if she's going to ask you for advice or. Or anything, be like, I'm going to let you know how I stand on things.

[Alex]

And that's the issue is, like, if you feel like she's distancing herself because, like, you are giving her the honest truth, that will eventually take a toll on her or not of her not being able to open up to people. Like, if you feel like you can't tell people the truth about your relationship, perhaps there's a problem there. You know, like, if. And I don't think that that means that you have to open up about every issue that you're having in your.

[John]

People try to just justify their actions, like of the relationship or defending the other person. Like, don't waste your breath or your mental, oh my God, years.

[Alex]

Like they've been together for 10 years.

[John]

With like, we have people in our life and I'm like, oh, you're brainwashed. Like, whatever. There's no helping you. There's no helping you.

[Alex]

And again, that's what it comes down to where you're just like, I hope you're happy.

[John]

Good luck.

[Alex]

Good luck. Yeah, yeah. So don't waste your energy on this.

[John]

What does annoy me though with, with that is the person getting mad at you for not wanting to be a part of their relationship.

[Alex]

But again, that's nothing that I can do. Like when that's your boundary, I'm like, I don't want to be around this person that you decide to be in your life.

[John]

But I guess you can't expect them to be self aware of that because they're already not self aware of like their own relationship.

[Alex]

Right. I mean, it's, again, it's shitty. But I think as long as you have clarity on what type of relationships you're looking for for the people in your life, if you're good friends with her still, that's fine, you can have that relationship. But there's no reason why you have to forgive him and keep him in your life unless he approaches you or, you know, bridges that gap or, I don't know, shows you that there's some sort of change. But to me, like the biggest red flag here is there's no pictures. He didn't reshare her post. Like the red flags are hitting her in the face. If all of her friends are seeing these things, she's putting blinders on. She's choosing to ignore it for whatever reason. And I think all that you could do is hope that one day she opens up her eyeballs and sees the truth. But until then, there's not much you could do. It's out of your control. Moving on, moving on. My mother in law did something almost unforgivable. I, 31, female, have been married to my husband for five years, dating for nine years, and we have a one year old daughter. In the beginning of 2020, my husband and I discussed having a kid. But then Covid hit and we decided to put off having a kid until the pandemic had passed. I'm a research meteorologist and he's a geologist for an oil company. So sometimes he and I aren't at home a lot. Fast forward to the beginning of 2022 and I found out that I'm pregnant. It was a bit of a shock because we weren't trying and both were still on the fence about having a kid because we were both busy with work. But ultimately we were happy about the pregnancy. Everything went pretty well during and after the pregnancy. That is until my daughter's birthday. My mother in law was giving a little speech at the birthday party and while she was talking she said if it weren't for me, we all wouldn't be here. My husband asked her what she meant and she point blank said to him that while she was house sitting for us during one of our work trips, she knew we were on the fence about having a baby and decided to poke holes in our condoms to get the process going. Everyone at the party, including myself and my husband were shocked and irate. We have not spoken to her since and my father in law is thinking about leaving her because of her actions. Recently. She reached out to me and asked me to send her a picture of her granddaughter and I haven't replied yet and my husband said it's my decision if I want to send her a picture, but he does not want any contact with her. I have mixed feelings because I have my daughter now and I love her more than anything. But I'm also very angry because the choice to have a kid at the time was ripped away because of her. Should I try to keep some sort of contact with her for the sake of my daughter or should I just cut her off altogether?

[John]

Oh my God. That's fucking wild. How would she. Why would she announce. So she is announcing this at a party for her own. What's the word I'm looking for?

[Alex]

Gratification. Yeah, like she wanted to be a grandma so bad that.

[John]

No more so like making it about her.

[Alex]

Right, right. The fact that it wasn't like I'm going to do this really inappropriate, unforgivable thing to my, my child and his wife, but I'm also going to make it about me and then let everyone know because now she's here and it's okay because everyone loves her.

[John]

This is weird, but is. Would this be a similar situation as say your dad's on life support and you all are trying to figure out what to do and I went and smothered your dad and killed him because I didn't want you guys to be in pain. Isn't that similar to that? Like I'm making this, I'm making, I'm doing this selfless act. So I think for the Greater good is this.

[Alex]

Why is that the analogy that you try to draw? I don't know. Is that bringing into the world versus ending life? Ending life.

[John]

I'm just saying because it's like you. Everyone's on the fence. What to do. Like, do we continue on life support or do we pull the plug?

[Alex]

No, I don't think so. Because their. Their decision wasn't dire. It wasn't like, oh, my God, we need to have this baby. Or not. Like, whereas, like, when someone's on life support, it's like, you have to make a decision.

[John]

Well, the doctor says, like, he might come out of the coma.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. Literally. Why are we talking about this hypothetical. Let's talk about this actual question.

[John]

Because it's a similar thing. I'm just saying, like, maybe you can think of what you would do in that situation to help figure out what.

[Alex]

To do in this situation that's also like ending life. Like, oh, hands are washed. We don't have to take care of this person now. This is like, oh, my God, we have 18 plus years of having to raise a child. Maybe they weren't there financially. Like, maybe. And whatever. Like, your daughter is here. But that is just. I don't even have a word to say what type of behavior that is psychotic. What if I found out that your mom did this? Which, that would never happen because, number one, we didn't use condoms. And your pullout game was just, like, amazing. But. But if I found out that that that was our method of. Of protection, that means that your mom.

[John]

Would go through our bedroom, snoop around to find. Or his mom would go in the bedroom and snoop around their drawers. And for. I feel like, very intrusive.

[Alex]

Like, could you not. Do you have old condoms? Like, can this. Is this a cr. She admitted to it. I'm like, is this a crime? Is this a crime? This is insane. The fact that it wasn't like, oh, my God, I'm a cleat chaser and I want to get impregnated by this really rich NFL player. And I'm choosing to have his baby. He has no choice. The fact that it was a third party that was involved and was like, I'm going to make sure that these two get pregnant and have a baby.

[John]

I keep going off subject, but do you remember that episode in Ballers where, like, she gave what's. It's Denzel Washington's son in real life, he's like the wide receiver. She. Or I think it was him, like, giving him head. And then she keeps it and spits into a condom and then runs outside and gives it to, like, her handler or whatever. Why don't I remember that episode to impregnate herself?

[Alex]

I don't remember that episode. People are.

[John]

That's crazy.

[Alex]

And again, I can understand feeling so split because, like, now your daughter's here, you love her, you probably can't imagine your life without her, but now you feel like it wasn't just because it was an act of God or what was meant to be. It was because your mother in law intervened.

[John]

Well, hopefully you have another set of grandparents.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, if your parents are around it.

[John]

And then you also have the father in law who's willing to. To leave her. So then you can have.

[Alex]

What would you do? Let's just say, like, what would you.

[John]

Do if it was my mom? I don't know. I'd probably hold a grudge for a very long time and then end up letting her back in but never trusting her. Yeah, it does suck because even though.

[Alex]

It was my mom, like, my mom, my mom is such a bad liar though. Like, she wouldn't be able to. She can't keep a secret for a second.

[John]

We'll say she did okay.

[Alex]

But I. Yeah, it would be a similar situation where I just feel like you completely and utterly broke this trust that we have here. It would take a long time for me to forgive. I think a really long time. But I understand, you know, wanting to keep this contact for the sake of your daughter. Like, you don't want her to lose contact with her grandma, but you also have to do what's best for you. And it's not to say you'll never get to the point of forgiveness, but this, this is. This is insane.

[John]

I seriously am so toxic. I'd probably make sure that she's emotionally suffering before I let her back into my life.

[Alex]

Like, did she apologize? That's what I want to know. Like, what was her response? Did she say, I'm sorry? Did she?

[John]

You know, she definitely doubled down. She's probably like, you're welcome.

[Alex]

Oh my God. I mean, I would love to know what her response is. Does she feel any responsibility? Because I'd be like, well, now that you brought this baby into this world, you can help finance her. Like, you can now cover her college.

[John]

If you want to see her again.

[Alex]

Double, triple down her college tuition.

[John]

You want to see her again? Guess you're paying for her college.

[Alex]

Yeah. You wanted to be so involved in bringing this baby into this world. Perfect 24 hour childcare on the dot. Whenever we want.

[John]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't let her baby.

[Alex]

I mean, she wanted her. Like, it's not. I'm. She's probably a good grandma, or maybe not. Who the fuck knows? But that's literally wild. I don't know. It would take me a minute in order to forgive. But, you know, at this point, all you could do is focus on your family. Your daughter, she's here. You love her. That's just. That's just a mind fuck, though.

[John]

Let's go. Next question.

[Alex]

Such an invasion of privacy, too.

[John]

We've already talked about this. Next question.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. I just. I can't stop thinking about it. Next question. I have observed while listening to you two talk to one another that you both can easily argue and disagree, but are totally fine in regards to your relationship. My husband and I are the same way. We have different points of views on little things, but on the important things like parenting, money, big life things. We respect one another's opinions, communicate, and are always a team. That being said, when we are around other people and disagree, family or friends around us seem visibly uncomfortable. We are not screaming or tearing each other down, but simply communicating how we feel. Think, however, our friends look so concerned that we're on the edge of divorce because of these conversations, sometimes I feel insecure or embarrassed about it. I've even had a friend point out to me that she and her husband never fight. Have you ever observed these looks from people who care about you? Has anyone ever said anything to you about this? I don't know if it's just because we're from the east coast, but, like, I feel like we only hang out with people who do, I don't know, I think banter with each other.

[John]

Even yesterday, even just being on the phone, my dad and I was telling you, like, because you're walking on the Nordic Track or whatever, whatever that thing is. And I was your treadmill. And I was like, hey, the camera people are coming. Like, they're gonna have to go in our room or whatever, like, hurry up and shower. And you're like, they could just work outside. And I'm like, I guess you just know everything, or something like that. My dad, he was on the phone, he goes, take it easy, take it easy.

[Alex]

Your dad is probably like, your wife is pregnant. Like, leave her alone. But I just think, not even stuff like that. But in general, where we're like, with our friends in la, remember we used to have this thing, if we were having an argument, we're winning, or if they were Having an argument, we'd be like, we're winning. And if we were having an argument, they'd be like, we're winning. But I think it's just. You can openly communicate. I don't think raising your voice in front of other people is appropriate. I don't think like tearing each other down, but I don't know, I don't, I don't think that we've ever hung out with any couple who has never bantered in front of us. Even our friends this past weekend, they were like going back and forth after something.

[John]

It's just natural. I mean, people say they never fight. I still don't believe them.

[Alex]

Well, I'm like, what? That's a. How are you in a, in a.

[John]

So then one of you is just constantly just passive, right? Yeah, Whatever the other person wants. That's someone that seems healthy, happy.

[Alex]

In that relationship, if you never fight, someone's not happy.

[John]

You're probably the couple who also just blasts social media with how much you love your partner.

[Alex]

Right. You have paragraphs and paragraphs about, you know, happy birthday. We've been through ups and downs.

[John]

Oh my God.

[Alex]

I don't know. I, I mean, I think I get.

[John]

I, I resonate with this person though. Like that's, that's who we are.

[Alex]

Right. But have we ever had looks from people who care about us or has anyone ever said anything? Not that I can not have.

[John]

We've had arguments, but like, we've never made it like real, real in front of people.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Where we're self aware enough to like not have a screaming again.

[Alex]

I also just think our arguments are never geared towards like not liking the other person. It's something like debate.

[John]

It's always debates.

[Alex]

Why did you choose to take this highway and not these back roads?

[John]

Right. You know, like, they're never, they're like annoyance, annoying arguments.

[Alex]

I just don't know that we surround ourselves with people who aren't really as loud as us.

[John]

We're just real people.

[Alex]

Right. But so are the people who we hang out with. Like, I don't, I can't think of one couple or one group of friends that we hang out with unless they're in an emotionally immature relationship. Like, and they don't understand what, how people communicate in a marriage or in a long term healthy relationship. Like, you have to be able to have.

[John]

Yeah. People in newer relationships, I think I rarely see them, like, because they're so in that honeymoon phase, you know?

[Alex]

Right. Yeah. I don't know. But also like, who the fudge cares if you have an opinion about people. People give us opinions all the time. Even on this fucking podcast. The amount of times that people have been like, oh, you guys hate each other, you're getting divorced or oh, I had to stop tuning in because you guys yell at each other all the time. It's like, do you even know what a relationship is? A marriage is like you have to be able to communicate and have these conversations with each other, but to those.

[John]

Are also the ones who have like a flower as their profile photo.

[Alex]

Right? You know, but my point being is that like as long as you're secure in your relationship, who cares what everyone else thinks?

[John]

Facts.

[Alex]

Next question. My husband is attending a golf outing two hours away from our home. He asked me if he could spend the night at the hotel with the other group of guys that are also attending the outing and and then drive to work the next morning from the hotel. I told him I would prefer him not to and for him to come home after the outing, which means he'd come home around 9pm and then leave to go to work from our house the next day as normal. For context, the golf outing and work are in completely opposite directions, so it's not like he has to drive back to the same spot the next day. If golf and work were in the same area, of course I'd tell him to stay the night. We also have two small children, three years old and seven months, so having him being away for two full days is straight hard. He has also gone on many multi day trips for work slash leisure so far this year, including out of state trips, and is going on a weekend trip this fall out of state. So it's not like he doesn't get any of his guy time. Whereas I don't get out much and never take weekend trips. I am breastfeeding so that makes it hard to be away overnight. Maybe me saying no partially has to do with jealousy, but the other part is I simply want him to come home so I can see see him and spend time with him as well.

[John]

Am I the at first I was like, just let him do what he wants. And then I was like, you have two kids, that's unfair.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's not like you don't have responsibilities at home that he's help the.

[John]

Fact that you're also like he's doing, he's doing this multiple times a year. Like that's very gracious of you because I know if I was her I'd be like Alex now. No, you're not leaving me immediately no.

[Alex]

Especially like with two kids, you're like, I would also love an outing because I'm sure the reason why he wanted to stay at the hotel is because I like, they're going to be drinking.

[John]

And he doesn't want to drive.

[Alex]

Yeah, exactly. So he doesn't want to have to sober up and drive.

[John]

Dude, go home. You have responsibilities.

[Alex]

Exactly. And I think ultimately that's where, that's the filter that he should be operating off of as well is how can I help my wife? I have, I have all these other responsibilities at home. And like to your point, he has gone away multiple trips.

[John]

Let he stay and then you put the bottles in the fridge so you have a day. We should actually have this conversation because when we have a kid, like, I don't want you leaving and I'm not going to want to leave.

[Alex]

You act like John is so afraid that I'm just going to like have this baby and leave him and like go on like a 12 day girls trip. Like that literally we're not going to happen. We won't even be able to go on a trip. Like again, there's just like your baby needs you for a really long time. And why are you so afraid that I'm just gonna, like, I won't be able to. If anything, like you're gonna. You already are trying to plan a trip to fucking France.

[John]

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

[Alex]

Yes.

[John]

I was asked to go. I said I probably won't go. Okay, we actually. Good question that we should ask. Like, when are you allowed to leave the baby for a couple days.

[Alex]

I don't think that there's a right or a wrong answer there. Like according to what I seen. I think again, like if you're breastfeeding or formula, whatever that kind of looks like. But I think like there's crazy people who just leave their kids, you know.

[John]

From, from like if we, if we have a work trip, we got to be gone for like three days. If we can't bring like an in law with us, we have to leave a baby. When is an appropriate time to like if you stocked up on breast milk and formula and all that, like, when is it okay?

[Alex]

I don't think that there's a right or wrong answer there. I think it's honestly like, like six months, a year, how you feel and how your baby is doing, like what? I don't think that there's a right or wrong answer. I think it truly is just like something that you have to decide in the home because it's gonna look different for everyone. Like, do you have other kids involved? Like, what is. Do you have enough supply?

[John]

I'm not talking about. I'm talking about just us. One kid.

[Alex]

No one is gonna be able to answer that for us, John. Like, you're looking for these things that are not black and white is the thing. Like, he's.

[John]

It's. Well, you're asking like you're saying other hypotheticals or other kids. I'm like, no, I'm just talking about our scenario.

[Alex]

Hypotheticals you love to bring and be like, what's the right or wrong answer here? And you're like, you're okay.

[John]

I'm not saying what's the right or wrong. What. What is everyone's opinion? Or, like, what is. Like, I don't know, getting more information.

[Alex]

Probably talk to, like, his pediatrician. Like, maybe they want to get a pediatrician insight on when you can depart from your child and for how long. Like, I'm going to be honest. I don't think that for a while I will want to. You just want to make sure that they're growing. That I don't know. Or maybe we don't like him and we're like someone else.

[John]

That's a joke. That's a joke. Everyone relax.

[Alex]

I don't know. I just. I don't think that there's a right or wrong answer, however, to this question that we're answering. I think that you're not the asshole. Your husband needs to be more understanding about the load that he's putting on you while he's enjoying his leisure time with his guys. Like, you're even. Like, he's going. It's not like he's not enjoying golf night or golf day.

[John]

God forbid you can't get drunk and you have to drive home.

[Alex]

Yeah, okay. So that's all she wrote. Let's tell a secret, secret, secret, secrets. Tonight, when my little kids filled up the tub for their bath, they yelled to me, saying that there's hair, thinking it's probably just a few strands of my daughter's hair and for them to scoop it into the trash. When it was my turn to take a shower, I noticed there was a lot of hair at the drain. I cleaned it with toilet paper and realized they were my pube hairs from shaving the night before. I'm gonna take this secret with me to the grave. Except you just told everyone we shaved.

[John]

How long are your pube hairs?

[Alex]

Maybe it was just like one of those long, like, took a while. Trims, like, full.

[John]

I Remember growing up and having to, like, fish my sister's hair out of the top?

[Alex]

Not her pubes disclaimer.

[John]

No, just like, her hair. It's like a rat's nest.

[Alex]

You have all really thick hair.

[John]

My sister has some of the thickest hair I've ever seen.

[Alex]

If you had long hair, you would be the problem. Like, I have a lot of hair, but it's like thin strands.

[John]

I wouldn't say a lot.

[Alex]

No, I. When I got my hair done, she was like, you have a lot of hair and it's all mine. John, a lot of people don't have real hair. This is all my hair.

[John]

All natural.

[Alex]

All natural. So, anyway, before we end, we will wrap up to the not so fun part of this podcast that we've been putting off for a really long time. Not putting off for a really long time. I just think that we never knew when we were gonna address it.

[John]

Um, don't cry.

[Alex]

I won't. I mean, if I do, I can't make any promises. So, I mean, as you guys obviously know, John and I have been struggling with a high risk pregnancy from the beginning. And not that we weren't planning on sharing, but we weren't sure if it was going to be after he was born, you know, before we had to deliver. But the further that we progress, it's just getting harder and harder to continue to show up and give you guys the energy, the headspace that you deserve and just like ultimately the show that you deserve.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

I guess we could just start from the beginning. I mean, there's going to be a lot of medical terms involved and I'm going to do my best to explain what everything is. So I would say the first, like 12 weeks of our pregnancy were just pure bliss and happiness because we hadn't had an anatomy scan yet and we were living in California still at the time. We have our first mfm, which is maternal fetal medicine scan, where they scan the whole body of the baby, make sure everything's growing well. That's when we were informed that we had a two vessel cord, which is the umbilical cord, and then a velamentis cord insertion. If you don't know what those things are. A two vessel cord is where the umbilical cord, it generally has three vessels, I think. Is it two veins in one artery or two arteries in one vein? I don't know at this point. We have had so much information. So essentially the way that our doctor explained it was babies can operate. It's like operating on one kidney. You can function and be healthy. But there's a lot of risks involved. One of them being growth restriction. A lot of them. There's a lot of risks involved with that specific thing. But she was like, if it's just isolated, there's nothing to worry about with that. The velimentous cord insertion is another risky thing. But she was like, it's just something that we have to monitor. And that's where the placenta. The cord doesn't insert into the placenta normally. It goes into the edge, which has exposed vessels, and it's not in the center of the placenta. That worried us, of course, because we were like, this isn't normal. But as soon as we spoke to our ob, she reassured us that this is very rare, but we just have to monitor babies. So instead of just going in for monthly scans, we had to go in biweekly. So when we moved to New York, we had another scan with our high risk doctor here, where they found vasa previa, which is not to be confused with placenta previa, because a lot of people get diagnosed with that as well. It's like where your placenta covers your cervix, and it's still dangerous. But vasa previa is another form where it is the arteries, the vessels going from the placenta to baby, they're across my cervix. So basically, which means if I go into labor, baby would hemorrhage and die and burst through those. So essentially with that, it also requires extra monitoring and then also early admission into the. The hospital, because the further along that you get, the more at risk baby is of hemorrhaging those. Those vessels bursting. And so there's a lot of restrictions that I had to be on, you know, pelvic rest. I had to stop working out, not lift things. And that really impacted us heavily as well, knowing that I would have to be hospitalized for a month and a half away from you, out of the house, just. Just out of work. And we were willing to do anything to make sure that he was gonna be delivered healthy and reduce that risk, but knowing that he also would have to be born early. So generally, with vasa previa, your babies come between anywhere from, like, 34 to 36 weeks is usually the latest that you'll go. Cause the more weeks that progress, the higher the risk is of those vessels bursting. So we've just been monitoring things, monitoring his growth. And again, as things have continued to progress, because it's really hard when babies are so little to see everything that's going on in their anatomy, you know, like, their heart function, their liver, their kidneys, all these things. Their brain, just their organs. So a lot of our doctors were just like, we're gonna watch him, make sure he's growing and keep an eye on these things and make sure that he's progressing how he should. But there's not a lot that we could do until he gets bigger because there's not much that we can see. So the bigger that he's gotten, it's not just an isolated single umbilical artery anymore. We've found that he has several issues with some major organs. And so there's a long journey ahead. So there's a long journey ahead. I'm okay. For us. And you can chime in. John.

[John]

To be honest, I didn't want to fucking tell you guys anything. I mean, I don't think it's any of your business. I think we, you know, we're going through something a lot of. I think a lot of couples do. And I'm proud of you for wanting to share our journey to hopefully help other people.

[Alex]

I think it's just like. Sorry to cut you off. Keep going.

[John]

I just think, you know, we're going to just one day at a time, you know, I don't think we have to go in any more detail about what's going on in our lives.

[Alex]

No, no. And I don't think we do. But I think I wanted to, like, be honest about why we can't continue. It's because, like, I will be in the hospital for a long time, and we don't know how long our baby's going to be in the nicu or what types of procedures he's going to need once he's here. And so it sucks. Like, again, we've said this before in our previous episodes, that you never anticipate this going into pregnancy, that, like, you're going to have all of these things go wrong. But I think when you make the decision to start a family, you are opening yourself up to health concerns and these risks. And it doesn't necessarily stop when you deliver a healthy baby. It's something that you're concerned about for the rest of their lives. You know, like, you're always wanting to make sure to keep them safe and healthy, and that's all that you could ask for. And that's what we're just praying for, what we're hoping for. But it's given me a lot of perspective because I think we were really naive going into pregnancy, just assuming because we were both Healthy that, you know, because you look at me on the outside, it's like things look like they're progressing fine, but just like, it's just.

[John]

Been like one thing after the next. And like, you know, you could tell the difference between Alex and I right now. Like, I'm emotionally just dead. I'm drained. We've been doing this for six months and it's been nothing but terrible, terrible news every time we saw an OB or the mfm. And I just like, I hate what you're going through because I don't know what you're feeling. I mean, I feel like. But I just like, it's terrible that I can't do anything to comfort you.

[Alex]

Like a mixture of feelings. It's like such highs and lows of, like, hope and then feeling guilty that, like, I'm not. I think you said it right to.

[John]

Like, provide steps forward, two steps or whatever.

[Alex]

One step forward, five steps back. It's like. But again, you just don't imagine that your body doesn't do what it's supposed to do for your child. And so you feel guilt. Even though our doctors were like I asked, I was like, what could have this? Like, how could this have happened? You know, is there anything that we did, like, genetic wise, whatever? And she's like, no, you just got really unlucky with this. And so it's just a matter of monitoring and keeping. Like, we don't. We don't go in for an appointment every other week now. It's every week we have anywhere from one to three appointments. So it's taking a toll on just our, Our well being. Honestly, it's been really tough, but. And it's tough on our families too. I, like, I feel bad because we were such positive people, or at least I'm a positive person. And so I'm very optimistic. Going into these appointments, appointments, and then it's like to just every time take a step back or get another hit of bad news and then having to inform our families and then see them hurt because we're hurting. And then it's just like this cycle and there's nothing to really say. I mean, I will say what not to say. Don't tell me to fucking be positive. Like, that's. I just think there's nothing to say. You could be there for support, but if anyone in your life is going through this, you know, it's. It takes a toll. And I was talking to you about this earlier where it's crazy because like, seven months ago, eight months ago, before we obviously Found out we were expecting like this.

[John]

It never was a thought.

[Alex]

Never was a thought. And it's like now it's just something that's so all consuming in our lives. And again, it's just, I think that's part of being a parent like you. When kids get sick, that's not fair. No one asks for that when something happens. So I think it's just life. And sometimes you just get a shitty hand and we'll get through it. But, you know, I know that we've, like, kind of vaguely spoken about what the issues were that we were having, but it's not just, oh, I'm 32 and I'm old and that's the problem. It's a lot of physical things.

[John]

Every week was different for us, you know, touch and go. Every week was something different. And we'll see. But we're, you know, you're not alone. If anyone else is out there that is going through this like, it's, it's tough, it's hard for, for both. And, you know, we're telling you guys this because we're gonna take a break from the podcast for a while, so we'll keep you all posted on what's going on.

[Alex]

So, again, and this isn't a decision that we take lightly. We obviously came back with intentions to stay back.

[John]

Right.

[Alex]

But, you know, life had a different plan for us and we just want to be able to give you guys the best show. And we can't be funny when we're not feeling funny. And again, there's some days where we're great, we're really productive, we could do a lot of work. And then there's other days where it's just like, we don't want to get out of bed. So you just never know what type of day it's going to be. One week is so different from the next. Again, because things change so much with babies. They grow so quickly. And so we're just praying for the best. We have each other. We have a great support system around us. And we want to thank you guys. All of your outreach has really been so helpful, so motivating, and you guys have just been so kind and I feel like, graceful throughout this entire process. And again, if you're dealing with something similar or you're not like, I hope that no one has to go through this, but it's so rare. You never think it's gonna happen to me. But there are just so many risks with pregnancy alone that if it's not what we're specifically dealing with it could be something else else or when baby is here, you know, you just never know. But all you could do is just pray for a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby, a healthy, A healthy life. So we want to thank you guys for coming on this journey with us and we apologize for ending this on a sad note. But hopefully, you know, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[John]

Hopefully we'll see you soon. Anyways, guys, with that said, thank you for tuning in.

[Alex]

Thank you for.

[John]

We will see you at some point.

[Alex]

You can, well, you'll. You can follow along on our socials. You guys know that I think we're.

[John]

Still, we're doing everything else still. It's just the podcast is just kind of a big lift right now for us to do.

[Alex]

Well, it's not just. I know a lot of people are like, it's just an hour. You sit down, you talk. But there's so much that goes on behind the scenes. And I think because it's not just we're putting on a character doing a quick 30 second skit, it's a lot more mentally taxing. And like, we want to give you guys the background of what's going on in our life, but that also is a lot of weight on our shoulders to continue to feel like we have to show up as these positive people on a public platform when, like, that is the opposite of what we're really doing.

[John]

And that's not fucking real.

[Alex]

No, our skits, like, we're characters of ourselves. Like, we're not actually vlogging. Like, our podcast is our most raw form of social media, if you will. But, you know, and we love that. We love connecting with you guys and having this platform to do that. But at this point and at this season in our life, it's just, it's not feasible. But we love you and we thank you and we will see you when we see you.

[John]

Ciao, ciao. Bye. Bye.